THE WAY TO
The Way to Family Counseling
© 2017 by Abdulaziz Alhassan
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means – electronic, mechanical, photographic (photocopying), recording, or otherwise – without prior permission in writing from the author.
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[* Surah Ash-Shura -Verse 38 *]
I dedicate this work to my precious mother, may Allah protect her and prolong her life,
To my father and uncle, may Allah have mercy upon them and let them enter His paradise,
To my precious wife, Umm Saud, may Allah protect her,
To my sons; Saud, Faisal, Mohamed and Abdallah,
To my brothers; Mohamed and Abdallah,
To my precious sisters,
And To all who provide family counseling services with honesty and professionalism.
Table of Contents
The Concept of Consultations
The Concept of the Counselor
CHAPTER I: Family Counseling
THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY COUNSELING:
THE CONCEPT OF FAMILY COUNSELING
THE HISTORY OF FAMILY COUNSELING
THE PRINCIPLES AND OF HYPOTHESES FAMILY COUNSELING
FAMILY COUNSELING ROLE IN DEVELOPING THE SOCIETY
PROVIDING FAMILY COUNSELING THROUGH INSTITUTIONAL WORK:
WHAT ARE THE SERVICES PROVIDED BY FAMILY CENTERS TO THE FAMILY?
DEVELOPING FAMILY PRODUCTION
DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMS FOR CENTERS AND COMMITTEES
FAMILY COUNSELING PROGRAMS:
STUDY PROGRAMS AND SOCIAL RESEARCHES:
AWARENESS AND EDUCATION:
DEVELOPMENT OF PEOPLE WITH SPECIAL NEEDS:
SUPPORTING PROGRAMS FOR SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT COMMITTEES:
REASONS WHY THE FAMILY NEEDS FAMILY COUNSELING:
CATEGORIES THAT NEED FAMILY COUNSELING
ROLE OF FAMILY COUNSELING IN FAMILY GUIDANCE AND REFORM:
COUNSELING ROLE IN FAMILY AWARENESS
FAMILY EDUCATION PROGRAMS:
THE ROLE OF FAMILY COUNSELING IN MARRIAGE QUALIFICATION
CHAPTER 2: Family Counselor
AN OVERVIEW OF THE COUNSELOR’S PERSONALITY
GENERAL PRINCIPLES OF THE FAMILY COUNSELOR
STRENGTHENING THE COUNSELOR’S STRENGTHS
CHARACTERISTICS OF FAMILY COUNSELOR
PERSONAL TRAITS OF FAMILY COUNSELOR
TEN TIPS FOR SUCCESS AS A CONSULTANT:
ROLE OF FAMILY COUNSELOR IN FAMILY AWARENESS
PROVIDING FAMILY COUNSELING THROUGH THE PHONE
PRINCIPLES AND FOUNDATIONS OF PHONE COUNSELING
WORK SKILLS IN FAMILY COUNSELING PHONE
TELEPHONE COMMUNICATION SKILLS
PROHIBITIONS OF PHONE COUNSELING
CHAPTER 3: Family Problems and the Role of Family Counseling in Solving Them
COUNSELING AND FAMILY PROBLEMS
THE MOST IMPORTANT PROBLEMS FACING THE FAMILY
CLASSIFICATION OF FAMILY PROBLEMS
Alia Shukri Classification
Mahmoud Mohamed Alzieni Classification
Samia Elkhashab Classification
GUIDANCE AND FAMILY COUNSELING OFFICES CLASSIFICATION:
HOW TO DEAL WITH FAMILY PROBLEMS
THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY COUNSELING
THE OBJECTIVES OF FAMILY COUNSELING
STAGES OF FAMILY THERAPY PRACTICE
FAMILY COUNSELING PROGRAMS
THE REALITY OF FAMILY COUNSELING
OBSTACLES TO FAMILY COUNSELING
WHAT ARE THE RESULTS OF A WRONG FAMILY COUNSELING?
THE DESIRED ROLE OF FAMILY COUNSELING
About the Author
Family members find the tranquility, stability, comfort and warmth in home. They may miss those qualities in another place. In fact, the family is the first and the most important human institution which can achieve those qualities.
Therefore, the marriage concept is introduced as a human relationship like all the rest relationships which connect one human with another.
