It's Around


H.Leila Cankaya

It’s Around©November 2016.










Just to see that cat

There, l would go, around it.

In any bench, l would sit.


I was knowing that, it was around

There, in that corner

First, l had seen.

I was knowing that, it feels

I would worry about it

Just there, under the ruin building.

Sometimes, a street dog would pass speedy

Looks to my face timid.


As if it was knowing

Why l was here.

Then it goes away, silently.

We were like sharing an innocent secret.

Some, a few dark peoples slowly passed

Like dark shadows.

I was glad to be here

Because, the reason

No one knows.


It was simple, to see it.

When l turn to corner


If l wait a bit.

































Around it, a few cat

But for me just that.

Under the ruin building

Near the church.


It was just there

I would go,

But no..

More ,

Around it, I will trip now

Maybe such something real love.

































In their hands, some pockets

Small hopes, inside.


Peoples are waiting bus

If it doesn’t come, alas!


Some realist, some had a dream

But, in their pockets small hopes.

They will go to their homes.

Familiar walls, will welcome .

Maybe a merry

Neighbour in balcony.

Some, was not aware about true,


Here, bus is coming too.


Each one has different address

Their fates too.


Station was empty, now filled again

Some on his face, hope, some, pain.

If not, if it doesn’t come bus



Some have been chatting

Some looking to pano

So that,

How many minutes, to home

for to go.


In a secluded corner

In the darkness, l

hiding me night.















In the same station

passengers like family

Side to side.


Eyes turned to way

It will come bus

If not, If it does not come, alas.


In sky, it’s smiling, worried moon

Bus will come…

Like an endless hope,

Soon, soon.








































However, this city.

Keeping me

How long l couldn’t go.


A chilly after noon

Everywhere water

All night, was stormy and rainy, l think so.


From far, a small shadow on floor.


Near the church

When l close, a pigeon, dead

lyes, such.

In my mind, comes to life

Hell demons;

That, l had smiled, at once.

I wonder, did l kill it


My fake smiles?

Little beyond of it

Some bread

but useless, it can’t eat, anymore.


I wanna to forward,

Little beyond a large square.

Many pigeons have been tripping

Some, searching food.

Square, vigoured , noisy.


In my mind, that pigeon

Near it a bit bread

Waiting such

Near the church.


















Scil, true is everywhere same true

Here, pigeons were dying too.


Square, full life, square noisy.

Look like, death, doesn’t effect nobody.


I don’t like from this city anymore

Since l was seeing the dead pigeon on floor.












































One people can love a machine?

I did.


Gears, they have rhythmic moves

Dark brown colour.

Gives the papers to press.

Ever, same moves, careless.

One guy near it, such standing.

Makes it control With his hand.

Machine is working, honestly, nonstop.


It was a press machine

I watched it with wondered eyes.

Spelled me that spectre

In the dark evening near the shop

machine is working

like a careless snob.


I was watching but in other hand

Worried tripping my eyes around.




People who sees me



Can think about me, crazy.

Finally l went away


Like eternal rhythmic voices, moves…



Can it turn a people

Can be a miracle?

If l love it enough level…











I was going there almost every day


More and more l tied it

Turned a machine slowly my spirit.

One day in dusk, one guy in the park.

He was watching me with evil looks

I went away inner a pain.


Can it turn a people

If l give it my soul?


Many days l didn’t go there

I couldn’t.

But machine still in my brain

Finally, l decided to see it again.


Around of atelier there was a large building land.

Trashes, stuffs that doesn’t work anymore.

My God, there, machine .

No way, no!

Such, silent, static.

Somebody had broken it, or


Itself had broken , l don’t know.

Then l understood that

I was a miserable romantic.


But that was real that

It never says lie.







As if for a moment

I saw a movement.

Over it a few drops, does it cry?

My God can l bring it back

With my pray.

After a few minutes rain got speed

Hopeless, I leaved it.














Don’t ask me hard questions inn owner

Where l was going.

Maybe l don’t know too,

maybe l am searching the true.

You see, finally, l have to go.

What change? Two days, three, four…

How many days even if l stay

I will start to eat.

One night, or in a sorrowful morning.


How long are you here, l know.

You are waiting and ever you will wait passenger.

Do you know, what is blue?

You too, do you search the true sometimes?

Would you think, when you close your eyes?

I will leave you,

It will stay there, that hot bed,


I am not from here, l am passenger,

Ways are waiting.




