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Failure To Communicate

FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

By

James Gardner

Shakespir EDITION

*****

PUBLISHED BY:

James Gardner on Shakespir

Failure To Communicate

Copyright © 2017 by James Gardner

 

THE WORLD NEEDS REMINDING OF WHAT’S RIGHT! AND WHAT’S WRONG!

 

 

TABLE OF CONTENT

:Chimera

2:New Orleans/Global Warming

3:Saving The Planet

4 Internet Porn

5:Porn/ Paedophilia

[+ 6:Teledonics+]

7:Black Gold

8:Finger Of Suspicion

9:Hunting

10:Skiing/ Hotels

11: On Roswell/1

12: Big Brother

13: Drugs/ Drink/ The Facts

14: Homosexuality

15 Graduates

16: Food & Drink

17: Language

18: Grumpy /1

19: Grumpy/2

20 Grumpy / 3

21: Banking (with a B)/ 1

22: Banking /2

23: Crime

24: Grumpy/ 4

25: The Untouchables

26: P. C. gone mad1

27: N.H.S. / Care homes/ part 1

28: N.H.S/ Nursing /part 2

29: N.H.S/ Nursing /part 3

30;Water

31: Justice Part 1!

32: Money, Sex, Sex, Money

33: All that jazz

34: Corruption

35: Yer having a laugh/ part 1

36: Spain /part 1

37: Spain part 2

38: Stupid is, what stupid does/ part 1

39: Smoking

40 tupid is/part 2

41: Stupid is part 3

42: Homosexuality

43 grumpy5

44 donations

45religion

46 What’s going on Justice

47 Pick & Mix

48Positive Discrimination

49 Teenage Kicks

50 Bits N pieces

51 Immigration

 

 

1

Chimera

 

Hands up if you have any idea what Chimera; pronounced kymera is? Go on, hazard a guess. Could it be a vegetable, a country, a type of liqueur perhaps, maybe a board game? If you’re a clever clog and already googled it or looked it up in the dictionary you’ll have discovered that the official description is that it’s a mythical, fire-breathing monster with a lion’s head, a goats body and a serpents tail. Unfortunately, the modern day Chimera isn’t any of the aforementioned; it is in fact an extremely rare condition relating to D.N A. Similar to most of the population, I had absolutely no idea what the hell Chimera was, until, quite by chance I read about it in the press. The article was primarily about two women who discovered they had Chimera and the different ways it affected their lives. So struck was I with the story that I think its worth sharing with you.

 

It started when an American woman, H----- D----, mother of two children, was taken to court on charges of benefit fraud. She’d only recently split with her husband and was applying for child benefit when the authorities, having carried out a D.N.A test, informed her that she wasn’t the mother of her children and as a result, was being fraudulent by claiming benefit. Normally a D.N.A test will show at least a 50% match between mother and child, however in the case of Mrs D---- the tests showed no match whatsoever. Despite voluntarily taking the test on three separate occasions, she was charged with attempting a fraudulent act, and summoned to appear before a judge

 

Concerted efforts to find herself a lawyer proved fruitless; no one would touch the case with a barge pole. Every one figured she was working some sort of scam by lying through her teeth and that she wasn’t the mother of the children. A court date was duly set and when Mrs D---- finally came before the judge, she was seven months pregnant by her estranged husband. During the trial Mrs D----’s husband took the stand and swore by almighty God that he’d been present at each birth, nonetheless as far as the prosecution was concerned DNA tests don’t lie and since the tests proved conclusively that she wasn’t the biological mother the kids were taken from her and handed over to people known as ‘guardian parents’.

 

The consensus seemed to be that the children had been switched at birth or that she had stolen them. Despite vehement protestations, the judge agreed with the request and both children were taken from their mother and placed in care. Before dismissing Mrs D---- from the stand the Judge told her that in the interest of fair play, he would instruct a reputable scientist to take her and the babies DNA to establish the truth once and for all. Naturally, the poor woman was distraught; her children had been taken from her at a time when she was about to give birth to her third child. As if to add insult to injury she was then informed that she could go to prison for a crime of welfare fraud. Fortuitously, for Mrs D----, the designated scientist decided to dig deeper and in doing so came across a case of woman from Boston who had gone through the very same experience.

 

This woman, let’s call her Karen, had been told by her doctor that she needed a kidney transplant. Quite naturally, if she were to live she would need a donor. Two of her three grown up sons were given blood tests, to find a match and when they came up as being unsuitable, she was distraught. In the end, her husband donated one of his kidneys. Some months later, when Karen’s youngest son returned from abroad, he was given a DNA test and lo and behold, the results matched those of his mothers! Scientists concluded that two of Karen’s three sons had been made up of her husband and her brothers DNA, whilst the youngest came from her and her husband. As far as I’m aware, the woman has gone on to live a perfectly normal life. Just for the record, there is a one in a billion chance you or I have it.

 

Meanwhile Mrs D---- had given birth (under intense scrutiny) to a healthy baby boy and when the D.N.A tests were released they showed no correlation whatsoever to that of their mother. Mrs D----, having been to hell and back, was subsequently reunited with her hubby. It’s doubtful however that she will ever fully recover from the psychological damage done. P.S. 16 months later, the judge was forced to admit he was wrong.

 

Summation; To date scientists have come upon less than 40 cases worldwide which beggars the question, just how many people out there have chimera? Makes you think doesn’t it?

 

What if a criminal had chimera? He could literally get off with murder. In fact in one case a baby boy was not only born a Hermaphrodite i.e. with male and female genitalia, the left side of his body was distinctly white while the right side was black! In other words, all the way down his left side he was to all intents and purposes a white baby girl, while all down the right he was a black baby boy, yikes! The discovery that the mother of the children was carrying two sets of DNA and that the children had been created without the mothers own DNA was by any standard astounding.

 

Just for the record, identical twins accused of stealing cars and joy riding avoided being arrested after the cops admitted they couldn’t tell them apart. Time and again police recovered DNA linking them to the crime; problem is, they have identical DNA! When arrested, both refuse to incriminate themselves opting instead for the old tried and tested ‘no comment’ declaration.  Despite DNA linking them to the crime and an array of witnesses, police were powerless to charge them with anything since they couldn’t come up with some fingerprints; consequently they can’t pin it on one or the other.

 

Last year a Scottish man accused of rape blamed it on his identical twin brother. DNA failed to confirm which one was the rapist. This would have led to the perpetrator escaping the charge if his brother hadn’t come up with a cast iron alibi!

And finally by way of an interesting fact, (which in some way or other seems to correlate to the above) were you aware that Genghis Khan; the most ruthless ruler to have walked the planet is reputed to have16 million descendants?

 

 

2

New Orleans/Global Warming

 

As those with a reasonable memory will know New Orleans or the ‘big easy’ as it’s so affectionately known, suffered what can only be described as the worst cataclysm since 1927 when in 2005 Hurricane Katrina quite literally ripped it apart. The aftermath of this disaster was devastating and the resultant destruction, as per usual, affected the poor and needy with more than 1200 deaths.

As with most things in life, the wealthy choose the best and safest locations, which in the case of New Orleans happened to be the high side of town. Life on the upper or higher side of town meant the select avoided almost all of the flooding, whilst the minions bore the brunt of it. Class issue aside, the galling thing about this tragedy is that it could have been avoided. Let me share with you some of the facts.

 

In the year 2003, the US Army Corp of Engineers had a good look at the levee situation in and around New Orleans and figured they would need approximately 27 million US dollars to repair them and ensure survival. George W Bush however, in his infinite wisdom, tried to cut the funding to 3.9million, whilst at the same time reduce spending to prevent overall flooding by $78 to $30 million

 

Congress saw fit to pass $5.7 and $36.5 respectively, even though the New Orleans Times had repeatedly highlighted the fact that money for the war with Iraq was being siphoned from funds vital to protecting the gulf coast from Hurricanes. Shortly before the arrival of hurricane Katrina, a government official interviewed on CNN told the nation that if things went wrong, Lake Pontchartrain and the Mississippi would rise to unacceptable levels and the waters from the Gulf of Mexico would come flooding in. This in turn would not only be catastrophic for places such as Louisiana and Mississippi; New Orleans would be so submerged that it would take months to empty. Pretty damning stuff, don’t you think. Fast forward to August 2016 when, prolonged rainfall in southern parts of Louisiana resulted in catastrophic flooding that submerged thousands of houses and businesses. Louisiana’s governor, John Bel Edwards called the disaster a “historic, unprecedented flooding event” going on to declare a state of emergency

 

Many rivers and waterways, particularly the Amite and Comite rivers, reached record levels, and rainfall exceeded 20 inches (510 mm) in multiple parishes.

