Copyright 2016 Mario V. Farina
Shakespir Edition, License Notes
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Mario V. Farina
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We males depend a great deal on the women in our lives. This story is just one example. My wife, Ann, and I have been together about eighteen years. This is the second marriage for both of us. We were widow and widower when we met. We married when I was 70.
A few days ago, Ann was afflicted with a temporary, but serious illness, and needed to be admitted to the hospital. I went to see her and, though her body needed mending, her mind was in control. “Dear, she said, “This has happened at a bad time. There are bills to pay and, even though you received a paycheck today, it needs to be deposited. You need to do this!”
“But, honey,” I protested, “I haven’t done anything like this in many years. I don’t know how to deposit money!” “I’ll teach you,” she said. The instructions she gave were thorough. She told me which bank I needed to go to, what form to fill out, and what to do at the drive-in window. “Easy enough,” I thought.
Driving to the bank was easy. I knew just where it was. But, finding the drive-in window became the first problem. I circled the building and eventually found the window but did not enter the drive-in lane right away. I had not made out the deposit slip. I pulled over as close to the side as I could and stopped the car. Fishing through my pockets, I couldn’t find the blank deposit slip. No problem, I thought; I’d have the teller fill one out.
There were two lanes being served by the bank. No one was in the lane closest to the teller’s window, but I drove into the second lane because it was easier to get into. This was my second mistake.
Since I had left the left lane open, another vehicle arrived and slipped into it while I was deciding what I needed to do. Now, I could not see the teller’s window from where I sat. There was an apparatus blocking my view. This housed a canister of some kind. I had no idea how to use this device and pushed a button marked Call. Nobody answered. I reached out and picked up the container and brought it into the car for examination. I needed to put my check in here, I thought. But how? It didn’t appear to have an opening anywhere. I pushed the Call button again.
As I waited for a response, the car beside me departed and a woman’s voice came from somewhere, “How may I serve you?” “I’d like to deposit a check,” I said. “But don’t know how to use this bottle thing.” There was silence at the other end. After waiting a while longer, I said, “Maybe, I should come into the bank.” The voice responded, “Yes, that would be good.” I drove out of the lane and to the front of the bank. I parked and retrieved the envelope with the check and found that I needed to “unpack it.” This required that I strip four edges away from the envelope. I did this. Inside there was what I thought to be a check. I decided to bring this in.
In the bank, I went to a teller and gave her the contents of the envelope and said, “I’d like to deposit this.” The woman examined what I had given her and said, “This is not a check, sir. It’s a check stub.” “Oh, I responded,” I must have left the check in the car. I’ll go get it.”
Feeling foolish, I went back to the car and examined the pieces of paper that were there. I saw no sign of a check. Gathering all the pieces of paper I could find, I reentered the bank and went back to the same teller. I said, “There has to be a check in here somewhere. See if you can find it.” “Yes sir,” she said, “I see it here but I need to open the envelope. What you gave me earlier was a stub from a Credit Union deposit that had been automatically made by your employer.” She removed the edges from an envelope I had given her and asked, “Do you wish to deposit or cash this check?” I responded that it was to be deposited.
I felt that my behavior might have raised some flags concerning my integrity and wanted to allay any suspicion the teller might have of my honesty. “Would you like to see some ID?” I asked. “Oh no,” was the response. That would be required only if you were cashing.” “Definitely, depositing!” I stated. Then I added, “My wife normally does this. I haven’t deposited a check in many years. She’s in the hospital.” I needed to explain my ineptness.
The teller moved her fingers in magical fashion, then said, “All done. I hope your wife feels better soon.”
As I returned to the car, I felt unseen eyes on me. I knew my performance in having this mission accomplished had not been stellar. I must not make any mistakes as I left the bank’s parking area. Otherwise, there might be some laughter in the bank. With great care, I drove to the street and turned right. I should have turned left. No problem, I thought, there was no way they could be aware of this mistake.
As I drove home, I reviewed in my mind what had gone wrong with my errand at the bank. There was only one answer. I’m a klutz!
There had been one saving grace to this entire ordeal. When I told Ann what had happened, she laughed gaily.