Yet, it is different than the rest of the other human relationships as it is more intimate in terms of the specifics that are unique to each couple and it is different in another way too, as it generates the birth of generations who are the children that are connected to and affected by this relationship positively and negatively.
However, life often turns upside down and the family life turns into hell which affects both the couple and the children negatively.
That is why the family consultation appeared to lend a hand to those families and provide advice and guidance and join hands with them to face those problems the families suffer from by specialists such as social workers, psychologists and religion people in addition to specialists in other fields, to face all kinds of problems the family is exposed to. The family is in need of asking for a consultation from one of its members, relatives, friends or even its neighbors.
The family consultation in old times was provided by elders because of their expertise and the religion people or from those who have high social status or from those who obtained high scientific degree whatever their specialty.
The family consultation has become one of the necessities to the family and society in the shadow of the increasing number of familial problems which is badly affected by the globalization. The octopus of civilization stretched its arms into the family problems.
The family problems are also invaded by vice, lust and pleasures, surrounded by the media and entered each home. The satellite channels controlled the life of the family members, children, young men, old men and women and manipulated their minds and drove them towards what it wanted to achieve of intellectual and material goals.
The family has become torn by hurricanes of problems, concerns, loss of present and darkness of future. Those who are interested in the family affairs, researchers, scholars, scientists, thinkers, pen-holders and the media which has a good goal had to have a bold stance and to press the button to reform what has been ruined by time and to search for solutions and exits to those problems along with providing family counseling in a specialized professional template, which is derived from divine legislation then from the social sciences, family researches, skills and consulting techniques so that the family can stand on its feet and take steady steps to overcome its problems and face its difficulties.
The family can also make use of and apply the different family consultations provided to it according to its needs. Then we can say that counseling has an apparent role in eliminating, alleviating or reducing the family problems so that the family can accomplish self-stability for itself and for the society and to achieve the objectives of the family and the progress with steady steps towards accomplishing its future aspirations.
In this book, we will shade the light on the reality of family counseling through the offices of family guidance and reformation and what these offices offer to families.
In this book, we will discuss the concept of family counseling, its goals, its objectives and its organs along with the role of social service with the family and the reality of everything connected to family counseling and what can be done to develop this skill and this family social profession to reach the level of professionalism while providing it along with shedding the light on the main purpose of writing this book which is the family counselor and raising a lot of questions about how to family counsel, the skill and the preparation before entering the field of counseling or before providing advice and guidance for the family and its members, hoping from God that this book would be useful to whomever wishes to provide family counseling honestly, truthfully and professionally to accomplish the goal.
Asking God to help me with those steps and for this book to achieve its goal, be of benefit to everybody reads it and to provide us with good work as He is the Guardian of that and Capable of it.
Abdalaziz Al Hassan
When we look to the reality of family counseling in our contemporary society, we find that the great majority are based on personal judgments and experiences gained from life. We rarely find specialists are interested in this aspect and specialized in the advisory aspect of family regarding its problems and the appropriate solutions.
For example, in the year 1432/1433 H, according to the statistics of the Ministry of Social Affairs (9929) cases of telephone counseling were done in one year. The cases of disintegration of the family in Riyadh, Mecca, Madina, Qassim and Ash-Sharkeya of year 1432/1433 were 44 cases. (Statistical Yearbook, 2010).
The Ministry of Social Affairs warned against dealing with marriage and family counseling offices that are not licensed by the Ministry.
The ministry limited the activity to 20 centers which are under its supervision in addition to the courses offered under their umbrella. The Minister, Dr. Yousef Alothaimeen said: that the family offices supervised by the Ministry are the only ones allowed to do so through allowing them to provide counseling.
The other offices are not allowed at all to practice the family counseling profession so that the family problems do not aggravate and reach courts, then the problems would be hard to solve. (Electronic website of Al-Youm)
Dr. Alsadhan pointed out that there are special committees in each center of the 38 development centers in the Kingdom to supervise the success of the civil centers and control them to make sure that those centers run according to Article 19 of the Executive Rules of the Regulations of the family counseling centers noting that he didn’t close down any violating family counseling center.
Those civil centers grant the license to only the centers with experience and competence, as provided in Article 12 of the Executive Rules of the Regulations. No violations were caught until now according to what is mentioned in Alektesadeya. (Mubasher Online)
The results of a study in the Kingdom of the professional standards for the practice of family guidance revealed that the number of specialists in social service and sociology as well as psychology did not exceed 28 in the centers and in the guidance and family counseling "governmental and charity" one, with a percentage of 8.12% for the social service to promote this area and find a number of centers but still the number is limited (Alamri, 2010).