 

Because large number of homeowners had no flood insurance the federal government provided disaster aid through the Federal Emergancy Management Agency (FEMA).The flood was deemed the worst US natural disaster since Hurricane Sandy in 2012 with13 deathsreported as a direct result of the flooding

 

Am I missing something, or are others ie Americans/governments etc just plain dumb; ( reotrical question). Don’t they get it! Evidence of climate change is coming thick and fast and the rulers of the World sure as hell better do something about it or it will be a ‘world as we know it;no more!’

 

Prior to 9/11, the FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) listed the three main threats facing America. No1 was a terrorist attack on New York. No 2 was a severe hurricane over New Orleans and No 3 was an earthquake in San Francisco, and yet despite this information, George Bush chose to free $7billion dollars towards the Florida Everglades project, and who? pray tell is the governor of Florida, yep! none other than George W’s brother, Jeb

 

Amid the turmoil of the Hurricane, the Mayor of New Orleans, R-y N—-n (himself a self-made millionaire) came on national TV to inform the public that raping, looting and murders were taking place on the streets. The following day however the federal authorities went to great lengths to assure everyone that the situation was under control. As was noted back then, help was slow in coming. Where were the National Guard, the Army and the Navy? Well according to one reporter, ‘Air force personnel’, were no more than a few miles away playing basketball and performing callisthenics. As for the president, he eventually (albeit reluctantly) cut short his vacation, flew to New Orleans, shook a few hands and came back a few days later to announce that $10.5 billion emergency funding was on its way; just for the record that 10.5 billion grew to 60 billion; this from the same president who only days into office, refused to sign the Kyoto treaty on global warming; despite the US being the biggest culprits.

 

PS Amazingly, of the many people who committed suicide most were not the black minorities, but middle class, white professionals such as Doctors, Lawyers and accountants.

 

By definition the ‘haves’ lost more than the ‘have nots’; maybe not in terms of a loved one, but certainly in terms of standing, prestige, wealth and privilege, all of which was so mind- blowingly devastating they just couldn’t hack it. At the end of the day, the homeless and the dead all had one thing in common, they’d been betrayed by a mendacious government; R.I.P

 

 

3

Saving the Planet

 

Point to ponder; there are 7 5billion people on the earth; who between them have killed off at least 900species in 500 years. In the year 2012 the Amazon basin experienced the worst drought in more than a century, drying up tributaries more than a mile wide; prompting Brazil to declare a state of emergency across the entire region. Thousands of people were cut-off, as rivers became mudflats and grasslands, leaving boats stranded amongst millions of rotting fish. A year previous, in an area close to Brazil’s border with Bolivia and Peru, sandbanks started to appear in rivers normally larger than any European equivalents; thus leaving scientists to conclude this was not a one-off, but yet another sign.

 

Marina De Silva, Brazil’s Environment Minister at the time; told a conference that the drought was linked to sea temperatures in the South West Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico, as was the record breaking hurricanes of the previous year. Scientist also highlighted the destruction of the rain forests by illegal logging as a contributory factor as rivers become choked with silt swept from the once dense now raped landscape. 17% of this land has been wiped out. Science confirmed that 50% of the rain comes from the trees recycling through evaporation, which in turn creates even more water; I for one think that’s frightening. The melting of the Arctic and Antarctic is reducing the amount of solar energy reflected back into space, which in turn increases global temperatures even further. This rise will, in all likelihood trigger the release of huge quantities of C O2 trapped at the bottom of the sea.

 

The difference between the rich countries that produce most of the pollution and the poor that suffer as a result is stark. The poor countries suffer by way of droughts floods, starvation and disease and obviously the rich ones do not. 164 countries throughout the world have a smaller carbon footprint than the U K. The poorest countries on the planet account for 738million people and yet make no contribution to climate change. Remarkably, an Afghan produces, 0.02 tonnes of CO2; while a Brit produces a massive 9.62 tonnes. The most prolific producer i.e. the United Arab Emirates will emit a gob smacking 56 tonnes per person. I guess it’s a bit like wealth; in that the minority contribute to the suffering of the majority. A recent report showed that 7,800 Kenyans, Tanzanians and Rwandans die every year from diseases that are related to climate change. Malaria, droughts and harvest failure put all at risk in Africa and yet nobody seems to give a damn, once again begging the question, is the value of a life dependant on where and when you were born? Alternatively could this be nature’s way of controlling the population?

 

We here it all the time; switch off the lights, turn down the heating etc. and while we are doing our bit for queen and country, the self- same people who purport to be whiter than white are doing the exact opposite. Figures produced recently show that BBC employees travelled by air, a total of 41,355 times from April1st 2005 (ironically) until the corresponding date in 2006, this equates to 125 million miles, or more succinctly 2 flights per employee; the word hypocrite! springs to mind The use of government vehicles rose by 20% in the year 2005/6. Ken Livingstone the then mayor of London unveiled a plan to make London the greenest City in the world by way of scathing taxation on air travel, despite him and his cronies having travelled 231 times in 2006/7.Even those who remember ‘Saint Al of Gore’ stands accused of double standards. He has a 20-room mansion, which consumes more electricity every month than the average American home in a year. Prince Charles is just as culpable, he altered an Airbus 319 (originally designed to carry 140 people) to accommodate his entourage of 20 when he flew to the gulf.

 

Bohemian Grove, an Interesting Addendum Did you know George W Bush was a member of a secret society? It’s true. He and his old man, along with high profile dignitaries such as Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell and Henry Kissinger, Ronald Reagan, etc. all participated in annual pagan rituals in the middle of 2,700- acres of woodland in North California known as Bohemian Grove. Bohemian Grove was founded in 1872. Around mid July, Americas most powerful men gather in the grove and are divided into camps such as the ‘Hill Billie’s’ and the ‘Woof ’ who, having back slapped till their arms hurt, proceed to don red hooded robes, light a fire and burn a effigy at the bottom of a 40ft stone owl

 

Needless to say the society is a ‘men only’ club and despite its motto; ‘weaving spiders come not here’ the reunion establishes a heaven sent opportunity to network under the shade of the redwoods; during which, incidentally, as part of the ritual they simultaneously piss on the trees, honest! I believe that the induction fee is something around 30K USD and annual fees substantial. You are most likely to be favoured if you are a white, devout Republican with wealth

 

 

4

Internet Porn

 

According to the host of the annual AVN (Adult Video News) Awards; the porn equivalent of the Oscars was a rip roaring success. These awards are completely funded by the porn industry, thus implying that if it wasn’t for the internet, all porn stars would be out of work. I for one think the statement is a little bit of an exaggeration, nonetheless since reading the article I have discovered many disturbing facts.

 

On- line pornography is a multi billion business that is growing by the minute. For example, did you know that 60% of all daily enquires typed into 'Google' relate to pornography? More astoundingly, a Google expert revealed that within the last 5 years the company had processed more than one billion requests that included the phrase, ‘bestiality’!

 

In their endeavours to obtain information regarding child porn, the US government at one point subpoenaed Google, whom, I am led to believe, more or less told the FBI to go fuck! themselves. This investigation lead to the heart of what spurred the phenomenal growth of the Internet and its four little words P.O.R.N. A quick search for porn, on the net recently produced 45.2 million hits. Don’t you find that staggering? Below are some stats.

Every second; 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet

Every second; $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet

Every second; 372 people are typing the word “adult” into search engines

40 million American people regularly visit porn sites

35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography

25% of all search engine queries are related to pornography, or about 68 million search queries a day

One third of porn viewers are women

Search engines get 116,000 queries every day related to child pornography

34% of internet users have experienced unwanted exposure to pornographic content through ads, pop up ads, misdirected links or emails

2.5 billion emails sent or received every day contain porn

Every 39 minutes a new pornography video is being created in the United States

About 200,000 Americans are “porn addicts”

 

Establishing just how many porn sites are out there depends on whom you ask. A United States pornography historian reckons there are around 400,000 porn sites on the web; conversely the ‘filter review’ research company figures there are 4.2 million. Now that is a big discrepancy.

