Queen of Anarchy: Chapter 2 – Roadkill’s Initiation By Jessica Kylie Nichols-Vernon aka HawlSera
A Brief Word from the Author: Hello
Several Brief Words from the Author: I’d like to dedicate this chapter and all subsequent chapters to #Blacklivesmatter. It is disgusting how the police keep shooting down young black man who performed the obviously unholy crimes of “Walking While Black” or perhaps even worse “Minding Own Business” I do not support the Police Department as I feel they no longer serve and protect but have become a legalized form of organized crime.
Dedicated in loving memory to Tim Ray Locklear aka Chief – Chief I have accepted your apology, may you find peace with your mother on the other side. And for my own sanity I pray you’ve learned how to tell a joke by the time I join you in the hereafter.
Special Thanks: Xodiac for Editing Help
Cover Art by NovelTeeth – http://www.furaffinity.net/user/novelteeth
Dying really puts things into perspective. Viper hadn’t been leading that meaningful a life, and it was hard to believe one gerbil and her ragtag group of misfits could make a real difference in the world. A difference achieved through crimes and shenanigans, but a difference nonetheless. She acted tough and got presents from the underworld, but she wouldn’t be so lucky next time if she didn’t make some form of real contribution to the world at large, something that really left a mark that just screamed, “Viper was here!” She was thinking about what she could do in addition to actually research The Great Snakes. After three years of wearing their symbol as a tramp stamp it would be nice to finally know what the ouroboros on her rump symbolized. The young gerbil could not even recall where she had even seen the symbol. Was it on some TV show or was it just on the wall at the parlor? The discovery of the symbol was no big event to her at all.
Viper was still her normal self, and not the more flattering specimen of femininity that she had been the night she killed Bad Wolf. Now that she was back to being her normal self, rather than a buxom bombshell, the fanciful red dress she’d taken to wearing no longer felt appropriate. For that matter, it no longer fit. Now Viper was now adorned in a simple white shirt and some random boxers she found in Roadkill’s bedroom. It wasn’t a perfect fit, either – in fact they were too big for her – but at least they weren’t awkward like the dress had been, once her body had changed back to its normal height. She hadn’t been surprised to see her taller, prettier form wear off. The Power of the Viper did only work at night, she was told, though they never said anything about it working only once. Viper realized this limitation meant she wouldn’t use it very frequently, which might be a good thing. She could do all sorts of suspicious things, and none of them would be linked to her normal form! Heck, she might even get away with more things if she did them in that big breasted form, as society seemed to think that beautiful people could do no wrong. Viper had learned, much to her disgust, that society gave women with curves a lot of opportunities that they simply didn’t hand out to tomboys like herself. Viper’s mother often told her of this, and it was the main reason why not only did they favor her sister over her but had even sprung for her to have Breast Augmentation Nano done.
Currently on TV was a news report about Bad Wolf’s death. Viper turned the volume up. She wanted to hear about her handiwork in dispatching him, and desired to know if it looked like a suicide like she had hoped it would. A weasel woman in a suit, looking attractive and young while still maintaining that she was serious and professional was giving the report.
“Good evening. On Halloween Night, just feet away from Miyamoto Nook’s sponsored Orphanage Fundraiser Banquet, police located the body of notorious gang leader, ‘Bad Wolf,’ a mentally ill individual who has evaded the law for years. Bad Wolf had several warrants out for alleged misunderstandings like Murder, Biped Trafficking, and Armed Robbery, and was even rumored to be involved in several bodies found outside of town in the deserts – one of which has recently been confirmed to include local runaway and dangerous thug Valerie Godwell, a 17-year-old gerbil who had ran away from home. Viewers may be familiar with the allegations that state her to be the female delinquent known on the streets as Viper. White Rook Local News sends its condolences out to the Godwell Family and we are pleased to know that we have heard the last of the Vicious Viper…. if they were the same… I mean…”
Viper fairly snarled in frustration. That Bad Wolf was listed as being mentally ill while Viper was considered the real threat came as no surprise to the gerbil. Wolves were capable of no wrongdoing in the eyes of the public. If someone did something worth doing they were or were driven to do it by a wolf. If a wolf did something wrong there were probably a reason for it. As a result Viper was far more annoyed at hearing her own name and even more so at being referred to as a delinquent, as opposed to a leader of a crime syndicate. And to have her gender thrown in, to give the impression that she couldn’t have been as serious as other gang leaders because she had a vagina. Just as much as she hated that, she detested the name Valerie Godwell. That was a life she had left behind. She didn’t consider the two lives at all the same, and she wasn’t happy when others did. But at least people thinking she’s dead will allow her to lay low for a while.
The newscaster continued her report as Viper watched from Roadkill’s House. Viper had asked to spend some time at his house, since she wasn’t sure she wanted to face her entire gang, yet. Even if she weren’t legally dead, every hotel except perhaps the shadiest required an extensive background check involving swiping one’s ID through a computer. It checked for warrants, outstanding fines, and a “Minority Runaway” list. If any of these pop up, the hotel could refuse to give you a room, even if the sentence for them had already been served. Viper had run away from her home two years ago, and would be on this list as a runaway till her 18th birthday next year. Luckily, though, she could use motels after this because Valerie had yet to be actually charged with anything. Only Viper was wanted.
“Forensics has reported that Bad Wolf died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. His reasons for doing so are believed to be a bite administered to his neck by a Daboia, an Asian Snake commonly referred to as the Chain Viper which had nearly paralyzed him. Though the identity of Bad Wolf cannot be confirmed, it is believed he used a gene machine illegally at some point to avoid possible identification. Though officials decree that they can confirm this is indeed the real Bad Wolf. Citizens are relieved, Bad Wolf’s mental illness was so severe that Mayor Sanburg urged police not to actively pursue him due to the number of officers who wound up dead, including the former chief of police, Lt. Bradwell. We may never know who Bad Wolf really was, but one thing’s for sure, the citizens of White Rook can rest a little easier. I’m Loretta Bronsly with White Rook Local News, and now a special report about Ay-Lay, the four armed genetic mutate doe pop sensation and her upcoming benefit concert for…..”
Viper picked up the remote and changed the channel, searching for something other than vacuous crap. “There hasn’t been anything good on TV in decades,” she muttered under her breath. “I should really double check the Movie Stream for documentaries on those snakes.” She had originally looked for documents after searching all over for the Anarchial Sisterhood book she found in this very house before it mysteriously disappeared. Even more strangely her memories of it were fuzzy despite having just read parts of it last night, but she remembered some basic things. Most of it was just the obvious stuff though, but stuff she could get behind. A big main idea was everyone wielding an equal and great amount of power so that no one could rule over anyone else. Mostly just the morals of kid’s shows given some spiritual flavor text to help someone going through a midlife crisis or the hopelessly gullible – nothing of proper substance. The government kept general-access information vague to prevent unlicensed mages from popping up all over. It made people feel as though they were learning about the spiritual even though they really weren’t, which was exactly how they wanted it.
“Like oh my various gawds,” a teenaged fox was gushing at the camera. Viper had cycled around the entire channel lineup. “Ay-Lay is just so adorable! Her pudge is so cuuute!” A teenage fox girl said, she was a little chubby, like some of Ay-Lay’s fans she had been trying to put on a few pounds. Ay-Lay’s figure wasn’t blubbery, but she definitely had some meat on her bones. She was like this intentionally, and it was one of the various things that had made her a hit. Most celebrities were afraid to be anything other than busty twigs, so it was a gamble, but men liked her body, women liked her promoting a more truthful representation of the female form whilst still being pretty and abnormal in her own right. Both sexes could agree that they loved her music. Viper had liked her music and would be one of the first in line to give her a tumble, but she she didn’t care much for the personal lives of celebrities and simply changed the channel.
“Sacred Way 4:Sect Of the Kankorkan is THE number 1 Action RPG of the 50’s!” Viper yawned, gaming hadn’t change a single bit since the year 2012, no one played anything that wasn’t an Arcade Machine or a Homebrew anymore. Countless failed lawsuits by consumers were unable to change that developers nowadays only sell overpriced demo disks and then make you buy the rest of the game through a series of microtransactions or locked behind a set of low quality cheaply made figures that cost more than the game itself. Console gaming was a fool’s game.
“2015 was a year that will live on in memory for marking the legalization of gay marriage which helped end a reign of cruelty and misun…” said an elf in a business suit, just saving face. Elves were an asexual male only race and see relationships in only the simplest of terms, being nothing more than the way the “little people” breed. They didn’t care about love between two straight people as it was, so in truth gay romance was nothing more than another way the whiney lower class tried to be frivolous. They tried to put on tolerant faces, but really they wanted to grind up “fags” for oil just like they did any female “mixed breed mutts”.
“In this edition of We Love The 30’s we look at the Hologram Fad, a method of communication and gaming that may be making a comeback”
“Herms, Gender Matchups Made That Way By Gene Machines, A Cult Of Sex Freaks or A Higher Understanding? Today we interview Silver City’s Iris Vinole…”
“Don’t judge a book by its cover, you’ll be needing some weapons!”
Viper caught the end of a movie involving a fight scene between an army fox and some gray biped she couldn’t quite place the species on, the film’s quality was outrageously bad. “Ha, this is the cheesiest fight scene I’ve seen since Squeaker showed me his collection of Bruce Lee movies” Viper commented, laughing to herself a little.
The room abruptly echoed with the loud strains of a jingle to an obscure motorcycle commercial Viper had seen as a child. Viper checked the caller ID on her phone. It was Cat, again. Perfect. She needed to have someone come over to install scan-blockers on Bad Wolf’s car and it would be good to have someone she could have some alone time with. “Sup love?” Viper said to the raccoon on the other line.
“Hey, muffin! You’re staying with the skunk, still, right? How’s he treating you?” Cat asked.
“Doll it’s like he ain’t even here, but Bad Wolf didn’t put any scan protection on his ride. Think you can send someone here to haul it off?” the gerbil said.
“That doesn’t sound like Bad Wolf. He is – or was, I guess – one of the most elusive and dangerous players in all of White Rook. Driving with an untagged vehicle is almost as amateurish as patrolling the streets without a mask or a ID falsifier.”
“Maybe that’s just how he got his kicks,” Viper suggested. She didn’t actually know, or care. “He was a thrill seeker who craved adrenaline in all its forms, after all.”
“Whatever. If I’m not too busy I’ll be there in a few hours. Otherwise, I’ll send someone else, love. So what are you wearing?”
“Some loose fitting stuff the skunk had layin’ around, and before you ask… No babe, I don’t smell anything like skunk shit.”
“Sounds like it’s easy to remove, then. I like that.”
Viper snorted. “It’s not exactly polite to go banging in other people’s houses.”
There was a girlish giggle on the other line. “Well, we can thank him for the room and board with a show. Just because I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean we can’t let a boy watch.”
“I love it when you talk dirty, you little raccoon slut” Viper cooed. The image of Cat’s naked form filled her mind and she could almost feel her there. Reddish fur covering an hourglass figure, with an innocent face that disguised a detailed knowledge of the kama sutra. Every detail from her sparkling blue eyes to her neatly trimmed hind paws was perfect. Even though it was an open relationship, her heart belonged solely to Viper.
“Listen, Squeaker’s on the other line and apparently some thugs think we’ll just take people not paying for our merchandise lying down. So I’ve gotta run some of the boys down there,” Cat said, on her end she cocked a pistol to let her girlfriend close enough to the phone for Viper to hear it.
“Cat…” Viper said warning.
“Oh, don’t worry. The gov only taps convicted felons, not us! Right?”
“Well, yeah, supposedly. But no point in tempting fate, luv!”
Cat sighed loudly into the phone. “Fine. I take it back. I will send some friendly folk over there to give them brownies and kisses. Better?”
Viper giggled, something she didn’t like to do often, but it happened when she was alone with Cat, she had the ability to touch her in ways no one else could, be they man, woman, or both. “Give them one for me sweetie.”
“Hehe, I will my little pellet munching junkyard queenie. I don’t expect this meth business to take too much longer. I’m on the way there. Sorry I’m not as badass as you, on the phone AND driving, that would make for quite the rebellious naughty little lawbreaking lesbo. I actually have Bucc driving with Jay and Faith in the backseat” Cat joked to the love of her life.
“So you left Labia with only the girls she don’t like? Oooooh she’s gonna be in such a good mood. I’ll let you get to business hon. I need to get back to looking for a book.” Viper teased somewhat.
“Is Roadkill treating you right?” Cat said in utter confusion, Viper was not the reading type at all. This came as a sudden shock, Viper detested reading for as long as she knew her. Which was really impressive given the two went to Highschool together. Though still the two were teenagers, now and then, but having known Viper in a school setting gave her a pretty good idea of how she was with reading. The library was one area where she could not and would not ever be found. Cat herself however enjoyed a good Choose Your Own Adventure every now and then.
“Yeah, a lot of strange things have happened” Viper tried to calm Cat, no one knows Viper like Viper, so she was instantly able to pick up on Cat’s confusion. “…I.. can’t wait to see you again.. I… things got real… Like…” Viper muttered but it was obvious Cat couldn’t make out what she was saying.
“Oh we’re here, I gotta kick some ass. I’ll talk to ya later, bye.” Cat said, somewhat rushed as she hung up.
Viper stretched and waited outside as she went outside to text the address of the place she was staying to her girlfriend. Then she decided to do some sit ups inside for awhile whilst watching more television. Roadkill didn’t have a desktop computer in his house, but after the Internet was banned in 2012 in a controversial move that led to the infamous Magic Civil War, there became very little demand for any. Several software development companies went belly up for traditional desktop computers as it was too much power and nothing to do with it. Instead the companies went straight into phones, gaming consoles, and laptops. Although not banned entirely the usage was heavily restricted to shopping, government stuff, and precisely one social media site that turned around and gave all of your information to the Government. The government felt that between Free Market Trade, Indie Game Development, Music Piracy, and Web Original Medias, it just gave too much power to the common man. There existed alternative means of connecting to the internet, a new separate internet known as RogueNet, known as the Deep Web prior to the ban. If you wanted to use the Internet unfettered this was the only way. It appeared Roadkill didn’t have it himself, Viper would make a note to ask her friend Crosswire to assist him with getting on it.
A couple of hours had passed and Viper was beginning to get a tad worried, she was sitting outside now because it was about time for Cat to arrive. In the middle of her understandable impatience she suddenly she heard a familiar sound that always got Viper wet and excited, the sound of a custom made chopper roaring its engines. The first time hearing it since her resurrection, which she had failed to learn anything about. Viper knew it was unlikely but she ran outside quickly hoping to find Cat but had her buzz killed because she saw not her princess in girly clothing on the ride, but instead it was a goat, a white furred goat capable of chewing through tin cans. Much like the person she was expecting this goat was female and did have a larger rack than Viper’s, but of course who didn’t? Though outside of this, the goat’s being left a lot to be desired, not in appearance, but in energy, her angry boyish demeanor was more aggressive than that of the teenage rodent, if not for the goat’s figure and girlish facial features people would mistake her for a man from sheer vibes alone, just like Viper herself often is, mistaken for a very effeminate man, or was until she started wearing padded bras. The goat pulled up to the beach house and with the removal of a motorcycle helmet was wearing revealed something Viper was already pretty sure of.
“Hey Labia” Viper greeted half-heartedly in an incredibly annoyed tone. It wasn’t so much that she had her heart set on Cat, Viper knew how business went and how unexpected things tend to turn up, especially when defending one’s territory, but Viper was prepared to see anyone, anyone, even a freshly resurrected Bad Wolf, far more than she wanted to see Labia.
The goat responded coldly and bluntly without the smallest hint of emotion as she looked at the orange car, it was a piece of work, a junked up sedan that looked far older than the bright red ride that Bad Wolf took Viper to meet her maker, well some giant snakes, in, far less fancy too. “This the car?”
“Well it’s nice to see you too.” Viper said sarcastically “Yeah, make with the hauling and get going.”
“With pleasure boss, if you weren’t the leader, you’d be dead to me anyway” Labia said, as she kneeled down and applied a small black frame-like device around the license plate and with a wave of her hoof it seemingly vanished. “And an invisibility spell for good measure, need anything else Skunk Fucker?”
“What’s this shit?” Viper half closed an eye in confusion “Roadkill is giving me shelter, not dick!”
“Pffft, don’t give me that bullfuck, Roadkill’s a m-a-n MAN!, men never do anything altruistic. Especially not for a woman, unless they’re getting something for it. That’s just how they’re wired, they’re not sophisticated and intelligent like us females.” Labia droned on this speech which was the same as many speeches like it but with a few names and terms mildly altered.
Viper sighed, Labia was a thick deluded one, she truly had no idea where Labia got all this from, she just assumed it was penis envy because of her beard. “I have not touched that god damn skunk outside of kicking him in his one-eyed face!”
“Yeah whatever!” Labia emphasised her aggravation with a disgusted grunt. “I know how men work and you can pretend all you want. You’re fucking him. I know you and Cat aren’t in a closed relationship. But I’m sure there’s plenty of trustworthy WOMEN who could have taken you in… plus you’re wearing his clothes, a disgusting collar in ownership of you. Face it, you’re his bitch now.” Labia the Goat prattled on, normally this kind of behavior would have merited a kick in the face and then some. Viper was one for speaking your mind and encouraged others to do so, but there was a difference between speaking your mind and being a bitch, this was being a bitch. Viper was used to it. Everyone in the gang was allowed to badmouth Viper. She even encouraged it on some occasions, but no one, and I mean no one ever insulted Viper to her face. No one except Labia, Viper wasn’t sure why, but it was one of the few things about her she admired. Maybe it was because her figurative balls were as large as her disgust for literal testicles, or maybe she was merely aware that she was far too valuable as the sole licensed mage in Viper’s Gang, a rarity in organized crime. Many mages remain under tight government surveillance, but at least one was a necessity for survival in gang warfare, not to win fights, but to prevent them. No one wants a magic fight, it’s all fun and games until someone grows a scorpion tail and becomes compelled to remove their own skeleton with it. Viper and Labia bickered back and forth as the goat worked, Viper took a peek at her rear end as she bent over. Viper wouldn’t dream of giving her a tumble in bed, maybe a quick hate fuck maybe, but looking is always free and Labia still had a round booty for the bisexual biped to enjoy bearing witness to.
“How’s the gang doing?” Viper asked ignoring her comments, she was used to the goat always acting in need of a tampon.
“Just fine, I’ve got a bad feeling about Squeaker though, that mouse is up to something!” Labia responded as she closed her eyes and focused energy upon the license plate, to which she had just attached a spiffy looking black rectangle. It glowed blue as the horned lass slowly opened her eyes which were in turn just as blue. The small metallic black rectangle on the plate vanished without a trace, Labia tapped at it, listening for the clinking sound. The problem with having hooves for hands is that ungulates can’t feel anything in the hard parts of their body, often requiring specialty products to avoid breaking anything. A good number of the population was hoofed so these specialty products were widely available. The goat smirked as she was rewarded with that clank of a job well down. “Alright, installed a Chaos Matrix with added Invisible Enchants, this baby right here…”
Viper looked incredibly annoyed “Shows the cops a random license number and is invisible, I know, we’ve all got them. Why the fuck do you feel the need to explain this each and every time you install one?” She wasn’t worried about that comment relating to Squeaker, he was always a bit of a pushover, if he was acting out of line she could break him with her pinky.
“Well it’s interesting, a mystical blend of technology and magic, two things previously thought to be entirely incompatible. Coming together to make sweet music.” Labia oohed and sniffed at the air, Viper wasn’t sure what music you could smell, but mages have a funny way of perceiving things that mundanes just could not get a hold of. Labia shuddered and tingled with delight before resuming her usual grimace. “Anyways, Squeaker called Cat and I have not heard from her. Shall I go whoop his ass?”
