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Life's Voyage: Childhood & Adolescence

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Life’s Voyage

Childhood & Adolescence

A.C.E. Otakpor

Copyright © 2015 A.C.E. Otakpor

All rights reserved.

Distributed by Smashwords

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

ISBN – 10: 099681440X (EPUB)

ISBN – 13: 978-0-9968144-0-9 (EPUB)

Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

In memory of

Taiwo Maria Ibegbuna

(Super “T”)

You left fingerprints of grace in our lives.

Your legacy lives on.

Table of Contents

Stage One: “Childhood”

As I watch you play

Bath time

Butterfly effect

Faceless man

For you to work

I have a dream

I wish it’s just me

Inside the Smartie box

Jack

Lucy’s fall

Mommy’s pretty red lipstick

Mothers love

Mothers

My mother and I – Fears

My new baby brother

Night murmurs

Sam

Sweet child of mine

Tea Party

Their way or my way

Thoughtlessness

Unruly child by your mistake

Walk with my Dad

When I am 100 years old

When I grow up I want to be like my mom

Stage Two: “Adolescence”

1950 Teens

A new friend

A new town, my hometown

Academic A

An adolescent fight

Bully

Confusion age

Crush

Farewell my friend

First love

For him and for her

Freak

Hard working George

Homeless boy

Last Breath

Lifeline

Loneliness

Love me or leave me

My image

Puberty

Rebellion

Room invader

The carnival in our town

The vulnerable me

To try to fit in

Stage One: “Childhood”

[]As I watch you play

We sit outside – under the willow tree, winter on its way through the rustling leaves,

Your laughter echoes through the passages of my heart,

The wispy locks of hair briskly touching your face.

As you swing to and fro on the swing – made just for you,

I wonder how I will protect you from all the harm the world holds.

How will I make your mind see only the good and keep astray from the bad?

You will one day carry forth the family name

And get a wife whom you will protect.

From all that the world holds, you must protect.

It is my duty to see you fit, make you the best boy you can be,

For all you now see is the swing set and the tree.

But I see much more than just that,

I see the hardship you will face

When you are just a little more of age.

You will one day understand, why I keep holding your hand.

All you need to know now, is that I will protect you no matter what.

Although I did not get this care as I grew up,

I will not let you go through what I had to.

Just to see the world for what it really is,

My child, all you need to see

Is the swing set and the tree.

[]Bath time

All day we were outside to play, play games we always play

 

All day we were at play, play all that kids play

We don’t count the hours of the day

We just play each and every day.

 

Dirt we make our best friends

We sing and we dance in the dirt with our best friends

Our clothes get caked in mud

We make cakes for our parents with this brown mud.

 

If our parents beacon us inside to take our bath

We beg just five more minutes before we bath

Another stern look from mother

And we know we must come before she calls father.

 

In the bath she will ask, now what did you do today; look at your dirty hands!

We played mother, we played with our hands!

What did you do today mother, what did you do today?

I went to work child, like I do every day.

 

Why don’t you join us in our games?

We can play the ones you will love, the great games!

Mother sighs and said that she wish she could

We wish she would but she never could.

 

Why mother, do you not want to play with us?

My child, who else will then provide food for us?

One day my child, you will understand

All you have to do is play the games you do, understand?

[]Butterfly effect

Crawling among the summer weeds, a little worm wriggling, squirming.

Green little beast, helpless to the big birds at prey.

Taste leafy sweetness, making that body more firming,

Living from today to today.

 

For my child, that is just like you are – that little worm.

Helpless little body needing the arms of Mother

To feed milk and make your body a better life form,

Needing help with all like any other.

 

Bigger it gets, needing more leafy likes to fulfil.

More daring to the outside of the big bad world,

Developing each day one more superior skill,

Slowly making sense of all that is un-twirled.

 

For my child, that is just like you are – that little rascal.

You fear less when you try to walk, try to talk.

Follow all too well any other seen example,

Too fast goes the tick-tock of your alarm clock.

When the time is just right for the magic to begin.

A cocoon is spun for hiding transformation,

For with this worm happens a miracle within.

While inside, still going nowhere – a transformation.

 

For my child, that is just like you are – that magical creature,

Spun warmly with all the love you can be given,

Learning to be as unique in your own little feature

Though you are still unaware of the worldly vision.

 

Feeling like forever, this once little worm erupts from its cocoon.

A splendor of color from the dull outside.

Wings spread for the world to see – strewn

With the rainbow on its wings, through the wind it glides

 

For my child, that is just like you are – this magnificent wonder

One day you too will fly from this safe haven, when the world will select.

Every day still I ponder,

How to tell you of this mad butterfly effect.

[]Faceless man

Faceless man awaits me in my dreams.

My fearless little man my father always calls.

Mother pretends not to notice and buries her face in all her femme creams.

Will I ever get to tell them before it is way too late of all my fears?

Faceless man awaits me in my nightmare,

To tell me of all the things I would rather want to forget.

Never will I get the chance to fairly compare

Between reality and my dreams, because of this torment.

Faceless man awaits me in my sleep.

Takes me to places I never want to again be.

Before too long I will be in to deep

For anyone to help me out and make me see.

Faceless man awaits me in my bed.

Never had I the courage to whisper or to tell.

Of the things that went on in my little boyish head.

Will my father be there the day that I too will fail?

Faceless man awaits me in my wake,

Makes me say and do things I should and never otherwise would not.

Far beyond the failing smile I will fake.

Wish I could just give this faceless man a gun shot.

Faceless man awaits me in my mind,

Tells me to never speak a word, only as I will do.

