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The Linkful Triad Trilogy and Other Plays: The Collected Work of JJ Thompson

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

The Linkful Triad, Part I: A Rose on Martha’s Breast

The Linkful Triad, Part II: Gangster’s Life Can Be in Jeopardy To

The Linkful Triad, Part III: What’s Your Take on Cassavetes, Yo?

Taste of Silence

A Brief History of Crime

The Stranger Trilogy, Part I: The Abortionist’s Daughter

Romance of the Three Commies

The Stranger Trilogy, Part II: Leprosy Killed the Leper

Skeeter’s Inferno

About the Author

 

Linkful Triad Trilogy: Part I

A Rose on Martha’s Breast

 

Characters, yo:

Linda- Martha's mom, yo.

Bob- Martha's dad who rakes her.

Martha- Martha. Has a rose brooch.

Magical Rose brrooch- Martha's magical rose brooch

 

[* Act 1-- scene 1: *] A low down trashy room with an easel standing in the middle and a couch on the far left, with a very small television on the right, straight across from the b up couch. (Bob is married to Linda and Martha is their daughter.)

 

Martha: Mom, why do you force me to paint?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Linda: (Scornful look) PAINT YOU DUMB WINCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Turns head back to television.)

 

Bob: Why is she so stubborn?

 

Linda: I don’t know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Bob: Linda, go get me a berr!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Linda: Alright sweetie-gut! (Linda kisses Bob on the check and walks offstage.)

 

Bob: Whatcha painting over there, Martha?!!!!!!!!

 

Martha: You and mom, on the couch.

 

Bob: If your mom goes to market tomorrow, we will doo you know what tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Martha: Why tomorrow?!

 

Bob: Because, your mom will go too msrket tomorrow!!!!!!!! Shut up and PAINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Linda walks back onstage)

 

Linda: Here you go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Hands Bob a beer and sits back down on sofa.)

 

Bob: Thanks, honeytits!!!!!!!!

 

Linda: You are welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Bob: Linda, will you go market tomorrow?

 

Linda: Yes, I will go to the market tomorrowe to pick up milk, eggs, beer, chuck stake, ground beaf, toothpaster, fish good, pant, and some shampoo.

 

Bob: (Looking toward Martha.) Okay, that is very good!

 

Linda: Why is that vary good?

 

Bob: THAT IS VERY GOOD BECAUSE Because I need beer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Linda: Oh.

 

Martha: But, dad! You said you wer going too—

 

Bob: SHUT UP AND PAINT YOU LITEL EVELEN YEAR OLD WHORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Martha: Okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[* Act 1-- Scene 2: *] Martha’s bedroom. Nothing but an easel and a bed are in the rooom!!! Martha lay on the bed!!!!

 

Martha: I can’t go tosleep!!! This licks nits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Rose: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,, ha, ah,!!!!!!! I am the magical rose brroch on your breast!!!

 

Martha: AAAAAAAAH!!!! Who are you?!

 

Rose: I AM THE MAGICAL ROSE BROOCH ON YOU’RE BREAST!!!!

 

Martha: What do you want witrh me?

 

Rose: I want to giv you useful info. To stop your paoa from raping you!!!!!!

 

Martha: THAT IS VERY KIND!!!!!!!!!!!!! How doo i do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????!!!!!

 

Rose: Tomorrow, when he starts too take off yours or his clothinhg, touch me and YELL by the power of rose brooch land, I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, yo see what will hapwen!!!!!!

 

Martha: Thank you, kind brooch, but what will happen!?

 

Rose: You will see, yo!!!!!

 

Martha: Why are yoo helpin me?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Rose: Because I am THE MAGICAL ROSE BROOCH ON YOUR BREAST!!!!!!

 

Martha: Oh. Thanks, Sir Brooch!!! Wil you tell me nwo?

 

Rose: NO, YOO CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[* Act 1-- Scene 3: *] Bob’s bedroom after Linda had left. Bob is alone on a bed wearing nothjing but a tight, tight muscle shirt and a pair of Joe Boxers!!!

 

Bob: Come here, we arer going to do you no what now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, MARTHA!!!!!!!!! ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Martha walks onstage.)

 

Bob: You look very sexy today, Martha!!!!!

 

Martha: Thank you, papa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Bob: Now I will take of my clothing!!!! (starts to remove his muscle shirt.)

 

Martha: (Touches rose brooch) by the power of rose brooch land, I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Bob: (Dies)

 

Martha: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! (Crying and embracing her dead dad’s body.) I killed my daddy!!! Oh, papa, I’m sorry, dad! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Mr. A, what have you done!!!!????

 

Rose: I killed both yr mom and daddy!!!!! Isn’t that what you wanted?

 

Martha: NOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hour dare you, you evil brooch!!!!

 

Rose: (Turns into his human form and is very muscular and carries a ver large and broad broad sword!!!!!)

 

Martha: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! Are you gouing to kill me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Rose: Maybe, if you are mean to me again!!!!!!!! Now, go paint, and I will rape you tomorrow!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

 

Moural of the story: Never thrust evil rose brooches in evil plots to kill you’re parents!!!!!!! BECAUSE TYHEY WILL RAPE YOO AND MAIKE YOU PAINT Two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They turn out too be just ass bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!!

 

THE END!!!!!!!!?!!

 

Linkful Triad Trilogy: Part II

Gangster’s Life Can Be in Jeopardy To

 

Characters:

Axel- Black leader of the gang and ultra smart teenager who goes on jeopardy!!!!

Lee- Member of gang.

Bee- Black member of gang.

Pee- Black member of gang.

Momma- Alex's black momma.

Pixie- Other contestant on Jeopsrdy.

Dust- Other contestant on Jeopardy.

Alex Treebek- Host of Jeopardy, yo!

 

Act 1—Scene 1: The streets of harlum, in a dark alley wher Pee, Bee, Lee, and Axel stand with guns at there sides!!!!!!!!

 

Lee: Axel, whayt are we going too do today, yo?!!!!!!!!

 

Bee: Yeah, I need to know, so my momma don’t kil me wen I get home all late, dood!!!

 

Axel: We are going to do nothing, THUG!!!!!!!!!!! Now, go home, everyone, DAWG!!!!!! Expect you, Lee, G MONEY DAWG CHAIN!!!!!!!! I need to have a word wuth you, HOMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Everyone leaves except Alex and Lee)

 

Lee: What did you want, Axel, THUG?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Axel: I wanred to tell you that if rI ever go away for a while, I want you to be the leader of the gang while I am a gone, yo!!!!!!

 

Lee: Do you really meen it, Axel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Huh, huh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, Im so, so,. Sos sos so so so so so so so so so so so so so happy!!!!!!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!

 

Alex: Qwit being such a faggot, Lee!!!!! Or else, I might get Peee to take charge and beat the shite outta you, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Lee: Yes, sir, yo!!!! I WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF THE PLACEIF YOU EVER THINK ABOUT LEAVEING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yo, DAWG!!

 

Axel: Good boy!!!!!! Maybee I should give you a cookie!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Lee: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ah,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Axel: Shut the hell up, UNCLE TOM!!!!!!!!!

 

[* Act 1-- Scene 2: *] Alexs house. He and momma stand in the kitchen, momman is cooking something and Axelsits down at a table, ready to get some foooooooooooooooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Momma: Son, you got a letter from those jeopardy peepel, yo!!!!!! Remenber the letter you sent to ask if youcould be on the showv which is called jeopardy and shot at jepa studios!!!!!!!!!!

 

Axel: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Where is it, momma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Momma: Right there on the table!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Alex: (Picks up the letter and begins to read it aloud.)

Dear Smart Man or Woman,

You sent uss a registration note thingy to be on jeopardy!!!!!!!! We read it and you got every question right we asked uyou answered correctly!!!!!!!!!!! That only happens e so often, so we are allowing you to be on our show which is called JEOPARDY on the twenty-sixth of next month, yo!!!!!!!!

 

Thank you for your time, yo,

The People Who Work At Jeopardy Studios

 

Momma: (Sliding fried chicken onto Axel’s plate.) That’s great, Axel!!!!! You get to be on the T.V.!!!!!! I will watch it ehn you are on it!, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Alex: (sipping grape soda) Thanks so much, God!!!! You are my #1 homie!!!!!!!!

 

Act 1 Scene 3: Bask on the streets of harlam and the same people are in the same places!!!!!!!

 

Alex: You guys know that I will be going onn jeopardy in too days and I wanted to say fair well. I am leaving tomorrow, so I can make the shoe on time!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Pee: (Hugs Axel.) I’m gonna miss you, Axel!!!!!!!!!!

 

Axel: I’ll be back in a week, yo!!!!!!!!

 

Bee: I’m gonna miss you too, Alex, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Lee: I am kunda glad he’s leeving, because now I am your leader, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Pee: WHAT!!!!!!!! When did hee say that!!!!!!!!!!

 

Alex: I told it too him in private, without you guys nowing, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Bee: But, I thought I was your right man hand, Axel, HOMY!!!!!!!!

 

Axel: YEAH AND YOUR GONNA BE LEE’S RITE HAND MAN WHILE IM GONE, YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Bee: Okay…………………………………………………..

 

Pee: What will I doo?

 

Axel: Do whatever you normally do!!!!!

 

Pee: Okay, Alex!!!!!!!

 

Axel: You’re the man now, DAWG!!!!!!!

 

Lee: I know, Axel!!!!!!!!!!! I’m gonna miss you!!!!!!!!! You better win on jeopardy, yo Alex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Act 2 Seen 1: On the jeporde studios GAME SHOW!!!!!!! Axel, and the two otter contestants, PIXIE AND DUST (HA, HA, HH, A, HA!!! GET IT PIXIE DUST!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

Alex Trevek: Yo!!! WELL COME TOO JEPARDY, YO!!! Tis is the bestest show ebar, yo!!!!!!! Now, lets meat are 3 people on the show!!!!!!! FIRST, WE HAVE OUR CHAMP PIXIE, WITH A AMAZING $400,000, 000,000 DOLLARS!!!!! Then we have dust who is a teechar frum Oklahomo!!!!!! THEN WE HAVE ALEX WHO IS TEH LEEDER OF THE GANGTHE BLADESFROM HARLAM!!!!! Whooo!!! Now, our catsegorgies for the day be Stanniel Kubrick films, Monkeys, Compooter Scienfe, Famous Bills, and FIVE LETER WERDSA!!!!!! Pixie, we start witr yoo!

