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Love Yourself Healthy: A Holistic Guide to Peace of Mind

 

 

 

 

Love Yourself Healthy

 

A Holistic Guide to Peace of Mind

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017 by Christy Abram.

 

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below.

 

Christy L. Abram/ Girl Speak Media

Seattle, WA

www.christyabram.com

 

Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.

 

 

Love Yourself Healthy/ Christy L. Abram. -- 1st ed.

 

 

 

Contents.

 

Introduction

Reflection

Openness

Monitor your speech

Honor your God/dess

About the Author

INTRODUCTION

 

 

 

MY MOTHER HATED ME. She never said it, but her contempt for my presence was apparent. Sly glares and aggressive tones accentuated her fiery lipstick. All she saw was him―the gutless man who left her. Each story she told me about my father ended with, “He ain’t shit!” or “He was a no-good dog.” No wonder she loathed my existence―he hurt her, and I was her reminder.

As her pain festered, the beatings continued. They didn’t stop until I emancipated at 16. I thought being free of her would end my suffering, but the pain I felt metastasized into a toxic stew that eventually hijacked every single crevasse of my being.

The Christy that once dreamed of designing bespoke fabrics and traveling the world was no more. I was a shell. A hateful woman on a mission to destroy everything in my path. It took me 15 years to shed my pain. It took more time to unearth the true me. I finally set myself free when I published, [+ Little Miss Somebody+], a novel based on my childhood. It was the first time I had allowed myself to be transparent. I was afraid, but I pushed through. I knew there was someone that needed to hear my story. I hoped that my story would give them the courage to speak their truth.

Since the release of [+ Little Miss Somebody+], I’ve lost a lot of relationships. I’ve also gained some awesome ones. My family wasn’t happy that I published a book, “Telling their business”, but who cares―it’s my story to tell. Some great things have happened too. I landed a publishing deal, was featured in a newspaper and rekindled with my mother.

 

One question I am asked often is: “How did you make it through?” My answer is always the same: Acceptance. I had to learn to let go of expectations. More importantly, I had to stop living someone else’s life.

It may sound cliché, but after many years of living in sorrow, I figured out the only way I would be happy was to love me. I had to learn the only person who could define me is ME. I knew if I didn’t begin living, I would die of a heart attack, cancer or by my own hand. So, I challenged myself to make self-care my priority. It was tough, but it was the best decision I’ve EVER made. I now know I deserve to be happy, and so do you!

Let me be frank, there were moments when I struggled to find my peace―mostly because I stood in my way. I forgot to put my wellness first. I didn’t trust my intuition and allowed my inner critic to dictate my life. Other times, I self-sabotaged, because I didn’t believe I deserved to be happy.

 

I have learned healing is an ongoing process. At times, I still allow my past to open my wounds, but the difference between then and now is, I don’t allow myself to remain in a place of discomfort. It takes practice and tools to heal after years of living someone else’s misery (we’ll talk about this later). I created a system called, The Love Code to assist you through the process of loving yourself healthy. This system consists of four very simple tools:

 

 

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p<>{color:#000;}. Reflection (Mapping)

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p<>{color:#000;}. Openness

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p<>{color:#000;}. Monitor your speech

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p<>{color:#000;}. Honoring your inner God/dess

 

Throughout this eBook, I am going to teach you how to use The Love Code to eliminate stress, reconnect to your inner God/dess and create a life full of abundance, joy and harmony. I will use words like Spirit, God/dess and Universe to describe what I believe to be the creator and connector of all things. My definition is in no way meant to detour you from your faith, therefore I ask that you replace them words those that better suit your lifestyle.

As always, the time it takes to manifest your desired goals depends on you. Remember to be patient, gracious and kind to yourself as you transition towards your bliss. My hopes are you will use these tools to assist you in discovering your true potential and share them with others who may benefit.

