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Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends

Why

Men and Women

Can’t Be Friends

 

 

 

 

by Oliver Markus

 

 

 

[
**]W[][
**]esthoff Publishing

www.westhoff.us

 

Copyright © 2016 Oliver Markus

All rights reserved.

 

ISBN-10: 0692621717

ISBN-13: 978-0692621714

 

You can contact the author at:

oliver.markus@ymail.com

 

 

What is the meaning of life? Why are we here?

 

Philosophers have pondered that question for centuries. I’m afraid the answer is disappointingly simple: Mating.

 

That’s it.

 

Christians seem to think that life is a test, and that the goal is to get into Heaven. But that’s like saying your job is to get a promotion. No, your job is to work. And then, if you worked hard, then you get promoted. Heaven is supposed to be a reward or promotion, for a job well done. And what’s our job? “Be fruitful and multiply.” We are here to mate and procreate. That’s it. That’s all there’s to it. That’s the meaning of life. Mating.

 

What is the meaning of life for a virus? It’s not to make people sick. That’s just an unfortunate side effect of its life cycle. A virus exists for one single purpose: to replicate itself. And in the process, its host might get sick, because the virus is doing too good of a job of replicating itself.

 

We like to romanticize the wild, raw, majestic beauty of nature. But when you take a closer look, nature is really just a giant fuckfest. That beautiful bird chirping? It’s a mating call. That pretty little bird is trying to get laid. And why does the peacock have such beautiful feathers? To attract females. Because he’s trying to get laid.

 

Animals in the wild spend their entire lives trying to stay alive, and to mate. That’s it. They eat, they sleep, they fuck, they raise their offspring. That’s the meaning of their lives.

 

And as much as we like to pretend that we are civilized and that we are oh-so different from all those other animals, deep down we are really just like them. Mating has been programmed into our DNA. And that programming always influences our interaction with the opposite sex, whether we like to admit it or not.

 

It’s normal to find someone else (typically the opposite sex) attractive. But what do we really mean when we use the word attractive? We mean sexually attractive. We mean that other person looks so good, they look like they would make a great mating partner.

 

What does the word sexy mean? It means we find someone sexually attractive, and we’d love to mate with them, even if we usually don’t say that out loud in polite company. If you find Robert Downey Jr. sexy, can you honestly say you wouldn’t want to have sex with him if the opportunity ever presented itself? No, you can’t, because that’s exactly what you mean when you say he’s sexy.

 

That’s why we all strive to be as attractive as possible. We are trying to attract as many potential mates as possible. We want to look desirable. We want others to want to mate with us. No different than a colorful peacock. When girls dress up for their night out at the club, they are doing what all animals do when they try to make themselves desirable for a potential mate. That’s the whole point behind the fashion, perfume, cosmetics, diet, and plastic surgery industries.

 

The red lipstick? It’s supposed to signal fertility and readiness to mate. Just like the swollen red butt of a baboon. That tight-fitting little dress that shows off your curves? From the standpoint of evolutionary biology, big breasts represent a healthy mate who can feed a lot of offspring. That’s why men are programmed to like big tits. When you show off your curves, what you’re really doing is advertising to the whole world: “Look at me! I’m a healthy female! I’d be a perfect mate! Come mount me!”

 

When guys try to get a good job and make a lot of money, it’s so that they can find a good mate, because they know women like guys with money. Big tits are to men, what big wallets are to women. A sexy woman can have almost any man she wants. And a rich guy can have almost any woman he wants.

 

Everything men do, everything men have done for the past 100,000 years, is all about attracting a mate. When a guy tries to impress a girl with his fancy car, or his expensive suit, or his gold watch, or his flashy shirt at the club, or he flexes his biceps, or brags about how much money he makes, he’s doing the same thing that animals have done for millions of years. Like a peacock, he’s trying to make himself desirable and to attract a mate.

 

And it all starts in childhood, long before we even think about sex. When little girls dream about being a princess, they want to meet a prince to live happily ever after… and mate with him, even when they don’t quite understand the biological details of mating yet. When they fantasize about their dream wedding, they may not be thinking about intercourse yet, but they dream about finding the perfect mate.

 

Mating (and its many facets: sex, porn, romantic comedies, romance novels, dating tips, relationship advice, wedding planning, fashion, make-up tips, etc.) is such an all-important topic to us, we not only love to mate, we also love to even just think about it, read about it, and talk about it. Does even just one day go by where we don’t think about mating somehow?

 

What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.”

(John Steinbeck)

 

We all know that sex is the most interesting topic in the world. We love to talk about sex. There’s no jucier gossip than who is sleeping with whom. And we love to read about sex. Check the top 1000 books on Amazon. Most of them have a shirtless guy on the cover, because they’re smutty “romance novels” (read: porn for women) about a girl being swept off her feet by one (or more) billionaire alpha-males. There are literally tens of thousands of books out there about shirtless billionaire alpha-male vampires who can’t wait to mate with you. Lucky you! And women eat that shit up! Men, not so much. Men prefer to watch actual porn. And there’s a perfectly good explanation for that. Men like to see naked skin and big tits. Women like to fantasize about big wallets. They find money erotic.

 

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.”