The Regulations of the Social Development Centers were issued by the Cabinet Resolution no. 161 dated 11/05/1428 H as well as its Executive rules by a decree from the Minister no. 77713 dated 03/09/1428 H and were implemented as of that date.
The officials in the Ministry of Social Affairs felt in addition to the guidance of the Minister the number of the social development centers in the Kingdom reached 41 centers, more than 502 civil social development committees work in them, where 62 new committees are yet to start working. (Ministry of Social Affairs Website).
The search for family counseling is still increasing daily, as the number of the requests of phone family counseling received by Al Mawada Society in Jeddah governorate in 1435 H is 41,000 consultations, while the number of families received the counseling by the Family Reform Department in 1435 H is 766 families (Al Mawada Society for Family Development)
Therefore, it’s necessary to search for the reality of these consultations and their sources, their founders, and the interested institutions and the ways, means and methods which may fill the gap between the current situation and the future expected situation which depends on the development and draw the best scientific and applied methods the develop the processes of family counseling from a mere personal or collective diligence to applied theoretical scientific steps based on science, experience and quality in providing those consultations.
We find that in the reality of the problem of family counseling in the present era that it needs more study, research and development. As it makes the researcher tries to identify the old and traditional methods and tries to reform them and works on developing them while identifying one of the institutions interested in family counseling, study this institution and identify its ways and methods in providing the family counseling service.
Taking interest in family counseling is considered a realization of the importance of the family in the society as the social health of the family and its coherence are the basic priorities in the sustainable development as the consultation has positive effects on the revival, society progress and the cohesion of its social psychological fabric.
Taking interest in the family counseling issue as it is based on treatment, prevention and development of skills in the field of evaluating the work of the family and putting it on the right path along with treating the imbalances in the different accepts that it can be exposed to promote wellness, strengthen personality development and release the energies and positive potentials.
The family counseling had other preventive aspects such as protecting the family as a unified entity and protecting its members from the dangers which threaten their balance, their self-sufficiency and their effectiveness in the face of the rabid changes in the life of societies.
As it is important to pay attention to the family being the nucleus of the society to help those families solve their problems correctly according to appropriate scientific methodology, providing family consultation shall not be subject to personal standards and jurisprudence but the institutions and the specialized associations in the family counseling work according to scientific methodology in providing family counseling with focus on the local community at a time when family counseling services are developed and ways of presenting them and identifying the ways to develop them through the institutional work, the specialist work, or the request of the client and what he wishes to accomplish via this consultation in the family counseling, using the family theories which are useful in solving the family problems and looking for ways to develop this solutions.
Here we raise several questions
• Does family counseling help solve family problems?
• What are the services provided by Family Counseling Centers?
• What are the programs used to develop family counseling services?
• Is what being offered now is really a codified as a professional family counseling of personal judgments?
• Is really family counseling a job for the jobless?
• Is family counseling can be provided by a one-week training of is it an academic and scientific specialty?
• Is everyone who calls himself a family counselor accredited by the Ministry of Social Affairs or a government agency or is it enough to depend on a private or profit organization?
• What are the results of wrong family consultation?
In this book, we will try to shed light on those questions and look for the truth through which we can state the reality of family counseling, clarify the hoped-for-role provided by family counseling to solve family problems through the hoped-for-role provided by the family counselor and family counseling centers and make use of them to face the diverse problems which face the family, solve them and provide consultation in a professional and specialized manner.
(Consult): there is a consultation in the matter, (he consulted): he requested his opinion. (Consulted): seek advice in so and so. (Counselor): the all-knowing person whose opinion is taken in important matters being scientific, technical, political, judicial or similar matters. (Consultation): what is advised such as opinions and other (Almaany Dictionary)
The consultation: is the process between the consultant (advisor or therapist) and the one who asks for consultation (normal person) who suffers a given problem who needs short sessions to provide useful information through which the guided person shall learn specific skills, a behavior is formed to make use of it to coexist in a better way with one’s self and the society (Abu Asaad and Dardir 2015).
