Diary Of A Minecraft Herobrine
Nice Guys Finish Last
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Diary Of A Minecraft Herobrine: Castle Crashers – Herobrine Books 2
Moony, my friend!
How is my favorite diary doing today? Still don’t mind that I’ve nicknamed you Moony? I’m so glad. As you can see for yourself, I am in quite a good mood; I guess I am still riding the high from the awesome prank I pulled last week! I totally destroyed that stupid Minecrafter Steve’s plans, and I also helped someone doing it. And the best part of it was that my reputation as Tauk’s resident evildoer has only gained momentum! Honestly, it gives me goose bumps every time I think about it!
Anyway, remember the prank I was in the middle of planning when Moosy the mooshroom interrupted with that request? Well, things are going quite well for that, so I thought I would give you an update today! If you remember, I said that I wanted to go dressed as Count Dracula and scare those poor villagers. Now, the vampire teeth are ready, but I need to finish making the clothes – particularly the long coat – and I also decided that this time, Loco and Mr. Chekov are going to join me! I’m not sure what I am going to dress them up as… maybe a full vampire coven? Or should I go full on Stephanie Meyer and dress them up as little, tiny werewolves? Ocelots aren’t that far off from wolves, are they?
(Alright, alright, Moony. Don’t roll your eyes at me, I know it’s a clichéd idea to put vampires and werewolves together! I’m tired from all the planning, so excuse me!)
In any case, as soon as I decide what I am going to do, I will let you know! It is going to be super fun, I cannot wait! Herobrine, the absolute villain of the village of Tauk, whom everyone takes one look and runs away from, screaming in terror and fear – that’s me!
And most important edict of all – I shall ruin Steve! Mwahahahahahaha!
Yes, I know I need to work on my evil laugh. Quill is transcribing it weirdly on paper, so don’t mock me.
I have figured it out! Loco and Mr. Chekov are going to go not as werewolves (see, I’m not copying Meyer after all!), but as original hellhounds! I know they belong to the cat family and hellhounds are dogs, but that’s what makes it so fun! They will be snarling, mewling hellhounds and the villagers will run terrified at this strange breed of animal that they have never encountered before!
I am pretty sure not one of them will recognize that these two are not actually hellhounds but ocelots. I mean, if there is one thing I can always count on, it’s the villagers’ lack of intelligence and their bumbling idiocy. After all, they take Steve’s designs to be brilliant and magnificent! The man has no taste, no elegance or even any kind of imagination! So can you blame me for looking down upon their IQ?
My Dracula coat is almost ready! I have a few more minor changes to complete and then it will be go time. I cannot wait! This is going to be so much fun!
In the meantime though, I think the villagers are getting a bit too complacent. It’s been more than two weeks since the whole castle debacle and they are beginning to venture into my forest again! And this time, they’re coming close to the cabin and actually trying to peek in and stuff. I think it’s about high time they remembered that I am a villain and you don’t just wander into a villain’s layer unless you have a death wish!
The Dracula-prank is going to take some time to get ready, but tomorrow, I think I’ll head into town and give them a quick reminder of why I am the mighty Herobrine, evildoer of Tauk.
Wish me luck!
This is horrible! This is officially the worst day of my whole life! My reputation has been utterly and completely ruined! I am no longer the evildoer of Tauk!
Yes, I am acting like a melodramatic preteen girl, but I am justified. You would too if you knew what happened to me today. Let me tell you.
So as I said last night, I decided to head into the village today and do a little villain-ing. The locals have been trying to exert dominion over my forest and I wasn’t about to just let them get away with it. And honestly, I have also been itching to get back into the game and freak out a couple of youngsters, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and went over to the orchard where the kids usually play. As long as they see me, get terrified and run away, all the villagers will know not to mess with me, whether they were the ones coming into the jungle or not.
So to the orchard it was! As soon as I entered, I saw that a couple of kids were there, picking apples. As I’ve told you previously, it is the tail end of autumn and winter is almost here, which means it is the perfect time to pick apples and other fruit. Harvest season is at its close and those kids were enjoying themselves quite a bit, picking apples and throwing them at one another, playing catch like the fruits were balls. Honestly, these villagers! Don’t they know it’s rude to waste food like that?! The nerve of them!
I was pretty annoyed at their flippant attitudes and it just made me want to terrorize them even more. So I quickly hid behind one of the apple trees in their path and then when they came close, I jumped out from behind with a loud yell.
“EKKKAMMAAANGAAA OOGIE WOOGIE WOO!!”
I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but there is nothing quite like the crazy yells that terrifies little kids.
They yelled back for a moment and apples went flying all over the place as a few of them threw the baskets on the ground.
I was so happy I got to scare them that I began to dance my terrifying Viking dance, making murderous faces at them and then singing in a guttural tone.
You would think that kids who have already been scared out of their minds would pick this moment to run far, far away from the villain who was trying to creep them out.
You would be wrong.
They began laughing.
Instead of cowering and running away in horror, the kids began to laugh at me like I was some lunatic putting on a show for them! They should be shrieking and scampering away; instead they started singing at the top of their voices and tried to join me in dancing!
