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Cold War 2.0: Brats on the Playground


Cold War 2.0: Brats on the Playground

Copyright 2017 Patch Jingle

Published by Patch Jingle at Shakespir

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Playground Pissings


Cold War 2.0

Piss Fight

Watching a K-Drama

Brats on the Matt

And We Thought Khrushchev Was Crazy?

‘To the Moon, Alice, To the Moon’

Let’s Send In Dennis Rodman

Email the Author


Born into the youngest crop of baby boomers, I remember learning as a kid about the Cold War, that strange, ongoing struggle between East and West, between Communism and Democracy, between good and evil. I entered the world mere months after President Kennedy was assassinated, and in the same month the Beatles landed in America. The Viet Nam War was an odd daily news event I had no understanding of, and coverage of the Watergate trial was simply a boring, incomprehensible intrusion on the television programs I had grown accustomed to enjoying, including reruns of the original Star Trek series.

In high school, I learned about the horrors wrought upon Europe by the Nazis in World War II, and how America had emerged as the savior of democracy, the worldwide champion of liberty and a better life for all. In history class, I and my peers watched films of the Nazi prison camps, and I still remember the feeling of helpless, utter disbelief that anyone could perpetrate such evil on another, especially at the behest of a twisted, psychotic regime.

Less salient was any notion of an earlier conflict that took place as far away geographically as Viet Nam, but more to the north, on a peninsula jutting Florida-like from the giant that is mainland China. Among the first multinational conflicts managed by the United Nations, the Korean War (1950‐1953) was an arm-wrestle between the emerging communist powerhouses of mainland China and Soviet Russia, on the one hand, and the democracies of the West (primarily the U.S.), on the other. Unwilling to openly engage in direct and perhaps again nuclear conflict, each super power used Korea as a new front.

One of the great ironies of the Korean War is that the nation was liberated from Japanese control at the end of World War II, then summarily divided by the winning superpowers, the U.S. and Russia. They broke the newly liberated nation into north and south spheres of control, at the 38th parallel (just north of the capital, Seoul). As part of a pact with Russia, newly formed communist China agreed to send its own troops to support the Northern half of the newly divided country. The U.N. likewise sent troops, primarily American, to the southern half. During three years of intense fighting, the U.N. forces were at first driven all the way to the southern tip by Chinese troops, then drove them back almost to the Chinese border. Ultimately, open hostilities ended—again at the 38th parallel, which then became the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ). Today, the DMZ is anything but de-militarized and is in fact the most heavily armed region in the world today.

Whereas the Viet Nam conflict has slipped into memory as the backdrop for Apocalypse Now and The Deer Hunter, the two Koreas, particularly the North, are suddenly headline news. In some ways, the Korean conflict has similarities to the conflict between the U.S. and Iran before the Persian Gulf wars—a battle to prevent ownership of nuclear weapons by a despotic, openly anti-democratic regime. In the case of Iran, the fear was a nuclear attack upon Israel. In the case of North Korea, the fear is an attack on South Korea, on Japan, and ultimately, on the U.S.

This is bad enough. But to bring it even closer to home for those of us in the U.S., imagine if Canada were an autocratic regime that periodically fired test missiles over U.S. soil, and threatened soon to tip them with nuclear warheads and decimate our cities. This is the umbrella of fear that North Korea works to cast over its southern and eastward neighbors, South Korea and Japan. And now, North Korea is openly brandishing its nuclear sword at its arch nemesis, the U.S. Why is the U.S. considered by the North Korean regime to be their arch nemesis? Because the U.S. was the primary oppositional force during the U.N.-managed 1950-53 conflict, and in the opinion of the North Korean regime, the conflict was never resolved. In fact, open military conflict ended in a truce but not a treaty. Technically, this is still a war and North Korea considers themselves perennially to be at war with the U.S.

This has been the case for over 60 years, since 1953. During most of the time since then, the leaders of both countries have operated on the cool, diplomatic level of other world leaders, with covert or not so covert localized actions. The atmosphere has been similar to a long legal battle, in which each side argues through the agency of slick-tongued, generally even-keeled professional dickerers.

The perhaps apocryphal story from 1960 about Russian premier Nikita Khrushchev banging his shoe on a table in a U.N. meeting stood for decades as an exemplar of outlandishly poor and unprofessional behavior from a world leader. Yet now, in light of the verbal cock fight between President Trump and North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, the incident has faded into the backdrop of history as a dim, nearly forgotten blip. The conflict has spread from the courtroom of the U.N. to the playground, with both leaders tussling like brats in a pissing contest next to the monkey bars.

