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10 ways to love yourself. How to improve self-esteem

 

Anastasia Zaloga

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 ways to love yourself

How to improve self-esteem

10 ways to love yourself. How to improve self-esteem. Copyright © 2016 by Anastasia Zaloga. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission from the author.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

INSTEAD OF INTRODUCTION

QUESTIONNAIRE

THE STORY OF EMILY

TIP 1. INTERVIEW

TIP 2. BRACELET 

TIP 3. GIRL

TIP 4. ALTAR OF MY OWN

TIP 5. REGRETS LIVE HERE NO LONGER

TIP 6. MY BODY MASTERPIECE 

TIP 7. IF I LOVED MYSELF

TIP 8. I LOVE

TIP 9. THEY DESERVE YOUR ATTENTION

TIP 10. BAD MOM

AUTHOR’S NOTE

 

The self-love theme came to me by accident. However, I must confess that not all “accidents” are accidental. Actually, I’ve been developing this topic for nearly 5 years! A year before I started dealing directly with it, I had learned about a training with the same name and thought: “How silly. Who would be interested in this topic? Do you really need to learn how to love yourself?”

Then I found some self-love related practices, and having seen other people’s results, I realized how important and vast this subject was! I would even say that in the hierarchy of psychological topics, this is number one, or at the least, number two behind the idea of resentment clearing.

I never planned to write a book. The process to write happened rather spontaneously, and the book was written in three days. I thank self-love, which has chosen me, even if I did not choose it first. I would like to thank all of the participants who joined my program “Self-Love”. They gave me a feeling that I am going in the right direction.

Do you want a full version this book?

Ok!

It is available on Amazon http://goo.gl/m4rRdz

Only 100 copies

for $0.99.

The promo starts from April 18-21!

SALE!

INSTEAD OF INTRODUCTION

 

If you don’t love yourself, you’re not satisfied with yourself and the results of your life up to that point. When you compare yourself with someone else over and over, you feel disappointed. When you criticize your every action, you’re always unhappy. Your reflection in the mirror doesn’t create positive feelings, but rather becomes another source of negativity.

Sometimes you may truly believe that you are the biggest loser ever. You often ignore your own needs and desires. You lack love. If you’re single, you strive to attract your soul mate and hope that with his coming you will feel loved. At the same time, you think that there may be no one who could love you.

If you have a partner, his love is not enough. You live with a feeling of not being loved, appreciated, or respected enough. You blame yourself constantly for any mistakes that have happened in your past. “How could I have screwed things up so much?!” – you angrily think. Not loving yourself is not only an internal and invisible process, but it affects your life, too.

How does low self-esteem affect your relationships? Well, your partner behaves in such a way that he is not afraid of losing you. He may promise (and quickly forget), he may insult you, cheat on you, and still pretend that all is fine. He may even hit you. This behavior doesn’t cause any active resistance from your side though.

Of course, you may complain about him but most likely, you tend to tolerate the behavior. Your self-esteem is too low and his dignity is too high. In this case you’re afraid to lose “your tormentor” and you live with the dead-end belief that you will meet no one better.

People with low self-esteem are prone to explicit and implicit jealousy attacks. With a certain periodicity you’ll be jealous of your partner’s past relationships, casual small talks, and his colleagues. Coming up with a reason for suspicion is not a big deal for you, you’re good at this. Stupid jealousy is what hinders the healthy relationships.

As for the girls who are not in relationships, the low self-esteem is not less destructive. It may be hard to believe that there will be a man who can fall in love with you with all his heart!

Sometimes a girl doesn’t allow relationships with a man to develop, believing that he is too good for her. With similar actions (or inactions) you simply push a new boyfriend away “give” him a more worthy, in your opinion, woman.

Lack of self-love pushes you to conquer the men. You don’t believe that the members of the opposite sex may be interested in you. Therefore, as soon as you meet an attractive man, you start to run after him and show an excessive interest. This most likely will lead to nothing and may scare this man.

Your low self-esteem may also affect your career success. Sometimes, you may be afraid of sharing your own opinion and thus block any opportunities. You seem to be no one special, and therefore, your results have little or no value. This is why you choose to sit quietly and not stick out! If you created something, you would definitely be showered with a wave of criticism!

