Upside Down & Backwards
with the Law of Attraction
Copyright © 2016 by AVATAR Publications, LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, or translated electronically or mechanically, including photocopying, or by any information storage or retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publisher and/or author. For information regarding classes, teachings, trainings, coaching or mentoring based on this book, you can write your requests to .
Publisher: Avatar Publications, LLC
Author: Roy Tasker
Co-author & Editor: Danielle Tasker
I want to dedicate this book to my mother, who has always believed in me and has always encouraged me to never give up. She has inspired me not just through words, but also by example with her kind heart and loving ways, to love more, to laugh more, and to live more. I love you mom. You are my greatest mentor. 3
Lack and Limitation 4
No One Came to Save Me 7
My Powerful Imagination 10
A Wonderful Inspiration 13
Controlling My Own Thoughts 17
It May Not Be My Fault, But It Is My Responsibility 19
A Miracle in Disguise 23
A Paradigm Shift 26
Sincere, But Sincerely Wrong 32
Changing My Story 35
The Power of a Paradigm 39
The Siphoning Hose 42
Raising My Vibration 48
Out-picturing Myself 51
All About the Feeling 54
The Power of Suggestion 58
I Knew Without a Shadow of a Doubt 65
In this book I will show you why I named it “Upside Down & Backwards with the Law of Attraction”. This is a book about my own personal story. I will talk about how I unraveled many secrets from the Universe and discovered through trial and error how to properly utilize the law of attraction.
My story reflects my own intense desires to get out of my own trap that “I” created by default and go out into the world and create my “new found” reality. I will give you a step by step account of my life journey in the way of a spiritual unfoldment. I will talk about my many rollercoaster rides, how I triumphed over adversity, and how I had to detangle my own web of negative paradigms that I developed through ignorance in order to get to the place I am today.
Maybe you feel that you already tried to apply the law of attraction in your life and felt let down over and over, but yet something inside of you knew it worked. Maybe you thought, “I’m not doing this right.”, or “There’s something missing.”, or “Maybe there’s a magic elixir of some sort I yet have to discover”. This is what I felt at various points in my life.
I felt upside down and backwards with the law of attraction, because I thought that whatever I was doing and applying in my life wasn’t always working the way I wanted it to. I would think to myself so many countless times, “How the heck do I get this thing to work?”
The more I understood the law of attraction and the natural laws of the Universe, the more I began to see things in a different light, which helped me to understand that I am magnetic. I soon began to discover that I had a choice, and that in that choice I had power.
I figured out how to use my own power and how to co-create with the Universal Power, which we all have access to. We just have to tap into it. I will show you how I tapped into the Power, and how I turned my life completely around.
The true understanding of this book will give you basic knowledge of the Universe. It will help raise your vibration, your awareness, your self-belief, and your self-esteem. It will help you to realize that you are the creator of your own reality.
My story will help you to understand your own thoughts, feelings, actions, and words, and how they are affecting your reality. It will help guide you into a better way of thinking, feeling, and acting by giving you powerful suggestions about how to think, feel, and act in order to achieve the desires of your heart.
This book will give you insight into a whole new and exciting world that is there waiting for you to play with and have fun with. It will help you discover how to use your own magic in this physical dimension, where you are able to create, mold, and shape your own reality with the power of your own thoughts, feelings, actions, and words.
My goal is to inspire, uplift, and enlighten you, and to also give you insight into my world, where I have created my own magic after intentionally changing my own thoughts, feelings, actions, and words.
Lying in this book are the keys to set any man or woman free from the bondage they have created in their own minds, helping them to understand that they are not victims, but victors. This simple shift in perception can change the whole course of their lives.
Within all of these chapters is a golden nugget, a lesson. There are keywords and key phrases, and there are hidden meanings in the words that you will read. You may have to read this book more than once, for every time you will read it, you will become more and more enlightened. Do not resist, but allow yourself to dive deep into these words. Allow them to permeate, penetrate, and saturate your inner most being, for you will receive many signs and wonders paving the way to your new and wonderful life path.
So, with the different examples I will share with you about my life’s journey, my intention is that you will relate to them in some way, and that you “the reader” will begin to understand that the power which lies in the Universe is the same power that is waiting to express itself through you. You just have to be in tune with it. And then, you’ll finally be able to say, “Maybe the law of attraction does exist and can work for me after all.”
I grew up in poverty, not just financially, but also spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally. When people think of “poverty”, they usually only think of money. We were poor with the vocabulary we used to express ourselves. We were poor with the way we dressed. We were poor with the places we visited, what we ate, where we lived, and even the vehicles we drove. Lack and limitation was a huge part of my daily life.
There was lack and limitation in our household. Even the neighborhood we lived in expressed lack and limitation. We had an outhouse for a bathroom. There were many times we had no electric, no heat, or no running water. My mother would give me and my brothers and sisters baths in an aluminum tub with water from the creek or the well, and oftentimes we stood outside and took showers in the rain.
We moved almost every three months for most of my childhood, because my father couldn’t pay the rent at all the houses we lived in. We’d move somewhere different and start fresh, only to move again in another three months. We even lived in abandoned farm houses and made them our own.
We were raised on welfare. We used to get food out of dumpsters behind our local supermarket. We would get our clothes from churches or the goodwill box when no one was looking. Most of the time we didn’t even care if people did look at us, since this was normal to us.
We didn’t have enough beds for all of us, so I would usually make my bed out of a cardboard box and set it up in the living room. We ate a lot of mustard and butter sandwiches and bread cereal with pieces of white toast, sugar, and powdered milk mixed with water. My brothers and sisters and I didn’t know what milk was at the time. We discovered “real milk” when we started going to school.
A lot of times, the days we did have to leave the house to go to school or for any other reason, there would be heaps of snakes slithering on our front porch. My old man would come out with his shotgun and fire shots into the air. All the snakes would immediately scatter away from the front porch, moving in a wavy motion.
My father was an abusive alcoholic. I was never allowed to go anywhere. There was a house we lived in which had barbwire on the top of our fence facing inside, not outside. My old man did this to make sure nobody left the house. He wanted to keep track of all of us. He wanted to know where we were at all times. He probably didn’t want anyone to find out how badly he was beating us or how badly we were bruised.
I felt like a prisoner living inside of a prison. I pretty much got beaten every day. My whole family was verbally abused and regularly smacked around. It was a day by day survival mode. I was so scared to go to the bathroom at night, because I knew if my old man heard me, he would beat me very severely, even sometimes with a baseball bat. So I would end up wetting my bed to avoid getting beaten.
When I was about six years old, I recall an incident when my father taught me how to spell “Mississippi”. I heard the word while I was in class one day. I was intrigued with the word, because it was a pretty long one that was tricky to spell. “If only I could spell ‘Mississippi’, then everyone would like me,” I thought in my head.
One day, I walked up to my dad and asked him if he could help me spell a word that I heard my teacher say in class. My eyes were sparkling, because I was so excited that I would soon learn a new word. I told him what the word was with so much enthusiasm in my voice.
He responded in a way I did not expect. He said, “You want to learn how to spell ‘Mississippi’? Well, this is how you spell ‘Mississippi’ son!” He grabbed me by the back of the head, holding my hair really tight and drove my face into the table with each letter of “M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i.”
After he finished beating my head into the table, I saw blood dripping down from my face. My whole face was a bloody mess. I was terrified. I started crying and ran into my room. I did not understand what just happened. That night I prayed and asked God to help me spell. I desperately needed to learn how to spell.
My reading and writing was stifled early on due to my home life and the fear. I never went past the fourth grade level. I only attended school one or two months out of the year. I was either working or too beat up to even go to school.
I was put in Special Ed when I was in first grade due to my trouble with reading, writing, and spelling, and I was told I would never amount to anything. And at that time, I never thought I would amount to anything either, since I was programmed with lack and limitation from the day I was born.
My old man had me working since I was six years old. I was operating a chainsaw and cutting wood at ten years old. Our days in the wintertime revolved around staying warm, and our only source of heat came from burning wood in our woodstove. I was always carrying either a 15 lb. sledge hammer or go-devil in my hand.
When I was little I thought my name was “Cutwood”, since those were the words that my dad yelled out of his mouth at me constantly. I either had to cut wood for our house to keep warm or go knocking at people’s doors to try and sell it.
My old man would get jobs trimming trees and doing yard work, and he would have me, my brothers, and sisters go to work with him instead of going to school. At first, I really wanted to go to school, because I had such a strong desire to learn how to read and write.
I used to stand in the hallway and watch other children in their classrooms while they read their books and wrote their essays. I would see their pens and pencils glide on the paper as the words poured out of them. I was amazed, in wonder, in awe at how something so magical and amazing could take place right before my very eyes.
I would sit at my desk and contemplate, “How do all these words fit inside a pen or a pencil?”, and I would desperately try to get my pen to work. I would reason it out by thinking that my pen or pencil must be broken. So, I began gathering as many pens and pencils as I could, trying 30, 40, 50, even 100 pencils at a time, but still to no avail!
I never found my magic pen or pencil. I imagined inventing a special pen that I could speak into, which would be set loose and write all these words and thoughts I was feeling inside. But then I was awoken from my fantasy world when the bell rang, and it was time to go home.
I would pray to God every night before I’d fall asleep. I’d say, “Oh God, when I awake in the morning, please let me be able to read.” I’d wake up in the morning with so much enthusiasm, belief, and anticipation of my “new reading and writing life”, that I would rush over to two of my favorite books: “Huckleberry Fin” and “Curious George”. And to my surprise, I would not know one word.
I felt like I was living in a foreign country lost in a sea of people. I felt dumb and stupid, because I couldn’t read and write like the other kids. Since they didn’t have special help for kids with dyslexia or ADD, I was put in a Special Ed class with handicapped and Down syndrome children.
Some Special Ed kids wore helmets, some sat in wheelchairs just drooling, and it appeared that they had no idea where they were. They couldn’t help the way they were, but I knew that this was not a classroom that someone like me, who could not read or write, belonged in.
Looking back, I knew my school didn’t have another place to put me in at the time. There were times kids walked by our classroom in the hallway and yelled, “Retards” really loud, and I remember the rage rising up inside of me. I felt like beating their faces with my fists.
One morning I was riding to school in the school bus, and my bus driver was pulling in front of the school around the loop. I was already feeling aggravated from all those mean kids tormenting me and making fun of me all the time, when all of a sudden an apple hit my head, and I heard four boys yelling over and over, “Retards. Retards.”
Mind you, I was riding in the little school bus with all my classmates, who were handicapped and had Down syndrome. I became furious. I ran to the front of the bus and grabbed the handle. I swung the door open and jumped off while the bus was still in motion. I fell and scuffed my hands and knees, which made me even more furious.
I ran over to those boys like a raging bull. I wasn’t going to take it anymore. Enough was enough! I started pounding on them one by one with my fists. I was amazed at the strength I had and how good I could fight. I didn’t know where all those punches came from. I guess it was from all the pain that I was holding inside of me for such a long time.
The principal showed up about five minutes later and broke up the fight. She asked us what was going on. I told her what those boys did. She reprimanded them and made them accompany her to her office. I felt relieved that those boys were the ones who got in trouble and not me. I felt proud for standing up for myself and for all of the other Special Ed kids on the bus. After all, they were my only friends at the time.