 

Pixie: I taked famous Bills for 200 pleese!

 

Alex Trebek: Yokay!!! The answr is “This bill played in the movie “SLING BLAD”.

 

Axel: Bill Bob Thornton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Alex Trebeck: YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!! Now picks another categorie!

 

Alex: I want to tak monkeys for 400.

 

Alex TREbek: Well, too bad!!!! JUST KIDDING. The anser is “this was the kiond of monke we would see in tehe forests!!!!

 

Pixie: Ape!

 

Alex Terebek: NO!!!

 

Axel: Babboon!!!

 

Alex Trebek! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pick again.

 

Axel: I will take Biblical Characters for 900!

 

Alex Trebek: OKAY! “The answer is “This charaxter from the bible was GHEY!!!”

 

Pixie: SODOM!!!

 

Alex Trebeck: WRITE!!!! Now we enter round two!!!!!! Same categories, and Alex it’s your game!!!!!

 

Axel: I’ll take Stanley Kubrik films for 500!!!!!!

 

Alex Trebek: In this film, there is a man that fals in love with a forteen year old girl!!!! What a sicko!!!!

 

Axel: What is MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!

 

Alex Trebek: That 1500 dollars that you have now!!!!!!

 

Alex: I’ll take Stanley Kubrick films for 400 please!!!!!!!

 

Alex Trebekl: This Kubrick film was a war movie, starring Gene Hackman!!!!!!!

 

Dust: What is Pats of Gory!!

 

Alex Trebek: RIIIIIIGHT!!!!! You now have 600 dollars!!!! Now, we go to Final Jeopardy, where Pixie has 100 dollars, Dust has 600, and Axel has 15000. That Final Jeopardy categorieis “Flammable Stuff”. The answer is “If you catch this hair product on fire it will more thajn likely burn your hole house down”. “Go”. (That gay song plays for a whil All right, people let’s see what you said!!! Axel you said “hairspray”. That’s right and you wagered all of it. You know have 40000 dollars!!! Pixie, you said mousse, and you wagered…, all of it, you know have 0 dollars!!!! Dust, you said “hairbrush” That’s wrong, and youu wagered 100 dollars. You have 300 dollars, but that is not enough!!!!!!!! O new champion is AXELLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!! WITH 300000 DOLLARS!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR ALEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!

 

[* Act 3-- Scene 1: *] Alex went on the show nineteen more times and won 900 trillion bazillion gillion billion tadaillion fraillion hoilliad dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is in the streets of harlem with the fellow blades.

 

Lee: YOU DID IT, ALEX!!!!!!!!!

 

Axel: Did you take good care of the Blades while I was gone, Lee?

 

Pee: NO!!!!!! He beat us!!!!!

 

Bee, Lee, Pee, and Axel: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, yha, ham!!!!!

 

The END!!!!!!!?

 

Author’s Notes, yo: Wasn’t that so awesome!!!!! That is the best play I have ever wrote!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!! I am such a grated writer!!!!!!!!!

 

Linkful Triad Trilogy: Part III

What’s Your Take on Cassavetes, Yo?

 

Characters:

John Cassaveteys: The best director onn God’s GREEN ERTHE!!!!!!!!! WHOO-HOOB!

Mary Cassavetes- John's wife.

Ben Gazzara- The person playing the character Cosmoo in theadventers of a Japanees Rookie.

Nick Casavettes- John's lesser son, yo.

 

[* Act 1-- Scene 1: *] The Cassavetes household. Mary lay in a rocking chair, knitting, and John sits on the very epensive sofa with a Heineke (HEINEIKIN iS SOOOOo0ooooOOOO AWESUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)n beer.

 

John: I LOVE FOOT BAALLLLK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: Cood yoo please be quite, honey, Nick’s trieing to sleep!!

 

John: I’ll show you tryoing to sleep, yo!!!!!!!! (Gets upand slaps his wife)

 

Mary: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! (Crying on the flore.) That hurt, yo!!!

 

John: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Nick’s trying to sleep, yoo whore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: (Crying) Yes, dear…..

 

Nick: (Walks on stage) Daddy, I heaed yelling and screaming and mommy crying, is that food?

 

John: No, son, (Takes a sop of bear.) that’s not good. That’s the sound of a slut crying her whiny little eyes out!!!!!!!!!!!! That’sone of the worst sounds in the world.

 

Nick: (Mary begins to cry even harder.) Daddy, when I grown up I wanna be JUST like yoo, yo!!!!!!

 

John: I know!!!!!!!!!! Who dusnt, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!! Now, go t on to o bed, Nicky-cheeks!!!!!!!!!

 

(Nikc walks offstage.)

 

John: (Walks over to Martha’s body and kicks it.) You whore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yu woke up the boy!!!!!!!! Youy dumb woman!!!!!!!!!! YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: You hit me!!!!!! It hurt, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: Well, you didn’t have to cry so dang loud, now did yoo, bitch!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ah!!!!!!!! (Slaps Mary.)

 

Mary: (Wipers as she curls up on the floor and cries her gay little eyes out.) Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!!! BOO-HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,!!!!!! (Drinks some more beere!!!!!)

 

[* Act 1-- Scene 2: *] In John’s Kitchen, two days after the pervous events. (John had been asleep for one whole day due too an EXTREME HEDACKE, YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.) Mary coo something and John sits down reeding the newpaper, waiting for fgood. Nick has already at school.

 

Mary: That food’s ready, dear. Come andn get it!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: Alright! (Gets up and goes over to stove with his empty plate, his wife scrapes bakon on his plkate and makes it full. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!! John kisses his wife on the cheek, playfully.) Ooooh,honey! Wher that broose come from!!!

 

Mary: (Small tears comingn to her eyes.) I was walking in thre den the other knight and tripped on one of Nicks carelessly left around toys and fell flat on my face, yo!!!!!

 

John: Oh, well, hat’s a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, bery, verry, very, verty, very, very, veruy, bert, very, verym very bad bruise!!!!!! M you should put some viseen on it.

 

Mary: Yeah… Yeah, I’ll do that. What time do yoo you have to be at work today?

 

John: I have to be there at 12:00 sharp. I can stay for lonch today!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: That’s nise!!!!!!!

 

John: Hey, Mary, why don’t you come with me to work today!!! MAYBE I CAN NAKE YOO AN EXXXTRA IN TEH MOVIE. YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: Yea, like that I WOULD!!!!!!!!

 

John: What woold you like to do!!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: Anything fine, huney!!!!!!!!

 

John: Your so nice!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m the luckest guy in the world to have a wife like you!!!!!!!

Mary: (Mutters) I’m the UNLIKIEST woman in the world, then……!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: What was thatk, dear!!!!!

 

Mary: Oh, nothing….. Just thimking of a recipe for German Toast!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: GERMAN TOAST!!!!! That’s wonderful!!!!!!!! Ill put it in my movie!!!!!!!

 

Mary: But how!!!!!!

 

John: Ill have Ben’s character—that’s Cocksmoc, by the way—go into a bra to get some coffee and a slice of German toast!!!!!!! Hs, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ham!!!!!!!! I am a genius!!!!!

 

Mary: That’s….. That’s very clever of you, John!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: I know!!!!!!!!!!!! I am god of movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: It’s nine0clock!!!!! We better hurry up and start cooking lunch iff we want to make it to the ste on time!!!!!!!!! (Pops a turkeyu in the oven.)

 

John: How long will this take?

 

Mary: Not long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: Well, this danm turkey better hurry up, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t wanna get fired because of a goddame turkey!!!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: You won’t, deer!!!!! Trust me!!!!!

 

John: I had and idea!!!!!!!!!!! Whenever Ben get his German toste, YOU WLK BE THE THE WAITRESS!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

 

Mary: A waitress….. That’s lovly. Honey……

 

John: Do you knot wanna be a waitess? I’ll get someone else to do tit!!!!!

 

Mary: No, I wanna be a waitress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll be a very, very, very, vary good waitressq!!!!!!

 

John: Ha, ahah, hah, ha, ha!!!!!!!!! Thta is so funny, Mary!!! I know you will be ever so amazzing.

 

Act 2 Scene 1: On the set of Killimg of a Chinese rookie.

 

MaryP: Where do I sstand, hunny??!?

 

Jon: I will tell yoo that information in 1 minut, honeytits!!!!

 

Ben: WHO IS THIS!!?!??!?!?

 

John: This is my wife, ben.!!!!! Yoo know, the 1 I have sex with!!!

 

Ben: Ha, aha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ham!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO FUNNY IS THAT!!!

 

Maty: HAHAHAHAH!!!!! Now were do I sitand Wait! Don’t make me were that!

JohN! (holding whorey outfit) Yoo wil where it because yor charater is a slut and yoo are a slut and this is what a lot off sluts that I have met wear and since that info Is corr then yoo will be forced two where itt because I am both teh daracter of this flick and your husband you will obey everything I tell yoo to do so sdo it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: BUT, HUNNY I WILL FEEL TO MUCH LIKE A HORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

JOHN: SHUT UP CUNTFACE MCGEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOO R ASTOOPID WOMAN AND I AMA SMA MAN AND I OWNZ j00!!!!!!

 

Mary: OKAY, YO!!!!!! I wuill where the whoret costyume becosue I luv you and I want nothing more than to maoke you happy and if it will mak youy happy, then I will do IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ben and John laff out loud verry lowdly and with loudness

 

JoHn: HA, HA HA, HA, Ha. Jha ha ha ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, HA HA!!!!!!!!!! I sware, mary you is such a slut sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, HA HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, AH, AH, AHA!!!!!