 

The mobile porn industry is also booming; Jesus H Christ it even has its own trade show. The annual ‘Mobile Adult Content Congress’, for the benefit of the perverts out there, is coming up soon. Unfortunately, I don’t quite know where or when, however

I’m sure these little details won’t prevent perverts from paying a visit. And on that note, I would now like to share with you a true story.

 

My wife and I were in a pub one evening, drinking beer whilst watching a football match when in walked two male acquaintances. They both pulled up a chair, ordered some drinks and by the final whistle, all four were, as they used to say in the old day’s ‘well oiled’. The bevy kept coming, tongues became loose and sometime later one of the guys (justifiably known as ‘Jim the dirt bag’) produced his state of the art mobile phone, punched in some data & thrust the screen in my face. I wasn’t carrying my glasses at the time, consequently the impact of the image was lost on me: not so my woman. The minute I pushed the phone in her direction she let out a scream that would have woken the dead. Apparently, (and I have no earthly reason to disbelieve her) the image before her was of two stunningly gorgeous girls, one lying on her back whilst the other shit on her face! I kid you not.

 

Now pray tell, why oh! Why would anyone carry around the image of one girl defecating on another? More to the point why would he, for one moment figure my wife or I would find it remotely interesting or funny. This sort of behaviour is taking things to a new level. Believe me if society keeps going downhill, pretty soon people like ‘the dirt bag’ will, when asked what he did last night (without a smidgeon of embarrassment) say “nothing much, I just stayed in watched the telly and shagged my sister/ mother/ dog or blow up doll!” Message to the World; we need to fix this, before it’s too late

 

5

dophilia

 

This brings me to the infinitely more disturbing issue of paedophilia and in particular the case of ageing pop star of the seventies.

 

Some years ago, 61 year old Gary Glitter (real name Paul Gadd) was released from a Vietnam prison. Originally he appealed against the 3 year stretch he'd been given for child abuse by pleading his innocence. He reckoned he didn’t abuse two young children in his Villa in the Southern town of Yung Tau and that the police must have been mistaken. This from a man who also denied all knowledge of the inordinate amount of child porn images he'd downloaded onto his computer in the UK. The good news is he ended up serving porridge in the notorious Xuyen Moc labour camp, located in the jungle, 60 miles from the nearest town, where he shared a cell with up to 100 fellow scum- bags; it gets better. Word was, the joint was rife with disease and murder; making Autzwich look like Butlins; altogether now, awe!

 

Even better news.. Canadian and American police arrested 26 people thought to be involved in a child International porn network. The 26 paedophiles who came from places as far afield as the U.S.A, Australia, and Great Britain were engaged in the World- wide trafficking of child porn and in some cases were even showing live transmissions of children being sexually abused. Sick as it may seem, in one instance the child being abused was a toddler of less than 18 months old. Words alone cannot describe how I feel, suffice to say I would gladly volunteer to cut off their balls before hanging the bastards.

 

Question; is it my imagination, or has there been a sharp increase in paedophilia? The reason I ask is that almost every day when I open a newspaper I read that someone famous has been arrested on child molestation/ paedophilia related offences. Whether it’s actual physical abuse, child-grooming or ogling internet images, perhaps the punishment should fit the crime and once again the fucker’s should have their balls cut off.

 

Second rate actor/ paedophile Peter L——-n served a mere 5 months of his 18 month stretch, having been convicted of downloading child porn and collecting images of child abuse, including rape and incest of young children and babies. L——-n told the waiting press he had been a frightened old man in jail. Excuse me for being insensitive, but all the caveats in the world do not excuse a pervert. This monster told the courts he had been researching the topic because he himself had been abused as a child. Let’s be clear on this; if countries the world over cannot find the courage to quell these perverts they should pack them off to the Philippines; Current President señor Rodrigo Duterte would soon sort them out; by way of severing of the bollocks/ castration, resulting in a slow death via loss of blood.

 

In a similar vein, two former RAF officers, found guilty of abusing boy’s at a sheltered home for street children in Mumbai, were jailed for 6 years by a court in India. One of the men (let’s call him Mr G) had sold his London house in 1996 in order to set up ‘A———-e Shelter’ charity home and had even conned a famous actress into becoming the patron. Fortunately she gave him the ‘big E’ when five of the youngsters made allegations of being repeatedly sexually and physically assaulted by him. I’m not casting aspersions you understand, all I’m saying is Mr G’s father lineage was from a Major General. His grandfather served in the? Th Army and his great- great Grandfather was a member of the Kings American Regiment during the war of Independence. He himself was a former house-master of a renowned National Nautical School. The Ex-patron thought he was ever so charming (isn’t that usually the case?) and his impact so great she’d nominated him for an OBE. You won’t be surprised to learn that, according to him, he didn’t do it.

 

Next up: The story of how a 30 yr old American woman, who accused a neighbour/ male of sexually assaulting her son was, herself charged with sexual battery and child abuse. It’s claimed the woman from the state of Florida threatened to call the cops and have the bloke arrested until, that is, he offered her $600 hush money, at which point she let him molest her son, again!

 

Criminal defence lawyer, S——n H——n, aged 35, was in court recently facing ten charges of taking indecent photographs of children, downloading eighty five child porn images, two counts of taking indecent photographs of children and two charges of possessing indecent images of children, scary stuff. The married barrister was reported to have toured supermarkets secretly filming up women’s skirts with a camera hidden in a wheeled shopping trolley. He’s also said to have covertly filmed under the skirt of a 14 yr old while she sat doing her homework outside the shopping precinct. When officers raided the family home and discovered huge stores of child porn on his computer, Mr Hamilton claimed (get this), he’d inadvertently downloaded the images whilst searching for adult porn. As for the schoolgirl, believe it or not, he actually stood up in court and claimed he thought she was a sixth former. Was this guy for real? It ain’t rocket science mate, if a young woman is wearing a school uniform, you shouldn’t go near her with a fucking10-foot barge pole; capiche! According to the prosecution, he was understood to be a well-respected and intelligent criminal defence barrister. Excuse me! Pray tell; how does one correlate the term intelligence, with child porn? More to the point, are we to believe his missus knew nothing of his sordid secrets. In the end, justice was seen to be done when, despite him blabbering on about the whys and wherefores of his actions, the jury found him guilty of committing 14 offences and jailed him for 3yrs and 9 months. Where’s president Rodrigo when we need him. PS; Had I been a member of said jury I’d have fried/ electrocuted the B——-D!

 

Next: 52 yr old D——d S——r. Mr S——r was jailed for 18 months in 200—? for molesting 3 children between the ages of 6 and 9 whilst babysitting. Upon his release, he was re-employed by his former employers, even though his bosses and colleagues were aware of his previous conviction. When challenged on their decision to re-employ a convicted paedophile, the company simply said he was staying on as a bus driver. When the company went bust in the late 1990’s, S——r was transferred to East-on-ways Bus Co and in 1998 when Stagecoach bought out some of the routes; they retained the services of some drivers including scum bag S——r. As if to add insult to injury, his route was in and around the Margate area where queues of trusting children clambered aboard his bus unaware he was a pervert. Since the publicity, Stagecoach suspended Mr S——r pending an investigation; my question was why suspend him? He’s a convicted pervert for Christ sake! Why not notify the Philippines and buy him a one way ticket.

 

Finally, J----n B----y was only 13yrs old when he became embroiled in the sordid world of paedophilia and drug abuse. By the time, he was 14 he had acquired a web camera as part of a deal with the Internet service provider, which he figured would introduce him to friends of a similar age. Instead, it led him into the murky world of paedophilia. At first, he was groomed into believing the people at the other end cared about him. “They were kind and complimentary to me,” he said. A few weeks later, everything changed when a man offered him $50 to stand in front of the web cam and take off his shirt. The guy even helped him set up his Pay pal account. Being the smart young man he undoubtedly is, Mr B----y set-up his own porn site and very soon became rich. After a 6- month investigation, the US Justice Department hauled him before a US congressional panel and by way of a plea-bargain, young J----n, now aged 19, handed over an international catalogue of information including client’s names and credit card details, in the forlorn hope that the Government would act swiftly. From the time the government received J----’s info, to the point where a child in direct danger was saved, more than 7 weeks had passed, and to date only ‘one’ yes, ‘one’ person has been arrested

 

Be assured perverts come in all shapes and sizes. Male, female, teachers, plumbers, choirmasters; many have computers with as much as an 80 gigabyte hard drive, which in practical terms means they could hold somewhere in the region of one million images. Naturally, the manpower required to sift through a computer with that sort of capacity takes an inordinate amount of time, which in turn adversely affects the resources given to the Authorities. This explains why? at any given time there are up to 200 computers on hold, waiting to be analysed by the porn squad.