Kill out all friends and family from not far behind.

This man I will one day become, will be more than the Faceless man, even more cruel.

[]For you to work

Every morning when the sun lifts his head,

I hear you get up to make coffee.

In the hall you pick up my toys left around the bend.

The shampoo you use smells of mint and toffee,

And I instantly know, it’s another day for you to work.

 

Every morning when the birds sing their hymns,

I hear you turn off the alarm clock.

Sigh as if the world rests at your limbs.

Yester year you talked about all the work stock,

And I instantly know, it’s another day for you to work.

 

Every morning when car keys chime a lullaby,

I hear the shower turn on to wash

Away all the nights dreams, to say goodbye,

When the towel is soaking wet, oh gosh!

And instantly I know, it’s another day for you to work.

 

Every morning when my unruly curls mock me,

I stand watch over you at the kitchen counter

Gulping down coffee in a rush, not wanting to see

The tears I cry for not wanting to overpower,

And instantly I know, it’s another day for you to work.

 

Every morning when my heart asks for a kiss,

I stand like a little soldier, pouting my emotions

While from the inside I can feel my heart hiss.

The tears can fill a thousand oceans,

And instantly I know, it’s another day for you to work.

 

Every morning as your car roars its power over the hill,

I stand by the window with my hand on the glass,

Watching you drive away to the work that makes your life full,

My heart feels like a huge atomic mass,

And instantly I know, it’s another day for you to work.

[]I have a dream

I have a dream

That I have wings and can fly, fly far away to the never ever sky,

That my big family will all stay together forever and never have to go away to heaven,

That all my friends will bring me boxes and boxes of chocolates every day and don’t ever fight.

 

Oh, I have a dream…

That all the small children of the world will be safe and have enough food to eat every day,

That grown-ups can play games with their children without having to go to work.

That people will start caring more and leave the crime behind.

 

Oh, I have a dream…

That people will find more love for each other and love little children,

That people will learn to behave and listen as we children do,

That there will be no more violence and no more death, as my father always says.

 

Oh, I have a dream…

That my mommy will be able to chase away all the bad from the children,

That being a Social Worker will help her be even better.

That the kids that talk to her know that she loves them, just like she loves me.

Oh, I have a dream…

[]I wish it’s just me

I wish I could be as pretty as she,

Like a flower or a butterfly in the wind.

And I dream of birds flying far away,

I am not going to leave here today.

I used to sit and wonder

But now I know, my mother told me

I seem to have grown a little since yesterday

But I’m really just me.

 

I wish I had a puppy

Like my friend Mary.

And I dream that one day, I will be as brave,

I am not today; I will hide behind my mother.

I used to be brave

But now I know my mother is there.

I seem to have forgotten

But I’m really just me.

 

I wish I knew all there is to know

Like my mother, she knows it all.

And I dream of being just like her.

I am one just like my mother.

I used to pretend and put on her clothes,

But now I know it’s better to stay small.

I seem to want to be a big girl,

But I’m really just me.

 

I wish I had more time to learn

Like my mother wants to teach me.

And I dream of stars and planets far away.

I am still too small to see, my mother says.

I used to ask her about it all,

But now I know, she will laugh and tell me go.

I seem to want to know too much

But I’m really just me.

[]Inside the Smartie box

Counting Smarties from the box, my teacher once said,

You can learn a lot from these sweets, right in your head.

Just as the sweetness brings happiness to your life,

The sweetness can also be bad for your health.

 

Think of the blue Smartie as a time you felt sad,

Like the time you lost the best friend you ever had.

 

Think of the yellow Smartie as a time you felt happy,

Like the time when you got a new dog and named him Flappy.

 

Think of the red Smartie as a time you felt mad,

Like the time Jennifer spilt paint on the best dress you had.

 

Think of the purple Smartie as a time you felt worried,

Like the time when Mom had to go to hospital, hurried.

 

Think of the green Smartie as a time you felt jealous,

Like the time Mike got the new train set that you wanted -

selfless.

 

Think of the orange Smartie as a time you felt excited,

Like the time you went on a great holiday to the mountains -

all so lighted.

 

Think of the brown Smartie as a time you felt disgusted,

Like the time when you found out you were not going to be the youngest trusted.

 

Counting Smarties from the box, my teacher once said

Make these smarties the life of your bread,

Remember the good and the bad life holds,

But only keep the good in the folds.

[]Jack

Mommy brings ol’ Jack, she brings him in a small coffin

A coffin made of wood, for my little Jack love

He fetched my shoe from under my bed

He lay still while I scratched his head

Jack was my hero, with his short, sturdy legs

From the spots on his coat, right to his floppy ear

Jack was my hero, my very best friend.

 

Mommy said that Jack now runs

In meadows filled with doggy treats

Where he can chase after rabbits and run like the wind

Lay on puffy blankets, like the ones he left behind

In his coffin Mommy said, she put his favorite

Blue with specks of brown

Just like his matching coat.

 

While I patted your head when you were sick

I prayed that the angels might keep

You in their warm embrace, let you sleep on their feather beds

Make sure that you eat all your food

And give you a treat when you have been good

While you might occasionally tear Mommy’s rugs

Or steal some food from the pantry at night

You always were a sweet little fellow.

Now you leave my bed empty

And my little heart bleeds for your furry lick

I know now that you are in a better place Mommy told me

We bury you under your favorite lemon tree

I even made a cross with the sticks you loved to fetch

Put it over the ground that covered your bed

And say a last goodbye to my very best friend.