The next thing I knew, they were spinning around in a circle and throwing apples at one another, continuing their game of catch and pulling me into it! I pushed them away, ignoring one the girls’ cries when she fell to the ground and ran back to my cabin.
I am so confused right now! Was it my fault?! Was I not scary enough? The last time I danced like this, they ran away from me, shrieking like banshees in utter horror. So it can’t be the dance or the singing… I have no idea, but whatever it is, it’s putting my reputation as the villain of Tauk at risk!
If I cannot even scare a couple of kids, then what good am I?
And this time, I will most certainly not apologize for the dramatic yell, because it is official – I AM NO LONGER TAUK’S VILLAIN! There is not a single person in the village who seems to be terrified of me the way they used to be!
I thought that yesterday’s incident was just a fluke, that maybe the kids were braver than any of the other villagers or maybe not fully aware of the creatures in the dark that could hurt them. After all, kids’ innocence means that they will make friends with anything and anyone – how many stories have we heard about the monster that a kid befriended and therefore, learnt how to be closer to humanity?
With that belief, I went into the village again, this time to scare a few of the more stupid, more easily captured adults. The first person I came across in the village was none other than Sam – you remember that freakishly tall man from the forest who helped Steve build the castle? He was standing close to the edge of the forest, happily hacking away at a branch, gathering his supplies. I growled under my breath – the man had already taken enough from my jungle. Surely, he was all set for winter? Why would he want more? The villagers’ greed sometimes irritates me to no end.
So I decided to disrupt his routine. I snuck up behind him and I was about to jump out and terrify him with another one of my freaky war-yells when I heard another voice.
I turned to see that it was the red-headed woman who accompanied him the last time he came to get firewood. She was carrying a basket and whistling merrily and my irritation shot up through the roof – honestly, were they not the least bit bothered that this was the home of the resident villain?
“Heya, Sammy!” the woman called and slapped him on the back. He smiled at her and greeted, “Hi Charlene,” and now I knew her name too.
“You seem chipper,” she commented, offering him an apple. He took it, shrugging.
“Yeah,” he answered, “I guess the forest is no longer all that scary.”
I scowled – oh sonny boy, I’ll show you just how scary it can be!
Charlene grinned at him. “Guess our villain isn’t so villain-y after all,” she chuckled and Sam nodded, throwing his half-eaten apple to the ground and gathering up the firewood he’d already cut down.
“I’m glad that Herobrine is not as evil as he seems,” he said, “It makes me far less nervous about coming here.”
Not as evil as he seems? What in the world was he talking about?! I was just about to jump out and show him exactly how evil I am, but before I could, they’d already left, running back to the village together.
I was so angry and confused! I could hardly breathe, that’s how indignant I was! How could they even think that I wasn’t the evildoer I present myself as?! Have I not done enough to show them how mean and scary I am? I destroyed Steve’s castle – that should count for something!
As annoyed as I was, I wanted to make sure that the rest of the village didn’t think the same as Charlene and Sam. Maybe they were just not afraid of me because they’d seen me work too many times, because they’d encountered me in the forest too many times. Maybe the rest of the village was still terrified of me – after all, I’d never done anything but scare and terrorize them, right?!
I went back to my cabin and grabbed my Dracula outfit – neither Loco’s nor Mr. Chekov’s costumes were ready, but I wasn’t going to bother. They could stay back for this round – I had no time to fix them as well! I needed to confirm now that I was still Herobrine, master of all things wrong and scary! I dressed up as quickly as I could and then attached my vampire teeth with edible glue, before I snuck back to the village.
It was getting dark, which was perfect for my cover – lore has vampires ruling the night and the fake teeth I had glowed in the dark, which would be perfect to terrorize some poor, sweet old lady. I quietly crept into the streets of the village and then, at random I picked one of the older huts, the door of which was rather dilapidated and broken down.
Just as I imagined, an old lady, hunched over and wearing a long skirt opened the door.
I jumped out of the dark and yelled, baring my teeth so that they looked horrifying, and yelled another of my infamous war-cries.
“SSSNNNNEEEGAAA LIGGGAAA PIIIIGAAA!!!”
She screamed a little, falling back, and relief rushed into me as she clutched at her chest in fear. Then, she slowly stood up and looked at me critically, raising one eyebrow and glaring at me as though I was a child who’d misbehaved.
“Herobrine, is that you?” she asked and my heart sank. Who asked the resident villain if he was standing at their doorstep?!
Either this woman was very stupid or I was just not scary anymore.
Before I could answer her, a man’s voice came from behind.
“Honey, who is it?” her husband appeared next to her and he didn’t even flinch at the sight of the strangely dressed, creepy vampire man in front of him.
“Oh, Herobrine!” he recognized me, apparently, but he wasn’t running. Anxiety bubbled in my stomach at the thought that I was no longer capable of scaring two old people.
“OOOGAAA NITTHAAA GGALLI!!”
I tried again, raising my arms and scowling.
“Oh put that away, young man,” the old woman scolded. “We know you’re hardly the terror you pretend to be!”
I glared at her and hissed, “I am Herobrine. Fear me!”
“Yes, yes,” the old man waved his hand and then reached across to ruffle my hair. Ruffle my hair! Do I look like their child?!
