Spewed Thoughts
By Theresa Jacobs
Copyright © 2016 All right reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without express written permission of the publisher, author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Artwork Copyright © Theresa Jacobs
with exceptions of added web photos from Pixaby
CC0 Public Domain
Free for commercial use
No attribution required
Table of Contents
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p<>{color:#000;}. 20th Century Community
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p<>{color:#000;}. Fire Light
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p<>{color:#000;}. Beach Day
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p<>{color:#000;}. Birth
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p<>{color:#000;}. Blues
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p<>{color:#000;}. Time
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p<>{color:#000;}. Fraud
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p<>{color:#000;}. History
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p<>{color:#000;}. How Do I Love
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p<>{color:#000;}. Internet
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p<>{color:#000;}. Together/Apart
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p<>{color:#000;}. Lost Souls
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p<>{color:#000;}. Man Of Lust
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p<>{color:#000;}. My Child
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p<>{color:#000;}. My Heart
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p<>{color:#000;}. My Tears
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p<>{color:#000;}. My Thought today
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p<>{color:#000;}. Ode To Poets
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p<>{color:#000;}. Ode To Wind
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p<>{color:#000;}. Box
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p<>{color:#000;}. Spring
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p<>{color:#000;}. Roots
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p<>{color:#000;}. Muse
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p<>{color:#000;}. Dreams
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p<>{color:#000;}. The Entertainer
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p<>{color:#000;}. Eternity
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p<>{color:#000;}. Tick Tock
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p<>{color:#000;}. The Writers Life
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p<>{color:#000;}. You
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p<>{color:#000;}. ——-
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p<>{color:#000;}. Imagine
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p<>{color:#000;}. Cats
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p<>{color:#000;}. Death
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p<>{color:#000;}. Holes
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p<>{color:#000;}. Voices
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p<>{color:#000;}. Migraine
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p<>{color:#000;}. Saviour
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p<>{color:#000;}. Mystical
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p<>{color:#000;}. ….that Is Not the Answer
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p<>{color:#000;}. Drugs
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p<>{color:#000;}. ….this Is IT
20th Century Community
We pass each other every day
Not a word is spoken; we don’t know what to say
A smile or a nod as we carry on our way
I go to my job and you to yours
As time slips past that we try to ignore
For our days are filled with dull unending chores
The local vendor hawks his wares.
To passers-by that have no cares
As to how his business fairs
As day turns into night
We pass again in the twilight
Tired now the nod is slight
Or routines stay the same
We image tomorrow may inflame
The desire to start a fresh game.
We pass each other every day
Not a word is spoken; we don’t know what to say
A smile or a nod as we carry on our way
FireLight
Acrid woody scent carried on billowing gray plumes
Sparkling embers of orange burst weightless, dancing in the dark
Licking hues of red, yellow, white, on searing waves of undulating heat
Wheezing, sizzle, hiss, and snap, charcoal splits cleave and ho
Displacement scatters flames anew
Fairy light ashes aim for the moon
All gather around drawn by the magic firelight
Beach Day
Waves wash ashore caressing the sand
An audible soothing rhythmic sound
It careens off the rocks dancing into the air
Dappling drops of prisms at play
Soft breezes undulate upon heated skin
Carrying musky perfumed scents
Arousing sensations of tranquility
While in the distance the gulls cry pierces the air
As they soar across the endless blue
The heat ripples a mirage across your vision
Our slice of heaven is here
Amongst seashells and sand castles
Birth
Legs parted wide, stretched taunt.
Pain ripples through sinew.
Angels in white press close, listening to her breath.
She does not feel the head, only burning glory.
The starkness dissipates.
Darkness seeps into her vision.
Her ears sense movement all around, closing in.
Time has no meaning, eternity passes.
Hands groping aching muscles are her own.
Body pushes through body.
A cord twisted and blue, disconnected.
A single wail of breath.
Time begins anew.