 

The scene is shtot, hoever thr durector wanrs it too looks

 

John:L THAT WAS TEH BEST SEEN IN ANY FLICK EVAR MADE WITH THREE CHEEERIOS ON TOP!!!!!!!!!! I love cherries!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: then I will mak yoo a cherrie caserolle when we get home because I am a wooman and ti is my job too cook and clean & mop & work and all that shit while my darling husband works hrad two make hard MOOLA and put pretty dresses on my back, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ben: YOO NBET YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

JohN: HAH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HAR, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT, MAN, THAT IS SUM FUNNY, FUNNY STUF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ben: Ha, Haa, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, AH, AHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I bet the sperm from your penis will stane some pussy toknight!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: (givng thumbs uup) HELL, YEAH, YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

THE END!!!!!!!!!???????????

 

Arthur’s Noters: OK, so I no thish wuz short!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SO SORRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think that thisplay will have a lot too sa aboot CCASSEVETES because he are such a greate director, but he always FUCKED WOMEN WRONGLY. I say this because he kicked them and punched them and hurt tem a cut them and stabed them and shot them and kllied them and that is not write in any way what so ever!!!!!!!!!!! I am sirius here, folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont fuc weomen the wrong way or they will feel bad& stoop fucking yoo!!!!. They cant hurt you tho, cause they just women. BUT KILLING/BEETING WOMAN IS WRONG ON MANY S LEVELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO DO NOT DO IT OR I WILL CUM TO YOUR HOWS AND BEET YOU, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my GIRL FREND is all goth AND SHIT SO IT IS ALRITE FOR ME TO HER BUT YOURE GF IS NOT GOTHIK AND HATES BEGIN CUT SO YOO SHOOD NOT CUT HER ANYWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok, no my momma calling me so I better go to diner. I LOVE DINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TURKY IS THE BETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIDJOO Catch my terky revere in my Cassavetes play, BTW? IT IS SO AWESUM.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

 

Taste of Silence

 

Author’s Notes, yo: This play is abowt a very famous Jap cereal killer, ISSEI SAGAWA!!!!!!!! Issei is a very, very, very, very, bery, very bad man man and I am IN NO WAY A OF HIS, yo!!!!!!!!!! But that dont mean that I can’t rite a play about him. See, while I tink dat Issei is a bafd person, I ALso find him pretty neat b/c he’s so weird. He kiled a ate a french woman in the 1960’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE ATE PEOPLE, YO!!!!!!!!! Momma’s a head-doctor (forget what thye is called) and she even thinks this dude is wired!!!!!!!!!! ANYWHO, dis play is awesum and I love it very mnuch!!!! Ha, ha, haa, ha, ha, ha, ha,!!!!!!!! Its almost as cool as my LINFUL TRIAD TRILOGY, but not qwite. WARNIGN: This most violent play evar so dont read it if you cant tummmy that sort of stuff!!!!!!!!! I am pretty consrevative myself but i DONT THINK MYART SHOULD BE LIMITED!!!!!!! Also, play gets kinda “postmodern” (ha, ha, ha, ha, haa,h a, ha, ha!!!!!!!!! momma taught me that word) it gets at times because it is pretty fcked up so dont reed it if your dumb Please & thanks enjoy!!!!!!!

 

Character List:

Issei – Killer!!! Hes a crazzy oriental dood who enjoys the taste of flesh!!!!!

Susan – French lady with major frenchy accent.

Marie – SUsans french friend also with a french accent

Chan – Issei’s roomate & uber-close friend

Inspector Chingchong – Cop

 

Act 1, Scene 1 -- Outside (in Japan) with lots odf Japanes stuff and shit. Mairie and Susan are waking around and then Issei comes behind the girlys and sets down at a conveniently-placed table. HA, ha, ha, aha, ha, ha, ha, hga, ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Mary: Susan, I am sooooo mglad tath our parents sent us too Japan for the weekend it is so much funn here!!!!!!!!

 

Susan: Yes!!!!

 

Marie: Ha, aha, ah, ha, ha!!!! It is so hrad to be a Frecnh woman here in China!!!!!!

 

Susan: YEs it is, Marie!!!!! Everybody looks at us funy witch makes me fel like a monkeyu in a zooo!!!!!!!!!

 

Issei: (gets up from tabel and walks over to the ladiez) Hello women, my naem is Issei and!!!!!!!!!

 

Susan: Hello, Mr. Issei, we are French tourits!!!!

 

Issei: YEs, I am sory but I overherd you. (gets on his hands & iknees, bowing and shit) On behalf of Japan, I woold like to apologize for every single baad look that you have gotten!!!!

 

Mary: OH, WHAT A NICE MAN YOU AER!!!

 

Susan: YUes, you are a very nice and trustworthy man, Mr,. Sagawa.

 

Issei: Well, to ferther sorry to you, may I take you out for a dreink?!!!!!!!

 

Susan: YEs,. that would be very nice, Mr. Sagawa!!!!!!

 

Marie: Im sorry that I cannot, but I doo tank you for teh kind offer!!! I will go hom now, Susan!!!!!!!!!! You two, have funn!! (walks off)

 

Issei: Ha, ha, ha, ah, ha, ha, ha!!!!

 

Sunas: Wat is so so funny, MR. Sagawa?!!!!

 

Issei: Pleawse, Susan, call me Issei!!!!

 

Susan: Okay, Issei!!! I will cal yoo Issei, Issei!!!! Now whar is so funny, Issei?

 

Issei: It is so funny that you’re frend left you behind because NOW I will kille kill you!!!!!

 

Susan: Hah, ha, aha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, .ha,. ha, ha, ham!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a funy man!!!!! Now that uyou are thru joking, will you buy that drink fro me now?

 

Issei: I are not jokin, GIRLY!!!!! Ha, ha,a a, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!! (punches Susan in the face which knocks her out)

 

Act 2, Scene 1 -- At Issei's house!!!! Chan is on da couch, asleep when Issei walks in with da knocked-out Susan on his back!

 

Issei: I must be vary quietu so my roomate doth not wake up and find out that I are killing woman!!!!

 

Chan: (wakes up) Hello Issei who is that on yuor back!!!!!!!

 

Issei: Oh, hello Chan I am very sorry that I wok yoo up!!!!! This is a very nise ghirl who pased out and I am going too let her sdleep here tonight!!!!! Is that okay!!!!

 

ChanL: Ha, aha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!! Issei, yoo are such a nise guy somethimes!!!!! Your my hero!!!!!!!

 

Issei: I know!!!!! Ha, ha, haa, ha, ha!!! By the way, can yoo go to the marsket and buy rice, sooshi, chopsticks, eggrolls, soy sauce, fish good, and shampoo?

 

Chafn: Sure, Issei!

 

Issei: Thanks!!!!

 

Chan: No promblem!!!!! (walks out)

 

Issei: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ah, ha, ha!!!!! (puts susan on the couch) Hold on, dead girl!!!! I will be right back and I will kill you!!!! (this is where uit gets maniacal) Ha, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!! (walks out)

 

Susan: (wakes up) Were am I!?!?!? I have no idea wherte I am!!!!!

 

Issei: (walks back with knife ifn hand) Oh no my woman is back up!!!!!

 

Susan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOO DOGNI!!!!!!!

 

Issei: (runs to SUsan and stabs her)

 

Susan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (dies)

 

Issei: Oh I hav killed a woman!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Act 2, Scene 2 -- In da kitchen!!!!!! Issei is at the ta0ble with the now-dead Susan at his side, bleedinmg and shit.

 

Issei: Hmmm……………Now that my woman is dead wat wikl I do with da remains?!!!!!!! Oh, I know!!!!!!!!! I will cook them in my ovne and then I will eat tjhem for my meal!!!!!!!!!!! (picks up the dead bnody and folds it half, then throws it in the oven) Ha, ah, ha, ha, ha,. ha, ha, ha, ah!!!!!!!!!! I AM EVIL!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!!!! (a dor is heard offstage (special effects) and we hear Chans voice)

 

Chan: Issei!!!! They were out off FISH GOOD is but I got som parsley insted!!!! HEY WAIT!!!!!! Issei did you cutt your finger on da couch AGAIN!!?! THERE IS BLOD EVERIWHERE!!!! (enters) WHY is that sleeping woman dead and bleding!!!!!

Issei: She got sick!!!!!!!

 

Chan: ISSEI WHAT HAVE YOO DONE!?!??!?

Issei: (kills cHan)

 

Chan: (dies)

 

Issei: HA HA, HA, HA, Ha, , ha, Ha, Ha, ha!!!!!!! This is good!!!!! (picks up both dead bodies and puts them in oven) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!! (time passes and the daracter of play can make Issei do whatever they want him to do!) GOOD!!! MY HUMAN IS DONE!!!!! (goes to oven and starts eatin and shit) HA, Ha, ha, aha, ha, HA, ha, Ha, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Act 3, Scene 1 -- Issei sits on da couch eatinmg a sandwitch made of people and bread!!!!!!!!

 

Issei: YEs this sandwhich is vary good!!!!! Ha, ha, ja, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hga!!!!!!! People taste so perfecrtly good!!!!!!!!!! (a knock at the door) Oh, wow! WHo could that be!?!?!? (opens door)

 

Inspector Chingchong: Mr. Sagawa, you are under arrest. (slaaps sum cuffs on Issei Sagawa) AND SENTENCED TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!! (shoots Issei Sagawa)

 

The End!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????(?)

 

Author’s Notes, yo: Ha, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!!! TAKE THAT, DIRTY CEREAL KILER!!!!!! Issei Sagawa totaly deserved to die. HE KILLED AND ATE A WOMAN!!!!!!!! NOT EVEN J CASSAVETES STOOPED THAT LOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG dude. Sick fuckgtard wus he!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seeriously people dont eat people!!!!! I doubt that thye even taste good!!!! Gro gross groos!!!!!!!!!!

 

A Brief History of Crime

 

Author’s Notes, yo: Tish is a varygood play I wrotre about HISTORY BEING RE-CHANGED witch is very clever!!!!!! As wee all know, G. Bush won da 2005 election last year, running aganst JOHN CARIE. I wont let mye personal pollitics come in da way (CAUSE THEY WOULD BLOW YOO AWAY (HA, HA ha, ha, haa, ha, ha, ha!!!!!!!!!!)but John Carri sOOOOOOOOOOOO GHEY!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ah, ha, haa, ha, ha,!!!!!!!!!!This play is aslo simi-inspired by EDWARD 2 by Willima Shakespear!!!!! We had to reed it for English cl It is vary GHEY but some

 

Characters, yo:

John “ABRHAM” Carrie – Winner of da president.

