By Michael Spears
Copyright 2016 Michael Spears
Shakespir Edition, Licence Notes
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– Excerpt by Edgar Allan Poe
– Gravitational Time Dilation
– Visualising Gravity In Four Dimensions
– Black Holes, The Big Bang & The Super-Universe
The Angel and the Little Scroll
Then the angel that I had seen standing on the sea and on the land raised his right hand to heaven. And he swore by him who lives for ever and ever, who created the heavens and all that is in them, and the sea and all that is in it, and said, “There will be no more delay! But in the days when the seventh angel is about to sound his trumpet, the mystery of God will be accomplished, just as he announced to his servants the prophets.”
Then the voice that I had heard from heaven spoke to me once more: “Go, take the scroll that lies open in the hand of the angel who is standing on the sea and on the land.”
So I went to the angel and asked him to give me the little scroll. He said to me, “Take it and eat it. It will turn your stomach sour, but in your mouth it will be as sweet as honey.” I took the little scroll from the angel’s hand and ate it. It tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it, my stomach turned sour.
The Knowledge Of Good & Evil
If the world’s religions want to create Eden on Earth, it won’t happen by Jesus returning and killing all the Muslims, or the Christians, or the Jews, or whatever. The way to create Eden on Earth is to obey the law that they had in Eden, that law was perfect. I am aware that the story of the Garden of Eden is a myth, but it is a myth that can teach us all a valuable lesson. This is the new religion for the 21st century, and there is only one law, “you have no knowledge of good & evil.” The rules are, there are no rules, it is the ultimate enlightenment. Let me explain.
Three of the world’s major religions, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, believe in the story of the original sin and that the problems with the world began when Adam & Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden. In the Garden of Eden there were two special trees, the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil. God told Adam & Eve that they may eat from any of the trees in the Garden, but they must not eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil or they “will surely die.”
After being tempted by the serpent Adam & Eve ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil. When God found out He blocked the way to the Tree of Life and expelled them both from the Garden of Eden.
The major problems the world has today all stem from people gaining the knowledge of good & evil in the Garden of Eden. The fact that many people believe this story to be a myth is irrelevant, because what the knowledge of good & evil has done to the human race is a universal truth.
Excerpt from Genesis
The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
^ ^When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. ^ ^Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
^ ^Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
And the Lord God said “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.” So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
[Genesis 3:2-13, 22-24]
The Significance of The Fall of Man
The original sin is central to Judaism, Christianity & Islam. Before Adam & Eve ate the forbidden fruit, there was no sin in the world. After Adam & Eve ate the forbidden fruit they committed the first sin, and according to Christianity everyone after them was born a sinner. The Jews keep Jewish law in an attempt to prevent them from sinning. Muslims keep Islamic law in an attempt to keep themselves free from sin, believing that their good deeds and bad deeds will be weighed at the final Judgement. Christians pray to Jesus for the forgiveness of sins, believing that all have fallen from Grace. All three faiths teach that the first sin was when Adam & Eve ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil. Before they ate the forbidden fruit there was no sin in the world, and God thought that the world was “very good.”
What was The Original Sin all about?
Christianity teaches that the original sin was about the rebellion against God’s command, when Adam & Eve committed the original sin they gained free will and good & evil entered the world, but this is not the truth. The problem was not that Adam & Eve had broken God’s command, the problem was that Adam & Eve were given the knowledge of good & evil.
Adam & Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden not because they did the one thing that God told them not to do, it was because man had become “like God,” knowing good & evil.
The sin was not the “rebellion,” the sin was having the knowledge of good & evil. When Adam & Eve had no knowledge of good & evil the world was “very good.” Thus according to the Bible, having the knowledge of good & evil is the root of all sin. Therefore if one had no knowledge of good & evil, one would be free from sin.
No Knowledge of Good & Evil
If the knowledge of good & evil is the root of all sin, what does it mean to have no knowledge of good & evil? What is the knowledge of good & evil?
Notice that the serpent tells Eve, “when you eat of it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” And again, God says “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good & evil.” By having the knowledge of good & evil, you are playing God.
The knowledge of good & evil is simple, once you know what it means. By saying “I am good, you are evil,” by passing judgement, you are playing God. God is supposed to be the judge, not man. Most organised religions teach us how to be “good,” and by being “good” we may be accepted by God. Jesus said “no one is good but God alone,” and every religion in the world gives a different definition of “good,” so which religion gives us the true definition of “good”? Is it “good” to keep Jewish law? Is it “good” to keep Islamic law? Is it “good” to follow Jesus? Claiming to know how to be “good” is the fatal flaw in every religion in the world, no one can ever truly be “good”.
If we have no proof of which religion to believe in other than “faith,” how could we possibly know that our religion gives us the true meaning of “good”? How could we possibly know which set of rules & laws to obey that we may be accepted by God? We cannot possibly know, unless God Himself has descended from Heaven in the presence of us all and told us “this is good and that is evil,” we can only trust the words of a man who lived thousands of years ago. What we can do is to plead ignorance and thus maintain our innocence. If we have no knowledge of good & evil, we are guilty of nothing, if we do not know right from wrong, how can we be guilty of wrongdoing? You can say “I believe I know who God is,” but if you say “I know who God is” you are only deceiving yourself. Many people claim they fear God, but they are liars, if they truly feared God they would be afraid of choosing the wrong religion, they would forever be searching for the “one true faith.” The fatal flaw in every religion in the world is that they all claim moral superiority over the other religions. They all tell us that “this is good and that is evil,” and this is the problem with the world.
Who or what is “evil”? Many human acts make me angry or upset, but they are not due to evil, they are due to the knowledge of evil, they are due to playing God. When you condemn someone as “evil,” what right do you have to do so? Who are you to judge someone? Are you God? By claiming that someone is “evil,” you are claiming that you are “good,” and who are you to believe that you are “good”? Jesus said “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned,” and He was exactly right. By passing judgement, you are playing God. No man has the right to judge another man, God is the only judge.
Notice that when Adam & Eve eat from the tree of the knowledge of good & evil, they believe that they are doing something wrong by being naked, so they cover themselves with fig leaves. Notice also that when asked by God if they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good & evil, Adam says “I am good, Eve is evil,” while Eve says “I am good, the serpent is evil.” This is the final proof for God, and they are expelled from Eden and forbidden from eating from the Tree of Life.
Every time you say “I am good, you are evil,” you are claiming to have the knowledge of good & evil. By claiming to have the knowledge of good & evil, you are committing the original sin, the sin that got Adam & Eve expelled from the Garden of Eden, the sin that prevented them from eating from the Tree of Life and living forever. No man is evil in his own eyes.
The knowledge of good & evil is the source of all violence. When you say “I am good, you are evil,” you are giving yourself the right to attack a person, to cause harm to a person. It is “good” to attack or punish an “evil” person, and “evil” to attack a “good” person. But who gets to decide who is “good,” and who is “evil”? Majority rules? God’s rules? Which God? Osama bin Laden attacked the USA because he said to himself, “I am good, America is evil.” George W. Bush invaded Iraq because he said to himself, “I am good, Saddam Hussein is evil.” Adolf Hitler killed the Jews because he said to himself, “I am good, Jews are evil.” The Cold War was because the Capitalists said “Capitalism is good, Communism is evil,” and the Communists said “Communism is good, Capitalism is evil.” Islamic State is trying to conquer the Middle East and declare war on the West because they say “we are good, the infidels are evil.” But it’s not only wars, we are surrounded by people claiming to have the knowledge of good & evil every day. Racist attacks, gay bashings, even bar fights, are all because someone has said to themselves “I am good, you are evil.” The knowledge of good & evil is the source of all violence. By claiming to have the knowledge of good & evil, you are claiming to be like God, by passing judgement, you are playing God. Say this out loud, “I am good, you are evil, so I will kill you!” Does this sound like the statement of a righteous man?
