-SREEHARI P V
LOVE FAILURE TEXT © 2017 SREEHARI P.V
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She looked at him as he walked towards her. Sure, he did not have the perfect looks. But for Jane, Ryan was much more than perfect for he had vowed to be with her in good and bad times, to protect her always against all harms even if it means putting his own life at stake. It was only 14 hours since she last saw him. But it felt long for her, really long.
She shouted out to him.
Ryan quickened his steps. Just a few more and then he would be with her, the girl who gave something new to his life, which no one else could. A feeling of satisfaction and happiness which was meant to last. Of course he would personally ensure that it lastsforever. He clearly remembers his life before he met her. What was the point of living if she was not there with him? Sure she was not the most attractive girl and didn’t make it to his friends list. But none of the girls in that list could match his Jane. His own dear Jane who was simply the best.
“What took you so long?”
Jane asked as Ryan took his seat beside her on the bench. Ryan could easily sense anger and sadness in her tone. It was simply all the more reason to make her smile.
“It’s because of that Kevin. You know how jealous he is of what we have between us. So today he made one more attempt of trying to split us. He came up with a new test for us. He asked me to come here late and shout at you when you ask the reason. I agreed on the one condition that he do the test first with his girlfriend Tina. He went ahead and guess what? Tina slapped him hard.”
As expected Jane started laughing and that was all Ryan needed.
“Yeah, so that’s the end of their relationship. What would you have done if I became very angry and shouted at you?”
Jane answered without any hesitation.
“I would have hugged you tightly. I know you won’t do anything else, but kiss me on the head after that.”
It was very true and Ryan smiled.
“Of course, then let’s do that.”
“What here? This is a public park?”
Jane was worried. Ryan looked around before replying.
“So what? I don’t find our parents here. I don’t care about others and neither should you. Come.”
They hugged each other. Jane whispered into Ryan’s ear.
“Ryan, What do you think makes us different from people like Kevin and Tina?”
“Because we love each other’s imperfections and we together make us perfect. How about that?”
“Wow, that was great, Ryan.”
And they laughed together perfectly.
A few months passed and it only made Ryan and Jane even more in love with each other. They even started discussions about their future. Then one day Ryan as usual was waiting in their usual hangout place for Jane to return from her singing classes. His phone rang. It was his mom again, calling him for the fourteenth time. Lately he had begun to hate his mom because she hated Jane. Ryan was growing impatient by waiting and it added to the anger he felt towards his mother. He decided to make her not call him again.
“Mom, are you mad? Why won’t you give up? I told you I ‘am busy. Yeah I ‘am okay. I will be back before dinner. I won’t forget to buy your medicine. I don’t have any problem with my memory. What the hell am I supposed to do from here if you have stomach pain? Just go and lie down somewhere and don’t you dare call me again.”
She was about to say something, but he cut the call. How could his mother not like his wonderful Jane? She was mad and to make matters worse his mother was unnecessarily trying to get his attention by acting as if she was really ill when Ryan knew that it was only the gas trouble in her stomach. When will his mom grow up? He was getting angry thinking about his mom and he wanted to talk to Jane right then. Where was she? When he called her one hour back she had told him that her class was over and she was on her way. But then what was taking her so long?
Ryan felt that Jane was not as impatient to see him as he was to see her? Why else would she come late every day? He had to ask her.
Jane came after another half an hour. She smiled at him. Ryan had the urge to smile back, but he resisted it and put up a pale face.
“Jane, I have been waiting for you for so long. I did the same yesterday and also the day before that. What is going on?”
“Nothing is going on. I just talked with some of my friends. You stop coming here early and the problem is solved.”
“I came early because I was so eager to see you.”
Ryan was not looking at Jane’s face while talking to her. It made her sad. She forcefully turned his head to face her.
“Ryan you don’t know how happy I get when I see your face. Let’s leave this. I am sorry I will try coming early from now on.”
But he was not convinced. He was still very angry. He shouted at her.
“You will try, what is that supposed to mean? And who are these friends anyway? Why can’t you talk with them from school?”
Jane realised that Ryan was angry and for a second she thought of hugging him to calm him down. But she brushed the thought away. She felt that there was something very rude in the way he was talking to her.
“They are not my friends from school. I see them only from the singing classes.”
“Then drop these classes. I don’t care.”
Now she was angry.
“How dare you say that?”
“What? You told me yourself last week that you were not showing any improvement in your singing. Then why take the class?”
“I like spending time with my friends over there.”
“Oh, so you don’t like spending time with me?”
“Really Ryan, how can you get so low? Then why do you think I ‘am here right now?”
“I don’t know. But I ‘am fed up of waiting for you every day. You should know that.”
“I said sorry.”
They did not speak again for the next ten minutes. But both of them were burning inside. They never had a fight like this. Ryan felt that he was responsible for starting it and had to apologise first.
“Jane, I ‘am so sorry. It is just that I was so angry before you turned up. I promise I won’t ever shout at you again.”
