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Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens

Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens


Van Allen

Published by Screaming Weasel Productions

Copyright 2017 Van Allen

Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens


Screaming Weasel Productions


[email protected]

Copyright Van Allen 2017

Follow me on Twitter @GrProject43X

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Shakespir Edition License Notes:

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author and other eBook authors.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the author/publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names. Any resemblance to individuals known or unknown to the author are purely coincidental. This is entirely a work of fiction.


Cataloguing Information:

Allen, Van

Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens/Van Allen

FIC028070 FICTION / Science Fiction / Apocalyptic & Post-Apocalyptic



Title Page


The Speech


About the Author

List of Previously Published Works


Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens



Who am I? I’m Captain Allen, USMC, a certified Zombie Outbreak Survival Expert. You already know you can count on me for great zombie apocalypse survival ideas, but I want you to come to me for all your zombie apocalypse and zombie outbreak needs. Of course, survival is my expertise. I promise to continue delivering the survival goods to you as I continue to write. I thought just for this PSA, I would again take an interesting detour.

Just for the sake of curiosity, I recently wondered what some of the Great Speeches would sound like cast against the backdrop of a zombie apocalypse. And so, at the risk of what others might think, I zombified Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech and Donald Trump’s “Make America Great Again” speech. Both of these eBooks have been very well received by the zombie community. Search for a copy of these and enjoy. These books (zombified speeches) are free to download everywhere. So, I thought I would try another speech.

In commemoration of what would have been his 100th birthday on May 29, 2017, here is President John F. Kennedy’s final speech, zombified.

John F. Kennedy was assassinated on November 22, 1963 in downtown Dallas, Texas. While in Texas, the President intended to give a speech to his supporters. JFK never delivered this speech. There are several sources where you can find JFK’s drafted speech online. Here is a link (JFK’s Final Speech).


Follow me on Facebook and Twitter (Van Allen) for more zombie and other sensational content.


You need outbreak survival tips, strategies, and tactics. I have it all. All that’s left is the delivery. That’s what I intend to do, deliver. Be sure to read my other Zombie Outbreak Survival books.

Now pay attention!


Zombie Outbreak Survival Quotes by Captain Van Allen, USMC

Surviving a zombie apocalypse is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.”

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless it’s viral.”

Don’t play with your zombie; it will make you go blind.”

In a zombie outbreak, treat stupid people like you would treat zombies.”

Zombies don’t kill people and take their shit; people kill people and take their shit.”

In a zombie apocalypse, you need to be prepared to fight the living and the dead, but especially the living.”

In poker, a 9mm beats four aces.”

In a zombie apocalypse, be prepared for assholes. God made a whole lot of them and they always seem to have the most phenomenal immunities to the shittiest situations.”



{Return to Table of Contents}

Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens

The Speech


I am honored to have this invitation to address the daily meeting of badasses from The Great United Republic of Texas from the Fraternal Apocalypse Team of the Dallas Internal Compound Citizens Council (also known as FATDICCC), joined by the members of the Pandemic Apocalyptic ZORT of the Dallas Greater Assembly of Survivors (known as PAZDGAS) — and pleased to have this opportunity to salute the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Academy and Research Center of what’s left of what we could evacuate from Texas A&M University. It is fitting that these two symbols of what’s left of Dallas are united in the sponsorship of this daily meeting of afflicted, but not infected survivors. For they represent the best qualities, I am told, of leadership and learning in what’s left of this trashed city — and leadership and learning are indispensable to each other in this ongoing zombie apocalypse. The advancement of pandemic outbreak survival learning depends on a survivor compound with badass leadership for protection from both zombies and assholes. The products of that survival learning, in turn, are essential to any survivor compound’s leadership’s hopes for continued progress and prosperity in the face of such loose assholes and zombie hordes. It is not a coincidence that those ragtag survival leagues, coalitions, cooperatives, partnerships, alliances, and compounds possessing the best in badassery training — from Waco to Abilene to Tyler — tend to attract new survivors and badasses, some of whom must be turned away and they also attract assholes and zombie hordes. Am I right? I congratulate those of you here surviving in the trash and decimation of what’s left of Dallas who have recognized these basic zombie apocalypse and pandemic outbreak survival facts through the creation of your own unique badass training center.