(P.J. O’Rourke)

 

Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn’t a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn’t be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI.

 

Nowadays it’s politically correct to pretend that men and women are equal. But we all know that we’re not. Not better or worse, but men and women are definitely different. And they have been programmed to play different roles during the mating process. Women like to call men pigs or dogs, because they always seem to want sex. Men call women gold diggers and money-hungry whores, because money seems so important to them.

 

During the cavemen days, a lot of women died during child birth. Or they got eaten by a sabre tooth tiger, or died from an infection. In order to guarantee the survival of the species, men were programmed to mate with as many different females as possible, and to spread their seed, since you never knew how many of those females actually survived the pregnancy and how many of those babies actually grew up. Impregnating just one single female, and putting all your eggs in one basket, would have been a risky gamble.

 

Meanwhile, the women who actually survived pregnancy, were programmed to raise their offspring. They were programmed to create a nest. A home for the child. That’s not easy when you have to fend for yourself. Raising a kid is easier if you have help and support.

 

As a result, humans invented something called family. But it didn’t look like the monogamous families we know today. Back then a family was one guy with many different women. That way he got to spread his seed, and even if a couple of those women died, his offspring still had a pretty good chance of survival. And the pregnant women helped each other raise their kids.

 

So polygamist Mormons really aren’t all that weird. Their idea of family is older than ours. For tens of thousands of years, family was never really about the romantic notion of love between a man and a woman as we are led to believe today. Family was about ensuring the survival of the species. The idea of marrying for love is a fairly new invention. Marriages used to be arranged, or forced.

 

In the beginning, men simply took whichever female they wanted, whether she liked it or not. Kidnappings and ritualized rapes are still part of many cultures around the globe today:

 

Bride kidnapping, also known as marriage by abduction or marriage by capture, is a practice in which a man abducts the woman he wishes to marry. Bride kidnapping has been practiced around the world and throughout history. It continues to occur in countries in Central Asia, the Caucasus region, and parts of Africa, and among peoples as diverse as the Hmong in Southeast Asia, the Tzeltal in Mexico, and the Romani in Europe.

 

Some cultures today maintain symbolic bride kidnapping rituals as part of traditions surrounding a wedding, in a nod to the practice of bride kidnapping which may have figured in that culture’s history. According to some sources, the honeymoon is a relic of marriage by capture, based on the practice of the husband going into hiding with his wife to avoid reprisals from her relatives, with the intention that the woman would be pregnant by the end of the month.”

(Wikipedia)

 

The problem with those old-fashioned multi-wife families back then was that, just like in the animal kingdom, powerful males had lots of females, while weaker males had none. Charlemagne was a great conqueror who united Europe under his rule. And he had sex with so many women that virtually every European today can trace their ancestry back to him.

 

Ghengis Khan was another one of those fuckmeisters. He was the great-great-great-grandpa of millions of people today, because he had sex with so many women during his conquests. He did an excellent job spreading his seed. Ghengis Khan is estimated to be a direct ancestor for 8 percent of the population of Central Asia today.

 

That’s just the way it was back then. Powerful men had harems full of fertile young women. And when they conquered another tribe, they stole and raped the other tribe’s women. Nobody could stop them, so they did whatever they wanted. Men like Charlemagne and Ghengis Khan are examples of what men would do with women if they could do whatever they want.

 

Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are.

 

Monogamy is a fairly recent human invention. Prior to that, men spread their seed the same way most animals do. Have you ever noticed that the mating scenes in nature documentaries look a little bit like the male is raping the female? That’s because he is. In nature there is really no difference between mating and raping. It’s pretty much one and the same thing.

 

It has been noted that behavior resembling rape in humans is observed in the animal kingdom, including ducks and geese, bottlenose dolphins, and chimpanzees. Indeed in orangutans, close human relatives, copulations of this nature may account for up to half of all observed matings. Such behaviors, referred to as ‘forced copulations’, involve an animal being approached and sexually penetrated as it struggles or attempts to escape.

 

Sexual coercion in animals is the use of violence, threats, harassment, and other tactics to help them forcefully copulate. Such behavior has been compared to sexual assault, including rape, among humans.

 

In nature, males and females usually differ in reproductive fitness optima. Males generally prefer to maximize their number of offspring, and therefore their number of mates; females, on the other hand, tend to care more for their offspring and have fewer mates. Because of this, there are generally more males available to mate at a given time, making females a limited resource. This leads males to evolve aggressive mating behaviors which can help them acquire mates. Sexual coercion has been observed in many species, including mammals, birds, insects, and fish.”

(Wikipedia)

 

Men have always wanted to have sex with as many fertile young women as possible. It’s part of a man’s basic programming. That hasn’t changed. Civilization is nothing more than an artificial and very thin veneer hiding our deep-seated primitive urges. The only reason why men don’t rape women all day long today, is because nowadays we have laws against that sort of thing.

 

But whenever law and order breaks down, things get rapey real quick. In World War 2, there was a famous incident when Japanese soldiers conquered the Chinese city of Nanking, and raped everything that moved:

 

The International Military Tribunal for the Far East estimated that, in an addition to children and the elderly, 20,000 women were raped. A large portion of these rapes were systematized in a process in which soldiers would go from door to door, searching for girls, with many women being captured and gang raped. The women were often killed immediately after being raped, often through explicit mutilation or by penetrating vaginas with bayonets, long sticks of bamboo, or other objects. Young children were not exempt from these atrocities and were cut open to allow Japanese soldiers to rape them.”

