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THE SECRET TO A HAPPY LIFE - Let Go of Painful Emotions


Let Go of Painful Emotions!


Stephen Egegbara


This e-book has been written for information purposes only. The author cannot be held responsible for any personal or commercial damage caused by misinterpretation of information. All readers are encouraged to seek professional advice when needed.


Copyright 2017 by Stephen Egegbara

“Shakespir Edition”

All rights reserved.


“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” ― John Lennon

You see, this is how it happens. We all, during the course of our time in this world, miss out on the most essential key to this game of life – the happiness! Taking our precious time absolutely for granted, in the blind rat race in pursuit of materialistic goals, we often tend to neglect that life has a deeper meaning than pricey assets, flooding bank accounts or regretting over what we have lost.

The purpose of life is not to exist, it is but, to live and – live it well!

And to live it well, you need to let go of your regrets, sorrows, and grief.












How do you know the value of joy? Apparently, it is through the pains that you go through. Everything in the world has its equal and parallel contradiction. A day is followed by night, summers change into winter, autumn paves way for spring, and likewise, with pains and sorrows come happiness and joy. It is through this that we learn to distinguish things and realize their worth and without it all, life would be nothing but humdrum and monotonous.

Life has its fair share of surprising us midway through the flight. Often when we least expect it, life happens and makes its presence felt, sometimes in a good and sometimes in an unpleasant way. While it is absolutely fine to consider yourself worthy of all the best bounties of life, we should also expect some sorrows and setbacks as part of the deal. For happiness and sorrow go hands in hand with one always preceding the other.

So, if you are basking in the sunshine at the moment, you should always prepare for the rainy days that might come along. And likewise, if it is the shady clouds of sorrows that have seemed to engulf your life, remember that the silver lining is unveiling in the process and a vibrant rainbow is well on its ways.

Success, failure, joy, and grief – it is all part of the deal. You don’t get to pick and choose what you want and what you don’t when you are blessed with this package of life. So, if you have had a couple of bad experiences that have snapped shatter your self-belief, lifted your faith off the meaning of joy and is pushing you hard to dwell forever into that dark spiral of misery and grief, know that this shall pass, as all good things do and that holding on to your bad memories and unpleasant experiences would only create a barrier in the way of better things that are yet to come.

Easier said than done, our mind too, has a strange philia towards negativity. Psychologically, we are highly attuned to a negative bias. Accidents, mishaps, and atrocities, whatever is it that you have gone through in the past, is now a thing of the past. Holding on to it and not letting it go would only mean that you yourself are creating a barrier in the way of your share of happiness and surprises of life.

Feel the pain until it no longer hurts, mourn your loss, and cry until you can no longer cry. Letting go does not mean betrayal or that you are being selfish, it means that you are strong enough to spring back again, with your shoulders up and your head held high, to embrace your reality and come out stronger than ever. Remember, any coming moment could be your moment, but only if you move over your past and set headstrong towards the future horizon.

This book is your beacon of inspiration, and guidance to let go of what is holding you back. It will help you get through whatever you are suffering from and holding your hand, it will help you ease down on pain and will get you past what has been restricting you all this while.


Because not everything is worth holding onto!

You may have seen the video about stress management that lately got viral on the internet. It shows a lecturer telling his audience about the right way to deal with problems and to manage the stress.

He lifted a glass half filled with water and asked the audience to tell how heavy it could be. Different people gave varying responses, but everyone talked in terms of numbers.

After patiently listening to all the responses, the lecturer replied that the absolute weight of the glass does not matter. What matters is the time one holds it for. If a person holds the glass for a minute or two, it will not be a problem. But, if a person holds the same glass for an hour, his arm will start aching and if someone holds it for as long as 24 hours, he will be in need of medical help.

Despite the fact that neither the glass nor the amount of water in it is changed, every person feels a different impact by holding it.

The reason for this different effect is simple. The longer you hold a thing, the heavier it feels.


You do not have a say in picking on what curve balls life throws at you or the bounties it blesses you with or snatches off you – that is true. But you sure have a say in what you choose to keep in your life and what you would discard and remove. This could be termed as the simplest formula to a happy life.

Just like things do not come on their own, they won’t go on their own.

It is all up to us to decide what we want in our lives. We need to prioritize what is important, what is truly significant and what is it that is worth keeping in our lives. Everything else, especially the ones that drain you of your hopes and motivation and do not help you grow needs to be removed. When you make a decision to let go of such things, you actually empower yourself. Whatever is it that is causing you the restlessness, turmoil, and grief, it has to be detached from your life. You are blessed with one life; you should not waste it.