After a couple of years of not getting anywhere with reading and writing, I didn’t mind not going to school, since I was in Special Ed and was made fun of all the time. I wanted to avoid the embarrassment and the shame. All I would really do in class was doodle, play Tic- Tac- Toe, and color in my coloring books anyway. I would get really bored.
I remember thinking I didn’t belong there, and why couldn’t someone save me and take me out of this classroom? And why couldn’t someone put me in a different classroom where I would be taught how to read and write? But the cavalry never came.
I said to myself, “The school won’t help me, my dad won’t help me, and even God isn’t on my side, since he never answered my prayers.” I still didn’t know how to read or write or spell. I was really frustrated. But no one came to save me. I felt like I was all alone.
I felt like an outcast in school, like I didn’t fit in, and I felt the fear at home from my dad. Any day I didn’t get hit was a good day. At school I didn’t feel safe. I was mentally abused by other students, because of the way I was dressed and not being able to read or write.
At home I didn’t feel safe, because I was being both physically and mentally abused by my dad. Whenever my old man would beat me, I was so scared, that I would wet my pants. I couldn’t get out of bed and change my clothes, because if I did, he would beat me again. There were so many nights I would lay on my bed with wet urine on my body and block it out of my head.
My mother couldn’t come to my aid, because if my dad saw her do that, she would be severely beaten herself. Being I had no one to comfort me, I had to think of a way to calm myself down and recompose myself. So, I would start singing with my face very close to the wall and my eyes shut, remembering the country music that I had heard on the radio.
I would sing songs from legends like Meryl Haggard, Johnny Cash, and even Willie Nelson. I would think, “There are so many wonderful country songs.” I was bewildered with how much my voice sounded so much like theirs. .” I was very curious of how I could remember so many countless songs, but yet I could not read or write.
There were many days I would escape and go on a journey with my mind. I would usually do that while lying on my bed after a long hard day’s work with my dad. I would imagine all different kinds of cool things.
I would imagine being rich, being a hero, saving people and keeping them from harm’s way. I also imagined being a mentor, someone people could come and talk to and feel safe around.
I daydreamed about having so much money that I could live a good life with my siblings and my mother, so they wouldn’t have to get hurt anymore. I imagined having a beautiful house packed full of all of my favorite foods, and I fantasized about having all kinds of trucks and cars. If it had wheels, I imagined myself in it.
I imagined myself inventing all types of gadgets that would help people. I had visions of traveling and seeing so many beautiful places. I imagined myself being an author one day, even though I didn’t know how that would be possible, being I couldn’t read or write at the time.
I had glimpses of me being on a big stage, singing and speaking in front of thousands of people. I would think about how I could use my gift of singing and speaking to make a lot of money, and then my family would never have to go without again.
I even saw myself flying through the stage as a ballet dancer, but I dared not reveal that to anyone at the time, especially my old man. Knowing him, he probably would’ve beat me for saying that.
Sometimes I would think in my mind, “I’m just a kid and I don’t even know how to read or write or spell. How will I ever make that kind of money or do any of these wonderful things?” But on the flip side, I would ponder over how wonderful my life could be…how wonderful my life would be.
I used to imagine how I could pay a bodyguard to keep my father away from us and how he would never hurt my mother, my siblings, or me again. I also saw the world with no hurt or pain and everybody loving each other and getting along.
There was no safe place in my life, except for in my mind. I didn’t know what I was doing at the time. But now I know I was exercising the power of my imagination.
Those visions were just about the only thing I really had to look forward to in my life every afternoon after a long hard day’s work. I would play these parts over and over in my mind as if I was in a play, acting as these different characters. These characters became more real to me than anything I was doing in my current reality, since my current reality was not nearly as wonderful as my imagined reality.
It seemed as though my visions had started to take on a life of their own. Little did I know at the time that they had taken on a life of their own. It was also at this time when one of my negative programs was installed in me. I had created a block with reading and writing. Subconsciously, I didn’t even want to learn how to read and write, because it evoked so much pain inside of me.
But on a positive note, I discovered how to use my powerful imagination. I wasn’t sure what it was at the time, but when I was in my own fantasyland, daydreaming about all kinds of wonderful things and experiencing visions of what could be, it became my safe haven.
One day when I was sixteen years old, I decided to leave home, because I just had had enough! I had been living in a broken down car in my backyard since I was thirteen years old, and my old man was still making me work for him and still treating me pretty badly.
I was working as hard as a mule. My dad would take me out on jobs. I would pretty much do all the work, and he would keep all the money, or most of it.
I just got tired of living that kind of life. I thought to myself, “There’s gotta be a better way than this.” To leave was still better than being around all the anger and all the madness.
Living at home was like living a lie, being told that there was no goodness out there, and only disappointment. I knew there had to be joy out there in the outside world. There had to be more than what I was being shown and experiencing in my own home.
I left my mom and dad’s house with no regards of where I was going, or how I was even going to make it. I just knew I would make it somehow someway.
I felt at this time that the Universe was trying to reveal some inspiring thoughts to me. I didn’t realize it then, but the word “inspire” means “in the spirit”. So, when you receive an inspiring thought, that’s your spirit, your higher self trying to talk to you.
I was bouncing from house to house and staying with different people, when one day an inspiration came to me. If I could just get an apartment, I knew the furniture would just show up.
I remember telling my father about the inspired thought I was having, and him saying to me, “Oh, you can’t even afford to buy toilet paper. How are you going to afford to pay rent and get furniture?”
After he said that, I quickly gave up on the idea of having my own apartment and just continued with my normal routine of bouncing from house to house. He had shut me down. But I let him shut me down.
A couple years later, I had a wonderful inspiration come into my head again. This time it was about a truck. I was imagining having a beautiful black and silver two toned 4×4 Chevy pickup truck with leather interior, beautiful tires, the works.
I happened to see a truck just like I had imagined as I was driving by a local car dealership one day. I had an inspired thought to ask a friend of mine to go half on this truck with me.
I told my friend we could start our own landscaping company using that truck. I asked him if he wanted to buy it with me, since I couldn’t afford to buy it by myself at the time, and I didn’t have enough income to show the dealership.
Low and behold he was in agreement with my idea, and we went and purchased the new truck together. It was just as I had imagined: a four-wheel drive, two toned black and silver Chevy pickup truck with interior rolled and pleated black leather seats, beautiful tires, the works!
I didn’t know this at the time, but my desire was so strong to have this truck that I had attracted a person, who was my friend at the time, and a circumstance (him also wanting to have a pickup truck) to help me attain my desired goal, which was this truck.
I remember my friend and I being so proud of ourselves. So, we went to go show my dad the new truck. I guess I was looking for his approval somewhere deep down inside.
I wanted so badly for my dad to be proud of me. As soon as he saw the truck, he said, “Are you guys crazy? You’ll never be able to afford it. You’ll lose it before your first payment is due.”
And sure enough, not by the first payment, but by the second payment, we lost our truck. We could not keep it paid on time. We got behind on our payments, and we ended up turning the truck in.
Ironically, when my dad said that we wouldn’t be able to pay for our truck, consciously in my mind I was thinking, “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” But subconsciosly, I had a wave of fear flood over me, and I repeated over and over in my head, “What if he’s right? What if I bit off more than I can chew?”
And as each day passed that I didn’t get a landscaping or tree job was another day closer to my truck payment due date. And as the days and weeks rolled by, my fear grew bigger and bigger.
This consumed me to the point that I could not concentrate on doing any yard or tree work at all. I felt that my dad’s words had cursed me, and that the Universe somehow had sided in with my old man to lose my truck, because perhaps I just didn’t deserve it.
The day I lost my truck, I was down in the dumps. But soon enough, I got very angry at my dad for speaking words of evil and witchcraft, or what I thought were words of evil and witchcraft.
I was boiling inside. It was as if he was gloating over me losing my truck. I said in my head, “My old man may get me once, he may get me twice, but he won’t get me ever again, because I’ll never tell him what I’m up to ever again until after the fact.”
After that incident, I stopped speaking to my father for several months. I desperately wanted my old man’s approval. I wanted so much for him to be proud of me. But his suggestions had impacted me to the point of me losing my truck and sabotaging me from getting my own apartment.
I discovered that being mad felt better than being depressed, because at least now I had the fuel to do something about it. I knew it would be hard, but I got mad enough to stop looking for my father’s approval.
I got back on my feet, and I renewed my faith in myself. I realized that my dad’s perception was different than mine. He was a prisoner of his own ignorance. He was unaware of what he was doing and oblivious to the fact that his thoughts, words, and actions had damaged me.
I was starting to realize I could make different choices than he made, and that I could break the cycle of nature somehow. I was starting to grow, and my dad was being left behind. And me becoming successful in any way, shape, or form would remind him too much of his failures in life, or what he thought were his failures.
One thing was good though. The Universe revealed to me something very valuable that I would treasure for the rest of my life. It was inspiration. To my dad, getting that brand new truck was a crazy idea. But to me, it was a wonderful inspiration sent to me by the Universe.
After I lost the truck, I made a realization that it was my father’s destructive and pessimistic words which had dropped the nonphysical seed of fear into my own conscious awareness, which eventually bypassed into my subconscious mind. This seed of fear grew and sprouted into doubt and worry, which is what caused me not to be able to make my truck payment.
Everything that had projected into my world was exactly everything I was thinking. I took my dad’s thoughts, and I watered and nurtured them like plants over and over until they became my own. I came to realize that they were not my own thoughts. They were my dad’s thoughts.
The subconscious mind does not care where you get your thoughts and emotions from. It is nonjudgmental and non-critical, and it does not blame or off the buck to anyone. It only takes in information, rather it be good or bad, and moves on it.
I came to discover that I didn’t have control over my own mind and my own thoughts, and I was looking for approval from others, especially from my old man. I asked myself a question. If my old man could affect my heart’s desires and the outcome of my manifestation, have I mastered my own thoughts?
I felt that I knew the answer to my own question. At that time, I let my dad’s words overpower my own intuitive thoughts given to me by the Universe. I allowed him to affect my reality to the point that I took on his thoughts of lack, limitation, fear, doubt, and worry, which is what made me lose my truck.
I remembered the quote from the bible: “A double minded man receiveth nothing from God.” And I didn’t like my feelings of double mindedness.
At first I blamed my old man for not being able to make my truck payment and for losing my truck. But then, I came to the understanding that just because someone says something negative to you, it does not mean you have to breathe life into it by thinking about it over and over until something negative manifests.
It seemed as though I had repetitious thoughts of negativity almost effortlessly, which stemmed from my father’s words and thoughts; like my father talking about how I would lose my truck, or how I wouldn’t be able to afford having my own apartment.
That was just my father’s opinion. What if someone had said to me, “You look like a millionaire.” More than likely, I would’ve let that compliment pass over me like water rolling off a duck’s back, responding in my head, “Yeah right, I’m no millionaire.”
My thoughts of lack and limitation were so pronounced back then, so embedded in my brain, that the Universe would use people closest to me or any other events as a mirror to prove or to confirm the feelings and thoughts that I had about myself of lack and limitation all along, even if these thoughts were on a subconscious level.
So, it wasn’t the negative words that my father spoke or the positive words he could’ve spoken that could make me or break me. It was the thoughts that I was having of myself that would make me or break me. I couldn’t have lost my truck if I already didn’t have the fear of losing it in the first place on some level.
I just didn’t know how to overpower these thoughts at the time. They were all over the place. I felt like a pin ball machine. I knew I had to find a way of controlling my own thoughts and to refocus my energy and attention on the things that would bring me joy and peace, whether it was buying a new truck, getting my own apartment, or making new friends.