(Wikipedia)

 

But the raping of Nanking was by no means an isolated incident. That sort of thing happens every time men feel like they can get away with it without getting in trouble for it.

 

ISIS tells fighters to gang rape women saying sex with multiple jihadis makes them muslim

 

It emerged as victims of the perverted hate group spoke out about its infamous sex slave markets, where twisted militants can buy women for as little as a packet of cigarettes. ISIS fighters have previously executed women who refused to have sex with them, with many experts saying most young men joining the group are more interested in sex than Islam or jihad.”

(Express.co.uk)

 

The instinct to mate with every woman they can get their hands on is part of man’s nature. Just like a dog, who will hump just about anything, including your leg. Law and order, and a man-made invention called civilization, are the only things stopping men from doing to women what they have done for tens of thousands of years.

 

More than 100 women and girls have come forward with reports of sexual assault and robbery by gangs of men in the German city of Cologne on New Year’s Eve 2015.

 

Victims have described chaos outside the city’s main train station, as the men carried out dozens of attacks with little apparent response from the authorities.

 

Some of the women caught in the violence have begun speaking of their ordeal. Michelle told the BBC News how she and her friends became surrounded by between 20 and 30 men, who were speaking a foreign language. “They grabbed our arms… pushed our clothes away, and tried to get between our legs or I don’t know where.”

 

One woman, whose identity has been protected, told German television how gangs of men assaulted her in the crowd. “All of a sudden these men around us began groping us,” she said. “They touched our behinds and grabbed between our legs. They touched us everywhere.”

 

Once victim, named as Busra, spoke of a sense of lawlessness outside the station, where the attackers felt they could do as they pleased. “They felt like they were in power and that they could do anything with the women who were out in the street partying,” she said. “They touched us everywhere. It was truly terrible.”

(BBC News)

 

Men supposedly think about sex every few seconds. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But it’s true that men think about sex a lot throughout the day. Probably more than about any other topic. And when they do, they do not only think about having sex with one woman, but preferably with lots and lots of women. Every man has dreamed about a threesome at some point or another. Or even an orgy, with him starring in the leading role. It’s just part of being a man.

 

If there were no negative consequences to consider, if there was no jail sentence, no angry wife, and no expensive divorce lawyers, then a man would try to have sex with every attractive female who crosses his path. It’s probably not easy for a woman to understand what it’s like to be a man. Imagine you’re starving, and someone puts a huge buffet in front of you. There’s delicious, mouth-watering food all around you, and it’s really really hard not to eat it all. That’s what it’s like to be a man around attractive women. The urge to want to hump everything that moves is part of a man’s natural programming. It’s a deep-seated hunger. To suppress that hunger takes civilization and a lot of willpower.

 

Studies have shown that smart men tend to be better at suppressing their primitive urges than dumb men. Well-educated men value their relationships more, because they understand the many benefits a stable long-term relationship brings with it. Life is easier when you face it together with a team mate. Meanwhile, uneducated knuckle-draggers, who have nothing, and have no prospects for the future, are quicker to sleep around, because the instant gratification of having sex with yet another baby mama is more important to them than the damaging long term consequences of destroying their relationship.

 

Intelligent men are less likely to cheat on their wives because of evolution, a new analysis of social trends indicates.

 

Researchers at a British university found that men with higher IQs place greater value on monogamy and sexual exclusivity than their less intelligent peers.

 

The patterns were uncovered by Dr Satoshi Kanazawa of the London School of Economics and Political Science in a paper published in the March edition of the journal Social Psychology Quarterly.

 

He concluded: “As the empirical analysis shows, more intelligent men are more likely to value monogamy and sexual exclusivity than less intelligent men.”

 

Dr Kanazawa claims that the correlation between intelligence and monogamy in men has its origins in evolutionary development. Sexual exclusivity is an “evolutionary novel” quality that would have been of little benefit to early man, who was programmed to be promiscuous, he argues.

 

The modern world no longer confers such an evolutionary advantage to men who have several sexual partners – but only intelligent men are able to shed the psychological baggage of their species and adopt new modes of behaviour. Other “evolutionary novel” qualities that are more common among people of higher intelligence include liberalism and atheism, his study indicated.”

(Telegraph.co.uk)

 

But even smart men do dumb things. When a successful family father cheats on his wife, the rational part of his brain knows that it might destroy his family and he might lose his wife, his kids and his home. And yet, he risks it all and fucks his secretary anyway. Why? Because he just couldn’t help himself. The rational, civilized part of his brain failed to supress the primitive impulse to mate with as many different women as possible.

 

We have all seen the tabloid news about some famous actor who has a really hot wife or girlfriend, and then gets caught cheating on her with some other woman who doesn’t even look half as good as the one he has at home. Why? Was it because the other woman knew some amazing trick and sex with her was so much better than with his wife? Probably not.