 

C——k University have developed a system called the Copine scale, which numbers the degree of porn severity. No 1 is when they find soft porn and erotic pictures, I reckon ½ the World are somewhere between a 1-2 and the other half are women. All kidding aside, a No 5 comes into play when pictures with children involved in bestiality and sadomasochism appear, and clearly those sorts of people are both plain sick and dangerous.

 

This beggars the question ‘why didn’t governments throughout the World come up with a system whereby none of this was possible ‘before’ the web was introduced into the public domain? More to the point, now that it’s here, is the almost omnipresence of explicit sex on the Internet a good thing? Surely not. The fact of the matter is the Chinese censor everything their people can and cannot view on the Internet, ergo why can’t we? Kids of every age can use a computer and very often receive indiscriminate porn; how can this be? Boys and girls of around ten years of age can punch in the word ‘porn’ and all sorts of stuff will come up and you know what; they don’t need to subscribe; Once again Philippino time!

 

 

6

Teledildonics and all that jazz[+)+]

 

What the hell is Teledildonics I hear you ask? Well, from what little I can glean, the answer lies in the word; as in ‘Tele dildo nics’ Apparently, Teledildonics allows people seated at two different computers the facility to manipulate electronic devices such as a vibrator at the other end for sexual purposes. These internet-connected devices have been selling like hot cakes for the past 3 years and the guy who’s been making all the money assures us it’s not just the ‘loony fringe’ who are coughing up. According to those in the know, video imagery with real-life tactile sensations is a distinct possibility and games such as ‘Virtually Senna’ linked with hardware that allows the user to have virtual sex with this artificial beauty!

 

On Line – Dating What the f—k is on-line dating all about? You sit down by your computer and sift through reams of what is clearly miss-information in the forlorn hope that you will somehow miraculously find the love of your life; don’t think so. And before you lot get on your high-horse, I do realise there are lots of ‘saddo’s’ out there, who, due to shyness, insecurity or whatever, find internet dating a godsend. However, let’s face it many of them (both male and female) are lying, cheating, perverts out for nothing other than a cheap thrill This leads me rather nicely to dogging!

 

Dogging For the benefit of the minority, ‘dogging’, is the indiscriminate act of sexual intercourse (between consenting adults) with anyone they happen meet in a car park, a public park or a swing park. Makes no odds if they are in the middle of thrusting like rabbits, just bang on the window, swivel your thumb in a ‘move over’ gesture and hey! Presto you’re back in the saddle. I was going to say dogging was a sort of game, problem is games have rules, dogging apparently doesn’t.

 

A once renowned footballer/ woman beater was responsible for bringing it to public attention when he was unashamedly caught with his pants down dogging a woman in a public car park! What is wrong with these people?

 

Ghost Brides Here is an interesting fact. Gangsters in the province of Sha’anxi in China have resorted to trading dead bodies of woman they’ve murdered and then selling them as brides to keep dead bachelors happy in the afterlife! Praying on the superstitions of uneducated farmers, desperate to ensure that a dead son was happy in the afterlife, these animals actually killed two women. Unbelievably, this shower of scoundrels paid 12,000-Yuan (800 pounds) to the family of a mentally handicapped girl whereupon the young woman was carted away and held hostage in a country guest house. A buyer came forward and offered them 666 pounds which they would have taken had they not been informed she would be worth more dead than alive consequently they killed her and in doing so received 1000 pounds. The following month the same crew captured a known prostitute, killed her in cold blood and repeated the sequence. They have since been arrested and now face the death penalty. Traditional Chinese belief is that the living must tend to the wants and needs of the dead relatives who exist in the afterlife. Many believe that an unmarried life is an incomplete one leading to the practice of what’s known as minghun i.e. burying dead sons with a dead young wife (as described above). The trading of woman is common in the rural areas of China; indeed many women are repeatedly sold via intermediaries before finally meeting their hubby.

 

Inflatable Dolls Okay, I know what you are thinking; what the hell have inflatable dolls to do with anything? Read on.

 

The other night whilst tucked up in bed my beloved and I came upon a programme unlike any other we have watched in a very long time. The subject matter was men who find comfort, solace and companionship living with inflatable life- sized, life-like dolls. Sounds sick? it is. I kid you not; there are men out there who actually pay good money to have the doll of their choice delivered to their front door. The Doll comes complete with breasts that would shame Pamela Anderson and a fully functional, replaceable vagina. The guy on the box must have been doubly nuts because he owned two. Half way through the programme, he decided, (for reasons, which remain unclear) to throw caution to the wind and invite his living, breathing and by all accounts normal girlfriend round to dinner in order that she meet the competition. Suffice to say the dinner party didn’t go down at all well and within minutes of meeting his inflatable honeys, she left. To be fair to the guy, he didn’t seem too concerned and the next day, by way of a treat, he took the girls out in the car for a drive and en route back home bought them some lingerie and a couple of short skirts. Sadness however, was on the horizon, when through wear and tear; both dolls were shipped off to some guy who repairs them in order to have new vaginas fitted. As God is my judge, I’m not making any of this stuff up

 

Nudity C’mon let’s be honest, unless the person in question has a figure like Cindy Crawford nudity is probably best left in the bathroom. In olden days (as the song goes) ‘a glimpse of stocking was seen as something shocking, but heaven knows anything goes’ Nowadays, flick through the channels after 9pm and you or your 8 year old will come across enough free porn to leave you and your friends exhausted. Women with big bouncing breasts and girls wearing enough make- up, to shame Jeronimo; are on the oodles of ‘ free to view’ channels showing throughout the Nation. Worse still, are the morons who will happily fork out something akin to 3 quid a minute to speak and or verbally abuse them. Naturally, the girl on the end of the line tells them what they want to hear, including I guess ‘when and where’ he can f—k! Her; while the station racks in the dough. It’s a clever way to pull punters. Are all men the world over; stupid? This is clearly a rhetorical question, given they think Connie Lingus, Beverley Beaver and Veronica Vagina are the names of real women.

 

 

7

Black Gold

 

Did you know that the Arctic Circle is the place to be these days? Well obviously not if you’re out for ‘fun in the sun’, however, if you’re on the hunt for oil, gas and hydrocarbons, you’d better get cracking. As repeatedly mentioned; Global warming is upon us and since the ice is melting, ships are beginning to go further without the help of icebreakers. If global warming continues for another few decades, cruise ships, container ships and tankers could shave thousands of miles off their voyages, and given the Arctic region has no formal international treaty to regulate activities, the situation will become more fractious. An American Geological survey surprised everyone when it discovered that at least ¼ of the World’s undiscovered oil reserves lay beneath the Arctic Ocean. If this is indeed the case and there is oil and gas in abundance, then you can rest assured the environment, conservation, wild life and Global-warming issues will be swept under the carpet. All the big boys will be heading North with only one thing in mind i.e. to secure their investment. A Norwegian company has kicked things off by working on a gas field 90 miles across the frozen Barents Sea. The project nicknamed ‘Snow White’ is expected to yield liquefied natural gas to America and Europe.

 

Not to be out done, the Russians are working in the Barents Sea area, in a place called the ‘Shtokman field’, which I believe is almost 10 times bigger than Snow White. Of course, all this activity will inevitably lead to political instability in an area renowned for quite the opposite. Here’s the rub; International law allows a country to claim any seabed up to 350 miles off its coast, which sees 8 countries suddenly fighting over a desolate territory that up until recently they couldn’t have given a shit about. Existing surveys have shown that no countries seabed extends far enough to give them an outright claim on the land and to this end, a neutral area around is being administered by the International seabed Authority. Not to be outdone, Denmark is trying to prove to the World that Greenland (A Danish territory) is connected to a 1,100-mile ‘underwater’ ridge that stretches towards the North Pole. Not surprisingly, Russia and Canada are using a similar scam. Can you imagine what will happen should they get to do what they want? Hundreds of fish, mammals, Polar bears, etc. would become endangered. Organisms unique to that particular echo-system would disappear overnight and pollution caused by spillage and leaks would be catastrophic. According to the Resource Defence Council, between 1996 and 2004 there were 4,530 spillages of more than 1.9 million gallons of diesel, oil, acid and other chemicals along the Alaskan border alone. Added to that, hundreds of thousands of litres of crude oil gushed into the Arctic Ocean from a corroded 30 yr old B.P pipeline. (Extracts taken from the ‘science section’, of the Guardian 2006-04-22) Jesus H Christ! I need a beer; I’m depressed just writing this stuff!