The fear from my early home life, which had triggered all of my negative programs, carried over into my teens and well into my twenties. Not being able to read and write caused me to go through a lot of trials and tribulations.
I wanted to make new friends, but I found myself straying away from people. Subconsciously, I didn’t want to make new friends, since I felt ashamed and embarrassed most of the time.
I was afraid that people would find out about my handicap, or what I perceived as my handicap. I never dated girls for very long, because I was petrified that they would find out I didn’t know how to read or write.
I was limited to where I would go and eat since I couldn’t read the menu at any of the restaurants. I never went to a new place, where the menu was placed in front of me. It was like trying to read a foreign language. I only ate at familiar places, where I knew the menu from memory.
I was about 19 years old and thought, “I want so much to have a family of my own to love.” I desperately wanted a real family this time. I wanted real love. That’s when I met my wife-to-be and we got married a few short months after. She instantly got pregnant, and we ended up having five kids practically back to back.
There was a lot of turmoil in our relationship, and after seven years of marriage and five kids, my wife just took off one day and left me all by myself with the kids. I was doing my best to be a good dad. I always put the kids before me. I made sure they had food first, even if I had to go without.
After a few months of taking care of the kids the best I could and trying to work and do everything on my own, I got behind on all the bills, and the rent had not been paid for several months. So, I got kicked out of my apartment.
I was 26 years old. I was homeless not knowing how to read or write, sleeping in my suburban truck and caring for my five kids as a single dad. I had a two, three, four, five, and six-year-old to take care of all on my own. I was in a state of shock. My wife had left, and the lack of reading and writing and the responsibility of raising the kids on my own became overwhelming.
I didn’t know how to juggle it all. I would do yard and tree work for people in nearby neighborhoods around where I lived, and I would keep the kids in the truck, taking breaks to feed them, change their diapers, and attend to their needs.
Having all these things happening simultaneously and not knowing how to handle them swept me into a whirlwind of stress and anxiety, causing me to spiral downward at a rapid speed. I started having numerous anxiety attacks. Whatever I thought I had learned about controlling my own thoughts had gone out the window.
I really felt upside down and backwards this time. I was literally scared out of my mind to raise five kids on my own. I had no idea what I was doing. The amount of stress I had from being homeless and from not knowing how to read or write triggered my fear of losing the kids, the family of my own that I had dreamed of having for so long.
I didn’t have money for babysitting or family that could help me at the time. I didn’t want to go to any government agencies for help, which in my mind were places of authority that could take the kids away from me, since I was homeless. So, I kept “being homeless” a secret from pretty much everybody I knew.
I wasn’t feeling very worthy being homeless as a single dad with my wife having left me and the kids. The picture I had conjured up in my mind about having the ideal perfect family kept haunting me.
I was getting food out of dumpsters. I was hardly eating. I looked like a skeleton. I was 6’2” and weighing 95 pounds. After nine months of being homeless, I thought it over and over in my head. I decided that’s it. I can’t take the hunger anymore. I can’t keep eating out of dumpsters anymore. I thought to myself, “Why am I going through this? It’s not fair.”
One night around 9PM, I pulled aside the railroad tracks in a small country town determined to end it all. I was exhausted beyond belief, not sleeping or eating for days on end and totally oblivious of the fact that the kids were even in the truck with me.
Then suddenly, my two-year-old woke up seconds before the train came and asked, “Daddy, what are we doing?” As soon as I heard his voice, I immediately backed my truck up and drove off the tracks, missing the train by mere inches. I sat there in shock, frustrated, crying, hitting the steering wheel and screaming, “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!” from the top of my lungs.
That night I had a breakthrough. I didn’t want to carry this heavy weight in my heart around with me anymore, which was full of anger, malice, and unforgiveness. I had to forgive. I had to forgive my father, and I had to forgive any other family members or people I was holding grudges toward. But most all, I had to forgive myself.
There was a shift that took place inside of me that night, which would help change the direction of my life. In my mind, I saw an image of a plane overloaded with exceedingly heavy cargo not being able to take off.
I saw myself throwing the cargo off the plane. I also saw the plane lifting off the ground and soaring. I felt like the plane, knowing that I was releasing so much mental and emotional baggage. I felt lighter. I didn’t know how, but I felt that I was going to take off somehow.
That was my turning point. I told myself in my mind, “I never want to be in this situation ever again. I’ll do whatever it takes to get out of this rut and win!” Being down in the dumps and depressed was making me feel like a loser, which was hurting my attracting power and was draining my life force.
Up to that point, I felt that I wasn’t really attracting everything I truly wanted. It was hit or miss. Or maybe, I was attracting what I thought I wanted, but after I had it, I became overwhelmed. I knew I was not living my dream life, and I wanted more for me and my kids.
I knew I had to get angry just like the time I lost my truck. I thought, “It may not be my fault, but it is my responsibility to overcome being a victim and become a victor once and for all!”
It was my responsibility to change. I knew that if I wanted things to change in my life, I had to change things in my life. Acknowledging responsibility made me feel free, and from that freedom came a sense of power.
I was still homeless at the time, but I had regained a little bit of hope. One day, I happened to see this laundromat. It was around 7:00 pm, and I decided to go inside, since I needed clean clothes for me and the kids.
There was a short woman there with dark brown and silver hair there. She seemed to have a gentle soul. She wore fruity colorful clothes like my grandma did. She asked me if we needed our clothes washed, and I said yes.
She acted as if she knew me when she told me, “I’ll go and wash your clothes while you take your children to get washed up in the bathroom sink. And after you get the children washed up, I will watch them so you can go clean up.”
So, I took the kids into the bathroom for their birdbaths, and then I went to get washed up myself. After we were done washing up and getting all our clothes cleaned, I asked her how much I owed her. She said with a bright smile, “You owe me nothing. Now get out of here. I’ll see you soon.” I felt so refreshed and so did the kids after all of us washing up and having clean clothes.
The following week, I pulled up to the same laundromat. That same woman was there. Once she saw my truck pull up, she opened the door to the laundromat and greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
She asked me straightaway, “Where are your children? Where are your clothes?” I told her that the kids were waiting in the truck. She commanded me to go get my kids and take them into the bathroom to get washed up.
She immediately started washing all of our dirty clothes while I was in the bathroom with the kids giving them their birdbaths. Then she watched the kids for me while I was getting myself washed up. It was understood that she was doing this as a favor for me and the kids, and I was very thankful. I really appreciated what she was doing for all of us.
I loaded up the kids into the truck with their clean clothes on, and once again she gave each one of us a big hug and kiss goodbye. And we went on our way. I came out of there feeling so refreshed and renewed. I felt like I had enough strength to conquer another day. I was full of hope.
This went on for months. I went to that same laundromat two times a week. Sometimes I went there just to get cleaned up. The love and joy that radiated from this bright and cheerful woman seemed to be transforming me. It gave me enough exuberance, power, and drive to make it through a few more days.
Each time I left the laundromat, I felt charged up in my soul. Little did I know that this sweet older woman’s love and caring ways was healing me inside. The last time I saw her, she gave me words of encouragement. She told me, “Don’t worry. Everything will work out for you. I’ll be here when you need me.”
I didn’t go back to that laundromat until maybe a year or two later, since I was inundated with life. But one day, I decided to go back to that same laundromat so I could thank that sweet older woman again for all her help and let her know how much her kind ways meant to me.
As soon as I stepped into the laundromat, another woman was there. She was tall and slim and soft spoken. I described the older woman to her, and I asked her where she was. She asked me what her name was, and I told her I didn’t know her name. I never asked. I thought, “Isn’t that ironic? I never asked her what her name was, and she never asked me mine.”
This tall slim woman assured me that I must’ve been at the wrong laundromat, because there was no one who worked there with that description. I also mentioned to her that my kids and I used to go there between 7 and 8pm. She looked at me stunned. She informed me that she worked there for 30 years, and that this laundromat always closed at 6:30 pm sharp.
All of sudden, goosebumps covered my whole body from head to toe, and I felt a breeze across my neck that gave me chills. I knew then and there that the person I had been seeking for must’ve been an angel. She was my laundromat angel, a miracle in disguise, sent to me by the Universe.
I was about 27 years old when I finally found a small apartment after nine months of being homeless. My kids and I had a roof over our heads, and I was extremely grateful for it. I was going to church a lot at the time to try and become closer to God. I even had a great desire to become a pastor.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had gone to church for so many years. I knew the bible inside and out, and I was mystified by religion and God. But something just didn’t feel right about how God’s words were being taught at church.
I was starting to notice how people were praying. They would beg to God for what they wanted. And I prayed the same way, begging to God for what I wanted.
I saw a lot of poor and sick people around me at church, and a lot of lack and limitation. I saw a lot of people praying and still not having what they wanted in their lives. There were people with no vehicles and not enough food, and there were people that were sick and not getting better.
I wanted a big change in my life. I felt dissatisfied somehow. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted to wake up excited with full of energy, and I wanted to go to bed each night feeling fulfilled.
What I soon discovered was that you can’t get something that you want in your life from begging to God or the Universe. When you’re begging, you are just pushing it away, because you are not really believing that you are getting it. You have more power than that.
You can get what you desire by decreeing and acting as if, and praying as if you received it already. You get what you want by feeling deserving of it, by believing that it’s yours even before you see evidence of it in the physical realm, and in knowing that it’s on its way.
During my prayers, I felt that I was begging a lot to God, but yet I was not receiving any answers, and nothing was changing. It seemed that the more I begged, the worse things got.
I remember a particular incident that happened while I was on my way to church one Sunday morning. From where I lived to my mother’s church was about 35 miles away. This was the church that my mother taught Sunday school at. My kids and I were singing, laughing, and having a great time during our country drive. Then suddenly out of nowhere, kaboom! I heard a really loud sound. My motor blew up in my truck.
I found a way to get my truck towed home. Being the shade tree mechanic that I was, I took the motor out and got one from a nearby farmer from his old van he had sitting in the field. I put the motor in my truck, and in only a day’s time, it was repaired and running wonderful. I ran my truck the whole entire week.
We were on our way to church again the following Sunday, and low and behold kaboom. The motor blew up again. I was so livid. I was shaking my fists and screaming from the top of my lungs to God, “You must NOT CARE. You must NOT LOVE US. I am TRYING TO COME TO CHURCH. I am ASKING FOR YOUR HELP, and THIS IS WHAT I GET?!”
When the first motor blew up, I thought maybe it was a test to my faith or my patience. But after the third motor blew up, I knew this had nothing to do with bad luck, being punished by God, or being tested by the Universe. It had something to do with my thoughts of fear of my motor blowing up. It had to do with my underlying belief that things would always go wrong for me.
I was used to things going wrong for me and not working out for me the way I wanted them to. It seemed as though I feared everything. Deep down inside, I didn’t feel deserving of having anything good happening to me. I had fearful thoughts. I had a lot of frustration.
I guess on a subconscious level, I was angry and frustrated that I couldn’t read and write, which caused me to get lost and take wrong turns while driving on my road trips. And many times, I couldn’t make out the signs on the road.
The bible says, “The thing I fear comes to haunt me.” In other words, the vibe you put out, rather good or bad, faith or fear, the Universe will allow different events, situations, or activities to happen to you in your life to match those emotions; rather if you are thinking of them secretively in your mind, or expressing them outwardly with your words. The Universe hears them either way.
