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Ebooks   ➡  Fiction  ➡  Poetry  ➡  American poetry  ➡  Themes & motifs

Love of a Hibiscus

 

Love of a Hibiscus

 

By

Júlio C. Carlos

 

Júlio C. Carlos, 2017

 

Copyright

Copyright © 2017 by Júlio C. Carlos

 

This e-book is sold subject to the condition that it should not be printed, distributed digitally by any form online or offline, without the author’s prior consent.

No part of this book shall be printed or used outside fair use for purposes of critic or revision.

 

PLEASE RESPECT THE HARD WORK OF THE AUTHOR AND THE WORK ITSELF.

Thank you.

 

Contacts:

[email protected]

@JCC_writer

Lovethoughtpoetyblog.wordpress.com

 

Special Thanks To:

 

You the reader, for supporting this piece of work.

 

All supporters of my blog, in special, Jacob Ibrag, (Eyes+Words), Paul F. Lanzi (Poedy Plus Polemics), two great poets and bloggers. Thank you.

 

My friends Mak, Ayetoro Busara, Newton G., Helena S., Hélia D., Carlos D.. Thank you for your support and consideration.

 

Preface

 

‘Light a candle into a broken man’s dark world,

let him give steps after he gains courage to follow it,

blow out the dim flame from afar.’

 

- Júlio C. Carlos

Chapter 1 : The Beginning of a Beautiful Illusion

 

Hibiscus

 

The reason to be.

Inspiration.

Light that guided

towards better ends.

 

You renewed my will

by carrying a sun in your eyes,

the moon in your gaze,

making me forget

the troubles of bitter days.

 

With smiles that made me ask

how many wonders from you would there be.

 

Little flower, how beautiful

strong and full of will.

Delicate,

unique.

Most easy to hurt

and sadly,

demanding to heal.

 

Small reasons

 

For little reasons I stayed,

sometimes like a fool

admiring your ways,

trying to protect you from harm

with no reasons to,

comfortable at your own place.

 

Gracious steps

dancing on floors touched,

such a pleasure for one to see.

How could one resist your charm?

Please tell me.

For you were yourself,

as no other can be.

 

Right steps

 

Steps given not

for we didn’t know how to walk,

tired of the weight of our own bodies

upon the burden of exhausted selves,

old with little health

young upon existence.

 

Right steps that we gave not

in moments saw,

unknowing that we couldn’t see

in times of uncaring.

 

But how weak we were?

How lost after wandering for so long?

Coming from far places,

desperate

broken

hopeless.

 

Her world

 

She had a world

on the pearls of her fingers

caressed from far and near

with eyes that glowed bright

as the sun in her skies,

gripping it without fear

creating details with might.

Her world exposed

with nobody to see

for nobody else should,

but those who could be.

 

Hertz

 

Once again I had a heart,

hammering strongly in my chest

for one that seemed worth,

to finally give it some rest.

 

Made of broken pride

nurtured by stares,

painless words,

soft touches

and a resting head on my chest.

 

Once again I had a heart

that hammered vivid in my chest,

calling for the one

set apart from the rest,

ready to face adversity

and conquer any quest.

 

Lands in her skies

 

Walking on earth

belonging to skies

where she beautifully laid,

standing stubbornly with a lunar gaze

inside solar eyes.

Brown, small, childish

that few knew how to see

and make it smile.

 

Return to the heavens,

and grow.

Flee from these lands

that strike you down,

go, stubborn one

to the place that is your own.

 

Walking on earth

belonging to skies

as innocent,

as precious,

as her eyes.

 

Eternity in minutes

 

Everlasting lived.

Minutes that didn’t end

hours which didn’t count.

Between words, ideas,

feelings that one can’t explain.

 

Was I eluding myself

in realities you’ve brought?

Were they as real to your eyes

as they were to mine?

Defying memories answers hold.

 

Shy glares revived,

forgotten times of childhood

like a dream with opened eyes seen,

unaware realities being,

a missed home by your side

found lost in my own paths

before, and now,

unwilling to be saved from you

nor wanting to know how.

 

Calm down my own self

 

Calm down

oh my own self,

that stirs his mind

for feeling too much,

or you’ll lose all you have

in madness with no end.

 

Calm yourself

oh my own self,

that dares act in sincere ways

in a world of lies,

or you’ll waste

the shortage of your days.