Lack of self-love makes you less demanding in regards to income as well. This is why you may work in a low paying job and earn less than you serve. Your life strategy is to tolerate poor working conditions and a bad attitude of your manager.

Your self-esteem cannot but affect your quality of life. It’s enough to look around and note the conditions in which you live. You may put an equals sign between self-love and everything that surrounds you. After all, your surroundings are just a reflection of your inner self-attitude.

Female low self-esteem also has an effect on male success. If, in a woman’s opinion, she is nothing special, then she is moderate in her demands as well. When such a woman meets a man for whom, “it’s also fine”, then they have only a small chance to succeed as a couple.

Increase your self-esteem and your life will improve. On the next page you will find a questionnaire to determine your self-esteem level.

QUESTIONNAIRE

 

This questionnaire is designed to determine your self-esteem and self-love level. Please read all the sentences and tick those which apply to you:

You don’t like your reflection in the mirror, you are not happy with the way you look.

Yes

No

Sometimes you compare yourself with others and you’re getting disappointed.

Yes

No

You criticize yourself and your behavior regularly, and you blame yourself for failures.

Yes

No

You think that nobody loves you and nobody will love you in the future.

Yes

No

You are sued to saving on yourself and you give up on your own needs.

Yes

No

You think that you have no special achievements and there’s nothing for you to be proud of.

Yes

No

People behave disrespectfully towards you.

Yes

No

You have a job you don’t like. You work hard but earn less.

Yes

No

Your living conditions are poor, and quality of life is low.

Yes

No

Sometimes you’re jealous of your partner and are afraid of losing him and being alone.

Yes

No

Please count the number of ticks you’ve made and compare it with the descriptions below:

9 – 10

Your biggest enemy is yourself. You dislike absolutely everything: your work, your surroundings, and your appearance. Hating yourself is a feeling that stops you from moving forward. Sometimes you think that the whole world is against you, no one love you and understands you.

Your key need is being love and warmed up by someone. Instead, other people behave worse towards you than you deserve. Your regularly compare yourself with others and once again verify that everything in your life is bad.

You feel like a loser, you have a feeling that everything and everyone is against you and there’s no escape. You blame yourself for all the mistakes you’ve made and you can’t forgive yourself for them. You’re highly recommended to read this book from cover to cover and complete every exercise! It’s impossible to keep things as they are!

7 – 8

Sometimes you’re very picky. No matter how much you try, you cannot accept yourself for who you are. Unfortunately, you experience self-aggression. You don’t acknowledge your achievements and perceive them as a matter of course. However, you find it difficult to refuse others, even when you don’t want to fulfill their requests.

Your attitude towards yourself is based on a non-constructive criticism, which may lead to the fact that sometimes you feel useless. You lack the understanding and awareness of your own uniqueness. You always do what you don’t like: you have a job you dislike and you communicate with unpleasant people.

A persons past in the foundation on which his/her present is being built. However, your basement is shaky, as you cannot let your past go. This book will definitely be helpful for you! If you follow our suggestions, your life will change for sure!

4 – 6

Your relationships with yourself are most likely affected by other people and some external circumstances. Self-love is directly linked to your achievements. “I love myself when I succeed at something”. Sometimes looking in the mirror, you find yourself attractive. At the same time, you can be dissatisfied with something in your appearance.

You are considered as a reasonably successful person, but your self-expectations are too high. Sometimes you criticize yourself too much and don’t notice the best parts of yourself. We advise that you apply some of the tips described in this book.

2 – 3

Sometimes you can be unhappy with yourself, but you don’t dive into self-criticism completely. You know about your weaknesses but don’t concentrate on them too much. Your reflection in the mirror often appeals to you. People treat you respectfully.

You reject any attempts of people to “trample on your soul”. You objectively evaluate yourself and compare yourself only to you. You notice all your small achievements and leave your failures in the past.

You tend to reduce conversations with troublesome people. You try not to get angry over the small things, and you take failures in stride. You can call yourself a friend. This book can be useful for you, and can finally bring your relationship with yourself to the proper level.

0 – 1

We congratulate you! You are a rare exception! You definitely like yourself and enjoy your life. You consider yourself an interesting and attractive lady. Men often turn their heads looking at you. People around you love and respect you. You feel like a special person and you have a job you love.

