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Ironic

IRONIC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Matthew

K

CHIKONO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Published by TPWP (2016)

 

© Matthew K Chikono 2016

 

Thank you for downloading this e-book. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book maybe reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to your e-book retailer to discover other works by this author.

 

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www.zimstories.wordpress.com

 

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The Passion Of A Writer’s Pen

 

 

 

 

 

Dedicated to her, whoever she is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing a book is like telling a joke and having to wait two years to know whether or not it was funny.

(Tweet Quote)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Table of Contents

 

Prologue 10

Chapter 1 13

Chapter 2 25

Chapter 3 45

Chapter 4 62

Epilogue 62

Chapter Teaser 72

About TPWP 79

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prologue

04 December 2015

 

Dear Brother Jake

 

It has been long since I heard from you. You haven’t replied m y last 12 emails so I had decided to write a real letter hoping for a reply.

NB Sorry that’s not how to start a letter to a brother you haven’t seen in a while.

 

Hello big brother. I hope you are well. I know you have guessed correctly the reason for dropping a letter by. Happy birthday! If you thought I would forget your eighteenth birthday you were so wrong. You will find my present enclosed with this short letter. I hope you will like it.

 

Well tell me, what will your girlfriend do or give you at your birthday (oops I hope you have one)? As you know school closes next week and I will be home. I just want to see if your sweetheart is as beautiful as mine (did I mention that Abigail will be visiting me?). Last time you promised me to show me your girlfriend and you didn’t. This time you won’t get away with it that easily! You said and even swore that your girlfriend was an awesome new piece of property you had acquired and do you think I am going to lose my only chance in my lifetime to see her?

 

Hope to see you soon brother. I miss you. I am really excited to get home this term I did well in my English exams.

 

Your partner in crime

 

Erick

 

P.S I almost forgot, does the farm have any new colts?

Chapter 1

 

 

My life is as good as a romantic comedy except there is no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes. I need to confess. I am cursed (or I think I might be). There is no girl who is now willing to go out with me or even to pretend I am her lover even for a fee. I don’t know what I did and I still don’t know what I will have to do. I don’t know when it will end but I think I know when it all began.

 

It all started with door opening slowly and soundlessly that neither of us noticed. We couldn’t have noticed for sure, we were busy kissing.

“Jake!” I heard the shrill voice of Maria piercing into my ear like a needle, red hot from electric furnace. That was when I realised that we had company. Maria was in the room and staring at us in total aghast. I separated with Elizabeth slowly and reluctantly but we continued holding hands like real lovers.

“What?” Eliza asked innocently. She was more beautiful than her older sister Maria. I couldn’t believe how dump I had been, at first, to choose Maria over her but that didn’t matter any longer as Elizabeth was all mine alone.

 

I had first met Maria in my first year in high school. She was related to someone popular at the school and I wasn’t. We fell in love like what all the other students at the school did and I had planned to have sex with her in the school boys’ bathroom like what all the other cool boys at the school had planned too.

 

“Hey! I am not talking to you Eliza I am taking to Jake.” Maria barked angrily.

“Don’t talk to your sister like that Maria.” I intervened to stop the sisters from crushing each other’s skulls.

“Anyway I saw your car outside and I knew you were here,” Maria said trying to cool off her temper.

True, I drove a Porsche. It made all the girls to look at me where ever I passed and to greet me whenever I stopped. I knew Maria, just like the rest of the city girls, fancied my car very much and she wished, if not prayed, to be taken out for a ride ( I made my own discovery that ladies love the smell of petrol more than the smell of those expensive perfumes). If she had decided to keep me closer and try to love me a bit I promise I would have drove with her around to the world’s end and every enemy and friend would see her sitting next to me on the passenger seat and they would whisper to themselves that this time she had made a nice catch on that rich idiot.

“We need to talk.” she continued. She then sat on an old brown sofa. We were in a small town house in which the two girls shared.

“Sure.” I said already precipitating with anticipation.

“Eliza you can stay dear.” I quickly added to annoy Maria who just frowned at her sibling. This had been the moment I had been waiting for, for the previous five years and I couldn’t believe it had come so soon and so unexpected too.

