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Know Yourself - The Concise Enneagram Guide

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Know Yourself

The Concise Enneagram Guide

By Dragan Matijevic

Edited by Penelope Williams

All contents copyright © Dragan Matijevic 2014

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Published by Pendragan Publishing

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Shakespir Edition

ISBN: 9781310030468

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This book cannot be copied, reprinted or redistributed for sale by any mechanical, electronic or other means. The design, photographs and text remain the properties of the authors.

The information contained in this text has been verified and documented as carefully as possible. The authors cannot be held liable for the use of its contents.

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Pendragan Publishing

Old Home Cottage

Sparkwell

Plymouth PL7 5DQ

United Kingdom

First Edition 2014

Table of Contents

Know Yourself

Table of Contents

Acknowledgment

Introduction

How to Use This book

What is Shadow?

1: The Crusader
p((. The Light Side

The Shadow Side

Summary of the Effects of the Shadow.

Freedom from the Shadow

Relationships

Life Orientation

Emotional Orientation

Work Orientation

A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Crusader

2: The Giver
p((. The Light Side

The Shadow Side

Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Freedom from the Shadow

Relationships

Life Orientation

Emotional Orientation

Work Orientation

A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Giver

3: The Chameleon
p((. The Light Side

The Shadow Side

Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Freedom from the shadow

Relationships

Life Orientation

Emotional Orientation

Work Orientation

A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Chameleon

4: The Romantic
p((. The Light Side

The Shadow Side

Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Freedom from the Shadow

Relationships

Life Orientation

Emotional Orientation

Work Orientation

A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Romantic

5: The Observer
p((. The Light Side

The Shadow Side

Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Freedom from the Shadow

Relationships

Life Orientation

Emotional Orientation

Work Orientation

A Quick Guide to Recognizing an Observer

6: The Officer
p((. The Light Side

The Shadow Side

Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Freedom from Shadow

Relationships

Life Orientation

Emotional Orientation

Work Orientation

A Quick Guide to Recognizing an Officer

7: The Adventurer
p((. The Light Side

The Shadow Side

Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Freedom from the Shadow

Relationships

Life Orientation

Emotional Orientation

Work Orientation

A Quick Guide to Recognizing an Adventurer

8: The Boss
p((. The Light Side

The Shadow Side

Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Freedom from the Shadow

Relationships

Life Orientation

Emotional Orientation

Work Orientation

A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Boss

9: The Harmoniser
p((. The Light Side

The Shadow Side

Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Freedom from the shadow

Relationships

Life Orientation

Emotional Orientation

Work Orientation

A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Harmoniser

Thank you for purchasing this book!

Author

Editor

Contact Us
p((. Services

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Acknowledgment

In gratitude to the master of Enneagram, Claudio Naranjo, who has revived and hugely enriched the original Enneagram of Character Types making it into a precise, powerful and effective self-realising tool.

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Introduction

The nine basic ennea types of human nature are indicated by the original ancient character divination system called the Enneagram. According to the Enneagram, each type’s psychology is rooted in a fundamental belief and an intense, underlying passion which I call fervor. The belief and the passion combine to influence all other character qualities that each person possesses. Each of the character types covers an incredible spectrum of manifestations, from brilliance to deepest shadow. This book has been written as concisely as possible without losing the essential characteristics of each person’s type to help you access self-knowledge in a short, modern and very practical form.

The Enneagram comes from the ancient Greek words for ‘nine-pointed diagram’. The nine character types originate in age-old traditions such as Sufism and have been more recently developed by tens if not hundreds of authors. While keeping close to the roots of the original Enneagram, however, I have added an important element to the character formation. This concerns the basic beliefs that cause basic feelings and fervor and all the needs that arise therefrom. I have clarified the causal connection between the belief/feeling and behaviour. And finally I have also added four orientations: relationships, work, emotions and life.

Like many other Enneagram authors I have found that the sharp accuracy of the basic premises of the character types stands every test with real people: its predictability is uncanny. All the characters are presented in a short, distilled, easy-to-read format covering their positive and their shadowy traits. Once you understand the roots that your personality stems from, you will be able to see clearly not only yourself but people around you, and you will be able not only to understand but to forgive, and to evolve.

This book is intended to reveal the sometimes uncomfortable and painful character traits that we try to hide from others and ourselves. These revelations can only be beneficial, as understanding of our own hidden impulses is essential if we want to evolve and be who we really are. Gaining insights and understanding into why others (parents, children, lovers, friends) act the way they do, can help us enormously in relating to them. I have certainly found this to be so!

I hope that this book will help you dive deep into yourself, find answers to questions that may have plagued you for years and find inspiration in becoming a better, happier person.

Dragan Matijevic

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How to Use This book

You can read this book to gain insights into human nature and find out relationships between beliefs, emotions and the effect that those have on our character formation.

I was introduced to Enneagram types by a friend who also told me what type he thought I was. At the time, I thought I was quite clued in to who I was already, but when I read everything about my type, I felt like I was looking into a mirror that shows warts and all! I was shocked. There were so many things I didn’t like about what I saw and yet I could not deny the truth of it, all of it!

I firmly believe that we are here to realise our true potential, whatever that may be. And in order to do just that I need to know everything about myself; no stone should be left un-turned. And yet when I read about my type I realised how much I was hiding from myself. Things that were so obvious to others around me! And so the Enneagram helped me enormously on my road to self discovery.

And then there were other people. I studied the Enneagram in every detail and the people who surrounded me suddenly began to come into focus. I was able to understand everyone much more and the questions such as “Why on earth is he/she doing this or that?” began to lose their significance. People do still surprise or upset me these days, but knowing so much more about human nature has made it easier to understand and accept.

There are two ways to go about finding out who is who in this enlightening type-divination. One is to read about all the characters and try to add faces to the types. Another, faster way to fit a face to a type is to read the Quick Guides summaries of type characteristics at the end of each chapter. Once you can fit a face to a type than you can read about that particular type in detail and delight in your discoveries!

When looking for your own type be warned, it will not stand out as obvious. Why? Our good qualities are very often obvious to us, but our shadowy side is really secretive and it will do anything in order not to be discovered. I have found that most people will actively dislike and shun away the very type-qualities that are at the root of their unhappiness.

So, please read this book in the spirit in which it has been written – to bring you insight and understanding of your personal traits, both desirable and undesirable, and to reclaim the vital light and the happiness that is rightfully yours. It’s not about ‘right or wrong’ – it’s about helping people who care to take control of their own personality compass.

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What is Shadow?

Our beliefs make us what we are. And so they form the world we experience. The best news is, these beliefs can change.

Positive or negative beliefs, when not questioned, can cause us grief. Most of our beliefs tend to be those innocently formed despite us, very early on in our lives. They can have a strong and long-lasting effect on us and everything we do. Our negative beliefs, about the world and ourselves, can be considered as The Shadow Side of our personalities.

Everyone has a shadow, to some extent – it’s what makes us all three-dimensional. But if we fail to recognise and try to suppress this shadow, it gets left to feed on our life in a destructive fashion, tripping us up, over and over again.

Most of us know about our positive traits, however, most of us also are very ignorant of our ‘weaknesses’ and our less pretty inclinations. Examine the nature of your shadow, and you will not only understand it but overcome it. This is a difficult process. It may also be painful, but the reward that is your personal peace and fulfilment will be of benefit not only to you, but to everyone you meet.

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1: The Crusader

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The Spectrum – from Judgmental to Forgiving.

The Crusader’s potential character ranges from being an angry, misunderstood bully, to being a visionary, life-enhancing hero – at any level from the gutter to the great leader.

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The Light Side

Crusaders who have understood and overcome their shadow side combine a great ability to discriminate with an excellent pragmatism and a proven faith in human nature. Their refined sense of justice makes them responsible and reliable people who are grounded in the real rather than the ideal.

Able to see things as they really are, they become the best kind of visionary reformers, with the ability to perceive the ‘bigger picture’ and then apply the best practicable methods for improving it. Crusaders are usually physically and emotionally strong, capable of putting up with a lot for the greater good. Rational perfectionists, their wisdom stems from accepting life as it is, yet still guiding and helping others to improve their lot.

Crusaders who have overcome their shadows are at peace because they accept their human flaws without repressing their human needs. They are very conscientious, with strong personal convictions, but still flexible in their ideals, and understanding of human frailties.

The truest Crusaders – truest to the light they were born with – are wise, fair and objective with others. They are also inspiring, putting into practice their love of truth and justice with a realistic sensitivity to human nature.

Where their shadow-haunted cousins tend to write people off, enlightened Crusaders remain alert for that inexplicable event that turns a drug-dealer into a human rights activist – and welcome the change unequivocally. They believe in personal redemption. Their sense of a higher purpose is underpinned by highly developed personal integrity. They have the healthy focus and drive to achieve those goals which are allied to the common good. They teach by example, by living in a balanced and caring way.

Crusaders make valuable, lifelong, loyal friends.

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The Shadow Side

The main negative belief creating the Crusader’s shadow:

‘Life’s a mess!’

Crusaders perceive chaos and injustice very early in life. They quickly conclude that life as a whole is a nasty mess, and decide that only they can set it right. In order to make (their) life bearable, they begin changing it by forcing themselves to be perfectly virtuous. But perfection is not a trait of human nature. The struggle makes them think hard about what is right and what is wrong, and about concrete changes they can make. They perceive a need to lead: to lead others out of chaos, injustice or even sin.

How the negative belief creates a basic negative fervor: anger

‘It makes me so mad!’

Crusaders strive to create order in life and are afraid of chaos. This fear converts into powerful righteous anger towards life as it appears. However, since Crusaders consider anger as destructive and unacceptable, they disguise it as a virtuous intention to do good. They rationalise their anger as the means towards a higher end.

Forever vigilant for vice and virtue in themselves, Crusaders react angrily to anyone else that they perceive as less moral or less disciplined – the un-admitted question being, “why should you escape judgment, when I can’t?” This results in Crusaders becoming critical, dominant, watchful and emotionally retentive.

The shadow turns into a real handicap when the requirement for Crusaders to see themselves and the circumstances as perfect before they can engage, results in over-cautiousness and consequent frustration. The more the shadow is active, the more frustration grows. Levels of self-criticism go down and criticism towards others goes exponentially up. ‘Armchair Crusaders’ sit in front of the TV, or the tabloids, and explode.

Crusaders are afraid of losing control, of others and of themselves. They fear being unbalanced, corrupted or simply evil, and this fear leads them to suppress their instincts to an unhealthy extent.

The obsession with right v wrong / good v bad, can lead to massive self-deception. Crusaders possessed by their shadow ignore what is, and obsess with what ‘should be’, to the extent that they will even hide their real intentions from themselves. The original, benevolent desire to improve ‘life’ becomes a compulsive desire to control others and oneself. In modern times, centuries after the original Enneagram was drawn, we see workaholics, de-frocked priests and dictators pursuing the same old line.

How basic fervor warps the personality:

‘Someone is to blame. Well, it can’t be me!’

Crusaders believe their mission in the world is to improve it. Their secret irritation at the status quo makes them at best assertive but, at worst, domineering and superior. As self-appointed arbiters of virtue, Crusaders trapped by their own shadows become relentlessly demanding, competitive, arrogant and eventually full of hidden hate. Steaming far ahead of others they can become critical fault-finders and derive ugly pleasure from making others feel guilty. Unaware, or wilfully ignorant, of their own motivation, which is their anger at life as it is, Crusaders wish to revenge themselves on reality, they hide their frustration behind the apparently constructive intent to make others and themselves ‘better people’. An inflated sense of moral superiority stems from the pursuit of noble causes on one side and frustrated anger on the other. These two unhappy feelings feed each other: the sense of nobility serves to hide anger while the initial anger runs wild with the sense of futility caused by living life according to rules that pinch and bruise any sense of joy.

Crusaders who have become more idealists than pragmatists, push themselves and others towards endless improvements. They mistakenly believe that they are the only ones with the answer for everyone, becoming missionaries or zealots, highly articulate and prone to grabbing centre stage. If they are not naturally aggressive, Crusaders will instead adopt a martyr’s role, harbouring loathing for the sins of others and setting themselves up as spiritual masters or misunderstood saints. This self-deception helps Crusaders remain, sometimes wilfully, unaware of their own destructiveness.

Crusaders work hard on developing their own moral system of values and rules and they like to develop human structures that support authority. They follow and defend ideal standards, social norms, customs, institutions or more powerful authority figures. This can lead to the most entrenched kind of traditionalism / cultism.

The “moral superiority” that Crusaders like to impose on others is often used as a weapon. In pursuit of their ambitious goals they place constant demands on others and often do not shrink from manipulating people, sometimes with emotional withdrawal, or reproach and disapproval, sometimes with downright moral blackmail. The Crusader’s ‘I want’ is quite simply transformed into ‘You should’.

Because life is perceived as always falling short of their ideals, Crusaders are psychologically tense and stiff, so their bodies follow suit – eventually leading to physical pain that makes them even more crabby! Their ambition, if not wisely managed, leads to profound impatience. The benevolent ‘parental’ concern for others corrodes into patronizing or punishing attitudes. If they lack humility, they lose touch with reality and start dreaming grandiose schemes that they can never realise, thus experiencing great frustrations. They may then attempt to compensate their lack of spiritual fulfilment with the creation of material abundance. Suspicious of having fun, and afraid of spontaneity in general, they become irritable, resentful and indignant, critical of everything. Like most people, they find it hard to see themselves and even harder to change their opinions.

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Summary of the Effects of the Shadow.

Crusaders are characters with an alternating high and low self-image that depends on seeing themselves as righteous. They have hypocritical tendencies, presenting themselves outwardly as positive, sensitive and moral people while inwardly they are negative, harsh and cynical. They tend to be self-satisfied, generally unaware of their shortcomings. However, they are unconsciously aware of their imperfections, the loss of true love and aliveness. This is converted into hidden righteous anger. The anger does not fit in Crusaders “right” emotions so it is covered by excessive refinement and false compassion. Lack of happiness is compensated for by the accumulation of material possessions. Real aliveness is substituted with the moral and virtuous life, by being a person of character, righteous, stable, strong in face of difficulties.

