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Perseveration, Discursion, and Middle Ground

and Middle Ground]

By Zachariah Bennet Douglas
++]]Copyright Zachariah Bennet Douglas 2017
Shakespir Edition

Component #1

Chapter 1

The importance people put on humanity is problematic.

People speak of glass ceilings and double standards yet if we didn’t value our own species as highly as we do, then those things wouldn’t exist. Think of fame…so many people strive for that aspect of success but find it impossible to achieve because of social disbelief. The greatest hurdle in this life seems to be trying to convince other people that you are, in fact, important to humanity…not just important to the humans that you know and care for you.

Intelligence is a highly misunderstood thing. Too many people think intelligence is an extension of success. If you are smart, then you will be successful. If you are successful, then you must be smart. Thing is: To be smarter than someone else means that they seem stupider than you to you. Sure, it may be a bit insensitive to think of it that way but humans get lost in semantics all the time. Literal understandings cloud our judgements of what ought to be understood figuratively.

We value intelligence because we want to believe in human importance. Anyone that has sat in a full waiting room for government level assistance of any sort knows that some people are not smart enough to be competent, clean, and proper. As long as we believe in intelligence, we can justify the dumbest of humans and the moments we have to spend near them. Yet, we all feel the disconnect between people stupider than us. As individuals, we notice how one person may seem unfortunately stupid and the next may seem truly gifted.

We have this issue, tho, with accepting our own limitations. I see it in all people. It’s often called hubris. We are quick to accept someone dumber but anyone smarter is somehow insulting to us, ain’t it? Some people are just born smarter. It sucks because there isn’t any amount of information that an individual can learn to outdo someone that is naturally smarter than them.

This brings into question the definition of smart/intelligent. Is it a maturity? Is it a cognitive aptitude? All too often, people confuse knowing a lot of useless and useful facts as what it means to be smart. Personally, I’ve seen some of the dumbest people ever rattle off lists of information that astound me…but I highly doubt video game minutiae and/or the innerworkings of football make any difference in anything. Yet, we humans place value on certain types of knowledge, don’t we? Knowledge that leads a person to great wealth is valued highly…but isn’t that strange? Something that leads to money is valued!

We are a silly species!!

True genius is unimaginable by the layperson. That’s one of the reasons we like it so much. We sit around with no understanding of the vast array of complexities of this life and then someone seems to come out of nowhere with a new, clever ideology and people are astounded. It makes us feel good inside…to know that humans are still pushing the envelope…to know that even if you, personally, aren’t trying to be any sort of intellectual harbinger that others are and if all of humanity gets smarter, then you are to because you are part of humanity. Yay!

But you don’t sit around wondering what it’s like to be someone that smart. Truly, you cannot comprehend it, so you cannot even begin to comprehend it. But you, like everyone else, finds comfort in the simplicities you must enjoy. Could you imagine, tho…even for a few minutes what it would be like to be that smart? To be that intelligent? To use any bit of knowledge you have for such a valid purpose…

…I bet you’d get frustrated with how it feels to be that much smarter than everyone else. I mean: You’ve put up with those idiots at the welfare office. You know what it’s like to be surrounded by fools that make your skin crawl. Could you even begin to imagine what it would be like to have people of average intelligence make your skin crawl just the same? Could you really imagine what it would be like to be so smart that doctors, lawyers, and politicians seem completely moronic?

That would be a living hell. To look out upon this world and not have any sort of intellectual equal. Let’s face it: It’s great to be of average intelligence. Even if you are a bit smarter than most, it’s a great feeling to go out in public and be able to comport with your fellow human. Imagine a life without that. Imagine going to grocery stores and never being able to strike up a conversation with anyone because they all seem as limited as the idiots you put up with at the welfare office. Those people test your sense of decency. You were raised to look for the good in all but some of those people are just so dumb that you just can’t wait to never see them again.

If you were super-duper smart, then you wouldn’t have much of a tolerance for humanity’s nonsense. You would find honestly intelligent people to be fools. The things they say would seem retarded to you. Their voices would make you cringe. Sure, you’d have to sit back and rationalize their humanal worth but it would exhaust you. And, it’s not like you can just go up to people and say: “Your lack of similar intelligence to mine is tedious and annoying.” All people, even those that think they contemplate infinity, think they have a grasp on the true limitations and extensions of human capability. To exist beyond those limitations would be like existing in an incomprehensible realm of existence! To be that smart/intelligent would seem like insanity to other people…and, these other people are the people that run the government. These are our doctors, judges, teachers, lawyers, and computer programmers.

But, it’s not as if intention doesn’t count. If I was a super-genius, then I would hope that I would do something great with it. I would solve world hunger or cause world peace. I’d cure schizophrenia. Leastways, that’s what I was led to believe I would do with a super brain, if I had one. This world is not anywhere near void of people that use their smarts to gain vast sums of wealth and power only to use those things for crooked aims. We are a selfish species. We’d like to be smart and successful but it seems to mislead too many people into being divas and jackasses. I can’t even begin to tell you how many people I’ve heard talk of winning the lotto only to use hundreds of millions of dollars for selfish-only purposes. Temptation is a treacherous thing…don’t have to be a religious scholar to know that. To be a super-genius could lead to being an evil genius. In this modern time, it seems like too many people use talent and intelligence for selfish-only purposes. I don’t know if I’d like to be tested like that.

It is funny, tho, how folk of average intelligence treat smart people. I’ve heard a few times people say stuff like: “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you as successful as the most successful smart people of this world?” It’s funny cuz that’s like saying: “You’re White, why aren’t you more successful than every Black person in America? White privilege exists!”

I bet if I was a super genius, then I’d struggle with trying to get along with people. Maybe it’s the way I was raised…where I was raised…social comportment is very important. Where I come from, if you ignore the wrong person, you’ll get shot. If you disrespect the wrong person, the same. What’s more disrespectful than acting like you’re too smart to relate to a nigga? What, you better than everyone because you read doctor books and contemplate numbers?? Where I come from, you can’t exist outside of society. You have to know the streets. You have to know the typical people that come and go. You have to know the archetypes. You have to forget that intelligence levels stratify people. I mean: What is the true value of intelligence when you grow up around a race of people that weren’t given proper schooling for generations? What is the value of intelligence when you went to a shit school that wouldn’t recognize a super-genius if it walked its halls?

We are all self-defined. Also, we are all defined by the cultures we grow up in and around. Our own capabilities limit us. Social limitations limit us. To prove genius is hard because you first have to make that genius understandable to the idiots of this world. Let’s face it, we may know we’re smart, but to the super-geniuses of this world we are just as idiotic as the people at the welfare office. Even if we are doctors, we are idiots. But it’s the burden of super-geniuses to explain themselves in a way that we can understand. If not, all that’s left for them is schizophrenia.

Personally, I don’t like that term: Super-genius. It implies supremacy. Supremacy is foolish and baseless. I empathize…I get it…if some super-genius feels removed from society…but intelligence is not a contest, ya know? It’s not about who is smarter. It’s not about who uses their brains for the better purpose. But who am I to say anything?

I’m not here to fly-in-the-face of common sense. I’m not here to put a damper on the party that is average-minded thinking. I just wish people would loosen their white-knuckle grip on what they know reality to be. There is not a thin line between holding too hard and choking the life out of it. Hold on? For sure…but don’t let grip be your sense of stability.

I hope that makes sense.

Chapter 2

“I don’t know. It seems he thinks he’s a genius of great importance.”

Yeah. I know.

“Why be so dramatic?”

Perhaps it’s a dramatic world he’s caught up in.

Chapter 3

Goof off and fuck off mean similar things. Not anywhere near synonyms, but connected somehow. There’s a beyond-rules-ness to it. A lack of respect for morals, I guess.

The word processing program I’m using has expired. So all I got is the ability to type. No spell check. No red underlined words. No green phrases. From my observations…which may not be too in depth tho I have watched many documentaries and had short term exposure to skitzos…schizophrenia just seems like the other side of a tipping point. On the other side of that point is having control over your thinking senses…perhaps even your sensing senses. Who am I to say what is real? I often come to a conclusion about the day when I’m awake…yet the conclusion has much to do with a dream I had the night before or whenever.

Was that conversation real or am I just thinking about the memory of a dream? Arrrg!

It’s weird when someone tells you they think you’re a skitzo. Especially if they are a psychological professional. They offer up a stay in the nut house like it’s a punishment just waiting to happen if you don’t stay in line. The psychiatrist tries to diagnose you in 5 minutes but fails. The therapist seems adequate but completely lacking in the understanding of lives remotely like yours. They question your everything in a way that, again, makes you redefine words like asshole, idiot, helper, taker, and confidant. They look like they’re cogitating at about 154. Meh. Simple genius. A catastrophe, if you ask me.

Simples are always so dead-set. They kinda coast along the edge of that box you ain’t supposed to think outside of if you want an hourly paid job.

What irks me is the idea that these people…these simples…they know just enough and that’s all they need. It’s like they went beyond a tipping point. Perhaps like stepping over a cliff but grabbing a rock 30ft. down…you find a cave…you’ve adapted to a non-eating lifestyle. It’s good that happened before you were born. You live in the cave for years and years and one day you die, happy.

The higher the number, the farther you fall. What do you want to IQ at? Do you believe in the tests?? Would you really want to get tested and find out that you are off the charts???

Chapter 4

Simple genius is occupational genius. When you really know what you do for a living but have no plan on ever contributing anything great to your field(s) of expertise. Simple geniuses are analogous to the guys with seven inch penises that fall into the big-cock category…they kinda belong but if you’re really extraordinary, then it’s not all that amazing.

Is it best to go bonkers with genius? I guess I can only speak of my side…what I know. Considerational empathy is pointless. Considering the other side of the issue isn’t always best. Simples found it best to stop near the beginning. Good for them. I couldn’t. Zoom! I took off into intelligentsia. I was open to knowing all but at a maniacal pace. This was a bad idea, ultimately. Kinda crashed and burned (out) a few times. Gave into temptation. Ate myself sick. Smoked myself silly. Let rage get to me. Let coffee addict me.

But it was all for naught, to some extent. I came out the other end of this function, of sorts, and found myself just as I always was. No matter what I learn, I don’t feel any different. I’ve always been searching for that everlasting change that all lives have but I must have already had it. Surely, the more aware you are of the various kinds of genius, the more aware you are of people that really push the limit.

The people after simples are…let’s call them…Simples+1. These are the 180ish people. They exist. Everyone knows the tests are kinda fucked so it’s best to give yourself a handicap. Lots of these people worry that they aren’t as smart as they tested. Not by much, but enough to kinda have to be cautious at who they challenge to a mind game. Simples+1 have this sense of standoffishness but it’s not too intimidating. These are the state university kinda people.

At 200, we come to the 2/3 point. This is how smart doctors are. Doesn’t matter doctor of what…you need to think at 200 to be a doctor. Yes, you can apply creative genius to doctor and be well above 200. You can also just barely make it and really be a simple+1.

The next section is called simples+2. These are your definitely over 200 people. Think bowling. People that average over 200 are pretty good. They usually have their own gear. You envy these people and don’t feel bad about it. As long as they aren’t some rich fuckass, then these are the people that really make the world a good place to interact with other people.

Around 250 things get hairy. The mathematicians tend to think that such simple divisions are contrary to the idea of genius. This is when minutiae becomes interesting. This is closing in on the end but not yet the climax. Think fantasy story/movie. Just before the last battle or the final act where it’s all peaking. These are the simples+3.

The last sections of people aren’t simples at all. I call them complexos. These are the people that might just freak you out on a level where you might not ever talk to them again. Not because they seem physically dangerous…but because they connect dots you never considered and talk half-backwards. Rating complexo to complexo should only be written or spoken about by people that aren’t complexos. Complexos are usually geniuses in many different forms. To challenge a complexo to a mind game will always lead to winning and losing simultaneously. You will be right about many things but wrong about just as many things.

Near the top at 300, you completely rationalize giving up and remaining a complexo all your life. You look down on everything and everyone and just find it to be distant. People are so far away that they can’t truly matter. All that really matters is the clarity up there. It’s beyond being like a cold wind that makes your mind skip a few moments of reality. It’s quiet and overwhelmingly intense.

At some point, everything melds back into what you knew from day 1. The journey is over. You’ve gone thru all the stages of IQ. The information is yours to use as you’d like. What intellectual destination sounds good to you? Don’t be shy. This is the rest of your life we’re talking about!

Or, reject the whole idea of a limited IQ.

Whoever said that we should measure intelligence with numbers is probably a mathematician out to keep Math valid forever. And to cap it at 300! What a crock!! Thing is: That opens up infinity. It doesn’t really matter what number they cap it at. If there is a cap, any number will do. Even from 0 to 1. There is an infinite number of numbers to work with. What if you insist upon being a 273.24 complexo all your life. That gives you room to grow and others to grow around you while still remaining quite intellectually intimidating. On top of that, you have to factor in what you look like. Too intellectually intimidating is okay for a scrawny person. For a larger-framed person, you may wanna hold back and allow people to be able to outsmart you. Thing is: You learn from being outsmarted. So it’s win-win.

Of course it may be prudent to have a limitless intelligence outlook. You kinda have to accept that you may end up immortal. Medical science + Evolution = Possible Immortality. Living in denial of that just leaves you willing to do stuff that will lead to an earlier grave like overeating, smoking, and willfully making bad choices. It’s like the universe expanding outward. Some projectiles fly faster than others…if cognizant, they have a better understanding of further distances. But, perhaps you aren’t a being that can sense others at all. The only thing you know: Yourself. You are an emanating being of pure consciousness.

Chapter 5

“What the fuck is this guy on?”

Chapter 6

Regardless of how you hear of the word presumptuous, it’s best not to ever be presumptuous…I guess. It seems like an arrogant thing to do: Claiming super-genius status without testing. But that’s 2-fold wrong! Firstly, why arrogant? Our ancestors made up these words that are on the negative side of the spectrum. Arrogant is not a nice word. It doesn’t make one think of peace, happiness, and love. (Let’s not even get into how lame those words sound in English these days.)

You don’t have to do criminally weird shit to get on watch lists. Just use words against negative words. If we didn’t have negative words, there would be no negativity expressed by language. BUT! We do. Drat.

So being presumptuous cannot ever be arrogant. Presumptuous means expectant. We go thru life almost on auto-pilot because it can be that simple if we want. There is so much general flow…so much interconnecting and exposure to society that there is a zone in group think that can render you kinda retarded for a while. Can you space out? If so, can you space out like a really stupid schizophrenic person? Have you been around this person…in public? Not some state psychiatric-minded bipolar person screaming at nothing because we can’t be that happy and exuberant all the time.

There’s something wrong with us…to be so fascinated by things that take negative words to explain!

Secondly, the only reason to test is to impress the pants off your therapist. Figuratively speaking. (Ain’t it weird that if the government treated us all like how doctors and politicians deserve the best health care…like some corporate necessity to avoid breaking the law…if we all got medical insurance like that…wow! Imagine the presidents of always sending troops to die for a country they won’t even keep healthy!!) If it’s necessary to test intelligence, then the results only benefit Science. It may only be a personal understanding…you know, something you don’t share with the world…or something you have to inform employers of. Wouldn’t you hate to own a business and have to work with someone who is a complexo but acts like a simple?

The thing about small talk is that it always hovers around 107. Especially if it’s between more than 2 people. Group think is good for that, too. It becomes easy to expect a 107 life. You can learn things from and about individuals. To be presumptuous about a 107 life isn’t reprehensible. But, presumptuous is often connected to a negative word.

So we do testing and this testing proves an average. No matter how philosophical you think, you have to accept that most people agree that reality is a certain thing. I don’t doubt the colors I see look like what everyone else sees. That’s not information I can know. There’s also a plague of thought. Humans everywhere seem to have a weird fixation (not fascination) with questions that cannot be answered and theoretical tramplings into paranoia. Science is great but it’s always gonna be incomplete. Scientists live in the future of common-agreed thought. They have to. There’s always some technology that is being worked on that will make life easier. Perhaps it’s something you can’t afford. I dunno. But we all seem to have confused these theoretical tramplings with hope. Hope is not getting lost in what will happen in the future. We live in the now. Now we study. Now we learn.

Imagine me taking over the world with my thoughts on learning. I’d give military-grade respect to autodidacts. I think the problem with politics is that it’s not “no-shit” enough. There’s too much formality and ill-begotten expectancy. The USA likes to partially control other countries. Even if it’s just a benevolent way. Like a missionary. It’s still odd. It’s noble to protect friends. It’s also ridiculous to fight other people’s wars.

No sane person likes people dying. If you’ve gotten so used to people dying, then you’ve gone too far. No child grows up wanting to watch people die. Yes, people die and it’s easy to process that…but learning to value or enjoy watching people die is just that: Learned. How is tv a reflection of our culture when sitcoms are always skipping over the “boring” parts of typical lives to show stereotypical people going thru typical troubles and often screwing up for the sake of comedy? Even children’s cartoons! Not the shows for babies and toddlers. No.

Cartoon violence has been around for decades. Remember back when people were living in the Monochrome Era? Back when it was Rock and Roll and sock hops. Back when segregation was something the law couldn’t fully make sense of. It was still a time of newspapers. Trees hated us during the Monochrome Era. I think they still do but they notice the effort to cut back. Wouldn’t that be nice…to quit killing trees? Guitars would become scarce. There’s enough for everybody but some like to hoard. Some like to collect. Some just like to own things to look good.

They say that your true love won’t care what you’re wearing, doing, or standing near…you’ll always appear as something awesome.

Some people say I talk too tangentially. Some people may say I act weird in public because I honestly don’t get the point of acting social-appropriate in restaurants. I think tangential thinking is the future of thinking. People don’t want to go from topic to topic. But to speak of any topic is to end up on this discourse that always tailspins into negativity because negative words are so often used. It’s bad enough we always have to shift down to a 107 level. What if you are a 233.8398? Would you want to lose 126.8398 every single time you talk to a stranger? Sometimes complexos and the higher simples have to learn fantastic feats of conversational enlightenment just to comport. They do, tho…and hoo-fucking-ray for them.

Negative words…negative things to talk about. We were given our lives to enjoy. At this point in history, everyone should enjoy. We’ve learned nothing from killing. We’re told that terrorists die with such honor that their families don’t even grieve. We look at terrorists as if they are the worst people in the world but murders, rapists, gang members, etc. exist in America. (Funny how we claim America. What if Brazil started to call itself America? That would be great.) We have the same level of crazy crazies here willing to kill and die. All that mess about how terrorists aren’t missed…hogwash. You know their families are messed up over it all. Some kid in Detroit joins a gang only to die in gang violence is a tragedy but people on the other side of Earth have no understanding of the compassion we take for granted? We’re taught that terrorists are all complete sociopaths that don’t form bonds of friendship. I bet they sit around not wanting to die for their causes. No child believes anything is worth dying for. Why even think about that? What could matter that much??

It’s just weird that the US makes people that crazy. Other countries do it. Attacks happen lots of places. It’s like terrorists groups are saying: “I’m pissed at you…and you…and you…and you…” and we all turn around and treat them like they don’t know how to value their own lives. That’s weird.

To stay on-topic is contrary to the point of conversing. The point of small talk is to make common ground and if you are a true complexo, then common ground isn’t something you get to figuratively stand on. The true depth of any conversational topic is only meant to build to a crescendo. When complexo, those crescendos/peaks happen quickly. The co-conversationalist may want to continue but after enlightenment happens, it’s all flat land after that, so to speak. It plateaus. Even if it’s one of the complexo’s special interests, the complexo knows that talking about that interest will only lead to disaster.

Dumb people act like being a professional at something excludes you from being an asshole. I don’t like that. Let’s say your interest is Music. Going to a music store doesn’t mean you’ll talk to anyone that has any bit of sense. You can know lots and still have no sense whatsoever. Professionals think they’re so adept. This is why starting a new job is terrible. There’s always at least one person that isn’t smart enough and takes their job way too seriously.

Small talk puts you in the presence of these people often.

So to expound upon an interest isn’t in the complexo’s best interest. The point of life is to avoid negativity. Sounds ill-conclusive but it’s not! There’s so much negativity these days that life has become a game of avoidance. Navigating life in avoidance of ubiquitous negativity…

Chapter 7

“Whew! This guy is intense!!”

Sure is. I rather like the idea about simples and complexos but it seems better suited for a Fantasy novel.

“Indeed. As if we professional intellectuals are going to change our ranking system because of the opinions of someone like Zachariah Bennet Douglas!”

He truly is ignorant. We don’t just use IQ tests to measure intelligence. But to think of someone above 250…ridiculous.

Chapter 8

…negativity is the root of evil. Negativity is at the foot of every mountain. Negativity gives value to everything good. Without the understanding that we cannot, we won’t value those that can. No one applauds another for taking a breath. Yet when someone writes a hit song or throws a basketball thru a hoop for millions of dollars, we value their existences by rationalizing that since we cannot we must therefore appreciate those that can. Valuing doers has been going on long before any of us were born. To not value doers is insane.