Feel it, until it no longer hurts!

John Green was right when he said the thing about pain is that it demands to be felt. As the waves of pain and loss swipe over us one after the other, being deeply engulfed into its horrific trance, we often tend to contravene the hurt and pain we are going through. Assuming that not paying heed to this grief and despair and ignoring it would eventually help us overcome is the biggest mistake that we do, and as a matter of fact, this deliberate ignorance and denial causes us a damage that is much worse in the longer term.

When you choose to ignore your pain, all the negative emotions and destructive energy start to amass inside you and damage your personality. It triggers anger outbursts; you start losing your interest in everything and do not trust over others anymore. This accumulated negativity would cumulate to cause acute and chronic psychological disorders that you might have to suffer from, for the rest of your lives. Therefore, it is better to realize and acknowledge your pain, feel it as it is, and express it to let it out of your system.

Expressing your pain is never easy. Whether you do it directly to the person responsible for your pain, or to a friend or to your own self, it requires a lion’s heart to open your heart and break the barrier you have put on your emotions. Watching yourself lose control over your feelings and emotions and opening up your heart and making yourself appear as aggrieved and vulnerable in front of others can break you from inside for the time being. But once you let those emotions loose and allow them to flow out of your system, you will be all of a sudden light and free.

This pain is a reality. It demands to be acknowledged but do not let it define you. Feel it, let yourself be absorbed in this ocean of despair, not to dwell on it forever, but to fight over and rise up, stronger than before. Do not let that pain become your identity. You sure do have a couple of bad experiences in life that have brought you scars that still hurt, but then again, all great heroes do.

Ponder over your loss, mourn over it and realize why it did not work out the way you wanted. It will help you get over it so that you would eventually land in a better position, beyond your phase of despair.


You are not a victim!

Dwelling in your pain and moving over from one to the other stage of grief, there comes a time when you have realized the causes of your despair, and you start looking for someone to put that entire blame on. You might also consider yourself responsible for what has happened. The blame game, be it on your own self or some other person, would only add to your misery and increase your adversity. You will start developing feelings of hatred and despair or would go into a phase of self-pity. Either way, it would tarnish your self-esteem, shatter your confidence and would make you a metaphor of hopelessness and grief.

Self-pity is just another phase of the denial and grief. You feel it as kind of a refuge, a hideout to run in, to escape your misery. You start feeling as if life has been unfair to you, and that you alone are the victim to suffer from the worst of life and that you would not be able to get back up again, you think that this is what has been destined and that you can’t change your fate and that this is how life is and you will forever dwell in your pool of misery and grief. You start to come at peace with this grief and, eventually, turn out to be your first step to an ironic self-death.

Whatever is it that you have been through, no matter if it was a relationship that did not work or a career setback or an academic fail, you are more than all adversities combined. You are enough for yourself and whatever happened, it happened and you could not make it work out the other way even though you tried your best. So, now that you admit that you did put your best efforts in and could not have done anything more, you should just step over all these prickly regrets that have been bubbling in your mind. You are not a victim; you are a survivor.

“Self-pity is the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical disorders. It is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” – John W. Gardner


This is not the end of the world.

The past is gone, and so are its horrific and unpleasant realities. You are still breathing, your senses are still working, you can still feel and figure out things, and that means you are alive. You still have it in you to make a comeback and become the hero of your own story of life. As a matter of fact, you don’t have a choice, unless you are absolutely fine dying a loser.

You do not have to keep on reading and rereading the chapter life has closed for you. You have a brand new day. The sun still shines and everything is at place. Now that your battle is over, calculate what it has left behind. Do not just count the scars that you now have or the loss you have borne. Focus more on the strengths that you have gained in the process, and move on with this renewed belief, hope and motivation that you will turn thing better for you, for if you didn’t, who else will?

Whatever is it that is left of the past, be it the ashes of your hopes, or the shards of your dreams; this is the perfect foundation to build the temple of your success and glory. Your dreams and visions might have collapsed, but this is not the end of the world; life is happening at the moment.

Vent out the pent up negativity in your mind, and inhale a fresh breath of optimism. When you direct all your attention on your present, you will apparently stop the involuntary influx of disturbing thoughts borne in your mind and causing you hurt. Remember, you are the creator of your own destiny and the best time to act is now and you are in charge of your life. Your past was once a present that didn’t work out the way you planned. Make sure that the present day would not go astray and that you do make something worthwhile out of it.

