A Satire




Kae Bell


Genesis 1

In the beginning, there was nothing but discord, and darkness.

And from this chaos, Trump created himself.

And HE saw that he was great.

Also from the darkness Trump created a vast Firmament and he called this HIS America, land of the free and home of the brave.

And Trump saw that this too was Great.

But Trump saw that there was darkness across this undulating land of good and plenty. So Trump created light, that he might better see the rolling hills and plains to spot smart undervalued real estate development opportunities. And people sneaking across the borders.

And so there was light.

And Trump saw that this was great, especially because he could now see himself. Which was super great. Believe me.

Looking in the mirror, Trump saw that he must appear worthy to be a leader and a ruler in these lands. So Trump gave himself hair of finest gold.

And Trump saw that it was great.

And everlasting. Regardless of his age.

So now Trump looked over the great firmament of America and saw that it was his to choose and make his own, as he saw fit. And from all the many lands, he chose the land of Manhattan as his forever home, since it was highly undervalued and way cooler than Queens, where he was begotten.

The great land of Manhattan was bordered to the West, South and East by rivers and seas. To the West was the great Hudson River, filled with fish. To the East, another great river, aptly named the Euphrates, I mean the East River. At the southern tip of Manhattan, lay a vast ocean that used to welcome strangers to the shores of the Firmament. But now, not so much.

This land also known as the ‘Big Apple’ was home to many people from across the earth. And they all thought it was paradise. Except at rush hour in the rain.

From the earth of the Big Apple, Trump brought forth many buildings, including a few that blocked people’s views of the river. Suck it up. Many buildings bore his name (like his steaks and water). Except for the renowned Jacob Javits Convention Center, which kind of pissed Trump off, but whatever. What a loser, anyway. Right?

And Trump created the ‘Art of the Deal’ and the rules by which he would play this game. He saw it was the only game worth playing and that it was great. And many would want to know of this Deal and to play it. So Trump’s name grew in importance, as was always his original intention.

And this, of course, was great.

Over time Trump acquired many mighty fortresses and valuable lands, including a vast Tower made of gold, built with rose-colored stone and bearing cool flowing waters. On this great Tower Trump placed his name. And Trump Towers was completed in its vast array and so there was beauty, high rents, expensive retail, and celebrity tenants.

Trump saw that this was great. For him anyway.

Amidst all his creating, Trump thought that he should not be alone. He should share the deal. He fashioned a companion for himself who, like his golden hair, was everlasting – She magically rejuvenated every fifteen years or so, kind of like Dr. Who. This companion bore Trump children.

Trump saw that his children were also great and he taught them the Art of the Deal.

And for some time, after this period of creation and procreation, Trump rested in his Tower, avoided further bankruptcies, and indulged in his life-long love of taco bowls.

This period is called the 90’s.



Genesis 2


Despite all that he had created and all that he had built, Trump was deeply troubled.

From his golden Tower, Trump looked down and saw that there were many foreign people in Manhattan. He even looked beyond to the relatively unimportant lands beyond NYC and saw there too were many foreign people with beliefs different from his own. GASP! These people did not belong in the America he himself had created. And there were losers.

For example, Trump saw that on the city sidewalk by his Tower, there were many shabby men working to be fruitful, laboring in the cold to make a living selling souvenirs of the city of the Big Apple.

Trump called down to the shabby men: “Why are you Losers outside my gold building?”

They called back to him and said, “Because we have tasted reality and it is called War. And War is Hell. But you would not know that since you had deferments.”

But Trump could not hear them, because he was blow-drying his golden hair before yet another black tie event with foreign investors from Middle and Eastern lands.

And when he was finished with that, he called the leaders of the Big Apple and tried to have the shabby men removed from outside his golden tower.

But it would not be done. No matter who he threatened.

Trump’s eyes were opened and he saw that the people of the firmament were not all the same. And that his power was not all-encompassing.

Not yet.

For Trump knew a thing that the others did not. He knew then that there were Winners and there were Losers.

