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The Pam Pretorius Story - Episode 2

The Broken Heart Series 1

THE

PAM PRETORIUS

STORY

EPISODE 2

ISBN 978 131 063 2327

By Henry Africa

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COPYRIGHT STATEMENT

This SMASHWORDS EDITION is derived from the book originally published on other sites during 2014. All copyrights and trademarks are owned by the author Henry Africa…

Original copyright © 2014 held by Henry Africa is still valid. The trademark names of Meg & Spiky have always been his sole property and also the subsequent MS Series for Education and the MS Medical Series as named. Wherever the names of MS and MS Series are used, they require written permission by Henry Africa and partnering individuals and companies.

The right of Henry Africa to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright Act 98 of 1978. All rights reserved, whether the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, re-use of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilm or in other ways, and storage in data banks. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without permission given by the Author.

The Pam Pretorius Story, the first in the Broken Heart Series, is first published here on Smashwords in episodes and will remain on Smashwords in its current format.

The Pam Pretorius Story – Episode 2 is published with a new ISBN number 978 131 063 2327 by Henry Michael Africa, the author at Smashwords. Each Episode will have its own ISBN Number listed on the front cover of the book…

This book is a work of fiction. The characters and situations in the story are imaginary. No resemblance is intended between these characters and any real person, either living or dead.

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TRIBUTE

To Zarina Kahn, a friend, a mother and a wife who taught me to stand up and fight for what I believed in. She always had time to make us a cup of tea and listen to my stories. Many times I could get her to laugh at the funny side of life… She made me laugh too… I really liked her… When she died, a part of me died with her… She believed in some of the things that I was passionate about…

When I complete some of the things we often spoke about then I will have confirmed that the belief she had in me was well founded… Her children, Kemal, Kelly, Samantha and Rustim will always have a friend in me… A tribute to their mother’s investment in the many friends she made time for… I was just one of the many… Zarina Kahn-Bouah also known as Patty, will never be forgotten…

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DEDICATION

To the women who proudly call themselves mother and wife. Those who are prepared to die for their children and families. To the friends who apply the principle, “I AM MY BROTHER AND SISTER’S KEEPER. That includes Kevin & Timea Eve-Now living in Afghanistan. From a long way off, they joined hands with Sean & Shiame Delbrook-Jones, Graham & Renate Roodt, and John Phillip Bydell and their families. They and their children always showed me the highest respect during my road to becoming a bestselling author. They are a few of the families who fed, clothed and housed me on the journey to my 1st published novel… Thanks to them I have been able to go on and publish books on Smashwords and other online sites. The O’Connor family stepped in and continued the support to me. They have been instrumental in seeing me become an online author and publisher… I could never have done this without Fergus and Sharon O’Connor. They have been my greatest support.

Sweden’s Diana & Marie Lindholm, New Zealand’s Marcie Scott and in my backyard of a challenging gang infested Delft, Sarah & Johan were helped by the police force who transported me in the back of the vans they drove to catch a midnight bus, or they took me all the way home-Passing me from van to van. There are police officers who still try to make a difference…They are out there. If we give up then crime triumphs. Then men like Martin v.d Heyde will have died on duty-And in vain, as will the many police officers who die daily in the line of duty…

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And to Sarah Syster, who passed away with Cancer in 2012… She kept me going with every cent she could muster, in a bid to complete the “Pam Pretorius Story”…, Somewhere there is a child of yours I will help. I will find her and repay the confidence you had in me… And to Ivor O’Connor, my friend who succumbed to Cancer in 2014, I spare a thought today… To Noreen Wallace and Rose Alfino too I spare a thought… I have lost some dear friends during the time I have written this book… Now I have heard that another friend has stage 4 Cancer. The book I have written during 2014, and will publish soon, is titled The Silent Assassin. It will help people to fight that scourge called Cancer. I believe it is a gift from God… It contains 3 different cures to Cancer…

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CONTENTS

TRIBUTE ZARINA KAHN

DEDICATION IN MEMORY OF FAMILY & FRIENDS

EPISODE 2 THE LIFE OF PAM

PART 1 Woodstock Hospital Visit

PART 2 Write Whenever You Can

PART 3 Post Natal Depression

PART 4 Terror Beyond Words

PART 5 Try The Best You Can

PART 6 Police Came Calling

PART 7 Turning a Blind Eye

PART 8 Take Time To Care

PART 9 Pregnancy And Abortion

PART 10 I Am My Brother’s Keeper

PART 11 Pam Speaks From The Grave

Episode 3 Part 1 Extract

A HEINOUS CRIME

EXTRACT NX BOOK SASHA LEIGH CROOKE

OTHER BOOKS BY AFRICA PUBLISHING Co

MOREABOU THE AUTHORT AND WHERE TO FIND HIM

OTHER BOOKS IN THE SERIES TO BE RELEASED

EPISODE 3 REPORTED, SENSED & SHARED

EPISODE 4 DEATH OF AN ANGELFINALE

EXTRACT FROM NEXT BOOK IN THE BROKEN HEART SERIES THE SASHA LEE CROOKE STORY

MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR

OTHER BOOKS BY THE AUTHOR

TOP OF THE DOCUMENT

EPISODE 2

THE LIFE OF PAM

The song playing in the background goes like this…

“WHEN SOMEBODY LOVES YOU BACK”…

By Vodka and Orange Juice…Don’t you wish…hahaha

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PART 1 Woodstock Hospital visit

The world is a lonely place when you have no one to share your achievements with. I have spent the last 15 years recording 11 Education books, 2 Training manuals, 6 novels and am busy with the 2nd book in a series called “The Broken Heart Series.” Then I will play the song destined to grace many of the family weddings I will attend.

“Staying Happily Married Is Hard But Not Impossible” is the title of the 1st book I published in 2009. That book is due to the investment by my friend Trevor Manuel. I will be conducting seminars at some time in the future around that subject, relationships and marriages. I just published Edition 2 of that book here at Smashwords…

I may no longer publish my books anywhere else. Life is short and the time to write has run out for me…Like many people, we tend to leave things unfinished. My life will be no different… But I will finish The Pam Pretorius Story’s 3rd and 4th episodes and upload them… For that I am going to make the time…

What a beautiful place this would be to come and write your bestsellers… It’s only a dream if you do not make the reality come to pass…

I met a lady named Loretta when I visited the Woodstock day hospital. She had a similar situation to my sister who liked to play the gaming machines. Gambling can be the ruin of you. She told me her husband had no clue where she went, when she went to the casinos… That is a disaster waiting to happen… So I thought while listening to her…

Its now 12h43… Am still at the Woodstock day hospital… They say the hospital is moving… There is a hole in the roof and water pours into the X-Ray room. This is endangering the X-Ray machine-A very important and expensive part of the hospital. But public works is not urgent about the repairs. They say the roof repair work needs to go through the normal channels, irrespective of the fact that the delay in closing the hole in the roof would eventually result in the damaged roof tiles needing to be fixed, along with the then damaged ceilings that had been exposed to constant rain-water pouring in through the hole. The day ended with me getting some pain killers and a heat rub of some kind.

It’s the 22nd June 2012 and I was informed that I could get an appointment to see the doctor in October of that year. That is how screwed up health care is… In South Africa anyway. And that was after complaining about chest pains and getting sent for an ECG that clearly showed an abnormal heart beat and some other ventricular faults. Made me realize that I am actually living on borrowed time here.

They say there is not enough land for people to build homes on… Looking at this picture… I ask myself how true that statement is.

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PART 2 Write whenever you can

Its 00h15 and I sit writing on a cold Mowbray Station bus terminus. John said, “See you tomorrow” when I said that I may need a place to stay tonight… In my heart I said, “Screw you mate”- and lots more that I have edited out… It is really cold here…Let me rephrase that…FREEZING COLD… waiting for the bus that will take me to Blikkiesdorp out in Delft. Will get there at around 2am… My new Samsung S7330 is a cool sliding cell phone with a 3Meg camera. Will enjoy it for a while. In my position, everything is temporary…

Fareed, my taxi friend, said he would buy it for 200 zar. Buy me an E250i for 100zar and so have 100zar that can be spent on food. We are struggling because Sarah’s boyfriend is not bringing home much money as a minibus taxi driver. The deal I made with her was to include all food until I received my money from the Pension Fund. Deal involved payment of 5000 zar. That results in her having to lend everywhere to see we have food on the table. Hindsight is an exact science. I now realize that this could have been approached from a different perspective. As a qualified Construction Project Manager, I could have used my career to promote my writing work. I guess I chose the hard road once again…

Anyway, Fareed has the home charger of the mobile phone that I bought for 200zar… I will get the money at the end of the month from him…But I have the phone as collateral… If he does not stick to his word, then I will sell the phone…

A giant yawn from me… The bus must come-now… I have had it with the cold… Back is still sore… What good are those damned bloody pain killers? State hospital pain killers are mostly weak pseudo-like tablets… At least it’s free… Just like that doctors advice… Young, blonde and dumb… Told her to prescribe anti-inflammatory tablets, as it’s a recurring problem- She insisted ‘No!!’… Must follow this dumb one… She is a lawsuit waiting to happen… 3 Black guys have joined me and also wait for the Delft bus… Now we can share the cold and suffer together…

Children are caught up in a web of intrigue created by their parent’s lives. They grow up and are dragged around by mom and dad… First to go and buy their clothes and then later to teach them how to shop for their own clothes. Parents are picking up the tab as the child grows up… From the nappies to the medical bills… Actually it starts way before the birth and the costs attached to it. It starts with the mothers visit to the gynecologist and the necessary visits thereafter… Then the added costs associated with the cravings for certain foods. Dad has to hit the road when wifey needs to satisfy her craving… Then comes the birth and the maternity hospital bills… And then the Pediatrician costs… Transport costs for the visit to the doctors and here is the most disturbing fact… By the time most children move out of the home, they have not even given their parents a decent gift for their birthdays. In fact most children are not even on speaking terms with their parents by the time they leave home. I have found some exceptions but those are rare indeed…

Would you be suffering if you were living in such glorious surroundings? You just never know. The owner could be shoulder high in debt, and contemplating suicide… But for the most part we would ALL like to live in a piece of paradise like this…Not so?…

A storm brewing outside but in this novel, a cyclone was always on its way to Pam Pretorius. She mostly never saw it coming…

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PART 3 Post natal depression

There is a flipside to this scenario though. Some children’s lives have been made a living hell from the day they were born. They are the children who have been abused by their parents – The very parents who gave birth to them – hated from the day of their birth. How could you carry a child in your womb for 9 months and hate it when it is born? How could you leave the newly born child on the side of a road somewhere? How could you stuff the child in a trash bin late one night? Tragedy of our society but a true reality…

Well post-natal depression is one reason… And also something I found prevalent – Something called pre-natal programming… Simply put it is the compilation of all the negatives of child carriage that adds to a list that grows as natural birth, and the pain associated with it, approaches. When the pain of birth arrives, it puts the seal on the list of negatives and releases a tide of hatred aimed at an innocent child… A child like Pam Pretorius found herself to be… It is a sad reality that so beautiful a woman would never realize what could have been a dream life…

She would never grace the covers of Vogue, Cosmopolitan or appear at the Ms Universe Pageant. No matter how beautiful she was, she was simply destined to become a victim in a world that failed to step up to the plate, and help protect her…

Never sure why her father hated her so intensely, she accepted it as the way things were… Assuming that ‘ALL CHILDREN were treated that way. Laughing and playing with her sisters, she would suddenly get slapped and reprimanded – No reason forthcoming… “Dirty, noisy child!!… Disgusting, filthy child!!” Mr. Pretorius would shout… Eyes burning and tearing, she would be stuffed into a cupboard and left there for days… “No food for you until your behavior changes you little witch,” Her father shouts through the cupboard doors to the crying child.