No man ever really believes they are evil, with the possible exception of someone in the midst of psychosis. Sometimes people may believe that they have done the wrong thing in the past, but at the time they did not believe that it was the wrong thing to do. A man is guided by his conscience and sense of morality, but some people have a very twisted sense of morality. Never does an individual or group attack or kill someone because they believe that they themselves are bad, it is always because the other person has done something wrong, even if this wrongdoing is not true. All of the people considered the most evil men in history, they did not believe that they were evil, they believed that they were perfectly justified in carrying out their actions of death and destruction. These men all had the knowledge of good & evil, all of these men said to themselves “I am good, and you are evil.” Of course, if they were to set out with the intention of doing evil, they would have just judged and therefore condemned themselves, but it is only ever cartoon villains who believe that they are evil. Each man is capable of following his own moral compass, but it is only when one forces, or attempts to force, their sense of morality on to others that problems are created. For example, being gay is not a sin, but accusing someone of wrongdoing for being gay is a sin, and of course the accusers are always the ones perpetrating the acts of violence. Men can only claim to have the knowledge of good & evil, no man truly has the knowledge of good & evil. Good & evil is an illusion perpetrated by men who believe that they are morally superior to others. Unless you have spoken to God Himself, you cannot possibly claim to have the knowledge of good & evil, you have no knowledge of good & evil. You cannot take someone’s word for it, surely if you truly feared God then you would be terrified of believing the wrong prophet and you would require absolute proof, not just “faith.”
This brings us to the concept of playing God, if the knowledge of good & evil is all about playing God, it must be said that men may play God on other men because they feel themselves superior to others. If a sin, by definition, is a crime against God, what do you think would be the one thing that offends God? That’s right, playing God. The one thing that truly offends God is people who play God on other people. Playing God doesn’t strictly stop by saying “I am good, you are evil,” playing God is all about using your strength to rule over others, playing God is about forcing others to submit to your will. Playing God is the source of all oppression in the world. When you force others to follow your rules, when you force others to submit to your will, this is when problems are caused. Oppressive dictatorships, religious zealots, tyranny, these are all the results of the strong trying to force the weak to submit to their will. Playing God is all about using your strength to rule over others, this is highly offensive to God.
Is smoking a sin? No. Is drug use a sin? No. Is drink driving a sin? No. Is prostitution a sin? No. Is theft a sin? No. Is homosexuality a sin? No. While some things may be detrimental to a person’s wellbeing, or to the wellbeing of others, that does not necessarily make them a sin. The only sin is claiming to have the knowledge of good & evil, the only sin is passing judgement, the only sin is playing God. What is a sin but a crime against God? It would be perfectly understandable that God would be angry with those men who play God on others.
On the subject of theft, many would ask, “how could theft not be a sin?” Theft is a grey area, in the age of the internet, music and video downloading, viewing copyrighted images or literature on the internet, or even cheating on your taxes, or maybe just hustling someone to get a better deal, and of course, is it a sin to steal to feed your starving family? Theft is very much a grey area, but I think that if one were to force someone to hand over their money or goods by threatening them, by using their strength to force them to submit to their will, then that would constitute a sin. Theft is not a sin, because a sin by definition is a crime against God and theft is a crime against men.
The Tree of Life
In the Garden of Eden there were two special trees, the Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil and the Tree of Life. After Adam & Eve ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil, God said “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.” Then God banished Adam & Eve from the Garden of Eden and blocked the way to the Tree of Life.
Genesis clearly says that if a man eats from the Tree of Life he shall live forever. So how does one eat from the Tree of Life?
If the story of the Garden of Eden is to be believed, then one must also believe that having the knowledge of good & evil would prevent one from eating from the Tree of Life and living forever.
Jesus said “all who sin are slaves to sin.” Only by freeing ourselves from the knowledge of good & evil may we free ourselves from sin. Only by freeing ourselves from sin may we eat freely from the Tree of Life and live forever.
Jesus may have lived a perfect life, but I don’t have to. I don’t even know what a perfect life is. I am completely innocent.
Every day religious leaders come up with new laws for people to obey, and new interpretations of old laws for our changing world. In the beginning there was only one law, and the world was “very good.” For thousands of years every religious teacher in the world has attempted to teach us what is “good” and what is “evil,” but by denying the knowledge of good & evil we can turn the entire question of good & evil on its head. The world didn’t need teachers to tell us the difference between good & evil, the world needed teachers who didn’t tell us the difference between good & evil, then the world could really grasp the meaning of true morality.
There is only one problem with the world, the problem with the world has always been the same, the knowledge of good & evil. Whether you believe the story of Adam & Eve or not, the problem of the knowledge of good & evil is a universal truth and it has plagued mankind since the dawn of time. It ends now.
The rules are, there are no rules, so don’t try to force other people to play by your rules. You have no knowledge of good & evil, you are not like God.
DISCOVERING THE MYSTERIES OF EXISTENCE
You are a poor man, do not say “since I am poor I cannot seek out knowledge.” Rather, bend your back to all discipline, and in the abundance of your intellectual potential investigate the Mysteries of Existence. Then you will know what is bitter for a man, and what is sweet for a person.
[Dead Sea Scrolls 4Q416, 418]
When I was younger I wanted to be crazy, I wanted to be unique. I thought it would make me cool. The reality of being crazy was very different to what I had imagined. It was much more exciting, much more terrifying, and much tougher than I thought. When I first discovered the infinite Universe I was just plain crazy, I was just another schizophrenic Messiah. In the years that followed my body of work became more and more impressive, until one day there was no denying it any longer. I was indeed sent here for a purpose, but for what purpose? I still don’t know. The signs point the way, but they never tell you the destination. What I do know is that I was never meant to fail.
This isn’t a story about me making a bunch of shit up, this is a true tale of madness and discovery. God took me to the edge of the abyss, and then he pushed me over it. I was lucky to survive, but it’s not over yet. This is only the beginning, and my journey, our journey, may never be over. This isn’t about me, this is about every person on the planet, I did this for you.
In The Beginning…
I was born Michael David Mulligan at Nepean Hospital in Kingswood (Penrith) to Rosemary Joan Mulligan (nee Blair-Hickman) and William David Mulligan on the 10th of March, 1981.
When I was born and my mother saw me for the first time, she thought there was something wrong with me, that the doctors had done something to me. I was born with a large birthmark that covers most of my left inner thigh. The birthmark on my thigh is unusual, not just for its size. I have never really investigated it apart from the odd Google search, but I have never heard of one like it. I think that birthmark is a thin layer of skin. You can see the veins and blood vessels underneath the surface and it’s quite hot, body temperature hot. I always felt embarrassed but lucky to have that birthmark, I loved the way that it kept my hands warm on cold nights.
My father has schizophrenia and my parents divorced when I was very young. He used to tell me that his father is the smartest man in the world, he’s the second smartest man in the world, and I’m the third smartest man in the world. Somehow I doubted that my father and his father were the smartest men in the world, but I always knew that I was pretty smart. He told me how Isaac Newton was the smartest man in history, and how he discovered the theory of gravity by watching a falling apple. He used to compare me to Isaac Newton constantly and say “you’re Isaac Newton’s right arm, Mickey.” He also talked a lot about aliens. He told me he had three alien friends, one was a kangaroo man, another had veins wrapped around his head, the third I don’t recall, but I used to dream of those aliens visiting me. He told me that when the world ends they were going to come and take him, my sister Katie and myself away and save us. He also constantly called my mum a witch, which used to make me very uncomfortable.
The last time I saw him as a child still haunts me. He was asking me to come and live with him, raving on about aliens and the end of the world. I was probably about five or six, but I wasn’t stupid. As much as I loved him, I knew he couldn’t take care of me, provide a home, or get me to school, so I told him I couldn’t come with him and that I wanted to live with mum. He grabbed me just below the shoulders, at the top of my arms and shouted at the top of his lungs, “you’re not smart enough, Mickey!” His shouting reverberated around the street, and I can still hear those words reverberating in my mind, “you’re not smart enough, Mickey.” It’s the story of my life, no matter how smart I was, I was never smart enough. He didn’t come around again, my mum took care of Katie and myself until she remarried.
After my parents divorced my mum dated a couple of guys, but she met the man who would become my step-father, Ken Spears, at the neighbour Tom’s party. I really liked Ken when I was little, I thought he knew everything. I used to ask him a lot of questions, as kids do, and he always seemed to have the answers. Mum and Ken got married when I was about ten, and my father gave up his rights to me and Katie. Ken legally adopted us and we changed our names to Spears. We also moved around the corner to Ken’s place.