What left of our strength and security are not easily or cheaply obtained, nor are they quickly and simply explained. There are many kinds of zombie outbreak survival strength and no one kind will suffice.

This link between surviving the zombie apocalypse and pandemic leadership and badassery learning is not only essential for survivor groups and compounds, it is even more indispensable out in the rest of the apocalyptic landscape. Fear, ignorance, and misinformation will handicap the progress of a growing survivor compound, requiring the rejection of so-called “useless” survivors, but these rejects can, if allowed to, prevail in the dangerous biohazard zones and the scorched nuclear fallout zones, without being a handicap to a larger compound’s security and survival. In a world of complex and continuing zombie outbreak problems, in a world full of roaming bands of survival assholes and hooligans, full of pestilence and diseases like E.coli, syphilis, and Ebola from mountains of rotting corpses and swarming hordes of zombies, and all the frustrations and irritations as such, zombie outbreak survival leadership must be guided by the lights of survival and badassery learning and reason — or else those who confuse rhetoric with reality and the plausible with the possible will gain the not popular ascendancy to ass-endedcy with their seemingly swift and simple, but actually dumbass solutions to every pandemic or apocalyptic problem.

There will always be dissident rejected voices heard in the zombieland, expressing opposition without alternative, finding fault but never favor, perceiving doom and gloom and annihilation on every side and seeking influence without responsibility. Those shit-stained voices are inevitable. But today other piece of shit voices are heard in the trashed streets of what’s left of this damaged land — especially Oklahoma City — voices preaching assholish doctrines wholly unrelated to reality, wholly unsuited to survival, doctrines which apparently assume that words will suffice without weapons, that apocalyptic vituperation is as good as killing assholes and zombie hordes and that offering peace and help to another survivor is a sign of weakness. At a time when remaining survivors are steadily being killed off in terms of their burden on our supplies, they view that debt and burden as the single greatest threat to our compound’s security. At a time when raging pandemic afflictions, survival thuggery, and starvation are steadily reducing the number of badasses we can work with and trust daily, they fear those supposed hordes of badasses far more than the actual hordes of swarming zombies. Is it because they don’t know what the real shit-drenched world is like outside their compounds? Is it because some of them have never been forced yet to give up their shit: food, supplies, women, children, their lives, their souls, their dignity, anything they still care to protect—all their shit, to other badasses or assholes?

We cannot expect that everyone, to use the phrase of a decade ago, will “talk sense to survivors.” But we can hope that fewer people will listen to bullshit. And the notion that what’s left of this nation is headed for defeat through disease, or that badassery is but a matter of slogans, is nothing but just plain bullshit.

I want to discuss with you today the status of our failing security because this question clearly calls for the most responsible qualities of zombie outbreak survival leadership and the most enlightened products of scholarship if we are to survive the end of times. For what’s left of this this region’s strength and security outside the nuclear fallout and biohazard zones are not easily or cheaply obtained, nor are they quickly and simply explained. There are many kinds of strength and no one kind will suffice. Overwhelming nuclear strength did not stop the pandemic flu or the zombie outbreaks. Formal pacts of alliance did not stop the internal subversion of hordes of loosely trained and yet still destructive assholes. Displays of material wealth did not stop the indiscriminate horrors and abuses heaped on and sparking the disillusionment of apocalypse survivors.

Above all, words alone are not enough to cure devastation. What’s left of the United States is a wrecked nation that cannot defend its people, cannot help any one of us to sleep free of fear through the night, and cannot stop the living from envying the dead. And where our badassery and determination are clear, our words need merely to convey conviction, not belligerence. If we are strong enough to survive the apocalypse, then our strength will speak for itself. If we are too weak to survive what’s left of this world, then words will be of no help.

