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Poetry Collection Three: Interpersonal Transgressions

Poetry Collection Three:

Interpersonal Transgressions

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Written and published by Ashley Rebecca Kingston

 

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic means

including but not limited to; scanning or photocopying without the prior written consent of the copyright owner.

Only exception being, is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

 

Copyright © 2016 Ashley Rebecca Kingston

 

Published: November 24th 2016

ISBN: 9781370097197

 

Shakespir Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Authors Notes:

With my poetry anthologies I am finally putting together; I am trying to collect and create different themes, different emotions, and different stories. With hopes some can experience something different today than the day before, through someone else’s eyes.

 

The following poems are of my creation. My experiences, whether imagined or tactile in this reality. While a poem may be received and interpreted differently by different people, there are words and themes contained within these lines that some readers may find are not suitable for younger audiences.

 

 

Contents:

A Bee To A Flower – February.18.2013

Not Over Him – November.14.2001

Power Flows – November.29.2001

Sewn And Unknown – December.14.2001

Nonexistent – January.23.2002

Forgive Me – January.23.2002

Too Bad, Too Late – January.28.2002

Kissing – January.30.2002

Flirting – January.31.2002

O’Rion – February.02.2002

Falling Into – February.13.2002

Burning Inside – February.16.2002

What To Do – February.17.2002

Cold Hands – February.18.2002

If I Dared – February.22.2002

I Had Plans – May.20.2002

One Night – June.07.2002

Not Yet – June.10.2002

His Is Mine – June.14.2002

But He Held Me – June.14.2002

All Set – June.15.2002

No Just Kiss And Run – July.10.2002

To Need – July.26.2002

A Chance – July.29.2002

Dear Past Love – August.03.2002

More And More – August.10.2002

One – August.22.2002

X Thing – August.25.2002

Just My Friend – August.27.2002

Stupid List – September.08.2002

No Cares – September.12.2002

You’ll Come Back To Me – September.20.2002

He’s Single Again – September.22.2002

No Beliefs Anymore – September.26.2002

Little Boy – September.27.2002

Love Hate Relationship – October.02.2002

Liking Her In That Way – October.18.2002

Hoping It Was More – October.18.2002

Ignoring Scared Man – October.21.2002

Deep Love – October.23.2002

Pain In My Discovery – October.24.2002

That Lyle-ing Man – October.27.2002

That Lyle-ing Man II – October.28.2002

No I Can Not – November.11.2002

For Sure – November.16.2002

Only One Way Out – December.14.2002

Pleasuring – January.01.2003

Wrap Around – January.05.2003

Washing – January.06.2003

Stupid Me Hurting – January.22.2003

I Danced Anyway – January.24.2003

Fine Line – January.30.2003

Why Do I Keep Stupidly Running – February.03.2003

Totally Flirting With Her – February.15.2003

My William – March.01.2003

Two Girls In Naivety – April.15.2003

A Fetish Thing – April.23.2003

I Tell You All – March.29.2004

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Bee To A Flower

February.18.2013

 

his words cling to my heart, like a bee to its flower

wanting more and more, even after he has had his fill

 

 

 

 

Not Over Him

November.14.2001

 

over him, i fall

i’d do anything, for him to even call

over him, i’ll never be

i’d do anything, for him to see

over him, i am not even me

i’d do anything, to just be

over him, I am nothing no more

i’d die right now, even if i’d be just sore

over him, i fall

i’d do anything, for him to even call

over him, i’ll never be

i’d do anything, for him to just see me

 

 

 

 

Power Flows

November.29.2001

 

The water flows, and I hold you inside… I need to feel you, I need to try and hide.

The feeling of drums, beating inside my chest… I need to feel your heart, beating harder inside.

The waters flow, I keep you inside… Because I know I’ll feel empty, without you in my mind.

The waters flow, I tightly hold you inside… I need to feel you, a yearning and aching in losing control.

Beating and flowing, harder yet so soft… Burning what is left, of my lonely insides.

 

 

 

 

Sewn And Unknown

December.14.2001

 

Lay her softly down, watch her curls flow about.

Feel her skin move, watch her eyelashes flutter.

The passion and power, igniting love not lust.

Over powers his groins, to have her he must.

The moment will last, seeds will be sewn.

So many things, left to be unknown.