Consultation: is developing an opinion of the others through the problems displayed to the counselor, this shall be done in partial matters, the matters which the one hesitates whether to do them or not (Alqadi, 2005)
Consultation is a Social Service: it is the process of solving a problem as the counselor provides the advice and the other activities to help the client. The group, organization or society may provide the advice and the other activities to the client especially regarding the work problems (Aldakheel, 2006).
He is the person who provides his opinion and advice in one of the specialized fields.
Counselor: is the all-knowing person whose opinion is taken in important matters being scientific, technical, political, judicial or similar matters. (Mu’jam Alwaseet)
The family: plural families. The family means the fortified shield plural: families e.g. The family gathered on the day of the feast. The family consists of a group of members such as the father and mother together. The family which belongs to a common grandfather and a common name, the family is the fortified shield and it is the people and the tribe of a man. A group which has something in common. (Mu’gam Almaany Algame’).
Family: is a group of people gathered around a single goal which is finding a set of effective social norms, the family is the basic unit of the society which leads to the union of a male and female to give birth to children and bring those children up and preparing them to assume their social responsibilities (Abu Asaad, 2008).
The family: is a relatively permanent social bond which consists of a husband, wife and children or without children or a sole husband with his children or a wife with her children, the family can also more inclusive to include other members such as grandparents and grandchildren and some relatives as long as they are living together in one household with the husband, wife and children (Haqi wa Abu Sekina, 2009).
Family: is the structural and functional society unit. The balanced family is capable of accomplishing its society role. However, the family as a unit has its health condition which is connected to psychological and social aspects like the individual. When the family is in good condition we can find that its members are in good condition as well. (Alqurani wa Zakzok, 2012).
There is a great importance interpreting the patterns of society with each other to identify the sources of survival, evolution and interaction and the interpretation of the social reality we are living, as we see all the systems and society institutions depend on each other along with having some sort of independency.
For example, the family is an independent pattern but still it depends on other patterns to ensure its continuity and evolvement as the family is a pattern depends on school, neighborhood, mosque, relatives, friends and others.
This is noted in the cultural set of rules, regulations and standards inherited by the members of the society in the multiple forms of the social life such as proverbs, analogy and the common behavioral pattern etc. As when an individual takes part in the social interaction process with other members or in a specific social status, this individual takes into consideration the evaluation and judgments of the others and those who interact with him.
This is because the individual starts his interaction with the others through a set of regulations and social rules governing the movement and interaction of the individuals. And because the expectations the individual awaits from the other is the same ones the other expects from the individual because moral and social orientation is the same for both of them in the same society.
Along with individual and emotional differences of the persons because the individual feels that the society expects to have a set of behaviors and actions in different situations and different times defined by the heritage and the social customs. (Leshta, 1999).
• The importance of family counseling
• The concept of family counseling
• A brief history of family counseling
• Principles and Hypotheses of family counseling
• The role of family counseling in developing the society
• Providing family counseling through institutional work
• Reasons why the family needs family counseling
• The categories which need family counseling
• The role of family counseling in guidance and family reform
• The role of counseling in family education
• Family awareness programs
• The role of counseling in marital rehabilitation
• Aspects of providing family counseling and rehabilitation of those who are about to get married.
The progress of a society, its culture, the orientation of its members and their behavior are considered the matters responsible for making changes in the building of the family, and this is reflected in the system of social relations and on the system of social upbringing; the most important changes are as follows:
1. The arising problem of housing, marriage, family planning and aging.
2. The emerging of the small and independent families along with the weak relationship between their members.
3. Women started working outside the house.
4. Delaying the marriage or quitting it altogether (Maaytah and Jijayman, 2009)
The culture of the society, its methods and its understanding to the traditional family life needs revision. As the new family life requires understanding and knowledge of the good handling, and this cannot be achieved unless through accepting the moral, cultural and social background which arose and try to adapt to the new economic and social circumstances controlling the general context and the problem which has arisen and formed as is now (Bakader, 2003).
The society continuously needs to take care of the family and its members on all the levels, and to focus on the problems the family faces and trying to solve them in accordance with a specialized social methodology.
A methodology that achieves the settlement, growth and development for the family and which provides help and assistance in all forms to the family members: men, women, young or old people. A methodology that takes care of the circumstances the family faces which change the nature of the family such as the birth of a disabled child or when a family member faces health, psychological or social problem.
The social awareness programs vary through family guidance and family counseling which are interested in the individual and the family and try to discover the defects and the reasons of the problems and searching for suitable solutions.