 

Chavez/oil/ black gold As if to exacerbate an ever worsening crisis, the Latin Americans have now entered the arena, and in particular Venezuela. Ever since coming to power in 1999, the then Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez was a real thorn in the side of America, none more so than his announcement that it was his intention to push for the price of light crude oil to be pegged at $?/ barrel. Incredulous as it may seem, 90% of the planets ‘extra heavy’ crude oil is to be found in Venezuela. The problem with transforming ‘heavy crude’ into ‘light crude’ is that it’s not economically viable until the price per barrel reaches $?! See where I’m coming from? If the price did rise and Venezuela were to economically produce ‘light’ from ‘heavy’ then Venezuela’s reserves would be greater than the entire Middle East, and Saudi Arabia would no longer be a ‘player’ in the game. Thing is, such is was his contempt for the American government, Mr Chavez had already coerced 16 oil companies (including American based Chevron) into signing up to a deal which would in effect reduce their revenue to only 2/5ths compared to the governments 3/5ths! That apart; he started hounding BP for an alleged $35 million in back taxes. All of which pissed off the Yanks! They viewed him a destabilizing influence within the region, and if truth were told would have loved to love to take out. Back then Hilary Clinton embarked on a campaign to drum up opposition, and you know what they say “If you mess with a powerful woman, you’ll get fucked in more ways than one?

 

The World already suspected that the U.S had been influential in the overthrowing of around 40 Latin American governments in the 20th century, therefore who’s to say they won’t do the same again. If you think this all smacks of another case of double standards by the Americans, it’s my guess you wouldn’t be wrong. Back in the day when Condoleezza Rice was Secretary of State, she’d the audacity to ask the European Union to scrutinise Venezuela’s handling of Sú-mate (an elections rights movement) who were being accused of conspiracy having accepted a $31,000 grant from The U.S National Endowment for Democracy. In her estimation S´u-mate leaders were not given a fair hearing; having been put before a kangaroo court; all of which seemed a bit rich coming from a country that gave us Guantanamo bay.

 

And what of Hugo Chavez. He was the force behind a failed military coup in 1992 which led him to being imprisoned for 2 years. Six years later he was the clear victor in a democratic election. Due to the loyalty of his army he survived an attempted coup which had been reputed to have been backed by Washington. As for the economy, well as soon as he came to power; life seemed to be on the up and up for indigenous Venezuelans. Money from oil revenue was ploughed into health and education programmes. Neighbouring countries became more supportive and as a consequence the country’s was militarily better equipped than ever. PS although he officially died of cancer on the 5th March 2013 conspiracy theories surround both the date and the cause.

 

 

8

Finger of suspicion

 

In Scotland, in the year 2012 M——n R——s was stabbed to death in her own house. Strathclyde police, having carried out forensic tests, arrested a joiner by the name of D——d A——y. His finger prints were all over the house and when asked to explain, he said he’d done an extension and other work for her in the past. However, when a finger print was found on a Christmas card in Mrs R——’s house, he was asked how it had got there. His said his car had apparently broken down near her house recently so he called in, asked if he could use her phone and must have inadvertently touch the card. When the police searched his house they came across a biscuit tin with 1800 pounds in it and more importantly a finger print of Mrs Ross. One year later, based on that fingerprint, A——y was sentenced to life in prison. The story doesn’t end there; not by a long chalk.

 

The S.C.R.O. (Scottish Criminal Records Office) fingerprint dept said they’d subsequently found a single fingerprint on a bathroom door, which according to them belonged to a Detective Constable S——y M——e. Detective M——e was astounded. According to her, she’d never set foot in Mrs R——’s house, a fact endorsed under oath on the day of A——’s trial. A——y was led away to serve a life sentence. A year later, S——y M——e was arrested and charged with perjury. She hired Peter Swan, an independent fingerprint expert, who confirmed the print on the wall was without a shadow of doubt hers; she was gutted. Undaunted she carried on her search for justice and came upon an American expert by the name of W——m. Mr W——m checked out the prints and told her that the print found on Mrs R——’s bathroom door wasn’t hers; eureka! When the perjury case came to court; three out of the four S.C.R.O. experts said under oath that the print was hers, while Mr W——m and another independent expert countered that it wasn’t. The situation was further compounded when the SCRO experts produced their evidence of the prints with the top portion cut off! This no doubt was an attempt to save their bacon and to a degree it worked. Fortunately M——e was found not guilty of all charges and given a clean bill of health. Despite being exonerated, S——y M——e was ostracised by the force and left to find alternative employment. Fortuitously in 200?, having heard about the case ‘Front line Scotland’ took up the gauntlet and decided to send the evidence to three other independent finger print experts, all of whom concluded that ‘without a shadow of doubt’ the print was not that of Mrs M——e. At this juncture the Scottish Chief Inspector became involved. He brought in Ari Z——g, the chief of the Netherlands forensic team. Z——g had worked for Interpol before heading up the Dutch unit and was renowned for his work and so when he announced that the print on the door was not that of M——’s, the Justice Minister was forced to stand in front of a packed house in the Scottish Parliament and admit there had been an ‘honest mistake’ whilst being forced to apologise to S——y M——e. All fine and dandy, but what about the print on the biscuit tin? This had also been scrutinised by the same famous 4 who’d made that ‘honest mistake’! Could they have made yet another ‘honest mistake’?

 

According to the law, 16 points of a finger print need to match that of the perpetrator before a conviction can take place. In the case of the print on the tin, the boss of the S.C.R.O. could only find 10. Unperturbed, he told one of his associates of his findings before going on to say and I quote? ‘It would be beneficial to the case if 16 matches could be found’ To be fair, the guy returned having found only 8 matches and suggested to his colleague that he find someone else; enter the outside experts.

 

Within days, three specialists looked over the evidence and confirmed that the print on the tin wasn’t Mrs R——’s. The revelation unnerved the Crowns office to such a degree that they decided to bring in two Danish experts, who again categorically stated that the print on the tin definitely did not belong to Mrs R—-s. So who did it belong to?

 

The Court of Appeal overturned A——’s conviction; who, having served 3 ½ year of a life sentence was immediately released. At this juncture the famous 4 were suspended from duty, whilst Detective Chief constable James M——y carried out further investigations. Although his findings remained confidential, somehow or other part of Detective M——’s report was leaked to ‘Front line Scotland’ in which he stated that the four SCRO experts involved in the Ross Murder had been party to a cover up and been involved in criminal intent; however by the end of 200?, the Crown announced that due to insufficient evidence the case was closed, as a result all four returned to work. Undaunted S——y M——e sued for damages and low and behold in February 200?, one hour before the case came to court she was awarded an out of court settlement of £750,000. A couple of days later, J——k M——ll, Scotland’s 1st Minister stood up in Parliament and apologised to Mrs M——e for the honest mistake. Many years later the famous 4 still maintain they did nothing wrong, while the murder of Mrs R—-s remains unsolved. Thing is, for over a 100 years, fingerprinting has been used to convict, or indeed save thousands of people who may or may not have committed a crime. Since deceit and denial have been unravelled within our Justice system, can we expect the Scottish police force and Government to be honest and transparent in their quest for the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I’d like to think so, but somehow I doubt it.

 

 

9

Hunting

 

Despite a change in the law in 2005 banning hunting, the hunting season is about to commence as if nothing has changed. To actively hunt the fox and other animals using packs of dogs is now a criminal offence and yet, incredulous as it may seem, there are those who are simply ‘cocking a snoot’ at authority and the law. On the anniversary of the Hunting act, many full hunts are still taking place. The reason I say full is because according to the act, it is unlawful to use more than two dogs to flush out and chase foxes and a ‘full hunt’ consists of 18 dogs. Unsurprisingly, since the implementation of the act, not one hunt member has been prosecuted, even though they are brazenly ignoring the law. Each and everyone of the ‘tally ho’ brigade seem to think that come a change of government the law will be rescinded and to that end they will carry on regardless. In days gone by when dogfights and cock fighting were en- vogue, the government banned the practices, yet still a few knuckle heads persisted, until common sense in the end prevailed although to date not everyone has complied.

