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Edgar Million

 

 

 

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Published by Edgar Million at Shakespir

Copyright 2016 Edgar Million

 

 

[* A selection of tweets by @IAmANArtistInTheMaking directed @RandomLondonCleb: *]

 

Wow. You’re so cool. That was really funny.

31/01/2015

 

I know you’ll never have the time to respond to this, but as a fellow artist, I admire your work so much. #DontHumbleBragThis

01/01/2016

 

I agree. He’s such an arsehole.

16/01/2016

 

That’s very clever.

17/01/2016

 

Your art moves me so much. I feel such a connection. Follow me and pm me if you feel it to.

24/01/2016

 

Only joking. Late night tweets make me sound like a stalker. #NotCrazy

24/01/2016

 

I love you.

24/01/2016

 

I meant to say I love your work. #EpicFail

26/01/2016

 

I wish I could get just one RT or response from you but I get how you must be dead busy.

27/01/2016

 

Hi. This is for a good cause. Charidy. My sister is doing run for cancer. Please RT.

01/02/2016

 

Sorry to keep asking you for RTs. Aware you’re far too special to engage with us proles. #We’reJustTheFuckingAudience

01/02/2016

 

 

#WePayYourWages Ignore us at your peril.

02/02/2016

 

Only kidding. Seriously, is thing working [Taps Mike]. Can you hear me?

02/02/2016

 

Hey man, if you don’t stop whining on about politics I’m going to be forced to unfollow you. #SeriousThreat

02/02/2016

 

Dude. You used to be so cool.

05/02/2016

 

I put a new thing on YouTube about your work. Please RT.

06/02/2016

 

Please RT.

07/02/2016

 

Please RT.

07/02/2016

 

I bet you think you’re shit don’t stink.

08/02/2016

 

Wow. @RandomLondonCleb has blocked me. What a fucking bitch. He don't like to hear it like it is!

08/02/2016

 

I love you.

08/02/2016

 

Please RT.

09/02/2016

 

Bitch.

09/02/2016

 

Hey, @RandomLondonCleb, turns out twitter let's me create new twitter accounts so even if you block me I can remind you what a #BellEnd you are.

11/02/2016

 

Block away bitch, I’ve got all night. I’ve got all day.

12/02/2016

 

BLOCK ME AGAIN. I’LL KILL YOU.

14/02/2016

 

Do you like the photo I took of your front door.

14/02/2016

 

RT that. Bitch.

14/02/2016

 

Your son looks cute on his school uniform, BTW. Kudos on not going private.

14/02/2016

 

@RandomLondonCleb, you’ve so forgotten you’re roots. You’re front door is super bourgeois by the way.

17/02/2016

 

Hey, don’t take me too serious. I suppose it comes with the territory. Being famous. But don’t forget you routes dude.

17/02/2016

 

Your new stuff sucks. Just kidding. Still, liked your early stuff better.

19/02/2016

 

Please RT the attached. Forward good cause.

20/02/2016

 

I wrote a poem. The Darkness of whimsy. It’s my best work. Please RT.

21/02/2016

 

You must hate your fans. You’re so, distant. Here’s a a photo of your Bitch asked son to make you aware how ‘close’ some of us are.

21/02/2016

Hey @RandomLondonCleb. Didn't mean to make you feel freaked. Won't RT door again. You're garden looks the bollix tho. Wife a sort.

24/02/2016

 

Or the boy.

24/02/2016

 

I read that article you wrote. #Moved #PleaseRetweet

28/02/2016

 

Call the cops. See if I care.

29/02/2016

 

Do you like my cat? She’s cute. #PleaseRetweet

29/02/2026

 

Bastard.

29/02/2016

 

Poor darling. Did I use WiFi hotspots and Internet Cafés? How dare you send the police after me.

02/03/2016

 

Catch me if you can.

03/03/2016

 

Botch.

03/03/2016

 

Secret: you can’t (catch me).

04/03/2016

 

In return here’s a new picture of your son going to school. Would you like to see one where he has a broken nose.

06/03/2016

 

Please RT.

10/03/2016

 

I’m not enough of a artist for you to speak to me? I’m working in a new medium now.

11/03/2016

 

Bitch.

11/03/2016

 

Does your son need all his limbs?

12/03/2016

 

 

Please RT.

13/03/2016

 

Sorry, I’ve been a bit arsey lately. I wrote a new poem. I’ll play nice if you give me a retreat though.

13/02/2016

 

Fuck you. We can’t all be special (overrated) like you. You just got lucky then pulled up the ladder behind you #WePayYourWages

21/02/2016

 

#WePayYourWages

24/02/2016

 

Hey look, you’re front door again. But it’s open now.

30/03/2016

 

Who could have don’t that.?

30/03/2016

 

Please RT if you can.

30/03/2016

 

You’re look so peaceful when you sleep. I really love you and you’re work.

30/03/2016

 

I want to wake you. You’ll understand what I’m about once we speak.

30/03/2016

 

 

 

 

Connect.

30/03/2016

 

I wanted to connect. Why are you on Twitter if you won’t speak to you’re fans.

30/03/2016

 

Why did you shout like that? Why did you have to make all that noise?

30/03/2016

 

Last tweet (forever?). Whenever anyone says your name they will also remember mine.

30/03/2016

 

I can hear sirens and the coppery taste of blood makes my tongue feel numb.

30/03/2016

 

You’re should have talked to me.

30/03/2016

 

Guess what though.

30/03/2016

 

I’m famous now.

30/03/2016

 

Consider yourself unfollweded.

30/03/2016

 

 

 

 

Acknowledgements

 

Thanks to Paul Lewin for the use of his image under a CC License: https://www.flickr.com/photos/digypho/27019019554/

 

Thanks

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Ordinarily I ask people to let me know if they find any typos, but the ones above are all on purpose (mostly). Please follow me on Twitter at @edgarmillion . Or don’t. Promise I’m cool either way.


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  • ISBN: 9781370144044
  • Author: Edgar Million
  • Published: 2016-09-11 23:35:25
  • Words: 853
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