In order to succeed in their crusades, whatever those might be, Crusaders develop puritanical, punctual, pedantic qualities that stem from their strict self-discipline. They may be demanding to others, but to themselves they can be downright exploitative and hateful.

The Crusader’s character qualities, depending on how active their shadow is, can range from being prudent, just and objective to being totally merciless and judgmental. Life can be perceived as a wonderful challenge or, if seen through fixed ideals, it can become routine fixing of mistakes, often other people’s mistakes! Patience and compassion can give way to grouchy and irritating manners. Compassionate ideals can become severe dogmas, negating their humanity. Understanding of others may give way to being self-righteous to the extreme and focusing entirely on the wrong-doings of others. Crusaders with a strong shadow will be intolerant of beliefs and behaviours of others, considering them evil. They can have strong vindictive motivations, invoking anything – religion, justice, truth – to make others feel wrong and sinful. Their own inner repressions can lead to severe depression, disillusion and exhaustion, to alcohol and drugs, to excessive food intake or compulsive cleansing, to excessive sexual activities, to hatred.

If the shadow is allowed to take over, a person that was once an inspiring leader, an example and a true lover of humanity, will turn into someone inhumanly cruel, with no mercy or sympathy, bent on making others suffer, someone who is capable of perpetrating enormous injustices and atrocities all in the name of justice and truth, while living in denial of their own emotional torment from guilt and self-hatred.

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Freedom from the Shadow

Get in touch with your feelings, especially, humility and humour! Take a break from trying to save the world and find your pleasure in the small things in life.

Take a holiday!

Be honest about your true motivations. Look at life and see if it actually is as twisted and unjust as you deeply believe it to be. Look at people. Are they really the way you seem to see them?

Reverse your suspicions and ask yourself the hard questions. Are you really judging yourself? Don’t judge yourself too harshly, and give others a break while you’re at it.

Learn to be at ease – using awareness rather than will – becoming life-affirming rather than controlling.

Move from obligation to enthusiasm. Become elastic! Inspire!

Work towards unity inside, towards dissolving your inner conflict between instincts, reason and emotions, between what is and what ‘should’ be.

Learn to appreciate yourself, with all your flaws. Remember, you’re not the only one who seeks a better world: everyone does! And who’s to say whose method is the best?

Reach out for the true nobility you were born with. The only one who can take that away from you – is you.

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Relationships

“You know I’m only saying this for your own good.”

The best Crusaders are reliable and responsible friends and partners and will take a long time to choose them as they may see so many faults in everyone. But their shadows can make them dominant and controlling, slyly projecting their own imperfections on their partners. Crusaders hold a strong belief that partnerships are vehicles for constant self-improvement, so they often lack any spirit of fun. The game, however serious, will always be one-sided because Crusaders want above all to win! Very often, because of these controlling factors and their undisclosed mission priorities, they suffer from repressed sexuality and its whole cascade of ensuing problems.

Crusaders, until they see their own light, want to make people ‘good’ far more than they want to make them happy. This inevitably results in a massive experience of frustration and rejection. It can lead to excessive despair, which can lead in turn to self-indulgence, and abuse of self and others. Which leads to guilt, which leads to self-punishment, which leads… to an all too-apparent vicious circle.

However, once they do understand and overcome their shadowy beliefs, Crusaders are confident in relating to others, warm, friendly and loyal – and finally able to sacrifice their over-inflated sense of dignity for the better experience of feeling part of a ‘good team’. Crusaders are often described as solid people, good souls, moral, honest and fair. Once they learn to trust their own spontaneity rather than relying on propriety and etiquette, they find the natural way back to sincerity and their own original dignity – one that has nothing to do with rules and order or self-inflicted Puritanism, but a healthy, well-balanced respect for humanity in all its guises.

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Life Orientation

Crusaders often take a stand against reality, seeking to reformer the world.

They create their own basic ideological formula of justice and truth and use this to rigidly measure everything, while not realising that their own personal formula might not be an absolute law.

Crusaders are motivated to be right, to have integrity, to strive for higher aims and to improve others by making them behave according to the Crusaders’ own ideals.

They hold a preference for action in service of their strong personal ideology and live a life of moderation and integrity.

Freed from their shadow Crusaders give themselves completely to helping the people and the world around them.

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Emotional Orientation

Crusaders are passionate about having clear views and being right while hiding angry self-righteousness. They derive a great sense of confidence from this, however their feelings have to be suppressed as they are not seen as helpful in serving their ideals and values. 

The result is alienated emotional experience. 

Crusaders are forced into emotional hypocrisy: To others they like to project sensitive and compassionate sides of themselves, while inside they may feel harsh or numb. Their disposition can be formal and concerned with detail, leaning toward rigidity that dissociates them from real life and leads to a loss of true meaning.

They may cultivate kindness and goodness, but if they do not dissolve their shadow they will be unable to mask inner coldness and self-concern.

Crusaders think in black and white terms, right and wrong. They are objective with sound judgment but their intuitive and creative sides often remain undeveloped.

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Work Orientation

Work Style:

Crusaders are action orientated with an eye for detail and a talent for planning and goal setting.

They have high personal and work standards for quality and excellence, sometimes getting bogged down in the task itself, losing the sight of the goal (being right is more important than the task or profits).

They do their best and are forever improving.

They are committed, punctual, rule bound, hard working, meticulous and very organised and organising.

Crusaders work best when they drop their insistence on control, when they hurl themselves with spontaneous, joyful creativity at a task ahead. Then they know how to get on with people rather than pulling everyone with them. Then they don’t fall apart if things don’t work out exactly as planned. Then they can even laugh at themselves!

Motivated by:

Crusaders are often motivated by their Inner Moraliser, who says, “You have to work by your values and principles. You are nothing without your honour, or the nobility of your tasks. You have to create order for the greater good and in service of justice and excellence!”

Working with Others:

When working with Crusaders people find them morally superior, controlling, preaching, self-righteous, bold, determined and forceful. Crusaders are hard on moral weaknesses in others. They hate direct criticism as it challenges their values. They are often rigid and lacking in spontaneity. They are more ready to criticise than praise.

Not the best of team players. They believe in their own ways being the best and do not like to lose control.

Other Qualities:

Crusaders have a neat and proper dress code.They are civil, frugal, moderate.

They have a keen eye for mistakes and weaknesses, from spelling to lack of character. They are chronic mistake fixers and do-gooders.

They always take great care for what they do, for customers and workers, for fairness, quality and moral values, care for schedules, for organisation.

They have a need for clear roles and structures and are in love with procedures, rules and standards and are notoriously over-cautious when it comes to new projects.

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A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Crusader

Justify their existence by improving themselves and the world

Obsessive moral idealism forever trying to clarify right from wrong

Dominating and suppressing emotions and natural instincts

Personal happiness derived from being/becoming perfect and setting things right

Active extrovert

Rational type – reason over feeling

Positive self-image

Aims to be morally perfect and so is forever watchful for ‘transgressions’

Negative fervor – angry reformist

Positive fervor – to be right and fair

Earnest with high expectations from oneself

Committed visionary

Virtuous reformer, judgmental of self and others

Respected and feared by others

Idealistic pragmatist

Friendly helper

Stable & orderly

Refined & rigid

Rational & objective

Responsible & reliable

Extremely cautious when making new moves

Workaholic

Dominant & righteous

Disciplined & principled

High moral standards

Puritanical and pedantic

Bossy & demanding

Controlling

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2: The Giver

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The Spectrum – from Drain to Radiator.

The Giver’s potential ranges from being a spoiled, needy and embittered prince or princess, draining energy from all around them, to being a life-enhancing, terrestrial angel, radiating warm and genuine human magic.

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The Light Side

Givers who have understood and overcome their shadow side are genuinely happy people! They have a great capacity for empathy, compassion and caring. They are outgoing and passionate by nature. They are kind and friendly, giving and thoughtful.

People love Givers because of their optimistic, gregarious, generous nature. They are warm-hearted, forgiving and sincere. They have very developed social skills and are excellent listeners and communicators.

Givers have encouraging, nurturing and supportive attitudes towards others. They are gracious and emotionally demonstrative, dedicated and responsible in relationships. They are confident in their abilities.

Givers, when in touch with their true selves, have a genuine love of serving others. They are generous, humble and helpful.

Givers make excellent parents and friends.

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The Shadow Side

The main negative belief creating the Giver’s shadow:

“Where did the love go?”

What creates the shadow in the Giver’s heart is the early denial of love. Givers consequently form a deep belief that they as a person are unlovable. This extends into the belief that life itself is repugnant because there is such a lack of love in the world.

To counter this basic lack of love and self-worth Givers decide to become themselves overflowing with love and love for life: they need to give and they need to be needed. In fact, they often give in order to get – to secure the love and affection they feel to be missing.

Givers in their search for confirmation of themselves decide to become great friends, great lovers and great parents… this implies striving for physical beauty as well as portraying themselves as loving, good and helpful to others. Their great need to be loved, to be needed and appreciated is rooted in the painful fear of being unwanted and unlovable, but is generally unrecognised by themselves. Givers like to see themselves as rescuers, saviour figures, and miracle workers.

How the negative belief creates a basic negative fervor: pride

‘But I’m special.’

For the Giver’s shadow to survive, it relies on pride – the passionate construction of a glorified self-image, through inflated self-flattery / self-approval. This fake self-confidence is intended to attract others, but is founded on an unconscious sense of worthlessness, disguised with self-deceptive “I am special”, “I am OK” attitudes.

Pride drives Givers to act out as affectionate, helpful and happy. It creates a false belief of not being in need of love oneself, but of altruistically setting out to serve others. It is by serving others that Givers may wish to satisfy their need for love (giving to gain).

Givers have a powerful need to be wanted, to be in demand. For this reason it is of utmost importance to them to build a great self-image by being positive, seductive and independent. Givers are their own best publicists, marketing themselves by dramatising their own great qualities.

How basic fervor warps the personality:

`If you really loved me, you’d do what I say!’

Pride glorifies positive self images and represses the inferior ones. Pride also fuels the assertive, dominant and manipulative aspects of the Giver’s character. Givers try to disguise these negative, forceful traits as they do not fit with the notion of being selfless, good and helpful. Givers prefer to appear gentle and naturally happy and confident to others, giving the impression of themselves as lively and adventurous characters. In fact, Givers are a combination of tenderness and superior willfulness – they have to have it all their own way! Cajoling or seducing behaviour, if thwarted, give way to sulking or bullying, using ‘love’ as a weapon. Givers tend to be impulsive and rebellious because their behaviour attract attention, but their underlying insecurity can make them hypocritical and unreliable.

Givers are also pleasure seekers; they suppress their painful need for real love through the love of pleasure and hunger for excitement. Active seeking of pleasure leads to low tolerance of routine, orderliness, correctness, self-discipline, authority and any other obstacles to an irresponsible, playful and pleasurable life (they are known party animals!). In the effort to sate their hunger for pleasure Givers can become impulsive and hypocritical. They have a natural dislike for authority, can disrespect accepted human values (the romantic turning cynical) and are known to be sometimes imaginative with truth and promises.

Givers place desires over moral discipline so become avid consumers of everything. The see-saw between this selfish behaviour and the wish to be seen as saintly or heroic, causes them to become changeable, unpredictable and crucially dissatisfied.

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Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Most Givers are dimly aware of their inner emptiness, of a lack of aliveness and love. Pride forces this recognition into the domain of the shadow through superficial elation, vitality and flamboyance (these lend the Giver a sense of significance that in turn supports pride). At the same time the shadow transforms the loveless state into eroticism and the clinging to romantic relationships. Excitement and pleasure serve as a pacifiers, keeping Givers in a superficial level of awareness.

Happiness is derived from being in the centre of attention, while false abundance serves to fill in the hole left by the failure to be true to oneself and one’s true feelings. Gaiety is used to repress sadness while chasing gratification replaces real growth.

Givers can range from truly generous and loving characters to needy manipulators and obsessive stalkers. When free from the shadow Givers are big hearted and in touch with their own feelings, but when the shadow is active they lose touch with these feelings and, because of the huge desire to appear good / to be loved, they harbour repressed aggression and resentment, turning them into hypochondriacs and social misfits.

Givers without shadow recognise their own needs and make sure they fulfil them. When their shadow is active those needs are often denied or neglected. Freedom from the shadow turns Givers into radiant, giving, joyful and confident people, but unawareness of the shadow makes them sentimental, flattering and false, people that love to manipulate others in order to make them dependent.

Givers with strong shadow sides will use anything to win people over, to prove their good intentions and be credible in their sincerity. The result of a strong shadow is such that a loving Giver becomes an emotional cripple, a saint and helper becomes a monster sacrificing others in the name of love. The healthy, expressive person becomes a self-destructive wretch. The desire to love and be loved can become the desire to dominate. Givers in their search to give/receive love become manipulative and unpredictable, and in their attempt to find solace in pleasure they lose their integrity and wholeness.

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Freedom from the Shadow

To free yourself from your shadow, you must first become aware of yourself as you really are, of your feelings, especially resentment and aggression.

Call upon and face your true motivations, and accept that you as well as others need real love.

Before you give love to others, have a true love in your heart, which means the full acceptance of yourself as you are, warts and all.

Stop running away from yourself, work hard to recognise your own worth. Above all question your beliefs, especially that basic, unrecognised belief that you do not deserve love or that the world is a loveless place. 

Is that really true?

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Relationships

‘In the name of love’

Givers believe that there is no fulfilment without being a great friend, great lover, or great parent (and they often are) – in short they believe in LOVE. However, when relating to the opposite sex there is a powerful but hidden erotic motivation; sexual satisfaction is mistakenly equated to love. Givers express themselves easily in physical and emotional intimacy, relishing the fact of being a touchy-feely type. Givers use erotic power over others as a proof of personal worth, satisfying the need to be special and approved through love of another.

Givers also have a tendency to hide their need for love behind a show of independence. This leads to an excessive romantic orientation, betraying the deep lack of belief in their own personal value. These ‘romantic’ notions can make Givers very possessive and clingy in relationships. Alternatively, the lack of self-worth manifests as the destructive drive to seduce – Givers make notable femme fatales.