 

Calm

oh self that is mine.

Calm down I say!

Patience on the steps you take

towards tasteful sorrow,

as you where already lost

when you saw her

but you only didn’t know.

 

‘ ‘

 

I knew nothing about your eyes,

but the fascination that their shine brought.

Nothing I knew about you,

unless the fact that you entranced me.

The future?

I knew nothing about it.

About those days?

Even less.

 

I wasn’t certain

such as time and fate,

changing as forces come and go

with each step I take.

Only knew my will

and followed my intuition,

as if they where a big deal.

My mind told not to do it

but I felt that it was real.

 

Why I kept on?

I don’t know,

maybe because I was tired of quitting.

I really can’t say.

But it’s really ok

to not know things sometimes

because in the end,

everything will be fine.

 

Delicate glow

 

I dreamt about you for so long

that I’m still getting used

to the realities given

away of slumber.

 

Since far long

I thought you where a star

too far out

outside my sky,

the way you show yourself

simple,

surrounded by bigger stars,

but none of them with your delicate glow.

 

Don’t ever forget,

how unique you are.

Don’t ever regret,

for carrying light in your eyes.

 

A naked soul

 

You saw my naked soul

hovering debris of my past

upon a rehabilitated present.

You saw this naked soul,

filled it with joy by your every stare,

your presence.

 

You saw it,

standing naked

for the first time

trusting yours

being yours to admire.

 

Knowing nothing

 

I said it was over,

while it only began.

I thought I knew something

when oblivious.

 

I thought I understood

what I saw,

when you were hiding,

quiet in your world,

observing.

 

You healed and built

making the streets where I walked

thinking I was something,

when I was yet to be defined.

 

Enchantment

 

When I went back in time

without getting out of place,

finding myself in your eyes

while I spoke

out of sense,

admiring you,

taking away my breath

leaving me enchanted

with your stay.

 

My smiles came only from yours.

Eyes clearly dark,

darkly clear,

shinning grins

giving me dreams to lose myself in,

all bottomless, it seems.

 

Satellite

 

Everything,

in one corner of the world,

cherishing floors with feet

touching clouds gently

hairs curled, bright as gold.

 

Keeping a smile on a face

laughing at nothing

resting feet,

looking at that moving spot

fixed

while it escapes with delight.

 

Grace,

skill.

Will to stop to see her pass by,

standing still for a while.

 

Not to be kept,

fingers too scared to touch,

while she rode

eyes transfixed far high,

in her ways

leaving all mad

followers far bellow.

Tripping, getting up,

so they didn’t lose her from their sight.

Satellite.

Risk and fall

 

Dare and jump,

from far, from near,

from the above,

beautiful as an angel at dawn.

 

Fall when your wings tire

let yourself for I’m in land,

and my arms await you.

Drop,

while voices don’t call

and my eyes admire.

 

Go where you desire,

‘til where you can,

and let yourself go.

My arms await you

for they know the price of a fall.

 

Words, feelings, acts.

 

Short,

abundant,

lost from reason,

able to explain nothing.

 

Twisted,

dislocated,

deviated,

pure.

 

Shy,

true

brave.

Adorned with of love to you.

 

In circles

 

I grew, obeyed, forgot

what I was,

to whom I was

everything that I’ve got.

 

When I became,

after pretending to remember,

I had you as Moon and Sun,

before losing myself

in the wintery November.

 

In circles I spun,

without ever going around

for I one day was lost,

and by you I was found.

 

Waves

 

Yesterday she was

yesterday she went,

yesterday she felt beautiful

today she felt young.

 

Carries the glow in the hair that still dares

brown, curved as waves,

the shine of yours,

dazzling my soul damned to stay,

for it comes and goes

as waves crashing shores.

 

There was! There was!

 

There was,

there was,

mine,

yours,

that belonged to no one.

 

There was, there was,

without knowing where he went,

the little one that followed you

and ran away from other stares,

that for him a lot it meant.

 

There was, there was

one that about you dreamt,

doubted that a dream you weren’t,

that loved in silence

since the day you met.

 

Here with you

 

I’ll stay here,

for an ever in time,

admiring you for such a time

looking at your eyes,

losing myself,

to be nowhere found.

 

I would stay

if you asked me so,

caressing you, lost

until my strengths where gone.