I didn’t feel that God was coming through for me. I got sick and tired of waiting for someone to save the day. I got sick and tired of being fearful. I knew if I wanted to do anything, I had to do it myself. And then I remembered the bible’s scripture that says, “He who has not, even that what he has will be taken away.” But on the flip side it also says, “He who has, even more shall be given unto him.”
So, I had a breakthrough. I was starting to look outside of the box. I couldn’t read or write. But I could listen to tapes and CDs, and learn a different way. I decided to get my first set of audio tapes on the subject of self-esteem. I knew on some level that I must not love myself that much to be attracting all kinds of negative situations in my life. And maybe by listening to these tapes, my fears would start withering away one by one.
After listening to these tapes for a few weeks, I was starting to have some epiphanies about myself. When I first began to listen, I didn’t understand most of the vocabulary and terminology because of a lack of education. But something within me knew that if I listened to this material enough times, that I would eventually understand it somehow.
I was starting to recognize that I was attracting everything that was happening to me in my life, because I was creating it with my own thoughts of despair, of “woe is me”, of lack and limitation, and feelings of non-deservingness.
I was surrounding myself around the same people with the same thoughts, the same words, and the same feelings that I was experiencing, which mirrored into my life. This triggered me to keep feeling the same way and having the same experiences over and over like Groundhog Day.
It was like playing Leapfrog with myself, reliving the same events over and over. I was so inundated with my own current reality that I had no ideas or thoughts of another reality even being possible for me.
I was listening to these tapes day in and day out very intently. And since I listened with a desire and determination to comprehend the subject matter, I was slowly starting to understand it. With each listening, the words and the vocabulary became more and more crystal clear to me, as if I knew it all along.
These tapes ended up stirring something up inside of me. Within a couple of weeks, I landed my first $10,000 landscaping job, and I moved into a beautiful house big enough for me and my kids. I also took my old truck to the scrapyard and bought another one, which was in a lot better shape.
I thought, “Wow, I can do this.” I realized that by listening to these tapes, it raised my confidence level and self-belief. It was as if something magical had happened to me. It started a spark, and then a flame, and then a burning fire from deep within me of wanting to learn more and more and more.
I knew there was something more to this, so I started buying more and more audio tapes and CDs. After I finished listening to the first set of tapes, I dashed to the bookstore and told the saleswoman there that I wanted to buy the recommended tapes on the back of the tape series I was holding in my hand.
I couldn’t read them, so I had the clerk read them to me. She went to a different part of the store to locate them for me. She came back with the tapes in her hand that I was so eager to buy, and I purchased them on the spot.
I knew what I had in my hands was better than gold. I left the bookstore ecstatic, knowing that I was on a quest to learning something new, and I was closer to finding answers for questions I had all my life which were unanswered.
Even though I still couldn’t read or write, for the first time in a very long time, I was gung-ho about learning. I was excited about educating myself. With my pack of batteries, cassette player, and cassettes, I knew I was well on my way to my new life, to a new exploration!
I loved listening to those tapes so much that I would listen to them day in and day out for hours and hours on end. I would play them each and every night while I was sleeping.
I knew somehow that by listening to those tapes over and over, and having them play in the background while I slept, that I would drown out all the background noise in my mind, which was keeping me stuck like a truck in the mud and in a world of confusion.
For so many years, I had felt like a man who had been tossed to and fro, not really getting to where I wanted to go. But this time, I was taking a hold of my own destiny.
I felt a big shift going on inside of me that I could not explain at the time. I acknowledged on some level that I was replacing all of my old programs of fear, lack, limitation, doubt, and worry with courage, prosperity, self-love, and abundance.
I was just beginning to believe that I could create anything I wanted. I knew that one of the keys to helping me move forward in my life was clarity.
I had been confused for so long, not knowing what to do with my life and not knowing my direction. I knew in my gut I had to be clear about my goals first, and then use my imagination to imagine the things I wanted to have in my life.
I was starting to understand there was a possibility that I too can have abundance, peace, love, and joy in my life. And I didn’t need to go to church to feel close to God. I had the church inside of me. I had the power inside of me all along and didn’t even know it.
I found myself changing the way I was praying to God. I stopped begging. I began decreeing and commanding the life I wanted, and little by little I was letting go of my fears.
I was starting to claim the things I wanted to manifest in my life, and I was thanking God and the Universe in advance for all of it. I knew I was onto something. Something was shifting inside of me. My usual way of thinking, feeling, and acting was starting to change. I was experiencing a transformation. I knew I was in the midst of a paradigm shift; a positive paradigm shift.
A couple years went by when one day as I was looking for other tapes to listen to, my eyes stumbled across a CD and DVD series that talked about the law of attraction. I bought them and started listening to them straightaway. As I listened, I noticed that this topic fascinated me on so many levels. I couldn’t get enough of this information.
I couldn’t stop listening to the CDs and watching the DVDs. I would watch and listen to all the different ones over and over so I could absorb all the information deep into my brain. I was soaking this stuff up like a sponge.
The information felt so refreshing to me. I felt like a man lost in the desert, who reached his oasis and whose thirst was finally quenched. I realized that by listening to the same information three, four, five, six times a week, I learned something new each time, and I reached new levels of awakening.
I went on a hunt to find all the information I could from several different authors, mystics, gurus, and teachers, alive and dead, who spoke about the law of attraction and the different natural laws of the Universe.
I studied day in and day out for weeks and months at a time until I felt that I knew this stuff inside and out, or at least knew enough to break the cycle of lack and limitation from all the generations before me.
I started seeing more and more correlations between my past thoughts, feelings, and actions. I saw how results from all of these past thoughts, feelings, and actions manifested. I saw how things would show up in my life, rather if they were good, bad, or indifferent. They would manifest accordingly, because as Napoleon Hill greatly stated, “Thoughts are Things.”
I was very curious of why I could not get this law of attraction to work the way I wanted it to all the time. It was like a sea saw effect: blessings, no blessings, blessings, no blessings. The sea saw effect had me so frustrated that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt like giving up, and I just wanted to scream.
I just could not put my finger on the missing piece. No matter who I would listen to, it seemed as if they (the gurus) would never give up the secret, the missing link for me to live my dream life. Either they weren’t giving it up, or they didn’t know what the hell they were talking about. I didn’t think they knew any more than I did. I’d say to myself, “I think these gurus are just winging it.”
At the time, I was trying so hard to catapult myself forward in my life with my imagination and my faith. I was listening over and over to all of my CDs, tapes, and DVDs for weeks and months until my head was throbbing. I got so sick and tired of listening to them, because I felt nothing was changing in my life.
I felt upside down and backwards with the law of attraction. I had doubt. I had fear. I was thinking that I just lucked out getting all the things I got up to that point. I believed in that moment that the law of attraction didn’t really bring me these things. I said out loud, “Is this a joke? Does the Universe want to see me flip my wig, or does it actually want to see how much patience I have?”
I was about to crack. I was bouncing back and forth for days. I didn’t know whether to throw all my tapes out or to keep them. What purpose were they serving me? I was exercising my mind 24 hours around the clock. If anyone should make this st work, I should be the one to do it.
So, I convinced myself that none of this stuff worked, and one day finally after so much disappointment, I filled my truck up with my 10,000-dollar library collection of tapes, CDs, and DVDs and took them all to the local landfill. Once I arrived there, I grabbed handfuls of them and started throwing them all into the dumpster. Little did I know at the time that I had set the law of reverse effort into motion.
About six months went by of trying to discover this so called magic elixir. And then, when I least expected it, the Universe revealed a mystery to me just as easily and effortlessly as a flower opening up on a beautiful spring day.
I had a vision one morning when waking up. I saw a team of four horses that were pulling a wagon like in the days of old. But I saw all the horses pulling in different directions. They were all bucking and rearing against each other, and the team of horses was going nowhere. Suddenly, I realized that they were me.
My thoughts, words, feelings, and actions were bucking and rearing against each other. I was saying one thing, and I was doing another. Unless there’s harmony, the horses cannot stride in sync with each other and work as a team moving toward their destination. And likewise, I wouldn’t be able to reach my destination unless I think, feel, speak, and act in sync.
I wasn’t completely sure what that vision meant until the next morning while I was contemplating on it, and the vigorous words bounced off of my lips shouting, “I must BE the man I desire to be. I must THINK like it, I must FEEL like it, I must TALK like it, and I must ACT like it!”
I knew that I needed to control and contain my thoughts and focus them on what I truly wanted, on the desires of my heart. I must think, feel, speak, and act in accordance with my desires like the team of horses striding in sync. Otherwise, I‘ll go nowhere with what I’m trying to achieve. When all of these components are working together and well balanced like spokes inside a wheel, this would be the magic formula for me.
Now I knew what the bible meant by thought, word, and deed. But first, I had to know exactly what I wanted. After all of my fumbling with the law of attraction, I finally accepted that I had been sincere, but sincerely wrong.
I was around 30 years old, and I was striving to become sincerely right. I was still telling my story the way it had been told all those years to people I would randomly meet and become friendly with. I would talk about how I was abused as a child, how I was homeless, and how my wife left me with all the kids to take care of by myself. And I would go on and on about it for way too long and with great detail.
The more I was telling that old story of mine, it was starting to not sit right in my spirit. I wasn’t feeling so good about telling it anymore. It was wearing me down. That was a story about a victim, not a victor. I was acknowledging I had to change my story.
So I made a choice. It was around this time that I began to learn how to read and write. I desired it so much for so long. I was about to dive into deep scary waters, but I was ready to break my own barriers that I created a long time ago.
So, I bought an audio book and corresponding book that I followed along with as it read to me. This was not easy. I had a block for so long with reading and writing due to my traumatic incident with my dad when I was little, but with much perseverance, I was finally teaching myself how to read and write. At least this was a start.
After a month or so of teaching myself how to read and write, I decided to join a literacy program at the library so I could learn how to read even better. It was during this time that I wanted to make something of myself.
I was a handyman and did yard work and odd jobs. I could fix anything inside or outside of a house or a building. I had a natural God given ability to fix things with my hands. I could just look at someone do something once, such as fix a truck or fix something in their house, and I would know how to do it instantly. It was as if I took mental snapshots and recorded them in my memory bank.
It was time to use my talents to start my own business. I was finally clear about what I wanted to do. This is when I decided to become a licensed general contractor. I didn’t know how I would do it, but I just knew I would make this happen somehow. I would do whatever it took.
I bought the books I needed to study for the test, and I headed out to the library. I told the kind woman who was helping me with reading and writing from the literacy group about my goals of becoming a licensed general contractor. I mentioned to her that I bought all these books I had to read for my test. She asked me if she could take them home with her and take a look at them. And of course I told her she could.
I was puzzled. I didn’t know why this woman from the literacy group wanted to take a look at my books. The following week she came into the library with 29 cassette tapes recorded on both sides with all the material from the books she took home with her.
I was flabergasted! This woman had become my own personal angel. I couldn’t believe she recorded all of that material for me verbatim. I told her I would pay her for her time of reading all of my books out loud and putting them onto cassette tapes for me. But she told me not to worry about it and to just go for it.
I listened to those tapes redundantly over and over day and night wearing headphones on my head for nine months straight. During this time of studying, I only let a few select people know I was taking the test to become a general contractor. I knew already that only two out of ten people passed this test, since it was so complex. And I didn’t want to take a chance on not passing it.