“We know you’re the big, mean Herobrine who has to terrorize the kids,” he said fondly and my jaw fell open in amazement as he chuckled. “But you’re really just a big softie, aren’t you?”
“FEAR ME!” I yelled again, growling loudly and the old woman smiled at me softly.
“We don’t,” she said gently, “No villain does something so nice for mooshrooms. You helped them and now we know – you’re a nice one, after all.”
I blinked, freezing. Mooshrooms…?
“Now, run along, you,” the old man gestured into the night. “It’s getting late. Go home. You’ll need your rest.”
With that, they simply closed the door in my face and I just stood there like an idiot, wondering what in the world had just happened.
And then it struck me – the silly mooshroom had gone and spread tales of me helping them out when they needed it!
My entire reputation is at stake here! I am going to kill Moosy and his friends! What on God’s green earth possessed them to be so flippant about my image in this village?! I am a villain, darn it, and I shall remain a villain!
I am going over to that stupid mooshroom’s home tomorrow and demand answers! There is no way I am just letting this slide – I cannot be anything but the evildoer of Tauk! I finally found my place in the world, and one silly little cow-like creature cannot ruin my entire life!
Watch out, Moosy, I am coming for you!
Things are going horribly. I am not sure if I want to throw things at people till they hurl or if I want to curl up in a corner and cry. Word to the wise – if you don’t want your reputation as evildoer to go down the drain, do not ever lend a helping hand to anyone. Especially not mooshrooms – they have the biggest mouths you’ll ever see, and that’s not just a literal reference.
Yes, you guessed it right. I went to see Moosy. And the stupid mooshroom confirmed all my suspicions.
This morning as soon as I awoke, I ditched the Dracula costume and ran out. Loco whined a little since she wanted to spend time some time with me but then I couldn’t take her along; poor thing, she’s been missing me. Oh well…
Anyway, I rushed over to the mooshrooms’ meadow. If you remember, they live in the place that Steve was building his castle over…? The one I destroyed so that their home would be safe? Well, their home is certainly safe now, but my image as a villain isn’t! Moosy was outside, grazing in the sun, and I raced over to him angrily, scowling.
“Did you tell everyone that I helped you?!” I shrieked in anger and Moosy, instead of running, ambled over to me and then nudged at my hip with his snout.
“Good deeds deserve recognition, Herobrine,” he chirped happily. “But you said that you didn’t want too many people to know. So I didn’t tell anyone except my friend.”
“Your friend..?” I blinked. Moosy gestured his head in the direction of the rest of his family was grazing. I was confused and squinted, until I saw a little boy jumping on top of one of the bigger mooshrooms, who laughed and shook him off.
“That’s Jinky,” Moosy said. “I didn’t tell anyone except him that you’re the one who stopped Steve.”
With a growl, I pushed Moosy out of the way and stomped over to Jinky. (Honestly, who names the people of this place? Moosy, Jinky?) He saw me and waved his arms in excitement.
“Hello Herobrine!” he cried.
“Did you tell anyone about me helping the stupid mooshrooms?” I asked through gritted teeth and he stared at me in surprise.
“Just my Mommy,” he replied, “But Moosy told me it was a secret… so I told her not to tell anyone else, though I think she told Daddy…. and maybe Nana?”
He looked a little shame-faced, but then grinned brightly. “Don’t worry, though, they’re all really good at keeping secrets!”
They most certainly are not. Jinky tried to hug me, but I pushed him off, ignoring the small cry of protest he gave. Moosy came up to me, nudging at me but I glared at him and the rest of the mooshrooms before I stomped out of there in rage.
Moosy told Jinky told his Mommy told his Daddy told his Nana told the rest of the whole darn village that Herobrine, certified villain of Tauk, is a softie who helps out people in need!
And now, my reputation as the most evil person in this side of the world is now shattered, torn into a thousand little pieces.
Moony, what am I going to do?
I finally found my place in the world; I had a mission – destroy and ruin lives, especially that of Steve’s. Now even my arch enemy probably thinks I’m nice.
I am not letting this go.
I am going to prove to all these people that Herobrine is not nice! He does not help people and he most certainly is not your-friendly-neighborhood hand-lender! He’s evil and mean and a villain, and that’s what they’re going to see for themselves!
I’m going to go back to the village tomorrow, Moony! And I am going to show them why I am evil.
Pray that this works.
So I did everything as I said I would. I snuck into the village today and caused massive amounts of destruction and damage to all property.
Yes, I know, that doesn’t sound like the doings of an evil villain, and maybe I should have gone with a scare-prank instead… but after what’s happened over the last few days, maybe scares aren’t doing it anymore! I mean, I went dressed as Dracula and the old lady called me, ‘Young man’! Obviously, they aren’t scared of seeing me… maybe they just need a reminder that not only do I look scary, I do mean things. I destroy things and I ruin their lives and therefore, I am a villain to be feared!
With this thought in mind, I quietly slipped into the village. I started my vandalism at the orchard. There weren’t any kids today, but a large number of the trees still had fruit in them. I plucked the apples from all the trees, until my arms were aching, and then, I carried them over into the village. I smashed them against the road where they lay in small, battered, dirty pieces – no one was going to eat them and some poor person was definitely going to trip over them if they did not pay attention to where they were going!