Givers, in their enormous hunger for being needed teach themselves the art of seductive attraction. For this they have a number of handy tools at their disposal, tools such as lightness and gaiety, (hiding sadness), gentleness and sweetness (hiding aggression), intensity and flattery, sensitivity and friendliness,. However, when their basic motivation is flawed, as in when they seek to attract in order to exploit, many of the Givers’ charms turns against them, landing them with the reputation for being superficial, fickle and unstable.

Givers become friends and helpers through projecting onto others their own need for love. They actively seek people to whom they can extend sympathy, empathy and seductive emotional support. Givers are emotionally supportive, but not so practically, so their love is often more of a show. Givers with a strongly active shadow are people pleasers and flatterers while at the same time secretly feeling superior to others around them. In the name of love they can be overly intimate and intrusive, hovering and meddling. They can be possessive, guilt-tripping, domineering and coercive. In later years of life, the failure to please, and the failure to find true self-worth or lasting mutual love can make shadow-ruled Givers both resentful and angry.

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Life Orientation

When the shadow is very active Givers stand in the world with a hidden sense of being worthless, constantly seeking to validate themselves through dramatising an ideal self-image for a selected audience of supporters.

They often cry for love through the offering of love. Neediness of love is their secret motivation for being pleasing and extraordinary, so there is a steady pursuit of excitement and high drama.

They have a great need to believe that they are accepted, so present themselves as lovable, socially adept characters. Their pursuit of pleasure is their compensation.

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Emotional Orientation

Givers maintain a very positive self-image. They are a highly emotional type (anti-intellectual) and will freely express emotions to others. However they often lack true emotional awareness and their recognition of their real feelings is very low.

Givers are seductive and may lean towards the expression of “love” while ignoring their own negativity. Their hostility to the world that they perceive as cruel and loveless has to remain a secret.

Because their friendly self-image prohibits negativity, aggression and superiority and other negative emotions are harboured in the darkness of their shadow. Their aggression is transformed into appearing extraordinary and irresistible, their love-need and attention-seeking, into generosity.

They are emotionally changeable, quickly shifting feelings from apparently totally positive ones for others, to highly charged negative ones. Love for others is tainted with their own deep, unrecognised need for love. If it remains unrecognised it can turn into a strong need to dominate others and into hatred and resentment.

Givers can often play the part of a prince or a princess – the tempestuous spoiled child syndrome – demanding privileges, boasting, needing to be centre of attention, and becoming furious when not indulged (through attention, novelty and stimulation).

Givers make themselves appear independent and affectionate – their own need for affections turns them into being warm, supportive, sensitive and emphatic.

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Work Orientation

Work Style:

Givers have a very cheerful personal style and work by feel and instinct.. They love working one–to–one, with focus on people, communications and human needs (sometimes resulting in forgetfulness of the task at hand).

They work the best when they forget about their fixation on being appreciated, and just get on with their project.

They are flexible if not averse to rules and procedures.

They are extremely proud, capable, responsible and independent.

Motivated by:

Givers are motivated by their Inner Star that tells them they need to work with people. The Star installs in them the desire for approval and recognition, the desire to be seen as celebrated as famous givers and helpers. They have a terrific need to be genuinely flattered, approved and admired.

They need to be of influence and consequence, to hold power.

They will do anything to avoid humiliation.

They keep an eye on the needs of others.

Working with Others:

With people at work Givers can express anything from true care, support and generosity, to manipulative flattery and the desire to enslave.

Givers have a talent to see what others need (sometimes can become intrusive) as they love to help, to relate, to be seen, to be praised and approved. They are natural networkers. They like to be needed and will make others depend on them, especially those that are considered important to them.

Givers will make others feel special, create intimacy with ease and can be very empowering. They are a little fickle in their attentions and affinities, one moment will seduce someone and next totally forget about them.

Givers love to work with people and be in the centre of attention. They have an ability to bring people together. They tend to see others as dependents (need to learn about interdependence) and so in their desire to help they can be charmingly aggressive and self-absorbed.

As leaders they love to serve, to make others love them, but very often they give to take.

As workers they keep close to power sources.

Other Qualities:

Givers will often be smart, if not dressed to kill! They are charming, seductive, engaging, warm, supportive and hard working.

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A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Giver

Justify their existence by being lovable ‘great people’

Happiness and personal worth sought through giving and being needed

Active extrovert type

Ultra positive self-image

Aims to be charming, attractive, successful

Negative fervor – pride

Feeling orientated

Positive fervor – to love and to give

Helpful kind generosity

Assertive confidence

Enthusiastic positivism

Emphatic love need

Networker and socialite

Pragmatic

Rebellious & showing off

Friendly but can be manipulative

Demanding & assuming

Pleasure seeking & humorous

Wilfully independent

Charming romantic

Seductive flatterer

Ambitious socialite

Prideful & arrogant

Good actor

Good times first, work later

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3: The Chameleon

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The Spectrum – from Social Climber to Human Elevator.

The Chameleon character’s potential ranges from being shallow and ambitious social climbers who will use/abuse others as rungs on the ladder of success, to being emphatic and genuinely generous elevators of the human spirit, lifting morale wherever they go, and supporting people on their journey upwards.

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The Light Side

Evolved Chameleons are able to empathise, to understand others and to know where they’re coming from. This makes them very confident of their own abilities and their position in society – they know how to fit in, and how to move forwards.

These evolved Chameleons are positive, adaptable, pragmatic and hard working. They are able to motivate others by example as their flair and persistence enables them to excel in what they do.

Chameleons are smart and attractive; they are helpful, gentle and loving.

They like climbing social ladders and develop social skills such as humour and rapport to give them the popularity that helps them achieve their goals.

They work well as communicators, marketing or sales people.

Chameleons are always working on improving themselves and the work they do. They are essentially very efficient and effective.

When they are aware of their true worth they will accept themselves as they are, become humble and truthful about themselves, making their relationships with others solid, meaningful and mutually rewarding.

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The Shadow Side

The main negative belief creating the Chameleon’s shadow:

‘What you see is all you get.’

Chameleons develop an early perception of the world as flawed, dangerous and loveless. This belief fuels a deep-rooted suspicion of others, and the conviction that there is nothing good or valuable beyond obvious appearances – that we are all defined by our possessions, our positions in society and the way we package ourselves for ‘sale’ to the world.

How the negative belief creates a basic negative fervor: vanity

‘So how do I look?’

Suspicion of others leads to cynicism and the driving fervor that results is vanity.

Vanity leads Chameleons to obsess with appearance and image until they lose contact with their own sense of self. Their identity depends entirely on what others think of them. They live through the judgments and experiences of others instead of their own.

Vanity makes Chameleons look upon inner worlds with scorn, eventually coming to deny their own true emotions and true desires/needs. The unconscious dissatisfaction that ensues reinforces the excessive preoccupation with image and the intense attachment to social achievements and approval.

How basic fervor warps the personality:

‘What do you mean, “who am I”?’

Their passion for success and approval makes Chameleons highly socially adaptable. They are not originators but imitators. From an early age they put their feelers out in order to find out what is socially acceptable and what is not and they adapt their own values accordingly. Everything from their appearance to their ethics is adjusted according to the fashion of the times / the situation they’re currently in. This leads them to become a strange mix of progressive and conservative, of conforming to society’s expectations while striving for progress and excellence.

Many people think chameleons change colour to blend in with their surroundings. Scientists disagree. Their studies show that light, temperature, and mood cause chameleons to change colour. Sometimes changing colour can make the chameleon more comfortable. Sometimes it helps the animal communicate with other chameleons.

The human Chameleon operates in a similar way, changing its colours/creed to suit the situation, to communicate with the person in front of them at the time, or just because things have got ‘too hot’ to handle. This naturally makes them rather unreliable. The animal chameleon’s modus operandi is ‘adapt to survive’. The human Chameleon’s is ‘adapt to succeed’. In service of this they present themselves as confident, persuasive, and seductive. They devote their considerable enthusiasm to developing expert methods of presentation and packaging – whether it be for people or ideas. The unfortunate result is that Chameleons eventually become confused about who they really are and who they appear to be. In time, they begin really believing in what they are selling.

Part of selling themselves to themselves, as well as others, includes the Chameleons’ talent for acting. Their antennae are fine-tuned for people’s reactions to their performances, and they learn to project whatever image is required by any given situation. In short, they are people-pleasers – and very popular it makes them too!

All this is achieved effectively and efficiently – Chameleons are intelligent, resourceful and able to think precisely and clearly. They like a fast tempo as it serves their drive for efficiency and they often have many projects on the go at once.

Their fundamental lack of insight into their real selves very often only bolsters their pretence and self-deception, their constant bluffing and manipulating, and a kindness that is actually hypocritical.

Chameleons are independent people who like to be in control and find it hard to relax and let go. They use and value technology and are systematic and skilled in organising self and others, but they often end up being stressed and overworked.

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Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Chameleons, like everyone else, want to be loved – but they exchange that for an addiction to being appreciated. Their fascination with appearances makes them forget their own true worth. They act /react according to their habit of looking outwards and hardly ever inside themselves, thus they can appear to others as empty, unreal and shallow. Their search for meaning stops at the material world; they put style over real feelings, images over true personas, glitter over true values, package over quality.

Chameleons are social go-getters, doing anything to court attention. They adjust well to their social environment, adopting their values and beliefs in order to succeed on society’s terms. They believe that only what attracts attention has true value and are often found to be very calculating friends, faking sincerity while actually advertising themselves. They have a problem with identity as they believe that everyone else is play-acting too, that appearances are the only reality, and that there is no satisfaction without being rich and successful. Their blindness to their own true wishes and feelings, estranges Chameleons from their hearts. Finding it hard to really love, they end up feeling very lonely.

Chameleons who come to understand and transcend their shadow are greatly admired because of their numerous qualities of warmth, confidence and charm, of care, humour and humility, of energy, purpose and success. Those who are still in the thrall of the shadow suffer from difficult and dysfunctional behaviour because of their belief that they need to be stars, to always prove themselves and be approved by others.

Being thoroughly competitive, they develop social skills of presentation and diplomacy, playing to other people’s qualities and ideas with no feelings or opinions that could be truly their own. Chameleons become attractive marketable products rather than authentically engaging human beings.

Chameleons are superior to those they consider weaker than themselves, while being subservient to those in higher positions. Chameleons are terrified of being discovered and they are ready to do almost anything when their image is under threat.

When the shadow is at its most active, charm and warmth turn into malice and hostility. Helping and motivating others turns into sabotaging and betraying people. Confidence turns to paranoia while healthy self-esteem becomes the crumbling delusion of grandeur.

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Freedom from the shadow

Question your beliefs, especially the ones that say that you depend on other people’s approval and that nothing counts in this world but images, positions and possessions.

See who you are without the belief that you need to be always beautiful, successful, on top form. Consider the simpler belief that you do not have to be anything. Try it. Spend some time alone!

Lose your image – stop looking for yourself in other people’s eyes. You are not there! If this does not come easily to you get in touch with your feelings, including negative ones, aggressive ones.

Learn to face yourself as you really are – even if that seems like nothing at all. It’s always more valuable than you might think.

You have a tremendous potential for real happiness.

See where are you going now and imagine what you’ll feel like in ten years time – will you know true satisfaction or will you be faking it forever?

One of the most interesting, little-known facts about the animal chameleons is that they can move their eyes in two different directions at the same time – make sure you keep one turned inwards, to your true self!

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Relationships

‘Do you think I’m wonderful?’

With vanity as the basic negative fervor, Chameleons depend on the approval of others. They will do anything to attract people to them. While pretending to be lively, caring and engaged, they are often secretly manipulating others to give them the feedback they need for their egos. While they may pretend to be carried away on waves of joy, they are all the time checking behind them to see how many people are applauding. Basing so many of social interactions on pretence and manipulation leads to a painful sense of loneliness.

In their fear of failure and rejection, Chameleons acquire a sense of being false. This fits in all too well with their original perception of the world as suspicious place full of fakes! Uncertain of themselves, Chameleons become more and more uncertain of other people and their motivations, fearing that people like them more for their looks, money or achievements than who they really are.

Chameleons are generally very entertaining, bubbly, sparkling people. Adept social climbers, they will often use others as stepping stones. They are able to tune in to the desires and hopes of those who they think are important/successful and will do everything they can to please them. Chameleons seek people worthy of their admiration.

They often focus on developing sexual attractiveness as part of their repertoire of charms– however, this superficially successful allure is often belied by actual frigidity for women, or a hollow drive to ‘perform’ for men, with the consequent failure to find emotional satisfaction.

Chameleons often find difficulty with lasting, happy relationships because their relationships end up being ‘one way’ – towards themselves.

Ambition for success is a powerful Chameleon drive, sometimes more powerful than need to relate. Apparent graciousness masks controlling and dominant behaviours.

When there is a choice between success or sensitivity to others, Chameleons can be ruthless in interaction.

Success in relationships starts with Chameleons recognising how deceitful they can be and how prepared to flatter and bluff they can be to achieve what they want. Honesty with self paves the way for honesty with others.

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Life Orientation

Chameleons, under influence of their shadow are utterly preoccupied about how they come across to others. They can end up being obsessed with being attractive, super successful and mega competent. Their anguished desires for affirmation leads to an exaggerated striving for achievement and consequently further anxiety, tension and the constant fear of failure.

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Emotional Orientation

Outwardly Chameleons are cheerful and feel they are in control. The only feelings acknowledged and expressed are “correct” feelings i.e. those projecting a positive image, but these are often fabricated. Chameleons learn to hide and suppress their true feelings and desires (fears of not being accepted and appreciated and of being a failure) in order to function effectively and achieve their personal goals. But this leads to empty and false expression, lack of awareness as well as fear of one’s true inner world.

As time goes on, Chameleons’ feelings become more and more alien to them, threatening to destroy their carefully constructed worlds. When true feelings do arise they feel out of control, so they tend to deal with feelings quickly and in private.

Chameleons are often considered cold. For example, although Chameleons tend to climb into managerial positions, they are not usually good leaders as they lack real awareness of their feelings and values or genuine empathy for others. Their brilliance as imitators/followers destroys their ability to originate or lead.

This emotional entropy affects every aspect of the Chameleon’s life, from love relationships to friends and work relationships.