You are the creator in your life and you live on your own terms. There’re lots of achievements in your life and there’s something of which you can be really proud. You’re equally comfortable either being alone or spending time hanging out with others. You have a self-sufficient and integrated personality, and you are grateful for what exists in your life.

You don’t care what others think of you because you believe in yourself and you own your worth. Sometimes you feel so much for yourself! You should still read this book carefully and choose some interesting exercises to do though. You will get a lot of fun out of them!

THE STORY OF EMILY

 

Perhaps, there is a rare person who is aware of and capable of admitting that they don’t love themselves. I tend to believe though that everyone agrees that they love themselves and can love others. The Bible says: “Love others as you love yourself”. Firstly, you need to learn how to love yourself. Only then can you really learn how to love, respect and understand others.

There was a speech during my high school graduation ceremony where a teacher having tried to say something nice about everyone, described me as “trouble free”. Only later did I realize the awkwardness of this phrase. I’ve spent a long life and have had my share of failed relationships, and I am in fact now a single mother to my daughter.

At the age of 35 I was tired of what was going on in my life and I started visiting a psychologist. It is very important to meet someone who can find the proper words to say and who can awaken your mind and soul. I didn’t love myself. It led me to not only a failed marriage, with endless affairs, but also led to me letting a man hit me.

My whole life I was afraid of offending others. I tried to be available for everyone else and to be the first person to offer support to others. Of course this is not a bad thing, but often times I felt uncomfortable and I was offended that no one came to rescue me as I felt I did for others. It was a life full of dissatisfaction and disappointment.

At the age of 40 I started to get to know myself. It turned out that I’d never really thought about what I liked and what brought me joy. I learned to say, “no”. I met a wonderful man. I still don’t like to offend people. My previous life helped me to understand people and my current life, and I can accept them without forgetting about myself too.

Today I build all the relationships based on self-love. It’s easier to think of my job as just a job, and to stop the selfish behavior of my teenage kid. My life has filled up with color. I accept my mood swings and know how to deal with them. Now, I am sure that I know, understand, and accept myself. I love myself!

Now, when you’ve realized the importance and necessity of self-love, it’s time to discover this topic deeper. Below you will find 50 and 1 ways to increase your self-esteem. Try to apply each of them and the results won’t take long. Everything depends only on you!

TIP 1. INTERVIEW

 

Interview your others who are close to you about yourself. Ask them to answer the following questions:

What would you lose if you’d never met me?

What do you like in me? / Why do you like me?

What makes me unique?

What are my strengths and talents?

You can ask these questions in person, or in another way. The answers will surprise you for sure.

TIP 2. BRACELET

 

People with low self-esteem and lack of self-love often criticize themselves without a reason. Sometimes we don’t notice that we are used to it.

To do this exercise you will need a bracelet, which you can easily put on and take off yourself. Or, you can use any ring. You will need to put a bracelet (or a ring) on and completely focus on your thoughts. Once you hear your inner voice, which starts yelling at you, your task is to stop the negativity and you need to take it (bracelet or ring) off of one hand and put it on the other one.

This exercise aims to raise your self-awareness and shutdown your inner critic. The first time you do this exercise you will, most likely, change your bracelet frequently. But this is how you will turn your negative inner voice off! And to think, you’ve lived with it for years and years. Normally it takes up to 7 days to achieve this goal.

TIP 3. GIRL

 

Take a sheet of paper, a pen and a pair of scissors. In the middle of the sheet draw a girl (or a boy, if you’re a man who is reading this book) and write down, “this is me”. In the space around this small figure, write down everything that you think about yourself, your talents, and your body.

First, it’s very important to get rid of all the negativity. Look at what surrounds you. Think of your thoughts as magnetic, and ask yourself, “What kind of situations do I attract?”

To advance this tool, please cut a paper into four small pieces (not more) and write down every negative self-belief on each of them. As soon as you have a pile of the small notes, take them one by one, crumple them into a ball, and put them under your shirt.

What a feeling! This is what you do every day – you hurt yourself with your criticism and discontent. Spend a little time with the balls under your shirt, 3 – 4 hours and then throw them away. This exercise will also force you to treat yourself more carefully than before.