 

I’d accept my fate without complains

keeping you near

until the end of times

guarding you from your fears.

 

Shores of empty thoughts

 

I recorded screams in skies,

for no other place they where to keep,

painted words on clouds

that once laid clear.

Pain, anger and despair

when there where no moons

nor suns to stare.

Distant eyes

close thoughts of who’s far,

feeling missing,

misery brought by fortune.

 

Taking silences that make one tremble

fusing them with words

heavy nothings carried

to shores of empty thoughts,

by the seas of existence

where nothing can be done.

 

Fulfilling

 

I promised doing the impossible

to prove wrong the voices

that told me that I couldn’t.

 

I carried her as my crux

with my little remaining faith.

Fought against myself

killed my own thoughts,

and turned blank over the years

so I could keep my honour,

and she could keep her tears.

 

 

Chapter 2: Steps Taken Without Will

 

The test of air

 

Nothing can I do

while you hide from the world

trying to find what you made missing,

the bits and pieces

of a person now forgotten.

 

Matching your silences

to say what is felt,

enduring the load of emotions

that invade my thoughts,

trying my best,

to not make the same mistakes.

 

Wanted

 

I wanted to know

if you were coming back,

look at my eyes without seeing much,

if I’d see again the joy

that you carried in your eyes.

 

I only wanted to know,

if you’d smile again,

making me smile along,

if we’d look at each other eyes

like we used to.

If you could come back

even if just for a hug,

even if the last one

or the first of many to come.

 

You could have told me,

you should’ve let me know,

so I could kill those feelings

that ate me from the inside,

tempting thoughts,

nullified actions in absent times.

 

I wanted to understand

I wanted to find you but I couldn’t,

I wanted to make it clear,

because everything that I wanted

was to have you here.

Hidden spaces

 

Coming and going as so, endless

with a solid beginning

moving away stepless

to nowhere,

trying to touch those who long left.

 

The closer we got

the more tangled we became,

confuse as webs

by a paranoid spider made.

Nothing seems to be forgot

with nobody wanting to remember

what was done so far.

Holding sweet moments,

fuzzy feelings brought along,

when everyone was happy,

and nobody noticed.

 

Sorry

 

I didn’t know how to act.

I’ve never learned so.

I didn’t know in reality what to do,

when I had to…,

when I didn’t…

 

I don’t know!

How to behave as a the bravest of them all.

To fight,

heroic as in dreams…

 

I could only be me.

I could have lied, if you could,

but I preferred to stay true.

Sorry, I wasn’t… perfect,

but neither were you.

 

If

 

If it’s supposed to be,

I’ll go

if it has to be so.

If it’s suppose to be

I’ll stay,

just like you say…

I’ll suffer, and so will you.

If its suppose to be this way.

 

Forcing ourselves against it,

not wanting it to be this way,

with no choices left

but to let go.

 

Wasting time

 

It could,

yes, it could be better than this

a lot less confusing

a lot more inspiring than it is.

Twisted.

I tried to understand

why you hide with uneasy smiles

leaving your laughters aside.

 

Maybe I was just wasting time

trying to make you laugh

when your laughter came with everyone’s voice

except mine,

making it harder to avoid

the thing that I do best,

start all over again

in some faraway place.

 

I will never know,

how it would have been

what we could have become,

trying to find another one.

Another place to call home.

 

Sunshine

 

Days longed to come,

but I knew I’d survive another dawn

strengthless I walked

hoping to find another dream,

after everything left behind,

for it will always be lost

what can never be ours.

It was precious,

I know…

but as the dusk comes

so does the Sun’s glow.

 

Certain fears

 

Just time could tell,

if I would see you

nothing could I promise to myself.

Without expecting much,

desiring to be close enough,

to see your face again

I struggled,

to keep myself by your side

without taking your freedom away,

because I was just a wanderer,

looking for a place to stay.

I think that in truth,

maybe this was my curse,

In the end

being the one

that uselessly

faced the fear to lose.

 

I’m not here!

 

I’m not here!

I’m not here!

I’m there, I’m there!

I’m everywhere!

 

Don’t look for me,

I’m not here!

I’m not there!

I’m everywhere,

just trying to go somewhere!

 

Our own way

 

Steps taken without will

towards our own way,

for everything seemed lost,

for everything looked ill,

to those who lack words

to a goodbye say.