 

“Why are you doing this to me Jake?” I glanced at the speaker in time to see her shedding a tear. A fake one of course.

“That is what I want, to see you hurt Maria!” I wanted to scream at her.

“I have been your girl since we were in high school, for how many years?” There was a pause as she counted her fingers.

“For six years, oh God, six years for God’s sake and because now you are rich and you have got money you want to leave me like that and that’s not fair Jake!” I gave her a tissue to wipe off her tears.

“Please Jake my love don’t break my heart like that.” Maria started making unintelligent sounds which turned to sobbing. I felt sorry her and pity for her heart which I realised could only be broken by one man, me, in fact no man in this world mortals could break her heart. Only money could.

 

After Maria left high school she went to the city where she got a job. She then did send me a letter. That damn stupid letter. After that I decided to work harder and further my education. I did and I became successful (very successful indeed). I found a good job as an electronic engineer at a big telecommunication company. I had the money.

 

“You know what you did Maria. After you left for the city you wrote me that dear letter.” I said breathing hard trying to sound like an angry gorilla (I was angry but I was not a gorilla).

“I still got it. You said you could not afford to date a garden boy and you could not see any possibility of me a, farm boy, getting married to a first class city girl, like you. You said I was so poor that I could not match your standards. Didn’t you say so Maria? “

She was startled for a moment and I knew I had hit a bull’s eye, but she quickly recovered and said,

“ I am sorry Jake,” with a sweet voice that I felt that I should kiss her but I was not suppose to show my weakness, not in front of Eliza.

“Maybe we can start things afresh.” she said out of experience I noted.

 

“What?” Eliza who had been silently amusing herself to our heart breaking conversation got interested at this point and blurted out, “No way Maria you can’t take my boyfriend again not this time, sorry .”

I could see Maria was hurt and I loved it. She looked at me for support and I still believe she thought of committing suicide when all I could say was,

“It can’t happen again, not even in the afterlife.”

 

I could feel a surge of triumph overcoming the anger as I saw Maria wept. She was the loser after all. I grabbed Eliza by the waist which always made to her shiver with delight and we made for the door, outside where there was plenty of sunlight and lots of love.

 

“Don’t mind her.” I told Eliza as I kissed her a goodbye kiss on the cheek. Although I was leaving I was dredging it, leaving the two sisters in this state of affair would be allowing a bull fight. I had no better choice they would have to sort out the matter between themselves. They were now old enough to be called women.

“When can I see you again?” Eliza asked and I could see she was not happy with our parting, as always. I hugged her and promised her that there would be a time when I would not have to go anywhere and that time was so near. I told her the joke about the chicken that crossed the road and she laughed.

 

I drove away and left her smiling after I told her I was coming to get her that night to go out for a movie. I was smiling as I drove my car knowing that I was the happiest man in the city when the worst happened.

 

“Jake!” I woke up with a start.

“Are you still sleeping you lazy boy!” the voice bellowed again that was when I realised it was my mother already yelling at me in the early hours of the day dragging me back into the real world. I was still Jake the son of a farmer, I was still at the farm and it was still dark and the sun would be up in few moments. It had been just a dream.

 

I grabbed my old dirty shirt and made a mental note to wash it when I return from school. Then I ran to water my father’s garden and fled to school before my mother could start embarrass me. She always did that, even though I was still in my finally year in high school I didn’t know why she did it.

 

I went to school with an empty stomach. Didn’t have the guts then to eat even to talk. I was dump. I can justify myself by saying I was under stress about my dream which did prove otherwise by the end of the day.

 

 

 

Chapter 2

 

 

“Wait Jake I don’t get it. Is it official or it’s just a rumour?”

“It’s an official rumour right.” I answered.

“Sorry Jake I have to run I need to finish my statistics homework.” said Prisca who was already fleeing from the scene. I was smiling to myself for an early morning victory against the super couple. I had used the cheapest and the fastest mode of communication, tell a girl a rumour and make her promise to keep it secret.

 

I usually arrived late at the school, but I made up for it by leaving early but that day was an exception I had arrived with ten minutes to spare (which half I used to talk to Prisca). I had plans. I was sure that by lunch time half of the boys at the school will be talking about it and all the girls will be gossiping about it. Steve and Mitchell would be devastated.