TIP 4. ALTAR OF MY OWN

 

In a stationery store buy a large sheet of A1 size drawing paper and crayons. Print a photo which you feel good about. (with you in it) Carefully glue your photo in the center of the sheet, pour a cup of tea, grab some cookies, and let’s dig in.

Think about what you like about yourself: your strong character, big and small achievements, or your beautiful body. Write it all down using crayons or markers of different colors. Surround your photo with positive thoughts and feelings.

Hang the paper on a wall which you often pass by. Over time, you will be able to fill the entire sheet.

TIP 5. REGRETS LIVE HERE NO LONGER

 

Maybe in the past you made some mistakes and you still feel guilty about it. Maybe you are still mad at yourself, you still criticize and blame yourself. Grievances against yourself – one of the reasons why you do not have self-love. It’s time to get rid of it. You will need several blank sheets of paper, a pen, handkerchiefs and a glass of water.

Think of a situation, which still makes you angry, and work through it using the following method.

1. When it happened, I felt…

Describe all of your feelings and emotions at that moment. Do not hold back, breathe deeply, if you want to cry, cry. If you feel angry, express it by beating a pillow.

2. Write down everything that you think about yourself; express all the negative feelings and emotions. Do not restrain yourself, express everything that you’ve been carrying inside and that prevents you from living a happy life.

3. When it happened, I decided about myself, about life, about people…

Such traumatic situations usually build walls and block us from anything in the future. Perhaps, you have decided that you are a bad girl who must be punished; this is why something bigger and better is not for you. Cry, if you need to.

4. Look at the situation from the position of your past; evaluate your motives, reasons for your behavior. Could you have acted differently? Look at yourself as a usual person, imperfect, and someone who is wrong from time to time.

5. Forgive yourself for the fact that for a long time you accused yourself and did not give yourself a chance to live in peace.

6. Write down what you are grateful for and why you love yourself.

When you complete this exercise, you can hug and even kiss, saying: “I am a smart girl!”

TIP 6. MY BODY MASTERPIECE

 

Write a list of your body parts which you do not like for some reason. You might even avoid looking at them, and often hide them or cover them up. Describe them with love, as if it were your main masterpiece. «Oh, my wonderful legs, you’re so perfectly made as if you were created by a great sculptor. You are incredibly slim and fast, I look at you and think how beautiful you are».

A little bit of imagination and children’s humor will help you look at the unfavorable part of your body differently. It will be even better if your legs will be lovingly described by your partner. It’s always a pleasure to hear compliments from somebody else!

TIP 7. IF I LOVED MYSELF

 

Imagine the life of a woman who loves herself. Imagine how she behaves herself, how she communicates with others, how she lives her life and what she would never do, no matter what circumstances she found herself in. And now imagine that this woman is you. How would your life change, if you loved yourself? Please make an action list with the sentences starting with “If I loved myself…”

For example, “If I loved myself, I’d never work on the weekends (I wouldn’t allow people to criticize me, I would stop skimping on myself, I would let this relationship go, etc)”. Your action list should consist of at least 30 points. Start living as if you love yourself already. And once you do, you will wake up in the morning with a sense of self-love.

TIP 8. I LOVE

 

You will need a few sheets of paper and a pen. It’s time to get to know yourself better. Write down 30 activities that you like to do. It can be anything from spending time with particular people to cooking or eating, or to your hobbies and even traveling. Write down everything that comes to your mind, don’t try to analyze it!

Having written 30 activities, write down 30 more, and 30 more. It would be great if you had a collection of 100 activities. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” and the way to a woman’s heart is through what she likes. And now implement on a daily basis in your life at least one of them.

The more you invest in yourself, the more you love yourself. We love what we care about, and what we pay attention to.

TIP 9. THEY DESERVE YOUR ATTENTION

 

Begin to care about that part of your body that you currently do not like. Buy a scented cream for your unloved legs and chest, spoil yourself more often with a manicure for your “ugly” fingernails. The more we invest in something, the more we love it. Begin to take care of your rejected body parts, they deserve your attention.

TIP 10. BAD MOM

 

Your mother may have criticized you and that has contributed to your disliking yourself. You may not realize it, but your mom’s or dad’s voice still sounds in your head. With rare exceptions, mature people treat themselves as they were treated in their childhood by their parents.

