DATING MARKET: how to navigate a new dating market in a new city?
By Greg Figueroa
Dating Market: how to navigate a new dating market in a new city?
By Greg Figueroa
Published by Greg Figueroa Kobo Edition
Copyright © 2015 Greg Figueroa
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Table of Contents
Dating Market: how to navigate a new dating market in a new city?
A dating market is the particular conditions that a city has to offer that can affect your experiences dating in that particular city. Any individual city has its own personality and the perceptions that its citizens hold that can be vastly different based on lifestyle, gender, age range.
Dating on a whole in an America tends to have the same tropes and concepts, but true success comes from understanding and getting familiar with your current city.
People tend to rely on platitudes and lamentations of how things should be in dating, and by doing so, disregard reality. They feel frustrated or they co-opt a twisted reality based on their failings, feelings, biases, and insecurities.
This guide is about setting you on a path of knowledge and awareness. Help you focus on the things you can control and are actually actionable and known to bring success (the level of success depends on the person)
Assess Your Current Dating Market
- Pros and cons
- Your experience: good and bad and why?
- Whatever your weaknesses are highlight it and turn it to a strength by tackling it or accepting it and moving on (like height is a perceived weakness to some guys, accept it and focus on women that don’t care).
- Success starts with being open minded and not getting in your own way socially. Every step taken is a move towards your past or future.
Age matters in terms of pool of options. 20s-30s will have a bigger pool of options, especially for women. While men in their 30’s will have a greater pool of options of older and younger women. Remember any age group has options, but the more realistic you’re, the better chance you have of getting what you want from casual dating to something serious. You must consider that every age group has a normal set of expectations like having roommates in their 20s, whereas having roommates in your late 40s isn’t a good look (this is something you could work around, but it will be an issue). Look there are even people who are unemployed who date and, yeah, they can get some dates, but something will come up that their money status will be revealed by what they can do or can’t do (Being unemployed doesn’t make you feel good neither). People can put two and two together.
Age comes with perceived expectations and biases that people carry around like baggage from one date to another, from one interaction to another.
Age is a great starting point to search out potential singles, who fall within that age.
City or Suburb
You will need a car in the Suburbs and expect the pool of options to diminish a bit and for your travel distance to be wider because in the suburbs most options will be loosely around (granted there are areas that draw singles, but there will still be a higher average travel time and you will burn through that area and search for more) and not clustered in a high density area, such as a city.
What will be your living situation? Roommate? Alone? How far from work? How far from the “action”? What’s your budget?
How busy is your job? What’s your schedule? How does that affect your interests and meeting people? Do you have obligations like children? Will you date someone with children?
I don’t mention career, not that it isn’t important to have a path in life, but can you date or do you work strange hours because that’s what will have a greater impact on your dating options and getting past the first date. How flexible is the jobs as oppose to what the job is?
Experiences: your life is a million and one talking points. You could share all the cool things you did in the other city or common ground with someone.
Dating within your culture should be as simple as finding the community online and offline. Some cities will have varying degrees of different cultures represented in their demographics. You search them out, go where they are in the city. I would also create an opportunity to mingle with others in a community like utilizing Meetup.com to create and host an event (there is the benefit of being the main cog of that particular social circle). I would search for churches, restaurants, or any institution like schools based on your desired cultural. There may be cultures way outside the city limits and, thus, far away from you that you must decide how comfortable are you with that potential distance.
You want to date outside your race. Yes, your options will be less the more narrow your tastes go, but there is opportunity to date outside your race by highlighting the positives of yourself and downplaying the negative stereotypes associated with your racial background. The most predictable thing of stereotypes it tends to be repetitive, so it is something you can learn to manage, overcome, or straight up ignore. A lot of people are bad at talking to strangers, so some people default back on stereotypes. Most of the time it is meant to be playful or an actual curiosity about you and what their expectations are. I think it becomes insulting and abusive on rare occasions, especially big cities that draw in multiple cultures into their social melting pot. A small town in the South may not be the most racially progressive.
Rejection is very common in any city or town. I think it’s better to be rejected in a big city because the influx of new people to meet on any given night. Not every date or match will be your future girlfriend, boyfriend or friend. The only response that matters is yours; Do you have the ability to dust off and push forward without shutting down with every no that will come your way?
It’s hard to quantify a good number of receptive people that anyone should expect to meet, even if they do everything right. So it can be hard to see the point of trying to meet people if you have no idea what the results will be, but I can promise, the better you learn and put into action best social and dating practices, the better your chances are that when the moment does come, you can jump on it and see where it takes you.
Date your city
Dating your city is a cute way to say explore and discover different neighborhoods, tourist spots, restaurants, and varied experiences
Google is your friend, so is:
- Newspaper w/updated events
- Real estate columns and articles (Youthful & Young professionals should focus on upcoming/trendy neighborhoods)
- Trip Advisor
- City website
- City-data forums
follow reasonable advice
Remember events tend to occur every year with new ones introduced. Always draws people from all over the city.