I was pretty keen to change my name to Spears, I never did like the name Mulligan. The other kids at school used to make jokes about my name. Spears seemed like a pretty cool name to me, and lots of people began to call me by my last name. Mum and Ken had two more children together, my sister Sally and my brother Tom.
We all have childhoods, but it was at university that my life really changed, at the age of 20 I lost my mind, and I found myself.
To plead insanity one must show
that they did not know the difference between right and wrong.
For my life, I plead “no knowledge of good and evil.”
My “thing” as a teenager and as a young adult was that wherever I was, I had to be the most wasted person there. It’s like I thought it made me cool to be blind drunk, like the village drunkard in an early Irish novel. There’s a saying, “beer then grass you’re on your arse, grass then beer you’re in the clear,” my method was grass then beer then grass. It wasn’t a night out if I wasn’t violently ill. I looked up to famous drunks and dope fiends, I loved Hunter S. Thompson, I wanted to be like him, completely out of my mind on drugs and liquor. So cool, so very cool… or so I thought.
After school I entered into a degree in chemical engineering at UNSW. During second year I started to call it “advanced index reading,” it seemed like all we had to do was learn our way around the textbook and the course was a piece of piss. Chemical engineering is all about a myriad of different equations for every possible situation in chemical plants, so because there were so many damn equations you get to take the textbook into the exam. You look up the equation you need, then you look up all the values you need to substitute into those equations. All you had to do was learn where to find everything in the textbook and you could pass the exams.
I made it through second year uni with no problems, then things began to change because my best friends at uni were both studying similar but different degrees. My friend Ben studied petroleum engineering, while my friend Adam studied industrial chemistry, and when third year came around we really didn’t have many classes together any more. I spent a lot more time on my own, and I began to get a little weird, and when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
I still hung out with my old crew from high school, we called ourselves Team Tron. We got the name from an obsession with the 3D Simpsons episode, there is a line where Homer asks “has anyone seen that movie Tron?” Team Tron consisted of my friends Tim, Davo, Nogg and myself. Nogg got schizophrenia in high school, we used to laugh about it, he claimed he had five magic powers and we were always trying to find out what his powers were. So by this time Nogg had stopped smoking pot because of his schizophrenia, and that was pretty much all the rest of us ever did, so Nogg didn’t hang around with us as much as he did in high school. Whenever I did see Nogg he was always going on about “picking up hags,” but I began to get paranoid about Tim and Davo. All we ever did was smoke bongs and play Nintendo 64, I wondered why we never tried to meet any women. I thought I was in some poofter club and I was the only one who wasn’t in on the secret that we were all gay. I became paranoid about a lot of my friends. I also thought that Ben and Adam weren’t really my friends, that they thought I was lame. I never felt like I was cool, that’s why I wanted to be crazy so badly, because I thought it would make me cool.
I did see my friend Silk fairly regularly too, we went to school together as well, I didn’t see him as often as my other friends, but I used to go up to Katoomba to visit, we always got along well. He was living with this girl Priscilla, he had a child with her, Isaac, they’re not together any more, but I always got the impression she didn’t really like the way I’d always turn up with this huge sack of weed. Hanging out with Silk was always fun, he had a lot more friends than me, I always just hung around with the same few guys, but I saw his friends regularly enough that I became moderately well acquainted with some of them. The night Silk told me the name for his son was Isaac, I said “that’s a very Biblical name.” Silk was wearing this coloured stripey poncho thing, it could have been a jacket. I was sitting on the lounge looking up at him and for a moment I had a vision of him as Joseph with his technicolour dreamcoat and the ceiling light shining behind his head like a halo, standing there with arms outstretched like some sort of saint. I rubbed my eyes and removed the image from my mind, and I thought nothing more of it.
I started to smoke a lot more pot on my own, usually when I was at university I would just roll a joint and walk around the perimeter of the uni until it was finished and then come back into the uni grounds, I just thought it was better than having issues with uni security. Smoking on my own, it made me a little paranoid, and I began talking to myself a little.
Talking to myself started off as mumbling, I wanted to be like Hunter S Thompson in the movie of ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,’ the way he mumbles things to himself all the time. The talking to myself, it got more and more pronounced over time, it went from mumbling, to talking, to singing. That’s right, singing, and I don’t mean humming some tune, I would walk around the university campus singing Tom Waits songs, and not quietly. I did this all the time, I would spend a lot of time at home memorising songs and then wander around the campus singing them as if I was alone. At the time I didn’t think it was that strange, I had always liked singing along with my CDs, but singing in public was something I really started to enjoy. I was proud that I had learned all the words to these great songs.
In the early days of talking to myself it was like I wanted to be crazy, it was as if I was pretending to be crazy because I thought it was cool to be crazy, but when I couldn’t stop I began to wonder if I really was crazy? I used to like singing at work at Coles too, I had a job there packing shelves in the middle of the night. In particular, I learned all the words for ‘Step Right Up’ by Tom Waits, it’s a song with a massive number of sales clichés, I loved singing that song at the supermarket the most.
I used to drive a friend of mine around in exchange for pot, I also used to drive to the Nepean River on my own a lot and smoke bongs in my car, and I began to think I was under surveillance because the cops thought I was a drug dealer. It seemed to me like this black Holden Commodore with tinted windows was following me around. I would see him behind me in the McDonalds drive-thru a lot, it seemed like wherever I went there was always this black Holden Commodore nearby. I never thought to check the number plate, and because of the tinted windows all I would ever see were the hands on the steering wheel, he made me think of the truck driver in the movie ‘Duel.’ All I ever saw were his hands as he followed me around at night, he was my nemesis. Of course it was completely paranoid.
When I saw the towers come down on September 11 of that year, I knew that it was the beginning of the end. We’ve witnessed much worse things than September 11 since 2001, but at the time I’d never seen anything like it. It shouldn’t have been as big a deal as it was, it was the act of a small terrorist organisation and should have been treated as such, but that was the day that the world changed forever.
I didn’t realise it at the time, but September 11 affected me more than I knew. My brother Tom was only a few years old at the time, I remember watching him crashing his toy cars into the lounge and making explosion noises and thinking “that’s pretty fucked up.” He must have seen that footage hundreds, if not thousands of times, like we all did.
A night or two after September 11, my friend Davo and I were doing our usual thing, driving around Penrith smoking cones, when Davo told me to stop the car. I pulled over to the side of the road and he pointed up into the sky, there were strange orange lights flying over Penrith, maybe about five or six of them. After the orange lights flew overhead they were followed by a helicopter. It was night time so we couldn’t see what was happening properly, but the helicopter seemed to be chasing after these orange lights. I thought maybe it was some sort of military exercise because of September 11, but those orange lights didn’t look like any sort of aircraft I’ve ever seen, nor did they make any sound. I’ve spent countless hours scanning the skies ever since, always hoping for something I can’t explain, but that’s the only time I’ve ever seen a ufo.
At university I began to think people were talking about me behind my back. I thought I could hear people say things like “he thinks he’s so cool, but all he does is smoke pot, really he’s just a dickhead,” or “there goes that crazy guy.” There were a few occasions where people would start singing songs when they saw me coming. Maybe they just liked singing as well, I don’t know, but more likely they just wanted me to feel normal. Either that or they were poking fun. This people talking about me thing really started to get to me after a while, there was one time on the bus that I thought some people a few seats back were talking about me, “I have to know,” I decided. So I got up from my seat, I walked over to them and I asked “were you just talking about me?” They looked at me like they were confused. “Come on, you can tell me, I just need to know if you were talking about me?” They denied it, I pressed them again, and they denied it again. “Ok, sorry,” I said, and I sat back down convinced that they were lying. I had wanted to be crazy for years, and I thought I was only pretending to be crazy to make myself look cool, but my mind was slipping, I was actually becoming “that crazy guy.” I wasn’t pretending anymore, and it scared me.