Johnny Eduards – 2nd in comand, yo!!!!!!!!!

Missy Carie-HINEZ – johns wief who bathes in kethcup from what I here.

George BUsh – The prez in reel lief,BUT NOT IN MY CRAZZY FICTION WERLD!!!!!!!

Dick Cheney – Bald dood wiht a AWESOME NAEM!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, haa, ah, ah!!!!!

Sodom Hussein – EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, BAD, BAD MAN!!!!!!!!!

 

Act 1, Scene 1 -- In the oval ofice, john carie sits behind his desk!!!! He is making out wiht Johnny Edwards which is realy gross but stay with me here!!!!!!!

 

John: Ha, ha, ah, ah, ha, haa, had. Ha!!!!!!!!!! Johnny we are ghey together!!!!!! Call in Gorge Bosh so that I can be mean to him!!!!!!!

 

Johnny: Yes, lover!!!! Shood I call in Dick to??!!!!!!!

 

John: PLEASE DO THAT AS WELL!!!!!!!

 

Johnny: DICK!!!! GEORGE W. BUSH!!!!!!! COME INTO THE OVAL OFFICE!!!!!!!!!

 

John: Call mi wief too would yoo too sweety-bins!!!!!!!!

 

Johnny: MISSY!!!! COME!!!!!

 

(George Bush, DIck Cheney amnd MISSY CARRIE walks in!!!!! DICK IS WHERING A DRESS because john carrie has forced him to. Dick and George looks REAL BAD!!!!)

 

George: What is it mr. President?

 

John: GORGE BUSH, GO GET ME STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Gerogeg: I will go get yoo stuff because I am helpless……………………………………… (george leaves so he can get stuff)

 

Dick: what can I do, John?

 

John: Tut! What did I tell you to call me?

 

Dick: Sigh I am sorry, ABERHAM!!!!! What can I doo you for?!!!!!

 

John: You can change dresses!!!! That one is not appealing to my sense of sight!!!!!!!!

 

Missy: Hello my dear husband what can I do for you!!!?

 

John: (walks from behind his desk and hits his wife HARD across tre faec) HA, haa, ha, ha, ha, aha, ha., ha, ha, ham!!!!!!!!! YOUI ARE A DUMB, DUMB WOMEN!!!!!!! JohnEd is my ghey l;over now and you are my ho that I shall keep on da side!!!!!!! Ha, aha, ha, ha ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ah, ha, ha, haq, ha, ha, ha, hal,aha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Missy: (crieing) BOO-HOO!!!!! Boo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Johnny: Go eet some ketchup, you hore!!!!!!!!!!

 

Missy: (runs away cryting)

 

Johnny: It are so fun being evil, my ghey lover, Aberham!!!!!!

 

John: INDEED IT IS, JOHN EDWARDS!!!!!!!

 

Act 1, Scene 2 -- A small room with a tabel int da middle of it and some echairs and shit around it.!!!!!!!! Ha, aha ha, ha, ha!!!! Its awesum. Johnny and John sit at da table.

 

John: Wen is Sadom Hosain getting here, Lover?

 

Johnny: I do not know, Abreham. OH HERE HE IS NOW!!!!!

 

Sodom Hssein: (walks in) HEllo Mister adn Mr. President. I have plans.

 

John: YAAAAAAAY!!!!! Let me see them, god buddy!!!!!

 

Soodom Hussein: I will let yoo se the plans. (starts takin parers out of his backpack and shit) Abreham!!! This wallpaper is vary good!!!!!!!!

 

John: Thank you, Sodom Hussein.

 

Sodom Hussein: Anyway, these plans. They very good plan s fro WORELD DOMINATION!!!!!

John: Heee, hee, hee!!!!!!! (evil MANIAC LAUFGH!!!!!)

 

Johnny: HONEY YOO ARE SO CUTE!!!!

 

John: Yes, John Edward, I am cute!!!!!!!!! CUTE AND EVIL TATH IS!!!!! Ha, ha,aha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!! Now sodom Hussein please eplexaind these EVIL PALMS TO ME!!!!!

 

Sodom Hussein: Yes Aberham Lincoln I WILL EXPLAIN PLANDS TO YOO NOW!!!

 

Act 2, Scene 1 -- John and John is in da Oval Office booth ,laughing abowt something THE AUDIENCE IS FORCED TO WONDER HA., ha, ha, ha, aha, ah,a ga, ha, ha!!!!! I am clever.

 

John: Ha, ha, ha,!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE EVIl, John Edwarda!!!!!!!

 

Johnny: I am zo hungry that we legalized Murder OH IM SORRY I MEAN ABORTION and tath Sodom Hussein uis helping us take over the world. WE ARE SUCH NA CUTER COUPLE!!!!!!!! Bythe way, hony I am very hungry.

 

John: MISSY!!!!! HORE!!!!!!!!! Come in!!!!!!!

 

Missy: (wlaks in weating rags and shoit covered in kethcup stains and den gets on her knees) Yes, masters?!!!!!!!

 

John: Bring sandwiches woman!!!!!! Has, ha, ha, ha,. Ha!!!!!!!!!! (missy leaves)

 

Johnny: (brings a remote control wiht a BIG RED BUTTON OIN it out of the deks) John, can we push iyt yet?

 

John: We will do iot soon, my ghey lover. Andwhen we push it WE WILL RULE DA WWHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!! Ham, ha, ha, ha, ha, hxc, !!!!!!!!!!!! Johnyy: LEts do it, Aberham!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: On da count of five…. (this is where it gets intense)

 

1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

4.

 

5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(they go to touch da baton when………..)

 

George W. Bush: (walks in wit a string on his back, Dick Cheney in a dress not to far behinf) NOT SO FAST HOMOS!!!!!!!!!

 

John: What are you doing Georghe W. Bush and what is on the other end iof thgat rope?!!!!!!!!!!

 

George: (puls rope tighter to reveal da dead body of SODOM HUSSEIN).

 

John: (cries)

 

Johnny: Oh, Aberham do not cry!!!!! (drops the remote w/ the button on it on the floor)

 

Dick: (shoots remotewith an AWESUM GUN)

 

George: Will you stop bein mean, John Carrie:

 

John: (still crying) GET OUT OF THE OVAL OFICE, GEORGE W, BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!

 

George: THiS ISN’T THE OVAL OFFICE, IT’S THE EVIL OFFICE!!!!!! Now answer the question!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

John: George W. Bush yoo do not understand I am evel by natore i cannot give it up so easily!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

George: Well, John Carrie, I am sorry to havbe to do this but… Do it, Dick….

 

Dick: (shoots john and John)

 

George: (as the bullet is shot, Goerge says) I never wanted to… (just to prove what a generaly nise guy he is)

 

Dick: Its all yoo now Goerge W. Bush!!!!!!!

 

George: (sits at the oval office desK() I feel at home………………

 

Missy: (walkes in) George, yoo are my hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (makes out w/ George Bush)

George: HOORAY!!!!!!!!!

 

The end!!!!!!!(?)????!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!!!!

 

The Stranger Trilogy, Part I:

The Abortionist’s Daughter

 

Authors Notes, yo: Ha, ha, ham, ha, ha, hak, ha!!!!!!!! Dis is da first patt of my THE STARNGER TRILOGY which will BRAKE YOOR FACE WITH ITS UBERAWESOMENESS!!!!! T sereis will be a comapndion peace with my Linkful Triad Trilogy but dis series will be all about WHAT IS GOING WRONGE with our baeutiful godfearing nation called AMERICA….watch out for da other parts because each part will go with the other parts/cream yoor jeanbs!!! HA, ha, hsa, ha,m ha, ha!!!

 

Characters, yo:

Dr. Bronson – KILLER OF BABYS!!!!!

Piper Bronson – The abortonist daughter (like DA TITLE SAYS (HA, ha, ha, haa, ha, ha!!!)

Granma Bronson – Old lady!!!! ha, ha, ha, ha ,ah!!!!

The Milk Man – a milk man

Detective Giggler – black cop with Mad Street SMARTZ, yo!

The Starnger – MSYsterios man in black but he aint black like DETECTIVE GIGGLER who is black.

 

Act 1, Scene 1 -- In the Dr. Bronson's living room, the famly all round with the doctre on da couch and Granma Bronson rubbing his feeet, while Piper Bronson isn eating gre beans out of can.

 

Piper Bronson: These green beans lick nits!!!

 

Dr. Bronson: SHUT UP HORE!!!! If yoor mom cold see the BITCH-FEAST yoo have become she would hit yoo with a flying pan!!!

 

Piper Bronson: It is so tragic being the ABORTONIST DAUGHTER!!!!

 

Dr. Bronson: Yoo don’t know what you talk bout, yo!!! My job is a good thing and abortiion IS AWESUM!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ja, ja, jha!!!!!!

 

Granma Bronson: Yoo are so wright my son because I am a woman and yoo are a man and therefore you aer roight!!

 

Dr. Bronson: Dats right!! Da one with da balls is da one dat makes da calls!!!! Ha, ha, aa, ha, ha,a ha !!!!!!!!!!! I am clever.

 

Piper Bronson: (wispering to her herself) My mother would be sooooo sad if she was alive!!!! :(

 

Dr. Bronson: WHAT YOO SAY COCKBITCH!!!!!

 

Piper Bronson: Nothing farther………………,…………….

 

Dr. Bronson: Ha, ha, ha, !!!! Keep rubbing those feet woman my corns are bleeding!!!

 

Granma Bronson: Yoo have the feet of a god my sun……………!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Piper Bronson: (goes to the kitchen tabel) I wish the LIBRELS MEDIA did not control the coauntry because then the EVAL CRIME called abolishion wood be cease to exist!!!

 

Dr. Bronson: OH God, I got existed!!!!!

 

Granma Bronson: Can I stop now my sun?? My fingres are bleeding from all this rubbing and toching of da feet …!!!!!

 

Dr. Bronson: FUCK YOO WOMEN!!!!!!! I AM THE JESUS OF THIS HOUSE!!!!!! (Hits her in the stomahcn son hard that her dentrures fly out)

 

Granma Bronson: (dies)

 

Dr. Bronson: (fakes being sad bit is not really but he is acting) Oh no I Killed Granma!!! Ha, ha, hak, ha, ha lgha, ha!!!!!!