I felt a little bad that I was wasting so much food, especially since I was annoyed with the kids for doing it earlier, but then… my reputation is far more important to me than Mother Nature right now! So I went on and smashed a few more apples and then I twisted the game around – I threw them against mailboxes now instead of at just the ground. This way, they not only shattered themselves, but created large dents in those red, little boxes, so much so that one of them actually broke! A number of letters and papers flew out and it was almost like a confetti parade as they floated in the air. I grabbed a few and threw them on the ground, tearing them up and stomping on them until they littered the entire road.
Then, I pulled out the small charcoal stick I use at home and then carved my initials in nice, big letters on top of the broken mailbox. HB!
That obviously was not going to be enough… I needed to do more, prove myself as utterly mean and uncaring.
There is a statue in the middle of the village… it is in the shape of a monkey eating a banana. (Don’t ask me why such a statue occupies a position of such importance, these people are just plain weird). Everyone loves that statue. They keep it clean and shiny and even when it is raining and there are bad thunderstorms, they make sure it is safe and doesn’t get destroyed.
It would be the perfect target for me to prove that I am the worst villain they have ever encountered.
So I raced there once I was done with the mailboxes. I had a few more apples still left that I first threw at the statue. Obviously, it didn’t do so well against the hard marble, so I pulled out my charcoal stick and then powdered it, rubbing it all over the pristine white color so that it turned utterly black and dirty. Then, I grabbed at the stupid banana that the monkey was eating and yanked hard.
The statue broke neatly! The monkey’s mouth was wide open as it was poised to take a bite out of it. Huffing in anger, I stuck the piece of the banana into its mouth – it wanted food? It would get food. Hmph.
The whole statue was already covered in charcoal and looked black. So to sign my name, I wiped some of the charcoal-dust off, using my finger and traced my initials right on the monkey’s stomach, where it would be visible to all who saw that this was done by none other than HB – Herobrine, master evildoer.
I’m not saying that I didn’t feel a little bit bad about the whole thing… I mean, the monkey did look cute and the marble was so well-kept and maintained… it’s obvious that the residents of the town loved that statue, though I have no idea why.
But that’s exactly why I had to destroy it!
I have to prove to them that I am their resident monster, their evildoer, whose only edict in life is to make their life difficult! I am sorry that I had to go to such lengths to do it, but if they hadn’t pushed me to such an extent, I would not have done it in the first place!
And now, I need to find out if my plan worked! I shall sneak into the village again tomorrow, in disguise this time, to see the reactions of the poor people who think I am nice. There is no way they can miss my initials – I’ve left them big and glaringly obvious to any idiot to see.
They will know tomorrow that Herobrine is a villain and not to be trifled with.
I can’t wait, Moony, I’m shaking in nervous anticipation!
I am living in a certified nightmare! This cannot be my life, because I am a villain, not a hero!
And these stupid villagers will not accept the reality! Why do they insist on being so idiotic? At first, when I came to this village, they wouldn’t accept me as part of them… now, they won’t let me go! Honestly, their stupidity is more than I can handle sometimes!
As I said last night, I woke up early in the morning and then got dressed up as one of the typical villagers. I stuck on a beard and put on some glasses – I made sure I didn’t look anything out of the ordinary, so that I could pass for one of them. Then, I snuck into the village, bringing my cloak lower down on my face so that I wouldn’t have to actually converse with any of them.
The roads were still littered with the mail-and-apple debris I left yesterday. I was happy to see evidence of my destruction and I lingered to see what people thought of my work.
One of the men who were cleaning it up asked, “Do you think this really could have been Herobrine? His initials…”
His partner shook his head. “I’m not sure… he’s not so mean as he appears, but…”
They continued with their work and I left, moving over to the statue. I didn’t know what to make of the conversation. On one hand, they still believed I wasn’t mean! On the other, the initials were a clear sign of my evil nature… their ambivalence made me nervous – what more would I have to do to convince them that I am mean, big and scary?!
Almost the whole village was gathered around the broken statue. My initials stood out proudly against the marble and I grinned to myself. There was no way the villagers could think of anything else but me being an evildoer after this! They love this statue – messing it up was definitely the key to their fear!
Or so I thought.
“I will not stand for this nonsense!” the head of the village council was furious and he was shaking his hands at the crowd. I watched smugly, knowing he was angry at me.
“This-this coward,” he sputtered and I frowned, “Spoiling the name of Herobrine in such a derogatory manner!”
My heart sank. Was he mad? He thought someone else was framing me?!
“But it’s his initials!” I squeaked out, altering my voice to a light shriek so that he wouldn’t recognize me.
He grunted, shaking his head, “How difficult can it be to wipe out the letters H and B?! No, Herobrine is no villain! He is a friend to us, he can’t have done this!”
“That’s right!” someone else from the crowd shouted. “Herobrine helped the mooshrooms, he stopped Steve!”
“And he didn’t even take credit for his work!”
“No one who helps people like that quietly can be evil!”
“Yeah, he’s been framed!”