Viper just gave a dirty look to Labia and gave the following snappy remark “Goat, you want to whoop EVERY man’s ass, no, don’t unless you find out he’s actually up to something. Then call me and we’ll make it a party.”
“Damn right I do! Down with the XY! Down with Imposter Trans Females!” Labia laughed before getting on her bike and starting to drive off. Once the goat had hit the road Viper could still hear her scream. “FUCK THE PATRIARCHY!”
“Stay in the kitchen Labia!” A cute way of saying bye that Viper used to mock her friend, though that may have been too strong of a word. She seemed more playful than mad, though there was a hint of anger to her voice it was most likely only there because Viper usually sounds like she’s upset about something, it went with her incurable resting bitch face.
“Fuck you” Labia said plainly as she rode off back the way she came, sticking her middle finger or at least the appendage most similar to a middle finger on her three digits. In Viper’s proximity, likely in an attempt to amplify her simple two words. “Look, Roadkill’s gonna try SOMETHING. I’m leaving this ride here so you can get away when he does!”
Viper went back in and nearly began tearing the house up, books were strewn all over the place, the couch cushions were thrown about. It was a manageable mess, but it was still surprising to the skunk who came in very shortly after this little stew of disorganization was finished.
“H-h-h-h-hi” the Roadkill mumbled to the gerbil on the couch before stretching, his shoulder popped as he did so. He looked very uncomfortable, his one eye panning over to the mess as he gritted his teeth nervously. He was dressed in a suit and tie with a glass eye in place of his usual eye patch, which he grabbed from a drawer shortly after removing his glass eye and putting his eye patch back on. Roadkill went into his bedroom waving hi at Viper before switching into something casual, he brought with him a laptop which he opened. Viper was already cleaning, she did realize how rude and messed up it was that she trashed his living room and wouldn’t want someone doing that at her house. If she had one being a homeless runaway and all.
“Not much, just been thinking, maybe going to be a little more active tonight see what mischief I can get into, let the gang know I’m alive. Three days is long enough off the streets for a crazy cunt like me.” Viper replied before turning to face her host being surprised by his work attire. “While I’m still here though, I’ve always wondered. What’s the deal with the eye patch if you has a glass eye? Especially if you some 9 to 5 suit and tie assclown.” pointing her hairy claw like paws towards the very glass eye that she was talking about. “Can’t you just get a bionic one if you’re in a big gig?”
Roadkill twitched slightly began his normal series of mumbles. “I ugh…. eye… eye… elves… nature…. p.pappa… pat..” he eventually swallowed and realized this talking thing was going to take time. He opened the Text To Speech program on his laptop and typed out what he wanted to say. Letting the robotic voice of his computer talk for him. “I don’t trust anything in my body that didn’t come from mother nature, but my employers prefer the glass eye. Say it looks less like a rapscallion.”
“Isn’t that discrimination, missing an eye.. ain’t that like a disability?” Viper asked, herself a little confused. “I don’t think them gold chompers ain’t natural.”
“Technically yes, but people are fooled by appearances. People today are more concerned that things look normal than they with allowing everyone their rights, especially those higher in command.” Roadkill typed out to the gerbil as she listened to the program’s voice “As for my Golden Fangs, I lost more than a few of my real ones in a bar fight, I was still a little drunk and very mute, so a family gang member just said “GET DA GOLD! GET DA GOLD!” to the dentist, who happened to be a mob doctor. I mean where else do you get a dentist at three o’clock at the morning? Also… a lot of that bionic stuff is made by elves! Who knows what could be wrong with it, plus doesn’t that make me less of a skunk? I mean that’s a slippery slope to becoming a Technoid!”
“I know some Technoids who are still plenty beast, I wouldn’t worry about it… lame transbiped fears aside your life sounds fun.” Viper replied debating to herself the credibility of this story, eh she had no reason to doubt it. She laid back, albeit slightly uncomfortable as there came a sudden cramp in her foot paw, it was noticeable to Roadkill who had been examining said paws as she laid on the couch.
“Foot asleep?” Roadkill typed, Viper just shook her head no and curled her hindpaw, Roadkill watching as her claw like toes waved in a fashion that seemed invited, Roadkill himself looking a little anxious as those feet of hers moved around. He raised a fore paw towards it, but quickly took it back hoping Viper wouldn’t notice, she did though and merely gestured for him to continue.
Roadkill mumbled with his normal lack of an ability to speak as he continued working upon her hindpaw, after a good 5 minutes he was done and Viper curled her toes in delight she would have purred if she were a cat or panted if she were a dog, she however was a gerbil so she merely chittered.
“A Foot Freak eh?” Viper noted “Knew there had to be some wild side to you to wanna pal around with a monster like Bad Wolf, by the way. That line he had about me sucking you off. Let’s rap about that.” Viper’s eyes turned into a sour glare as she clawed angrily into Roadkill’s couch.
Roadkill’s jaw dropped, he had forgotten all about Bad Wolf’s statements about him and Viper during the murder. “NO! I got into this business because the cops don’t want to pursue the real criminals, they’re out there busting folks for smoking marijuana or missing curfew whilst serial killers like Bad Wolf just roam free!” He typed out, he had made a few typos in his panic. If he could do that sweating thing that a few other species of biped could do, he would.
This made the young gerbil raise an eyebrow. “That’s a swell way to fight crime.” she said sarcastically. She was having some doubts about this story. “Ya ever think that maybe doing his bidding was a retarded way to…..?” she managed to say before Roadkill tilted his head downward in shame.
“I know, I was in his gang, but I didn’t mean for that to happen” Roadkill typed out to the confused teenager. “I had gone out one night looking for Bad Wolf when…” Like a movie playing in his head with only one patron watching the final showing of a movie he had seen eighty seven times and thus was naturally unenthused merely using the film as a quiet empty place to smoke a cigarette and be in peace.
It was the middle of June, on a warm summer night and Tom, the skunk who would one day be known as Roadkill was walking the street in a black trenchcoat, the man was something of a bounty hunter. The police had been ordered not to pursue Bad Wolf for fear that he was just too much to handle, but members of his gang were not off limits so he had been collecting the bounties, in search of not money, but justice. Outside of a rundown hotel Tom waited scouting the area, he saw some cops a few blocks back so he knew there had to be someone sneaky nearby. When all of a sudden he heard a scream and saw a broken window, after putting two and two together he climbed up the railing and saw a deer like individual, no, more of a gazelle, “Pronghorn, that’s what he is!” the skunk said to himself. The pronghorn was holding a gun to a thick framed white cat who was more thick than fat and had been sleeping, but was now covering herself with her sheets, she looked terrified. Upon closer inspection she noticed he had a black eye and a number of bruises.
The pronghorn spoke quietly despite the loud entrance “The cops are after me you squealing little bitch!”
The cat shrieked “You… you… I’m sorry, I was scared you were beating me and…..you were hanging out with those shady people… and…” she began crying “OH GOD, PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!”
“You’re going to harbor me in your hotel, when management comes to ask about the window you’ll blame it on a kid who threw a rock, you’re going to give me head and I’m going to give you anal, tomorrow when the heat dies down we’re going back home and you are never to cross me again!” The hoofed one commanded looking incredibly angry, his voice was completely serious, he was dictating his commands and he demanded they be carried out.
“You’ve changed Jarrid… you’re not the man I fell in love with..” the cat said softly
“He’s dead, no one bosses me around anymore, no one except for Bad Wolf himself.” Jarrid The Pronghorn said before hearing the clicking of a gun and looking over, seeing a black skunk covered in white spots holding up not one, but two semi-automatic pistols.
“You just said the magic words buddy, where can I find Bad Wolf?” Roadkill barked, he looked over at the feline female and quickly back over to the pronghorn “Sorry mam would have come in sooner, but I had to hear him say it or he’d deny knowing him.”
Jarrid laughed “Well retard if you want to die so badly and so painfully, you didn’t have to drag me into it, but why don’t I just save my boss the trouble anyway.” before pointing his gun, a sawn-off double barrel at the skunk’s face and started to pull the trigger.
“Wrong answer!” the nameless skunk shouted before shooting him in the kneecaps. Jarrid doubled over, unable to move his legs, he tried standing up again, but couldn’t. He looked up and saw two pistols pointed at his face.
“Fuck you!” Jarrid yelled he felt no pain whatsoever, he was far too doped up to, thus he was mostly annoyed.
“Where’s Bad Wolf?” The Skunk who would be Roadkill asked
“What the hell’s going on!?” the cat asked
“A little detective work mam, please stay out of this.” the skunk who would be Roadkill said nicely keeping his eyes on the Pronghorn “Drop the gun and tell me where Bad Wolf is.”
It was at this point that a person in a blue full body armored suit came in holding a rifle like weapon with a nozzle attached, they were a grayish cyan color the same as the suits. “FREEZE! Citizen Name Tom Arlen, Species Spotted Skunk, Registered Mage, Water Air Elemental Typing, BardBlade Specialist, Spellcharm Type – Spellsword you are under arrest for breaking and entering, put down the weapons or we will open fire, you have the right to remain silent. All that you say and do are being recorded for use against you in a court of law by the ASEL Act Of 2025” the suited person ordered, the suit didn’t show gender very well and the helmet had a built in voice masker causing the voice to sound very monotone and devoid of emotion or pitch.
Tom, the skunk who was only trying to help said “No no, I’m the hero!”
The cat froze up for a bit whilst Jarrid smiled, making sure not to directly face the cop to ensure his identity wouldn’t be registered by law enforcement “I was trying to protect my wife officer when this maniac showed through the window, I grabbed the sawn-off to protect myself when he shot off my kneecaps.”
“Citizen that is an illegal weapon modification, please show your face so that I may add your charge to your record” the person said before pointing his gun at Tom Arlen’s face.
“I can’t sir this dangerous criminal is holding guns at me and will blow me away if… if I do” Jarrid stated, starting to sound a little nervous.
“Citizen and Registered Bardblade Thomas Arlen, you must comply or you will be executed. Drop the guns” the robot-like suited man said to himself before placing to his left temple a gloved paw that looked unlike any animal paw “Request med-evac for one citizen, species unknown, best guess is Pine Marten”
“Pronghorn!” Jarrid objected, causing the man to correct himself by speaking the correct animal name.
“Tseranade’s Rivers! Mam will you say something before he kills me…” Tom said to the frightened and bedded feline panicked.
The cat looked at the cop, then at her ex-lover, and finally at Tom, she bit her lip for a second. She noticed a mirror on the wall whilst looking over the three. She saw her bruised face and blackened eye and in that moment, she knew what to do. Love shouldn’t hurt, but the truth does, the truth that she married a selfish piece of shit. She finally spoke up “He’s telling the truth. My husband was trying to kill me and broke in through the window. This skunk saved me!”
Jarrid The Pronghorn raised his sawn-off at his wife “BITCH WHY’D YOU FUCK THIS UP FOR ME? Now you’re going to get it!” he was about to pull the trigger when a burst of blue light shot out from the officer’s weird looking gun and completely disintegrated the weapon leaving nothing behind but some ashes.
Tom Arlen lowered his weapons and breathed a sigh of relief as the officer grabbed Jarrid and looked him in the eye. “Citizen Name Jarrid Ossian, Wanted for Drug Trafficking, Resisting Arrest, and Domestic Abuse, Thought to be working with Bad Wolf, New charges Attempted Murder, Breaking And Entering, Illegal Weapon Modification, Resisting Arrest Second Count” the pronghorn’s hooves were placed in handcuffs as he bitterly grumbled to himself accepting his defeat as the officer spoke, using his helmet’s computer to relay what he was saying to his fellow officers. “Currently Heavily Intoxicated, Criminal’s main symptoms to watch out for are Irrational Behavior, Irritability, and Dulled Nerves. Subject is almost incapable of feeling pain.”
“I overheard him say he may know where Bad Wolf is officer!” Tom pleaded “Make sure you include that in your report.”
“I apologize Citizen, but even if he brought it up himself in exchange for a lighter sentence we’d just let it slide. The mayor has deemed Bad Wolf too dangerous to actively pursue, meaning that we will have to ignore any information concerning his whereabouts.” The Officer stated, his body language suggested he was disappointed about this, but the voice filter made it sound completely monotone and apathetic.
“I thought that was a sick joke!” Tom said in shock “How can such a dangerous lunatic just be given a free pass to do whatever the hell he wants?”
“Citizen I assure you it is no joke and the Mayor is doing all he can to protect the citizens of White Rook. Protocol disallows me further discussion on the subject. Because you were helpful in the apprehension of this convict and are a registered bounty hunter I am obligated ask that you come down to the station to collect a partial bounty.” the officer stated coldly before turning to the female
“I’m worth way more than anything you’ll pay him!” Jarrid yelled “Let me out of these cuffs! I’m the biggest heroin dealer in all of South Carolina. Bad Wolf’s gonna bust all three of ya up to get me back on the streets!”
“Way to go dickweed, now his suit just registered that as a confession.” Tom pointed out to which the helmeted being seemed to nod, though it was hard to tell.
“I’m getting off scot-free anyway, and you WILL die!” Jarrid screamed “YOU HEAR ME TOM! YOU WILL DIE!”
“Enough out of you!” The officer stated, no added tone or pitch, but at a louder volume before finally saying to the feline. “Citizen Marie Ossian, you are to be placed in the witness protection program. We cannot go after Bad Wolf, but we can at least do some damage control. As your husband attempted to murder you, you will also be granted a voucher for one free use of a Government Operated Elven Genetic Rearrangement And Monitor Machine. Use it wisely, you will not be granted another unless extreme circumstances rise.”
“It looks like I’ll have to move…. I don’t know what got into Jarrid. He used to be so sweet before all this drug business” Marie The Cat commented, nothing but pure worry heard in her voice.
“I’m sorry to hear that ma’am, I’ll take this Pine Marten Scumbag off your hands, do not leave or you will be both in violation of the law. My partner is outside, he shall come up to escort you both to the precinct.” The officer stated grabbing the Pronghorn and standing him up, but he instantly fell over.”
“I’m a Pronghorn you asshole! And I’ve been shot in the knees!” The Pronghorn stated coldly
The Officer sighed a sigh which his Voice Masker did not pick up and began carrying the pronghorn on his shoulder to a stretcher, he would be escorted to a hospital and then jail from there.
Tom and Marie caught a ride with another officer, or maybe the same one. The cops weren’t allowed to talk much and they all looked the same in that armor. Most Government Law Enforcement and even some rescue services used Power Armor. Mall Cops sometimes wore the old pre-war security uniforms or low powered White and Green armor, but the latter was only if the employer was willing to shell out big bucks, they were everywhere in richer shopping districts. If Tom recalled correctly it was Red, White, and Blue for National Guard, Red and White for Rescue Forces, Black for Swat Units, Violet for Police Chief, Gold for TSA. The military used Power Armor occasionally, but not all the time. They had theirs in various camo patterns, though mostly they used Exoskeletons, which were invisible forcefields, also standard issue for government agents. They burned more power, but allowed for more mobility. The suits all had different functions, the ID Scan for example, was not at all available for Security Armor which tended to do nothing but conceal the identity of the wearer and increase strength, Security Suits RARELY came with weapons except for stun rays, and even then there was a good chance that they did not have one.
Eventually Tom and Marie gave accounts of the story, Marie crying, with Tom just glad that everything was over and done with and no one got hurt. He collected his 750 dollars which he would deposit into his bank account tomorrow before work. He really only worked because it was illegal to not have a job if you were not in school, Bounty Hunting was his true passion and it paid very well. Though still he was glad to have his job, if he had to fill a quota just to eat while stopping the spread of crime he’d literally depend on criminals to exist in order to make money and stay fed. No system operating under that principle could every stamp out crime, but sadly the PRA’s Police Force had used the philosophy of criminal quotas even back when they were the USA
The next day was mostly uneventful, “Name, Species, Social, Gender Identity, okay please take your seat.” as usual, sometimes he’d work the photo machine for the licenses and sometimes he did not, today he did, but eventually the spotted skunk with two functioning eyeballs was about to head to his car after a long day of taking license photos and handing out paperwork when an attractive young doe dressed in a very masculine looking outfit that hid her curves as well as possible, a tight green shirt with binding to make her breasts seem less noticeable, this deer had on baggy jeans and a black overcoat as well. It was only by scent that Tom could tell this woman was female. “Tom Arlen?” she said whilst leaning against Tom’s older looking red 2018 model camaro.
“Who wants to know?” the skunk responded cautiously, wary of strange people in the neighborhood. Especially after last night’s close encounter.
“It’s not safe to talk here, word on the grapevine is that you are looking for a certain lupine who has been very naughty.” The doe looked around, and seemed to cover herself with her trenchcoat. “I want you to meet me under a pier near the beach at 3AM tonight. I now where he is. The specific pier I’m talking about is the one with the Arcade on it. You know, The Last 8-Bit Hero?”
“I’m familiar with it.” Tom answered, he took his nephew there all the time when his brother was in town. “We’re talking about Ba…” he suddenly had a hoof in front of his mouth.
“Don’t say his name and don’t be late. I have…. other clients who would be very angry if you were” she said before walking away, she didn’t sway her hips like most women, in fact her posture was mostly masculine it was very likely that this she was actually a he and couldn’t afford the genetic makeover. Tom shrugged and got in his car.
Tom had prepared for a night like this for as long as he can remember, dressed in all black to add to his dark fur’s natural nighttime stealthiness, he loaded two black pistols in to holsters, and reached for a knife out of a drawer. “Daddy hasn’t seen you in a long time” Tom said to himself as he pulled out an incredibly sharp dagger and placed it in a holster attached to the back of his black jeans. He was armed in case his date with this shady doe was some kind of trap. He was about to head out the door, when he slapped his forehead. “The scum in this town hasn’t given me reason to use it…. but…” he said to himself as he walked to his bedroom, pulling a trunk from under his bed. He opened it and a big grin was thrust upon his face as he saw a rapier with a strangely clean blue aura around it. His Bardblade’s sword. Rarely using it, because truthfully it had embarrassed him to be one of White Rook’s few Twirling Knights as they were sometimes called, but going after the big bad wolf himself called for heavy artillery. He grabbed it and closed his eyes, feeling a surge of energy through him as he took a few practice lunges. “SPIRIT OF THE WATERS! CALL FORTH YOUR DAUGHTERS!” he sang out, as he spun around dancing as he cut a W into the air, a torrent of rain coming from the W which stayed. He flicked his wrist forward which flung it toward leaving his wall soaked.
The mephit just smirked as he turned his blade upside down. “Downpour!” he cried out in an operatic fashion as he stabbed down into the ground forcing the water to flood into the hardwood floor revealing a symbol etched into the wall that could only be shown by a Water Magician. The symbol of a lute. Tom Arlen spun around three times, jumping at the end of each spin and finally thrust his sword into the center of the lute. The rapier had small strings around the blade made of a rare metal that vibrated with a twang as the impalement was made. Due to the magic of the symbol it made a twang that was far more soothing than any other. Once the blade was in Thomas kneeled in prayer. “Tseranade, Great Water Dragon, I know that I have turned my back on the path of the prawna for sometime, I have fallen astray to do what my superiors the elves asked of me, but I have realized that adhering to their arrogance I have only lived in my own false pride. Thus I ask that you lend me the strength to overthrow the chains I’ve forced upon myself.” he opened his eyes and looked at the lute symbol. Which shrunk and literally jumped off the wall and floated, causing Tom to blink twice as it became to take on a three dimensional shape and colored itself blue which then fell into his hands as a necklace. He smiled as he put it around his neck and kissed it for luck. This was the Mage’s Guild License which he had for some time hid. Though not a full mage, he still needed it as a bardblade. “Thank you Tseranade, I shall not allow myself and my prayers to be silenced again.”