I was to blame,” says Lynette in Pam’s defense.

Do you want to join your sister in the cupboard? DO YOU!!?” He shouts at Lynette, Pam’s younger sister… Now a wild eyed and crazy look is shining in his eyes.

Are these the actions of a sane man? A sane parent would instruct and patiently teach his children… A wife and mother would assist in the teaching of the girls and the father mostly overseeing the education of his sons… No! Mr. Pretorius was no sane man by any standards… Not after the blow he received to his head…

What a powerful picture that captures an oncoming tornado. You can see it coming. Pam did not see the tornado called Mr. Pretorius coming… And the fury that he would unleash against her…

Why did Mr. Pretorius hate Pam so much? Was it the skin disorder that surfaced in his wife, during her pregnancy with Pam? The skin disease that took away the silky skin he so loved to caress? Is that why he took to opening the cupboard where he had locked the amazingly beautiful child – When everyone was asleep in their beds – And then touching and fondling her… The way a man should only touch his wife? Did Mrs. Pretorius know about the events taking place and feel powerless to stop it? Isolated from the community she really had no one to turn to. Did he tell Pam not to tell anyone or he would kill her? That is the normal threat of an abuser. But the reality is plain to see…Once she had been dealt enough blows; she would comply if only to prevent another beating from her abuser- The man she called ‘Daddy’

The light floods the tiny cupboard as the door is opened… He towers over the little girl who lays uncomfortably propped in the cupboard… She rubs her eyes and then is hauled, unceremoniously out of the cupboard and dragged into the dark kitchen and roughly shoved onto the kitchen table… Does anyone hear this going on?

Daddy, I won’t do it again… Sorry I ran around the house shouting Daddy,” The scared child says in a whisper…

Shut up, you little bitch – Keep your trap shut or I will smash it closed for you,” The towering former lawman spits out the words in a whispered show of rage…

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PART 4 Terror beyond words

He pins her down on the table, covers her mouth with his one hand and sinks the smoldering cigarette into her right breast (In 2001 she would show me, the author, that scar.)… His hand muffles her cry of terror… When she loses consciousness she would be spared feeling his hands remove her clothing and start exploring her defenseless body… He feels no remorse for the suffering he is causing the little girl… His mind is filled only with the seething hatred he feels for this child who has robbed him of the silky-skinned beautiful wife he once had…

She will pay for what she has done”, He softly says to himself…

All the while, the child is thankfully unaware of what he is now doing to her body as she lays unconscious on the table…

She will thankfully be spared the pain of knowing and the guilt and shame that goes along with it…

Turbulence comes during our lifetimes. Most of the time it comes with enough warning for us to prevent its consequences… Consequences that can destroy us entirely… Pam mostly had n warning of what was coming towards her… She hoped she would live to see a future… A bright, happy future…

Pam comes to and places her hand on the source of the burning pain on her breast-her hand recoils as a searing pain shoots through her body… She cannot see how bad the ‘sore’ is on her breast… ‘It just hurts so much.’ She thinks to herself… ‘I must remember not to make daddy so mad again… Then he will not have to discipline me again like this.’ Then her hand goes down to another source of pain around her legs… Something feels sticky on her legs… Being cramped in the cupboard where Mr. Pretorius has thrown her again, does not allow her to shift position so she can easily locate the source of this stickiness. She turns slightly and then is able to move her hand over the place where the irritation comes from…

It is wet there, but what is it?’ She thinks to herself… She dips her fingers in the wet thickish liquid and puts her fingers to her tongue… BLOOD has a taste she knows – But there is another taste she cannot yet recognize, but will taste often. Then as her hand slides over her groin, she feels a sharp pain go through her body… It pains there…Between her legs…

What she cannot yet know is that her father – The man she should have been able to trust with her life, has raped her… He has violated a young, wide eyed, trusting little girl… This would not be the last time that he would force himself on the young, defenseless girl… There was still so much pain in store for Pam-pain beyond her wildest imagination…

She looks so pretty,’ he thought absently, as the unconscious form of the 10 year old girl lay on the table before him… What was going through the mind of the former Police Officer as he slowly removed first one, then another piece of clothing, until the young girl lay naked before him?

You are asking how come you know all this Henry?” The voice of Pam comes clearly to into my mind…

Yes Pam! How come this story has unfolded so clearly in my mind?’ Henry says in response to Pam’s statement…

An illusion maybe… A boat floating in the air? Yes, whatever floats your boat is a saying… In life you have to be ready to jump the life raft if your life is in danger… You can’t think too much of the repercussions. The first thing to do is to stay alive… Other things can be resolved afterwards…

Is Pam talking for real? You read on and tell me when I have finished the story… Don’t let me tell you she was for real…

Well, you prayed to know the truth and so I have been allowed to connect with you telepathically… The story must be told so that the abuse, millions of little girls and women suffer, will be exposed and brought out into the open everywhere… The pain I experienced and the fate that was finally mine must never be allowed to happen to millions of others… You, Henry have been given a solution to this kind of situation… You will feel everything I felt so that you can write the complete story of my life and of my death… I wish I had listened to you that day when I met you up the road… The day I stopped you in the road wearing only my nightgown… You remember Henry, don’t you?”

Yes Pam!, I can never forget that day back in 2001 when you stopped me on my way to the meeting I had with the school principal at the local primary school…”

What is it you said that day Pam?”… Oh Right! You said I am a nice boy… hahaha!! Yeah! So nice a boy that I did not stop what happened to you. How nice a boy was I? I should have done something more drastic to change your future Pam… Perhaps you would be alive today then… I do blame myself for your death Pam… Life could have been so different if I had made more of an effort”…Somehow I will never forgive myself for not helping you more”…

Pie in the sky… Hidden in a remote little cove is a gem of a beach. Someone did discover that gem… And the woman of your dreams may be the gem you have to search for to find… It could be a Pam that you may have to save from the tides about to engulf her… Trapped and facing a life or death struggle perhaps…

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PART 5 Try The Best You Can

Henry, you did what you could… You tried your best… I don’t hold you responsible… neither does God… You have a good heart and it is still growing in its love of God and of people… You have been chosen Henry… Chosen to do something that will save many people, so do not cry for me… I am happy, here in Heaven, where I talk to you from. I was a victim Henry… God freed me and you need to put the story out into the world. Make the people aware of what is happening right under their noses… Tell them what people are doing to those who trust them…Do that and you will fulfill every one of the expectations that I ever had of you.”

You know what you tried almost worked Henry. But I was simply too scared to take the chance you gave me… And it was a chance… A golden opportunity. Let me tell you what happened after I met you at the tap in your back yard… By the way Henry, I still think you are a nice boy!

Pam says this and I see a smile on her face… The face is the one she had as a 19 year old girl… Every ounce of the beauty is fully restored to her… Oh!! What the world missed when Pam Pretorius left us… Such a sensitive, caring human being was allowed to become a tragic victim… Nothing but a statistic now to most people…

I heard the knock on the door… I was about 20 years old then I think”…

Mr. Pretorius, we are from Lansdowne Police Station,” A voice said. I could clearly hear the conversation from the cupboard where I was being kept.

Yes, what do you guys want?” daddy rudely says…

It has been reported that there is a girl being kept here against her will,” the police officer says to daddy…

Rubbish!!… Load of nonsense,” My father said… “And who told you that?” he adds.

A boy called,” the voice continues… “he says he lives next door, and met a girl who claims she lives here. She said she is your daughter. She was at the tap at the back of their house next door,” The officer added…

Oh! Must be that Henry Africa boy… Naughty little boy that… Check the police records and you can see what he gets up to… Threw sand into a petrol tank of one neighbor and broke who knows how many windows around here with stones. He has a very active imagination that one,” he said and laughed… If he was nervous, he never showed a sign of it… Cool as any deranged serial killer he was…

What a piece of inventive magic some designer came up with… A lucky five leaf clover design… Not so lucky if ever you fell in there hey? A job to get you out of there… A bit tougher than a cupboard…

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PART 6 Police come calling

I knew this was my chance. Once out I could get away from him. They would be forced to help me then. All I needed to do was bang against the door loud enough for them to hear. I raised my hand and prepared to bang against the door. I had to do it… But what if the front door closed as I banged? What if they did not hear me bang, and daddy did? Then he would punish me and, maybe even kill me this time, instead of just burning me with a cigarette butt… I never got up the courage to bang Henry… He had made me so scared of him that I could not bring myself to help you achieve what you tried to do…Help me to gain my freedom”…

I heard the policemen leave then…Their voices receding slowly until I heard the police-van start and drive off… Then I cried softly to myself… It was not long until he put up that high fence and locked the gate so I would never get out and perhaps bump into you again. I would never have another chance like that again Henry… That was the last chance I had until the time you met me in 2001… By then 3 decades had gone by… A lifetime had passed and it was too late for anybody to help me anymore… I should have cried out that day… I should have done something, even if it did cost me my life… In the end he did kill me… Maybe it could have been so different…If only I had cried out for help that one time. But I was not to know that it would be the last chance I got”…

Did Daddy’s little girl hear that?” Mr. Pretorius says sarcastically as he lets Pam out of her cupboard prison for a while… “It seems like you have a new boyfriend who wants to help you to become a free woman? Is he going to look after you? Will he buy your clothes for you? Is he going to feed you? Take you to hospital when you are sick? Will he love you like your daddy dearest does?” As she listens to him she almost does not pay attention to the words falling from his mouth. She would pay for that little act of rebellion later today… ‘Oh! How she would pay,’ he thought as he noticed.

In Pam’s daydream she was playing with the children on the park next to her house… She knows their voices off by heart already. The ones who shout just a little and the ones like Henry who are always shouting at everything. Thought that Henry was just a foul-mouthed little boy, but he changed all that the night I met him at the tap in their back yard. He showed me that he cares about others and is prepared to do something to help those in trouble. He wanted to take me home and talk to daddy right there… on the spot… A 12 year old knight in shining armor… That thought makes her smile a little to herself… It just makes me a little sadder to realize how close I was to helping save this stunningly beautiful woman… Now she is just a voice from my past… Accusing me even though she absolves me… It is hard to live with the thoughts that whirl around in my mind… ‘What could have been’… ‘If only I had won this fight for her’…

But I have to forgive myself or I may not be able to help others. Pam has showed me there is a problem that I can help to solve… I have to carry on and do the good elsewhere.’

Still think there is not enough land to build homes for people? The sheep don’t live inside those doors do they…? It’s all about will… That is what I think… The will to help others who have fallen on tough times requires looking at things from another point of view…

Didn’t you hear what daddy said…? And what are you smiling about?” Mr. Pretorius shouts, abruptly shattering the beginning of a day dream Pam was playing with inside her head…

Will he love you like your daddy does?” he repeats in a voice that now is less than friendly.