 

 

 

 

Nonexistent

January.23.2002

 

I feel like I don’t exist

he hung up on me

I cried and tried to scream

it hurts to breathe

I know no one knows

I have no one to hold

I’ll just keep it all in

until I explode

I have so much to give

yet I am nonexistent

 

I’ll cry until I bleed

I wish I would not eat

I want to smash something

I almost wish I were dead

I don’t fucking exist

so why am I even here

why do I have to wake up

waking up to nothing each morning

just sitting and thinking

what we really are

why we can’t stay in love

and why I can’t have him

 

but who am I to think of him

and who am I to mourn for a year

who the fuck am I who loves him

and who am I to cry

who am I to weep on my pillow

who am I to not deny love

who am I to think I know what love is

it hurts to breathe

I need to be free of this

I need pills or alcohol

I think I need someone to help me

while I continue to disappear within

to be truly nonexistent

 

 

 

 

Forgive Me

January.23.2002

 

Hello my love… I whispered

as I walked right through your front door

crazy boy as always it was unlocked…

Forgive my rude intrusion, I know I shouldn’t be here

but I have nowhere else to be

 

I didn’t look through your stuff

I’d never do that to you

I didn’t write you a letter

I didn’t even knock on your door

I know I always come uninvited

 

But would you forgive me my love

If I stood and danced in your room

Would you forgive me love… if I took off all my clothes

if I wrapped myself in your bathrobe and breathed you in deep

Would you forgive me love… if I fell asleep for a moment in your bed

if I just thought of you in every moment of every day since you left

 

But would you forgive me my love

I noticed a letter on your beside table

Would you forgive me love… for my fingers opened it up

my eyes saw the words that were neatly written inside

“I love you so my dear, see you later tonight…”

Would you forgive me love… I shouldn’t be here

the letter was not in my writing, and I know I shouldn’t be here

 

Forgive me love, for I wept in your shower…

for my tears on your bed, for ever entering your life

Forgive me love, for loving you so much

and for just wanting you to be happy…

 

But would you forgive me my love

for not leaving a note, for not leaving you alone

Would you forgive me love… for my tears on your pillow

Would you forgive me love… for I will always love you

 

 

 

 

Too Bad, Too Late

January.28.2002

 

It’s too bad, you’re too late, you’ve lost everything with me.

You’re way too late to realize your mistakes now, you stupid cruel man.

It’s too bad, you’re too late, you’ve lost everything we created.

It’s too fucking bad, you’re way too late to find me again.

 

You left without really saying goodbye

All I wanted was one last kiss farewell

I never did ask too much of you

But to break up with me in person

You fucking men, drive me fucking mad

I don’t ask for much but everything

You left without really saying goodbye

All I wanted was one last kiss farewell

I never did ask too much of you

I don’t ask for much but everything

 

 

 

 

Kissing

January.30.2002

 

light shining over us

… lips barely touching

voices quiet and slow

hands grasping onto

.. anything of each other

 

light shining over us

.. lips pressing against lips

hands holding onto

arms tightly wrapped around

.. our bodies lay intertwined

 

light shining somewhere

.. sparks shimmer when we touch

happiness when we smile

.. kissing means so much

I’ll never not be touched by you

 

 

 

 

Flirting

January.31.2002

 

flirting with my fingers

fluttering my eyelashes

fiddling and flipping my hair

flashing you my big smile

 

blushing at your starry glance

wondering if I am good enough

too shy to even say a word

wondering what your lips taste like

being careful that I eat gracefully

wondering if all you want is just sex

feeling cold underneath my dress

wondering what your hands would feel like

 

flirting with my fingers

fluttering my eyelashes

fiddling with my hair

flashing you my big smile

 

 

 

 

O’Rion

February.02.2002

 

My sweet shining stars up above me

I’ve loved you far too hard

But never will I ever forget

What our love really is inside

 

And who you really are sweet star

Is beyond the powers of this place

Dreams will lead you into your future

And memories of me will finally escape

 

My sweet shining stars above me

I’ve loved you for far too long

But I will never forget any of you

Or what your love has meant to me

 

My sweet shining cluster of stars

You light up my dark skies at night

I stand and I just stare at your giving love

For I’d love to be with you up above

 

My sweet shining stars up above me

I’ve loved you far too hard

But never will I ever forget

What our love really is inside

 

 

 

 

Falling Into

February.13.2002

 

falling in love

falling in lust

dying in bed

dying without trust

falling all over

what once was

lost in the shadows

lost not if i must

falling out of love

falling out of lust

asleep in my bed

lying in your dust

what there was once

is now not again

so much time

wasted with him

falling in love

falling in lust

dying in bed

dying without trust

falling all over

what once was

lost in the shadows

lost not if i must

 

 

 

 

Burning Inside

February.16.2002

 

burning inside my soul, inside my body he flows

inside of my own body, between my knees

he tightly grasps my hips, while he flows in the seas

taking that what there is, to try to make me his

I’d give anything to feel, him inside of me

but what do I do, when it all means more

this could be wrong, but I want to feel right

all in all, all of me is in plain sight

 

 

 

 

What To Do

February.17.2002

 

I do like him so much

The time that we’ve spent together

The interesting conversations

But I’ve talked to everyone,

and I know the trouble is his age,

otherwise I’d shut up about it and just jump in.

But what should I do…

When it could be wrong

I could perhaps be wrong

But I always feel wrong

But what should I do…

If I do like him so much

But his age is what is being talked about

But I really don’t care

If I do really like him

It’s my heart and my eyes,

is what he says he sees in me.