 

Did he and his wife have marital problems and he just connected with that other woman on a deeper emotional level? Maybe. But the most likely answer is that he fucked her simply because she was someone else, and not his wife. His urge was not to fuck someone better than his wife, but to fuck someone more. More than one. The more the better.

 

And that’s why men like to watch porn. Even the men who are civilized enough to keep their dick in their pants, and their urges under control, and who do not cheat on their wives, still like to look at other women naked and fantasize about having sex with them.

 

Not because he doesn’t love his wife, or he’s not happy with her. But simply because he has that ancient urge to mate with more women than one. And watching porn gives him that outlet. At least in his head. And if your man says he doesn’t like to watch porn, he’s lying, because he’s afraid of losing you.

 

If your husband admits to you that he watches porn, don’t make him feel guilty. He can’t help being attracted to the female form. It’s just part of being a man.

 

And don’t feel threatened. Don’t worry that he’s not happy with you or the way you look. That’s not why he’s watching porn. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world, and he’d still be curious to see as many other women naked as possible. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love or appreciate you. And it doesn’t mean he wants to leave you for a sexier woman.

 

Why do you like to read romance novels? Should your husband feel threatened that you like to fantasize about billionaire alpha-males? The same age-old mating instinct that drives a man to want to see as many naked women as possible, drives women to want to fantasize about a guy with as much money as possible. The only difference between the two is that they appeal to the different roles men and women play during the mating process. Men want to spread their seed, and women want to build a comfortable, stable nest for their offspring. Porn satisfies that urge in a man the same way a billionaire romance novel satisfies that urge in a woman.

 

Of course that doesn’t mean that men don’t like money, or that women don’t like sex. But the priorities tend to be different. I think there’s something to the old saying that women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex. And love is really just a word we use to describe a close bond, or relationship, between two people. Men have been programmed to want sex, so they do whatever is necessary to be in a relationship with a woman. And a woman is programmed to want the stability and (financial) security of a relationship, so she offers the man what he wants: sex.

 

That symbiosis has worked pretty well for tens of thousands of years. Women stayed home and raised their offspring, while the men were out, hunting and gathering, or plundering and pillaging, or selling insurance at their shitty 9-5 job.

 

And then something weird happened: In the 20th century, women suddenly got all uppedy and demanded equal rights. Being a man’s sperm receptacle just wasn’t enough for them anymore all of a sudden. Go figure. They wanted to vote, be heard, be respected as equals, and have the same opportunities as men. They no longer wanted to be treated as a man’s property, or a man’s sex slave.

 

Marriage is for woman the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.”

(Bertrand Russell)

 

Suddenly women wanted to be able to go to work and earn their own living. Women wanted to be able to support themselves, without the need for a man. Feminism and the equal rights movement were born.

 

When women entered the work force in droves, society changed. Up until this pretty recent point in human history, men and women didn’t really mingle all that much. Women stayed to themselves, and men stayed to themselves. Men and women really only interacted when it came to mating. Other than that, men locked their women away to make sure no other man could mate with them. That’s why to this day women in the Middle East wear burkas.

 

When conservative men proclaimed that they would never allow their wives to work, it was only partly hurt pride and the desire to be the sole breadwinner of the family. Another part was fear. Fear of letting their wives interact with other men, and possibly liking some other man better, and running off with him.

 

The 20th century saw a dramatic increase in women joining a male-dominated work force and being able to ensure their own survival without the need for a man. That was good.

 

But there was also a flip side to that: since all of a sudden so many more men and women interacted with each other at work every day, the number of affairs, and broken marriages, increased dramatically. How could it not? If a woman spends 8 hours in an office with some other man, and only about 3 or 4 hours after work with her husband at home, it’s no surprise if she ends up having more things in common with the guy at work, and the marriage falls apart.

 

It’s politically incorrect to point out that the number of divorces sky-rocketed since women joined the work force. But it’s true. Whether that’s a good or a bad thing depends on how you look at marriage. If you consider the marriage between a man and a woman to be the only right way to raise offspring, then all these divorces are obviously a bad thing.

 

But if you look at marriage for what it has traditionally been for thousands of years, an arrangement in which women were subservient to men and their survival depended on the whim of the man, then maybe it’s not so bad that traditional marriage is slowly being phased out, just like we phased out rape and kidnapping at some point, and we phased out polygamy.

 

The feminist movement contributed to the growing trend of divorce in the United States during the 1970’s. There were a variety of ways in which feminists either subtly or overtly, encouraged divorce. Their success in liberalizing divorce laws to provide options for unhappy or abused women was one such way. The feminist argument that marriage was a form of oppression, as marriage meant sex-role segregation also led to the pursuit of divorce. Next, equal pay and access to high paying jobs, the results of tireless efforts of the feminists, allowed women to become economically independent. This meant that marriage wasn’t necessary for financial stability any longer, and economic dependence had been one reason so many unhappy women stayed in marriages.”

(social.rollins.edu)

 

Nowadays it has become much easier for a female to meet many different men throughout her life. And men are exposed to far more attractive females throughout their day than ever before in history. That is obviously not a good thing for traditional marriage. Today, temptation is everywhere. And because men are programmed to have sex with as many women as possible, it takes a lot of willpower not to give in to that instinct and remain faithful.