If l get use here, l can’t go later.

Your behave, makes me hesitate

I have to go, before late.



But all the same l don’t like to hear from you

any bad word too.

One day, l would like to remember you.

Faraway, your smiling face,

While l was in a sorrowful case.









Ways and me,

anymore l can see their faces.

They are tired and many things now.

For this they are hard and silent,

tired, from to carry the peoples.


All the same they are glad

from their base.


You! Inn owner,

and tired , trouble ways

I will remember you, in faraways,

your smiling face, in a sorrowful case.










































How long, l hadn’t seen grave.

This much tombs…

I looked such, side to side many bones.

Like say, everything is lie.


That silence spelled me.


Birth, death dates, some had died yet

Some , long time ago.

My existing looked meaningless to my eye…


I said, is it the single true?


Death, will come one day

I hadn’t feel this much close to death, to life.

There was not their tongue.


They have not, neither fight. not struggle,

neither delight, nor make love.

all silent, like those stones now.


What happened them,

all of them

Was it empty?


As if, one voice, in the darkness

“ What was you waiting that, that’s all”

I couldn’t stay,

much more

In that silent, secluded way.

A few cars only,

Were passing rarely.


In that darkness, death, what’s that?

I went away…















I walked on walked.


In my mind, that silence, darkness, names.

Behind of me

As if, grave stones screaming

“What was you waiting that’s all, over games.


When l arrive a corner

Shaking; leaned to wall.




That silence got my mind.

I walked on walked.

Without looking back.


escape from death.


After, unknown a few streets,

for to hear the voice of the main street,

I listened….


My God! All streets are same.


Where is the main street?

If l hear the voice of the main street

I was going to go toward it.

But no.

All streets were opening to new one.

Moreover for to ask something

There was no someone.

Most lux duplex villas, dark blue , lighted pools.

Contrast with death.


Oh finally a child voice,

I thought, can l swim secretly?

Then l didn’t get the risk

I was stranger here.

Still, l was hearing the voice of the main street.

But, in any kind , l couldn’t find.












That street, this street

While trying to say

I lost the way…



Finally, appeared

on the dark way a minibus

With a shiny light.

Oh, a living someone..

And, l will go home.


In the minibus

I said,

goodbye dear grave,


deads , many things told me this night.








































I am tripping between of ruins.

Stopping and blowing again, undecided winds.


Screaming on my head a crow.

Does it call my disaster or

warning me?

It can not talking that

How can l know?


I am tripping between of ruins,

Outside blowing undecided winds.


Street, has been singing it’s song

With pell-mell,


Dustbins full.




How many, people even eat

all the same hungry soul.


First, had l where from begun to travel?

How many days, how many months

Maybe year..

Any more l can’t know

I can’t know any more

Where is paradise

Where is hell…















Ah, l love these hidings,

that mystery curtain

that calm window..


Under the car

that, hiding

miserable cat.

Like me

It has nobody

What I’m doing here, l don’t know.



one woman takes out

From window

Calls me inside

For to drink, one cup of tea.

Without talking, In a silence


never knows me and

Without trying to know me

Just for one cup of tea


If she says

come sometimes

ever, here waiting somebody

even if she looks

Doesn’t see me her eyes.


Here around, main street,

from far,

the weak motor voices of a few car.

Ah these damn streets…


How must leave these trips?

If not is it trap, these calm streets

these mystery windows

for not to leave, this city?

Who knows…








(Just ten minutes before)



“ Are you? Are you, that somebody

who makes this to me?

Melting slowly my identity.

I’m trying but, l can’t turning to my

Old identity.

It has been

running off my all force

like a running mad horse…

These dilemmas

My God, alas! “

One woman that

Cruel as fate”.

But woman was obstinate.


He was feeling

It was coming close

An ominous in air.

He was spelled from

from long and scarlet hair.


It had wrapped his all spirit

Mixed with passion,

a sweet hate.


Can it change the fate

delay or hesitate?

These were his last words before


He was a devout, young man.
















“ My God! This is, how nightmare?

Foggy everywhere.

Should l doubt from my eye?

But these eyes

many years had serviced to me.

Now, why?

Why this treachery?

And my mind…

Is it in my head still?

What l did?

But she was following me

how long,

Yes, l wasn’t wrong

She was a devil…


That woman on floor who lyes

Where is now?”


So that he murmured with pain.


“ Now she had turned to a little boy.

I wish, she comes to life again.

Moreover how much this face now

looking innocent.”