 

Steve was the school head boy. He was the school’s volleyball, baseball and basketball teams’ captain. Despite being busy because of his duties as the school choir director he had the time to be the president of four different clubs at our school. He was the smartest and the most intelligent thing at the school (after the school staff of course). The boys praised him and the girls worshipped him. He was the hottest guy at the school, they said.

I did not hate him but I was just not necessarily excited about his existence. I didn’t despise at him, he was perfect (almost) except for one thing. Mitchell.

 

Mitchell was the hottest girl at our school (did I mention that the school is called Richmond High). I can only describe her in one word. Awesome lady (sorry that’s two). She was the reason why I went to school every day although it was my secret. I went head first and obviously I had a crush. She was the best thing to come out of both our school and area. The only breathing Wonder of the world. She was the best sight at our school no one could dispute that. Mitchell did had the beauty so did she had the brains. They said her IQ had a triple digit. No wonder she always came first in her class and won all quiz competitions at school and with other local schools.

 

It was a rainy Monday morning. I had lied to myself that it was going to be a tiring and somehow exciting week and I was going to enjoy my school week. To tell the truth I was desperately looking for a girl but somehow each and every hour it was getting harder and harder to find one. That was the motive behind the plan with Prisca which was simple just like my young brother Eric, but unlike Eric the plan maybe would get to work.

 

The rumour or the great news was that Steve and Mitchell had broken up. Why? Simple, Steve was cheating on her with Susan. Susan was Mitchell’s closest friend but not her best. It would shake their relationship or better it would hit the bottom and that’s all what I wanted. That is when I would come in. I would be her friend (Mitchell’s of course) in that time of need.

 

I was busy trying to write my statistic assignment which, fortunately, was my only favourite subject when Oscar walked in and sat on my desk. Yes he sat on my desk!

 

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck but a real duck that was actual lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something, who could tell. He was bad at singing yet that the he did a lot (apart from smiling a lot).

Before I could greet him he had already mumbled something in reply.

 

“I am selling this music I-pod, do you want to buy it?” he asked smiling as usual.

If a man smiles all the time, he is probably selling something that doesn’t work I had already learnt that when I was a kid.

“Today I happen to broke.” I told him.

“I can give you a discount if you having problems with money.” he offered.

 

Money was not a problem to me the problem was I didn’t have any of it. I couldn’t tell him that. I started wondering why he was selling his soul mate. Oscar loved music more than anything else. He was always listening to his I-pod that’s why he was always singing along to it, I mean trying to sing along to the beat. Too bad he was never born to be a musician, a rapper to be precise, like his career fantasy. No wonder Steve had kicked him out of the school choir. He had sworn that he wouldn’t sell the I-pod no matter what happens but now he was selling it and I couldn’t hide my curiosity.

 

“Wait, everyone knows you are addicted to music and you can’t live without your I-pod why are you selling it?”

“Something came up I am in desperate need of money tonight.”

“So you are going to sacrifice your I-pod?” I asked trying to draw him into a friendly conversation, “That thing is your life. So tell me what came up?” I continued.

He shrugged before he could answer the question,

“I am taking a girl out to dinner tonight so I need some money a little more than my weekly bank withdrawal. I don’t have cash right now and I wasn’t planning for it to happen like this.”

“Who is the girl?” I asked him and ready to dismiss him if he wanted me to guess. He blushed and gave me an Indian smile before he answered.

“Mitchell.”

 

Ten minutes after Oscar left me I was still in shock. My mind was numb and I couldn’t think like a man (although I wasn’t yet). I only wished I was at home drinking a cup of hot coffee with milk and sugar.

 

I loved coffee to the extent that my family members thought that I was coffee-holic but I preferred to say I was addicted to coffee. If something went wrong I would always blame too much blood in my caffeine system. In time of distress I would find solace in hot coffee. The worst part was that the school did not sell hot coffee, not even cold coffee was sold, the school cafe did neither sell coffee nor tea.

 

I remember one of my early days at Richmond High when I first discovered that they didn’t sell coffee. I had had a bad start of the day and the weather was a bit chilly. I felt that I wanted to relax and refresh just a bit before I could resume my afternoon lessons. I went into the school cafe to have a nice cup of hot coffee. The woman who worked there looked at me, the way you look a bird’s dropping on your best white t-shirt , and replied softly and I apologetically that they didn’t have any coffee.