 

Being faithful and monogamous is not natural for human beings. It takes work. Deep down we all know that. We have all been tempted to stray at some point or another. Even when it was only a fleeting thought and we didn’t act on it. Every time we acknowledge that someone of the opposite sex is “attractive” or “sexy” we are doing nothing other than pointing out that they would be a suitable mate. Not acting on that natural impulse to want to mate with a viable mating partner requires a conscious decision. It’s a constant struggle between what your body wants, and what the civilized part of your brain says you should do, in order to avoid the negative consequences of cheating on your spouse and ruining your long-term relationship. That’s why affairs, and extra-marital sex, are often referred to as “a moment of weakness.”

 

Envy is the desire to have what someone else has. Jealousy is the fear of losing what you have. The more insecure you are about yourself or your relationship, the more jealous you are, because you are afraid to lose your significant other to someone else. That’s why women get jealous when men interact with attractive females. Hiring an ugly babysitter or secretary? No problem. No threat. Hiring a sexy babysitter/secretary? Oh hell no!

 

The sexier the other woman is, the more jealous your wife gets. And that’s where slut shaming comes from. When a woman is too sexually attractive, when she’s too good at attracting the attention of the opposite sex, other women will shame her for it, because they are afraid she will steal their men.

 

And we all know that even though work relationships are frowned upon in the corporate world, the truth is, they happen all the time. When people spend most of their time at work, and most of their interactions with other human beings take place at work, of course it’s only natural that this environment is where people meet potential mates. It’s no different than high school or college in that regard. If you work at an office where there is not a lot of options, it may not happen for you, and you have to look for a mate in a club or online. But if you work with a lot of people of the opposite sex, you are bound to run into a viable mate at some point. That’s why kids in high school and college hook up with each other all the time.

 

Even if you’re already in a serious relationship, and you have no intention of jeopardizing that relationship, you may unintentionally do things that lead to problems down the road. It’s a slippery slope: That guy at work is so nice. He’s a great friend. He’s so helpful. He always holds the door open for you. Always helps you when the copier is jammed. Always sits with you at lunch. Always has some interesting chit chat or a funny joke. But as long as you don’t actually have sex with him, it’s ok, right? No, it’s not ok. But he’s just a friend! Yeah, but his friendliness has an ulterior motive. That friendly behavior is how males pursue females these days, since raping and kidnapping are frowned upon nowadays.

 

Don’t believe me that the only reason why that guy is so friendly and helpful to you is because he’s trying to get in your pants? Do a quick Google search for the term “if it wasn’t for sex” and you will get 129,000,000 search results that show you how men really feel about interacting with women. You’ll get millions of results like these:

 

If it wasn’t for sex, men would not cater to women.

 

If it wasn’t for sex, men would avoid women like the plague.

 

If it wasn’t for sex, men wouldn’t even talk to women.

 

Researchers have done some serious studies on the question of whether men and women can be “just friends.” The conclusion? No, they can’t. Our ancient biological programming is just too strong. When we interact with the opposite sex, we always fall back into primitive mating behavior at some point or another. Harmless flirting? Not so harmless.

 

Researchers asked women and men “friends” what they really think – and got very different answers

 

The results suggest large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them – a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt – basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends.”

(Scientific American)

 

Here’s another study:

 

“Science Shows Why It Seems Impossible for Men and Women to “Just Be Friends”

 

For those who believe that men and women really just can’t be friends, a new study in the journal Evolutionary Psychology has some compelling findings. The research, conducted in Norway, found that men and women fundamentally misunderstand each other: She interprets his signals of sexual interest as friendliness. He reads her signals of friendliness as sexual interest.

 

The study: It may sound stereotypical, but men do have sex on the mind. Researchers at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology surveyed 308 heterosexual undergrad students between the ages of 18 and 30, asking them about their friendships, sexual attractions and experiences with misread social signals.

 

The result was that men commonly overperceived sexual interest from women, with the female participants saying they’d had their friendly actions misunderstood by men about 3.5 times over the past year on average. On the flip side, women reported underperceiving sexual interest from men, although markedly less so.

 

The research falls in line with the findings of previous studies; one from 2009, for example, found that males observed women to be more seductive, promiscuous and flirtatious (indicators of sexual interest) than females observed men to be.

 

Evolution may be behind men’s tendency to overperceive sexual signals. The Norwegian researchers hypothesized that men overperceive sexual interest in order to minimize “errors” in choosing a mate; when it comes to natural selection, a man’s ability to reproduce is paramount, so he can’t miss opportunities.”

(Mic.com)

 

And here’s another one:

 

Why Men And Women Can’t Be Just Friends

 

There are plenty of advice guides out there teaching you how to keep your platonic boyfriend or girlfriend without angering your real boyfriend or girlfriend, and without making things go to a place you’d rather they didn’t.

 

Men and women can theoretically be friends. But in practice, it doesn’t typically last very long or end well.

 

Cross-sex friendships are quite new, when history is concerned. For centuries, friendship was considered something you would have with someone of the same sex. If you were a man, generally you worked around men. Depending on what you did, you may also work around women.

