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Beauties & Bullets.


Beauties & Bullets

Sometimes you get side tracked when looking for gold.

Up in the high desert you can walk into what looks like a ghost town, but you might be taken for surprise, or maybe even something else if you ain’t to careful.

That’s what happened to me one time. I made a stop at this town that looked like it was empty. I needed some libations and wanted to kick my feet up for a while before I went back out into the hills looking for the gold stuff that keeps a man hungry for wealth, or starving to death.

I tied up my horse to a post and started to check this ghost town out for any survivors.

I was strolling down the boardwalk. Minding my own damn business, and then I felt it. That burning, painful feeling that only lead gives you when it hits your bone. Some gringo took a shot at me and wasn’t even in sight.


I started looking around for the itchy fingered coward.

That’s when I could feel another bullet nick my shoulder before it broke a window in the store behind me. I wasn’t bleeding too bad, but my short was split open and I could see what looked like a scratch from a cat on my shoulder.

My eyes caught something pointin’ out the window that was shot out. A long barrel was pointed right at my head. Too many things were going through my head, but I that dang rifle went off-


I dropped down, like I was kicked in the back of the knees. I fell onto the dusty boards of the walkway, and some dirt flew up into my mouth when my head hit a loose board.

I’ll tell you what-

That dirt never tasted so good!

I just laid there. Playing possum. I didn’t hear any words, just some gunfire between two unknown gunfighters that weren’t man enough to stand in the street and see who’s gets lucky.

There were six shots fired back and forth and then it got quiet.

Only the wind was talkin’. I laid there for a bit until I felt someone walking toward me. I must’ve moved a little too much because I could feel a steel barrel of a gun poking me in the ribs, but the voice wasn’t a man’s. It was a woman. I opened one eye and looked at her.

She was dressed in black leather pants, real tight. She had on a black shirt and even a black vest. Her hat was one them gambler hats. Small brim, but straight all around.

She poked her rifle in my ribs and said:

“You gonna lay there all day?”

I slowly raised myself up, but kept an eye on her. She kept her rifle hanging down to one side, so I knew she wasn’t to concerned about me takin’ a swipe at her.

So I tried it anyway.

I was laying on the boards again.

She had that barrel sittin’ right up my nose. It still had some heat from the last round he fired and I could feel my skin getting’ a little cooked. I usually don’t mind the smell of gunpowder, but it was taking up all the air in my lungs when I was breathing. My eyes rolled down and I thought my life was over, but it must’ve been the smoke from the barrel that over took me because I blacked out for a second, but when I opened my eyes all I could see was a black boot with some fancy gold bracelet thing wrapped around it, pressing down on my rib cage.

She pressed down harder with the heel of her boot, and cocked the lever on her rifle as she pressed the barrel of the gun a little harder on my nose. I could’ve sworn my nose cracked.

She was getting’ ready to plug me, and she even asked me If I wanted her too.

“You were playin’ dead. Now you wanna be dead?”

I was squirming, sweating, and waiting for Jesus to show up.

That barrel of the gun was making my head move back and forth, so I answered her.

“No Ma’am.”

She kept he barrel on my nose, but took her boot off my ribs as she gave me some advice:

“Don’t be a fool. Fools get shot.”

I didn’t say a word. I just nodded my head up and down real slow, and then she the barrel off my nose, and moved it down to my throat. She wasn’t gonna let me get up too easy, but I knew one thing; I ain’t gonna try nothing stupid.

She kept that rifle on my throat until I was standing up right, and that’s when I got a good look at her face. She was somethin’. I ain’t never seen a woman with red curly hair, green eyes and smokin’ a cigarette. I must’ve wearing some kind grin that she didn’t like because she asked another trick question. You know how women will ask a fella something, but it has two parts to it and you gotta figure out what part to answer…one of them questions.

“You ain’t never seen a woman smoke, Or shoot a man?”

I didn’t know what to say, but I knew this was one of the worst days I had in a long time.

Before I could answer a gunshot rang out from down the street.