Calculate your strengths; spend more time with what fuels your motivation and commitment. Cherish on the little prizes of life that are still around to beautify your life. Stand tall in front of the mirror, look at your reflection, smile at your scars and decide if you want to stay this way or move on and grow. Your future lies in your own hands. Recall your journey and realize how far you have come. The story loses its charm not when the protagonist dies, but when he surrenders to his fate. You would not want to end up that way. The day has arrived, make it yours.


For the sake of your own peace of mind.

Forgiving – it never comes easy. The thought alone that you can be wronged, that you can lose or that you can be replaced is enough to tear your insides, making your heart mourn over the painful reality. But worse, it is this realization that it came from someone you loved and put your blind trust on, thinking they would be the last one on Earth to have caused you this – and then, they do!

This is life and this is happening to everyone in one way or another. They say it’s the expectations you hold for the people close to your heart that cause you pain – that’s true. But, the fact of the matter is, we love them because we expect more from them, or is it because we expect and believe that they will do more for us than the rest of the world that makes us love them even more. Whatever way it goes, love and expectations go hands in hand and it is the instance that one falls behind that we experience pain.

Forgiving a living source of your pain and despair is like giving that person the key to solace and showing them a way out of their guilt trip. It is even more difficult to forgive someone who is not even guilty and ashamed of their acts. But, it is most difficult to forgive your own self, especially when you know that it was actually none but you, who was acting as a villain in your own story of life. The realization that you alone were cultivating the roots of toxicity in your life is enough to land you in an expansive desert of despair to dwell in for the rest of your life.

Whatever it is that has knocked you flat on the ground and is still weighing you down, be it guilt, remorse, an unmet expectation or a shattered hope, forgive the one behind it and let it go. At this stage, you are only left with two choices in life, either to keep following the culprit and plotting revenge or to forgive, forget and get on with your life. And the latter is always a good idea, since “There are some who say that you should forgive everyone, even the people who have disappointed you immeasurably. There are others who say you should not forgive anyone and should stomp off in a huff no matter how many times they apologize. Of these two philosophies, the second one is of course much more fun, but it can also grow exhausting to stomp off in a huff every time someone has disappointed you, as everyone disappoints everyone eventually, and one can’t stomp off in a huff every minute of the day.” – Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril


Life’s Waiting to Begin Again!

Some riddles are not meant to be solved, and some puzzles forever maintain their mystery. Life has strange ways of teaching us some lessons we never wish to learn in the first place. And likewise, there are some incidents that happen for a reason; it is just that the reason stays concealed. We keep on pondering over it again and again, as to why it happened and why was it meant to be, but find no clue to it, to satiate our souls and get over with it.

Simply put, some lessons are not meant to be learned. You do not always have to go find that last puzzle piece to complete your picture and you do not essentially have to keep on untying the knots to resolve the complexities. Some things need to be accepted, that they are there as a concrete reality of our lives and we should just get on with this fact. There’s more to life than wandering in the dark labyrinth of questions and mysteries. Acceptance will eventually come, but the sooner you accept, the sooner you will heal.

Accepting your reality is the first step towards a fresh start, a new beginning. It is when you accept things or what you have survived and or what has been done you, it is then only that your mind opens up to ideas about how you can change and move on for good and how to ace the case and make the most of it, against all odds.

This is the best and the worst thing about life – it goes on. So, apparently, when you can’t stop it from happening, why don’t you just try to make it better again? It is all in your hands. You are still in charge. You might have a couple of scars; you can always flaunt them like an array of badges on your chest, as an emblem of strengths and what you have survived.

Robert Downey Jr. once said that Power is the principle. The principle of moving forward, as though you have the confidence to move forward, eventually gives you the confidence when you look back and see what you’ve done.

Your time as a caterpillar has expired. Your wings are ready.

Thank you for reading this SECRET TO A HAPPY LIFE e-book.

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Other eBooks by Stephen Egegbara


Set goals

Practice kindness

Let go of painful emotions

Turn burden into a blessing

Be optimistic about your future

Don’t give up on the things that make you feel great


THE SECRET TO A HAPPY LIFE - Let Go of Painful Emotions

It is all up to us to decide what we want in our lives. We need to prioritize what is important, what is truly significant and what is it that is worth keeping in our lives. Everything else, especially the ones that drain you of your hopes and motivation and do not help you grow needs to be removed. When you make a decision to let go of such things, you actually empower yourself. Whatever is it that is causing you the restlessness, turmoil, and grief, it has to be detached from your life. You are blessed with one life; you should not waste it.

  • Author: Stephen Egegbara
  • Published: 2017-08-25 15:35:10
  • Words: 3390
THE SECRET TO A HAPPY LIFE - Let Go of Painful Emotions THE SECRET TO A HAPPY LIFE - Let Go of Painful Emotions