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Collected Poems, Vol 1

 

 

 

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Collected Poems, Vol 1

 

Jake Connor Moss is a writer, artist and filmmaker from Brisbane, Australia. He was born in 1994, and attended St. Laurence’s College. At the age of 19 he began studying post-graduate degrees in Writing, Filmmaking and English Literature. At 20 years, his first solo art exhibition Trash Youth was held at Percolator Gallery in Paddington, Brisbane. Since turning 21, Moss has released multiple books, had a sold out cinema screening of one of his feature films, broken the world record for longest hug (with collaborator King Colossus), created and performed a one man show, written and directed a play, along with other artistic ventures.

 

Moss has a studio at Metro Arts.

 

 

 

 

First published by Gentlemen Bandit in 2016

 

www.gentlemenbandit.com

www.jakeconnormoss.com

 

© Jake Connor Moss 2016

 

This book is copyright. Except for private study, research,

criticism or reviews, as permitted under the Copyright Act,

no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,

or transmitted in any form by any means without prior

written permission. Enquiries should be made to the publisher.

 

 

 

 

for the boy under the bed

 

 

 

PART ONE / CROOKED TEETH

 

 

 

 

the park

 

a lot of things happen for the first time in parks

 

the first time i got fingered

the first time i got raped

the first time i got drunk

the first time i got robbed

the first time i laughed

the first time i walked

the first time i smoked

the first time i got blown

the first time i broke a bone

the first time i rode a bike

the first time i rode a guy

the first time i swore

the first time i spoke

the first time i came

the first time i moaned

the first time i died

the first time i cried

the first time i raped

the first time i said cunt

the first time i cut myself

the first time i slept outside

the first time i was arrested

the first time i arrested

the first time i lost a tooth

the first time i punched someone in the face

the first time i was punched in the face

the first time i lied to you about being high

the first time i got high

the first time i hit a girl

 

 

early memories

 

a cake with bananas dressed in pyjamas

a dead cat 

and a stolen bike

 

your mother swearing and raising her voice

your father taking you to church

on saturday nights

 

grade two

the highlight of your schooling life

straight a’s

 

woodridge skate park

riding your bike

your brothers would skate

 

 

 

train

 

you’re on a train 

you’re always on a train

not because you can’t drive

but because – well yes, because you can’t drive

 

sort that shit out fast, man

 

 

 

 

 

 

theatre

 

so many seats

hardly ever full

like your passion

for acting

 

you come here to socialise

but end up in the dressing room

talking only to 

yourself

 

the thirty minute call

reminds you to get into costume

 

the fifteen minute call

reminds you to put on your makeup

 

the five minute call

reminds you to get on stage

 

you say your lines 

the lights blind you

but you still say your lines

 

it is interval

or intermission

you spend it setting up your props 

and changing your costumes

 

act two sees you on stage

from beginning to end

line after line and breath after breath

 

 

the second act is done

and so is your body

you get changed

and leave the theatre

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the calendar

 

the first thing i do each day is plan 

what mistakes to make

 

late for a job i don’t have

in the morning

 

too broke to buy sushi

in the afternoon 

 

i don’t know what is planned for night

i just know i’ll be late

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

high school

 

the happiest and saddest times of your life

 

bullies are around the corner 

they are all cunts

 

the hot teacher at school is only hot because she’s a teacher

if you saw her in the street you’d think she’s average

 

your best friend can be a dick

but he’s growing up too

don’t forget that

 

after school you go to the movies

and whoever the girl is that you’re with

will try to get into your pants

usually it’s the other way around – but not with you

 

math sucks more than any other subject

science can also be a drag

art is your favourite

but you even fail there

 

your father says you don’t do enough homework

when he was your age he studied three hours a night

but he must have forgotten

that you are not him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

h2<{color:#000;background:transparent;}.

warren david jonathan (a completely fictional name)

 

1.

 

your mum has a friend

a male

your mum is married

but not to this male friend

 

the friend says he is gay

but he has a son

an ex-wife and an ex-girlfriend

 

but everyone chooses to ignore it

and believe what he says

 

 

2.

 

you’ve known the friend for a year

you need a place to stay

you move in with him

 

he leaves for work at midday

and gets back at ten or eleven 

at night

 

you realise how strange he is

almost like he gets more

and more 

and more

strange every day

 

 

 

3.

 

the friend burns down your mothers house

a month after you get back from thailand with him

 

at first they don’t know if it was him 

you wouldn’t put it past him

 

he was always a weird guy

 

after he is absent from work for a week

and your mother hasn’t heard from him

it is obvious he is on the run

 

 

 

4.