No daddy, he will not be able to,” The now terrified girl replies… She knows where this conversation will lead and is scared of her father now. She hopes she will sound convincing enough to prevent the blows she knows could so easily rain down on her… The beatings that cause her such pain… ‘Please don’t hit me daddy’ She thinks to herself… ‘It hurts me when you do… I can feel it even now as I think of the blows… The blows and the cigarette butts’…

What could I do Henry?” Pam asks me… “Do you blame me for succumbing like that? He could have killed me at any time he desired… You know that Henry? Don’t you?” It’s her quivering voice that now interrupts my thoughts as I am writing her life story. Her voice is loaded with the tears that she must have shed on that day so many years ago. I can feel the depth of sadness she must be feeling. She may be in Heaven but the visit to tell me her story has plunged her back into a world she had suffered in… Suffered in and died in… Died by painful, pre-meditated murder… My heart goes out to her at that moment in time… The sadness is overwhelming… Not only to her…

Such beauty and tranquility… But so sad that Pam never got to see the kind of view we are looking at here. But there are other Pam’s who are in the same position… We should just save a few of them if we can… Then we will make God proud that we do care…

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PART 7 Turning a blind eye

But where was your brother Malvern while all this was happening Pam?” I ask her telepathically… “Where was Merle, your other sister?” I ask as an afterthought… “What about Lynette… and Perle, your other sisters… Did all of them just close their ears and try to forget what was happening to you, so they could live with themselves and not suffer from the guilt that goes with watching something wrong being done and doing nothing… Try and remember Pam… What it was really like back then”… She is just a voice in my mind… But a voice whose emotions I can clearly feel. There is a deep sadness in her voice…

He broke my spirit Henry… All the abuse and the insults simply broke me one day at a time. He systematically showed me how isolated I was… A person who had no friends and not a soul who cared about her… One day he poked me with a smoldering stick… Just so that he could hear me scream… All the while saying… “No one would hear you scream you little tramp”… “No one is going to help you little Pammie”… “No one cares about you”…And he laughed like a crazy man while doing it”…

I couldn’t even run when he did that Henry… He had me in a corner when he chose to do that cowardly thing… The pain was almost unbearable..And by then I had experienced so much pain already… No human being should have experienced what I did Henry… No human being on earth should”…

No one will do anything Pam,” he calmly continued… “The people in the area think we are all crazy,” he calmly said to the cowering child. “They don’t really know about you Pam. Don’t know I keep you locked up all the time here. They think you are in a mental institution most of the time… But if only they knew what you do with daddy when they are at work and playing on the field… Just daddy’s little scared whore you are… Maybe you should go and run to the neighbors and tell them what is happening here… Think they will believe you Pam?” He sarcastically says. “Do you think they will give you a home and let you live there? Then again, maybe they will find you a nice comfortable home… A mental asylum perhaps,” He says laughing at the little girl whose eyes are wide as saucers from the fear and pain he has subjected her to.

They wanted to put me in that kind of place Pam… I still hate them for trying to do that one time…Soon after the gangsters hit me with that axe…. It was a short stay, but I soon convinced the doctors I was just fine… Needed to get back or you would die of starvation in the cupboard where I had you locked up”…

Daddy always looked after little Pammie right,” The sneering former policeman sarcastically says. “Do you think they would have looked after you so well all these years?” he adds, taking hold of the young girls arm… Dragging her towards the bedroom where she slept-some of the time…

How are you going to pay your way Pammie? You will have to pay rent you know… No free board like you have here… Go!! Run away… You are nothing but trouble for me… Just an ugly little girl now… No longer the pretty little slut daddy used to play with all the time”

The tears streamed down the face of the terrified child as the former lawman tore and sliced his defenseless daughter’s confidence to shreds. Then he about turns and shoves her into the kitchen and then straight out of the back door into the freezing cold winter night, dressed in only a thin nightgown… It’s hard to justify such cruelty… is there any way that you can blame the past brain damage he must have suffered when he was attacked by that group of gangsters? Are there any mitigating circumstances in his case?

I would like to kill him even now. No reason seems good enough for doing what he did to that sweet, sensitive young woman… He simply destroyed her life… He crushed her as someone who would carelessly stamp on an ant… Did he really understand what he was doing at any stage of that experience? Don’t we have some control even when we are not acting the right way? Where are the boundaries I ask myself? He should have got help… He knew what he was doing was wrong… Of that I am sure…

Created by man for the enjoyment of man… Would you be sad if someone were to be pushed from your design? It would be a tragedy then right? We do trust engineers and parents… And some of us can be thankful that our parents proved trustworthy… Pam’s didn’t… He would have thrown her off here and told her to fly…

Please let me in daddy,” Pam shouted as Mr. Pretorius locked the back door to the home… “I am going to freeze to death outside in the cold… please…please”, she repeated… but the door remained locked. Pam curled herself up on the little ‘not so welcome’ mat lying on the back cement patio… The lights were still on across the road at the de Wets home.

But they could do nothing to help her…They had tried many times but the police also just came and left. He made Lorraine seem like a liar too. And her brother, Edgar, who stayed there also tried to help. He was told to watch out or he would end up dead. But daddy never scared Lorraine and Edgar. Edgar was a good guy too. Like many others, Lorraine and Edgar tried to help too… But I think the system failed them all… Failed them and failed Henry when he tried to phone the police too… The police also tried but the system failed them too…

Life has so many threats we face as travel around the planet. Some things keep us safe from the threats… With no cover we are vulnerable…Systems keep us safe and without a system there is chaos…Chaos that ultimately leads to loss of life…

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PART 8 Take time to care

And the Africa’s could not help too… Even though Henry did call the police that one time. Daddy made him out to be a dreamer…A little trouble-maker. Daddy told the cops he had dreamed the whole thing up… Mrs. Africa, his mother was a quiet woman, like mommy, and did not want any trouble. She just wanted to mind her own business like most people who simply wanted to lead their own lives.

You know that after mommy died, can’t remember from what, Mrs. de wet, the other one was flattered that daddy showed an interest in her. At the time when he almost became normal again-the same daddy we all loved as a young man in the police force. But, that little trouble-making Henry grew up quickly. He had courage, and tried to help me… He came right up to the gate one day and called out to daddy… I heard him shouting that if daddy did not listen to him and stop his nonsense, he was going to whip him. That is when I decided that maybe I could fight back too.”

And I did…I started standing up for myself… I went everywhere asking for help. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. I guess it did not help that I was walking around in broad daylight dressed in only a nightgown. To the ordinary person that would make me a crazy girl, I think”…

Now that I think back, you never treated me like I was crazy. You always made time to talk to me… I could never understand that Henry? But at the time I never really saw you around much and the one time when you spoke to me, on your way to the meeting, would be the last time we saw each other while I was still alive. Maybe if I had tried harder to see you the time you told me to come down the driveway, then perhaps you could have helped me to help myself. Maybe if you had fully understood what was happening to me then you could have done something more than suggest I come over to you. I was just so scared that he would see me and then… I guess I was just so fearful that I stopped trying to talk with anyone who I knew he hated… Hated more than me…

And you had to top the list of the people he hated with a passion… he just couldn’t stand the sight of you after he was boarded… Strange because when you were a child, he really liked you a lot..Always spoke so highly of you..”Such a cute, funny little guy”… He said that often…

“The world is filled with strangeness and beauty. There is a woman for every man. Each man is attracted to a different woman. Like looking in a shop window and choosing a product. One says this couch is nice. The other says that the other couch is better… Matter of choices… The one says the sea is too green… Pam was the kind of girl any guy would want to take home to his mother”…

Perhaps you would have known what to do to change my destiny and become my hero… But that sadly was not to be”…

I wonder what it would have been like to have been born into a normal family – One where I was a child who was loved by her parents – That did things together, went out for picnics on Sundays or for drives into the country… Went to the drive-in or to movies… Maybe I would have gone to school and gotten my High School Diploma… Maybe I would have gone to a Technikon or to a University? … Maybe gotten married to nice, handsome guy and had a family of my own.

[_ Perhaps I would have been a good mother and my children would have loved me as much as I loved having them? Happy children who played and laughed the way the children always played on the park next to our home at the end of Bilston Road… I would never have beaten my children…I would never lock my child in a dark, moldy cupboard- big enough for a few small cardboard boxes… The way my father beat me was inhuman. No child deserves to be ill-treated that way. To experience the kind of hell I experienced while on earth… There were so sooo many beatings”… _]

“Such a safe feeling to be held in the arms of God wouldn’t it be? But then again we could be squeezed to death. Depends on who our God is…Imagine the statue took a swing at the plane…BOOM!! Lights out… That is exactly how Mr. Pretorius took a swipe at Pam some days… BOOM!! Lights out…”

Once I told him I was not feeling well and he marched me off to the doctor. We had no car in the home ever, so we first had to walk to the nearest train station. That walk nearly killed me, in the state I was in at the time. Then after the doctor examined me, he declared with a smile on his face”…

Mrs. Pretorius, you are happy, healthy and… PREGNANT,”

Clapping his hands as if there was something to celebrate. Then daddy asked to talk to him alone. He must have told him that he was the father of the child… I knew no other man than my father. He never allowed any other boy to touch me.

I think the hug you gave me Henry, was the first time another man touched me of his own free will. I can never forget that you did not pull away when I fell into your arms crying in the middle of the road that day… You were standing there with your folder in your hand listening to me pouring my heart out to you”…

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PART 9 Pregnancy and abortion

So many beatings… Before that day; and because I got pregnant, he beat me even more. The doctor insisted on an abortion after they found out that daddy was the father of the baby. They said he was declared medically insane and was not allowed to father a child. I had been declared mentally unstable after they took me to the asylum for examinations and tests. I wanted to have that baby. I could have loved that baby so much. The doctor would not hear of it… he said the baby would be born deformed in some way because we were father and daughter. Father and daughter should not have sex…That is INCEST they said. God punishes those who sin that way”…

Why did God allow the child to be born,” I asked innocently?” …

“I was to get a beating for that question too… Anyway, I did what the doctors told me… It was a traumatic experience getting an abortion. It is something I knew nothing about and was told very little by the doctors who were helping me. They were just doing their jobs I am sure”…

“I just closed my eyes when the nurse approached me with those fauceps in her hands. I was so sooo scared but there was nothing I could do to stop them… Screaming would get me punished by daddy when I got home… And that was worse than death.”…

We sometimes wonder at just how previous generations managed to build projects in such remote locations. Many questions do not have ready answers do they? Here they would not hear you scream. That should not be possible in the middle of a resi9dential area should it?…

Go to the back of the room and change into the gown the nurse will give you Pam. This will not take very long,” he said… “Then you can go back home and recover over the next few weeks.”

I trusted what the doctors said. When we got home, I was put into bed and fed so much food that I threw up. Daddy said I was ungrateful…The food was expensive… Then he beat me until I passed out. I was back in hospital and entered the hospital with a black eye and an arm that was broken in two places…. Daddy said that I had fallen from the roof, when the doctors asked what had happened. He told them I had tried to commit suicide… What was suicide? Found that out later too. Thought about that many times after I found out what it meant. I knew very little but that was as a result of never having gone to school.’

