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Memorandum Alien Sexual




Memorandum Alien Sexuality



Edward Armstrong Jwo, Director of human resources, Star Base Gateway One.



All human inhabitants and visiting humans.



Sexual protocol and etiquette with aliens.



The semiannual report on emergency room activity, a summary from all hospital wards, has come in and been fully analyzed. After a careful reading of the summary’s chapter entitled: “Reasons for Emergency Room Visit,” my staff and I have come to see the need for this memorandum, at the very least!

The following races figure in the majority of cases, taken one at a time they are:



Eaueou: Don’t even think about it! Literally! Yes they are that telepathic.


The Caa Oaa: After exhaustive interviews with my assistant director, who is a member of this race, I reached the conclusion that the race has little or no sexual taboos. However, it is well to remember their strong belief in reciprocating in all things. It would be well to start out any relationship with a strong reminder that humans DO NOT change sex every six to seven months, and that this limits your ability for totally reciprocating.

Some of my staff wondered if a friend or spouse could fill in for you in this role. I wondered too, so I asked my assistant director. His/her response was, One: burst into tears. Two: gave me a bone crushing hug, saying, “Oh you poor thing.” Three: requested transfer to another department. If anyone could tell me if this was a negative or positive response your input might prove helpful.


The Tarways: They also turn out to be amazingly open about sexual subjects. The local clan chieftain went into great detail with me, in fact, a monolog lasting over three hours. At the end he answered my only question by saying that he believes that no Tarway would be offended by human’s need for sexual safety.

I have checked with the armory and they assure me that they do have a large selection of Teflon body armor in many interesting styles and colors.


The Beaverectis: Humans have had contact with this race longer than any other, so there are a number of books already out on the subject of inter-species sex between these two races. Also, it was possible to contact a number of humans with firsthand experience. They all agreed that the most helpful book was one not written for that purpose originally. Han Van Davis’s book the Art and Joy of Underwater Sex, is currently available in most of the station’s books stores. However, you may want to hold off on purchasing the book. A conversation with the publisher revealed that the soon-to-be-released second edition will contain five chapters devoted to the Beaverectis, some of it researched right here on the station.


The (): From the oldest Human contacted space-faring race we turn to the newest. As apparent from their name in this article the ()’s language is still only partly translated. Because of the rarity of human contact they have been included more because of the interest expressed in them rather than any pressing need. Of course there may be a future need. For now, we must recommend against any attempt at involvement with ().

To date, attempts to clarify their language has resulted in the discovery that the word Tivoremat, can mean either; a sexual affair, a vendetta, or an obsession. The word for, divorce, seems to be confused with the word for, betrayal or freedom. However, the words for betrayal and freedom are confused in a lot of languages. When experts tried to get a translation for the term, casual affair, the word Mxaoo was returned. It the past, Mxaoo was thought to mean evening meal.


The Kye: Much interest has been expressed by both males and females in the Kye. As they do not maintain a resident population it was necessary to dispatch an emissary to their nearest colony. As of this date she has not filed a report, or in fact reported back at all, accept for an official request to activate all the vacation and sick-leave time she has accumulated.



The 3&MMM: In fact the 3&MMM probably should not be included in this report. However, if anyone ever finds a method that manages to overcome the problems of a methane environment, usually held around -113C we will gladly print a supplement to this memo. Several engineering publications have also expressed interest.



A great deal of interest has been expressed not only in more about each of these races, but also others not listed here.

Several members of these races have now approached me on writing a document for the other end. Suggested title “What There Is To Know About Human Sexuality.” Those wishing to contribute to this effort should write to:

Edward Armstrong Jwo, Director of human resources, Star Base Gateway One.

Note: There may develop a full time employment opportunity in regards to the above.



End of memorandum.


Memorandum Alien Sexual

This is funny I hope. It makes a point yes, but nothing we have to worry about. Yet.

  • Author: Patrick Spatz
  • Published: 2017-03-16 02:50:09
  • Words: 822
Memorandum Alien Sexual Memorandum Alien Sexual