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My First And Last Time



By Andre’ Mwansa

Copyright 2017 Andre’ Mwansa


This eBook is a work of fiction, any resemblance to actual people living, dead or in between is pure coincidence.


‘’Poof! And you’re gone’’


‘’We did the autopsy’’ The doctor said to the two parents.

‘’He was so healthy,’’ the mother said boohooing ‘’did you find the cause of death?’’ she asked.

‘’Said he was found naked in a hotel room?’’ the Doctor asked.

‘’Yes,’’ she started crying, her head on her husband’s chest ‘’was he killed, did he die in pain?’’

‘’Ma’am you’re not going to believe what killed this handsome young man’’

‘’What drugs? My son did no drugs’’

‘’No, an orgasm did’’

‘’An orgasm!,’’ the mother outcried ‘’couldn’t the gods find another excuse?’’

‘’At least he died a happy man’’ the father said.

‘’God, life is fragile’’


So I’m sitting on this bar chair close to the counter, next to this lady smoking a cigar, thinking about what my last night dream meant, when suddenly she pulls me out of my reverie saying: ‘’Do you think life is short?, if so, then I’m really making mine shorter smoking this cigar, but hell I’ve tried to quit alright?’’

I said nothing, just stared at her, and went back to thinking about my dream.

‘’Do you think there’s life after death out there, or is it just a sorry excuse people came up with because they couldn’t stand losing their loved ones or the thought of never have to see them again?’’

I didn’t answer again, just thought: people die as they live, and I’m going to die a virgin.

‘’Talk about fear of dying, I’ve this uncle with a passport to china, but all he does is sit home and watch air crash investigation’’ she said.

I ignored her.

She looked at me and said. ‘’Do you think I’m pretty?….. I mean, I’ve this cousin who went through this facial surgery just for her skin to look like a babies butt, but now she’s old and looks like a wrinkled scrotum, you know what I mean, like an ass with stretch marks? Why do we always forget that nothing last forever? Or how we don’t appreciate what we have till we lose it’’

So I thought: am I really going to appreciate my being a virgin if I lose it?

She exhaled the smoke through her mouth before continuing. ‘’Or how some guys go on pretending to be friends, only to end up making out’’

This time I did speak, but not out of annoyance, just interest maybe (and because she said make out). ‘’Guys?’’ I asked.

She smiled and said. ‘’A boy and a girl’’

‘’All that happened to you?’’

She dropped the cigar and stepped on it, then looked up at me smiling. ‘’It’s a good thing huh?, how I managed to get your attention, I mean you just can’t sit here pretending not to notice that you’re sitting next to a hot lady’’

I have to admit, she was really hot.

‘’You seem to be deep in thoughts, what’s wrong?’’ she asked.

‘’Just staff, uh… weird personal staff’’

As if reading my mind she said, ‘’relationship staff?’’ well she was only half right because I didn’t really have a girlfriend or a wife or a boyfriend, I was alone, lonely, a 20 year old virgin, so yeah it was a relationship staff.

‘’Gina’’ she stretched out her hand.

I shook it and said. ‘’Marcus’’

Then silent followed.

‘’Alright Mr. Not talk so much, but seem interesting, why don’t we a play a game here so that we can really know each other? Then after that, see how we can help each other. In?’’

‘’Uh….yeah, what’s the game called?’’

‘’Worst day, best day’’

‘’Worst day, best day?’’


‘’Never heard of it’’ I said.

‘’That’s because I’ve just made it up, so you first, we will start with your best day’’ she asked.

‘’Uh…well…uh..um…I guess I haven’t yet have had my best day’’

‘’Okay, so what will be your best day?’’

Hesitation. ‘’The day I lose my……well, you know’’

‘’Oh my God, you’re, you’re a…’’

I nodded.

I thought she was going to pop out laughing, but instead she called out to the bar man asking for a pen and paper. Then asked me how old I am, wrote something on the paper and passed it to me.

I smiled and said. ‘’that’s so comforting’’

She also smiled. ‘’Hugs are old fashion’’

And we both laughed.

‘’Your turn,’’ I said ‘’worst day ever’’

‘’I can never forget this one,’’ she said ‘’……it was when I was caught peeing in the sink because I couldn’t stand the lizard in the bathroom,’’ she smiled ‘’imagine me squatting there, on top of the sink, peeing’’

I did and felt like puking.

‘’Your worst day ever?’’ she asked looking at me.

‘’My dream, the one I had last night’’

‘’What was it about?’’

‘’It was a bit connected to my reality’’ I said ‘’……… that I was old and only married to my hand’’

This time she laughed, and it was cute, her laughter I mean.

‘’Your best day ever?’’ it was my turn to ask.

‘’Everyday?’’ she said, eyes fixed on me ‘’Like right now chatting with you, wondering where the night will take us?’’

I nodded admiring her positivity.

‘’Alright, let’s move on to the next game, Truth or Dare’’

‘’Played that game like in fifth grade’’ I said.

She only smiled. ‘’Truth or dare?’’ she asked.

‘’Truth’’ I said.

‘’First crush?’’ she asked.

‘’My nanny’’

‘’First kiss?’’ she went on asking.

‘’My mom’’


‘’Yeah….it’s every ones….maybe you can’t remember, but it happened back when you were very young’’ I defended myself.

She nodded. ‘’Smart’’

‘’Truth or dare?’’ I asked.

‘’Truth’’ she said.

‘’What turns you on?’’ I asked.

‘’I don’t know, porn I think’’

And we both laughed.

‘’Truth or dare?’’ she asked.


‘’Hookup with me’’

And so I did, well not immediately.

We went to a chemist, bought packets of different flavor of condoms, and she joked asking the cashier if the store had a fitment room, just in case.

Turned out she lived in a hotel room.

We walked in, she switched on the lights, and I went to the fridge to grab myself a drink, when I noticed a lot of: ‘’Eat a lot of cucumbers?’’ I asked while biting on one.

‘’You wouldn’t ask if you knew their other use’’ she said, and I had to spit.

We sat on the bed, kissing and she tested like a cigarette, then her hand trailed off to my crotch and she squeezed it. ‘’Hard huh?’’ she asked.

She undressed herself, and I couldn’t help but appreciate her perky breasts and I felt like my willie was going to break inside my trouser.

‘’Don’t look at my boobs’’ she said smiling.

Then she unzipped my trouser saying ‘’WoW’’

‘’What is it?’’ I asked.

‘’Just big, that’s all’’

‘’I can live with that’’ I said.

And before the whole thing, I said to her. ‘’Knock knock?’’

‘’Who’s there?’’ she asked.


‘’Marcus who?’’

‘’Marcus not a cucumber’’


Special thanks to me for having written this fiction (just for fun) I hope to make you laugh series (called I’m a virgin, free on Shakespir), and to you all loyal readers out there. I hope that you enjoyed and will care to leave a review.

My First And Last Time

  • ISBN: 9781370836321
  • Author: Andre' Mwansa
  • Published: 2017-07-11 21:05:08
  • Words: 1252
My First And Last Time My First And Last Time