While watching the TSG 1899 Hoffenheim - Liverpool FC Champions League play-off match (first leg) in a Charlotte (NC, US) bar on a hot-as-hell August day, the author is accosted by a South American man who comments on the game, and then agrees to answer an octet of questions. His replies are quite candid. The younger Irish bartender adds jolting commentary along the way. Approx. 2K words. If this autobiographical slice-of-life vignette were an American movie, it would most likely be rated PG-13. (some foul language) Note: These are the real questions asked and real answers provided on August 15, 2017.