 

it has been two years and he still hasn’t been found

 

the party

 

the night before the party

Aiden and i went busking

so we could afford beer

 

the next day

a few hours before the party

we get Ryan’s friend to buy it for us

 

it was Ryan’s eighteenth birthday party

but he was too busy

organising the party

 

it was a dress up party, movie character themed

i went as Danny from Grease

my hair was longer

 

Aiden

went as James Dean

we both looked cool 

he looked cooler

 

i made out with Carmen

she was dressed as a nun or maid 

or something generically slutty

 

after we made out she was on the phone

to some guy

her friend told me it was a guy she’d had sex with

 

i was kind of sad

i went to the backyard with some mates

and when i looked inside i saw

carmen kissing another guy

i went upstairs and cried

because i felt as though i wasn’t good enough

for carmen, for my ex-girlfriend i’d recently stop being with

 

Aiden came upstairs and

told me that i was a great guy

and that girls are just bitches

what i needed to hear

because it made me feel better

 

the next morning Aiden and i 

got a lift with Alex and Chris

we all told Chris to shut up

i forgot why. he had a big mouth

 

Aiden and i got back to his

and slept some more

and when we woke up

we got dinner

 

your eighteenth birthday

 

you wake up in the morning 

and leave the kangaroo point apartment

where you live

 

you go to pancake manor 

in the city

to meet your dad 

 

he is an hour late

he’s always late

you’re not surprised / still upset though

 

when he arrives

you eat pancakes

his company is graceful

 

after you eat pancakes

you go back to the apartment

your mum is there

 

you go with her to thrift shops

and then get lunch 

and then leave

 

you go to the city

to meet your friends

Karl got you a card

no one else got you a thing

 

after you meet in the city

you walk to the stadium

and watch a game of rugby league

 

broncos are playing someone else

you can’t remember

but you remember 

that broncos won

 

after the game 

you go back to the city

and meet your mum

and her friend, Warren

 

you go to the casino

you gamble

you lose

then you win

and then you win

 

your mother dances with a midget 

as you dance with a middle aged woman

her male friend tells you to fuck off

 

he doesn’t like you but she does

it’s her husband

 

you tell him it’s your eighteenth birthday 

and he says he doesn’t give a fuck

but when she hears this

she kisses you 

and then he pushes you

because if his wife forces herself onto another man

then it’s obviously not her fault

 

you leave the casino at five in the morning

the sun is coming out

and you’re absolutely wrecked

and it feels great

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[*the lighthouse *]

 

a midnight trip to a lighthouse

three hours away

 

my best friend picks me up

from my girlfriend’s house

he drives us down

to byron bay

 

i had never been

he had

on the way we listened to music

his music

 

feeling like dreaming

since before i got in his car

an energy drink

fixes that for a while

 

we get to byron bay

we stop at the lighthouse

and walk up

to the lighthouse 

 

it is still dark

we sit for a while

i play guitar

he eats chips

 

we hear a noise

it is a man

one hundred and seven 

meters away

 

the man is setting up

a tripod to take

photographs 

of the sunrise

 

what a 

spetacular

event

for us all 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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the boy under the bed

 

a boy hides under his bed

as police are at his front door

knocking, banging, calling out

wanting to get the boy outside

and take the boy away

 

after the police leave the home

the boy stays under the bed for

a few hours

too afraid to come out

too afraid they’ll come back

too afraid they’ll take him to where he doesn’t want to be

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you

 

i saw you today

i thought you saw me too

maybe you didn’t

maybe you did

it doesn’t really matter

i just wanted you to know

that you looked happy

and i hope everything is going well

for you

i really do

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

crooked teeth

 

mistakes are a beautiful thing

they’re like reminders that we’re only human

no one gets it right all the time

there are some things that keep Oprah up at night

it’s normal to tell bad jokes

we can’t always make our crowd laugh

don’t stop walking forever because you broke your foot in high school

 

 

smile if you have crooked teeth

 

 

 

 

the cinema

 

you are where you used to work

but this is before you worked there

you’re with a friend

a girl

but not a girlfriend

just a girl friend

she likes you

you like her

but she likes you

you don’t like her

 

she wants to wrap her mouth around your penis

you’d like that if you liked her

but you don’t, so she doesn’t,

and now it’s weird

 

she tells everyone you’re gay

which is an insult because it’s 2009 

 

 

 

 

 

the sunset song

 

insert generic description of a sunset and how it reminds me of a girl. 