With Love,

Christy

 

ONE

REFLECTION

People of the world don’t look at themselves, and so they blame one another. –Rumi

 

 

Our attachment to Pain is learned. Yes, you read that correctly― the pain (discomfort) you carry with you is learned. Pain is a system of learned behaviors we’ve inherited from family and those we’ve crossed paths with. These behaviors are usually cycles that have been passed down through generations. In many cases, we’ve watched our mothers, grand-mothers and others, repeat these cycles―so they must be right…. right? Most of us have gone as far as ushering our loved ones through trials, only to create similar circumstances for ourselves. We continue to mimic these behaviors out of ignorance, only taking notice when discomfort sets in urging us to shift.

Most times, the pain we feel doesn’t belong to us. What we are experiencing is the residue of learned behaviors and feelings that our parents have given to us. As feeling people, it is easy transfer our emotions to one another.

 

Have you ever heard the adage, “Hurt people, hurt people?”

 

In families where there are generations of trauma, it’s likely that multiple family members will experience abuse in some form in their life. Those who happen to escape, often do so with deep emotional wounds. These wounds either catapult them towards success or manifest into self-destructive tendencies.

More importantly, if the cycle isn’t broken, the abuse becomes embedded within us like DNA, ultimately being passed to our loved ones. The key to moving forward is to identify if the pain you are carrying belongs to you. If you determine it doesn’t, are you able to map where it came from?

 

⁕⁕⁕⁕

 

As a girl, my mother would leave me alone in an empty apartment for days at a time with no food. My young mind couldn’t comprehend why alcohol and men were more important than me, but I learned to cope. I felt a deep resentment for my mother, yet I believed the reason she would leave was because there was something wrong with me.

I lived with the shame of not being “good enough” for many years. Those feelings caused me to be much like my mother―chasing love, mostly because I hated who I saw in the mirror. It took a wakeup call to shift my life. In a moment of coherency, I saw how my addiction to pain had caused my life to spiral out of control. I was sick, miserable and broke.

I had given up on life. It was time for some soul searching. I had to dig deep and discover the true essence of who I am. Facing my fears was extremely uncomfortable, but I pushed through and challenged myself each day.

A few years later, I mustered up the courage to ask my mother about her childhood. I wanted to know why she hated me so much. She told me, she was physically, mentally and emotionally abused by her paternal grandmother and sexually abused by her uncle from her adolescent to teen years.

 

My mom went on to say,

“I had no idea how to parent you. I was so broken. I did the only thing I knew how to do—survive.”

 

With this newfound information, I could map where the cycle of abuse began in my family. I discovered the abuse started with my great, great grandmother and continued throughout my generation (and beyond). Although saddened, I felt a sense of relief. I finally had the power to the break the cycle of abuse for my children and grandchildren. For many years, I had carried the pain of my ancestors on my back. I chose to let go and begin further my healing process―I haven’t looked back.

 

When reflecting where your discomfort began, ask yourself:

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p<>{color:#000;}. What are the earliest memories of my discomfort?

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p<>{color:#000;}. How old was I?

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p<>{color:#000;}. Who was around (mother, father, siblings, others)?

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p<>{color:#000;}. Has anyone in my family experienced my situation? If so, who? How have they coped with their discomfort?

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p<>{color:#000;}. When I connect to my discomfort how do I feel (shame, guilt, angry, depressed)?

 

Once you have answered the above questions, draw a map beginning with your earliest experiences. Pay attention to the ages you or your family members were when those events occurred.

If you are female, look to the women in your family for clues. For men, look at the behaviors and cycles of the male members of your tribe. Lastly, compare the ways that you and your tribe have coped (drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.). Do you see any similarities?

If you look closely, I am confident you will see patterns in your family dynamics. Once you have completed the above exercise you will have a new perspective on your discomfort. Being able to reflect on the origin of your pain and map your discomfort empowers you to shift your life and move toward your desired goal(s).

 

SELF-LOVE TIP: LOVE NOTES

Make a habit of being kind to yourself. Write notes to yourself daily to encourage self-love. Write things like: “I love you!” Or, “You are beautiful!” Paste them on your mirror as a reminder.