I was told to go and see a psychiatrist – They said I was a danger to myself and so I was booked in at a state facility, Lentegeur Hospital… I do not remember how many years I was there but was simply told one day that they could not keep me there any longer due to a shortage of beds. They said I would be fine as I was over the desire to see myself dead… But I wanted to live!! The time in the hospital had been like a holiday…No beatings and no getting burnt for the smallest thing’…

I thought that I could find a nice boy like you, Henry… One that would marry me and take me away from all the pain… Take me to a beautiful home in the countryside where we would live happily ever after. That’s what I often thought about when I was alone… Oh yes, we would love our children very, very much and protect them with our lives… And I will not hit them when they are naughty. I am going to hold them and hug them and love them so sooo very much”…

Do you think I was pretty Henry?” Pam’s voice asks out of the blue.

Yes Pam, you were not only beautiful… You were gorgeous and a very sensitive, caring young woman. If I had been older, then I would have wanted to marry you. You were perhaps the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life.” By then, at 31 years old, I had seen and dated many women. “You were still the most beautiful woman by a long way… And I am being totally honest with you,”… I finish off saying…

Such an affectionate scene. There is so much more to animals than we can ever understand. The human race is still busy discovering what God has designed. And we are here on this planet so long already…

The world missed knowing you Pam Pretorius. But they will find out about you through this book I am busy writing. You will not be forgotten. You will not have gone through this suffering in vain. That thought makes me very sad Pam”…

Why her God?” I say to no one in particular… “Will I always feel like I could have done more”…? I should have done something to help save this woman from her ultimate fate. Feel like it was no excuse to be 12 years old…Should have been the hero for this abused woman”…

Like most other people we assume that someone will help. If it is not me then someone else will. That thinking has to be flawed. It has to stop right here with me. As a 12 year old I tried to help. I think I have tried less the older I have become… Maybe as grownups we tend to care less and not more for the people around us… Can that really be true? But we have more strength than as children. What does that say about us as children? Can we have more courage than when we grow up? Hard to believe that but it may be true…

All the rules of society actually make us less inclined to break those rules. As a child we do what is right so easily. And the fear of death is not in us. We don’t have reasons to fear death I think… Fear is taught as we get older. That is what I basically think’…

This guy has got to be so sooo crazy… That Anaconda has either eaten, is dead or is completely blind with no feelings… Man that diver is so close to death, and he is doing that of his own free will… You just gotta be kidding… Talk about death wish…

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PART 10 I am my brother’s keeper

We all have skeletons in our closet… There are many I know of… Like the Stewart Kannemeyer Story. He had his house taken from him by his brother-who tried to have him committed to an asylum. Then Stewart ended up on the streets. Sleeping on park benches and in people yards and on patios or in gardens for shelter. A friend, John, used to feed him but because he had 2 daughters, he could not offer Stewart a place to stay. But that is another story to be told some time in the future…Stewart eventually died of Tuberculosis (TB) even after he was given a couch to sleep on in an overcrowded friends home, Up the road from where John stayed…

I asked another friend to help Stewart. That friend owned a million rand property, another huge property up the west coast, that stood empty, and another building standing on another piece of property… He had a beautiful wife, 2 daughters, a few cars…And no place for a man, he would drive around, drink with and do drugs with. Then he would drop him off later on a road next to a field somewhere and go home.

Ultimately that man lost everything he owned and ended up living in the very shelter that Stewart stayed in for short time. God showed me that he will take revenge when we sin by not being our brother’s keeper.

This could be a very beautiful scene or it could be a nuclear test site. It could also be a volcano erupting…Would you want to be living there if it was one of the latter…Surely not… If this represented TERROR, then Pam saw that every day…

That reminds me of the time I was asked to move out of my little office, due to me giving someone a place to stay. Had a little converted 10 meter office with pull down beds. The pregnant girl, Candice, I met one night at 12 midnight, I brought to my home where I gave her something to eat and a place to stay. Then went with her to her home in Hanover Park the next day and spoke to her family and tried to get her to resolve her differences. At the time of writing, I share a home with Sarah and Johan in Delft. In the foreseeable future I will have a big home…Lots of money I am sure. But the most important thing I will never do… “NEVER WALK AWAY FROM SOMEONE IN NEED WITHOUT TRYING TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP”… I am my brother/sisters keeper… Pam is right. I am learning to love God and people more and more. And people will learn to trust me more and more. I will help people to care, and help each other everywhere… We have to create a whole new world… NOW! , Not in a thousand years. The time is now and this generation is the generation that must do it…

I am partly responsible for the life of Pam Pretorius, but I am also partly responsible for the death of Pam Pretorius… I understand that I am not solely responsible for her death, but I could have done something…You ask… “What could you have done Henry” Well…. I should have tried harder to get the authorities to intervene and help her. But I was busy playing baseball at the age of 12 years old…And Table Tennis… My life was to become one involvement with sport from the time I was 12 until the day I stopped playing at the age of 52 years old… 40 years of sports playing. Actually, I have started an Academy and maybe will be involved in coaching at another level. Anyway, I spent most of my formative years on the field next to the ‘house of horrors’ at 60 Bilston Road… The house where the most unimaginable terror was taking place without having the slightest idea how bad it was…The house where a young, beautiful girl was experiencing a life of terror every single day…

How much beauty can you endure before you reach overload. Yes! Everything can get too much for you if quantity is overdone…

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PART 11 Pam speaks from the grave

A while back, I remember throwing in the towel on an Adult Academy that included classes especially for Alcohol and Drug Abuse and other abuse related disorders. Then God put it on my heart to start it again recently. But initially the red tape and discussion around money and income generation caused the development to stall. I think I have missed the plot once again. However, God is patient and through the writing of this book, has brought me to a point of my life where I have to turn back the wheels of time and make the difference that I should have started to make back in 2000. I cannot bring Pam Pretorius back to life… Cannot bring back Stewart either, but…

I can start putting a program in place that will change the future of the next generation… One that changes them from being a bling generation focused on themselves to one that takes responsibility for their fellow human beings. And with the help of a handful of people, we will achieve the goals I set in the mission charter of that academy. I know God will provide me with the helpers that I will need… God will give me the place I will call home… And the success that I need to finance all of the programmes that he wants to see in place. There are many people I need to motivate to stand up and fight for their right to life… A life that has been given to them by God… And we need to protect our fellow human beings… That is what God expects of us…

People kill things when they are different to what they see as normal. They would probably have killed this animal if they got a chance back in 1200BC… How little we really know…

Well Pam, what was good and what was not so good about your life? Was it all just abuse and hurt and pain?” I ask and wait for her voice to respond…

I am concerned about what I have to tell you Henry… I don’t think you can ever be prepared for what I am about to tell you… Be strong Ok!!” she says… And I hear the plea in her voice… “Please!” she repeats…

You are scaring me Pam,” I say telepathically… “What can be so bad that I haven’t heard it somewhere before…? But I will try and be positive about what you are going to tell me,” Don’t promise but I will try”…

Henry Africa, you may have ended up being murdered by my father-many years ago… He still had his gun the time you came to the gate and threatened him… He was furious…He came into the house to fetch the gun but I had seen what was coming and hid the gun. Just hid it inside the cupboard where he kept me locked up…Knew he only went to that cupboard when I was locked in there or was going to be put in there…I just slipped it in there and carried on playing in the lounge… Then fate stepped in and the police came to collect the gun”…

It had been a big oversight on their part… That was when I realized that you were destined to be a special child… I took it out of the cupboard and left it where they could not miss seeing it… I did get the beating of a lifetime for moving it… He knew I had done it…We were the only two home at the time, so I could not blame it on anyone else… He smashed my nose that day… But I still liked you in spite of that. I reasoned that I had done something for a friend who never even knew that I had helped to save his life. But then again, what you started, you only started to help save me. It was a way that I could repay you… But that started teaching me to fight back Henry. I would have done anything to stop him from hurting you… I would have died to stop him from hurting you Henry…

Don’t get me wrong Henry! I never loved you or anything like that. I could not say that I loved anyone in my whole life and that is because I really never knew what love was… No one loved me or showed me any love… I never even experienced the love of my mother…That day when I stopped you and you held me in your arms while I poured my heart out to you… I am sure the tears must have ruined your fancy white shirt”…A brief smile appears on Pam’s face… “That moment I felt what it must have felt like to be loved and cared about by someone… You never pushed me away even though I was no longer the beautiful Pam Pretorius you met so many years ago…My teeth didn’t look so great anymore and I know my face was scarred after all the abuse”…

“[_ I must have looked a sight, but you held me as if I was your very own lost treasure… You never thought about what the people would say- me dressed in a nightgown as I was”… _]

“[_ But you know what Henry? I never had any clothes...he took them away and left me with only that nightgown. He abused me verbally physically, and sexually … Ongoing abuse, even when I could hear the children playing on the park next door… I was screaming from the pain of cigarette burns and from the pain of my father raping me- while I could hear, in the background, the sounds of the children-shouting with joy as they happily played on the field… Many times I would hear the sound of your voice too”… _]

I question what we call sanity… Is this sane to put the balance of your life in the hands of ONE steel hook? Really? I am not a scared person but this cannot be a good position to make yourself comfortable in… And then go to sleep… Am I the only one…?

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EXTRACT FROM THE NEXT EPISODE IN THE PAM PRETORIUS STORY

EPISODE 3

REPORTED, SENSED & SHARED

The song playing in the background goes like this…

“JUST AN OLD FASHIONED LOVE SONG

By Brandy and Coke…

Perhaps it is just coke in the glass? Is the glass half-full or half empty? Is your next half of life the better half or is the part you have lived through the best part… It is simply a question of your mindset isn’t it?

There is a friend that I have met over in Vietnam… She lives in the hope that I will soon come over, sweep her off her feet, and take her away from the difficulty she has been plunged into, due to the actions of corrupt bank officials. She has lost all her money… Now if she had no money to start with then there would be no sense of loss. And if she had never met me then would she have something to hope for? Why is it we always pin our hopes to a human being? Is there another way that we can reach out and attain the heights we aspire to, without the help of just one friend? And is that one friend simply just there because of us or because God has assigned them to care?

Do you have a friend who can say that he will do anything to help you achieve your success in life? Are you that friend to anyone in life? What legacy will you leave behind one day? One where you cared or one where you were simply a passing ship in someone else’s world? What will people say after you have left this world that you occupied for a mere 50 to 100 years? That is not a very long time to be around is it? And it will be the same for every one of us…

It’s important we play the hand that we are dealt with… I am going to leave the comfort of Sarah’s home in Blikkiesdorp… An uncertain future awaits me. When I walk out of that door then I do not have a place to stay. I walk out of that door in complete Faith… Faith that God will make a way where no way exists…

Taking a 40 minute walk to Unibell Station, then take a train to Cape Town Station and from there down to Lansdowne Station. I will pass the house where Pam Pretorius grew up- The house where she experienced such terror… The house now belongs to Shadley and my nephew Carlo… Irony that I predicted to Mr. Pretorius... “One day I will stand on this property and you will be dead”… That prophecy has come to pass… My nephew Carlo lives in Australia. I can never forget the time I sat with him, as a 12 year old, and opened the bible with him… Small bit of programming at some point that God had a purpose for…Somewhere in his life he will open the bible with his children and then he may remember a little bit of history we made a long time ago… When he was 12 years old… I really hope he does? It is sometimes good to remember… It is sometimes good to write a journal that records where we have been and what we have done…

When you do not keep a record of your achievements then you allow yourself to make the same mistakes over again. That is the one benefit of keeping some kind of record. Today I can see back in time to that moment when I took a leap of faith. And God never let me down. No doubt he can help you to survive whatever threatens your life. You just have to take a leap of Faith when you face severe danger. You cannot just stand and be killed… Running is not always a bad thing… You live to fight another day…

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My nephew Carlo married Nicola and they now live in Australia. As I have said before, it is my hope that he will stay as far away from South Africa as possible. That way his marriage and his family life will stand a chance of long term success.