 

#poetry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[*girlfriend *]

 

my girlfriend wanted me to write a poem about her

 

this is a poem about her

 

i hope she likes it

 

 

 

 

the girl

 

1.

 

you meet the girl and her friend 

in the valley

you are with your friend

 

you take the two girls back -

back to your friends house

you are nervous

 

your friend makes jokes

jokes about you

the girl’s friend laughs

but the girl doesn’t laugh

 

within an hour 

the lights are off 

you and the girl are on the fold down couch

like a sofa but 

not

 

it is blue

 

your friend and her friend 

are making out 

on your friend’s bed

you hear their lips

 

you and the girl follow

you kiss her

she says you look different

you say you can’t see her

 

a custom playlist is playing

featuring classics

bob dylan

cat stevens

simon and garfunkel

and many more

 

after a few minutes of lip touching

you make plans with her

to get sushi

sometime within a week

 

you want to see her many more times

she says yes

 

before you can kiss for much longer

her friend says that her ride is there

the girl and her friend have to leave

you are sad for a moment

as soon as they leave

you and your friend high five and laugh

the both of you had great times

but for different reasons

 

your friend just made out with a girl

and he is happy

you just had the best time of your life

you are happy too

 

as the night comes to an end

you and your friend

sit down and talk about how 

in love you are with the girl

 

 

2.

 

she makes you so happy

more than a child 

on their tenth birthday

 

you have trouble sleeping 

the night before you see her

every night before you see her

 

no one else has ever made you 

like this before

no one else has loved you 

like this before

 

she bakes you a cake

because you asked her to

 

triple chocolate

delivers it in a tin

that she lets you keep

 

you eat as much as you can

not wanting to waste her love

but you can only eat

half

 

you think you’re more mature

than her because you’ve

graduated high school

but you’ll soon see you’re wrong

 

 

 

previous relationships you call the shots

not anymore

the day you ask her out

she makes you meet her 

 

southbank

plans for grill’d

you get sushi instead

or  the other way ‘round

 

you can’t remember

 

you miss the last train home and spend the night 

in the city

you are crazy about her

you make a list of all the things you like

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3.

 

you are no longer with the girl

it tears you a part

it still does when you’re alone at night

 

she doesn’t feel the same and 

you think it is your fault

maybe it is

maybe it isn’t

but it probably is

 

the moment you separate you 

realise how many things you

had been doing wrong

 

you could have told her all the things you’d been thinking

you could have showed her all the things you’d been feeling

but you didn’t

 

and now

now you’re alone

not wanting love from anyone

because they can’t love you

like the girl did

 

 

 

 

 

 

first date

 

Chloe

 

she wants him to be a gentlemen with the best intentions,

she wants him to confident and shy at the same time,

she wants him to want whatever is best for her,

she wants him to not just tell her she’s beautiful, but to make her feel beautiful,

she wants him to want to be with her as much as he can,

she wants him to offer her his coat before she has a chance to say she’s cold,

she wants him to never smoke again,

she wants him to love cats, because she has three,

she wants him to enjoy movie nights as much as she does,

she wants him to enjoy Meg Ryan as much as she does,

she wants him to not ask her to change,

she wants him to be the big spoon,

she wants him to accept her obsessions with Ryan Gosling, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Robert Pattinson and Hugh Jackman,

she wants him to want her more than oxygen,

she wants him to give her back, neck and foot massages,

she wants him to want a family of his own,

she wants him to want to have that family with her,

she wants him to be okay with her having male friends

she doesn’t want him to ask too much of her,

she wants him to know when something is wrong,

she wants him to support her decisions,

she wants him to move to Paris when her fashion career takes off.

 

Adam

 

he wants her to put out

 

 

the city

 

you’ve spent hundreds of hours in the city this year

you are here almost every day

writing, eating, people watching

just about anything to pass the time

and distract yourself from thinking about 

how broke you are

 

other people have faith in you

other people say you will do great things

but you have trouble affording

food to eat

those great things seem 

so far

away

 

people say 

one day

everyone in this city

will know who you are

and they’ll all want to know you

because you’re the one 

who made it

far

 

you’re the one who will make it far

 

 

 

 

 

the valley

 

a cab to the Valley

cost less than a drink in the Valley

the bar is ripping you off

by still serving

you couldn’t get anymore drunk

without being dead

there’s really not much point

in drinking

 

you leave the club 

but not after you piss one more time

the cubical has vomit and spit and cum and more vomit

all over it’s floor

 

the Valley has streets that smell like vanilla and beer and sweat

but you can’t smell so it doesn’t matter

what matters is that

you want to get laid

 

but you know it won’t happen

none of it will happen

because you’re already home

alone in the darkness

 

 

the man

 

he knows how to hold you until you fall,

sleeping after weeping all

night long

 

he knows how to comfort you daily,

after he’s called you crazy

again

 

he knows how to say he loves you,

while he chokes you

like tomorrow

 

you will never leave the man regardless of how many times he turns your white skin purple, because all you can think about are the times when he made you feel beautiful.

