Elements Of Relationship
“Expressions In Real Life”
Copyright © July / 2016
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Elements Of Relationship
“Expressions In Real Life”
/ Understanding Elements
“In this life, we all should come to a point of realizing that there are some things that are more important than others and one of these things is relationship.”
Hopefully most will agree that relationships can be complex and complicated, but another truth that we might not agree on is that they usually get this way because of our lack of relationship education. Relationship education is key and no matter the type of relationship, who’s involved or even how long you’ve been within it won’t change this important fact: all relationships are created by the means of bringing together a collection of relationship elements and most of us simply don’t know enough about this process. Relationship elements and process? What are these elements and why haven’t you heard about them, right?
Well the truth is most of us are familiar with many of the main elements of relationship, but may not be so clear on how to use them best. Then there are those elements that we don’t quite understand, misuse or simple ignore because our relationship education isn’t up to speed. But for now, what we need to understand is that these elements, when bound together, produce this wonderful thing we collectively call relationship. Luckily for us all, one of relationship’s most fascinating gifts is to allow all to enter, although all aren’t properly prepared to live within it.
Relationship education teaches us about these elements, how to use them properly, when to use them at all and why all of this is important to our relationships. Let me show you what this means by using this analogy.
Imagine taking a look into an auto mechanic’s tool box. Do you notice how it’s full with the many tools used to get various jobs done? Big tools, little tools, simple tools and even some of those complicated tools that we may never have seen before. Although you may not be a mechanic, you can understand that these are the mechanic’s tools used to get jobs done. Each tool having a different name, different looks and of course different purposes can all work alone or as partners together. When a job needs to get done, first it’s the mechanic’s vast education of various jobs that she turns to that helps her in preparing a proper plan of action. Next, she’ll consult with her sound education of each tool presently in her toolbox to pick out those that can assist her in reaching her goal. From studying and training, she knows each tool, its purpose and how to use it properly during a job. Fortunately for her, if a needed tool isn’t in her box, she knows how to seek it out. She can find it, get it and complete her work. Finally, she will plan a start time, setup her tools and get the job done as professionally and efficiently as she can. So the questions for you are:
Would you even consider hiring a mechanic that doesn’t understand the job at hand?
What about hiring a mechanic that doesn’t know which tool is best for the job?
If my guess is correct, you answered NO to both of those questions, right? Then, should we also agree that being the best mechanic for our relationships is the better choice? Within every successful relationship that’s been created to continually shower us with the elements of honesty, love, compassion and security, we will find mechanics who understanding and practice the true values found within studying relationship. Likewise, each element of relationship is a tool. Our tools should be available and ready to be used to help create and keep our relationships running on wonderful. As mechanics of our relationships, we are held responsible for studying, learning and understanding them along with the tools, or elements that we use to make them work. Our education with the proper use of our tools can be powerful when used to create and maintain our relationship’s beauty.
Although it may be widely believed that our relationships are simply good ones or bad, this is not truth. Unlike ourselves, who were raised by complicated people, relationships are built. Building relationships gives us the chance of perfectly constructing them, if we so choose. Seeking relationship education is the key here! Knowing the elements of relationship, what they are, their purposes and how to use them properly will increase our opportunities of creating relationships built for success.
/ From Teacher to Scholar
Now who can honestly say that they are a stranger to relationship fear? Although this element of relationship is one of our weakest, it makes up for its lack strength with its constant presence. The fact that fear is always lurking around and can be attached to almost every emotion we share, gives it the illusion of power. Fear has no natural power over us, but works with the power we lend it. As we learn in RelationshipGED, fear’s natural design is an alerter emotion. Unfortunately, when taken out of context, fear is given it’s imaginary strength to cause unjustified consequences within our relationships.
Weakness is fear’s most prominent attribute. It has no power of its own to take over you or your relationships. This is proven every time anyone stands up to fear and overcomes it. As soon as we confront fear, we take back the power we lent it and it returns to its natural state of weakness immediately. But for those who lack the proper understanding of fear or how to use it, they may remain consumed with fearful thoughts or in fearful situations repeatedly.