 

From that moment I didn’t like her at all until now (I didn’t say I like her now).

“Sorry young man we don’t have any coffee.” said Maria’s mother. I was still a new kid then and I did not know many people so the really statement was;

“Sorry young man we don’t have any coffee.” said the old fat woman who looked like Maria, but I remember now, I hadn’t met Maria then;

“Sorry young man we don’t have any coffee.” said the woman who worked in the school cafe.

 

I still hate that day and I didn’t and I don’t like to remember it. Instead of just walking away I decided to stay and let my mouth do both the thinking and the talking. I asked when it could be ready for I couldn’t wait any longer.

“Not today, not tomorrow and not ever.” answered the woman smiling but in a get-lost-if-you-are-not-going to-buy-anything tone.

“Would you like a coke instead?” she asked in her soft and apologetic manner.

“Hell no!”

I blurted out in irritation. There was a dead silence in the room. One that is never found at a busy airport. I took a glance only to be met by half of the school staring at me in total silence. The silence was only broken few seconds later when a girl laughed out loud and the attention was drawn to her. Again, in total silence.

 

The beautiful girl was talking to a handsome boy at a table which was at the far end of the room. They hadn’t notice that I had drawn the attention from the room and I had thrown (or given ?) it to them. He was talking, she was listening. He smiled, she laughed. Then she smiled. That smile, I still even dream it sometime. The smile of a living angel. The girl was handsome. If only I could do something. If only I could. The noise was restored and everything was back to normal.

 

“Why don’t you sell tea coffee?” I asked her in whisper embarrassed and afraid to disturb the peace in the room.

“ That’s the principal’s orders boy , now make way for the next customer please.”

“The principal doesn’t run the cafe you do!” I snapped and I was tempted to slap the old fat woman on the face. She wasn’t fat though but I disliked her not even to this day.

“ Here. “ she pointed to a notice board near the counter.

“ For enquires, question suggestion, complaints, views and comments please direct them or visit the principal office . Thank you. “ she read loud.

“ Sure I will definitely do that.” I said , already sweating from coffee withdrawal symptoms. I was angry too. Damn this school , I thought.

“ Where is the principal’s office located ?” I asked.

She looked at me and I could see she had decided not to like me too but I didn’t mind. What mattered the most was my coffee.

“Maria!” she bellowed to a girl who was siting to a table near the counter, “Show this gentleman the principal ‘s office. “

 

The girl was almost of the same age as me. She was plain and she was not beautiful. Here eyes were large for a teenager girl to be called attractive.

Worst she looked like the fat woman who had given her the order to show me the principal’s office. I could see her legs from her short skirt they were really nice and everything else was big. Her head was big maybe she was fat but she was just a girl.

 

“Have some manners boy.” she commanded in her plain voice.

“She is just an old fat woman who …” I started.

“Shut up!” she bellowed just the same way the old fat woman had done. I was shocked.

“That’s my mother you are talking about.” she said looking at me with eyes filled with rage. It made sense.

 

For a second I was silently. It was pure amazement. I had never thought of that but that was because I couldn’t think properly. I needed some coffee to bring back my sanity.

“Sorry.” I said apologetically, “Maria?”

“Yes?” she said slightly turning to me. From the look of her face I knew she was filled with rage and I didn’t know what to say.

she continued walking like she was on her own. We were both now silent, confided to our own thoughts. I was thinking about the girl who was walking beside me. We were in a long corridor which led to the principal’s office and our footsteps were the only noisemakers which proved our existence in the dead silent corridor.

“The first blue door on your left is the principal’s office, don’t forget your manners boy.” she said before I thanked her for both the direction and the advice.

“What’s your name?” she asked already moving away from me. Although I didn’t like her I didn’t want her to leave me where I was .

“I am Jake and I am new here. “ I answered back my spirits revived.

 

That was how I met Maria. It is also exactly how I discover that I couldn’t have coffee in times of need at this school. I had to learn to live without it. Coffee. I trembled as I told myself again that Oscar was taking Mitchell out to a date that day. It was suppose to be me. Coffee, how I long for you in this time of need.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3

 

 

It was true.