That Red Haired, rifle swinging woman pushed me into the store. Once we got inside she looks at me and winks and let me know something:

“You’re the first man to wander into town in quite awhile.”

I ain’t nobody’s catch, but I was being fought over by two women.

I felt real proud.

There was no way I could leave now, so I had to make sure I understood who was shootin’ who. I asked who she was shooting at, and she looked at me and grinned before firing a round through the broken window.

“Well, You see…sometimes a feud’s gonna break out-“

She stopped right there. She finished her cigarette and tapped it on the side of her boot, and rested her rifle on the sill of the window and fired one shot before yelling out the window:

“Gaw dammit! He’s mine! You got the last one!

There was a long pause. I sat there and looked at her and I knew she was fightin’ with another woman over me, which makes a man feel good, but also a little nervous.

There was another gunshot from far away, and then I could hear the other female yell something like:

“My man ran away! We gotta share this one!”

My mind was whirling around and around.

It got real, real quiet again.

I sat there looking at this red-haired woman dressed in black, and she was just giving that dead man’s stare. I knew what I was up against, Desert Cats.

I asked who she was fightin’ with and she pointed her gun at me and gave me an evil grin.

“My sister.”

Now there ain’t too much that’s more deadly, or sinister than a Desert Cat, but when you got two of them fightin’ with one another, well, there’s going to be blood, but if they’re sisters to boot? There’s going to be blood-everywhere.

I was gettin’ awful nervous. My stomach was tying itself into knots, but I was able to devise a plan that would solve my current jeopardy. What could be worse than two women going loco over a man? Two women that are Desert cats, and sisters on top of that. I’d been dealt a triple dose of bad luck, but I knew if I could get my words in, the gunfire would stop and I feel a lot better about living for awhile.

I whispered to my captor that maybe when she was sick of having me around (and all women get tired of their fella’s) she could push me out into the street and let her sister come and get me.

She didn’t like that.

‘Sounds like an escape to me.” She said.

I reassured her that I had no intention of running off, because I knew better than upsetting one woman, let alone two of them at the same time. That’s a sure death sentence. As we sat there some footsteps were getting closer and closer, and before I knew it the door busted open and there she was: The other sister, but she tall, had long blonde hair, deep blue eyes. She had on some black leather pants and a black shirt with gold buttons. She wasn’t wearing hat.

Right away they started arguing.

That blonde was looking at me a lot while her and her sister were going at it. I caught one moment when they took some time to breathe. I suggested my plan to the pretty blonde, and then the other one got all jealous and told me I promised myself to her first.

It was right then I wished I had been shot.

There ain’t nothin’ more painful for a man to experience than the wrath of a jealous woman.

They started pullin’ each other’s hair and I stepped in between to stop them from disfigurin’ one another. I told them they are both damn good looking and if they keep tearing after one another there won’t be any man, anywhere that will want to be with them.

They calmed down for a moment, but like two wild ponies, they started getting’ fired up again and I had to calm’em down and explained that you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

I was thinking my life was going to be spent keeping these two sisters from killing each other, but after they finally settled down they started talking to me, and without pointing a gun.

We worked out a deal, and a plan. The deal was I wouldn’t get shot in the back, and the plan was that I help them with the next fella.

I kept my promise so I could keep on living, and I was with those two for a long, long time. They didn’t let me go until some other dude wandered into town, but they didn’t have to shoot any guns to get him, all they had to do was walk up to him and smile and take him into their arms and start walkin’ down the street with him while smilin’ and being cute.

He thought he was the luckiest man alive.

No sir.

I was.

I got out alive.

The End.

Beauties & Bullets.

What could be worse than being held captive by a gun wielding captor? If you're unlucky enough to experience that, it can only get worse if it involves two Desert Cats that are sisters dueling it out for the only man in town. A cowboy finds himself trapped in this situation, but after the gun-smoke clears and the hostile sisters cool down, he's able to work things for all involved...except for the next cowboy that meanders into town.

  • ISBN: 9781370468454
  • Author: Von Kambro
  • Published: 2017-09-07 03:35:08
  • Words: 1780
Beauties & Bullets. Beauties & Bullets.