A Real Man’s Guide To Weight Loss
– OR –
[* How My Fat A Lost 20 lbs in 2 Months *]
By Grady J. Daniels
IONized Publishing Group
Copyright 2016 Grady J. Daniels & IONized Publishing Group
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
The publisher of this book, IONized Publishing Group wishes to acknowledge that this is a work of non-fiction. To our knowledge, these are true events as represented by the author. With that said, the publisher has no knowledge of the accuracy of these statements, nor of the safety or heath repercussions of the recommendations contained therein. The publisher recommends that the reader consult a physician prior to starting any diet, and highly recommends that alcohol consumption should be monitored and enjoyed with moderation.
Under no circumstances will the publisher be held responsible for any actions or consequences as a result of the reader reproducing the suggestions in this book. We highly recommend that the reader treat this self-help book as a historical biography of the author’s experience, and enjoy the humorous presentation. To repeat, you have been warned. Any of the suggestions that may follow may be a hazard to your health, and could endanger others. Additionally, we also recommend that if you are reading this book, you might consider contacting Alcoholics Anonymous for further advice, and making a large donation to Mother’s Against Drunk Driving.
PLEASE DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE.
Okay, great. You just read all that legal crap from the publisher, so now let me put it to you, straight up. This is a telling of my personal weight loss experience. If you decide to follow any of my recommendations, do so at your own risk. Here’s the reality, my fat butt lost 20 pounds in just 2 months. Oh, and did I mention…with NO EXCERCISE! AND I was lit up the whole time! “Lit up?” You ask…let me explain.
Those on the intelligent side might call it “comfortably numb.” Those in my town may say, “inebriated.” You may call it “intoxicated.” Well I’m here to tell you that they’re all full of beeswax. I was smashed. That’s right, straight up, down right, drunk. The good news is that being drunk makes the time pass really fast. The bad news is that you really gotta be careful of those hangovers. That’ll ruin your day, big time.
Now I ain’t gotta clue about how my doctor may feel about this diet, but hey, whatever! That pansy little asian dude ain’t got a clue how to have a good time. Course, he’s my new doctor. Had to let the last one go, what with the Obamacare crap. If you want to live, you should probably consult your doctor before trying any of the crap I did. Consider yourself warned. I ain’t no doctor, and this whole thing is probably pretty bad for you. Meanwhile, sit back and enjoy. Here’s how I lost 20 pounds in 2 months on The Liquor is Quicker Diet.
PS: I agree with my publisher. Please give them folks over at Mother’s Against Drunk Driving some money, and don’t never drive drunk.
There I was, minding my own business. Pizza was my best friend. I was sucking down the suds (a nice light pilsner beer) by the case, and cramming half a dozen doughnuts in for dessert. Life was good! But then, like you, I woke up one day, and hell, I can’t remember the last time that I saw my belt buckle. Now, look a here, this is one hell of a belt buckle. NASCAR driver, Rusty Wallace signed it for me way back in 1984. I wore it at my wedding. I’m talking a real special piece of history. And to make it even worse, my old lady was ragging me. “Fat slob” this, and “fat slob” that. Jesus, woman, cut me a break!
Let’s get real, I never had the six pack abs (hell, the only six pack I had was the one I was drinking), but hey, I was always pretty much in shape. I could pick up stuff that no one else could. I could carry the three guys on me while playing tag football (it’s tag you ijits, get offa me!) I could open that stubborn jar of pickles, when no one else could. And I was always big enough that nobody looked at me sideways. Okay, maybe I had put on a few pounds in the last few years (20…or 40), but I was still a man’s man. But was that enough for my old lady? Hell no!
Here it is in a nutshell. She said that I was fat AND lazy. Really? Working all the hours I do at my crappy dead end job just trying to put food on the table and keep a roof over our head? Got one word for that…Bitch! Well, kinda…she’s the light of my life, and don’t mean no harm. Not really. She just wants me to be healthier and to live longer. But as Garfield the Cat once said, DIET is just DIE with a T.