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Work Orientation

Work Style:

Chameleons are competent, high-energy, action people.

They are natural sales people, hard working, committed, efficient and effective with an eye for detail. They excel under pressure.

They have a pragmatic orientation towards action, results and success, they are natural-born winners and problem solvers.

They tend to imitate rather than originate. Cutting corners and twisting rules is acceptable if not necessary for them.

They are impatient, impulsive, competitive and entrepreneurial.

They are also enthusiastic leaders but somewhat mechanical communicators.

They are goal setters, clear and practical action planners and evaluators. They like to work by clearly defined roles, boundaries and deadlines.

Chameleons work best when they pay attention, not only to their tasks, but to people – and this includes themselves.

Motivated by:

Their Inner Workmaster who says, “You are nothing unless you produce!”

Thus, they are motivated by a great need for approval and praise, by achievement, success, fame and popularity.

Working with Others:

Chameleons are smooth operators, fast and efficient, persuasive, warm and seductive, often calculating.

They are known to be ruthless too.

They have a tendency to be economical with the truth, if truth threatens success.

They see tasks first, people second.

They are extremely organising, with a love of planning and will commit with ease.

They can be inspiring team builders. They are very good collaborators. However can be weak on genuine emotion and warmth.

Other Qualities:

Always super smart, sparkly, organised, enthusiastic, and responsible.

They can be ingratiating, manipulative, hard-selling.

Tendency to be workaholics: fun is considered good, but is of secondary importance to their sometimes obsessive love of work and efficiency.

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A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Chameleon

Justify their existence through being effective and successful

Happiness derived from being appreciated and attractive

Active extrovert

Aims to be picture of perfection – attractive, capable, successful

Negative fervor – vanity

Positive fervor – to excel, manifest and achieve

Attention seeker

Vanity and image orientated

Imitators rather than originators

Pragmatic entrepreneur

Efficient effective achiever

Fast paced workaholic

Committed worker

Responsible and honest as far as efficiency allows

Charming socialite

Manipulative opportunist

Work first fun later

Shallow emotionality – thinking orientated

Charming but emotionally cold

Always smart in appearance

Popular with people

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4: The Romantic

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The Spectrum – from Victim to Visionary

The Romantic is no better or worse than any other of the nine types, although it may be hard for them to accept that they are not special, or that there are others who have similar Romantic characteristics to theirs.

The character’s potential ranges from being a self-loathing cynic cut off from themselves and the world, to being a happy, inspirational joy to others whose gift of insight can make them the best sort of visionary.

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The Light Side

Romantics are naturally introspective and they feel everything deeply, good or bad.

When their shadow side is understood, and its negativity rendered inactive, Romantics connect with their unconscious impulses and come to understand the true nature of their feelings. They can have highly developed intuition, which may lead to a very rich inner life and gain them a reputation of a great visionary.

They become happy people, visionaries able to positively channel their intensity for the benefit of others and themselves.

Romantics have a great appreciation of and talent for the arts, and often express deep, wise insights into nature of the human psyche.

With others they are gentle, understanding and tactful.

Once they become open and accepting of themselves, they flourish socially, being humorous, expansive and expressive.

Romantics are creative, imaginative and life-enhancing.

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The Shadow Side

The main negative belief creating the Romantic’s shadow:

‘I don’t deserve to be loved.’

Early deprivation of love or appreciation makes Romantics suffer from a fundamental sense of loss, and a consequent feeling of worthlessness.

Concluding that they must have failed in some way for love to be taken away from them, they mourn their inadequacy as much as they mourn the lost love, giving them an over-developed victim-consciousness.

Early on in life Romantics may therefore set out on a mission impossible: trying to find happiness outside themselves, because they feel that this happiness was taken away. This leads to seeking happiness through suffering, because the mission to find happiness beyond oneself is doomed to be frustrated.

How the negative belief creates a basic negative fervor: envy

‘Everyone else is so much better, so much happier than me.’

The belief that happiness must be sought outside the self manifests as envy. This expresses and transforms itself into extreme neediness and painful sensitivity. Romantics will react to their envy with shame, judging it to be an ugly, evil or sinful feeling, and they will do anything to suppress and transform it.

Their painful sense of loss is accompanied by great longing for that which is lost – something that may be unidentifiable but is passionately mourned nonetheless.

The tragedy of the Romantic is that they often remain unaware of the fact that real happiness comes from the inside, from the inner self. They transfer inner loss to something outside of themselves, and no matter what they find, they never feel satisfied, confident or complete. The result is a sense of unhappiness and frustration and passionate yearning for possessions, for social positions, for artistic recognition, or quite often for an unearthly love that Romantics believe will ultimately liberate them from their crippling feeling of loss and painful lack of self-worth.

Romantics strive to be virtuous while at the same time painfully comparing themselves to, and competing with, others.

Whatever they do, Romantics do with passion – their neediness makes them search high and low for the elusive paradise lost. Dissatisfied with the mundane they will explore the mysterious and the extraordinary.

How basic fervor, envy, warps the personality:

‘I won’t live in a world without love.’

Lack of belief in their self-worth (low self-esteem) is always accompanied by a terrible sense of self-destructive emptiness. Romantics can exaggerate their own weaknesses to the extremes of self-hate, or believing in being stupid, ugly and evil.

At the same time, Romantics compensate for their self-hate by being competitive and superior to others. They are often very well mannered, but can become affected and arrogant, or go to extremes of self-denial.

Romantics respond to their sense of envy in three different ways: they may be arrogant, angry and demanding or complaining; they may be melodramatic (seeking attention through suffering), sad and shameful; or they may be austere and self-denying.

No matter what type they may be, all Romantics are convinced that love and happiness will be deserved and reached only through their own suffering or melodrama. Just as babies cry to get attention, Romantics unconsciously intensify their own suffering to reclaim the love they feel they have lost.

The positive Romantic characteristics are of being delicate, refined, stylish, and avoiding grossness of any kind. They are tasteful, sensitive and have major artistic interests and preoccupations. They like to show themselves to the world as a very special person, or a victimised genius type.

They will either strive for high positions in society, or join the revolutionaries. While often leaning to solitude/loneliness, they still have a need to be admired, so they develop their wit and conversational skills to reach out to people they like.

Their competitiveness may push them to strenuous self-discipline in order to improve themselves and become better than anyone else; more noble, more creative, more attractive. This tendency and energy has its motivation in its opposites: in guilt, shame and self-hatred.

No matter how successful the Romantic becomes or how much recognition they win, they will always feel rejected and misunderstood, that is, if their actual motivation behind their efforts is to seek melodrama and not to find out who they really are.

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Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Melodramatic Romantics feel they were born to suffer. They often find themselves in painful situations, because it’s something they unconsciously seek, believing that the more they suffer, the more they deserve to be loved. This makes them prone to seeing the tragic/dramatic sides of every situation.

Romantics who have dissolved their shadow by deeply seeing through it, are in touch with themselves and with their deepest instincts. They connect with their true love and desires, feel truly alive and they will do everything possible to live life like that. However if they loose touch with their love they start getting lost in a variety of intense emotions and fervor, envy being the most dominant of them all.

The initial guilt and lack of true confidence can be transformed at the lower levels, in the depths of the shadow, into tortuous self-pity, self-abuse and anger against anything that once they considered true and beautiful. Their search for true value and inner beauty turns into sour and cynical self-accusations.

In time, envy can become so all consuming that there is nothing that a Romantic will not be envious of, as his or her image of themselves disintegrates into total blackness. This can lead to total emotional freeze, where the once-so-passionate Romantic will not be able to acknowledge or express a single feeling, or perform the simplest of actions.

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Freedom from the Shadow

Freedom begins with clarity. Try to examine and understand the origin of your deep lack of self-worth and realise its devastating effects on your whole experience of being alive.

Try to move on from the feelings of grief and loss that are corroding your life.

Challenge yourself to consider that love may be something you do not need at all, at least not ‘the one’ you were running after – the one you first felt you’d lost. True love is a freely given gift, not a reward to be earned by anyone or by doing anything.

Cultivate the willingness to change. Give up the idea that melodramatic suffering will bring you long lost paradise. It won’t – it only brings more suffering!

Dedicate yourself to a total pursuit of happiness – and enjoy this pursuit as a pleasure in itself.

Stop judging yourself and nurture gentle self-acceptance instead. Find beauty in life through small things. If you once relax and soften your glance, you can see and love the whole universe through a simple geranium in a window box. That kind of love can be enough.

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Relationships

‘I can’t live without you’ / ‘If you love me there must be something wrong with you’

Romantics seek love because they believe that if they are not loved they must be useless and worthless. The original heartbreak of believing love to be taken away makes them envious of everyone that they perceive to be receiving love (recognition, appreciation, romance).

Romantics live in the pursuit of something different and better and nobler than they are, something or someone else that will complete them. This quest is doomed to failure, unless one day they stop and realise that being ordinary and simply being who they are is good enough – that they are in fact already complete! The road to real happiness for Romantics begins when they realise that the person who rejected them the most is himself or herself. Self-healing continues through self-acceptance, and eventually the ability to give love to the world unconditionally.

Addicted to the notion that love is all they’re missing, Romantics quickly learn to seduce. However, perceiving themselves to be starved of love, they are terrified to give love themselves. Their low self-image fills them with dread of separation. This causes them to be clingy, dependant and demanding in relationships. However an opposite anomaly may happen – if they find a steady loving partner they may end up looking down on them.This is because they believe that only fools would be interested in someone as worthless as they perceive themselves to be. They may also deliberately push their partners or friends so hard that they reject them. This justifies the Romantics’ original negative belief that love is lacking. They then feel worthless and sorry for themselves – and needy for love again.

The Romantics’ habit of focusing on melodramatic suffering in the hope of attracting love causes an unconscious, chronic longing to be cared for.

In relationships Romantics are generally considered to be thoughtful, warm, understanding, gentle, cordial, giving, and probably over-humble – they give the love they would ideally like to receive, for a while.

They make competitive friends and concerned parents.

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Life Orientation

Romantics are of a belief that life owes them, that they need to be treated in very special manner.

Romantics often live with an introverted, pessimistic, tragic sense of life. They tend to identify with the part of themselves that is not ideal in their own eyes, so there is eternal dissatisfaction, a constant striving and reaching out, thirsting for intensity.

Romantics find themselves constantly running away from their own painful sense of worthlessness, however not true that may be. They fear being helpless and hopeless, of being plain, clumsy and awkward. As a result they are often obsessed with the unreachable, the unobtainable or the distant and unreal.

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Emotional Orientation

Envy is one of the most powerful emotions, stemming from a low self-image. It focuses on one’s weaknesses and is accompanied by hidden guilt and love hunger. With age this leads to cynicism and bitterness.

Romantics compensate for lack of self-love by becoming love addicts, believing that love is a solution for everything and that life is a tragic desert without an all-consuming romantic love. One of their core beliefs is “In order to be happy I must be loved and be in love!”.

Romantics have a whole range of powerful, deep longings, nostalgias, lusts for sensual pleasures and yearnings for adventures. They suffer from chronic guilt because they cannot accept the powerful emotions that include their lust, anger and violence, which they perceive as gross and ugly.

Their grief is often manifested as depression, anger and self-pity.

Romantics can end up being passionately melancholic and forlorn – chronic, life-long mourners for something they never could have or needed to have in the first place.

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Work Orientation

Work Style:

Romantics have originality, elegance and class as their work priorities. They have individualistic, intuitive and creative approach (very feeling-orientated).

They have intense focus on process, on self-development, on beauty and excellence, more than on actual goals.

They are non-pragmatic and non-detail orientated. They have competitive, elitist high standards and tend to search for a special self-starter’s niche where deep feelings and sophistication play a great role.

Romantics work the best when they get out of themselves and their world of feelings, when they accept importance of objectivity and joint values and systems that need to be in place when approaching any task, as well as when people work together.

Motivated by:

Their Inner Martyr and Aesthete, who tells them they got to have a great vision, profound meaning and be very special in their creativity and search for beauty. They want to be champions of great causes.

Working with Others:

Romantics are extremely sensitive and emotionally demanding. They judge people primarily by their depth of feeling, by their talents and by their originality.

Romantics are highly individualistic and emotional, they see everything very personally and find it hard to collaborate.

They are very superior, self-righteous and rigid about their convictions therefore a little hard to work with in teams.

Other Qualities:

Romantics often have the appearance of an artiste or stylish eccentric.

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A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Romantic

Justify their existence by seeking emotional intensity and through suffering or melodrama

Happiness derived through deep longings and searching

Active feeling introvert

Aims to be exclusively special

Poor self-image

Negative fervor – envy

Positive fervor – attraction to beauty and self-discovery

Visionary qualities

Refined & artistic

Sensitive idealistic aesthete

Insightful & profound

Competitive and envious

Eccentric

Passionate and intense

Arrogant

Intuitive individualist

Humorous and giving

Connection with unconscious impulses

Instinctive

Seeking exclusivity

Negativism and focus on suffering

High expectations from oneself

Tragic sense of life

Deep and turbulent feelings

Sought after socialite

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5: The Observer

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The Spectrum – from Estranged to Engaged

The Observer is no better or worse than any other of the nine types. The character’s potential ranges from being a hermit-like outsider/recluse, watching passively from the margins of society, to being a positively engaged analyst of reality, able to frame the ‘bigger picture’ and communicate it in a way that gives it meaning for others as well as for self.

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The Light Side

All Observers are individualists, defining themselves against the backdrop of those around them. They enjoy feeling ‘different’, even though they may not choose to draw attention to themselves.

Evolved Observers have developed their capacity for keen perception into the ability to be sharply insightful about themselves and others. They are free, independent thinkers, unbothered by social conventions. They are alert and curious, with searching minds, able to focus and become utterly absorbed in what they are doing or seeing.

Knowledge excites Observers, they are fascinated by everything; people, life, mind, nature – their capacity for wonderment, when not debilitated by the fears created by their shadow, is truly enormous.

Observers love playing with ideas and perceptions. They are intellectual and artistic pioneers, scouts who investigate new fields and possibilities. They are good at perceiving patterns, categorising and synthesising existing ideas and concepts. They are often able to see clearly into the heart of things, although they prefer bigger pictures to details.

