Spewed Thoughts

Spewed Thoughts

By Theresa Jacobs

Copyright © 2016 All right reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without express written permission of the publisher, author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Artwork Copyright © Theresa Jacobs

with exceptions of added web photos from Pixaby

CC0 Public Domain

Free for commercial use

No attribution required

https://pixabay.com/en/photos/

Table of Contents

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p<>{color:#000;}. 20th Century Community

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p<>{color:#000;}. Fire Light

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p<>{color:#000;}. Beach Day

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p<>{color:#000;}. Birth

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p<>{color:#000;}. Blues

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p<>{color:#000;}. Time

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p<>{color:#000;}. Fraud

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p<>{color:#000;}. History

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p<>{color:#000;}. How Do I Love

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p<>{color:#000;}. Internet

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p<>{color:#000;}. Together/Apart

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p<>{color:#000;}. Lost Souls

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p<>{color:#000;}. Man Of Lust

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p<>{color:#000;}. My Child

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p<>{color:#000;}. My Heart

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p<>{color:#000;}. My Tears

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p<>{color:#000;}. My Thought today

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p<>{color:#000;}. Ode To Poets

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p<>{color:#000;}. Ode To Wind

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p<>{color:#000;}. Box

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p<>{color:#000;}. Spring

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p<>{color:#000;}. Roots

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p<>{color:#000;}. Muse

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p<>{color:#000;}. Dreams

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p<>{color:#000;}. The Entertainer

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p<>{color:#000;}. Eternity

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p<>{color:#000;}. Tick Tock

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p<>{color:#000;}. The Writers Life

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p<>{color:#000;}. You

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p<>{color:#000;}. ——-

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p<>{color:#000;}. Imagine

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p<>{color:#000;}. Cats

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p<>{color:#000;}. Death

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p<>{color:#000;}. Holes

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p<>{color:#000;}. Voices

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p<>{color:#000;}. Migraine

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p<>{color:#000;}. Saviour

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p<>{color:#000;}. Mystical

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p<>{color:#000;}. ….that Is Not the Answer

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p<>{color:#000;}. Drugs

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p<>{color:#000;}. ….this Is IT

20th Century Community

We pass each other every day

Not a word is spoken; we don’t know what to say

A smile or a nod as we carry on our way

I go to my job and you to yours

As time slips past that we try to ignore

For our days are filled with dull unending chores

The local vendor hawks his wares.

To passers-by that have no cares

As to how his business fairs

As day turns into night

We pass again in the twilight

Tired now the nod is slight

Or routines stay the same

We image tomorrow may inflame

The desire to start a fresh game.

We pass each other every day

Not a word is spoken; we don’t know what to say

A smile or a nod as we carry on our way

FireLight

Acrid woody scent carried on billowing gray plumes

Sparkling embers of orange burst weightless, dancing in the dark

Licking hues of red, yellow, white, on searing waves of undulating heat

Wheezing, sizzle, hiss, and snap, charcoal splits cleave and ho

Displacement scatters flames anew

Fairy light ashes aim for the moon

All gather around drawn by the magic firelight

Beach Day

Waves wash ashore caressing the sand

An audible soothing rhythmic sound

It careens off the rocks dancing into the air

Dappling drops of prisms at play

Soft breezes undulate upon heated skin

Carrying musky perfumed scents

Arousing sensations of tranquility

While in the distance the gulls cry pierces the air

As they soar across the endless blue

The heat ripples a mirage across your vision

Our slice of heaven is here

Amongst seashells and sand castles

Birth

Legs parted wide, stretched taunt.

Pain ripples through sinew.
Angels in white press close, listening to her breath.
She does not feel the head, only burning glory.
The starkness dissipates.
Darkness seeps into her vision.
Her ears sense movement all around, closing in.
Time has no meaning, eternity passes.
Hands groping aching muscles are her own.
Body pushes through body.
A cord twisted and blue, disconnected.
A single wail of breath.
Time begins anew.