 

Clearly I don’t agree with fox hunting, I think it’s barbaric, then again I am not a farmer; ergo I am not losing chickens, hens and eggs. Fundamentally, I don’t think killing animals for fun is a good idea. No other creature on the planet kills for fun. Apart from that, it doesn’t seem like a fair fight. Have you ever heard of a fox beating up 4 bloodhounds? As I say, there may be a case for farmers killing foxes that have breached security, killed their poultry and affected their income, however the tally-ho mob do not kill foxes or any other animal for that matter because they are affecting their income; they slaughter foxes simply for the hell of it! At least with fox hunting, the fox stands a chance (albeit a mighty slim one) A bull on the other hand hasn’t a hope in hells chance of surviving. Lest we forget, the matador is a showman, out to impress the baying masses and the only way to ensure they get their money’s worth is to make sure he kills the beast sl-ow-ly. Let’s face it, a fox will occasionally make it to their den and somehow miraculously escape, a Bull on the other hand, no matter how big, ain’t escaping from the bull ring

 

Changing the subject (for no other reason than I can)When M. O. T’s were introduced and seat belts became compulsory, many a smart ass (me included) flagrantly dismissed the law. They figured they were Glasgow’s answer to James Dean; some may say ‘a rebel without a clue’, until it dawned on them/me, we were fighting a losing battle and in the end we went out with a whimper and complied. Garages, by the same token, falsified many an M.O.T test for years in order to placate their clientèle, until, in the end testing became squeaky clean and jail sentences handed out. I suspect the hunting crowd will take the same arrogant approach, nonetheless be assured the outcome will be the same.

 

 

10

Skiing/Hotels

 

Up until the time the credit crunch crept up and bit us (& the majority of the western civilisation) in the ass, my good lady and I were fortunate enough to have enjoyed a festive ski in the Spanish Sierra Nevada’s with the family. It’s something we had done for the past 8 years and even though a perverse thing to do, we did it anyway. We normally drove to Granada very early in the morning, skied for most of the day and then spoiled ourselves by checking in to a five-star hotel. The last time we did so was December 2012 and though in general things were much the same, there were, nonetheless a few disconcerting issues which did get on my tits. Listed below are some of them

.

No1 you arrive at the hotel, saunter towards the reception all the while aware that the minute you ask for a room the person on the other side of the counter will be only too delighted to punch into the computer, rub their chins and shake their heads as if you were asking them to lend you a fiver! You and I both know its a little mind game, played by little minds, who will condescendingly swipe your credit card before handing you your room card. From there, you will go back outside, jump in your car, drive into the garage, collect your luggage and head upstairs, at which point the concierge will pounce on you like a puma, chaperone you to your room and expect a back hander for the privilege.

 

No2 Gone are the days when you parked your car in the Hotel for free. Be assured that when you pay your final bill, the Hotel will, in all likelihood, charge for the privilege of you parking your car in the Hotel car park, cheeky sods.

 

No3 Be prepared; as soon as you wander into the bathroom you will come across notices from management requesting you be frugal with the toilet rolls and the towels. The reason; they want you and I to contribute to the saving of the world by being economical with the bog roll and washing! Pardon the pun, but are they taking the piss or what? Paper and towels apart, they have the audacity to supply oodles of little triple packed cardboard boxes with shampoos/ gels/ sewing kits/ shower caps/ a toothbrush/ toothpaste and yet have the nerve to ask the client (who is, believe me, paying a king’s ransom) to go easy on the toilet paper/bull shit!

 

No4 Next time you are fortunate enough to be in a hotel with an indoor swimming pool beware. Health/ swimming clubs are insisting (for the first time in 30 years) that it is compulsory to wear a bathing cap and pay €5.00 for the privilege. You and I both know it’s just another way for these miscreants to fleece the punter.

 

No5 As far as I can recollect, payment of a couple nights in a five * hotel used to include breakfast, not so now. Nowadays you have to pay for it; yet another rip off.

 

No6 Gone are the days when you could hand your skis into the ski shop at the end of the day and pick them up in the morning. What they do now is charge ‘you’ a few bob for keeping ‘their’ ski’s overnight in ‘their’ shop, whilst at the same time informing you that you have to lug ‘their’ blasted ski boots back to ‘your’ accommodation! Which reminds me, why hasn’t some boffin designed ski boots that are in any way comfortable? The bloody things we are being forced to wear these days make everyone look as if we are walking around the resort like pregnant ducks!

 

No7 Were you aware that the magnetic key cards issued by reception carry the following info.(a) Customers name (b) Customers partial home address © Hotel room number (d) Check in date and out date and (This is the real bummer) (e) The customer’s credit card number & expiration date. Moreover, when you hand the card back to the person behind the front desk before leaving, your personal info is there for any employee to access by simply scanning the card in the hotel scanner. An employee could, if inclined, take a handful of cards home and by using a scanning device, access the info onto a laptop computer and go shopping at your expense! The problem is; hotels do not erase the info on magnetic cards until an employee reissues the card to the next hotel guest, at which point having overwritten the new guest’s info on the card will result in the previous guest’s info being erased. Ergo until the card is, re written for the next guest it is normally kept in a drawer, at the front desk with your info/ life on it! In summation, better to either take the magnetic card with you when you leave, or ask for it to be destroyed while you watch. Never, repeat never, leave the card behind in the room or in the waste basket and never turn it in at the front desk when you check out. The hotel will not charge you for the card because it is illegal to do so. For the same reason; if you arrive at an airport and discover you still have the card key in your pocket, do not toss it in the airport rubbish bin. Alternatively, if you happen to have a small magnet in your possession, pass it across the magnetic strip several times and then try to open your hotel door; it will not work. Magnet on magnet erases everything on the card.

 

 

11

On Roswell/1

 

In 1947, Mac Brazel, a ranch supervisor working near the Roswell Airfield heard an incredibly loud explosion. On close investigation, he found many pieces of debris scattered around a field. Unsure of what to do, he decided to take samples to the local radio station. Before airing the findings to the general public the radio station asked those in the know; if they were at liberty to do so at which point they were immediately taken off air by the federal communication commission. Brazel was duly taken to the base and interrogated for several days, and by the time he was released, he’d changed his story and no longer wished to talk about it. In between times132 cargo planes; having combed the fields in search of all materials, including bodies collected said material and dropped them off at the Wright- Patterson Air Force Base.

 

Reports from witnesses at the base confirmed that the bodies were heavily guarded. Local Mortician, Glenn Davies claimed he received several calls from base personnel requesting information on how to embalm bodies, as well as requests on how to hermetically seal the children’s caskets he had in his possession. A public relations officer of the 509th subsequently issued a statement confirming the RAAF had captured a flying saucer on a ranch in the Roswell region. Not unnaturally, denial and appeasement of a querulous public followed, whereupon General Roger Ramey, the chap in charge of the 8th Air Force Headquarters in Fort Worth Texas summoned Major Marcel. On arrival, Marcel having placed the debris on the desk was invited by Ramey to accompany him to the map room. On his return, the debris was no longer on the table and in its place was a damaged weather balloon. Marcel was duly ordered to pose beside the weather balloon for press pictures. Until his death in 1986, Marcel maintained that the material he posed for that day wasn’t the same material he’d brought in and that he above all should know the difference between a damaged weather balloon and strange debris from another planet. Lest we forget, this guy was a member of an elite bomb squad and one of the most intelligent men in the 509th.

 

The subject of whether we are indeed alone has fascinated the general public since the rocket ship became a part of urban conscience. As far as I am aware, this goes back to the H.G. Wells’ book about Martian invasions in ‘The war of the worlds’.;

enter Roswell.

 

Anyone who watches TV will tell you, that opinions as to whether anything interesting happened at Roswell are deeply divided. Personally, my belief is nothing other than US Government ‘secret weapons testing’ went on in area 51; the reasons are simple. (a) The chances of aliens finding us in the universe are just too minute. And (b) if by some chance they did, it just doesn’t make sense for them to come all this way and not announce their arrival. There are also both scientific and technical reasons as to why? The chances of them finding us just at the time that we can identify them are vanishingly small. It is pretty likely that life exists out there, but aliens in space ships, highly unlikely. Let’s take a look at what is thought to be known on the subject.

 

If UFO boffins are right and the planet has; and is still being visited by extra terrestrials, then pray tell where are they? Why no contact? Could it be that biologically we are so different as to be incapable of communications, after all, think of how an insect is supposed to relate to a human? Could we be an experiment? Are they waiting for the day religion either blows us apart or we see the light and embrace an alternative form of spiritualism, or could it be they see us as so pathetic as to be deemed a poor choice for partnership! or in layman’s terms ‘the shit hole of the universe?’