But I really don’t know…

What I can and can’t do

Like I’m a child having to follow rules

What do I do, when I could be wrong…

But being wrong isn’t the point

My point is he is a lot older

And that I do like him a lot

But there are boundaries around us

 

 

 

 

Cold Hands

February.18.2002

 

so warm but cold

his hands burn my skin

even if he is not near

and I try to see

anything but him

 

but I saw him caress

the table by my side

I had to look away

because my insides

turned and flipped into a knot

 

but he is all I have

for now until forever

to never find the end

I have almost nothing

I crave to be with him

 

but I kick and fight all the way

with myself through his eyes

nothing really matters

but I have a lot to say

he is so hot to the touch

 

his body is not mine

he says he loves my eyes

I try to make him deny

but he is nice and knowledgeable

I like age but not more confusion

 

my hands are so cold

because I am unsure

as to what I should do

with fighting myself

so warm but cold

his hands burn me

and I try to see

anything but him

 

 

 

 

If I Dared

February.22.2002

 

If I dared to touch his hand, I fear I wouldn’t ever let go

If I dared to look him in his eyes, I fear I wouldn’t look away

If I dared to speak my mind, I know I’d just look like a fool

If I dared to care too much, I know I’d end up broken again

 

Just to know how stupid I am, to not leave well enough alone

I just don’t understand why I can’t let go, and just walk away

To forget or not even know, to just go on by myself

Why do I feel like I always need, someone else to live my life

 

I fear I wouldn’t ever let go

I fear I wouldn’t look away

I know I’d just look like a fool

I know I’d end up broken again

To dare to not assume my fate

 

 

 

 

I Had Plans

May.20.2002

 

I had plans to marry him

I had plans to make love to him

I had everything I am in him

 

You made my world stand still

You made me wish you ill

You made me fall in love with you

 

I thought I could seduce you in my bed

I thought we would be creating a life together

I thought I’d be with you until my death

 

I had plans to marry him

I had plans to make love to him

I had everything I am in him

 

 

 

 

One Night

June.07.2002

 

you were my one night stand

making love hand in hand

just that one night of passion

 

you were my dream come true

talking with me until day break

and just listening to me speak

 

you were my lover by night

with no fights in the day light

and no lives of children to hurt

 

you were my temptation

in everything I needed to do

and I think I might love you

 

you were my true friend

my only and very first man

just my lover in everything

 

you were my one night stand

making love hand in hand

just that one night of passion

 

you were my temptation

in everything I need to do

and I know that I love you

 

 

 

 

Not Yet

June.10.2002

 

I haven’t seen, this guy that I need to see

I haven’t heard, this man’s voice inside of me

I haven’t felt, this man’s touch on my skin

I haven’t been able, to let myself be with him

 

No we haven’t even met

No I haven’t found you yet

But soon my life will change

If I ever fall in love again

 

I haven’t seen, this guy that I need to see

I haven’t heard, this man’s voice inside of me

I haven’t felt, this man’s touch on my skin

I haven’t been able, to let myself be with him

 

 

 

 

His Is Mine

June.14.2002

 

I can’t believe what I held in my hands

I now know that his body is mine

I know that he wants to have me

But what is this that is keeping him back

He must be afraid I will reject him

That I would forget, laugh at, or desert him

He must be just totally crazy

Or has forgotten who I really am

I have said that I loved him forever

And I never lie but we both need to live

He must be afraid I’ll reject him

I have said that I’ll love him forever

And I never lie but we both need to live

 

 

 

 

But He Held Me

June.14.2002

 

I can’t believe he held me

Like he never wanted to let go

 

I can’t believe he held my hand

And ran his finger up my arm

 

I can’t believe what we spoke about

I can’t believe I was totally honest and open

And I can’t believe with nothing more than my words

I turned him on to the idea, of possibly being with me again

 

I can’t believe that he didn’t even call me

After we spoke so freely, he is still with her

 

I can’t believe that I think I love such a man

That cannot seem to even love me back

 

I can’t believe that I could fall for such tricks

When there is nothing of me that he really even wants

 

I can’t believe he held me

Like he never wanted to let go

 

And I can’t believe that I keep falling

Back in love with this unworthy man

 

 

 

 

All Set

June.15.2002

 

my hair is all done up, i am so dressed to kill

but i’m wasting my time, waiting at my window sill

he had said to me, that he’d be here

that he was my man, and i was his woman

but i still always wait, ready to be his

waiting in vain, going totally insane

when he’ll never change, he’ll always be the same

i got all ready, but with nothing to show

i keep wasting my time, waiting to finally say no

 

 

 

 

No Just Kiss And Run

July.10.2002

 

The other night I actually kissed this one guy

A kiss means more to me, but I couldn’t stop myself

I still can’t believe I could break my own stupid code

I told myself I never wanted another guy to even touch me

But he held me so close and caressed my back

Such soft hands and arms so very close to mine

Such beautifully sexy perfectly soft lips

So perfect was this kiss

I admit I know I needed this all to be

And I know that nothing of this was wrong

Except I need more than just a kiss and run

 