Charming, red haired woman

had followed him for a while.

When he sensed hopeless

He had decided to kill.


He had hesitated before…

So, with a weak shoot

Dagger had accident

To the side of the heart a bit

He looked to that different shape now

Shocked and timid.













She had turned a little boy

When she fall in floor.

He was regret but,

It was late any more.

He was thinking that

she was dead.

After when he tried to go

When he turned his hind

This time little boy made the same thing.

In a jiffy, it happened everything.

Standing little boy,

for a while watched him

With sarcastic eyes.

An expression on his face

Like apologise.

murmured, with getting thin voice

more an more:

“Before wishing something, about it good think

You should go away when l fall in floor.





But, your weakness makes me so,

there is in my instincts to try the power;

Until where, can l go more…


You tried to keep away from me

but with killing, you have a sin.

But if you could with me make love

You wouldn’t be murder now.


Two both ways goes to same door.










If you are decided, Instantly you should go…

Again, you fall in my hand.”


Then, a tender wave passed from her face

Her red hairs got longer,

Hey sarcastic voice got thinner.

Finally, turned a woman again.


Her half open eyes

Onto of victim, murmured:

“Sometimes have many deaths

Sometimes death is not true

life too,

Perceive, mostly deceptive.

If you wait much

Reality can decay …


And it can show you

different shapes

like kidding you,

this much time for you

your loyal eye.




And while she was going away

a song

In her tongue…


“ He was an alive guy,

Who lyes on floor.

Just ten minutes before,

Just ten minutes before.”


















How long he was following me

I don’t know clearly.

In his hand a mobile phone

In his other hand

One white pocket.

Look like he was turning from market.

His one leg like lame

Despite of this , strangely

he had arrived

To my fast steps,


middle aged, white hated someone.

The strange point

he was walking leisurely,

Spreading around his black glassed face

An ominousness.


When l look back

Ever there

Near a building

In bus station

Like bus waiting

Or in a corner

Such standing.

Look like inoffensive.

For a moment l thought to touch him

So that was he alive?

I couldn’t see in his face

Any perspective.

As if, just, he should be there.

















I was forwarding slowly

In other hand my eyes onto him

A few street l had passed

Look like back side nobody.


But inside a bit boredom

I said,

Just a people

Who was shopping

and turned his home already.


I thought, l was mistake.


For to look, to my notebook

I had break to my walking

In a sunny day

a shadowed corner,

yes, l can stay for a minutes here,

for short break.


I looked to my notes

Like a few minutes

When l lift my head

What’s that?

There, same guy.

If not is it the game

Of the hot sun?

Standing in the next corner

Still talking with mobile phone.

Quite mysteriously, disturbing someone.

Now l was more sure

He was following me.

But why?




















Behind of black glass

Onto me his dark eye.


But, l can’t proof it.

I forwarded more a bit.

I should go away

from this Street, any where.


I tried not to care.

But it was like a nightmare.

Where l go,

this same guy

Behind of black glasses

Onto me his eye.

Just l aware

Noone knows, what can l do?

There was no

any proof of the probation.


Maybe if l take out

from this street

I can get easy breath a bit.

One woman appeared in bus station

In her hand some pocket’s;

She asked, does it go bus,

to G. zone destination?


I said, l don’t know

Instantly in my mind to go there

far, anywhere…

As if air changed in a jiffy

That all ominousness

lost suddenly.

Why hadn’t l thought this?

















Thankfully l looked to woman

She like understood, smiled too.

One bus came five minutes later


Quickly it gone, l miss.

I looked to back

he was not around.

I forwarded again slowly

However, bus doesn’t come, quickly.


I looked around again

There was no people.


The sweet voice of the woman

That innocent question

had broken the circle.
































In the darkness of the night.

The reflection of the dusk light, of the

Street lamps, on the empty


around home, when l close to door

While l was turning the corner

from a dark point it jumped

an adult tabby cat

“Miaov, miaov…

What it’s trouble l do know.

Maybe it’s hungry.


As if bagging.

It tripped between of my legs

I was walking hardly:

Miaov, miaov.

It wanna something, but what?

Almost, something it let me know.

Until to door, it came.


With its, pawl forcing the door

I took out.

I didn’t go into.


like it says, don’t go home.

First time l was seeing

Such a cat.


I thought that it’s hungry.

Quickly, l go back

To market

For to get it some salami.

Hardly l walked

Still, it was yowling.