 

The typical peasant experience was to be a tenant farmer, and there everyone worked the land. But work was grueling and there was not much time to play around.

 

Most cultures believed that there were extreme differences between men and women that made it senseless to try to bridge the gap. Until people began to find the leisure time to pursue a variety of interests, cross-sex friendships were unlikely to happen.

 

Part of the problem is that defining the line between a platonic relationship and a romantic relationship is difficult. When researchers have attempted to study how cross-sex friendships happen, and what discerns them from romantic relationships, there was a serious overlap.

 

One study conducted in 2000 noted that most young men and young women do not feel sexual attraction for their cross-sex friends. Another study from the same year stated that half of the respondents reported having sex with a cross-sex friend. Clearly, people are confused. They are not becoming less confused over time, either.

 

According to a study published in the 2012 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, even friendships that are confirmed to be strictly platonic are actually not really. Of the respondents, the men were significantly more likely to be sexually attracted to their cross-sex friend, and were also more likely to over-report their female friend’s attraction to them.

 

The fact is that between the sexes, there will always be sexual tension. The line between what makes you a friend, versus what makes you a boyfriend or girlfriend is blurry and reminiscent of a Robin Thicke song. If understanding how to attract people and how to understand whether or not they are attracted to was so simple and clear, it wouldn’t be a constant struggle throughout the whole of humanity.

 

This does not apply to me, though,” you might be thinking. “I have plenty of friends in the opposite sex.” But if the statistics are true, you might be wrong.

 

You may just think that these friends are not secretly trying to groom you as date material. Being oblivious isn’t a crime, but it certainly can land you in a number of sticky situations. Consider the litany of hilarious film and television comedies on the subject of cross-sex friendships.

 

Whether you go back as far as “When Harry Met Sally” or you recently streamed “He’s Just Not That Into You,” cross-sex friendships do not last as long. They either turn into romantic relationships, or end when it becomes awkward. Men and women can try to be “just friends,” but it’s rarely a smart move.”

(Mens Magazine)

 

Women don’t seem to understand that a man’s programming never lets him forget that he’s dealing with a female, a potential mate. When a guy is friendly and helpful to an attractive female, it’s because there’s a little voice in the back of his head that says: “Hey, you never know!”

 

Your guy friend may deny this if you ask him. But all guys know this to be true.

 

Think of it this way: It’s natural for a wolf to want to eat a sheep. You can train a wolf to not eat a sheep, but deep down it’s unnatural for him not to eat the sheep. It goes against his basic programming. It goes against everything it means to be a wolf. If you put a wolf and a sheep in a room together, eventually the wolf will eat the sheep. If the wolf is wild and untrained, he will eat the sheep right away. If the wolf is domesticated and well-trained, he will behave himself at first, but eventually he will eat the sheep. It’s just a matter of time until he has a moment of weakness.

 

Put a man and a woman on a deserted island, and sooner or later they will fuck. That’s just how they are programmed. We all know that, even if we sometimes don’t want to admit it. If a man admits to his wife that he finds his secretary attractive, it will open a whole big can of worms, because his wife is not going to be ok with the idea that her husband spends way more time at work with his hot secretary than with his wife at home. And she’s certainly not going to be ok with it, if her husband and that blonde whore at work are “friends” outside of work, and they meet up after work to do things together “as friends” or they call or text each other all the time outside of work.

 

And of course men are not ok with the idea that their wives or girlfriends meet other attractive men at work, because every single one of these guys could be a potential mate, and a potential competitor for his wife’s attention. That’s why a lot of men were against their wives joining the work force in the first place. They felt threatened. They feared it would destroy their relationship. And rightly so, as the huge increase in the number of divorces showed.

 

Movies, TV shows, books and gossip magazines are full of these stories: A woman betrays her man with his best friend. Or a boss sleeps with his secretary. Or a college girl’s best guy friend from childhood suddenly becomes more than that. Film stars who work together on a movie end up hooking up. High school students meet to study after school, and end up making out. Every porn movie and every romance novel revolves around one of these basic mating storylines. An attractive male and an attractive female meet, and they end up hooking up sooner or later. Because that’s what the word attractive means. They are sexually attracted to each other. They are programmed to want to mate.

 

People are attracted to different things. Some men are attracted to big boobs. Some men like small perky boobs. Some men like blondes, some men like brunettes. Some women are attracted to sweaty hunks. Some women like smart nerdy guys. Some women are attracted to muscles and a huge dick. Some women like dignified older men. No matter what your preference is, when you find someone attractive for some reason, it’s your ancient mating programming talking. You’re judging the other person on their viability as a potential mate.

 

Studies have shown that being attractive has a whole lot of advantages. People treat you nicer than if you’re ugly. That’s because when you’re attractive, more people want to mate with you. And doing nice things for you is their way of getting their foot in the door with you, just in case the opportunity to mate might present itself at some point. So when that guy at work is extra helpful, he’s not just being friendly. He is pursuing you. But don’t get too excited. He’s doing the same thing with every other attractive female who crosses his path.

 

When I was younger, I used to play a lot of online games on the Xbox and Playstation. Guys treat each other like crap in those online games. They’re always trying to be cocky, and there is always a lot of primal chest thumping by zit-faced wannabe alpha-males, even if it’s just trash talking over the headset. But as soon as there’s a female player, all the guys are suddenly extra helpful to her.