How in the hell dare he do this to me

How could he think he was even allowed

How could he give me a fake number

Was it just a blank because he was so drunk

Or did I even really mean anything at all

I want to scream and hit him so badly

And I will find him and do so perhaps one day

 

I won’t ever forget how this all played out

I just wish I wasn’t so needy and wanting him so

Why do I think I am just a little to dramatic

I should have been the player not the one being played

But he probably just thought it was a kiss

Be he should have known me better than that

I’ll never forget the unexplainable sound he made

As he let go of me after our embrace

I asked him if I was a good or bad kisser

All that he could manage to say was eh

I hope he was lying through his teeth

And I hope the fake number was a mistake

 

He gave me a number

A fake and I should have known

But he touched me that way

He kissed me then left

But it means more to me

As he forgets I exist

I want to hurt him so badly

And I will find him to do more than kiss

 

 

 

 

To Need

July.26.2002

 

To feel his warm hands on my body

To feel him pressed against me

To need him so near I can hold onto

I’d love to make him mine

 

I can imagine him by my side

You are all I can see

You are in all that I need

You are everything to me

 

I can imagine how I would move

How you would sound under my groove

I can assume how things would go

And how our love would grow

 

To feel his warm hands, gliding, sliding, caressing the smooth skin on my body

To feel him hard and hot to the touch pressed against me, entering, being deep inside

To need him, want him, more than anything I’ve ever needed or wanted before

In our need, I’d love to make him mine, I’d love for him to make me his

 

 

 

 

A Chance

July.29.2002

 

Just take another chance with me, I know you won’t regret it

Just think of me one more time, you know I’d never hurt you

Just try to remember my soul, and see how much I’ve changed

Just try and look at me now, I’ve always been the same

 

So let’s go out tonight, out on a real live date

I’ve never been on a real date, with you

I am free this evening, so let’s go out right now

Call me soon baby, because we are meant to be

 

I can say all I want, to try to not fall in love with you

And how I have been hurt, and how I just don’t trust

But I know you don’t need to care, all you need is me

But I just need to say, I want to hear you swear my name

 

Just take another chance with me, I know you won’t regret it

Just think of me one more time, you know I’d never hurt you

Just try to remember my soul, and see how much I’ve changed

Just try and look at me now, I’ve always been the same

 

 

 

 

Dear Past Love

August.03.2002

 

I hear about you here and there,

from the usual sources,

from people everywhere,

from our poor mutual friends,

from people that you want more than me

 

I haven’t forgotten about you

and you know I never ever will

and I’d never put you down

or desert you or harm you

I’d never do anything wrong by you

because you know that I love you

 

I do miss you love

I just need to say

That I need you

And want you to stay

As my best friend

As my lover in bed

As everything to me

 

I dearly do miss you

And I still want you back

I’d still take you back

Without any doubts

I really do miss you

And I’d never turn you down

I am still too in love with you

 

I do really truly love you

I love you with all my heart

Without any doubts

And I’d do anything

To have you in my life again

As anything if you loved me

 

I hate being ignored

I can’t stand you not missing me

How can you live without me?

While you once said you never could

When you once said you’d never leave

When you once told me you loved me

Forever and always

I will always love you my love

 

 

 

 

More And More

August.10.2002

 

no matter what I do,

or whoever I see.

I just keep thinking,

and talking about him.

no matter how much time,

or experience, or life passes.

I just keep wanting him,

more and more….. and more.

this is driving me crazy,

how everything for me is him.

I really can’t seem to get over,

or move on from him.

but I guess I’ll keep on trying,

with some might I guess.

we’ll see how things go,

I have doubts that my heart will heal.

 

 

 

 

One

August.22.2002

 

Everything went from wrong to right

The second I laid eyes upon you

You are the only one for me

I just know that we were meant to be

I just wish you felt the same way…

 

Everything went from wrong to right

With every little thing in my life

Being with you I found my way

Through all the hell that is my life

I sometimes wish I was your wife…

 

Everything went from wrong to right

The very second I laid eyes upon you

I think you are the only one

I think that we were meant to be

I just wish you felt the same way about me…

 

 

 

 

X Thing

August.25.2002

 

I am that ex-girlfriend…

who was dumped by him.

that ex-woman, that ex-lover, that ex-woman,

… who never fell out of love with him.

and yes I know he might hate me now,

he might despise my efforts in not just disappearing,

be annoyed by my presence and existence at all.

but it’s not all my fault,

he told me he loved me, that he really truly loved me,

and I honestly believed every word that he said.

so I’m sorry, to her, and to him, but I’m still in love,

even against the odds, the stupidity of it all,

… and yes I know he doesn’t feel the same, any more.

 

I wonder why we can’t just be friends,

I wonder, why he can’t still love me, at all, in any way,

and I wonder, why he has to be with her,

what’s so damn great about her…

 

I’ll say I am sorry to that bitch

but all I ever wanted was to be with him.