It jumped on to wall

then, landed to floor again.

Then, between of my steps.

Cross side an odd looked,

light Hancock guy getting close.

Little l am afraid.

While l was looking him.

Stroke it, my left foot

With a light pain

a bit accusing again:



Then, it hide under the car.

I got some salami

From market

A few something more, for home

But inside a strange boredom..

It’s trouble like

not fo




I thought that,


when l go home

I will see, whatever finally.

The warning of the cat,

Was meaningless in the long run.

Finally maybe

It was just hungry.


It is…

Cats were so.

No cat around.


Almost l looked under of all cars

But, no.


l heard as if that same weak sound…

That night, l never seen it one more.










Salami in my hand

I came back to home.

My mother mostly would sleep.

But this time strange silence

Welcomed me, on the door.

When l entered inside,

Before l saw her foots

Side to side.

She was looking to up

Mostly doesn’t talk.

For this, this silence

It was

Something that l used…

How long she was schizophrenic.



I was used to this silence

but it was a fatal silence this time

cat in my mind

I screamed silently.

Her existing in home, was enough to me.

Even if she doesn’t speak.


Sometimes when l give her food

any thing,

She would glad , a proud smile would

appear in her face.

Sometimes too, she would decline,

makes moodiness.

She never laughs, generally sulky.


Such in bed silently she would lye.

a bit pesky, but

I was no alone, in home, somebody.


After l throwed myself to way.

Thanks God, streets were empty.

They won’t see my tears,

no body…









That cat

Now l remember

It was jumping with merry

While it was a baby

From here, to there

In the garden.

It would look to window

With wondered eyes and

With a thin voice:

Miaow, miaov…

My mother would feeding it

A few months before.

She would interest just with cats.

Other times she does not talk much

As if, she was living.


behind of invisible glass. .

In any kind,

I could not dare her to touch.

She as if would hate from every body

Why, l dont know.


It was a baby

A small, sweet taby.

How ever,

Strangely, now l remember.



I never seen that cat

One more.

After from that night.

Where is it now

Just God knows.

Yet in my ear

Those miaovs…


I will miss her

And that








Alones, exiles, lives in a glacier country.

In the ice age.

With horror they watch the players

behind of the stage.

For this they were sent to exile

Beyond of life, in thousands mile.

For, they were not joining to play.

In a glacier country

Sighed for a warm, smiling sunny day.

They said: Here is the kingdom of the words

In the north.

In polars, sun doesn’t heat

for not to ruin the building that

made in from ice of the thought.

There is ever days,

with a mat sun,


and long.

There is no night.

There is neither suffering

Nor delight, how long.

Any more their tongues silent

speeches are strange.

Are they glad

from their base?

Such their faces fade…

At once,

How something was that laugh?


They have dream faraway somewhere

Sunny, a bit funny

A country that now quite far

for to go.

Even if one try


The lifetime, does it enough?












Nice a body, a double, white, smooth legs

If they will enter under the ground


What’s have means of the beauty?

Behind left just

Cold, hard bones,

Was leaved by tricky meats, that

at once fleshly, you liked one’s.


If they will leak

To soil,


A double eyes,

A charming lips

If it doesn’t tell,


. any word nice

Else from curse,

Doesn’t turn your great life to hell?

Under of nice, silky, blonde hairs

If no there a thinking brain

Would you love her, again?


If she doesn’t touch to your skin

With tender and keen;

And after many years;

Even with white hairs and face;

hollow checks ,

If she doesn’t love you still

about suffering

without fears.

What’s have means of the beauty?














I can hear

It whispering in my ear.

The words that unclear,

The song of the wind.

Merry but sorrowful.

Inside a peace

My eyes at

blue horizon




Front, move full sea

White feathers

kidding with costs,


One forward, one back.

I cant think

Any thing


in my mind

Just that blue blank.
































Life, starts with a scream…


Two doctors were tripping in the corridors.

One, with timid and shocked eyes

Was speaking to other one:

Interesting baby, when it born did not scream,

did not cry.

Its voice wasn’t heard,

looked to abroad.

Moreover, it was hard,

Her screams were heard from every side

Like half hour.

(Twisted his lips,l looking on dark parked floor;)

I can’t find, to say any word.

I was seeing first time such a birth.

It fixed any point, it’s large, light blue eyes .

Other asked with wonder:


Did not it cry?






-interesting. Normally , all babies cries…




















Somewhere, that faraway

On a slope, on the left side of green way

that covered with brushwood.