Ross, his brother, is in jail again… He does drugs- I saw him hand over a piece of foil to a friend standing next to him in Cape Town, while I was crossing Adderley Street in Cape Town. He stood in the middle on the island and did not look back to see me coming up behind him. But if I had told him he did drugs later then he would probably have denied it… If only he had paid attention and listened to me when I spoke to him as a teenager. But by then he already had all the answers he needed. Listening was the last thing he wanted to do…

Two teenagers they were. One listened to God and the other has gone on to spend time in jail after he did not listen. Where in that story does our own decision on what we do have severe consequences? Consequences of not listening are dire. It is sometimes not that we do not listen to people. It is sometimes that we are not listening to messengers of God… That prevents us from being warned against an action that can lead to a disaster for us… In Pam’s case she ended up dead… And I can say I warned her… Yes, I did warn her to leave there… Sadly that was the truth of the talk we had…

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At the end of the rainbow is your pot of gold they say. Could refer to your journey in life. If you just persevere then you will eventually achieve your goal. It is mostly the case, even though it did not happen to Pam Pretorius… Yes, but she did make a choice. She chose to stay… That was not the right choice to make… Abraham chose to leave and he listened to God… “Go to a new place and make a new home for yourself”…

I walked out of Crawford into the unknown… Out of Simonstown into the unknown… Out of Grassy Park into the unknown… Out of Blikkiesdorp into the unknown… Walked out of Parow into the unknown… I still live and have a place to stay… Sometimes if you stay you may die… DON’T die because you failed to ACT… I am alive today… I may have died if I had not acted… You MUST act… Pam did not… She would act given another chance…

Now I want to review the police officer’s side of the story in respect of Pam Pretorius. I know many people must have followed up reports about abuse and public disturbances at number 60 Bilston Road. Why did Pam Pretorius have to die before there was some kind of public outrage against her father, Mr. Pretorius? When I use the word ‘father’ and Pam then it incenses me that I am forced to use them in the same sentence. He did not deserve to be a ‘father’ to anyone.

Why do I feel so strongly about that? Did not the man have a heart of gold before he was so badly beaten by the gangsters that fateful day- when he was left for dead by the group who simply strolled away and left him in a pool of blood? Was it simply that their revenge had left them the satisfaction of having killed the person who had put their brother behind bars? Was he not just a victim in this whole story? But why was he coming out of the widow’s house so early in the morning? Every other morning for that matter? Was it noted that the police van often parked overnight at that house? Ok, one cannot just assume the worst…Or perhaps some would say it is the obvious…

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EXTRACT FROM EPISODE 3

The song playing in the background goes like this…

“WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD

By Gin and Lemon Twist…”

“I so want to stay in a place like this and do some writing… That would be a dream come true… Just a few years perhaps… Man is but a mist…Here today and gone tomorrow. Blown about by the winds of time.”…

Part 1…..

How can we move forward when we know we are operating our lives within a failing system? We must just strive to improve. Improve our own lives and the lives of, not only those close to us, but also the millions of people who will only know us by the legacy we leave behind. What is a ‘legacy’ if put into any other word? Try the word ‘inheritance’. Then ask if there is anything you have inherited from reading ‘The Pam Pretorius Story,’ the 1st book in the Broken Heart Series? How could you say that you have inherited nothing? The book was written on behalf of a soul that I spoke to as a living, breathing human being on two occasions of my life!

Those two occasions left an indelible impression on me… An impression that has left me with a respect for a woman who could suffer through something like this. The kind of suffering that no ordinary person would be subjected to. Where are fact and fiction separated? That is not entirely important. It is possible that someone else somewhere is suffering in exactly the same way…Someone right next door to you. The information contained in this book has a purpose and once you have read the book from cover to cover then you have changed. Oh Yes!!! You will never view life in the same way again. The goal has been met once you finished reading the episode. Pam has won a victory by you reading this episode… A higher awareness lies lodged within you now. That means I have done part of my job as an author appointed to do just that – Create AWARENESS

Now you have inherited the Pam Pretorius legacy… Sad and tragic it may have been, but it is now a part of your character going forward. You have grown by the understanding of what human beings are still capable of doing to each other in the 20th and 21st centuries. With all the knowledge we have acquired as an intelligent species, we have become increasingly violent and disturbed in general. The world is on a downward spiral and unless we arrest that decline, we will be in the position that Noah was in a long, long time ago…

Noah, I want you to build me an ark,” God said… “Make it…” The story is in the bible so it can be read there… Says also… “Man became more and more evil…” Why? A generation grew up that did not know God,” It is written… So do we just give up? Or do we start to change things at home first. Get our spiritual houses in order and repent of the behavior that prevails all across society? Yes!! There comes a time when we have to return to God’s way of doing things or He will do what he promised us – destroy the world. Not nice to talk about this is it? Not that we do not all believe that God did that once before and also did the deed on Sodom and Gomorrah too. They did not listen too… Why are we so different then, that God would not do it to our towns and villages that become evil beyond his ability to bear… As even a being like God would become?

Anyway enough of that for now… We are of the people who desire to see a whole new world. Our combined knowledge here gives us the chance to save just one other life besides our own. But we still have to act… Still have to go out and do the good we know we should… Knowledge has given us the power…The power to perhaps save just one woman or child from dying the way that Pam Pretorius died…

Professor Chris Barnard performed the 1st successful heart transplant. That 1st success was built on the failure of many previous failed attempts. Did that stop him from trying to perfect it or worry about how many others had failed at what he was trying to do?

The inventor of the light bulb kept trying in spite of his many failures. Did he throw in the towel?

The inventor of the car also had his setbacks. Did he quit? NO!!!

Can we quit on this world? NO!!! Can we change it for the better? YES!!!

Are we proud as a society of our many failures? No! Of course we are not… We, unfortunately, have to experience those failures so that we can eventually meet the success we desire to achieve and feel the inner joy from realizing the success. You and I are the sum total of many legacies. To be who we are today, we learn lots of little things from many different people? We are the combination of every one of their legacies. Is that scary to you?

Do you realize that we can almost design who we want to become? We have all the resources to learn all the knowledge regarding every area of life. Is that good or bad? How does that allow God to do the work that he needs to do? Or do we think that God exists in OUR WORLD? That is our problem as a human race. We have forgotten that we exist in God’s world and not He in ours. The choices we make decide our final destiny. In that we do have free will…

Is your life just a life focused on getting through the time you have to spend on earth? Have you thought about what you have to do for an eternity? The feeling is that we will spend each day of eternity head bent down and worshipping God.

God does deserve that, but the rich man was talking to Lazarus. Lazarus was free to roam around in Heaven. He was free to have a conversation with the dead people from the planet earth. But was the dead rich man free to move or was he stuck to one place? Was he in a sea, trapped in the Lake of Fire…? Everywhere he went he would be in the same state of pain that he first encountered when he arrived in Hell… Our final destiny is entirely our choice. Heaven or Hell is the choice we have to make. The rest of the time we spend here on earth is simply a preparation for the time when we leave here and go to our eternal home.

You cannot take treat the matter lightly. There will be no excuses when you face God on your Judgment Day…

How can God take a stranger into Heaven(his home)? If you spent no time reading your Bible then how can you go to the home that God is the owner of. A share awaits us in that home and to take the offer, we simply have to make sure we spend enough time to follow the roadmap that will get us there? The Bible is that roadmap…

“ALL IS NEVER LOST… I AM THE MASTER OF MY DESTINY…”

Yes the above is true. I need to remember that quitting is not an option. When I commit suicide then I take the direct express to HELL… Victory is the crown that goes to those who persevere. Death is not the end and is not the way out. It is only the beginning; the beginning of a chapter in our eternity. That eternity is going to be spent either in Heaven or in HELL.

But we all know that or have been warned about the possibility of making the wrong choice. If we commit suicide and quit on life then we will go to HELL along with Satan and his band of merry losers; or we can persevere, do the good we know we ought to do, and join our family who are in Heaven. That way we spend an eternity in Heaven with God and Jesus, his son.

The victims of our world clearly have a chance to go to Heaven too., but the Bible says that… “THE COWARDLY, THE SEXUALLY IMMORAL, IDOLATORS AND SO ON… will go join their brother Satan in HELL and there they will stay for an eternity.

Why choose to lose, when you were Born To Be A Winner? There is never going to be good time to QUIT. As long as you do not quit then you stand a chance of being the WINNER

“AS LONG AS YOU DO NOT QUIT THEN ALL IS NOT YET LOST

My baseball Manager, Joe Johnson called it the 3 D’s… One Disciplined, Determined, Dedicated individual can make a difference to the world we live in. A man or woman who refuses to quit and who is determined to positively change the world we live in will succeed and achieve great things… You are an inheritance… You are a legacy to this world… Leave this world knowing that you have fulfilled every expectation that God had of you… You would have fulfilled every aspect of the inheritance that you are. The time to start is now… Start now by making a decision that you will NEVER *QUIT*. Then you can move on towards the victory tape of life…

We will live no longer than 120 years on this earth. Everyone that was born before the year 1895 is dead. I can say that with certainty because it is written in the Bible… God has not failed to keep all his promises in the Bible. Before that men and I assume women lived until well after their 900th years… Today we are lucky to get through 70 or even 80 years. Some of you know that too… I have seen many friends leave earth before they are 50 years old. Time will move on and the next generation will look back from 2135 and say… Everyone who was born before 2015 is now dead.

That is the reality that God spoke into the universe and God is faithful… He always will be…Everything written in the Bible is true. The intention of the Bible is to help us ALL to make the decision to join him in Heaven. To do that we have to “BE BORN AGAIN.”

The conversations with Pam have ended. Were they real? I am really not sure anymore – They seem like a far off dream… But if there has been a shift in thinking then I am glad to have written this book. The end does justify the means. It has changed me and I hope it has changed you too… If that has happened then “ALL IS NOT LOST YET”…

END OF EPISODE 3 EXTRACT

TO CONTENTS PAGE

A HEINEOUS CRIME

A group of 3 gangsters decide that they are going to rob a suburban home and raise some money for the family. They watch the shops and malls around a very affluent area. They spot two teenage girls coming out of the shopping centre with a few bags under their arms. They follow them until eventually the girls are about to get into their car after packing the bags inside the trunk. They strike with unexpected speed and stealth and the one pulls a gun from his jacket and shows the girls.

