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A Prison for Me

A Prison for Me

By Virginia T. Watson

 

 

Shakespir Edition

 

******

 

Published by:

Virginia T. Watson and JaMa Publishing on Shakespir

 

A Prison for Me

Copyright © 2016 by Virginia T. Watson

 

 

A Prison for Me

 

 

Did you think of me at all

When you left me for dead,

With a world in my head,

Torn down, eaten by fire,

You were all of my past,

All of my life and all of the

Words that I said

 

Emptiness consumed me like guilt

And all of the life that we built,

All the while, while I killed

The spirit inside me so gone,

So wrong, so long afraid, so you

Could hate me til you left me alone,

Corrupting all of me to wait until

You would come back again,

But you never will

 

I would give up half of all of me

Or maybe even more

To feel you once more,

To touch the place

That I was before

I am no longer there, if you come

To find it again

I tried and failed and wailed and wept

And kept a box of tears just to remind me of pain

 

This time has been a sentence in a prison for me

That you made and then threw away the key

You forgot to say sorry or that it was goodbye,

Leaving without word but with hurt and

A pair of swollen eyes,

Crying for you and all that you do,

Denying it was over but trying to

Make sense of innocence stolen, in a sense, broken,

A frozen image of you

Stuck inside a head that throbs and aches

Like the heart you cut in two

 

 

Find me on facebook:

 

https://www.facebook.com/authorvirginiawatson/

 

Due to file size requirements, here is some bonus material.

 

 

I’m Not the Only One

 

 

A hand let go.

I’m on my own.

I slipped away

Into the unknown.

Abyss, abyss,

So overgrown,

Over-indulged, full

Of stones jagged enough

To cut me up and

Slit my throat

Like a knife, cold as ice,

Holding down, down,

Pushing, putting

Me under its weight, its all.

It’s always

Got me bound.

 

When did it start?

It’s already gone.

Why did I cry?

I’ve already been away so long.

How did I get to this,

To miss this thing, to be more

Than a bit unseen, obscene, unclean, unloved,

Under things that eat my soul

Like a big, black bug.

I’m undone.

I’m already over, but I’m under,

And I’m not the only one.

 

The one that got away

Was a friend to me, the other day.

I had a guide through the pains of life

To love, to love me

And light my way,

But then again, again, I’m at the end

Of anything that had a meaning.

The road, unseen, unsung, untold, defeated

For me, cheated out of all I hold, I held.

I’m told to go to Hell,

But I’m already there.

I’m a shadow, a shell, and I’m bruised, torn bare.

 

I’m hollow. The sorrow

Is more than I can take.

Tomorrow is so fake. The rest

Is never better. It only serves to take

Away all that I had, all that I

Could ever want or need.

I’m dying in my hole. I’m crying for my soul.

I’m already lying by saying that I care at all.

 

When did it start?

It’s already gone.

Why did I cry?

I’ve already been away so long.

How did I get to this,

To miss this thing, to be more

Than a bit unseen, obscene, unclean, unloved,

Under things that eat my soul

Like a big, black bug.

I’m undone.

I’m already over, but I’m under,

And I’m not the only one.

 

I’m alone, but I’m not alone.

I am the one that walks the night,

Driven by pain in a darkened fright,

Given up on giving up, never having

Half of enough

To go on or be strong or try to do

What I have to just to get through

Another day, some way, somehow,

But even effort to say, “damn it all,”

Is sometimes more than I can bring from lips

So tired, so cold, so fired red and blue and blackened,

Lacking chance to repeat what I’m told,

To spew up the venom of your sentencing synonyms

For all that you think I should regret and correct,

All that I’ve done so wrong for so long, all of my deeds,

And all of my sins in them.

 

When did it start?

It’s already gone.

Why did I cry?

I’ve already been away so long.

How did I get to this,

To miss this thing, to be more

Than a bit unseen, obscene, unclean, unloved,

Under things that eat my soul

Like a big, black bug.