 

 

 

sunday heartbreak

 

sunday morning finds you snoring

as the rain hits the cracked glass window

there’s a lot of it but you don’t know

because you’re asleep

when you wake up you’re going to think of something

before you even open your eyes

for the first time in your life

when wake up you’re going to think of her

and when you broke up with her last night

and how much you wish

you hadn’t

but it’s too late for take-backs

what’s done’s done and that’s that

there’s nothing you can do about it

except stay and think and regret

it all

 

 

 

 

 

love

 

we say it far too often

we don’t know what it means

 

she felt the same way towards me as she did

her new shoes

 

 

 

bases

 

 

 

 

first

with my first girlfriend

in a cinema

 

 

second

with another girlfriend

in my father’s wive’s son’s bedroom

 

 

third

with the same girlfriend

in the same room / on the same night

 

 

fourth

with a more recent girlfriend

in her house / doggy style 

 

 

 

 

animals i’ve loved

 

judge

a dog

dad got him when i was six weeks old 

a tic killed him

 

milo 

a cat

dad got him when i was seven

the next door neighbour ran him over

 

obey 

a fish

one of tens of fish

they all died within a few months

 

harvey 

a dog

dad got him for his security work

and got rid of him a year later

 

dakota 

a dog

i had her for nine years 

dad got her put down because she was unhealthy

i’ll remember that when he’s sick

 

sarah

my ex-girlfriend

i had her for three weeks 

 

 

 

 

eating pussy

 

he locks eyes with her

as his tongue slides 

up and down 

her pussy

 

his lips helping 

to suck out the juices

so moist

so tender 

 

she has goosebumps

she would cry out 

if she knew what to say

no one has ever made her feel this way

 

never has she had such a

young and handsome and muscular man

skin Mittens, and eat him right in front of her

 

r.i.p Mittens 

 

 

 

fuck

 

my girlfriend hates it when i say the word fuck

maybe it’s the way the word fuck sounds

maybe it’s what the word fuck means

maybe she just doesn’t like words that end in uck, like fuck

 

 

 

gully junk

 

your love is a bad episode of Seinfeld

somedays i just can’t wait for it to end

it doesn’t make any sense

i look forward to the ad breaks

 

but i keep watching 

because

even when it’s bad

it’s still the best there is

 

 

 

i love you like a cigarette

 

 

 

 

 

 

i know that you’re bad for me 

i know that when i taste you my mouth goes to a paradise 

and the rest of me soon follows

i know that others think we’re crazy

i know that you think i’m crazy

and maybe we are 

and maybe i am

but that shouldn’t stop us

because we’ve always been crazy

and i’ve always been crazy

 

you’re the reason i wait for the light to turn green and stop before i finish the bottle

you’re the reason i make the bed before i leave and after my twelfth drink i have no other 

 

 

 

teenage love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pete fingered Sarah

 

 

dat pussy ain’t ma kryptonite

 

Dat pussy ain’t ma Kryptonite

Ya herd

U is a dum bitch

Word

Nd I no u thunk I never wuld of catched you

But dat just exactley wot I did

I walked in on yous screwin’ on your bedroom floor

U cunts forgot to lock da door

U nd Ted can go get fucked

I hate u u fucken dum slut

How dare u fuck my boi Ted

He waz da best friend I ever had

Now u says dat if I stick round u wuld

fuk me bad wit dat pussy

U even sed u wuld fuck me er’ry day nd er’ry night

But u must’a forgot sumthink bitch

Dat pussy ain’t ma Kryptonite

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

bruce willis is dead the entire time

 

 

the executioner

 

like a legal assassin

 

getting paid to kill

a man

who killed

a man

to get paid

 

 

 

 

the only thing we have in common

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death

 

 

 

 

 

i’m afraid

 

i’m afraid I haven’t yet made my worse mistakes

what will i become

will i cheat on my wife?

will i steal from my work?

will i kill the bus driver on the way home?

will i tell my mother how i really feel?

will i tell my father how i really feel?

will i hurt what i love?

will i open my eyes to a life of lust?