Because fear is within all of us all the time, the availability to attach it to almost anything is maximized. The fear of animals, flying, driving, heights, swimming, falling and even to success. But fear isn’t a part of relationship in any form. Likewise, we have to invite, insert or attach it for it to become a recognizable part. The fear of family, friendship, children, coworkers, church members and any other type of relationships we are a part of. Attaching fear means to bind fear to any thought or emotion we have about something or someone. How will you know if you are attaching it? If you find that each time you think on a person, place or thing, you experience fear, then most likely you have attached it to this very thing.
If we attach fear to our relationships or any element of relationship, they will surely succumb to it, become weak and fail. Fear isn’t designed to create, maintain or promote any thoughts, feelings or relationships we may have. With that in mind, if we attach fear to the element of relationship we know as happiness, it will then change our happy moments into fearful ones that bring on undue stress or worrying beyond belief. Taking the time to define and understand elements of relationship like fear will teach us how to break and prevent these types of negative attachments. As RelationshipGED explains; this is why its most important that we all choose to continue our relationship education!
Falling in the same category as the element known as jealousy, fear is an alerter emotion. Fear’s sole purpose is to alert us to thoughts, feelings and situations that we are having or about to become a part of. By alerting us, fear is asking us to pay attention, take in situational information and to prepare ourselves to make a decision based on the information we take in, not on fear itself. This is our most common mistakes with fear. Instead of making choices and decisions based on the situation at hand, we make them based on the fear we feel about the situation and then attach that fear to the situation. This in fact is how we all commonly misuse fear. Once we attach fear to our thoughts, feelings or situations, it will remain attached until we remove it. As you can see, although fear is weak, we give it staying power. It will not dissolve or disappear on its own. Every single time we think on the fear of a situation, we allow fear to take over. Fear must be unattached and uninvited from living in our lives and relationships in this manner.
Let me tell you a little story about the first time I rode on this amusement park ride one summer when I was young. I remember seeing commercials for the park on television all that summer. Inviting people to come to the park, ride the rides and to just enjoy themselves. But also in the commercials, they repeatedly expressed how their new roller coaster was the tallest, fastest and scariest around. At that time, I didn’t have any fear of roller coasters because I never rode one before, so I wanted to do it. I was lucky, I got to go to the park that summer. I found this roller coaster and I got on. Just as the commercials had said, the heights, drops and speeding into the turns all scared me. After I got off, I felt excited, but scared at the same time. This made me quickly think about if I could ever do it again. Since then, I’ve made it a point to ride every roller coaster at every amusement park I go to. Yes, I was scared that first ride, but I’ve been made more scared by newer roller coasters over the years.
If we think about it, the intent of a roller coaster is to amuse and scare us, right? So I knew to expect to be scared and I was, but what I never became is fearful. Just because I was scared of the speed or the heights, I didn’t have to fear it, did I? My choice was no, I didn’t have to fear it so I never stopped riding roller coasters and being amused by how they scare me.
Now we know there’s differences between being scared, afraid and frightened, right? Although their differences are slight, these all are reaction based and need outside situations to provoke them. Very much different than fear, which we understand comes from within and we attach it to things that are outside of us.
Again, I remind you that fear is an alerter emotion. Its purpose is to alert us to what? Our thoughts, feelings, situations and even if we need to perform some kind of action. In my research, I found by far, the worst thing we can mistakenly attach fear to is the unknown. What we don’t know, we shouldn’t automatically fear, we should investigate. People being fearful, not afraid or scared of the unknown seems to be widely acceptable. Practicing this within our relationships isn’t productive or successful and RelationshipGED teaches us that this is a negative commonly shared understanding.
Although many people believe attaching fear to various things is a normal part of life, its consequences are no less than devastating to our lives. As I have heard and seen, fear defeats people more than any other thing in the world. Attaching fear to any parts of our relationships leaves us constantly expecting worry, stress, pain and the worse, in danger. We shouldn’t feel these kinds of ways about or in our relationships regularly. So the saying goes; the only thing we have to fear is fear itself! This is a very true statement as long as we can understand that its speaking on the misuse of fear. Over time, misuse of fear becomes a negative habit that only leaves us in despair and hopelessness. And the fact stands that we suffer more from our imagination of fear than we do from the realities we live in.