I realize that the hopeless survivors of what’s left of this nation and our burned out cities often tend to identify turning-points in the apocalypse with the major diseases and the raging pandemic outbreaks which preceded all the diseases. But it was not the Monroe Doctrine that reduced funding to the CDC before the apocalypse and that kept all European Z-virus vaccines from reaching us — it was the unmanned British fleet and the width of the Atlantic Ocean. It was not General Marshall’s takeover of the secret Harvard zombie labs before he finally died of dysentery which kept vaccinations out of reach — it was the weakness and instability of our overreacting military and government leadership that approved dropping nuclear bombs on our own cities 10 years ago. And did that work? Well, it only worked to make things horrifically worse.

In my small administration also it has been necessary at times to issue specific warnings — warnings that we could not stand by and watch the zombie hordes swarm Mexico City, or Quebec, or Havana, or watch the roaming bands of assholes ravage and strip weapons of mass destruction from our abandoned military bases turning shit-sandwiches into shit-nadoes and turning shit-nadoes into shit-storms. But while our goals were at least temporarily obtained in these and other zombie eradication actions, our successful defense of freedom was not due to the badass words we used, but to the badass strength we stood ready to use on behalf of the principles we stand ready to defend to the death.

Badass zombie outbreak survival strength is composed of many different elements, ranging from the most massive deterrents to the most subtle influences. And all types of survival strength are needed — no one kind could do the job alone. Let us take a moment, therefore, to review what’s left of this crippled nation’s progress in each major area of zombie outbreak survival strength.

First, as Secretary McNamara made clear in his daily address last Monday before he died of smallpox, the strategic nuclear power of the United States has been so greatly overrated and expanded in the last 1,000 days before the world completely went to shit, by the rapid production and deployment of the most modern missile systems. How silly was that? Now that any and all potential aggressors are clearly confronted with destruction, not from without, but from within thanks to reoccurring pandemic flu outbreaks. The impossibility of strategic victory and the certainty of total destruction are now upon us. There is no reckless or strategic attack available to us as a solution to the horrific nightmare that is the zombie apocalypse. We are all damned and doomed.

After the world went to shit and fell over the zombie apocalypse cliff, it took less than three years for our collapse to become irreversible. Thanks to nuclear strikes and raging violence, we had decreased by 50 percent the number of urban population centers that were inhabitable. Now we are even further reduced to more than 70 percent of our cityscapes being reduced to scarred and burned out wastelands. In less than another year that number will be over 80 percent.

Do you remember how this shit all started? Do you remember when Miami fell? Do you remember when we closed down all the airports? Do you remember when the Army and the National Guard quarantined all of Southern California? Do you remember the first nuclear strikes hitting everything between Tijuana, Yuma, and Los Angeles? Do you remember the political doomsday rhetoric before the missiles were in the air? No. None of you do. You were in a fight for your lives and when your ass is literally on the line, you don’t give a rats ass about rhetoric. Do any of you remember when the world ran out of toilet paper?

Still, in the last year, the comeback is not yet in full swing. We have increased our vaccine program and we have acquired a source of paper products, increased by more than 75 percent our guns and ammo acquisition program, increased by 50 percent the number of registered badasses committed to protecting their government as outlined in CDC training manuals and in guidebooks such as Captain Van Allen’s Zombie Outbreak Survival: The Rules.

We live by this guidance today. Rule #8 says:

“You must protect your government. When the world ends up in the crapper, eventually someone will attempt to restore order. You need to watch out for these authority figures and side with those who are acting with purity of purpose and heart. In any apocalyptic event, you will have a wide assortment of kooks, bad guys, and assholes who make a play to take control. If you find any egomaniacs or tyrants who are crazed with power or uncontrolled delusions of grandeur and think they are going to be the next Joe Stalin, Hitler, or the next Jim Jones, go ahead and do the world a favor and apply Rule #2-2c and shoot that fucker and end the shit. Repeat as necessary. Remember, zombies won’t screw you over and take your shit. You have much more a chance of meeting your maker at the hands of lawless evil people than in the hands of a zombie.

8a: Protect the good governments and fight against the evil ones. Defend the heroes and reject the zeroes.

8b: If you don’t like the governments around you, then form your own.”

Remember this when you think of Oklahoma City.