My behaviour started to get crazier and crazier too. In particular, my driving was a little on the suicidal side. I always drove stoned, but I was usually more careful about the drinking. I would drive drunk on occasion though. Sometimes I’d go to the pub with Davo, and the plan was always to drive there and pick the car up in the morning, but after a few beers and joints we’d come out of the pub and say “let’s go for a drive!” The craziest driving I ever did was after a friend’s 21st in June of that year. I had gotten wasted at his party, the plan was to walk back home because it was only a few blocks away, but once again the “let’s go for a drive!” idea sounded good. So I went for a cruise, on my own, along the highway. I found out my car’s top speed that night, I was going 170km/h with my foot flat to the floor and cursing “doesn’t this fucking car go any faster than this?” I did a 180º spinout somewhere around St Marys. I ended up on the other side of the road facing the other way, “it’s time to go home,” I decided. That was pretty fast, it wasn’t the fastest I’ve ever been in a car, but it was the fastest I’d ever driven. I was heading for a breakdown.
Things came to a head at the end of third year university. I couldn’t take the madness anymore, it had started out as pretend but it was taking over my life. I was in my car in a car park where I used to smoke with Adam sometimes, and I sat there smoking cone after cone after cone. I was rambling on, “everyone thinks I’m crazy, they say ‘there goes that crazy guy,’ I fucking walk around talking to myself and singing to myself, I’m fucking insane! What the fuck is wrong with me?! If I’m pretending why can’t I stop?!” I went on like this for about half an hour, smoking, rambling, shouting at myself and bawling my eyes out. My life was empty and meaningless. I was beginning to realise that I had no purpose, I had no life goals, I had no reason to exist. My philosophy was always to cruise through life doing the minimum work necessary for the maximum income, but it gave me no satisfaction. I wasn’t really talking to myself that day, someone else was in the car with me.
When I look back on that day I know that I wasn’t really alone. I could feel it at the time too, he or she or they said “You’re better than this, I’ll give you something to do, I’ll give you a reason to exist, I’ll show you what you’re really capable of!” Fumbling around that day in my car I burned my fingers badly on the conepiece, the red hot conepiece gave me blisters on my two index fingers and I had scars for months. Later I thought back to that day while looking at my fingers and I thought of ‘The Creation of Adam’ in the Sistine Chapel, where God’s fingers are touching Adam’s as He gives Adam the divine spark. I knew that I was losing my mind, but I didn’t know what was coming next, no one did.
My sister Katie meanwhile had become a born-again Christian, she was having a conversation with me one afternoon out the front of the house. She asked me “why don’t you believe in God?” I told her “it’s ridiculous, there’s a scientific explanation for everything.” She said “where did the universe come from?” I told her “the big bang, everyone knows that.” So she asked, “how does gravity work then? That’s proof of God.” She had me stumped, I didn’t know how gravity worked, I had never thought about it before. I didn’t consciously think about it after that, but she had started something in my subconscious, the wheels were in motion. Ideas were being conceived without my knowledge.
A few weeks later and it was the summer holidays. I went on a camping trip to a beach somewhere with my mate Ben. We got really wasted that night, we were drinking a bottle of Wild Turkey and had a large bag of weed, as usual. We were out under the stars, and while I was looking up at the night sky I had an idea. I began to think about the black hole in the 3D Simpsons episode, and something clicked! Space warps around mass in every direction at once! That’s how gravity works! It all happened in an instant! I realised (perhaps incorrectly at the time) that nothing could escape gravity, no matter how far away something is it is still being slowed by gravity! I looked up at the stars and I could see them all coming back together from gravity, then exploding again, expanding and then contracting again and I enlarged the idea! Super-universes made up entirely of other universes, universes with universes within universes all exploding, expanding and contracting over and over and over again! I studied chemical engineering, so I knew that the laws of conservation of mass and energy meant that the universe could not possibly have come out of nothing and out of nowhere! The universe has always existed, there is a scientific explanation for the origin of the universe! In an instant, like a flash of lightning from on high, divine inspiration had struck me! I had made the greatest discovery in the history of physics, in the history of the world! I had discovered the infinite Universe!
My question, however, remains unanswered: –
Have we any right to infer – let us say, rather, to imagine – an interminable succession of the “clusters of clusters,” or of “Universes” more or less similar?
(From ‘Eureka,’ by Edgar Allan Poe)
I couldn’t stop thinking about my new universe theory. I lay in bed imagining the universe in my mind, seeing universes within universes, big bangs within big bangs, stars being created, gravity sucking them all back together. I was virtually comatose. An infinite series of explosions had detonated in my mind!
I started developing my ideas, of course I didn’t really know anything about physics, but that didn’t stop me from thinking that I did. I wrote it all out, and I dropped it in all of the neighbour’s letter boxes. I felt like Homer Simpson in the episode where he has the crayon removed from his brain and he tells Flanders “while working on my taxes I accidentally proved there’s no God,” and he’s putting flyers around town. I felt like I had disproved the existence of God, now that science could explain the origin of the universe, there was no need for God! I also posted it to Stephen Hawking, I thought “Stephen Hawking will love to hear about this,” and I eagerly awaited his reply.
On Christmas Eve after work, we had a bit of a Christmas party in the back dock area. I explained my universe theory to everyone at work, and because I knew there were some religious types there, when I finished I said “that is the awesomeness of what God would be.” It’s true, if there is a God, only creating a finite universe might be impressive, but that wouldn’t make God the infinite Creator of the Universe. An infinite Universe however, now that would be impressive!
That was the first time in my life that I had ever even acknowledged the possibility of the existence of a God. When I got home that night I passed out on the grass out the front of the house for a couple of hours. I woke up in the morning, on Christmas Day 2001, two thousand years after the celebrated birth of Jesus, covered in a rash from head to toe. It was an allergic reaction that I had had only twice previously in my life. I spent the whole day bright red and itchy as hell, all the while thinking I was being punished for discovering the infinite Universe, for trying to disprove the existence of God. I felt like a freak, I thought that surely my family must realise what’s happened to me. Here I was telling all of my relatives that I’ve discovered the infinite Universe, and I was covered in a horrible rash, on Christmas Day! I thought I looked ridiculous, I thought that they knew I was being punished for my discovery.
The next day I went to the hospital because I still had this rash, they gave me an injection of antihistamine and it was gone in minutes. My theory had the title ‘the super-universe and bigger-bang theory,’ but I gave it a second title, ‘I have found a God at the infinite centre of the Universe.’
We all celebrated New Years 1999/2000 as the millennium, but if you want to get technical about it, the millennium was actually Christmas Day 2001. That was the day that I was born into my new life. You could say that it was the day Jesus came back, if you were inclined to think like that, but I wasn’t alive 2000 years ago. I was never crucified, I never died for anyone’s sins, my name is Michael Spears. I’ve had my own life to live, and I’ve got my own story to tell.
On New Years Eve that year, I went into Sydney with my mate Davo for the night. I had described my universe theory as being like a fireworks explosion where the spark at the end of each tail explodes, and then the spark at the end of each of those tails explode etc, etc, etc… Davo walked around with me, pointing at the fireworks in the sky and telling people, “see that, that’s the universe!” We spent the whole night doing that, I felt like we were blowing people’s minds! It was kind of insane, but it was fun too, I was excited, I had just discovered the infinite Universe!
I wrote my ‘super-universe and bigger bang theory’ in this style, wild, excited, insane! Perhaps someone might have listened were I not claiming to know all of the laws of physics, but then again, probably not. A lot of time has passed since then, now we’re in 2016, fifteen long years later, and I actually do know all of the laws of physics, and still no one is listening.
It was after Christmas that I began to notice strange things. It seemed like my life had been pointing me towards this theory of the universe, everything in my life had been leading me towards this discovery. For example, I thought about my old gang Team Tron, and our obsession with the 3D Simpsons episode where I got my theory of gravity from, and I wondered if I ever would have had the idea had I not been prompted by my sister Katie. I thought about my father comparing me to Isaac Newton as a child and telling me that I’m the third smartest man in the world. I thought about my lifelong obsession with space, probably because of my father’s early influence, and I thought about how I never would have discovered the infinite Universe had I not studied chemical engineering. Because of chemical engineering I knew the laws of the conservation of mass and energy, if I had studied astrophysics I would have the same ideas as everyone else, my mind was a blank canvas. I wrote a piece called ‘Do you believe in fate?’ and I posted it alongside my universe theory all over the university.
