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TImes After It All

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Times after it all

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by

JUlio C.Carlos

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Copyright

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Copyright © 2016 Júlio C. Carlos and Mad Poetry Books

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the author and publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

All the artworks found in this book are under the copyright of Júlio C. Carlos. Any other display of such artworks is illegal without the consent of the author, being forbidden the attempt of reproduction of any kind.

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To the reader

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I must first say thank you, my dear reader, not only for choosing this book and having the curiosity to read it, but also for the will of trying to understand the hidden meanings behind the following poems.

Thank you for supporting this work, and helping me fulfil one of my goals in life, that is being remembered.

I hope you enjoy reading this book as much as I enjoyed crafting it, and that you continue to be curious about my next books, because there are so many more things I would like to share with you.

See you in the next pages,

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Júlio C. Carlos

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Acknowledgements

For the inspiration: Janice C. Voigt Da Mata, Nicole, Nilufa.

For the support and friendship: Roberto César, Hélia Cruz, Geovany Marcos, Zuku Gambôa, Makiesse Dia Balala, Monika Panveer, Daniela Rita, Simreet Gupta.

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Preface

‘Loss’

Under,

the moon’ shade

he sought solace in pain

to yonder sat light in vain

his name he gave

under,

fear for thunder

rainstorm hailed in sheets

in light, hopeless… bleak

his fickle wonder

Under…

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Sunder,

my love for roses

this night has stolen words

moon shade calls for birdslove… used forces

sunder,

Us to, move away

fought thoughts, suicide end

is a bad-good call for amends

sins of mine, I pray…

Sunder…

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Blunder.

I… naïvely recalled

forgot the memories had spikes

trapped in thorns, smile in spite

blood flows stalled

blunder,

this curse I wrought

brought tears, in wind hurricanes

teeth gnash at lovers bane, I… Sane

sold the world I bought

Blunder…

[]

-Ayetoro Busara

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‘Questioning of the eyes’

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I see. I see them.

I see them and they shine,

I see, a pounding heart inside.

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Are they mine?

Is that the shine that I’m looking for?

The one long lost from mine.

Isn’t it just a glow…?

Is it? Is it the right one?

How would I know?

Are these the eyes that my seek?

Are they searched at all?

Do mine know, that they’ll find them not?

Don’t they know

That they are already lost and forgot…?

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‘The silence of a burnt soul’

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To search for words,

but be only contempt with silence.

To search for a reason,

but be only full of the desire.

Find a soul, set it on fire!

Let it burn,

until there is nothing left to devour.

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‘The lost and forgotten memory’

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There is something missing,

sayings from my soul,

hidden truths lurking below.

I want to find them,

but I do not dare.

I want to keep them,

but don’t know where,

when realities are no lovers,

and the world’s a sinner that does not care.

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‘ Time frozen in time’

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Infinite, in seconds,

the ones we call… Life.

So short they are,

but still they stop,

freeze on the best moments,

like a picture

and everything else becomes the frame

that we do not remember.

A look, a stare, a kiss,

every time distracted we are…

every time unaware….

moments that only once can be stared.

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‘Depths hidden inside’

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It hides from itself from my eyes,

from my heart

from my own soul.

I don’t know where it’s inside…

I don’t want to know.

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It would kill me.

It would kill me!

So my soul hides it,

even from itself.

It doesn’t want to know!

It doesn’t want to feel!

But it does…

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It suffers. A lie!

It is all a lie!

My soul knows.

Quiet inside,

silenced were the screams from the depths of my heart.

It was buried deep

too profound to look at it now.

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‘Lost, mute, deaf’

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I have lost my voice,

I can’t be silent.

Only if I could say,

only if I could tell you what I dare not to hear,

if you could know it from my eyes…

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Can’t you see?!

Can’t you see?!!

Look at me! Look!

I am lost here…

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Find me! Bring me back…

I am not me.

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All I see is a person in the mirror,

a smile,

all I see is beauty,

those faded eyes of yours.

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‘Time!’

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Time! Time! Listen to me!

Go back!

Or show me what lays ahead.