 

We Left the ones

that were cherished and admired,

asking for the grace of wishes

so one can make us cowards,

so we wouldn’t fight for those we care,

that are too scared to get hurt,

and too afraid to dare.

 

Strengthless we walked

looking for someone to give us rest,

going in unsure ways

never before seen or taken.

Easts and Norths, Wests

but never the Souths

where we were forsaken.

 

Incomplete futures

 

It’s stupid to think

that I could have you for ever,

that you’d be by my side,

for I know I’d lose you soon enough.

 

With all the eyes that I have

I tried to find your footsteps on the sands

wet with the seawaves,

in shores where I was born

hoping to find you complaining as a kid,

to prove the world wrong.

 

This is all madness,

I thought

wanting to walk at the beach by your side

looking at your delicate gaze

admiring the sun rise.

But all were illusions by feelings brought.

 

Incomplete futures that I dreamt of

while my time faded,

leaving my presence shaded.

 

Stay! Stay! Go!

 

Stay!

I asked you

while you watched me go,

asking myself what I’d do without you.

 

Stay!

I begged you.

While I saw you go far without steps

letting you leave,

knowing you might not come back.

 

Go!

You said trembling,

while I lost my ground for a moment

after looking at your eyes…

finding nothing.

 

If I could

 

If I could

I would stay by your side,

as if there was no other.

If I could,

I would restart my life

to look for you in the first place

sparing your eyes from the weights

of this trashed soul.

If I could,

Only if they allowed me to say…

If I could,

I would stay.

 

Tests

 

Will they resist in time?!

The certainties

the will,

the feelings.

 

Will they endure spoken words?!

The hearts,

the stares

the souls.

 

Will it be able to stand?!

The one

the trust,

the beliefs held, once.

 

Chapter 3: Strengths of a Forgotten Love.

 

Never alone

 

Alone I will be not,

neither will you,

for I’ll carry you with me

as I always did,

in my heart

mind, and dreams.

 

 

Moments without you

 

When you went far enough,

long enough,

things toned, … differently,

all, unimportant

seemingly.

Taking the universe along

keeping it,

gifting moments quiet

unlike those filled with your laughter.

 

The world silenced with you away

remaining voices spoke undesired,

shutting myself in

applying strengths

being weak,

searching in memory,

when you made me happy

feeling you,

as if you where with here.

 

Hey!

 

Hey.

Like it was the only word explain

without saying much,

saying it without hopes of answers

with hoping you’d understand

what I meant to say.

 

Hey.

Like those times

that we talked in silence

with our eyes,

and I told that to the wind

‘hey!’,

letting them tell it to the skies.

 

‘Hey!’, I said

knowing that answers wouldn’t come

but I still did it to the one,

to fill the void,

so one could be at rest

of having his hopes destroyed.

 

Maybe

 

Maybe.

Maybe we needed that,

times that showed us

how much we needed each other,

or that have only shown

how much I needed you.

 

Maybe I’ll fall in tears,

as I almost did one day

while thinking this,

dominated by fears,

chances of being without you

to have you only as a memory

and you having me only

as forgotten distant past.

 

Maybe.

Maybe everything will be ok.

Maybe things will change for the better

and you came back with your beautiful smiles,

with your gazes like moons,

your eyes like sun

and smile again

by telling you how special you are.

 

Weight upon shoulders

 

Are the smiles that you show to the world real?

As lost as your eyes without graces of queen.

A tale wrote in pain.

 

Tell me if you’ve lost your mildness worthy of princesses,

your hopes of child

your strength of woman.

Tell me if you lost them all.

 

In which world you live oh sweet flower?

 

How beautiful was the sight of your face,

tearless,

how beautiful my desire to carry your weight,

but in the end, foolish of me

for I was too blind to see,

reckless.

 

To make you shine as never before,

forget the pain you had to endure

for I promised and said out loud

that I would stand,

with or without reasons to be proud.

To carry your weight upon my shoulders,

words kept,

words promised.

 

Lullabies

 

For you I sang songs

while screaming from far away

to make you company

while I wasn’t,

unwanted.

Having it all, but not what I wanted.

 

Weak I was, yes,

holding for I though

I carried the glow of your eyes

disguised as mine.

Like a fool I sang

humming without a tone,

chanting without a voice

to calm that trembling heart of yours.