So here I was, fat for sure, but hating the idea of a diet. Well, hell. At some point you gotta embrace the hate. Google, here I come! The basis of this diet is high fat, tons of meat and lots of liquor (to fuel the weight loss). In a way, it’s the perfect man’s man diet. Think about it, all the chicken wings you can eat, while liquored up! Steaks, lobster, shrimp, burgers…OMG…I’m getting hungry just thinking about it. Let me grab a margarita, and I’ll be right back! (Sipping sounds in the background) “Ahh.” I say, licking the salt from the rim. So sit back and hold on. This is how I lost 20 pounds in 2 months.
Look, I’m not gonna lie to you. This diet requires a sufficient amount of libations to work. At least, that’s my experience. In most diets, alcohol consumption is absolutely verboten. Against the law, so to speak. With The Liquor is Quicker Diet, it’s required. The type of liquor is totally up to you! A twenty year old scotch, Tequila with a worm, or vodka made this morning. It makes no difference. What does make a difference is the mixer. Margaritas are fine, as long as the margarita mix that you use is sugar free and carb free. Scotch, bourbon, and whiskey are good to go, as long as they are served straight up, or mixed with water, or any other mixer that has zero carbs. Diet Coke can be your friend! Even Moonshine is fine, as long as it is triple distilled (gotta watch out for the hidden carbs in corn liquor).
I could give you a line of crap about how the alcohol breaks down the fat molecules, emulsifies them, and then metabolizes them, but really, I don’t have a clue why it works. I just know it worked for me. Reminder: I lost 20 pounds in 2 months!
A word of caution. Liquor, and Liqueur, are two completely different things. Liquor is the distilled essence of fermented grains. However, Liqueur is exactly the same thing, with sugar and other diet killing crap added to it. A liquor will typically be eighty proof or above. A liqueur will be less than that (because it’s been diluted by all that crap they put in it), usually in the thirty to forty proof range. STAY AWAY FROM LIQUEURS. And before you even ask what PROOF means, I’ll give you a quick rule of thumb. Whatever the proof is, just divide that number by two, and you’ll know what percentage of grain alcohol is in your liquor. If it’s eighty proof, eighty divided by two equals forty, so an eighty proof vodka, is forty percent grain alcohol. If it’s a hundred and fifty proof, then it’s seventy five percent grain alcohol, and at seventy five percent, it can also be used for lamp fuel, paint remover, or to clean brake parts. Oh, and a quick word about brake parts. According to my wife, the bathtub IS NOT the ideal place to clean them. Just so you know.
What about wine, you may ask. Well if you’re asking about wine, you’re reading the wrong damn book. You should look for some foo foo pansy ass looking book, maybe with some frilly borders and the like. The only thing you need to know about wine, is don’t…drink it that is. It’s fine for cooking, but then so is Worcestershire sauce, but you don’t see me drinking that crap either. If you have a hankering for some wine, just drink a shot of vinegar and chase it with some sugar free Koolaid. It’s all about the same.
I can hear you now. But Grady, what about beer? Well, I got some bad news for you. Beer is probably what got your ass so fat in the first place. Chasing down slice after slice of greasy pizza, finger licking hot wings, and handfuls of crunchy chips with a six pack or two of beer is not the way to lose weight. Now, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that you can’t have ANY beer, but there are some pretty strict rules about how much, and when. Basically it’s like this. In the beginning, THERE IS NO BEER. There, I said it. Kinda like pulling a Bandaid off, I know. It’s painful, but get it over with fast, right?
I know, I know. You’re heartbroken, for sure. There, there. It’s gonna be all right. It won’t be forever, trust me.
First, this is a two month diet. It might seem like sixty days down the road is the end of time, but it ain’t. It’s just two little ole months. And hell, you’ll be liquored up most of the time, so suck it up, and get over it. Second, and more importantly, once you hit halfway, YOU CAN DRINK BEER! Now, I’ll be straight up. You can’t sit down with your legs wrapped around a case of your favorite suds, and drink it ‘til it’s gone. But you can add a few cans or bottles of frosty brew to your daily intake, just to make sure you don’t forget how luscious it tastes.