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There is nothing to this as you pass,

you are still

but still the sun rises everyday,

still I feel my heart beat, slowly,

but it doesn’t stop

chaining me to your pace

obligated to feel, taste, remember

what you brought to me

the days that you made pass.

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Obey!

Obey I say!

Choose! Freeze yourself or show me the future,

so I can decide if it’s worth to endure you,

torturously, hating you

for you are cruel.

Why did you made me know her name

if the only thing she had to offer is wisdom,

and the only thing she gave me is pain…?

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‘Ending skies’

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Wait for the end,

for it will pass,

or it will all go away.

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See the show,

admire the stars falling as snow

leaving nothing, the only thing to know.

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Come and admire the end with me.

Sit, see the world play with our tears

and tear us apart as shadows and light.

Lets face our destinies

that we call sweet,

and behold the ways we’ll become complete.

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‘The light of lies’

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Now I realise.

It is not the pain that makes the poet,

but the incapacity to deal with it.

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Now I know,

The worst things are not the fallen tears,

but the ones that we didn’t shed,

the ones that can’t be shed.

Bitter are not the words,

but the love that can’t be expressed.

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Our sayings aren’t thought

when they are true,

the rest all lies,

little conformities of the world.

It is the calmness, the time

that take us to perfection,

and not practice itself

but perfection is a uniqueness

that nature doesn’t have as wealth.

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It’s all about expressing the unknown,

in order to know it

to imagine the inexistent,

in order to create it.

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The silence doesn’t reveal itself…

Now I know. Now I realise… it’s all just life

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‘The sad reality of pride’

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Only tomorrow we will see,

the acts of today.

Only tomorrow we’ll see,

the love wasted in cowardness,

the fear hidden in the name of pride.

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Today we’ll live,

until tomorrow comes.

Another day, another dawn.

Eyes that nothing say

cover up smiles.

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‘The other place where I belong’

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Discovering another… time

no colours

nor shine.

Another town, a dying dime,

another that lost his mind.

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No one sees

so I ignore and let it all go.

‘I may not return’…

They are well aware

and still don’t care .

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I have nothing this time,

I had something once,

but everything turned out to be

the obvious lie that I couldn’t see.

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The world, bitter, cold

it is not my place,

or I just got too old

realising that I shouldn’t believe

in the made-up stories that we all were told.

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‘In the hands of God’

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If I was on His hands,

guided by His fingers,

protected by His palm,

I would smile, I would see

I would rise…

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But sometimes I forget,

how human I am,

how small,

how loved I am by Him…

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If I could measure it,

if I could only love how He loves me,

only if I could love Him as He does to me…

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Things would be better,

I’d not care,

I’d not see this.

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Sometimes I wonder if He is with me,

sometimes I forget,

how small I am,

but yet

I can’t fall from his hands.

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‘Soulless pilgrims’

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We long for… the glimpse,

the glow of weakness in the eyes of the innocent.

We long for… the flesh,

to rip it apart;

for the first time,

but not for the last…

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We long blood,

the pleasure contained in screams,

the experience given only once,

just once indeed.

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Wanderers, pilgrims without a soul,

that make us taste honey and beg for more.

Travellers with no destiny, only stops,

that create wound in our souls

were the bleeding never stops.

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‘Thoughts thinking thinking thoughts’

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I think about thoughts,

those that wander on the wonderings lost.

At first, ‘I wouldn’t make any sense’

I’d thought.

But thoughts about thoughts

is a thing to think about.

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Who’d have thought of it?

A thought thinking thoughts.

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Who’d have thought about it?

Things to think about.

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But it was just a thought at the end,

one lurking in my head,

searching something to think about.

It was just picking up his thoughts.

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‘In the weight of the unfallen tears’

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I have lost my power,

I can’t do it with my bare hands,

can’t hold it on my arms.

Its falling once again,

I can not bring up my mind,

It is useless,

She has forgot the past…

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I don’t know if I knew it at all,

it takes time, to get back down,

dive into the deep to rescue him. Myself.

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He’ll learn something there,

he always does.

Just let him be.

Let him crush! Bellow the weight

that have the seas of unfallen tears,

the tears that I never cried.

Never shed in the right time.

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Let him be. Let him die!!

Do not save him, by any chance.