AFFIRMATION: I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO

OPENNESS

If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?”-Kahlil Gibran

 

 

 

In the last section, we discussed how to discover the source of your discomfort using the mapping technique. Now that you have a better understanding of the origin of your pain, we can move on to the next step in the Love Code—openness.

 

WHAT IS OPENNESS?

Openness means to accept new opportunities, belief systems, emotions or relationships. By releasing the old story (patterns) and opening our heart and mind to new experiences, we give our mind-body-soul permission to explore and manifest our destiny. Without true openness, we are unable to access our compassion and creativity; which can create feelings of stagnation, fear, anger, and anxiety.

 

In my book [+ Chakra Wellness: 7 Ways to Renew the Total You+], I refer to the heart chakra as the emotional bridge between our physical and spiritual self. The heart center is where we store our earliest emotional experiences. When we have experienced ancestral karma (cycles), we have difficulty feeling unconditional love for ourselves or others. Holding on to disappointment, fear and hate can manifest as heart attacks, back issues (not feeling supported), trust issues and emotional discomfort.

Living in a space of openness validates you are willing to accept the gifts that the Universe (or God/dess as you know them) has waiting for you. Whether challenges or rewards, an open mind, body, and spirit is our greatest emotional accomplishment. Furthermore, lessons (good or not so good) assist us through the process of life.

 

LEARNING TO FORGIVE

Accepting and maintaining openness requires love and forgiveness. When our heart is full of grief, disappointment and anger―we are unable to accept the goodness that is in store for us. If you have experienced emotional/ mental discomfort in your life and can’t seem to move past it, ask yourself:

 

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p<>{color:#000;}. Am I holding on to the past?

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p<>{color:#000;}. Have I forgiven myself for allowing pain to control my life?

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p<>{color:#000;}. Have I forgiven those who have hurt me?

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p<>{color:#000;}. What can I do, today, to move past my pain?

Healing will not happen without releasing your attachment to the past. Allowing old hurts to leave your body gives your essence permission to move freely throughout your temple. After mapping where your pain originated, determine if the pain that lives in your being is something you can live without.

If so, empower your inner child to seek peace by letting go of the pain that’s been holding her hostage. I know it may feel scary, but the reward is well worth it. Give the discomfort you feel permission to leave your body by sending back to the one who gave it to you.

 

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A few years ago, I hosted “Penning for Peace”, an expressive writing workshop, at a local writer’s group. During the workshop, I walked the participants through several writing prompts to assist them with releasing discomfort from their body.

Throughout the workshop, the participants shared stories and experienced many emotional breakthroughs. However, I noticed I received the most emotional response during the forgiveness and releasing exercise. After, the participants reported feeling free, like a weight was lifted from their body. Others allowed themselves to cry and feel their way through their experiences. It was beautiful―I would like to offer you the same opportunity.

The below exercise was created to help you forgive and return your discomfort to where it originated. You can do this exercise as many times as needed. Take your time and breathe through it. If you need to put it down and pick it up later, honor your body. To get started:

 

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p<>{color:#000;}. Get out a piece of paper

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p<>{color:#000;}. Start by writing, “Dear _________I forgive you for…”

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p<>{color:#000;}. Write freely without pausing

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p<>{color:#000;}. Do your best to connect to your heart center and release blame

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p<>{color:#000;}. Focus on how the situation made you feel

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p<>{color:#000;}. Thank the person (s) for the lesson (Focus on how the lesson has made you better).

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p<>{color:#000;}. Finish you letter with: “I release myself from the pain you have loaned me. I now, return it to you ____________”

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p<>{color:#000;}. After, you can decide to burn it or keep it. Whatever your decision, feel good, you’ve taken a huge step towards self-love.

 

Continue your healing practice by writing yourself a letter of forgiveness. Repeat the same steps as above. Imagine yourself talking to your younger self. Nurture your inner child by focusing on words of encouragement. End your letter by reassuring your inner self that she is safe and encouraging her to live the life she’s always dreamed of.