 

i’m afraid

 

 

 

 

i don’t want to be forever

 

i don’t want to sleep alone forever

i don’t want to catch the bus forever

i don’t want to drink bourbon forever

i don’t want to love you forever

i don’t want to miss you forever

i don’t want to watch television forever

i don’t want to walk the dog forever

i don’t want to pay the bills forever

i don’t want to be late forever

i don’t want to get high forever

i don’t want to stay inside forever

i don’t want to have no licence forever

i don’t want to be afraid forever

i don’t want to write repetitive poetry forever

i don’t want to see you next Sunday forever

i don’t want to run away forever

i don’t want to be right back forever

i don’t want to see where the night takes me forever

i don’t want to work thirty hours a week forever

i don’t want to be sorry forever

i don’t want to chase my dreams forever

i don’t want to be heartbroken forever

i don’t want to think about forever forever

i don’t want to regret making you laugh forever

i don’t want to be joking forever

i don’t want to set my alarm forever

i don’t want to get fat forever

i don’t want to keep moving forward forever

i don’t want to wait with worry forever

i don’t want to dance disco forever

i don’t want to fight with her forever

i don’t want to make you feel bad forever

i don’t want to burn toast forever

i don’t want to have you resent me forever

i don’t want to juggle needs and wants forever

 

but i don’t want to 

change forever

 

 

 

 

 

hangman

 

 

 

seven letters

 

 

no p

 

no q

 

no d

 

a c

 

no b

 

an a

 

a t

 

no z

 

 

 

 

 

twenty

 

long hair

stained skin

rips and tears

on my cardigan

black

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

vans 

blue jeans

getting fat 

so it seems

no beard 

not yet

one day it’ll all

be changed

 

 

you will have broke days

you will have dope days

you will have smoke days

but you will never have another today

 

 

 

 

robin williams’ death

 

i fell asleep at seven in the morning

on the couch

with a book on my chest

 

my mother wakes me up three hours later

asking me to guess

which celebrity 

had died

 

which celebrity 

had killed himself

 

‘do i give a fuck about them?’

‘i think you do’

she says back to me with a smile

as though she is giving me good news

 

‘i don’t know. who?’

‘robin williams’

 

i ask her if she is fucking with me,

she says no

 

she leaves the loungeroom and a few minutes later i leave

to take my morning piss

 

as i am washing my hands

i start to cry

because robin williams died

 

 

 

 

the gold coast with no money

 

we drove down to the gold coast

well Andrew drove

Aiden and i can’t drive

 

i can’t remember what

the reason was

but i didn’t have money 

maybe i lost my card

 

we were sitting at the restaurant when i realised

when the lady came to get my order

i told her i wasn’t having anything

 

when she left i told the boys i had no money

and it sucked

and they ordered and ate

 

we were all good friends

and they both had jobs

and i was taken surprise 

that they didn’t offer to lend me ten bucks for food

 

i felt so bad

i went home and cried

i cried so much

after i ate food

 

 

 

 

every time you are drunk

 

 

you have never fallen over

from having too much to drink

but your mind

your mind stumbles through it’s clinging thoughts of yesterday and the months before

 

 

 

blue flower, white flower

 

mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake

and still with plenty of room for more

i want to go back to when i was happy

i want to go back to when the sun was on my side

i want to go back to when a song didn’t make me sad

and nights weren’t as long because i was with you even when we weren’t together

i want to go back to when green was my favourite colour

i want to go back to when you said words like ‘magic’ 

i want to go back to my dad taping the remote to the couch so he wouldn’t lose it 

i want to go back to awkward christmas presents and silly nights in the dark

i want to go back to the start

i want to go back to when i was yours even though we both know you were never mine

i want to go back to when i thought you were

i want to go back

i want to go back

i want to go back

i want to go back

i want to go back

i want to go back

i want to go back

i want to go back

i want to go back

 

 

 

 

and another nine times over forever.

 

 

a headache worth having

 

for a girl

 

 

 

 

 

i want to be pure

not like the drugs i’ve taken

rather a girl i know

 

 

 

 

i don’t know her favourite colour

i don’t know what she likes to eat

i don’t know the music she listens to

i don’t know how she feels about me

 

 

 

 

i just know that she’s the one i want to be with before this story ends

 

PART TWO: THE CANCER TO MY ENTHUSIASM

 

god

 

power over everything but allows his children to be raped?

i mean, if i let my little girl get raped no one would say i worked in mysterious ways, they’d just call me a cunt and put me in prison.