 

Piper Bronson: (cries) BOO-HOO!!!!! Boo-hoo!!q!!! BOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I will slit my wrsits tonite and kill myse;lf!!!!!

 

Dr. Bronson: Yoo DARE OPOSE ME!!!!!!! (hiters her HARD across the face) Yoo will now take your granmas job and be my slave and yoo will now proave yoo loyalness to me clweaning this MESSS!!(goes around acting all crazy and shit sand trashes the house so that Piper can clean it)!! ha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!

 

Piper Bronson: Oh no……………………………….Iam a slave…………………………….

 

Act 1, Scene 2 -- In the city park Mr. Bronsan flys a kite and Piper Bronson sits on the bench looking sad while themilk man comes into the place.!!!!!!

 

Milk Man: MY what a lovly kite yoo have………..

 

Dr. Bronson: Hello milkman!! I HOPE THE MILK IS GOOD AND WARM TODAY!!!!

 

Milk Man: But yoo have a daughter and milk will makes her bones strong and helthy!!!

 

Dr. Bronsan: Don’t worry one day my daughrer will be a women and she will make the milk all on her onw!!! Ha, ha, ha,mha, ha!!! Women lactate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Milk Man: DO THEY REA:LY!!!!

 

Dr. Bronsoj: Ye I know dat because I am a Doctors and I anm a very, very, very, vary smart man !!!!

 

Milk Man: Yoo shore do no a lot about the womenfolk, yo.

 

Dr. Bronson: Yeah I know enought to know when to GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!! (hits the mailman in his fist) Now get me the mlik before I calkl the cops!!!!

Male man: I will give you the milk befor yoo call the cops………………… (gives him the mail)

 

Dr. Bronson: Ha, hga, ha, ha ha ,ha ,ha, h!!!!!! It is so good being a uber-poewrful LIBRAL ABORTER OF DEAD CHILDREN!!!!!

 

Piper Bronan: (gives her father a sweeter) Father I knit yoo a sweeter.

 

Dr. Bronson: The sweeter is very good.

 

Piper Bronson: I made it with love………………..(under her breth) BUT NOT FOR YOO…/…….

 

Dr. Nbronson: Oh Piper, I forget to go to the store….. can yoo go to the markat and pick up some cabagge, parsley, chicken beast, saltine crackers, falafals, fish good, and shampoo!!!! I am a vary hungry man!!!!!

 

Piperr Bornson: (goes to the market)

 

Dr. Bronson: LIttel dose she know dat tonite will be the last night of her shitty life, yo!!!!! (this is where it gets a littel CRAXY) HA, ha, aha, ha, aha, kasj, ha, ha,!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Act 2, Scene 1 -- Piper Bronsona is in het market trying to find shampoo BUT IS FAILING!!!!!!! Ha, ha,a ah, aha!!! Realy, guys, it aint funny.

 

Detective Giggler: (comes out) Hello Piper Bronsan!!!!!

 

Piper Bronsan: HELLO BLACK MAN!!!!!! Who are yoo!!!!!!!!!

 

Detecive Giggler: I am a copper, “Dawg” Shit“Nizz“le!!!! AND YOO ARE UNDER ARRESTED, YO!!!!

 

Piper Bronson: What did I do. Why myst my life be so tragic.

 

Detective Giggler: (giggels) I’m just kidding yoo crazy “cracker bitch”. Whats “craka-lakan”, lil “white” girl yo!?!?

 

Piper Bronan: I am sad because I can not fnd the shampoo and I am even sadder because I am the daughter of the I am the ABORTONISTS DAUGHTER and I must live the l a slave and I will get beated adn shit.

 

Detective Giggler: (pulls out his berrata) AH HELL NAH! DATSHITJUYST AINT RIGHT, yo!!!!!

 

Piper Bronsan: Can yoo help me kind black man!!!!!

 

Detective Giggler: YOO KNOW I“M A “THUUUUG”!!!!!!!!! Yo, I gotz my “glock” on his “honkey white ass”!!!!!! Let me call my “boys” Tyrone and Jumal one my “cellular” and will get to wrork on dat fagat “fuck daddy”!!!!!(calls them) DAMN IT DEY MUST BE SMOKINGCRACKWITOUT ME!!!! (throws the phone and shoots it)

 

Piper Bronson: Do yoo think yoo can do this on your onw, yo?

 

Detectve Giggler: Don’t worry!!!! My home-dawgs “2Pac” and “Biggey Size” watch my bacxk in Heaven where I know dey is chillin with the G-Man, YOYOYO!!!!!!!

 

Piper BronsoN: Who is THE G-MAN?????

 

Detecive Bronson: Dat is God, yo, our lrod and savor who died for our sins on DA CROSS!!!!

 

Piper Bronson: I am vary suprised about hearing about this god charaxter….. tell me more about him!!!!!

 

Detective Giggle: (lights up a menthal cigrate) I will tall yoo more about the Jesus when we get in my “CADILLAC PIMPED OUT WITHRIMS” & SHIT”… CMON WE will take o the ABORTIONST DAUGHTER together using da powar of The Vible and OUR LOVE FOR DA HEAVANLY FATHER!!!!! Dats right, “hockey”, Christ love!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Act 2, Scene 2 -- Back in da house where Piper Branson and Delective Gigler come up in and see the house stille trashed like it was in act 2 but Dr, Bronsan in not in there.

 

Detective Giggler: Dis house is ghey!!!!!!!!!!!! Qwhat happened to it, yo?!!!!

 

Dr. Bronson: (jumps out behind the curtane) I destoryed this house and I think it is okay to be ghey in our LIBERAL SOCEITY!!!! H,a ha, ah, ha, ha, ha ha, ah, ha!!!!

 

Detectvie Giggler: Who are yoo???

Dr,. Bronson: I am Dr. Bronson, the new god of Dis world!!!! Ha, ah, ha, ham ha, ha, mah!!!!!

 

Piper Brandon: No, I heard from Detective Giggler about our lord GOD and his son JESUS CHRIST who both died for our sins!!!!

 

Dectective Giggler: I cant believe yoo could raise a little girl without da teachings of the Lord yo!!!!

 

Dr. Bronson: That is because I am the worlds NEW GOD/ABORTER!!!!

 

Piper Bronson: What do yoo mean, father?

 

Dr. Bronson: I will show yoo the SHOCKING TRUTH!!!! (Goes to the table and pulls back the tableclothes to reveal a giant glass case with a thousand kajillion dead babys flo around wich is uber-gross but KEEP REEDING IT GETS GOOD) Dis is why my wife died I killed her after she dound out about my secrat!!!! Piper, every year I drug you and ra yoo while you sleep and den I abort the baby while yoo sleep!!!! Yoo have had my kids!!! I am the father and the hubband! I ownz j00!!!!

 

Piper Bronson: OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Cries)

 

Detective Gigglre: Yoo have been abortioning!!!! DAT AIN“T RIGHT YO!!! Parpare to eat knuckles off ma black fist because I am going to punch yoo with my “black” fist!!!!!

 

Dr. Bronson: (pulls out a sclapel) Fuck Yoo Giggler!!!!!! Bring it on!!!!!

 

Detective Giggler: (fights with Dr. Bronson while Piper Bronson watches in sUSPENCE)

 

Dr. Bronson: (fights back)

 

Detectivbe Giggler: YOO Ain“T “ALL DATAND A BAG OF TATER CHIPS!!!

 

Dr. Bronson: As if, fuckface!!!!!!!!!! (Backhands him so hard he knocks the gold out of his teeth)

 

Detecive Giggler: (falls done) “SHEEEEEYIT!”!!!!! I see da light yo…………………………….

 

Piper Bronson: Oh, no, Jesas help me……….

 

DR. Bronson: (hits his Piper Bronson) Ha, ha,gha, ha,. Ha, ha, ha ,ha ha!!!!!

 

Act 3, Scene 1 -- SAME PLACE, SAME TIME

 

Dr. Bronson: Ha, hga, ha,. Hga, ha, ha!!!!!! Yoo Cannot stop me!!! I AM THE NEW GOD AND I WILL DETHROWNE THE OLD GOD AND TAKE HIS CASTLE IN HEVEN!!!!!!!!!

 

The Starnger: (stands behgind the curtain and whistles a song)

 

Dr. Bronson: WHAT???? Who is my house!!!!!!!

 

The Starnger: (walks out into the living room)

 

Dr. Bronson: Who are yoo????!!!

 

The Starnger: I am hear to put an end to yor madness!!!! There is only on god and he is all powerful and all mighty……………

 

Dr. Bronson: NO DON“T HURT ME (pees in his pants cause hes a liveral sissy!!!!! Ha, hba, ha, ha, ha,a!!!!!!!!!!)

 

The Starnger: God sent me here to get rid of da sin in the world, yo. Looks like I came just in time…. (pulls out a gun and shoots him)

 

Dr. Bronson: (dies)

 

The Stargner: (walks over to Piper Bronsan and puts his hand on her sholder) Yoo must lern to walk the path of the rightaeous and be a good Christan woman who turns aw these evil things like abortion and violance and gheys!!!!!! One day yoo will be the one with the god.

 

Piper Bronsan: Thank yoo Mr………………………………………….

 

The Stargner: Call me The Stargner. (walks out)

 

Decective Giggler: (wakes up) What happened, yo?

 

Piper Bronson: Giggler, my father was stoped by a man in black but was not black liek yoo who came here and saved me from a life of misary!!!!! His name was da stargner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Detective Giggler: This makes me happy Piper…. but where will yoo live now?

 

Piper Bonson: I don’t have family……………

 

Detective Giggler: Yoo will stay with me!!!!!!! (last shot of them is the two of them walking off together in the sunset). We will stay in my “pad” in da hood wear yoo will be s from da evils of the wrold, yo!!!!!! (talks to hisself) Thank you God, yoo a true “playa”!!!! ANd maybe one day I will meet dis Stargner cracka and tank him for all da help………………..