“This is not his fault!”
The shouts and cries almost led to a stampede and I raced out of there as fast as I could, my heart shattering into a million pieces.
Moony, the people believe I am nice! They think I helped the mooshrooms out of the goodness of my heart, when I did it only to stop Steve!
My reputation as an evildoer is no more. And the worst of it is, I don’t even deserve the credit they’re giving me – I was only doing it to ruin Steve, not actually help the mooshrooms! Why don’t they understand that?!
I don’t know what to do, Moony.
I’ve come to a decision, Moony.
This cannot go on any longer. I must prove to these people that I am no nice guy, that I am the biggest, meanest, scariest guy in all of Tauk. I have showed them that I am a villain, not any kind of hero.
I am going to bring to ruin something big, something precious and create a splash. They cannot remain blind to my evil nature after that. I’m not quite sure what I am going to do as yet, but I will destroy their belief that I am a helper of others.
I am a villain, Moony. It’s what I was meant to do and it’s what I am going to be for the rest of my life. It’s what makes me happy.
So wish me luck! I am going to go and draw up a complete attack plan to bring my reputation back!
So I’ve come up with the perfect plan, Moony. I was out walking with Loco and I also needed some fresh air to think of my plan. On a side note, I should get Mr. Chekov checked out by some vet because he’s starting to worry me. He is always sitting and snoring away to glory and never coming out to play. Are cats supposed to be like that? I always thought that’s how he is but maybe he is not feeling well, you know. Better safe than sorry, right? I should write it down in my to-do list.
Anyway, back to what I was saying… I was out in the woods when I saw some villagers coming that way. I shooed away Loco and hid myself. Why, you ask me? Well, you’re not technically asking but it is annoying me so much and I want to rant okay? So put up with it! Sorry, I get cranky whenever this topic comes up. Well, I just didn’t want to be cooed at or thanked or have my hair ruffled for
being such a good person! I’ve had enough of that lately. So I just hid myself and saw these people were not even looking back or looking around in fear. Gone were the days when they trembled with fear when they had to enter the woods because I, Tauk’s fearsome villain, ruled the woods. Now, if they see me, they’d probably just come and try to be nice or something. Yes, Moony. My reputation has gone down that much. It pains me to even think of it. Those darned mooshrooms!
Hmmm… Quill’s getting better at figuring out what I am saying. BTW, that was a scream of annoyance. Oh yes, Moony, it’s been long since I even touched you. It’s nice to just talk and have it get written, you know. Feels like I have an assistant and makes me feel all powerful and stuff.
Anyway, as I was saying,… wait. What was I saying?
This ish jwhdu wkdooks bvpjdn qjdib
I was just mumbling to myself while I had to put away the clothes on the floor and Quill is getting extra sensitive and picks up every sound. Anyway, yeah. Mooshrooms. They ruined my reputation but I think I’ve figured out a way to make it all go back to the way it was. So I was hiding and listening in on their conversation.
I don’t want to bore you with all the details but basically I found out that Steve, my good old nemesis, is building another castle. Remember how I ruined Steve’s castle that he built on Moosy’s home and consequently ruined my own reputation of being the persona of evil? Yeah, well, Steve’s building another one in another place. And that gave me a brilliant idea.
I’m going into the village to put it into motion, Moony.
Fingers crossed. Though I don’t really understand the idea behind the saying. Whatever. I just need this to work. I need to get back to my original self – the evil villain of Tauk whose name strikes fear in the hearts of people! I’ll come back and tell you what happened.
I cannot wait for tomorrow! I am so excited! You know why?! Because tomorrow I shall regain my position of being the fearsome villain of Tauk! Oh, I’ve come up with this amazing plan, Moony! And this time, no one will have even a teensy weensy bit of a doubt about who I really am!
My plan is so geniusly simple, Moony! Wait. Is that even a proper phrase? Geniusly simple? No. But that’s what it was. It’s a simple plan. So simple that I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before, you know? And its genius because, well,.. it came from my brain, hahaha. Ok, maybe I can change it to simply genius. That’s a correct phrase but it doesn’t mean the same thing though. Oh, well.
I know. I know. I’ll stop praising my plan and tell you what it is.
So I went into the village. I didn’t put on some costume or anything. I didn’t even make a big scene. I just walked into Tauk as myself. But I marched right in without bothering to wait and see whether other villagers noticed me because if I did, they might just start insulting me by treating me like a kid and telling me I’m a good person. And luckily for me, Steve was in the market place, where almost more than half the villagers were and this was how I wanted it to be. I needed Steve and a lot of villagers present as I made my big announcement.
“You!,” I called out to Steve.
Sam stepped up beside Steve. Is he Steve’s bodyguard or something? I really don’t care. I’m not here for him. Steve sighed and came up to me.
I was a bit sad that I had come so low in my reputation that Steve came right up to me to talk to me. Remember how he cowered in fright that time when I first made myself known as the village’s villain? Those were the good ol’ days. Sigh. Anyway, back to the story.
“Listen, all you people of Tauk! Pay attention to what I am about to say! On this lies the future of your dear village! The future of your children and your grandchildren!”
I like to be a little dramatic, okay? It’s fun.