Since I had such a huge desire to pass this test, the few people I did tell, I refused to look in their face. I knew if I saw even a glimmer of worry or doubt in their eyes, or strange facial expressions, that it would cause havoc on my thought patterns and destroy my whole plan.
I remembered the strong vision I had of the horses all striding in sync. During the nine months of studying, I was trying my new experiment. I was engulfed in being a general contractor. I was talking like a one and walking like one. I bought certain clothes and started dressing like one. I purchased a suit and started dressing like the owner of my own company. I even had business cards made. I believed it so much, it became a magnificent obsession.
Being that I still wasn’t able to read and write proficiently yet, a person from the Home Improvement Commission told me that the commission would allow someone, who they chose randomly, to read the test for me. It was a three-hour long test. Although they gave me a lot of extra time to take the test, it took me six hours to finish it.
After finally finishing the test, I desperately needed to go to the restroom. I thought by the time I returned back to my post, I would know rather if I passed it or not. As I approached the desk and computer module of where I was sitting, the word “PASSED” appeared. I looked around to find the gentleman who read the test to me so I could thank him. The funny thing was that I never caught his name.
I was asking everyone around if they saw this man who read the test to me. I even described to everyone what he looked like and what he was wearing. Each person I asked looked at me as if I had ten heads. I even asked the clerk where this man was, and he replied, “No one could have read the test to you. No one is allowed in the room but you.” I thought, “That’s strange. Either I’m going crazy or the law of attraction sent me another angel!”
I felt I had done something important in my life. I went for it. I expected an awesome result. I thought the thoughts, I felt the feelings, I spoke the words, and I even took the actions I needed to take. I built up a lot of combustion by telling very few people.
Everybody I knew was shocked that I passed. Even the women from the literacy group at the library were very surprised that I passed that test, since they knew of college graduates who didn’t even pass it.
During this facet of my life, there were two things I accomplished: getting over my fear of learning how to read and write and finding my career path. I was starting to tell people now that I was a licensed general contractor. I was starting to tell my story in a different way, in the way of a victor.
I was proud of myself, and I didn’t need anyone else to be proud of me. I was changing my story. Like one of my mentors said, “It’s not the quickest man who wins. It’s the man who thinks he can.” Learning how to read and write and passing that test, which seemed endless at the time, produced such a feeling of exhillaration inside of me, that I felt lit up like the brightest star. This gave me the courage and a deep yearning to move onward at lightning speed!
I was feeling energized. I felt so good from all the studying I was doing and from having my general contractor’s license, that now I thought I could accomplish anything. But I still felt I had a block somehow with moving forward and starting my own company. I saw it as a big step somehow.
One day while listening to my favorite tapes, I had an epiphany: There was stuff I knew, there was stuff I didn’t know, and there was stuff I didn’t know I didn’t know. I realized that the answers lied in that piece of the pie, in that mystery of life, and I wanted to unravel this mystery and discover more and more secrets about life and about the Universe.
I studied all different kinds of things. I learned about paradigms and about building new dendrites and neural pathways. I learned about my higher faculties and how to use them in conjunction with the natural laws of the Universe. I also discovered how to integrate my five senses with the law of attraction.
I was just beginning to understand the power of a paradigm and how it can grab a hold of you on a subconscious level. I started digging deeper into what a paradigm truly meant. I knew the definition of a paradigm. But reading the definition of a word a few times wasn’t really teaching me anything. Life experience is what was truly teaching me.
I knew that a paradigm was a usual way of perceiving something, a concrete belief, a pattern of behaviors. I was questioning my behaviors, and I was questioning my beliefs and where they came from. A lot of my concrete beliefs and behavioral patterns came from when I was a kid. And some of them I formed in adulthood.
I knew I was my own person, and that I could do things my own way instead of following the masses. Since I discovered that each cell is intelligent and has a memory, I made a resolution to reeducate every cell in my body by immersing myself into new thought patterns until they took on a life of their own.
I was building new dendrites that were forming new neural pathways, and I was changing my paradigms by exposing myself to new thoughts and new beliefs. I was able to change the structure of my DNA through the power of my new thoughts, and that was exciting to me.
I knew that my old paradigms were starting to wither away and were being replaced by new beliefs, new ways of thinking, and new ways of seeing things. I was understanding each day more and more the power of a paradigm. I knew deep down inside somewhere that when imagination and reality meet head on, imagination always wins.
I was in my early thirties, and I came to the awareness that I was still feeling trapped by my own negative paradigms in the way that I perceived my father, and in the way that he perceived me. After several years, my dad finally stopped drinking and had mellowed out. He attempted on many occasions to make up for all the wrong he did to me.
My father never came out and told me the words “I’m sorry”, but I noticed through some of his actions that he was trying to say he was sorry in his own way. During that time in my life, my dad would come over my house and bring gifts for the kids, buy them ice cream and snacks, and play with them a whole lot. He was being very kind to me too.
My dad not telling me the words “I’m sorry” had me stuck for years. But now, I was realizing even on a deeper level than ever before that my father was a prisoner of his own negative beliefs. I knew he was burdened by his own negative paradigms, and that he wasn’t able to break through them the same way I was breaking through mine.
One afternoon at my house, after watching my old man playing with my kids, in an instant I stopped judging my dad for all the things he had done to me, my mom, and my siblings for all of those years. I acknowledged that what was most important wasn’t what a man or woman had done in their lives. It was what they are doing now and who they have become.
There are many different ways of learning a lesson like there are many different ways to the center of town. The way he gets there and the way I get there may be totally different. What’s important is that we get there. Staying angry at him was doing me no good. I thought I had forgiven my father in the past. But did I really completely and totally forgive him?
I knew if I didn’t completely forgive him, that I would be mostly hurting myself, and I wouldn’t allow my energy to flow through me the way I wanted it to. I had worked too hard up to this point to get to where I was spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Why would I want to mess it up? Why would I want to hold a grudge toward a man who was trying to right his wrong doings?
My father was blinded by his own negative paradigms, and he didn’t realize it on a conscious level. A negative paradigm in a man or woman’s mind is like fog that you can’t see, which sits upon the road. You think you know where you’re going, but the fog, the paradigm, creates an illusion and distorts your vision. And the only way out of that fog is to be guided by your heart and your sixth sense, your built-in GPS.
Once I actually truly forgave my old man, I was able to loosen the grip of my negative paradigm (the concrete belief that he never loved me), which had been plaguing my mind and holding me captive for so long. I finally learned what I was meant to learn through forgiving my dad, and I was now able to truly understand the power of a paradigm.
About six months went by, and I was starting to make pretty good money. My income had increased and my confidence level was up. I finally took the step I needed to take: I started my own home improvement company.
At that time, my dad and I were in the process of rebuilding our relationship. I stopped to see him one day, and to my surprise, he was being hauled away in an ambulance to the hospital from having intense stomach pain.
I got in my truck and started following the ambulance, driving about 70 miles an hour all the way to the hospital. When I arrived, I went directly back into my father’s room where the nurses were caring for him.
There and then by the look in my father’s eyes, I knew he knew that his journey on this Earth was over. As I stood in front of him in the hospital room while he was laying in his bed, he asked me if I would take care of my mother. I said without hesitation, “You know I will.”
I looked at him with sad watery eyes, thinking about how the man I once hated so much could now die. Confusion fled into my mind, and a feeling of both fear and sadness pierced through my heart like a bolt of lightning. I did not want him to go now. I found myself praying, “Please let him live.” I was begging this time, since I wasn’t in my right mind.
Minutes later he was lying on the hospital bed as doctors were pushing really hard on his stomach. As they were working on him, I stood at the top of the bed facing down toward his head, looking down into his eyes. My eyes were filled with tears of sorrow thinking, “Please not now. We have just begun to really get to know each other.”
The doctor said, “There’s really nothing else we can do.” And in that moment, I had to fight to keep myself from being angry at him again. I started to think, “Once again, you are leaving me.” Everything in that moment felt upside down and backwards. And then suddenly, a thought came into my mind. He wasn’t leaving me. He was reemerging into the fullness from which he came.
But even though not a single word was spoken as I stared into his eyes, and he stared into mine, it’s as if we could hear and feel each other’s thoughts. It’s as if his paradigms stood to the side, and his mind was open and clear for the first time, and I could really see the remorse, the sorrow, and the shame in his eyes. I could feel him saying without verbally saying a word, “I am sorry. I am truly sorry. Please forgive me.” I didn’t hear the words coming out of his mouth, but I felt the vibration emitting from his heart.
As I stared into my father’s eyes with my hands on his head, I saw his pupils dilate as he gasped his last breath. And then, I felt a flash of pure love for my father as he was leaving his body. I never uttered a word to anyone about what happened in that hospital room with my father that day. That was our moment.
I felt down after the death of my father, and I felt that I was going through some kind of hard core life training. All the things I had learned up to that point, I had to put into practice. I was fighting vigorously to keep my spirits up.
I still had a burning desire to achieve all of my dreams. And by achieving my future dreams, maybe it would be a way to achieve my father’s dreams that he never got a chance to pursue in his life due to his fears and his blocks. I never knew my father’s dreams. He never told me what they were. Who knew? He might’ve liked to have become a successful business man like me.
I spiraled down for a couple of months. I felt that I had to stay steadfast and control my current thoughts and feelings from getting out of hand and create new ones. I was tired of feeling sadness and guilt.
All these thoughts were rushing through my head at the time. What if I could’ve done something to prevent my father’s death? What if the doctors didn’t know what they were doing, and they killed him? Why didn’t I stop him from going to the hospital?
One day I had an epiphany. I thought of a siphoning hose. I was comparing it to my own thoughts and feelings and what I was tapped into and siphoning into my life. I knew I had been tapped into murky water, and I wanted to switch my siphoning hose from murky water to clear water.
The murky water represented negative emotions throughout my life, and the clear water represented new positive thoughts and feelings. The negative emotions were doubt, fear, anger, or any emotion that didn’t make me feel good. The positive feelings were appreciation, love, joy, and any feelings that lifted me up.
Let’s say that 30 years of predominantly negative thoughts and emotions represent a siphoning hose, which grows one foot per year and now has reached 30 feet long. Then all of a sudden, you have an awakening and you decide to plug into the clear water hose. You are wanting to move your siphoning hose from the murky water side to the clear water side, so you insert your siphoning hose onto the clear water side of optimistic thought patterns and feelings.
I made a decision to switch the hose, and I was waiting for things to get better. A few weeks went by, and I wondered why my life wasn’t changing that much. No wonder, I had 30 feet of hose full of murky water to clear out, and this could take some time.
But I had to do the work. I didn’t know how long it would take. It depended upon how many times I kept putting my siphoning hose back into the murky water. It depended upon the thoughts I would allow my mind to occupy.
I didn’t realize that by changing my siphoning hose from the murky water side to the clear water side, I wouldn’t get instant results. So, I had to be patient. I came to the awareness that I had 30 some odd years of murky water backed up in my siphoning hose from the “stinkin thinkin” I had allowed myself to have all those years. I knew I had been subjected to “stinkin thinkin” from other people, but these were still my negative thoughts.
My father just passed away. I was disheartened. I was feeling blue, and I was letting too many troublesome thoughts linger in my mind for way too long. I was impatient about the events and situations that weren’t manifesting in my life right away. And I was complaining about how long things were taking.