Unlike Observers who are ruled by their shadow, well-balanced ones do not shrink from experience but hurl themselves into anything they explore. They work hard and can work alone or with other people, although Observers with a strong shadow will avoid company most of the time.

Their love of learning and exploring is greater than their love of goals or achievements. They have a consuming desire to communicate, share and teach.

Observers who are freed from the negative shadow effects are free from the need to acquire new knowledge and skills all the time. They have a sense of limitless potential of life, enjoy a feeling that they are capable of doing anything they apply themselves to, and they have enough true courage to act.

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The Shadow Side

The main negative belief creating the Observer’s shadow:

‘It could all fall apart at any moment.’

Observers see existence as precarious. Human life is seen as morally, emotionally and materially impoverished. Their own lives, as those of others, may be easily threatened by any number of physical or ideological weaknesses. Observers’ keen perception of vulnerability to threat gives them a sense of personal frailty and a lack of faith in their own resilience or resources.

How the negative belief creates a basic negative fervor: reserve and stinginess

‘There isn’t enough to go round.’

The belief that life itself is essentially impoverished produces a kind of inverse fervor – the passion for withholding. This fervor is in direct conflict with the need to act and relate. The result is a substitute for living, a passion to observe, a passion for knowledge.

Observers hold back on many levels: reluctance to ‘give’ manifests itself as a reluctance to engage in relationships, or even to express themselves. Their primary drive can become to conserve resources, stockpiling against some future deprivation.

Their sense of scarcity and looming disaster can cause Observers to react with a meanness that is both physical and emotional, and may be directed inwards as much as outwards.

They hoard their energies in order to survive, often feeling unable to spare any energy for anyone else. Observers take a strong hold on their inner life in order to economise on effort and resources. This leads to emotional over-sensitivity and fear of living, giving, committing and, above all, acting.

Observers have a particular need to feel in complete possession of their freedom, and of themselves. Seeking to avoid constraints imposed by others, they tend to become secretive, withholding their true intentions, and disguising their need to stay detached and unrestrained.

Non-giving and non-feeling, Observers with strong shadows quickly become lost in the lonely world of ideas.

How basic fervor warps the personality:

‘What’s the point?’

Strong shadow creates a meanness that can force the Observer towards being retentive, impractical, minimising their needs, adopting various non-productive and self-preserving strategies like distancing themselves from others, avoiding responsibility, giving up too easily, and powerful self-control.

Observers tend to be lonely and secretive and often in their loneliness can turn from being creative and successful into very docile characters with no motivation to relate, resigned to their over-simplified, though constricted life.

Observers strive towards detachment, repressing their wants, their pleasures and their social needs in favour of survival and isolation. They work hard on being self-sufficient and building up their own resources, excluding others from their plans.

Observers are fearful of action because of the demands that it puts on what they believe are their limited resources. They also avoid action because acting means being exposed to the eyes of others in the world. This is contrary to their already mentioned secretiveness and it results in being excessively restrained and controlling. In their obsession with preparing for the future / the worst, Observers lose the ability to be active and engaged in the present. This creates a powerful underlying sense of guilt and inadequacy as regards to practical matters and in order to compensate for this Observers become driven characters, putting very high demands on themselves for results which they often fall short of. In turn this creates more guilt… In reality this becomes a greedy grasping for security, always starting new projects and having no sustaining power to conclude them.

The conclusion is that Observers at the extremes of the shadow become overwhelmed with confusion, laziness and apathy.

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Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Observers with a strong shadow self will substitute understanding of life for the experience of living. They harbour a powerful belief, fostered by many religions, that life is to be found beyond its manifestation, beyond the body, beyond feelings. Only thoughts are precious. This encourages Observers’ fundamental distrust in life, in relating, acting, or in receiving and giving love.

Through their focus on the inner world Observers with strong shadow seek inner riches but often find inner poverty. In their search for themselves they remove themselves from the world and relationships only to find emptiness, meaninglessness and valueless self-absorption. In extreme cases Observers become nihilists, lost in the emptiness of their detachment from people and the world.

Shadow effects are such that by being detached Observers grasp and hoard. By not giving, they lose (energy, love, money). By reaching for the extraordinary they get stuck in the mundane; by reaching for ideal love they dehumanise themselves; by protecting themselves from others they become vulnerable to their influence.

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Freedom from the Shadow

Actively engage in life and with people, accept you are here, in the body fully.

Develop and nurture a fervor for feeling alive and being in the world, a sense that there is abundance and not poverty.

Trust that you are capable, investigate, but through experiencing directly rather than by trying to understand from a distance.

Examine your beliefs and find out if you become poorer or richer by getting involved.

Trust that all is well, trust the creativity and magnificence of the world around you – make a habit of engaging emotionally with all the people you deal with.

You have a strong creative drive, so when you start a new project stick to it to the very end. Avoid starting and abandoning too easily.

Find something to do that you are passionate about and that involves human interaction.

Read about the Boss and emulate the positive aspects of their relationship to the world, one that engages with courage, force and fervor.

Use your gifts of observation and perspective for the greater good by getting involved with life on real terms, not through books!

In every moment, of two basic choices, which one are you making, fear or love?

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Relationships

‘Just leave me alone.’

Relationships of all types are good for Observers as they help them flower and this is why Observers should seek them despite themselves.

Observers with strong shadow influences lack social motivation because they fear their need to engage and the hassles of relationships. They avoid social interaction as it may put demands on them and threaten their independence / resources. They do this on the pretext that most social activity is pointless. So they often avoid commitments and easily give up on relationships, be it friends or lovers. This, coupled with the Observer’s extreme cautiousness with people, rarely forming intimate relationships, may result in him or her ending with total resignation to loneliness.

When a strong shadow forces Observers into being lonely, they perversely seek further solitude to lick their wounds, to shake off other people and their vibes. When with people, Observers are easily prone to being influenced by them, especially those who are of dominant type, so this propels Observers towards even further solitude.

Observers don’t demand nor are they demanding of others. The result of this detached attitude is fear of any change.

A negative tendency of the Observer to identify internally with their shadowy sides, gives them a sense of inferiority and awkwardness and a painful feeling of being self-conscious with other people.

Observers find it hard to give or receive love. Being relatively inexpressive makes them look cold, or as if they are taking things for granted. However, when they do find a partner, they tend to stay with them for good.

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Life Orientation

Their deeply held belief that the world is basically dysfunctional, that all resources are limited and an accompanying sense of impending doom pushes Observers into a very intellectual orientation to life. Observers are introvert thinkers and dreamers. The world for them exists primarily to be observed and understood. Reality is virtualised, only a field to be observed and in which to prove their theories. They tend to be pessimistic because of their basic negative belief that life is not worth the trouble. This easily leads them to identify with their weaker selves.

Observers may become obsessed with their thoughts, with inner worlds, with safety and with their own preoccupations. If they spend too much time with themselves Observers start gripping onto their thoughts and feelings that results in brittleness and rigidity of their mental processes.

They suffer from the inability to enjoy pleasure, because it does not rank high in their scale of values.Other drives – for survival, for autonomy etc – are more important.

Observers have a motivational inability to take care of themselves, so they tend to attract others to protect them. When influenced by their shadow Observers are, like all other types, rebels that always look for the living proof of their fundamental theory that life is a failure, while seeking a lost paradise in their minds.

Any demands that life puts on them, self-created or imposed, are sooner or later seen as negative. New ideas often excite Observers, and they will initially get carried away, starting yet another new venture, only to slowly grind to a halt through an excessive negativity followed by loss of motivation.

Observers lean towards planning, classification, organisation, gathering of knowledge and information, ordering of experience, dwelling on abstractions and avoiding concrete experiences. Observers thus risk becoming terribly weak by losing their foothold in the real world.

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Emotional Orientation

Observers with a strong shadow tend to move away from rather than against the world and other people. They are impractical not because they are incapable of working things out, prioritising and doing, but because in their fear of commitment and acting they avoid dealing with difficult emotions. This avoidance makes them over-sensitive and vulnerable which in turn may lead them to retreat more and more into their inner shell of ideals and concepts.

This suppression of feeling, relating and action results in gaining very little real experience and in a sense of emptiness, meaninglessness and sterility. Observers will compensate by being curious and critical spectators of events.

Observers feel extremely tender and vulnerable. Feeling wounded a lot of the time they are very protective of themselves. However, because of their fine tuned and overly sensitive protective mechanism, Observers will internally sound the alarm at smallest disruptions and threats. As the result they are non-imposing, gentle, soft and harmless, treading carefully in the world. They can easily lose motivation and sustained enthusiasm, thus avoid self-expression, becoming prone to weak action, constant self-restraint and lack of spontaneity.

In order to preserve their autonomy, Observers not only distance themselves from the world at large but also they alienate themselves from their emotional needs including their need for love. Internally they create an atmosphere of forced quietude. Consequently they are generally not passionate or very expressive characters. Because their emotions are put to sleep, indifference and coldness can take over. Their depression manifests itself as apathy and emptiness. Underlying sorrow from missing real life, and guilt about it, seem to be prevalent feelings. Guilt is present because Observers are painfully aware of their weaknesses, but blind to the underlying causes. Their apathy is a process of cutting down growth and life.

Cold detachment and repressed anger are a response to what is perceived as the cruelty of life and its rules. This makes them blind to the very subtle perception of the strengths, beauties and true richness of their own self and of living itself.

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Work Orientation

Work Style:

Observers are independent learners and self-starters.

They are intellectual masters, they have a detached, conceptual, analytical and creative approach to work, but are less interested in implementation or completion. For them the thinking of a job is the job – actual hands on daily details are arduous. They’d rather move onto another job.

Information and knowledge are the areas where they are the most comfortable. If there was an ideal job for them it would be a think-tank for one! They are not too keen on people so they love working alone and dislike being interrupted. Their bliss is an empty diary, and freedom to pursue their investigations, their fervor for knowledge and insights.

However the best thing that can happen to Observers is when they are thrown into action, where they have to fully engage with their job and other people. Than they can let go of their tight control on their inner world and resources and be willing to be visible and sound their views openly.

Motivated by:

Their Inner Intellectual Master, who pushes Observers into the world of ideas, towards gaining special new concepts, insights, skills and information. They are also driven by a search for meaning, security and stability.

Working with Others:

Observers are very sensitive about their personal space, and withholding in their relationships with others. They find it hard to ask for favours and they don’t like being asked for any either. Afraid of intimacy, they live and let live. They tend to be loners and like to relate from a distance. They are known to be invisible, self-effacing, abrupt and irritable.

Observers are highly individualistic, critical non-conformists – so much so that they find it hard to meet with others, unless given a great deal of space and time. They like running a tight ship and will often see others as threats rather than potential.

Other Qualities:

Observers often have eccentric looks, not caring about appearances. They are kind, original, quirky, weird and entertaining in their own surreal way.

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A Quick Guide to Recognizing an Observer

Justify their existence by searching for its meanings

Happiness derived from gaining knowledge and independence

Passive intellectual introvert type

Negative self-image

Negative fervor – stingy with energy, time, resources

Positive fervor – thirst for knowledge

Socially awkward and sharply critical

Non-conformists

Perceptive and observant

Analytical original thinker

Idealistic eccentric dreamer

Focus on bigger picture – no time for details

Focus on negative

Fear of action therefore preference given to observing

Intellectual and artistic pioneers

Collector

High expectations from oneself

Independent and secretive

Invisible and self-effacing

Oversensitive sorrowful loner

Strong creative drive

Tendency to keep emotions in

Detached and afraid of being overwhelmed by others

Fear and loathing of authority

Suppressed feelings and instincts

Sense of emptiness

Life lived through understanding, not experiencing

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6: The Officer

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The Spectrum – from Lamb to Lion

As its name suggests, the character’s potential ranges from being a docile, anxious coward, to being a courageous actor in the field of human endeavour. Freedom from The Shadow Side enables the Officer to balance the fearful or dominant elements of their nature, and develop the capacity to look life squarely in the eye.

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The Light Side

Officers at their best exemplify the virtues of trust and courage.

They are reliable, responsible, earnest and warm people.

They have learned to trust, to dedicate, bond and align with others, not because they will profit and secure themselves more, but because they understand the need and importance of people getting together in the right spirit of real community welfare.

They are responsible, compassionate community builders and leaders with good foresight and organizational ability. Officers are natural problem solvers, hardworking and persevering, sacrificing themselves for others, bringing a cooperative spirit and security to their surroundings.

They are proud workers, attentive to detail, always alert for possible dangers and problems and know how to take preventative measures.

In relationships Officers are independent, they stop chasing for security in others, understanding that this leads to manipulation and insincerity. They have the endearing qualities of being friendly, playful and childlike. They are trustworthy and very practical with strong common sense.

When their shadow is non-active Officers gain courage, a sense of security and a connection with their inner strengths. They become self-reliant, trust in their judgement and stop looking outside (above or below them in any hierarchy they perceive) for deliverance and security. They have the ability to deeply live and feel and will engage wholeheartedly in their tasks for greater good.

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The Shadow Side

The main negative belief creating the Officer’s shadow:

‘You just don’t know what’s round the corner.’

We often refer to people who live under this type’s shadow as ‘born worriers’, based on our perception of them as fundamentally insecure about the most improbable things. Indeed, Officers conclude very early on that the world is a totally insecure place, and one that they are badly equipped to deal with. They therefore make an early, deep decision to do everything possible in order to secure their safety and their standing in the shaky world. Their insecurity will shape them into becoming industrious, effective, always cautious world players. It can also destroy their equanimity and any faith in life or other people.

How the negative belief creates a basic negative fervor: anxiety

‘What if it all goes wrong?’

Officers suffer from anxiety on every level: existential angst, fear of the outer world, fear of losing security and fear of relationships. Their strategy for dealing with anxiety is either to fight like hell, or to find refuge in a group or an ideology – or to become paralysed with distrust for anything or anyone that comes their way. The other reaction to fear is the inhibition of instincts and impulses (sexual or emotional). This leads to the overwhelming self-doubt and even higher anxiety that characterises the extremely cautious nature of this type.