[]Lucy’s fall

Pain makes ears ring with agonizing faces, pain that cannot be borne

Lucy still like a statue

Waiting for the wall of pain to allow a sharp breath, only one small

Leaving no place for virtue.

 

What was once playtime is now not more, now only pain in her eyes

Only pain is what is now

Takes over Lucy’s body like a memory of agony once felt

And to the ground she ploughs.

 

The first scream leaving her mouth in a hurry, howling the pain to go away

Turning heads all around

The first helper scurries to her side, aiding what is so sore, looking for what is the matter

Sobbing, Lucy, without a sound.

 

Hobbling and gobbling, Lucy stands with the help, slow at first

Of her savior who came

Together they go to a place where they will inspect what made this happen

Never will Lucy play the same.

 

Into the white room Lucy goes, to sit on the bed, the doctor’s bed

Eyes wander upon the pained

She said, it was the log that stubbed my littlest of my five toes

And now what has she gained?

 

With plaster and ointment Lucy’s pain is now stilled for a littlest while

Hopping on one foot she goes

Back to her playtime before the sun says goodbye and brings the dark night

Now no one will harm her, not even her foes.

[]Mommy’s pretty red lipstick

I watched Mommy color in her face with pretty colors,

Saw her make herself even more pretty.

Than the pretties the plants in the garden – the flowers,

Gets her beautiful hand with ground all gritty.

 

When she is around the corner and not looking,

I will go and make myself all so pretty.

With her lipstick so red she kisses me with,

Now no one will look me miss; no fooling.

 

Not as steady as Mommy does it each morning,

I try to make the redness stay on my lip.

Although it smudges across my eager face,

To please my Mommy with my pretty little smile.

 

When she is around the corner and not looking,

I will go and make myself all so pretty.

With her lipstick so red she kisses me with,

Now no one will look me miss; no fooling.

 

In the kitchen I find her making pancakes for me,

My smile shows how pleased she should be.

When her eyes meet mine and she can see,

What I did I will no longer be free.

 

For when she was around the corner,

I went to make myself all so pretty.

With her lipstick so red she kisses me with,

Now no one will look me miss; no fooling.

 

She scolds my surprise I did only for her,

Why is she not happy that I want to look pretty like her?

She runs to the bedroom to see the accidental smudges I made,

Angry she walks past my smile, now I wander, should I not be as pretty as she?

[]Mothers love

The day grows hot and my tummy hungry

For the sweet scents of bread being baked

The bacon smell from the market makes me feel

Like licking the pans when they are done.

 

The day grows hot and my tummy hungry

Mommy comes home from the market with her last penny

I ask with wishful eyes for the bacon and bread

I smelled earlier from the market swift.

 

She smiles bleakly and out of her bag

Pulls a great small cabbage, all ready to eat

She boils some water on the little gas stove

And chops the cabbage up for some soup.

 

When it is done, it does not smell of much

Not like the smells that made my tummy talk

The little bit there is in the pot

She put it for me in my little bowl.

 

As I gulp down the last little bit

I ask if she does not want a sip

Longingly she looks at my empty plate

And says no, she is not hungry.

 

My bedtime comes, I am no longer hungry

It was not bacon, but at least it was something

As I creep along the passage to say goodnight

I find Mother licking the last bit from my plate.

[]Mothers

Mothers,

I’m just like them

Ask me why.

Because they are strong, stronger than you might think,

not only physically but emotionally too!

Because they catch me when I fall, when I fall from the swings,

or when I feel sad and lonely.

Because they hide me when I get into trouble, which is one thing

I will be forever grateful for!

Because they give me treats on Sunday afternoons, big yummy sweets

to enjoy along with my friends.

Because they are the best there could ever be, I do not only say this

Everyone knows it is true!

Because they are never others only themselves, they never try to be

stricter than they have to be.

Because they love me for who I am, even when I am naughty

they love me for me.

Because they love me no matter what, not for someone else,

just me

Because,

Because,

Because. That’s why.

[]My mother and I – Fears

I am afraid of big hairy spiders,

While my mother is afraid of lurking death.

I am afraid of that dark unknown thing under my bed,

While my mother is afraid of that money problem, it keeps her up every night.

I am even afraid of little white mice!

 

I am afraid of slurping my chocolate milk, mother will scold,

While my mother is afraid of spilling water on her only pretty dress.

I am afraid of that boy next door who sometimes bullies me,

While my mother is afraid of that work retrench, she will be there.

I am even afraid of my very own shadow!

 

I want to feel safe, safe in my mother’s arms,

While my mother wants better financial help and personal security.

I want to be happy, as I am every day,

While my mother wants to keep me away from the bad as long as possible.

I even want chocolate for breakfast, every day!

 

I want my mommy to love me; she does so much already,

While my mother only wants someone to love.

I want a daddy, who cares for us all,

While my mother only wants a husband who never fears, will always stay, never go away.

And I want my mother to see her how I see her, amazing just as she is,

But best of all, I do love her just as she is!

[]My new baby brother

Around the dinner table we sit, I hear the clock tick tick tick

What I am about to hear I fear might make me sick sick sick

My Lana love, you are going to have a brand new baby brother

My father smiles and looks, I think I might smother

Will they now throw me away; am I not the only one?

They will now have someone they will call their son?