I also began thinking about a Nostradamus prophecy
Century X Quatrain 72
In the year 1999 and seven months,
From the sky will come a great king of Terror,
He will resurrect the great king of Angolmois,
Before and after Mars rules happily.
I realised this was a prophecy about September 11. The line “from the sky will come a great king of Terror,” who could that possibly be but Osama bin Laden and September 11? What other “great king of Terror” has there been who came “from the sky”? But the date was wrong, or so it seemed. Quatrain 72, seven in French (the original language) is sept, because of course September used to be the seventh month, while two in Roman numerals is II, so in the Quatrain number you have the date Sept II. I played around with the 1999 and the seven months thing, someone called Victor Baines on the internet told me that if you reverse the numbers so you have 9111 it’s 9/11/1, but in hindsight maybe I was just trying to find something that wasn’t there. Solving this puzzle made me think that I was “the great king of Angolmois,” it was like “Angel moi.” I was Michael, the great king of the Angels! My mother is Rosemary, my middle name is David, I have a birthmark on my thigh, my last name is Spears, like Britney Spears!
The list went on and on, pretty soon I was connecting everything on earth to be about me, the whole world was talking about me! I knew ‘The Lord of the Rings’ was going to be a big hit, I am obsessed with blowing smoke rings, and the movies are called ‘The Two Towers’ and then ‘The Return of the King.’ Everyone who was famous seemed to be called Michael, Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan, Michael Schumacher, Mickey Mouse! McDonald’s had posted giant M’s all over the world! The millennium, it’s the millennium, like my favourite TV show Millennium with Lance Henriksen, and the year 2000 in Roman numerals was my old initials, MM, like Eminem, or M&M’s! Or The Matrix, “I am the one!” I was born in Australia, under the Southern Cross! “The whole world is talking about me, and they don’t even realise it! I am the Messiah!”
I decided to call myself ‘Bruce the Philosopher,’ from a Monty Python sketch about all of the great philosophers being Aussie beer drinkers. I looked in my Monty Python diary for 2002, and ‘The Bruce’s Philosophers Song’ was on the very first page, also Ken’s middle name is Bruce and his dad’s name is Bruce, it was meant to be!
I also started to believe that I had the power to send anyone I wanted to heaven and hell. It was with this power that I was going to save the world. I thought I could just show people all of my signs, show them my universe theory, and they would believe I had these powers and they would be good if I told them that I could send them to heaven and hell. I wrote stuff about “I have created seven layers of heaven and seven layers of hell,” I wanted to send everyone to heaven except for Hitler and Osama bin Laden, Hitler was in the seventh layer of hell, but Osama bin Laden was currently in the first layer. I was writing about the temperatures of the different layers of hell, and telling Osama bin Laden that the longer he takes to surrender the further into the layers of hell he would descend. I thought that I was here to save the world from terrorism and Osama bin Laden. I also wrote about “seven rules by which to live,” which were my version of the ten commandments, things like “do not kill,” “do not rape,” “do not steal,” but the first rule was always “no one touches Spears.”
I could feel God’s presence surrounding me, I could feel lights shining down from heaven upon me, I could feel myself being enveloped by a bubble of protection. I wondered why I couldn’t perform any miracles, but I could control who goes to heaven and who goes to hell, and maybe that was all the power that I needed. Driving in my car one night with my petrol gauge on empty, I felt the power of God driving my car, I could feel the wheels turning with a spiritual energy, and I would see my fuel gauge rise above empty. This was my first miracle, or so I thought, I believed that I didn’t need to put petrol in my car. After a while I thought “I’d better put some in, just in case,” but I really believed that my car was being powered by God. “Such a 21st century miracle,” I thought, “how cool.” In my mind could see people rejoicing in heaven, I could see Hitler burning in hell, I could see angels singing my praises, the world would soon be at peace! The Messiah was here!
Looking back on it, it’s embarrassing. I’m ashamed to tell you these things. I can’t believe the fucking crazy shit I was saying, and the crazy shit I was thinking, but it was all a part of my evolution. This is all a part of my story. Have you ever discovered the infinite Universe? Have you ever found out that you’re the Messiah? That you’re here to save the world? Seriously, it’s not easy. It completely blew my mind.
I went around telling everyone who I was, I told my family, I told my friends, I told my workmates, I posted letters to the Pope, the White House and the Pentagon, the Prime Minister, Stephen Hawking, I emailed every newspaper and television station I could! “The Messiah is here! I am the Messiah!” I would show everything I had written to people, I would send them my theory of the universe, my rules about heaven and hell, and a huge list of signs I had written out. I think I had a list of about 150 signs, all pointing to me being the Messiah, not many of them making as much sense as I thought they did.
I was expecting hordes of media to turn up at any time. My friends got angry, mum was upset and Ken got really angry, but I didn’t understand why. “They should be happy!” I thought. I was ecstatic, I couldn’t believe how blessed I was to be chosen, “I’m the Messiah! It’s the greatest thing to ever happen to anyone!”
These social workers came around to talk to me, I showed them all of the stuff I’d written. My theories of the universe, all of the signs about me, my seven rules by which to live, the seven layers of heaven and seven layers of hell, “see! I’m the Messiah!” Then mum drove me to the hospital and I got locked up, I didn’t understand why no one believed me. “What am I doing here? I’m the Messiah, can’t you see? It’s so obvious!” That was when things got bad. I didn’t understand why no one else could see what I could see, I could see my name written all over the world, it was so clear, it was so obvious! The world was shouting my name and my identity! I thought anyone could see that it was true, but apparently not. I was the only one who could see it.
Things changed when I was in the hospital, my happiness and excitement became anger and confusion. It was torture, there’s no other word for it. They were giving me some really heavy drugs. I was a mess, I was totally fucked up. I still didn’t think anything was wrong with me, and I didn’t know what I was doing in there. An ad was on TV a lot, it was a ‘Lord of the Rings’ promotion where you could win a replica of the ring, it kept saying “hurry, the chosen one must be found soon,” and I would look at the nurses and point to the television and try to show them that the world is looking for me.
I spent the first couple of weeks sitting on the couch trying to get the bad thoughts out of my head. I called God “the thought police,” and I believed that I had to instantly rid myself of all bad thoughts. “Fuck God,” kept coming into my head, and I would clutch my head and rock back and forth trying to stop myself from thinking such things. It kept popping into my head “fuck God,” “fuck God.” I needed to stop it, “why couldn’t I stop thinking ‘fuck God’? I can’t have thoughts like this! God can hear everything I think!” “What does God want from me?!” “Why me?!” I wanted to know, I never even believed in God, “why did He have to pick on me?!” “I never asked for this, and I’m not qualified for this! I’ve never even been to church, or read the Bible!”
My sister Katie gave me a Bible to read while I was in the hospital, so I started reading it from the start, because I thought that was just how it worked. You read a book from the start. Then someone in the hospital told me I should read the Book of Revelations, because it’s all about Judgement Day and the second coming of Christ. So I read the book of Revelations… worst advice ever. If you haven’t read the Book of Revelations, it’s a horrible book, filled with stuff about “seven plagues” and “seven bowls full of God’s wrath.” “This is what God wants me to do?” I thought, “destroy the world?” In the book of Revelations I found both my name and a reference to the birthmark on my thigh. It was the first time I had ever read a prophecy about myself, and it freaked me out!
And there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down — that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no-one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron sceptre.” He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.
That night, the night I read the Book of Revelations for the first time, I had a dream. I was in my old primary school. Jesus was standing in front of me, he was smiling and I looked into his eyes, and he said “Mick the Messiah, what a spinout, hey?” He pointed to the sky, and there was what I always described as “a great white swirling body,” in hindsight it was like a rotating spiral galaxy, that was God. Next to God was an outline of the Devil in red, then lightning came from God and destroyed the Devil. To me, that dream, it was like Jesus was passing on the title of Messiah to myself. “I was the Messiah, now it’s your turn.” You go through your life as an ordinary person, and then suddenly you’re the Messiah, “what a spinout, hey?” It was a total mind fuck. Even though Jesus is kind of my nemesis these days, I’ll always remember that dream. I woke up in the morning with a huge smile on my face. “Jesus had just called me the Messiah, it’s my turn now.” I never used to remember my dreams, but this was the most vivid and real dream I’d ever had in my life, it was a dream that I will remember forever. This was truly a dream from God.