 

Paths and choices

 

We all choose what we want,

we all chose where to go,

making our own paths,

some vain after decisions made,

taking the pains that came.

 

I chose mine

long, with no shortcuts to be taken,

frustrating, decisive,

as dark as a raven,

all by love

fuelled by the winds of honour

a life,  a destiny,

without chances of going back,

without desires to leave.

 

Chapter 4: Tears of Fallen Eyes

 

Who I was not so far

 

I thought of falling

in madness of oneself,

suffer tortures so missed.

Wanderings about “being able”,

to express myself without fears.

I thought of being

who I wanted to be,

thee who I wasn’t so far

to kill those foolish dreams in me.

 

Did you?

 

Did you listen the words spoken without sound

the screams of my soul

when a mind was silent?

 

Did you feel my suffering

in handling this distances of space and time?

About this obstacles

that seduced my weak heart

and destroyed my already decaying mind?

 

Did you think at any time,

that you were my queen

and I just wanted to be by your side?

 

Did you?

 

Lost

 

Lost myself in every word said,

thought,

taken as a play to make me smile.

As if it was possible,

to think of you and not warm up…

 

100 years seem nothing

compared to the seconds spent at your side,

almost eternal,

unfinished,

leaving me senseless without you,

times of misplace.

 

The lost child

 

Recognizing smiles shown,

oneself that is now to me unknown.

 

I pled to see again,

to wonder, admire,

as if they never before were.

 

Never asked for love

nor matching feelings,

loyalty never expected in return,

with your eyes kept

away from my struggles,

closed towards my denials,

revealing as willfully blind

as you appeared to be.

 

My requests little,

no more I asked from the world

but to see a little girl

forgotten in time,

dead between pride

and despairs of a lost child.

 

Deserts

 

Too far out

away from the sandless shores

waterless seas,

the middle of your own self,

torn between running

and hide in masks made.

Hidden tears.

Hopeless worlds inside.

 

Pleads to clouds in silence,

wordless requests kept from ears,

memories that one can’t lose

feelings that you can’t take,

a stubborn heart that you can’t tame.

 

Tears to the Moon!

 

Giving the Moon

tears and little cries,

seen only by the walls in night skies.

Yelling to the Moon

tears and cries,

for not being able

to hold the missing feelings

that fill an empty whole,

stumbling from eyes,

born in the purest souls

after promises

of not doing it again.

 

Prayer for tempting times

 

Save me. I bleed

at places with no blood

torn open where there’s no skin or flesh.

Attacked by every front,

tempting wicked games

laying weak as a dying prey.

 

Save me for I want to fall

in other arms that call,

be lost in them and more

taste love I can’t compare to most.

 

«Where’s your strength?!» screamed my heart.

«Where is the reason of such?» replied my mind.

And silence ruled from there by.

I’ve learnt from useless deeds,

to avoid fights

for those who don’t perceive.

 

Save me,

for my doom is near

and tastes sweet,

I desire it, as I never did.

Save me

for I can’t save myself

if you keep refusing to see

the bouts I shield.

 

Chapter 5: The Remaining Memories

 

The remaining memories

 

Gripping memories of you

like ropes that kept me

from sinking into insanity,

the realms of nowhere. …

 

Lives left unlived, unknown to us

tasted sense of lost

and of what was,

…taking away choices

of right paths to follow

forced steps into cracks,

a world of clouds,

mellow, blank, sad.

 

Remaining memories,

that tortured

through smiles made them,

silencing our words

taking us near once again,

to distant times

that will never come back.

 

A past to be forgot

 

I hate you!

You’re the only one that I do.

Just a step away from love they say…

Two centimeters away.

 

I love you.

In distant feelings,

too far out to exist,

a past beautiful

that has to be forgot,

to have a chance of futures

more beautiful than the last.

 

Who knows?

 

Reencounter you in dreams,

after pasts past

smiles torn and broken,

dancing in my mind

frozen

a mirage of my head,

dead reality that lives

in my exhausted existence

that never gets the wits.

 

Who knows?

Who knows if we are endlessly tied

you destined to govern heavens,

and I,

to bare the dirt of this lands?

 

As if

 

All of it abandoned

as if forgotten,

completely left behind.

Tormented in dreams denied

once awake,

dressed smiles on one’s face

for the memories that never fade.