The girls are ordered to get into their car and to drive to their home. Their two Blackberry cell phones are taken from them and also their bags that include their money, ID documents and their driver’s licenses… Now they are forced to drive to their home where their unsuspecting parents are waiting… The car arrives at the gate and the terrified girls do not hesitate to open the automatic driveway gates. They have never been in a situation like this and are ill equipped to think about a solution to their situation… The gun being waved around has done the work that the gangsters planned it would…

Once inside the home the gangsters have little problem in overpowering the father who does not think of offering any resistance as his pregnant wife is also soon held at gun point… His pregnant wife is simply thinking about how she can survive with her family and the soon to be born baby… She is 8 months pregnant and about to give birth…

The men systematically ransack the place, piling up all the valuables inside the same car they came with. Then, when they have packed every conceivable item that is large enough inside the car, they tie up the husband with washing line ropes and usher the women towards the two rooms closest to the lounge where all this has been taking place… They shove the two teenage girls into the one room and huddle the pregnant woman into the other room at the end of the corridor…

The two gangsters who have taken the teenagers into the one room locate rope and tie them each and drop them on either side of the two beds in the room… The one with the pregnant woman has all the time to do his cowardly deeds with the beautiful blonde woman he is bent on savaging before he leaves the house. That was all part of their plan. The girls just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time…

By the time they leave the family’s home, they have raped the pregnant woman and the two teenage girls and re-tied them in separate room. The one teen who was driving the car has been loosened and then told she needed to drive the car to where she and her sister will be released and can find their way home. They would not harm them. They loosen the father and tell him he has 8 hours to accumulate as much money as he can. Around 50 000 zar should do it for them. Then they will call him from one of the 2 cell phones and tell him where to bring the money… What should he do now? He looks into the room when they leave and finds a gruesome sight awaiting him…

His wife lies in a pool of blood. Her stomach/womb has been cut open and the 8 month old fetus lies still attached to her. What monsters has he been exposed to? He has to think about what to do next. He could raise the money and find that they end up killing him and the girls when he takes the money to them. He has to call the police in, even though he has little faith in them. But the gunmen have warned him not to call the police. If there is any police involvement then the two girls would die. They are watching the house, is what they told him…

Meanwhile the two girls have been driven to a house specially rented for the purpose in the affluent suburb of Newlands, where they have just robbed and murdered the mother and raped the girls. But the gangsters are smarter than the father could realize. They have no intention of hoping to acquire the money from him. They have already taken the pin number from the wife and sent one of the gang to a remote ATM to withdraw the money they wanted. He took the car and the gate remote and left while the 2 girls were being abused by the remaining two men.

When he left, he would have the cards of the 2 girls, the wife that he had just murdered and the father who did not know that the wife had given him her card too…With the pin numbers. His credit cards and debit cards were unlimited so they could draw just as much money as they wanted… The ruse to get him to collect money for them was just that- A ruse to keep him busy while they abused and beat up the 2 teenage girls. They were bent on revenge for the deeds that the business man had done many years ago… His family were just the victims in the story that unfolded…

Now why do people turn to crime? There are numerous reasons and none of them are acceptable. The acts of the criminal are the most selfish form of theft that you could dream up. But they needed the money and that was the way they knew how to get hold of it. Was there a way that the family could protect themselves from this disaster that struck them? By the time the men are finished with the girls they will be so severely traumatized that they will need counseling for the rest of their lives. Most times when someone points a gun at you, then it is enough reason to give them what they want.

How come the gangsters murdered the wife and then planned on murdering the husband after he brought the money to them? Why not just take the money and run? Witnesses are the reason for this. A crime with no witnesses to testify is better than one where they have to hope that they have not been recognized by anyone who may have seen them get into the car at the mall and then again when they drove away from the house. There are lessons to be learnt from this kind of crime. They may be the lessons that save your life one day…

I want to focus on the criminals a bit first. They are educated into the gang way of life. How to make money by not working is their way of life. Robbery, murder, extortion, fraud, etc… But they do not think about the repercussions of being caught. That education is not present in our society. Not enough of it anyway. The results of criminals getting caught and their resultant lifestyle viz-a-vie jail terms and overcrowded conditions are notoriously absent from the education system.

Programming needs to be dealt with if crime is to decelerate… Here is one example of crime prevention that is underplayed. The restriction by society on what we are able to watch and what is suitable has prevented growing children from knowing the depths of depravity that society has sunk to. But that is not fair is it. The 2 girls were ill – equipped to prepare for their ordeal? They were chicken fodder as I will put it. Perhaps if they were trained in a form of self defense then they may have stood a chance of overpowering the criminals. Then there would have been something for them to use when they had a chance… Perhaps it would have given them their one chance when it came?

A criminal does not think of the 20 to 50 years he will spend in jail. Does not think that a judge will sentence him to be incarcerated for half his life. A 20 year old criminal found guilty of such a hideous crime will spend the next 30 years in jail- At least. Did he even expect that when he started out on the plan to commit the robbery? Probably not. Now if this had been drummed into him while growing up, would he have been so eager to throw his lot in with the others? Maybe not…

A 20 year old getting shut away will miss lots of things in life…FREEDOM is the most cherished of all those things. But when he gets out at the age of 50 years old then the world would have changed. Did he even consider that too? See where I am going with this line of thought? Now if the average junior in school was put through a program that educated you to consider the consequences of crime at every turn, then just maybe we will have less crime than we do now… In every country we have lots of crime but we have more of that where we do not have military service too…

Now you come out of jail at the age of 50 years. They caught you for the robbery and the murder. Good behavior and you are out after 30 years. It was a life sentence handed down to you but prisons are overcrowded and the President pardons some long service criminals. WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW? Family are dead by now in many cases… Go and look for a job in a restaurant somewhere? But you are 50 years old now. They are not going to give you a job now. You never worked your whole life. How will you manage to survive then? JUST ONE MORE CRIMINAL JOB?

That will mean you spend the rest of your life in jail if you are caught. What is so bad about that? Get food every day and at least have a roof over your head? Is there, perhaps, too much empathy for criminals? Too many rights for the perpetrators of crime?

They will tell you when they propose doing that one more job… “This one will set you up for life”

The nest egg you did not have will come from this job we are going to do” says the other gang member who is now head of the gang you were once a member of…

It is a sure thing,” he adds as an afterthought when he sees you are uncertain.

Make up your mind quick or we get someone else to do this and that will mean you spend your life in the backyard of someone else’s house hoping to get a meal” And that is probably all it takes to get the yay from you… But there are reasons to say no…

While in jail you actually were forced to take up a skill in one trade or other. You did bricklaying and now you are still able to do a days work and get paid for it. Can still earn some money from an honest way of life. You have turned your life around and now are involved in the ministry that teaches other prisoners to be different when they come out of jail. You have apologized to the husband because you destroyed his family.

The 2 daughters were murdered in the house where they were kept after being kidnapped. But the one gangster spoke at the wrong time and in the wrong place – he was overheard – the cops caught all of you. That will always happen… One day they will walk up to the door and take you in custody. You will feel hounded all your life by just the one crime… There is no perfect crime and the time you spend in jail, you could be sodomized and abused and even murdered for the crime you did – By other criminals who dislike what you did…

You find yourself now in a very desperate position without a job or income. The next job will see you in jail for the rest of your life, so you turn it down…HURRAH!!! You may have seen the light finally… For the first time in your life you have said no to crime… Something you should have done 30 years ago… No it’s off to work for you. You will get up every morning and join the millions who go out to work and earn their living. Soon you may find that it is not such a bad thing at all…This work thing. You buy things you need with the money you make. Now you begin to see how the other half lives, then they mug you because you are too old to defend yourself and you feel what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

But you have made a decision and so you persevere and soon you have established a business as a bricklaying sub-contractor and are driving a nice LDV… Everything looks rosy for you until one day when you are robbed at gun point and shot. You die on the scene. Crime has caught up with you… An old saying applies too your life… “HE WHO LIVES BY THE SWORD SHALL DIE BY THE SWORD”… Sad end to a life that could have meant so much to society…

A lazy person WILL starve… When you are the kind of person who loves to sleep until the sun shines up your behind, then expect hardship to dog your every step. I have seen many permanently lazy people, some married and others still single. They were simply prepared to let their wives and girlfriends go out and earn the money to put food on their tables – That while they lie in bed, watching movies and television all day. That can work for a while, depending on what kind of work you do – If all that is expected of you is to perform sexual services for your wife or girlfriend?

Now if you find yourself in a home where laziness, alcohol abuse or drug dependency exist, then, – If you are a hard working person–an appeal will be made for loans and also to participate in the lazy persons activity of choice. He or she will obviously not desire to aspire to become a hard-working person like you are… So they will try and get you to join them in being lazy… Milk you of any money you have or come into… When your well runs dry, they will discard you like a used tampon. But not everyone is like this. There are exceptions to the rule everywhere…

Being discarded is not a pleasant thought, but you have to be careful in life. Be careful that you do allow yourself to fall into the wrong hands. The hands of people who would use you and what you have, simply to further their own goals and dreams… Their own selfish goals I will add. It is a fact that people will try and use you. They will even make you pick up the tab if they sense you are capable of doing that.

They will smile in front of you and speak all kinds of bad things about you when you are not around… Know when you are being used… Know when you are being manipulated… And make sure you remain honorable wherever you go. No matter what situation you find yourself in, always remember that you have the ability to develop an ace up your sleeve that can help you if things do not go according to plan… Have the FAITH that God is standing by to help you to become the success he has always destined you to be… You MUST BELIEVE that, and in that way you can always tell yourself that “ALL IS NOT LOST YET”… No mater what you are going through… No matter what difficulty you face, you will come out on top if you simply trust in God Almighty himself…

All you have to do is stay FOCUSSED and CONCENTRATE… Diligently continue to persevere with a plan that you have laid before the Lord who has created you for success… Quitting is just not an option…

TO CONTENTS PAGE

WARNING

THE DESIRE TO QUIT IS STRONG

The song playing in the background goes like this…

“Scattered Pictures bout the times we left behind… Times we gave to one another, about we way were….”

By Mainstay & Coke

An INTERUPTION…From Heaven a voice comes… “If only I had shouted that day the cops came to knock at our door. Then things may have turned out so different… They may have come to my rescue and then I may have been freed and who knows what could have happened after that. From inside my cupboard prison I could clearly hear their voices… But I was scared, and that fear was paralyzing me… I wanted so much to shout at that very moment, but I quickly realized that I did not have the courage left to do that. The thought of how much punishment I would endure if I failed to gain their attention overwhelmed me. In that little cramped space, I simply broke down and cried when I eventually heard the policemen’s voices receding down the driveway path, towards the front gate.”

Henry’s phone call to the police department had brought them to my door – My father had turned them around by convincing them that he was a little misguided…A kid with great imagination… He had successfully turned them around without as much as a search being made… A search that could have resulted in me being found and freed never took place… Harder things awaited me still… Often starved for weeks… Beaten black and blue… Broken arms, legs, jaw…And burnt with cigarettes…There was also the constant sexual abuse…

The one time resulting in me becoming pregnant. That baby was aborted and never became the child of my short-lived dreams… he eventually killed me, after getting bored with the games he played with me… One day I fought back and hit him with a pot and stabbed him. I missed him that time and that would be the last chance that I got. I guess I was not very skilled at self defense or I may have been able to stand up to him at some point. But he made sure I never learnt any self defense skills… he is in HELL now, where he deserves to be… has joined the rich man and they make good company for each other, not that they have time for conversation.