 

 

devil

 

if god is real and satan is real couldn’t god just make satan like vanish or some shit?

or does he need satan to run hell?

does that mean satan is employed by god?

does he get free dental?

 

 

you were so special

 

at one point in time, even if only for a split second, you were the youngest person in the entire world. billions of people across an entire planet and you were the youngest.

now look at you, you piece of shit.

 

 

 

 

alone before work

 

you wake up horny but need to urinate so you can’t wank until you get back to bed but then the moment will be gone,

you have a shower and think about that thing that guy at work said to you three days ago,

you look in the mirror and hate what you see, a reminder to always keep your clothes on,

don’t eat breakfast because you can’t afford it,

make a coffee (instant coffee shit. three teaspoons, three sugars too, a bit of milk),

go upstairs and pack bag with book, laptop and work uniform (until your coffee cools down a bit),

check your phone. instagram. snapchat. facebook. text messag- es.

look at the photo of you and her you have on the ground and think about how you won’t ever go to that waterfall with her ever again,

put your shoes on,

walk to the train station,

still so tired,

so tired,

so tired you forgot to have your coffee.

 

 

future mrs. moss

 

whenever i’ m thinking everything is going right i remind my- self that my future wife could be sucking someone ’s dick right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

31.12.15

 

as the world celebrated the year that had been i gave a stranger fifty dollars to take me to you. his name i forget. he was from melbourne and in brisbane to visit his son. indigo green. i remember his name. i arrive at the party. it’s at your friend’s house. she gave me the address because she said it was fine that i come and see you. i’m very drunk. i had a bottle of scotch before i got in the stranger’s car.

as i arrive i realise how drunk i am and how stupid it was to think i could just come for you on new years eve and sweep you off your feet. i’ ve always been a romantic and have always suf- fered for it. not like candle lit dinners or surprise tickets to rome, rather impulsively proving how much i care about you by leaving a great time with someone else to have, what ’ll probably be a less great time with you. you are a pain but i love you.

 

 

eleven seven fifteen

 

i left a two year relationship two weeks ago and now i’m with you. in my bedroom. you were my girlfriend three and a half years ago but not anymore.

1.

you meet me in the city. i get there early and you get there late. you arrive and give me a cake. it made my day. we walk and

get breakfast in the city. the same place i used to go with my ex-girlfriend. the asian man there recognises me but then gives a slightly strange look when he sees you because you’ re not my ex-girlfriend. he was used to seeing me with her. we get break- fast and i pay because it ’s a nice thing to do and because i want you to like me again.

 

2.

we get off the bus near my place and as we’re walking you see a rainbow and ask me to take a photo for you because your phone died. it was cute. you wanted the photo so badly. i took it.

 

3.

we get back to mine and lay on my bed and i put your phone on charge and then see you texting a boy. it’s okay. i mean, you came over a few days earlier and we had sex but it’s not like we’re going out. you’re allowed to be seeing other guys i guess.

 

4.

we’re downstairs in the kitchen. my friend is here. a mutual friend comes. we snort some coke. i am not really into coke but i want you to think i’m a bit crazy and fun.

 

5.

we’re in an uber to the valley. we can’t all fit in one car so my friend drives his car aswell. he’s had one or two drinks and

a few lines of coke. five minutes from my house our mutual friend says she doesn’t have her purse so we turn around and go back. as she goes to get out of the uber she realises that it was between her and the door. idiot.

 

6.

we’re in the valley and i’m wearing my hawaiian shirt. we go to a bar and dance and it’s awkward because it’s not my scene and i start to hate myself. why did i even arrange this. this isn’t how i have fun. i want to leave.

 

7.

we’re back home and our mutual friend is sleeping in my bed and we’re on the floor of the study and i’m going down on you and then you’re on me and crying beccause you’re so unsure about so many things and you’ re still getting over your ex-boy- friend who treated you like shit. and i ’m there for you. i hold you as i tell you you’re an amazing person and that i just want you to be happy.

 

8.

the next day we walk to the train station but go to subway first. i buy you breakfast. the post-mix cola tasted weird but you didn’t care. you leave the cup at the train station because you didn’t want it in the end.

you go to a dancing rehearsal or something, i go to work. i see my ex-girlfriend’s dad for the first time since he found out we broke up. it’s a bit weird but not too much. after work i go home and see the subway cup still at the train station.

i haven’t seen you since.

