Nima the Enigma by Alex R. Encomienda
The beginning of fall landed on a Sunday, our wedding day. Sati was dressed in the beautiful colors of blue and green with her dark hair in cotton flowering and the waistline dragged an eloquent wave I loved. She remembered the poem I wrote to her the night before and after the ceremony, she recited it to me. I looked at her and I felt weak, but I felt withheld and steady as can be. Nobody has that effect on me. Nobody but her…
The life I’ve chosen and the life I hold is a selfish one indeed, but a life worth living. The only thing I live for is the faith I have in Sati. She doesn’t know it, no she has no idea how much she is to me and how much I will suffer for her. She carries so much of my power and energy and she is the center for all of my actions and thoughts but she doesn’t know it.
It started in a lucid dream one night in her arms, the power. I was in a deep garden that sunk at the edges into rivers that surrounded me. I heard a scream that sounded like Sati’s voice so I ran as fast as I can, and when I saw her, she was all soaked and drenched in water and she was speaking to a man in a burgundy overcoat who, still to this day, is a mystery to me.
Before I was able to speak to her, something odd happened- I went into this state of being where I was able to see my mother and father and even my old friends from high school and grad school. It was almost like I was an entity or spirit of some sort and was able to see in lines and patterns through forces and spirals. I was in some form of travel I’ve never heard of and never knew in my lifetime that I would experience it, but it was real and I was in control.
Love that was loosening, tightening, gripping from every relationship I’ve had in the past to the times I sat in my room and over thought simple things, this form I hold unto dearly showed me the truths. What then, if all I have is the power I claim over others? People who have no idea, people like Sati, would they betray me as a man of evil? I wonder so; would they throw me into the chamber like a criminal? Maybe so and maybe I will be justified in a different way because after all, I live in a different way. Why then, would I have to die the same as others?
Now my wife lives in Missouri with her brother and his son. She talks to me but not too often, because she would rather forget her life with me and focus on things to come. It was her way of letting go of the past and living for the future. I never knew how to let go of something so dear, or someone so dear. Look at me, a passive man depending on my entity life as if it was some form of reliance like a hole in the sky that I can escape to whenever I’m in doubt or insecure. Maybe she wanted me to talk her out of it when she was packing up, but I was never any good at negotiating.
She does live in a good environment though, so at least she tells me. She described her neighborhood a very tranquil atmosphere with good trails for walking and jogging. Funny to me though, because as long as I’ve known her she never liked jogging. She liked sitting on the couch with me and watching TV. But as long as she’s happy I am too, and if I’m not, I just gotta think of her and learn to be happy by myself. It makes a world a difference when I’m alone. It makes a wondrous difference like day and night when I have to sleep alone.
One memory I keep thinking about is when Sati came to me because she was afraid of something, and I have yet to know what it was she feared. But I did give her what she wanted, which was assurance. Now I’m a man of honesty, but in her case, in that moment, I told her what she wanted to hear instead of what she needed to hear. Now that I think of it, I may have been mistaken because she’ll eventually seek help again and discover the truth from someone else and not me.
My breath was short and my stomach was hurting.
Sati came walking up to me with deep eyes burning with angst and I asked her what the problem was.
“It’s my father; he’s been in a car crash. I just came from the hospital and he is in ICU. I told them I have to leave but my mom will stay there with him… I’ll have to come by later tonight.” She cried. I looked at her with the same confusion she was annoyed by, but then I hugged her and rubbed her shoulders.
“Your father’s a strong man, Babe. He’ll pull through. Before you know it, he’ll be back to his old self and bossin’ everyone around as usual.” I told her.
“Do you want me to come too?” I asked. She shook her head and exhaled into my shirt. “No, I better go alone.”
“Why don’t you care much for him?” she asked me, “Is he that much of a problem to you?”
I let go of her and backed away a few inches, “What gives you that idea? I care about your father, Sati. How dare you…” I scolded.
She sobbed again, but she sat down on the couch and I sat down with her.
“I’m afraid, Nima… I can’t hide it any longer. I’ve been afraid for a long time and nothing seems to help.” She admitted. I held her hand, full of perspiration and cold sweat. I gave her a tissue and brought her head close to me.
“Why are you scared, honey? Is it us?
She continued to sob while she shook her head again, “No, it’s not us. I love you, Nima. I want to be here with you but there’s this feeling I get that stops me from being happy. It’s like this negativity that makes me think horribly just when I’m becoming happy. I just feel like something bad is always going to happen. Now my father is in the hospital… this fear is becoming a living nightmare.” She said.
“Stop fearing, Sati. The more you worry yourself, the more you’ll eventually give into your fear. Think like this: everything is meant to be. Where you are now, where your father is… its all destiny. There’s a beautiful plan for us both, I’m sure of it. And nothing is going to happen unless there is a purpose for it happening. Understand, love?”