I do, therefore I should be appreciated!

Folk say that it’s best to value/appreciate the skills and talents of others. If we all did, then everything we do would be valued and appreciated by everyone else. We probably would get nothing done because we’d be too busy patting each other on the back. The only people that would get anything accomplished would be reclusive people.

But that’s all theoretical. Nothing is as in Fantasy. Sure, people of great religions tend to have a somewhat-fantasy life but a collective delusion is a religion. People see ghosts and angels…it’s not hallucination because it’s seen by many protected by their religion/delusion.

Thing is: Lots of people live in somewhat-fantastic understandings of reality. We believe the scientific facts we want to. We get second opinions from other doctors when we’re sure our primary care physician is full of shit. Some people don’t trust the president. The president doesn’t trust some people. The things we’d like to be true can be true just as long as we don’t take in any new data. People say dragons don’t exist but no one’s going to take me on a dragon-finding expedition to prove to me that they don’t exist. I hear journalists talking of polls all the time…these polls help break society into categories studied by social scientists…yet, no one has ever asked me what I think of the world for a national poll. My opinion doesn’t matter, apparently. So why value the opinion of other people? Especially when I know these people are statistically-bound to be of average intelligence.

Do we really care what the mentally handicapped think about politics? No. Parents and caregivers may care, but society as a whole doesn’t. The opinions of retards aren’t of great importance. I’ve never heard a candidate talk about securing the mentally handicapped vote. We kinda take their opinions with a grain of salt just like we take the opinions of famous actors tentatively. Face it: People that get by on looks alone aren’t worth listening to about issues of the mind. But, does politics really play into the intellectual realms?

How many more generations are going to be stupefied by talks of birth control, abortion, and marijuana laws? How much intelligence really needs to go into criminal law?? I hear people bitching about how inhumane prisons are...how solitary confinement is torture...but we seem to forget that these criminals did heinous things to deserve imprisonment. Care, care, care...excusability, excusability, excusability...why is collective rationality inundated with this ridiculous bullshit?

Sure, Psychology is helping to find the root causes of why people do heinous things. Child abuse is on the decline. Physically punishing children is on the decline. Bullying is on the decline. Poverty is being assessed. Really, the only people being written off by Americans anymore are the people that look like they enjoy Metal and Punk. Hand and neck tattoos…facial piercings? All indicators of insolence and bad parenting! Indicators of a great problem with those individuals!! (?)

People believe whatever they allow themselves the luxury to believe. If that means that there are deities in the sky…so be it. If that means that Black people are savages…so be it. If that means that all metalheads are lunatics…so be it. Each individual draws a figurative circle around their understandings of life. If a stranger’s existence/opinions don’t fall into that circle, then said existences/opinions are a nuisance. Nuisances are aggravating. Aggravations drive people crazy. Crazy is bad. Difference is bad.

Sameness doesn’t bother anyone that isn’t a complexo. Simples love average-minded folk because they got them broke down into a science and from that vantage point, you can be a full-fledged prophet. Most of humanity is predictable. We all know this. We want life to be predictable. We would like nothing more than only good things to surprise us. Pregnancies, promotions, graduations…these are the things we want to hear about. No one wants to hear about another despot. No one wants to hear about hookers getting murdered.

Simples love the rudimentary. Most people are rudimentary. Let’s call average-minded folk “rudimentaries”. That sounds fitting. So, the simples break down rudimentaries into sciences and predictabilities/presumptions. Simples know what rudimentaries want to hear. This is why they excel at small talk.

I, personally, have read much about the science of social comportment and I hear of remaining inquisitive…talking about the other person. Conversation is a give/take situation. If there is no take, then it’s just a lecture. Let’s not talk about the dwindling attention spans of rudimentaries. Fact is that small talk has always been small for a reason. It’s probably never going to not be small. We will probably never have medium or large talk. We will have deep conversations with a limited number of people a limited number of times thru-out our lives, but that’s it.

The true depth of rudimentaries is too personal to them. They only share this side of themselves with those that they feel truly comfortable around. It’s sad to accept, but rudimentaries just aren’t as deep as complexos. Complexos will never be able to fully grasp the limitations of rudimentarian intelligences.

In a way, we are all lost to one another.

There’s nothing we can do. Nothing can unify in an appropriately functional level. We’re just lost to one another.

Chapter 9

Could you imagine being so smart that it made you famous? I mean: REALLY famous. Let’s face it: Given the internet, the next great geniuses will be famous. Sure, some may hide away in cozy homes far away from others and not feed into that fame monster. But, others will be up in the public’s eye. Today’s geniuses are known. Sure, we only seem to value the tech geniuses in America but tech was the new genius to wrap one’s head around. It wasn’t a school of philosophy. It was machines forcing us to reconsider everything. As crazy as new technology is, it seems the result of necessity. Most of this tech stuff is quite useful…and not useful to technological advances.

It would be odd to have to deal with fame. You’d go out and most may be strangers but you’d get recognized. I just went to the grocery store…I didn’t recognize anyone except for an employee I often see but have never talked to. The corporate world is so impersonal. It’s probably the cause of a lot of social anxiety in some. It’s a different sense of knowing. You see so many people in highly populated areas that there is no sense of usuality. I go to stores and can never see the same people twice. I don’t shop every day. Groceries…maybe 2 times a month. That gives a strange sense of identity. Then add to that the internet and how impersonal and anonymous the internet is. We have conversations and friendships with people we will never, ever meet. We interact with these people that have no body.

We can talk of the soul all we want but to exist to another being as only a soul that can manipulate a computer…it’s no wonder we argue and say all the wrong things. There’s a huge percentage of us that get into arguments online. Even video chatting is lack of a body. We wind up 2D. Sure, it’s great. But the bad side exists and we’re all led to value the bad so much. This is America 2017. We can’t lie to future generations and deny the scatological plague of now. A politician’s sex life matters. White people’s feeling don’t matter. We all know it’ll smooth over. People will find a common language. There’s a lot of languages. Perhaps it’ll end up being one big language eventually. That’s a lot to learn. Then again, it’s not like we have to learn all the negative words of every language.

I've read some super-smart nerd books translated from other languages and some of it seems incomprehensible. How couldn't it? When you create written genius, it's only 100% applicable to the native language. After that, the percentage diminishes. Each language has its individuality. To create genius with words means harnessing and redefining that individuality.

So to be famous would be a different sort of individuality. Those that notice you won’t usually be people you’ve ever met. They’ll be people that know about the professional you. Some will know about the skeletons in your closet. Some will think very bad things about you. Don’t matter if you write a book that billions of people read. Lots of folk won’t read that book. They’ll hear about it. You know how people are…specially spiteful hate mongers. They’ll hate you for challenging their worldview. People you’d be promiscuous with will want to fuck you. They’ll be willing to leave their spouse. This happens often enough to single people. Imagine if you proved yourself to be the smartest person in the world at something…

One of the hurdles with finding a mate is attraction isn’t just physical. I’ve had wild crushes on authors because of their written voice. Sapiosexuality may be a delusion, but it’s a common-enough delusion. But what is looking for a mate if not sapiosexual? Are we all not trying to find our intellectual ideal? Even if that ideal is dumb as hell but with a smoking hot exterior…that’s an ideal.

[Word of the Wise: It’s not best to be exactly you. That’s why you won’t live forever.]

Chapter 10

I think African Americans would agree that intelligence left ignored grows into something formidable. When people write you off as stupid out of moral delusion, you are left to your books. That discrimination gets to you. You have to consider your own cognitive limitations. Surely, no one truly believes that what is good for an all is of the utmost intelligence all the time. To do what’s right for everyone means making that something applicable to the averagest of rudimentaries. (Rudimentals?) It’s kinda like how they say that most of television is made so a 13 year old can understand it. Dumb down…assimilate.

I often wonder if I’m not concise enough. Lots of writers have a goal in mind when they write. I don’t. I just improvise. Always have. As I type, I bounce from topic to topic. Do I linger long enough on each topic to make sense or do I just mention and move on? It bothers me because I don’t want to lose people or infuriate them into close-mindedness. Then again, dumbing everything down is hard.

Imagine that shit goes down and the new president decides to put all mentally handicapped people on an island. He is to call it Retard Island. You may think that’s an offensive term but offensivity is the new black so fuck off, I hate you. So all the retards are put on Retard Island and you end up pissing off the new president publicly. You think it’s justified but questioning your president is extremely reprehensible. You wake up one morning on Retard Island. Not as a guest…as a permanent resident.

At first it seems okay. Some of the rules are weird but it’s not all that hard to follow the rules made by those a lot dumber than you. But as the months wear on, you begin to get fed up with how everyone sounds. Their voices give you a headache. The weekly balloon fight has changed into a weekly poo throwing contest and you just can’t seem to get the smell off your hand. Plus, they hold it near the lake and many of the retards just use the lake to wash off the poo. Some throw the poo in the lake. This is a weekly occurrence and you begin to think of plagues. But, you can’t explain anything to a retard. This is why the president put the retards on Retard Island in the first place. They do stupid stuff and if we cut the lowest intelligences from society, we cease to have to average ourselves out with the lowest of IQs.

People often ask me why, if I’m so smart, do I fail to succeed in life. Well, it’s because complexos live on Retard Island but that island is Earth. Especially the USA!

What about love of country?
What about patriotism?
Do we really have to love the stupid fuckers that make up the US population to love the country? I know that America isn’t just land…it’s the ideology…it’s the collective morality…the collective consciousness…etc. Yet, everyone is so busy defining what America is that they have no clue what it is. America is more than just small town or big city lifestyles. It’s more than the backwood hick lifestyle. It’s more than the gangsta asshole lifestyle.

As I sit back and try to reflect on the immensity of US culture, I can’t help but lose sight of everything and just feel like I always do. Problem is: I get more time to reflect because of my inability to comport with society. So, I reflect more than what is common for the common people. Most people live lives of distraction. They have jobs and loud children. They don’t get to contemplate for hours each day. How far removed from people can a person get before that person is no longer sane? Let’s face it: Sanity is being of the average. I can go out in public and have a slight disagreement with someone that seems very irrational to people. I’ve also gone into public situations and seen arguments happen that seem normal, even if they were more escalated.

People argue worldviews. People argue moralities. “You fucked my sister and never called her back!” Your sister is a stupid cunt. “You fucked my girlfriend!” Your girlfriend willfully swallowed my semen. “You cut me off!” You drive to slowly and have control issues. “You aren’t right in the head!” I doubt you could succinctly explain what right is.

What we’re really arguing is our understandings of sanity. You don’t get to choose the strangers that interact with you. Yeah, you can go thru life nose-down but you’re gonna have to talk to clerks and short people that need something off a high grocery store shelf. All it takes is that person to hold a belief that defines something about you as immoral to start an argument. People love their biases and beliefs and take any sign of commonality as a taking off point. For example: I was on my porch one summer day playing ukulele. The mail carrier came by with the mail. On the headstock of my uke was what looked like a Christian cross. Personally, it seemed to be a star to me but the carrier thought it was religious and went off on some religious-minded conversation. “Aren’t we having a blessed day. This weather is a godsend.” That type of shit. Had I a ukulele with no star on the headstock, the carrier would have probably avoided talking religion.

We all know that lots of people think religion is insane. We all know that lots of people think May/December relationships are insane. I’m pretty certain that each and every American has a belief (that is more delusion than belief) that makes everyone else insane to some degree. But, that’s part of being an American: Coexisting with crazy people. That’s the true test of life…to comport with nincompoops and crazies and not lose your shit.

Hard part is keeping yourself in check…learning how to brush off the insults. It’s fucked to deal with because no one is ever really on your side when you’re different. Let’s face it: If the president makes Retard Island, he’s gonna make an Outcast Island too. Any person with “extreme” body mods that thinks they deserve equality is going to be sent to Outcast Island. Anyone that thinks that Republicanism is a mental disorder is going to get sent to Outcast Island. So, it’s like: I have to learn to accept when people talk about body mods as if they’re a sign of complete stupidity. I have to just put up with stranger after stranger treating me like I should be segregated. I have to let that discrimination fester in me. I have to allow it to transmogrify into intelligence…and I never get to have complete release. I’ll never, ever know what it’s like to be considered average. I’ll always be a source of anxiety and contempt in others. Add to this growing up fat with freckles.

People don’t see what they want to. People see exactly what they see. Their opinions of what they see are usually baseless. Americans hate because that’s what they know. When they reject hate, other issues manifest. We were all born into a society that judges as a way to validate oneself. We can get lost in semantics and synonyms but the truth remains: Americans suck. We’d like to think we don’t but we do. This is why so many people say people in other countries suck just as much, if not more…if we’re not alone in our idiosyncrasies, then we’re not insane.

I’ll tell you this much: Insanity is baseless. Sane people look at insanity and it makes them cringe. Why? Because they can’t fix it. They can’t understand it. And, if compassion cannot ameliorate, then compassion is moot. If we can’t understand, then we’re stupid and no one wants to live on Retard Island.

Chapter 11

Intelligence is rooted somewhere. Let’s examine childhood. If you were a kid with smart parents that went to college and had careers that allowed them to live comfortably, then the whole “competence” thing allowed you to see adults as respectably intelligent. Contrariwise, if your parents were idiot drug addicts, then you might have quite a different view on intelligence.

I wonder how much Psychology I should delve into…when you are a child who is smarter than your classmates, you begin to see the world that way. It’s instilled in you. You just walk into situations and expect to be the smartest just like how someone who is 6’4” walks into rooms and expects to be the tallest on most occasions. I remember figuring out school by 5th grade. The other kids weren’t dumb. I didn’t even think of myself as smarter. There was just an intellectual hierarchy and I was among the smartest in my grade. The next year was middle school…a school that brought together a few different elementaries from the district. I remember seeing intelligence levels as I walked the halls. Think of how a pre-teen/teen can walk the halls and see a hierarchy of who’s best looking. I remember being able to spot smart people in the halls and not even having to meet them. I’d hear a story or see a printout on the wall about who’s smartest in the school…most of the time, I was right.

I remember finding out who was the smartest and idolizing them. Most kids idolized the beauties or the best jocks. I looked up to the smart people. But, that was a time in a person’s life when a grade or 2 was a huge step. That was a time in my life when no one told me about how simple it is to learn. I was part of a collective. I was just another Class of 2000 student.

Something detrimental happens to a child when they can’t find their intellectual equal. This is why I greatly envy rudimentals and simples..navigating the social sphere of junior high is easier to them. My parents were not college educated. Kids that have college educated parents have parents that help them walk the path of education. They lay out a path to college. They can explain first-hand why it’s important. My parents couldn’t. I heard that I should. I heard from many people that it would better my life but it always came down to money and I grew up in a poor-enough home. What I seen money do to people was turn them into assholes.

People excel at certain kinds of intelligence. I remember really liking Mathematics and being quite good at it. I was in an advanced Math class in 7th grade…or was it in high school? Hmph. The thing about the school district I went to is that it was small. Only like 150 people in my graduating class. The teachers weren’t great. Sure, some were but most treated teaching like an hourly job rather than a career. I remember in junior high…I was bullied so I would go from class to class without wasting any time in the halls. I’d skip using the bathroom. There was a week or so where I urinated in my pants in Science class like every day. Everyone knew. I thought it “got away with it” but I was wrong. One day, I got my time messed up and instead of racing to Science class for 5th hour, I arrived at 4th hour. It was my teacher’s free period. I remember sitting in my seat for minutes. The teacher didn’t say a single word to me. She just sat there waiting for me to figure out that I was wrong.

Fast forward to now…how we think of teachers…compassionate…adept. No sane teacher would allow a kid to sit in a seat in an empty classroom like that. I doubt she knew I was pissing myself. But yeah, that’s how terrible Melvindale was.

Back to Math.

I was in an advanced class but how the school managed that situation was to put the advanced kids from grade 10 with the struggling kids from grade 11. I grew up in a ghetto. Some of Melvindale is nice. Some of it is straight out the hood. When you go to public school, you wind up around that small percentage of hoodrats. You have class with gang members. These people don’t care about education. The school thought it best to put those that excel at Mathematics with those that struggle with it. They thought it would pan out for all. Nope. Just more social anxiety.

I think now of the women that may seem like the prettiest girls in their hometowns…so they become models and move to where beautiful people dwell…places like LA or wherever. When they get there, they really get a different sense of the hierarchy of beauty.

People often treat me like I only think I’m smart because I am smarter than my little town…because I’ve found the collective limitation of Downriver’s intelligence. I will say that I lived in Florida last year. It was a wealthier area and I was astounded by the knowledge possessed by the collective. That really threw me, at first. All the stuff that I spent years teaching myself in my 20s because Melvindale is shit…well, teenagers knew a lot of that stuff. Getting used to a higher collective IQ was tough and enlightening. Yet, all collectives have their limitations. When I realized the stupidity of Naples, FL, it completely derailed me.

Stupidity is the trap we fall into when we find ourselves on auto-pilot. And, we all go on auto-pilot. Stupidity is the commonalities between us and the things we do when we learn how to be one of the crowd…and comport we must! For good and bad, we have no choice but to act sane. Even if that sanity leads you to act like a complete buffoon like everyone else, acting like a buffoon is better than having your rights stripped away from you and being held against your will in a psychiatric hold.

I wonder about the true depth of group think. I wonder how arrogant and stupid I am and will always be. To truly reject society and live alone in a cabin…that would be the greatest purging of stupidity I could ever achieve. Yet, to do so would render me without family and friends. Let’s face it: Family is a microcosm of society. If you study people enough, you’ll find a myriad of foibles and idiosyncrasies that make humans fucking worthless. If you study your family enough, you’ll find all those foibles and idiosyncrasies. As long as you allow yourself to love your family…as long as you do what is right and find the good in them…you are just making yourself stupider and stupider. Smarter and smarter? Sure. But, we live in a hyper-negative society so fuck smart!

Chapter 12

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times in my life I’ve had people cut me off mid-sentence because they find expounding irritating. It’s strange how people basically smack down intelligence. After so many of these experiences, conditioning sets in. To even begin to expound brings about a great anxiety in me. To be smart is to irritate. Irritating people causes negative reactions unto me. That kind of treatment makes me feel like throwing myself from a bridge. So, why be smart? I mean: Knowledge shared unsolicitedly is annoying. If we aren’t sharing knowledge, it’s just incubating. That incubation leads to a figurative snowballing. If we were to just learn to love unsolicited knowledge, unsolicited knowledge wouldn’t be such a formidable force. Pressure slowly expelled…pressure contained and explosions…

I learned long ago that it doesn’t matter why smart people are bullied. The fact is: They are. To be smart leads to being mistreated. Fuck, even thinking you’re smart leads to mistreatment. Don’t believe me? Go act like you’re intelligent in public.

Even if bullying is an extension of jealousy, it still sucks. Plus, bullies don’t define their actions as bullying. They aren’t smart enough to understand how hurtful they are being. If they were smart enough, then they’d be the bullied.

To be smart is to want to know. Yet, to know is to retain loads of useless information that, if shared, will lead to being mistreated by society. People don’t understand that bliss can exist without ignorance. But, in a hyper-negative society, misery loves company because all company is miserable. Our similarities unite us and we’ve all been in a grocery line behind someone that just wants to bitch and complain because bitching and complaining is the best way to get frustration off your chest.

Chapter 13

A new president is sworn in and the common people have a new champion. Great. Once again, the common people have their champion and the rest of us have no one. Patriotism is confused with religious allegiance. Patriotism is celebrated with cannonfire. We seek not a warless future. We seek constant reminders of the dead. We sit and watch someone declaring an obvious affront and call it a reason for hope.

What rudimentals need is someone who speaks like them. The rest of us…well, it’s best to just hope that all the other people on this planet can relate to rudimental America. We hope that the simples and complexos of other countries can explain to the rudimentals of their countries that American stupidity isn’t as stupid as it seems.

Chapter 14

“This guy doesn’t understand patriotism.”

Yeah. Sounds like the terrorists got to him.

“Shame. I was bored enough to read the rest of his book.”

Component #2

Chapter 15

It doesn’t take a philosophical genius to see that there is no definite thing as intelligence. We humans have made words to describe things but definition leads to evolution. Once something is, it begins to change. Red is red but so are other shades of red. People mix colors to create new shades of red. You may argue that some things are not subject to evolution on any level. I’d say nothing is certain…tho, certainty seems like one of those ideas that cannot be understood. So, let’s tangent.