I knew on some level I was switching the hose back to the murky water. I had to allow my siphoning hose to keep pulling in clear pure positive thoughts and feelings until the old murky negative emotions from 30 years were flushed out. A lot of these thoughts weren’t even mine. They were programmed into me.
These negative emotions weren’t serving me. I had to stay upbeat. I was tired of feeling the way I was feeling. I wanted to feel vibrant. I wanted to feel joy. I wanted to be elated. I missed having those feelings. I wanted them back.
I recognized that I would have to allow any old situations to pass through me with complete non-judgement, peace, and forgiveness. I knew that by continuing to entertain these negative thoughts and emotions which kept popping up, it would cause everything going on inside of me to brew longer, and this would delay everything,
I thought about the siphoning hose for a while. I knew I could have a pessimistic frequency stemming from a negative thought pattern, and I could give it more life by feeding it more negative thoughts. This would create an algorithm of thought patterns, which would trigger the thoughts and words inside my head that “This is what life really is, and things can’t change.” And I could let myself spiral down even further.
Or I could make a 180 degree turn and think of things that are beautiful, lovely, edifying and exhorting, and send life energy into that positive thought pattern. And by doing this, it would set up an algorithm of such strong and powerfully positive thought patterns, that the old thoughts and internal words would have no choice but to perish.
Then, the least bit of positive hopeful thought that I would create in my mind could help move me forward in my life very fast, because the positive thought pattern was already on the shelf ready for me to tap into at any given moment. It would be at my beck and call.
And this is what I wanted. I wanted to tap into the algorithm of positive thought patterns and feed it more and more loving energy, making it even stronger. I wanted to be emotionally and mentally strong. And also this way a buffer would be created if tragedy would strike.
I was seeing certain things manifest in my life that I didn’t like so much. But instead of letting it get me down, I decided to stop giving attention to any negativity popping up inside of me about anything. I started responding instead of reacting.
Enough was enough. As soon as I would feel negative emotions coming on, I would switch to thoughts of something pleasing, to something that would make me feel joyful. It took some work. But I had to do it.
I had to save myself. I knew that where my father was now, he would want to see me upbeat and thriving and moving forward. He wouldn’t want me to give up now.
So I stopped complaining. I was purposely appreciating the little things in life more and more. I started seeing a correlation between my thoughts and things happening around me. I was feeling hopeful. I started seeing some clear water.
Suddenly, the very things that bothered me so much in the past were beginning to show up in my life less and less. My hose had started clearing quicker and quicker.
I noticed that I was beginning to tap into a better flow of more pure positive thoughts and feelings. And this was starting to cause better and better experiences for me and around me. The liquid from the the siphoning hose of life was starting to turn clear. Little did I know at the time that I had set the law of polarity into motion.
There were things changing in the spirit realm. And these things had to change first in the spirit realm before they could change in the physical realm. I knew in my heart that I was starting to tap into the pure water of life.
Little by little as I was starting to tap into the pure water of life, I was experiencing one breakthrough after another. I was beginning to acknowledge that the purpose of life was to be happy.
I knew that by focusing on being happy, my vibration would raise, and I would attract more things in my life that would make me even happier. I asked myself and the Universe, “How can I step it up? How can I be happier?”
The Universe responded one day. A very vivid memory came into my head. I remember pondering about my childhood, and how I would sing with my face very close to the wall with my eyes shut, singing those country songs from Meryl Haggard, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, and other country legends.
I also had very vivid memories of my dad singing with his guitar playing friends and having lots of fun. Maybe he wanted to be a singer himself. Maybe by singing all those pretty country songs, it would bring me closer to my old man, who was on the other side. Perhaps we would connect spiritually somehow.
I had a strong feeling inside of me telling me I needed to start singing. I knew it would be good therapy for me at this point of my life. I knew that singing made me very happy as a kid, and it helped me get through all those beatings I got from my dad.
So, I got a guitar and started teaching myself some basic chords and sang with everything I had inside of me. I started to sing all of my pain, fears, and frustration away. And boy did it feel good.
I got a harmonica, and as soon as that harmonica touched my lips and I started playing it, I felt at one with it. I felt as if I had played it before. People in my family and random people I would play in front of would give me lots of compliments when I played it. It felt awesome.
After I was practicing singing and playing the guitar for a while, I bought myself a karaoke machine, two loud speakers, and an amplifier. I wanted to kick it up a notch and really hear my voice.
I felt that my voice was getting better and better every day. I enjoyed singing so much that I soon was singing three to four nights a week for about four to six hours straight through. I felt that it was healing me somehow.
I was feeling the essence of being an awesome singer on a stage with thousands of people watching and hearing me sing and cheering me on. It was as if I was being transported to another time, place, and reality. I felt like I was in a different dimension. I guess I was visualizing.
By singing I was doing something I loved to do. I was focusing on having fun rather than focusing on the past and all the bad stuff that happened in my life. I was lost in the moment. I was fully experiencing the present moment. I was in “The Now”.
I didn’t understand it at the time, but I was emitting happy vibratory frequencies into the Universe for a long duration of time, and the Universe was responding to them. The more I was singing, the stronger my magnet was becoming.
By doing something I loved so much, I knew that it was affecting all the areas of my life in a positive way, in a fantastic way, in an exciting way. My business was starting to skyrocket. I was meeting really great customers who were really appreciating my work, and I was starting to attract bigger and bigger jobs.
A few months after I started singing, I decided to make a CD and record some songs in a recording studio. I recorded some original songs that I had written, and I started giving the CDs to a lot of people, including my home improvement customers.
All of my customers loved my CD. I would play it on the CD player in my truck, and I’d say,” Listen to this guy. Isn’t he good?” And every time without fail they’d reply, “Yeah, he’s awesome. Who is this guy?”
A lot of people couldn’t believe that this was my voice. They would often ask me if it was really me singing. And I would just hand them a CD.
There were times I caught my kids looking at me with admiring eyes as I sang night after night. I knew deep down inside I was setting a good example for them by reaching for my own happiness.
Little by little, I was starting to feel that people were responding to me differently. I was feeling really good about myself and I was attracting some really nice people with really nice vibes.
I noticed that people from all over were being drawn to me like a magnet. It was probably because of the good happy vibes I was putting out from being much happier in my life.
This was healing me, and I even started making some new friends. I knew in some way that by singing my heart out, it was making me feel better about myself and was helping me attract the things I wanted in my life quicker, smoother, and easier. “Being happy” became the core point of my attracting power. And best of all, I was raising my vibration.
From all the singing I was doing, I discovered that my life was starting to unfold in a very natural way. I was doing a lot better in my business. Every day I was starting to experience more and more synchronicity. But I wanted to expand. I wanted more.
From all the studying I was doing, I started getting in touch with my inner being. I was suddenly receiving messages from infinite intelligence, and my intuition was getting keener, which caused me to have an even deeper level of understanding about the spirit realm.
I was still in my early thirties when I turned to visualization and decided to take it to a level beyond what I was doing before. When I first began to visualize, it was awkward. I felt as unstable as a baby trying to learn how to walk.
I would try to get a picture in my head of what I wanted and hold onto it. But many times, I could not see the picture clearly, and I would have trouble keeping it on the screen of my mind.
As I would sit and try to conjure up pictures, I could hear the clock ticking, and all I could think about was how long it was taking. I would get so angry and frustrated. Why wasn’t this working? What the hell was I doing wrong? I couldn’t get a picture in my head for the life of me.
My goal at that time was to create enough money to pay all of my bills on time. I felt frustrated that I couldn’t get ahead of them. I wanted to have more than enough left over to go on vacation, eat healthy food, help out my family and friends financially, own a couple of houses, cars, trucks, clothes, jewelry, the whole nine yards.
I tried visualizing some more, but this time I felt that I was all over the place and could not keep an image in my mind for any long duration of time. I would catch a glimpse, and that was it. I said to myself, “How the heck do I get this law of attraction to work for me?”
Everything in my life felt upside down and backwards once again. It was through my constant perseverance and reminding myself that it was okay to mess up, since I was just starting my new visualization techniques, and this was all foreign to me. “No one knows all the tricks of the trade the first time out”, I reflected in my mind.
I was watching a DVD one day, and it showed how to visualize about things that didn’t matter so much. So, I started thinking about hitting all the green lights all the way to work and having a smooth ride and easy flowing traffic.
At the time, I was hitting most of the red lights. I thought that this would be a great thing to experiment with. The emotional attachment wasn’t there. I guess I was training my brain, my mental muscle, to be strong enough to stabilize my thoughts, so I could focus better on the things that meant more to me without the stress or worry of not being able to have them.
The last thing I wanted to do was to create a sea saw effect during my visualization sessions. So, I started to feel what it felt like to have a smooth ride. It felt peaceful. I focused on feeling peaceful. And I remembered how joyful it felt to sing. “If only I could duplicate that”, I thought.
I found myself attracting what I called “insignificant things” fairly easily after some time of doing my visualizing. And within a week’s time, I noticed that my rides were getting smoother and smoother, and I was starting to hit a lot of green lights. Was this a coincidence? I had a little doubt, but I knew that the evidence of my outcome had stirred something up inside of me, causing me to want to experiment more.
What was inside of me seemed to be manifesting out there in the physical world. Was this the law of cause and effect? Was this what quantum physics was all about? The pieces of the puzzle were all starting to come together for me.
What I soon learned was that if you desire to become a millionaire, and you’re barely receiving five hundred dollars a week, your receptors are not developed enough to pick up on “millionaire frequencies”. So as you visualize, your subconscious mind knows that you do not have these receptors established to the level of millionaire status.
If you visualize about something you desire so much, so desperately, and you’re anxious about it, you are creating a lot of emotional vibrational frequency that is negative. Your intentions are attached with receptors. The receptors or feelers are put out from your desires of wanting to become a millionaire. And even though you never picked up on that frequency before, the receptors start going helter skelter, spinning around like a satellite on top of a house looking for a signal to pick up on.
Your receptors are not strong and mature enough to receive the information long enough to stay focused. It is like a TV going in and out of focus for a paid channel that you have not paid for. When you can’t pick up on the signal or vibration, it will leave you feeling hopeless, helpless, and frustrated, which can set up negative programming in the subconscious mind. And all of this can create an unstable frequency, which could be damaging and hard to reverse.
I didn’t want to create an unstable frequency within me by out-picturing myself with my old reality. I had to maintain a picture in my head of myself in my brand new reality superseding my old reality, which was still my current reality.
I was determined to ignore what was around me reminding me of my old reality. I was also feeling strong-minded enough to maintain a pure picture in my mind for a long duration of myself driving my brand new vehicles, having my brand new clothes, and buying my brand new house with no interrupting thoughts of any kind. Because I knew that this is what I deserved.
I got better and better each day with attracting what to me were small things that didn’t carry any emotional attachment. I was noticing though that I was buying and doing things for everyone else around me, but I was neglecting myself.
I was taking care of my mother at the time, and I also had five kids to care for. I was spoiling them like crazy. I was starting to desire brand new things just for me. I wanted the best of the best. I didn’t want to settle for less anymore. I was beginning to feel deserving.
As I would take time to visualize, I would find myself drifting off during my visualization sessions, and I would gently pull my thoughts back and re-center myself. My thoughts felt like crashing waves, and I kept visualizing over and over until something clicked one day.
I remembered something from one of my teachers. I recalled that one of the key components of successful visualization was to focus on the end result and to feel the feeling of the wish fulfilled. At first I thought, “What does this mystic mean to feel the feeling of the wish fulfilled”? I guess I was listening, but I couldn’t hear it.