He knew that he was a Winner. That his children and wives were all winners. Definitely.

This was great.

But the losers, Trump thoughts, they needed to go. Because…Losers. Am I right?

Trump knew that the losers weren’t tough, they weren’t smart, and some of them weren’t even American. SMH.

Most of all they were different from him. Because they were SO not winners. Not even close.

Trump thought on this for a day and a night.

And another day.

So Trump created Reality Television, that he might better separate the winners from the losers. And so it came to pass. The Winners were fruitful and their earnings multiplied. The Losers were Fired.

And for many years, Trump saw that his ratings were great. He was popular. People liked him.

But this was not enough for Trump.

He wanted more for his America. He felt she had lost herself since he had created her.

Most of all, he wanted America to win. You can’t win if you don’t play. Trump wanted to win so much, we wouldn’t want to win any more. Win so much it felt like losing. But not the bad losing, rather the kind of losing that is really winning. Win, Wan, wun.

Believe me. Believe me.

So Trump figured out how to make America great again. A big problem he thought. Complicated. Many moving parts. A wicked problem, with multiple influencers and causes and effects, long and short term.

But that would never do. No one tuning in to watch sit-coms wanted to hear complex analysis of economics or trade. Because OMG, the Kardashians are on!


Trump knew he needed to keep his call for greatness simple. He knew this from decades of winning and making deals all over the world

Simple sells. It sells in any language, in any country, in any currency.

And what could be simpler than hate.


Therefore, on the next day, or several years later, Trump created ‘The Words’ to explain the path to renewed greatness.

First, it seemed like everywhere he went these days, there were Losers. All of a sudden, his America was filled with losers. Where did they come from? He wondered.

The Words he created to describe the losers were ‘stupid’, ‘weak’, ‘dumb’ and ‘horrible’. These words spread across the great firmament and the Internet.

Many people loved the words and applied them liberally to anyone who made them mentally uncomfortable. Which was pretty much everyone outside the homogenous circle of friends they’d had since the fourth grade.

(Subliminal messaging…get a passport)

On the next day, Trump created a database to categorize the American people, the men, women and children, into Winners and Losers. The process was based on his views and the people trusted him, cause he’s like a successfully businessman. A Billionaire. He must know what he is doing.

Trump saw that people embraced his words and thought this was great.

And so did the Winners.

The Losers, not so much. But they didn’t know how bad it might get.

Second, to the firmament, Trump turned his attention, to protect the land from the foreign invaders. But first he hired a bunch of them to build the wall, then kicked out the rest and shot their puppies on a crowded New York street. No one cared though.

And lo, over time, Trump built a wall. A massively huge American wall. Better than any wall ever built before or since. Except maybe the Wall in that Robert Frost poem, something there is that doesn’t love a wall. And of course the album The Wall rocks.

But Trump’s wall was great. Not adequate. Not average. It was a BIG honking wall. A wall so big that it would satisfy any woman…or man.

The wall was made of the finest materials available and paid for by American tax-payers. It extended thousands of miles in every direction. Trump decided best to keep out those liberal Canadians too. Illegal immigrant laborers worked night and day and they did a damn fine job before Trump sent them packing.

Trump named the wall ‘Trump’s Wall of Winners’.

He called forth all the people and separated the Winners from the Losers.

Some people who had thought they were Winners were Losers. Life is like that sometimes.

But not for Trump.

Trump placed the Winners on one side of the wall and the Losers on the other. The scruffy losers who had been hawking souvenirs outside his Tower got the boot.

Trump saw that this was great.

He tweeted out to the winners: “We did it. America is great again.”

Then he rested in his Tower before another black tie event with investors from foreign lands, where he was also building many walls and towers.

There were deals to be done.

Believe me.


Copyright 2016 KAE BELL

All Right Reserved

This is work of fiction. Any resemblance to people, living or dead, or events, real or fictitious, is merely a coincidence and not intended by the author.







  • Author: Kae Bell
  • Published: 2016-05-06 17:35:06
  • Words: 1728