“I ‘am sorry I kept you waiting Ryan. Let’s just forget this.”
But they never could forget their first fight or the many fights which followed.
It took just a few more months for Ryan and Jane to call off their long relationship. They both chose to be in the company of their best friends after their breakup.
Jane wiped her tears before answering her best friend Linda.
“He just said that we cannot continue like this and we had to stop talking. He deleted my number from his phone right in front of me. Then he asked me to delete his number.”
“So what did you say?”
Linda knew it would be really hard, near to impossible for her to cheer up her best friend. Nevertheless she decided to give it a shot.
“I just compiled. I was really shocked. Then I became angry thinking about how arrogant he had become. To think that he had the guts to say those words to me after everything I did for him. You should have seen his face. Not a sign of remorse. You know I think he was actually happy. What did I do to deserve this?”
With that Jane started sobbing loudly and all Linda had left to do was hug her.
Unlike Linda, Nick saw no need to hug his best friend as Ryan wasn’t crying. But he shared Linda’s predicament in never finding his friend this sad before.
“You should have seen her face Nick. I expected her to cry or at least act like she was sad. But she just stood there being a little shocked and that’s it. She deleted my number and walked away. No questions asked. Is this what I get for loving her and taking care of her all these years?”
“What else should she do? You are the one who asked her to break up with you.”
“Yeah it was me who said those words. But she had it coming. She actually wanted me to do this to her. That’s why she didn’t protest. In fact I think she is really happy with what has happened. But for me this is the end of my love life. I don’t think I will ever be able to love a girl again in my life. I don’t want to. I don’t wish to go through this again.”
“It’s too early to talk about that. You can still mend ways with Jane.”
“What! Are you mad? And why would I do that? I would rather be single for the rest of my life than go back to her.”
Linda realised that Jane would never be able to take Ryan out of her mind. Which meant that she had no other choice, but to convince Jane?
“Jane, I don’t want to see you like this. I will talk to Ryan tomorrow. Nothing much has happened between you. You guys are still in love with each other.”
“Fine go ahead and talk with him. But don’t ever talk to me after that. You think I can’t live without him. Well I ‘am going to show it to you that I don’t need Ryan or any other guy for that matter to be happy. I ‘am going to remain single for the rest of my life.”
But remaining single was nowhere near to easy as Ryan and Jane thought it to be. Everywhere they went, they could find only couples, some hugging, some kissing and many others holding hands. And to make matters worse for them, in the weeks immediately following their break up, their best friends had fallen hopelessly in love with their partners.
“You won’t understand what I ‘am feeling right now Linda. You have James taking so much care of you. I have no one.”
“So find someone Jane. Fall in love again.”
“With whom? It all got over with Ryan. There has never been a man before him who loved me like he did and there won’t ever be a man after him.”
Nick had already sensed that his best friend was actually jealous of the relationship he was having with his girlfriend. But more than anything he was worried about Ryan. He had been trying his level best to make Ryan meet another girl. But he got the same answer every time from his best friend.
“Nick, you don’t get it. Nobody loved me or took care of me like Jane did back then. It doesn’t matter if I screwed up or she did. It’s over. And from now on there won’t ever be a woman in my life who will love me like that. I can go searching for love, but I ‘am not going to find it. This is hard for me right now. But somehow I will survive.”
Ryan was feeling all alone. He felt that nobody loved him. Nobody needed him. He began searching his room frantically for his diary. He couldn’t find it anywhere and in his frustration he kicked a cardboard box full of things. All the things fell out of the box.
Among those things was a gift box. Ryan wondered for a second whose gift it was that he had never bothered to open all this time. He turned the box in his hand. He realised quickly that it was a gift from his mother given on his last birthday. He remembered having a fight with this mom on that day. In his anger he had stuffed the box away without bothering to open it up and had completely forgotten about it.
He tore open the wrapper and opened the box. Inside was a red blanket, and that too a used one. Such a silly gift. There was also a note attached to the blanket.
I know you will find this to be a very silly gift. But when you were very young this blanket made you happy. Whenever I went out even for a very short time, you would start crying. And you wouldn’t stop until I take you in my arms again. To be honest it was a little difficult. Then one day you stopped crying before you saw me after you got hold of this blanket and wrapped yourself in it. This is my blanket.
I ‘am giving this to you now not because I want you to keep it or wrap yourself up in it. You can even throw it into the dustbin. But I want you to keep in your mind that I will always be there for you no matter what. Even when you don’t realise that you need me, I will still be there by your side loving you and taking care of you. I want you to know that as long as I ‘am alive you will never have to go searching for love in this world, Ryan. Have a great birthday my little sunshine (you will always be little to me).
Wishing you all the happiness in the world.
Your loving mom
Tears came after a very long time to Ryan’s eyes. He had to see his mom. He was very sad that he had hurt her. But all he had to do was apologise to her and everything would be okay. She was his mom. He reread the note again and again. It made him happier each time. Of course he had his mom. He couldn’t wait to see her.