However, it is interesting that Officers never see themselves as fearful or aggressive, because they believe their behaviour is a normal response to reality, rather than a neurosis based on their perceptions of it. In fact aggression is often taboo for Officers.

How basic fervor warps the personality:

‘I was only following orders.’

Officers spend a great deal of energy attempting to escape their ever present anxiety. If they escape it by becoming aggressive they develop parental/bossing qualities in relating to others. If they react by feeding their need for protection and security, they will look to form friendly, trusting and supportive alliances.

Officers stifle their own impulses and seem predisposed to suffer. Chronic doubt renders them unable to act without endlessly reasoning everything out, obsessive in their need for precision, and conformity to rules. This same doubt may, conversely, result in them becoming extreme in their fear-fed convictions, verging on the fanatic.

One characteristic that assails Officers is self-accusation and its other side, distrust of others. Distrust and doubt lead to the need for authority, obedience to rules and idol worship. Its counter quality is an almost consciously developed fervor for being in command. In short, Officers have powerful impulses to submit or to rebel. They are aware of their weakness, their doubting and anxiety, so they have a great need to either worship power or become authority figures.

Their craving for certainty about right and wrong means Officers are always on the lookout for trouble. They have highly sensitive antennae for detecting danger / error, so sensitive that they verge on paranoia. This makes them rigid and tense, constantly cross-checking their own rational choices with the advice of others. Being out of touch with their impulses makes them very hesitant. As they fear making wrong decisions, they are prone to compulsive double checking, never being sure and consequently lacking self-confidence.

The Officer’s greatest enemy, like for all other types, may be the one within. Their inner self-doubt produces a voice that is always ready to accuse. In their avoidance of this tortuous guilt, Officers may create a hero image of themselves and project their own suspicion, aggression and accusation onto people around them.

Officers tend to be ambiguous about many things and one of the prominent ones is their relationship to authority. They are obedient and rebellious at the same time. They are subservient and authoritative, the coward and the bully. They desire to bring down authority and at the same time will fight to reach a position of authority in order to feel secure.

In general, fear of authority or of making mistakes and their need for clear cut guidelines, make average Officers decent law-abiding citizens, devoted to responsibilities, respectful of rules and values, obeying documents and institutions. They are also people who are very controlled, correct, effective, informed, hard working, punctual, precise and responsible.

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Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Officers have a very fragile sense of being which stimulates aggression or weakness in self-expression and a feeling of being under constant threat which turns into acute anxiety. They give up their power before authority as they give up their sense of being to their idols, or organisations or ideas that they endow with a greater importance than life.

Officers under strong influence from their shadow are in never-ending search of security, but only find anxiety and claustrophobia. In their search of greatness they find their own irrelevance; in their search of friendship they mistrust everyone, thus turning people against or away from them. By their suppressing their aggression they violate themselves; in their flight from doubt and in search of true faith, they find rigid and fanatical ideologies; while persecuting others they end up accusing themselves and so, while being forever vigilant for the enemies without, they nurture the one within.

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Freedom from Shadow

Examine and perhaps change the belief that the world is out there to get you. Find courage to live a full, independent life.

Learn to trust, see if there is a way to live with confidence and passion, letting yourself go and living by your natural instincts.

Relax, nothing is under control! Also, only dread one day at the time.

Learn to de-stress, to live by the law of love and not the rule of fear.

Find security in yourself and accept that the world itself has a different aim to being a safe and predictable place to live in.

Examine your beliefs and see that what you project on others could be what you hate about yourself.

Like a mother that loves all her offspring, learn to accept the totality of yourself.

And finally learn to trust others while being independent and self-reliant.

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Relationships

‘You’re either with me or against me!’

Officers are a very active social type.

They need both superiors and inferiors to make them feel the world is in order. They will develop a great many skills in order to attract supportive /protective/obedient people – they are considerate, gentle and even obsequious, at the same as they are competitive and in need of stronger partners.

They have the ability to produce powerful emotions in others and charming them with their warmth and their selfless social activities. Their friendliness can also be their weakness, a compulsive search for protection leading to a calculating trade in warmth.

Steady relationships, be they romantic, friendly or with large organisations (clubs, corporations, military forces), are very important to them. They can be very demanding for obedience and for love.

At work they are often submissive to their “superiors” and yet bossy to their “inferiors”.

They are conformists and expect others to follow suit. To compensate for their feelings of anxiety they will often bluff their way by being tough, bombastic or truly courageous – becoming or portraying themselves as heroes.

Officers love forming partnerships and families.

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Life Orientation

Officers’ obsession with security can make them extremely cautious of everything they do in life. They have a tendency to see things in black or white, diabolical or divine.

Their anxiety makes them suspicious of all, including doubting their own motives and abilities.

They are problem solvers, but also problem seekers.

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Emotional Orientation

Lack of trust in life and in oneself causes a fundamental feeling of dread and threat.

Apart from anxiety and fear, guilt is a prominent emotion with Officers. Guilt, as the direct result of anxiety, manifests in being defensive and in accusing of self and others. Officers seek to relieve their guilt and anxiety through being subservient, through being falsely friendly to those who might point an accusing finger, or through assertive bluffing that hides weaknesses.

They are also prone to sadness and a sense of abandonment.

If they give in to their many fears:

Of their natural impulses… of making mistakes… of the unknown… of hostility… of not being able to cope… of not surviving… of loneliness in a threatening world… of betrayal… of loving… of rocking the boat… of changes… of unstructured situations…

… it can make them over-compromise and stop them from truly living.

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Work Orientation

Work Style:

Officers are very logical and systematic in their approach to work. They have a keen eye for evaluating good and bad decisions (with a tendency to lean to the negative side).

They lack trust in people, in circumstances, they are never happy go lucky, so they have a tendency to think and re-think the decisions: checking and rechecking pros and cons or pitfalls or people’s motivations, which all leads to procrastination.

They are pragmatic and cautious, playing secure and predictable – they always plan with plenty of back-ups.

They are very hard working, and responsible and like clear roles and responsibilities.

They work the best when there is no time to think, when they are working with others on a joint mission and are forced to trust others that things will be done and be done well. Then they drop their guards and naturally gel people together.

Motivated by:

Their Inner Commander, who demands absolute security and anything necessary to create it. Officers love community work as they feel more secure in the crowd, so they love forming partnerships. They prosper in safe, steady environments.

Working with Others:

When feeling safe Officers are excellent co-workers – warm, responsible, supportive. When fearing being conned (which can be an acute or mild fear, but always present), they can be very suspicious, always reading between the lines, looking for hidden motives (there is a need to be straight and very pragmatic with them). Ever-watchful, they keep their eye on their own people as much as on the opposition. They have a tendency to blame and are not so hot on giving thanks or compliments.

When they overcome their mistrust, Officers are excellent and committed team players. Otherwise they only work with a small circle of trusted colleagues. They are builders of partnerships who take a long time to trust people, but when they do, they form the strongest and the most lasting alliances and teams.

Officers are generally very smart. They are ambiguous about authority- wavering from total obedience to rebelliousness.

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A Quick Guide to Recognizing an Officer

Justify their existence by being ‘heroic’ and socially active

Happiness derived from pre-emptive actions obtaining security

Organising, active type

Negative self image

Logical and intellectual

Active introvert (appearing as an extrovert)

Pessimistic

Aims to be secure and involved

Negative fervor – high anxiety

Positive fervor – to unite, to build true partnerships

Committed & pragmatic

Loyal & dutiful

Authority and ideals orientated

Trouble-shooter

Critical of others below and obedient to those above

Community builder

Anxious skeptic

Good friend and family person

Rigid and revengeful

Tendency to paranoia

Indecisive, procrastinating and doubting

Overcautious and suspicious

Always alert and vigilant

Suppressed instincts and feelings

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7: The Adventurer

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The Spectrum – from Pirate to Gardener

The Adventurer character’s potential ranges from being a rapacious thrill-seeker, greedy for the riches of the world on any level, to being a grounded, happy tiller of the world’s great garden, content to love and nurture what lies within reach, knowing that the real adventure is simply being alive.

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The Light Side

Adventurers at their best are very creative, extroverted and multi-talented.

Freedom from their shadow also frees them of the compulsion to be always on the run, escaping disappointment or chasing after new ideas. Once their feet are planted firmly on the ground, Adventurers become truly inspiring, compassionate and charismatic helpers of the humanity. Rooted in reality, they take responsibility for their actions, and learn to distinguish between dreams and deeds.

They know how to listen to others and are sensitive to their needs and feelings. Above all they know how to assimilate their experience to the full before they fly off to another one.

Adventurers are highly responsive, excitable and enthusiastic about everything they do and, freed from their shadow, they are truly happy – not just putting on a front.

They are stimulating company, wonderful hosts, expressive, witty and quick to learn anything. Lively, eager, spontaneous and cheerful, they are also practical, productive and prolific, marrying various areas of interest.

They are ever curious and have the ability to experience wonders, joy and ecstasy.

At their best, they realise that reality is the most thrilling of all experiences and are deeply grateful and appreciative.

Adventurers have an extraordinary potential for happiness!

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The Shadow Side

The main negative belief creating the Adventurer’s shadow is:

‘If I stop, I’ll die!’

Adventurers fear repetition of anything. They see routine as stifling boredom, and a quiet life as death, so they are constantly on the run in search of new lands to explore.

How the negative belief creates a basic negative fervor: greed

‘I haven’t tried chanting / body surfing / truffles yet …’

Adventurers are greedy for pleasure and experiences. Fearing deprivation and boredom, adventurers are avid seekers of new thrills. They are magnetised by the romantic, the remote and the bizarre. Their quest is for variety, adventure and surprise; an eternal search for an ideal, futuristic and progressive lifestyle.

Their greed fro variety all too easily expresses and transforms itself into hedonism, the seeking of pleasure as a replacement for real love. Being hedonists they are judged by society as rebellious dreamers, or even irresponsible charlatans.

Adventurers, especially those seeking satisfaction through spiritual or intellectual quests/cults, can’t live with the idea of themselves as greedy, so press on to further distractions and excitements.

This headlong pursuit of pleasure causes a restless inner instability and anxiety, which they cover up with apparent satisfaction and enthusiastic optimism.

How basic fervor warps the personality:

‘Oh no, that’s boring! Let’s jump in the deep end!’

Adventurers are hyperactive people, living to excess, initiating many projects, finishing few. They have a great appetite for life, making great connoisseurs and consumers.

Adventurers can express their need for new experiences by being demanding and pushy, or they can trick and charm their way through, or they might take the Indiana Jones’ route on their way to variety, excitement and happiness. Whatever they do they do it in a fly-by-night style, one moment you see them, the next you don’t.

They love action, they are not introspective and will jump into the deep end any time. But they’ll rarely swim to the finish line as there are so many new pools to explore.

Adventurers tend to feel superior to other, ‘boring’ people. They mask this by appearing non-assuming, appreciative and egalitarian. At the same time, they unconsciously harbour a sense of inferiority and insecurity, based on their self-doubt and their frustrating, restless inner instability.

Being hedonistically inclined necessarily entails being open-minded and anti–conventional. It also entails Adventurers being seductive, permissive and charming. They use their wit, their smooth, cool and contented characteristics to show off as happy, well-informed, superior people while at the same time disguising the sense of inferiority they acquire from never seeing things through.

Adventurers are curious, easily stimulated and eager for new ideas. They have agile flexible minds and with their endless enthusiasm and energy are very persuasive. Their optimism is of cosmic proportions – there is no good and no evil, no guilt and no obligation, no duties, no effort – all we need to do is to be happy and enjoy!

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Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Adventurers, all appearances to the contrary, can be aggressive personalities. They’ll do anything to satisfy their need for happiness, and hate to be thwarted. But their search for aliveness and love is through pleasure.

Their basic misconception is that amusement is true happiness.

This causes inner shallowness and undercurrents of anxiety. Losing inner communion, they lose the ability to really communicate with others, and can turn to being manipulative tricksters instead. Their loss of faith in life as a whole leads to constant dissatisfaction with the present circumstance and an endless preoccupation with the world of ideas, of projections into future times and places.

Their restless search for experience makes them dabblers in many things and only too often masters of none. Their pretending to be generous, pleasing and smooth reveals them to be self-appeasing, aggressive and mean.

In their constant search for fun and pleasurable experiences they turn away from life and impoverish their experience through avoidance to face themselves. Their preoccupation with ideas and fear of boredom and pain makes them confused between the real and the imaginary and so renders them ineffective and unreliable. By insisting at all costs on the positive Adventurers accumulate and spread the negative. By insisting on new experiences they dig themselves in to the old and tiresome flight path, running the risk of becoming dissatisfied, crude and jaded.

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Freedom from the Shadow

Stop running, be still – avoid entering a vicious circle of running away from facing yourself – learn to reflect, to examine your beliefs, especially the one that life happiness is only to be found in activity, in new experiences, and that there is no inner life without outer pleasures. Is it really true that you cannot be happy unless you are absolutely free to do anything you have the whim to do, right now?

Learn to assimilate your experiences in depth, to savour them.

Don’t make promises that you will not keep. You need to discriminate between genuine needs and passing desires, between productive activity and mere consumption, between true accomplishment and amateur fooling around.

Seek affirmation and the ecstatic appreciation of life versus terror and anxiety, a long-term strategy for contentment rather than immediate satisfaction.

Is happiness the only goal of life, and if so, what is happiness? Shouldn’t happiness be stress free, shouldn’t happiness set you free?

Make practical steps as soon as you envisage something. Learn to prioritise. Ground yourself first, fly later.

Learn to nurture what’s inside you and what’s around you, before you seek stimulation elsewhere. For a person to flourish fully, they first need roots.

Learn to listen.

Find out if being responsible means being happy.

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Relationships

‘I’ve been entertaining these people all night! I’m too tired to wash up.’

Adventurers can be very manipulative people for they shun hard work and fun is high on the list of their motivators. To get what they want they learn the art of being intellectually persuasive, they develop a gift for words. To be more effective in this endeavour they use their charm, they like to please, to entertain, to inspire and ultimately to be admired.

They also cultivate a positive self-image, they believe in themselves first (the first person one has to sell anything to), they believe in their own wisdom, superiority, respectability and goodness of intentions.