Our zombie apocalypse survival security is further enhanced by the steps we have taken regarding the stockpiling of weapons to improve the speed and certainty of our response to threats, our readiness at all times to respond with death and destruction, our ability to survive zombie hordes and asshole attacks, and our ability to be carefully controlled and directed through aggressive and forceful command operations against our enemies.

But the lessons of the last decade of fighting zombies and assholes has taught us that the last essence of freedom cannot be defended by nuclear strikes against our cities. We have, therefore, in the last three years accelerated the development and deployment of newly acquired tactical assault weapons, and increased by 60 percent the tactical assault forces deployed in what’s left of Western Texas in order to clear a new zombie free and asshole free road from El Paso to what’s left of Dallas.

Nor can Texas or any other surviving government rely on assault forces alone, whether the conscripted badasses are strategically or tactically sound. We have radically improved the readiness of our less than badass attack forces — increased by one the number of combat ready Army platoons, increased by two percent the procurement of unused Army weapons and equipment, increased by one our procurement of a battleship construction, conversion, and modernization program, increased by 10 our procurement of tactical aircraft, increased by one the number of tactical air squadrons, and increased the strength of what’s left of the Marines. As last month’s “Operation Big Push” — which originated here in Texas — showed so clearly, what’s left of this crippled nation is as prepared as never before in the last 10 years to move substantial numbers of survivors in surprisingly little time to newly constructed compounds that we locate anywhere in the zombie infested world of North Texas.

Finally, moving beyond the traditional roles of our paramilitary forces during this cataclysmic event, we have achieved an increase of nearly six percent in our special vaccination and disease fighting forces — those forces that are prepared to work with our sick and injured to end their suffering whether through treatment or merciful death. For the rampant roaming raging assholes and other losers feeding off of the defenseless, you losers, guerrillas, saboteurs, insurgents, rebels, derelicts, and assassins who threaten freedom in a direct and equally dangerous manner, we are coming for you, as soon as we get well enough and our strength returns and we can recruit some more badasses and should we survive any additional catastrophic pandemic disease outbreaks.

But what’s left of America’s ragtag military might should not and need not stand alone against the destructive ambitions of widespread assholism and cannibalism. Our security and strength, in the last analysis, directly depend on the security and strength of non-infected survivors, and that is why our military and disaster assistance plays such a key role in enabling those who live on the periphery of the biohazard and nuclear fallout zones to maintain their independence of choice should they choose not to cooperate with successful compounds sanctioned by our government. Our assistance to these rejects and throw-aways can be painful, risky, and costly, as is true in Southeast Louisiana today. But we dare not weary of the task. For our assistance makes possible the stationing of three outposts in the wastelands along the desolate frontier. Any successful breakthrough in these weathered and worn areas, necessitating direct badassery intervention, would cost us several times as much as our entire stockpile of ammo, and might cost us heavily in American lives as well.

About 70 percent of our operations against assholes (OA) goes to defending what’s left of nine key survivor communities on or near the borders of the wastelands, our final stand against the undead, against the assholes, against what’s left of this shitty world — nine struggling communities confronted directly or indirectly with the threat of asshole aggression and swarming zombie hordes — El Paso, San Angelo, Amarillo, Wichita Falls, Texarkana, Little Rock, Pine Bluff, Monroe, and Alexandria. No one of these survival concentrations possesses on its own the resources to maintain the necessary defensive forces for successful survival in the common interest of worldwide recovery from this apocalypse.

Reducing our concentrated efforts to train, equip, and employ our cadre of badasses to assist these tragically destitute areas can only encourage asshole penetration and require in time the increased flood of starving and fearful refugees into other survival compounds. And reducing the help needed to bolster these hopeless places will not help to defend freedom, producing an even more disastrous result. In short, the 50 badasses we recruit, train, and employ to replace the ones we lose each month from disease, zombies, and assholes, not to mention suicide, could well be ineffective without the assets required for real apocalyptic combat along the toxic wastelands and in the nuclear fallout and the biohazard zones.