 

If a guy isn’t very good at the game and asks other players for help over the headset, “Hey, I’m new at this game. Can someone tell me which button throws a grenade?” the responses from the other guys are usually something along the lines of: “Go fuck yourself, loser!”

 

But if a girl, preferably with a hot profile picture or a sexy voice, doesn’t know which button to press, all the guys are outdoing each other in being helpful: “Hey sweetie, wanna join a private one-on-one game so you and I can practice the game? I’ll show you where all the weapons are hidden on the map and some other cool tricks!”

 

The difference between scenario A and scenario B? In scenario A a guy asked for help. He’s a potential competitor. In scenario B, a female asked for help. She has a pussy. That’s the big difference. That makes her worth pursuing, no matter how unlikely the chance that they will ever actually meet her in real life. The probability of mating with her is not as important as the possibility, no matter how remote.

 

It’s like playing the lottery. It doesn’t matter how extremely low the chances are of winning. You gotta be in it to win it. Hitting on every girl in sight is like buying a whole lot of lottery tickets. You never know, one day one of them might actually pay off.

 

Women are no less interested in mating than men are. But since they play a different role in the process, and they have different programming, they go about it a different way. Their main focus is not to spread seed but to have stability. So they tend to be less interested in having as many different sex partners as possible, and more interested in climbing the social ladder, to have a bigger and better nest for their offspring.

 

One way to ensure stability is redundancy. Hospitals have backup generators in case the power goes out. That’s how they ensure their patients’ stability. A lot of women like to do the same thing, even if they don’t want to admit it. They like to have one or more backup boyfriends in reserve, just in case things don’t work out with their current boyfriend.

 

Nowadays, a lot of college girls tell their boyfriend “oh don’t worry about him. He’s like a brother to me.” But more often than not she ends up hooking up with her so-called “brother” at some point, and her boyfriend was right to worry about the other guy.

 

You may not want to admit that your best male friend could be a potential mate for you if your current relationship falls apart. But be honest: Have you ever considered hooking up with him if all else fails and you can’t find a better mate before your biological clock runs out? Sure you have.

 

And trust me, your husband or boyfriend is acutely aware of that fact. To him, you having a best guy friend, means you always have a backup boyfriend, just in case. You may not see it that way, but guys do. You may not think about fucking your best guy friend right this very minute, but if your current relationship falls apart and then that other guy becomes your backup boyfriend at some point, and you move in with him because you seek the stability of a relationship, of course sex will be involved then. That’s just how the game works.

 

Emotional Cheating: Are You Guilty?

 

Like many women, René (who asked that only her middle name be used), a writer from northern New Jersey, had two husbands: a regular spouse and a “work husband,” a man – interesting, smart, funny – with whom she spent 9 hours a day. The chemistry was obvious, but nothing ever “happened.” Or did it?

 

They made a beeline for each other every morning, and their chats became more and more personal. “I definitely talked to him about things I didn’t talk to my husband about, including my husband, because my marriage was so unhappy,” René says. He sat a little too close at meetings. She admits she fantasized about a relationship.

 

Was she cheating? Gail Saltz, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell School of Medicine, says “probably.”

 

Many of these emotional affairs do move into a sexual affair,” Saltz says. “If they don’t, it’s easy enough to say to yourself that you’re not doing anything wrong.”

 

The problem, she says, is the attachment to this other person impacts the marriage. “Ultimately it ends painfully one way or another: Your marriage ends, or you’ve got to give this person up.”

(Web MD)

 

It’s not easy to find that special someone you can spend the rest of your life with. And when you have found that special person, all sorts of factors try to pull you apart again. Don’t add one more strain.

 

One in two marriages end in divorce. Often because a couple doesn’t notice how they slowly drift apart, because they have more in common with someone else and develop emotional intimacy with that someone else. They find some other shoulder to cry on, or they can’t wait to tell that someone else about their day. And then eventually people cheat with these co-workers or friends of the opposite sex.

 

Emotional affairs are very real things. In fact, over half of all emotional affairs start out innocently as online friendships. More than 70 percent of those friendships or flirtations will end up as real time affairs.

 

So how do you know if you are having an emotional affair?

 

It typically starts out as a friendship, so it can be confusing to discern when things become inappropriate or unacceptable. The important thing is to determine where your friendship crosses the line. It’s a slippery slope from friend to emotional affair and then to secretive sexual relationship.

 

Many emotional affairs start at work. Having a friend or a “cube mate” can be a lifesaver if you are working long hours in a less-than-perfect environment. It feels great to have found someone special to talk to, someone who makes you laugh and with whom you can share your day-to-day frustrations – even your hopes and dreams.

 

If you are telling your work friend all about your problems at home, you are asking for trouble. You’re creating a unique intimacy with this person and cutting out your partner at home, essentially creating a bond with your new friend to the exclusion of your partner. Once you have established that you can talk negatively about your partner with this person, you are setting up a close and emotional relationship, as well as an opening where this person can move in to fill the needs that your partner isn’t. This is a difficult question, but one you should ask yourself: are you sharing your unmet needs to subconsciously see if this person will meet them?