I did not put him there. His actions put him there. I am not sad for him…he had the choice to make while he was alive. He was given the chance at many times to repent from what he was doing… Now he must endure an eternity of torment and pain… Worse pain than he dealt out to me for the almost 50 years of my life… I cannot remember any time in my life when I was happy for any length of time… Scattered moments of happiness is the best way to describe my life…

It’s scary what happens to us one day when we die… But it does not start when we die… We earn a spot in our eternal home by virtue of our deeds while we are alive… many people hope they will be able to beg forgiveness the few hours they may have before they die… Sudden, instant death, in a car accident or a gun battle, will put paid to that thought. That will result in an eternity spent in HELL… There is a lot of good that needs to and can be done. Don’t get left with mere intentions…Do the good that you know you need to do, Ok!!… I have my own cross to bear, like everyone else.

Ask myself the question, “Will I have a problem when I think of how many people turned their backs on me when I needed a place to stay? I was briefly in a position where I had no place to go and knocked on many doors to ask for help. There was no one who came to my rescue until I asked my friend Fergus O’Connor to lend me some train fare so I could travel to Wellington and make a new start. He said,

“Where do you want go at this time of night?”…It was late and I was near exhaustion and extremely discouraged… Thought I was about done at that moment in time. Could not see any light at the end of the tunnel I was living through… Death by exposure to the elements was a distinct possibility at that stage…

Come inside,” He said as he opened the gates… That day changed my life… I will never be able to do enough for him and his family. That one moment in time has been the one defining moment that gave me a chance to live and achieve some more special things. I will repay them with loyalty that is unrivalled in everything I do while I live here in their home. And the skills as a businessman and writer are but 2 of the many that I have to use… I empower the two 6 year old boys and teach the 10 year old girl to dream and set goals… She told me she wants to be a writer one day… I said to her…

You can be anything you want to Sarah… Just put your mind to it and work on it every day… Become the best that you can by setting a goal and getting advice from someone who has done what you want to.” She has spoken too a person who has published his 1st book [2009]… She will become a future child writer… I can help her to do that… Pam has taught me that I need to get involved and show people what to do…Not just tell them what to do, but take them, lead them right to the point of delivery and then help them as they start to do what they need to do… That is the lesson she has taught me during the time I have written her book…

Don’t tell them what to do Henry…Show them what to do and help them by taking their hands and leading them through the start of the process. Then they will get it and be able to do what they need to…Like riding a bicycle ok?”… And never underestimate the plans that God had for bringing you and Fergus back together at that point in time… You were once a pitcher and he was a catcher for the great Lansdowne baseball Team… You were one of the 3 team pitchers and he caught whatever you threw at him…Sometimes you were a lousy pitcher and he had to be all over the place to catch the crap you were throwing at him… This time you threw him a serious curve ball… You needed a place to stay… He caught it without as much of a blink… Do justice to that act of kindness and you will please God more than you can imagine…

His home has become my home since that day in October 2012, I think… That after I had written this book on the laptop that he loaned me during that time when I stayed out in Blikkiesdorp, Delft. I started coaching softball – Did that for half a season with my old club Thistle and then told them to close the team for a year while the girls went and got good grades in Grade 12 [Matric]… Priorities should be education first and sport second, is the way I see it…

Made an attempt to coach another club in the interim period but found that egos were too big with the leaders of that club and we parted company on a sour note very quickly into that relationship. Not naming them as I would be giving them airtime, something the two Fuehrer’s who started that club, don’t deserve…

I know of girls who slept and some who still sleep on a cold hard pavement in the middle of winter. Right under our noses in Cape Town… And during this harsh, freezing cold winter at that… We simply say that they have got themselves into that position and must get themselves out of it… It’s not my problem others will say… I cannot solve all the worlds’ problems! Have enough problems of my own! Just have enough to spend on my family! And the list of excuses goes on Ad Nauseum…

Pam Pretorius did escape… She was 50 plus years at the time… Her father had started to give up on hiding the young woman… She walked everywhere and asked for help… She was labeled as crazy and people simply ignored her…Taking to crossing the street and walking on the opposite pavement. There have been times when I have experienced what it is like to be ignored by friends who are considered to be lifelong friends… That is not a nice feeling… To be treated like an outcast. That is as close as you can get to rejection as possible by friends – The ones you turn to when it seems like the world is caving in around you… Outright rejection is as devastating as ostracization to an individual who has chanced to arrive at a low point in their lives…

What do you see when you look out of the window of your car as you drive from day to day? What about the man or woman that is foraging around in the green bins along the side of the road? They are looking for something to eat and you speed by? Think they like to do that? Think God brought you by there so that perhaps you were in a position to do something about it? Think that he has been turned away from one door too many, while asking for a slice of bread to eat? The last door that answered did not even have the time of day to give him a sandwich to eat…Not even a slice of dry bread? Do you think for a minute that God does not see this interaction between the two of you? He tells us he sees everything, so how do you resolve yourself that when he sends someone to your door that you MUST take the time and give to the poor… Yes, you need to be careful if you are old and make sure that they cannot grab you through the bars and make you open the gates and then rob you… So?

Stand back while I put this where you can reach it,” is one thing to tell them, if you are feeling unsafe at this point. The act of giving is one that takes time and pleases God not people… It’s done to show God that you have time to care about someone less fortunate… “GIVE TO THE POOR AND YOU LEND TO GOD… It is written… It could be you one day on the other side of the gate – Doesn’t God warn us about having hard hearts? The same God who came down in the form of Jesus and said…

“Whatever you did not do for the poor, the homeless or the sick or the prisoners), you did not do for me,”

And that is worth remembering. Think of a day in the future when God shows you the video of your life. What if you then see how you lacked the time for the poor, the sick and the homeless? But it is not too late to change. We can all change and do the good we need to. Today is a good time to decide to be different. God will give you a chance as long as you have been kind to others. Your length of life does depend to a degree on how kind and empathetic you are while you are on the earth. Sometimes God simply pulls the plug on you if your heart has become hard and you ignore one to many people who he sends to you for help… Take the chance when it comes today…And after reading this, know that the chance will be put before you to start a life doing the good that you know you ought to do…

Life can be hard…harder than you can imagine possible… The reason is that every human being believes that tomorrow will bring relief from the struggles that today has dredged up… I cannot remember a time when I faced a difficult situation and said…

This is just what I anticipated – I am truly ready for this challenge.” Perhaps that is the reason I had a tendency to become discouraged… So discouraged that the word suicide crept into my thinking…

But here is the thing about the word suicide… It’s not the end of things. It is just the beginning of a new chapter in your life. People have been fooled into thinking that we can just take our own lives, appear before God and ask to do it all over… But that is what Satan wants us to think… He loves having people join him in his home called HELL… Let me tell you about one of my conversations with God… Sorry haven’t got the video for you. To be released one day when I get to Heaven…

I have had enough God,” I said to God one day while reaching the end of what I thought I could bear…

What is it you have had enough of, Henry?” God replied to me…

God, I am tired of having to get help from my friends. The situation you have placed me in has made me dependant on them and they are sometimes not happy to have to be helping me financially or otherwise. Why did you put me in the position where I need to ask for help from anyone? Tired of this struggling God!” I finished saying… “I am actually better off dead, then there will be no more struggles… No more poverty… What kind of life is this God?” Guess that was a statement and not a question hey…

Do you really want me to respond to what you are saying Henry? You of all people need to be above these feelings of despair… I do understand what is going on inside you and so you know what I am going to say to you… This is not the first time we are having this conversation and you know that Henry… Right?” God replied in a strait-forward, matter-of-fact voice…

You know God was not angry with me… Did not raise his voice to me… Just simply stated the facts that helped me to remember that there had been times in my life where I had, many times actually, felt so down that I had contemplated the unthinkable. Yes!! Unthinkable and I was at that time a Born Again Christian… Here is why it is unthinkable for me…

Over the last 50 years of my life, I have reached that low point many times. It shames me that God had to remind me before I quietly sat down and recalled what had happened to drive me to this thoughts of despair again. What would make me think that suicide is even an option? God had allowed me to build up a library of words to counter those thoughts from taking hold of my mental process. Even a story or two had been shared with me to help me to re-enforce the desire to persevere… Those words and stories have become my sanctuary when times have been difficult… Why did I allow Satan to blind me and allow me to even think of committing suicide? What is suicide actually?

SUICIDE is the act of…QUITTING… One who commits suicide is a quitter… Here is a phrase taught to me by many motivational speakers who have crossed my paths – By Gods intervention I know… One such man is named John Kehoe… That story later but the phrase is…

“WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN”…

I hear you say… ‘I have heard that phrase to the point of boredom… We all know it is by Napoleon Hill and we hear it all the time…bla…bla…bla…winners never quit…. “NOW WAIT A MINUTE!!! … You are about to hear something new… Something no other person can ever tell you again…

“YOU ARE THE WINNER THEY TALK ABOUT IN THAT PHRASE ABOVETHE ONE WHO IS THINKING OF QUITTING”… Get it now? But if your eyebrows are raised then let me make it clearer to you. You see, some people make the mistake of reading this for the first time and understand that it is saying “YOU WILL BECOME A WINNER IF YOU DON’T QUIT”… And that is far from the truth of this quote…

God has allowed you to read this phrase and hear it spoken so that you get the message that he has designed your life, in such a way that you WILL be a winner…At something.

YOU HAVE ALREADY WON!!!

IT IS IN YOUR FUTURE TO WIN!!!

YOU ARE DESTINED TO EXPERIENCE THE ECSTACY OF WINNING!!! THROWING YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND PUNCHING THE EMPTY SKY WITH JOY – Know what I am saying…

The rule in the battle between God and Satan is such that… God is prohibited from showing you the ‘what’… There is one way you can get the answer to that burning question and here it is…

You will have to learn to accept that from this day forth, you will never be able to quit on anything ever again… Are you prepared to accept that there can be no more discussion about quitting? God will give you a reminder if you even think of it… No!! Then read on…

“QUITTERS NEVER WIN”… Now what is so important about that part of the phrase? A quitter is a winner you see… A successful quitter has succeeded in snatching defeat from the jaws of the impending victory… A successful quitter has given the victory to Satan and snatched it out of God’s hands… He has only succeeded in giving his soul to Satan when God was always going to win, as long as you stayed in the battle.