Tom drove to Last 8-Bit Hero, he parked his car some distance from the boardwalk and walked the rest of the way, if this was a trap he didn’t want his perpetrators to know his ride. He walked under the pier, thinking about blowing her off. A random doe walking up to him the day after he puts a major heroin dealer behind bars? It’s got to be a trap, but what choice did he have. It’s not like anyone else even WANTED to know anything about Bad Wolf for him to ask another. Tom saw the doe, dressed far more casually, perhaps a little too casually in boxers and a tank top. Not the most normal beach wear, but maybe boyshorts, as women who wore boxers liked to call them, were popular this season. Tom could not figure out why she was covering up so much in their first encounter, she had an amazing top-heavy hourglass figure though it was one that did not compliment her short hair.
“2:55 AM Tom, you’re a little early, but it shouldn’t be a problem” The doe said to the skunk as she diddled with her phone.
“Okay, where’s Bad Wolf’s hideout? Or if you know where he is I could just go get him….” Tom looked around still not sure of the doe’s trustworthiness. “I am prepared to end his life…” though it came out forced he added onto this sentence as fiercely as he could sound. “AND YOURS!… If this.. is a trap I mean.”
“I can’t tell you where his hideout is, but as for Bad Wolf…..” The doe looked over to the side with a sinister smile.
“Yes?” Tom said reaching for his pistols just to be safe, a force of habit, if he wanted full protection he would have found his rapier more useful.
“I’m right here” Bad Wolf walked out from the side of pier with a grin and an assault rifle attached to his red wife beater, he came from the very beginnings of the pier, just outside of Tom’s scope of vision. “You’ve been making too much of a fuss to be safe bounty hunter. So you’ll be coming with me!” Behind the doe he stood and began playing her large breasts, his hands buried inside her tanktop, much to her annoyance, the wolf rubbed his muzzle up against hers. The doe looked very uncomfortable, but Bad Wolf didn’t seem to care as he suddenly focused his eyes at Tom as though he wore a large three meat four cheese at a pizza party.
Tom gritted his teeth, he was not expecting that, he grabbed his guns and pointed at Bad Wolf. “I think it’s you two who will be coming with me. I’m going to be a hero when I take you in!”
Bad Wolf just licked the doe woman who tried pushing him off, before he decided to just shove her to the ground, she looked up at him with an angry stare, but he didn’t seem to notice. “I’d drop em if I were you.” before pointing behind him.
Tom didn’t turn around and kept his focus on Bad Wolf, he was going to go for the knees to make sure that he couldn’t get away. Death would be too good for Bad Wolf. Tom was all too ready to take the shot when a lion and a brown bull entered his peripheral vision, the lion had a whacked out mane that reeked of too much hair spray and on his face a very goofy smile that accentuated his large chin. The brown bull had a simple black haircut for his headfur, he was incredibly buffed out, wearing daisy dukes with a leather jacket oddly enough, and had extra large horns. Tom had to wonder if the bull was on any form of steroids, he heard weapons clicking and saw they were pointing guns at him. Tom quickly shifted the guns positions towards the two assailants. “I can beat both of these clowns to the draw, call them off before I drop them.”
Bad Wolf just grabbed his assault rifle which had been strapped to his back “And I’ll kill all three of you before I give a fuck.” The lupine man was serious, Tom could tell by the way Bad Wolf laughed. It was not a nervous chuckle at all, but rather the kind of giggle one gives out when they hear a particularly good knee slapper.
Grease the lion looked towards his boss as his jaw dropped “DON’T!”
Bad Wolf growled “Shut the fuck up Grease.”
Tom threw his guns onto the sand and raised his paws. “Oh well, we wouldn’t want that now would we?” The skunk said as he began humming a tune and quickly as possible reaching behind his back to unsheath his sword.
“The hell are you doing, I’ll shoot you dead before you get near me.” Bad Wolf chuckled as he cocked his weapon.
Ignoring the immediate threat as best he could, Tom extended his leg and his blade. Bad Wolf shrugged and began to open fire and thus the skunk was dead, filled with holes, bleeding profusely. Good night sweet prince, and may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
Meanwhile, back in the present, Viper interrupted the story immediately, not believing this portion of Roadkill’s tale. “Are you fucking with me? There ain’t no way you died! I mean I did and I’m fine, but somehow I doubt that’s a very common story.”
“Ye.. yeeaaah.. I ju… to tell the truth I’m a little emb-bar-barrased about what happened..” Roadkill said, looking down at the ground. “I mean.. I..”
“Look I already know you’re one of them twirling knight faggots.” Viper said with no sense of class or elegance as expected of the little street rodent. “I mean nothing against gay people, I’ve got a girlfriend myself but doing magic by dancing. That’s all kinds of fruity.”
“Well.. I… I… okay” Roadkill sighed and went back to his story. He showed some remorse at being called a faggot. Why did everyone assume he was gay just because he was good at dancing? Not that gay people deserved to be called slurs either, but it had always ticked him off.
Back at the beach, Tom had extended his leg in an incredibly girly fashion as well as his sword. Those bullets of Bad Wolf’s were descending upon him like a cackle of rabid vultures upon roadkill. The skunk ignored the gunshots as best he could as began to spin and sing a little diddy. The words to this diddy were quite obstructed by the actions that took place for the rapier had turned into a giant sized version of a child’s bubble wand and the skunk’s spin had left him quite coated by an extra large drop of water that left Tom swimming in place and well protected from the bullets as they lost all momentum once they touched the permeable membrane of this bubble.
“Hey, well I’ll be damned.” Bad Wolf laughed as he strapped his weapon. “Laughing boy here is a god damn Bardblade. And unless he’s Water Aligned he shouldn’t be able to breathe in that bubble for very long.”
“What if he is?” The doe asked, narrowing her eyes at Roadkill who was giving his biggest smile as he extended his arm and middle finger. “Which he appears to be given how he’s not struggling for air, at all. Actually he seems rather comfortable.”
“Then I’ll get Big Mouth on it.” Bad Wolf barked back at the cervine, glaring at her with his big angry yellow eyes before turning around to yell. “BIG MOUTH! THAT’S YOUR CUE!”
“Oooh then can we make him strip, I want to see his goods!” a crazed and erratic voice from the pier stated, he appeared to be a crocodile or maybe some form of alligator, but he was neither for he was an indian gavial with a skull nose ring. “You know what they say about a gentleman with black fur….”
“Not in front of me you’re not! But… hey on your own time. Whatever.” Bad Wolf said in disgust that turned into a sense of minor annoyance as soon as he burned the mental image out of his head.
A yellow flash came onto the beach from behind the pier before stopping between Bad Wolf and Tom. “Oh hey, you’re the skunk I met the other day” a yellow spotted cat, a cheetah dressed in a familiar white wife beater and jeans was in front of Tom who just blinked. The cheetah had steel kneepads that had an onimonous red glow to them. Bionic replacements it looked like.
“There’s something familiar about you, but…. I think I’d remember encountering a cheetah with bionic knees.” Tom said nervously poking his head out of the bubble briefly to talk and back inside once Bad Wolf noticed, he was far beyond in hot water at this point, Tom was knee deep in a mixture of lava and feces.
“You sure?” he knocked on his knee which made a clanging noise “You gave me these replacements!”
“Jarrid?” Tom said looking confused “But you’re a pine marten….”
“No, I WAS a pronghorn. This is the new me, not what I’m used to, but I guess it’ll do” He smiled and flicked his head-fur back. “A little more cute than what I’m used to, but I think it’ll work out for me in the long run.”
“How did you afford to use a Gene Machine? Your wife was at a sleazy motel, it’s not like you were rich or anything…” Tom observed before being punched in the stomach, his bubble had been bursted somehow. Had he not been reeling in pain he’d have noted that Big Mouth was a magician himself, and given his Water/Void alignment and massive skill, one more than capable of counter casting to Tom’s spells.
“I owe money to some friends in low places” Courier stated angrily gritting his teeth before punching Tom a second time, this time in the jaw.
Bad Wolf growled “Alright, I didn’t drag him all the way out here with all my men just so you could show off. Listen skunk, I like your skills and anyone with skills either works for the cops or the underground. I think you’re Lunar Legendary material, so how does the name Stank sound?”
“Like you’re out of your goddamn mind! You can just shoot me right now!” Tom spat in Bad Wolf’s general direction before Courier delivered a roundhouse kick to his face. Tom dusted himself off and was about to strike back but he recalled the guns pointed at him and did nothing
“What did I tell you about showing off!?” Bad Wolf yelled before slapping Courier who fell to the side like a punk. “Cut that shit out!”
“Yes sir!” Courier stated sounding somewhat worried before getting back up, Bad Wolf just pushed him into the ocean.
“No one likes a suck up either” Bad Wolf said with no emotion in his voice. “We thought you’d say that…. BLINDSPOT!”
“Gotcha, hehe!” a mole on the pier laughed a bit before grabbing a blue dolly, he and said dolly were just outside of Tom’s view and rolled it to the edge of the boardwalk. “Come out and play Big Blue!” A shark fin became visible through the water upon this. On the dolly there was a cat, it was Marie Ossian tied to to it, she looked even more bruised than the other day and had her muzzle tied shut.
Tom stared and just chuckled to himself upon seeing this. There was no way this was really happening. Tom had pieced everything together and realized that this was a goofy dream. A flamboyant looking Cheetah getting smacked around by a Big Bad Wolf, a shark literally coming to a henchman’s call. He realized he fell asleep watching saturday morning cartoons, that is what was happening. Had to be it. “Hahaha…. oh man, this is…. Ha… this is really cute… You’ve got to be kidding me. A shark?… Okay I was worried this was really happening for a second.. but no.. this another one of my lucid dreams.. gotta be.”
Bad Wolf punched Tom in his right eye, fairly hard… Tom rubbed it as he fell to the ground, it was bleeding a little, but he’d be fine if he went to the doctor soon, this punch and what would follow would be proof that his previous hypothesis was incorrect, this was in fact really happening. “This aint no joke! How dare you laugh at me! The cops are too scared to even touch me!” he said as he kicked sand on the wounded eye. He proceeded to relentlessly stomp all over Tom until he cracked his rib cage, and then picked him up and began punching him, repeatedly, over and over, in the goddamn face. “NO ONE MOCKS BAD WOLF! NO ONE!”
Bad Wolf eventually stopped with Tom badly damaged and barely able to stand up. Bad Wolf growled “Lost my temper, most idiots know better than to mouth off at me. Grease, Rodeo stand him back up.”
The duo did so as Courier looked at Marie, and suddenly realized that it was indeed his wife. Courier got mad “Boss, you said you found someone close to Arlen that was expendable, that’s my wife!”
Bad Wolf looked at the cheetah with a lunatic’s snarl, regained composure and simply said “If she’s not me, she’s expendable!” The unrepentant killer then gestured toward Tom and continued speaking. “You like everyone else here is a pawn, if I want you to cut your goddamn tail off and eat it you better get to dismembering if you want to stay alive. Tom, are you walking out of here with the name Stank or with her blood on your paws?”
Tom looked up and then down at the ground. Perhaps This would give him a chance to learn where Bad Wolf’s hideout is and just blast him in the head. This was more of a golden opportunity than first glance revealed, it seemed shocking at first especially since now he had more reason to hate Bad Wolf than ever before.
Suddenly something happened that shocked everyone, Courier gritted his teeth and ran to the pier. Running at literally fifty miles an hour, that’s the good thing about being a cheetah, you can go from standing still to an incredible speed. Unfortunately you can’t go too far of a distance or run for too long or you’ll wear yourself out. Cheetahs are generally not known for having the stamina to back up their speed. Courier however knew exactly where to go, to the pier to get his wife, he’d have a lot of explaining to do when this was over. To his employer AND his beloved, whom he tried to waste just three days ago. The newly feline cheetah did a u-turn off the beach and onto the pier zooming in on Blindspot whom he pushed into the water. The ex-pronghorn quickly clawed loose the ropes binding his confused looking wife, whom spoke the second she was able to remove the gag from her mouth.
“Why the hell are you helping me….” she asked, not recognizing this young adult cheetah who seemed fresh outta high school as her middle aged pronghorn husband. She overheard some things, but ultimately was not listening due to the fear clutching her heart in response to the situation she had found herself in, one that seemed far more hopeless than the one she was in just three days ago. Even if she had been listening, her husband just looked so different, it was very hard for her to see this as the man he married, even more so than the horrible person who put a sawn off in her face and threatened to kill her. All eyes quickly shifted to be on these two shortly after the splashing.
Blindspot was now in the ocean with Bruce, the biped shark who had earlier been imitating a feral of the same species was now moving onto attack upon hearing the splash. Blindspot began panicking and splashing around further, surprised and acting all off of pure instinct. Bruce also acted on pure instinct and adrenaline, he was never very bright to begin with, letting his wild animal nature take the wheel most of the time. It was not difficult to see why Bruce and Bad Wolf got along swimmingly. At their core they were both remorseless killers who acted for fun, not for defense. A real shame as wolves and sharks that were feral tended to be far more gentle than the stereotypes the common people believed them to be, these notorious thugs and what they do to people don’t do much to help those images. Though some aspects of their species were true to their character, in Bruce’s case it was the sharpness of his teeth, desire for constant stimulation, and infamous hunger. Bruce quickly swam and without thought or holding anything back, bit into Blindspot’s side and bit down hard, organs and blood poured out of the bite as the mole screamed out for help. Everyone was watching, Rodeo even stepped forward to help, but Bad Wolf put his paw in front of him.
“He’s already dead, besides I kind of want to watch this” he growled, Rodeo looked a little down about it, but he ultimately knew from the amount of blood that a pretty nasty bite was taken out of him. Bruce took another bite, he knew who this was at this point, at least somewhat, but he was in a frenzy and wasn’t going to stop.
Blindspot looked towards his crew screaming most of it was nothing comprehensible, but he was able to get out “Why aren’t you helping me! Bruce has gone nuts!” humorously, at least to Bad Wolf who laughed his tail off, which at this time was wagging quite a bit, a telltale sign of joy.
Tom however took this time to run as everyone was too distracted to pay him any mind, run as fast as his mephit legs would take him, the sun was coming up, people would off to their jobs. If he could just get closer in town he’d be in the middle of witnesses, who could possibly see him. He soon heard something that nearly made his heart stop. The whirring of a motorcycle, where the hell did that come from. Tom looked back and saw an incredibly pissed off Bad Wolf riding a brand new looking bright red motorcylce. “It’s rude to ditch your new family, well we could have been anyway, sorry Tom, but it looks your new name is Roadkill.” he said before laughing like a lunatic.
The skunk looked into what was surely his demise, stuck like a deer in headlights, he was faced to fate with his fate. Hit, but not dead, the skunk sputtered about. His rib cage broken, he sprayed out of fear, his eyes were fine, well one anyway. Tom had one eye in, and one eye hanging out of his socket. Barely conscious, he babbled incoherently, spitting out some blood as he did.
“Hehe, holy shit! You’re still alive. BIGMOUTH! GET OVER HERE!” Bad Wolf yelled as he slowly stepped off of his bike, his bare hindpaws leaving wolf tracks in the sand. Standing there looking over the skunk with a smile “Oh yes, I think I have just the thing for you.”
“Oh, You want me to rape the dying blackie? Add insult to injury?” Bigmouth said as he squealed in delight, already beginning to take off his pants before Bad Wolf covered his eyes.
“No you sick fuck, I want you to fix him up. No species change this time, but curse him for me.” Bad Wolf ordered. “I don’t want to hear a fucking peep out of this jackass as long as I live. The silence he makes is quite refreshing. Don’t you think?””
Big Mouth smiled with a big toothy grin “I haven’t cursed anyone since you had me turn that raccoon into a child. It will be my delight!”
The various bipeds drove off, many giving disgusted looks to Bruce as he picked their fallen comrade Blindspot from his teeth. Rodeo the bull debated whether or not it was worth picking a fight with Bruce, as the two had been friends for a considerable amount of time. They weren’t inseparable, but back in college the two had taken classes together and they played mean games of Pinball against one another in the student hall. Ultimately he decided to go for it and smacked his hoof against Bruce’s face. Bruce retaliated leading to a scuffle, both men were quickly forced to wrestle one another on the ground. If this had been back in the water, Bruce would have already felled Rodeo, but on dry land this could go either way.
Eventually the fight was broken up with no real winner when Bad Wolf came back and kicked the two brawlers to get their attention and commanded them to arise. “Rodeo, Bruce, stop showing your love for one another and help Big Mouth carry the skunk back to base. I have a brilliant plan for our skilled little bounty hunter.”
They brushed themselves off and got right back up, going to where Big Mouth was. Both beasts averted their eyes as Big Mouth jacked Tom off, bursts of pearly white skunk spunk were abound.
“Look I love a handsome man as much as the next fag, but do you have to be so god damn gross all the fucking time?” Rodeo pondered angrily and out loud as he allowed Big Mouth to put the now unconscious Tom’s pants back on. He threw his hoofs up in disgust as he walked away “Bruce, help him pick him up. I’ll be waiting over yonder with my red pick up.”
Bruce stopped him for a second “Wait…. You’re gay? I never realized that.”
Rodeo halted in place “As queer as the day is long. I’m surprised you never noticed” There was a hint of aggression in his tone as he turned around. He looked very strong, very much like a trucker. Which he was studying to be before he got mixed in with Bad Wolf, College was mandatory, but for as far back as he could remember only rich kids really got to afford much in the way of education. The system was broken and in much need of repair, but it seemed that no one cared.
“I ain’t got a problem with it, what you do and who you do it with is your own fucking business, I just didn’t take you for the type. I mean you’ve got all those girly pictures in your truck. I figured they were there for…..” Bruce pointed out stumped.
“I find the female form to be a thing-a beauty. Just cause I don’t wanna bed one, don’t mean I can’t find their shape appealing.” Rodeo explained, he must admit to himself it felt very odd to be having a civil conversation about art with the shark who just killed a friend of his and showed no guilt in having done so.
“So you’re bi then? Just prefer dudes is all.” Bruce inquisitioned as he and Big Mouth carried the unconscious Tom Arlen.
Rodeo walked with and continued, this conversation clearly calming his addled mind as his accent became thicker and more pronounced “No, it’s like art. Like a statue or a painting or something. You don’t wanna stick your dick through a painting of somethin’ nice, but you like looking at it. It inspires you, calms ya down, helps ya collect your thoughts and what not. My tackle only goes into one hole and it ain’t the one ya find on a girl.”
Big Mouth cackled as his voice did spiral oddly. “Oh ho ho, this is most an excellent development. How do you feel about guys on the plushy side. I could use quite the pounding from a wonderful specimen of the rougher sex, such as your buff bovine self… hehehe….” the semi-aquatic reptile put a scaley talon like hand on his gut and smacked it a few times. Laughing as he did so, raising his expansive tail in delight.
“Pass, I may be gay but that don’t mean I go around running old glory up any rear that gets put in front of it. Besides, you just plain ol’ creep me the fuck out” Rodeo explained “Welp I better get that truck back here.” the homosexual bull walked off, his bare hooves leaving tracks in the sand, his long paintbrush-like tail swishing as he did so, no one in the world really paid that much mind for shoes as they just seemed silly to most. Some fashionistas did as well as astronauts and haz-mat workers, but most went barefoot unless they were trying to pull off a certain look.