Since last year, we began receiving requests for aid from external survival communes to our north, communities we haven’t heard from in more than a year. Our ability to help anyone but ourselves get through this shit is not improving, it is, on the contrary, getting worse now than ever. This could be seen as a sign of weakness, but we intend to correct this and eventually extend our reach as a proponent of global recovery. The proper way of treating weaknesses is to replace them with strength, not to increase those weaknesses by emasculating other essential operations needed to sustain our own desperate communities. Badass for badass, in or out of government, there is no better form of investment in our survival and security than our much-abused external aid potential. We cannot afford to lose too many communities around us. We must be willing to take the fight beyond our own comfort zones. Also, we should consider if we can surely afford, for example, to do as much for what’s left of our 19 asshole-run neighbors south of the border as they burn in the night and their rancid zombies make their way to our front door.

I have spoken of survival strength largely in terms of the deterrence and resistance of asshole aggression and zombie horde attacks. But in what remains of today’s world, freedom is lost without a shot being fired, by disease, and death comes from zombie bites as well as bullets. The success of our dying leadership is dependent upon vaccinations and access to clean water and something to eat as well as on badasses for protection — on a clearer recognition of the virtues of true apocalyptic freedom as well as the evils of dickish tyranny like we’ve seen in Oklahoma City.

How much harder is it for the case of freedom in this nightmare that no one is broadcasting. No one is sharing information. Very few books are even available and those that are likely do not take a host of steps required to carry our message of truth and freedom to all the far corners of the weeping earth.

And that is also why we have regained the initiative in the exploration of the outer wastelands, making a daily effort greater than the combined total of all wasteland activities undertaken during the first fifty months after the world went to shit, launching more than 130 patrols into the darkness, putting into actual operation valuable outposts and making it clear to all that FATDICCC and PAZDGAS have no intention of being overrun by any attackers, assholes, refugees, diseases, or zombies.

This effort is expensive in the cost of freedom fighters — but it pays its own way, for our freedom and for our survival and eventually for the full recovery of America and then later for the rest of the world. For there is still great fear in the dying world that the worst is yet to come. We must remember the CDC’s guidance that zombie hives are out there somewhere.

We remember, when the pandemic flu event first became uncontainable, the US government and other world governments first attempted to let the thing run its course. Surely some pandemic events eventually burn themselves out, even if this burning out still results in billions dead worldwide. In today’s pandemic shit-storm, we were very quickly faced with the threat of a zombie apocalypse just as a pandemic flu outbreak started to burn itself out. Then government officials wanted to let the pandemic zombie outbreak burn itself out. Perhaps that’s where we are now. However, the total collapse of society seemed to surprise government officials. Now we are surprised by mutant zombies and hives. If and only if we can prevent zombie hives from becoming established, we may survive and rebuild our dying world. Do you remember the first reports of mutant zombies from our patrols? Do you remember the first hive heart they encountered? We must continue to organize and dispatch zombie outbreak response teams and special forces teams to comb the apocalyptic landscape to locate, close with, and begin eradicating zombies and mutant zombies, and to begin looking for hive activity while still dealing with loose assholes.

Our actions against zombies and assholes will become a permanent assertion of our supremacy or our inferiority. We operate with the premise that the strongest survive. There is no longer any doubt about the strength and skill of American science, American medicine, American rebelliousness, and the American kick-ass spirit. There is also no longer any doubt about the deplorable degradation Americans will perpetrate on each other when the shit hits the fan. All the death and all the shit doesn’t really mean anything if we can’t keep it together right here right now. In short, our efforts represent a great gain in, and a great resource of, our national strength — and both what’s left of The Great United Republic of Texas and Texans are contributing greatly to this strength.

Let us pause for a moment to remember Chandra McMillan who was immune to the Z-virus and who saved all those children in New Orleans, who left New Orleans with those children with the help of one of our Z-commandos and survived the long trek to the federal compound in what’s left of College Station, Texas without losing one soul, who made a significant contribution to the development of a Z-vaccine and the creation of additional Z-commandos. She showed us that determination, perseverance, and persistence can save us all.