 

As if complete.

A void that none can fill,

from a fate that is still to understand

or forget and let still.

 

However sweet,

the sweetest of all bitter pasts,

answers never given

for questions never asked.

 

As if happy

empty smiles shown

to this world that doesn’t care.

A dull shine of a forgotten self,

Another day of despair.

 

See you again

 

Trying to screech out your name,

for my soul rest in peace.

Trying to make sense again

after this…

 

This faked happiness,

emptiness,

containing screaming silences

I’m blinded by distance,

seeing nothing

from this place where I was left.

 

Only if I could ask him why he still lies

as if I already didn’t know the reason why.

Longing to be, again.

Somewhere far away from you.

But my promises kept me,

and my eyes want to see what’s true.

 

Prison words

 

Words are cages

where truthful souls are prisoners.

Only if I knew…

Only if I knew…

I’d hear myself at that time…

then I would know.

 

My dreams, your realms

standing as the undisputed Queen,

against my will.

Only if there I could be king,

only if there I could be.

But my dreams were too real

to give me illusions to see.

 

Herself

 

I have to be blind,

for we all have to be monsters for once,

with a heart too kind

a mind too real

too scared of a soul.

 

What I loved the most was killed

a drive

a guide.

A yet not forgotten thought.

But there’s no place to go,

no place to flee

nowhere I can escape from myself,

nowhere I can be free of her.

 

How much is real?

 

Lying to yourself gives you time,

to see

how much the real world is cruel,

how much of you is real.

 

I ask myself how much of me is an illusion,

because I’d adore to be,

lovely it’d be so

to one day simply fade

and then be able to let go.

 

How sweet would it be?

If I forgot you.

If I made you unreal.

How bad do I want to let go this tears

that I carry in blank dark eyes?

 

Only if you knew the pain,

of being able to see the world

but not the most precious facet…

… Only if I could measure it myself…

I wish that for a moment

I could go back

and be somebody else.

 

Let me be again

 

These dreams,

cursed nightmares embrace

with your eyes sight.

So far they lie…

 

Not even there I can get close.

Not even there you’ve lost presence.

Not even there I dare to dare.

 

You said you didn’t want to stay

that I should go away…

You said it yourself… so let me… go,

so I can be again,

let me sleep without nightmares

let me dream without your stares.

Let me be.

Just let me be again.

 

Hollows and voids

 

I wish for another type of sadness.

One I’d explain to myself

so it would be ok.

 

Then I would have a sense.

 

Just lost, entirely lost,

knowing where I’m in the world,

not where I stand in myself.

 

All I have… hollows,

these senseless voids.

The ones you gave me as treasure

the ones I keep as a gift.

 

Just a dream

 

The pain in my heart

the glow on my eyes,

reason of my soul

sadness in my mind.

 

Just a dream.

 

Illusion that balances reality

nightmare of sweet dreams,

the will of my thoughts

the voice of my screams.

 

Just a dream.

 

The certainties of a doubtful self

another lost soul to be dealt.

Just a dream, of a heart.

 

Cold eyes

 

Secrets guarded in cold eyes

that once burned,

hated by souls that drift around.

An Immense beauty forgot,

shines blurred in a child’s heart.

So much to be fixed,

on a petite soul

that carries a deviated one,

lost in from her own world.

 

Distant hugs

 

Holding upon strings imagination

counting the will of feeling a heart

beating strong against my chest,

as it comes.

 

Imagining a smile while not here

somewhere looking to be happy,

for so it seemed to be.

 

The only thing left, to move on,

day after day

as everything went on,

keeping the trends of thought

radiant smiles,

that last in sight,

a voice, the only

that could say that it’d be alright.

 

Chapter 6: A Bitter End, for the Sake of a Sweet Past.

 

Tired

 

Sick of waiting for nothing

dreaming something,

caring for someone that took away

the meaning of everything,

leaving me in the middle of nowhere

lingering.

 

I broke hearts,

kept minds waiting

longing bodies hanging,

shed tears collected, untaken,

for nothing,

hopping for something that wouldn’t happen.

 

Tired of being found and still feeling lost

of being bound to a rock after the toss,

of being who I was,

for I can not be myself anymore

after the last pieces you crushed.

 

Drained, sucked to bone,

an inspired self carrying an uninspired whole.