Cultural relativism…each culture defines itself. What is bad here may not be bad there. What is smart in one instance isn’t smart in another. This is why we have different forms of intelligence. But, to really consider that is wild. Intelligence is not a definite something. I’ve heard people say, “If he/she’s smart, then they won’t say anything right now.” These are moments like being scolded by a parent or while dealing with a volatile jerk at a bar. Some say being smart is knowing a lot of things. Yet, we’ve always heard that a good percentage of smart/intelligent people have trouble with social comportment. So to be smart often causes a person to not have the social skills to stay quiet when quietude will lead to a lack of altercation. Tho, we learn things from altercation. Often, saying things to ignorant people is an act of teaching…and teaching is a learning experience…but unsolicited knowledge causes some to react violently. Saying nothing often entails allowing the ignorant person to keep control over reality. Let’s face it: The person that calls the shots is the person defining the parameters of acceptable reality, or sanity. This causes the typical 107 level of conversation to drop. Saying nothing is not “standing up for yourself”…and many, many people will tell you not standing up for yourself is stupid. Yet, to pick your battles is wise. Then again, wisdom is gained thru experience. Rudimentals and most simples embrace irrationality. They have moments where they quit caring about logic and reason…and they think it’s a virtue. They gain wisdom from being irate fuckers from time to time. Do we really learn anything from irate fuckers? I mean: I’ve gone to college. I’ve “learned” from those teachers that are pissy twats. Data mixed with negativity and cancerous idiosyncrasies is supposed to be valued? I mean: The subconscious exists! If I learn something good from a bad experience, then that good will always remind me of the bad, even if only subconsciously. Yeah, we take the good with the bad…but we do so because we have no other choice. We have to become experts not only in the minutiae of social interaction but in processing the good with the bad also! We have no choice but to value the negative+positive (N+P) experiences. What ends up happening is that said valuation leads to more N+P experiences. Anything of value has worth and anything that has worth will crop up more than things with no worth/value. Anger causes anger. Tragedy causes tragedy. We’ve not lost ourselves in treacherous cycles of existence, no. We were born into them. We have to laugh at absurdity. We have to do as others do or we will be seen unlike others and if not like others, then insane. People also say that it’s smart to act appropriately. Yet, ideas on what is appropriate are antiquated, idealistic, forced, and intimidating! I’m not saying go out and hurt other people, but the philosophical ramifications of an exact reality are ridiculous!! And, it supposed to be “smart/intelligent” to not speak out against this shit. Who says so? People that don’t want to learn or change. People that cut intelligents off mid-sentence because thinking you know it all entails believing you know it all…and if someone has some knowledge to drop on you, then you can’t know it all. Knowledge is a weapon to people that lack a modicum of it. Yet, we can’t move forward toward peace without it.

Chapter 16

What we’re led to believe is often what really does us wrong. Human interaction is always leading to shifting along the spectrum of hope. Humanity is doomed! Humanity is not doomed!! Who’s to say? Perfection is not something I assume people could ever achieve. I think what we’re really looking for is functionality. Humans suck at functionality as a species. We let what we think and see cause rifts and make us choose to do stupid fucken shit. I hate the philosophically redundant! I hate how people rationalize anything and then say that the word rationality means anything good.

Rationalizing is just thinking. I can rationalize murder but I’m just thinking about it. Sanity is rationality. But examine that word: Rationality. I think of rations. People doling out food rations to people of a group. All is equal and/or ideal. To rationalize murder is just thinking about causes and doling out rations of thought to each part.

We humans spend too much time rationalizing things we ought not waste the time considering. Murder? Really?? I mean: Fuck that. I've had so much negative crap shoved down my throat to process that my brain is exhausted. I scroll thru internet television options and most movies and shows are completely lost in the scatological. Our entertainment relies upon carnage or some sort of graduated savagery and we act like that doesn't fuck with absolutely everything. You have a rough day at work so you come home, plop down on the chair, and watch police hunt down a serial rapist or a comedy show where friends lie to one another. What good does that do for you?

We justify it the same way smokers justify nicotining themselves up. Smokers act like it’s good cuz they get fresh air. Yes, there are comforts in breathing fresh air and taking in the sun but you’d feel great without the nicotine too. You just don’t fucking let yourself. People veg-out on a couch watching trash tv but even without tv, vegging-out is beneficial. You’d probably benefit more from sitting in silence without visual stimulation. You might feel great if you just layed on the floor and stared at the ceiling.

But, people are so caught up in what they are caught up in! Teenagers think they know…adults forget to remind themselves to know…confirmation bias…post-truth…whatever.

We just sit around waiting for a sense of relief. That’s what life is: Tension and release. We pay shrinks to help us find release. We fuck one another for release. We crave distraction. Save us from the futility of thinking! Because it’s there…at some point, there is nothing else to know that need be known. Even if the country goes to war in a moment, do you really need to know? Finding out is eventual. To know now every single thing is just facilitating worry. You get an update on your phone from your email accounts. So? You would have found out eventually.

These fucking phones…they’ve brought the world to our fingertips (in a sense) and it doesn’t do an entire good. It just opens up possibilities of knowledge. Meh. I’ve seen people of all sorts just waiting thru normal conversations for a moment where they need to look something up. Usually it’s nothing important…like an actor’s middle name or the definition of a word no one really uses.

It may keep us better connected and more informed but oh well. All it really does is expand the reality true genius must deviate from. Common sense is in flux, to the max! At some point, 99% of people are going to stop giving a fuck about what's on the cusp of life. It's just funny because it's like these people have lost the ability to comport in appropriate ways. We used to enjoy one another's company, now we're so busy defining one another that we have devalued company.

What once defined minorities of all sorts now defines all. Everyone is getting smarter! Yay!! That’s not going to change the fact that human futility is a constant. Sure, it’s no reason to wage war or whatever…it’s just a reason to kinda lose focus on the big picture. Personally, I’ve studied the big picture so much that it just seems boring. I’ve gone all along the spectrum. None of it is interesting because it’s a reflection of every aspect of humanity. I don’t think we’re capable of knowing every aspect of humanity. So we can’t really be of humanity as a complete thing.

Think of crazy people. Maybe not the craziest of crazies…you know, the ones that have genetic issues that make their brain something rather sad. Think of bipolar people. If bipolar people were aware of every extension of human capability, they wouldn’t be bipolar. Neuroscientists get all uppity about their profession but perhaps the neurological causes for disorders aren’t causes at all. Maybe something situational causes serotonin levels to go wonky in skitzos. Maybe heart diseases are allergic reactions to human stupidity that cause the body to fuck up beyond repair.

What can be known may be inaccurate in the future. Sure, we can hold fast to the idea of keeping an open mind but it all comes down to a very alarming sense of silliness. Not pointlessness. Not nihilism. Silliness. Words are silly. Interaction is silly. Typing this sentence is silly.

Chapter 17

Thing is: The pointlessness of words and interaction is just one aspect of those things. It’s completely fine to get lost in the philosophical realm for a day or whatever, but reality beckons us back. Let’s say you got to have a good philosophical discussion with someone new. The discussion ends, you go home, and you contemplate whatever for hours. Nothing seems to matter. Absurdity is all you know. Checking the tv or internet seems pointless. You shut off your phone. You end up laying in the dark with earplugs in for hours.

Even when moments like that happen, you still have to come back to a standard form of cognizance. An ambulance might pass by and remind you of empathy. You’ll get bored with your own thoughts and check the internet. The new president seems like a posterchild for narcissistic personality disorder. The country is divided. Snow began to fall outside. A song pops in your head. A migraine sets in. You look out the window and see children playing.

Distraction pulls you out of it. Sure, you may never be completely out of it but all philosophers know that applying yourself to life is never a complete activity. But, that’s no reason to lose sight of reality. I’ve read some heady books. I’ve pondered some theoretical extravagance. At some point, I did let myself reject “reality”. What happened was that reality proved itself as obvious and inarguable. I don’t doubt what I see or notice. We can argue the differences in sense strength in individuals, but it’s just safer to assume that reality is reality.

Scientists get lost in theory. They use beautiful mathematics to explain theory as fact. I get it…we all gotta believe in something from time to time. But what that leads to is the laypeople justifying wild beliefs the same way scientists justify their wild beliefs. Sure, it may be one of those situations where the opposite is actually true…perhaps scientists allow themselves to believe in wild theories because laypeople do. Maybe there is an aspect to all humans nowadays…one where we were born into a world where people have wild beliefs and to live without wild beliefs would just be weird.

Life is full of people abstracting to force existence into newer realms of understanding. Sometimes I really hate these people. These possible complexos often have very interesting things to say…especially if they can mix in a bit of comedy..but sometimes it’s just like: “Shut the fuck up!” Abstraction seems like an extreme form of evolution. It’s like turning on the radio at full blast. It causes a sensory overload and sometimes that overload is awesome. Let’s face it: We all get stuck in our heads from time to time. This is why the bro that gets dumped often gets forced by a friend to go to a bar and get wasted or meet another lady.

People have this way of idealizing and romanticizing what life should be. I think some autistics shy away from people so much because it’s like their stuck in their heads…and maybe they’d like to get out…but people just have this overwhelming sense of propriety! It’s in everything we do. Every word we speak…every emotion we express…every moral we impose…every look we give…every sound sounded…every alert…every assumption…etc. I tell ya: We are all histrionic. It’s sad, but there’s an aspect of every single “mental disorder” in each and every one of us.

It may be that autistic people are those that weren’t born mentally capable enough to stomach humanity’s bullshit. I’m sure that statement sounds like bullshit, but I guess it is…you know? We all understand that people aren’t perfect. We do stupid, contradictory stuff. We shelter children…we lie to them about things we fear explaining the truth to them about…then we punish them for lying. We all have bleeding hearts for the poor and starving but we can’t help but envy people with millions of dollars in the bank.

The autistic world may be individually tailored, but it may be something so much better than accepting the simplicity of humanity. Simplicity is awesome, but if you think about explaining complexity simply…well, that’s a clusterfuck. Think of a tree. Trees have cells and bark and histories…but you can define it in a few words. To make a tree simple you have to figuratively strip it of its existence. Most people don’t give a shit about a tree that got hit by a car. We usually only consider the passengers of the car. We may then look at the car and feel some sort of negative emotion…it sucks because the effort that went into making the car doesn’t matter cuz it’s now totaled. But the tree…no, no…oh well.

I’m not trying to get all green on you.

This isn’t about the possible feelings of trees or whatever.

Our generalizations of life limit our understandings of Everything. It’s fucked because to consider Everything you must break down everything into a science…effectively stripping all of individuality. I wonder if autistics pick up on that…I wonder if they just feel inveigled into being something that is too limited. But remember, rudimentals and simples are all about simplistic limitations. The easier life is, the easier life is. I don’t suppose anyone wants a hard life…even complexos. Yet, lower-minded people all assume that it’s: Simple or Hard. It’s not: Simple or Complex. To lower-minded people, complex is hard. The issue is that people don’t want to put the effort into understanding complexity…regardless of the depth of complexity, all complexity is considered equal to rudimentals.

Most people are rudimentals. The world caters to them. We elect presidents that speak for the common person. Radio music is easily digestible. Tv doesn’t really challenge the mind. Simplicity is always in flux, yes…but it’s always going to be simplicity. People are always going to look at difference as something bad because if different, then unalike. We value what we are. We value what we know and what we have the ability to know. So the world is built to reflect that. I wonder if autistics are those born with the inability to function in such a rudimentally exact world.

We often hear that autistics are lost in their minds. We hear that schizophrenics are lost in their minds. Thing is: Why not be lost in your mind? It makes me wonder if the average person has an imagination that functions differently. It seems most humans have decent imaginations as children but as maturation takes place, the imagination goes away. Those that don’t have diminishing imaginations get careers in the Arts. But what if the autistic imagination is just beyond that? What if the autistic imagination is so alluring that this bland reality we live in is just boring??

I’m an expert at nothing but from what I understand, autism wasn’t around before the technological advancements of the 1900s. Yeah, there were always people that were born mentally deficient but it wasn’t autism. It seems we just create categories for people to fit into and, like it or lump it, you fit into the category you do…function accordingly. When I was growing up in the 1980s, it seemed you were either okay or retarded. Now the word “retarded” is passé. Retarded was a global term. As I grew older, I noticed the differences between the mental handicaps. People with Down Syndrome don’t act like autistics.

We get lodged into permanent states of minds. The kid that grew up neglected and beaten often grows into an adult that has a lower sense of self-worth and esteem. When medical professionals told me I had asthma, I had no choice but to live life like an asthmatic. I avoided sports and exercise. Our experiences shape us…and we experience life within the categories we belong to. I’m sure any marginalized Black person would attest to that. People often say that life is all that you make of it…this isn’t entirely true. Life is what people have made it and more often than not, you are subject to those makings.

Years ago, homosexuality was considered a mental disorder. To have gay thoughts was supposed to be something that caused you grief. So that imposed grief caused gay people all sorts of undue stress. Stress can kill people. It can fuck up organs like the heart and brain. I think of how the current American paradigm seems to be that people with facial piercings are kooks and unsightly sinners. I can call it bullshit all I want but until society decides to change their opinions of what they see with their eyes, me getting a lip ring is a sign of being mentally disordered….in a country full of people obsessed with their ideals on social order…and obsessed with their ideas on people that are obsessed with order!

We had this global term “retarded” and when the average person that didn’t have a mentally handicapped person in their family seen one in public, they thought: “Oh, that’s a retard.” It wasn’t necessarily derogatory. It was just what people classified it as because that’s what they were taught. The better people of the world treated retards with dignity but they treated them like retards nonetheless.

We behave in ways that are allowed to us. Spoiled children act like spoiled children. Children that had to “grow up fast” because of a drug addict parent act like adults. If you were diagnosed schizophrenic, people will treat you like a skitzo. If you fell under the category of “retarded” you were treated like a retard. Nowadays, no one gets treated like their retarded. It seems that autism is the new global term. The word retard means to delay. Autism is derived from the Greek word for self. It seems easier to be allowed to act self-enclosed than delayed.

It seems like just using that sound “autistic” is a kindness. How would you rather be treated?
A: “Hey…you are delayed!”
B: “Hey…you are self-enclosed!”

It reminds me of how some Black people prefer to be called African Americans because of all the negative connotations of the word black.

Plus, when being derogatory, it’s much simpler to say 1 or 2 syllable words. When we insult, we are diminishing the value a person holds for itself. This is why when people insult the mentally handicapped or some random idiot, they’ll just shorten retard to tard. But “autistic” has 3 syllables. It seems harder to say. African American has 7 syllables…and that’s just a fucken nuisance to some.

Rudimentals like their conversations concise. Ain’t nothing worse to a rudimental than people that speak in paragraphs with a bunch of 3 dollar words, so to speak. But it’s like we have to appreciate and accept people for what they are and if that means putting up with people that prefer against anything advanced, time consuming, accurate, etc…well, don’t get pissy when next year’s autism numbers come out and their still on the rise.

Chapter 18

“This guy…”

Yeah, I know!

Chapter 19

Is depression real? Is it just us dealing with the emotions we actually feel colliding with the emotions we were taught to feel?? Let's face it: We were all born into a pretty emotionally-expansive world. Beyond that, much of morality and propriety is baseless idealism.

Psychology is all mind based. There isn’t much “this IS what is going on”, it’s “this is what we THINK is going on”. And yes, it’s okay to trust professional theorists but they often lose sight of the fact that all they have to stand on is more-than-likely ground.

I was born in 1982 on a Thursday. Much of the childhood I actually remember is from the 1990s. During that time, there was an emotional upheaval in music. Gangsta Rap was spreading a hatred and sadness never understood before. One of my favorite Metal cds from back then had a track where the singer cried...sobbed...for minutes on end. Art validates anything...like Feminism validating any female behavior...but I've listened to that song recently enough and I can't believe I thought it was cool. How in the fuck can listening to someone sob be beneficial to anyone? How can it be beneficial to the band?? Yet, it's one of the biggest selling cds of 90s Metal.

So, there was this very obvious emotional revolution going on in music. People were facing their demons and darkest fears and making 4 minute hits out of it. Yeah, music has always been an outlet for emotions and I’m sure a music historian could play me dozens of tracks that are very gut-wrenching. (The Blues and Jazz are no joke.) But the 90s was something different. It spilled over into the 2000s.

When I talk to people of my parents’ generation, they just don’t get how deep my generation is. I think of how smart my nephews’ generation is because of how ubiquitous the internet is. My generation and older ones aren’t ever going to be that smart as a whole. I accept that. (I’m just glad I, personally, ain’t as dumb as the welfare office people be!) My generation was brought up by parents that weren’t in touch with the things we had no choice but to find out. People talk of the 1960s as this great era of philosophical enlightenment and unity. The Civil Rights Act changed lots of stuff and when White people really started to understand Black culture/philosophy, it was amazing. Flash forward to the late 1980s when Gangsta Rap (and other forms of Rap) were beginning to peak. Think of how the African American culture spread thru the country. Even people from the country and upper class suburbs became privy to the realities of the ghetto.

For me, it wasn’t special. I grew up about 5 blocks from Southwest Detroit. The ghetto realities were of my reality, to a certain extent. All that hatred, confusion, debauchery, cynicism, love, brotherhood, unity, division, and bass from Rap, that was my reality. But, when Rap exploded, it didn’t just allow the Detroit vibe to expand. It was all the inner cities. It was all the ghettoes. America became one with the ghetto as the ghettoes found a way to unify their realities.

Rap caused such an upheaval! I remember watching the news…it was just story after story of gang violence. What Gangsta Rap (and other forms of Rap) gave was perspective on why that shit was happening. Sure, the Republican from Iowa could watch the reports and just find it horrifying. I had no choice but to register it as horrifying…but also understandable. I knew gang members. I knew psychopaths. Being privy to insane volatility changes a person. By the time I got to high school, there was a complete understanding of criminology in my mind…and I learned it from preteens.

I’m sure that my parents’ generation thinks that’s speculative nonsense. It’s not. To them, I say: Think of those rotten kids you went to school with. Those kids that lacked empathy and picked on anyone weaker than them. Those kids grew up and had families. At some point, they met their match, caught a few bruises, and settled into some sort of average existence. Sure, maybe they some of them are problem alcoholics that beat their families but most are just typical assholes.

Gang members are different. There’s a lawlessness to them. They’re feral. They have this understanding about them…they know that the law can’t really do much to them. Prison isn’t as crazy to a ghetto gang banger as it is to some upper middle class person that goes to college for film studies and becomes a tv director that does documentaries on the prison system.

Our understandings of the emotional landscape are shaped by the experiences we have. I have vague recollections of going to liquor stores as a child with my parents when they wanted pop or hot dog buns or whatever. There is a depression that hovers over the ghetto and it’s not really within the understanding of psychological professionals. I wish that depression didn’t exist…I really, really do. Going to stores put me in the position to be around people that were poorer than poor. You know all those pieces of shit that can’t get off welfare cuz they’re too sad and pathetic to do so? I got to shop with them. I got to look into the eyes of people that were pretty much starving. I was around people that had lost family members and friends to gang violence and drug addiction. Thing is: You’d never know it. There is a mask that people around here wear…it’s a mask of civility. It’s the Detroit understanding of respect. It’s knowing that it doesn’t fucking matter what you think about anything…don’t push the wrong buttons because under that mask of civility is insane volatility.

There’s a level of shittiness to the quality of ghetto life that we ghetto folk hope you never understand. It can’t be bitched about in a Rap song. You can’t beat it into anyone. Words can’t explain. It’s not the look in one person’s eyes…it’s when you realize that what some may call an insane volatility dwells within you too. This is why I laugh at gun enthusiasts. They get so pissy because they want to own guns. They act like the world would fucking end if they couldn’t own an assault rifle. Pansies! You know what’s real? When someone gives you a terrifying look that reads: “Don’t test me motherfucker. I will literally tear out your eyeballs.” There’s something too calm about the look. No exclamation points. Just a statement of complete horror and it’ll be given to you by a 13 year old…and you believe it.

So I avoided the ghetto as much as I could. There’s something about home. Home is where you can shut out the world. It’s a place where you can tell yourself: “All that nigger bullshit isn’t going to affect me here.” Personally, fuck the P.C. opinions of racism. Racism is insanity but when outside your home is insanity, you’ll tell yourself anything you can to diminish your understanding of what a 10 mile radius is.

Thing is: The extremeness of the ghetto makes a ghetto denizen extreme. Lots of people think I was/am wild in the mind for liking the kinds of Metal and Punk I do, but how can I live in a culture where Gangsta Rap is king and then listen to Radio Rock? If nothing else, Rap made other musics look like pussy-shit. Gangsta Rap delves into murder on both literal and figurative levels. So, is it no surprise I like Death Metal? Rap is aggressive. Is it any wonder I listen to spastic Metal where the vocalists screams every word?? Rap is rebellion...I listen to Punk.

It’s fucked up to think about now because I often hear Black folk talk about “White people problems” as if they don’t matter quite as much as Black people problems. Given what Rap put into the mainstream, the screaming of middle/lower class White people seems irrelevant. It’s weird how society is, too…I remember going into a job I had in Florida recently. While the restaurant was closed in the morning, we did prep…and we listened to all sorts of different music. One day, I got to choose the music. I put on some Reggae Rock. It wasn’t even all that aggressive but people were turned off by it. Yet these people would crank Gangsta Rap whenever they could. It just struck me as odd because Gangsta Rap has tons of misogyny, hate, and scatological bullshit. But, since rappers just kinda talk, it’s ok. But for some random White dude to sing or even occasionally yell about his life is reprehensible…even if the lyrics are kinder.