Finally, it should be clear by now that a survivor compound can be no stronger inside its walls than it is outside its walls. Only a community which practices what it preaches about accountability and justice will be respected by those whose choice affects our future. Only a community which has fully educated its survivors and rejected those who are useless is fully capable of tackling the complex problems and perceiving the hidden dangers of the apocalyptic world in which we live. And only a survivor community which is disease free and fully vaccinated can sustain the defenses of freedom from zombies and assholes, while demonstrating to all concerned the opportunities and the potential of our survival and our oath to care for the sick and injured and to do no harm except if it improves our chances of surviving. Keeping with the first rule of zombie outbreak survival, we accept that no one’s survival is more important than our own and we will not extend ourselves for others unless doing so improves our own chances of survival.

It is clear, therefore, that we are strengthening our security as well as fighting against rampant sickness, starvation, and disease — by surging ahead of most of the western communes, increasing our expansion, and increasing life expectancy while decreasing infection rates and zombification rates, as I have proposed, to assure what’s left of this nation of the longest and strongest existence in our apocalyptic future.

For the first time in recent memory, we have 7,000 men and women working to rebuild this society, one compound at a time. While there have still been no reported childbirths, for the first time since the world went to shit, we aren’t forced to consider saving children from this world by killing them out of mercy. After the production of Z-vaccines produced at Texas A&M, we began inoculating all survivors. Sure there were a number of deaths and a number of zombifications, but as of today, we haven’t seen death by zombie bite in over 4 months. While we are no longer at the mercy of Z-virus infections, there are still millions of zombies and likely the same number of assholes in what’s left of North Texas alone. The war for this world against the Z-virus is far from over.

Furthermore, we must at some point take action against the zealots and dickish dictators that have overrun what’s left of Oklahoma City. In any apocalyptic scenario, you will have a wide assortment of kooks, bad guys, and assholes who make a play to take control. Am I right? We have all heard of the horrors the Oklahoma City Governor has allowed to happen under her reign. A time will come when their ugliness extends south and touches us here in the desolation that once was Dallas if we are not careful.

My friends and fellow citizens, FATDICCCers and PAZDGASers: I cite these facts and figures to make it clear that what’s left of America today is stronger than it has been in the last five years. Our adversaries, these roaming bands of assholes have not abandoned their ambitions, our dangers have not diminished, our vigilance cannot be relaxed. But now we have the military, the scientific, and the people strength to do whatever must be done for the preservation and promotion of freedom and life. And we must still fight in a world not only overrun by zombies, but also overrun by ignorance.

From the Bible in the book of Zechariah 14:12: “And the LORD will send a plague on all the nations that fought against Jerusalem. Their people will become like walking corpses, their flesh rotting away. Their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouths. They will become eaters of flesh and spreaders of disease and pestilence. They shall bring about the fall of many nations and the cleansing of the world.”

Unlike the monstrous rebels in Oklahoma City, our strength once improved will never be used in pursuit of aggressive ambitions — it will always be used in pursuit of peace and survival. It will never be used to promote provocations — it will always be used to promote the peaceful rebuilding of society, at some point, I hope.

We, in this country, in this generation, are — by destiny rather than by choice — the watchmen on the walls of world freedom. We ask, therefore, that we may be worthy of our power and responsibility, that we may exercise our strength with wisdom and restraint, and that we may achieve in our time and for all time the ancient vision of “peace on earth, good will toward men.” That must always be our goal, and the righteousness of our cause must always underlie our strength. For as was written long ago in Psalms 127:1: “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.”



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In my next zombie outbreak survival PSAs, I plan to talk about getting in shape for the zombie apocalypse. Try this… jump up right now and run 100 yards as fast as you can. Is that a scary thought? Do you need your doctor’s permission to do that? Okay, now try this again with a group of high school kids chasing you except this time try to zig zag and duck and dodge them. If any one of them can touch you, then you are dead. Okay, now try the same thing, but this time, at night while carrying a backpack and a small child over your shoulder.

You’re not ready to survive the coming zombie apocalypse.

You’re fat and sickly and out of shape.

You don’t even have basic supplies stockpiled, not to mention guns and ammo.

You don’t even have more than a couple of week’s supply of whatever prescription medicines your fat, slow, nearsighted ass has to take.


You need to keep reading my books and go back and read all my other books.