My negative paradigms were in the way of me fully comprehending this information. So, I decided to listen to my mentor over and over until I finally grasped it: think of one sentence, one idea, and play it over and over in my head like a loop.
That’s what he meant: keep it simple, such as a hug or a celebratory dinner with one little phrase attached to it, and seeing the end result. Think from it, not of it. And that idea would turn into a feeling. I can do that.
One day I thought, “I’m going to start with one thing that I really, really desire to have in my life.” I wanted to see if this would work. I wanted a hummer. I saw several hummers over the course of three weeks going up and down the road and I said to myself, “They are so awesome. I’m going to try and manifest a hummer.”
So each time I visualized, I held the thoughts and feelings of owning a brand new hummer. I felt how good it would feel to own one. I knew the color, which was chrome. I knew it had black leather seats. I knew all the particulars. I knew all the details.
Each and every time I got in and out of my old truck, I acted as if it was the new hummer. I washed it and treated it as if it was the new hummer. I was totally submersed in my ideas and feelings about this newly imagined new hummer.
I kept my vision about this shiny new vehicle pretty strong. I kept saying over and over like a loop, “Thank you” as I envisioned myself shaking the salesman’s hand. I saw myself driving away from the dealership in my new hummer. And I was feeling warm and fuzzy inside while imagining all of this.
Surprisingly, within a short amount of time, my subconscious mind picked up on these wonderful feelings and vibrations I was putting out. And since the subconscious mind does not differentiate between imagination and reality, this worked in my favor bigtime.
Within five weeks of my first thought of my new hummer, I was actually driving a brand new H2 Hummer. Everything fell together as easy as rolling down a hill. I was so ecstatic about having this new hummer, especially knowing my credit score at that time was not up to par and my debt ratio was in the red.
One day after visualizing, I went to a dealership and I saw the hummer on the lot that I wanted. Just looking at it made me feel exhilarated. I approached the first salesman I had a good feeling about in my gut. He was kind and friendly towards me. We sat and talked for a little while, and I gave him all of my information. Eventually, the salesman got the manager, and they both wanted to have a meeting with me.
Even though they wanted to have this meeting, I knew that somehow someway everything was going to work out in my favor. The meeting went as follows. The manager said, “We see your debt ratio is in the red. We see that your credit score has dropped quite significantly, and we really shouldn’t sell you this hummer. These are two red flags.
I have been a manager at new car lots for years. You must always go by the book. But for some reason, something is telling me to throw the book out the window. Sometimes, a person has to go by his gut. And I have to tell you, I have sold a lot of hummers to professional football players, fortune 500 executives, and the list goes on. But I have never in all my years of selling hummers or any other vehicles seen someone so infectious about a hummer.
Your eyes were glowing. It was as if there was a white cloud of joy or happiness around you. I remember when you walked into the building. You seemed to get every person’s attention there without saying a word. It was as if you were saying, `Is my hummer ready? I am leaving here with my hummer.’ before a single word was spoken.
Even though I’m not that spiritual of a man, I could pick up that you had your mind made up. And I knew deep down inside of me, that I was not going to be the one to stand in your way of you leaving here in your new hummer.
It was such a joy and a delight to see someone so determined to get what they want. Your decision was made. That was very refreshing to see. No wavering did I see in your eyes even when I said that I wanted to see you for a meeting.
Because truth be known, we were having a meeting to gently let you down. But once you came into the room, the feelings and the vibe that you were putting out were so strong, that it physically made me shake.
And I said to myself, something’s going on here bigger than me. These rules are going out the window. Even though your credit score and your debt ratio is upside down and backwards (which is what he really said), I am going to let you have this hummer. Not just any hummer, but the one you want on the showroom floor.”
And the manager handed me the key to my brand new hummer. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. It had been all about the feeling all along! I shook the salesman’s hand like I had done during my visualization session.
From that point on, I visualized religiously, and I started blending my visualization sessions with good feelings for everything else I wanted in my life. I knew in my gut that this stuff worked! Within 18 months of starting my home improvement company, I also had a tree service, a landscaping company, and a tow truck service. During that time, I also took a Trump real estate course and had become a real estate investor.
Over the course of three years, I bought three houses of my own, fifteen different vehicles, and I had more than enough money to buy myself whatever I wanted, and then some. I finally created abundance for myself. I had learned a magic formula. I learned how to visualize, but most importantly, I learned how to emotionalize. And then I knew that what I wanted would eventually materialize. I was a changed man.
The power of suggestion can leave a deep impression on us throughout our lives and affect our current reality. It is a mighty tool, which can be used to edify or exhort a man, woman, or child to excellence, or cause one to spiral down.
People in our lives, especially people we care about, can think thoughts, speak words, and have feelings towards us, which can affect our outcomes. This is what happened to me in my younger years when I wanted to keep my Chevy truck so badly, but yet didn’t believe I could due to the power of suggestion; in this case by my father.
I was in my mid-thirties. I was doing good in my life financially and businesswise, but sometimes I still felt upside down and backwards mentally and emotionally. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but I knew there was something missing in my life. I was ready for a quantum leap.
I didn’t always feel at peace in my heart, since from time to time I had thoughts that would creep into my head, which didn’t serve me: thoughts of non-deservingness and unworthiness. “It was all too good to be true”, I repeated in my mind. I felt that I needed to keep myself in check, so that my current reality wouldn’t fall from under my feet.
One day, I got the notion to cover my whole house with strong positive statements and affirmations, so I could overpower whatever was going on with me. I wrote them down with different colored markers on plain computer paper and pinned them all over the walls with thumbtacks.
I peppered the walls in every bedroom, the kitchen, the living room, and even all the bathrooms. I went to the extreme in order to drown out the noise that was coming into my head. I decided to do this, so it would give me wonderful things to contemplate on throughout the day in order to overpower those old thoughts that would still creep up on me.
Everywhere I looked, these powerful statements would be staring at me in the face. I found myself reading them over and over, moving my lips, saying the words, and feeling the feelings as I read them. The more I read those powerful statements, the greater I felt. If I was having a down day due to “stinkin thinkin”, they served as a quick pick me up, and I was instantly reminded of my greatness and of my awesome power.
I liked saying these affirmations so much, that I began to say them to myself all throughout the day. I would say them in my truck while I was driving. I would say them in front of the mirror looking into my eyes in the bathroom. This made me feel vulnerable at first, but after some time of doing this repeatedly, it helped me to regain my confidence and feel powerful again, more powerful than I’d ever felt.
I was constantly edifying myself. I chose an affirmation which created an awesome feeling inside of me when I said it. My favorite I am statement at the time was: I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy. My second favorite affirmation was: Each and every day in each and every way I get better and better. Both of these quotes are from the “Mastery Key System.”
The trick was to say affirmations which triggered great feelings, so that when I said them, they would make me feel vibrant and full of energy. These affirmations reconfirmed who I really was, my true nature, my true essence. They were the triggers that brought my attention back to my new paradigms, to my new way of thinking, and kept me on track, so I wouldn’t be sucked back into my old way of thinking.
I already knew that a small drip of pessimism could turn into a vast ocean of negativity if it wasn’t contained. So, I was recalibrating and refocusing my energy to allow my positive paradigms to mature, stabilize, and harden into an even stronger belief than before.
Once my belief was stronger, I didn’t have to try so hard. I didn’t have to do as much mind work and go against the current anymore. I was practicing the law of reverse effort and didn’t even know it.
I knew these techniques worked for me. I understood that I had the last say. So, rather if I let fear or love take residence in my heart, I knew that they both could germinate and grow.
So, I was choosing love to germinate and grow, not fear. I was feeling great, and I knew I was meant to do something really big. I was starting to grasp this principal about love versus fear more and more.
I was taking control of my own thoughts and feelings. I was allowing myself to dwell on those positive suggestions, which were coming from me and not someone else. I knew that the power of suggestion in the form of saying positive affirmations was opening up a whole new world for me. I had lacked parental guidance as a child, and I was in essence re-parenting myself.
I had reached a higher level of awakening. I could see a beautiful view through my glass window, which was more beautiful the higher I went. There was only room to go higher. Sky was the limit.
I started tapping into “The Flow”. What I call “The Flow” is the Universal flow of energy and information coming from the Universe that flows through you. I was probably in my mid thirties when I discovered how to meditate, and I was being used as a vessel.
Meditating had become my daily morning ritual, and it was helping me attain and maintain a peaceful and joyful state every day. From being in “The Flow”, it seemed as though I was starting to receive several messages from Infinite Intelligence during my meditations. I felt that I was opening up my third eye, which I call “the screen of my mind”.
This endless flow of energy and information was pouring into me like lava. It would come in the form of a picture or in a cluster of words. Sometimes the information would come for a nanosecond, and sometimes it would be there for hours. I would have vivid dreams at night or visions during the day. I’ve had visions before, but never this strong.
After meditating every morning, I started having one epiphany after another. It was as if the Universe was cooperating with me, showing me different ways to see and perceive things, and also showing me different avenues I could take in my life.
I started understanding things that my carnal mind or consciousness could not comprehend. I didn’t understand how I knew these things. There was no other explanation. I knew it had to come from Universal Intelligence somehow, from source energy.
I was gaining so much understanding and knowledge about the Universe and about the laws that governed it. I felt more peace and joy in my life than ever before. It was like being on a magic carpet ride. I was on a high vibration and experiencing really good feelings. By staying in a constant state of appreciation, it caused my life to run pretty smoothly.
At this time, I was also experiencing different desires. I was wanting to expand. Having complete peace and joy became more important to me than having any material objects. My desires were changing. It’s as if I got a taste of peace and joy and liked it so much that I wanted more of it.
Don’t get me wrong. I loved my houses and all my new vehicles, but the desire for peace surpassed all of those things. I realized that I could tap into “the flow” during my meditations while I was in the hypnagogic state, and those good vibes would carry over into my awake state, the delta state.
By having my conscious mind and subconscious mind in agreement, things I wanted to happen were happening pretty fast, and I was experiencing a lot of synchronicity. It seemed as though my desires were manifesting quicker than ever before, and I was becoming a powerful creator.
I knew that I had a deep longing to help people, and I wasn’t quite sure how to do it at the time. I remember asking God to help me figure out how I could use the knowledge and wisdom that I had inside of me to help people. I decreed it. I thanked the Universe in advance for it.
Some time after my different companies took off, I noticed that when I went on my estimates, I would feel something take over me, and I found myself coaching my prospects and customers. I would give them many words of encouragement. I would edify and exhort them, talking to them for hours and hours on end.
The various people I coached would usually call me up and thank me for talking to them. There was a gentleman that I met one day, who had a house for sale and wanted me to do some work for him. He was a realtor and wanted me to dress up the curb appeal for the house he was selling.
The more we talked, the more comfortable we both became with each other. Out of the blue he asked me, “Are you sure that you’re just a contractor? You sound like you’re a public speaker or a coach.” I told him that it was an area I was moving into.
That’s all that needed to be said. He opened up to me and spewed out like a freshly shook soda. He began to talk nonstop about all of his problems, his worries, and his fears. Within twenty minutes’ time of speaking with him, I could see a change in his face and in his demeanor. He looked a lot more relaxed. I saw a glimmer in his eyes. He was no longer clenching his hands or his jaw.