Everyone eventually got Tom loaded up and the Lunar Legends gang was driving back to their HQ with a regaining consciousness, barely struggling for life spotted skunk in tow. Tom eventually awoke and found himself in a dimly lit room with cargo boxes surrounding. Bad Wolf his head cocked as he raised his yellow eyes into the skunk’s one blue eye. “Eye see you! Hahaha, wakey wakey little skunk.”
“Where am I?!?!?” Tom tried to say, but instead all that came out was dead silence, Tom’s remaining eye grew large as he continued to try to say. “You fiend, what have you done to me?!?!”, but once again, dead silence followed. He couldn’t move very well as he was rather chained to the wall like in an old medieval dungeon from an age long since passed.
“Hehehe..” Bad Wolf laughed to himself as he stuck his claw into the exposed eye socket of the captive skunk which naturally brought Tom to scream or rather open his muzzle really big and made no sounds whatsoever. “It’s amazing what we can do this magic shit aint it? Hehe, my dad remembers when it first showed up. What wild days those must have been.” he said, referring to the Magic Civil War a dark chapter of America’s history.
The skunk squirmed for his life, not even able to make the whimper of a feral dog with his tail between his legs who was just bopped with a slipper for pissing all over the rug. He was silent, but his mind was racing with more thoughts than even he could begin to keep track of. He thought of everything from what he had for dinner last night, an “Omnivore’s Delight” pizza he ordered from the local pizzeria, to never finding something more satisfying than his dead end DMV job, from the very real possibility that he was not getting out of here alive to the fact that he had not spoken with his parents in ages and that they probably would blame themselves for it after he was gone.
What happened next was something the spotted mephit did not see coming, Bad Wolf undid the shackles and handed him a gun, a no-thrill six shooting magnum revolver. “Shoot me in the face.” he said.
The now free Tom Arlen looked at the gun, puzzled, he took and looked it over trying to examine whether or not this was a trap, a cursed gun, a gun-shaped bomb, or maybe there were poisoned barbs in the gun’s handle.
“The gun’s fine, lodge one in my head.” Bad Wolf stated, tapping his bare hindpaw, his untrimmed toe-claws leaving small scraping noises and even scratch marks on the concrete floor. “Go ahead, if you’re man enough.”
Tom thought he figured this out, it was one of those cliche “Shoot me if you have the balls.” speeches in just about every action movie ever. Everyone knows the scene, the hero or his sidekick has a perfect chance the glock the villain, end the movie, save the girl, roll credits, and call it a day, but we’ve all gotta see just how goodie-goodie two shoes our hero is, so good that he can’t bring himself to take a life. Even though the villain will kill hundreds of others which in all reality should call into question how well the boy scout attitude actually works in the long run. Oh but it doesn’t, crowds just eat it up leaving many with the false impression that nice guys finish first. The gun was pointed at Bad Wolf’s face and the trigger pulled, no build up, no shaky hands, nothing, in the real world you jump at the chance to set things right, as high and as far as you possibly can.
Bad Wolf smiled and had not been wounded in the slightest, the bullet was a dud. “Five shots left wanna try again?” the lupine asked with a big toothy grin, large fangs all the better to feast on the fearful adrenaline that was pumping through Tom at this moment.
Fearing for his life Tom ducked under a punch Bad Wolf was about to throw and scratched at his side. Tom turned around to have a look at the damage from a safe distance and yet strangely his claws couldn’t even cut the cloth of his shirt. A skunk’s claws have enough power in them to dig through the earth and tunnel through rocks. Bad Wolf should be reeling from a scratch from one of those puppies, but he didn’t feel a thing. Tom fired more shots as he ran into a maze of cardboard boxes. Two more would be the exact approximation, they fired, but missed Bad Wolf by the narrowest of narrow margins. So barely did he miss to the point that they should have scratched up the side of his face at the very least. It was understandable that Tom’s adrenaline was pumping, he had a shot on getting out of this dump and maybe even kill Bad Wolf, but it just wasn’t working. Eventually Bad Wolf stepped in front of a large collection of heavy vicariously stacked crates that just needed to be struck in just the right way to send them hurtling down atop the wolf and end him forever. Tom took note of this and delivered a few choice blows to the tower which did exactly what he thought it would do. Almost, in truth this action only did half of what Tom expected it to do, Bad Wolf just threw the crate off of him as though it was styrofoam and laughed. “That curse worked like a charm. Hahaha, you can’t speak a word till I’m dead, and you can’t kill me. Go ahead, try all you want little runt, but don’t take too long, I can still kill you.”
It was impossible, those crates looked heavy, Tom even tried to lift one and they WERE heavy. Quickly realizing it was futile without machinery he stopped realizing that this curse thing was likely for real he was silent and there is no way Bad Wolf could be having this much luck unless he rigged it in his favor. Blanks and some of the crates being fake could be easy fakes, but with claws failing and himself unable to talk, Tom had to face facts. Bad Wolf had bested him. Tom could not speak so in place of that he threw down his gun and stood on one knee like a knight before his king, grabbing his sword from its sheath on his back and held its blade to the ground to complete the surrender. If his goal was impossible, then it was impossible.
Bad Wolf walked up to Tom and scratched behind his ears like he was a feral. “Damn, I was hoping you’d have more fight in you than that. Well like I said, your names Roadkill now chump.” he said as he took Roadkill’s sword and knighted him with it before looking it over and giving it back to him. “I’d more rely on your piece, more covert, the cops can’t get a good look at your face or they’ll have your ass, and if you wave your magic sword around you’re just gonna make yourself more obvious.”
Roadkill nodded and grabbed the sword, re-sheathing it. He had no choice now, he had to serve his master. Bardblade tactics required talking anyway, even if he knew the counter curse it wasn’t going to work without words.
“I haven’t u-used that swo… sword si-i-ince…” Roadkill said, stuttering. “Bad Wo-o-olf didn’t want me to find a way out of the curse… a.. a..nd.. I ne..ed.. t…to..talk to use it.”
Viper looked unimpressed. “Should have figured that asshole had mages, makes him being uncatchable make a lot more sense. We got one too, but there aint no damn way she could make a curse like what you had.”
“How? It’s ver-rr-rry hard to get a mage involved in illegal affairs, what the government watching their every mooo..oo..oves.” Roadkill pondered aloud. “No..not to metnion they’d kill us if they caught us… br…breaking.. the …law.”
“I aint saying shit, what kind of nitwit do you take me for? All I can say is that you better watch your step around her, cause she don’t like you.” Vipe warned, starting out angry, but her voice shifted more over to caution near the end.
“How-ow…. w.. why not? I am at your service!” Roadkill pleaded, worried that he had once again found himself with a slavemaster. “I.. I’ll even S-p-p-p-p-spellsword for you!!!!”
“Relax.” Viper assured as she got up off the couch. “It’s only cause you were born with a penis, she still has her eye on ya, me too. We don’t need any drama bullshit or whatever. Just sayin’. I’ll take ya up on the offer nonetheless. I gotta get back to the junkyard.”
“So…. soon? I th-t—th-thou-ought you were re-re-re-rethinking thin. ings…” Roadkill said, trying to give Viper a pull up, but she refused it. “I me-mean.. yo-you got raped! Don’t you nn-nee-need counseling or.. so-something?”
“God damn feminists…” Viper said to herself as she headed outside beckoning Roadkill to follow. “I think I’m more concerned with me getting my gang back together.. I held my own… What just cause Bad Wolf was a prick I gotta be scared of em for a while?”
“Do-don’t you f-f-feel po-owerless… I mean, the way he dominateddomintated y… you!” Roadkill panicked and began fluffing a pillow. “Sho.. shouldn’t you lay down for a bit.”
“I came back from the dead, I’m feeling pretty strong.” Viper smiled, as she as and Roadkill stepped out onto the porch, down the stairs and into the car that Labia cast shielding over. That pissed her off that she had to do this herself, getting the car junked as opposed to shielded, now someone had would have to give Roadkill a drive back home.
“Good… p.. pp.oint…” Roadkill said as the two got in the car, Viper in the driver’s seat. The rodent drove the two off to the junkyard on the outskirts of town. Roadkill stayed silent, not having anything important enough to say to risk getting stuck on his speech impediment. The skunk could not even get much out when Viper began speeding and laughing, just various panicked grunts. The skunk had traded one criminal psychopath for another.
It wasn’t long at all before the duo had made their way to White Rook’s local junkyard. Roadkill did not care much about the destination though he found it quite questionable that he was brought here, he was just grateful that the psychopath gerbil had stopped driving. Viper had been swerving and ignoring traffic limit signs like she had never touched a car before. “Oh Merciful Tseraa… n..n.n.nade… Thank you!” Roadkill called out as he began kissing the ground no matter how filthy it was.
Viper just laughed at the mephit, giving him a hard kick in the ass, knocking him down and filling his mouth full of dirt. “Hehe, guess I should have warned ya Roadie. The only kinda ride I’m really all that good with is a motorcycle, but hey we had fun didn’t we?” she asked as she stepped forward, getting a big whiff of the mixture of trash, motor oil, and the musks and danders of the various bipeds who called this place what she called it, home.
Roadkill cleared his muzzle of dirt, grimacing at the foul taste of it. “Well, uhh ho-home sweet home again…” the skunk said meekly opening the driver’s seat door. The mephit’s intention was to go back home and put all this behind him, however there was one fatal flaw. The keys were missing. “Ughh.. V.v..v.v. Viii..” but he was cut off.
Viper smiled, jangling the keys. “Oh did you think you was going home?” Viper’s face was the kind of pure evil mixed with schadenfreude that Roadkill had come to expect from Bad Wolf on a regular basis, always followed by him regretting a lot of things.
“Y.. yeah.. I’m done with.. all.. of.. th-this.” Roadkill swallowed.
“Oh no you aint done, see the only way outta the thug life is through the morgue.” Viper pat the skunk on the head, rubbing through her fingers through the skunk’s fur. “Otherwise we get a bunch of dumb bitches trying to be cool like this shit’s some kind of game. Then those bitches get shot up, they fuck up, and they never stop whining. Naw, you get sucked into this and you stay in it until you die.”
“B.. bu.. but Bad Wolf FORCED me into th-th-th-th-th-this…” Roadkill pleaded, earning only a punch to his one good eye, followed by a kick to the chest and topped off with Viper spitting on him.
“Bitch do you think I fucking care?!?!” Viper screamed. “Some people are born into this life and they are given the same deal, you roll in your gang, you do what your OG says, or you’re fucking dead.” these words stung Viper like a wasp, she was hardcore, but she was stepping things up a little since her resurrection. The gerbil hoped she never went as far as Bad Wolf, who was more serial killer than true OG. “You go back to living your live, and either me or the survivors of the Lunar Legends will kill ya. You know I don’t kidnap people and rape ‘em, so you can join my side or you can go back to being an errand boy for whoever becomes Bad Wolf Too.”
Roadkill was one of Bad Wolf’s right hand men, but at the end of the day he was just an Omega. The one in Bad Wolf’s chief officers kept around just to be given a hard time for the amusement of the others. Sure Roadkill was near the top of Bad Wolf’s list of people he considered actual friends, but some friend Bad Wolf was. “Alright Viper… you win..” Roadkill surrendered, Viper thought this was a wise decision.
The skunk followed the gerbil further in. Various bipeds saw Viper, most looked kind of worried and all were very surprised to actually see her alive. “No fuckin’ way.” swallowed a badger who seemed a little sketchy, but Viper wasn’t paying attention.
A possum girl ran up and hugged on Viper. “Ahh Vipes! I didn’t believe Labia when she came in here all talking about being rescued by one of Bad Wolf’s lackeys. Oh mah stars I am glad to see ya. She weren’t too happy that you was with a boy, but quite frankly I’m amazed that woman hasn’t started a gendercide.” behind her were a few other gang members.
The other gangsters tried asking Viper tons of questions like. “I thought Bad Wolf killed you. Are you okay?” or “How did you escape?”.
“Back to what you was doing.” Viper quelled the crowd. “I’ve had a crazy few days, I’ll have a meeting about this later. Just everyone be fucking quiet.”
No one would push Viper when they told her to stop. So they all did what she said, saving their “It’s so good to see you again.” for later.
“Uhh, hi… I’m the lackey…the..they call me Roadkill.” Roadkill said nervously to the possum who stuck around, offering his paw to the possum.
The possum spat on her paw and shook Roadkill’s extended one. This gave Roadkill a cold and an uncomfortable demeanor. “Ughh… did you just spit on..”
“Hehehe, I’m just playin’ with ya darlin’” The possum teased. “The name’s Rebel Yell. I hope we’ll be seein’ a lot more of you cutie pie. It is how I get paid after all. Hehehe” she said before smooching the skunk full on the lips and walking away.”
“Woah… I… uh.. well it’s been a while..” Roadkill admitted to the possum prostitute.
“Concentrate Romeo, once my bitch gets back we’ll start your, initiation.” Viper laughed at the skunk, and Roadkill knew why. He was going to be canonized, various members of Viper’s Vermin would all at once beat the ever loving snot out of him, just to prove that he could take it, cement the consequences of his betrayal, and assure everyone that he was man enough and loyal enough to take a beating for his gang.
Labia burst out of a crudely made shack with her face ablaze with rage. “What’s HE doing here!?!” she demanded to know, pointing at Roadkill and faux vomiting to show her complete disgust for him. “You’re not letting him join are you? We should just execute him right now! I honestly can’t believe you Viper, you keep bringing MEN here and inviting them to join us.”
“What’s.. what did I do?” Roadkill asked, not fond of being given the first degree so harshly.
Labia got in Roadkill’s face and increased her follow further. “DON’T PLAY DUMB! You’re a man! You know what your kind does to people, your kind is responsible for all the wars and crime on this planet!”
Viper groaned. “Ugh.. Labia, you do remember you’re a thug right? I don’t see no dick on you.”
“That’s different! I, am in a compromising position forced upon me by our patriarch. I had no choice but to join this lifestyle.” Labia complained, quickly bringing her attention back to Roadkill. “And it’s because of the Genetic Defect known as the Y Chromosome. You make me sick skunk! Why’s this rapist even here if we’re not about to kill him?”
“You are from a rich family and are in University what fuck do you mean compromising position?” Viper asked, but Labia ignored the question and pretended she didn’t say anything in response to this fact.
“I am not a rapist!” Roadkill defended, thinking that Labia might have caught wind of Bad Wolf’s actions.
“Ha! Don’t make me laugh, that’s what all you men say!” Labia furrowed her brow, sizing up Roadkill the way she sized up all men. “And you ALL turn out to be rapists.”
“Well if it makes ya feel better, he’s joining the Vermin. Which means you get to help canonize him.” Viper grinned, knowing it would calm the goat down immediately.
“Oh-ho-ho… Well that changes EVERYTHING!” Labia did a fake out punch towards Roadkill. That is acting like she was going to hit him, when in reality she did not.
Roadkill was used to getting smacked around by Bad Wolf enough to consider flinching, but his bounty hunter training and live or death situations had him prepared, he grabbed the goat’s hoof and twisted it. Dislocating her wrist for a little bit, a counter for when that punch came a little too close.
“Ow! You hurt me! You hurt a WOMAN! And I didn’t do anything to you, you asshole!” Labia shook her head. “Viper do you want me to kill him? He’s already starting shit.”
“You were an asshole to him right off the bat, If I was in his shoes you’d be bleeding.” Viper told it like it was. “And you didn’t even HAVE a reason for it.”
“Oh poor naive Viper. If you give a man an inch they’ll take a mile, every single time.” Labia said bitterly before walking off. “I’ll get you Roadkill, only someone truly pathetic would EVER hurt a woman!” she called back.
“Labia, your kitchen misses ya.” Viper taunted, it was something she said whenever that goat began pissing her off too much. It helped a lot because Viper found it heavily amusing and it tended to be very important that she did not piss Labia off herself. “Sorry bout that Roadie, I’d have gotten rid of that bitch myself if she weren’t our mage.”
“What made her hate men so much?” Roadkill asked, feeling sorry for Labia. This couldn’t have been for no reason, clearly some great misfortune had to have happened in the ungulate’s past, something horrible that made her completely unable to trust men ever again. There was no way such hatred could spawn from nowhere. It had to have been created by someone truly evil.
“No fucking idea, there aint never been a problem I’ve known her to have that her dumbass didn’t start.” Viper admitted, balling her paw up into a fist as she recalled issues that the goat had started with her. “I swear she almost got herself arrested at a taco joint because the guy behind the counter couldn’t speak Spanish, something about cultural appropriation…. Whatever the fuck that means.”
“Well she didn’t just wake up one day and decide… ‘You know what I don’t li-like men any.. anymore’” Roadkill brought up.
Viper just shook her head in a frown. “With Labia, I think that’s exactly how it went. Some people just like to feel big ya know. And they ain’t no better way to do that than by talking about how small someone else is. Especially if that someone else is dissimilar to ya in a highly noticeable way.”
Roadkill nodded his head very slowly and with a frown, it was exactly the same mindset and behavior that had made Bad Wolf the bastard he had been till his death.
“Don’t touch anything, I’m gonna get into my proper duds. And don’t ask too many questions. I got really illegal shit going on.” Viper warned the skunk before running off to a particularly large trash hut with “VV” spray painted on it over the door with various other gang signs, and already there was someone spray painting on a blank part of the house “Bad Wolf is a Bad Bitch, Viper stands tall!” being written by a female crow Roadkill believed she was.
“What are you d.. doing?” Roadkill asked, Bad Wolf had not had this strange custom of writing on his quarters. In fact he would tear your arm off in front of everyone and drank the blood from the bleeding limb if you tried. “Wo.. won’t Viper be mad?”
“Go away skunk I’m busy.” The crow answered, giving Roadkill the cold shoulder.
Roadkill did as he was told and distanced himself from the crow immediately. The skunk didn’t know what it was, but he got a horrible feeling from this crow. The kind of feeling that made one’s skin continue to crawl off their body until they were nothing but a red bloodied skeleton. Timidly the on-edge mephit looked back at the crow only to find that we was gone without a trace. Not so much as a feather. Odd. There was no way she could have taken off in flight, Roadkill would have heard her as she took off. “Huh… I gg-g-g-g-guess when you’re the least popular gang i.. i.. i.. in in White Rook you have to be ste.. stealthy.” The one-eyed man assumed, chalking it up to the crow’s skill.
Things quickly got uncomfortable as Roadkill got a lot stares, people wondering who he was and if he was supposed to be there. Many called out to him. “Are you lost skunk!?!” called out a voice from afar. They weren’t asking to give him directions, they intended to co-erce what they saw as an intruder.
“No I’m just waiting on v-vvv-Viper.” Roadkill explained, his heart racing as he backed away from the direction the voice was coming from. The mephit didn’t want any trouble.
“She’s dead.” Labia the goat said, grunting her teeth and pounding one of her hooves into her other hoof. “You’re that Lunar Legends lackey that killed her!”
“Wh.. what… No I, Labia.. You know she isn’t.” Roadkill swallowed in fear for his life. “You’re.. You’re just lying so you have an excuse to beat me up. You’ve already seen Viper!”
“Nice try Roadkill, but you really are gonna be roadkill when we’re done with your ass.” Labia snorted, her lackeys right behind her waiting to pounce and maim at her command. All bloodthirsty and vicious bipedal beasts, showing off their claws and fangs. A few of them even had weapons out. Mostly blunt things like chains, bats, and pipes. Labia herself had a ruby jeweled short staff. “Starting…. NOW!” Labia screamed as she bore her staff down on Roadkill.