Blues
I’m in the mood to hear the blues
Smoke wafting across a people laden room
Seeping into the cracks, crammed in back to back
Sweat beading on my forehead, hair tingles on my arms
My knees quake as the music shakes the room
The floor beneath my feet trembles, vibrating sinew and muscle
Dewy cold glass absorbing into the pores of my fingers
Ear drums dancing with the rhythm of a beat, thrumming solid sound
Bodies sway in unison, my peers, my friends
My community
Time
First it was Dawn
Then it was Gone
As time marched On
Twilight seeped into the Blue
Changing the Hue
As darkness Grew
And night rang True
One by one stars blinked into Sight
Filling the black of Night
With their magical twinkling Light
The moon rose High
Illuminating our endless Sky
Aiming to Defy
The heat of July
Close your eyes and Sleep
Allow your dreams to Keep
Summers memories Deep
So in cold winter you can Reap
Fraud
I feel I am a fraud – Do not applaud
the phrase turned well
For it is not real – Do not feel
that you must assist
This life of lies – Do not apprise
others my secret
Nothing is true – Do not rue
against me now
For I am only me – Do you not see
I can never be – but the fraud that resides in me
History
Pictures fill empty spaces, upon white walls rest unknown faces.
A glance shows multitudes of smiles, trying to hold life across the miles.
People of another time and place, beating away the death of our race.
A piece of rotten cloth that once, held secrets of a woman’s nuance.
Gone away the days evaporate, as are times when people segregate
A hundred years will flow into the past, will a new earth fight to last?
I’ll not be remembered by anyone, for my people will have gone into the sun.
I shed a tear for those unknown, as one day they will be my own
Cry not for tomorrow we will never see it’s light, the end is reaching its twilight.
I feel that certainty deep inside my aching soul, humanity has lost all control.
How Do I Love
I Love How
You write me love notes
I Love How
Your eyes twinkle when you are mischievous
I Love How
You play boyishly with the dog
I Love How
You inhale fresh bread
I Love How
You always check on me and make sure I am ok
I Love How
You take care of your friends
I Love How
You cook for me even when you don’t feel like it
I Love How
You get up everyday to drive me to work
I Love How
You snuggle up to me when you feel lonely
I Love How
You sing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs
I Love How
You found me and gave your heart to me
I Love How
This list can go on forever
I Love How
Much I love you
Internet
We are all alone, Adrift
On a sea of Connectivity
Between you and I is a Rift
Filled with Electric Activity
So instantly we can Communicate
Never in person, worlds Apart
Invisible waves Propagate
Our need of others in our Heart
A void to fill that cannot be Found
In our everyday Lives
Only in worlds Abound
Together, alone, we will Survive
Together/Apart
There has got to be something more than this,
A whisper of love a linger of a kiss.
The touch of your hand gentle on my face,
Your fingers trail my arm asking for an embrace.
Your body big and warm,
Envelops me safe from harm.
Then like a puff of smoke you’re gone,
Taken from me, our time was not long.
Not nearly enough to fill the void,
With enough love that others destroyed.
I’ll watch for you in the blossom of nature,
As I grow old and mature.
Until my love we meet again,
I’ll wait also seeking my Zen.
Lost Souls
I am sorry that you seem to think there is an answer in my eyes
You hold on to impossible dreams
Never letting me be free
There is no life within these four walls
The quiet seeps through broken motar
Eeking into our hearts
We stare lost and helpless into each other’s souls
Grasping and clawing away from death
I am losing touch with reality
You lay your head upon my soft breast
My heart beat echoes inside your brain
We are two empty vessels clawing in sex
Hoping to merge into one
Trying to be whole within each other
Don’t you see this is not our lives
We cannot live in sorrow continually
Man of Lust
Brawny, tall, powerful
Compassionate, worldly, teacher
Beautiful angel
They tell me you are sinister but I don’t believe them, for I have seen your compassion.
And they tell me you are forbidden, but I say they are malicious.
And they tell me you have a sordid soul, but I have seen your humanity.
And they tell me you are brutal, and my reply is;
I have seen your altruistic ways
I have been drawn deep into your soul
I see no fallacy
And having answered so I turn once more to those who sneer at this, my love.