He called me that night and we talked again. Then, I didn’t hear from him for three days. After the third night of having talked to him, he called and thanked me, and he let me know if he had not met me and talked to me that day, he was going to end his life that same night.
I became a hero that day and did not even realize the impact I had on another human being’s life. I knew that this feeling of helping others was the most rewarding feeling and the most natural high I had ever experienced.
This experience was not there just to help him. It was also here to help me discover that this is what I was called to do. This was my calling. And from that day forth, I knew that my life and the life of others would never be the same.
As a general contractor, I knew then I was able to help people dress up their curb appeal, fix their homes, and make the inside and outside of their houses look beautiful. Likewise, as a mentor and a coach, I discovered I had the ability to show people new techniques to help clean up and change the curb appeal on the screen of their minds, and also teach them how to view and feel about themselves in a new way, in a positive way. I discovered that I could help them have a new positive paradigm shift.
Something in my heart and in my spirit was drawing me to a bigger calling than I could ever imagine. It was something bigger than myself. It was spirit expressing itself into and through me. It was valuable information that I could share with the world to help bring change to mankind.
This is when I decided to start my own life coaching and mentoring company. I became a coach, a mentor, a healer, a speaker, in essence someone who could help mankind; maybe a hero of some sort, like I had imagined when I was a little boy in my room, alone and afraid, hiding from my dad.
I succeeded in drowning out my old programs, my old paradigms, and I was transforming into this new person inside and out. I felt more powerful on the inside. My demeanor was brighter. My posture was upright. I felt more self-assured. I walked and talked with a lot more poise. I knew now who I was. I was a coach. I was a speaker. I was a healer.
I had gained confidence in myself beyond my wildest comprehension. The black cloud, which had followed me around blocking my view from life, was gone at last, and the sun was shining through. Everything became vibrant and clear and colorful, because I was tapping into “The Flow.”
It is quoted by Charles F. Haanel, “You must be before you can do, and you can do only to the extent of what you are, and what you are depends upon what you think.” This quote inspired me throughout my life and still inspires me today.
I went from an abused young boy born into lack and limitation, discovering how to use my powerful imagination, to a confused teenager receiving wonderful inspirations, to a homeless young adult taking responsibility. I found my way to becoming a successful entrepreneur, a teacher, a healer, and a coach, who could help many people have a positive paradigm shift.
I learned that my adversity is what made me very strong. I feel that if I had learned to read and write when I was a child, I probably wouldn’t have been so in tune with the Universe and with infinite intelligence.
I also feel that if my dad had never worked me so hard, I most likely wouldn’t have worked that hard at everything I do. I might not have had as much knowledge and understanding of the Universe, and I most likely would not have become the person I am today.
As I fine-tuned my desires throughout my life, I realized on some level that I was being sincere, but sincerely wrong. I knew I had to control my own thoughts and not let them control me. I knew I needed to change my story in order for me to get where I wanted to be. I found out that I am worthy of good things happening to me.
I learned about the power of a paradigm, and how it can either keep you captive in your own mental prison, or how it can help set you free so you can achieve your highest dreams. At different points of my life, I had to fall apart in order to fall back together again.
All of the exercises I did helped me to overpower my old negative paradigms, thoughts, and beliefs, which had tortured me in my earlier years. These exercises also aided me in forming new positive paradigms, thoughts, and beliefs which lifted me up. And this led me to having numerous breakthroughs.
I understood how important it was to watch my very own thoughts, which had the power to either destroy me or lift me up beyond measure. I came to the awareness that my thoughts created algorithms. And I created an algorithm of positive thought patterns, which helped me turn my life around and get everything I truly desired.
It was up to me to think better and better thoughts. No one could think them for me. It was up to me to have as many good thoughts as I could, knowing that the good thoughts would help yield good feelings. It was up to me to stay disciplined with my thought patterns and not be so spiritually minded that I was no earthly good.
I discovered a way to improve my thoughts and clean up my vibration. I raised my vibration by singing my heart out and playing the guitar and harmonica, which made me feel pure joy. I had my ups and downs in my life, but I came to the conclusion that what I thought about most of the time is what I became.
As I got older, I became more in tune with my inner being and realized that it was all about the feeling. The better I felt, the more I was attracting into my life all of my burning desires.
I got the law of polarity to turn everything around for me by using the power of suggestion in my favor. I did this by saying powerful positive affirmations, which reassured me of my own awesome power.
I tapped into “The Flow” by visualizing, emotionalizing, and meditating. And the things I wanted to manifest would happen in such a natural and wonderful way that it made me wonder if they just would’ve happened anyway.
My desires in my life became so strong and so great that my thoughts and feelings penetrated and permeated the inner spaces of the Universe in the form of cosmic waves. And the Universe found a way to orchestrate people, places, things, events, situations, and activities to help me attain the very things I sought after. There were even higher powers and miracles of angels, which aided me and gave me the strength to proceed.
I found a way to use the law of attraction to my advantage. I knew at this point of my life, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was the creator of my own reality. I wasn’t creating by default anymore. I was creating on purpose.
I had reached a milestone. I had come to the realization that I really wasn’t upside down and backwards with the law of attraction. I never was. It was my thinking that was upside down and backwards. It was my “stinkin thinkin” which made me get off course. But I found a way to get back on course and take off like a rocket.
I know now that I truly am the captain of my own vessel, not trying to get someone to fix me or save me, or give me all the answers. I had all the answers inside of me all along. I just had to tap into my true power. I realize now that there was a bigger plan for me, and that is why I had to go through certain experiences in my life.
Today, knowing my true power is more valuable to me than any riches I could possibly attain. I came to the realization that success wasn’t just about getting everything I wanted, but about feeling good in the now. It was about still dreaming of what was yet to come, and what was still possible for me in a world full of infinite possibilities. And I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I always was and still am loved so immensely by the Universe!
Being in this physical reality is an expression of the Universe’s miracles. When you were born into this physical plane, you didn’t come here to suffer. You came here to thrive. You came to have a great adventure and create a wonderful reality. You were born a winner.
See, before you were conceived, there was a sperm war. Millions of sperm were heading toward one single destination: the egg in the womb. It was a race to see who would get here first into this physical world that we live in. And you were first. So, you were a winner before you were even born.
You are born with the potential to do and have anything you want in your life. If you can think it and dream it, and if you can hold your vision with focused energy and attention for a long duration with a high vibration, then you can have it. If you couldn’t do it or have it, you wouldn’t have been able to receive those thoughts from the Universe in the first place.
Our brains are broadcasting and receiving stations. So, if you receive an idea from the Universe, it will also come with the ability to fulfill itself in physical form. And you can achieve that idea. The nonphysical wants to manifest in your life more than you want it to.
For thousands of years man has walked upon this Earth, and with some knowledge and understanding, man discovered the law of lift, which superseded the law of gravity. Many men and women have had fantasies of places and things that they desired so greatly and wanted to experience, but yet it only remained a fantasy. There was no belief that it could ever manifest, so therefore it never did.
It is the same with understanding the natural laws of the Universe. In understanding these Universal laws better, you will be lifted up far beyond the average man or woman, who is still sentenced to the old paradigm: the paradigm of walking upon the Earth and seeing life the old way, only through their physical senses.
You can do anything you put your mind to. Be clear about what you want and believe it by experiencing the feeling in your heart even before it happens. To be in alignment with your desire is to have total belief that what you want has already happened in the spiritual realm and is well on its way to physical form.
It’s as if you experience a wonderful feeling of your wish fulfilled and allow that feeling to stay with you day in and day out as if it has manifested already. It’s like a pregnant woman, who has conceived a baby in her womb, and the joy she feels just by hearing the words: “the baby will be here soon.” And this fills her soul with joy.
This is the feeling you have to capture. The mother did not have to wait to see the baby to feel the feelings of being a mother and of having a baby inside of her. Likewise, you do not have to wait to see the manifestation of your heart’s desire before you celebrate what you want and what is on its way.
You have to be happy where you are while you are waiting for your manifestation. The more joyful you are about it, the more you feel it in your solar plexus, and just know it because you know because you know, the quicker it will come into fruition. It is the law of the Universe.
You are exactly where you need to be, and everything that you have experienced up to this point makes you who you are today. So, be at peace with your current situation wherever you are.
Remind yourself of your strengths. Make a list of positive aspects of everything in your life. Turn your attention away from everything that you think is not going right, and find things to appreciate and be grateful for. Pretty soon, you will start seeing things shift in your current reality. Things shifted in my reality.
Know that what you may perceive to be impossible is possible for you in the eyes of the Universe. Remember that wherever you are in your life, you are a winner. It is never too late to live your dreams. Bless your past, embrace your brand new future, and pay close attention to the signs and wonders of your everyday life.
Be present. Observe the miracles happening around you and to you. Have great expectations and live in your wonderful now with peace, love, and joy. Enjoy your horizons, expand your horizons, and allow yourself to go where you’ve never gone before.
“Dare to live the dreams that only dreamers dream.”
For more information about Roy Tasker’s motivational speaking and coaching services, and for better understanding and expanding of awareness go to:
Roy Tasker was born and raised in the Baltimore area of Maryland, which is where he now resides. As an adult, he also lived in western Maryland.
Despite all the adversity in his life, Roy has become a successful entrepreneur, having owned and operated many different businesses and venturing into real estate. He has done professional modeling as well. He currently owns a coaching and mentoring company, a home improvement company, a landscaping company, and a tree service.
Being passionate about everything he does, Roy is mostly passionate about exhorting and edifying people. He has spoken at different organizations and at Fortune 500 companies, and he has coached and mentored numerous individuals.
Roy is a down to earth and fun guy with a great sense of humor. He has a wealth of information that he loves to share with everyone he meets. He trains people in helping them to understand and utilize their higher faculties.
Roy has some of the most profound metaphors, which he uses in order to explain and illustrate the things he teaches people. After hearing his words, people feel enlightened.
Another one of Roy’s passions is singing and writing songs. He has performed as a country singer in different arenas and has had some opportunities offered to him by the music industry. He still loves to sing. Singing and playing music have always been a fun and playful way to raise his vibration and has helped carry him through the hardest times of his life.
Roy is like a modern day Rocky. He always has stood up to the challenge and has overcome any obstacles that have been in his path. His story along with his powerful messages inspires everyone he meets. Roy’s life story would make an awe-inspiring movie.
Roy Tasker grew up in the Baltimore area of Maryland. The son of an alcoholic, physically and mentally abusive father, Roy spent much of his childhood in fear and shame, resigned to special education classes and unable to read or write. In his book, Upside Down and Backwards with the Law of Attraction, Roy tells the story of his life growing up with nothing, how he was forced to work instead of attending school, and how his domineering father still influenced him long after he had left home to make his own way in the world. Through an unhappy marriage and being a single parent father caring for five young children while living in his truck to times of the deepest most heartfelt despair, Roy’s story could have taken him in any number of directions. But a chance encounter with a stranger altered his perspective and changed his life forever. He became driven and more determined than he had ever been to succeed on behalf of his family, but ultimately for himself. Roy’s story reflects his own intense desires to get out of his own trap that he created by default, and how he went out into the world and created his “new found” reality by properly applying the laws of the Universe along with his higher faculties in his favor to set himself free from the negative paradigms that imprisoned him. Now years later, Roy is a successful entrepreneur, coach, and motivational speaker with a passion for helping others. Read about his remarkable story here and see for yourself what a never-say-die attitude can do for your prospects, even if all the odds are against you.