Here is a sample excerpt from my recently published book Zombie Outbreak Survival: The Definitive Test

In this book, I share tons of my frequently asked questions (FAQs) and best zombie outbreak survival ideas and you can take my test to see if my PSAs have increased your chances of surviving a pandemic zombie outbreak.


Test Questions with Answers and Discussion

In commemoration of what would have been JFK’s 100th birthday, here are questions 5, 29, 20, and 17.


5. A few zombies have broken into your perimeter. What is the best weapon to use to eradicate them?

a) Kung Fu throwing stars

b) An AR-15

c) A chainsaw

d) Booby-traps

e) None of these because zombies are not real.


Discussion: You should have booby-trapped your perimeter for just such an occasion. Let your bobby-traps handle the zombies in your perimeter. A pit with spikes…barbed wire…land mines…snares and other rope traps. My daughter brought up a good point… Killing zombies in your perimeter works the same as killing a zombie in your cellar—plus a land mine is surely to attract zombies too. A rope snare trap or a net that will let you drag the things away and dispose of them outside your perimeter is the best booby-trap to use. Most zombies are not capable of getting untangled from or avoiding such traps. C is the worst choice.


29. Zombies are everywhere. You are all alone. Which of these would be the best place to create a zombie pandemonium survival shelter?

a) A church

b) A ranch

c) A mall

d) A movie theater

e) None of these because zombies are not real.


Discussion: Look for a place that doesn’t have windows, that has a way in that you can block and defend, and has multiple ways to escape out of if something goes wrong. Of all these choices, the movie theater is the best choice. The next time you go to the movies, take a look around and make a note of how easy or hard it would be to make the building into your zombie survival shelter (one of them).


20. You are searching the town and avoiding the zombies in the town. You find several places where things you may need are located. What should you do?

a) Grab as much as you can and bring it back to your shelter so you will never have to leave your shelter again.

b) Mark where these things are located on a map, include the safest route to those locations, and begin making strategic plans for getting supplies when you need them.

c) Booby-trap each location to prevent others from taking your shit.

d) Quickly move to the next town because this is too good to be a good thing.

e) None of these because zombies are not real.


Discussion: A zombie apocalypse is not the time to become a hoarder. It’s much more strategic to mark the locations of various items and then to go get things as you need them. Even better, hide things so others won’t easily find them. This is also the smartest plan in case any one location is compromised, it won’t mean the end of the world for you. Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket. I like the idea of booby-trapping locations, but mostly to deal with zombies. You can use simple booby-traps to let you know if zombies are nearby or if someone else has been to the location, but it’s generally not a good idea to booby-trap a place against people unless it’s one of your main shelters.


17. A zombie horde is coming your way and you need to move. Which of the following is your best survival tactic in this situation?

a) Rig your shelter to remotely blow up if a zombie horde comes.

b) Use stealth, speed, and distance to fall back to your back-up shelter.

c) Cover yourself in feces and zombie guts and goop and pretend to be a zombie.

d) Utilize every weapon and all the ammo and explosives in your arsenal to repel them to hang on to your shit for as long as you can.

e) None of these because zombies are not real.


Discussion: You should always use speed, stealth, and distance to avoid contact with zombies. You should always have a way out of your shelter. It’s not a good enough shelter if it doesn’t allow you a way to safely get the hell out of there in a mad dash. You need to always plan and have a back-up shelter to escape to. Never destroy your shelter; once the zombie horde moves on, you may be able to go back to it and get your shit. C is the worst choice…this idiotic idea doesn’t work! Zombies detect non-zombies by the pheromones we give off and by our electro-magnetic field (Yes! Like bees and sharks). This is the reason why even the best shelters eventually attract zombies. There is no way that I am aware of that you can reasonably mask yourself enough to fool a zombie. I am aware of one test subject at Texas A&M who was infected, recovered, and was thereafter not attractive to zombies. This seemed to suggest and support the basic theory of zombie motive, which is to infect and keep infecting. Zombies often may not be attracted to infected people. I’ll mention this test subject again later in subsequent books. His case is very interesting. There are zombie suits, like spacesuits, that are in use at Harvard and Texas A&M by researchers, which can at times make the researchers in the suits invisible to most zombies, but you won’t be able to depend on technology like this for your own survival needs in a standard zombie apocalypse.