Will these two incendiary leaders lead us into a devastating armed conflict, one that severely damages South Korea and Japan as well as the U.S., and potentially spirals into a third world war? Saner souls, that is, the 99ers and most of the other 1 percent as well, earnestly hope not. This little book makes no attempt to prognosticate on this question but merely joins a chorus of voices who stridently hope against it. And just as importantly, it pokes fun at the crazy firebrands who are scaring us.

It is against this rather unfunny backdrop that I offer these childish rhymes. Consider them a playground response to a playground situation if you will, jingles sung under the two yellow arcs emitting from these pissing boys.

Cold War 2.0

The Rocket Man and Barking Cur

Hold keys to weapons nuclear.


Cold War 2.0 brinksmanship

By children who can’t get a grip.


Blustering before UN

Is surely not the way to win.


Let’s throw them in a wrestling pen

And let them roll in their own din.


A pair of brats who vie to pin

Beats conflagration hydrogen.




Piss Fight

“He’s a madman!”

“He’s deranged!”

So Trump and Kim

In piss fight strange.


They each need timeout in the corner,

Each of these unruly scorners.

Where’s the kindergarten teacher?

Asleep somewhere beneath the bleachers?


Do they think it’s arithmetic,

To seek out who’s the bigger dick?








Watching a K-Drama

It’s a K-drama hardly worth viewing,

With its bluster and vitriol spewing.

I’d prefer any day

To watch miss Park Shin-Hye,

Who makes my rocket fire when viewing.



Brats on the Matt

Asia has a giant wang.

He rules as despot from Pyongyang.

He’s throwing missles over Japan

To show the world that he’s a man.


Determined to defy the world,

He’s more than rhetoric unfurled.

He threats to hurl ICBM

Against America to win.


And enter now the “dotard” chump,

The U.S prez, our Donald Trump,

Engaged in battle of the bluster

Public outrage meant to muster.


A pair of brats on playground fighting,

Swearing that great wrongs they’re righting,

As the world watches on

And hopes that neither drops The Bomb.


Tightened sanctions by UN

Intended fat boy to wring slim,

Are bound to hurt the poorest first

For they will always have it worst.


Crazy is as crazy does;

So it is, and always was.

Normal people pay for what

Our leaders warble from their butts.


Let’s put them in a wrestling ring

And let the bullies do their thing,

While rest of us go on with life

And leave them to their childish strife.


It matters not who gets the pin;

If they’re contained, then we all win.



And We Thought Khrushchev Was Crazy?

Right above the DMZ,

That line that’s armed most heavily,

N.K.’s Jong Un calls Trump a “cur”

(Our terrier with tuft of fur),

A “dotard,” “mentally deranged.”


So mocks the roly-poly strange.

No calmer, Donald loves to tweet

That soon he’ll Rocket Man defeat.


Of our new crazy who then knew,

Who Khrushchev watched bang desk with shoe?


To the Moon, Alice, To the Moon’

He’s a nuclear-warheaded lune,

North Korea’s insane Kim Jong Un.

Missing screws from his sockets,

He keeps throwing rockets—

Just a boy with a nuclear gun.


In America, we have the Don,

Our apprentice who yields world’s baton.

In his twitter-ing rant

Voice of reason is scant—

From these both sanity’s a soup çon.


In the Kremlin, KGB-alum Putin,

Who’s a fella not known for straight shootin’,

Said of pudge boy and clown

That they both should cool down—


Now for old-school commie I’m rootin’.

It’s a most peculiar season

When Russia’s the new voice of reason.

Oh, for simpler days

Than this modern malaise—

“To the moon!“ How we need Jackie Gleason.


Let’s Send In Dennis Rodman

He’s buddies with the little god-man—

Let’s send back in Dennis Rodman.

It well could be the Magic Worm

Can charm the crazy Chia Perm.

There certainly are notions far more odd, man.


What to do about Sir Trump?

Be patient as a Forrest Gump.

From box of chocolates what we get

Takes one election to forget.





Email the Author

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Cold War 2.0: Brats on the Playground

Remember the Cold War? Nikita Khrushchev banging his shoe on a table in a U.N.? You don't? Remember when world leaders behaved diplomatically, at last when not behind closed doors? Hmm, well, do you remember bratty boys engaging in pissing matches on the school yard? No we're talking. Then this little book is for you. It's a collection of playground rhymes about U.S. President Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, two bratty boys with nuclear weapons.

  • ISBN: 9781370120420
  • Author: Patch Jingle
  • Published: 2017-09-26 21:20:12
  • Words: 1667
Cold War 2.0: Brats on the Playground Cold War 2.0: Brats on the Playground