Thinking quickly Roadkill grabbed the gem end of the staff attempting to pull the weapon away from Labia in hopes of having a better fighting chance. “Haha, I, I think I go-o-ot it…”
“Dumbass!” Labia gloated, even chuckling a little as the gemstone began to glow for a few seconds before flashing on and off. Roadkill had to let go immediately as his hands burst into flames forcing him to cease fighting in order to put his hands out.
“Uh oh..” Roadkill noted, remembering what Viper had said about Labia being a mage as he looked into the glow of the weapon pointed at him as he began wondering what kind of mage she was. Earth, Water, Wind, Fire, Spirit, and Void were the six elements and at most she could potentially control two. There were rumors of people who could control all, but Roadkill doubted someone with such deity level powers would be a mere member of a street gang if they even existed. ‘What… what are y-y-you going to do to me?”
“This!” Labia cried as she attacked with her rock hard hoof delivering an uppercut knocking the skunk into a pile of trash with the wind knocked out of him. “He’s down, get him!” She exclaimed as the few dozen bipeds charged and began wailing on the skunk without mercy beating him to near death with chains and pipes. It hurt like the dickens for the first thirty seconds before Viper just went name for the remaining two minutes it took for Viper to come out with a grin on her face.
“Alright boys, he’s a little fucked up, but you can stop now. I’m right as rain.” Viper smiled, clapping. Those who had not yet seen her were in awe believing that she was dead as had been reported so long ago. “I just wanted you to make the canonization beat down seem real. Now let’s have some fucking beer.”
It should have gone over as easily as anything else. The Vermin seemed at first very willing to believe this, they wanted to believe it. They loved Viper and were desperate to believe that it was truly her back from the dead, although their faith could be easily shaken with the smallest dose of what they believed was their current reality. Where the dead stay dead no matter how much they’re wanted back in the living world. Now there was some minor leeway with that with the necromancers combining Spirit and Void for unbelievable power, but the only mage Viper knew was Labia whose powers laid within Earth and Fire, good for blowing things up but not for too much else. Definitely impossible for a returning to life trick. So naturally people were already looking for the old man behind the curtain. Wanting so desperately to believe it, but the nagging feeling in their hearts was the only reason they couldn’t.
“They found your body Viper, if that is your real name, and it wasn’t in any condition to where it could be resurrected even if you did have insurance… There’s no way you can be alive… Ya gotta be some faker, maybe some rich asshole using a gene machine to look like her.” Spoke the mouse bandit known as Squeaker. “I ain’t buying this ghost story sister!”
Viper bawled up her fist, wanting to wreck Squeaker for complicating her miraculous return from the dead more than it had to, ordinarily the most difficult part of such a thing is getting your heart to begin pumping blood so that your pulse can start back up. In this day and age when the wealthy can modify their genetic structure at will it’s not so easy. Too often people thought they saw Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, or Robin Williams back from the dead,when in reality it was just some millionaire fan wanting his or her idol to live on through himself. Viper being a reasonable gerbil realized this and inhaled. “So ya think someone’s pretending to be me? Well ignoring that I’m a runaway nobody crook who’s barely an adult with no aspirations, no chance at employment, and what not? I mean I’m a bad bitch, but I ain’t that bad ya dig? Who would even want to be me?”
“Bad Wolf? Everyone knows he has an illegal gene machine and you did come here with Roadkill.. Trying to take over the gang over? You know that because of regularly seeing Labia in action we’d be superstitious enough to believe that Viper can pull a… What’s that guy people used to worship before Magick came back…. uhh oh yeah Jesus Christ!” Squeaker threw his accusations right at Viper with unwavering suspicion.
The skunk who went by that name began to get a little shaky. If they thought Viper was Bad Wolf that meant they’d just go right back to wailing on him. “V..V..Vi.. Viper what do we do?”
“Calm down Roadkunt…” Viper spoke simultaneously insulting and reassuring her skunk friend. “Yeah a misogynist macho man like Bad Wolf totally wants to look like a dyke gebril…. Use your fucking brain… I ain’t got a dick!” Viper screeched, pulling down her pants and and pulling her thong to the side to show off the fact that she was the proud owner of a tight pink little rodent pussy before redressing herself. If Viper was three things they were loud, lewd, and rude. “And you know damn well that ain’t a situation that Bad Wolf wants himself in… I can practically hear that dead asshole going on about how bitches need to be in the kitchen making sandwiches and shit.”
“V….Vi..Viper!” Roadkill exclaimed, not expecting just an interesting display from the seventeen year old girl.
“That’s kinda hot…” Squeaker commented getting distracted. “I’m still not convinced, Gene Machines can make you look like anyone or anything you want and WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN A MISOGYNIST?!?!”
“Someone who hates women you mentally challenged excrement of a zombified dragon!” Labia said, punching Squeaker in the back of his head. Something that hurt him quite a bit considering that she had hooves. “You know, male scum like you!”
“Yeah that… ” Viper said gesturing towards Labia with her head. “Though to be perfectly honest, of all my problems with Squeaker, and I have more than six, I don’t think his they quite include an unnatural dislike or feelings of superiority over personages who use locker rooms other than his. Unlike some goats I can mention.”
Squeaker rubbed the back of his head and glared at the goat. The mouse felt like bringing up the fact that Labia hated the male gender and those who shared the masculine condition judging them on only the fact that they weren’t female. However Squeaker decided to keep focus on Viper hoping to pick the battle that he actually stood a chance of winning as Labia was both a magic user and as stubborn as the very goat she resembled. “I’m still not convinced. Bad Wolf’s a big tough, acts all macho, maybe he’d wanna be a girl because of some secret closeted feelings. Maybe he wants to rock the vagina and not in the way he’s used to.”
Vipe raised an eyebrow at this logic, but looking at the other members of her crew rallied behind Squeaker made her wanna take a few cautious steps backwards to re-assess the situation and mentally calculate all chances she had for victory in swaying her crew over to her side. “Labia, you’ve been coming over to help me since you knew I wasn’t dead, you know I’m the for real deal.” she said trying to gain the goat as a voice of reason.
Even though many hated Labia, they still listened to her not only because she was tough, but because she had the power to control Earth and Fire and thus could kill people really easily, at least that was the main part of it. What Labia’s reaction was could potentially change things, if gerbils could sweat like platypi, pigs, and elves could, Viper would be doing precisely that.
Labia stared the gerbil down, getting close to her and holding out her hoof over the gerbil’s head. “Hold on, let me read her soul.” she said, her hoof glowing a vibrant blue and flashing to a obsidian black, then moving over to something most unusual. The glow of Labia’s hoof become colorless, it wasn’t a white color, but as though wind itself could shine, afterwards it went back to black. This caused Labia to literally baa in shock. “BAaaaaaa! No way, no way… well.. I wasn’t expecting that!”
“Well is she Viper or not?!?!” Squeaker said in a very demanding tone.
“I’m not your servant to bark around!” Labia screamed in the mouse’s direction. before regaining her composure to be in awe of the readings she got from Viper’s soul. “But uhh, there are similarities to it. Same rebellious nature and it’s very gender fluid, which makes sense because Viper’s pretty gender non-conforming, but… this… wo.. wo.. person” Labia gagged a little, she was beginning to suspect this individual was Bad Wolf not Viper. This disgusted her to an incredible extent. “The mana is just pouring on this one… the magic potential is like…Nothing I’ve ever read about.” Labia clenched her hoof shut ending her appraisal. “It would explain how Bad Wolf’s been such a dangerous person for so long!”
“Well, shall we kill him then?” Squeaker asked, looking to the goat for validation.
“Certainly!” Labia cheered pounding her fist into her open palm, her aura became quite fierce as she began to give off this feeling of intimidation. It was magical in nature, a simple battle vibe to scatter the will of one’s enemies. As a mage Labia was very talented and even though she didn’t want to admit it even Viper was feeling cowardice brought on in her by it. “I hate imposters, especially MALE imposters trying to be women!”
Labia swung at Viper both with great force and incredible velocity. “Ahh.. fuck… Roadkill.. you’re one of them magic types.. Do something.” Her sentence contained pauses mostly because she was putting all of her focus into avoiding Labia’s strikes.
Roadkill unsheathed his rapier and was about to twirl to begin a dance, but ceased when several guns were pointed at him. “Tha…that’s a.. n-..no go.. Yo.. you’re th.. the li..iving dead girl.. turn into the sna..ake.. that ki ki ki.. killed Bad Wolf.”
“Yeah I have no idea how the fuck I did that.” Viper answered, narrowly avoiding getting a hoof to face and followed it up with a sweep to Labia’s legs, putting her down and leaving an indentation in the ground as she did. Labia’s battle aura had amplified her strength, but thrown off her center of gravity and Viper realized this. Had the gebril not avoided the most recent attack aimed at her face the force could have forced her eyes from her sockets.
“..S..She’s not gonna stay dow.. down long… yo.. yo.. you should try.” Roadkill advised while trying to force his brain to come up with a plan for survival. He had hoped that if Viper could manage a distraction he could create a bubble to shield the two from bullets.
Viper closed her eyes and tried to focus on that form she had taken halloween night, yet all that came rushing towards her was the sound of her own skull failing to have much thought. “I think it has to be during the night… I got Labia right where I want her anyway.” The young gerbil quickly turned on Labia laying face down in the ground and grabbed her by the horn, repetitiously slamming her face down using this method. “I. AM. NOT. BAD WOLF. YOU. PARANOID. FUCK!”
Labia’s concentration on her battle aura faded with each blow to her head, consequently reducing her strength, which reduced her endurance, which made each blow hurt more and more. “If you can just scan souls, why didn’t you do that when you came to tag the car we took from Bad Wolf? We didn’t you do that when we were meeting with Bad Wolf to talk about the Halloween Score?” Viper asked.
“Because… shut up!” Spoke a delirious Labia.
Viper placed her foot over Labia’s neck as she addressed the crowd that had been watching the fight. “If I were Bad Wolf, I would bring more than just Roadkill who doesn’t even have a gun on him, this skunk who didn’t back me up at all by the way.” Viper shot Roadkill a mean glance, one that made Roadkill incredibly uncomfortable. “Something he shouldn’t repeat in the future.”
The crowd started scratching their heads, but seemed to accept this pretty fast. They wanted to believe that Viper was alive and well leaving Viper’s Vermin with nothing to worry about. What they desired to be true was also the simplest explanation so everyone stayed back. “So can I speak now or is someone gonna try something stupid?” Viper looked towards Roadkill. “Uh Roadkill, rapier.. Do something cool.”
Roadkill nodded and took out his rapier. “I… I.. k..know.. I did.. didn’t mention this before.. but.. m..y… spell..cha.. charm… is.c..c..called.. The Sin..Sing..Singing Swo..rr..r… SINGING SWORD!” he stuttered and began to wave his rapier around like a conductor’s baton. This accomplished nothing until the spotted skunk began to hum Night On Bald Mountain, many of the songs Roadkill knew how to perform spells with were public domain simply because they were the easiest to get ahold of. There were other benefits as well such as it being very cheap to study the power locked inside public domain music due to the piles of research paper done on the subject and it typically avoided legal issues as many artists wanted compensation if Bardblades unlocked the power of their melodies in public. That said there was a parakeet who was famous for specializing in the use of songs by Ay-Lay and the alternative rock band Sex Change On The Beach.
The crowd gathered looked in confusion at this as it seemed like the most random behavior. A lynx technoid, a term to describe a person who has replaced portions of their body with cybernetics either as a prosthetic or as a form of upgrade, known as Crosswire noted something in her heads up display. “I think the wind is picking up. Rapidly… Almost like a tornado is nearby, but that’s not possible unless….”
Another biped in the crowd pointed to a tire iron that started floating in the air. “Is… Is Roadkill doing this?”
Before anyone could answer the wind began picking up even more as Roadkill’s humming got more intense. Crosswire thought about running away but as soon as Roadkill noted this he clenched his fist dropping a refrigerator right in her path. “Oh sugar cookies.”
Even Labia was intimidated by this display as it made her realize that Roadkill’s Elemental Pairing was Water/Air, while hers was Earth/Fire making them complete opposites on a magick spectrum. “Wait… We’ve had run-ins with you before Roadkill. You used guns, not magic. Why the fuck didn’t you bust this shit out?”
“He’s recently got back his voice.” Viper grinned looked up at the whirling garbage around her. “Isn’t it as beautiful as the body part you’re named after Labia? With two mages, three if you count Bucc but he only uses his magick to fuck, on our side we’ll be invincible. Roadkill and Singing Sword, You and your Mace Scepter Thing…”
“It’s my SpellCharm, Matriarchy.” Labia took out her Golden Scepter. On the base end was a ruby tuned to Labia’s energy more to her Fire Affinity than her Earth Affinity, on the top there was an image of a woman posing with her arms stretched out in a regal stance with robes draped over her. Like most SpellCharms there were two main ways to use it. Labia had better control over Earth if she held the scepter upright and over Fire if held out with the Gem facing someone else. “You know if we use too much magic it’s easier for us to be found right? They kind of execute lawbreaker mages on the spot. It’s why you don’t see many of us.”
Roadkill cleared his throat, but it seemed his saliva went down the wrong hole causing him to have a coughing fit. Now that he was no longer conducting the crowd watching him felt a little bit at ease. Labia made a comment about how such an amature mistake for a Bardblade proved that men were the inferior sex much to everyone’s expectations.
“Well that’s why we’ve got to be careful and discreet.” Viper looked up at the junk flying around noting that without Roadkill nothing would be keeping that stuff in the air. “EVERYONE FUCKING RUN!” She screamed as a Washing Machine started falling right on Crosswire.
“Oh fuck me right in my twat!” Labia screamed waving Matriarchy around and hurling what appeared to be glowing red rocks made from the Earth towards the appliances and other garbage. It was incredibly lucky that no one was hurt or killed during this but half of Viper’s rather large gang ran off at this point Viper couldn’t blame them for doing so.
“Oh Goddesses… if someone gets killed I don’t think I’ll forgive myself…” Viper said to herself quietly, hoping no one heard that as it was legitimate concern for another person. While she had it in plenty the fact that she did so she often hid in order to avoid her image of being tough from being ruined. If she allowed herself to look weak or have regret even as the potential for her gang’s death rose. Viper put her paw to her mouth as she could do nothing but watch. “Roadkill! You were out of practice and I knew that… I was too desperate to show you off… If something happens to my gang. I want you to blame me.”
“…I…I…” Roadkill was about to something but he opted to just nod as he realized he couldn’t say it fast enough for Viper to actually listen to him. A gang leader who actually take responsibility for their mistakes and showed concern for the members of it. In his years with Bad Wolf and helping the lupine attempt to take over White Rook he hadn’t known him or any other gang he had done business with to take such actions. If Bad Wolf were still alive and with the mortals of Earth at this moment he would have laughed it off as a sign of weakness in the gerbil and proof that women should not be criminals. Roadkill however recognized this as a strength.
Labia had successfully prevented as much damage from being done as possible, but realize she had hit Crosswire as she was fleeing, ironic considering the Technoid Lynx was the main person she had been trying to save. “Goddesses forgive me.” Labia looked towards Viper and then back at Crosswire.
The second Crosswire turned 19 she had replaced most of her body with metal coated circuitry and had herself permanently wired into the homebrew replacement for the long-banned Internet known as RogueNet. As a result the sharpened piece of Earth magically lodged in her head wasn’t fatal, but merely near-fatal though it could be if she wasn’t attended to immediately.
Labia was very afraid to see that Crosswire herself mostly just sparked and gave incoherent sentences. “Ahh.. pota.. puta… putain… potato… powder… powderpuff.. power… ra..n….rain…” Crosswire’s still organic eyes became dilated very soon making it very unnerving when she turned to the goat. “..H..h..he.l…p… me… Me…Meow…mew….fried…”
Viper screamed at Labia’s frozen gaze hoping to snap her out of it. “Take her to a fucking mechanic before her brain turns to fucking mush you dumbshit!”
Labia nodded slowly before getting her rump in gear and moving Crosswire away from the area, trying to make sure not to damage her cybernetics further. Once she finally had Crosswire in a good position to carry her safely she took off like a goat out of hell towards her motorcycle.
Once Labia had left Viper found herself going into a loop as this stunt seemed suspicious. Viper shows up with Bad Wolf’s right hand man Roadkill right after Viper is confirmed to have been killed somewhere in the deserts of their state of Nevada, Roadkill casts a spell, screws it up by mistake and endangers the gang. Naturally too many people were getting the impression this was a ruse. Those who remained behind from fleeing Roadkill’s falling garbage now brandished weapons all ready to descend upon skunk and gerbil.
“Well… I think this confirms it!” Yelled Squeaker pointing out what the crowd gathered around Roadkill and Viper were all thinking as they slowly approached the two. “I don’t think for a second that Roadkill dropped that stuff by mistake. Do you guys?”
“Of course not!” Rebel Yell screamed from the crowd striking her palm lightly with a metallic baseball bat. “KILL THE IMPOSTER!”
“From this moment on, Viper’s Vermin has been disbanded. We’re now the Squeaker Squad!” Squeaker laughed as he fired his pistol three times in the air, already planning the new gang insignia in his head.
Viper’s ears perked up. Squeaker Squad? That was incredibly “Why? I understand you guys are about to kill me, and you know what. I don’t give a shit! I’ve died before and we all know there’s an Afterlife. This ain’t like our grandfather’s dies when no one knew. But before you waste me…. Can a girl ask one question?”
“S..s..so.. Viper what is be… being dead like… I..I..It… I… sh..should probably fi.fifif..figure that out…” Roadkill hadn’t already resigned himself to the most likely scenario as he pointed his Singing Sword towards the crowd debating what spell to use next, but fear had made his paw shakey interfering with his ability to do magick. He’d need to get a proper grip if he wanted to cast again.
“In a minute Roadie…” Viper turned around to face Squeaker. “I put Cat in charge incase I ever get killed or go missing. Why would you be the Squeaker Squad.”
The Viper’s Vermin almost immediately stopped in their place. A badger known as Pilot from the crowd speaking up. “Wait.. Bad Wolf wouldn’t know that..”
“Where is Cat anyway?” Rebel Yell scratched her head.
Squeaker looked towards Pilot. “You remember? You said back at the meeting we had with the Lunar Legends that we needed Bad Wolf’s money and Viper didn’t go for it… Someone who ignores money shouldn’t lead the gang. That’s why..” The mouse began laughing to himself as he clutched his gun. “I called in a fake story about someone not paying for our Meth.. Haha.. when really I had found out that Cat, Viper’s beloved girlfriend and second in command was a half-breed.”
There was a large gasping from the crowd as Viper clenched her fist. “You didn’t!” She ran in Squeaker’s direction ready to rush him. “YOU DID NOT!”
Squeaker reacted fast putting a bullet in Viper, putting three more in as she fell to the ground. “Oh but I did. Her red fur typed me off, she wasn’t just a raccoon, she was a Red Panda/Raccoon Hybrid. Given that Biped Hybridization is an International Offense just one phone call.” Squeaker stomped on Viper as she struggled to stay alive. Once this happened the gerbil grabbed Squeaker’s ankle and held on tight trying to pull him down.
“Cat… You.. betrayed… Cat..” Viper coughed up blood. “I’m going to kill you, you son of a bitch!”
“Can’t kill me if you’re dead.” Squeaker snickered cheerfully as he put on more bullet in Viper’s head causing her to fall to the ground with her eyes closed. “Listen I run this gang now, I call the shots!” The mouse stepped forward off of the gerbil corpse. “I don’t know when Labia will come back, but once she does she’s dead. Roadkill’s our mage now. Under my leadership White Rook will know our glory! White Rook will know the name Squeaker and…. Wait none of you are paying attention to me…”
Indeed they weren’t as all the focus was on Viper moving her fingers. Squeaker observed this and shrugged it off. “Yeah. Dead bodies twitch when they’re recently dead, especially from head injuries.. It’s a thing.” Squeaker brushed it off and pointed his gun at the crowd. “Now who is with me? I’ll kill anyone who isn’t.”