 

In a couple of million years (on the basis that we don’t self destruct) future generations will look back and think what a primitive lot we were. We fornicated like rabbits, grunted at one another by way of communications and preferred war to peace. They meantime; will no doubt communicate via telepathy, transpose themselves from one place to the next, travel faster than the speed of light and maybe, just maybe, look back and wonder how (pardon the pun) on earth we could have been related.

 

Point to ponder; street lighting wasn’t introduced until the late 18th century consequently how would anyone looking down on a dark planet earth figure there was civilisation there? That’s all for now, gotta fly!

 

As an addendum to all of the above; According to the daily Express Dec 2016, via a Survival firm; owner,Robert Vicino’s secret plan to carve out huge underground complexes connected by high-speed trains for the ruling classes is apparently under-way. One base is being developed beneath the Rocky Mountains in the US, however again according to Mr Vicino no members of public will be allowed in and will have to fend for themselves amid an impending apocalypse. According to him“They do not have a plan for you and me, only for themselves. Again according to Vicino the Russians have a drill/ routine in place for 40 million people?“He also claims the US government have been working on fully kitted out survival shelters since 1983. The biggest of which is located in Colorado, beneath the city of Denver, where it has room for just 10,000 people – with spaces earmarked for government officials and powerful individuals, Again according to Mr Vicino The complex is connected to Washington by an underground high speed train and was built with one of those giant drills which the British and French used to dig the Channel Tunnel.

 

Apparently there were stories in the late 90s and early part of this century where people living in, small towns in the mid east of the USA, could hear something which sounded like rain beneath their cities, day after day, but no one knew what it was. Seems this is all down to an as of yet undiscovered planet X known as Nibiru which will destroy the Earth in 2017. He also said and I quote: “I believe they have known about Nibiru for decades when it was discovered by the IRAS telescope.

Understandably critics argue he is pedalling the myth, because his firm Vivos is building and furnishing fallout bunkers for anyone who wants to survive nuclear war, a disease pandemic or the apocalypse.

 

So there you have it. Seems Nibiru will cause havoc as it passes the Earth around September 2017. so if you believe what just been written; don’t go making plans to go off on holiday in September 2017 because boo-hoo! Earth will be caught in the magnetic field of the planet around that time and showers of debris from the object will rain devastation upon the world’s population. best stay home and watch TV

 

 

12

Big Brother

 

Be afraid, be very afraid!

In 1949, George Orwell wrote the book 1984. In it, he spoke of the big brother phenomenon and warned of its consequence. At the time, precious few took him seriously; they do now. Sixty eight years later, every person living in the U.K is witnessing first hand the emergence of Big Brother and the harsh realisation that we are all under the microscope. Without prior consultation, sensitive credit card data, mortgage info, and bad debt listings are being stored on National computers and there’s not a damned thing we can do about it. Speed cameras and even Doctor/patient confidentiality, once considered sacrosanct come under the “we’re watching you” auspice. Airports, subways and shopping centres, record your every movement; or should that read ‘restricted’ movement. Don’t believe me, go into any bank, or post office (that is if you can find one open) give the person behind the desk your name and within seconds he or she will furnish you with your full address, telephone number, car registration and whether or not you’ve a mole on your ass!

 

Were you aware that every time a car goes past a speed camera, (albeit at only1 mile per hour over the limit) the number plate is registered and listed on a national database? Didn’t you know? I’m not surprised; after all, it is a secret. You only receive a ticket if you are w-a-y over the limit or (and here comes the good bit) you have 20 near misses! This is why? you hear of some people being ‘done’ for driving at 34 mph in a 30 zone, whilst others who are doing 39 mph do not. What you and I are not supposed to know is that with the introduction of the new freedom of information act, the public can now check to see if there is any data against their vehicle, and if so, click on the camera window, see a copy of the photograph and react accordingly.

 

Much against the spirit of freedom and fair play, every speed camera in the land (of which there are literally thousands), has been specifically designed to read licence plates, check them against a central data base and alert the police if the car has been stolen. It will also record whether or not the vehicle has no proper insurance or road tax, or being driven by suspected criminals or terrorists. This new technology will capture the number plates of 50 million cars per day and store them in a huge data bank with date, time and location checks. Civil liberties groups are rightly outraged over the set up, claiming that this is just another move by the government to spy on the citizens under the auspice of national security. As I say, be warned; big brother is watching, or as the appropriate named pop group ‘The Police’ suggest “every move you make, every step you take and every claim you stake, they’ll be watching you”

 

Tip for all you people out there who have been ‘done’ for speeding. If for any reason, you don’t receive photo or video evidence of your alleged crime within 7 days of the trial, then you my friend, are at liberty to tell them to stick the conviction where the sun don’t shine. Not many people know that if you haven’t received the incriminating evidence i.e. the pictures, at least 7 days in advance of going to court then the case can be rendered inadmissible.

 

Speed cameras were first introduced in 1992 and since then almost 750 million pounds has been raised via speeding fines. In 1992 there were 290 fines issued and in 2004 more than 3 million. Just for the record there are now approx 4.5 million CCTV cameras dotted in and around the UK! If irrefutable evidence of the inaccuracy of speed cameras was ever required, it came when a stationery car under test conditions was clocked doing 10 mph.

 

Staying on the subject of CCTV, A 24 yr- old Bournemouth lass got the fright of her life one morning, when she climbed out of bed, dressed in only her bra and pants, pulled open the curtains and there on a ladder was a man installing a bloody big camera. In his defence, the 'poor '(or should that read 'lucky') guy was simply replacing an old 180 degree rotating camera with a new high tech 360 degree one; well at least that was his story. ‘Liberty’ the human rights group, was recruited to fight her corner when it was discovered that not only was the camera capable of staring into her bedroom, it was so powerful it could read the label on her knickers! A spokesperson for the Bournemouth council apologised for the mishap and promised a ‘privacy patch’ would be installed to prevent anyone from looking into her home. (is it me or is this beginning to read like a monologue from the two Ronnie’s?)

Pardon my cynicism, but that wouldn’t happen to be the same council who the following year employed, arrested and then sentenced a man to 200 community service for having the nerve to spy on(via their control centre) young girls as they undressed on Bournemouth’s beach?

 

Hard as it may be to believe the government are/ planning to sell off council tax data to insurance and mortgage companies. The DVLA is, as I write selling off driver’s personal details to car clamping companies.

 

An 82-yr-old pensioner popped into her local at lunch time for a glass of stout and a sandwich, only to be informed that if she didn’t remove her hat then she wouldn’t be served: honest! At first the old woman thought the guy was having a laugh, however when he refused to step forward and take her order she realised he was for real. Seems that because she was wearing a hat, the CCTV cameras were unable to monitor her face properly, consequently she’d a choice, either remove the hat or be removed. Is this guy taking the piss or what?

 

According to the fool behind the bar, the 13 cameras are there for a reason, further more they can’t be seen to be discriminating between youths and the aged. Not only that, the patronising tosser then had the temerity to inform those at the bar that old people didn’t seem to realise we live in a changing world. Wouldn’t you just love to stick one right on this guys chin? These old people are the very ones who fought the Nazi’s in order that scum bags like him live to tell the tale. Anyhow come to think of it, why would a pub deem it necessary to install 13 cameras in the first instance? I’ll tell you why? Because if this ass hole insults some of the younger clientèle the same way he does an old buddy whose only crime is to wear a hat, then I suspect 13 cameras may not be adequate. Just for the record; I don’t recall ever been on the receiving end of hassle from an 82 yr-old pensioner, in a bar, during mid day!

 

 

13

Drugs/ Drink /the Facts

 

I used to be one of those naïve individuals who thought smoking cannabis was no more dangerous that smoking fags, boy was I wrong. One of Britain’s leading psychiatrists only recently came up with compelling evidence to support the notion that excessive use of cannabis, and in particular the stronger version known as skunk, leads to schizophrenia, and should kids of 10 years of age start smoking cannabis, then they are 3 times more likely to develop mental illness. I have a 27 yr old son who developed this problem, unfortunately, it took a number of years before anyone realised his troubles were associated with the use of skunk.