I give them back the sneer and say to them;
Come and show me another soul with lifted head, singing so proud to be alive and coarse and strong and agile
Loving as a mother to her young, affectionate with good intent to all
Kindness, warmth, geniality
Beneloventness, gentleness
Thoughtfulness, holiness
Under the cool indifference, impressionable beauty
Smiles with gleaming teeth
Under the corroding skin a free soul
Laughing as the young man laughs
Laughing the sweet, tender, brawling laughter of youth
Proud to be compassionate, worldly, teacher, beautiful angel
Man of Lust
My Child
Once I was alone and carefree. It was just me and I was happy
I cared about nothing, I cared about no one
Now there is a piece of me, an extension.
Having a son is about unconditional love.
That love is pain as I watch him grow.
I see a bright beautiful smile, so innocent it tears me up inside.
All he knows is our love; with open arms he wants a hug.
He falls down and bumps his little head, or scrapes a tiny knee and I cry for him.
I fear for his well-being with the anger and hatred of this world; the death and pain.
I only want him to see happiness, joy and love.
I cannot stop his Pain.
I hug him fierce and give him much love, but I see his smile fading someday.
As strife and anger take it all away.
I cry for his biggest most beautiful smile
My sweet love forever.
My Child.
My Heart
I woke up this morning, your head on my arm.
My eyes strolled over your face.
The peace in sleep is comforting, your demons are stilled.
A smile peeks at the corners of your lips
Are you dreaming of me.
Can I be so lucky.
My heart skips a beat.
The soft lull of your breathing tires me.
Imagine.
Dream.
Love.
My Tears
I cried a little in my coffee today
Why I could not say
Tears dripped out of my eyes
Much to my own surprise
Some emotions deep within
Made me realize I was maudlin
Too many losses my friend
That my heart cannot comprehend
So today my tears are yours
While your sorrow endures
In time, it will pass
Only then, shall you and I, together Laugh.
My Thought of Today
Youth is Fleeting
Beauty Fades
Don’t reach for the future
Enjoy your days
Life is not easy or fair or always fun.
There will be hard times, sad times, tough times.
People will beat you down with cruelty and lies.
Never change, or give up.
For there will always be amazing times, things that will astound you and make you weep with joy
The road is long and winded, and that is ok.
People don’t realize until it’s too late that it is the pleasures found in every day,
That makes the memories of tomorrow
We always look to the future for happiness, what about the happiness in front of you today
Don’t push time aside, for every second that is gone will not return
No regrets, don’t wallow, open your eyes to now
Be Alive.
Be Now.
Be Happy.
Ode To My Fellow Poets
You welcome with open Arms
Showcasing your poetic Charms
You leave me in Awe
Your emotions are so Raw
In my Adoration
I push my Imagination
Wanting to Aspire
The depth of your Fire
Written for my Online Friends
https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/115471697136821885045
Ode to the Wind
Have you ever listened to the wind?
See the grey sky outside.
Put on a warm sweater and your favorite wool socks.
Find the biggest, emptiest field you can.
Close your eyes.
Hear the wind as it whispers in your ear.
Feel it caress your skin.
Open your eyes to see it dry them.
Listen to it trickle like a stream.
Sense it rage like a bull.
It pushes and pulls as it surrounds you.
Watch it making the trees dance and the grass sway.
Stick out your tongue and taste it.
The wind shall carry forth forever, with or without you.
So don’t allow it to escape your attention.
Be one with the wind.
Box
Pain is like wearing a heavy box.
You carry it everywhere you go.
All day, every move, every step.
People outside don’t understand, it is invisible to them.
They laugh and are buoyant, they smile and want things from you.
They scoff and say, remove the box, it’s easy.
But for me inside the box sight is distorted.
Sound is muffled.
There is no out, thoughts are disjointed.
Nothing matters but this box of pain.
The weight of it is sorrow.
To be free of this box is a dream.
Spring
Perfume consumes the air we inhale, sweet or heady, intoxicating.
Vibrant petals lift in the wind, a swaying dance on the softest breeze.
They sail free from body and earth.
It’s a fairy dream of Light and color.
The bird’s song completes the spell, sounds atwitter, music for our souls.