Roadkill just shook his head. Squeaker clearly hadn’t won anyone over as the crowd continued to pay him no mind all focusing on Viper’s still moving corpse, those who were focused on Squeaker seemed annoyed with him. Did the mouse think he had the ability to kill everyone here? The skunk considered running Squeaker through himself.
“Ahh.. Squeaker… Are you saying that was the real Viper?” Rebel Yell seemed rather confused.
“It doesn’t matter.” Squeaker cracked his neck. “Viper’s dead.”
What happened next was a real game changer, right where Viper laid there was no longer a gerbil but instead a rather large snake the size of a car, one with purple scales and eyes matching Viper’s. It even had a green mohawk like Viper had. This snake seemed to be a hungry one as the first thing it did was wrap around Squeaker.
“Okay.. I’m completely lost…” Pilot scratched his head. “But anyone else for getting the hell out of here?”
“I reckon we really should.” Rebel Yell responded, with the exception of Roadkill everyone ran like hell. Between the flying junk, the launching earth shrapnels, and now the snake this was just too weird.
Roadkill just stood there and watched as Squeaker struggled. “Where are you cowards going save your OG!” The mouse barked firing his pistol wildly hoping to hit the snake, but never did. These were the last words of Squeaker before the snake swallowed him, passing him through the tight corridors of her warm soft throat, it wasn’t a displeasurable sensation and would in fact be rrather enjoyable if it hadn’t been fatal. Once the mouse had laid within the confines of the snake’s stomach she shrunk down and re-assumed the form of Viper the Gerbil before she fainted.
Though the bulletholes seemed to have disappeared from her, and her clothing was strangely still intact Viper still appeared lifeless, not breathing. Roadkill decided to check for a pulse only to be unable to find one. “…I… a.. I…” Roadkill shook his head “Re…ee…st..In P-p-p..Peace Viper.” was all he said. Now alone in the Junkyard Wasteland Roadkill decided to have a look around.
The first thing he did was investigate the shack that the crow had been writing on. Bad Wolf is a Bad Bitch, Viper stands tall. A victory that seemed short lived and celebrated too soon. It now seemed like a really bad joke to the spotted skunk. He started heading back to get Viper’s corpse when he heard a voice call out to him. “HELP! HELP! SQUEAKER’S A TRAITOR!”
Roadkill turned around and walked back the shack finding a car in the distance, he assumed that’s where the voice was from and began to head out that way. The car was white with a purple heart painted on the roof with the words “Viper loves Cat” written in the middle. With Cat taken away for the crime of existing and Viper shot it seemed like an epitaph to Roadkill. A man who had seen the young girl die twice now.
Once Roadkill got close he saw that inside the car were the corpses of a female bluejay who seemed to be in her late 30’s, and a teenage female mole holding a cross that read Faith right across it. It seemed as though both of them had been shot. Roadkill nearly dry heaved from the mere stench of the corpses of the two dead teenagers. “I’… I’…. I’M TIRED OF S..SEEING DEAD GIRLS! PLEASE NO MORE!” Roadkill screamed in the most coherent sentence he said since gaining his voice back.
“Oh god no… Jay and Faith…” Spoke a voice coming from the trunk of the car. “LET ME OUT!”
Roadkill hurried to the front seat of the car to find the trunk opening mechanism to let out whoever was there, the skunk hurried to the back of the car afterwards to find a shirtless male otter with brown fur. The man seemed to be in his late 30’s and wearing purple booty shorts with a cutlass holstered on his side. Roadkill cut him loose immediately.
“Aren’t you Bad Wolf’s partner? One of them anyway… Roadkill right. My Goddaughter Cat mentioned you were working with Viper now.” The otter spoke, he sounded very tired and dehydrated. “I’m Bucc. I told Cat if she was going to get into this life, I’d be by her side. I’m Cat’s bodyguard and Viper’s only male prostitute.”
Roadkill tried to speak, but it came out a jumbled mess of incoherent babble.
“Sorry pal, I didn’t get that.” Bucc patted Roadkill on the shoulder. “As much as I love the strong silent type you’ll need to be a little clearer than that.” When Bucc stood up allowing Roadkill to get a good look at him he saw that the otter was amazingly buff and fit for his age. “Squeaker’s taken Cat away. I have no idea what they’re going to do to her, butr ight now we have to focus. Squeaker’s trying to betray the gang, he’s going to claim Viper is Bad Wolf and….” The over-stressed Bucc stopped talking to note the look on Roadkill’s face. “He’s already done that hasn’t he. Well shit. Is Viper okay?”
“N… no..” Roadkill was practically on the verge of tears. This being the second time the skunk had failed to save Viper, the second time he had seen her shot dead by some maniac with a craving for power that he need not ever possess. The only upside the mephit man could see to this with his one eye was that at least this time he did not see Viper raped. At the very least the gerbil was allowed to die with dignity the second go around.
Then again, perhaps not. “I’m fine dumbass, Squeaker missed every shot… Then I took a nap for some reason.” Spoke a familiar voice coming from being matched with the sounds of running.
Roadkill and Bucc looked in the direction of the voice to see Viper heading towards them. “Oh Squeaker’s already came and went, so the gang took care of him?”
“I’m not sure what happened to Squeaker or the gang. They had me and Roadkill surrounded when I fell asleep. I’m not sure what happened.” Viper rubbed her head. “Are Jay and Faith okay?”
“Squeaker.. he…” Roadkill was in the middle of saying but Bucc took over not wanting to wait for Roadkill to remember how to speak.
“Squeaker told me that if I didn’t let him tie me up he’d kill Jay and Faith, he already had the gun pointed at Jay.” Bucc looked at the ground with regret. “I should have known he wouldn’t keep his word… I heard two gunshots after he threw me in the trunk… It seems Squeaker did exactly what I thought he did. I should have tried to save Faith. It was too late for Jay, but.. I could have saved Faith.”
“I’ve been dead before. It’s not that bad.” Viper said trying to be strong as she held back a tear. “Besides, if you rushed Squeaker he might have killed all three of you. I don’t know where the gang is, but our first priority is getting Cat ba… HEY WHAT THE!?!?!” Viper was thrown off from Roadkill suddenly reaching for her chest.
Bucc seemed really angered by this as he gave Roadkill a firm slap on the ass, one that hurt as much as the otter intended for it too. “Now’s no time to be groping our OG. If you want something to touch I take cash up front.”
“N.. no.. I…” Roadkill got up and began checking his own pulse. “Viper… I… you… Squeaker.. sho…shot…”
“What the hell? Dude, speak clearly!” Viper stomped her foot. “I’m in no mood for any of your shit right now!”
“Can’t… don’t know.. how to ex.. ex.. eggs.. explain..” Roadkill barely managed to say before gesturing to him checking his own pulse.
“Dude why are you checking your pulse? That doesn’t…” Something suddenly clicked inside Viper’s head. “Wait… You want me to check MY pulse?”
Roadkill nodded slowly. “Something… I.. I’ve re..read about…”
The gerbil wasn’t sure where the skunk was going with this, but decided to humor him by placing her fingers at her wrist to try and find her pulse. Something that gave the gebril quite a bit of trouble to accomplish. “Okay.. I’m not feeling anything… Bucc am I doing this right?”
“It seems like you are.” Bucc scratched his chin fur. “But, not feeling anything? Wait a second… I think Roadkill wasn’t trying to grope your lack-of-titties there Viper.. He was trying to check your heart beat.”
Roadkill nodded. “Un…nn..Undead.”
Viper tilted her head at this, but sure enough upon checking she did indeed find that she had no heartbeat. “I’m undead?” she asked, but before getting an answer she had a theory. “Wait a minute, those Snake broads… They only brought me back half-way. So I’m not really alive, but I’m dead either. Which is why when Squeaker shot me I fell asleep. I can’t die because I’m already dead, I just happen to be half-alive, so I just got knocked out for a bit. Then my gang ran away thinking I was dead-dead, because they no longer had any leadership.”
“I’ve always been impressed with your ability to put pieces together Viper.” Bucc nodded, not sure what to make of this. “Or am I. Roadkill how accurate is this?”
“V..Very… More.. details…. Back to my house…. Magick in the air.. to..to..too much of it… el..elel..elves will investigate.” Roadkill barely managed to get that out, but Bucc and Viper understood and knew to evacuate immediately.
Acting quickly the trio had escaped before police shown up at the junkyard. One of the reasons it was rare for mages to be involved with crime was that too much magick being used in one place at one time would be recorded by the elves and looked into, if they got too suspicious of a mage it was an automatic death sentence. Once the cops arrived at the Viper’s Vermin hide out all they’d find there would be many traces of magic from all six elements, Void, Spirit, Fire, Earth, Water, and Air, enough evidence of gang’s misdeeds to put them away for good if they were stupid enough to confess being apart of it, and the corpses of two young women. Viper made sure to text Labia not to return to the Viper’s Vermin base as it would be under heavy surveillance for a very long time. A text that Labia heeded, but never returned. Without the base Viper wasn’t entirely sure how to gather the crew together again, she also wasn’t sure it was a good idea to try that given that this was the second time she died on them. It was best to just place the future of Viper’s Vermin, any it had, into the back of her mind and see how things played out.
“Shit… Guys I just realized… I don’t think I’m going to be able to get the gang back together..” Viper said as she stared at the text message she sent Labia warning her not to return. “…I.. may have to say fuck it and disband it.”
Bucc scratched between Viper’s ears who ignored him and continued staring at the phone. “It’s the second time you’d have died. The Vermin were small time and overly-ambitious, things already seemed troubled. Between what happened to Cat, Jay, and Faith, your death and undeath, and the amount of magick used in one place at one time. The gang is probably too much for them all to handle. We’re going to have to keep it between you, me, Roadkill, Labia, and Crosswire for awhile.”
“Assuming Labia and Crosswire still want anything to do with this.” Viper sighed.
Roadkill nodded slowly in agreement as he pulled up to his driveway, entering to find his laptop with his text-to-speech software. Bucc was second holding the door open for Viper as she entered.
Bucc looked around the place getting a feel for the area as Viper sat on the couch, checking her pulse again as if somehow it would be back this time.
“Viper, what you’re undergoing is something I’ve only read about. I’ve never seen it in action. I can lend you a book on the subject but I’m going to give you a few of the highlights.” Roadkill typed out on his laptop before throwing a book to Viper entitled Living Without Living. The gerbil immediately began looking through the book, skimming it over.
“Bucc, would you care for a drink? Please help yourself to anything in my Fridge.” Roadkill typed out as he noticed Bucc scratching his throat. The otter thanking him and heading straight for the fridge. “Now Viper, Before I begin is there anything troubling you? Any rigamortis, unusual cravings, dead skin, balding?”
“No.. Nothing like that. I mean.. I can’t remember the last time I actually ate. I just snacked on the junkfood you had, but that’s it.” Viper said thinking hard about this, her mind wandering. The gerbil didn’t care about her teetering between life and death when she had a girlfriend out there in custody with a death sentence possible for her. “I.. should have found that more unusual than I did..”
“I assumed you had already made something yourself when you turned down my attempts to make you breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” Roadkill was deep in thought as he let his fingers do the talking. “Still… You must need to feed on something. I neglected to mention this, but you took out Squeaker by turning into a giant snake and eating him.”
“Are you fucking high?” Viper raised an eyebrow, that sounded a little too stupid to be true.
Bucc looked over at Roadkill and Viper as he downed his third glass of purified water. Viper had been more visibly upset than he’d ever seen her. Normally she scowled, but what was on her face was an honest frown the other telltale sign was how hard Viper was clutching the couch pillow. Magick had been around in this world since December 12th, 2012. Only a couple of years before Bucc was born, as a result he knew what it was capable of. Bucc was well aware of the ways and reasons the Government of the People’s Republic of America. People turning into snakes because for whatever reason they’ve gotten their hands on something they never had any business screwing with and now they can’t control it. Flashing through the manwhore otter’s mind were various stories of the day it happened told to him by his father. People woke up on December 21st anticipating Christmas’ arrival in four days only to find that many suddenly had something inside of them opened up, something ripe for abuse. For weeks cars weren’t safe to drive because people found that they could just blow them up with their thoughts and no one would know who it was that did it. Now something similar was happening to Viper, something has awoken in her that has left her shaken and confused.
“I didn’t fucking eat Squeaker you nigger cyclops!” Viper screamed as she pounded her fist on the table. “That, That didn’t happen.. and I’m not a fucking zombie either!”
“Viper… Please… What happened to that badass who survived so long and roughed up so many of Bad Wolf’s men? Try to be her right now, because if we’re gonna get through this. You need to accept things as they are.” Roadkill typed out on his laptop.
“I was fighting against Bad Wolf’s men, not me blacking out and eating people. I mean it’s kind of badass, but if I can’t control it. It might not be an enemy next time, it could be you or Bucc. With my gang disbanded and the love of my life behind bars for being a hybrid… Do you know what they typically do to female hybrids? They kill them.” Viper breathed in and out fast. “So I’m a little fucking stressed out right now.”
Bucc swallowed, trying to look strong, that was typically the case with hybrids. After the Magic Civil War of 2012 no one wanted to take chances with any more sudden mutations. As a result any new male hybrid bipeds born were put into slavery until they could pay for genetic surgery to make them a purebred or if female grinded to make synthetic oil. “…Well.. She is almost an adult. It’s normally the infants they execute, there might be a chance..”
“That she’s still alive and I’ll never see her again?” Viper began to cry. “Neither of you saw this… I just have… something in my eyes. That’s a fucking order from your OG!” The gerbil immediately got up and left the house. Roadkill immediately ran after her.
“Viper w-w-w-w-w-w-w-wait!” The skunk called out trying to follow Viper only to have his tail yanked back by Bucc.
“When Viper’s upset the best thing to do is leave her alone.” Bucc said, holding Roadkill close and rubbing the back of his head much in the same way he did not for his clientele but for his Goddaughter Cat when she was upset. “When she’s functioning again then we can talk to her.”
“Where’s sh…sh..she go.. oing?” Roadkill asked, leaning into Bucc’s petting unsure of what to do.
“Most likely just punching the bricks on the side of your house… There’s really nothing we can do for her now. As for Cat, if she’s still alive I’ll find out how much her genetic modification is and spring for it from my own savings. Though I know she won’t be thrilled about having to be a Red Panda OR a Raccoon.” Bucc said smiling at Roadkill as the skunk began to look up at the otter. Bucc had noted that Roadkill’s paw was now placed upon the otter’s back, holding onto him.
Roadkill noticed this along with Bucc’s smile and quickly moved his paw away. “Uhh… Bucc… I.. Ss…ss..sorry… I ju… ust… just… got… com..comfo..fortable..” the skunk swallowed the lump in his throat as he laughed.
“I know that look Roadkill. Let me guess. Closet bisexual right?” Bucc chuckled as he watched the skunk squirm.
“I…” Roadkill broke from Bucc’s grasp and went right back to his laptop. “Bucc, please. I don’t really want to talk about this.. I mean.. I kind of do.. But…”
The otter leaned back and gave the skunk his personal space for a few moments before resuming to speak. “Look Roadkill, I’m not going to tell you what your feelings are. That’s for you to decide. I will put this on the table however.” Bucc walked in front of the table where Roadkill was sitting with his laptop clutched to his side and began flex showing off his masculine physique. His chiseled abs covered in thick brown fur and uncensored by any shirt on full display as Bucc stretched showing off both his flexibility and strength.
Roadkill looked away for a bit, though he gave a few curious glances back to the otter. “Uhh.. how long are you going to keep doing that?”
“Do you want me to stop?” Bucc asked, if Roadkill was uncomfortable with this he would cease immediately.
“Not really.” Roadkill typed out on his laptop, if he didn’t have fur his blushing would be noticeable. The skunk wasn’t really sure if this was really his kind of thing, but one does not become a successful magick user by being close minded.
“A few minutes longer.” Bucc did a pelvic thrust as he popped a crick in his back. “I need to do a yoga regimen anyway, I was locked in that trunk for so long tied up much tighter than I like to be. So as I was saying, I’m going to lay this out on the table. you’ve helped Viper out quite a bit.” the otter stated as he began to balance on one leg putting his arms above the air. “Viper being the lover of my goddaughter is basically my daughter-in-law, so I’m really grateful for that. As my trade is sexual in nature I think I can hook you up with some free goods as a thank you if you know what I’m saying. It’s completely your choice, I’m not trying to pressure you and I can just drop this if you want.”
“You are rather attractive, but, I’m not sure if I want to go for it. I mean it’s tempting… Oh god did I really just type that? Wait I’m still typing!? Brain what’s wrong with you?” Roadkill could practically feel the steam being metaphorically poured out of his ears.
“We can start, see if you’re into it. If you are we can continue from there, if not, we’ll drop it. Either way, we don’t have to tell Viper anything. I mean we are men and she’s a seventeen year old girl. What does she need to know about manly guys doing manly things?”
“Alright… But, if I’m not into it. We stop.” Roadkill breathed wondering what he was getting himself into.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Bucc gave a re-assuring smile. “To your boudoir my fair lady.” The otter grabbed Roadkill’s hand kissing the back of it.
Roadkill got up and lead Bucc to his bedroom, his knees shaking every step of the way. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to actually have sex with Bucc but at the same time he wasn’t sure if he didn’t want that either. Either way it had been quite a while considering he’d spent the last few years mute. It’s hard for one to talk some good game when you can’t talk. The skunk decided to stop mid-way through the journey to the bedroom and lowered the back side of his pants a little revealing top half of his ass-crack, raising his tail to give Bucc a good look.
“Mmm… foreplay already?” Bucc looked over this display until Roadkill pulled his pants right back up.
“Hehehehe…” Roadkill laughed nervously and continued walking. “Ye..yeah.. My.. flirting game is.. uhh…”
“It’s fine Roadkill, I thought it was cute.”
The two stepped into the bedroom which Roadkill immediately locked just in case the gerbil decided to walk into them, he was already dreading how he’d just die of embarrassment if his OG ran into him having sex with a guy. “Okay Bucc… How do we decide whose.. uhh… going on top?”
“Well, I can think of an easy way to determine it.” Bucc whistled innocently as he threw down both his purple short shorts and the red silk thong he had been wearing underneath it. “Yeah… I wear thongs. Far more comfortable and it helps my buldge show which is good for customers.. it’s a damn sensitive material on your…”
The otter stopped talking when he realized Roadkill wasn’t paying attention but instead looking right towards the otter’s member. Immediately falling to his knees the skunk reached out to his testicles with a curious hand, cupping them as he breathed heavily. The otter’s phallus was quite long and girthy without being hard yet. The curious skunk’s curiosity grew as he began to think do the first time he made love. It was to a female classmate, a kangaroo who surprised him on his fifteenth birthday with a blowjob as the two downed whiskey stolen from his father. It had not been her first time like it had been his, but still she went right for penis without even thinking about it. Why would someone actually think to put this aspect of the male anatomy in their mouths? Roadkill could have understood if he asked that kangaroo as a birthday favor, but she did it to him completely of her will. It was time to find out why as the pink tongue of the mephit reached out to Bucc’s phallus.
Bucc looked upon Roadkill with joy before grabbing his head and directing it towards his dick, the skunk beginning to slurp and suck on his manhood with all caution thrown to the wind. The skunk’s paws busy as well, one rubbing on Bucc’s rear and grabbing for leverage, the other on his dangly goands. The pleasurable sounds the skunk made as he did this were adorable to Bucc as he gave a few moans of his own. “Enjoying that are you?”
Roadkill got his muzzle off the otter’s junk and looked up at him. “Yes sir, I… I… it… it ta..tas..tasted goo.. oo.. od.”
“I hope you realize that because you showed the first sign of submission it’s your rump that’s getting pushed into.” Bucc patted the skunk on the head as he looked up nervous.
“I…I..I’m not sa…saying I want to st..st..op… but… uh..saliva… lu..lu..ube?”
Bucc got the point of what Roadkill was saying and reached for his cutlass, making sure to bend over in the most show-offy way possible. The tent being pitched in the skunk’s pants was proof enough to him that he could learn to become quite comfortable with being around his own sex in this manner. Roadkill wasn’t about to start frequenting men’s bathhouses or anything, but this was alright despite his shakiness about being the bottom. He wasn’t looking forward to having his anus penetrated but he wasn’t ready to run out of the room either, this was comfortable and it felt natural.
The cares of the skunk were melted away as Bucc teasingly shook his tail end, even squeezing and smacking at it as he pretended to be unable to find his cutlass. “Oh wherever did I put that blade of mine, it must be here somewhere. This quite the compromising position for an otter to be in with skunks about.”
Roadkill took this as invitation to come closer and playfully goose the otter toying wit him.
Bucc looked back at Roadkill laughing, remembering the days when he was a teenager and his first boyfriend got on the floor like this and made him kiss his ass, that handsome bastard went the extra mile and farted right on his face when he did. Bucc’s first guy had been kind of a bully, but it’s what he liked about him. The otter couldn’t do that to Roadkill though, the skunk was too delicate for that plus it wasn’t really Bucc’s style anyway.
“Alright enough playing around. We know you’re comfortable around other naked males and you love to suck cock. I’m not completely sure you’re into men though.”
“Yo… y..y..you’re not?”
“It’s not gay unless balls are touching.” Bucc cracked his neck and picked up his cutlass, returning to standing. “Strip for me Roadie, it’s kind of hard to have get dirty if your clothing is in the way.”
“Oh rii..ii..iight..” Roadkill threw back his jacket and began to slowly pull his shirt up. Unlike Bucc, Roadkill’s stomach was not as well toned as Bucc’s. He wasn’t flabby either, having a nice thin build. Being a well trained mercenary turned criminal kept him in shape, he wasn’t as well put together as back when he regularly practiced magick but he was still nice and fit. “S…so… yo…you’re.. a mag..agic… user too? You se…sen..sensed th-th..the magic in the air.. at the junkyard.”
“Too? Ah yes that would explain the rapier on you. My spellcharm is a blade as well. A mighty cutlass.” Proudly boasted Bucc as he waved his around. “I imagine you were probably confused when I said I was grabbing a cutlass to use as lube. My elemental typing is Fire/Water which is perfect for a queer like myself. Fire spells can get you up, water spells can get you in.” Bucc boasted as the cutlass burst into flames and then put itself out by drenching itself in water that just formed around the blade from nowhere.
“Ad..admit…ittedly.. I w.ww…was distr..rac..ted….by…d…a..dat ass…” Roadkill laughed to himself as he pulled out his rapier. “Tho… though it-t-t-t seems mine is.. bi.bi..bigg..bigger than yours.”
“Longer, but flimsier. Not enough girth to really cut through someone, I guess you can get a few good jabs in.” Bucc chuckled to himself as he compared his mighty cutlass Welcome Aboard to Roadkill’s Singing Sword. With a mischievous snicker Bucc lowered the cutlass to Roadkill’s crotch and once again ignited the blade.
Roadkill found himself overcome with a strange warmth as his erection grew to its largest possible size. Something that the skunk both welcomed and found painful simultaneously. “Yo..you’re.. wa.wa…wanting to com..com…com..”
“Cum? Not yet Roadie.”
“Com…compa.. compare our oth.. oth.. oth.. other bla….bl..blades. You silly bu..bububub.. buttpirate!” Roadkill teased as he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans throwing them and his boxers to the ground. Posing over his bed with his tail draped over his shoulders like a fanciful gown the skunk was more than ready for otter’s package. “I…I….. N…nn.. no time like the pres..es.es..esent…”
“Agreed” Bucc gripped his cutlass casting a water spell on his eleven inch plank making it nice and lubricated. Despite this Roadkill still fliched a little as another man’s phallus worked its way into the hole he didn’t talk out of.
“Our… b..b.b..balls.. are… to…touching! Fe.fee…feels.. weird.. A go.. good we.. we…weird.. though..” Roadkill gripped his mattress hard as he felt Bucc going inside of him, reaching for his prostate. Given that this was the skunk’s first time with another man even with lubrication he was still very tight and inexperienced with having things going into this hole as opposed to coming out of it. “I.. s..su.. supp..ppose that.. ma..makes me.. ga…aa..aay..”
“Do you still get turned on by the idea of doing what I’m doing to you to a woman?”
“Then you’re bisexual, not gay. Though I realize the media tends to downplay the idea that you can like it both ways.”
“D..d..do.. y..y..you like gi..girls?” Roadkill asked, panting and gasping as he recieved the in and out. It stung him a little, but it was a good hurt one he didn’t want to see stopping any time soon.
“No, I’m as queer as a three dollar bill. I mean if a woman paid me to have sex with her I’d do it for the money as that is my job, but I prefer hot young studs like myself. I’ve had females pay me for my company before, and the only way I got it up was by using magick. Women’s bodies just plain don’t interest me.” Bucc explained as he began to speed up with his thrusting, giving it to Roadkill harder enjoying how much the skunk squirmed and scratched his mattress.
“Has a wo-wo-wom…”
“Paid me for sex?” Bucc asked and continued speaking when Roadkill nodded his head in between pleasured moans. “Not really no, it is in my experience that although the lustful cravings of the fairer sex are more extreme there are too many people of both sexes willing throw themselves in front of trains to sate her. So yeah very few female customers in the redlight distracti.”
“I…I s..see…ahh.. I li…like this… is… is that what… what.. wom..men… feel like… when.. they have sex? N…no… fund..de..demental.. diff…diff..diff..differences between the vagina and the anus… I..”
“Roadkill, it’s obvious that for whatever reason. You can barely talk, just lay there and enjoy. The only sounds I want coming out of you are moans.”
Roadkill heeded this advice as he let the male have his way with him. The fact that he was enjoying being fucked like this by another man was undeniable and it left many thoughts racing through the skunk’s mind. He thought of high school and all the rumors that he was gay just because he was really good at song and dance, the disappointment from his father that he was some kind of queer because his powers manifested in the girliest of ways. More than this Roadkill thought of Bad Wolf. The lupine’s misogynistic and homophobic ways, the way he’d always accuse members of his gang he didn’t like of being queers, the times Roadkill was told he was gay because unlike Bad Wolf and some of his other cronies the skunk had actual respect for women and refused to take part in raping them. The times that Bad Wolf had made clear to Roadkill that the only reason he was second in command was because he was too much of a wimp to question his orders, and how this loyalty had made him a faggot. This was what he thought of as Bucc plundered his booty, all the times Bad Wolf, his father, school bullies, even his own co-workers at the DMV, all of them referred to him as being some kind of fruit because he wasn’t the most macho alpha there was. So much hatred towards him because he had this strange mental illness that men aren’t supposed to have called emotions and its symptoms included respect for other people, everyone who showed this to Roadkill all called him the same thing. Faggot.
Now here the skunk was, in bed with another man and loving the experience. It didn’t feel emasculating, it didn’t feel womanly, and it didn’t make Roadkill feel weak. If anything he felt strong for indulging in his curiosities and having the bravery to discover new things about himself. Sure, Roadkill, Thomas R. Arlen, Tom from the DMV, Tommy the BardBlade liked to be pleasured by other men. This was a fact, this was something he knew to be true. Yet at the same time he was willing to put his life on the line, he was powerful as a mercenary, as a mage, and as a gangbanger.
Bucc was giving Roadkill his full force and all the skunk did was smile and take every bit of that wonderous willy, unafraid of the fact that it was giving him pleasure. Once Bucc finally came it was done. Roadkill had sex with another man. It was enough for the skunk to scream to the wind. “I’m Tom Arlen, I’m a Twirling Knight”, ahh twirling knight, the common slur used to describe Bardblades like myself. “AND I’M ALSO A FAGGOT!”
Bucc raised an eyebrow at this as he pulled out, his seed oozing out of Roadkill’s rear. “I take it you had a moment there.”
“Yeah… I did…” Roadkill tried to get up, but found himself a little woozy after getting fucked silly like that. It didn’t prevent him from dressing himself though he’d be standing still for awhile, not really able to sit down after an anal pounding like that nor walking right. “…Bucc.. I… th…thank you… This was.. liber..berating.. I.. I’m n..no.. not.. afraid of… being calle…call….lled.. unma.. un…”
“Of being called unmanly? You’re confident in your masculinity that’s about all yo uneed to be manly.” Bucc stretched. “We’ll have to do this again sometime. For now though I think we should see if Viper’s calmed down.”
“Ye… yeah..” Roadkill replied pulling his pants back up.
Once the duo came outside they saw Viper just sitting on the trunk of the car that they took from Bad Wolf. Looking up at the setting sun. “Hey faggots.”
“H..ho…did…oh my… did… did you he..hear us?” Roadkill’s knees began to shake.
“I thought you said you weren’t afraid anymore.” Bucc smirked
“You know I should be far more surprised than I am. Nice work Bucc, sounds like you’ve dragged another man out of the closet. The closet’s a shitty place. if there’s anything I can’t stand it’s someone afraid of showing their true colors.” Viper looked towards Roadkill with a smile, an honest display of happiness. Not mischievousness, not sarcasm, but joy. “I’m proud of you Roa.. I mean.. Tom. Yeah, we should probably not use our street names for a while though. They’ll be looking for Viper now that they’ve seen all the shit at my hideout. Drugs, magic residue, corpses, stolen vehicles… Ah shit… You know I just realized I never got my motorcycle back from Bad Wolf.”
“I’ll ch..check.. Bad Wo..Wolf’s old H..H…HQ fo…. for you… when I ca.. can. Vi…. Vi” Roadkill was in the middle of stuttering out Viper’s name before being cut off by the gerbil.
“Are you fucking deaf as well as mostly mute and half-blind?” Viper glared at Roadkill. “As much I hoped never to say these words again… Valerie… Call me Valerie.”
“My first name is difficult to pronounce, but I’ve been called Matthew before.” Bucc offered.
“I’m sorry I freaked out on you, but today’s been a lot to take in.” Viper looked back up to the sky. “Should I even be alive right now? Am I always going to be alive? Is that a good thing, a bad thing? Can I rebuild the Vermin? Will I see Cat again? Did I turn into a snake and eat Squeaker because I got hungry or because he shot me? Just… so many variables and shit and I’m not sure what to do now.”
“I…I.. I have an ide..idea…” Roadkill offered. “Yo.. you ca..can.. do..do magick now… You have a Spirit/Void typing…”
Bucc inhaled deeply not sure he liked where this was going as he knew Viper would reject it, though it was her best chance. “I think I know where this is going, Tom. You want Valerie here.” The otter wasn’t going to be able to get used to called Viper a name he knew she despised greatly. “Valerie here…” he repeated himself simply because of how weird that name felt to his tongue. “To attend a Magick College to learn to control her abilities.”
“I AM NOT GOING TO SOME MOTHER FUCKING PREPPY ASS THOUGHT CONTROL CAMP! Even if it is free because I’ve got a rare Magic Typing and shit.”
“You’re also not going to like it if you eat Tom or myself. Besides, you may have to get a real job and a Mage Certification can help you. Maybe even make you a better criminal.”
“…They’re also going to force me to live with my family until I’m 18.” Valerie stomped on the ground angrily, remembering how much she despised her mom, dad, and sister. As of this moment they thought her dead
“Next October 14th. It’s just one year more! I can’t have you room with me. It’s known that Viper and Bucc are part of Viper’s Vermin and they’d just racially profile us to be them. And unlike most circumstances where they pull that shit they’d actually nail a sex-worker and his Madame who happens to be a seventeen year old wanted for Armed Robbery. An Undead seventeen year old they’d most likely want to run experiments on. Experiments they could legally conduct only on felons. Tom can’t house you either because I’m sure he’d love it if authorities asked a 28 year old man why a 17 year old runaway is living in his house. The legal age of consent may be 15 but that doesn’t make him immune to kidnapping charges that are completely up to your unreliable parents to drop. And you know they wouldn’t.” Bucc insisted, though he hated to be harsh with Viper it was important when it was necessary to speak to her as her Elder as opposed to her prostitute. Though Viper normally took the reins, she was still a teenager and as much as Bucc hated it he knew that he had to speak to her like one when it was for her own good. “I hope you listen to my advice not as my OG, but as the legal guardian of your girlfriend.”
“A stt..top…topped.. clo..clo..clock twi..ice a… a day… situa..ation… and ye..yeaah.. please.. ple..please don’t live with me… un..until you’re..an..a..a..adult…” Roadkill added, mainly nutshelling what Bucc said.
“Fine, but we are going to get Cat back. If they kill her, well I’m undead, maybe she can be that way too… And if she’s alive we’ll just do a prison break!” Viper realized that Bucc and Roadkill were talking sense.
“Agreed.” Bucc decided not to tell Viper that he planned to pay for Cat’s bail if it was an option, at least not yet. It seemed to be working as good motivation for the gerbil. “Now.. I’m going to head back to my home so that I can pretend to be surprised when I learn my Goddaughter has been arrested. Tom just so we have this straight, you found Valerie and when you found her you noticed her doing something magical. The Elves will then enroll her, take her to her parents, and possibly give you a nice finder’s fee. You keep it, consider it your first paycheck from being in the Vermin.”
“Well he did pass his initiation with flying colors.” Viper added on, heading back into Roadkill’s house. “We can do that tomorrow though I’d like to get some rest first. That and have a peak at your book on Undeath.”
“Ye…yeah… “ Roadkill was amazed. Bucc and Viper seemed to actually care about him rather than see him as an asset. It seemed like this was quite the promising start for his work in a new gang. “Uhh hey.. uhh Matt..thew… there’s… not really a way to talk Valerie out of cr..crime.. permanen..mane..amently.. is there?”
“If there was do you think I’d take orders from a teenager? She’ll be back on the streets rebuilding the crew in weeks.” Bucc sniffed the air getting a whiff of the salt water in the air. “You know Tom, Nevada used to be a land locked state until the Magic Wars. Did you know that?”
“With most of California covered by the ocean it’s great property for wealthy sea creatures like myself. If you ever get a boat you should see it sometime.”
“I…I..I’m not.. loo..ooking.. for…for.. a boyfri..friend.. I tho… ought th.. that… was a.. cas..su..sual encounter…”
“I’m not looking for anything serious either my friend, but it would be nice to have company as just friends. The place is going to be very lonely for awhile… I’m not looking forward to going back without my darling goddaughter.” Bucc started heading towards the beach, being an Otter and one with water based magic abilities the swim to his property in the Nevada-California border would not take very long for him.
Roadkill figured that Bucc had some pretty good advice, he would need to bond with Bucc and Viper as afterall they were the only three people that one another could trust right now. Now would be a wonderful time to see if Viper was into any Sci-Fi movies.
That night Viper had tried to read Roadkill’s book on Undeath but found that it used language far too advanced for her to understand. Without a knowledge of advance Magickal Theory it was useless to her. The gerbil cursed herself for not asking more questions while she was watching movies with Roadkill. The only thing she really thought to do from there was to grab a pair of headphones and MP3 Player that Roadkill had laying around. One thing he did bring up that was magick related was something known as binaural beats. Apparently the idea went like this, you wore headphones and in one ear you heard odd noises, and other odd noises in the other. You had two different odd noises attacking you from both sides, yet when the came together it sent a signal to your mind that helped you have a more intense and powerful meditation. Roadkill did mention that his MP3 Player had a few, so Viper saw this as the perfect chance to try this out.
Grabbing Roadkill’s pink MP3 Player and flipping through the entry labeled for binaural beats finding that he had quite a few of them all labeled for different things. Focus, Concentration, Relaxation, Insomnia Cure, Intensify Air Connection, Intensify Water Connection, Lucid Dreaming, and the one that sounded most promising was Astral Projection. “Wait Astral Projection, isn’t that like sending your soul out of your body, I could use that to see if Cat’s okay!” Viper said to herself.
Wasting no time she selected Astral Project and began to lay back. Viper wasn’t sure how to meditate, but Bucc and Labia always described it as trying to drown out your own thoughts in favor of a connection with the point that unites all living and nonliving things. What that actually meant was anyone’s guess but Viper decided to wing it and just try to focus on the beats.
It seemed boring for her at first, but the less she tried to fight it and the more she avoided succumbing to boredom and stopping in this to go do something else the more she found herself sinking deeper and deeper into her own mind. Once there she began to hear the strangest thing, Viper could only describe it as a form of silent noise. That didn’t make much sense, but that’s the only way she could really put it into words. Mentally she followed the source of it and found what Bucc and Labia were talking about, an empty void and yet a full portal one that connected Viper to everything else. The only way this could make sense to anyone is not by hearing of it second hand, but trying it for oneself and directly observing. The gerbil imagined herself jumping and in doing so found herself outside of her body, standing in Roadkill’s living room with that strange feeling she had felt when she died, like being awake and being asleep all at once. There was an odd chill in the air, a chill that carried with it a certain finality. It all reminded Viper of that night, the gunshot crippling her, the sight of seeing through her soul’s eyes feral birds devouring her flesh, that creepy skeleton guy. Dying is such a disturbing affair, could it also be a relaxing one?
Now that she was outside of her body Viper began walking around the room, noting she could phase through Roadkill’s furniture like it wasn’t even there. Something that was completely free of any sensation as it just felt like moving her legs through a hologram. Once again like when she died Viper looked towards her body, but here she noted that instead of being lifeless with empty bowels and bitten off flesh that her body was instead sound asleep even breathing by itself. The gerbil was amused by how at peace her body and mind were just resting on the couch without her soul present.
“Wow Cat’s right, I am adorable when I’m asleep.” Viper noted many thoughts coming up from noting her sleeping self.
It was quite surreal seeing herself at such peace when she was herself minus herself for all the sense that makes. Was seeing her body at rest while disembodied proof that ferals didn’t have souls and going off of that one could conclude that it was ironically the immortal spiritual aspect of the bipeds that made their lives so full of strife, or Viper could have merely been jumping to conclusions. The gerbil knew nothing for sure at this point as she was merely an explorer in a land she had been in only once before.
Though she thought to pet herself from just how cute she looked asleep, she feared it would end her psychic voyage early and force her back into her body if she made physical contact. Plus it’s not like she was exactly tangible at this juncture in time to go through with this idea of self-petting. There were however other ideas that seemed most worthy of an attempt. Contacting the Anarchical Sisterhood of the Great Snakes was a great one, so was using her invisibility to check on Cat. While Viper was mulling it over she noticed that she was not alone as in the corner of Roadkill’s house was the skeletal goat she had met the first time her soul had left her body.
“Didn’t I reap you already Ms. Godwell?” Asked Zulos the skeletal goat.
“Yeah, but I’m not dead yet.” Viper assured the apprentice of Death.
“I’ve heard that one before, I have no idea how you escaped the afterlife but everyone has their time Valerie. It’s time to die.” Zulos readied his scythe to swing at Viper.
“The Great Snakes said otherwise.” Viper insisted
“You’re just stringing words together to get on my nerves, I can assure you there are no divine forces known as the Great Snakes, being one of the Deaths I’d know about people able to undermine my employer’s decisions.” Zulos thought this some horribly boring game he had played several times before. Despite Viper’s attempts to flee she was struck with a scythe blade and her soul transported elsewhere. Where exactly that was she had no idea nor did ninety-five percent of the still living population of the year 2055.