It is time to banish a “bad mom” pattern out of your head. Here are her main features:

1. She scolds, criticizes and gets angry at you with or without reason.

2. She turns away from you when you did not meet her expectations and failed at something.

3. She notes your shortcomings and focuses on your weaknesses.

Your task is to change her habitual behavior. A scenario you took from your childhood hinders your ability to love yourself. First of all, you need to stop your inappropriate behavior. And replace it with a healthy and adequate one.

This is how you turn into your “good mom”. Here is what she does:

1. She accepts her kid as he/she is, even if he/she doesn’t meet her expectations.

2. She praises even small successes and encourages. She provides positive feedback, “Well, you have succeed at that, and now what do you want next? What else can you do differently?”

3. She emphasizes the strengths of the kid, the best of him/her.

Your task is to give enough love to yourself, to give everything that you’ve lacked in your childhood. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood!

Do you want a full version this book?

Ok!

It is available on Amazon http://goo.gl/m4rRdz

Only 100 copies

for $0.99.

The promo starts from April 18-21!

SALE!

 


10 ways to love yourself. How to improve self-esteem

This book is for women who criticize themselves and are often unhappy with themselves. It is a collection of valuable practical pieces of advice. Use the “magical recipes” that have already helped dozens of women to start loving themselves. If you don’t love yourself, you’re not satisfied with yourself and the results of your life up to that point. When you compare yourself with someone else over and over, you feel disappointed. When you criticize your every action, you’re always unhappy. Your reflection in the mirror doesn’t create positive feelings, but rather becomes another source of negativity. Sometimes you may truly believe that you are the biggest loser ever. You often ignore your own needs and desires. You lack love. If you’re single, you strive to attract your soul mate and hope that with his coming you will feel loved. At the same time, you think that there may be no one who could love you. If you have a partner, his love is not enough. You live with a feeling of not being loved, appreciated, or respected enough. You blame yourself constantly for any mistakes that have happened in your past. “How could I have screwed things up so much?!” – you angrily think. Not loving yourself is not only an internal and invisible process, but it affects your life, too. How does low self-esteem affect your relationships? Well, your partner behaves in such a way that he is not afraid of losing you. He may promise (and quickly forget), he may insult you, cheat on you, and still pretend that all is fine. He may even hit you. This behavior doesn’t cause any active resistance from your side though. Of course, you may complain about him but most likely, you tend to tolerate the behavior. Your self-esteem is too low and his dignity is too high. In this case you’re afraid to lose “your tormentor” and you live with the dead-end belief that you will meet no one better. People with low self-esteem are prone to explicit and implicit jealousy attacks. With a certain periodicity you’ll be jealous of your partner’s past relationships, casual small talks, and his colleagues. Coming up with a reason for suspicion is not a big deal for you, you’re good at this. Stupid jealousy is what hinders the healthy relationships. As for the girls who are not in relationships, the low self-esteem is not less destructive. It may be hard to believe that there will be a man who can fall in love with you with all his heart! Sometimes a girl doesn’t allow relationships with a man to develop, believing that he is too good for her. With similar actions (or inactions) you simply push a new boyfriend away “give” him a more worthy, in your opinion, woman. Lack of self-love pushes you to conquer the men. You don’t believe that the members of the opposite sex may be interested in you. Therefore, as soon as you meet an attractive man, you start to run after him and show an excessive interest. This most likely will lead to nothing and may scare this man. Your low self-esteem may also affect your career success. Sometimes, you may be afraid of sharing your own opinion and thus block any opportunities. You seem to be no one special, and therefore, your results have little or no value. This is why you choose to sit quietly and not stick out! If you created something, you would definitely be showered with a wave of criticism! Lack of self-love makes you less demanding in regards to income as well. This is why you may work in a low paying job and earn less than you serve. Your life strategy is to tolerate poor working conditions and a bad attitude of your manager. Your self-esteem cannot but affect your quality of life. It’s enough to look around and note the conditions in which you live. You may put an equals sign between self-love and everything that surrounds you. After all, your surroundings are just a reflection of your inner self-attitude. Increase your self-esteem and your life will improve.

  • ISBN: 9781310833533
  • Author: Anastasia Zaloga
  • Published: 2016-04-17 23:05:11
  • Words: 3983
10 ways to love yourself. How to improve self-esteem 10 ways to love yourself. How to improve self-esteem