 

The end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Authors Note: As yoo cold probAbly tell I am vary pro-life and I think aborton is a horrible, horrible, very bad bad crime crime that would be outlawed if not for all the EVIL LIBRAL LAWEMAKERS!!! Women sholdn't be allowed to murder the young and inocent, and they shold noy have rights over they bodies either!!!!!! When I was real young an dad was still alive he came to me one night and told me I WAS ALMOTS ABORTED! He told me dat's why moma alwayz laughd bout drinking licker and throwing herself down strairs when she was pargnant!!!!! As you can see aborton makes people crazy and dey JUMP DOWN STARECASES!!!! Sigh, I guess the LIBRAL MEDIA will never be as compasonate as us pro-lifers. So now I got just 1 question fro yoo guys ------ ARE YOU PUMPED UP FOR THE REST?!!!!!!!! I know I am, yo!!!! Ha, h, ah, ha, ha,bnha, ha, ha ha!!!!!!!!

 

Romance of the Three Commies

 

Arthur’s Notes: Ddoods!!!!!! Waht is up, Gs and Bs?!?!!!!!! I ain t been writin da plays IN SOOOOoooooooooooooooooOoOoOoO logn!!!!!!! IT SUXED!!!!! But now I are back a bakc wit a VENGANCE!!!!!!!!!! Juts liek Just liek KEVIN COSSNAR in dat flick REVENGE!!!!!!! Ha, ah,nha, hga, ha, ha, ha, ha, gha!!!!!!!!!!!! Dat flick is Hillariousa!!!!!! But yea play is about orientals people from CHINA doin there rice thang wich I tink is VARY UBER INTRESTIGN!!!!!!!!!!! It is alzo a allllegorie (some ghey dude from schewl said dat da other day and I was all liek ‘WTF, dood dats gay!!!!!!!!!!!’ but here I am usin it in ways so brilliant your JEANS IZ CREAMED!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah, ha, hga, ha, ha!!!!!!!!) Abowt commies and how much dey SUCK!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah,a ham gam ha, ha, ha, ah!!!!!!! Serously , dough, commies suck,

 

Characters, yo:

Rop – Smal boy who work on rice farm!!!!!!! Ha, ah,a , ha, ha!!!!!!!!!

Kappa – very sexy ladie dat like ROP vary much!!!!! Works on fram too.

Winthrop – Chines picker of the rice.

Frank – EVEL COMMIE A-HOLE FAGMO dat lieks bein all mean n shti

Frankina – Franks whife who is HATING FRANK (FOR GOOD REASON, YO!!!!!) Haha, aha!!!)

Karl Marx – GHEY.

 

Act 1, Scene 1 -- On da rice farm wit rop, Cappa and Winthorp. They is pickin da rice w/ big ole fuckin HOOKZ AND SHIT witch is PREOTTY DAMN KILLER IF YA AKS ME!!!!!!! h,a ha, ha, ha, hga!!!!!!!

 

Rop: I hate to pick riece all da days. IT SUXX0RS!!!!!!!! But at leats my commy govement will let m,e keep some rice for myself THEY ARE EVIL!!!!!!!!

 

Kapa: Rop yoo are silly!!!!!! ShhhHhhh!!!!!!!! Do not takl harshly abowt our gov’t or some evil dude with a whip will STOMP YOUR ASS, yo!!!!!!!!!

 

Duke: Yes, Capa is rite Rop. Ha, ha, ah,a ha, ha, ha!!!!!!!

 

Caper: Tank you Duke, you is a very nice man. But, mau I ask what are so funy?

 

Duke: YOO ARE VERY FUNNY, HORE!!!!! (pops Kaappa across the face one time)

 

Rop: DUKE YOO BIG MEENY HOW DARE YOO

 

They’re convo is interuptertd by da ENROMOUS SPAKER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD

 

Frank: Ohhh!!!!! Hello farm werkers your rice is VERY VERY GOOD! Dis is Frank, your EVIL COMMIE DICTATOR!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha, ha, ha, ha,. Haaa, ha!!!!!!! Anywho! I juts wan to let yoo know that the rulez is a-changin!!!!! From now on, yoo dumb-dums can only keep two cups of water and 1 cup of rice!!!!!!!!! DAT’S IT, HOMIES!!!!!!!!!! Peace out.

 

Rop: (this is when Rop gos nuts) WTF Dat rule is ghey!!!!!!! Thay cannnot do that too us!!!!!! 2 cups of water & 1 cup of rice!!!!?!!? Is this enuff to measure your life’ worth!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Duker: (walks over to Kapa and karate chops her ass!!!!!!!!)) See, woman!!!! Teh govermetnt SUCKS, weiner woman!!!!!

 

Rop: Dude, this is no tiem for bein a a-hole. Write nwo is a time for

 

Act 1, Sceene 2 -- Same place, samm time!!!!!

 

Rop: REBELLION, YO!!!!!!!!!

 

Act 2, Scene 1 -- Frank's howse. Its vary claen but onyl because he has a gosh darn MADE dat cleanms his house for him!!!!!!!! What a looser!!!! Frank is starring in the mirr and shiznit cause he is all EGO-TESTICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Frank: Could you hand me the cord?

 

Frankina: (walks in) Ohhh!!! Hony, what is it?!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Frank, nothing my deer-wife. How is yoo? Is yor FEET SOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Frankina: Oh, no hunny!!!!!!! I am too kool for skool.good.

 

Frank: (turns around) I love you, wife!!!!!!!! (Dis is when it gets HAWT!!!!!! parent adviceory is is advised, yo!!!!!! Ha, ha, ah, ah, ah, ah, j, a, ha, a!!!!!!!!!) (Frank and Frank start makin out all over the place with there tongs floppin and shit amd Farnk loves it)

 

Frankina: Oh, Frank!!!!! You so sexy!!!!!!!!!

 

Act 3, Scene 2 -- Back in da wheat field w/ ROP AND CAPER AND WINTHROP!!!!!!!!

 

Rop: REBELLION, YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Duke: OMG, dude, dat’s a good idea. How iz we gonna do it?!?!?!??!!

 

Rop: We will rebel!!!!!!!! This guyz are bein an asshole!!!!!! Wee will SOT OTALLY bust up in da housse and be all liek “Yo, FRANK!!!!! Yooze a bitch!!!!!!!!!” adn he will be scarred!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! G,a h, ah, ah, ga, ha, ha!!!!!! Dis are a good idea; I WILL CONTINUE IT!!!!!! Den we will put nutmeg in his cofee and itll taste BAD!!!!!!! Hell puke EBERYWHERE DUDEZ!!!!! H,a, ah, ah,. ah, ah, ha, ha!!!!!!! We are liolns!!!!!!!!!!! Den OUDTISE Franks hizzome, there will Be a crazzzzzzzy roit!!!!!!!! Da peeps of Japon will fitin in da streets w/ bears and shit dudes, and Farnk’ll love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Butt december, yoo gyuys!!!!!!!!! DONT BE PUSSYS!!!!!!! DATS just ghey. The streets will flood with blood of the non-believers, yo!!!!!!!!!! HGa, ha ha ha, ha, ha, ha, ah.a hja, ah!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAGE BLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! TORNADOS!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Kappa: (siiting in silenseio, stunned by da AWESUM) Dat is so smrat of yoo!!!!!! You aer vary clever, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!! (under her breath) I luv yooooo………

 

Rop: WHGAT!!!!??!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!!!!!!

 

Kappa: Noting. But beef for we REBEL we shood buy some supplys, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

 

Rop: Dude hell naw!!!!!!! Me got a bettre idea!!!!!!!!!! We wiill take our framing supplys!!!!!!!!!!!!! How seweet is dat!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B/c we can cill him wit our big hookythingymajigs dat da damn COMMIE A-WHOILES use on they’re ghey flags so dat it will be all SImbolifyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Duke: Okay.

 

Act 5, Scene 1 -- Frank is sstanding in his badroom whering his bathrobne. He are loocing in da mirror AGIN!!!!!!!!

 

Frank: Ohhhh!!!! I am vary evil and very hawt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why duz nobody like me?!!!!!!!!!!! :(

 

Karl Marx: (appears)

 

Frank: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! Ohmigod I just shitted on msyelf!!!!!!!!!! This is not goood for my hart. Who is yoo?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Karl Marx: I am Commie King, yo!!!!!!!!! I rote dat ghey book!!!!!!!!!!! I am juts a ghost now thou.

 

Frank: YOO IS KARL MARX!!!!!!!!! (bows and strats bowing & shit) Me so honord meet you!!!!!!!

 

Karl Marx: Ha, ha, aa, ha, ah,a ha, ha!!!! You are a vary good commie leadrer.

 

Frank: I am a vary good commie leader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Karl Marx: But BEWARE DA GOOD GUYS DAt will soon fite you soon yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They hate commies liek yoo/me.

 

Frank: Ok thanks!!!!!!!!!!

 

Karl Marx: Wate their is more!!!!!!!! Remebmer too watch out for da one day call Rop!!!!!!!! I herd some people say he is “da 1”.

 

Act 5, Scene 2 -- Franks house uber-late at nite.

 

Duke: (enters teh stages)

 

Rop: (enters the estage)

 

KAppa: (enteres the stage)

 

Frank: AAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Me so scared!!!!!! (hops owt of his bed in a sweet karate stnance) YOO WISH!!!!!!!!!!

 

Rop: (get s in his own kun-fu fight stile andd fights back. Tehere is a bi g ole fight and Franks room gets TORN DA FUCK UP, YO!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ah,a ha, nha, ah,. a!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Rop: (runs toeward Frank and shuvs a hook farmtool in his fudgin neck) WE HATE YOO YOO EVEL COMMMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Frank: (dies)

 

Kappa: ROP!!!!!!!! WE DID IT!!!!!!!! Hooray!!!!! I LOV E YOO ROB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Rop: I lobe yoo tou Kapa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WILL YOU MERRY ME!!!!!!!!

 

Kappa: OK, Rop, I will marry yoO!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

THE END!!!!!!!?!!!?!!!!