Now I know some of you, are gonna just tip that bottle of liquor right up, and take a few hard slugs. That’s all well and good, if that’s how you like it, but if you’re not used to it, you’re gonna wind up flat on your back in the middle of the living room at seven at night with your dog pissing in your face. Not a pretty sight, trust me. So let me put it into perspective for you. Your average beer contains only five percent alcohol. Whiskey on the other hand is forty percent alcohol. Or eight times as potent. The average beer is twelve ounces, less ‘en you get some of that malt liquor beer crap. So here’s the deal, you can drink one beer and barely have impacted your blood alcohol level at all. But if you tip that bottle up and drink twelve ounces of whiskey, you might wake up tomorrow, or you might not. Ever. And even if you did, you’ll wish you didn’t. Trust me, you would rather just die and get it over with. So, rule number one, if you’re gonna drink your liquor straight up, do it at home, don’t drive, and do it in moderation. A little sip at a time will do you just fine.
For most of you, especially you heavy beer drinkers, you’re gonna want to cut your liquor to get it down to a reasonable alcohol percentage level. For instance, if you normally drink a six pack, you’ll want to cut it enough that you can still have the option to drink the same quantity and remain standing. So look at it like this. A twelve ounce beer has a similar alcohol content as one and a half ounces of liquor, which is about the amount in one shot glass full of liquor. So if you normally drink a six pack, then a total of six shots should be about the same. But if it takes you six hours to drink a six pack, then you’ve got to spread your liquor out over the same six hours as well, other wise you’ll be running through the front yard naked. And I’m here to tell you, that is never a good thing. Especially if you have neighbors. You just never know when one of those son’s of bitches is gonna pick up the phone and call the Police. And then by the time the cops get there, you’re so lit up that having a coherent conversation is probably out of the question. I’m telling you from experience, this is all a big dramatic scene that usually ends with you in jail sleeping it off. I suggest you avoid it at all costs. And so does Billy down at the bail bonds place.
On The Liquor is Quicker Diet, the key to a proper mixer is that it have no carbs. Now, I ain’t talking ‘bout no full blown progressive four barrel Holley to bolt on your manifold, not that kind of carb. What I’m talking is carbohydrates. Carbohydrates are these nasty little buggers that hide in every thing that’s good to eat or drink. Let me tell you, if you like it, it’s probably loaded with carbs. And when you eat enough of those little bastards, your belly swells up, your ass balloons out, and then you’re fat. So when you mix other things with your liquor, just remember, no carbs. In fact, there’s a whole laundry list of things you can mix with your liquor. Water, diet sodas, sugar free koolaid, low calorie juice drinks, tea, coffee, river sludge, thirty weight motor oil, vinegar, etc. The list is endless. If’n you can pour it, you can mix it. Just remember, no carbs.
When I talk about food on The Liquor is Quicker Diet, I break it down into the four basic food groups. Munchies, Meals, Desserts, and Sh*t You Can’t Eat. So let’s start with the worst part first, Sh*t You Can’t Eat. Might as well get the bad part out of the way. As I said before, carbs are a bad thing. They live and breathe in things like bread, pasta, cookies, and crackers. Pretty much anything that was ever even close to wheat flour is gonna be loaded with those nasty little bastards. So forget having any of that crap. And sugar is like ninety-nine percent carbs, so if it’s got sugar in it, it’s out. And sometimes the rat bastards hide in things you wouldn’t think about. Innocent things like potatoes, corn, peas, yams, Fritos, and even beans. So when you’re planning your meals on The Liquor is Quicker Diet, you really have to adopt the Golden Rule. Or as I like to call it, R.T.F.L.
So, you may be asking yourself, Grady my man, just what is this R.T.F.L.? It’s simple. You see, all those manufacturers of tasty treats that you will find in your average supermarket, just love to mess with our heads. The labels will scream at you “Low Fat”, “Diet”, “Sugar Free”, “Reduced Calorie”, “Low Carb”, “No Sugar Added”, “Not for Oral Use”, and other crap like that. Well, let me tell, they are liars. Adding one of those tag lines to a label might double their sales, at least until the good ole FDA catches up with them, and they say, “Oh, we’re so sorry. Our mistake. We’ll remove that right away.”