Everybody was looking at me. I had caught their attention. Now for my big announcement.
“I challenge Steve to a building race!”
Silence. And I know, you’re wondering too. Was this my big announcement?
Everybody was confused. Or at least lost. Oh, what else to expect from such imbeciles?
“Why?” asked Sam before Steve could even say anything.
“How is your challenge going to affect our children?” asked another villager. There was a lot of mumbling. None of them understood the implications.
Okay, maybe I really didn’t make any sense – just challenging Steve like that. Well, what’s done is done. I had enough of their mumbling. It’s really annoying, Moony. If only you could hear people mumbling! It is very frustrating. Like, why can’t they just say what they want to say out loud? Instead it’s this unintelligible noise that they make.
“Well, I know Steve is building another castle on the east side of this village. The challenge is to see who builds the towers of the castle faster. Steve or me. If he builds it faster than I do, then I will never do a bad deed again!”
Again, a lot of mumbling but this time only a bit louder.
That was Steve. I totally forgot about him as I was looking at all the others.
“Let me tell you the details again, you have already built your castle but you haven’t started on the towers yet. Which is why I chose the towers. This way, I can help you finish the castle also. I don’t want to be bad anymore. Helping the mooshrooms has showed me that being a nice person is actually a better way of living. I apologize for all the times I scared you people but I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to be a good person. But you know, it’s not easy being a good person. Even if I try to be good, I’m tempted to do bad things so if I am under an obligation to not do anything bad, you know, maybe I will develop that habit and be good on my own.”
There was this loud collective “Awww” that came from the crowd.
“See! He wants to help!,” pointed out a villager to his friend.
“That’s good thinking, man! We all need help sometimes,” somebody said.
Even Sam was amazed at this change in me that was apparent when all he could say was, “Wow.”
“I told you he is good at heart!” said another.
“Okay, deal. I will see you tomorrow morning, Herobrine. It’s the least I could do. ”
As the crowd dispersed, everyone gave me such nice smiles that I wanted to just tear it off their faces! I know, Moony. I’m being overdramatic again. Can’t help it. Sorry.
Or maybe I’m just that good of an actor. I almost got sick during that whole Oh-I-want-to-change speech. Yuck. Never doing that again. And if my plan goes well, I will not have to do it again at all.
Well, it’s getting late, Moony, and I really want to sleep. That whole pretending scene drained me. And I have a big day ahead tomorrow. I know you’re still lost on what my plan is and how today’s acting plays into my plan. There’s time to explain it all, Moony. I’m going to hit the sack now.
Good morning, Moonyyy!!!
I am so excited for today! This is the day I’ve been waiting for! I finally get to redeem myself from this shame I’ve brought upon myself! It is a wonderful day, Moony!
I am right now getting ready to go meet some….ummm…friends. It’s a secret, Moony. I don’t wanna jinx it by revealing who they are. They are just different. They are not like me or the villagers and well, the villagers and these friends share a relationship. I don’t want to say anything anymore, Moony. You will get to know more about them soon enough.
Anyway, lemme explain yesterday to you. To clear any doubts, no, I did not mean a word of what I said yesterday. I mean, the challenge still stands. But that’s it. I have no intention of turning a new leaf. It’s just not me, you know? Evil is me, I am evil.
I needed them to side with me, Moony. The more the villagers think that I have changed, the more easily I can regain my villainous name.
I know it’s still not clear to you but it will be after what happens today, Moony.
I gotta go talk to these friends of mine, I really hope they would help me because what I am about to ask them is right up their alley. And their history with the villagers is also going to help me.
Talk to you soon Moony.
When I come back, I will come back with the famous title of being Tauk’s villain.
I haven’t gotten the title yet but I’m halfway there and thankfully, everything is going according to my plan. If this carries on, then I can continue basking in the fame of being the village’s famous and fearsome villain.
Well, update – my friends accepted to help me and that was a relief because the chances of my plan being executed successfully depended on them saying yes and they did. I will tell you how they come into the plan soon, Moony.
Right now, I am back from the village where the challenge is going on. Why am I here then? Well, it’s all a part of my plan.
You know, Moony, when I went and saw the castle, I was actually surprised. Steve had actually done an okay-ish job, for once. I’m not saying it was great or anything, you know. It was just a little better than other stuff that he had built. It almost made me want to rethink my plan. Just for a second. But my reputation was far more important than artistic talent or beauty.
Anyway, the castle was brobdingnagian. Ha! Another new word! This means it’s huge. It’s taken from a book written by Jonathan Swift titled “Gulliver’s Travels” and one of the places that he lands up is called ‘Brobdingnag’ and it’s the land of the giants. Hence the term. I think its cool.
Back to the castle – it was actually nice, Moony. All it needed was those two towers that we were supposed to build but other than that the castle was as done. I had to appreciate Steve’s efforts. And the efforts of everyone who helped him build this. And I forced myself to say it out loud, after all I am apparently on the road to becoming the poster boy for making good decisions, aren’t I? And boy, was Steve pleased to hear that! He gushed his thank you’s and offered me some drink before the challenge could start.