Blues

I’m in the mood to hear the blues

Smoke wafting across a people laden room

Seeping into the cracks, crammed in back to back

Sweat beading on my forehead, hair tingles on my arms

My knees quake as the music shakes the room

The floor beneath my feet trembles, vibrating sinew and muscle

Dewy cold glass absorbing into the pores of my fingers

Ear drums dancing with the rhythm of a beat, thrumming solid sound

Bodies sway in unison, my peers, my friends

My community

Time

First it was Dawn

Then it was Gone

As time marched On

Twilight seeped into the Blue

Changing the Hue

As darkness Grew

And night rang True

One by one stars blinked into Sight

Filling the black of Night

With their magical twinkling Light

The moon rose High

Illuminating our endless Sky

Aiming to Defy

The heat of July

Close your eyes and Sleep

Allow your dreams to Keep

Summers memories Deep

So in cold winter you can Reap

Fraud

I feel I am a fraud – Do not applaud

the phrase turned well

For it is not real – Do not feel

that you must assist

This life of lies – Do not apprise

others my secret

Nothing is true – Do not rue

against me now

For I am only me – Do you not see

I can never be – but the fraud that resides in me

History

Pictures fill empty spaces, upon white walls rest unknown faces.

A glance shows multitudes of smiles, trying to hold life across the miles.

People of another time and place, beating away the death of our race.

A piece of rotten cloth that once, held secrets of a woman’s nuance.

Gone away the days evaporate, as are times when people segregate

A hundred years will flow into the past, will a new earth fight to last?

I’ll not be remembered by anyone, for my people will have gone into the sun.

I shed a tear for those unknown, as one day they will be my own

Cry not for tomorrow we will never see it’s light, the end is reaching its twilight.

I feel that certainty deep inside my aching soul, humanity has lost all control.

How Do I Love

I Love How

You write me love notes

I Love How

Your eyes twinkle when you are mischievous

I Love How

You play boyishly with the dog

I Love How

You inhale fresh bread

I Love How

You always check on me and make sure I am ok

I Love How

You take care of your friends

I Love How

You cook for me even when you don’t feel like it

I Love How

You get up everyday to drive me to work

I Love How

You snuggle up to me when you feel lonely

I Love How

You sing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs

I Love How

You found me and gave your heart to me

I Love How

This list can go on forever

I Love How

Much I love you

Internet

We are all alone, Adrift

On a sea of Connectivity

Between you and I is a Rift

Filled with Electric Activity

So instantly we can Communicate

Never in person, worlds Apart

Invisible waves Propagate

Our need of others in our Heart

A void to fill that cannot be Found

In our everyday Lives

Only in worlds Abound

Together, alone, we will Survive

Together/Apart

There has got to be something more than this,

A whisper of love a linger of a kiss.

The touch of your hand gentle on my face,

Your fingers trail my arm asking for an embrace.

Your body big and warm,

Envelops me safe from harm.

Then like a puff of smoke you’re gone,

Taken from me, our time was not long.

Not nearly enough to fill the void,

With enough love that others destroyed.

I’ll watch for you in the blossom of nature,

As I grow old and mature.

Until my love we meet again,

I’ll wait also seeking my Zen.

Lost Souls

I am sorry that you seem to think there is an answer in my eyes

You hold on to impossible dreams

Never letting me be free

There is no life within these four walls

The quiet seeps through broken motar

Eeking into our hearts

We stare lost and helpless into each other’s souls

Grasping and clawing away from death

I am losing touch with reality

You lay your head upon my soft breast

My heart beat echoes inside your brain

We are two empty vessels clawing in sex

Hoping to merge into one

Trying to be whole within each other

Don’t you see this is not our lives

We cannot live in sorrow continually

Man of Lust

Brawny, tall, powerful

Compassionate, worldly, teacher

Beautiful angel

They tell me you are sinister but I don’t believe them, for I have seen your compassion.

And they tell me you are forbidden, but I say they are malicious.

And they tell me you have a sordid soul, but I have seen your humanity.

And they tell me you are brutal, and my reply is;

I have seen your altruistic ways

I have been drawn deep into your soul

I see no fallacy

And having answered so I turn once more to those who sneer at this, my love.