So how did you do? You’re a miserable failure…I know. The good news is this condition has an easy fix and it’s very temporary.


Last Notes:

Prevention is the best cure…Did you get a flu shot yet?

Do you wash your hands each and every time after using the restroom?

Do you use hand sanitizer randomly during the day?

Do you hug on and love on sick people?

Do you have children who are worthless or have a negative impact on you in a pandemic event?


See… That’s exactly what I mean! I’m very disappointed in you. If you are not a part of the zombie apocalypse prevention solution, then you are a big fucking part of the problem.



The World Health Organization (WHO)

CDC Zombie Preparedness

[+ FEMA Zombie Preparedness+]

[+ Pentagon Zombie Preparedness+]

[+ Department of Defense Zombie Preparedness+]

US Navy Zombie Readiness

Zombie Research Society

[+ Japan Zombie Preparedness+]

[+ China Zombie Preparedness+]

[+ Crystal Meth Zombies+]



{Return to Table of Contents}

About the Author


Van Allen is a real person. I’m a former Captain in the US Marines. In my 21-year military career, I developed expertise in both combat training and criminal investigations. While in the Marines, I also completed a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Texas A&M University and a Masters in Psychology from The Chicago School of Professional Psychology. Originally from Houston, Texas and currently residing in Frisco, Texas, I fancy myself a secret physics, statistics, and data nerd. I’m also known today for being a part-time tennis strategy and coaching genius…by my kids…sometimes.

If you ever want to talk more about government conspiracies, dragons and warriors, zombies, alien invasions, my other writing projects, or my creative writing process, email me, and visit my website. Take a look at my free writings. Leave reviews, please. Tell other people about me.



[email protected]

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Previously Published Stories:

Available at your favorite eBook retailer.

Full length Novel

BEAR, a horror story…great reviews!

-Also available in paperback


CNSEV Tormalinas Lost – Chaos and Alien Bugs in Space

-Also available in paperback

I Tawt I Taw A Putty Tat – Alien Conspiracy

Zombie Apocalypse

Zombie Outbreak Survival: The Rules – Zombie Apocalypse Preparation

Zombie Outbreak Survival: Hive Incident

-Also available in paperback

Zombie Outbreak Survival: Get It Right Or Die

-Also available in paperback

Zombie Outbreak Survival: Weaponology and Gun Control

Zombie Outbreak Survival: What’s Left of America

Zombie Outbreak Survival: The Definitive Test

-Also available in paperback

Zombie Outbreak Survival: Make America Zombie Free Again



Jasper and Van

The Old Man in the Hospital

-Also available in paperback

Non-Fiction (Business)

Hire the Right People and Win Big

Workplace Bullying

Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens

Van Allen

Published by Screaming Weasel Productions

Distributed by Shakespir

Copyright 2017 Van Allen

(5/29/2017 Version)


Thank you for reading this short eBook. If you enjoyed it, please tweet, share, tell your connections and social network, and leave positive reviews with your favorite eBook retailers and read my other eBooks.

~Van Allen


Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens

My fellow citizens, American survivors, May 29, 2017 would have been John F. Kennedy's 100th birthday. To commemorate this, I wondered again, what would the great speeches sound like against the backdrop of a zombie apocalypse? And so, at the risk of what others might think, I thought I would try another speech. JFK's very last speech, zombified. Who am I? I’m Captain Allen, USMC, a certified Zombie Outbreak Survival Expert. You already know you can count on me for great zombie apocalypse survival ideas, but I want you to come to me for all your zombie apocalypse and zombie outbreak needs. Of course, survival is my expertise. I promise to continue delivering the survival goods to you as I continue to write. I thought for this PSA, I would again take an interesting detour. If you want the people you love to survive, you'll read all of my zombie survival books. If you don't care if they survive, screw 'em...but read my books any how.

  • ISBN: 9781370295005
  • Author: Van Allen
  • Published: 2017-05-29 06:35:11
  • Words: 6838
Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens Zombie Outbreak Survival: My Fellow Citizens