And the crowd! Gosh! The crowd, Moony! It was just how I wanted it to be! I don’t think I’d be wrong in telling you that every villager was there! Right from babies being carried by their mothers to old men and women holding on to some cane or the other. I wanted all of them to be there to see who I truly was and they were. They came expecting a cheesy clichéd bad-guy-turns-good story come true in front of their eyes. Were they in for a surprise!
Some of them came to talk to me. An old man actually came up to me and said, “I knew you had it in you to be good, Herobrine. Everybody is good at heart. I told everybody that you were just a lost person trying to find your way in life. I’m glad you found it finally.” I wanted to laugh in his face but I controlled myself.
My face hurt because of the fake smile I had to keep plastered on my face. It is really tiring to pretend to be nice to people you loath.
People had actually made a picnic out of today. Families came with baskets of food and spread out a mat and sat on it. Older people brought their easy chairs. The people are actually nice, you know. They shared their food with whoever was next to them. They adjusted beautifully and the weather was also in their favor. It was sunny but not too hot. Why couldn’t they be nice to me also? I mean, before all this started? Before I gave up trying to be good because they kept mocking me. Okay, maybe I look a little bit different than them. So they change according to people’s looks. That’s just shallow, man. I’m not actually surprised, Moony. These villagers are not very intelligent, you know. If they were, we wouldn’t be here right now.
As soon as everyone settled down, Sam came up in front and called Steve and me to the front.
He had a loudspeaker in his hand and used it so the people sitting in the distance could also hear him.
“We are gathered here today because of a challenge that Herobrine put to Steve which Steve readily accepted. Most of you know this because I could see the buzz everywhere last night and even this morning. Everywhere I went everybody was talking about this and here you are. We have seen Herobrine at his worst but he is willing to change and he needs our help. So I ask you to cheer for both the contenders but cheer more for Steve because if he wins, Herobrine will not do anything bad anymore and most of us were witnesses to Herobrine saying that so he cannot back out from that. Herobrine, we are more than glad that you have faced your problems and decided to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength because you have realized that you cannot do it alone and were brave enough to admit it. We will help you on this new journey you are about to take. And Steve, all the best, man!”
You don’t know how hard it was to control my laughter during that heartfelt speech, Moony! It was just so funny! And I swear, I could hear people sniffling and all. These villagers are so dumb that it amazes me. Sign of weakness? Hahahaha. We’ll see who’s weak very soon, Sammy. And I have problems? Boy, you don’t know the one you and your village is about to get into! I really have to thank Sam, Moony. His speech made it all the more interesting.
Sam then called on the mayor of the Village. He was another bumbling fool. I don’t even know how he got the position of a mayor. But its something I’ve noticed almost very where I’ve been to, Moony. Most of the people, in these positions where the fate of a lad is dependent on them, are fools with low IQs. Like, really. Why would the people even put such people in power? Another reason why humans are plain idiots, Moony.
Back to the story. The mayor came up and shook hands with both of us and wished us good luck and gave the count down and even the villagers joined in.
The challenge started and Steve rushed forward to finish his tower. I should give it to him, that guy has speed. But that’s all he has. If he had some art in him, his buildings would be a little better. Looking at his quickly growing plain tower, I almost wanted to go and tell him to stop and that I would build both the towers. He is such a disgrace to builders all over the world. But of course I couldn’t do that so I had to just bear the monstrosity that he was building.
I started slow. In fact, I did everything slowly. I mean, I know I am a better builder than Steve and also as fast as him but we don’t want the villagers to know that now, do we? I want them to think I am lagging behind and that I am definitely going to lose the challenge and thus stop doing bad things. If I wanted to, I could start giving this tower my all and complete it but heck no! Everything I planned will go down the drain if I do that. So I did everything as slow as I could.
I could hear people cheering on Steve and one guy said to his neighbor, “Maybe we should go huh? After all, we know who’s gonna win. Its definitely gonna be Steve. At the rate Herobrine is building his tower, he won’t finish until tomorrow.” But his friend pulled him down and made him sit.
I figured if I drag it anymore, either they will find it suspicious or they will leave without seeing the grand finale that I had planned for them so I got an idea.
I went to Steve’s tower and called him and he came down and so did Sam, who had made himself the referee of this challenge.
“I want to give my best, Steve, so I’ll go and bring some Obsidian blocks from my cabin. They are very strong and will keep the towers safe in the midst of storms and things like that.”
“Oh, alright. Thank you, Herobrine. I will come with you. After all I cannot stay here and build the tower while you are away. That would be unfair.”
Sam agreed. But thankfully I made use of the brains I had and came up with a brilliant excuse.
“Actually Steve, why don’t you go ahead and take a lunch break or something? I will also eat in my cabin while I’m at it and then when I come, we can start again. That way, both of us can get a well deserved break.”
Sam agreed to it again. Seriously though, does that guy have any opinions of his own? Anyway, everybody thought it was a good idea and broke for lunch and here I am supposedly having my lunch and getting some Obsidian blocks.
These people believe everything and anything, Moony. And No, I am not going to take Obsidian blocks. I cannot waste them on such a useless building. I will take them and go because I told them that that’s the main reason I had to leave but I will most definitely not waste them there.