I give them back the sneer and say to them;

Come and show me another soul with lifted head, singing so proud to be alive and coarse and strong and agile

Loving as a mother to her young, affectionate with good intent to all

Kindness, warmth, geniality

Beneloventness, gentleness

Thoughtfulness, holiness

Under the cool indifference, impressionable beauty

Smiles with gleaming teeth

Under the corroding skin a free soul

Laughing as the young man laughs

Laughing the sweet, tender, brawling laughter of youth

Proud to be compassionate, worldly, teacher, beautiful angel

Man of Lust

My Child

Once I was alone and carefree. It was just me and I was happy

I cared about nothing, I cared about no one

Now there is a piece of me, an extension.

Having a son is about unconditional love.

That love is pain as I watch him grow.

I see a bright beautiful smile, so innocent it tears me up inside.

All he knows is our love; with open arms he wants a hug.

He falls down and bumps his little head, or scrapes a tiny knee and I cry for him.

I fear for his well-being with the anger and hatred of this world; the death and pain.

I only want him to see happiness, joy and love.

I cannot stop his Pain.

I hug him fierce and give him much love, but I see his smile fading someday.

As strife and anger take it all away.

I cry for his biggest most beautiful smile

My sweet love forever.

My Child.

My Heart

I woke up this morning, your head on my arm.

My eyes strolled over your face.

The peace in sleep is comforting, your demons are stilled.

A smile peeks at the corners of your lips

Are you dreaming of me.

Can I be so lucky.

My heart skips a beat.

The soft lull of your breathing tires me.

Imagine.

Dream.

Love.

My Tears

I cried a little in my coffee today

Why I could not say

Tears dripped out of my eyes

Much to my own surprise

Some emotions deep within

Made me realize I was maudlin

Too many losses my friend

That my heart cannot comprehend

So today my tears are yours

While your sorrow endures

In time, it will pass

Only then, shall you and I, together Laugh.

My Thought of Today

Youth is Fleeting

Beauty Fades

Don’t reach for the future

Enjoy your days

Life is not easy or fair or always fun.

There will be hard times, sad times, tough times.

People will beat you down with cruelty and lies.

Never change, or give up.

For there will always be amazing times, things that will astound you and make you weep with joy

The road is long and winded, and that is ok.

People don’t realize until it’s too late that it is the pleasures found in every day,

That makes the memories of tomorrow

We always look to the future for happiness, what about the happiness in front of you today

Don’t push time aside, for every second that is gone will not return

No regrets, don’t wallow, open your eyes to now

Be Alive.

Be Now.

Be Happy.

Ode To My Fellow Poets

You welcome with open Arms

Showcasing your poetic Charms

You leave me in Awe

Your emotions are so Raw

In my Adoration

I push my Imagination

Wanting to Aspire

The depth of your Fire

Written for my Online Friends

https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/115471697136821885045

Ode to the Wind

Have you ever listened to the wind?
See the grey sky outside.

Put on a warm sweater and your favorite wool socks.

Find the biggest, emptiest field you can.

Close your eyes.

Hear the wind as it whispers in your ear.

Feel it caress your skin.

Open your eyes to see it dry them.

Listen to it trickle like a stream.

Sense it rage like a bull.

It pushes and pulls as it surrounds you.

Watch it making the trees dance and the grass sway.

Stick out your tongue and taste it.

The wind shall carry forth forever, with or without you.

So don’t allow it to escape your attention.

Be one with the wind.

Box

Pain is like wearing a heavy box.

You carry it everywhere you go.

All day, every move, every step.

People outside don’t understand, it is invisible to them.

They laugh and are buoyant, they smile and want things from you.

They scoff and say, remove the box, it’s easy.

But for me inside the box sight is distorted.

Sound is muffled.

There is no out, thoughts are disjointed.

Nothing matters but this box of pain.

The weight of it is sorrow.

To be free of this box is a dream.

Spring

Perfume consumes the air we inhale, sweet or heady, intoxicating.