“If that’s the case, why do children die? Why do the poor stay poor?” she asked.
“It is their destiny…” I replied. She squinted her eyes out of disbelief, “Fuck destiny.”
I had nothing else to say that would make her last few thoughts merrier, but I sighed and also replied, “You’re right. Fuck destiny.” We both felt the same misery after that.
I held a picture of Sati with my fingertips and I imagined her being here right now in bed with me.
Somewhere in Missouri, somewhere down there in a home built from working hands, she’s there. I know she is. David, you take care of her and kiss her good night for me.
What is it like to experience my entity life? Well in true words, it is no different than being hit full force by a truck going at break neck speeds, really. There is a wave of rationality- you feel everything from head to toe but your eyes are covered in colors from red, green, yellow and purple to black and white, usually followed by otherworldly sounds and I can only compare it to the imagination of galaxies forming directly above my head. And then there is the travel itself, where I can bring up old memories and stare into the faces of everyone I’ve ever met, and some of the entities that belong to those people recognize me. Maybe not by my image alone, but by my presence. The very same presence I felt when I awoke from the sleep that triggered my power. Whatever happened to me, whatever state of mind, whatever thought process, whatever single entity approached me that night made me the one to be here right now, staring through bright yellow beams in a procession similar to what I feel when I am alone. Bright, illuminating lights above me, bright halls with no exact texture and a bright light at the end where destiny waits, I assume. Below me, trap doors and fresh white paint, but all a blur since one cannot bring texture into the state.
Sati is a dreamer. She is content with anything she finds meaning in, and if that means her life being a dead end, so be it- with meaning, she told me many times before, there must be a higher power much like an entity, who observes and ascends those who are not great beings and creates processions for them so they can once and for all find meaning to their individual lives.
Sati Sati Sati Sati… I can say her name every second and it brings me to so many thoughts. I can never get sick of saying her name. I’ve thought for several years that she was the one who could not survive without me and yet I sit and think to myself, what am I to do with all these thoughts tonight?
[_ It is Sunday morning and my father’s funeral had gone and ruined everyone’s appetites today. Not a peep from my mother, not a word from Sati and I… we’ve pulled through without a breakdown but last night, I cried like a baby. I did, and nobody knows. Some may wonder where we go after death, but I believe now, we go where we want to go- and my father will be in an orange grove with his own house and his own garden and all the flies and mosquitoes have nectar and sugar. Cradles for his grandchildren and my brother’s wide smile making him laugh. _]
I’ll see him there, and I haven’t thought too hard about where I’d like to be. I suppose wherever Sati will be, as she and I are one being living here on earth. I hope God has no problem with me sharing my eternity with my soul mate.
Once again, before we left to the funeral, my mother clutched me tight and told me to stay in town for a while because she too is afraid. I hugged her and gave her a kiss, telling her I will stay as long as she wants me to. Sati was also crying and I hugged them both with my head to theirs and breathing into their hair, smelling their beautiful and open hearted scents.
I told them both how much I loved them and let them hear my sermons, and then I told them where my father will be, the great and strong Milo. They found comfort in it and they too decided not to grieve too much for him because it’ll only weaken his spirit.
I walked into my room and closed the door. Loosened my tie and took a moment to believe in today. Paused to remember if I smiled at all, but couldn’t be sure if I did or not. I stretched my legs across the mattress and turned to my side to shed a tear, maybe a few more than expected.
Sati came in and sat on the bedside with her deep eyes again, so deep and so beautiful. She petted my side and I didn’t respond as if I hadn’t felt it.
“Come here, give me a hug. You need a big hug right now.” She said. I did so, and a few more tears came down. “I know how you feel, honey. I’ve been crying all day. Just remember what you said today. He’s so happy right now. He’s looking at us right now. We just gotta be strong together, babe.” She exclaimed as she leaned her head on the same pillow I lay on.
I sighed and turned around to hug her. “We’ll be alright.” I said. She looked weary eyed and asked, “Where do you want to be when you pass on, honey?” I cleared my throat, “I’m not sure. I’ll let you decide and you’ll see me there.” I said. She nodded slowly, “That’s not true.” She said.
“You have your own paradise to see, babe. Why would you want to waste it with me? Eternity is a very long time…” she said.
“Because I love you… and I will not leave you. You’ll have to leave me in order to get away.” I smiled. “And guess what… if you ever do leave me, I’ll come looking for you. Wherever you go, babe.” I chuckled into the softness of her shirt as I hugged her close.
Clocks bring me to my own bed again and tomorrow I have to do some investigating because Sati hasn’t called me, but tonight I may be the one who is weary eyed and wide mouthed because I haven’t been sleeping well. With too many thoughts come too many worries and I’ve done enough worrying for the two of us.
Missouri is a long way for one being to travel to, but there is a place inside that I find every motive for every action worth doing, and every time I think of her, those motives strengthen me. I’ll see her soon and she’ll be ever so beautiful.
She will be dressed in the beautiful colors of blue and green with her dark hair in cotton flowering and her waistline will drag an eloquent wave I love. She will be the stars at night, the galaxies above me turning in circles from the enigmatic world of my entity to the holy heavens my father’s spirit rests in and she will be light for my darkness inside these walls.
Hallelujah, it is time we find our way back to each other again.
“[_ Brother, Anthony- mom wanted me to come see you. She was worried about you.” I said to my brother, who resents our mother for our father’s death. “She wanted me to come see how you’re doing, man.” _]
He sat in his childhood bedroom with his old football in his hands and played with its form while he let his head hang low.
“I’m fine, Nima.” He exclaimed. I walked over to him and I didn’t know what to say next. I never had a meaningful conversation with him because our father was the one who took that part. Now I know Anthony needed someone to be our dad, even if was just for a few seconds. He’d appreciate at least that.
“I’m your big brother, man. I know when something’s up.” I said. He sniffled once and wiped his eyes. “Come on, you don’t always gotta be the tough guy,” I added, “Everybody needs to cry once in a while, man.”
He shook his head and continued to sob. “I wish I could tell mom how I really feel. I wish I could say I’m sorry but it’s too late. I caused too much grief, man. I have no business still being here under her roof.” He said.
“What do you mean? Of course you can tell her. It’s never too late, man. Don’t give me that… she knows you love her but you’re hard headed, man. She cries because she loves you too. If you didn’t mean anything to her she’ll get over it… I suggest you go speak to her before you leave town.” I stated.
“I’m not leaving town… college is a joke, man. I failed most of my classes and I’m nowhere near completing it. I’m just going to drop out.” He said. I sat down beside him, “You sure you wanna do that?” I asked.
“I wanted to go to a university to be worthy. Everybody I know graduated from a university, and I couldn’t do it. I knew I couldn’t to begin with, but I just wanted to try, maybe I might have been wrong but no, I was right.” He sighed, “You don’t know how much I wanted to say I have a bachelor’s degree in English or a master’s degree in psychology. Now I’m just another guy with no education. Nothing worthy about me.” He said.
“What makes you say that? You’re worthy to me, man. You’re my brother. I’ll die for you, man. You think everybody else who didn’t graduate from college is not worthy of their lives? I hope not. We’re all people who love and live and we all have our feelings hurt and we all suffered some way or another. If you think it’s better to leave college and do something else, that’s fine. Be your own man. Live how you want to live, man. Nobody has the right to judge you… dad only wanted you to go to college so you wouldn’t have to live like him.” I said.
Anthony cried and nodded now, “I know.”
I put my hand on his shoulder and looked at him, “I believe in you, little brother. You have a big heart and a smart mind. You can do whatever you want. Now if you still want to leave town, hell, I’ll go with you. We can check out the rent, get you in a good job. Does that sound good, man?”
“Thank you man, but this is something I think I better do myself.” He said. I nodded, “That’s cool, man. Give me a hug, brother.” I reached over to give Anthony a warm and hefty hug like my father would do and I came to realize that he was just lost and needed someone to follow.
“Thank you, man.” He said. He began to walk out but I stopped him, “There’s one more person you must speak to before you leave.”
Ever wonder what eternity feels like? It’s nothing sustainable because it is an entity, much like myself. Nothing in the world can save you from what is coming, which is death. You become a part of something much larger than anything you envision in the upmost thought provoking parts of your life.
Eternity as a spirit will drive me weary eyed and I hope that I can be given an eternal spirit other than the one I carry now. Every person is supposed to live once and die once. Nobody is ever meant to carry two lives and two bodies. What would my brother think? Nobody believes a thing I say, ever, and if I ever reveal my entity life I know they’ll call bluff. Am I so certain? No, I’m not a psychic but a traveler at best.
So I’m left with these questions I ask myself every day… and I’m left wondering if I’ll ever be given the answers. Will I?
“ Hello… is- is Sati available?”
“Who is this?”
“This is her ex husband, Nima. Who is this? David?”
“No, I’m his friend. Do you know what happened?”
“No, what happened?” where is Sati?”
“Where is she!?”
I continued to look for my wife’s entity and I cannot find her. Wherever she is, I hope she is alright. I lay with my body vacant as if I am dead for hours at a time searching for my Sati to no avail. I travel fast as a spirit can fly and I go through processions looking for her and she is nowhere.
At one point, I came upon another entity who thought he knew me. He whispered my name and called me an old friend. I’m sure his face looked awfully familiar and I’m sure I’ve seen him before. I just can’t remember when it was. He spoke to me about his family life and maybe he thought it might ring a bell, and then he mentioned that he had a daughter that was in a rehabilitation center and he was also looking for her entity but couldn’t find her. He finally told me he gave up and believed that she was dead. I didn’t want to talk to him anymore after that.
I climbed through the roughest peaks of old friends I banished on bad notes and I was hesitant to stop for a brief talk as one of them may become violent and I have no idea what that does to my spirit. An old friend named Mark ran up from behind me and I turned around to catch him half smiling and was informed that he was jealous of me when we were in prep school. I was always with Sati and he was with the other guys playing foosball with the girls next door. I told him so long and he said good luck on finding Sati, and then he gave me the bird and told me to shove it.
What am I to do with all this reconciliation? I may not be the man, but if I am the man to be, I’ll be the best I can if it gets me closer to Sati. Even if that means sucking up to all these ghouls here in the world nobody sees but me, and in the narrow halls of the procession with black feet hurt and broken, dripping blood.
Rain come down, please. Wash away the baggage that hangs beyond my draped garments and flood these hypocrites that want what I hold dear. Destiny, I still believe.
As I walked through the alley with hollow legs giving away and a face like a wizard, I saw someone who looked like my father, so I hurried to catch up and hoped I wasn’t too late. There was so much I needed to talk about and so much that was fading away, I just can’t remember it all. He began up some stairs that stretched narrow and steep towards the corner of the alley and I assumed it lead up to the third floor of what looked like an old apartment complex. Much like a place I’ve seen before I’m sure.
He headed down the hallway as I stood on the fire escape stairs and opened a window to let a familiar aroma fill my lungs from into my nostrils. Something like a soiled farm smell. Similar to the grass in my backyard when I turn the sprinklers on. I followed the man down the hall when he stopped and turned to a closed door. He went inside and I slowly approached. Room number 1083. I was about to knock when I noticed that the door was still open, so I pushed my way inside to see a man with broad shoulders looking out a large window to a city of lights and luxury.
“Who are you?” I asked. I began to get scared so I slowly walked towards him as I grabbed a small lamp that was sitting on the table. I raised it above my head and waited for the moment…
“I’m just an insurance salesman.” The man replied.
I was staring at him like a boy in love with his crush.
“Why are you wearing my dad’s clothes?” I asked.
“Are you sure? I must have a very common style then, boy.”
I became suspicious of him, “What is your name and why are you here?”
He just took out a cigarette and started smoking, ignoring my hysteria.
“Remember that time at Manhattan beach? We had a lot of fun there… when you told me you loved me and caressed my face… why can’t we be like that again? Happy, peaceful and understanding… is it so bad to be in love?”
I began to panic, “What? Tell me where my father is, you bastard!”
He turned around to reveal his identity, a man with a thick black mustache and green eyes, nothing like my father. He had a very petite woman in front of him, who he was caressing in his arms.
“Look kid, I haven’t seen your father. Now beat it before I get angry!”
I backed away slowly, “Sorry…”
Bright lights blinded me, temporarily disabling my ability to travel at quick speeds. I fully remember how my wife looked last time I saw her. A Beautiful flowered blouse resting on her body with a green cotton hat that fit her personality better than anything else. It just screamed “Sati, the traveler.”
So I came across patients who needed curing, and the cure may be just their own deaths. I became blocked inside the walls of a hospital, entrapped by barricading doors and large patients on wheelchairs while other patients sit and stare into the TV. I just wanted to get away from all of this. I wanted out.
The search continued very slowly as I was barely able to avoid the doctors and their medicine hours. I stomped on the stairs of warehouses to get attention and I found a rather tall and unusually large performing stage so I decided to get atop and say a word.
“Excuse me! Everybody, listen!” people from the bottom gave me blank stares one by one.
“I’m looking for my wife! Her name is Sati and she has dark hair, dark eyes and fair skin! She is wearing a flower blouse and brown boots! If anyone sees her, please tell her that Nima is looking for her!”
“What the hell are you doing on that stage, boy. Get off before you fall down on ya one face!” shouted a man with a British accent. Everybody started chuckling.
“Hey kid, I think I’ve seen your wife.” Said a man from beside me. I hurried down to hear him better.
“[_ You mean you- you seen my wife? Where at?” I desperately asked. He had a nonstop grimace on his face; he didn’t look like the funny type. “Come follow me.” He said. _]
I followed the man and he lead me to another procession, a long and narrow blast of negative ions giving off positive vibes of light and power and I recall feeling a little stronger as I began through the everlasting traveling state, almost becoming totally conscious as ever, though as the obvious, I couldn’t possibly do so, as my physical body is dead for the moments of astro traveling.
I became aware of my surroundings again. Broken and uncharted rabid sectors made me almost lose my balance so I tumbled.
“Hey, watch yourself, man. This is a dangerous place.” Said the man as he caught me.
“Thanks.” I stammered.
“So, what’s your name, anyways?” I asked. “They call me wild eyed John.” He said.
“Why do they call you that?” I asked. He looked at me, “Because I could do this…” he said as he began an unusual pattern of bizarre eyeball movements.
“That… okay, that was kind of weird.” I said. He continued to guide me along the river that looked green and poisonous with creatures from hell. “You asked.” He replied. “You don’t happen to have another coat you can lend me, do you?” I asked, “Mine is full of mud and dirt.”
He took off his burgundy overcoat and handed it to me. “Have this one.” He exclaimed.
“You wear two coats?” I asked. “It gets wickedly cold at night.” He replied.
We walked along the riverside until we approached an enormous and ragged ship. The depth was unbelievable and it was terrifying to look at and just as a gigantic tide erupted from behind the ship, we were told we needed to come aboard or flee.
I was not about to give up the search for my wife so I was forced aboard. The steel bars on the edges were old and covered with fish guts and bird droppings. It was far from a pleasant ride, and we had yet to be anywhere near our destination, so says “Wild eyed” John. He mentioned that we were heading to a place, and in my case, a realm called the wastelands of Riptide Sea. I had no idea such place existed, and I still don’t believe it does.
“Ahoy!” called a man from further into the ship. I looked around like a deer in headlights and I felt completely out of place.
“Ahoy.” I said, looking into his ugly bearded face. He looked at me from head to toe, judging my appearance.
“You’re not from here…” he said to me.
“I’m Nima. And no, I’m not from here.” I said.
He continued to stare me down and hesitantly walked back into his shithole where he belonged. “Who the hell is that, man?” I asked John. He told me to hush it because the man standing before me was very cynical. John went on to say that he butchered many people in the ship’s core who tried to overcome his omnipotence. He is the great Manol, he told me. Born and raised at the quick seas on his father’s ship, he was working to become the ship’s captain.
Before dawn, he promised, we will find my wife. I began to think about her deep eyes looking at me through the tide with her voice, her precious voice calling my name. That was what I needed. To hear her voice and know that she is alright and safe.
Waters roared from aside the ship and we went bobbling from side to side as the tide continued to throttle our shaken selves. Men on each side of me sung and drank and cheered the ship’s voyage through the green sea.
I looked at John and saw that he was keeping to himself as I was too. I walked over to him on the wooden floorboards that creaked deathly.
“So how’d you end up in a place like this?” I asked.
“I had no other choice. My brother and I fled from Missouri to live on our own but he was captured by the patrolmen,” he continued, “So I lost my way and ended up here.”
“[_ Missouri- that’s where my wife lives.” I said. “Do you know my wife?” _]
“I don’t think so. Wait, I thought you couldn’t find your wife.” He replied.
I sighed, “Can I trust you?”
He looked confused but nodded his head, “Yes.”
“[_ I am a spirit- an entity. I don’t live here and I don’t even come from this realm. I was- I was given this power to travel without my body at extreme speeds through different realms. I would always do this to see other places and other people and I would always see my wife’s entity going about… and now, I can’t find her entity.” I admitted, “See, me and my wife are divorced. She moved on to live in Missouri… I just have this feeling that something horrible happened to her.” _]
[_ John grimaced the whole time and after I spoke, he coughed and said, “Is- are you telling the truth?” I nodded, “It’s all true, John.” _]
“How is that possible? Who are we then? Who am I?” he asked.
“I don’t know, man. To me, you’re another entity. Look around you, John. Do you see this? It’s all an entity realm.”
He stood up, “This can’t be. Who are you?” he asked, “Why did you tell me this?”
[_ I attempted to calm his shaken state, “Relax, John. I- I can show you…” I said. _]
“Why are we here then, on this ship?” he asked. I began to gulp, helping myself to speak.
“It’s destiny.” Called a husky voice from behind me just as I was going to say the very same words in the very same tone.
The great Manol came marching back to me, “Where did you hear those words?” I asked.
“Destiny…” he whispered again, “Come with me. I’ll show you the way.”
So I followed the mysterious Manol down the ship’s wobbling halls and he lead me to the front of the ship where more unappealing men with missing teeth lingered. He handed me a scope and pointed straight ahead. “Look afar, boy.” He grunted.
I used the scope to see a large island from a good distance away. It was foggy, soiled and ancient looking with mountains and giant rocks that resembled cornerstones and arrowheads.
“Is that where we’re going?” I asked. He gave a sly snarl and circled to my right, “You oughtta be a flipperhead to go into a place like that, boy.”
“I’ll do anything to see my wife again.” I replied, looking at the details of his horrid face.
“Will ya…” he snarled once more.
He became inches away from me until he suddenly walked back into the pits.
The sea grew thunderous and gigantic as we approached the wastelands, knocking us off our feet and into each other like bowling pins.
“Ahoy! Hold on to ya pants!” shouted a man from atop. We went blunt force trauma against a raging riptide that was surely the strongest and most dangerous wave I’ve experienced. The ship was soaked and covered in seaweeds while sprinkles came down like rain, much to our frightful faces in awe.
“Hey Nima, I found your wife! I know where she is!” shouted John as he hurried to bring me to the ship’s innards.
“What!? Where is she?” I asked aloud. “Follow me!” he called.
I hurried after him like a bat out of hell. He brought me down below chains and small chambers filled with boxes and stacks of beer and fish. I kept the same bug eyed look the whole time.
Finally we reached the room where he said she was, and I barged into the room where a black chair sat emancipated and alone. It was facing the wall, and I could have sworn I saw Sati’s legs reaching to the floor.
“Sati, baby…” I began.
I slowly pulled the chair to face me when I saw what it was. A female blow up doll with red lipstick smeared on its face and a black wig hanging like a mop from its head. I was played as a fool, naïve and ignorant.
Just then, wild eyed John stretched a rope across my neck, choking and suffocating me almost unconscious but I stomped on the nearby wall to dive into his chest, making him lose his balance. I then looked at him and he appeared merciless and angry.
“Why are you doing this, John!?” I asked. He snarled, “You don’t deserve the power you claim to be given, boy!”
“No, I was lying! It was a lie, I don’t have any power!” I bluffed.
He came sprinting towards me with a spear and I dodged him and grabbed him by the collar of his coat to fling him against the window. His body smashed through as he held on for dear life against the shipside. His hands, bloody and sliced up by the glass.
“Help me, boy! Have mercy!” he cried through the roaring winds and thunderous waves.
“Where is my wife!?” I shouted. He continued to scream for help, “Give me your hand, please! What do you want; I’ll give it to you!”
“I want my wife!” I screamed. He then lost his grip and fell into the gigantic sea with a long wail.
As soon as I turned around to hurry back to the surface of the ship, I was met by ten large men and an angry Manol staring me right in the eyes.
“An entity, hmm…” he grunted softly but roughly. “Tie him up!” he shouted. The men came before me and began to restrain me as I struggled with them, kicking and screaming for my own freedom. One of the men pulled out a wooden rod and banged it hard against my temple, knocking me off my feet and all I could think about was Sati and how I’ll ever see her again.
“We’ll see ya when you wake up, lad…” Manol whispered as I lost consciousness.
When I woke up, I clearly recall seeing flashes of bright lights and waves of patterns and I hoped more than anything that it was another procession. I looked around, hurting and head feeling heavily planted on my shoulders. Manol was there and his men were there too. I felt a cool breeze hit my face and looked around to notice we were off the ship. I must have been in the wastelands already.
“You got some gift there, boy. And you’re playin’ with the wrong fellas.” Said Manol.
“[_ I’m not playing with anyone. I- I just need to see my wife.” I stammered, soaked with my hair over my face. _]
“Well that’s too bad, lad. She ain’t gonna hear from you! You’re mine. I’m gonna take that power away from you and I’m gonna keep it for me sailing days!” he screamed.
“And when they make me captain, you’re gonna be in my deepest, darkest dungeon begging for me to destroy you…”
I turned to look at his bulging, grey eyes peering at me, making me dizzy. And down to his mouth, as he drooled through his yellow teeth with the most terrifying and maniacal smile I’ve ever seen.
I received the phone call that I had been dreading all my life, and at the same time, unknowingly preparing for all my life. The man on the telephone, who at first I thought was David; Sati’s brother was actually a friend of his. He told me that I would be devastated, and I am. He told me that I needed to be strong for not only myself, but for my brother and my mother. For my nephew and for my brother in law, and he’ll always be a part of the family. He told me that I need to fly over to Missouri because Sati committed suicide. He told me he was sorry and that I have his support, and then he said Sati loved me.
Destiny is what makes us go full circle; it is what divides us into the living and the dead. From humans and from entities. From the good and the bad, and it serves as our primary justice system, even after death.
I flew over to Missouri, greeted my nephew who grew and grew since the last time I saw him. I gave David a warm and humble embrace and I greeted a grieving woman who was Sati’s mother. We talked about our life since we last seen each other at a family gathering in my hometown, Colorado Springs, Colorado. We talked about Sati and how she used to smile a lot back then and how she was just days before it all ended.
When the time came to see her, I leaned over her body, cold and catatonic. She was perfectly dressed in blue with her hair made up just the way she would love it to be. She was there, right in front of me. She was right there in human form. In the flesh and all. I could barely walk and my hands were shaking frightfully too much, but I didn’t care at all. She was right there, my beautiful wife. She was there but at the same time, far away in another realm in another state and form.
I began to lose control of my breathing and I hurt in more ways than imaginable. My life, my purpose… what will I ever do now, as my wife lay breathless? And then I realized once more, the entity had shown me the way and I was not able save her on time. It was too late. All was lost because I was too late.
“I looked for you, Honey… I did, you know.” I whispered. She used to be in my arms, safe and against my body. Now she was cold and I was there before her with the memories of her and I.
I felt my mid section tighten up and as I cried, I exhaled, “I’m sorry.”
I came forward… whispered that I’m there… told her I loved her… and kissed her goodbye.
“Come here, Nima. We need to talk.” Sati said, resting her hand on her chest as if she didn’t want to say it. I knew what was coming and I was afraid to face it. I needed my father here to protect me from Sati’s decision. Then again, he’d only remind me that I was never a victim but a man.
Sati gave me a deep and desolate stare, trying to put together words that maybe I can help her with if she let me.
“This is difficult, Nima.” She began to cry. “What? What is so difficult?” I asked.
“Us, what we’ve become,” she continued, “I just can’t do this anymore. You’re always gone, and when you are here with me you seem lost. Things are not the way they used to be.” She exclaimed. “But we can work things out, of course we can. Now let’s just sit down. Here, come on.” I said, sitting down on the couch. She closed her eyes and shook her head, “Not this time…”
“Sati, you mean the world to me. Why would you think I don’t want you with me all the time? It’s silly!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air.
“What do you need from me, honey? Just talk to me, please.” I said softy.
“I need you to be understanding, Nima.” She replied, teary eyed and her hair hung low.
I nodded, “Alright then. I’m here for you. Talk to me.” I was just as frightened as her.
I slowly stood up and walked over to her, concerned and grimaced as ever. “Please don’t do this, honey. Don’t take away the only thing that matters to me…” I said. “What if I did?” she asked, looking elsewhere. “Then I’ll bring you to your senses, Sati. Look at me.” I said, grabbing her hand. “Look at me…” I repeated firmly.
She brought her sad eyes over to mine and continued to seem like she was being abused someway and somehow. “Remember what I told you? Things fall into place. Things get broken, people die. It’s all a part of the cycle. We are married for a reason. Don’t be foolish and throw it all away.” I said.
“Nima, stop!” she cried, “Stop doing this to me. Stop telling me what I feel and what is best for us. You know as well as I do, the only reason we are still married is because of your mother. But even she understands me when I go speak to her about you. How you just vanish for days without giving me notice, how you just… Nima, you can’t protect me. I need to find someone who will.” She said.
“Protect you from what? Your anxiety, what? How can I help you if you don’t tell me?” I asked. “You have no idea, do you? Do you know that when we go to sleep at night I get up again? Do you know why? Do you even wonder?” she asked.
I frowned with a dreadful mood now, “Tell me whatever you’re thinking, honey.” I continued to say, breathing painfully now.
“[_ I just don’t see us together in the future anymore. I thought a lot about it, but I just don’t feel the same way about you. I- I want more. I want something else.” She cried. _]
“What is it?” I asked. “I don’t know.” She uttered, “I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I don’t know what to think about us, I’m just not happy.” She explained.
“[_ But why, though?” I asked with a tremble in my voice. She choked up a sob, “Because I don’t love you, Nima. I used to- I used to be in love with you, but now all I have is fear.” She cried. _]
She had me crying with her because of the sharp ache in my chest, the tip of the sword that stuck into me, penetrated deep beyond the surface.
“Please tell me you don’t mean that, do you? Tell me you don’t mean that!” I cried.
She backed up against the wall and the cupboard, holding herself dear, “I’m sorry.” She sobbed.
“No, you don’t mean that. You’re just scared, honey. I know it! We’ll get you help. I can help you! Me and Anthony!” I cried. She shook her head furiously, “No, you can’t! I’m moving to Missouri. I’ll have the papers ready soon.” She sniffled. I grabbed her by the arm, maybe a bit too rough. A bit too shaken up. I was never any good at controlling my power.
“Please… please, Sati. I’m begging you.” I whispered roughly, “Don’t let this happen to us.”
“Let go of me, Nima!” she cried, struggling to remove herself from my arms for the first time in our lives.
“Sati, please! Tell me what you’re afraid of, baby. I’m begging you! I’m begging you!” I pleaded.
Sati turned around furiously and sudden, “I’m afraid of never finding happiness with you! That’s what I’m afraid of! I’m afraid of growing old with you and never being truly happy! We once had something beautiful, Nima, we did! But that time has come and gone! I want to be happy, and if it causes me to die someday, so be it! I’m tired of pretending everything will be alright… I want out.” She cried.
After she left and all the screaming was done, I felt weakened. The energy, the power, all gone. I hurled and choked on nothing but air and I threw myself onto the dark and dry wooden floorboards and cried for my mommy like a little child.
All that I have seen, opening my eyes to eviction from my own body. The spirits that once withered me mournful to the point that I left a lot behind, not knowing if I’ll ever see them again.
I realized that Sati was just lost. She didn’t know what she wanted in life whether it be a big house and a family of our own, which I was hoping a dreaming of all my life. Whether it be a smart and edgy career path that she had chosen. I wouldn’t know if she ever did love me in the past nor would I be able to know if she was truthful about what she feared.
I know that what I felt for her was from the pit of my heart and I would have been able to save her from whatever she feared. I would have been able to save her from whatever danger she was in, and in all realness, I could have saved her entity. The beautiful but tempted mistress that she was, Sati was following her own will. I could never resent my wife for that, but I could cry every night if it helps me forgive myself for not saving her.
And maybe it is true about what they say, love defeats all. I did my part and I loved her but she didn’t love me. She instead chose to go looking for what she really wanted.
If malcontents and the unfortunate of our world choose their way of life, not knowing where they’ll end up, then they too will choose their way of defeat and there is nothing wrong with that. Devine power is the key to unlock all kinds of endings, and Sati was nothing but a person in our mortal world who needed to find what she wanted, and if it led to her demise, which it did, then it was her destiny to live and die in the time being.
All that I have seen, traveling through processions looking for my purpose in life, looking for the answers to my questions and searching the unholy depths of the outer lands to the wondrous and otherworldly peaks of mountains built from the ground up by a higher power, more sufficient and forgiving than my own. I know that what means the world to me is nothing but the summability of another’s own universe.
Spiraling up from the processions at my feet, I be the man of wonder and incredibility. The man to know where he is going and what he is wanting. The eternal and endless processions before me are all a mystery to me, and because I do not know where I may be headed, it gives me the perfect opportunity to discover what the meaning is to my life. Will I ever find my purpose? Will I ever find the answers? I don’t know what lies ahead and I am certain I am in control, but my eyes are open and I will explore more until my journey be my death.
The fluorescent beams of light overtake me now, where am I going?
Manol knew what he was doing when he tormented me, but I knew he had something worth living for, which is why he fled when he heard the otherworldly roar of a creature only known as the behemoth of the green sea. I was too careless to flee, so I stayed and searched the caverns by myself, looking for my love.
I ran into situations that forced me to face my fears in all directions but gave me strength to move beyond my doubts to the light that feeds my desires. The heartbeat that is Sati’s gives me the power even the great Manol could not foresee.
I screamed for Sati and I called her name through the deepest caves where no man will ever even think of going, and it came to me, the flashes of bright illuminating power. The sounds and sparkles of blinding energy that consumed my entity through its course. I fly beyond the entity world through this procession, the final destination. The last realm. I’m coming, Sati.
When I regain control of my own entity power, I look around to see a huge garden with trees and branches with apples and oranges that hung down to my reach. Huge, cultivating trees wrapped around each other like hands. The grass was thick with soil that stayed drenched on my boots and legs. It was a very deep garden that someone could easily get lost inside.
I lifted myself up off the grass and ventured through the garden. If that wicked Manol caught up to me, I’d have no problem fighting him till the death. I’d kill us both before I let him take Sati’s entity.
Through the charred and burnt underbelly of the deep garden within, I see other lights from somewhere high and I look at my surroundings, deep rivers hid beneath the sunken edges of the gigantic garden and to my right, an angelic being rested by the riverside and I see her now, looking as beautiful and hypnotic as ever but drenched in water, her hair soaked and her eyes tearful as she peered at me through the parts in her hair, Sati.
“Nima?” she called to me.
“Yes, honey, I’m here. It’s me.” I said, softly and quietly.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I’m here to save you.” I said, crying but with a smile.
She pouted her head down slowly, “Nima, it’s too late. You can’t save me anymore.” She whispered.
“Why? Why can’t I save you?” I asked. She slowly approached me and I softened up like a child when she rested her hand on my face.
“You can’t save me, Nima. Nobody can… you better go before you get stuck here. Go now!” she said aloud.
I was mournful but surprised, and I began to massage her hands, “Just one thing, Sati, before I leave… I love you, sweetheart. Do you love me?” I asked softly.
She gave a blank and zombie like stare, “No.” she spoke lightly, “No, I don’t. Not anymore…”
I quietly sobbed to myself and then I leaned over to give her a kiss before I fled but she gave a loud scream and jumped back.
I walked closer to her and closer… and whispered, “I’m still here for you.”
I watched her hair drip onto the soiled grass, I watched her hands tremble in each other’s warmth and then I saw her eyes and they weren’t looking at me, but behind me, and I turned and saw a dark figure watching us from afar bearing so much significance.
Nima the Enigma is a tragic, powerful tale of love told through cultivating and haunting imaginations of a humble entity. When Nima discovers that his wife has done something terrible, he ploys to save her from her tragic fate in the form of a spirit by finding her long lost spirit so he can reconcile with her. In Alex R. Encomienda's first short story, words take a deeper approach to make you truly understand what it means to be in love. Often using themes of escapism, good and evil, heroism and eternity in his stories, Alex's words never cease to hit close to home.