Upon not getting reaction, my father stands from his chair

Comes over to me and ruffles my hair

Do not fear my little one, you are still the first

Who sat on your mother’s skirt

You will always be my very precious girl

Although our lives will now more unfurl

You will be part of every moment we share

Because we love you dearly and we care

I ponder upon these facts a while

Perhaps someday it will be time to reconcile

But for now I have to digest a new brother in my wake

I will have to be brave, for my parent’s sake

They look so happy about the newcomer

He will be here they said, by the summer

When all has become calm in my home

I am summand to take my bath all alone

Mother comes to kiss me and tuck me tight

And all the while I have to bravely fight

The tears of fear for not being their number one.

[]Night murmurs

The night falls with a silent sigh, cold and alone is she.

The emotion for which she sacrifices herself

Flares once, then dies,

Swallowed by him finding another beer.

All hope must end.

 

Toys are all that keep this soul from drowning

In the pool of dismay.

Speaking of what goes on behind the door

When her father comes home.

 

The hushed voices begin to murmur

Behind that closed door.

Becomes louder as yet another plea lands

On ears unwilling to hear.

 

There is no food is this place we call home

And all he does is drink what is left.

The fluid flows from that bottle and makes him

The man we all fear.

 

As the first crash trembles through the wall

She straightens her dress and clutches her lifeline.

No more will she listen to her crying mother

Pleading for a little love.

Over the cold door handle her hand hovers

Will this be the answer?

 

Her toes draw pictures on the carpet as she walks

Speaking of the fear this little child feels.

As she enters the kitchen she sees

Her loving mother with tears running down

Her distressed face.

 

Scolding with a wink, she gets the little courage she has left

She tells the child to go back to bed

Making the words almost strangle her.

She asks her father to please love them a little,

To listen to her mother and hug them as he used to.

 

The room falls so silent the walls can be heard breathing

With one huge lunge he stands before her.

And with one unspeakable word

He hits the girl hard, her teddy falls from her hand,

She falls to the floor, the pain the answer

Her father gives every night

All that she hears is the door slamming

Tomorrow will be another day.

[]Sam

Slowly her body descends into the black hole – coffin groaning under pressure

Sam holds Daddy’s hand – clings on for what life is left

Never thought that he would have to bury such a dear treasure

Giving Mommy away to heaven – laying her to rest

 

Watching Mommy hiding behind the sick that was eating her

Sam imagined his Super hero mom beating the sick baddie

None the less, after a while all that they were

Was those things that took away all Mommy’s happy

 

Sam looked up at his indestructible Daddy to see

The tears running down his unshaven cheek

Never again will those eyes speak of love and glee

Leaving only a vast loneliness of bleak

 

“Daddy, where is Mommy going, why does she leave now?”

Daddy looks down at the son together they bore into this world

Deciding that to say to this child – and how

Without making the sorrow in him known and unfurled

 

“My son, Mommy did not leave, she went to a better place”

Where hurt and sorrow is no more

Where she can sit on angel chairs and look upon your face

And there is no more sick baddies eating away at her core

 

“But now that she is going into the earth, I will not hear her speak”

No longer will Sam feel her kiss in the night

No longer will he see the way she struggled when weak

Never will he feel that warm hug – so tight

 

Sam clutches Daddy’s hand tight

Daddy feels his son mourn the mother he now lost

Together they lay still in the night, crying till the morning light

The memory of the one they loved a mere frost.

[]Sweet child of mine

The ache in my heart not nearly hurts as the look

The look of utter despair in the eyes of a child

Trying to fight with tears, not wanting to show

The pain it causes and will cause still

Explaining that this innocent child

Will no longer have parents dining at the same table

Will no longer play hide-and-seek before bed

And steal a blissful kiss when this child hides

Waiting for her heroes to come and find

A smiling child behind the lounge curtain

Running into the arms of her parents, feeling nothing but love,

How do you tell this child, that now there will be no such thing.

Nothing that makes her feel that way

Only the notion that her parents no longer

Love one another like they did before

Try to answer this one question a child asks

“But why don’t you love her no more?”

It is not that I do not love your mother my child

It is that we no longer share a soul

For a long time I kept it from your sweet innocent face

Tried to put up a brave little parade

Because you, my sweet child, you are the reason

I stayed all this while

Tucked you to bed every night and waited for you

To drift off to sleep, just to go stare at the clock

And wait for the rays of the sun

To fill my day with yet another surety

That no matter what happens to me or to your Mommy

I will always be there to protect you from harm, my sweet child.

[]Tea Party

Dressed in pink lace, puckered angel lips with scarlet lipstick,

Fingers lined with cookie dough, straight from heating crisp.

Innocent little mind fiercely trying to mimic,

What is trying to keep her from learning everything the world holds in a wisp?

 

Pour the tea now, into the porcelain cup and have a look see,

The happiness imagination can bring right under ourol’ Oak tree.

A cookie for Teddy, Dolly and me,

Because this little mind is ready for a tea party!

 

Effortlessly helping Teddy to pick at crisp chips in the chocolate,

Making sure that Dolly only has milk – a little droplet.

Mommy dear sits on a chair too small,

Now why ruin the happiness of our little tea party ball?

 

As the tea flows from its captivity,

The puckered lips began to seek another activity.

Sleep crawls its way to my sweet baby’s face,

Growing tired of your created imaginary place.

 

While Teddy and Dolly enjoy a little gossip beside her bed,

Bubbles in the bath crown my little girl’s head.

Fill her sleepy mind with a story of a beautiful princess,

Being rescued by a handsome prince with success.

 

Dressed in pink lace, puckered angel lips waiting,

For a kiss from Mommy; anticipating

To seal the goodnight dream in creating.

For my baby sleeps now and in dreamland she is playing.