As we can’t run from it, we can’t out think it and we shouldn’t ignore it, our best hope is to use it the best ways we can. have to out do it. Let it alert you as often as need be and respond to it with logical choices and decisions about the things in front of us. Revisit thoughts and feelings you presently have that you find you may have attached fear. Make the choice not to remain fearful of things, but to investigate, educate yourself and free yourself to experience more of them.
Below I would like to introduce you to what I call ‘Expressions In Real Life’ for fear. As the title says expression, I will give you the thoughts and feelings one might have during the height of our element of relationship called fear. I hope you will enjoy.
“Expressions In Real Life”
FEAR; noun / verb
unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.
afraid of, someone or something as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.
I have to stop thinking about. I can’t focus. I know he went to see her today and maybe he’s with her right now. Both of them, laughing, smiling, joking, kissing or maybe even having sex. I hate it! Just thinking of him doing things to her, like he does to me, burns me up inside. The way he makes me feel when he touches me, ooh so nice. He makes me sick! Why did he do it? And how could he make her feel like that? What she do to deserve it? Where was she when we were going through everything?
I know he loves me and that’s why he told me about her. That’s why I’m being strong for him, because he only loves me. But what if something goes wrong? And what if she does something right? What will happen to us? Will I be left to be the fool? No, no, he wouldn’t do that to me. I’m his true love! Would he do that to me? He said he wouldn’t and I have to believe him. I love him so much and I don’t want to love anyone else. He’s going to come back to me. I know he is. She can’t love him like I love him in a million years. But she can love him different. What does she have that I don’t? Would he like her love better than mine? No way, not gonna happen, we are made for each other. We’ve loved each other through everything, just me and him. But damn, why does he even have to spend time with her?
I’m just working myself up. He’s coming back and he’s going to love me like always. I’m not going to be left here alone again. He would never leave me here alone, he knows better. I am the one; she’s just the right now girl. He’s going to love me until he dies, but will he be with me? Am I going to be the only one he loves? He said, “I would never leave you for another.” I believe him! I have to believe him, but is she the other?
This is getting out of hand. Why do I do this to myself? I need to just stop, because we’ve been through worst. We are a couple, not him and her! We have a life together, not him and her! So why she even here? She’s knows he’s with me, why is she even here? She wants to take him from me. She sees how wonderful our life is and she wants it for herself. That selfish, backstabbing bitch! How can she do that to me? She’s the devil in disguise and I hate her. She’s nobody, a nothing! But how can that nobody take my love? He’s going to walk away from me. How could he let this happen to us? He’s going to pack up and run off with her, I know it. I’ll be miss stupid sitting here waiting and he’s not even coming back.
Oh my god, he’s not coming back! I sent him to her and he’s not coming back! I’m so stupid, why did I do it? Why couldn’t I be what he wanted me to be? I’m not good enough for him, I let him down. But I can be better, if he just gives me another chance. Don’t walk away from us, please! No, no, no, he won’t do it, he can’t. Does he still want me? I think he wants her. He loves her now, I knew it! That’s what I get. I’m going to be alone again!
Shoot, I have to stop! I hear him at the door, right now. Oh my, look at the time I wasted thinking he wouldn’t come. I can’t keep doing this. I’ll never do it again, because he just did, come home to me.
Are most important
I would like to thank you for talking the time to read my writing and I need to ask you for a favor. For those whom haven’t read this writing as of yet, I ask you if you wouldn’t mind taking a few minutes to write a review for them please? Your comments can help others know what to expect when they’re looking for relationship information. Your review doesn’t have to be the longest writing you’ve done all year, just a few words to help someone else to understand what you read about. You can simply go to the site where you downloaded this ebook from and click on comments/review. Can I count on you?
Thanks for considering doing this. It means a lot to me and many others that are looking forward to reading your comments.
Enjoying his strong passion for great relationships, F. Alexander is the creator and writer of RelationshipGED. Frequently sharing his unique perspective when responding to and teaching others on the subject of relationship, he was urged by many to focus his talents on writing. As he continues to enjoy his various long term relationships with family, friends and colleagues, his continued passion for helping others and becoming a great writer, grows every day. F. Alexander is a freelance writer, married and a proud father of five. He currently lives and writes in the Southeast of the USA.