I say it was true not because Mitchell or Steve had said so but because everyone said so. The famous school celebrity couple had decided to part ways. The reason was yet to be known but it was true that it didn’t involve Susan , Mitchell’s friend. I was happy.

 

I was happy not because their fallen relationship didn’t have anything to do with Susan. No (I didn’t care about her, not a crumb at all). I was happy because they had finally decided to call it over. Titanic had eventual sunk and I, the iceberg , was finally having my long awaited last laugh.

 

During the break time I got enough details to confirm that the two were no longer lovers. Steve had changed his facebook status from ‘ in a stable relationship’ to ‘single as a dollar ‘. I felt better. I myself had been a dollar for so long that I felt I need some change. Mitchell hadn’t given Steve his daily muffins during break time. In course of their relationship she had brought him something baked every day. I mean every single day of their romantic life.

“My mom is the best baker in the whole world,” she continued boasting with a faint smile the first time I met her,” and my family owns the best bakery in the whole country. “

That was what she used to say to everyone and we thought she was nice. From that day she broke up with Steve I knew that everything had changed. I wasn’t disappointed at all to learn that my plain had failed. I had spread the fire when the corn field had already been burnt. I didn’t care and I don’t care who burnt it, why it was burnt but the best thing is the corn field was burnt.

 

I was supposed to be happy but I wasn’t. There was still one problem that remained. Oscar.

 

Oscar was my friend who was almost like me. Unlike me he had never had an girlfriend (I had had Maria). He was nice and not good looking. He knew all the rocks (in geography ) but not the ropes in ( girlfriendgrahy?). He was smart and very clever. The girls talked to him because he could smile. The boys talked to him because he could use his brains. He always knew music. Good music. If it was true that Mitchell and Steve had broken up, then it was true that Oscar was taking Mitchell out on a date!

 

That Monday I had to do with only water during break time. I had forgotten my lunchbox at home and I couldn’t buy coffee. I was on my way to get some water when I met Prisca. She smiled at me and told me that the golden couple had finally succumbed to burning furnace. She asked for more news. I had none. As she turned to leave, out of curiosity rather than desire, I roared out,

What about Oscar ?”

“ What about him ?” she asked coming back. She wouldn’t go until she had heard something from me and I knew it. Before I could think of a good explanation Prisca was already talking something.

“ Oh yes its true. “ said the girl smiling.

I was flabbergasted. I had to lean on the wall to stop myself from collapsing to the floor with shock. Prisca, the school news reporter, was never wrong.

 

We used to call Prisca the school news reporter not because she was the official school news reporter but because she was the unofficial school news reporter. She was supposed to be the school principal. She knew everyone and everything. Prisca knew who was up and who was down, she knew who said what and who heard that (she even knew I had planned to do it with Maria in the boys’ bathroom!). The worst part was that she was generous. She shared her news with everyone. Everybody! Gossiping was in her genes.

 

“I was shocked when he told me that his I-pod was on sale.” said the reporter amazed at my shock. That stopped me from collapsing.

“That guy is a jerk,” she laughed before she continued,” he asked me even to borrow some money from my Dad and buy his I-pod. He is damn crazy!”

 

Well, that was not I wanted to know. I sighed, relieved the horror of knowing the romantic truth yet still burning to get my facts straight before could I distort them. I stood there in front of her trying to figure out the best way to extract the correct information I wanted from her without igniting her curiosity. I wanted to get away from her massive bombardment of questions very fast but yet clinging to some free information.

 

“Why do you have such a funny look on your face?” she asked me after a moment of examining my face closely without me noticing it.

“I am just thinking.” I answered her with a handsome smile.

“What are you thinking?” the school news reporter asked, more attentively now, afraid that she might miss some important news to distribute later.

I was tempted to slap her but I went ahead and told her the truth.

“Going to such extremes looking for money is not usually for Oscar.”

“Yes,” agreed Prisca nodding her head which always made her hair to fly like that of a Duchess, “I had thought of that too.”

“It shows that he desperately needs the money.” said I, drawing close for the finally kill.

“I am starting to wonder what he needs the money for.” Prisca said with an innocent face and blameless sweet voice.