He will breathe. He will wake up.

Somehow,

at some point.

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Let him. Let him drown!!

sink deeper into himself.

He will save himself,

somehow…

at some point from now…

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‘Compass’

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Let the words guide me,

tell me where to go,

they will take me somewhere

somewhere, I think.

Maybe to the place I need to be,

maybe to the place I should be,

or better… nowhere.

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Let them say to me

what I should say to myself,

maybe the lies that I need to hear

they will tell

making me realise the truths to cheer.

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‘The truth of unspoken words’

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Speak. Let me hear,

the words you didn’t say.

Let me believe

in what you didn’t want to hear.

all you didn’t say to yourself.

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Let me hear. The lies your eyes disapprove.

Let me hear your silent heartbeat

on the time of full moon

and be here at the senseless times of noon.

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Lie to me once more,

draw the lines between the deceit and truth

lie to me,

let me feel how bad your soul

doesn’t want to let me go.

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‘The sense of innocence’ (Nilufa)

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Do not dare to break the complete.

Do not dare to make dull the beautiful.

Do not risk to damage what is flawless with your harsh touch.

Do not poison the blossom,

do not rip the untouched leaves.

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It is beauty.

Admire. There is nothing to be conquered in it.

Treasure, for it’s just there to be loved.

In this world, of it,

isn’t much left anymore…

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‘Homeless’

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It is a choice we make,

for ourselves,

to rest on the arms of someone,

that make us feel like no one else.

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Just as a past memory,

home…

past to be forgotten,

while futures are to come.

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How bad do we miss it?

The only place that we felt at ease,

where we once felt peace…

Not just a place, at all…

Not a place, at all.

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How bad do our souls want to scream out their names…?

How bad do we want to go back to them…?

To those that went away from us…

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How long do we still have to withstand?

How much is left

for us to know the truth hidden from us by time?

The answers to questions that lay in our heads…

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‘Wasted hours’

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We think of moments, times,

letting them pass, so fast.

Too quick to grab,

to see and enjoy

to live and remember.

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Every second, short

instants slow,

presents so secure, taken for granted.

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‘Love me again’

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Show me the infinities of the world,

and tell me how many of them is there to count.

To be myself allow,

put me in a cage and set me free.

Consent me my dream while I have no life to live

nor hopes to see.

Show me your light.

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Hide from my eyes.

Look at me, be consumed

by thoughts of you. Run away.

To a place that isn’t here,

not far, nor near,

out of my sight.

Mesmerize, imprison,

carry my soul with you,

drag, torture,

love me again.

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‘A never ending cycle’

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It ends at dawn.

When the moon rises

and our souls visit the darkest places of our minds.

This is how it ends…

with another starting cycle.

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Heard from our mouths,

‘we never wanted this’, lying

to the pain that can’t be bared.

Running, to nowhere.

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It’s not the end that we asked for.

Wanting solely

something new,

the passage of a never closing dawn,

the closure of a never ending cycle.

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‘Rocky castles’

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Solitary seeings are ours

when we lose what meant the most to us.

Unfair is the world with its cruelness

that takes away innocence,

fills tears, anger, despair into our eyes.

Cold

and its frost bites our minds

freezes our souls

to until there’s nothing left, to spare.

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Soft souls in the start,

lost, unpaired

looking for a place to rest,

but how naïve we were

in building solid rock castles,

in this sandy shores.

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‘The slaves of opinion’

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Eyes carrying no life.

Soulless. Mindless. A rule.

Dispersing disease.

Descending.

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There is no colour here

suffocating weight of grey.

The search for the steady

wanting it with plead,

unknowingly continuing to breathe.

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They’ll never start to be,

for they don’t know the meaning of ‘to become’.

No opinion, vain gazes wandering around.

Stares emptied, full of despise.

Oppressed until totally blind

of what lies in front,

and what fell behind.

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No ideas. Here nothing is known

just to be known.

To everything! A tag.

To everyone! A price.

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They live looking in the past,

concepts kept, guarded, adored

for the gods there lived

eternal as the knowledge now dead.

Faithful followers of the long written,

devoted to the fixed, hateful to the change

carriers of the same disease.