Anyway, I think I’ve spent enough time having my lunch and getting Obsidian blocks, Moony. I have to get back to the castle now. The best is yet to come, Moony!
I am so excited!!!
I will come back and tell you what happened.
This was the best day ever! Everything is back to normal! The world is finally balanced with its good and evil!
I went back with some obsidian blocks and then we started the challenge again. I told Steve that these blocks should be placed strategically at the same level and preferably at the highest level and Steve fell for it.
What I said actually holds no value and any good builder would know that anything strong should go in the foundation level, after all, if your foundation’s weak, your building wont stand for long but Steve didn’t have that common sense. Just goes to show you what an inexperienced builder he is.
The main reason why I said that was because it would be stupid to put Obsidian blocks in just one tower, you know? I mean, those blocks weren’t going even in one of these towers but I had to drag things out. It wasn’t time for my grand finale yet. So I told Steve that stupid reason. So now he has to wait till I build my tower to his level and I am never going to do that.
Then I decided that I will actually start building my tower. It was a slow process. And this time it wasn’t intentional. You know, when you’re doing something you care very deeply about, you won’t rush. You make sure everything is perfect and that’s what I was doing. I could easily finish my side of the tower and it’d end up plain just like Steve’s side and I wouldn’t bother but I am a perfectionist when it comes to building things and as I said before – it wasn’t time for the grand finale yet.
I was so engrossed in making the best tower that I wasn’t aware of time flying by, Moony. And it had been so long since I built anything properly, you know. I suddenly heard some noise and came out and saw that some of the villagers were packing up and getting ready to leave.
And then suddenly there was an uproar coming from a distance and I could see people running for their lives and then somebody screamed “CREEPERS! CREEPERS ARE HERE! RUUUUN!!”
That was a yawn, Moony. Quill is feeling tired too, I guess. Anyway, I’ll continue the story tomorrow. But all you need to know for now is that everything is back to normal.
I’ve decided to write today. I am very happy today! I think I’m gonna be happy from now on! And nothing’s gonna take it away from me. As long as I don’t fall for those puppy dog eyes of mooshroom and decide to help, that is.
Anyway, lemme tell you what happened. The creepers came. I was expecting them. Remember those friends I had gone to see yesterday morning? Well, it was them. I had heard about them from some of the conversations that I had eavesdropped upon and also I’ve seen the villagers run when they see these creepers. I’ve also seen this one friendly creeper who hangs around with Steve and his friends. I guess he is different from his clan and they hate him because he didn’t come with this bunch to the castle and most probably they didn’t tell him about this. Anyway, I went to The Cave (that’s where the creepers live) and asked them for help, they first said no and that they don’t help people. Then I told them that I needed help in destroying something beautiful and that caught their attention. They were more than happy to help. Apparently ruining anything good and scaring people off are basically the two things they live for. Well, I thought we were made for each other. I gave them the details of where, when, what and how and they promised to be there.
And they were there as planned and everybody ran away. Even Steve left his precious castle and ran away! I slowly sneaked away and went to a safe distance because I knew what was about to happen. The creepers surrounded the castle and BOOM!
They exploded around the castle making it fall down to pieces. And I ran into the debris and as the dust settled I emerged from the ruins victorious. Dramatic, I know, but Moony, I couldn’t control it. I had just ruined not only the tower that Steve built on his own to help change me but also the whole castle! I started laughing and gave a chest bump to one of the creepers. You know, they don’t have hands so I couldn’t shake hands or give a fist bump.
Steve, Sam, the Mayor and a few other villagers who hadn’t run away came and stood in front of me with confusion written all over their face. Oh, it was priceless, Moony!
“Herobrine, what is all this?” “What are the creepers doing here?” “More importantly, why are you friends with them?”
So many questions. But the villagers…Such peasants. Couldn’t they make the connection already? I wonder, what’s it like in their funny little brains?
“Well, what did you expect? That I was actually gonna repent and change? Really? No way! I just ruined you castle, Steve! The castle which Sam and many other helped build. You know why? Because I love ruining things. That’s who I am and I cannot change it. All that speech yesterday about finding a better way to live? Stories! Oh, and Sam! Your speech! Ah! Almost brought tears to my eyes, hahahahaha. None of you can change who I am, you hear me? I am evil and always will be! And now the creepers are going to be my friends and we will rain terror upon this village! Hahahaha!”
And as I said that, a creeper exploded right beside Steve, scaring him and others crazy. Perfect timing was what it was!
Oh, Moony! You should have seen it! Their screams. Creepers’ explosions. My maniacal laughter. It was PERFECT!
As they ran away with the creepers chasing them, I came back home and I was just walking by when a man saw me and ran away. And I wasn’t even trying to be scary, you know.
I feel so complete now, Moony. I am back in full form. I finally feel like I can walk around and have fun and guess what? The creepers said they’d take me to another village so we could scare those villagers together. I don’t know if I should take them up on that offer. I mean, I am for Tauk. But hey, a visit wont hurt, will it? So I look forward to this new friendship and this new era of evil in Tauk.
I have regained my worthy position, Moony. I am Herobrine, the nightmare of Tauk.
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