Vibrant petals lift in the wind, a swaying dance on the softest breeze.

They sail free from body and earth.

It’s a fairy dream of Light and color.

The bird’s song completes the spell, sounds atwitter, music for our souls.

Rays of sun set fires of sparking dew, frolicking atop delicate blades.

Spring is upon us.

Awaken and live again.

Roots

AS I lie beneath the earth awaiting my re-birth; I feel Coldness pressing my sides.

Top to bottom, which is which.

I see blackness; perhaps I do not see at all.

My shell vibrates in great waves.

Movement shocks me

Shifting and tumbling.

End over end.

A rumble and burp; everything stops

Silence is complete.

Warmth penetrates through the cold; I feel heat softening my core

I am stretching out, I ache.

Roots shoot down.

Leave spring up.

I’ve grown; the vision before me is ugly.

Sky blue and grass green; out of my reach.

Cement cold grey, feet walk on me.

I am dying underneath the very creation of me.

A pop and sizzle; a single seed falls.

My roots enfold the fragility.

As I lie beneath the earth awaiting my re-birth; warm roots embrace me.

Muse

A new thought popped into my brain today

It would not rest, or go away

It poked and prodded deep in my mind

I felt I would go crazy if peace I did not find

So I took my pen and I wrote

And jotted and made note

What did that thought have to say?

Nothing so important as to ruin my day

Dreams

The dream unfurls

Leaves A trace of image

Imprinted on memory

Grasp the tendrils

Try to recall

A feeling so fleeting

The anxiety draws

Wisps of nothing

The morning dawns

A dreamers dream

What once was

Now gone

The Entertainer.

Blue, red, yellow, balls floating
Twirling, spinning
Faces, young, old, innocent, caught in the spell
The balls never cease
Twirling, spinning
White-gloved fingers moving faster than sight
Smiles envelope all
Blue, red, yellow, balls floating
Twirling, spinning
Enraptured by balls
Tight-lipped, white face, working the scene it knows so well
Twirling, spinning
Clink clank, the change rings heavy into hollow tin
Twirling, spinning
Black eyes, behind red, blue, yellow, balls floating
Twirling, spinning

Eternity

The Rain pouring in rivers

The sun beating on rocks

The leaves blowing to nowhere

The tide crashing in waves

The moon lighting emptiness

The crickets sing to no one

The time ticking by

The end coming near

The night swallows the day

The gulls mocking song

The earth eroding

Eternity stops for nothing

Tick Tock

This song keeps running through my head by the Steve Miller Band, about time, you know the one- "Fly like an eagle.”

So I wrote this to combat it.

What is time? After all it was invented by Man.

Day slips into Night, from Sun to Moon we live.

Spring yields to Summer, Winter to Autumn, Repeat.

We grow change, age, and wrinkle.

Our babies grow and have babies of their own, who grow.

The circle of life, we cannot change it, we cannot stop it.

Add the tick tock of the unwinding clock.

Why should I conform to the tick tock of your man made clock?

Who ever said this is what we must do.

As we age, time disappears, next thing you know we are at the end of our years.

I choose to follow the rhythm of the planet and stars.

Mother earth’s song shall replace man’s tick tock, and peace will carry me forth.

To the death of Time.

The Writers Life

My mind will not shut off at night

The words and scenes are so tight

Yet try and try as I might

I cannot sleep it’s not right

In the darkness without sight

The stories play and its a blight

For the next day on society, I am a fright

Words tumble and jumble in my brain

They run and flow like a freight train

Awake through the night, I will remain

Ideas and tales are born so how can I complain

I try and push them into dreams in vain

As the moonlight starts to wane

And the sunbeams dapple my windowpane

You

Your past is the stepping stones to the temple that you are today

Cracked, polished, worn, etched with imagination, every memory tangible

Encased in the catacombs of depth, your heart and soul

Cry the Infants of the Gods as the stars fall all around us

Imagine

I’ve been all around the world

yet I’ve never left my home

I’ve travelled far and wide

yet I’ve never left my home

I’ve seen places only imaginable

yet I’ve never been to Rome

in the streets of days gone past

I’ve never left me home

my imagination travels to the moon

yet I’ve never left my home

I am all alone

Because I’ve never left my home

Cats

Cold Noses, warm nights,

Soft fur, cat fights.