 

SELF-LOVE TIP: STAY OPEN

Practice being open by welcoming new opportunities. If you’re invited to a gathering say, “YES!” Challenge yourself to be the person you’ve always known you can be. You never know, you may meet a great friend, or learn something new.

AFFIRMATION: As I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others.

 

 

THREE

Monitor Your Speech.

The tongue has no bones, but it is powerful enough to break a heart.”Unknown

 

 

 

Expression is the gateway between our spiritual and emotional self. There, our responsibility is to balance our ego with humility and grace, while staying true to our authentic self. Our expression is where our magic lives (for good or not so good). We can use our tongue to build someone up or to cut them to smithereens with little or no effort.

Alternatively, we can turn our wands against ourselves― resulting in self-doubt, material lack and poor self-esteem. When we use our language as a weapon, we are literally casting prayers to the Universe. Each time, our Cosmic Genie nods her head and says,

Your wish is my command.”

 

More importantly, when we hold on to emotion these messages are extremely potent. Rest assured, each time you allow a contradictory statement to leave your temple you will receive what you ask for. Here are a few examples of the words we allow to shape our reality:

 

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p<>{color:#000;}. “I can’t ___________.”

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p<>{color:#000;}. “I will never ___________.”

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p<>{color:#000;}. “Maybe, one day I will___________.”

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p<>{color:#000;}. “Life is hard.”

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p<>{color:#000;}. “No one likes or understands me.”

 

Here are a few more:

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p<>{color:#000;}. I AM depressed

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p<>{color:#000;}. I AM not good enough

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p<>{color:#000;}. I AM sick

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p<>{color:#000;}. I AM broke

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p<>{color:#000;}. I AM bad

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p<>{color:#000;}. I AM lonely

 

Throughout history, there have been many bodhisattvas (enlightened ones), who have spoken on the power of the tongue. In Joel 3:10, of the Holy Bible, God encourages the people by stating, “Let the weak say, I AM strong.” Buddha reveals the power of words by saying, “Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.” Proverbs 21:23 suggests, “Whoever guards his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles.” The presence of divine expression has existed long before we were born. These ideals were good enough for our spiritual muses—why not for us?

 

 

FIRST THINGS FIRST

The first step to monitoring your speech is nurturing your thoughts and emotions. Thoughts manifest into things, therefore practicing mindfulness will assist you with creating what you desire.

When you become a slave to your inner critic, she will lead you to believe you’re exactly what you think you ARE or NOT. In a way, she’s right. Nothing in life can exist without perception. I’m sure you can think of a time where your perception may have affected the outcome of a situation.

The truth is, when we obsess over not having enough or attach to negative ways of thinking, those thoughts or things will show up somewhere in our life.

Instead of using words like: “I’ll always be broke.”, make the sentence work for you by saying, “Opportunities are all around me. When the time is right, I’ll catch up to them.” If you are feeling down, how about saying, “I feel sad or depressed” instead of “I AM depressed”. Remember emotions shift, however, power statements like: I AM or I WILL have lasting effects.

A huge part of self-love is being able to nurture those aspects of yourself that are demanding attention. When your inner voice is causing ruckus, stop, listen and assess what your body needs.

Our thoughts represent a part of our psyche that wants to be released. Most times, our thoughts are merely residual of how we feel about ourselves or who we’ve been told we are. I challenge you to dig deep and determine if those thoughts truly belong to you. If not…let it go!

 

I’M RUBBER, YOU’RE GLUE

I once heard a quote that said, “When you point a finger at others, three are pointing back at you.” Everyone in your life is a reflection of you. This may be hard to believe, but the people we deem the most frustrating in some way represents a part of us.

Furthermore, you must be careful of how you think and speak of others. I’ve found those who are the most judgmental have the biggest insecurities. So, the next time you are tempted to judge another, look within to discover how that person, place or thing symbolizes you. Learning to harness your voice will enable you to add value to your life and others.

 

 

SELF-LOVE TIP: BE A MIRROR

Defensiveness will get your nowhere. When confronted with an uncomfortable situation, breathe slowly and feel your way through it. Listen to your body. Be mindful of how you interact with others. Use your words responsibly. Show others what peace looks like.