R.T.F.L. will keep you from being suckered in by those rat bastards and their sneaky ass attempts to make you fat. It’s a concept so simple, that even your retard cousin can do it. Here it is…Read The Fking Label. See! Simple. All you have to do is skip right past all the crap the manufacturer wants you to read, turn that can or box around, and read the little chart that shows recommended daily allowances. Here, they have to tell the truth. And the only thing you really care about on that chart is one thing. How many of those nasty little carb buggers are in that can. So here’s the deal, you can have some carbs. Exactly twenty of them, to be exact. That’s right. Twenty carbs per day. Now, you can eat them all at once in one bite, or you can spread them out over the whole day and twenty pounds of food. Makes no difference to your weight loss. I recommend spreading them out, otherwise you’re gonna be hungry as heck by nightfall.
Now I need you to focus for a bit. All carbs are not the same, and when you start R.T.F.L. you’re going to see the total carbs listed per serving, and then that will be broken down into what kind of carbs they are. There are two types of carbs that are your friends. The first is the Fiber carb. Usually you’ll see these listed on things like nuts or peanut butter. The fiber carb is just like it sounds. Fiber, like cloth, a t-shirt, a sponge, a rug. That fiber is not digestible by normal humans. It just runs right through you. And what that means, is that you can deduct those carbs from the total. So if the label says six carbs, and three of them are fiber, then the net carb total is actually only three carbs. The other friendly carb is the Sugar Alcohol carb. This little bugger is not found in nature, but instead was cooked up in some mad scientist’s lab in an underground bunker somewhere. Often found in sugar free candies, syrups and artificial sweeteners, this type of carb will make dessert bearable over the next two months. And the great news is that you can deduct these carbs from the total carbs also.
Now another important part of R.T.F.L. is to pay close attention to the serving size. I ain’t even gonna pretend to know what species of pygmy monkey critter them folks over at the FDA are using to determine the serving size on these labels, but I’m telling you right now they are bat sh*t crazy. I mean, when have you ever, and I mean ever, eaten one tablespoon of peanut butter? What kind of crazy ass bullsh*t is that, right? A half a cup of anything will barely fit on my fork. And get this…you know that regular 16oz. can of vegetables that every supermarket in the world sells? It’s three and a half effing servings. I sh*t you not. See! I told you those bastards were liars!
Before we move on, one last thing on the Sh*t You Can’t Eat list. Let’s talk about fast food. Or, let’s not. All of it, and I mean all of it, is on the Sh*t You Can’t Eat list. Most of it is on the list because you don’t have a dadblame clue what they put in it. Let’s face it, when a burrito can run through you faster than a cat on fire, there’s more in it than just a little hamburger. And if it’s lip smacking finger licking good, you can bet your ass there’s a billion of those little carb fkers hiding in there some where. So…fast food? Don’t.
Okay so enough about what you can’t eat. Let’s start talking about what you can. Somewhere after your third drink, your big ole belly is gonna start rumbling. Time for a little something crunchy. Nuts are your friends! Peanuts, pecans, walnuts, almonds, brazil nuts, macadamia nuts, are all good snacks. Raw, roasted, deep fried, boiled, ground into a paste, whatever. They’re all fine for this diet. But you still have to R.T.F.L. Especially if it says honey roasted or some pansy ass sh*t like that. If you ain’t picking it off the tree yourself, R.T.F.L. That’s the only way to know if the bastards have slipped some of those little carb fkers in or not.
Now, You’re gonna have to stay out of the snack aisle at the store. There ain’t a single potato chip, corn chip, nacho chip, pretzel, etc. that is not loaded with carbs. But there is one tasty snack that will rock your crunch world. Pork Rinds. You say Pork Skins, I say Pork Rinds. Some folks even call them chicharrones, or some crap like that, right José? No matter what you call them, they are tasty goodness. They come in multiple flavors like BBQ, HOT, SALT & VINEGAR, and my personal favorite, PLAIN. Right by themselves, or scooping up some chicken salad, or with a slice of cheese, or dipping sour cream, these things are your savior. You can even grind the damn things up and use them as a breading on deep fried chicken or shrimp. I tell you, Pork rinds are direct from God.
Other snacks you can have include just about any kind of cheese known to man. And believe it or not, cheese can be used a lot of ways. Cold, room temperature, melted, fried, crisped. One of my favorite snacks is pan fried Cheese Jerky. Chewy, crunchy, and full of cheesy flavor, what’s not to like. Of course you could snack on lettuce, or celery, or some other rabbit food if you wanted. Hell, you could just go outside and graze around the yard. That’s your choice. I think I’ll pass. Just because I wanted to lose a little weight don’t mean I turned into to no granola sh*tting, tree hugging, commie, pinko, faggot, rat bastard. Nope. I’m still the same old gun toting, bible thumping, beer drinking guy that I was, just 20 pounds lighter. What follows are recipes for some of my favorite munchies.
With R.T.F.L. you just can’t trust store bought salads. This tasty recipe is great for dipping with pork rinds, rolled up with lettuce, served in a low carb tortilla, or all of the above. I like it served with kosher dills on the side.
1 12oz can Chicken Meat
4 Tblsp Mayo
3 Tblsp Sugar Free Sweet Relish
1/2 cup Celery, chopped (if desired)
Combine all ingredients, and enjoy.
A favorite among beer drinkers. Penrose has sold a gazillion of these tasty treats, but they are hard to find these days. Really good with a slice of cheese, and a dill pickle chaser.
1 14oz package Smoky Links Sausage
3 tblsp Red Pepper Flakes
2 tblsp Ground Red Pepper
2 cups White Vinegar
1 tblsp salt
1 tblsp Minced Onion Flakes
In a small sauce pan, bring vinegar, pepper, salt and onion to a boil. Cover, reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Place sausages in a container that is sealable. Pour hot mixture over sausages. Store in refrigerator at least 24 hours, and then snack at will.
Beef jerky, deer jerky, and alligator jerky are all good, as long as you R.T.F.L. or make it yourself. But this here is a quick and easy tasty answer to that craving.
1 cup Cheddar Cheese, Shredded
In a small skillet, add cheese, and place over low heat. Cook until completely melted. Do not stir. When bottom begins to brown, flip with a spatula, and brown the other side. When done, the cheese will come out as a firm disk. Slice into strips. Once cool, this is a chewy cheesy treat. For a crisp chip like version, use half the amount of finely shredded cheddar, and spread evenly in the pan. Cook the same way, and once cooled, snap into bite size pieces. This last option also works great for making taco shells. Once cooked, remove the hot disk, and shape into a taco shell and let cool.
I done told you that fast food is out, and I explained all about R.T.F.L. What I didn’t share with you is that the frozen food aisle is loaded with the wares of a deceitful industry. The original TV dinner was probably developed by a used car salesman trying to make a buck on selling frozen card board covered in tin foil. Now, I’ve got to say, they’ve come a long way in the last fifty years, and some of the things they offer now are quite tasty. But if you R.T.F.L. you’ll go running out of that aisle like a dog after the mailman. Now this mainly applies to the TV dinners, pizza, lasagna and the like. Think of them as the frozen prepared dinners. Just stay away from them.
What your meals will consist of is…meat. That’s right. Meat. Any kind, any time, any where. And you’re pretty much okay with anything that’s fresh cut, lying in the grocer’s meat counter in all of it’s meaty glory. Beef, any kind, any cut. Pork, dead or alive. Chicken, dark meat or white meat. Turkey, of course. Fish, shrimp, lobster crab, mud bugs are all good to go. If it has walked or swam, you are good to devour it. And it can be a roast, steak, chop, cubed, chopped, or ground. It can be shell on or shell off. It’s all good. But what it cannot be, is prepared. Start getting suspicious if it’s vacuum packed and floating around in a mystery solution. Then it’s time to R.T.F.L.
Also in the meat classification are your deli meats. You know, bologna, ham, turkey, chicken, hot dogs, sausages, head cheese and the like. You gotta be careful here. Once again, R.T.F.L. One brand of hot dog may have zero net carbs for the whole pack, and the brand right next to it might have ten carbs per frank. Just take your time and be careful when selecting your deli meats.
Also included in the Meals section here, are vegetables. Some vegetable are your friends. Pretty much any kind of lettuce or green is okay. Green beans, broccoli, cauliflower, and even some squashes can really round out a nice meal. The catch with veggies is that you either have to R.T.F.L. very carefully, or when buying fresh, pay close attention to what you add to them. What follows are some of my favorite meal recipes.
What diet could go without a luscious goodness of a Deep Dish Pizza. This recipe featuring a full pound of tasty meatballs will satisfy that pizza craving without a doubt.
1lb Meatballs (ground beef, salt & pepper, pan fried, sliced in half)
2 cups Mozzarella Shredded Cheese1
1 8oz can Tomato Paste
1 cup Water
2 Tblsp Oregano
2 Tblsp Basil
1 Tblsp Garlic Powder
1/8th Tsp salt & Pepper
Toppings (Pepperoni, Sausage, Ground Beef, Ham, Anchovies, Green Peppers, Onions, Mushrooms, Jalapeños, and anything else that’s low carb that you want to add)
Preheat oven to 375º. Prepare meatballs, and layer bottom of baking dish. In a sauce pan, add water, tomato paste, oregano, basil, garlic powder, salt & pepper. Whisk until smooth, cover, and bring to a boil. Stir and reduce to a simmer for ten minutes. Remove from heat. Top meatballs with half of mixture. Cover with mozzarella, top with toppings. Bake 20 minutes until cheese is melted and topping are cooked. Grab a fork and dig in.
For when you get tired of eating real steak and just want a change of pace, this throw back dish will keep you going.
1 lb Ground Beef
Salt & Pepper
16oz can Green Beans
1 cup Shredded Cheddar Cheese
1/4 tsp Garlic Powder
1 tsp Minced Dried Onions
1/4 cup Shredded Ham or Bacon
Gherkin Pickles (Dill or Sugar Free Sweet)
Divide ground beef in half, and form two oval shaped patties. Salt and pepper, and add to a medium hot skillet. Flip occasionally, dousing with a generous amount of Worcestershire sauce. Cook until nice and dark brown. Add Green Beans, Garlic, Onions, and ham to a medium sized sauce pan. Cover and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer for 15 minutes. In a small skillet add cheese, and put on medium. As it melts, flip it back on itself to ensure it melts completely. Do not let it fry. Serve steaks with mustard, ketchup, steak sauce, with the cheese and pickles on the side.
Perfect for a cold night, and a full belly. This little recipe is sure to warm you right up.
2 lbs Ground Beef
1 pouch Chili Seasoning Mix
1 16oz can Chopped Tomatoes
1 16oz can Tomato Sauce
2 tblsp Chili Powder
Brown ground beef in a large pot, drain. Add other ingredients, cover, and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer, and cook for 20 minutes. Serve with hot dogs (no buns), ketchup and mustard, and summer slaw (shredded cabbage, red wine vinegar, and artificial sweetener to taste.
A match made in Heaven. Especially good when served with several Margaritas.
1 lb Ground Beef, browned & drained
2 Low Carb Tortillas
1 16oz can Tomato Sauce
1 pouch Taco Seasoning
1 Cup Water
2 Cups Cheddar Cheese, Shredded
1 4 oz can Black Olives, Sliced
Preheat oven to 350º Simmer cooked ground beef in water and taco seasoning per package directions. Remove from heat, add 1/3rd of the tomato sauce and half of the cheddar. Stir. Spoon 1/3rd of tomato sauce into a casserole dish. Spoon meat and cheese mixture into center of each tortilla, roll up, and place seam down in casserole dish. Top with rest of the tomato sauce, the rest of the cheese, and black olives. Cook in oven for 20 minutes. Serve with salsa and sour cream.
Another hearty recipe that will stick to your ribs, but not your waist.
2lbs Stew Beef, slow cooked (or pre-cooked pre-packaged, but R.T.F.L.)
1 pouch Beef Stew seasoning mix
2 cups Broccoli, cut, frozen
2 cups Cauliflower
1 16oz can Carrots, sliced
1 16oz can Green Beans
4 cups Beef Broth
Salt & Pepper
In a large pot add beef broth, beef and seasoning mix. Cover and bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Cook for 20 minutes. Add vegetables, cover, bring to a boil, and then reduce to a simmer. Cook for 20 minutes. Salt and pepper to taste.
A taste of Italy, without a tomato based sauce. A nice change of pace.
2 Chicken Breast Halves, boneless
1 cup White Wine (something cheap)
1/2 cup water
1 tblsp Basil
1 tblsp Garlic Powder
3 tblsp Olive Oil
1 cup Carrots Shredded
1 cup Chicken Broth
2 tbls Butter
1/4 Heavy Whipping Cream
1/4 cup Mozzarella, Shredded
1/4 cup Parmesan
1 tsp Oregano
Preheat oven to 350ºSeason chicken breasts with basil and garlic, and brown in olive oil over medium heat. Remove breasts, and deglaze pan with wine. Let simmer as it reduces, then add water, and let reduce again. Pour into casserole dish, and add chicken. Top chicken with parmesan. Cook in oven for 45 minutes. Simmer carrots in chicken broth until tender. Melt butter in a saucepan on low heat. Add cream and bring to near boil. Add Mozzarella and oregano, and stir until cheese in melted and well blended. Spoon half of mixture onto serving plate, and place cooked chicken on top. Serve carrots on the side, and top with remaining cheese mixture.
A quick and easy one dish recipe. No skill required.
1 lb Meatballs (ground beef, salt & pepper, pan fried)
16oz can Carrots
16oz can Green Beans
1 cup Broccoli
1 cup Cauliflower
1 8oz can Mushrooms, sliced
1 cup Heavy Whipping Cream
1 cup Beef Broth
Salt and Pepper
Preheat oven to 350º. Combine all ingredients in a large casserole dish. Cook for 45 minutes. Let stand 5 minutes, and then serve.
Whether served with bacon, eggs and ham, slathered with butter sugar free syrup and peanut butter, under a heaping spoonful of chicken in cream sauce, or wrapped around a hot dog, these waffles will satisfy your bread cravings.
6oz Soy Flour
1 tblsp Baking Powder
6 tsp Artificial Sweetener
1 tsp Salt
1/2 cup Heavy Whipping Cream
2 tsp Vanilla extract
3/4 cup Water
Preheat waffle iron. Thoroughly mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. And remaining ingredients, and whisk until not lumpy. Let sit 5 minutes, and whisk again. Spray waffle iron with non-stick spray and add sufficient amount of batter to iron. Do not overfill. Cook until golden brown.
Okay, you’re all liquored up, your appetite was whetted by some Munchies, your belly is full from your Meal, and now you just have a hankering for a little something sweet. Well I ain’t gonna lie to you. You’re on a diet dumbass, you ought to just skip dessert. But I know, sometimes, you just got to have a little something. In most cases, your sweet tooth can be satisfied by specialty items bought at your favorite superstore. Look for Low Carb candies and such, but make sure that you R.T.F.L. Sugar Free Jello is a favorite standby, and Briars even puts out Low Carb Ice Cream and assorted Ice Cream treats. You may have to check multiple stores to find what you’re looking for, but having a little something sweet makes the diet much easier.
So there you have it. That’s how I lost 20 pounds in 2 months. I didn’t just follow The Liquor is Quicker Diet, I lived it. What kind of results should you expect? Well, if you’ve paid close attention and R.T.F.L. religiously, you will probably loose your first five pounds the first week. Now the only way to tell for sure is to weigh in for your start weight, live the diet for a week, and then weigh in again. Hey, you do what you want, it’s your life. Me? I weighed in for my start weight, and then I weighed every day at the same time of day, usually after a nice healthy sh*t. Lost five pounds the first week, and then two to three pounds every week thereafter, except for that one week when I broke down and ate a large pizza, chased it down with a case of beer, and massacred a dozen doughnuts. It took me ten days to get over that little fiasco, and I still lost 20 pounds.
During the two months, your weight will go up some days, be the same some days, and go down some days. The secret is that you stay on the diet. If you cheat, even once, your body metabolism will change and your weight loss will stop. And if that happens, you might as well just start over. For this diet to work, you have stay on it, and stay true to yourself. If you do, you will lose weight.
Now I said all that, to say this. I’m actually down nearly forty pounds from my original start weight. And I’m not on a diet now at all. You see, now that I understand how to lose weight, whenever I feel myself beginning to balloon up, I jump on The Liquor is Quicker Diet for a couple of months, and drop the weight right off. And then if I want, binge on pizza and beer. But hey, this is my story. It was my journey to weight loss, and who know what yours will be. I’m Grady J. Daniels, and I wish you luck.