Drinking from a watered flower,

Standing on my CD tower.

Balancing act on the curtain rod,

Sniffing out my dinner Cod.

Look out for my glass!

There everything goes, crash!

Time to clean up the mess,

Each day the same, More or less.

Take their love when they are providing,

See tail turn when they are hiding.

Love them all anyway,

Each and every day.

Death

Existence is snuffed out like a match,

the whisper of wind.

Fall of a heartbeat, pounding.

A light through your soul,

travelling. In a vast darkness,

every question unknown. All truths told.

Time starts over, a sigh of breath.

New life beginning, waiting.

Cry of an infant, souls awaken.

Hearts beating, death begins again.

A sign of breath, new life beginning.

Holes

[*The pain deep down, *][
swells and burns.
It struggles to be released; but can never break free.]

[It grows and blackens,
deep down.
It festers away inside of me.
It struggles to be released; but can never break free.]

[Won’t you help me, the pain deep down.
Eating away at me.
It struggles to be released; but can never break free]

[It is gone now, the pain deep down.
It has left a vast emptiness inside of me.
That struggles to be released; but can never break free.]

Voices

Can you hear the voices calling.

They rush through your brain, whispering your name.
They come in the night, on the wind, in the fog.
Can you hear them, whispering your name.

Alone in the forest, waiting.

They silently creep through the leaves, between the trees.
Can you hear them, whispering your name.

You hear them, whispering your name.

You don’t know what they are saying.
Only whispering your name.

Migraine

Lights dim and sounds fade
Bile rises
Thoughts jumble in my brain
The pounding is relentless

Stay away, back off
All i see is black and red
Billowing, blooming, throbbing

Darkness descends all around
The disconnect is complete
Pain is my entire world
Here is where I will be

Days Pass like blank pages tossed in the wind
Gagging on smells that waft around me
Sipping on fluids that must sustain me

As the veil lifts
Euphoria rises
The burden is gone
Elated I am alive once again.

Saviour

All we want is to be recognized, for our voices to be heard,

to sing out the truth with conviction.

Each and everyone has a black pit of loneliness,

buried in the deep of our hearts, it cries for contact.

Sorrow and despair rule.

You see it in the blank stare of strangers passing by.

They all want to reach out but are too cold with fear,

that love cannot penetrate

We drag our dreams through the bleak sludge that is humanity

and no one can save us.

Save Ourselves.

Mystical

Vista’s of a new day break, sharp upon my golden eyes.

Green and hues of blue lift and move.

Dancing with the play of light.

A fog seeps upon the ground, hiding fallacies.

Covering unknown to me, the people of this place.

A crack trickles water, dripping endlessly into stagnant waters.

Warmth penetrates the darkness, caressing cold skin.

Bringing forth life of it’s own, thy self must be.

For there is no stopping eternity.

As above, so below.

Let me lead you to your euphoria.

…..That is not the answer

Do not seek spirituality

Do not look to the heavens

Nor to the earth

You must look within yourself

Dig deep into your soul

Find the answers that will salvage the lost lambs

It has always been inside of you

Apart of everyone

If only we could embrace

And save the human race.

Drugs

Despair washed over me in massive grey waves, crashing headlong, – melting my humanity.

Stripping away all the love I once felt.

Death came near; I could smell its vile breath as it caressed my face.

Had the razor been near, my doom would be washing the walls red.

I tried to run, but fear held my feet in chains of Iron, and movement was impossible.

Finally, the veil lifted my tongue swollen and raw.

I gulped mightily from the cold, rancid tap to slack the burning thirst.

It was not quenched.

And may never be again.

This is It

Across the Mountain and through the Haze

Over the valley and into the maze

Let go of it all, be one and be free

For life has no meaning, if it’s not meant to be.

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