Viper attempted to look around but find that all was dark, she attempted to listen but all was silent. She tried to say that there was nothing, but Viper found that she herself wasn’t even there. All the gerbil was at this time was consciousness and nothing else, self-awareness in an empty void. It wasn’t painful nor was it pleasant, it just was. For a time Viper just rolled with it becoming nothing within nothingness, conjoining with Oblivion. It started to feel kind of nice. There were no worries, no concerns, no pains, just nothing. Viper was what she was, and she wasn’t. It began to feel as though she were somehow spreading out despite her non-existent state, that was when she felt the need to give this void that she had become a thought.
“It would be nice to have a friendly face tell me what is even the fuck with this bullshit.” Was the sound that resonated through the blank canvas that was neither black nor white, it just wasn’t anything. Nothing but this thought repeating itself through infinity. It became the one thing that Viper could hear and the feel of these words vibrating through the endless and abundance of absence, the one thing that existed. One thought leads to others spanning forth a brainstorm of possibilities. This thought lead to Viper remembering that this nothing after death was in fact a nothing taking place after death and there were at least three people who could potentially be of some assistance if they weren’t a little too new at this.
“Faith, Jay, I want to apologze about what happened. I don’t know where I am or even if I am.” Viper sent out through the endless black void hoping that she could reach the other spirits here. If she could figure out how this strange place worked she could get back to her body and maybe even find useful information as she did so. Zulos couldn’t send her back her while she was still inside her body, could he? Guesswork was all that was being functioned on.
“Viper, what are you sorry for? There’s nothing you could have done.” Spoke the soft delicate voice of Faith. The image of a mole showed up and was the only visible thing containing shape or form in Viper’s nothing. This mole looked like Faith, but it was different in a few subtle ways. This version of Faith was thinner, had a larger bosom, and a much fairer face free of the blemishes she had in life. In addition she was also somewhat taller and looked a few years older. This all made some sense as Faith was always disappointed by how short and young she looked, people always mistook her for a twelve year old which she took advantage of to earn trust though it always bugged her. “Besides, to be honest I feel pretty good right now.”
“But you’re dead.” Viper responded.
“Well I suppose that all depends on how you look at it.” Spoke a second voice, an older rougher sounding voice of an older woman. The thirty six year old Jay appeared second, being a blue jay she decided to do a few loop de loops and corkscrews through Viper’s void. “Look, my wings aren’t clipped anymore. I only flew a couple of times on Earth as a small kid. Those damn laws on that silly mudball.”
Jay had been referring to how PRA forced certain species to have surgery at very young ages to remove certain advantages. Avians had to have their wings clipped, skunks their stink gland removed, if your species had an advantage that could be surgically removed it was by law. You could have them added back on through gene manipulation, but only the rich could afford that. An early version of this law had involved declawing mammals but the wolves hold too much power to let that happen.
“Wait you like being dead?” Viper was confused by this. In the living world people are so desperate to stay alive that they’d do anything, even cut off their limbs or kill your family
“I wouldn’t call it being dead Viper. I mean, I suppose from a biological standpoint that’s true of all four of us. Yet, I feel fine. Better than fine.” Spoke a male voice that strangely sounded like Squeaker but more laid back as opposed to angry or panicked as she normally heard him speak. Yet when the visage of the speaker appeared it was indeed the mouse Squeaker. “I hope you can forgive me for killing you.”
“Yeah we need to rap about that, but first. Am I the only one who apparently doesn’t exist? I have no fucking clue how I’m even talking.”
“You’re in the center of the Void Viper, you’ll need to pull yourself together into a body of light.” Faith answered, her appearance becoming distorted and less visible, before returning to her new normal. “It feels good to stretch out infinitely. Learn how to do it properly and you can embody an entire infinitely expanding universe. For now, you need to pull yourself together as I said. Delving too deeply into the Void will break you down to nothing but pure Spirit.”
“I’m not sure what any of those means, but I’ll give it a shot. Alright, pull myself together. Whatever the fuck that means?”
“It means to envision all of yourself existing in one place and one time. If you ever read the Christian Bible like Faith has, you know that in the beginning there was nothing. Afterwards God said let there be light and there was. It’s kind of like that, Void is the nothing that everything comes from. You must let there be Viper.” Squeaker explained this, shifting his form to include holy robes and big brainiac glasses.
“I take it that it doesn’t have to be me as I am on Earth, but however I want. Judging from Faith’s titties and I’m gonna say fifteen fewer pounds.”
“Well my body is made of light so it’s weightless, also, five, five less pounds.”
“Right.” Viper wasn’t sure why Faith felt the need to lie about her weight especially since the body with more weight to it was in a morgue right now so it didn’t matter. There was also much uncertainty as to why Faith felt that being a little thinner made her more attractive as Viper just didn’t get why people failed to find beauty in any woman larger in waist size than a toothpick, she did oggle Ay-Lay for a reason afterall. Additionally Cat was a woman who while wasn’t really what you could call a bigger girl still had quite a pleasant thickness to her that she wouldn’t dare get rid of. But if it made Faith happier to be thinner then more power to her Viper guessed.
Waves of blue began to form as rings around the vast nothing all crashing right into the center multiple times forming the basic image of what Viper looked like. A 4’4 flat-chested female gerbil, very petite and thin with a green colored mohawk and reptilian shaped eyes of purple. In the living world Viper’s purple eyes were solely because of contact lenses here they were actually that color and shape. Street clothes formed onto her next, tight leather jeans with a hole for her long fuzzy tail, a black t-shirt with a red anarchy symbol and a purple jacket with a chain viper on the back and a VV logo on the collar of said jacket. “Alright that’s more or less what I look like.”
“Yes, yes it was. I want to apologize for shooting you in the head like I did. That was rather rude of me and well I guess I rather deserved getting eaten whole by you as the snake. How did you pull that off?”
“I don’t really know, but people have said sorry or apologize way too much today. Why don’t we go somewhere else? This blank starless space is depressing, do they card in afterlife bars?”
“As a matter of fact they don’t.”
Jay giggled having altered her appearance much like Faith had, but instead of appearing older she appeared younger. The second oldest prostitute, oldest if you only counted the women, in Viper’s gang now appeared far more innocent. Age wise the bluejay couldn’t have been much older than fifteen although twelve would have been perfectly believable, her face now fair and gave nothing away of the horrors she had seen in her thirty six years of being alive. “Which is good, because I like being young again too much to buy liquor for you my OG… Goddesses. how an old bird like me came to serve a kid like you I’ll never understand.”
“Hehehe… I’m gonna miss you when I go back to Earth.”
“You’re reincarnating so soon?” Faith sighed. “But you just got here Captain Viper.”
“I’ll explain when we spirits have had some spirits.” Viper laughed at her own joke. Good pun making is a matter of both confidence and thinking how many chances to have to say a certain phrase.
The mouse Squeaker adjust his glasses deciding he rather enjoyed this wiseman look and aged himself to look like an elderly house complete with a thick white wispy beard, due to his already being dead doing this did not make him less energetic or more fragile being purely a cosmetic choice. After making this switch he snapped his fingers turning the surrounding blackness into a large circular room with very fanciful pink walls and cushions, a night sky seemed visible outside of one rather large window that went around the place. At the very center there was a bar with various old liquors in fanciful bottles all from brands Viper had never heard of. There was also an emerald colored train that reflected light like a jewel on toy train tracks running around the bar’s ceiling.
“Finest bar in the universe.” Spoke the now ancient Squeaker, there was a strange macabre irony to the fact that although Squeaker chose the appearance of a grandfatherly figure he didn’t survive being a teenage orphan with no older people to serve as role models. “And you’ll never believe who the bartender is.”
Viper got up to look out the window, if there was a sky this place had to be located somewhere outside of the Void which meant that it was actually somewhere. The first thing she thought to do was look at the ground below but there didn’t seem to be one just more stars. This confused her so she returned the Y-Axis of her head to normal and began to adjust the X-Axis of her point of vision.
“Holy shit!” She exclaimed as it didn’t take long for her to notice from a passing by comet, a few spiraling galaxies, and even what appeared to be some form of science fiction space cruiser passing by with some kind of strange plant-like creature with tentacles wrapped around very alien looking controls. “We’re in motherfucking space!”
Squeaker put a wrinkled paw on Viper’s shoulder and smiled, his voice having now changed to have a kindly old man feel to it. “Indeed we are Valerie.”
Viper glared at Squeaker. “Okay just because yous is some kind of ghost doesn’t mean I won’t double kill your ass if you EVER fucking call me that shit again. I’ve already done it once.”
“Sorry, I suppose this is all just getting to me, the amount of love present in this great hereafter. It can make one feel too comfortable.” Squeaker took a long look around the vast cosmos sitting right outside the window. “It gets me everytime.”
“You literally just died today, how many times have you seen out this window?”
“…It’s only been a day? How strange, it feels like it’s been weeks for us.” Spoke a rather confused Faith.
“The flow of time must be different here than on Earth.” Spoke Squeaker as he adjusted his glasses.
Viper had many questions, the biggest one being why the dead were in space. Is it possible that they aren’t in space but in some manifestation of the void? Was Life on Earth any different? It was too much for Viper and she had never been too curious, so she decided to just sit down and have a beer.
Taking a seat at the bar Viper tapped on the mahogany counter and continued to stare out the window. “Hey Mac, you got imported here? Get me a Kangabrew, and three shots of Red Rogue brand Whiskey.”
“So little miss gerbil’s too good to say hi to an old friend? I see how it is Valerie.” Spoke an unfamiliar voice
“DON’T FUCKING CALL ME VALERIE!” Viper turned to face the voice of this person only to raise an eyebrow upon seeing his name tag which was green and in gold letters read The Chief. “…By the Snakes!” The gerbil found herself dumbstruck as she hadn’t seen this man in so long that she had barely contained him in her memory. Though now face to face with his disembodied spiritual essence she felt a guilt coming over her for daring to forget. “Chief… Since when are you a chicken?”
“Well I wanted women to know that I have a big cock, and I wanted them to know it from a long distance.” The rooster behind the counter dressed from head to toe in Steampunk Attire which sort of fit in with the design of the counter and liquor stands.
Viper could have pointed out that chickens don’t even have penises, that horse would have been a better choice if that was his sincere wish, or that being a big cock isn’t the same thing as having one in your possession but the she didn’t care. Instead there was only a laugh, a sincere burst of joy. Not because she found the joke legitimately amusing, but simply because she was happy to see the old bastard. “Holy shit! Getting drunk with Chief again, it’s been so long.”
“Four years.” Jay yawned. “Not really that long of a time.”
“Feels like forever to me.” Viper shrugged.
“Did them titties ever grow out girl?”
“Uhh… no…” Viper felt very uncomfortable and scooted away from the bar. “And I’d like you never to bring them up again.”
The Chief thought to say something, but opted not to. A decision wiser than many he had made in life.
The five drank and drank any questions that remained were melted away along with any concerns or worries. With time and drinks even the room ceased to be, none of the five were looking at each other or a bar anymore. That which now flashed before the three teenagers and two adults was an entire timeline of Viper, Squeaker, Jay, Faith, and The Chief all up until the moment that Death had claimed them, which included both times this occurred for Viper. The five now had a complete understanding of both themselves and one another in addition to the choices they made in life. Once it ended the five began to look at their lives and each others’ simultaneously from different angles seeing how things would have ended up had other choices been made. Oddly enough all of their ways lead them right back here in the end regardless of what was done.
Well not all five of their lives were available for review, Viper’s could only be seen how it was without any of the what-ifs. It seemed most queer yet after three tries they dropped it, shrugging the mystery when there was so much exploration to be done. This really could have gone on for eternity, but a voice called them out of it.
“There has been some kind of misunderstanding, uncombine yourselves at once!” This voice spoke, and just like that the room returned to normal with all five biped spirits having resumed the position they had prior to the sensation that had been tossed around in like a soul tornado, a soulnado if you will.
Viper looked in the direction of the voice and noticed Zulos standing with four other figures. “I was enjoying whatever that was! What was it anyway? We were fucking? Was that ghost sex?”
“I like to think of it as a very close hug.” Squeaker chittered with a smile.
“It was intense whatever it was.” Added Faith.
“Enjoy this!” Spoke what appeared to be a half-decayed pig corpse with green skin and flies buzzing around him, half of his face and one eye missing. “We’ve reviewed our records and found that it’s not Viper’s time, she’s dead, yet it’s not her time.. I’m not sure why this has happened, but it’s not surprising. It’s been happening a lot since 2017.”
“Hirodam, Death associated with Heart Failure, means Ms. Godwell that it is time for you to return to Earth.” Zulos spoke introducing him to all but The Chief whom had seen him when he died of a heart attack. “For now anyway.”
The other two Deaths with Hirodam and Zulos were a wolf who seemed to be completely made of metal wearing a red hoodie with the mane and ears of a horse on a hood, he was the Death associated with bullet wounds his name was Unther. The biggest of the four was what appeared to be a female hippotamus with dark blue skin and various red markings all over her naked body. This hippo was Yvona, a lesser demoness of gluttony who had agreed to take up the position as the Death responsible for persons eaten alive in order to escape Hell, aside from her red eyes and unusual skin color her long demon’s tail was another sign of her damned state.
“Zulos, that is literally what I fucking tried to tell you. I mean I love this place. But I’ve got shit to do. Hells I only meant to Astral Project to find my lover Cat. But since you’re here and ya know Death. Do you know where she is, maybe I can see her before I go back to Earth?”
“Cat?” Zulos would have raised an eyebrow if he had eyes. “Uhh..”
Yeona folded her arms. “She means Tiffany Richterson, the hybrid. She’s not on any of our lists.” The hippo was always the most efficient of them mostly because being a demon a love of killing came natural to her. “Meaning she will not die by gunshot, necksnap, heart failure, nor will someone eat her… Actually it says right here strangulation in 2089 is the most likely cause of Death, isn’t there a snake in charge of that?”
Viper’s eyes lit up to that news. “Well look, that’s all I needed to know. Cat’s okay. You can send me back or whatever.”
“As we intended to!” Zulos and the others all slammed their scythes into the ground.
Viper looked back at her four friends. “When I’m really dead, I’ll see you guys again.” The gerbil took a few steps forward before getting an idea. “Oh and Chief, I didn’t go to your funeral, but, how’s this?” The tan furred rodent tore open her shirt revealing her tiny bosom, this didn’t exactly wow the crowd until Viper began to concentrate. In mere seconds the seventeen year old maiden’s breasts began to balloon in size as she cupped them moaning in pleasure to the sensation she had given her chesticles. It was amazing just how much she seemed able to pleasure herself in this matter especially considering she had legitimately forgotten why she had decided to perform this action until she heard voices.
“Uhh Viper…” Faith covered her eyes as she spoke. “I think you’re overdoing the shapeshifting.”
Viper snapped out of her masturbation to realize she had grown her bosom so large that the poor girl was gerbil’s head vicariously balanced otop two furry boobs bigger than over-inflated exercise balls.
The Chief seemed happy about this. “Daaayum girl, now that’s beyond crack-a-lacking. Can I get a feel on them gerbil puppies?”
“Ordinarily I’d tell you to drop dead, but… You already have, so fuck it. Go ahead.” Resulting in some nipple tugging for the brief moments left until Zulos returned Viper to the living world.
There just a small puff of smoke and then Viper was once more in Roadkill’s living room. The sun had been up for about two hours and Roadkill could be seen in the kitchen as there were no walls dividing the two rooms. The one eyed skunk was dressed in casual clothes with a T-Shirt of the classical cover band “Grandfather Clock And The Toreador Marchers”, he was humming to himself the first of the two songs the band was named after as he cooked an omelette of ham, tomato, jalapenos, and chicken with a side of bacon, dancing as he did so. Viper thought it was ridiculous the way he spun like a ballerina to catch the toast as it came out of the toaster.
“Y..y..y..you aw..awa..awake Va..val..Valerie?” The bre.ea..k.fa..ast.. is al..al.. al..almost done.” Roadkill spoke the unconscious gerbil
“Yeah I probably should get up.” Viper said to herself. Of course since she was still outside of her body it was impossible for Roadkill to see or hear her, there were ways for Roadkill to perceive Viper, but it was better for her if she just flew into her body. It was time for her to get up anyway.
Things began to feel a little odd once Viper was back inside of herself. Once again she felt the forces of gravity and the limitations of a body that relied on a skeleton and internal organs to move instead of just doing its own thing like what Viper had become quite accustomed to during her trip to the afterlife. Though it had been only a few hours she felt as though she had spent many centuries longer than she had even been alive with Chief, Squeaker, Jay, and Faith.
Yet even with the need to re-adjust to having a physical body Viper felt great, truthfully more restful sleep had not been had by the woman since before her first menstrual cycle. Cliche enough once she got up she yawned and quickly faced Roadkill. “Hey Roadie, I mean, Tom. I’ve still gotta get used to that shit. Thanks for lending me your MP3 Player, tried out Astral Projection… Holy shit I ever need to do drugs again!”
“I…I..’m gl..ad you f-f-f-found it eff-effective. Ma.. maybe one day yo..u..you’ll actually pr-project. I st.. still haven’t myself.” Roadkill said as he prepared two plates setting one down before Viper before digging into his own. “You aren’t la-lactone.. intole..tolerant are you? I should have as..sked.. about allergies.. be..before ha..hand..”
“No, but I don’t think I really need to eat. I’ve sustained off of a few sodas and a single bag of chips in the time I’ve been here.” Viper said sniffing at the food. “That does smell good though.” She said gnawing on a piece of bacon. “…But I don’t taste anything…”
Roadkill took a bite of his food and found it incredibly flavorful, he feared that Viper’s undead state may have caused her taste buds to stop working. Either that or he was a far worse cook than he thought. “Maybe it’s beca..cause.. you’re not… ful..fully.. alive.”
“You said you couldn’t astral project… How long have you been trying?”
“Since I was eight.” Roadkill showed this number on his fingers realizing he was a little hard to understand. “I’ve ha..a..aad… a few lu..c..cid dreams… but.. other than th..a..a.a.aa.a..at No.”
“Sounds like being a technicality between the mortal coil and the hereafter has it’s ups and downs then.” Viper looked at the ceiling, pondering if her lost friends were looking down upon her. If true and it likely was she’d need to give them something to watch. “I know what I said, but, Matt’s right. I need to give up being Viper, if only for a little bit. Starting tomorrow.”
The gerbil continued to eat even without taste, enjoying one more day as Viper and Roadkill.
The long awaited second chapter in the adventures of badass biker chick Valerie "Viper" Godwell in a dark sci-fi fantasy setting, and her friends all powerful badass mages on the wrong side of the law who like it that way. Book 1 revealed the death of Viper, but was only the first toe dipped into a sea of debauchery, lust, chaos, and a disregard for the law in a world where such things are tragically closer to the only things resembling morality in a world ruined by the Elves with the consent of the world's dominant species, the Wolves. In part two we learn the origin of the skunk who tried and failed to save Viper's life, the skunk known as Roadkill, a man who seems far softer than anyone else on the streets. Why is that? Does he have a heart of gold? Or is he a monster who is merely too much of a coward to take the women and things that he's always wanted in life? What of Viper herself? How will the gang react to the fact that she is dead yet now walks among the living? Most likely with a lot of fight scenes and lesbianism both of which are just Viper's style. We find the answer to that question and various other questions in the exciting second chapter. A chapter dedicated to the late great Tim Ray Locklear