 

Authers Notes: SO dat was sweet, huH? Dat was da 2nd time I wrote that damn thing though. SO ANNYOING IS THAT!!!!!!!!!!! Rightinmg da same shit 2 times SUCKS!!!!!!!! Serously dont do it until yoo get terned on by bein a dumbass or sumthin…..!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Stranger Trilogy, Part II:

Leprosy Killed the Leper

 

AUTHOR’S NOTE: So da othra day my GOTH BITCH GF breaked up w/ me. DAT BITCH!!!!!!! I waz so sad :(!!!!!!!! I almots cryed when she was on da gfone all liek “we shoul ohtre peeps” and I was all like “FUCK YOO!!!!!!!!!!!! What a stuypid honky bitch. Ting is, tho, peeps, DIS GIRL WAS A DYKE!!! So grose is datt!!!! Serously, that is juts sick. I dateing a lesbo?!!!!! Jeez. But anywho! Dios lessie bitch was also a goth gril so I decioded to gett inspired to right da play whitch is also the second part of my STARGNER TRILOGY WHICH I THIKN IS VARY GOOD!!!! Plz nknow, though, dat dis play is ibased on DA BIGEST BITCH IN DA WERLD…. Melanie…. :(

 

Characters, yo:

Kurel – gay man who wrosks at factoray

Hunter – Kurle’s gay lubba and leader of the gay armies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Billy – A strait man whol works at factoray

Melanie – Billy’s goth gf and BIGGEST BITCH EBAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michael More – FUCKFACE LIBRAL FATTIE FAT FATTERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Starnger – MSYsterious man in black but he aint black like DETECTIVE GIGGLER who is black.

General Krime – Leader of the armies of the straits

 

Act 1, Scene 2 -- in the factoray where dey make Hubcubs, yo, where KUREL, Hunter and BILLY works and weatch TV!!!! Ha, ah,a , ha, ha!!!! I am varyu clever.

 

Kurel: Dat right dere is a good hubcub Hunter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are wroking and it is vary goooooooooooood!!!!!! When we vget home we get da homo on and yoo will put it i me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hunter: Yah, I no, and Billy yoo invitd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Billy: Yuk, dat sheeeeiyt is gross and shit……………………FUCK yoo guyz….. reed the BIBLE which is the only wrod we can FORLLOW!!!!!!!!!

 

Kurel: SUre, i’lkl read dat book!!!!!!!!! AS IF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, has , hya, ha,!!!!!! WHATEBA GRILFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hunter: Yoo tell him cutty we queer we here and queer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA, Ha, ha ,an ha, ha ,. ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Billy: D00d, dats GHEY!!!!!! I Better geta bakc to makning my hubcaps.

 

Melanie: (comes in) Billy I am yoor girlfreind but I have a shkocking secrat to tale yoo!!!! OMG Billy WE NEED 2 SEE OTHAR PEEPS, YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Billy: Woman get out my way!!!!!!!!! Why yoo walkin out my life whyen I need to you most, women!!!! Yoo know I love yoo so varely much even tho you is goth and now yo walk out on me!!!!!! Even thou i listaned to yoo when nobuddy else would and even bought you stuff and shit!!!!!!! (smacks da shit out dat bitch!!!! hah, ha, ha,f ha, ha, Ha Ha!!!!!!)!!!! FUCK DAT SHIT!!!!!!

 

Melanie: I like WOMEN NOW BILLY!!!!!!!!!! I is one of da LONELY DYKES and i am da BIGGEST IDIOT/BITCH EBAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Kurl: She is da queen bee now,,, lets all chant da battel cry of the GHEYs and fighte the EVALS of tha straigts!!!!!!!!

 

Hunter: We will start a war wit da straits and then we will take over the worlds after our war wid da straits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Billy: But SAOMEONE WILL stop them and dat somebodys is a man namde ME!!!!!!!!!

 

Act 2, Scene 1 -- In Billy's living room wher he cryes about his griflend.

 

Michael More: (on tv) THIS JUST IN: Gays and lessies now have the rite to get married & shit and now all the strait marrages can no longar happen becuz they is ILLGAL!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, yha., ha, ha!!!! Dere is now a war betwen the gheys and the straits!!!!!! Sooon da homos will evan get teh right to VOTE!!!!!!!!!! ha, ha, ahaa, haa!!!!!!!!! Watch owt, good peeps of da werld!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Billy: (kicks the tv) FUCK YOO LIBERAL FATTIE!!!!!

 

The Stargner: (walks in) Whuts wrong, Billy?

 

Billy: Dude, my bitch dun left me and is a lesilicious lesbo now and now all da gheys in da wrold have made white male straits a MINORITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Stargner: NOT ON MY WATCH, WE WON“T LET DAT HAPPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAT BITCH WILL PAy for the sins we done!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Scene 3, Scene 1 -- On the battlefeld (earth) where da gheys and da straits are fighting with guns and swords and shits and all of a sudden EXPLOSIONS expplode all over t stage and blood and guts FLIES EVERYWHERE all over the audcience all of a sudden!!!!!!!!!!!! so awesum is DAT!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hunter: (shooting his gun) Take dat, straits!

 

General Krime: ON NOZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (throwz a grendae with limp wrist) I GOT THE GAY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hunter: Dats right, girlfiend we taken over this side of a the block and yoo will be one of us!!!!!!!!!!

 

General Krime: Tell me wife and child i luv dem vary much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

 

Hunter: She KNOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (shootz him)

 

General Krime: (dies)

Hunter: NOBODY CAN STOP US NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (slits his wrsits and starts slapping peeple with it) I will put may diseese in yoo!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Kurel: Hunter!!!!!!!!! Yoo is NOT DA MAN I FEEL IN LOVE with so long ago when your BIG HARD COXORZ ramed in my hungry brown eye b/c we are ghey!!………… WHAT W HAPPENED, YO????????!!!!!!??

 

Hunter: Yoo dare betarry the gay armies! Now yoo must die the death of a dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Stargner: (runs in) Not so fast, butt pirates!!!!

 

Hunter: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not the Stargner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Stargner: Dontr yoo see that all this violance is wrong????? Dis world was made for LOVING like BHilly loves his grillfriend Melandie & that luv is pure and gentile and wil forever but this violence is just stupid and GHEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But wheen fighting is called for, yoo will now it!! Da AWESUM Pres Bush will; be all liek "yo, d00dz, need to fite for da rights!" and shit and it WIll Be AWEESOME!!!!!!!!!!! Juts liek a vidoe game or sum shits. Supoort yoor troops, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hunter: Fuck dat shiit, breeder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (GETS READY TO SLAP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SCENE GETS INTENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

The Stargner: (shoots him)

 

Hunter: (dies)

 

Kurel: I have now see da errers of my ways!!!!!!!!!!! Lets stop fighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Stargner: Hurry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

 

Act 3, Scene 2 -- Melanies house were posters of Indigho Girlz and Katie Lang postars are hanging everywhere. Ha, ha, ha, ha ,ga, ha, ha!!!!!! HER TASTE IN MUSIC SKUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Billy: Now da war has stooped and now yoo will pay for leaving me when I needed yoo most!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (slaps her around and kicks her in titties & da cootcher)

 

Melanie: I SO SORRY DAVID I SO SORRY PLEASE TAKE ME BACK I WILL DO ANYTHING 4 YOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Billy: Its too late for apalogies woman!!! Do it Stargner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Stargner: (shoots her)

 

Melanies: (die)

 

Billy: Now dats what I'm talking bout, come on Stargner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stargner??????? OMG he vanished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now where coold he have gone too now??????

 

The End!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!

 

Author’s Notes: Melanie, cuim back too me babe!!!!!!!!!! 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 3:( Im notinh w/o yoo girl!!!!!!!!

 

Skeeter’s Inferno

 

Author’s Notes, yo: HO MY FUDGESICKLING GAWD YOO GUYS!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ajh,ah,a ga, gha, ahg, ha!!!!!!!!! How logn has it been broes/hoes?!!!!!!!!!! Porebbaly about t thousand years. Sorry I aint been writing da play-plays in so gosh dern long but MY COMP BROKE AFUCKINGGAIN B/C IT SUCXS DO BADLY!!!!!!!! Damn. Also, Narnia came on dvd and dat has been takin up a lot of my social and relaxation time, friends. BUT, YEAH!!!! Dis playu came to me in a god-dreeem I had da other night about BIG SPICEY MEETBALLS & shit liek dat bro. HA, ah, aj, ah, ah, ah,. Ah!!!!!!!!!!! Also, there was a huge crab on a beach chasing me……………… I WAS QWITE AFRAYD FOR MY LIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah, ah, ahk,h, ah, ah, ah, ah, ga,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. So clevre am I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Characters, yo:

Skeeter – a 1/2 black 1/2 Italian-mario chef guy!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah, ah,aha!!!! HE WERKS In da resteraunt.

Beatrice – Skeeter;s wief hoo watches him kooc sometiesms!

Owen – DA black BOSS-MAn of the diner dayt Skeeter works at.

Dagger – Da new chef at the resturaraunt.

Bozzy – He is da food crikit guy whoo jujdes othre peeps foodiddles & sutf, yo!!!!!!! Ha, ah,an, ha, ah,a ha, ha, ham!!!!! SO COOL IS DAT!!!!

 

Act 1, Scene 1 -- OMG!!!!! Da sscene strats out wid SKEETER tossin da spaghetty into da air alll quick like & caching it in hsi hands, which IS BADASS BROTHer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah,anha,ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,o ah,ajha, ha, ha,o aha, ah,a ha, ajh.,abha!!!!!!

 

Skeeter: I iz vary glad i am da best chef in da world.

 

Beatrice: Ooooh, honey you iz probablkyy da bets schef in da WHOLE WIED WERRLD!

 

Skeeter: Hoe, what did I just say? (pops Beatrice across da face one time)

 

Beatrice: Oh jeez dat sucked.

 

Skeeter: (catches da pizza pie he three in da air cuiz hesone BADASS, BROSseph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, aj. ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. ah, ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Fuck you, Bearice. love yoo.

 

Beatrice: Yes, & i love Skleeter.

 

Sceeter: Yo, wife of mine can yoo do me a favor of EPIC PROPORTIONS Or sometgthing, bro?

 

Beatrice: Yes, my deerest darlign pie sweetie-cakes. WHAT CAN I DO FRO YA!

 

Skeeter: Go to da market & Pick up some eggs, tomatoes, eggs, prok chops, beef. atilla, costume jeweltry, fish good, & shampoo?