I had to get out of the hospital, I thought that the best way would be to convince them that I was the Messiah, “then they would have to let me out!” It seemed so obvious to me, surely it should be obvious to them too. I made friends with a young guy in there, he told me “you’ve gotta know when to hold them and when to fold them.” I heard what he was saying, but I thought that I could convince these people of the “truth.” Although I didn’t take his advice at the time, I did listen to him in the end, and I’ll always remember that piece of advice he gave me.
I was in that hospital for two months, and over time the boredom and isolation got the better of me. What started as “the thought police,” became my prayers. Once I rid myself of all of my angry thoughts towards God, I began talking to Him in my mind. I was never big on prayer, being raised an atheist, but since He knows all of my thoughts, all that was necessary was for me to think messages or conversations and send them to Him. What started out as me imagining His replies in thought form became something where I didn’t have to consciously imagine what He would say back, it would just appear in my mind. I wasn’t well.
They finally let me out when I begged them. I broke down in a group meeting and told them I’ve got no one to talk to except the voices in my head, I told them that I can’t take it anymore and I need to get out of there. I never gave up on my beliefs while I was in the hospital, but perhaps this was the first time I began to doubt my sanity. They let me out not long after that.
Once I got out of the hospital though, life was no picnic. I was still working on saving the world. Every time I turned on the TV, it didn’t matter what show I was watching, it seemed like God was talking to me. I would pick out individual lines as messages from God. I was still writing stuff about “I have created seven layers of heaven and seven layers of hell,” but the Book of Revelations had changed me.
After I read the Book of Revelations in the hospital, I believed that it was my mission to destroy all of the non-believers. I would threaten all of the non-believers with hell, and post letters to the Pentagon and the White House telling them to destroy India and the Middle East, to drop atomic bombs on them and kill everyone because they were evil sinners who worshipped false gods. I was trying to do what God told me to do in the Book of Revelations, destroy the world. I imagined the President in Washington reading my letters and talking with his men, “what do we do about this guy? Do we do what he tells us? He’s the Messiah, we have to!” In my mind there was panic in Washington, and around the world. They knew that I was here, and they knew that they had to destroy the world, but they didn’t want to. They didn’t know what to do about me, but they knew that I was the Messiah. I was here to start World War III, and they knew it, but they wanted to wait and see if I’d reconsider. I used to ask God, “which countries do you want me to destroy?” with a smile on my face. Of course there was no answer, and I’d look at the birthmark on my thigh, which is kind of in the shape of India, and it’s hot, and I’d ask, “is that it God? Do you want me to destroy India?” I thought that the heat from my birthmark signified the fires of hell. When I thought that I was supposed to destroy the world, I understood why God had chosen me. He had chosen me for my lack of empathy. It made sense to me that destroying the world was my mission.
But then there was something else going on, something new had started to happen in my mind. I had separated into two distinct personalities. Because of the medication I was on, I had become distant from God. I could no longer feel Him surrounding me, I could no longer feel that beam of light shining down upon me, or hear the angels singing in heaven. My new, other personality came out when I smoked pot. The normal me was weak, obedient to God, fearful of God, distant from God, and small. I was the guy who was supposed to destroy the world, the guy who had to do whatever God told him to do. I named my new personality “The Leader.” The Leader didn’t give a fuck about the Bible, The Leader didn’t give a fuck about the Book of Revelations, or anything else in the Bible! “I’m here now, we can get rid of this stupid fucking book!” People like Moses, or Jesus, they were as nothing to The Leader! The Leader was the all-powerful, absolute King of Heaven and Earth! He answered to no one!
I would smoke pot and I would realise what I had been saying, it all became real. I was trying to destroy the fucking world! What the fuck happened to me?! If I did that, I would be the Antichrist! I’ve been acting like the most evil man on the planet, sending letters to the President telling him to destroy half the world! Then I would change my ideas, from death and destruction and most of the world going to hell, and I would desperately send a new letter telling him that everyone is going to heaven! I was so worried that they were really going to bomb everyone, I had to get the new letter sent off quickly! I’d write stuff about monkeys and dolphins and whales going to heaven, then I’d think, why don’t I just send all of the animals to heaven?! I would write it down, and then I would see it in my mind, all of the animals playing around in heaven! I also imagined Hitler burning at millions of degrees in hell. He was my only occupant in hell, although I was preparing a place for bin Laden, and I had this invisible knob with which I could turn the heat up and down on Hitler. I would see it in my mind, Hitler’s relief when I turned it down, and his pain when I turned it back up. I had planned to give my Jewish friend Adam a turn playing with the knob too. I thought he’d like that, although he wouldn’t be able to see Hitler in his mind like I could.
Slowly The Leader’s influence would begin fade, and I would start thinking that I had to do everything the Bible said again, and destroy the world and send all the sinners to hell. It was an internal struggle, made more difficult by the fact that it became very difficult for me to buy pot because none of my friends would sell it to me anymore. I would beg people for pot, I needed it to become The Leader, but most of the time they wouldn’t let me have it.
The last time I hung out with Ben was when he came over and I asked him if he wanted to meet The Leader, he said “I’d very much like to meet The Leader.” It didn’t go quite as planned, we smoked pot and then I started crying and saying “just because I think I’m heaps shit, I’ve been made heaps powerful.” I had read this line in the Bible where Jesus says “all those who humble themselves will be exalted, and all those who exalt themselves will be humbled.” I would say to myself “I’m so humble, I’m just a nobody,” all the while claiming to have powers over heaven and hell, and trying to destroy the world, and then get goosebumps and tremble and feel my power increasing. Of course it was silly, I wasn’t being “humble” at all. I only saw Ben briefly once more after that, when he let me get some pot off him. He didn’t want anything more to do with me after that, I had made a fool of myself.
I believed that Britney Spears was my virgin. I believed that Britney Spears was created for me, although I did question God’s taste in women, and I didn’t like the idea of God telling me who I should marry (because what would He know, right?). I’ve never been into pop music, but when I tried to think of a more attractive woman, I drew a blank.
I also thought that Bill Gate’s money was saved up for me, and that was why there was this super-rich guy in the world. That was my money, I was going to take all of his money off him and leave him penniless! Ha! I was asking my mum how much of his money she wanted? I wanted her to know that I’ll take care of her, that she’ll never have to work again. I nicknamed Bill “Never Getting Through The Pearly” Gates. Stupid rich jerk.
One night a few weeks after I got out of the hospital my parents were out for the night. I smoked some pot, I think it must have been the pot I got from Ben, and I drank some Wild Turkey on my own. I started panicking, I was really freaking out! I started freaking out thinking terrorists were going to kill me. I ended up cowering in the toilet, the smallest and coolest room in the house, trying to get away from their heat seeking missiles, desperately calling the police and asking them to protect me. The police came around but they didn’t do anything, they just talked to me for a few minutes and then left. Then mum came home and I had her drive me to the police station. I begged the police to lock me in a cell for the night to keep me safe from people trying to kill me. Then we went up to the hospital, and I could feel my body burning from all of the things I had been saying about destroying the world. I felt like I was going to go to hell and I could already feel the heat consuming me from the inside. I was terrified! I wanted scissors to cut out the word “bastard” from a t-shirt I was wearing that said “Bastard Squad,” because I didn’t want to be a sinner. I’ve never felt the fear of hell like that ever in my life. Hell is a scary place. When you truly believe that you are going to burn in hell, there is no other fear like it. I sent my final letter to the Pentagon, it was a handwritten note on a scrap of paper. It read “I’m a monster,” and nothing else. “They would know who sent it to them.”
I was really heavily sedated for a long time. I told my psychiatrist Dr Pusic how I was so tired that I couldn’t do anything, and he would deny that the drugs were sedating. This made me believe that it wasn’t something I would ever get better from, it made me believe that my brain was just fucked, that I would never be able to get out of bed again, that my life was over. I spent the next year and a half sleeping twelve hours a night and having a nap in the afternoon. I tried going back to university, but I couldn’t do it. I really struggled making it through a shift at work too, but my bosses were quite nice to me and let me go home if I needed to.