 

 

 

 

don’t be afraid / sent july 9, 2015, 3:06am

 

don’t be afraid. if you take these tests and they all say you’re pregnant – although i see it unlikely, you’ve got to remember: you’re an extremely strong and loving person – you can handle anything, and also, out of all males you know, you know i’d make the best father hahaha. as for us – although we haven’t worked out together, as parents we have so much love and support to offer a child. if we have a child, and that’s a big if, it’ll be the luckiest child in the world, because it’ll have parents that will always be there. a very understanding, protective and committed father, and an equally kind, caring and supportive mother. and

i know this scares you, because you don’t think you’re ready, but you shouldn’t worry, because there will be a time before the child is born that you realise just how much you can love another human. you will love your own child so many times more than you’ve ever loved anyone else. think about it. think about the people you love the most. you will love your own child so, so, so much more. now, i was inside you for a few short moments when you weren’t on the pill, but i didn’t cum inside you, and it was only a short time – so although it is possible, given that you’ve gone off the pill, it’s much more possible that your period just hasn’t readjusted yet. so take the tests and let me know, okay? xoxoxo

 

you called me and were too drunk to talk so i sent you this.

 

 

 

 

 

first time

 

in the carpark late at night with a boy from my high school.

 

he doesn’t know it’s my first time.

 

we sit in his car and he takes my hand.

 

i’m sweaty and i’m scared but i’m okay because i’m with him.

 

i was too ashamed so i told him i did it once with another guy.

 

he tells me it’s okay.

 

that i don’t have to be nervous but it’s okay if i am.

 

a lot of people are nervous the first few times they do it.

 

he asks me if i’m sure i want to do it.

 

i say yes because i do.

 

i do want to learn to drive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

young love

 

she doesn’t know how much he loves her.

she sits in front of him,

in the front row of their classes together.

driving him crazy with her long blonde hair and bold blue eyes.

 

for him, each lesson is spent thinking

of how much he loves her.

how much he wants to be with her,

how much he wants to be her first boyfriend.

 

she loves him too but just as a friend. she thinks he’s nice and funny

so she invites him to her tenth birthday. prince and princess themed.

she didn’t invite any other boys in the class. just him.

he can’t go though, he is busy.

 

she likes it when he reads to the class he likes it when she raises her hand.

 

 

 

hawaiian shirt. made in china.

 

hawaiian shirt. made in china.

you bought it for me.

fifteen dollars or something like that. i wear it everyday.

because it reminds me of better times when we were together.

and loved each other.

all the time.

not just when you’re not sober.

 

 

doggy style on blue sheets

 

four days after i break up with my girlfriend, you come over and you sleep over

but before you sleep

we watch a movie

and during the movie our skin touches the others and we had this moment where we kiss

and then you wanted to take it further

but i didn’t want to

and then about half an hour later you still want to take it further and i do want to

so we do

doggy style on my blue sheets

i hope you know how much you mean to me

but you’re not on the pill and i dont have a condom

so we just do it for a little bit because i don’t want to cum in you well i do want to cum in you just not like this

because you have a lot of your own shit going on and i don’t want to be something else you have to worry about

so the sex lasts for about fifteen minutes and it’ s fucking amaz- ing with you

you just get so into it

because you say the right things and you have the right moves and i love it. loved it.

and then afterwards, after i say we should stop, while you’re still on me – like, im’ out of you but you’re still on me, you start crying, and you tell me about everything you’re worried about, you tell me how much your ex fucked you over and how you’re worried about uni and everything, and i’m so happy to be there for you, i’ d never been so there, so present for anyone. i com- forted you.

we cuddled for a little bit,

you’re still naked

 

we cuddle while you’re on me

and then you sit on the end of my bed

as i lean against the wall and play guitar for you

even though i didn’t really want to

but you told me to keep going because you liked it

it’s about 1:30 in the morning when i look at you and say ‘do you want to walk to the servo’ and you say ‘okay’.

i love it when people are impulsive. if i’m with someone and they say ‘lets go do this’ even though it’s nothing we planned to do, i love that. i love planning things that aren’t a part of the plan and so do you.

so we walk to the servo early in the morning

and i’m wearing a green jacket that my ex-girlfriend got my for our second year annniversary.

we walk to the servo

we get a maxibon and an ice coffee each

and we sit in the carpark there and we

just talk

we finish our ice cream then we walk home

and then i cuddle you as we sleep

but i don’t really get to sleep

because i’m with you

and why would i want to be dreaming when i’m – you know, with you.

you didn’t come over for a few weeks

and the pillow you slept on still smelt like your hair for a week and it’s not that i purposely didn’t wash it so it’d smell like you but that ended up happening – cause im’ so fucking lazy when it comes to those things,

cleaning

anyway.