The counseling approach is based upon right foundations which require the provider of the family counseling to have many personal, legal, social and professional characteristics. The availability of those characteristics is important because they achieve the quality in providing the counseling for those who need it. The society has members with different tendencies who are interested in many social needs that help them achieve the psychological and emotional stability and those needs help them form a stable family.
The programs which prepares those who are about to get marries include many of those needs. Family counseling is not limited to a certain side but they are provided through individual and mass guidance, family reform, and phone guidance. Working as a family counselor requires a lot of technical skills, scientific expertise and technical guidance to provide a scientific counseling based on rules which help those who seek it.
When we face a certain problem, we search for a solution to it depending on Almighty Allah and our previous experiences to solve those problems, or measure some of the proven solutions which have been tried in problems similar to our problems, they might or might not work.
The results depend on the problem, its parties and its dimensions. One of the most important and most personal problems is the family problems as the family has its own structure and system, the family is different from any other families in certain aspects and is similar to the other families in the life matters. So it is important and necessary when a family or one of its members faces a problem, then the family should search for a solution for this problem.
Yet, there is still a very important matter and question, is this solution suitable? This is why it is important and necessary to search for solutions through family counseling. We have to stop here to uncover the provided family counseling, its effectiveness, its methodology and how suitable they are.
Family counseling has become one of the important methods to overcome the problems which face the individual, family and society and it’s necessary to identify this method and uncover the ways and methods used to provide the counseling.
Family counseling is of a very important value to eliminate many problems the family faces and help them find suitable solutions for those problems. Therefore, the need to resort to family counseling has arisen for many reasons among which:
• Providing an opportunity for social interacting between the members of the same society.
• Uncovering the personal characteristics of the individuals though the diversity of social situations.
• Showing interest among the family members through family counseling.
• Family counseling grows the feeling that the individual is not alone.
• Providing an opportunity for the family members to choose the mechanism of amending the behavior and feelings according to their reality.
• Providing an opportunity for the family members to speak freely without restrictions as most of the times the counselor is not related to family.
• The frequent social and family problems especially divorce, violence and marital infidelity.
• The arising of many problems related to the children, their upbringing and the ways to deal with them.
• The diversity of the problems, their evolvement and their interference in a complicated way which makes it necessary to interfere in a professional and specialized way in solving those problems (Abu Asaad wa Dardir, 2015).
It is important to realize the problems of the era and read the modern experiences in education and psychology to be acquainted with them to be able to take the useful ones and to realize the social changes which face the emerging generations to be able to guide them wisely (Altawgiri, 2001).
In Social Service, the counseling is defined as: a professional relationship between an individual or an organization who obtains a specialized experience and another party who needs this experience to solve a given problem. (Alfred Kadushin, 1977) describes the counseling in the social service as a process to solve a problem as the counselor provides the advice and the other helping activities for the client, group, organization or society especially in the problems related to work (Algharib and Altaify,2008).
The concept of counseling according to people is everything that is related to explain a certain matter in many aspects or diverse life matters. Counseling is a piece of information which helps the client in understanding, foresight, clarification, addition, modification or cancellation of a decision.
The counseling consists of three major axes: the counselor, the counseling and the client. Most of the times the client has a problem which he wants the counselor to solve, this is why counseling is considered an important axe and it shall be provided according to the circumstances of the client along with trying to reach the solutions in a suitable scientific and applicable method away from personal judgments which may complicate the problem or place the client in another problem.
When we speak about the history of family counseling, then we should mention what Allah mentioned in his Holy Quran about the significations of this term and mentioning it is the Holy verses, which indicated that counseling has been there forever. Since Allah created the humanity, the counseling is different according to the events, times and characters.
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In this book, we will shade the light on the reality of family counseling through the offices of family guidance and reformation and what these offices offer to families. We will discuss the concept of family counseling, its goals, its objectives and its organs along with the role of social service with the family and the reality of everything connected to family counseling and what can be done to develop this skill and this family social profession to reach the level of professionalism while providing it along with shedding the light on the main purpose of writing this book which is the family counselor and raising a lot of questions about how to family counsel, the skill and the preparation before entering the field of counseling or before providing advice and guidance for the family and its members, hoping from God that this book would be useful to whomever wishes to provide family counseling honestly, truthfully and professionally to accomplish the goal.