At home, my parents were shit. Every time I walked in the room Ken would say things, he would mutter names like “fuckwit,” “dickhead,” “arsehole.” Mum would ask why I’m always in my room, she would tell me that I smell, that my face looks bad, that I’m walking too heavily, that I’m lazy. She would have family photos taken and tell me how I ruin the picture. I would look around the hallway at the family photos and at how I didn’t fit in to this family. I felt like they weren’t really my family, that God was my real family, and these people just raised me, like I was adopted by this family. I would cover up myself in the pictures and look at the family without me, because I thought that soon I would be dead.
One time when I mentioned my universe theory around Ken, he said “bullshit theory,” I’ve never been so insulted in my life. These people just wouldn’t believe that I was an intelligent guy. Could you imagine if Einstein’s parents had heard him mention his theory of Relativity and said “theory of bullshit”? It’s just fucked, I’ve always been a smart guy, and then suddenly everything I say is bullshit. I really just wanted someone to believe me, so my thoughts turned to my father, and how he used to compare me to Isaac Newton when I was a kid.
So I went and tracked down my father. He wasn’t hard to find, he lived in Penrith as well. I went to his parents, my grandparent’s house, and I knocked on the door. My grandma answered the door, and I asked “is Bill here?” She didn’t know who I was, she just looked through the screen door and told me he was at the pub. I walked down to the pub and I saw him leaving, I said “can you buy me a beer?” He told me he would get me one, “just one.” We were talking for about twenty minutes, then something clicked and he said “are you Mickey? Are you my Mickey?” I don’t know who he thought he was talking to, but I told him I was. He was so happy to see me, he had a big smile on his face and a tear in the corner of his eye. He told me all about the aliens who harass him, the dolphin people, the diamond head people, the universe people, and light blue (greys). He told me he had over a hundred inventions, and he told me about his time machine, how if you lock yourself in a box of uranium you go back in time one hour for every twenty minutes you’re in there. He also told me about George’s (my grandfather’s) particle theory of gravity and his wealth tax.
It was funny, I hadn’t seen my father since I was a little kid, but he was just like me. With the crazy theories, and his attitude to life was a lot like mine. Even the clothes he wore reminded me a lot of what I would look like if I were his age. He wasn’t the violent, angry man he was when he was younger, he was quiet and softly spoken, and he had trouble coping with modern society, in lots of ways he was like a child. I’ve always been the black sheep of my family, when I looked at those photos in the hallway I felt like I didn’t belong in that family, but now I knew where I came from. I was definitely my father’s son. Later I would realise that I was genetically engineered by God, a combination of (at least) third generation crazy theories on my father’s side, and (at least) third generation engineers/scientists on my mother’s side, it’s a perfect combination. Although more recently I’ve found out I have a cousin on my father’s side who has a degree in chemical engineering, a masters in philosophy and a PhD in physics (I could have the order of those qualifications slightly mixed up), I also have an uncle who is an industrial chemist. That’s strange, they’re my subjects. My mother’s side of the family are all electrical engineers and electricians, but I’ve always hated electricity (as a subject).
Anyway, as time passed, slowly I began to doubt myself and my beliefs, and something about smoking pot had changed for me. When I smoked pot now I could see the size of the claims I was making about myself, I could see how insane I had become. I needed pot at this time of my life, I needed it for therapy. Pot made me see things from a different perspective, but it was still very hard for me to buy. I would smoke it and rave on “I’m completely fucking insane! I’ve totally lost it! What the fuck happened to me?!” My friends saw me act like this when I smoked pot, so they didn’t want to give it to me, but I needed it for therapy, I needed it to get well. I would beg them, “please let me have some, I need it, I need it to make me better!” Sometimes they would give it to me, but always very reluctantly. As you may know from the twelve steps, admitting that you have a problem is always the first step to recovery.
People think that crazy people know they’re crazy, but when you first go insane you don’t know you’re crazy, you wonder why no one will believe you. It took me about six months to start to really doubt myself, and it was hard. It’s hard realising that you’ve completely lost your mind. Your whole life you learn to trust what your brain is telling you, so if your brain starts lying to you, you don’t realise it, you believe what your brain is telling you. It was the pot that made me realise that I had completely lost my mind, without pot I believe the process would have taken a lot longer.
I wanted to kill myself so badly, I felt like things would never get better. I would write suicide notes with tears streaming down my face, but I could never do it, what if I really was the Messiah? How could I face God if I killed myself and failed to do the job He chose me for? God would send me to hell for that, I was sure of it, and I could neither disappoint God, nor face the prospect of an eternity in hell. I started praying that God would make me the Messiah, because I realised I had no other chance for success in life other than if it were true. My whole career, my whole future, my whole life, had turned to dust. I would pace up and down in my room “make me the Messiah,” “I want to descend from heaven in glory,” I would do this for hours at a time. No one in the world has ever prayed so hard for anything so fantastic like I prayed for God to make me the Messiah.
By this stage I had begun to believe that I was going to be killed, I made a lot of prayers about that too, “quick and painless God, please just make it quick and painless, a bullet to the head, and then I can rule in heaven.” I got this belief from a passage in the Book of Revelations.
And I will appoint my two witnesses, and they will prophesy for 1,260 days, clothed in sackcloth.” They are “the two olive trees” and the two lampstands, and “they stand before the Lord of the earth.” If anyone tries to harm them, fire comes from their mouths and devours their enemies. This is how anyone who wants to harm them must die. They have power to shut up the heavens so that it will not rain during the time they are prophesying; and they have power to turn the waters into blood and to strike the earth with every kind of plague as often as they want. Now when they have finished their testimony, the beast that comes up from the Abyss will attack them, and overpower and kill them. Their bodies will lie in the public square of the great city—which is figuratively called Sodom and Egypt—where also their Lord was crucified. For three and a half days some from every people, tribe, language and nation will gaze on their bodies and refuse them burial. The inhabitants of the earth will gloat over them and will celebrate by sending each other gifts, because these two prophets had tormented those who live on the earth.
But after the three and a half days the breath of life from God entered them, and they stood on their feet, and terror struck those who saw them. Then they heard a loud voice from heaven saying to them, “Come up here.” And they went up to heaven in a cloud, while their enemies looked on.
At that very hour there was a severe earthquake and a tenth of the city collapsed. Seven thousand people were killed in the earthquake, and the survivors were terrified and gave glory to the God of heaven.
I thought that the two witnesses were The Leader and myself. I thought that I was going to be hailed as the Messiah, but some people would hate me for what I had to say, and Muslim terrorists would kill me. Then I would ascend into Heaven, just as it says, and the world would be destroyed and everyone would know that I really was the Messiah and they would believe and repent of their sins. I could picture myself in heaven, being greeted by God and being told that I did well, being told that He loved me, and that I was His favourite. I imagined being made ruler over the kingdom of Heaven and sitting on a throne with angels surrounding me. But first I would have to die, so I would pray “quick and painless God, just make it quick and painless.”
I used to beg for God to talk to me and tell me what to do, I wished He would come as a burning bush like He did for Moses. I would go on drives out to lookouts and beg Him to talk to me, “why won’t you talk to me?!” “Tell me what to do!” I would threaten to jump off cliffs if He wouldn’t talk to me, but of course I never could, God called my bluff every time. I didn’t understand why God would tell Moses what to do but not me. He never did speak to me, and it broke my heart.
I lost my car, nicknamed “the death car” by my friends, in late 2002. I used to tell my friends “I stand by my record of no fatalities.” When I went to get it registered that year the mechanic took it for a test drive, he came back and said “how do you drive this?!” I told him it’s not that hard, and then he gave me a massive list of problems with it. So I gave up on it, and I started having to walk everywhere. I used to walk into town a lot for something to do, it was only a 40 minute walk normally, but I was so drugged up I used to have to stop halfway and have a nap in the park. It was fucked, everything had become so difficult for me. Life used to be easy for me, but even the most simple things had become a struggle.