I never ever wanted to hurt any one,

but she must know she is a bitch

 

I am that ex-girlfriend…

another notch on his belt, another game that was played,

another woman that has to mend after a broken heart.

but it’s not all my fault,

he told me that he loved me, we made plans together.

I am that ex girlfriend…

who was dumped by him,

but whether I love him or not,

he is still with her right now,

and I am just his ex-girlfriend…

 

 

 

 

Just My Friend

August.27.2002

 

He is just a friend to me

I don’t see him in that way

But he wants me in that way

Sometimes I don’t know what to say

Because friends is all I see in him

But he always jokes like we are more

I just need him as a friend

But I know he needs more from me

But that is all I need to be right now

I am everyone else’s friend

To talk and to hang around with

I am always nothing more

I’ll hide before I open up

I’ll try to be alone before I say more

But my problems aren’t right now

They are all hiding in the past

And I’ll not speak of them

Even to my friends

Because I know no one wants to listen

They just want to talk about themselves

I am not what is in the light

What is in the light is him

And I don’t want to settle for less

He is great but not in that way for me

Because he is just my friend

 

 

 

 

Stupid List

September.08.2002

 

it makes me sick to my stomach, to be on that list

on his big fat dirty list, of used and rejected lovers

to know i wasted, any moment of my time

to know i just wasted, parts of my life waiting

 

i never wanted, to be his ex-girlfriend

i never thought, he’d just up and leave me

i never wanted, anything but his love

i never wanted, to have these parts in my story

 

i hate to know, that i was used by him

in so many ways, i was just thrown away

and i hate myself, that i just can’t forget

it just makes me sick, to be on that list

 

 

 

 

No Cares

September.12.2002

 

i am in love….. and you don’t care

so i don’t know what to do

… when you come calling

and i can’t turn you down

i guess i just have to be hurt

all over and over again

i guess i’ll just never learn

because i am in love with you

and you don’t really care

because you don’t love me back

so i still don’t know what to do

 

 

 

 

You’ll Come Back To Me

September.20.2002

 

You’ll come – falling back to me

Just like I knew – you should

You’ll come – falling back to me

Just like I knew – you would

 

You’re the star – I’ve always seen

You were – my every thing

You’re the place – I loved to be

You are everything – to me

 

You’ll find out the truth – some day

Just like I’ve been – waiting for

You’ll find yourself – some day

Just like I’ve been – hoping for

 

You’re the one – who likes to run

Into places I don’t want – to go

You’re the one – who doesn’t love me

In the kind of way – I had hoped for

 

But you’ll still some day – find out

The things – you already knew

But you’ll find things out – again

That you’d come – running back to me

 

 

 

 

He’s Single Again

September.22.2002

 

He’s single again, broken apart

Without that bitch, I want him even more

He left her, I think it was today

He didn’t tell me, I just found out through friends

So should I do something, or just sit back and wait…

I didn’t expect this, but it happened inevitably

So I pleasured him one night, and he didn’t call

I’ll just pretend that didn’t happen, I’ll just pretend I don’t care

I’ll be like him, and just keep things cool

I’ll be like him, and be an asshole

I am still single, and in a place of my own

Now he is single too, but for how much longer

He is very weak, as you can tell

A stupid little boy, who will fall for any woman he thinks is pretty, or giving

What pisses me off, is he’d even use me

I guess I am the player, because I used him too

 

 

 

 

No Beliefs Anymore

September.26.2002

 

To only find that real true love

I fear I believe in no more

To be with someone forever

I think I am just too scared

To lose myself in love for real

I used to believe in so many things

I used to fall for all the damn lies

But now that I can see just a little

Through all the thick dirty smoke

I don’t want to leave the house

But to only find that real true love

I’d give my soul to be that lost

 

 

 

 

Little Boy

September.27.2002

 

boy you don’t know, what you’re doing

boy you know, I’d drive you to ruin

you should really know that by now

you couldn’t handle me if you tried

boy you don’t know, what you’re doing

boy you know, I’d drive you to ruin

 

 

 

 

Love Hate Relationship

October.02.2002

 

I fell deeply in love with him back then

And I was angry and hurt when he left

Now I guess we’re just kind of friends

But I guess he doesn’t really mind sex

I am so very confused and going crazy

Because I don’t know what I should be doing

Should I have sex just because I want to

Or should I just finally walk away from him

Before I get hurt even more then I already am

 

 

 

 

Liking Her In That Way

October.18.2002

 

I think I like her in that way

And it is more than a little scary

To feel so powerful to not breathe

And yet so weak in the knees

To feel so right but somehow feeling wrong

Because I don’t know what she is thinking

Is it just me or am I making things up

Is it just me or could I be in love

 

 

 

 

Hoping It Was More

October.18.2002

 

Looking away if I saw I got a glance

Hoping too hard that it was more than that

But I always hope for too much in my life

So I’ll just fall back into my corner again

 

I look around the loud room sometimes

Just being who I am and a little nosey

I saw someone watching me intently

They look away immediately and I do too

 

I think I am a little too different to be around people

That must be why I hate them so much

Or maybe people are just too stupid for me

I don’t respond very well to stupidly and rudeness

 

Yet I am also scared to be around people

Because I think I am too emotional

I think I am childish falling for lies and compliments

It is so hard for me to just be me without regrets

 

Looking away if I saw I got a glance

Hoping too hard that it was more than that

But I always hope for too much in my life

So I’ll just fall back into my corner again

 

 

 

 

Ignoring Scared Man

October.21.2002

 

I watch him so intently, when he softly speaks

I don’t think he knows, I always notice him

He usually doesn’t acknowledge, that I am even here

Which I don’t understand, because I am always around

I like him very much, and would love to get to know him more

But that is hard to do, when he kind of just ignores me

I love the way he smells, I am so drawn to him

All I ask is one little chance, to just listen to his mind

All I want is to know, if I have a chance with him

 

 

 

 

Deep Love

October.23.2002

 

To fall in love so deeply

You can’t see your own hands

You don’t believe your friends

When they say it won’t turn out

You find yourself to be lost

In your thoughts of losing it

To be drowning you in fear each night

To think of these sad things is dangerous

For all you really see is the light

To only be happy every single night

I think is just a dream for some of us

 

 

 

 

Pain In My Discovery

October.24.2002

 

my tongue really hurts

it’s tied in knots

my stomach really hurts

it’s flying in circles

my body starts aching

and I feel empty inside

when I think of him

I don’t know what to say

so I hide within my self

I don’t want to change

but I want to be like him

I don’t want to move

afraid I’ll lose this moment

lots of things hurt inside

it’s always hard to breathe

in the pain of my discovery

 

 

 

 

That Lyle-ing Man

October.27.2002

 

He came to my house and asked me out for real, fucking hell…

This time in a different way, I can’t believe this really happened

He wrote me a little letter, attached to it a fake flower

Yellow and white, meaning friendship and forgiveness

 

My first thought… was what the fuck?!

My second thought… was I am at a loss for words

I really don’t know, what to think of this situation

I want to ask someone, for any opinion on this

 

He said in the letter; he was sorry for lying in the past

And these past couple weeks, have sucked for him

Supposedly because, I wasn’t around him

I’m sorry, but that just sounds so contrived and lame to me!

 

He is a friend of a friend, in a group of people I know

And every time we are around each other, we bicker like children

But I do not think, I could ever really trust him

He lies to me, to others and to himself all the time

 

But he follows me around, and listens to me so intently

He falls for everything, he does everything I say

I think I might be using him, he has driven me around in his car

But he can’t see anything, but his own made up stupid stories and lies

 

I don’t trust any man, especially men who lie

And I fear I’ve lost my trust, in thinking all men just want sex

He seems just a little desperate, just a little too desperate for something

He must really want something from me, he must want something!

 

He actually asked me out, shit what do I do?

He wrote a little letter, with a fake flower attached

Yellow and white, meaning friendship and forgiveness

It all just feels so fake, he must want something from me

 

 

 

 

That Lyle-ing Man II

October.28.2002

 

Remember that guy who asked me out, the one with the little letter and fake flower attached?

You know that guy, who thinks all his lies are the truth?

Well he didn’t show up when he was supposed to, for the weekly meetings where both attended

So I called him, I waited until the day after that…

 

I did of course talk to my friends beforehand, because I desperately needed others opinions on this

To find my thoughts, to find some clarity in actions

I told them mostly everything, and at first they said hell no!

But then after they read the little letter, the no changed to a yes

 

I was very unsure of myself in this situation, in the beginning

But I was just quietly thinking, and I can find my thoughts

I feel in my gut, I don’t think I’ll say yes

If I think about it, I have to say no

 

Lets see, for a few different reason I can think of…

I honestly do not believe him, it just does not feel sincere

And I’d rather date other guys more, that must mean something

So I think why even bother, there is no real point

We can be friends I guess, but he’ll never get that close

 

 

 

 

No I Can Not

November.11.2002

 

This I think can’t be,

to be seeing you with her.

I know it can’t be real,

as your hand holds onto hers.

I just want to pull her hair,

and tie you up in a chair.

 

I’ve never seen you with anyone but me.

I can just see it in my mind’s eye.

This happening when I really don’t need it.

And it hurts to even think of.

It’s been so long since we were one.

But I still find it hard to think we are apart.

 

 

 

 

For Sure

November.16.2002

 

For him, I’d do anything

… so don’t get in the way

For him, I’d go crazy for

… so don’t start anything

For him I’d fight a war

… so don’t even bother trying

For him, I’d give up everything

… so don’t doubt me

For him, I’d give my life

… so don’t get in the way

 

 

 

 

Only One Way Out

December.14.2002

 

He is the only…. one

For me I know

But I watched him walk away

I try not to cry anymore

 

I now turn my back to this life

I believe in nothing

I trust no one ever at all

There is no love left for me

 

I am too afraid to give anything

I think I might be…. empty

Every time I’ve tried

I just end up bleeding more

 

 

 

 

Pleasuring

January.01.2003

 

I can pleasure myself

but it’s just not the same

as his hands on my body

as his tongue on my skin

 

I can’t touch myself

to be able to feel

the way his hands

on my body feels

 

I feel dirty even though I’ve tried

it’s just not the same in my mind

nothing I can do can do it right

my body just wants him to pleasure me

 

 

 

 

Wrap Around

January.05.2003

 

put your arms tightly around me,

….. and fly me away.

hold my hands warmly in yours,

.. and take me to a different place.

wrap and twist your mind around mine,

.. and tell me everything you know.

let yourself be consumed,

… by all that we can do,

.. for all that we can give and create together.

put your arms tightly around me,

….. and take me far away.

 

 

 

 

Washing

January.06.2003

 

Envisioning the sensation,

.. of soft fingertips on skin.

Standing in the bathtub,

with the water just running.

Water tumbling down body parts,

… as warm touches cold.

I find myself quietly moaning,

.. and sighing for some more.

Thinking of insane naughty things,

… as my blood rushes South.

Holding onto the walls,

because I think I need the help.

I use what memories I have,

of you in compromising positions.

And pretend you’re quietly here,

… secretly watching me wash.

 

 

 

 

Stupid Me Hurting

January.22.2003

 

why am i so damn hurt

i don’t even know him

why did i trust him so much

to be alone in his house

with just him and his roommate

why was i suddenly so shy and quiet

and why do i somehow feel so betrayed

am i just completely insane

or what the hell is wrong with me

why do i portray myself as black and white

when the real me is really grey

i just don’t understand my stupidity

 

 

 

 

I Danced Anyway

January.24.2003

 

I danced wondering, if he’d be there

Finally forgetting about him, we were ready to leave

He saw me, before I saw him

With his face in mine, I said hey

I told him to wait, while I went to the washroom

He was surprisingly still there, when I came back

Waiting like a lost little puppy, he just obeyed me

I took him outside, around the side of the building

I didn’t drag him, but my arms was in his

He said, don’t do it, I looked at him wondering what he was thinking I’d do

I just wanted to talk, he must have thought I’d jump him

We talked for a little bit, while my friend patiently waited

I kept stupidly asking, if we were friends or more

If he wanted, for us to be friends or more

I felt I needed an answer right there and then, I was buzzed and being pushy

I wanted to touch and kiss him, I did kiss him but just a peck

He said he’d like just friends, but kept giving me mixed signals

He kept asking, what if he kissed me, I think that is what he said

I am not supposed to because of my new tongue piercing, but I really wish he had

I really wonder if I am desirable, just when men are drunk

It hurts to think of that, but I have nothing to say otherwise

I kept touching him a lot, complimenting and trying to flirt

But he did too, touching my body and my face so much

Acting like he wanted to kiss me, and kissing my face

I reluctantly had to finally leave, and to let go of him

My friend and I finally left, to go to a different bar

And all I could stupidly think of was him, I would have given anything

I really hope he will still call, and we can hang out and see

If he really likes me and is just cautious, or if I really am a complete idiot

I think I really do like him, and am hoping to see him again and soon

To talk and hang out and see, if he really likes me at all

Or if he is just jerking me around, what an asshole if so

We met and hung out and liked what he saw, but what else

 

 

 

 

Fine Line

January.30.2003

 

There is a fine line…. between us

And it scares me to see

How it just all…. just disappears

Each time we…. are together

We are intertwined ending as one

With no other choices

Things just happen that way

The outside world just falls away

And it scares me to know there is

A thin fine line of difference…. between us

 

 

 

 

Why Do I Keep Stupidly Running

February.03.2003

 

why do I keep running after you?

just hoping we’ll flirt, hoping for a kiss, next time, next time…

why do I dress up, makeup on, trying to look pretty?

in hopes we’ll be face to face, too close to resist

in hopes you’ll touch my skin with your hand again

was I really a fool to think you liked me back

was I really a fool to think we could be together for real

 

why do I keep running

when I am out of breath

when I can’t see myself no longer

I just keep looking for you

when I really don’t understand me

so how can I understand you

when you blow me off

saying we can be just friends

I think I’ll walk away this time

maybe run in the other direction

I don’t see why I think I want you anymore

 

 

 

 

Totally Flirting With Her

February.15.2003

 

I was holding her….. close-close

We were looking deeply into each other’s eyes

… with that look, that look that can’t be disguised

But what were we thinking?

What did we really want from each other?

Because nothing ever happened…

So close, like close-close… but it’s all just in the past now

 

I was always wanting her close to me

Such a warm-soft-smoking hot-hour glass body

Smooth-fluttering-sweet blonde hair in my grasp

Pouty-voluptuous lips of an angel

… Such subtle little hints in the air

You pointed out that I was hitting on you

….. like some school boy crush

I think you liked the attention from the onlookers

I’m really torn as to what you were in it for

 

Because… I wanted to get closer

.. I wanted more than a fleeting kiss

I wanted to engulf you….. close-close

But I wonder if it was just a fleeting moment in time

I wanted you for so long… I’ve loved you for so long

Keep going back for more………. despite the warning signs

… as I brush away the blood from my beaten and bruised heart

Yes I was totally flirting with her

But I wanted so much more

 

 

 

 

My William

March.01.2003

 

he is a big aries bad ass

a new girl on his arm every night

which i did not know at the time

but i don’t care

 

he is what i wanted

even though i know i’ll get hurt

i just can’t seem to help myself

it was the time

 

when he smiles at me

with his cute boyish looks

when he laughs at my stupid jokes

when i look into those eyes of his

when i see him watching me play with my tongue ring

 

i want to be under him again

this time with no alcohol in my blood stream

i want to hear myself breathe

and him saying how good i feel

 

i want to be his woman

with his arms around just me

i want to be in his pictures instead of her

i want him to fall in love with me

so why can’t anything i want ever seem to be

why did I have to be just another virgin on his list

 

 

 

 

Two Girls In Naivety

April.15.2003

 

i was kind of thinking…

we never really spoke many words

we didn’t really know much about each other

we just flirted without thinking

i wonder what we were doing

two girls cuddling – flirting

two girls touching – and – kissing

then we were kind of just on our way

i wish – i wonder – i think about…

if it could have been made into more

but I suppose it just wasn’t meant to be for us

 

 

 

 

A Fetish Thing

April.23.2003

 

I have a fetish thing

for being held hard, tightly bound together,

tightly wound up and into one another.

 

I have a fetish thing

for playing those mind games,

although I do not know the rules I hope you’ll teach me along the way.

 

I have a fetish thing

for being held hard against the mattress, hands above my head,

just writhing and making loud gasping noises.

 

I have a fetish thing

for sweating all night long wearing nothing but the sheets,

hoping you’ll never want to leave and just stay inside of me.

 

I have a fetish thing

for getting what I want,

for playing with my fingers, for marking up our skin,

being kissed on the neck and quietly held tightly from behind.

I have a real fetish thing for just being taken, by you.

 

 

 

 

I Tell You All

March.29.2004

 

I tell you so much

.. Without blinking an eyelash

.. Without feeling an emotion

You now know all of me

What do I have left to share?

 

I am now feeling scared

.. Afraid of losing you

.. Scared I’ll losing myself

Because I don’t know a thing

I am lost in this place

We are lost together?

Yet you are not with me

 

I’ve wanted to hold you

.. To be held tightly in my sleep

It did happen one night

And I was shocked and in wonder

I was in awe of the power

We were two bodies as one

I am not sure how to explain

And I am not ashamed

 

But I have said too much

There is no mystery left

As I’ll lie here alone again

Just something about you

I end up telling you my all

 

 

*******

 

 

Thank you so much for purchasing and reading my third book. If you enjoyed it, won’t you please take a moment to leave me a review at your favorite retailer?

Thank you!

Ashley Rebecca Kingston

 

 

About the author:

Ashley was born during a blizzard in Kingston, Ontario; and grew up in Victoria, BC

with her parents and younger sibling.

As an adult she has traveled the world and lived in Vancouver, BC, and Santiago de

Cuba, Cuba.

Ashley now makes her home again in Victoria, BC with the amazing Adrien and crazy

dog Beyonce.

Home-schooled from the beginning, Ashley still enjoys learning new things, spending

her time reading, writing and researching; designing, intellectual conversations and

walking down on the breakwater with Adrien and Bey.

 

 

Discover other titles by Ashley Rebecca Kingston:

Poetry Collection One: Shadow Self Persona

Poetry Collection Two: Cold Dark Difficult Truths

Many more coming soon!

 

 

Connect with Me:

Shakespir: https://www.Shakespir.com/profile/view/ashleyrlm

Twitter: @ashleyoutlander

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ashleyrebeccakingston


Poetry Collection Three: Interpersonal Transgressions

Raw stories, thoughts, experiences; hopes, dreams and fantasies from a passionate young woman. One could feel a bit subconscious about the naiveté of it all, the almost childlike thoughts and ideas of sexuality, loneliness and desires. Although some could relate with her words of intimacy and frustration. In this Ashley Rebecca Kingston's third poetry collection, she is raw, open and exposed again in 58 different poems.

  • ISBN: 9781370097197
  • Author: Ashley Rebecca Kingston
  • Published: 2016-11-25 08:20:10
  • Words: 8416
Poetry Collection Three: Interpersonal Transgressions Poetry Collection Three: Interpersonal Transgressions