“You don’t know what he needs the money for?” I asked astonished.

“No, do you?” The supposed-to-be-the-principal asked with a flicker of puzzlement on her face.

“No I don’t.” I lied trying to hide a smile. I knew what she didn’t know. Maybe I didn’t lie at all, it was just that I didn’t know the truth just like the rest. I started suspecting that Oscar was chin deep in debts.

 

Whilst I stood in front of Prisca I remembered what the other boys said about Prisca. If Prisca doesn’t know then it aren’t true. I made myself believe it. If Prisca didn’t know that Oscar was taking Mitchell out on a date then it wasn’t true. I smiled at the thought . Oscar might have lied to me. He is a human after all.

 

I bid her a good day after I told her a joke about a chicken that crossed the road, at which she laughed heartily at. I made my way back to the classroom. I was still thirsty but that didn’t matter then, I had one goal, to arrive in the class in one piece (before breaking down with excitement) and to celebrate my triumph alone. That goal I did achieve and I was glad. Not just glad but very happy indeed. I had that kind of feeling that I had always associated with happiness. To tell the truth I had only felt it twice before. The first time I don’t recall when and where but the second time was when I was a new student at Richmond High and I was coming out of the principal’s office (for reasons I can’t disclose here).

 

I was really angry. I had closed the principal’s office door (more of banging it to the wall than anything else) and was now fleeing to the toilet to take refugee there when somebody bumped at me. I had collided with a little girl. Her head had hit on my chest and I felt like my heart bleeding.

 

“Ouch!” cried the girl. I mumbled an apology fearing that I might have injured her badly and I would have to go back to the principal’s office and face that man who was not finely dressed again. As I was trying to examine her head for any injuries I realised that it was the same girl I have meet ( or I have seen?) in the cafe earlier on talking to someone whom I hadn’t like instantly. She was going somewhere just like everybody else.

 

“Hello.” the girl greeted me. The girl basically greeted me! I was still young. I was still shy. I was dump. Its a wise person, now I believe, who knows he is dump. No one had really bother to greet me so hadn’t I bothered to greet them. It was totally a surprise to be greeted. Especial by a girl. A beautiful girl for that matter. I mumbled something in reply.

 

“ Are you a new pupil?” asked the girl. I was a new student not just a new pupil but she was too beautiful to argue with. I nodded my head vigorously , my eyes observing my already new friend. She was almost of my age. Maybe a year or two younger. She was not tall (all beautiful girls aren’t). She wasn’t skinny, not that much. She wore make up and had red lipstick on her ever smiling lips (that smile, I still remember it to this day). Everything about her was nice and normal.

 

Makeup! The school had strict regulation about wearing makeup. Girls were not allowed to wear makeup (so were boys, haha). I thought she was exceptional. Sure she was. She was someone with honours and who commanded much respect at the school although I came to know that much later. A number of badges were stuck on her nearly flat chest. Half I didn’t read what were they for and the other half I didn’t recognise what were they for.

 

I nodded in answer. I was closing examining her mouth, waiting patiently the time those lips of hers would part again to reveal that angelic smile that I have seen earlier in the school dining. She didn’t smile. I tried to think something silly to say that always make girls laugh. Nothing came to mind. I was still considering to tell her the joke about the chicken that crossed the road when I realised she had noticed that I was inspecting her mouth like she had stolen my chocolate.

“Why are you looking at my mouth like that?” She asked innocently.

“ I feel like kissing you.” I was tempted to confess. I am not the kind to confess. Especial to confess such lunacy to girls (beautiful girls for that matter).

“What do you use your mouth for?” she asked before I had thought about answering her first question.

 

I was confused for a second but I quickly got it. She was talking about our mouths so she wanted us to kiss.

“Besides to eat, I use it for kissing.” I quickly blurted out without much thought already excited about the prospects of what was to come. She looked at me horrified ( by the thought of us kissing in the school corridor ,I presume).

“ What are you talking about?” she asked before continuing,” I only wanted to ask you if you can talk I thought you were dump.” I was dump folded. She had made a fool out of me. I mumbled an apology again.