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Here there is nothing to learn.

Here there is nothing to teach.

Things forced, orders fixed.

Everything based upon on right and wrong,

limitations self-imposed.

Reality is the little to be seen, shown

things that appear to be,

for their world has the most beautiful of things,

lost, no time to feed curiosities.

Too afraid of feeling, exposing

because one will say, and others won’t stop talking.

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The rule is: To die with the most radiant eyes!

Glowing with tears and suffocated smiles,

liberal act of sublime oppression,

inside a world of endless darkness,

covered with flowers, music, and dances.

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[]

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[
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[
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[
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[
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[
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[
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‘Lonely hours’

[
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Lonely hours spent sleepless

dreamless,

thinking silence

in lack of what to think.

[
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Solitary days, nights to stare,

hours counted

without sense to take,

our words given to ourselves

resting nothing to be said.

Discovered miseries written

pages blank, meaningful

describing us in the most perfect sense.

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[
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‘Lonely. All.’

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Incomplete in a world filled,

strangers to whom we smile at

sharing vained words of comfort

unknown ‘til the end.

Lonely. Companions of our own solitude.

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‘It is better to be alone’, we think

trapped in moments

searching those we aren’t. Despair.

Everything but hope, waiting,

expecting the void of someone to fill ours.

Hours lost, the only thing had, ourselves,

and the incapacity to see it.

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[
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‘We are clouds’

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We write,

forgetting our capacity to read,

on the skies, were nothing can be drawn,

but all can be recorded,

ripping memories from clouds

restoring dreams from winds,

that pass in front of our eyes

without being really.

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Like us, taken from present to past,

where we left our smiles

the beauty of ourselves, along

falling in front of our eyes, shown

for our hands can’t bare reality too long.

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‘Chances of my world’

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I took a chance,

in a world were death awaits me,

seduced by the light of your smiles

and the screams of your lonely soul.

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I took a chance,

to lose myself for good,

like I wanted this time,

to stop wandering alone.

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I’d give everything, and more,

to have the little left in you,

to have a chance to cherish the world that you hold,

too heavy for your arms to carry alone.

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I took a chance,

from the airs of this merciless world,

and once again,

I carried a painful burden. Alone.

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‘Imperfect as me’

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It is not perfect,

for I am made of flaws.

It is not perfect,

for I feel.

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It should not be,

never will.

Don’t expect my love to be

the illusion of the human mind,

for I didn’t arise from dreams.

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It is not perfect

the love I will give

it bites, scratches and squeaks

scars are yours to receive.

It is not perfect, the love that I give,

because it’s not perfect the love I need.

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[
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‘I do not’

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I don’t know how to be. To please.

I do not know what do you dream.

I know how to make it bleed,

I know how to heal.

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I do not know how to be.

I am not inside your mind

to see your needy wish.

I shouldn’t so.

I wouldn’t.

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I know how to be myself,

and I wasn’t born to please

to be like the rest… I won’t.

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‘It will not last!’

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It will not last! I know.

I have seen it.

Even if I endure, even if you rest

It will not last.

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I don’t want it to

you are free, dream while you can

let me feel you while you are here

because it never does,

because it never lasts.

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How long? Seconds.

Seconds they were.

And we’ll see that truly, it does not last,

that it never does.

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I am just a human that loves,

I know it very well,

oh how I know…

that for those who love

enough time is never enough.

Even if eternities were to live,

it’d never last.

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‘As if’

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I do not conceal my weakness,

as if I was perfect

made out of dreams of women.

I am only a man.

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As if I was weak and vulnerable,

I am myself. Strong in my own way.

[
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I could,

be the man of your dreams,

steady as a rock, powerful, bulk,

as if I did not feel

as if I knew it all,

as if I had not a single fear.

It’d be all an illusion,

the one you expect me to be,

that man that I could be

as if you ever saw one,

walking around carrying the love you seek.

[
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‘Do we know?’

[
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Do we know what we need?

How much time is left to have it?

To cherish. Short. Brief.

[
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Do we know?

How much a life costs?

How much is worth living ?

[
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I think not.

We forget it a lot.

The efforts, mistakes, forgiveness,

pain endured, scars carried in eyes.