Rays of sun set fires of sparking dew, frolicking atop delicate blades.
Spring is upon us.
Awaken and live again.
Roots
AS I lie beneath the earth awaiting my re-birth; I feel Coldness pressing my sides.
Top to bottom, which is which.
I see blackness; perhaps I do not see at all.
My shell vibrates in great waves.
Movement shocks me
Shifting and tumbling.
End over end.
A rumble and burp; everything stops
Silence is complete.
Warmth penetrates through the cold; I feel heat softening my core
I am stretching out, I ache.
Roots shoot down.
Leave spring up.
I’ve grown; the vision before me is ugly.
Sky blue and grass green; out of my reach.
Cement cold grey, feet walk on me.
I am dying underneath the very creation of me.
A pop and sizzle; a single seed falls.
My roots enfold the fragility.
As I lie beneath the earth awaiting my re-birth; warm roots embrace me.
Muse
A new thought popped into my brain today
It would not rest, or go away
It poked and prodded deep in my mind
I felt I would go crazy if peace I did not find
So I took my pen and I wrote
And jotted and made note
What did that thought have to say?
Nothing so important as to ruin my day
Dreams
The dream unfurls
Leaves A trace of image
Imprinted on memory
Grasp the tendrils
Try to recall
A feeling so fleeting
The anxiety draws
Wisps of nothing
The morning dawns
A dreamers dream
What once was
Now gone
The Entertainer.
Blue, red, yellow, balls floating
Twirling, spinning
Faces, young, old, innocent, caught in the spell
The balls never cease
Twirling, spinning
White-gloved fingers moving faster than sight
Smiles envelope all
Blue, red, yellow, balls floating
Twirling, spinning
Enraptured by balls
Tight-lipped, white face, working the scene it knows so well
Twirling, spinning
Clink clank, the change rings heavy into hollow tin
Twirling, spinning
Black eyes, behind red, blue, yellow, balls floating
Twirling, spinning
Eternity
The Rain pouring in rivers
The sun beating on rocks
The leaves blowing to nowhere
The tide crashing in waves
The moon lighting emptiness
The crickets sing to no one
The time ticking by
The end coming near
The night swallows the day
The gulls mocking song
The earth eroding
Eternity stops for nothing
Tick Tock
This song keeps running through my head by the Steve Miller Band, about time, you know the one- "Fly like an eagle.”
So I wrote this to combat it.
What is time? After all it was invented by Man.
Day slips into Night, from Sun to Moon we live.
Spring yields to Summer, Winter to Autumn, Repeat.
We grow change, age, and wrinkle.
Our babies grow and have babies of their own, who grow.
The circle of life, we cannot change it, we cannot stop it.
Add the tick tock of the unwinding clock.
Why should I conform to the tick tock of your man made clock?
Who ever said this is what we must do.
As we age, time disappears, next thing you know we are at the end of our years.
I choose to follow the rhythm of the planet and stars.
Mother earth’s song shall replace man’s tick tock, and peace will carry me forth.
To the death of Time.
The Writers Life
My mind will not shut off at night
The words and scenes are so tight
Yet try and try as I might
I cannot sleep it’s not right
In the darkness without sight
The stories play and its a blight
For the next day on society, I am a fright
Words tumble and jumble in my brain
They run and flow like a freight train
Awake through the night, I will remain
Ideas and tales are born so how can I complain
I try and push them into dreams in vain
As the moonlight starts to wane
And the sunbeams dapple my windowpane
You
Your past is the stepping stones to the temple that you are today
Cracked, polished, worn, etched with imagination, every memory tangible
Encased in the catacombs of depth, your heart and soul
Cry the Infants of the Gods as the stars fall all around us
Imagine
I’ve been all around the world
yet I’ve never left my home
I’ve travelled far and wide
yet I’ve never left my home
I’ve seen places only imaginable
yet I’ve never been to Rome
in the streets of days gone past
I’ve never left me home
my imagination travels to the moon
yet I’ve never left my home
I am all alone
Because I’ve never left my home
Cats
Cold Noses, warm nights,
Soft fur, cat fights.