[]Their way or my way

Absent child you always were staring out onto the world,

They told me you will be the one that no one wants,

The winter of this year will be too cold for you to bear,

You have a plan to go somewhere, someday far away

Go and see why you were punished and pouted,

With your favorite sweets you will go to see,

The pure reason I tried to keep you only to me.

 

When you go away, please remember to seek

The faraway is left high and dry, my dear child,

When I was eating sweets alone, waiting for you to wake

I cannot see your smiling face or your hair in the wind

Grateful moon hanging in the dusky air, I will wait for you to return.

 

Could you wait for your birthday many years away

Before you try to go your own way?

You are a mere little child now,

Not aware of the dangers outside of your safe haven home.

While they tell you will never be the one you have to be

Because I fill your childish brain with dust from the fairies,

For them you are no one but for me you are everyone.

 

As they try to fill you with all the wrong of the world

And send you away to what makes it worse.

I only have one purpose and that is to keep you safe

From them and their cruel and adamant ways.

For you are my child and my blood runs through your little child heart.

[]Thoughtlessness

The child who does not think about what harm he may do to others

Haunts the rest of them who do know how they should behave

Ol’ grandpa once told us a story of the little boy who didn’t really think

Under the trees he would stand and he would yell with all he was worth

Great big ugly words that brought sorrow and dismay to his poor parents

Hang the evil boy, the villagers used to whisper and conspire

Take away his greedy little voice so he could no longer even bother

Teach him to think before he speaks or not even speak of anyone or anything at all

End this ludicrous little boy’s behavior of his at once!

Shouting at anyone who comes near all over the town in hideously rude tongues

Screeching at anyone who dares pass near his way

Now the day will someday come when he has thought and spoken his last ugly thought

Every single deed he will regret, he will pay with all he has left

Spread the word that all who he has wronged over the four years that he lived

Scolds this little boy who is full of hate, where he learnt it will be his fate.

[]Unruly child by your mistake

Your heart beats no more, how could you leave me?

Shadows surround us, crying, save us from ourselves.

I danced in the troubles, while the quid ditch players played

My heart was too young to understand your plan for me.

 

They all knew you would make it no more,

Yet they placed me on your bed each day and made me sing

Of flowers in the wind and happiness beyond.

Made me believe that you would stand yet again.

 

Those nights spent reading fairytales with me on your lap

Was only your way of saying goodbye.

You cannot turn my memory off like a tap

Upon your deathbed I will look, my eyes dry.

 

Trouble I will cause you until you pray

To whoever listens that you want her to stay.

Trouble I will cause you until you beg

Just for me to obey and bow my leg.

 

The gifts you gave with a brave little heart was a hoax to keep me here

And watch you fade away into the fog of life.

My heart sighs with the effort you made

In trying to make me the girl you once was.

 

Now all I will be is one unruly little girl,

Misunderstood by the world all because of the mistake you made.

Of trying to hide the truth from me by keeping me safe,

Now all I will be is the girl you didn’t want me to be.

[]Walk with my Dad

On the dirt road we walk, my Dad’s hand firmly in mine

Across the bridge and past the trees

He asked if I would walk with him and I said it would be just fine

The summer makes its heat known, followed by a light breeze.

 

Will it always be like this Dad, just you and me?

I love you Dad, you know I always will

Then why is it tears down your cheeks I now see

Is my love for you Dad, not enough to make your heart full?

 

My dear sweet boy, Dad says, you are the only one

Who gives me reason to wake as the light plays in the skies

But it will not be long now and I will forever be gone

There will be no one to see that your tear dries.

 

Why Dad, do you want to leave my side?

Am I not the one who will be your right hand man forever?

Let us go away from what wants to take you away, let’s hide

I will never let you go Dad, I will never!

 

Dad has to go save the children in the war, trapped not by their choice

“You will always be my strength to go on and on

Remember to keep the ferns we planted together moist

And always remind your mother to sing you a bedtime song.”

 

It was not long after our walk on the dirt road

That my mom came to sit on my bed

Barely a whisper, she said, he is gone, her voice like a toad

That was the last thing I ever wanted said…

[]When I am 100 years old

When I am 100 years old, I will be not wrinkly like Grandma or walking slow like Grandpa.

When I am 100 years old, I will sprint like a fresh breeze coming down the road.

When I am 100 years old, I will wear clothes made of Angel feathers.

When I am 100 years old, I will smell of lavender and mint chocolate.

When I am 100 years old, I will eat wisps of clouds, sweet like sugar.

When I am 100 years old, I will be friends with angels, every single one of them.

When I am 100 years old, I will have long hair, not like the locks that cancer took away from me.

When I am 100 years old, I will want nothing but happiness, which I will get.

When I am 100 years old, I will read books of kittens, butterflies and princesses.

When I am 100 years old, I will play alongside angels every day.

For I am in heaven now and here I stay.

I am in heaven now and I watch you every single day.

[]When I grow up I want to be like my mom

When I grow up, I want to be just like my mom

She is my role model and a Super Hero too!

She can super clean the house when someone comes to visit,

Will listen to the always overly descriptive drama.

She will drive here and there and everywhere and back to here and there and everywhere,

She can erase bad dreams at night.

My mom will cook meals, slave over meals and invent new ones,

She knows to replace things

And she understands the art of playing games.

My mom is a skilled negotiator and can make negotiating not feel like bribery

And can open things, so she is super strong.

She can stay up late, no matter what

Every once in while it is okay to say yes to the stuff at the end of the cash register counter

She even has the ability to translate two year old talk.

She is not afraid to dance in the kitchen, sing out loud, spin in circles or play music

And just have fun to music that they loved in high school.