But yeah, there was that track where that dude cried for a while.

It’s strange to me to think that “White people problems” are somewhat less when people will go on record and open up some of the most mind-bending emotions you’ll ever hear. I feel like the media isn’t privy to either side of the debate. They heard some of the songs from each side but they don’t really know what it’s like to be that angry, devalued, downtrodden, etc. From my perspective, it was basically everyone saying: “Shit is really, really fucked up.” But each fuckedupness wasn’t equal enough. We were going thru the same emotional revolution but we weren’t unified like in the 60s. If anything, it was the opposite of unification. When I was growing up, the more White people got into Black culture, the lamer they were to Black people. Black people were like: “We hate what systemic racism has forced us to become and if you adopt any of these idiosyncrasies, then you’re an idiot piece of shit.”

I really wonder if the lameness that White people exuded really made Black culture look lame. There’s nothing like someone calling you on your bullshit. There’s nothing like someone acting like you to prove to you just how fucking stupid you are acting. But, we don’t see ourselves objectively. I was always amazed at reality tv “stars”. These people would act like complete idiot fuckups on the first season. Then after they got to watch on tv exactly how they acted, the following seasons had them acting a bit more cognizant of themselves. Average people don’t get that. We may have fancy phones that have HD video capabilities but most of what the average person records are happy moments. Birthdays, graduations, parties, plays. You aren’t going to watch those videos a lot. You may never watch them.

Psychologists don’t understand what growing up a “millennial” means. They’re like the stubborn politicians that just can’t grasp what it’s like to be anything but old farts. These fucks always struck me as vapid. They seem to want to keep life as it was back when they were kids and young adults. Back when things were simple. But how can they direct American life in such a direction when doing so denies the youth of today their simple understandings of life? By the time millennials get to be 50+, they’ll want to make things as they perceive them now in 2017. So I guess we’re lost in this cycle of old people holding younger people back…all while feeding the fucken war machine.

It all gets to this point where I can’t help but lose hope in humanity, if only temporarily. Like some autistic kid I gotta lock myself in my room avoiding any kind of stimulation and reality check while I repeat “It’s gonna be okay…” over and over and over.

Chapter 20

Americans celebrate certain types of genius more than others. We celebrate mathematical geniuses…yet we live with trillions of dollars in debt and a menagerie of number related issues that never seem to go away. We love scientific geniuses…but science has the country divided and focused on minutiae. We celebrate geniuses of words and comprehension…yet the country can’t seem to find middle ground with words. We celebrate musical genius, sometimes, but music hasn’t brought us any closer to peace than it did back in the 1960s. We celebrate engineers but technology breaks all the fucking time.

Let’s not even validate the term “political genius”.

What for philosophical genius? Can that even exist?? (Ha!)
The thing about the true geniuses of life is that they are rare. Very rare. Paradigms exist because there is such a gap between this paradigm and that. It seems we’re at a point in history when there is no great philosophical mind(s). It’s like: The internet has allowed us to be smarter and more anthropologically aware, but there isn’t a new philosophical movement going on. Especially in America. As I try to stay current, I find that it seems more likely that the country is on the verge of another civil war than peace. America is broken. It is broken in many pieces. If forced to come back together, it seems pretty obvious that we’ll wind up with 2 distinct sides. Families will be torn apart. Friendships will end.

Meanwhile, the president does nothing to make this any better. If anything he just divides us more and more. There are families in this country…all Republican…but not every Republican family…that used to call the last president a “lousy nigger”. Now, if someone insults the president, they’re ready to fight. They’re ready to disown their children. They take it as a personal slight if someone calls the president a stupid fuckass.

Meanwhile, the Left is so far left that they can’t even begin to believe anything the president says. Yet to tell Right people that is an act of disrespect to them. The Right doesn’t want to know what the Left believes. The Left doesn’t give a shit about the Right. Left and Right, they’re both so convinced that there are only 2 ways of seeing things that they don’t realize how fucking retarded they are. They throw around words like conservative and libtard but no one really knows what those words mean. I can see it in the eyes of every anchor and pundit. I see it in the eyes of every politician. No one knows what the fuck they’re talking about and the only people that believe them are either children or rudimentals.

I never saw the point in wowing the rudimentals of this world. Sure, they are a huge group of us humans but wowing them? Meh. It’s kinda like giving a child a toy. But simplicity is key. Even when trying to impress complexos. You gotta make it simple enough to understand or you’re gonna end up classified as a skitzo. All that talk of “follow your dreams” “believe in yourself when no one else does”…well that talk is garbage. Most of the sayings we have in America don’t apply to simples or complexos. Firstly, all our famous sayings, adages, and idioms are famous because we’ve all heard most of them by the age 13. As long as you have parents and a television, you’ve heard most of them. Thing is: You forget. Let’s face it: There are lots of things we all know that just kinda gets processed by our minds as irrelevant. Most of us don’t have excellent memories…and those people that do have excellent memories, I doubt they can think of one time where a great memory really changed anything for an ultimate better. (Ha. Wink. Fuck off.) Sayings don’t really help us. All they really do is remind us that we wouldn’t have done something stupid had we every last bit of information we know on the tip of our tongues.

It’s like our purviews are only capable of so much!

Sayings serve as a way for other people to call us on our bullshit…usually in times when the last thing we need is someone calling us on our bullshit. Or they are ways for older people to talk shit about us suggestively as we sit next to them at the dinner table.

Secondly, when you’re really lost in genius, sayings are moot. We have these famous sayings because life is full of similar situations. We all go thru love and loss. We all make a bad choice now and again. On many levels, a good saying can put life’s experiences into perspective. Yet, when you’re a complexo and an upper simple, the perspective given is always an intellectual leap downward. Always. Not only do you already know the saying…and have probably already considered it for the situation at hand, the last thing you need is someone much less smart as you dropping wisdom on you about something they could never comprehend. THEN…you are supposed to value their input because “they care about you” or “they are related to you”. Sigh.

I’ve always found caring/love to be something constant…you know? So when people that care about me try to break down my experiences into some sentence, I don’t get it. There is nothing intellectual about caring. Sapiosexuality be damned! We can sit around and intellectualize love all we want, but beyond the intellectual part, there is something inexplicable. And that inexplicability is what most people consider love.

Truth is: Complexos and upper simples will use sayings to help you thru…but it’s always presented as a joke, of sorts. Life will shit all over you and a complexo might say: “Sometimes you’re the toilet bowl.” But, the way they say it is always sarcastic. They almost phrase it as a question. As if they’re asking if the spoken saying is the one you want/need to hear. Like when someone dies and you’re at a funeral in a line waiting to speak to the widow. You hear all the same lines you always hear and by the time you get to talk to her you have to think of something “heartfelt” but totally unique. Meh.

This is why complexos and simples know a bunch of useless facts. You learn a bunch of useless facts because you'll have to use about 1% of those facts in your lifetime. A funeral may not be the best time to drop knowledge in your saying, but other times are ideal. Like if your friend goes thru a divorce...most people will just say shit like: "it happens" and "fuck the bitch". Meanwhile, you remember reading some Anthropology article about a tribe where the male gets to cut off the leg of a woman that cheats on him...or something like that...and that's what you get to share with your friend.

Fucked up part is that when you know a host of random facts, you can actually apply that about 7% of that knowledge to everyday experiences...but you don't get to. Unless you have no filter because you're on the spectrum, you just don't get to tell people all the interesting shit that would make them feel better but they've been conditioned to hate knowledge. Look: There is nothing that a rudimental needs less in an existential crisis than feeling dumber. Most of the things we fuck up in life are partially our faults. We could have studied harder, paid more attention, or bathed better. When life craps on you and some complexo starts going off about this or that, you just might shoot that motherfucker.

Now think of all the people in the ghetto and other lower income areas where there is a malaise of depression that kinda remains ubiquitous all the time. This is why ghetto schools are so bad. Learning is hard when you are stressed out. Yes, a good book can be an escape but learning…not so much (for most people). If you are poor, then your diet is lousy. You probably have some fucked up shit going on at home. Money is tight. If both of your parents are around, they both need vacations. The president never seems to really help people of your social standing, regardless of promises made on the campaign trail. Everything that you should be super grateful for is the kinda shit that rich people take for granted…and the only escapes in this kinda life are championed by rich people. Should you watch tv? Should you listen to that new cd you dropped $15 on? Niggas act like they ain’t set up nice cuz they only make $100,000 a year and have to live in New York City cuz that’s where their job be. They get to be on tv and have catered lunches every fucken day while your dad pisses away welfare checks on booze and your mom cries too fucking much and you can’t remember the last time you fucken even ate an actual lunch more than a baloney sandwich. The president gets paid something like $400,000 a year and has a book deal and a bunch of fucken money in the bank. Then you go to school and people want you to learn a bunch of shit that is obviously not applicable in the real world. You’re so fucking fed up with school that you struggle daily with putting up with teachers and students just so you can get a diploma so you can be a fucking cashier somewhere….and all these places are shit. It takes 30 minutes to fill out an online application where they make it seem like they only hire smart, civilized people but if you get the job yer gonna be stuck working with some of the dumbest, most downtrodden fuckers in the county. Management will treat you like shit that can’t comprehend what it will take to manage a business…but really all they’re doing is trying to employ people weaker/stupider than them so they can be an idiot fuckass and lord over people so they can make 13 bucks an hour while everyone else is struggling to break 10 because “they want nice things” and want to afford “better food”. Then you get word that someone you chill with often enough dies. Doesn’t matter how or why…he or she is dead. You look for the bright side like your grandma told you to do. But the world keeps caving in. The people that care, care…the ones that don’t, don’t. Some people got nice things to say. Yet there is this one motherfucker that just said some whack-ass shit about some tribe on the other side of the fucken planet.

I sometimes understand why Republicans want the country to be exactly what they think it was decades and decades ago. Wouldn’t it be awesome if everything was simple? If no one said anything unexpected…if no one appeared unusual…if everyone believed the same thing…there would be no confusion. There would be no inappropriate conversations. There would be nothing too exciting and we’d learn to value the banal as exciting. In turn, the basically-exciting would be elevated to a level of great excitement.

Yet, achieving that seems wrong. There are too many differences amongst Americans. There are different cultures with different subcultures with subcultures beneath them. American synergy is really low. We’re all so individual that it’s no wonder we get super tripped up by group think.

Chapter 21

2017. A president is elected that lies about things that don’t need to be lied about. Imagine you have two children. Both children are told to clean their equally messy rooms. 2 hours later, you check on them. Child A has a spotless room. Child B’s room is basically still a pig sty. Child A boasts that it’s room is cleaner. Child B throws a tantrum and insists that its room is cleaner. Our president is like Child B.

Families are torn apart. Why? Because families are full of people with different opinions. Sure, not all families…but a lot of families. Previous presidents may have caused rifts but this new president just seems to appease himself and the people that agree with how he appeases himself. Whatever interests he shares with the common American, they come second to his own agenda. The House and Senate look on in horror or sycophantic glee. Millions of people protest and get made fun of for doing so. We’ve become one of those countries where the leader turns a blind eye to hundreds of thousands of protesters. Think of the dog that walks side by side with their owner while on walks. We used to be like that with the president. Sure, we may not have particularly liked the route that the president chose, but beside him we did stride. Now we are the dog that is reluctant to go yet dragged along…being half choked.

Republican parents insist upon respecting the president…they insist we all trust that he knows what is right. You may know it’s not right but do you really want to disown your parents because of some political beliefs? Racist parents think the new president is awesome. They don’t even believe him when he says that prejudice is wrong. Now that a Black man is no longer running the country, we should praise the new elderly White guy pissing all over what you thought American values were. Feminists divide and divide more. One thinks being a slut is wrong. One thinks being a slut is fine. One thinks women should be independent. One believes in husbandry. One is a stay at home mom that believes her husband is the alpha. One believes that women shouldn’t be marginalized by society. One believes that the media and most feminists distort how women are marginalized in America. One woman is a religious kook that rejects theory of mind and empathy. Democrats shit the bed after a long night of screwing the pooch. Pundits make fun of inaccurate characterizations. Your family spends Sunday biting their tongues. Cancer spreads.

Meanwhile, the president finds something else to live in an alternate reality about. Everything he does seems staged. The news reports that other countries think we’re a ridiculous laughing stock. Internet comment sections corroborate the data. Terrorism leads to paranoia and PTSD which lead to decisive actions which lead to immigration bans which lead to protests that no one believes will do any good. Oil tycoons have finally gained control over the country but it’s not like oil hasn’t been the root of all evil for decades. Oil feeds the machines that cause global warming which is something you don’t have to believe if you don’t want to. Fracking causes earthquakes…another something you don’t have to believe is a problem. Billions of dollars are spent on war machines that never get used as the Arts programs are suffering…another something you don’t have to believe is a problem.

Unemployment is an issue but the new president imposes his greatness upon the employment industry and promises he’ll create more jobs that we know what to do with so we all can have some soul-sucking career making cars or some shit like that. The next 30 years of your life look better than they did but not as good as an oil tycoon’s life. At least you have government level assistance, for now. Would it be all that bad if it all went away? You’d never have to suffer thru dealing with the people at the welfare office.

Most people don't follow politics, tho. You watch the videos online but even the most-viewed videos only have a few million plays. There are more than 320 million people in America. 1% of the country isn't much. A few million people protest...another 1%. Even if you side with the protestors, it's the end of January and it just snowed 3 inches last night. You hold your coffee cup with both hands because you live in an older home that doesn't keep out the cold with great efficiency. Last night's nightmares have you ready to say: "Fuck it all!" Last night's nightmares prove to you that life could be great and it's not like the new president has anything to say to make anyone feel great about just being alive. All he gives us are things to be unsure of. We rationalize good and bad unfoldings but it's not like we can just go up to him and ask: "What the fuck, Mr. President?" The media has their own agendas and fears asking the questions that would really shake him to the core.

Chapter 22

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be one of those geniuses that seems to know everything. Surely, we can’t know everything but some geniuses seem to have intimate knowledge of everything. I wonder if it’s because they can break down data as just things to know. The details of any situation really skip over the experience of that situation. Like: The details for a party would be the where, when, why, who, and how. It really leaves out the moment to moment feelings and assumptions.

I bring this up because as I scroll thru internet video clip titles I see all these words I’m not familiar with being thrown around. Some words are words I once looked up years ago while reading doctor books or whatever but when you live surrounded by people that don’t utilize nerd words, you end up forgetting them. I often have words run thru my head that I don’t know. I’ll be typing up a sentence and some word pops into my head and I know it’s right for the context but I really don’t know what it means.

I think most intellectuals have a decent vocabulary but it’s not like there is a universal genius vocabulary. Yeah, some geniuses know every word…but fuck them! I don’t care. I can talk to the occasional smart person and hear one or 2 words that I’ve either never heard of or forgot about. Words are weapons, of sorts. Thanks to overpopulation, genius has become kinda usual. Beyond that, education is better these days so having a huge vocabulary isn’t special. There are so many subcultures in the USA that as long as you watch an average amount of tv, you’ve got a decent dose of exposure to all sorts of words, dialects, and slanguages.

It seems the USA is turning more and more into a country where intelligence is goaded upon us. College is rationally obligatory. There is so much drama and tragedy connected to lives of the lower classes that being stupid about being intelligent is no longer acceptable. I see it in the eyes of my parents’ generation…they didn’t have to go to college. They could drop out of high school and wind up with okay lives. I think this is why they harp on the role of work ethics in American lives so much. Contrast that to younger generations that harp on and on about the role of education in American lives.

The new president may sell himself as a scary, narcissistic monster but he’s right about how the American job scene is crap. Younger generations can’t relate to older generations because the same opportunities aren’t available. Older generations may be full of pissy Republicans that worked their lives and physical health away for the sake of their families…but younger generations don’t really get to do that. Sure, I know a few people that work in factories that don’t have anything more than a high school diploma and an attitude of “I’m gonna work here until I retire”. Thing is: These people always strike me as so simple minded that they aren’t aware of the true possibilities of life. These people seem like actors to me…manufactured cogs for the America machine…they don’t challenge my intellect ever. I mean: Good for them! These are the guys that started working for some company at age 18 and worked their way up the ladder. Even if they’ll never be a manager…even if they switch companies a few times…they seem to have their shit together. But, it’s not a massive amount of shit. Mostly, they seem like the kind of people that value being treated like shit. They were treated like scum by every authority figure in their lives…so why should a pissy boss bother them?

I had this one job at a superstore. At the beginning of every single shift, the manager would yell at everyone. She’d treat us all like lazy, incompetent shitheads. It was obvious she favored the women of the workforce…and I think it only had a little to do with the fact that she was a lesbian. But she would yell and belittle for hours. She would walk the aisles and order people around like they didn’t have the wit to tie their own shoes. Tho, by the time she realized that we would make it thru the night of stocking, she would calm down and be everyone’s friend. She would come around telling jokes and laughing. By the end of the shift, everyone treated her like she was worth going to the bar with.

Of course, I could rationalize this behavior. Being a manager is tough. Some people need that kind of treatment to get motivated. I heard stories of her managers yelling at her. She was the quintessential angry parent that needs to be a fucking prick for a while but at the end of the shift, it was all love…most of the time. Look on the brightside. Have faith in the benevolence of humanity.

Beyond that rationalization, I couldn’t stomach her treatment of people. I remember having these tacit arguments with her…moments where I stood my ground and let her know in any way I could that I don’t need to be treated like a dumbass motherfucker and if she had to treat me that way, then I’d fucking quit. Strange part is that it took her a couple weeks to understand that kind of boundary/treatment. Treating me like a competent individual that didn’t need to be yelled at was completely foreign to her. Me insisting that I be treated with dignity and respect completely frazzled her…and eventho she did conform to the respect I demanded, she always resented me for it. She always treated me with this inexplicable disdain…as if I was wrong for demanding to not be treated like a fuckface…as if I had somehow shit on the company name and was some kind of threat to employee allegiance.

The people that excel at rudimental jobs aren’t like me. Women often look for someone stable and I’ve had many a tumultuous relationship that ultimately ended because women would rather be with one of those braindead assheads that work menial positions where they get treated like shit and bring that attitude home than a philosopher. Why? You can count on braindead assheads. Despite everything, they’ll wake up every morning and go to those jobs. They’ll suffer thru every shift. They’ll never wind up homeless, living in their truck. They’ll never fall too far into debt and if they do, they’ll figure out a way to pay it back. They are the ones that women can depend upon to have medical insurance for their child. They are the ones that make the world a shitty place for anyone that knows that the way braindead assheads allow themselves to be treated is inhumane. Cuz the thing is: If braindead assheads will stomach the treatment, then the treatment must not be all that bad. So what if said treatment pushes a great percentage of people out of those jobs? That just opens the doors for every braindead asshead to step into a job they’ll retire from…it opens the doors for braindead assheads to treat your girlfriend like she deserves better than you…you intellectual piece of shit…and these are the guys that your girl probably fucks on the side. These braindead assheads that keep the workforce shit are the ones that piss on morality and wouldn’t have a library card unless they needed it to check out books for their kids.

But are they any better than these people that value intelligence too fucking much? No.

Chapter 23

The fact that the alt-right exists completely confounds me. Does anyone really care about racist White people that sit around smelling their farts all day? How stupid do you even have to be to care about race? These fucks are so intent on preserving something they’ve lived a few decades as. Thousands of years have passed and every racist action has led to disaster for everyone participating (voluntarily or against their will) but the alt-right is just so in love with idealizing their own efficacy that they don’t even realize that you can’t be alt-right.

If you were so fucking awesome just for having your opinions, then your opinions would influence everyone to hold those same opinions. It reminds me of those people that think they’re God. If you were God, you wouldn’t have to prove it. If the alt-right was right about anything, they wouldn’t be the laughing stock of the fucking world. And, that’s the part that really gets me…these people choose to be laughing stocks. Maybe they never experienced bullying first hand, but I’ll tell ya: IT FUCKING SUCKS TO BE LAUGHED AT. For no reason whatsoever, I was picked on in grade school. It felt terrible. Sure, I still fall short in the making-friends department and I’m not afraid of lashing out at idiots on the internet, but I don’t do things to be marginalized as stupid.

You might look at me and comment on my body mods. Here’s the thing: Only a dumbfuck retard has anything negative to say about tattoos and piercings. In all reality, the people with bogus opinions of mods are the ones with the problems. I don’t understand why people (usually republicans) want to control reality so much. They want to force their religion on people and call it benevolence. They want to control the government so that they can influence laws that restrict imagination and unity. What the fuck?!?

I don’t get why the alt-right supposes that hate is good to hold onto. We bitch about these fucken gang bangers that hold grudges and murder one another cuz someone they know got stabbed to death for being a gang banging retard…and this proves the savagery of Blacks and Mexicans…yet the alt-right worships a fucking war criminal? Anyone that has millions of innocent people massacred is a fucking joke. We hear so much about how we should do away with the death penalty for people that commit heinous, heinous acts but being a Nazi in 2017 makes any fucking sense?

And the shit part is that no one in the media has the balls to tell these people to properly fuck off. They don’t even seem to fear physical retaliation from the alt-right. They fear getting sued. But, that’s what America’s come down to: Criminal lawyers fucking everything up for decent people. Some dickhead and his cunt wife thinks it’s right to be a complete fucking tool but the law is on their side if someone blasts them publicly? These angry alt-right nimrods that seem so aggressive have the thinnest skin of us all. Sure, I’m fucking fed up with Black people and White apologists treating White idiosyncrasies as if they are all lame and joke-worthy but as long as the alt-right exists, I can’t help but laugh, sometimes.

The alt-right wants to look out for White people but they make the biggest fucking joke out of us. They live in denial. They’ve created a mindset where facts can be classified as relevant and irrelevant…but it’s all opinion. They shit all over Christianity by treating reality like it’s inadmissible.

Then, these dicktards and cuntflaps bash Muslims for how they treat their women but in America, it’s fucking “funny” when women are marginalized, reduced to sex objects, and conned into non-committal sex. Alt-right feminism is the dumbest fucking thing women have ever come up with and this is in complete awareness of what the Hip Hop culture has done to feminism. I hear these obnoxious bitches on the internet pissing and moaning about abortion, the LGBT community, religion, politics…and I just want to slap them. Mind you, I’ve never wanted to slap a woman in my life. Even when I was in arguments with exes…never once did I even consider slapping. But these alt-right feminists are just so cunted that they deserve to be punched. I don’t understand how feminists can hate the women’s movement of 2017. Sure, you may not agree with every sentiment…in all honestly, you probably can’t…but how can being prejudice make you a better woman than other women? You can’t stop homosexuality or other religions from being believed in.

These alt-right fucks are so focused on what they think America should be that they don’t even know what it is. How can you redefine something you don’t even fucking understand? And, I should respect these blowhards because they’re in their 50s? There’s something about older people…at some point, most of us lose our parents. We become the grandparents. That leaves us with no one to answer to. Think of the new president. He seems like a maniac to many. He acts like he has no obligation to answer to anyone. His intentions are all he has to worry about. Fuck the Senate. Fuck the House. Fuck the American people that don’t have their lips puckered up to his ass. The president doesn’t have parents. There is no one that can treat him like a child that has gotten ahead of himself. The president answers to no one.

These alt-right fucks…lots of them no longer have parents. And these are the people that firmly root themselves in the traditions they were born into. If that means hating everyone that wasn’t born White or raised under the Bible, then so be it. They seek not middle ground. They stew in their confirmation biases and if you call them on their bullshit, they get pissy and act like they don’t deserve to become one with what America actually is because they had hard lives. They worked their health away. Their parents worked their healths away.

I personally think it’s shit how the history of White Americans is being distorted by modern historians but I also think it’s complete shit to value lineage. It’s shit to value race. Pride is ridiculous. I don’t fucking care what my ancestors were born as or how they thought of eugenics. I’m sick of being told what is “right” when it comes to who I wanna fuck or be friends with. Alt-right people have firm opinions of absolutely everything. They prefer a make of car. They prefer one fast food joint over all others. They prefer their diets. They prefer pet species. Preferences, preferences, preferences! And, they shove these preferences down the throats of their children. By the time their children start school, they are already preference monsters. They’re already narcissists.

An alt-right moron may talk of Black people and how they tend to falter into histrionics and they might be slightly right, but the alt-right is all about close-minded narcissism. They’re basically different pieces of the same pie. Everything that the alt-right hates about the people they hate, is just a reflection of what’s wrong with them. Are Black people obnoxious or are they just as obnoxious as everyone else? The problem is in the categorizing. Alt-right people find reasons to hate people…and yes there is truth in stereotypes…but then they just use one global category. Black people often falter into histrionics so all Black people are histrionic. Then they treat Black people like crazy fuckers and when Black folk end up acting crazy, it just proves to them that Black people are exactly what they thought.

In my experience, people usually act how you expect them to. If you approach someone rationally, calmly, and intellectually with respect, 99% of the time, they'll reciprocate. Sure, we're all not brilliant...so sometimes you'll give someone all the respect they deserve and they'll come off as a stupid asshole. Yet, stupid assholes exist. Sure, they can really get to us sometimes, but all you can really do is shrug them off.

It’s weird, tho…and maybe this is just from my experience…but it seems White people are quicker to shrug a White person off as a stupid asshole than Black people are with their stupid assholes. When I consider it, it seems that Black people don’t think of other Black people as stupid assholes. There’s another term and it’s exclusive to the African American vernacular…but I don’t know it. It’s just as dismissive but not as mean.

When we White people dismiss a White person, it’s from the standpoint of a majority. There are so many White people that if collateral damage took out millions of us, they would still be too many of us at the malls and driving home at rush hour. I can go to the same grocery store once a week and not see the same people ever. Even the employees…all different. So, when I encounter a stupid asshole, I know I will probably never see them again and the sooner they leave me alone, the better. With Black people being a minority…it’s probably much easier to see a fellow Black person and think: You may be an annoying fool, but we’re all in this together. We White people, we’re not in anything together. The ones that think we are convinced of racial supremacy, so fuck that.

Thanks to the oversaturation of radical race opinions of Black people in the media, I’m led to believe that much of the problems with Black culture stem from racism. So, when a Black person sees a fellow Black person that is fucking dumb or a trashy piece of shit, there is a moment of sympathy…it’s like: “Oh, you’re a damn fool but it may be because of what we’ve all been putting up with for generations.” That little bit of sympathy is something White people lack. It’s not because we’re inherently heartless. It’s not a matter of privilege. It’s evolution.

When I was in college a few years ago, the racial makeup of the school was mostly White, some Black, some Middle Easter, few Asian. Yet, by the end of my second year, it seemed to have shifted. I knew I didn’t see everyone, but when I was walking to classes, White people were the minority. Thing is: There was never a look I got from a fellow White student that said: “We’re all in this together.” I got a few looks of: “Isn’t it strange that we’re the minority?” But that’s it. There was no sense of unity and racial brotherhood.

We White people…it seems that the look I get from other Whites is: “I bet we wouldn’t get along if we tried.” Sure, there is that part of all of us that could chill with just about anyone and have a decent time. But most people don’t have thousands of friends. Most of the people I know only have a few close friends and then a limited number of acquaintances that vary in closeness. It’s like there are so many fucken White people that even if they aren’t stupid assholes, we have to dismiss most people because the human brain can’t remember all those names and faces. Then there’s the whole idea of having to lower your IQ just to talk to fucken strangers…in this country where strangers can be so dumb…

Here’s to racial equality.

Component #3

Chapter 24

We the people want more. We deserve more. Sure, there are plenty of people that have more than any 7 people could ever need and to those people I say: “Fuck you!” The problem is that knowing that we deserve more can tear apart our shitty little families. My parents’ generation doesn’t understand…they weren’t raised by cable television. They weren’t children when the real scum of humanity became rich and famous for being on tv. The way they talk of television…it’s like each show was an escape from the hectic banality of life. These days, each show is a microcosm of humanity. Commercialization has ruined tv. What sells is what is shown and by the end of the 1980s, people completely lost their way as far as what was appropriate. 80s Hair Metal? C’mon. Please. Perhaps women have always been objectified. Perhaps they’ve always allowed themselves to be objectified. But 80s Hair Metal ushered in a movement where stupid groupie sluts were the paragon of beauty. That gave way to 90s Hip Hop, which is the same kind of crooked-patriarch-misogynist controlled, self-debasing feminism with a different skin color. And it’s like each fucking decade just gets worse and worse. We’re not supposed to be greedy fuckers but greedy fuckers run the show. They call the shots.

Older generations may think they understand what it’s like because they worked for shitty bosses/companies but time changes everything. Everyone in my generation just seems to want the fuck out of this life. Sure, they can hide it, but what is the value of a mediocre life when some people get to live awesome lives of luxury and are famous for it? What messages did America send to me as a child? That I could have a nice house and family and career…that anything was possible. But, it’s not. “Anything” can go fuck itself. It’s like the grand message of late 1900s America was: “Go play nice with the douchebags.”

I often fantasize about going to my high school reunions…something I’ve never been invited to…and I want to make a speech. I want to really lay into everyone I used to know. The greatest gift I’ve ever given anyone is my silence. The second greatest gift is me just playing along with everyone else’s dumbshit rules. Think of how you have to nod along when someone talks about their interests and preferences…that’s a gift. “Mmm, hmm. Very interesting, friend!” Falsity is a gift.

The best humanity can do is shit the bed. War, poverty, difference, indifference…the list goes on. I hear about an old classmate “doing well” and it’s like: How in the fuck can you be doing well? Look around you. The world is more fucked up than it was when we graduated in 2000. What you’re really saying is that despite every fucked up thing going on, you found a way to remove yourself from it. You’ve got your denial. You’ve got your meds. You’ve got your “it’s not my problem to fix” attitude. You’ve got your charities to make your ego feel better. You give out smiles and pay your taxes. But the severity of it all doesn’t cripple you. You can watch the news every day and still make it to work…and make it thru work. You can still lie to you children about Santa Claus and religion.

You can sit thru the commercials. You can stomach the celebrities. You can bite your tongue and stay within parameters. You buy into all the right cons and avoid all the “wrong” people. Yet, this world is not something I can just not give a fuck about. It’s not some malleable reality where envy can be opined as homogenous.

And you can sit there and talk about how you put your foot down often enough. You can talk of how America is in a social uproar…but it’s like: It took y’all this fucking long to get this fed up? I’ve been this fed up since I could count my age on 2 hands. Ever since elementary school, I had this inkling of: “What the flying fuck is wrong with everyone?” Back then, I wasn’t absolutely certain, but by the end of junior high, I knew damn-well that people were stupid and fucked. It seems the vast majority of people feel like I did back in elementary school…like things weren’t completely fair, but optimism makes it tolerable.

I want to vomit on your reality. Everything you all do is an extension of some idiotic grade school trajectory. Schoolyard politics?! Pop culture that panders to teenagers?!! Adults that are just plain ol control freaks?!!! Sure, this may be an American-only ideology…but I don’t fucking think so. This whole fucking world needs to look in the mirror and realize that we humans are not the world. We’re just some species of monster that neglects, hurts, and strokes our own egos. We idealize peace as if peace needs to be idealize or even fucking verbalized. Fuck your grudges! Fuck your weapons!! Fuck your vision and all the things you prefer because of it!!!

Humanity hasn't created an ultimate good. All we've done is created religions of "ultimate good". We've created ideological perfections so we don't have to be perfect. Y'all act like stingy fucking cunts that would rather cower or terrorize. You don't want middle ground. You want distinction. You want stratification. You want to be on the top while your family and friends suffer because there is no utility in being on the bottom. You didn't create the bottom so why the fuck stay there? You didn't create the top, but why not shoot for it?? It's not like life isn't going to be easier if you’re on top!

And this tears families apart because you can’t let life cripple you. Your family wants what’s best for you and for most people, better is good-enough. Best? How fucking well can anyone really know another? If you are some rudimental dotard…then probably quite well, I guess. But if you are complex, then anything people assume for/of you is insufficient. It would be better for you to work at some shit job that drains your soul than to be homeless. And that’s what lower class lives are. And if you just cannot fucking stand the idea of not having that mediocre life you dreamed of…a life that isn’t all that spectacular…but still so far beyond lower class capabilities…well, then you are fucked. Kiss your family and friends goodbye.

Chapter 25

I hate drug addicts.

I really do. Last night, I made a list of the alcoholics/drug addicts that have adversely affected my life on a very personal level. 6 people…6 human beings that made me consider terror and human patheticness on a disturbing level. These considerations did me no good. I don’t gain anything from their weaknesses…their belligerences. Keep in mind, those 6 people aren’t the only addicts that have caused me grief. Those 6 are just the ones that really, really affected my head. If I was to add up all the addicts that caused me grief, that number would go well into the 20s.

I hate how people act like we should think of addiction as a disease and nothing else. Surely, giving a little sympathy to the addicts of this humanity is a noble thing but let’s not only assume it’s a disease. It’s also a pathetic weakness. It’s them choosing to be wasted over being a decent person. Think of a person that broke its arm trying to rob an old lady. That broken arm causes the person trouble and often pain. Should we only feel bad for that person just because of the broken arm or should we consider why the arm is broken also?

Addiction is ridiculous. I can speak first hand…I know what it’s like to crave an escape. There is this psychosomatic pain that festers in the center of the chest. You know that if you just had another pint or joint or whatever…you know it would take it away. Fuck consequences of “later”. All we can know is right now, anyway. So fuck it! Turn your back on family and rationality to deal with that festering. It doesn’t matter when the festering started. It exists now and probably always will, so imbibe.

It reminds me of how some people believe in a god. They were born into some religious household where they were taught that something beyond exists. So they have some sort of a void created in their understanding of life. That void can only be filled by their god. Fuck infinite regression. Fuck baselessness. Regardless of reasons why, that void exists in the mind of the religious person. To even consider a life without their god causes anxiety. It causes that void to swell. It bothers them. That void, regardless of why it exists, is very real to them. So, they have to believe.

Drugs, religion…it’s all the same stupid fucking thing.

Chapter 26

“This guy is really mean.”

Yeah. Sure is abusive. I’d hate to see how he treats his girlfriend, if he has one.

“Don’t be intolerant. He could be gay.”

I think homosexual tolerance should be implied.

Chapter 27

I’ve seen kids change people. I’ve watched friends turn into quintessential parents overnight just because their first child was born. On one hand, it’s amazing. It’s cool that we humans can have life-changing experiences. On the other hand, it’s weird how different a person gets to think/behave just because of a child.

But I’m not going to bash parenthood. I’m thinking about philosophy. The more I get into philosophy, the more I realize just how fucking stupid it is. But, once you are lost in philosophy, there is no coming back. The reveries will take you. You’ll watch some politician lying about something and your mind involuntarily thinks: “We can’t even know something like that!” And you’ll realize that uncertainty has gripped you.

Yet, lots of people get super lost in philosophy. If you have been unfortunate enough to come across one of these people, then you understand. Usually, these are the people that haven’t been philosophers long enough to accept what reality is. Reality is everything we don’t have to question but could question. Let’s say you had a kid. Your life changed. Your kid ages a few years. There are no developmental issues with your child. One day, you tell your kid: “Put the red ball on the kitchen table.” Your kid grabs the red ball and puts it on the kitchen table.

That is what reality is. Philosophers can argue the very existence of a ball or table…they can argue if colors actually exist, but when you tell a child too young for complex thinking to put a ball on the table and it does it, that is incontrovertible proof that reality exist. Reality is simple. I am typing this on a laptop in an upstairs bedroom. It is Valentine’s Day. I doubled my dosage of muscle relaxers (for back pain) last night so I’m kinda groggy right now. I really don’t have it in me to overthink anything.

Sure, I may be energetic later and really wonder if anything I do really matters, but for now, I don’t care. Philosophy has value why? Did the ancient Greek philosophers give value to philosophy so as to justify their own intellects? Did tribal people from before the Greek philosophers’ time value their witchdoctors and spirit guides so as to merely justify their existences? Being a philosopher is just a personality quirk. Some people are great hunters. Others are great nurturers. Some people are great thinkers. Perhaps humans of the past merely valued everybody equally, no matter what they did. Way back when, people lived in small tribes and clans. Everyone knew everyone because there was only a few families in the clan. Jeff was awesome because he was the best at being a blacksmith. Molly was awesome because she could weave the best baskets. Tim was a strange child but could read the stars by the age of 3.

The human population is so large that being anything at all puts you in the same category as millions of people. Even our minorities have millions of people in them. Even if you have a disease where only 5% of people live, you living would make you one of millions and millions of people in many cases.

We get on the cases of people that seem to want to matter more to humanity than your average schmoe, but if you only matter to your family and friends…well, that’s like mattering to some ancient clan in a time when 20 or 30 people aren’t enough to sway the mind of any politician. Do you value your rights? Perspective sucks.

Yesterday, I was doing some online job hunting. I clicked on a job profile to see that they insist that their employee candidates be “clean cut”. In parentheses after “clean cut” was something along the lines of: No facial piercings, no visible tattoos, and no gauged ears.

Fuck! The body mod culture cannot be clean cut. We can’t be presentable. We cannot look professional. I hear all this talk of company dress codes but have you ever really thought about what a clean cut modded person would look like? If I was going by this company’s standards, a clean cut modded person would look like they don’t have mods at all.

We often hear of people that lack empathy. The lack of empathy is often linked to sociopathy, schizophrenia, and autism. Yet, companies refuse to empathize with what it’s like to be modded. They treat modded people like they’re insane…yet, it’s illegal to discriminate because of a mental handicap.

So, I sent this company a quick email that read:

Your views on body modification are prejudice. Eat poo.

Did this make me feel any better? No. As long as the US government doesn’t consider discrimination based upon body mods illegal, it’s not discrimination. It’s not prejudice or bigoted. The company can look right at an employment candidate and say: “You can’t work here because of the minority you belong to.” and that’s legal. It’s legal to treat people like me as if they are probably criminals. We are treated like stupid fools. Eyesores. Sinners. All in a time when if you treat any other minority that way, you’ll get protested and publicly shamed. Seriously, a person can go get their gender changed by surgeons and we have no choice but to respect their path in life. We can’t deny them jobs. Sure, the bathroom issue is kinda clusterfucked, but that’s tricky and trans people understand that. Yet, if John comes back to work Joanna, you have to respect her. But, if Diane gets a lip piercing or hand tattoo, get ready to watch someone get fired. It’s like employers want Americans to be unemployed.

Sure, we hear all sorts of motherfuckers bitching about how the unemployment rate is too high. It’s lower than it’s been in years, but any unemployment is too much unemployment…and to that, I agree. Even if I had some menial job as a cashier at a grocery store, poverty isn’t worth it. I doubt these idealistic employers have any clue what it means to be poor and have employment options as limited as African Americans had back in the mid 1900s.

I’ve heard people talking about how minority rights are all the rage right now…and how things are changing for a better. By the time my nephews turn into legal adults, maybe there will be laws in place protecting their rights to get modded. But for now, getting a lip ring is an unemployment sentence. And, people tend to think that’s fine. Don’t you dare say faggot or nigger, but laugh at the tv shows that always show modded people as crazy Metal freaks.

And if you are even slightly Goth, well you are fucked. Optimism is the paradigm these days. If you find life even partially banal, you might as well cut your wrist enough to have permanent scars so that you can be on anti-depressants all your life because it’s not like you are going to be able to go into a doctor’s office and request a few painkillers for your chronic back pain.

I did this yesterday. I’ve had back pain for almost 10 years now. I sustained an injury at a job and never got it looked at professionally because I didn’t have insurance because it wasn’t offered to me. But, like most lower/middle class people know, you don’t just “go to the doctor for everything that you should”. We live in sickness and pain. That’s why it’s in common wedding vows to care for that person “in sickness” because we will live with sickness and pain because the government and doctors don’t really give a fuck.

And, if you look Goth or gangsta, don’t you dare ask for anything that can be abused. Sure, an old woman can go into your doctor’s office and ask for something for her undiagnosed arthritis and the doctor will hand out a script for 100 painkillers without question. But you, you tattooed fuck, you are probably going to abuse them or sell them to recreational drug users.

So I began to tell the doctor about my back issues. How there is at least one day a week where the back pain is so bad that I can’t stand up or even sit up. I have to lay down for hours. When I sit down, I have to slouch or lean over because I just can’t fucking sit up straight anymore. The doctor cut me off. He called me “dude”. What doctor uses the word dude? Surely, I’m not offended by people calling me dude…but usually it’s someone that isn’t a practicing physician.

We think of doctors as these trained professionals that are of some ideal social standard. People of a decent simple genius that don’t allow themselves to profile like crooked cops. But, they aren’t. Doctors can go fuck themselves. You wonder why medical insurance is so costly? It’s because of doctors. Doctors charge as much as they want for consultations. I’ve gone over this in a past book, so I won’t go too deeply on this but doctors are the real problem. We pay them to know. That’s all. Your family physician usually doesn’t do much. Think back to ancient times when clans would have their one doctor-type person. The patient would go in and tell the doctor what was up. The doctor would say a prayer, do some routine examinations, and give you some potion to drink. Think of doctors now.

That thought should bother you.

You should be furious about how the body mod culture is neglected and treated like they deserve unemployment.

I don’t understand prejudice.

I don’t understand bigotry.
I don’t understand why the terms prejudice and bigotry don’t apply when it comes to the body mod culture. I don’t understand why the word “racist” doesn’t apply to Black people. I don’t understand the crooked nature of politics. I don’t understand why no one seems to give a fuck about the possibilities of middle ground and world peace.

I just don’t.

Component #4

Chapter 28


What a kooky idea, eh? We hear psychologists talking about how fucked up kids can grow up to be if their parents don’t hold them enough and validate their individuality but we find ourselves bitching, as adults, about internet trolls…WTF? I mean: I’ve watched so many videos online…I’ve commented smart things…I’ve commented stupid things…most comments go completely unresponded to. Did anyone read what I typed? I can’t know this information. The country keeps spinning out of control and it’s obvious that if I had made any bit of difference, that difference would spread like word of mouth to every corner of the country. Yet, any kind of “logic and rationality” I can muster seems like insanity to everyone else…so it’s obvious I make no difference.

Then, we’re supposed to go work some soul-sucking career for 3 decades where it takes 2 decades to actually matter…and that’s 20 years of you live unvalidated. Maybe you come home and watch some tv to relax but tv is made for high school kids and college students that still have hope. I don’t even know how many “adults” I know that would join a corrupt system if it meant they could live a rich life. I struggle with these mindsets…I’m 34 and I still have hope that my dreams will come true but people just look at me like I’m fucking stupid and crazy for A: having hope and B: thinking corruption is wrong.

Everyone knows that corruption is wrong, but to think it is wrong is reprehensible. The president is a fucking billionaire that panders to the 1/3 of the country that likes him while many American citizens starve and live in sickness…and why the fuck think that’s fucked? Why not join that 1/3 of Americans that have the silliest hope of them all: Eventual Wealth. The country (and most, if not all, countries) are financially stratified. The president’s supporters are all people that would love to be filthy rich and not give a fuck about people living on the lower rungs of the ladder. Even if those people live on the lower rungs of the ladder right now, it’s best to believe that some billionaire is going to make us all rich and healthy than to see the hopelessness that the president spreads all over America.

It’s like the president just doesn’t have the time and/or energy to assess what respect actually means. He doesn’t fucking care about millions of people that have contrary things to say. And it’s like: The American dream used to be (and probably still is) to just be beyond all the stupid tragedy that is ubiquitous. Sure, 1/3 of the country may want everything to be equal but it’s fucking not going to be. EVER. We’re never going to have “racial equality” because no one can agree on what that equality would be. We all deserve to be millionaires but for that to happen, the billionaires of the world would have to be millionaires too and are we that fucking stupid…are we just going to completely act like the entire world doesn’t function as well as it does because some people get to control billions and trillions of dollars?

It’s like we all want our shot at the good life but there is no “good life” that everyone agrees upon. Some people are fine with having nothing. Some people would love to just clear $100,000 a year. Other people want to live in mansions and castles. Some people want high-society lifestyles where they spend hundreds of thousands of dollars a month. Some people are born into wealth and want nothing more than to be poor.

The American government has idealized a good-enough and they call it minimum wage. Ha!

Yet, minimum wage for a US senator isn’t anywhere near actual minimum wage. Ha again!

The lower classes want money and power…and it’s because we see first-hand what poverty and voicelessness does to people. We see these people we love just plain die of being unvalidated. I’m telling ya: Family is its own reward…friends are their own reward…but those rewards aren’t enough when you lose sight of your denial and justifiably envy billionaires and millionaires. Fuck…you hear about some dude you went to high school with clearing $200,000 a year and at some point you just sit there wondering what the fuck you did wrong. You aren’t stupid. You aren’t a bad person. You think back to talking to that guy in class and his trajectory just seemed so fucking blah. Maybe he was a nice guy but it was like you were fucking allergic to his direction in life.

But how is that possible? You were allergic to eventual success. You were not allergic to a lifepath that led you to never clearing $30,000 a year and living some half-broken existence where nothing is ever quite right. You live a life where you just hope you get thru the day without something going terribly fucking wrong. You wait around for those weeks where you finish ahead. Months where bills didn’t crush you and got paid on time. Seasons where you look back and think: “That was one of the best summers of my life!” But the years pass and things aren’t fucking like that at all. You do it day-to-day. You don’t enjoy rationalizing adages like: 1 step forward, 3 steps back…but they make sense to you. You want to not think racist things but all the decent people of this world want nothing to do with people like you. All the stupid Black, White, Asian, etc. people…those are the ones you get to see on a daily basis and there ain’t no amount of P.C. social trending that is going to change the echelon of people you are a part of. Sure, maybe one day you’ll hit the lotto and move to some fancy mansion on the beach…it will take years for the grossness of the lower class to leave you. But it’s not like it’ll completely leave you.

I’ve lived in one of those fancy areas. I’ve met people that were born into that shit…people born into money. They aren’t like us. They have no fucking clue what it’s like to see a hooker on the corner…she looks cracked out…then you realize it’s that lady you’ve known for decades…and she’s looking much better than she did that last time you seen her at the liquor store. I’d look at these rich people and just envy their ignorance. They would verbally trash Punk or Metal and it was because they could never comprehend what it means to identify with shit like that. These rich bastards that know exactly how to seem fake when they are politely meeting new people.

These are the people that inspire Black people and self-hating White people to abhor privilege. I’ll tell ya what: People hate privilege out of jealousy…and that’s completely fucked up.

Lots of people say that all Americans have the same opportunities. In a way, it’s true. In other ways, it’s not. It’s not easy to come from nothing. It’s not easy to think of your life as “coming from nothing” because that nothing is your family and friends. When you’re rich, starting a website for your startup business isn’t going to cut into your food budget. Fuck, I once contacted a book publisher about publishing a book I wrote. They told me that I’d have to give them $10,000 to get it published and mildly marketed. There’s no one in my family that has ten grand laying around…and if they do, they keep it a secret from everyone else in the family because that nest egg…they ought to share that with their family members. But, corruption is choosing self over selflessness. And that little bit of cushion…cuz let’s face it: $10,000 isn’t a lot of money…is peace of mind. That peace of mind is a greater gift to the world than doling out cash to needy people because money affords happiness. I sure as shit would be so damn pissy if I had $20 to my name.

Chapter 29

There is reason for hope, tho. Even the poorest, unluckiest of people have good days…days when denial takes over and stress takes a back seat. The world is changing. It may not be perfect before my life is over, but I can’t help but believe it’s headed in that direction. The internet is amazing. Sure, it may make some forms of crime easier…it also causes a different kind of crime than ever before. But, it leaves us less excuses to be ignorant. 50 years ago, if you were illiterate, then learning the basics of physics was pretty much impossible. Now you can just go online and learn about it from professionals that make free videos. There are ultra-cool tv programs dedicated to teaching science to people that probably don’t like book-learning.

We grow less and less ignorant of other cultures every day. Even if you are a super racist nincompoop, you can’t help but learn about other cultures as long as you watch tv on some level. What fuels racism is ignorance. I think there is a big difference between opinions of racial superiority and racism. Racism is hate. Racial superiority can be scientifically rationalized. What leads us to hate is experiencing the same negative stereotypes all the time. Back in the 1950s, I bet it was hard for a White person to relate to a Black person if they weren’t in a position where they had to comport with Black people. Even now, it’s not like every White person gets to be around someone of every racial minority. But, tv is going well out of its way to show a bunch of people from every minority you can think of…besides the body mod culture…so that we all get a better grasp on minorities.

You may think that all Black people suck but after having a Black president and watching a bunch of Black comedians on White culture shows, you may wish that all Black people were more like that one comedian…or you prefer the nerdy Black people like the last president. I’ve seen shows from the 50s and 60s where they would have some Latino person…often, those roles were some of the only ones and not everyone is going to like the only example of something. I mean: When I was a kid, I hated lettuce. Then, when I got older and tried romaine lettuce, I liked it…and I realized just how disgusting iceberg lettuce is. People from my parents’ and grandparents’ generations got to watch shows of limited examples of minorities. Maybe those shows were just boring or annoying. Couple that with going out in public and seeing minorities that often didn’t have the kind of education that White folk were given. The lack of a decent education leads to a certain kind of stupidity that is just fucking annoying if you are a brainy kinda person.

But, time has moved on and “minorities” have been given the same education as us White people for decades now and it’s getting tougher and tougher to classify entire races as an epithet. We often see some idiot that refuses to believe in the efficacy of books and learning and think: “Wow. You must be the last [epithet] on Earth!” I think this is why half the US is dumbfounded by a large percentage of the president’s supporters…cuz they all seem like stupid hicks. Non-Whites were aware that stupid hicks still existed but during the Black president years, a different kind of White folk surfaced. Some were annoying apologists, but most of these White people were decent-hearted folk that wanted unity. They may have said some ignorant shit, but at least they apologized for it and seemed to grow/learn from their mistakes. Black people and other non-Whites were obviously happy with these people. It brought forth a movement of Feminism that was mostly-respectable. Everyone was jumping on the equality bandwagon and hashing out ideas on what equality is and should be.

Then, the new president started his campaigning and got all those dumb hicks out of hiding. All those stupid shits that have been living in lower-White-class hell…a place where ignorance is justifiable because life is too fucking shitty to pay attention to the P.C. echelon…those people cropped up and made their voices be heard. All the forward-thinking people were like: “What the fuck is this retarded shit?” But what was proved to America is that no matter how forward-thinking a majority of the country can be, we cannot live in a reality so forward when so many people have no fucking clue how forward some have gone. Forward-thinking people seem stupefied but what they are hung up on is their own hubris. Why? Because if America, as a whole, wasn’t as forward as once assumed, then no one was ever that forward. It’s like they were the kids in gym class that could run miles without getting winded. They ran around the track only to look back and see at least half the class still lagging behind. A few of the fat people were barely jogging. A couple of the kids didn’t even try to run…they just walked.

The problem with forward-thinking people is that they get fussy and assume what they assume is what all assume. This trips them up and they are quick to lose hope. They look back at the kids lagging behind and think they’ll never catch up…they get super-selfish and think about how their own physical education must be put on hold while they wait for everyone to catch up. Their hopes of playing basketball for 35 minutes are now diminished to 30 minutes at the most because warm-up time takes longer for other kids.

This is why we hate jocks but pay their professionals too much money…so they’ll shut the fuck up.

We must accept that some Americans are always going to hate other people for no good reason, I guess. Those haters have to accept that what they hate isn’t what they really hate at all. Non-Whites aren’t what they were 50 or 100 years ago. They are smarter and more beautiful than ever. Evolution has occurred, even if you don’t “believe” in it.

But this is good for stupid hicks, too. Why? Because stupid hicks ain’t as dumb as some niggas be thinkin they is. There was always a parallel between stupid hicks and stupid Black people. They both talk in some weird hybrid of southern slang and eat the same kinda foods. They’re equal dumb. The president’s dumbest supporters…the ones that still hate “minorities”…they stink just as much as the people they think stink.

There’s something id-oriented about stupid folk. Much of it comes down to mating. We value our own existences based upon the type of people we could fuck. I convinced a stereotypically beautiful Middle Eastern American woman to date me years ago. We didn’t get much past 1st base but the fact remains that she was hot. But, when you’re a dumb hick, you may never get the chance to bang a hot person. You’re choices are A: skinny and fugly or B: fat and not as fugly or C: somethin in between. That’s it! When you start lookin at other races for some “race traitor” action, your ignorance of those other races leaves you kinda blind to the inherent beauty in those races. I mean: Your brother may have married someone you think is kinda ugly but she reminds you of your momma in a way where you can see a goodness in her worth marrying.

But when you start lookin at women of other races, you really wonder if that skinny/fugly Mexican lady is actually more fugly than you thought. That fat Asian girl you coulda dated in school was nice and everythang, but would your daddy approve? Would you bein with an Atheist have broken your momma’s heart??

Like it or not, familial racial/religious preference exists in lots (if not all) cultures/races. Keep in mind: Lots of people are dumb and it's not like these people got the brains to learn Spanish or Arabic. These are the people that confuse their with there and they're. Plus, when I was growing up in the late 1900s, lots of these Middle Eastern girls had parents that were immigrants. These girls may have been born in the states, but their parents still spoke mainly Arabic in the house and brought their kids up in often strict Muslim ways. There are people that have trouble dating outside their religion when that other religion is based out of the Bible too. Baptist marry a Christian? Catholic marry a Jehovah's Witness?? It's tricky.

Then there are the cultural things…even food. I mean: When you grow up on hot dogs and pancakes it might be odd to date someone that grew up on burritos or hummus. There are a myriad of cultural differences and sometimes beauty isn’t enough.

But, as the generations pass, it’s like these non-White people get more and more Americanized. They lack accents. They grow up on the same tv shows as you did and don’t really care much for their parent’s religion either. But, when you live out in the country away from non-White minorities, you don’t learn what those people are like first-hand. You may see them on the tv but tv is all fake. Sure, that famous Middle Eastern actor seems “normal” in one movie but in the next he/she is a homosexual vampire or something like that. Fuck, you met that one actor you really liked for years and he was a total prick to you, so the whole illusion of fame is just that…an illusion.

You watch the news and see Islamic terrorists doing crazy shit for no apparent reason and they are dying for some values that all Muslims have. It's a tricky situation. But, even if you're gonna just trust the tv, how much tv do you really get to watch when you work 40+ hours a week and have a spouse and kids? Fuck, most of the time the kids got control over the tv so it's usually fucking cartoons...and not the adult cartoons or the cool kids cartoons for stoners. It's some stupid shit that makes your kids happy but it's not like you should really care cuz you are an adult with obligations and whatnot.

Hollywood-types and P.C. idealists think we’re all privy to what’s on the cusp of social understanding but most people aren’t. Sure, we all know how to be nice and civil but most people don’t live in major cities. Some people live on farms and never get to see people with gauged ears or women that wear hijabs. Lots of White people only know Black people that look at niggas like: “What the fuck…pull up your pants, you look ridiculous!”

And, how much can we really know about the world around us? Not philosophically, but anthropologically. A huge percentage of people in this country graduated high school before the internet was popular. Heck, after the new president got elected, I’ve watched more news than anyone should and I don’t know what’s happening. Most of what I do end up seeing is speculative nonsense. Reports that obligate me to keep watching for hours or tune in tomorrow or 3 days from now to find out if a bill got passed or a cabinet nominee got approved. Do I hate Russia or do I not? Is the president a sex offender that uses his wealth and power to “eliminate” threats to his credibility or are some women just lying about him? There is too much to pay attention to and when I do watch the news, people make the president seem like someone who is using that “too much” to his advantage…he’s using the overwhelming nature of the presidency to lie and usher in corruption, I guess. Honestly, I have no idea.

Wars rage in countries I will probably never stand in. Corruptions happen. I can’t be as cognizant as I need to be and I’ve got more important things to pay attention to and I assume that most people in this world feel exactly the same. I don’t think that’s inaccurate. I, personally, don’t have to deal with anyone of any other country so why are the world’s problems being put on my shoulders? Why does the president seem incompetent to such an extent where I have to pay attention to his every move so that I can see when he fucks up eventho I am not his advisor? I am a voiceless no one, in all honesty.

But, I can’t help but be hopeful because as stupid as some people are, the people calling the shots ain’t as dumb as they be. No, it’s not perfect and has never been perfect but it seems that things are on an upswing. It seems that world relations are better than they were years ago. It’s just confusing because the internet is making everything clear yet the big picture is confoundingly immense. I dunno…it just seems easier to be optimistic and to assume that my moments of pessimism are just temporary. I mean: Proving that I’m a super-genius is going to be impossible, probably, so why trust my pessimism? I’m probably just stupid. Maybe if we all had the humility to embrace our stupid optimism, then there would be no problems in the world.

Chapter 30

What about evil?
Let’s be cool about shit and not falter into a religious debate. Let’s accept the definition of evil as all the bad in the world. If you wanna blame demons or genetics or climate change, so be it.

I just finished reading a thriller that dealt with evil. Not demons but people that commit murder and rape…sex trafficking, slavery, torture…the darknet…terrorists…that type of shit. Since it was a thriller, it was written in such a way where the reader is supposed to kinda lose hope in humanity. The author really played into the rise in cyber-based crimes and how technology can be manipulated to such an extent that we are always vulnerable.

The kind of stuff that makes you wanna back up your computer.

Anyway, wars rage. Crime seems ubiquitous...rates rise. Thing is: The population of humanity is ridiculous. There's gotta be like 8 billion people on Earth by now. Last I checked it was over 7 billion, but we know those numbers aren't perfectly accurate and who has the time to check current stats? Beyond that, how can I be sure those stats are up to date?? So fuck it. Let's just say there are 8 billion humans on Earth.

We humans have to admit that there are some crooked, "evil" people that exist. Prisons are full. Terrorists exist. Great numbers of bad hombres exist. Okay. Thing is: Most people are good. Quick math: 1% of 8 billion is 80 million. So if only 1% of humans are evil, corrupt criminals...that's 80,000,000 people. Which seems like a lot. It seems like a stretch of my imagination to think that 80 million people are psychologically screwed up enough to be considered evil.

Speaking of psychology…over the last century or so, psychology has been on the rise and is explaining things on a very interesting, tho oftentimes theoretical, level. We have learned that many people that do heinous things have had screwed up childhoods where their dad rapes them or their mom tortures them. The lack of compassion from a parent can cause all sorts of mental issues…especially in Americans. We know that poverty can lead to crime. Starving people lose sight of rationality and steal to eat or rob to pay for food and clothing. People in lower class situations can turn to drugs and twist their minds all crooked via those drugs and rationalize doing terrible stuff. Gambling addictions can cause someone to do something terrible.

When I think of evil, I think of the super-crazy stuff. Genocides, serial killings…stuff of a vastly terrible nature. I’m not going to sit here and devalue the tragedy of a woman getting raped by a guy that never rapes again. Thing is, tho: When I think of evil, I consider Satan. Maybe Satan wouldn’t mind possessing someone for a wild night of drugs and carjacking, but the idea of Satan is so gargantuan that it seems like Satan would rather spend his time doing something really fucking terrible…unimaginable terror…stuff they show in horror movies that you turn away from watching eventho you know it’s all movie magic.

Are we humans genetically predisposed unto mayhem? Perhaps there was a time in human history when we weren’t much more than animals and the alpha male was the one that eliminated his rival alphas so as to breed with women. Perhaps there is something ingrained in us that causes us to like tackle football, boxing, and news reports of tragedies. I don’t think so, tho. The people that seem to like that kind of carnage are usually men that don’t really think all that much.

If you really think about tragedy, it’s not awesome. No one likes war. We can sit here and be enthused by MMA bouts but most fans aren’t happy when someone gets really hurt. It seems more like we enjoy seeing the ability of some humans to endure pain that would render most of us unconscious. MMA is violent, but it’s not cruel. If a fighter wants the bout to stop, it stops. Those fighters aren’t there to hurt one another. They do what they can to endure more.

Football players may tackle each other with great tenacity but if someone actually gets hurt, the game stops. Hockey fans cheer on a fight, but those guys aren’t fighting to end the other guy’s life. Fuck, they aren’t even fighting in a way that would get them kicked out of the league.

Sure, there are some people that really get off on violence. Thing is: We can watch all the fake tv violence we want but there is an unconscious processing going on reminding us that it’s fake. That dead hooker on your favorite cop drama is a live woman in makeup holding her breath. We watch war movies to get a scope of what war is and it may be exciting when the final battle scene really starts getting gory but it’s fake. Those people aren’t being beheaded or losing limbs. We aren’t fascinated by death, we’re fascinated by fake death.

Perhaps it stems from our fear of death. Most of us have no clue how we’re going to die. Some of us have genetic diseases and know how we probably will die. But, most of us just sit around wondering from time to time. Will it be a car accident? Will it be in our sleep when we’re old? Watching fake death on tv and movies just gives us a better understanding of what might happen. It’s almost like a wish-fulfillment dream.

We watch these fake fights, staged fights, and limited fights not only for entertainment. We learn from them too. There is an intelligence about trained fighters. Many moves are calculated. Responses are trained. We could get attacked by a crazy crackhead at basically any moment and perhaps watching cop dramas or boxing matches might help you subdue an attacker one day.

Plus, we are fascinated by what we see. These major sporting events are usually filmed with top-notch cameras. Sit down in front of an HD tv and your eyes are in for a treat! Then there is the excitement of the game building into a 1 minute altercation between 2 guys that wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize their million dollar careers.

It does seem, tho, that much of this violence adoration is testosterone based. Men have been in power for a long time…and it seems like that is coming to an end. If there has been any reason for violence in the past, we’ve done it all. We’ve conquered nations. We’ve wages wars. We’ve bloodied our fists. It’s getting to the point where even the most barbaric of dudes has seen so much real and fake violence that it’s boring. Sure, it’s cool to see a new action movie now and again or a new martial arts revenge movie…there is something exciting about those states of mind that people get in when violence erupts. Not good or bad exciting…an excitation. We’ve been raised on stories of good vs. evil. It’s both sad and cool. We have learned a global sense of morality, tho.

I doubt that testosterone based living is going to stay prominent. We’re teaching kids to be smarter and smarter. We’re doing what we can to make education widely available. In the future, there will be no use for violence. I see our patriarchal societies giving way to matriarchical societies. Corruption and evil don’t benefit all and it’s becoming increasingly more obvious that when so many people live in poverty and sickness, everyone suffers. You may have billions of dollars and live in some castle, but you still have to turn on tv and see how poverty affects people. More than likely, you aren’t a sociopath. You may not know how to fix it, but you know damn well that if people weren’t starving and dying of diseases that could be cured if medicine was available…well, your day would be better because you wouldn’t have to consider human suffering.

I may never make enough money to “live comfortably”. Thing is: I don’t doubt that the world is on an upswing. I can’t fathom 80 million evil people…I mean: If there were 80 million evil people on Earth, I think we’d all be fucked. Yes, terrible shit happens, but lots of people are genetically fucked up. Lots of people aren’t smart enough to not be lured into doing something wrong when they’re bored. Terrorists are proving their point and as scary as they truly are, the governments of the world seem to be trying to do away with them.

Morality is a big issue. People of different religions have different views on what is moral and what isn’t…but as we use all this technology to learn about one another, we’re finding out that there are some things that matter to all of us. We all want to be safe and healthy. We all need space and peace of mind. We all have some beliefs that aren’t universal but we can live with them if people just allow us to be individuals. No one really cares about how someone else dresses. Yes, minorities keep springing up and maybe there is always going to be some group of people living some visually upsetting life but we’re learning how to say “oh well”. The alternative is increasingly irrational. Would I die for my beliefs? If I had to. Do I want to die for my beliefs? No.

We cannot believe anything if we’re dead. Death is far too uncertain. I don’t want to believe in a god that will reward me for discriminating, hurting, and murdering. If God is real, then that god surely doesn’t want me to be some terrible monster while I’m alive. I don’t like stingy people. I don’t like the anger spread unto me. I’d rather not deal with the bullshit of this world but I guess I’ve learned how to, to some extent. I think if people just quit with their fucking bullshit, then the world would be an easier place.

Chapter 31

So, the president is a frustrating person. One day he seems like a volatile fool that can’t figure out how to speak to Democrats so I turn on some slanted media reports and get lost in the mindsets of people that refuse to like him on any level. The next day, I’ll watch a video online where a pundit tears into the president for not using an adjective that isn’t to his liking and I lose sight of why I even dislike the president in the first place. I mean: Is it actually racist to be a jerk to a Black woman or is it an act of breaking down barriers because he’s not holding his anger back just because she’s Black or because she’s a woman?

I struggle with this whole 2-sided way of thinking of things. There is no middle ground in politics. It’s all bivalent, bipartisan bullshit. Surely, the president doesn’t seem to be doing anything to make middle ground feasible but neither is anyone else.

So I turn on some stand-up comedy. It’s a special from a famous pundit that is an immigrant. So, of course, he’s going on and on about immigration. How do I put this? I’m not against the ideas on America from immigrants. Coming from a somewhat close-minded family, I have to say that it’s good when a new boyfriend or girlfriend comes into our family dynamic. It gives us perspective on the “outside world” until that person assimilates into our ways or breaks up with their mate.

Immigrants offer a cool perspective. America isn’t just what it was/is, it’s what it’s becoming, also. But, we get a lot of people that have only been in the country a couple years that get on tv ranting about how America should be this or that…and it’s like: If I moved to Japan and started ranting about what Japan is and should be, I’d be a complete fucker. But, Japan is a country that is mostly Japanese people.

When I think of immigration problems in America, it comes down to Middle Eastern people and Hispanic/Latino people. I don’t hear much from people of other areas of the world. No one seems to complain about Haitians, Africans, Chinese, or even Indian people.

Let’s take a look at the Hispanic/Latino (H/L) issue. There are lots of H/L people in the USA. Many of these people were born here, their parents were born here, they talk like every other American, etc. Yet, there is a big issue with illegal immigration when it comes to H/L people. So, the H/L minority is broken down into 2 sections: Legals and illegals. Even the most racist White Americans understand that a decent percentage of Americans are H/L. We all went to school with a few Mexican people. We see them at superstores. We don’t really give a fuck. But, we have this understanding of the racial breakdown of America. Everyone knows that it’s mostly White people in America. Next comes Black people. Then H/L. Then Middle Eastern folk. Not too many Asians, tho. Leastways, that’s the way it was a decade or 2 ago. I’m not a sociologist…just a kind hearted person.

Anyway, with H/Ls, there is this added population of illegals. It completely obfuscates the racial breakdown of America. We want to be kind to people. Even if someone is in America illegally, it shouldn’t really matter, ya know? There’s more than 320 million people in America. A few thousand illegals shouldn’t tip the scales, but it’s not just a few thousand. According to some stats from 5 years ago, there were over 11,000,000 illegal immigrants in the USA. We’ve already considered the idea of 80,000,000 evil people being an overwhelming amount. Even 11,000,000 evil people on Earth seems overwhelming.

Understand: I’m not saying that illegal immigrants are evil.

Also, not all illegal immigrants are H/L.

Let’s say half of that 11 million is H/L. That’s 5,500,000 H/Ls in America illegally. All I ever seem to hear from Americans is the unemployment issue…money issues…class issues. The tv cameras make the US look pretty fucken dope but we’re not perfect. There are some major issues that we can’t seem to fix and with over 10 million illegal immigrants…well, it fucks things.

It’s like making a big dinner for a BBQ. You get a decent estimate of how many people will show up. Even if 10 adults and 7 children are supposed to show up, you gotta make food for like 20 or more. What if a couple people are really fucking hungry? What if Joe and Rhonda got coerced into watching their neighbor’s 2 kids? Plus, when you have a BBQ, the leftovers can make for a pretty good bag lunch the next day. But, if you make food for 20, and 3 starving strangers show up…well, you might do the Christian thing and give them a plate but it does put a crinkle in your plans.

And let’s say that every time you have a BBQ, at least one starving stranger shows up, how do you plan for that? Why do you have to be the one to feed these strangers that assume you should feed them? Who in the fuck is telling these starving strangers to come to your BBQ anyway?

It sucks that people in H/L countries are in such a bind where they have to live illegally.

It sucks that some of these H/L people aren’t the nicest of people.

I’m glad that the USA can give them some semblance of a life, but it’s not our job to facilitate these lives. It seems really inconsiderate. These illegals know that America isn’t perfect. They know that illegal immigration is causing problems. Yet, they still keep coming over. Fuck.

Personally, I'm not in favor of building a $20,000,000,000+ wall.
We all know that it won’t even stop this illegal immigration problem. Thing is: These illegal H/L immigrants are the ones that don’t want to become one with the American ideal. If Japan gets to be something definite, so should the USA be allowed to be something definite. We shouldn’t have to make English the official language. We shouldn’t have to put American culture second to the H/L culture.

Like: If I moved to Japan, I would always be American. No matter what I did, I would still have America in me. I couldn’t hide it. Thing is: I wouldn’t insist that Japan change its ways to appease me. And, it seems like the H/L cultures are insisting that America change too much. I go to supermarkets and the aisle signs are in both English and Spanish. Why? Supermarkets aren’t fucking hard to understand. When I go grocery shopping, I usually walk down every aisle. I, like most people, shop at the same store. The aisles rarely change. The milk is always in the same place. The baking goods are always in the same aisle. If you go to a grocery store and can’t figure it out, then you are too stupid to go grocery shopping in the first place. There’s only like 15 aisles and usually 3 of them don’t even have food in them.

I think the issue is that we’re being forced to dumb America down to make life easy for the low end H/L rudimentals. Yes, I understand that learning a new language is hard. Spatial logic is tough for some. But, why should an entire country have to change to appease a minority…a minority that seems larger than it actually is because of illegal immigrants? I dunno…it’s like: The H/L people I grew up around knew how to go into a superstore and find the shoes. They knew what the word “shoes” meant.

America isn’t a super complex place. We’ve made it really fucking easy for a reason. Making it simpler so that immigrants can understand easier is like watering down ramen noodle soup.


Then we have the Middle Eastern immigrant problem. This is tough because…and I can say this because I’m an Atheist…America is full of people that love the Christian god. Even if you call it the Catholic god, or the Baptist god, etc…it seems like most people believe in basically the same god. They put up with Atheists like me but “God’s Law” is far from a moot point in the USA.

So it’s like, the H/L immigrants are an issue, but at least they believe in the same kind of god.

But, with Middle Eastern (ME) immigrants, they don’t. Sure, you can argue that the 3 big monotheisms all pray to the same singular god, but the religions are different. And remember: Most Americans live away from major cities and don’t get to interact with all these different minorities that exist in places like New York City or Wayne county, MI.

America is painted as this haven for people in fucked up situations. I’ve heard the stories of how bad some parts of the Middle East are. Not just the war-torn places…but the average places, too. On many levels, it’s cool that those people can come here and live a better life. But, again, it seems that America’s kindness is just being taken advantage of.

I grew up and still live in a city that borders Dearborn, MI. Dearborn is a city that has a huge concentration of Middle Eastern people. Last time I checked, it was #1 in the US. I’ve talked to people from all over the Middle East. Fuck, when I grew up, I thought they were all Arabic. This isn’t true! Anyway, one thing I notice about these ME folk is that they seem very culture-centric. Them adapting to American life must be more difficult than the H/L folk. Even the ME kids I went to school with seemed only partially American. There was a great sense of identity unto their homelands.

As an adult, I’ve worked for some MEs and they didn’t seem to grasp the American ideal as much as they should. Maybe this stems from why they came over. I’m sure that if I moved to Japan because America turned into a shithouse, then I’d never really assimilate. I’m sure that if I moved to the Middle East, I’d never really grasp their religious ways. As an Atheist, I know how to cope with American religion. Occasionally, I will say “bless you” if someone sneezes. I don’t act all offended if someone says they’ll pray for me. I know that Sunday is the Lord’s day of rest and I expect for lots of stores to be closed…or that they’ll close by 6pm. But, if I was to move to the Middle East, I don’t know how much I could really assimilate with Muslim culture.

Keep in mind, too, that lots of people aren’t much more than lower level rudimentals.

I’ve met a lot of MEs. Their understanding of America seems academic. This is good and bad. I understand that they have to study books to pass the citizenship test. There is no way to not have a somewhat academic understanding of the USA…but it’s not accurate. What you can learn about America in books isn’t what America is like. Immigrants of all sorts have this way of talking about places and concepts in a very learned but ignorant way. They talk as if they know…and they may know more than a native born citizen, but places like the Grand Canyon or Mount Rushmore are talked of in a certain way in America. The way immigrants talk of these places sounds plagiarized. ME folk seem to do it too much.

Then, where I come from, it seems like the ME culture is very strong…very centric…so as much as they dabble in and know of America, their culture is their world. This is a beautiful thing…but I can see women walking their kids to the school bus in their traditional cloaks and veils…abaya, hijabs…not too sure…don’t wanna sound too ignorant or insensitive…and these women just seem unapproachable. It’s weird…there are convenience stores and banks around here that won’t allow customers to wear sunglasses, hats, or hoods. Yet, these ME women must wear these traditional garments. Personally, I respect it. But, America is a certain something. There is a standard of clothing that we wear. Sure, some trashy idiots like to wear pajamas to the grocery store or filthy A-shirts everywhere…but clothing is the law. Just ask a nudist!

We try not to stereotype, but we do. I’ve walked by lots of ME folk in stores and whatnot and they just seemed to be in a different realm. They didn’t speak English. They smelled different. There was a timidity in their eyes. It’s weird cuz I went to school with some ME kids. One of my best friends in elementary school was ME. The Americanized ME people are pretty cool. But when I see the ones that aren’t Americanized, they remind me of super religious people…think of the Amish…

Kindness is a weird thing. I don’t know as much as I should about everything that I ought to know about. I’m a nerd and I don’t know enough. Sorry, world! Sometimes I give Black strangers too much benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I’m too nice to women. Sometimes I get told not to call an older White man “sir”. I don’t know how to approach some ME people. Personally, I hate the Rap culture. I find it annoying and histrionic…and lots of ME people seem to identify with it…I’ll go to liquor stores and have to talk to the clerk and just wish I wasn’t there…but they seem easier to approach than the more strict Muslims.

There is a lot of information not known about Islam and the ME cultures. It’s not just White people, either. It’s a tricky situation.

What we do end up hearing is a lot of bad stuff. Tv isn’t teaching us about ME cultures. Especially ME immigrant cultures. We’ve seen Mexicans on tv for generations. Islamic culture is very new to America and in our ignorance, we exist…I guess.

Something seems obvious in this section of the chapter. I had loads of succinct stuff to say about the problems with H/L immigrants but when it comes to ME immigrants, it’s just kinda meh. I guess that says a lot about what the impact of ME culture is on American culture.

I do hear a lot of White people talking about how much they love hummus and chicken shawarma, tho.

The recent refugee ban is a hot topic. It seems that lots of P.C. assholes twisted it into something that it wasn’t. No one can argue the worldwide problems with Islamic terrorism. We all know all Muslims aren’t terrorists and I’m quite sick of the opposite being assumed by idiots. The whole situation is fucked. Sure, America would love to do the Christian thing and help these refugees but it seems we’re at a point of being fed up. We’re fed up with the attacks. We’re sick of national mourning. It seems like the USA is that person that had a bad string of days…you know that life isn’t always going to crap on you but it just seems to never end…you have 2 days off after this shift at work and if you can just make it thru…then, your boss comes in with a shitty mood…before you clock out, your boss dumps a bunch of aggravation on you and you just wanna punch him and cry…but you hold it together…you go home, lock yourself in your bedroom with the lights off and just hide for 2 days.

That’s where America is…and it seems like the P.C. assholes don’t want to accept it. They’re in denial. Sure, they are the first to light a candle when some terrorist blows up innocent people…but they just don’t want to lock the door for a day or 2. The USA…it’s like we want to be that country that can give everyone a hug but we’ve gotta work on ourselves for a while. Detroit and Chicago are fucked up. Everyone is marginalized…even White men. Is it the nicest thing to do…closing the borders? No. But, any doctor will tell you that medicine can be bitter…medicine can take a while to kick in.

Personally, I’ve been in that mood where I don’t want to deal with anyone a lot. I don’t care if it’s my parents or a beautiful woman giving me a chance to take her on a date. I’ve just been so fucked up over how everything is unfolding that all I know is myself and my confusions.

So, when the president wants to ban refugees, I understand. If he wants to make it harder for Muslims to come into the USA for a while, maybe he’s right. Maybe there is a place for Muslims to go that will suit them better than the USA. We’re rumored to treat Brown people unfairly, anyway. Building a wall may seem retarded but would it give Mexico and other H/L illegals some perspective on the immigration problem?

It’s hard to say and I hope that things don’t come down to war but I will say that kindness needs to be reciprocated or it’s just one side being nice while the other takes advantage.

Chapter 32

I’m sure the ultra-left is super pissed about me saying that…but it seems that they diminish the opinions of people that don’t share their opinions to make their opinions seem righter. Too many people do this and I don’t exactly understand it.

I am only one person. As intelligent and peaceful as I am, I still have to live on Earth with people that are neither. My ignorance is constant. At any given moment, you might have to put your foot down and when you do, it’s not going to be from a standpoint of complete understanding…for complete understanding doesn’t exist. The immigration issue is tricky and too many people disallow themselves to be both for and against. We’re conditioned to believe in empathy, theory of mind. But, we’re conditioned to lean one way or the other. This is fucked!

What happens is that we allow ourselves the luxury of valuing one side more and then we just hop on the confirmation bias bandwagon. We think: A but B, instead of A and B. Immigration is expanding Americana and it’s diminishing Americana. Immigration is a big problem and not a big problem. Abortion is insane and necessary in some situations.

Some people complain because of some people.

Then, they make grand generalizations about those “some people” and start to think of all people like those some people as part of those some people. Some people think all Muslim immigrants are bad for America. Some people think all Muslim immigrants are good for America. Gah! It’s like we just like to bicker and lose sight of the futility of bickering.

Feminism has validated so many issues that something like abortion is considered a women’s rights issue only. I just read online that a state made it illegal for women to have abortions after 24 weeks of pregnancy. I’m sure lots of people are pissed off about this but that’s like 6 months. If you can’t decide to get an abortion before 6 months are up, then what the fuck is wrong with you?

Instantaneously, I think of the possibility of that being necessary. Not any situation worthy of that, mind you…just the necessity of a possibility. This is part of my social conditioning. (Thanks feminists!) What if a woman is pregnant and her boyfriend/husband bails or dies and she can’t afford it? What if she finds out that the baby is going to be deformed or some other form of being genetically screwed?

Abortion is one of those things that we’ve all thought a lot about. See also: Slavery. We’ve justified it, we’ve hated it. Perhaps we’ve finally come to a point in history where we should just make abortion illegal if it’s not for a really good reason. If it’s a rape-baby, okay. If it’s going to be chronically sick or deformed, okay. But if you “made a mistake” and fucked some dude that didn’t really care and you didn’t notice cuz you didn’t care much either, fuck you! Carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption.

Oh, and fuck the religious argument. At this point, no one even gives a fuck what some god might think.

It reminds me of cosmetic plastic surgery. A doctor being able to fix a crooked nose that causes breathing problems…well, that’s wonderful. Using surgery to make someone look normal is great. But some people change themselves to fit some ideal and that’s fucking stupid. We should do away with cosmetic plastic surgery. If you are pissed cuz you don’t have a big enough ass or titts…if you are sad because you have love handles…if you look in the mirror and hate yourself because your nose isn’t what you’ve been brainwashed into thinking perfect is…fuck off and fuck you. There are people starving all over America and you are spending thousands of dollars on a slight alteration in your appearance that most people are going to find hideous.

It’s crazy to me cuz I can have a job, get my lip pierced, and get fired for that piercing…but if a coworker gets lip injections, everyone is supposed to compliment her/him. Someone can get their entire face reshaped and it’s not grounds for firing but if you get a neck tattoo, well…good luck finding a new job. You can get a complete sex change and everyone has to respect your decision but if you stretch your ear lobes past a certain point, you should work at a fucking circus.

And, with plastic surgery, it’s a sign of wealth. It’s proof that you have a stupid amount of money to throw around. You can walk around looking like an affluent monster. Fuck off.

Once again, the necessity of possibility comes to mind. What about the woman with really small breasts that wants a bit more in her bra? What about the guy that has chicken legs that just wants to look normal so he gets calf implants?

I wish these people would drop acid and laugh at existence. They bitch about not looking “normal” when they were born that way. These hacks…“well, people look at me and judge me”…yeah, people suck. Stereotypically gorgeous people can get by on their looks. They get to marry people you think are out of your league. Maybe you got made fun of. It’s fucked that you get to think within your options, tho. Lower class people are all sorts of ugly and misshapen but all we can do is cope. We find people that can look passed our imperfections.

Years ago, I was in the recording studio with a band I was in. The engineer told us that we could spend days in the studio tweaking audio to make it sound really processed…or we could just do what needed to be done to make it sound as it does. We chose to just let it be what it was. No frills. No auto-tune. We didn’t kid ourselves and make it sound like we thought it should. And, it turned out fine.

Years later, I went into the studio with another band and spent too much time tweaking and processing. By the end, it sounded ideal…but looking back, I prefer to listen to the raw cd than the processed one.

Just because we can change what we are doesn’t mean we should. It must be nice to live a life where you can make a mistake and just not have to deal with the consequences…a life where you can be one thing and just change. But, we shouldn’t take advantage of science just so we can avoid having to deal with the hard truths of life. We shouldn’t sit around in denial of obvious problems that need to be assessed because it feels better to only look on the bright side.

Chapter 33

I wish there were mornings when I woke up and didn’t know any words. No English. No Spanish or Japanese. I wish there were mornings when I woke up and knew nothing. My mind far more blank than a meditation expert that has sat around thinking of nothing for hours. When you are lower class, what exhausts you into your sleep cycle is reality. When you wake up, it comes back into focus. Some days are okay…you just don’t seem to care about the immensity of reality. Other days are good…you have something planned later and whatever it is that plagues you doesn’t really matter, for now. Then there are those days when you wake up staring at the same wall you always wake up staring at. You throw your pillows across the room but remember the futility of allowing your anger to be known.

When you let your negative emotions be known, others think you need psychological help. Those people think therapy, meds, and hospitalization actually help. Ha. Psychological help is like going online and commenting on social media in the hopes that the 2 people that actually read it are going to be people that can change things. And, sure…psychological help does help some people…but those people can go fuck themselves.

It’s been said that depression is being incredibly downtrodden for no apparent reason. Being sad is something altogether different. Being fed up is something altogether different. Being a voiceless number is altogether different. No SSRI is going to help someone that life just beats the shit out of. Even if extra serotonin helps you one day, the ultimate weight of life’s futility is going to make you realize that happiness is not something you get to enjoy every day.