 

I screamed my name at her when she started to walk away from me. She was too beautiful to lose. She froze with fright then relaxed a bit when she realised that I had finally proved my insanity to her. She managed to wear a simple smile before she thanked me for telling her my name and continued to go on her way embarrassed. I decided to follow her.

 

When she had turned her head I discovered her hair dresser looked like home baked twist bread.

“What do you know about home baked twist bread?” asked the wonderful young lady as we moved to the school hall. Besides that it was a bread, a twisted one, baked at home I knew nothing about it.

“My mom is the best baker in the whole world,” she continued with a faint smile, “ and my family owns the best bakery in the whole country.” We were now good friends.

 

Her name was Mitchell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4

 

“ It is written sir, subsection 3 of section 2 chapter 15 amendment 2 that all school dinning or cafe are suppose to provide tea or coffee for the students.” I told the principal, who sat on his big chair with his mouth open, bewildered by my nonsense. I might not know what I was talking about but that just did prove my point, I did not know anything.

“Young man, do you know what you are talking about?” asked the principal.

 

I had gone to the principal’s office where I knocked on the door once and dashed in before I was bid to enter. That was the first mistake. I had come to complain about coffee being not sold at the school cafe.

 

The room was not singularly occupied as I had prayed for but had three other occupants who dropped their mouths wide open on discovering an intruder. One of the two female teachers pulled up her pants from her knees whilst the other pulled down her dress into correct position. Both men drew their hands in to their pockets or shuffled some papers on the table I forgot which did what.

 

Believe me it was a shock, I was surprise to find my uncle there. He was the one who has put his hands in to his pocket.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him too stunned to realise my mistake and my hallucinations.

“I am not your uncle.” replied the man. He was that kind of man who confused their lives with their career. Never mind about that it’s another good story I won’t bore you telling about.

 

The man who looked like the principal sat on a big chair. He was big or he looked big, that was my first thought. His face didn’t look old enough and his head wasn’t bald enough to be called a principal. He wore glasses, a purple shirt and a pink tie (a pink tie of all the ties in his closet or wardrobe!). His grey jacket was hung on the wall. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was wearing a green pair of trousers, white socks and blue shoes. He was the man I had come for. The principal (although more of a badly dressed clown). I had come to ask him why coffee wasn’t sold at the school cafe. He did not flinch or smile.

 

“Why is coffee not sold at the school cafe?” I asked the first time I got time to speak again. I was waiting to hear if his voice was big also. He hadn’t said a word since the moment I entered his office.

“What do you want boy?” asked the man who was not my uncle (he was not the principal either). I wanted to know why coffee was not coffee was not sold at the school cafe. I repeated my question, this time to all of them I wasn’t sure who was in charge anymore. Four pairs of eyes stared at me. The silent duo couple looked at me as if they had never seen a teenager boy before.

 

The man who was not my uncle was the oldest among them. I could only see his white shirt with no tie. I had noticed that he had a cheap fake golden watch before he had put his hands in his pockets from someone’s skirt earlier when I had entered. The black skirt belonged to the older of the two women who were present. She was the shortest and taught history.

 

The other occupant was my English language teacher, the youngest, the most beautiful and the principal’s girl (woman? girl?). She was straight from college. She was tall and nice. She had made stand in front of the class and explain what a preposition was. I did and she ordered the rest of the class to give a round of applause. I felt good seeing Maria clapping her big hands (just a thought, I wondered if this big man is Maria’s father. I won’t be surprised if he is, after I have seen her mother I am ready for him).

 

They were still staring at me.

 

The principal regaining his authority back after a moment of shock stated as any other leader would have done, that it was not in the school policy to sell coffee to students because ‘it’s hot’ and contain caffeine which is addictive. His voice wasn’t that big.

 

I couldn’t hide my surprise, worst I couldn’t restrain my anger. Before I told him what I thought of him I told him how I love coffee and I was an addict to that caffeine. It was not his problem, I was told. The constitution could nail him, I threatened the principal, who sat on his big chair with his mouth open, bewildered by my nonsense.

“Young man, do you know what you are talking about?” asked the principal. He went silent as his mind tumbled, breaking and making alliances like underpants in a tumble drier. I was sure I had won the verbal war.

 

I was wrong.

