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the How to Change for the Better: Chapter Three

The

How to change for the better

Series

Chapter 1-10

Jay the Great is my radio personality name in which I write under; registered under the GudTymezShow trademark.

the

How to Change for the Better

Series

Chapter three

Thanks to;

My family and friends that have inspired me throughout the course of my life, this journey would not be possible without you.

In the loving memory of

Willie Mae Anderson

My “Big Moma”

the

How to Change for the Better

Series

Chapter three

Introduction

G ood morning, afternoon, evening, or to my late night readers; hello to all. As you take this reading journey with me, I would first like to personally thank you. I write from the heart, experience, research, and the most effective of all; life! I write my way, the way the words come to me and the way I feel. I believe our first thoughts are our best, I write uncut. I want the journey of reading to feel as if you’re writing with me or you can place yourself in my shoes and or position. I enjoy writing, speaking, and delivering motivating messages. As you read chapter three, reflect back to chapters one and two. We have covered the birth, revisit, detox, and processing. If you are just reading chapter three, you are missing out on a lot. No worries, after you finish reading chapter three, go and download chapters one and two.

From my earlier years, I was always speaking and motivating people. I love making people feel good about themselves as well as challenging them to challenge themselves. I too enjoy hearing comforting words and receiving positive messages and the ones that challenge me. I still remember the words that made me feel good as a child, like that first time someone tells you they love you and it sent chills through your body or when someone told you they believe in you. My Big moma (great grandmother) could make words come to life the way she would speak to me, it was like each word she spoke came straight from her heart. From there is when I learned that words have meaning and meaningful words have an impact on our lives, whether it’s good or bad. The key is to transform those meaningful words into energy that helps fuel a positive life and direction. In life we give so much to; school, work, family, relationships, marriage, friendships, kids, bills, and therefore it’s okay to receive positive messages and inspirational words to give us that lift we sometimes need from time to time. Hearing stories and messages we can connect and relate to, give us an outer view of situations and a different way to process and deal with situations and provide an inner strength that allows us to carry on. We’re never too old or too smart to learn new things or continue to learn. Through my writing I hope to empower you with positive messages that will connect with you through inspirational words that i’ve chosen to place before you.

the

How to Change for the Better

Series

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*Defeating Fear and Embarrassment *

Chapter 3 [_ (Chapter Free)_]

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W hat is failure? Haven’t everyone in this world lost at something before? No one can win at everything, it’s impossible. That would mean you’re perfect, nobody is perfect. Now I do believe there are people that can maximize their accomplishments by; listening, practicing, working hard, challenging themselves, learning from their mistakes as well as having the ability to move forward. I like to call it “wearing a winner’s face at all times”. What does that mean? Wearing a winner’s face at all times is one who understands they are not perfect yet they are not willing to give up. They have processed the situation carefully in which they now know things they didn’t before, while maintaining a positive and confident vibe . Instead of being mad, frustrated or hurt and wasting good energy and time on what have  happened, they immediately fuel their ambition with the focus to move forward on what can  happen.

If one let fear and the embarrassment of losing sit in, it can play wonders on your mind, confidence, etc. Never doubt or question your ability. Repeat that slowly; “NEVER DOUBT OR QUESTION YOUR ABILITY. Michael Jordan didn’t win every game, yet he’s looked as one of the greatest players. How he handle his loss, integrity, work ethic, his reaction, strength, endurance and determination. Look at any one who have achieved their goals or maximized their inner great, despite their loss, they were fearless and wasn’t embarrassed when they fail or made mistakes. Mistakes don’t define you, you define yourself based on the lessons learned from your mistakes and your ability to continue to move forward. Every action has a reaction, *but every action does not need you to react. * (Quick story; During a course of my life I worked with juveniles who were incarcerated, in search of direction they often would tell me I don’t let anything get to me. My reply was; that’s the me now, twenty years ago I wore everything I was going through on my face and through my actions. A lot of the times, my reactions made things worse. That was until I stop being afraid to fail, make mistakes, listen, ask for directions and understand that I do not know everything). I truly believe that in order to get better at something, more focused and challenge your inner self you have to fail, mess up, and or make mistakes at something. When you fell at something, it opens up that inner challenge, it allows you to correct what you did wrong, but also view it in a different way. You begin to really focus, study, and become more determine. Sometimes when you fell it can scare you or weaken your confidence, which it shouldn’t.

The obvious reaction and most common reaction is to be hurt, sob about it, which leads to trying to find all the reasons possible to not try again. Do not beat yourself up, no good can come from it. When you make mistakes, fell, or lose you gain wisdom if you take the lessons from it. Life lessons and how we learn come in all shapes and forms. Programing the mind to process our mistakes and loss by accepting what we can and utilizing what we can’t. Sounds weird right? We can work on ourselves and change things about ourselves, but not others or what is until they are or it changes. Example; Ever worked with someone who had a very bad attitude, just negative all the time. Let me guess, it changed your vibe in which you fought fire with fire. Why, because you didn’t want to be a kiss up or wanted the person to be or act the way you felt the person should. See, fear and embarrassment come in all shapes and forms as well, it’s covered up sometimes by pride and ego. Your pride would not allow you to be the bigger person due to the fear that you may look weak or as if you gave in and that person won. Ridiculous! You can’t change that person, but you can change your reactions; being extra polite, speaking more, being positive, doing your position to the max so the person can’t say anything, ask if that person needs help, and more importantly not giving that person the power to change you or your mood. What you are doing is utilizing what you can’t change by identifying it, so it don’t change your positive energy. Now, I am not saying just lose or be a kiss up but take time to process the situation.