I’m undone.

I’m already over, but I’m under,

And I’m not the only one.

 

When did all of this start?

I would have marked the occasion.

Why do I cry for you or for me?

I’m already gone, and it’s what it is to be.

What it is to me

Is ability to not miss a thing.

But how did I get to this,

To sometimes miss this thing, to be more

Than a bit unseen, obscene, unclean, unloved,

Under things that eat my soul,

Just like, to me, you’ve always done.

I’m undone.

I’m already over, but I’m under,

And I know I’m not

The only one.

 

Painted on My Lips

 

I still have your kiss

Painted on my lips,

Fingertips inside

A heart of stone and ice

Is this all alright

I can’t help but miss

Every day that you were mine

I could not resist,

Taken in such a way, just as is,

As all I was, as all inclined

To believe all of your lies

 

I despise so many days

From then until right now

Alone, tossed and thrown,

Scattered all around,

Drowning in a sea of memories,

Realizing I’m on my own and beaten down

 

This

Is

Nothing more than remiss,

Envious of bliss,

Forgetting to feel the sting

Of plenteous, loving ability

To do more than reminisce

 

The ache, the pain, the strain

Of empty, effusive loss,

Pouring out my soul

To the one that got away

I couldn’t get across

The chasm of your words

I let you go for what you’d done

I couldn’t let you stay

 

Hope, no,

No chance of one more way,

No one can hear me scream,

Even in my dreams, I’m silent

I cannot say

Anything that one might know

No place has felt like home

Since the one that I burned down

When the bridge back to you was gone

 

Your… kiss…

Painted on my lips

Painful to let slip in

Your touch, mustered on my skin,

Flustered when you’d begin,

But that’s all left me here alone,

Nowhere to call my own

My blood is all worn so thin

 

Every day that you were mine

I could not resist,

Taken in such a way, just as is,

As all I was, as all inclined

To believe all of your lies

Why

Did you have to make me cry,

To envision that you could be ever true

And make me believe in you

Why

Did you turn me into this,

Someone so torn in two

Lips, kiss, painted on,

Forever knowing no wrong

But everything all at once

 

I, I have…

I have your lips

Mind, drawn, pained, refrain from

Feeling all I miss

Kiss, kiss painted on my lips

Pain, printed on my face

Eyes, impurely devilish

Rotten remains I retain; I gain

No more reason for life since you,

So torn apart, so torn all over you

I still have your kiss

Painted on my lips,

Painted on my lips, forever down to this,

Lost in all this misery and all the love I miss

Painted on my lips, lips; painted on my lips

 

I Don’t Mean Anything

 

All the time,

You used to write to me.

Now, you resist me mightily.

You say that you moved on.

I’m left with partiality.

The harsh reality

Is that you knew wrong

From right from the start,

But you went and broke my heart.

Anyway, but anyhow…

I can’t be your queen

Cuz I don’t mean anything.

 

Say what it is you want,

When you speak, you

Only affront

My sense of decency.

A strange part of me

Still wants you back, is holding on

To something so far gone

That it never could come back,

Never would be more than some bitter attack

On everything, on the most of me.

 

Should I just sit here and listen to these words

Coming from someone so absurd,

Storming inside with false and filthy

Ferment of dirty first assured

Righteously indignant, burning bursts

Of fiery aggravated hurts?

Do you know what it is you’ve done?

I never did anything you accused me of

Right before you chose to run…

But I know,

I’m o.k.; I’m the all

That you could have had but

Decided just to throw it all away.

 

I laugh when I think of you.

You show me what I shouldn’t do.

I should never treat anyone

Like you treated me.

I should just chalk it up

To some stupid used to be.

 

Anyway, but anyhow…

I can’t be your queen

Cuz I don’t mean anything,

And I hate that it’s too late

For you to see that yet.

 

If you can’t let yourself forget,

Maybe you could just ignore me more.