Learn your city’s schedule like when is last call for bars and restaurants, when do other places typically open and close. Granted, most people will learn this through their daily going and comings, living life as they normally do, just in a new city.
How To Meet People
Hitting up Strangers
During the day: this would more effective during the weekend, but there are a few opportunities during the weekdays (it can be awkward and it usually during errand time or people have a place to be)
During the night: by far the most popular option, but not everyone’s cup of tea.
How to build a social circle?
Immersion in your interests and potential matches. Every single major city in the United States has multiple thriving scenes to be a part of in a sincere curious or full fledge enthusiast.
Don’t burn your social circles. Date 2 degrees above and away from your mutual friend. You can date their best friend, but you will be putting your mutual friend in the middle if things go south. A good degree is like an acquaintance or an old college roommate. If the mutual friend talks and sees them frequently, I would be cautious.
- Alternate between at least two online dating websites at a time
- Play up your positive experiences and relate to some of your cities lifestyle traits.
- While exploring the city, take photos (pay for a photoshoot or take multiples of yourself)
Most smart phones have a timer to get full body shots or ask someone close by if they could shoot a couple photos for you (Recent Pictures and well-lit ones are super important with online dating)
Location should be based on transportation options, convenience vs. Traveling time/distance limit.
Men should lead by making a plan and showing his date a great and light outing.
Women should help with clear signals and actions.
Cab money is vital if you don’t have a car and are stuck in a sticky situation that you’re trying to extricate yourself out of. You should have at least $1-2 per mile from home or a $20.
I’m Here, Now What?
Handle living and job situation even if just temporary
Walk around your neighborhood. This is probably a less interesting option in residential areas with just housing stock, but a walk doesn’t have to be more than a half hour going any direction.
Explore by neighborhood/entertainment/nightlife/creative/tourist
Remember you don’t have to be the master of your dating market, just understand it and experiment with action. A lot of times it isn’t the city that’s the problem, it is you and how successful or unsuccessful with dating and how you react to new unfamiliar places, people and situations.
Should you try to fit in? You shouldn’t have to feel like you should fit in. Align yourself with things that matter and relate to you. You don’t have to go LA become a surfer with tanned and washboard abs. To ask that question, you are automatically assuming that you won’t fit in and thus not good enough, but you don’t really care about fitting that particular of subculture anyway. It may seem popular and idealized, but is it something that truly interests and fits you.
What if I’m too old or too young to meet people in a whole new city? Find age appropriate events and venue. Every single person you have met or had as friends started out as a stranger.
Every new Dating market is a fresh start, to be who you are, but you need to give yourself the kick in the butt and be someone who will take more action and look to curb dating biases and strategies that are not helping you in the slightest.
- Language barrier: A good grasp of the English language is so critical here. Accents can be sexy if people still understand you. I would take lessons and live practice ASAP. After handling English, you can use your first language as something to share and connect with.
- Too hard on oneself: I hear it a lot where people will cite something as a reason why they can’t get dates like height, weight, or even race. People search out for confirmation bias because their experiences informs them of those issues are always deal breakers to everybody else.
- High expectations: This is more towards the person who has super strict standards, but yet, no actual dating experience. There is nothing wrong with being picky if you get results and are good at dating.
- You’re basic: You live a very boring life of only getting drunk and staying in to “Chill” because you’re a homebody and there is nothing good to do in your bustling city.
- Live too far from preferred areas: I will use NYC as an example: you live in The Bronx, but love being in Bushwick Brooklyn (1 hour & 30 min train ride). Getting dates to visit you might be a bit difficult, not impossible, but most daters wouldn’t see it as ideal or convenient to their lifestyles.
- You become dependent on drinking or anything to enhance your mood, when you should be comfortable being yourself. Meeting and dating people should be fun.
Are you moving to the NYC dating market in the near future? Consider purchasing my “Dating In NYC” Audio guide. Listen to me break down the NYC dating market. Perfect for new transplants and those looking for a refresher. The MP3/audio is about 57 minutes. Click
And if you’re moving to NYC, I also offer an audio guide for that as well. The MP3 file is 1 hour/2 minutes. Click
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About The Author
Greg Figueroa is a NYC based dating coach. Greg Figueroa is a NYC based dating coach. He is fascinated by dating and the in-and-outs of social dynamics. Need dating advice go to http://mkt.com/dating-coach-greg and hire him.
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Are you planning to move or in a new city? Every city comes with its own demographics and the different parts of that city's dating market. Learn about: - Assessing your current dating market - Lifestyle - Race - Dating your new city - How to meet people - Fitting in - Common issues **Special note: if you're interested in learning more about the NYC dating market (I sell an audio guide), contact me here for more information: datingrealist[AT]gmail[dot]com