A shout, a scream, a growl

meaningless expressions of thee,

a man that still carries a soul.

 

Let me!

Leave!

Go give your inexistence

to another one,

take back your memories from me.

I beg you, I plead

for I am a voided person

with a dead heart that still beats.

 

Muri

 

Useless it is.

To keep on fighting

for whom that doesn’t know who he is,

afraid of having what is wanted

afraid of suffering for this.

 

Useless.

To waste strength and time,

because of those who in the end

will be a memory of the mind.

 

The world of ye

 

Deeper you sink into sorrow

while running away,

denying owned demons,

trying to forget the love

needed so much

wasted by your own lust.

 

Once again drowning in the depths of yourself,

forgetting who you were

carrying dead smiles

bringers of no light.

 

Needy dark world of ye,

abundant of lonesome crowds,

careless of your tears.

So fair, so lovely to you now

for it gave you what you wanted,

as deserved always,

unaware that reality weights,

and futures await,

merciless.

 

Fuck it! I’ll go on!

 

Fuck it! I’ll go on!

After my words kept,

after my honor saved,

for I have no time with me

to endure rascals that want slaves.

 

Fuck it!

I’ve been through a lot,

my mind’s changed

my heart is rot,

and I prefer to have myself lost

than broke.

 

I’ll go on! Worry not of my steps

for you’ll never hear them again,

your eyes wont have to bare

the image that you so much want to forget.

 

No more dreams

 

Too many illusions.

Time spent dreaming

that the world isn’t cruel,

that all is going to be alright

but realities are to have,

and eyes no longer shine.

 

Thoughts from broken dreams

foundations of a single illusion,

reassurance when believed in,

once had,

for everything is as it seems.

 

No more dreams.

Sick and tired of the surrealistic

moments unreal,

filling a heart that shouldn’t feel

a mind that should be kept still.

 

No more!

They mess up my head

when had,

when again cherished.

But no more,

enough of these cursed illusions of me.

 

Keep it to yourself

 

Keep my words!

Read my pain!

Have me as a sweet memory

or have me as a stain.

Ignore the words I give you,

label me as insane.

 

My emotions are yours to see,

our story yours to regret,

a presence ignored

a time to forget,

for I have lost too many

seen too far,

loved too much those who turned me into nothing

while still are.

 

I gave and gave

I regretting it now

that I carry a cold heart

no different than snow.

 

Keep my words!

Have my smile!

Put me in your memory

as the one that once cared.

A heart, a soul

with a beauty left unseen.

 

Dirt Queen

 

Paces of sadness

away from your darkened eyes

your trashed soul,

scrapped against the dirt floor

where you chose to be sole.

 

Salvation was lost

when you fell from the skies

to these dirty lands,

carriers of no glory,

your foolish choice.

 

Hate me

 

Hate me, because I once felt.

Hate me, for resting single in my eyes.

Hate me,

because I forgot how to be a fool,

after words make clear,

that I meant nothing to you.

 

Hate me.

Today, tomorrow.

Look into my eyes with the same disgust

of the words that brought me sorrow.

 

Hate me, for once I dreamt.

Hate me, for once I cared.

Hate me, because once I was there.

 

Dreams of a mad fool

 

Oh, the dreams,

the dreams of a poor fool,

lost with them

beautiful scenes

finalizing in this sweet tragedy.

 

Yes! A fool I was,

that had only your smiles as wealth

caring about nothing else.

I admit! Me, a fool!

That cared for you nonetheless,

real or imagined,

with flaws… laid to rest.

 

A fool, for loving.

A fool for trying once again.

Giving hopes to this heart

that opened itself to be left,

in vain.

 

I’ve forgotten my own dreams

wanting only your smile.

 

Lord, how I loved to be a mad fool

taking silences without steps,

your words with delight,

oh, I was a fool with all my might.

 

I rejected the world,

it’s offers of pleasures and sinful acts

the eyes of huntresses

that stared me in the nights.

 

But even fighting as no other I’ve lost,

for in all of your realms

there was no room for dreams nor trust,

so I went, and your smiles faded

forgetting what I once felt

because I was a mad fool,

that your happiness craved.

 


Love of a Hibiscus

  • Author: Júlio C. Carlos
  • Published: 2017-02-23 23:50:22
  • Words: 4639
Love of a Hibiscus Love of a Hibiscus