 

Beatrice: YOKAY, i shall go to da meerkat & pick up all da shit yuo want . (exits or some shit, d00d)

 

Act 1, Scene 2 -- Awesomeness ENSUES!!!!!!!!!

 

Owen: OMG, I am da boss of this place & it r0xxors pretty hrard if i do sauy so myself, and i do so I gess it IS ALL GOOD IN DA FUKCKING HOOD, MO FUCKAZZZZ!

 

SKeeter: Yep.

 

Owen: Yo, Skeety, my main homoslice!!!!! I iz yo boss, yo!

 

Skeeter: YEP.

 

Owne: But listen: my totally ghey cousin be a beeeeee-otch. & and I do nmot like her!!!!!!!!!! BUT MY MOMMA DOES !!!!!!!!!!!!! And i am supposed to ghet her totally st00pi a job in my resturaunt of witch I IZ DA FUDGING B0SS. But dat meens yoo iz fired!!!!!!!! I AM SORRY!

 

Skeeter: WTF? DAT SHIT IS GHEYER THAN TAKIN 180000554674376356585787864876u65754754754 dicks in da butt, brO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont yoo know my skillz in da kitc

 

Beatrice: Oh, shit, son! Dont get all whiny on me!

 

Dagger: (walks in waring cape made of REEL FUCKING FUR. Yeh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( I am DAGGER!!!!!!! I am da bets chef in da werld. RAchel ray and dem ghey ass IRon Chefs BEEFORE ME AND DA SHEAR AWESOMENESS OF MY AWESOMNEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah,a gak, ha, ha, ha!

 

Skeeter: Shit.

 

Daggar: So dis is da citchen in witch I will be koocing in sense dis is now myjob, rihgt!

 

Owen: OH, YEAH!

 

Skeeter: You have rooined my lief & My art……………………………….

 

Act 2, Scene 1 -- ASkeeter is at hoem and he is crieing like a FUCKIN BITCH!!!!!!! GHa, ah, ah, ah,a ha a, ha, ha!!!!!!!!! Beatrice uis, like, makin out w/ him and shit wich is pretty hot, but pleeze dont pop any boners whilst reeding my gosh-dang PLAY!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah, ah, ah, ag, ha, ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Skeeter: Honye, I am currently very saddened by the predicament of loosing my job…………………………

 

Beatrice: OMG whut will we do fro money and f00d and stuff?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a woman!

 

Steeker: Sigh I do not know…………………………… Perhaps you should leave da room so i can be alona!

 

Beatrice: (gets da fuck out da gosh dang room, yo)

 

Phone: (rings)

 

Skeetr: (shoops up da telepghono) HOO DA FUCK IS DIS CALLIN ME!

 

Owen: Sheeeeeei-yit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Calm yo crazzy razzy ass down, littel boy!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah, ah,a h,a gha, gha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!!!!

 

Skeeter: Oh it is you callin me…………. Wa you want yoo SONOFAFUDGINGBICTCH!

 

Owen: You!!!!!!!!!!!! Calm you ass down, bro. Chill owt. Dis is what I want: you is a good shef, but dis dagger fucker he sucks. Yoo, on da othre hand, do not suckk. YOU AR DA CATS MEOW, HOMIEBROSLICE, yo!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah, ah, ah, ha, ha, ya, aum, ah, aha, ham!!!!!!!

 

Skeetre: SO I GET MY J0B BACK YO!

 

Owwn: Not so fast, Coolio!!!!!!!!!!! i gotz me a me a plann devised in my mynd dat are so cleveer!!!!!!!!!!! He, ha,. ah, ah, ha!!!!!!! What we gunna do is thiz: You & Dagger mortal enemas froeva & ever, right? Wel, yoo and dat Dagger shitheadmotherfuckerassholecocksucker is gonna cook againts one anuther in da contest-style. YOO WILL BE JUDGED BY A FREND OF MINE AND IT WILL ALL FALL INTWO PLACE WHICH WILL be prety fuucking kewl, if you ask my gangstat ass……………. How yoo liek dat apples, g?

 

Sceeter: I liek dem b/c I know I will win & if i winn i will get my old jobb back & dat will make me very, very, very, veryvary very very happy for a longg prerioud of time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah, ah,a aha, ha, aha!

 

Owen : Dam fucking strizzaighjt you ass!!!!!!!!!!!! HAa, ah,ah, ah, ah, aha, ha, ha, ha!!!!!!!!!!! Just playing, buddy!!!!! BFF!

 

Skeeter: Yep. (hangs up;) Skeeter: WIFE!!!!!!!!! Pleze enter da room dat I is in!

 

Beatrece: (enters) Hello wat da fuck is up, yo!

 

Skeeter: (all badass-liek & shit, kunda like Jean-Claude Van Damme in Street Fighter the film!!!!!!!! Whoa!!!!!!!!!!) I’m gettin my j-o-b b ack………………………………………

 

Act 3, Scene 1 -- Errybody is at da fudginh resturanunt & shit prepared for da awesome dat will soon be seen w/ they're eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

 

Bozzy: Hola folks!!!!!!!! Ha, hal, ah. ah, ah, ah, ah!!!!!!!!!!! Jutsn kiddin I aint no fucking froggy french bastard!!!!!!!!!! Ha, ah, ah,ah ah, ah, ha!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, dough fuc french.

 

Skeetre: Yep.

 

bOZZY: anywhey, i am a food critick!!!!!!!!!!!! Dat meens dart i will be judging dis competition between skeeter & dagger witch is kinda ghey, but still pretty bloody AWESUM!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, hee, ha, ha, ah, heepa heepa, ho!

 

Dagger: I am vary glad dat I am da bets chef in da werld & there is no wat in hell I AM GONNA LOOSE TO AN impudent MUDDAFUCKA LIEK SKEETER!

 

Skeeter; Yo, bro, I’m clam down. Lets doo some cooking!

 

Dagger: Ok.

 

Skeeter: Bitch.

 

Dagger: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! (strats cookin da f00d, d00d!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA, ah,a hja, ha , ha, ha, ah!!!!!!!!!!!! Dat shit rimed, yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0

 

Owen: Go, skeeter!!!!!!!!!! I am rooting for Skeeter!

 

Beatrice: (is there) Me to!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yaaaaaaat!

 

Skeeter & Dagger: (cook there fuckingg arses off, bro)

 

Bozzy: Alrizzle, tiem uis finaly up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now get yo ghey asses over hear & let me try yourt food.

 

Dagger: (hands him soem food dat looks all grose)

 

Bozzy: What the FUCK, Dagger? Dis shit aint food. What is dis shit?

 

Dagger: Its Lameicus Alemode!

 

Bozzy: Bitch.

 

Skeeter: Yep. (hands Bozzy his delicious food)

 

Bozzy: THIS SHIT IS DELICOUS, BRO!!!!!!! DIs mite juts be da singel gratest thing evar cooked by anyoen EVER!!!!!!!!!!! Whoa. (eets all da food) Whoa. I am full.

 

Dagger: Actually, da corect terminology is “I IZ FILLED.

 

Bozzy: Actually, da correctt terminology is SHUT DA FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!! (smakks da fuck outta dagger) You pfcuking cunt.

 

Skeeter: Ha, ah, ha,. ah, ah, ah, agh., ha, ha, ha!!!!!!!!!! Yep (high fives Bozzy)

 

Skeetre: OMG, I Allmots forgot!

 

Act 5, Scene 1 -- Same place, saem time.

 

Skeeter: (gets down on 1 knee & shit) Beatrice… yoo meen da hole world to me…………. Seeriously I love yoo……….. Will you merry mee!

 

Beatrice: Yep!

 

The End!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(?)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Author’s Notes: Dat shit was pretty tight in da hood, G.

 

About the Author:

JJ THOMPSON is me, the best guy on the plaent, & you all know it!!!! I am 12yo, & I really, really, realy LOVE too write (especially plays)!!!!!!!! Sorry, I suck with bios & stuf, but read my plays at the link above bECAUSE THEY ARE AWESUM!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!

 

This is a picture of me, I KNOW YOO LADYS WILLN’T BEE DISAPOINTED!!!!!winkwink!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 


The Linkful Triad Trilogy and Other Plays: The Collected Work of JJ Thompson

From 2004 to 2006, JJ Thompson wrote a series of strange and idiosyncratic plays that delighted and enraged readers in equal measure. His work can be described as a bizarre form of "outsider art" that blends the Manichean logic of the morality play with Brechtian modes of representation. Staggeringly original, disarmingly surreal, charged with political righteousness and an almost devilish wit, Mr. Thompson's plays still have the power to bewitch and bewilder readers. Now, for the first time, we are proud to present the complete collected works of JJ Thompson, including his Linkful Triad Trilogy and the still-incomplete Stranger Trilogy. This book includes: The Rose on Martha's Breast: Part I of the Linkful Triad Trilogy. Martha is a normal girl with a deep secret. WHAT IS IT? A Gangster's Life Can Be in Jeopardy Too: Part II of the Linkful Triad Trilogy. What will Axel do when he finds himself facing the deadliest challenger of them all! What's Your Take on Cassavetes, Yo? Part III of the Linkful Triad Trilogy. John Cassavetes is a director of films with a single vice in life... Taste of Silence Issei Sagawa is a serial killer. But what will he do when he finds himself with emotional attachments to one of his victims? A Brief History of Crime John Kerry has won the Presidency. Will time be altered forever? The Abortionist's Daughter Part I of The Stranger Trilogy. Piper is a young woman in search of love. Will she find it in the most unlikely of places? Romance of the Three Commies Two small children realize the horror that lies beneath this cruel and unjust world! Leprosy Killed the Leper Part II of The Stranger Trilogy. A gay man and a straight man sit down to discuss their differences and discover they're not so different after all... Skeeter's Inferno Skeeter gets lost on a long, loensome trail, and encounters some people he thought he'd never see again...

  • ISBN: 9781311282705
  • Author: JJ Thompson
  • Published: 2016-01-24 17:20:10
  • Words: 11545
The Linkful Triad Trilogy and Other Plays: The Collected Work of JJ Thompson The Linkful Triad Trilogy and Other Plays: The Collected Work of JJ Thompson