She has the ability to find anything that is lost

And she can make things work

She has story reading strategies

And believes in me and my dreams.

When I grow up, I want to be just like my mom,

A Super Hero and mother, all in one!

Stage Two: “Adolescence”

[]1950 Teens

The best years, or so they say,

Was in 1950, the teenage life

Coca Cola was the king,

And Jukebox tunes were just the thing.

With hair slicked back and blue boy jeans

Had the girls dancing at their seams.

Baseball in the road was every day

And a candy from the store if they may.

Johnny Cash was a place of fame

And riding bikes was a great game.

Tennis shoes was all in order

And telephones was but a border.

Flowing skirts and crochet blouses

With surnames like Sander and Clouses.

Records playing in painted rooms,

Pin ups of all who is famous looms,

The best years, or so they say

Was in 1950, for teenage pray.

[]A new friend

Now is always as good as it should

But being new in a group

Is never as pleasurable as it be

A friend to be made is a friend to keep

It all depends on what you like and on what not

You may want to keep talking to me

Or you might think me rather a little odd

Either way, it will determine

A new friend or none.

 

A mutual case is all it needs

To fester and grow to be much too big

Into something great and compelling

Into a friendship forever to cherish

The good and the bad and the ugly

Together forever, hand in hand

This friendship will bind two hearts to one

A new friend made today

Is a friend forever to convey.

[]A new town, my hometown

All she has known must now be left

Left behind and she must go

To a place new and unknown

No mother or father has she ever known

But the members of this small town

The contents she has learnt to see

It clawed a place inside her soul

Yet she has to climb into the cab

And wave a last goodbye

For the grocer at the end of the road

Across the bridge and past her house

A last feeble smile at Aunt Lucy

Who brought her blankets to fight the cold

And gave her food to fill her belly

She is sent away now to a new world

Sent away to stay with a long lost aunt

Who she has never met or even heard of

Into the confines of loneliness she goes

To another town and new beginning

Leave behind all she has ever known

To another town and new beginning.

[]Academic A

Straight A’s is what I want, not any more or any less.

Easy as it may look or seem, I get pushed way too hard

Pushed to the limit of my very being and soul.

To get the A’s that they all need and so much want.

For me, it just gives pleasure to see when I walk into the room

The look on their faces with another A on the paper.

For them it is much more, all they never had

It is the bright future that one small little letter holds.

 

While others may listen to music or go to dance the nights away

I stay in my home and play a game with the books I have been given.

The knowledge their colourful pages hold pleases my family all too well,

Therefore I give them permission to play their games in my head.

I stare outside upon the world, forbidden to trod with my books in hand

And see all the fun and spirit going on just outside the window.

But here I am still, just playing games with my books.

[]An adolescent fight

A simple mistake can make

Any person burn right at the stake

An adolescent fight is something you might

Want to stay out of any night.

 

Not that the fight had anything to do

With your ordinary two and two

A dispute among the best of friends

Can lead to a never to be amends.

 

Fights about clothes and who loves who

Can lead to the great ganging up of a crew

One day it will all seem stupid

To mess around with this new cupid.

 

At this very point though

All you would want to do is throw

A tantrum and some crude words around

Make your point known with ludicrous sound.

 

As I said, an adolescent fight

You better stay out of, no matter your height.

[]Bully

Constant teasing, screeching, poking

Stabbing, squinting, name calling and picking.

What was once a happy and selfless child,

Is now a victim of this hellish game.

The game, they say, will only make the toughest

Of the lot make it out alive.

 

With no weapon to fight the losing battle

The one dubbed Bully has won yet again.

Leaving another youngster to lick inflicted wounds

Emotionally drained and with nothing left to say.

Another teenager walks the empty halls

For the one dubbed Bully lurks just behind the walls.

 

Trying to understand the bully motive

Make sense of it and make something positive

Inside this torturous soul.

Lies another abandoned boy, hiding behind the wall

The wall, created to protect and destroy

Anything and everything that dares come near.

[]Confusion age

“That age”, as it is world widely known

Let those who has have once seen it frown

A tender age filled with much more than confusion

Of life and hope and love

 

Parents and teachers alike

All try to understand this enormous teenage psych

Wanting to fill those restless heads with all that is profound good

Yet nothing said or done really hits where it should

 

For the teenagers who are – and said to be wilfully confused

About life and hope and love

Is asked or more begged to please “rest your troubled head upon my shoulders”

And let me carry and destroy your heavy boulder

 

Do not fret or lay awake upon those things

Your heart is still young and your mind has fairy wings

Let the confusion and frustration about your tender absolute age

Just become mere but feelings that fill up a page.

[]Crush

In his Calculus class she sits

And chews on her sparkly red lips

Smiles when he gets mad and throws fits

Silently prays as those who fail condemns.

 

Mr. Stark they used to call

This tall dark teacher in the hall

In her dreams she sees him stand

With her at school, hand in hand.

 

Not paying attention to her grades

Into her dreams his voice fades

His eyes so blue to her desire

He makes her entire heart go on fire.

 

The last test she wrote in his class

She was so sure she would pass

As she stood to give in her paper

His eyes met hers and she felt like a cheese grater.

 

When the next day she sat down

An waited for her A plus crown

He slapped the news on her desk

And bid her to leave her minds infest.

[]Farewell my friend

At your grave I shall stand

And remember all the good times we had.

 

The time you cradled my head

When I was sick upon my bed.

 

A friend so dear you were to me

Never again will I have the privilege to see.