First he called me a donkey then asked, “ Did you bring any of your brains today?” the man sounded angry. We told me what I had never heard before and I won’t hear again ( I won’t even tell). I took an oath and swore in blood not to tell anyone. Not even you. I was ready to go back to the classroom when he gave me a free piece of advice,

“ One last thing Jack.”

“Its Jake sir.” I corrected him.

“ Whatever get a life.” Or was it a wife? I forgot which.

 

 

Epilogue

 

Dear Jack

 

Hi. Just wanted to send you this short note to inform you that I think I have finally have enough. I have moved on. Hope you do the same Jack. I am now a city girl and gosh, do you expect me to date farm boys? For God’s sake I can’t afford to date a garden boy who can’t marry me when there are city dudes who can afford a first class city girl. Thanks Jack you too poor to much my personal standards.

 

Your Ex-girlfriend

 

Maria

*******

 

 

For short stories and poems by Matthew K Chikono like the Facebook page; The Passion Of A Writer’s Pen

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Teaser

 

My Cry For Life

 

By Tafadzwa Chiwanza

 

<1>

 

Location: Newlands

 

It had taken Doctor Alec Gordon three years to convince his secretary, Aryan, to go with him on a date and now, Doctor Alec Gordon was running late for his date. He had never been to one since Prom, that is to say he had never been to a single date in twenty years. That also meant that the great doctor was forty five and still single!

That is why he nervously scampered through the streets glancing at his watch after every twenty seconds heading for the post office.

‘Never keep a lady waiting Alec,’ he whispered to himself as he glanced at his gold watch for the millionth time and continued to lope towards the post office. As he scuttled nervously through the streets, he bumped into someone and he began cursing.

 

“Aargh!” He exclaimed “Watch were you are going you fool!” he shouted furiously as he looked at the papers he had been carrying which were now scattered all over the warm tar.

When he looked at the person who he had bumped into he was frightened by his heavily built structure, thus his biceps which resembled the trunks of an elephant and a commanding height which towered over him like a Giraffe. He looked up at his face and quickly stammered an apology,

 

“Sorry sir, I did not mean to be so rude. Do not worry. It’s my entire fault, I am in a hurry. Leave the papers I will pack them up myself. Have a good day sir.” he stumbled upon his own words with fright. The gentleman then left, satisfied that his work in the gym had done what he intended them to do.

 

Doctor Alec Gordon bent down quickly and began bustling about as he tried to stuff the papers into different envelopes and files in a hurry, he was only thinking about his date with the beautiful Aryan.

 

‘Don’t blow it Alec, this is the chance of a life time,’ he whispered to himself. Within a few seconds he was done. He got to the post office and posted all the letters.

 

He quickly turned and started jogging towards the Chinese restaurant where he was hoping to see Aryan. He was now twenty minutes late. He told himself that he was not that late and Aryan would understand. As he rushed through the Goodison Street, he stepped on a piece of paper that had the markings of his private surgery logo on the place where he had bumped into the heavily built gentleman. He bent down and picked it up and on top it was written: ISAAC MIRALLAS HEALTH REPORT. He held it in his left hand and suddenly he began shivering.

He had mixed up the papers.

 

He glanced at his watch and he was now thirty five minutes late. He thought of Aryan again. He knew he had to stop the post office from sending the letters and thus forgo the date with the lovely Aryan.

He then sprinted back to the post office. When he got there, the place was closing. Which meant that the letters had already been sent.

 

“Oh God!” whispered Doctor Alec as he drowsily sat on the wet bench of the post office.

 

 

 

Also available from TPWP;

 

The Passion Of A Writer’s Pen Magazine

 

Vicissitudes by Tafadzwa Chiwanza

 

My Cry For Life by Tafadzwa Chiwanza

 

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Ironic

My life is as good as a romantic comedy except there is no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes. I need to confess. I am cursed ( or I think I might be ). There is no girl who is now willing to go out with me or even to pretend I am her lover even for a fee. I don't know what I did and I still don't know what I will have to do. I don't know when it will end but I think I know when it all began. This is a stort about a guy who wanted a girl. Any girl would have been good. Things happen.

  • Author: Matthew K Chikono
  • Published: 2016-08-26 11:20:10
  • Words: 7706
Ironic Ironic