 

This problem has increased tenfold in the last 20 years and by the age of 16, almost 4 in10 kids will have tried it and almost 1 in 10 become a regular user. Let’s be clear; drugs are no different to any other so-called taboos. Whether its drink, sex, drugs or gambling, many in society have been cursed with an addictive gene and it’s this addictive gene which makes them succumb more readily to addiction. With drugs it begins with an occasional spliff, moves on to skunk and from there to cocaine, next thing you know, it’s ‘the needle and the damage done!’ Statistics show that if a woman addict has a child, then that child will in all likelihood, be born an addict. Babies born to cocaine snorters, for example, suffer dreadful disabilities such as cerebral palsy and blindness. Heroin addicts are more likely to produce still born babies, while cannabis smokers run the risk of giving birth to children who may develop leukaemia later in life. Maybe it’s time we gave Mothers with a habit an ultimatum; either kick the habit within one year or run the risk of having your child/ children put up for adoption.

 

Here’s a frightening statistic, did you know that in Scotland an estimated 20,000 children are being raised by at least one parent addicted to cocaine or heroin? Freaky, don’t you think? As I say, many of these children will be born dependant on drugs, which will invariably lead to prostitution and crime. Drug use and binge drinking are also to blame for the dramatic increase in the number of babies born with Gastros chi-sis. Castro chi-sis is where the intestine grows outside the body.

 

Even the Army have dependant drug users. The regiment accused of prisoner abuse in Iraq were also abusing themselves with drugs, honest. I read an article the other day which stated that many soldiers took cocaine while on armed guard, while others were out of their minds on the shooting practice. The evidence of drug abuse by the 1st Battalion of Royal Fusiliers was supposed to come out in a high court case; however ministers sanctioned a substantial payout to the family of a former member rather than expose the extent of drug abuse within the Army. This former soldier alleged that more than 60% of his company, including an officer and a warrant officer regularly took ecstasy; furthermore there were soldiers there who had to have 2 or 3 lines of coke each morning before they could function. The chap who brought all of this to light was pursuing a compensation claim for more than £300,000 and new identities for him and his family; all part of alleged promises made to him over his involvement in a botched up RMP covert operation. The court martial that followed was abandoned after it emerged that the fusilier himself had been selling ecstasy to his fellow soldiers. The outcome of any investigation would no doubt be a cover up, it always is.

 

A few years ago, Italian scientists undertook an experiment to determine the quantity of cocaine circulating the country’s rivers. They did so, on the basis that when people take cocaine it’s metabolic by- product, Benzoylecgonine (B.E) is excreted into the sewage system. First off, they went to the aptly named River Po in the North of Italy where 5 million people live and what they found surprised them. Official statistics suggested there would be a cocaine usage of 15,000 every month, however in reality the evidence from the water suggested that the real usage was around the 40,000 mark! The scientists carried out the same experiment in Cuneo in the North, Cagliari in Sardinia and Latina in central Italy and the results were much the same, confirming that the incidence of 'coke-taking' was not restricted to any one town or region, but was in fact endemic throughout the country. Having done and dusted Italy, the scientists then carried out the tests in London and guess what, it was worse!. Overall, the team established that of the 5.5 million Londoners who were being served by two sewage plants, an estimated 38 out of 1000 people were using cocaine.

 

In the same vein, Spanish researchers tested 600-Euro notes from various countries for traces of cocaine and guess what? They found that the drug circulated as freely as the notes! The study also revealed that Spain was top of the list, with 95% of the notes examined testing positive for cocaine. This is not good news. Because of the long-term complications of cocaine abuse, we are staring a health ‘time bomb’ in the face. The Home Office is once again having a rethink on the reclassification of drug laws they themselves introduced only a couple of years back. Listed below for your perusal are the facts.

 

Old legislation (circa 2004)

Amounts permitted to have for personal use (street value in pounds)

 

Cannabis (leaf) permitted weight 17.5oz. Street value £1870 enough for 2410 joints

Cannabis (resin) p/w 4.5 oz S/V 440 [* e/f *810* joints *]

Heroin p/ w ¼ oz S/V 700 [* e/f *70* injections *]

Cocaine p/w ¼ oz S/V 385 [* e/f*100* lines *]

Ecstasy p/amount 10 pills S/V 60 [* e/f *10* hits *]

 

New proposals

Cannabis (leaf) permitted weight 1/6th oz Street Value 18 [* e/f *24* joints *]

Cannabis (resin) p/ w 1/6th oz S/V 17 [* e/f *30* joints *]

Heroin p/w ¼ oz S/V 200 [* e/f *20* injections *]

Cocaine p/w ¼ oz S/V 110 [* e/f *25-30* lines *]

Ecstasy p/amount 5pills S/V 30 [* e/f *5* highs *]

Clearly, Britain’s drug policy has gone from one extreme to another in a short space of time. Could it be that they have woken up to the reality that is life; and that families throughout the World go to bed every night in a state of anxiety. Around 3.6 million people (mostly young) use cannabis at some point during the year; 45, 000 of whom will be caught in possession and a further 2,200 charged with dealing. As you can see from the above table, the new proposals drawn up by the home office have been designed to capture even the smallest of users. I have only one question; how on earth did we get it so wrong in the first place?

 

It’s a sure fire certainty that if the numbers keep on rising at this rate, it’s going to seriously affect the N.H.S. From what little I can gather, the problem with cocaine is that first timers become hooked very easily, especially youngsters. The ‘quick high’ gives them an unnatural euphoria, which in turn extends the period of physical activities.

 

Fact: cocaine has become the most used/abused substance in Europe; consequently, it’s the one most frequently responsible for visits to Hospital casualty departments. The unfortunate truth is that becoming an addict doesn’t only affect the consumer. Not only are they likely to lose their jobs, their families and most of all their self-respect; they drag down those they are supposed to love and support i.e. their kids, wives/ partners etc.

 

Binge Drinking: Fact: Tipples such as Irish Baileys were designed to be sipped throughout the course of an evening, not downed in one go. Shots such as tequila slammers and pints of diesel invariably lead to the showing of asses, swearing and fighting, unprotected sex, being sick and passing out in the gutter and the guys are not much better!

 

It’s hardly surprising that there has been a sharp increase in the number of people quite literally drinking themselves to death. Recent statistics show that deaths arising from alcohol related liver diseases rose by 37% in the last 5 years, with 4000 people dying. More people are turning up at A&E with alcohol poisoning. In 200?-? Approx 21,700 people had to be admitted for further care, compared with 13,600 a decade earlier. Of course, with alcohol abuse, comes a mental health issue, as can be witnessed by the 26,000 people admitted for in- patient care in 200?-? Compared with 72,500 in 19??-? What freaks me out is the fact that binge drinking is most prevalent among the young, with 33% of men and 24% of woman, aged between 16-24 years of age, drinking more than double the recommended number of units in one day, every day of the week. Among 45-64 yr olds, the trend is for smaller amounts consumed regularly on 5 or more days in the week!

 

Funny Peculiar: Down on the Costa Del Sol (in particular the infamous Puerto Banus) a feisty young maiden frequents the streets and bars in search of unsuspecting tourists. Wearing what appears to be a skirt, an extremely low-cut transparent top, often referred to as a blouse and a hard hat as worn by builders, she pulls a bottle of tequila from what appears to be a body belt, pours a huge shot of tequila into a plastic cup and hands it to each punter individually. From there she proceeds to blow a god dam whistle in their lug hole while they down the shot in a oner. At this juncture she moves their head around in a circular motion (a bit like a spinning top), removes her hard hat, puts it on their head, gives it a bloody good thump and off she goes into the night, leaving the recipient of such a blow reeling in pain and short in the pocket.

***

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Failure To Communicate

I guess the inspiration behind the writing of the book 'Failure To Communicate' came from having read and listened for many a year about incredulous situations involving working class people, with apparently no common sense and/ or those precieved to be the upper echelone of society with apparent common sense. Bankers, doctors laywers, the common man and woman, civil servents, the police, goverments, and politicians are and have always been guilty of either gross misconduct or inane stupidy for the best part of their career and yet invariably to a man and woman (similar to a cockroache) when the going got tough they survived. Some of the chapters of this book endveour to make the reader aware of the disparity going on around us and in doing so perhaps provoke some sort of understanding of the situation, while other chapters comprise of idioscincratic recordings of many humourous and bizarre situations where people who should know better, say and do funny things, even when they fail to realise they are doing so

  • Author: Jim Gardner
  • Published: 2017-08-08 18:50:09
  • Words: 71314
Failure To Communicate Failure To Communicate