 

You are watching to see how far you can take the sexy banter. Sure, it’s fun to tell dirty jokes occasionally. And yes, it might be okay to send them that sexy YouTube music video – depending on context. But think about why you are doing it. And be honest with yourself: are you testing them to gauge their reaction? Perhaps they are telling you the things you want to hear, and as such, you are now pushing the envelope to see how far things will really go. Riding the edge can be exciting, but it can also be dangerous and disrespectful to your partner.

 

If they start calling you in the evening, you are crossing the line. If you are texting on the weekends, you are no longer just work friends. If you find yourself waiting for those texts and those phone calls, anxiously checking your phone and responding immediately, you should refocus your attention and look honestly at the situation. You may be more emotionally involved with them at this point than with your spouse. Ask yourself: is there more to this friendship than I want to admit to my partner? Am I being honest with them and with myself?

 

If these three warning signs – contacting them outside of work hours, pushing the friendship edge and inappropriate sharing – are true for you, you may be having an emotional affair.”

(PsychCentral.com)

 

And that's why one in two marriages fail. That means your marriage has a 50% chance of falling apart. So when you feel insecure and jealous about your significant other's close opposite-sex friend, you're not being paranoid, you're being realistic. And if you have a close opposite-sex friend, you can't blame your partner for worrying that sooner or later it will break up your relationship somehow.

 

So how can you recognize an emotional affair? These signs may indicate that a relationship has gone too far:

 

-You share personal thoughts or stories with someone of the opposite sex.

-You feel a greater emotional intimacy with him or her than you do with your spouse.

-You start comparing him or her to your spouse, and begin listing why your spouse doesn’t add up.

-You long for, and look forward to, your next contact or conversation.

-You start changing your normal routine or duties to spend more time with him or her.

-You feel the need to keep conversations or activities involving him or her a secret from your spouse.

-You fantasize about spending time with, getting to know or sharing a life with him or her.

-You spend significant time alone with him or her.”

(Focus on The Family)

 

Divorce statistics don't take into account all your other relationships that fell apart. If you dated nine men before you got married, that means your relationships so far had a 90% failure rate. And most likely meeting someone of the opposite sex (maybe when you went to college, or started a new job) and getting close with them had something to do with that. Do you really need a close intimate friend of the opposite sex that increases the odds even further that your current relationship will break apart too?

 

If you look at the history of the human species, male-female friendships outside of mating are not normal. It’s a recent, modern invention that jeopardizes monogamous relationships as we know them today.

 

Some people talk about polyamory as the next logical step for our species. A sexual free-for-all without exclusive relationships, similar to the free love hippie movement of the 60s, where everyone is eternally single and can date as many people at the same time as they want and sleep with whoever they want, whenever they want, as if having sex with someone were no different than playing ping pong.

 

Call me old fashioned, but that’s not my cup of tea. I happen to like being in a monogamous relationship with my special someone. That’s why I keep my dick in my pants, because I know that having sex with someone else for five minutes is not worth destroying the life my girlfriend and I have built together.

 

And to avoid any temptation or risk, I don’t have any close female friends anymore. Sure, I have some female acquaintances, but I make sure I don’t discuss intimate details with them or cry on their shoulder. Such emotional intimacy is reserved for my girlfriend. If there’s something on my mind, she’s the person I talk to. She’s the one I talk to about my day, or my hopes and dreams for the future. I love her, and I want her to be sure of that. I don’t want her to ever feel like she’s competing with some other woman for my affection or my attention.

 

If your current relationship is important to you, don’t go out of your way to jeopardize it. Don’t put strain on your relationship by having close, emotionally intimate opposite-sex friendships, even if there is no sex involved yet.

 

If you’re not happy with your current relationship or you’re not really serious, and you want to play the field and see what else is out there, then having lots of friends of the opposite sex is your best bet, because each one is a potential mate. But if you actually love your current partner and you want to build a future together, then opposite-sex friendships are toxic. That sort of thing has broken up more relationships than anything else, because every affair first starts out as a casual opposite-sex friendship.

 

And that’s why men and women can’t be just friends.

 

If you enjoyed this book, you’ll love:

 

Oliver’s Strange Journey

 

Oliver, a teenage hacker living in Germany, meets Donna online. She’s an American girl living in New York. After chatting and talking on the phone for months, he finally decides to surprise her with a visit. But he soon finds out that things are not what they appeared to be, and that this visit will change his life forever.

 

Events in Oliver’s life become increasingly bizarre. As his life spirals more and more out of control, Oliver gets sucked deeper and deeper into the dark world of drug addiction and prostitution.

 

Oliver’s Strange Journey is not just a dark comedy and coming-of-age novel, but also a psychological thriller based on incredible true events.


Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends

With candid honesty Oliver Markus explores the age-old question: "can men and women every really be just friends?" Women think yes. But every man knows that it's impossible. Read this book and find out what really goes on in a man's mind. You will never look at opposite-sex friendships the same way again.

  • ISBN: 9781310059575
  • Author: Westhoff Publishing
  • Published: 2016-01-16 08:20:09
  • Words: 9435
Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends