On the Matter of Heteronormativity
Or A True Story in the Life of Tim Elizabeth Morgan, Descendant of a Long Line of English Queens
By Patrick M. Taylor
Published by Patrick M Taylor at Shakespir
Copyright 2015 Patrick M Taylor
Words of Wise
[A.K.A. Please Don’t Sue Me]
This work is fiction. Any similarities between characters of this work and real life people, places, and are purely coincidental.
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I found myself one night out with friends who I had known for several years but only on a surface matter as they knew only a version of who I was or am or, even, is. I had not seen them in a number of years and today marked the end of the first month of one of the two’s twenty-first birthday – as I had missed out on her rather droll birthday party of two people getting sloshed on overpriced alcohol and walking around the smarmy downtown by the nature of being at a college down in Walnut, a suburban area of the Great(er) Los Angeles area – and we celebrated the last (which was better than the last) party of her twenty-first birthday by going out and getting sloshed on overpriced alcohol and walking around the smarmy downtown area. Our first stop of the night came after I had just worked two shows of the West Side Drama, a trumped up and heteronormative version of Wilhelm Spearshake’s Romeo and Julien, which in turn was the wonderfully gay, but god awful – in its writing mind you, not in the fact that it broke cultural norms of the Puritan England - and angst ridden version of every single ‘star-crossed lovers’ story ever dreamt up by those wordsmiths we do so praise. I was tired and sweat and relieved that this show was finally over. I was relieved that it was over as it had been a much harder task to dress my actor with his very minimal one minute change from one costume to the next – though it was merely a shirt change and some water if he needed it – than it had been when I had worked on Bye Bye Birdie, another love story between two people already in love who have to deal with some asshole singer who liked little girls and ‘was not’ Elvis Presley. They had called me out of the blue on afternoon and asked if I wanted to go on a bar crawl through our hometown. I immediately though that this was a new way to restart my slowly stagnating life of rinse rise and repeat. The rinse was saying things that I knew I never was going to do. The rise was doing everything I said I wasn’t going to do even though I had the energy to do the things I wanted to do. And the repeat is just as the word is defined four ways on the Urban Dictionary: 1) To Say Stuff Over And Over. Or 2) To Say Stuff Over and Over. Or 3) To Utter in duplication of another’s Utterance. I said yes almost immediately, giving a slight pause and a resounding Uh in order to make them think I was going to say maybe or no to the offer. We talked for a bit after to set the date – only a day away as it was a Saturday afternoon- and said our goodbyes. The next day I was excited for work for once as I knew what would follow. Covered in sweat, most of which was not my own, I rushed over to the first bar to find my two friends, deep in the second drink of the night. When I saw the birthday girl, my heart fluttered a bit as I had a crush on her for as long as I have known her. The other girl also got a sort of unconscious physical reaction, but it was not love or lust or infatuation. Disgust and Flight are more accurate descriptions of the complex concoction of feelings I had for her. I did not let any of my emotions show through as they decided that we all needed a shot of tequila, a drink so notorious amongst my friends that they only ever drink it when I am around, and I told them I wanted to start with just a beer. That’s when we got the brilliant idea to make the Mexican Gut Punch which was not a Chipotle burrito but an insidious hellspawn where a double shot of tequila is poured and then dropped into a mostly filled pint glass of beer. Once the mixture had been created, the abomination was to be downed as fast as one could to heighten the effects of drunkenness.
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In a world like our own - but not really - a young man by the name of Tim Morgan decided that he had quite the interesting life and that he should detail the on-goings of it. What he created is a wild and non-sequitur autobiography where the events being told are examples of him finding out more about himself and those around him as well as how to act in certain settings - mostly by showing him what not to do. Please enjoy the first of several short stories in the neo-autobiography of Tim Morgan.