Silent, just full with birds voices.

In a summer resort

One Woman was living with her baby.

She had divorced, but

She was happy again

in this yellow villa

looking to cross mountain.


It was giving sorrow a bit

to spirit

but such magnificent.

She looked smiling

her baby” how much looking innocent”


Many years after

since the talking of the doctors.

that blue eyed baby

grows, happens,

known by everyone calm, silent a kid.


Just in his childhood

Joker and merry a bit.


But in his school he was not successful.

extreme goes, some days

Was going to play clubs with friends

as truant.

Mother was thinking so

he was in the school.

Until he calls the mother

to talk schoolmaster…


















I don’t know, have you information

About your son , actually good, silent someone

but, unfortunately

some days he is going to

play clubs instead of class.

If you talk with him

you had better.


The first wrongness had so started.


His closest friend was a bit snob

What if he says, he would do it.

Like his mother was.


So so, days pass.

One day, his mother had prepared

for nutrition break in school,

a few sandwiches that delicious.

Son, got them, like he will eat

but afterward he was hiding them

behind of the cupboard.

He never had brought those sandwiches to school

he shapes from his friends

he should seen toward his friends, cool.


And one day mother sees sandwiches

behind of cupboard.

while she was making cleaning the house,

he never ate them that

She had prepared with carefully.

She asked him, what’s these?

Son, never said anything, just

was looking to sandwiches

that decayed already.















Mother got angry,

and takes his ear, so that

Why you did not say anything

that you was not eating

just you should say the true,

Now how can l trust you?


After from that day, son got more silent

But inside a flame that more and more

getting violent.

Everybody who knows him

“Quite calm, good somebody,

But much silent, how can l say,

Like he had no any aim.


Before he was sulky toward his mother

then, to friends.

He wasn’t going with they to cinema or any fun

More an more he was getting silent,

mysterious someone.

When she looked her sun

She was worry, get questions was

waiting answer less

mostly, with time,

he had turned pretty well, never talking someone.





With time, he was an adult

to work now necessary.

But no, he was depressed for work

Where he goes.

As if he was carrier of a big stress.

People was afraid from this silent guy.











Years passed so.

Mother, was living a secret illness how long

Never talked about it,

her son

that she loves like her spirit.

And one day, toward to morning

She had closed her eye.


On her face, tripping a shadow ,


half hope , never became true.

Or she was waiting,

never wouldn’t come one day, someone.

Slowly he climbed the stairs

Like ever he was

His face frozen, ringed the bell.


Again tried, again silent.

This time , he took his key.

In his eyes, violent statement

he thought,

his mother was not opening he door.


Many fiction in his mind,

Was there stranger someone inside?


With a boredom he thought

for to escape from her

Must be one way,

and with anger turned the key.

When he aware the long silence in the room

he began to worry.

Because, her Shoes that ever

she wear, were in house.

Mother, mother?

She comes finally from other rooms however.

But, that ominous silence was going on.









This strange silence like

a visible hand that strong

Was beating his soul.


When he go into her room

Saw the bitter true.

In his ear, still that bitter

behind left from days of school.

Now, could he be cool.



Now, mother was in bed such silent

His all storm that tripping in his soul

now, like silent, calm sea coast.

That somebody that, in bed,

the single relative, single blood from past.

She won’t talk any more.


Her looks on the ceiling, with open eyes

like someone waiting.

His eyes, now tearful.

After a few seconds

Now he was aware of true much more.



























With tearful eyes,




And tears began leak down unconsciously.

Scream was heard, in apartment from each floor.

He liked to dead body hug

Now, could be?

On the wall, he saw a black, climbing bug,

as if it had waited long time,

hiding somewhere

and now it was taking out.

As if it had seen the death, openly

and, trying to escape from it.

it was somewhere in the room.

He had shocked himself,

to this dispersed attention.

So, life was going on still…


He sensed inside slightly a will …


He had screamed first time

When his mother died..

After he lose his mother

he had turned to normal case.

The late but coming finally a

tired peace on his face.

From to be ever silent.


When his mother died

He had raised again,

he had lived until now like in a dream

he was born again with a late scream.












My house should see the cross sides

The winking lights in the nights.

Or, on the highs of a hill

The winking lights, in the nights.

















































It's Around


  • Author: H.Leila Cankaya
  • Published: 2016-11-26 14:35:09
  • Words: 4550
It's Around It's Around