 

Your smile made things better when I was down

Or when I was wronged, your ruthless frown.

 

When the candle of my first love faltered

You were the one to make my heartache altered.

 

The sickness suddenly jumped upon you

And in the process, ripped my heart out too.

 

Your body became frailer each and every day

I even tried to make the innocent angels pay.

 

So now I get to say my last farewell

Even my very own soul I will sell.

 

To see my best friend once more

Walk around without the sore.

 

May the angles keep you safe dear one

And we will one day meet again near the sun.

[]First love

Heart throbbing endless smiles

A conundrum of emotion flows

Through veins too young to understand

That they are too young for that kind of love

The passion that lurks inside their being

So innocent, yet so dangerous

Each stolen kiss a promise for tomorrow

A flurry of tears when the time goes too slow

Until the next meeting it shows

The whispers of clouds in the sky

Tells of a love that will never die

Electric sparks fly between hands

So close it can catch fire

Longing for the one and only desire

Innocent will be it no more

If that desire comes to life

How can the heart control one human being

The love between two even more great

Yet will suffer the very same fate.

[]For him and for her

One night of fearless and senseless passion

Turned into a heartbreaking dilemma of a contagious fashion.

Innocence becoming little or nothing with each new touch

What was just another flirty summer romance,

Now became a nightmare holding dusk forever in its clutch.

 

For her it was more than just the physical feel,

It was her innermost soul she sought to heal.

The love buried deep beneath the unknown lust.

He moved to her newly spiders web with each sensational kiss

And in return, she moved to his passion like a little white dove.

 

For him it was the passion drugging him all along.

Although he knew it would put him in the wrong

Was it not for being alone with her vibrant beauty all day,

Her hair so silk soft and her lips so blood red,

He would never have asked her to obey, let alone stay

 

Together they chased the innocence away,

Banished to a place forever to decay.

The touch and kiss too alluring and soothing,

For the love they are yet to begin to understand

Battling the fight for love they know they are losing.

 

Forgiven but never forgotten, that night in love’s arms.

Waiting to break the news to the ones that they love, with sweaty palms

The night spent with someone they did not know,

Has now laid a baby in her belly – upon her bestowed.

[]Freak

Hair not as slick and soft as permitted,

Braces make straight what is skew,

Your clothes baggy and your weight over,

In your heart however is what matters.

But all the entire world wants to see

Is the freak in the trees.

 

Mother and Father not driving the best,

A house of sticks and stones is all I know,

One day it will be mine, all mine,

Your heart however is what matters most.

But all the entire world seems to know

Is the freak with the foes.

 

Disproportions of those who do not matter,

Helps make this freak even better,

Day by day goes by for this special youngster,

Yet your smile is all that matters to me.

But the entire world wants

Only the freak who grunts.

 

One day they will forget their snicker,

And keep the stones they once threw,

This freak will rise above the rest,

Yet all she sees now is the freak that she is.

All the world tells

Is the freak who never yells.

[]Hard working George

When all else leaves to play

George settles down to say

Now it is time for me to work

And make a better me for tomorrow.

 

Hours at end will go past him

Working hard at making school

Wanting to proud his mother old and frail

Helping her to her holy grail.

 

Then, when the school bell rings

Along goes George and he sings

To the shop where he every day works

His day of pennies and food.

 

As the sun lays his head to rest

George will walk over the next crest

For a night of school work and pairs

His mother is his rock and for her he cares.

[]Homeless boy

His belly rumbling and empty

Food he wants and food he needs

No longer can he keep

Fending for himself to survive.

 

Down to the market he goes

In search of a morsel to eat

Begging just one piece of bread

To fill the hunger in his deep.

 

A little fish and some stale bread

Brings the steady rumbling to an end

Upon a bench tonight he will sleep

This homeless boy only needs.

 

Another day brings another challenge

More food is needed to keep him afloat

A penny here and a quarter there

Buys him an apple and a pear.

 

How long still can this boy

Go on without commencing his fate?

To be homeless and hungry

Will forever haunt this homeless boy.

[]Last Breath

Tracy stands beside her dying mother’s bed

Watching her breathe and touching her head

It will not be very long to go still now

Before the last breath will leave her failing mother’s bow.

 

A mother Tracy will now stand to lose

And be left in this very world confused

Death lurks in the cold room they both are

Gripping at her mother’s frail hands not too far.

 

Not long after the last little breath escapes her pale lips

Tracy feels like she might snap at her hips

A lifeline less, not wonders left in the world

And Tracy is left to fend outside in the cold.

 

She must one day bear children into this world’s heart

Let them grow, learn them and make them smart

All without a knowing mother by her side

To confide and behind her skirts to hide.

 

That last breath her mother took will forever stay

In Tracy’s mind, never to decay

With that last breath her mother had whispered

“I love you child, never forget that.”

[]Lifeline

No one holds him to this retched life

Living has become a battle worth losing

Finding ground to keep him afloat

No longer part of his blurry sight

 

Holding his life right in his hands

Seeing no way out of this despair

Wanting not what life yet holds

A soul so lost, will now forever be gone

 

A tear tolls down his darken face

Speaking of the pain in this very place

A pain never to be spoken or even whispered of

Only to be seen in its actions ahead

 

A note is all that will bind this life

And tell of what pain has been endured

One last goodbye

Before the trigger is pulled.

[]Loneliness

Heading up the slopes of the hill so silently steep,

I know tonight I will yet again go to sleep

Without the love of my parents so deep.

Silently, desperation will upon my heart creep.

