by Kennie Kayoz
Copyright 2015 Coyotes Publishing
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In The Corner
At family get togethers everyone seems to chat in groups.
Off in the corner by myself I sit.
Very little talk to me for that long.
I have no job.
I have no career.
I have no friends.
I don’t drink.
I don’t goto family gatherings.
I see no point in going to family gatherings.
All they do is drink.
I use to drink, then one day I just woke up and said “no more”
To me life sucks with or without it.
I’m no longer invited out.
As all I do is sit in the corner.
Oh Dear God No.
Is the typical response from family.
When you ask them if they add me on facebook.
I understand that they just don’t want to talk.
I use to try and start conversations.
Now I wait till they start one with me.
I know where I stand.
I’m easy to ignore.
How couldn’t I be.
For this I tend to keep my life in darkness.
Since I know all they would do is complain.
It’s easier not to tell rather than to deal with things.
They’re not very supportive.
Most People Don’t Get Me.
I’ve always had problems making friends
I always had problems keeping those friends.
It seems most people don’t get me
Perhaps I’m more morbid than most.
My mind is always leaning over to the darkside
Perhaps I find myself most comfortable
When I showcase my morbid side.
Most think that I’m weird.
Little actually get it.
I tend to just keep to myself.
Since I tend not to have a choice.
Most people look at me.
Then they judge.
As I continue to roam the earth alone.
Went for A Walk
I keep getting told I should go out and walk
For exercise, it would do me some good.
I refuse to go, if I went out and walked from where I am.
I don’t know if I would even come back.
I would no doubt leave with nothing.
Not sure where I would end up.
But the way my mind is, I doubt I would turn around.
I think I would just keep walking.
Thinking, wishing, hoping
A better life will find me.
Just leave everything behind.
In hopes of something better finding me.
I don’t know where I would sleep.
Perhaps on the street or a bench.
If I came back I don’t know if I would apologize.
Not with how I feel 99% of the time.
Nothing works out the way I want.
Nothing seems to work for the better.
I keep having dreams of a better life.
But my dreams are becoming faded.
Almost white washed.
It’s almost like they just don’t exist at times.
I wish I had those dreams.
But with how my life is.
I can’t sit here and honestly say things will get better.
It seems almost everytime I turn around something bad happens.
I’m 33 and I have seen more death around me than good things.
I wonder at times when it’ll be my time
Talk To Myself, Constantly.
I’ve said it before that I talk to myself
I don’t think that will ever stop
Since myself seems to be the only one who listens
Who gives me feedback I want to hear
Who won’t tell me its a waste of time.
I tend not to argue with myself.
Who else would I talk to.
I’m always left to sit by myself.
Since I’m not accepted.
Nor do I fit in with the ones who say they’re my family.
I don’t think I fit in with many.
Since while I talk to myself, I also keep to myself.