AFFIRMATION: I spread warmth and love everywhere I go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

FOUR

Honor Your God/dess

The Holy Grail is within you, find your inner treasure”Jay Woodman

 

 

 

Our intuition is the most valuable tool we possess. Trusting our “hunches” or “gut” is what keeps us safe, and drives us towards our goals. I came to know the power of my inner goddess when observing the sensations in my body. I’ve learned when I feel anxious or “out of sorts”, it’s my inner wisdom sending me messages.

These sensations prompt me to stop and listen to what my inner muse is trying to tell me. Sometimes, my message is to ‘slow down’. Other times, I am told to pay attention to my surroundings. Whatever the memo, I’ve grown to trust that I am being led in the right direction and my job is to listen.

Can you think of a time when you should’ve listened to your intuition?

 

What was the outcome? Did you achieve your desired result or manifest the opposite? Trusting your instincts is sure way to tap into divine knowledge. The trick is to determine if it’s your inner God/dess or critic speaking to you.

You’re probably thinking, “What’s the difference?” Let me explain, our inner God/dess gives us messages, the guidance is gentle and compassionate. When our inner critic gets in the way, the sentence usually starts with, “But”, “I can’t” or “What if”.

The most efficient way to gauge where messages are coming from, is to monitor the sensations in your body. If it feels good, it’s Source. If you feel scared, anxious, or uneasy, nine times out of ten it’s your inner critic delivering the news.

 

How to enhance your intuition

Everyone has the gift of intuition. However, I do believe there are people on this planet who have learned to tap into things, people and situations at a higher vibration. I equally believe, inner wisdom is offered to anyone who is dedicated to finding his or her true potential.

There are many ways to grow your intuition, but my top six are:

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p<>{color:#000;}. Meditation (listening)

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p<>{color:#000;}. Affirmations/ Prayer (speaking)

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p<>{color:#000;}. Movement (being open to flow)

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p<>{color:#000;}. Gemstones (connecting with Mother Earth)

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p<>{color:#000;}. Visualization (clear viewing)

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p<>{color:#000;}. Candles (honoring / blessings)

Here are descriptions of each:

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p<>{color:#000;}. Meditation: Through meditation, we disconnect from earthly distraction and allow ourselves to be one with our senses. When we quiet our mind, body, and soul; we open ourselves to compassionate dialogue with our inner God/dess. Personally, when I find myself distracted or confused, I turn to meditation. I allow myself to let go of my logic (mental chatter) and connect to my heart’s vibration. Since the heart is the essence of our intuition (the heart always knows), I follow its gentle guidance and allow love to be the shield to my worries.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Affirmations : Speech and thoughts manifest into things, therefore affirmations are a wonderful way to connect to our inner wisdom. When I am longing for clarity, I ask my inner muse to guide me. To assure myself that I am following her guidance, I ask her to show me specific signs or to connect to a number (i.e. block me three times, if _____ is not the way). I also write affirmations and leave them on my alter or carry them in my purse as a reminder.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Movement: I get my greatest inspiration while moving. Whether I’m practicing yoga, walking (especially near water), swimming, exercising or dancing. Movement opens the sacral chakra, which connects us to our inner knowing and roots.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Gemstones: Certain healing stones assist with connecting to our inner God/dess. Stones like Amethyst, Serpentine, Moonstone (Do not use during a full moon. During a full moon, Moonstone can bring deep emotion.), Clear or Rose quartz are known for initiating divine guidance.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Visualization: If you can see it, you can create it. Creation through sight is one of the most powerful techniques that you can practice. I like to create vision boards to help me connect to my desires. I allow my intuition to guide me and each time I design a unique vision board.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Candles: During special cosmic events (full moons, eclipses, and other cosmic shifts), I perform a simple clearing ceremony, using candles and affirmations. I recommend using white candles (unless you are seasoned) because they are great for honoring our ancestors and are known for helping us connect to our highest good. If you aren’t sure when to burn your candles, please consult with a more knowledgeable light worker, or purchase a book on candle burning.