Now if you succeed with your suicide then Satan gains one more soul for his legion of losers – Tough but that is just the way it works out. There is no nice way to say it… Satan gains your services for an eternity in the Lake of Fire… Fire and brimstone is now your destiny…But only if you quit and succeed in committing suicide… But if you continue to fight on then call for help if you must, and then God can step in if you call to Him for help… reason with God about how you feel, when he pitches up in your mind… And he will pitch as he is FAITHFUL… “In the Bible it says… “I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU”…

Do you really want to go to HELL? Man, no matter how much pain and struggle life throws at me, it is nothing compared to what awaits you if you end up in HELL… The Bible tells us about HELL. But far too many Christians even, avoid reading and facing the reality of HELL… Fear stops us from attempting to understand the dynamics of what happens for us to end up in HELL…So we rather live in denial at times… But we cannot run for ever…Even Jonah knew hat and surrendered to God… Then God gave him victory…But still he grumbled with God…Just like a stubborn child he behaved…Hey!! We are never going to be perfect I know… Quitters are losers, are cowards because they are thinking of throwing in the white towel. But that is not what God created you to be… HE CREATED YOU TO BE A WINNER

Alive, you are on a journey that has been completed before the day that you were born… God designed you, then plotted your general route in life- and every alternative route to for that matter…Then he breathed life into the drawing that you were…. Somewhere he placed you in a womb and decided where you would grow up and live… Now all we have to do is run the race of life, so that we can receive the crown of victory that God has waiting for us… That crown of victory was placed on our heads when we were just an idea on a giant drawing board in the sky…

Are you feeling more like the winner that you are now? There are some things that stop us from seeing ourselves as winners… One of the chief threats is tiredness… We make poor decisions when we are tired…Our minds do not work that well when we are tired… I have made poor decisions when tired… Many of them I still regret today… Don’t tell me I am alone in this…Its easy to throw in the towel when you are tired isn’t it? SO REST BUT DO NOT QUIT… Another old phrase hey!! Take a day off from work but do not quit the job… Withdraw from the next race but do not quit the team… JUST TAKE A BREAK… Losing a battle does not result in losing the war… DON’T QUIT ON THE RELATIONSHIP… Just take some time away from each other of things get a little bit too hard… Then put in place a new strategy to deal with the situation or struggle you face…

Get some advice and pray for guidance from the God who created you… Even a short prayer will help… Connect to the heavenly hotline ok? The when you have regained your strength, pick up the baton and continue to run the race… You may come in last that time, but next time you will do better…But if you quit then you will never know what could have been will you? A successful quitter never gets a chance to be the WINNER… That is just a fact that goes with quitting…

Do we have a free choice? If God has already made me a winner then why do I have to do anything? That’s not exactly true is it?

“IF YOU DO NOTHING THEN YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE WORTH NOTHING”… A phrase from another friend who encouraged my faltering knees at some stage…

Life is a journey to victory, and the steering wheel of the car that is driving us there has been firmly paced in our hands. At any stage of the race, we can quit and drive the VICTORY car off the road and down a cliff… That is what suicide is…Taking the car called VICTORY and driving it right off the cliff. SUICIDE is the road to death and defeat… Satan, or the DEVIL as we call him, is the only one who gains a victory if we do that… he gains your soul in his legion. I told you once before how to join God’s team with certainty… How does it go?

“UNLESS YOU ARE BORN AGAIN, YOU CANNOT SEE OR ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD”… Written in the Bible…Book of John chapter 3 verse 1 to 7…Go and check it…Your destiny depends on that fact… That is your free choice to make. Once you overcome the 100 year challenge, then you can collect your victory crown and live for ever… ETERNAL LIFE IS THE CUP’s name… Anything else that goes with that while we are alive is a bonus and needs to be appreciated and enjoyed and shared with as many as possible… There are many other victories you can enjoy… But here’s the thing I promised to tell you. If you want to know what you will win at, then simply go down on your knees and pray that God tells you in a dream. Then you will get your answer because then Satan cannot stop the answer from being delivered to you by God… Just be prepared to run that race to become a winner. No human being can win a race without running in it, can he? Need skills to run a race… Need to train and stay fit…

But none of this matters unless you believe that you were born to be a winner…At something… The minute you die, the struggle and the pain is not over. Judgment waits for all of us. That is something you want to face with confidence. In that aspect, we all want to come out as winners. God wants to help us to win… Don’t break his heart by quitting…

TAKE YOUR TIMERESTBUT DO NOT QUIT

FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BE A WINNER AND CLAIM THE PRIZE CALLED ETERNAL LIFE

AND TO GOD GOES THE GLORY FOR THE COMPLETION OF THIS EPISODE 2.

MAY IT BE A HELP IN YOUR FIGHT TO OVERCOME AND WIN THE CROWN THAT TAKES YOU ALL THE WAY TO HEAVEN

It has been my privilege to be a part of a message to you from God.

Use it in your fight to claim your victory crown called Eternal Life… A life of love, joy and happiness…

Choose to be a fighter who runs the race to win… That is your destiny since the beginning of time…

TO CONTENTS PAGE

EXTRACT FROM THE NEXT BOOK IN THE BROKEN HEART SERIES

THE SASHA LEIGH CROOK STORY

“Mommy!!! … Mommy!!!” The young girl shouted and then passed into unconsciousness from the blow she had just received to the side of her head… The man standing over the child listened intently… Had anyone heard the child shouting?, he thought …

After standing still for what seemed like an eternity, he concluded that no one had heard the child’s screams. ‘Now what am I going to do with her,’ he thought to himself. ‘Let me check to see if she is still alive… She should not have screamed like that,’ he idly thought… ‘Then I would not have had to hit her’… He touched the spot where the hammer had struck the head of the little girl… A little bump had developed. He allowed his hand to briefly linger on the soft hair of Sasha Leigh Crooke…

Such a beautiful young woman,’ He thought to himself…Looking down on the prostrate, unconscious body of the young girl… ‘If only you knew how much I loved you and for how long I have been watching you’

“Kiss me…kiss me… Hey wait, are those real lips… Must be that beer that I drank last night… making me see things here… Can that really be a flower… I must be seeing things…

How could you love her?’ The voice inside his head says to him…

I have watched her grow up,” The man says out loud…. “How could I not love someone as beautiful as she was…? Wouldn’t you” He finishes his conversation with that question to an unseen person…

The young girl slowly starts to stir at his feet. The man puts his hand over her mouth and clamps it tight…Holds it there until the girl stops struggling… She passes into the world of darkness she has come to know since he has kidnapped her…She can feel no pain there… in that dark, black world. The pain she has known is gone now… Her clothes lie in a pile on the floor of the tiny little cottage… The body of the young girl, who not so long ago played and laughed and dreamed of tomorrows, that would sadly never come, was only partially clothed… Black schools shoes, floral print dress that her mother, Michelle had lovingly pulled over her head just a week ago for the first time. That beautiful dress would never again adorn the body of the young Sasha Leigh Crooke… They formed an untidy pile on the floor of the cottage…

“HELP!!! HELP!!” The woman shouted as she ran down the driveway of the red-bricked house on the outskirts of Mitchells Plain… “There is a body in a case inside that house,” She screamed loudly for anyone to hear…

The police van screeched to a halt at the house next door to the home of Michelle Crooke… The body of her daughter Sasha Leigh had been found and the hope that she had treasured – The tiny flickering hope – Was extinguished by the shouts of the neighbor who saw a foot protruding from a large suitcase… The foot of the murdered Sasha Leigh Crooke…

The case would drag on for years. Michelle would go on radio to defend herself against women who called her an unfit mother. An unfit mother to a child known by all her teachers to be an affectionate, soft-spoken and loving child… Until she was targeted by an ‘animal’ who became obsessed with her and decided that .. ‘One day I will have her’… In the end he cold-bloodedly murdered her. Hiding the body in a large, old suitcase…

As the story unfolds, you are going to mourn at the tragic loss of a life so young… She is one of the many young, girl children who are lured by unstable, men and women… Then they are murdered or held captive or sold into slavery… Yes!!! Even in today’s modern age, 2013, there is a new name we have to fear…HUMAN TRAFFICKING… Women as young as 6 and as old as 30 fall foul of this new organized terror… Read this book carefully and take note of the warnings… They are there to help ensure that the same thing does not happen to your child or to you…

This story is a work comprising part truth and part fiction… All changes made are done in an attempt to encourage young children to be careful. It highlights the dangers present for teenagers and young women in our societies. Yes we must learn to trust, but that trust has to be earned. As a parent, we must ensure that the people who have access to our children have a right to be called trustworthy… They have to earn the trust we give to them…

So we have come to the end of EPISODE 2 of the first book in the “BROKEN HEART SERIES”…The Pam Pretorius Story is a tragic story but one that will inspire us to be more observant around our neighborhoods and to help where we see the need to intervene as a community. Above you have read the extract from the Sasha Leigh Crooke Story. My hope is that the mother will face her demons and co-write the account with me. She was also a victim and did not deserve to be treated the way she sometimes was. The criminal was the murderer who now sits in jail…

The reason for this series is simple…WARNINGS!!! … WARNINGS!!! … MORE WARNINGS!!! … And most importantly avoiding guilt… When you are your brother or sister’s keeper then you will live and die for the people whom you have been given the responsibility to protect. Be sure you will live a life free of guilt. It is a chance in a million that a child will be kidnapped while in your care…

DO NOT LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR CHILDREN…EVEN FOR A MINUTE… Believe me… That can happen even if you are careful, so be extra vigilant!!!

There is nothing that will make you feel as good as doing what makes God proud of you, and if you have something that we at Africa Publishing Company can help you with then email us to [email protected] … We will try and answer your queries and help to find a solution for the problem you face…

Whatever happens, DO NOT QUIT and do not give up hope. TRUST IN GOD and his ability to heal you from all the pain you have to bear. Each of us is a child that was created by God.

Live or die, we do that to the Glory of God…

TO CONTENTS PAGE

OTHER BOOKS BY AUTHOR, HENRY AFRICA, AT SMASHWORDS

MY BEATING HEART

MY CROSS TO BEARFETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME

CHARACTER OF A WINNER – 3 MODULE SERIES

THE PAM PRETORIUS STORYEPISODE 3 – A SERIES

THE PAM PRETORIUS STORYEPISODE 4 – A SERIES

OTHER AUTHORS WISHING TO PUBLISH THEIR BOOKS WITH THE AFRICA PUBLISHING COMPANY OF CAPE TOWN, CAN CONTACT US VIA EMAIL at the following address…

[email protected]

COMING SOON WILL BE MAZEL SQUARETHE PILOT BOOK IN A 6 NOVEL SERIES HERE ON SMASHWORDS… IT WILL BE FOLLOWED BY THE FIRST BOOK IN THE ‘OLD FASHIONED LOVE STORYSERIES TITLED ‘A LOVE SO PURE’…

MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND WHERE TO FIND HIM

You can also find the author on Facebook… Search for Africa Henry…

You can also contact the author by searching for Henri Michael on Facebook…

We thank you for supporting this series. Africa will benefit from your investment into this author.

Updates on his philanthropy will be posted on his various Facebook pages…

https://www.facebook.com/henry.africa

https://www.facebook.com/BaseballSoftballHallOfFame

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TO THE TOP OF THE DOCUMENT


The Pam Pretorius Story - Episode 2

This FREE in spite of the fckin KOK SUKKER who unpublished my author Henry Michael Africa... Kevin Schlosberg is a fckin arseole as far as I am concerned.... That is my opinion as a Publisher... A CENSOR at Smashwords who has taken an enormous step backwards... Hope Mark Coker fires the fcker... The Pam Pretorius Story will now air at Lulu.com and at every other online publisher besides Smashwords... get your copy FREE at Lulu.com and tell Smashwords to get fcked... It is a cheapy FREE fcked up portal not worth a cent in my opinion...

  • Author: Nadia Patience
  • Published: 2015-09-06 21:05:35
  • Words: 21786
The Pam Pretorius Story - Episode 2 The Pam Pretorius Story - Episode 2