Your job is just what you do because living under someone else’s roof is worse than being treated like crap by your boss for a lousy paycheck that barely affords you a home and food. The banality you face every day…a banality that makes you contemplate suicide at least once a day…is a billion times better than having someone support you, whether it be family, significant other, or friend.

Lots of people have jobs that they love. People like you, tho, believe that’s just a myth. Imagine that…thousands of years ago, myths included unicorns, dragons, and titans. Nowadays, myths include well-paying careers and cars you don’t have to worry about. I’ve often contemplated if we, the people of 2017, are any smarter than ancient Greeks. Has thousands of years made us any smarter, from an evolutionary standpoint? I read thru these ancient philosophy books and modern philosophy books and I can’t help but think we’re not one iota smarter. Are we extensions of a tripartite soul or are we id, ego, and superego? With all this technology and knowledge we’ve gotten nowhere…not one step close to world peace. With all we can know, most people I meet aren’t really that into learning. People don’t want to understand other cultures. People don’t want to take in new musics. People are still selfish. We still kill and want to die. Nothing has changed. It’s just a newer kind of sameness.

If there is a god, it looks on in complete horror and complacency…imagining what it could have done better when it created this human species that just cannot find its way. Billions die. Thousands of years pass. We’re so focused on what doesn’t matter that we can’t seem to value what does matter enough. Aged religious books are misinterpreted. Morality is perverted. Propriety is a matter of class.

The people that run the USA have no clue what it means to be broke…both in spirit and financially. Democrats lose the 2016 election because they didn’t pay enough attention to the lower classes. Republicans win the 2016 election headed by a billionaire that lives in a skyscraper mansion and has never been anything but upper class…yet, he speaks for the lower classes. (?) Senators gather and choose bureaucracy over nature. We fear plutocracy, but it’s been rich people running this country into the ground all my 34 years. We just have different levels of rich, is all. We have an insufficient categorization of wealth. We call them lower, middle, and upper classes…but that’s bogus, and you fucking know it. At what point should we categorize someone’s wealth as: “More money than anyone could ever need.”?

But, after growing up as part of the lower classes, you’ll never get the chance to speak for America. If you want to speak for America, then you have to become part of the upper classes. The poor people that speak for America do so on the nightly news but all they get is a moment. They are the ones that are shown for less than 30 seconds and you’ll never remember their names. Sure, there are people that come from nothing…people that rise above their poverty and become harbingers of change…but that change is short-lived. They change society a little and by the time they reach the level of fame they need to really change things, they are no longer poor enough to have any understanding of poverty. Think of rappers…they make a few cds of songs that really speak for the ghetto life, make a fat stack of cash, move out of the hood, and then become party monsters.

We want the world changed for all. We want all these people living without to be pulled up from terrible living conditions. We’d like every one of those people to be able to wake up one day and think: “Well, the past was a nightmare…but that’s the past. I can’t believe how good life is and will be until the day I die.” But, it doesn’t happen like that. Once a person rises up from poverty, the rich people realize that that person is like them, deep down. Because social class isn’t just the amount of money you have…it’s your intellectual constitution. It’s the life you were born to live as predetermined by God.

Religion is tricky.

Perhaps what people lose when they reach financial stability is the struggle to survive. When surviving is no longer a struggle, your disposition changes. When every day isn’t a fight against suicidal ideation, that leaves lots of time to consider many other things. When you have nothing, the basics matter on a level that the upper classes just cannot comprehend. This is why the upper classes can only see the lower class folk as statistics. We, the low end taxpayers, are people that were born into a system where the lawmakers of the land are rich. They insist that they get paid more money than we’ll ever see. They do a shitty job and waste millions campaigning. They say they genuinely care, but even if they do…they have to say they care. They can’t not say they care. Caring is an obligation for them. But, really…they don’t. If they honestly cared, then they wouldn’t accept the amount of money they do. They would homogenize the classes.

But, I suppose it’s best for the rich and stereotypically smart to call the shots…the same way that good athletes and stereotypically pretty girls should be the shot-callers in high schools. I’m waiting for the day when the senators of this country are homeless people. I can’t wait for the day when the president is someone that makes $12 an hour. I mean: I go into jobs and I’m supposed to be content with the prospect of working for years and topping out at $30,000 a year…I want cabinet members that can’t afford to lease this year’s model of basic minivan. I want cabinet members that can’t afford to call an ambulance to take them to the emergency room.

But, the lower classes lay in defeat. By the time we’re old enough to become president, we’ve already fucked up too much. Ain’t no one going to listen to a motherfucker that cusses and can’t figure out how to keep a steady job. Ain’t no one gonna listen to a Black dude that calls his boys niggas and aks questions. Ain’t no one gonna listen to a dude wanting to be senator that has excessive body mods and isn’t some kiss ass that donates to charities because it looks good. Ain’t no one gonna vote for someone that didn’t do anything to make his college application look good. Ain’t no one gonna give the time of day to someone that knows shady people and questions the very basis of morality.

So, we, the lowest classes, are fucked.

Chapter 34

Are the lower classes full of fools that deserve to live lesser lives?

Simples may say so. Complexos may concur with said simples, but they might also disagree. I think we have been fed the idea that “anything is possible” too much. We see these pathetic people and we just hope we’re not like them. We hope that even in our darkest hours that we never reach that level of stupidity and whatnot. I don’t believe in fate but sometimes the idea of karma makes sense, ya know? Sometimes all that gets me thru the day is hope…hope that a windfall is gonna come because I’ve had quite a trying life.

I want some affirmation that I’m not one of those pathetic people. I don’t want to look back 50 years from now and wish things had turned around. I don’t want to be right about my theories regarding heart disease and stroke. I don’t want the crushing weight of reality to give me an aneurism. I don’t want my anxiety/panic attacks to be precursors for the heart attack that kills me. I want to be so happy that I cry once a year. I watch lots of comedy on the television and whatnot…I envy those people that are on hilarious shows because I’m certain they laugh heartily every single day.

There’s something about shared laughter…as much as I’ve laughed at movies and tv shows, laughing with someone else or a group of people is just different. I was watching a tv show the other day…an actress was playing a character who was suffering thru major depression and, at that moment, under sedation. Even as this woman pretended to be depressed and sleeping, she was smiling. It was like she smiled so much in her everyday life that she smiled even when she was straight faced. Sure, this may be one of those side effects of a face lift, but it made me think of those haggard people…those crochety people that get old and just look pissy all the time. I don’t want to be one of those people. I don’t want politics to drag me down to a level of complete banality.

Anyone that takes selfies knows what I’m talking about. There are days when you can take a selfie after having a great day and even when you don’t smile, you look happy in your selfie. Then, there are the days when you just aren’t feeling it…you are worried or upset about something. You take a selfie and when you look at it, you just seem to look like you’ve never smiled, ever. You look ugly. You look confused, constipated.

I have days when I’m on top of the world, as the saying goes. I’ve been hit on by decent-looking women on these days and they just look ugly to me…and it’s not because they’re unhealthy or classically ugly. They just don’t seem as happy…and that strikes me as unappealing and therefore ugly. But, on days when I’m feeling unhappy and ugly, I can look at woman I’d never be able to consider the most beautiful woman ever…you know, my future wife…and wish she’d give me the time of day.

It’s weird how moods can affect how you look.

Lower class people always exude this sense of worry. Even the optimistic ones…there is just a reality behind our eyes. There is only so much beauty that can be given to the world when your clothes are old and you know you can’t afford to give anyone a comfortable lifestyle. Sure, you may think: “Well, you gotta find someone that’s willing to live in a box. Someone that sees you no matter what.” Meh. After growing up in varying degrees of poverty, I gotta tell ya: That shit gets old fast.

We hear great love stories of people that just needed one another…they lived in trailer homes and rarely had 2 nickels to rub together. You end up finding someone that is willing to live that way…but it loses its appeal. You end up having friends that have their shit together. You hang out in these $125,000 homes in neighborhoods with good schools and you want that. You get invited to parties and decline…not because you can’t make it out but because you can’t afford a birthday or baby shower present. I’ll tell ya: You start out not feeling bad about arriving giftless, but after a few parties, you just feel like shit.

Then the tv doesn’t help. You watch these shows where money isn’t real. It’s just something the writers have to consider. If it benefits the show that the main character gets a promotion, the character gets a promotion. In real life, just because a promotion will benefit you doesn’t mean squat. In fact, it wasn’t too long ago that the economy collapsed…so…yeah.

But these shows will have ancillary characters that are poor. They show their friends talking about them after they leave…they express love for their friends but there is a feeling of pity that’s given. Why be the pitied couple? Why be the couple that doesn’t get invited to everything?

You look at this person you love…you wanted them to be the love of your life…but it’s not like it was back in the mid-1900s and before. Living on love doesn’t work. Some of the greatest moods you can absorb from someone else are from people you buy things from. The sales-person at the mall…the nice old lady that runs the cashier at the liquor store…your hair stylist…etc. Even going out in public can make you happy. It’s no secret that cabin fever can make you loopy. You can get really bored with your boring life…but if you can go out to eat twice a month…if you can spend a couple hours shopping cuz you need a new toothbrush holder…if you can just go to the hardware store and look at light fixtures you think are gaudy…those moments can remind you of how big the world is…how little you really need…how happiness is infectious….how other people can be in bad moods too…etc. You don’t have to even interact with a stranger to have them lift your mood.

But when there is this overarching sense of duty and burden in your life, perspective is lost. When all you know is bills, work, obligation, and duty…well, that leaves you downtrodden. You look at your lover and just wonder what the fuck else there is out there. Even if it’s not gonna be financially different, each person has their unique sense of humor. Maybe living poor as dirt would be fine if you could find someone else…someone that has the humility to laugh at themselves.

But, that doesn’t happen. No one wants a poor life anymore. We’ve heard too many success stories. Too many stories of luck. We look at our W-2s and see a number like $23,525 and it seems miniscule next to the $400,000 the president makes. It seems tiny compared to what some musicians spend on wine in a month. Generations ago, people knew that rich people pissed away the kind of money that would save them from bankruptcy and starving, but it wasn’t on the fucking tv every night. The rich life was all fantasy. Even now, it’s not like we see the rich and famous out in public. Back in the day, stories of riches were just that: Stories. Legends that got twisted from teller to teller. They’d hear of someone having more money than God and could only use their rudimental imagination to paint the mental picture of gold toilets or whatever. Now, there are shows where we actually get to see toilets that cost more than a college education. We get to see the home elevators for people that aren’t handicapped. We get to see gold plated walls and modern art that costs more than luxury cars that gets hung on a wall in a house that only gets lived in for 1 season a year.

Then, you can turn the channel and see charity organization commercials where African children and dogs are emaciated. News reports where ghetto violence rages. Politicians cutting school funding before they take their second or third vacation of the year.

This is the fucking country/world we live in. And when you have that special someone that wants more and all it takes is getting a flirtatious eye from a stranger to land you in the circle of people that actually get the chance to make something of their lives…well, love takes a back seat to the possibility of getting to live comfortably and having a career you actually enjoy.

Chapter 35

I’ve been told many times that I need to interact with others to have an accurate view of humanity. Apparently, it’s wrong to stay away from people and make assumptions of what humanity is based on book-learning and people watching. Surely, we can’t gain perspective on people if we’re constantly surrounded by them. On the other hand, sometimes all it takes to really put you in a fuck-the-world state of mind is talking to someone that is a stupid jackass.

I’ve spent many years avoiding people because I’ve encountered enough idiots and assholes. I’ve watched enough tv. I’ve fucked enough pussy. If I had to choose between a life of solitude or gregariousness, I’d choose the former. I find no efficacy for other people. The things I want out of life are things that no one seems to be able to give me. I don’t need love. I don’t need attention. People tend to think humans need these things but they’re speaking out of complete ignorance. They say we’d keel over and die or go crazy if we had no one in our lives but that’s hogwash.

I’m quite sure that a decent percentage of people would agree that sometimes it’s hard to be one of the family. Carrying on the family name is tedious. We are all individuals. That individualism may come second to family for some, but that’s an opinion. Sure, maybe some folk consider it selfish to be more individual, but I’m sure that’s baseless thinking. It sounds like a very Republican thing to do…putting everyone else first. I can hear every Republican father pontificating: “You always put family first. If you think you are that important, then you are wrong. Respect your elders!” Bah.

I think people like that live in fear of what is below the surface of solitude. I mean: I don’t want to find out what it’s like to live in the shittiest part of Detroit. Yes, I fear that. I consider it a rational fear. It’s not a fear I want to face…and in this life, there is always going to be fears you have that you’ll never get to face. I fear falling off an ancient rope bridge in the jungle. Tho, I’m never going to willingly go to the jungle, so it’s not a fear that is even realistic to me. Years ago, I was given no choice but to consider life from a very solitudinal standpoint. I was living alone. I had friends, but they were busy. I had some friends that weren’t busy but they were idiots that I was growing away from. I was left to trust in myself. I had family but there are things that a grown up doesn’t talk about with its family. I remember losing my job and having months basically to myself. That was when I first started to realize just how much life can fall apart. That was when I found out just what “self” means. My habits changed. I no longer like to eat with other people. I’d rather eat alone, standing up. The whole idea of dinner being a time for family to spend together…that’s fucking baseless retardation, in my opinion. Yeah, I’ve grown into an adult that knows how to respect other people’s beliefs. If I’m hanging out with you and you want me to have dinner with you and your family, I’ll do just that. I haven’t lost my ability for social dining. I just fucking hate it. I hate slobs. I hate people that smoke in their home. I developed all these quirks. Some people think I’m weird.

Such a nasty word: Weird. It's one of those words than can be an epithet or an acceptance of benevolent strangeness. Ultimately, it's not good. When you get called weird, that's someone else saying that you aren't normal and you should be. Fucked up part is that most people have this great sense of ego. They can't wrap their heads around the fact that they are weird, too. There are very few things that make us average or normal or usual. We all eat, breathe, sleep, and have skin. That's about it. People say I'm weird because of the way I act...but it's like: Should I fucking be stoic? Should I be flamboyant in a standard way?? Should I not talk like I know things??? If so, what is the appropriate level of knowing for all given situations????

Am I weird because I can’t make myself into the perfect human chameleon? I know how to act in public situations but it’s not like the rules are that rigorous. Be nice, speak clearly, keep clothes on. Hmph. I imagine the Republicans freaking out…pissy cuz I don’t stand a certain way or I get excited over things that don’t fit into 1900s gender roles. Hmph, again. I wonder if life was easier for my grandparent’s generation. Their parents would have grown up in the early 1900s. By the time they had kids, it was just a bit further into the 1900s. Those kids grow up and have kids and it’s still the 1900s. They have kids and it’s still the 1900s. It seems like morality and the status quo were easily definable back then. Yeah, society is always progressing, but I feel like I’m a different species than my parents. I graduated high school in 2000. All the medical advancements…all the technological advancements…

I remember studying Anthropology in college. If I remember correctly, one of the things that differed from one homo to the next was life expectancy. My generation and newer generations are expected to live much longer than my grandparents’ generation. That’s a different view on efficacy. I mean: I grew up being told that I should have a career by the time I am done with school or college. Most people were dying out by 70. If you start a career at age 20…work 30 years and retire…that gives you like 20 years or less to enjoy retirement. If you wait til you’re 34, you may never retire. Now, people live to be 80 or 90. Who knows how long the average Class of 2000 graduate will live til when all is said and done? 100? More??

I watch these aged politicians on tv and it’s like: Republican or Democrat, they just don’t seem anywhere as intellectually evolved as younger generations. They just can’t fucking comprehend how simple it is to think and learn. The president is in his 70s and he just seems daft. I’m not trying to tear into him…everyone from his generation seems daft. They care about things that don’t matter. They want to preserve a simple life…but is a complex life all that hard? I don’t think so. It’s like they look at you and tacitly explain: “Well, if we accept that Black people are equal, then we have to accept that Mexicans and Asians are equal. We’ll have to accept Middle Eastern Muslims and people that practice Witchcraft. Voodoo. We’ll have to accept gays of all sorts. We’ll have to be okay with body mods. You see how this is going…it’s all just heading to Hell!” But, younger generations are like: “Yup. Accept everyone. Not hard. Hell doesn’t exist.” Then the old people are like: “But you can’t explain to a black person that they can be racist.” And the youth simply replies: “Have you ever tried to explain to an actual Black person that they can be racist?”

There’s all this controversy in the public-sphere because we have these quasi-anonymous arguments with people online…most of which become fruitless battles of patience. There is no humanity to these interactions. You can be an asshole all you want and the only response you can receive is in words. Those regions of your brain that pick up on social cues and mood/demeanor changes in your co-conversationalist…those regions stay dormant. We aren’t interacting with humans as people…we are interacting with humans as word processors. These “experts” complain that online debating is making humanity worse, but it’s not. It proves nothing. We’ve all learned how to deal with it. Even if someone pisses you off, you just stay pissed for a short while and then you’re over it. You block them and you’re done.

The professionals no longer care about “haters”. We’ve all become experts in being pissy critics and most of us aren’t getting paid to do so, so fuck it. Anymore, I just like to point out ridiculous shit. Instead of tearing into someone, I just point out: “Hey. What your doing is inefficient.” Everyone likes efficiency. We’ve all sat there online and tried to reach famous people…and by famous people I mean anyone that is famous. I’m personally sick of some famous people acting like they aren’t famous just cuz they aren’t part of the super-famous echelon. Such a foolish thing: Fame. Imagine explaining fame to a baby or an alien. Gah.

But, we’ve all tried to reach these people and we’ve all spent too much time and effort to try to reach them…even if it’s adoration. Like: I finished a book recently and wanted to email the author with words of praise. He doesn’t accept fan mail. He has zero social media presence. His social media is maintained by his manager. It’s just business stuff…you know, letting fans know when he’ll be doing book signings and when the next book is coming out. Shit like that. Sure, there are ultra-famous people with personality profiles on whatever sites but mostly what you’re getting is a glimpse into their unfairly awesome life. You have a shit day at work, lose 20 bucks, and get dumped…go home, go online only to find out that Famous Person A had a great day eating gluten-free something with their friend, Famous Person B. She’s posted a pic and they’re both decked out in new clothes. Smiles from ear to ear cuz they aren’t fucking poor and unknown. And this is what they post every time they decide to post. Happy stuff, sure…but it’s happy shit they rub your fucking nose in…as if you should want to be a fucking yuppie actor that portrays someone of a certain likeability but is an avoidant cunt online in real life.

The glass ceiling isn’t there to crush your dreams or keep you out…it’s there to protect the famous. If we were all famous, no one would be famous. If they weren’t special for what they do, we wouldn’t have a reason to feel like insignificant crap as we lay on the couch stuffing our faces while we watch their movies/shows…the whole time wishing that we weren’t so pathetic so we could have nutritionists and a reason to live. Ha.

And, we’re supposed to go comport with people so we have a reasonable understanding of humans but most people are just not fucking smart enough to realize that no one is special and that it’s easy not to be a fat, stupid fuck that acts like television is the great parent of families. We’re supposed to interact with ignorant people because it makes us wiser? I don’t get it. Why even care about simples and rudimentals? I’d bitch about the complexos, but. (Yeah, you don’t get that sentence, do ya?)

It gives me a migraine…trying to justify living around other people. It’s as pointless as suicide. Sure, it’s a fucked consideration, but like: Suicide is pointless because you can’t be sure what’s gonna happen. Social interaction is pointless cuz you can’t be sure what’s gonna happen. Yeah, if you muster up enough hope, you can find out if one or the other actually pan out. Suicide just looks ugly. I’ve seen a corpse or two…they don’t look peaceful, they look vacated. Kill myself? Ha…I want peace and happiness…not to feel vacated. Social interaction? No thank you. The vast majority of people weren’t even remotely tolerable. The ones I did tolerate weren’t worth tolerating. I’m totally fine just liking myself as I am. I’ve spent too long trying to impress people…trying to reach people…trying to fuck women…trying to explain myself…and trying to find the right words.

Chapter 36

“Is that it? He’s just going to insult everyone and end on the pointlessness of humanity?”

Seems that way.

“Let me tell you what I think of Zachariah Bennet Douglas…”

The End

Perseveration, Discursion, and Middle Ground

This is in the typical 99% non-fiction style that ZBD is known for. This book is a philosophical look on 2017 America. It starts with looking into the idea and classification of genius. It then meanders off into different ideas on life, politics, autism....it ends with the narrator tearing into politics. This book is connected to my last book Why Don't I Care? Where WDIC? dealt with life in late 2016, this is a look at 2017...post-election and post-truth. I spent a lot of time greatly concerned with the state of the world...and I poured much of it into this book. I found a bit of clarity by the end of this book. I don't know how much of that clarity translates into type, but I hope that it does. There is an absurdity to life and I embrace it...I laugh at it. Tho, I can't help but get caught up, pissed off, and concerned.

  • Author: Zachariah Bennet Douglas
  • Published: 2017-03-10 19:20:14
  • Words: 38004
Perseveration, Discursion, and Middle Ground Perseveration, Discursion, and Middle Ground