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I’ve struggled with anxiety for many years. At the height of my discomfort, I would have no less than five panic attacks a day. Although I was offered benzodiazepines to calm my symptoms; I opted to work through my discomfort naturally. I tried teas, massage, energy therapies and herbal supplements. While I could get some relief, I remained afraid to face the world.

After years of suffering, I decided I had enough and began paying attention to my triggers. A trigger is a sensitive point in our being that can cause us to respond with fear, anger or sadness. There are two kinds of stress triggers, internal and external. Internal triggers are sensations that you may feel inside of your body like: memories, thoughts or emotions. External triggers are situations, places or episodes that may remind you of a past trauma.

By identifying the sensations in my body, I was able to pinpoint the cause of my anxiety. Instead of responding with fear, I allowed myself to feel it. Through mindfulness and gentle practice, I reduced my panic attacks from 2-5 times daily to 1-2 times weekly―using a system I like to call P.I.C.H.™ (Pause, Identify, Clear and Heal). This simple, yet, effective system gave the strength and courage to claim my personal power. I continue to be in control of my body. As a caveat, I would like the share P.I.C.H™ with you:

 

ause: When you feel something adverse in your body, don’t run from it―accept it. Once you’ve determined you are safe, close your eyes, take a deep breath and listen to your body. Where is your discomfort? How does it feel?

 

dentify: After you’ve paused to feel the sensations in your body, it’s time to identify your trigger. Was it a show on TV, a loud noise, thought, person, or place. If it’s a person causing your tension, remove yourself from them. If your discomfort is manifesting from stress; rejoin the present by connecting to someone or thing that brings you joy. Breathe deeply, and listen to your body. Remember you are safe and loved.

 

lear: Once you’ve identified the source of your distress, it’s time to clear it. Personally, I believe writing is the best tool for releasing discomfort. There, you can express your innermost feelings without the fear of being judged. Whether you journal or free write, let go of your tension and regain your personal power. Other ways to clear your disquiet are: taking a walk, calling a support partner or meditating.

 

eal: The most effective way to balance our body is to let go. Allow the sorrow that keeps you connected to your past to be released. The more you take notice and hold on to pain; the more it will control your life.

How important is your wellness? If you believe you can achieve greatness…YOU CAN. All you must do is give yourself permission to break free.

If you feel tension in your chest when thinking of the past, don’t run from it― nurture it. If the discomfort resides in your stomach, rub it until you can no longer feel it. The important thing is you face your fears. Most of us spend our entire life running from ourselves, only to realize it’s a race we’ll never win. Refusing to deal with your issues only delays the bliss that is waiting for you. Recovery is a continual process. So, be patient and gracious with yourself.

 

In conclusion, the essence of who you are is embedded in your being (within). The tips I have outlined in this eBook, are tools that you can use to enhance your inner connection. Love is the source of all.

Remember, before you can love another, you must first love yourself. If you have any questions, please contact me at [email protected] You may also visit my website www.christyabram.com for more fun tips and cool stuff! Also, if you liked this book, please leave a review on Amazon!

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Christy Lynn Abram is a creative entrepreneur, blogger and author of several fiction and non-fiction titles. When Christy isn’t writing, she spends her time traveling and enjoying all things wonderful in Seattle. www.christyabram.com

 

 


Love Yourself Healthy: A Holistic Guide to Peace of Mind

In this short, empowering, self-love guide, Christy Abram, child abuse survivor and author of Little Miss Somebody, provides four practical tools to help you unleash your inner Goddess and claim the life you deserve. Packed with self-love tips, powerful affirmations and personal accounts, Love Yourself Healthy delivers a beautiful narrative designed to help you let go and fall in love with yourself.

  • Author: Christy Lynn Abram
  • Published: 2017-01-29 23:20:13
  • Words: 4733
Love Yourself Healthy: A Holistic Guide to Peace of Mind Love Yourself Healthy: A Holistic Guide to Peace of Mind