 

i haven’t seen you for over two months and we don’t really talk anymore

well we don’t talk anymore

i tried texting you

well i did text you (haha)

but you don’t reply

probably with some other guy.

and now it’s all just weird

like i didn’t do anything wrong

i think you just

you know

it was just a thing

and you just want to let it be a thing and move on from that thing

but for me it was something else something that i felt

that i had never felt

and now i’m just sitting here

spilling my guts

stuck in the mud

thinking of things i wish i could forget but no regrets.

for a while there i was actually thinking of moving houses so i dont’ have to be in the same bedroom where we did it

so i might as well move away from it

but moving away and moving on are two different things, un- fortunately

but it’s so weird because after you come home from work or when you wake up in the morning it’s the same bed, in the same room, in the same house, when i was with you.

it’s so weird though because it’s like

i feel like i should think about this all the time

 

but there are so many things that remind me of it

the train, miss india, the servo, my bed, my room, the house i live in, my work, because the time i finished work and you came over – that was the night, the night that you came over and we had sex, you met me after work and we got an uber to mine and we awkwardly ate indian in the kitchen.

just so many things that remind me of you so many things i have to forget

which makes it harder to forget

like if i just met you one time and we had sex it’d be easy to forget

but there are reminders everywhere there are post-it notes everywhere.

i hate you i hate you i hate you i miss.

 

 

 

 

 

two lessons

 

jim carrey taught me how to spell b-e-a-utiful, but you showed me what it meant.

 

 

 

the cancer to my enthusiasm

 

if i’ve already the best day of my life it would’ve been one spent with you

 

i watch movies about breakups to feel better

but i always feel worse because they always end up getting back together

we haven’t done that yet

we’re still at the part where all our friends are telling us to move on

but i can’t do that yet

i hope you can’t either

because before our credits roll i still have so much to tell you

 

there are other ones out there for me and for you but right now i know what i’ve known for a while

you’re the one that i think of each night before i sleep,

when i’m alone and myself and not worrying about these other things.

 

can’t get shit done when i’ve got you on my mind. when i’ve got you on my mind i get shit all done. cancer to my enthusiasm.

death to my ambition.

something to my something.

you get the point, without you shit is different.

 

 

 

 

google searches

 

how to eat a mango. how to win her back. porn. southport bowls club. jake connor moss. define: nigger. kurt coleman. art gallery hire brisbane. how to lose weight. new york. prince most beautiful girl in the world chords. suicide notes. donald glover. pass or past? christoper walken impressions. is jake connor moss gay. south bank cinema times. porn. how to use tinder. seth rogen. porn. tony abbott memes. porn. david bowie dead. monster children. big w opening hours brisbane city. porn.

 

 

 

 

shakespearean fuckboy

 

doth’ thee wanna hangeth?

as sure as the sun will rise, thee must know i do,

for even when i sleep for a night, i sleep with naked thoughts of you,

and thou shalt curse me for my sins, oh please forgive my ready hands,

as fast as the blood of thou father would boil, the blood races to my python,

a minute or four, sometimes less but moreso more, the snake will sleep after fighting,

and then we’d’ a be sweet dreaming more, for more goodnight- ing,

so, do join me you must, i shalt cherish company of thee,

but not so much as the past man, who told of you to me,

yes, ah yes, johno and glenn told me and my men of your ways, but ne’erless my sweet lady, i won’t let such things get in a way, for no infection of any land could stop me from venturing,

into what i hear is quite-ah thee bushy garden of your beauty, so cometh and hangeth with me tonight,

and letus maketh thee mistakes you’ve made in previous days,

i promise thee pleasure and post-pleasure praise,

one such as myself would never leave so soonly, rather wait an hour until an angel as such is sweet dreaming.

 

 

 

hell

 

i must be your plus one

because i’m always there when i’m with you.

 

 

 

in the city late at night

 

where i spend hours thinking of how to win you back and even more knowing i never will.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Collected Poems, Vol 1

  • Author: Jake Connor Moss
  • Published: 2016-08-07 03:35:21
  • Words: 7724
Collected Poems, Vol 1 Collected Poems, Vol 1