You could let your heart pass off regret,

Act like it doesn’t bother you,

And really wonder what you did that for.

 

I might miss you some.

I might wish we’d won

Instead of losing out and losing hope.

I don’t know

How to cope,

But I go on and prove to me

That you were never worth the time

It took to see

That some are just wrong

And are so damn scared

That they can’t get along

But tear down every bridge

They tried to build just anywhere.

 

And just so you know…

Anyway, but anyhow…

I can’t be your queen

Cuz I don’t mean anything.

I know now I never did.

I meant less to you

Than the best you ever knew,

Though I was there

In plain view.

 

With wreckless abandon,

You gave up on all of this,

And if you’d just talked to me

You would’ve seen I was worth the risk,

But you couldn’t’ then, and you almost now

But anyway, but anyhow…

I can’t be your queen

Cuz I don’t mean anything.

I’m more than your mission

Or something you swear that you’ve been missin’,

So don’t come around anymore.

I’m not your mat. I’m not some door,

Always open and waiting for your return.

The flesh that still can’t help but burn

Singes at your touch,

Skin crawling, joints unhinging at the thought

Of being near you far too much.

 

Go on.

Leave me here to be

Alone, on my own, away from

Your fake honesty.

But anyway, but anyhow…

I can’t be your queen

Cuz I don’t mean anything.

I don’t mean anything.

I don’t mean anything.

Lies are what you’ve always said.

Get that in your head; I know the truth.

I know the you that is all bent and broken right in two

From years of getting away with all you do.

 

I know I don’t

Mean anything.

I know I don’t

Make up your dream.

I don’t, I can’t, I won’t

Be your anything.

 

For Our Sake

 

We just met.

I can’t forget

How you…

How you give me no regrets.

You make me sweat.

I don’t…

I don’t get

Why I’m crazy for you

And going crazier yet.

You had to jet

And leave me cold and wet.

I’ve been lookin for someone like you.

Please fill in the rest.

You are the best.

I must confess.

Nobody…

Nobody means more.

You don’t mean any less.

When I’m stressed,

People are pests…

But you…

But you clean up the mess.

 

If I could hold you now,

I’d give my whole world.

Just to feel your touch,

I’d do whatever it would take.

It means that much

To keep hoping

For our sake.

 

With you,

It feels like anything goes.

In your eyes,

Who knows…

What I might find.

A lot of love and good times.

No one should mind.

You and me

Eventually,

Will be just fine.

Looking into your picture,

Wishing to know your sweet texture,

I just lose control.

When I’m feeling down each day,

You talk to me and make me say

Things I didn’t think I could…

Anymore.

In some strange way,

It seems I change for you.

I need to know…

What’s in store.

I’d like to be there with you

Or have you here with me.

My heart is telling me

My life wouldn’t be so bad as it is

If I’d met you before.

 

You make me

Make me care again.

You take my hand in my thoughts

And give me something

Something I can believe in.

 

If I could hold you now,

I’d give my whole world.

Just to feel your touch,

I’d do whatever it would take.

It means that much

To keep hoping

For our sake.

 

I’m not so perfect

As I want myself to be.

I’m sure I could be different

So you could be proud of me.

I think I could have happiness back

If you were by my side.

Having you in my life,

I’d have nothing to hide from now on.

 

I’d have the push I need…

To go on.

You’d give me the shove

To make a so on and so on

Forever even after death.

Once again,

I might have someone to take away my breath.

 

If I could hold you now,

I’d give my whole world.

Just to feel your touch,

I’d do whatever it would take.

It means that much

To keep hoping

For our sake.

 

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

Find me on facebook:

 

https://www.facebook.com/authorvirginiawatson/

 


A Prison for Me

  • ISBN: 9781311880024
  • Author: JaMa Literary Agency
  • Published: 2016-04-16 04:20:06
  • Words: 2331
A Prison for Me A Prison for Me