Adventurers are fun to be with, they are amiable through being warm, helpful, and generally ready to serve. They are generous people, great hosts and great spenders too.

They make good advisers and consultants, as they like to influence others through advice – they are highly intelligent, expressive and suggestive.

Going together with pleasure-seeking and consequent rebellion is a lack of discipline or inner instability and the habit of being non-committal. They have urgency about them, the intense desire for pleasure here and now, while pleasure postponement is perceived as boredom and lifelessness.

Adventurers are very anti-convention, but they limit themselves to humouring authority rather than openly going against it. Similarly, they do not like to impose authority on others but prefer to live in non-hierarchical ways.

Their charm, friendliness, and permissive egalitarianism often stems from their own desire for their fun to go on uninterrupted.

They can make wonderful partners and parents as long as they have their freedom to explore. Adventurers can commit but they cannot be bored.

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Life Orientation

Adventurers approach the world through a strategy of words and reasons.

There is confusion between imagination and reality, projects and accomplishments, potential and realisations.

Their life’s motivation is wanting to be happy and pleased and to have a wide variety of experiences in order to escape anxiety and boredom.

Fear of deprivation is the main negative drive.

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Emotional Orientation

The main emotion is excitement, with underlying anxiety. Adventurers are terrified of what might be lurking inside them, of their grief, of loss, of anxiety and most of all of their fundamental disbelief in life. They know little of themselves, especially when young, and they distract themselves with activities, with positive expectations (new adventures, relationships, courses…).

The adventurer’s self-esteem is dependant on a steady stream of uplifting new experiences and impressions. This has to involve other people so Adventurers develop all sorts of handy emotional tools to attract and inspire others. They are outwardly happy and amiable people. Their charm and their laughter can hide anxiety; their pleasant manners may hide aggression; their generosity often hides their exploitation of others.

Come what may, Adventurers aim to FEEL GOOD, and if they have to step over others or leave others behind in order to avoid the pains of introspection and responsibility they will do it with a smile on their face.

All in all Adventurers with strong shadows remain emotionally deprived as they avoid and suppress a whole range of emotions, the ones that show them that there are things to look at, the negative ones that point to tasks that have been neglected, the ones that show that perhaps their hearts are not as open as they would like others to believe.

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Work Orientation

Work Style:

Adventurers have high energy and a style guided by inspiration.

They are informal, experimental and creative.

They are big on planning and advising, they are impulsive and adaptable. They sometimes need help with well-grounded, step-by-step progress.They love producing and networking new dreams, ideas and ventures and prefer to dabble rather than to master. So, like Observers, they have a need for someone who will put their ideas into practice.

They love interactive, unpredictable situations and avoid conveyor belt work.

If they are to be responsible, they need to have clear and detailed guidelines and duties. They are excellent starters, but poor finishers. They need self-discipline, organized priorities, commitment and readiness to face all the aspects of work, both positive and negative.

Motivated by:

Their Inner Peter Pan / TinTin / James Bond…, that is by adventure and excitement. They love big ideas and anything positive!

Working with Others:

Adventurers are always charming and friendly. Their excitement combined with their intellectual persuasion makes them great motivators. They need to polish their listening skills though. Overlooking their own fears, they perceive others as heavy and dull and tend to treat them too lightly.

Independence is the name of the game for Adventurers (authority is something to mock for them). So as long as they have lots of room to move they will fit in, but don’t let them get bored or they will be out.

Other qualities:

Bright and breezy appearance with a permanent grin. Backdoor is always open as not so strong on committing…

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A Quick Guide to Recognizing an Adventurer

Justify their existence by experiencing variety and fun

Happiness derived from pleasures and constant ‘fun’

Active extrovert

Negative fervor – gluttony for experience

Positive fervor – for change, for discovery, for joy

Idealistic optimistic dreamer

Positive type with strongly suppressed negative emotions

Intellectually orientated

Hidden anxiety

Enthusiastic rebellious hedonist

Non-disciplined & narcissistic

Charming & inspirational

Seductive and pleasing

Persuasive ideas person

Manipulative

Joyful

Attractive

Impulsive and irresponsible

Popular with others

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8: The Boss

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The Spectrum – from Dominator to Defender

The character’s considerable potential ranges from being a destructive demon/bully ready to take the world by storm, to a creator of worlds, a hero committed to saving the underdogs everywhere.

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The Light Side

When freed from their powerful, lustful shadow Bosses are assertive, confident and strong. They are full of vitality and zest for life, of jovial disposition.

Bosses do not shy away from loftier feelings, especially not from love. They have an unwavering faith in life, also learning to trust and work with other people.

They are often courageous, charismatic and inspiring leaders, able to fully embody the vision that will benefit humanity. They are excellent at reading other people, seeing their strengths and weaknesses and have a sixth sense for insincerity.

They are decisive and authoritative. They are very resourceful makers, and since they are not inclined to introspection, they rarely suffer from doubt and insecurity. In fact, they love taking risks and making things happen and are unafraid of challenges, however great they may be.

Bosses are restrained and big hearted, merciful and caring, and truly heroic; no sacrifice is too great for the realisation of their goals.

Bosses are naturally exuberant and have a genuine enjoyment of being with others. They are able to give others a clear and fulfilling sense of opportunity and direction. They are creative, protective providers. And for all this they are not only loved and respected but worshipped by others.

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The Shadow Side

The main negative belief creating the Boss’ shadow is:

‘It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there’

Bosses believe that the world is a cruel place. Feeling vulnerable makes them vengeful. Their fear of being hurt or humiliated hardens their hearts. They decided very early in their life that they will never be dominated by other people, or by circumstances, ever again. To remain unconquered, they must become utterly independent – in fact, Bosses conclude that they must conquer the world with their power before it conquers them!

How the negative belief creates a basic negative fervor: lust

‘I want it all and I want it now’

Lust in the Boss is the passion for power over others, and for strength and intensity of experience. This leads to a hedonistic pleasure-seeking that can betray weaknesses such as not feeling alive unless over-stimulated. The Bosses’ rebellion against a cruel life arises from fear. Disgusted by this fear, they repress it, subverting its strength into the desire for domination and control.

How basic fervor warps the personality:

‘The truth hurts’

Bosses are energetic, intensity-seeking, aggressive types. Under the influence of the shadow their healthy zest for life becomes lust, an all-consuming greed for stimulation.

Bosses are not introspective, nor do they give in to fear or doubts easily, they just go with their instincts. They usually go after what they want and need impulsively, aggressively and wholeheartedly as they are not encumbered by usual moral constraints. Others sense their hostile ruthlessness and usually move out of the way. If they don’t they are likely to experience the Boss’s vengeful, and often sadistic rage.

Bosses under the influence of their shadow have a chip on their shoulder, and the chip is the world itself. They are at war with everyone and everything, avoiding weaknesses, forever strengthening themselves through their battles for dominance and justice. Or at least what they consider to be justice.

Bosses rebel against repression, within and without. Yet they are not as natural and spontaneous as this might suggest. Their fixation on constraints actually makes them rigid, defensive and reactive in their expression (they are the first to shout slogans and run to barricades). They often go in the opposite direction to everyone else. While most people have ways of checking their desires, Bosses not only indulge them, but openly promote them. They refer to this ‘being honest’, but it is also a defense, a justification of their world view.

To eradicate their last shred of vulnerability, Bosses meet their challenges head on. They thrive on intense situations, on violent confrontations. They always give back more than is dished out to them, but they cannot tolerate ‘finer feelings’. They see delicacy as cowardice, and sensitivity as weakness. They shrivel from boredom if inactive, react violently against mediocrity, and, if they can’t satisfy their enormous appetite for victory and adventure, they fall apart.

Let there be no mistake, Bosses are generally popular people. They may be ruthlessly self-seeking, but they may also do great good and they are often champions of the downtrodden. Other people love their humour, their earthy, healthy, unencumbered zest for enjoyment, their good cheer and charm, their energy and readiness for action. Bosses are undoubtedly people of influence. However, when their shadow is strong, it gives everything a different air, an edge of aggression and spite that can be the difference between heaven and hell.

Bosses are not aware of the way they come across; their numerous self-justifications are so loud and clear that they cannot hear anything or anybody else. They call their lack of compassion and sensitivity to others ‘honesty’, their bullying is ‘strength’, their self-serving pursuits are ‘realism’.

They have no option but to fight: eat or be eaten is the nature of the world they are in. Their anger needs no examining as it is justified by their need, need for satisfaction, intensity and survival. They do not see themselves as bullies (and are hurt if so called), but as fighters for freedom and justice, of their own kind of course.

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Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

Bosses range from being outright bullies to being committed fighters for the underdogs. They can be heroes or villains, benefactors or tyrants. They are incapable of surviving long on the middle ground.

Bosses search for meaning in activity, so they have no time for too much reflection. They have given up on the expectation of being wanted, let alone loved. They substitute real love and aliveness with a fervor for intensity and the result is that they remain at war with a world that constantly frustrates their efforts to satisfy their lusts for pleasure, wealth and triumph. They do not ask for permission to take what they want. Their sense of self grows as their influence grows and they get anxious if they are not expanding.

Bosses who give in to their shadow lose their confidence and rely more and more on ruthless force. They use intimidation rather than persuasion; they lie and bluff without remorse. They aim to enslave and are always on the lookout for evidence of obedience from others. They take control into their own hands and grow suspicious of everyone around them.

Bosses with a strong shadow become truly menacing, because only money and power have any value to them. They can become ruthless, pitiless outlaws, reaching the stage where the more terrible they are, the worse the acts they will commit to avoid their own feelings of guilt. Eventually they may turn into megalomaniacs, for whom anyone and everyone is a potential victim.

Bosses live in constant anticipation of rejection and betrayal. This makes them act in distrustful and aggressive ways, only bringing about the very things they anticipated: rejection and betrayal. Afraid of intimacy and defeat, they convince themselves that they do not need people. Reaching for satisfaction outside themselves leaves them forever dissatisfied, always craving for more. Through seeking domination and control, they lose their friendships. Through violence they find emptiness. While rebelling against authority they get stuck in the rigidity of their own rules.

While chasing intensity Bosses lose track of subtlety, while pursuing fullness of experience they only find that they have dug out a painful hollowness inside. When their passion for life is stifled, their fervor to dominate is increased. They find relief in turbulence, and they find ‘happiness’ in aggression. From fear of being dominated they dominate others, only to find that the worst dominator is one from within, the frightened, separated self.

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Freedom from the Shadow

You have to do some searching inside yourself or you will be eaten alive, dominated by your own all-consuming passions.

Examine your beliefs and above all your fears – yes, you have them too!

Fear of domination, fear of trust and fear of intimacy to name just three.

By all means be strong, but allow yourself to feel, to listen and consider others.

Acting with self-restraint makes you more powerful than ever as people will go along with you rather than fight you. Realise that marching shoulder to shoulder connects you with the extraordinary power of human love and the human spirit – something the lonely tyrant will forever find impossible to exploit.

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Relationships

‘You know you need me.’

While shadow-dominated Bosses are, on the surface, real social animals, their actions and relations betray powerful anti-social tendencies. Their hurts from the past motivate their vindictive actions towards others in the present.

Often witty, entertaining and charming, Bosses are mainly compensating for ruthlessly using others, for being invasive or violent. Their manipulative charms are geared to seducing others in order to gain influence and power. They have the unfortunate habit of approaching others as either competitors or targets for exploitation. They are alpha types; forceful, domineering, boastful and bullying. So long as they are being intimidating, they feel themselves immune from intimidation. They never back down.

Their need of love, if repressed, turns into a lusty sexual drive. Their fixations with thrusting forward make bosses incapable of being receptive.

Bosses are, as might be expected, violently against any form of authority, except their own! It is a defensive measure, their main fear being of being dominated, and as a ground clearing for their own control, intimidation and unaccountability. Bosses will often praise autonomy and reject dependency.

Bosses are scornful of people’s normal values, which they see as hypocritical. For Bosses, to be bad is to be good. Because they are cunning and sly in their revenges, they assume others to be the same, or more accurately they accuse others of the crimes while seeing themselves as innocent.

But they toughen a little too much. Fearful of defeat and humiliation and through suppression of vulnerability, sensitivity and tenderness, they lose touch with their ability to be intimate, and thus to relate. They try to hide this loss of wholeness by being lively, loud, expansive or deliberately seductive. But they easily fall pray to boredom, impatience and impulsiveness. And when fear raises its head they meet it head on. Their toughness is not compatible with fear or weakness, sentimentality or pity, but on the contrary, there is disdain for those feelings and an affinity for unsentimental, realistic, direct and blunt ways of relating.

Bosses have a secret self-concept of being evil and they are cynical of others’ sincerity – they know they are manipulating and dominating and not loving, thus their lust is condemned to turn into inner dissatisfaction. Their relationship with themselves is masochistically punishing. They show equal contempt for wimps, whiners and bluffers.

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Life Orientation

In their struggle against a dangerous world that cannot be trusted, Bosses prize action over intellect and feeling. They are sense-orientated, clutching at the present while impatiently denying the importance of past memories or future plans. They are continually testing their strength against the world. Their goals are as important as the intensity of the pursuit.They are also greatly impatient towards aesthetic and spiritual experience.

At the same time, Bosses have a powerful drive to leave some kind of legacy; they search for immortality. They see themselves as people with a mission and they are ready to do impossible to realise it.

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Emotional Orientation

In spite of appearing to be brimming with emotion, in touch and involved with life, Bosses experience a sense of emotional loss and emptiness. They consciously rise against love and finer feelings, while at the same time placing aggression and dominance on a pedestal.

Bosses find excitement in anxiety, in strong tastes and tough experiences and thus they harden themselves against the harsh world. Their other emotional traits are being impulsive, greedy, angry, excitable and raucous. They are the angriest of all character types and least intimidated by others’ anger. Other emotional characteristics are being ruthless, revengeful, intimidating and blunt. They deny fear and enjoy power through risk taking, further feeding their excitement through anxiety.

They avoid their own feelings of frustration and humiliation by forming a tendency to humiliate others (sadistic tendency). They seek a proof of love in willingness from others to be dominated and used.

