To Win or to Lose
By Hiranya Borah
Copyright 2016 Hiranya Borah
Shakespir Edition, License Notes
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Every young and old in this world want to win heart of others. Majority of the people want to win heart of the opposite sex baring a minority of the people who are more interested in same sex. A number books are already available in the public domain where thousands of ways and means were written to win hearts of your love ones. But I want to share here one estimate where it is said 80 % of the married people heave a sigh whenever they see an apparently happy couple holding each other’s hand in public place. So I like to go along with the majority of the married males who fail to go with their wives hand in hand in public! This is very much alarmingly high in India because of the fact that the most of the couples carry on their togetherness because of family pressure and social compulsions rather than love between them. Further, long and tedious divorcing process may be one reason for which the couple try to continue their married life through adjustments. Divorcing process for most of communities, ladies have upper hand compared to their counter parts. However, for a particular community, it is other way around! But my book will not encourage any divorcing process of married couple of any communities; rather it will discuss how a person can scuttle his opportunity to win a girl’s heart by his own deeds.
Like in all other books, I shall be in the centre stage as the whipping boy for failing to win heart of beautiful ladies or close friend of the loser; though not necessarily I am always the fallen guy or friend of a fallen guy. To protect the dignity of the people who are known to me and fail to win heart of their love ones, I shall project in all the stories as it happened to me or my faceless friends in the hands of many damsels.
I am thankful to my friends and foes, family and relatives to provide me fodder to ignite my thinking process. Hope this book will give insight into the failed proposals of love. I am thankful to the readers and Shakespir for obvious reasons.
Chapter I: Lack of Confidence
How I lose a plot to win the heart of the most beautiful girl of our college is a tragic revealing for me after two decades.
She was the reigning queen of our college when I joined class XI in the most prestigious college of the state after passing out from a village school. As usual, I was a rustic lanky boy who was lacking in confidence to propose the reigning queen of our college though I had always wanted to win her heart by any means. Though, my result was constantly better than her, I always thought she was smarter and more intelligent than I. Therefore, I could not muster the courage to propose her in four long years!
After twenty years down the line, what happened to two of us is a tragic story of a Bollywood/ Tollywood movie where one has to use handkerchief to wipe out tear of the other one!
I became a senior manager in an MNC, smart enough to sell our products to the public by befooling them. Married to a lady smarter than the reigning queen of our college! But still I probably have a soft corner for the reigning queen of our time even after marriage of fifteen years!
What she got from me!
Recently, I came to know that, she was aware about my feelings towards her due to my body language. She was expecting a proposal from me in four years of our college days. Due to lack of confidence, I did not dare to propose her in the entire college days! She also did not come forward due to some inhibition on her part.
She is still unmarried! Now she hates me and conveyed her hatred through a common friend.
I, now blame my lack of confidence as the murderer of feelings of two hearts! Had I proposed her, what would have happened? Either she would have accepted or she would have rejected. At least in that case, we would have known each other’s feelings and at least one heart would have been saved from shattering.
My lack of confidence led to problems for three persons, me, the reigning queen of my college and my wife. Luckily the decision of reigning queen of our college not to marry saved one more heart from ‘broken heart group’ (her would be husband).
So my advice to all, open up your heart, if you have any feeling for someone; do not keep it to yourself for fear of rejection; it will help none!
Chapter 2: Funny English
English is a language all over the world spoken differently. In India, basically we used to speak British English or Common Wealth English with our own regional ascents. But recently, thanks to political and economic dominance of USA, all of a sudden, a few amongst us have started speaking English in American ascent. But unfortunately, that is not very easy to follow for most us.
To win a heart of a damsel, English comes very handy in India. But sometimes, it may be counterproductive. Again take my friend’s case.
My friend, Anshu speaks English in a very funny way. He was after a girl who speaks English very well. Anshu wanted to win over the girl by conversing with her in excellent (???) English. I had never doubt about his knowledge and command in English language; but his funny pronunciation spoiled all his efforts. His heart was broken when the damsel told him, ‘Your English is so funny; why do not talk with me in Hindi, our mother tongue!’
As he was dumb struck for few moments, his agony was further enhanced by this sentence, ‘Why we like Hiranya, do you know? Though he is not a Hindi speaking person, he speaks in Hindi whenever, he talks with us. Contrary to that, you always try to speak in English when our mother tongue is Hindi. Is it not funny!!!’
‘Why do you drag me into a controversy? I am always trying to speak the local language wherever I stay. If possible, I try to speak to the person in his/her mother tongue. Unfortunately, I do not have any English friend because of my modest background.’ I tried to clarify my stand.