What did you do wrong, what could you have done better, did I allow the situation to change me or my mood, was my reaction needed, did you prepare properly, did you give yourself enough time to prepare, could I have done anything different or better, was this your task or someone else’s, what did you do to leave yourself vulnerable to be hurt or lose? Do we leave ourselves vulnerable and a easy target for ourselves to be hurt or to lose? These are a few questions to ask yourself after a situation, mistake, or lost. Fill in the answers and keep it moving, don’t ponder over it. Learn and keep it moving.

Quick story lesson; I use to get in the middle of any and every situation trying to be the peacemaker and problem solver. In the chorus I would take the pressure and headache just as the individuals that it originally started with and somehow  I shared the burden. Now, let’s process this using a few of the question(s) above;

Q: what did i do wrong?

A: Involve myself when it wasn’t my situation.

Q: did i allow the situation to change me or my mood?

A: yes

Q: was this your task or someone else’s?

A: someone else’s

Q: could i have done anything different or better?

A: yes, if my help was asked i could have received all the information first to properly know if I could help or not which i would have been able to prepare and have a thought out plan so the situation wouldn’t be a headache or burden to me. If my help wasn’t asked, I should have stayed out of it.

Don’t assume if someone ask your opinion or you a question that they are asking for help or for you to involve yourself. If you are unclear, ask; are you asking for my help or just my opinion on this matter and that’s it. Being clear and having a full understanding is for you and it sets a clear understanding to the other party.

The question(s) may vary, there are no specific order and you can add question(s) that suit your situation as you see fit. This is just a sample / template to get you started on processing after a mistake, loss or situation has occurred.

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Knowing your limits (bonus)

W e must learn to pick and choose when to lend a helping hand and when it truly isn’t our business. Sometime it’s okay to wait for someone to ask for your help as well as it’s okay to say no. Saying no, that’s another big factor in defeating fear and embarrassment. You can’t help someone else until you have truly helped yourself. You must not feel guilty telling someone no, or turning someone down. Your happiness is worth more than the stress and burden you will carry telling someone yes when you know in the long run it will hurt, harm, stress, and place you in a uncomfortable situation. Ever had someone ask to borrow money and you really may not have had it, but was embarrassed to say no or you didn’t have it. Or was out with a friend and they assumed you were picking up the check, you were embarrassed to say something. Stop! It’s better to be clear and know your limits, stop being held captive to fear and embarrassment. Speak up; say no or I don’t have it. You ever helped a person so much they begin to think you suppose to? Stop! Everyone is responsible for themselves (except a child), don’t let anyone tell you you’re being selfish. You can’t help anyone until you have helped yourself, if you are unstable you can’t stabilize anyone else. You have to know your limits, what you can do at every phase of your life. As you grow, the more you can do. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty and out of fear or embarrassment you do things that will cause stress and unhappiness in your life. You are held solely responsible by you and your actions, which will affect not just you but also your love ones.

Fear and Embarrassment Challenge

To work on defeating fear and embarrassment we must work on adding new experiences to our lives, whether its with a spouse, friend or by yourself. We must never stop challenging ourselves and getting out of the way of ourselves. We limit ourselves because we allow ourselves to settle and then give ourselves excuses like; I don’t have time, that’s not me, I’m tired, and so on. If we began to limit how much television we watch, fast food, or nonsense conversation we could add more things throughout our day or week to do. Some things throughout our community is free and somethings cost, walks are free and great for exercise. Game night with friends or family, cooking class to learn how to create different dishes, paint classes, dance class, musical plays, concerts, etc. Place something on your task list every sixty days, in a proper order. Remember, don’t overload your list. Take your time, being patient is so important and making sure we don’t overwhelm ourselves. So just add one thing every sixty days.

        Some things one can add to a list to help defeat fear and embarrassment; apply for a promotion at work, whether you get it or not. Take that leap, try a new hairstyle, do without makeup, change your cologne or perfume, try a different suit color, make a playlist of your favorite songs and go for a walk by yourself to breath, go back to school, learn a different language, dance class, kickboxing class, zumba class, karaoke night, have a candle light dinner with your spouse, friend and or love one (no work, bills or money talk), apply for other career positions to see if your resume is still eye catching, don’t text, call, pack a lunch, order something different, volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen, and add something that you always wanted to do or try. Push yourself every sixty days with one new task, only focus on that and in time you will see growth in yourself like never before. Remember, small changes one day at a time creates multiple changes over time!

Chapter Quote;        

We only live once, why not make the best of it!

This chapter is dedicated to; Deante “D.T” Williams with love


the How to Change for the Better: Chapter Three

Chapter three of this series is an important chapter, it deals with fear, embarrassment, and limits. This chapter give you what you need as well as simple helpful tips and questions to use. It's a everyday re-read chapter, treat yourself to the positive enhancement that your mind, body, and soul needs to get through rough challenging days. Surveys, tests, and pre-readers say it's an outstanding chapter which complements chapters one and two.

  • ISBN: 9781310907319
  • Author: Jay the Great
  • Published: 2016-04-30 19:35:12
  • Words: 2382
the How to Change for the Better: Chapter Three the How to Change for the Better: Chapter Three