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Who Hell Me?

Who Hell Me?

by: Milthy Swinebuckle

And on that day God created animals.

“Roar”, said the lion.

“Woof”, said the dog.

“Hiss”, said the snake.

“Moo”, said the cow.

“Quack”, said the duck.

“Meow”, said the cat.

“Caw”, said the crow.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?”, said the duckbilled long necked three legged funky feathered rhino ape!

THE END!

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PERSONAL STATEMENT BY MY PERSONAL SELF

Today I lost the use of my fingers and have had to type this message using another part of my anatomy. This of course in bad (well… for me at least). However, on the plus side (again for me at least) this technically makes you a dirty bastard for reading it!

P.S… You’d better pray that your eyes can’t catch an STD!

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BELOW: Some Thoughts That Escaped From My Rambling Head

Everyday when we wake up we swim through an ocean of shit in the hope that we reach a land full of fragrant roses!!!
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P.S… The above statement is some of the purest and vilest hippy dippy bullshit that I could think up at the time. The point of me saying this pointless “so-called” profound piece of arse vomiting garbage is that it’s apparently cool to write profound twaddle that a two year old can comprehend and post it on a social media network, as though I’m some kind of massive Guru God bothering, plant licking, animal bumming, bollicks believing, ghost hunting, alien abducted, tosspot talking….. TWAT!!!!

P.P.S… Please post this statement everywhere!!!

P.P.P.S… The reason for me wanting you to post this statement everywhere is… YES you guessed it… I’ m Milthy Swinebuckle… Duke of Bullshit… Lord Baron of all Idiots… Prince of the Dickheads… And not forgetting… KING OF THE TWATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Hello! It’s that time of year again when we can reflect on the big issue affecting YOU!… ME!… and EVERYONE else in this big old world. You know it and I know it… So what am I talking about…YES you guessed it… WAFFLES, that’s what! So, if we’re going to get along with one another, as one people with no forms of discrimination then we need to find some form of identity that we can all identify with… Waffles are that thing!!! Let’s face it, who doesn’t like a good waffle now and again… I know I do!

So first let’s discuss the different types of waffles and how they can help us take that first step to achieving world peace. First up you have the traditional plain waffle. This waffle is your standard….////@@‘213”£^^($)($)_+12436745dfddkjku4367………..Mynme is globorate sdolfdnote kolborate drexlo, and I have hacked into this pathetic humans speech channel just to tell you what we aliens think of you… So here goes… I would like to take this opportunity for myself, my race, and the one million two thousand six hundred and seventy two, other known intelligent races, who have formed an Intergalactic Federation to tell YOU the human race what we (the rest of the known universe) think about you! Ah hem… Here goes: FUCK OFF, {PISS OFF, GO FUCK YOURSELVES, FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE OR OTHER RELEVANT NONE INTELECTUAL BEAST YOU RODE IN ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now… Back to waffles…

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It's been scientifically proven that humans have their origins in shit! Darwin has proclaimed in the Origin Of Species that all humans derive from shit!!! This is a scientific fact and cannot be argued with (even though I've just made this shit up!) no matter how SHIT your own argument is....Fact... Humans are shit....YOU are SHIT!!!....HA HA.....You're shite and there's nowt ya can say or do to stop being shit!!! As for me I'm not shit. "WHY? HOW COME? WHO HELL YOU??? HOW YOU NOT BE SHIT LIKE ME????????????" I hear you ask, I hear you ask twice!!!! I'm not shit because I be something else.... I be waste product... I be dispensable... I be excrement left over... Unwanted molecules... The dredging of stomachs... An ever constant growing inward fart... Something that amounts to nothing... I BE? I BE?? I BE??? I BE???? BE?????

I BE SHIT??????

I’m shit aren’t I!……………………………. FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Who Hell Me?

  • Author: milthyswinebuckle
  • Published: 2017-02-24 15:50:15
  • Words: 696
Who Hell Me? Who Hell Me?