Afterwards, the girl told me that she was aware that my friend was after her and instead of rejecting his love proposal, she out rightly rejected him as even a friend whom she did not like him even to talk.
After that episode, my friend never tried to speak in English before that girl; but damage had already been done beyond repair!
Chapter 3: Over-smart
Smartness is good to win heart of a damsel. A recent study in a reputed university revealed that majority of girls want a boyfriend who is smart. On the other hand, they want husbands who are not smart enough to win heart of another girl after their marriage. What a contrast in choosing a husband and a boyfriend by a damsel! After thirty-one years of marriage, I am able to understand why my lovely wife agreed to marry me!
So if you are not smart, you are going to get a beautiful girl as your wife and if you are smart you are going to get a smart girl as your girlfriend! Therefore, none should be unhappy, as both of you (the smart one and the dumb one) have equal chances of winning heart of a beautiful lady!!!
But, truth is, none wants a damn dumb person as a husband nor a boyfriend. Then how much you should be smart or otherwise to win a heart of a damsel?
This is a ‘million-dollar question’ which has no readymade answer.
Many suitors lose the battle of love to some smart people and equal number of people lose to more dumb persons than them. So how to solve this peculiar problem?
Actually winning heart of a damsel is like swimming in a pool (for rich people) or in a pond (for a poor boy). Before getting into the water, one has to make preliminary studies like temperature of water, depth of the water body, presence or absence of current, how many people are already in the water body and so on. Similarly, before jumping into the fray to win heart of a lady, one has to study the liking and disliking of the damsel towards a smart (actually degree of smartness, otherwise everybody is smarter than someone and dumber than someone else, nothing is absolute, so smartness is also) people. Then behave like a little smarter than her expectation; but not much more.
Take another example of my friend Jayant, who was one-year senior to me in my master degree. He was dying for Gayatri who was reasonably a smart girl. Jayant was smart boy and unfortunately he pretended to be much smarter than what actually he was.
The whole game plan backfired for him for being over-smart in the eyes of Gayatri. Gayatri rejected his proposal by saying, ‘Please do not mind, I want someone who is compatible with me and my family. You appeared to be from a very high class society where I shall be a fish out of water even if our love story ends in a positive note. You are an extremely smart boy and you will need an equally smart girl otherwise you will not be happy in the long run! I am sure, you will get a smarter girl than I.’
So the playing over smartness doomed his own cause! I do not know whether Jayant got a smarter girl as his life partner or not!
Chapter IV: Success Stories Not Necessarily Brings Success to You
Success stories are like a medicines, some may be helpful to a particular group of people and for another group, the same medicines totally useless. In extreme cases, those may be deadly also. Take the example of penicillin, this group of medicines help many patients to regain their health and if however, they react with some patients, they may even lose their lives!
Similar case happens to a friend of mine who took clue from my successful love story with a city girl (not ended with change of diaper of a child). During that period, my relationship with Nita was blooming like a red rose in the month of April. We were seen hand in hand in many cinema halls and parks by my friends and other peers.
One evening, Rakesh asked me how I won the heart of Nita despite of apparent huge social difference between us.
‘It is simple; I talked to her whenever I got a chance. I told her how much I am backward compared to her in all social indicators. Initially, she sympathised with me and slowly she recognised my innocence and liked my dumbness! One evening when I proposed her straight, she could not refuse! I was also not sure why she agreed to my proposal.’
Following my footsteps, Rakesh tried to become friendly with Ribha whom, according to him, she also used to love him silently. But unfortunately she had an eye on Vikash who happened to be one-year senior to us. Therefore, she initially ignored his advances (not physical) to become friendly with her. However, when he did not heed to her gestures, she told Vikash to make him understand the reality.
One evening, Rakesh was thrashed by the seniors to make him understand that Ribha was not interested in him. He learnt in a hard way that the same medicines cannot be applied for curing all the diseases. My success theory was not only inappropriate for him, but also dangerously counterproductive.
Chapter V: Stalking Never Helps
If anyone asks me what may be the most important single factor to fail in winning a heart of a girl, apart from rape and molestation, I shall definitely say ‘Stalking’.
No person in the world wants, he or she should be followed by someone without his or her permission. Everyone has the right and desire to guard/ defend own privacy and everyone wants to defend that with all his/her might. Now if you want to follow a person physically or through other means without his /her permission, you will never ever able to win the heart of that person. This is not only true for a suitor, but it may be applicable to suspecting spouses also.
One of my friends, Harish used to love Manisha silently and wanted to win her heart. He was a popular student having a lot many friends. He requested all his friends to keep an eye on Manisha during the class and beyond. He was successful to know all her movements through his ever expanding network.
One day, Manisha came to know about spying on her activities by Harish through a girl who was close to a boy who in turn was a part of the network Harish had established so far.