 

I pray to whoever might be listening

That the loneliness my heart is glistening

Will dampen the last bit of encouraging.

The only thing my soul desires is a little parent loving.

 

The rays of the sun no longer need to fall

Upon the teenage ball.

Now through each day I must crawl

Because I do not have a parent as shawl.

 

What little love is ever shown

By my parents will have never grown.

An “I love you” will only be greeted with a frown

Loneliness will from now on be my only crown.

[]Love me or leave me

If you try your very best

To make someone love you

With their heart and up the hill crest

You pour your soul into making them

Your one and only gem

Love is all that matters here

For the one you so desperately love

Does not love you just one little bit.

 

With gifts and roses and sweets galore

You shower this treasure of yours

Endless days spent plotting your next move

When will they ever feel your groove?

Meeting by chance and stumbling over

Words that now mean nothing at all

For the one you so desperately love

Does not love you just one little bit.

[]My image

Being under the kind of pressure I am

It is essential that I wear only the latest trends

If only I could make my mother willingly understand

The kind of pressure I am in.

 

Having to set the image created for me by me

It is essential I talk about only what matters to me

If only I could make my father willingly understand

The family image I have to create and set.

 

Fitting in at school with the greatly popular crowd

It is essential that I look the part

If only I could make my teachers willingly understand

That Math grades do not fit in with it there.

 

To have all the latest tech gadgets around

It is essential for the fine age I am in now

If only I could make the shopkeeper willingly understand

That my allowance will never get that big.

 

To have the image I have to create and set

It is clearly taking more work that I need

If only I could make myself willingly understand

My image is not as important as me.

[]Puberty

Carefree days are not anymore,

Changing bodies and changing minds.

The notion and yet the difference

Can be seen at a daily pace.

Explaining the change and what is to come

Manhood and womanhood is the next stop.

As it may be greatly celebrated

Throughout the entire world

It may bring great sorrow to those

Who make misuse of this very status.

A world more complicated and complex

Awaits the boys and girls, once carefree.

Playing and watching innocent games

Will now begin to feel that mutual attraction.

It is the way the world wants

And our souls will entwine

Engrave it in our DNA it must be

Puberty is upon us and forever it will be.

[]Rebellion

Throwing books and slamming doors

Because that is what a rebellion does.

Watching as their actions bring their parents

To their knees in vain and with tears in their eyes

Because that is what a rebellion does.

 

Bringing not what the fair face of a teenage life

Because that is what a rebellion does.

Grades that should rather speak for themselves

And teachers begging for a little relief

Because that is what a rebellion does.

 

Silent whispers in the dead of night

Because that is what a rebellion does.

Pleads of “Please bring down the wall”

That you have self headedly made

Because that is what a rebellion does.

 

You see not now the actions you seek

Because that is what a rebellion does.

But one day your eyes will open and the peels will fall

To the light you have for so long missed

Because that is what a rebellion does.

[]Room invader

Why is it that no one sees

That I need my own room and keys?

I do not need a little rascal

Snooping around with her popsicle.

 

Why is it that no one cares

About the fact that you need to pay fares?

To enter my room it no longer means

It is only for those who comes and cleans.

 

Why is it that no one bothers

To talk to these young little mothers?

My property is never to be touched

Not first or last to be blushed.

 

Why is it that no one comes

To take this parasite from my lungs?

I will forever have to tell

To get out of my room and yell.

 

Why is it that no one fears

The same as I do with tears?

Will they ever just understand

That I want to be done with no contraband.

[]The carnival in our town

The lights shine and we all know

The carnival is here in our town.

 

Candy floss and drinks so fizzy

All around the laughter makes me dizzy.

 

Up on the merry-go-round we sit

We throw balls at the aiming pit.

 

The sweet and tantalizing smell of popcorn and sweets

Makes a turn where the tarot lady keeps.

 

Show your strength and hit the hammer

No way to take this a scammer.

 

Hand in hand we skip through

The stalls and one or two dance crew.

 

Up, up and away the rides carry

My friend Tom, Dick and Harry.

 

The screeches of pleasure we hear

The light of the moment and the shear fear.

 

If each light here could tell a story

At the carnival here in our town.

[]The vulnerable me

If oblivion had a name worth calling

I would call it day and night without falling.

Like a China doll dangling at the edge of a cliff

I will scream until my limbs are stiff.

The hands of time run out on me

And the vulnerable me is all I see.

 

Rustling leaves tell the secrets my pillow keeps

The hallway of my life lies in heaps.

Nights so dark and faces so scared

Only my breath across the room is spared.

The hands of time run out on me

And the vulnerable me is all I see.

 

My voice is lost and echoes in my head

The only one who knows how I feel is my bed.

Your claws will once again reach my heart

And feat will be my only be-got.

The hands of time run out on me

And the vulnerable me is all I see.

[]To try to fit in

The confines life has set for you

My child, is not your only choice

Do not choose how the world wants you

Fear not, to try to fit in.

 

The world is a place of many dangers

Snares await around each bend

Do not fall in those traps

Fear not, to try to fit in.

 

I warn you for I love you

And want you not being hurt

What you see behind those walls

Fear not, to try to fit in.

 

The house you call home my child

Will one day no longer be your shelter

For the outside of your home

Crumbles to the harshness without

Fear not, to try to fit in.

THE END


Life's Voyage: Childhood & Adolescence

  • ISBN: 9780996814409
  • Author: A. C. E. Otakpor
  • Published: 2015-09-29 09:05:36
  • Words: 10014
Life's Voyage: Childhood & Adolescence Life's Voyage: Childhood & Adolescence