Drinking from a watered flower,
Standing on my CD tower.
Balancing act on the curtain rod,
Sniffing out my dinner Cod.
Look out for my glass!
There everything goes, crash!
Time to clean up the mess,
Each day the same, More or less.
Take their love when they are providing,
See tail turn when they are hiding.
Love them all anyway,
Each and every day.
Death
Existence is snuffed out like a match,
the whisper of wind.
Fall of a heartbeat, pounding.
A light through your soul,
travelling. In a vast darkness,
every question unknown. All truths told.
Time starts over, a sigh of breath.
New life beginning, waiting.
Cry of an infant, souls awaken.
Hearts beating, death begins again.
A sign of breath, new life beginning.
Holes
[*The pain deep down, *][
swells and burns.
It struggles to be released; but can never break free.]
[It grows and blackens,
deep down.
It festers away inside of me.
It struggles to be released; but can never break free.]
[Won’t you help me, the pain deep down.
Eating away at me.
It struggles to be released; but can never break free]
[It is gone now, the pain deep down.
It has left a vast emptiness inside of me.
That struggles to be released; but can never break free.]
Voices
Can you hear the voices calling.
They rush through your brain, whispering your name.
They come in the night, on the wind, in the fog.
Can you hear them, whispering your name.
Alone in the forest, waiting.
They silently creep through the leaves, between the trees.
Can you hear them, whispering your name.
You hear them, whispering your name.
You don’t know what they are saying.
Only whispering your name.
Migraine
Lights dim and sounds fade
Bile rises
Thoughts jumble in my brain
The pounding is relentless
Stay away, back off
All i see is black and red
Billowing, blooming, throbbing
Darkness descends all around
The disconnect is complete
Pain is my entire world
Here is where I will be
Days Pass like blank pages tossed in the wind
Gagging on smells that waft around me
Sipping on fluids that must sustain me
As the veil lifts
Euphoria rises
The burden is gone
Elated I am alive once again.
Saviour
All we want is to be recognized, for our voices to be heard,
to sing out the truth with conviction.
Each and everyone has a black pit of loneliness,
buried in the deep of our hearts, it cries for contact.
Sorrow and despair rule.
You see it in the blank stare of strangers passing by.
They all want to reach out but are too cold with fear,
that love cannot penetrate
We drag our dreams through the bleak sludge that is humanity
and no one can save us.
Save Ourselves.
Mystical
Vista’s of a new day break, sharp upon my golden eyes.
Green and hues of blue lift and move.
Dancing with the play of light.
A fog seeps upon the ground, hiding fallacies.
Covering unknown to me, the people of this place.
A crack trickles water, dripping endlessly into stagnant waters.
Warmth penetrates the darkness, caressing cold skin.
Bringing forth life of it’s own, thy self must be.
For there is no stopping eternity.
As above, so below.
Let me lead you to your euphoria.
…..That is not the answer
Do not seek spirituality
Do not look to the heavens
Nor to the earth
You must look within yourself
Dig deep into your soul
Find the answers that will salvage the lost lambs
It has always been inside of you
Apart of everyone
If only we could embrace
And save the human race.
Drugs
Despair washed over me in massive grey waves, crashing headlong, – melting my humanity.
Stripping away all the love I once felt.
Death came near; I could smell its vile breath as it caressed my face.
Had the razor been near, my doom would be washing the walls red.
I tried to run, but fear held my feet in chains of Iron, and movement was impossible.
Finally, the veil lifted my tongue swollen and raw.
I gulped mightily from the cold, rancid tap to slack the burning thirst.
It was not quenched.
And may never be again.
This is It
Across the Mountain and through the Haze
Over the valley and into the maze
Let go of it all, be one and be free
For life has no meaning, if it’s not meant to be.
I have compiled a collection of what some people would call poetry, most of it is my creative brain spewing out the junk so I can write my book. Following is the results of that thought process. It began in 1991 and continues on today. Some are light and playful, and some are dark. They are mixed with photos of my own that I had the words imprinted on for Social Media, so the poem is first, and then the picture and some are just random pictures without the words. Your reviews are welcomed.