Jane returned to her home from Linda’s feeling as usual very lonely and disappointed. Ever since Ryan stormed out of her life she had begun to have this feeling that there was no one watching over her. Just as she thought that, her eyes moved across the old bicycle lying in the garage. She had many fond memories of the day she learned to ride a bicycle.
She would argue with her dad that she had become an expert and ask him to release his hold of the bike. Her dad would comply but would run behind the bike as if he was waiting for her to fall.
“Dad, what are you doing? I have learnt. Don’t you believe me?”
“Yes I do Jane. See that’s why I left you to ride alone. But I won’t take my eyes off you. I will always be there to hold you when you fall. Always Jane. Even when you become as tall as me, remember that.”
She had to see her dad. First she had to apologise to him. All the anger she felt towards Ryan, she had directed towards her dad. She became happy thinking that there was no need for her to be sad as she still had her dad with her.
She went inside the house to find her mom extremely tensed.
“Mom what happened? Where’s dad?”
“I don’t know Jane. He has still not returned. I called him many times. He is not answering. I ‘am so worried.”
“What? No don’t worry mom. He will return very soon.”
But Jane had already started thinking of all the bad things that could have happened to her dad. Her childhood fear of losing her dad returned. She couldn’t stop her mind from thinking that her dad was not going to come back. She wanted to cry.
Ryan couldn’t find his mom anywhere in the house, so he picked up the phone to call her. When his mom didn’t answer, he dialled his dad’s number.
“Dad, where’s mom? She is not here.”
“She’s with me Ryan, we are in hospital. Your mom had some scans for her stomach ailment. Her pain got worse today and we had to go to the hospital. They gave her medicine and she’s fine now. We are waiting for the results. Don’t worry, we will come back very soon when we get it.”
“Ok I will be here.”
But Ryan was very worried. His dad sounded much tensed on the phone as if he had just received some bad news. He could only think negative thoughts. His dear mom whom he always needed. Was he too late?
He dropped down to the floor and tears just kept coming out of his eyes.
Jane heard somebody knock on their door. She prayed to god that it be her dad. She raced her mom to open the door.
It was her dad looking as lively as ever. Seeing him made Jane happier than she ever had been in her life. But all she could do was hug her dad and cry.
“Dad, where were you? I was so worried. I thought something happened to you.”
“Relax Jane. It was the traffic and my phone stopped functioning. Why Jane? You are acting like your mom. It’s just a couple of hours.”
But Jane didn’t let go of her dad.
“Dad, please don’t leave me. I need you always. Don’t go anywhere.”
“Jane, now you are worrying me. This is so not you. What happened to my little girl? Where will I go Jane? I promised to take care of my little girl and I will always do that. Now look at me and smile.”
Jane smiled. She was happy and would always be happy. Of course many men would come into her life with the promise of love and finally she would end up loving one of them for the rest of her life. But there was just one man in her life who had started loving her right from the time he waited for her birth and would go on to love her forever. It was her dad.
Ryan lost track of time lying on the floor of the living room of his house. He heard the door being opened. Of course his mom would return to him today. He was not worried of that. But it was what would follow in the coming days that worried him.
He saw his parents enter the house. He ran to them. Before his mom could open her mouth, he hugged her and started crying.
“Mom I love you so much. I ‘am so sorry for hurting you. I need you mom. Don’t go anywhere. I need you. I cannot live without you.”
“I know that Ryan. I know you need me and I ‘am not going anywhere. You thought I have something serious, didn’t you? Oh Ryan, but you were right. It was just the gas trouble. How silly of me to cry for that? “
His parents smiled. But it was not enough to bring a smile to Ryan’s sad face.
“No you are lying. I know I won’t get a second chance with you. I don’t deserve it. But I won’t live if something happens to you.”
His dad gave him the test results and his mom laughed. Ryan gave it a quick glance. He couldn’t find anything serious. But he could still be wrong.
“Mom are you okay?”
“Yes Ryan, your mom is completely okay. Now stop crying please. I told you that I will always be there to love you. I will always be there when you need me. And I know you will need me every day for a very long time. So trust me, I won’t be going anywhere. Come on, it’s time for you to smile.”
His mom kissed him on the forehead. Ryan hugged her again, this time with a smile. He knows that it might be a very long time before he finds someone to love again and that it might be an even longer time before he finds someone who will stay with him for the rest of his life. But until then and even later he had his mom to love him. His first love and undoubtedly the most beautiful woman that he saw in his life.
Hi, I ‘am Sreehari P V, 23 years old and a mechanical engineering graduate from Kerala in India. Thank you for reading. Please do leave your review. I can be contacted directly at [email protected] Thanks again.
How do we cope when someone whom we loved with all our heart leaves us forever? How can we remain hopeful that after we cross the river of sadness, love will find us again on the other side? This is the story of Ryan and Jane, two lovers hopelessly in love with each other or so they thought until they had to face the first true test of their relationship.There was one thing that they were absolutely sure of; that either of them will have no life left if they failed.