Bosses thrive on pain, anxiety and intensity without which life seems tasteless and boring to them. Their grasping for the intensity of sensual experiences produces a fixation with action and body senses, further weakening their tender feelings, as nothing else is considered real.

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Work Orientation

Work Style:

Bosses have great energy, they know how to make impact. They are confident, outrageous and impulsive risk takers, they love challenges and direct action engagement.

Bosses hate theorising, as they are totally practical. They do not play by the book, unless they wrote it – even then, it’s all open to their interpretation.

They work best when they are aware of their own inner world, when their own goals gain approval of people they are in charge of, and when they learn to stand back and take broader view of what they are doing.

Motivated by:

Their Inner Despot, who demands they increase their power and influence. They are also motivated by a strong and rigid sense of justice. They engage with anything from huge, world-saving projects to shamelessly and utterly selfish ones.

Working with Others:

Bosses are bossy – their bossiness ranges from being inspirational, protective and paternal to being intrusive, blunt, angry, confrontational, and outright vindictive. If challenged they may annihilate, unless they are shown respect first. They always demand an absolute commitment. They love direct, to-the-point communications. In other people Bosses only appreciate power.

Bosses are not good team players… oh, well yes, if the team listens to their commands. Bosses tend to be strong on arguing, weak on listening. They easily fall into a trap of feeling that they are being attacked rather than that negotiations are in the process… so they blast back or steamroll over people regardless of the consequences. Not believing in cooperation or in empowering others, Bosses lose most of the benefits of being truly part of a team.

Bosses approve and appreciate strength in others, but will seldom bow down to anyone.

Bosses dress in a way that will show they are strong and in command. Action matters to Bosses and they make things happen – for this reason they are exciting to work with. They can be fun, charming and really care for those who work with them.

They are not very introspective, so they hardly ever see what they are really up to, or how it affects other people.

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A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Boss

Justify their existence by attaining power

Happiness derived from satisfying their intense cravings and feeling powerful

Active extrovert

Self image dependent on constant stimulation, on being in control and triumphing over the world

Aggressive positivism

Satisfaction found in struggle and triumph

Negative fervor – lust

Positive fervor – to take on any challenges with courage and strength

Committed pragmatist

Practical and action initiating

Saviour of weak

Seeker and destroyer of pretentious

Independent

From being just to totally self-righteous

Impulsive & lustful hedonism

Exuberant

Confrontational bully

Decisive and authoritative leader

Courageous, charismatic and inspiring

Ruthless

Charming and humorous

Recklessly impulsive

Vindictive

Cynical & rebellious

Grandiose powerful feelings and instincts

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9: The Harmoniser

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The Spectrum – from Slob-like to Sublime

The Harmoniser’s potential ranges from being an unreflecting couch potato who habitually follows the route of least resistance, to being a compassionate communicator whose aim is to make harmony all round. The lazy Harmoniser will be tuned in to no one but themselves; the Harmoniser free from shadow will work to get the whole world in tune.

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The Light Side

When free of their shadow, Harmonisers are true bringers of peace. They are excellent hosts and mediators, unafraid of the challenges implicit in bringing people together.

Able to form deep and trusting relationships, they make supportive friends and inspiring, nurturing parents.

They have an earthly wisdom based on rich experience and their total acceptance of the world as it really is – not as it should be according to our individual little formulas.

Harmonisers are receptive to the world, and so able to find the fullness of life in the simplest of things. Trusting in life, themselves and others, they find new shoots of hope in what others might consider a disaster. In adversity they know when to be patient and when to creatively respond.

They are healthily optimistic, jovial and expansive.

When the shadow is dissolved, Harmonisers become integrated, fully alive and in touch with their feelings. They emerge from their bubble of laziness into the world of relationships, avoiding nothing and facing everything.

Understanding their own anger helps them transform it into true compassion. Their mission changes from seeking comfort to seeking and sharing happiness. They are no longer ruled by their habits and their rigid ways, but are connected to the instinctual currents in themselves, bringing aliveness and freshness to everyone, every day.

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The Shadow Side

The main negative belief creating the Harmoniser’s shadow:

‘It’s a mad, mad, mad, bad world’

The Harmoniser adopts an early belief that the world is a complex place, existence a complicated affair, and that people are crazy – that people make the whole thing much worse by their endless conflicts. Harmonisers take an early decision, a vow of a sort, that they will not ever cause conflicts themselves, will bring peace to others and will live a simple and happy life, adapting to their environment to the best of their abilities.

How the negative belief creates a basic negative fervor: sloth

‘Don’t make me move. I’ve only just got comfortable.’

Sloth is a longing for physical and psychological comfort that overrules everything else. It involves an obstinate clinging to the status quo once comfort is achieved, and a refusal to consider change, even if this might bring more comfort! 

In Harmonisers, the need for genuine self-awareness is replaced with the need for comfort. They often end up caring for others around them, often more than they care for themselves. Harmonisers develop an emotional hardening and the forgetfulness of their true, happier self. In time their inner life tends to shrivel as they develop an aversion to psychological exploration. Their refusal to see and get in touch with their own inner experience is part of the general resistance to change.

Slothful Harmonisers come across as outwardly dependable and they are responsible characters. They have slow, indecisive, ponderous ways that are hidden by jolly, generous and optimistic attitudes.

How basic fervor warps the personality:

‘Anything for an easy life.’

Sloth causes Harmonisers a low self-image or, more accurately, a loss of sense of self. Harmonisers are so well adapted to their environment that they hardly ever think of themselves, very often identifying more readily with the needs of others. However, it is not love that motivates them: they generally avoid love or passion, substituting it with false care, peace and comfort, and jovial indulgence of the senses.

While being well adapted Harmonisers tend to control themselves into being ‘content’. At the same time they will be neglecting their real needs and impulses. Strangely though, while alienating themselves from their inner life and neglecting their own needs, Harmonisers are amazingly accommodating and helpful when it comes to the needs of others. This is a justification and a cover-up for their inner deadening and lack of care. Keeping other people happy serves to prevent them from ‘rocking the boat’ i.e. causing discomfort to the Harmoniser.

Harmonisers make rather resigned characters; they love company but have no motivation to seek it. Left to themselves, they soon turn into invisible, possibly messy eccentrics. Unwilling to confront disturbing issues such as the search for deeper meaning/spirituality, they may cover up their lack of care through displacement quests for information and education. They may even travel to perform these activities, but not outside their psychological comfort zone.

The consequence of the loss of inner life, alienation from oneself, and avoidance of conflict or change is that Harmonisers in the grip of their shadow live a monotonous, robotic existence. They are creatures of habit passionately bound by custom or regularity, resulting in rigidly excessive attachment to the familiar. They prefer to avoid fast-changing environments and instead they pursue passive, undemanding and somewhat numbing pastimes like TV, newspapers and cross-word puzzles.

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Summary of the Effects of the Shadow

The Harmoniser’s indolent comfort-seeking, while naturally pleasant, has its drawbacks. It causes inner deadening and consequently all the great pains of a habit-ruled and dull existence. Harmonisers do appear to others as happy, content and wise in their knowledge and their idealism, but their blindness to themselves is like a permanent black cloud hanging over their heads.

They are so efficient and successful in their denials of their inner depressions that they are utterly unaware and thus quite unconcerned with questions of meanings and purpose of existence. For Harmonisers have substituted their innate longings for true happiness and aliveness, with their curiosity for what surprises will their next meal bring or how the latest technological gadget might make life easier. They have absolved themselves from the needs of their soul for true love and dedicated themselves wholeheartedly to the exploration of the domain of creature comforts.

‘I’m comfy, therefore I am’ is their simple philosophy of life.

Harmonisers will often compensate for their lack of aliveness by imagining they belong to others, by being useful, and by tightly controlling their life. However, it happens that while searching for harmony and union and fearing discord and being abandoned, Harmonisers find loneliness and relationships that only existed in their imagination.

Harmonisers’ thirst for comfort brings them the pain of inner depression, while their search for stability leads them to the deathly quiet of the swamps.

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Freedom from the shadow

The first question is, do you want to be free from your shadow or are you too comfortable to want to even think about it?

If you want to look beyond comfort than you will have to deeply examine the nature of your beliefs and the way they have tightened the grip on your every action.

As a Harmoniser, look into your real talents and make them come to the fore. For a start, you are great with people. Make an effort to socialise, meet people and create real, deep and lasting bonds.

Get off the TV couch and take on real interaction.

Some questions that might be useful to look into:

Am I really happy?

How close am I to the people around me?

Who are those people that I am really close to?

Do I really care about anything?

If I do, what do I care about?

Can I decide about anything or do I have to always support two sides of argument at the same time?

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Relationships

‘I know exactly what you mean. What was your name again?’

Harmonisers love company and they do flourish when with people. They are popular with others for being jolly and comforting, generous, friendly and welcoming. They are also liked because they are so good-natured and forgiving. Being so accepting and non-confrontational, they will bend backward to create environments where other people can be at ease.

Harmonisers are unassuming, simple characters, with no concern about great achievements or excelling, free of the need for recognition from the world. They tend to take themselves lightly in order not to weigh upon others.

They are known as good listeners, although they might not remember what you say, and they can appear perfectly emphatic while actually thinking of something else altogether.

At work, Harmonisers, who may rise to managerial positions, will drive some people mad, while others will love them to bits. They are so easy-going, and so accommodating that everyone gets their say and decisions are made taking everyone into account. The problem with this is that no one really knows their precise roles, and no decision is so urgent that it cannot wait till the next day.

In closer relationships, their denials, and their deep-down insensitivity become sooner or later apparent. Then their stubbornness and opinionated rigidity come lumbering to the fore.

Harmonisers should seek closer relationships because, although painful in revealing their weaknesses, they provide the best possibility for self-discovery and fulfilment.

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Life Orientation

The Harmonisers’ strategy of focussing on peace and quiet leads to loss of self-knowledge, the neglect of personal needs and very controlled ways of living. They act invisible, influence indirectly and then get out of the way.

While denying their own needs, they seek to justify their existence and worth by caring for other people.

They are willing to serve and to sacrifice. They operate by feel, they go with the flow. They have to live with opposites, their minimalism and the need for comfort, their ability to bear emotional pain and their need for company and fun.

They are very earth-bound, reducing to the banal their inner and outer worlds. They tend to focus on the tangible (senses) at the expense of the invisible (thoughts, feelings, awareness).

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Emotional Orientation

The Harmonisers’ huge need for simplicity and control over their outer and inner lives causes loss of purpose, makes them trusting to the point of naivety, and has the effect of numbing their feelings, instincts and passions.

They are excessively stable, sluggish and inert, reliable and friendly, but their fervor for comfort causes resignation and overrides all other emotional needs (including the need for aggression), causing the pain of lost love and other emotions.

This is a self-torturing mechanism. Their loss of love and true aliveness, their negativity, is hidden by their relaxed optimism and happy disposition.

Their aggression can be expressed secretly through forgetfulness, denial and avoidance.

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Work Orientation

Work Style:

Harmonisers are calm, steady, responsible and reliable workers.

Unless they are pushed and presented with clear guidelines and rules they can be a little vague about duties, roles, deadlines.

They are unassuming and non-pushy in the workplace, avoiding stress and conflict asserting themselves indirectly. They are non-goal orientated and slow at finishing their jobs.

They like routine, predictable work with clearly outlined responsibilities. Harmonisers, because they are so well adjusted and at peace, can be rather lazy, non-committal and indecisive.

They like keeping big pictures and big options open, and prefer not to be seen taking major decisions.

Motivated by:

Their Inner Peacemaker, who tells them that as long as they are secure and have their simple pleasures, all is well and good. They are motivated by the need for harmony and helping others.

Working with Others:

Harmonisers like to get on with everyone and will adjust to any person they are in touch with (however they can be very opinionated – encroaching on their opinions can bring out resentment in them). They are highly cooperative, non-authoritarian people, very easy going and non-demanding on others. Harmonisers will always consider what others need and they will try to help. They often take on other people’s problems as their own.

They are warm, but hardly ever deeply intimate as they can be numbed to their emotions.

Harmonisers dress simply, from non-assuming to bohemian unkempt. They are too ready to take themselves out of the picture giving away their credits, their rewards and their importance far too easily.

Harmonisers are real team people, excellent at keeping peace and harmony. Downside is that they have a tendency to sit too long on the fence because they like keeping their options open and want to include everyone in the game.

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A Quick Guide to Recognizing a Harmoniser

Justify their existence by being helpful to everyone around them

Happiness derived from being peaceful and comfortable

Extrovert optimist

Passive and receptive

Self Image – see themselves through others

Negative fervor – indolence and sloth

Positive fervor – to tune in and to accept life as it is – to make peace – to help

Pragmatic hedonist

Happy and friendly predisposition

Inert and peaceful

Reliable

Unassuming and accommodating

Over adjusted & non-focused

Great capacity for self-calming

Slothful and indecisive

Resigned ordinariness

Fair and giving

Taboo – selfishness

Robotic habits

Suppressed feelings & instincts

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Thank you for purchasing this book!

If you enjoyed this book and would like to share your experience of reading it, please leave your feedback.

Your comments are greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

Author

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Dragan Matijevic is a qualified NLP trainer and a hypnotherapist. He also teaches bread-baking and is a magic entertainer. Dragan has studied human behaviour for most of his life and is dumbfounded by the utter simplicity of the subject – it all boils down to attraction and repulsion, to two basic choices, fear or love! In each and every moment.

Editor

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Penny Williams is an author herself and experienced international copywriter and translator.

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I offer consultations on Skype for a nominal fee of £15 an hour. If you are interested in finding out what your type is, or to discuss any other subject from the book please email me to arrange a Skype meeting. Thank you.


Know Yourself - The Concise Enneagram Guide

This book is an essential guide to the nine types in the Enneagram, an ancient character divination system. It will help you find your own type and your type’s development. It covers your hidden inner motivations, relationships, work, emotional and life orientations. You will also learn about closely guided secrets of the people around you. The light the Enneagram can throw on relationships is nothing short of remarkable.

  • ISBN: 9781310030468
  • Author: Pendragan
  • Published: 2015-11-05 17:20:22
  • Words: 23732
Know Yourself - The Concise Enneagram Guide Know Yourself - The Concise Enneagram Guide