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Do we know? Do we?!

I think not.

All of it. Consciously forgot.

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‘Nothing at the end’

[
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To endure it all

gaining nothing in the end

keeping it with us,

a memory of what didn’t happen

a faithful friend.

[
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At the end,

in the end,

all that will be left.

Memories. Pain. Regret.

[
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Useless it will be

for misery will be our carrier,

our destiny… oblivion.

[
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Worthless our lives become in moments like this,

worthless are those who make us have it,

Because after that,

the only thing we have left

is the curse of carrying it.

[
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Nothing in the end. Nothing!

After enduring it all.

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‘The man I am’

[
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What kind of man am I?

That stops loving just because he is,

for he lived and lost his grace

lost in freezing moments of burning times

taken hopes of a better one.

A world more humane.

[
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Which one am I? If I am not.

If I do not show what I’ve become?

If I live with the past pasts

as they are welcome.

I regret having mercy.

[
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What kind of man am I?

If I do not love anymore?

Having a little hole

full of things I don’t want.

[
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[
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[
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‘Nicole’

[
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I’m anxious to see,

the most beautiful of them all

once broken into pieces

still left untouched.

[
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By herself,

with eyes that lost view of their own existence.

I hope I can see

the one to which no words describe,

that if the past could be changed,

she’d be able to give what was never received.

[
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Nothing can one expect

but screams, kicks and slaps,

and the tears that made her this way.

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‘We are the lost and the forgotten’

[
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I guarded my tears to those who understand,

without chances to use them,

for I am the forgotten,

thee who asks for forgiveness.

[
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Which world is this?

Which world is this?!

One that doesn’t know how to use what sets it free,

in the pain

and forgets the love it creates.

A world that twists romance as perversions

in words that should be beautiful and true.

[
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A lost world. A sad and forgotten realm,

like all of us, for we are the lost

we are the forgotten.

[
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[
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[
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[
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‘Humans’

[
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They are still humans,

Forgotten. Humans.

Rejected. Humans.

Mistreated. Humans.

And we are still blind about it.

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‘Cursed dreams’

[
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Cursed the phantoms of our minds

that remember us what we’ve found,

lived on dreams that shouldn’t have been

on nights we should’ve slept.

Cursed the dreams. Damned!

That shown us once again what we’ve lost.

What we should’ve kept.

[
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Hateful are our minds that still remember

pitiful our hearts that still care,

sad our souls that feel,

stupid our will that dares.

[
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Our decisions, driven by need.

Our lives, marked by grief.

[
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[
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[
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[
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[
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‘Cold words’

[
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Cold words

too frigid to drive smiles,

to tell lies.

Cold words,

the ones that no one wants.

[
__
__]

‘Everyone is innocent’. So they say.

Nobody is guilty of choices made on our way.

[
__
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Words of advise and order

brought paths of disorder,

ruined by them are our lives,

all the blame are nothing but lies.

[
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Mistakes I want to carry on my own,

by my own fault,

so I don’t regret it

in times of recall.

[
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Cold words they are,

the ones that come off my mouth.

The truth they are,

the ones that lower your snout.

[
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[
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[
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[
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[
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‘What we still want’

[
__
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The words we say

linger around,

in the memory of thee

in the memory of one.

[
__
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The things we do,

and others forget.

Regretting to know us,

and making us regret.

[
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All of it are memories.

Of smiles, laughter.

Memories of what we still want

after a long ever after.

[
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[
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[
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[
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[
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Final words of the author

No, I’m not dead! I guess. Hope. I just wanted to thank you for finishing this book. If you liked reading it, please leave a review on the download page, or just tell your friends about it.

[_If you want to exchange ideas, ask for a revision of your work, or just personally talk to me, I’d be glad to receive your e-mail at [email protected] , or tweet me at @JCC_writer (and enjoy the Writer’s Brain Series). _]

Check out my other books, and if you read them all (thank you) don’t worry, there are plenty more to come, and not just in poetry.

[
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Júlio C. Carlos.


TImes After It All

  • Author: Júlio C. Carlos
  • Published: 2017-02-28 02:50:11
  • Words: 3979
TImes After It All TImes After It All