Manisha became too upset to attend class for next few days. When she came after few days to the class, she was accompanied by her brothers and cousins. The brothers in no unclear terms, told Harish to lay off. Otherwise, he might be decimated.
Then only Harish came to know that Manisha’s brothers are known Goons of the city!!!!
His stalking on Manisha did not win the heart of Manisha but pushed him dangerously to the edge!
The above example is an extreme case. But even a lady without Goon brothers will not love a man who stalks her.
Suppose, Manisha was an ordinary girl having no Goon brothers, then she would have two extreme alternatives, leave the college forever and second alternative would be surrender to Harish. Even if she would have surrendered to Harish, she would have surrendered her body only not her heart!!!!
One should always remember, winning a heart of a damsel is much tougher than winning a boxing bout to a stronger opponent!!!!
Chapter VI: Cleanliness Helps
Cleanliness is next to God. Physical cleanliness along with pure intention is a pre-requisite for any healthy relation. Even none can guarantee that a damsel give nod to your proposal for a bonding, only because you are clean. But other way around is always correct; no lady will love a dirty fellow.
I can share some cases where some of my friends lose the battle of love due to some dirty habits.
Anant was from a very rich family and was a very good lawn tennis player. In fact, he was a junior State Champion. But he had a very bad habit of not taking bath in the winter. He incidentally loved a classmate and proposed her to join for a cup of tea in an evening of chilly winter. The girl rejected his mere request for joining for a cup of tea only for his body odour. The incident came to light through some friends and everyone used to taunt him, ‘Propose someone for a cup of tea after taking bath!’
He was so disgusted with regular taunts from his friends that he became an alcoholic at a very early age. By early thirty, he died of ailments associated with alcoholism.
You may term it as an extreme case!
Another brilliant friend, who was from a state of India which is known for open defecation, proposed a Delhi girl when I was a student of Delhi University. The girl told him, ‘Sorry, I am engaged!’
But later on she said, ‘How can I say yes to him! If he marries me and take to his village and tells me go to the field for …….!’
All of us know that, many budding love affairs ended with bad breath and bad body odour. Therefore, I am not going share any of those incidents.
I am finishing this book with a happy note with a funny story of one of my friends who lost face to his girlfriend on a particular day while attending a function.
It was annual function of our college. As expected my friend was at his best of his moods and attire. His girlfriend was also in her best. Both the couple were moving merrily till his butt betrayed him with a deafening fart!!!
No, she did not desert him; but he was punished by marrying him!!!!!!!!Recently when I met him in a get-together, I reminded him the incident at which he laughed with a fair amount of shyness!!!!!
The author is a Government servant and a man of vivid experiences derived from his official postings across the country, travels across India and numerous visits outside India. He is presently placed at New Delhi.
His earlier publications are:
1.Random Thoughts through a Coloured Prism
2. Dilemma of a Young Mind
3. Funny Statistics and Serious Statisticians
4. Melody of Fragrance
6. Few Cities through the Lens of Hiranya Borah
7. Guilt: Gift of Winter Spring
8. Beautiful Ghost
9. Great Fighters: Grace of God
10. All Blurred
11. Putting kids to sleep
12.How to become unpopular
14. My grumpy Face
15. Love and Worries
16. Discussion of own Birth: A Taboo
18. Indecent Love Affairs
19. My Fair Lady
21. Two Stories
22. My Mother: Dashami Borah
26. First Attempt
27. A father
28. The Portrait
29. Snapped Thread
30. Only He Knows
31. The Stupid Mother
32. The Same Old Story
33. The Old Scoundrel
34. Third Attempt
35. Some of my First Days and First Nights
36. Snubbed Twice
37. Have You Met the God
38. Frequent Flier
40. Forgive and Forget
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Every young and old in this world want to win heart of others. Majority of the people want to win heart of the opposite sex baring a minority of the people who are more interested in same sex. A number books are already available in the public domain where thousands of ways and means were written to win hearts of your love ones. But I want to share here one estimate where it is said 80 % of the married people heave a sigh whenever they see an apparently happy couple holding each otherâ€™s hand in public place. So I like to go along with the majority of the married males who fail to go with their wives hand in hand in public! This is very much alarmingly high in India because of the fact that the most of the couples carry on their togetherness because of family pressure and social compulsions rather than love between them. Further, long and tedious divorcing process may be one reason for which the couple try to continue their married life through adjustments. Divorcing process for most of communities, ladies have upper hand compared to their counter parts. However, for a particular community, it is other way around! But my book will not encourage any divorcing process of married couple of any communities; rather it will discuss how a person can scuttle his opportunity to win a girlâ€™s heart by his own deeds.