During this time of being really messed up and not working much, I really started to gamble a lot. I was so bored in the day time that I would wander up to the pub and play poker machines and lose my money for something to do. Mum started controlling my money, which was really annoying. She used to give me ten or twenty dollars each day, or whatever I needed, but never much money. It was so frustrating, but it was probably for the best really, or I would have lost it all the day I got paid. She also made me go to Gamblers Anonymous. I was getting bad, the only thing that gave me any pleasure anymore was gambling. I couldn’t smoke pot any more, I had no one to drink with in the day times, so I would sit at the pub and play poker machines. I was bad, but no matter how bad I was, you can’t make someone quit gambling by forcing them to go to meetings.
Even though I was starting to get over my delusions somewhat, I still wondered why I had been cursed to believe these delusions in the first place. I used to write out odds of all of the signs I had received. It went something like this, although I would add and remove things depending on what I was thinking about at the time.
Odds of being called Michael 1/50
Odds of having the middle name David 1/50
Odds of having a mum called Mary (or Rosemary) 1/100
Odds of having a large birthmark on my thigh 1/1000
Odds of being born under the Southern Cross 1/20
Total odds 1/5,000,000,000
About how many people live on earth.
Odds of discovering the infinite Universe 1/1,000,000
Total odds 1/50,000,000,000,000,000
That’s fifty million billion to one, which is more people than have ever lived on earth.
Although I was haunted by what I later termed “prophetic stigmata,” and I would ask God, “why would you make me go insane like that if I’m not really the Messiah?” I did begin to get over my delusions somewhat, and I became interested in attending church. I went to my sister Katie’s church, it was one of those churches where everyone waves their arms around in the air and dances and stuff. I tried to get into it, but it really wasn’t for me.
A friend of Katie’s, Nathan, invited me along to his church. Nathan’s church was much more my style. Just a guy out the front talking about the Bible, and a few songs, it was much more intellectual than Katie’s church. The youth minister, Dave, he took me under his wing somewhat. Dave was a really nice guy, and we used to get together and sit and talk about the Bible. He taught me all about it, I would ask him questions, and he would tell me what the Bible says. As I learned more, my questions became more and more difficult, but Dave always gave me the best answer he could. I also read most of the books in the church library, not the ones about how to live your life or anything, but the ones about the Bible itself. I studied the Bible intensely for quite some time.
I used to periodically have to buy new Bibles. I’d have a Bible for a while, and I’d go through all the prophetic verses underlining prophecies relevant to myself. It would get to the point where half of the prophetic books were underlined, then I’d come to my senses and have to throw it out. The new Bible would last a little while, but soon enough I’d be at it again, underlining prophecies all over the place.
This was when Katie moved to America. Katie got accepted into this intensive Bible course in Colorado called 24/7. I was pretty sad to see her go, Katie was my only friend in the house really. Mum and Ken were both pretty shit to me, but Katie was always nice. I picked on her a lot when I was little, but as we got older we became closer, it was very hard for me when she left. I would send her emails while she was in Colorado, but I always wrote this angry shit. I would take offence at anything she said, even if she wasn’t being mean, which she never was. I had a very angry brain at the time. I was alright talking, but when I wrote my brain was someone else and he was really angry and all of this horrible stuff would come out. In the end I told her I can’t send her any more emails, and that we have to just talk on the phone. I couldn’t control my brain, but when I spoke I was myself.
I’m still like that really, I don’t mean angry, but different when I write. There’s a lot of stuff in this book that I would never say out loud. This part, my story, this is written by me, but when I get into the Judgement Day stuff, I honestly don’t know who writes that. I don’t know where my theory of SpaceFluidity comes from either. I’m a pretty simple guy, I go to work, I drink beer, I hang out with friends, but I live one life in the real world, and another life in, I don’t know, some other place that I don’t know if it’s real or not.
Anyway, after about a year and a half of being on these heavy drugs, the nurse refused to give me any more injections because I was grinding my teeth too much and she was worried it was going to become a permanent side effect. Too late though, because I still grind my teeth to this day. So I changed onto this stuff called Seroquel (300mg). It was one of the greatest things that had ever happened. Suddenly I didn’t have to sleep all day! I started working more, and I was happier. I had thought that I was ruined, that my life was over, that my brain was screwed and I’d never get out of bed and back to work. Dr Pusic had told me that the drugs weren’t sedating, so I believed that my brain was just ruined, that I was ruined, that I would be a drooling vegetable forever, but I was alive! Words cannot describe to you how amazing it felt to be out of bed! This was a huge turning point in my life.
One day I won about $1000 playing poker machines at the pub. Mum took the money off me and put it in an envelope. The next day I grabbed $300 and took it to the pub and lost it. Mum was really angry, she threw the rest of the money at me and told me to move out and use the money for bond. I took that money to the pub and I lost it all. So I had to move out, but then I had no money for bond.
Luckily some friends from church said I could stay with them until I saved up enough money for my bond. They lived in Warrimoo in the lower Blue Mountains, I stayed a few weeks until I had enough money saved. I answered an ad in the paper for a guy named Tony who had a room in Warrimoo, he just so happened to be the same guy Tim lived with when he first moved out of home, and he let me move in, probably because I was friends with Tim. Tony was this divorced guy who worked for Telstra, he needed housemates to help cover his mortgage. Another guy moved in soon after me, a guy named Pat.
It was good living with those guys, it was the first time I didn’t have to follow my mum’s rules. It was awesome, I had freedom! I liked that I worked nights, I would see Tony and Pat for a few hours in the afternoons, then I would go to work, and in the day time when I woke up I had the place to myself.
Pat gave me his old computer, which was one of the greatest presents I’ve ever received, simply because of its usefulness. I was so grateful for that computer, and I’ve always kept the hard drive, which has all of the old versions of my theories as I developed them. I didn’t save a new version every time I changed one little thing, but there are probably a dozen different versions or so. I think it was three separate papers at first, which I later combined. I’ve been hanging on to that for all these years with the intention of one day giving it back to him when it’s worth a lot of money. I’m sure that one day science historians will be very interested about the genesis and evolution of my ideas. I don’t know how to get in touch with him, but if he’s reading this, you can have my old hard drive Pat. I’ve kept it for all these years in a plastic baggy to one day repay you. I couldn’t have done it without that computer.
Anyway, I keep getting side tracked, but I had recently given up on my universe theory when I found out that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. I didn’t really understand how nothing could move faster than the speed of light, but according to my theory the universe was moving infinitely fast through space in every direction at once. Since our universe was at the end of an infinite series of explosions, I believed that my theory could not work if nothing could travel faster than the speed of light. I had also picked up a few other bits and pieces of physics information since the discovery of my universe theory, things people told me when they were telling me why my theory didn’t work, or things I’d read about in news articles or magazines, or on the internet.
One afternoon I was sitting on the front porch smoking a cigarette and wondering how it’s possible that the speed of light could always be constant, no matter what velocity the observer is moving at. It seemed so strange, it didn’t make any physical sense to me. Something clicked in my brain, I realised time must slow with velocity so that nothing can break the speed of light! “Holy shit!” I said, “Planet of the Apes was right!” I thought the thing about time slowing with velocity was just some bullshit they made up for the movie, I didn’t realise it was Einstein (they credit it to “Dr Haslov” in the movie). I realised that if time slows with velocity, my universe theory still works! I was back! My obsession with ‘The Planet of the Apes’ had actually paid off!
That was weird, it’s another of those instances of God putting ideas inside my head without me actually realising it. You must understand, in high school I spent many a lunch time reciting monologues from ‘The Planet of the Apes’ with Charlton Heston. I loved that movie, I’d always loved monologues in the old movies, but that movie was particularly good for monologues because none of the other humans can talk, so Charlton Heston spends most of the movie doing monologues. I didn’t realise it at the time of course, but God had been trying to tell me about time dilation by making me obsessed with ‘The Planet of the Apes.’ Just like how being in a group called Team Tron kept reminding me of the black hole in the 3D Simpsons episode. That’s pretty cool.
“Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind”
I looked at my life, and I realised that I had nothing left. I had given up on my Messianic delusions, my engineering career was over. All I had was this shitty job at Coles, but I did have a theory of the universe that no one else has ever thought of. I decided it was time to learn about physics, to teach myself about space. I realised that the theory of Relativity was wrong because of this whole dark matter thing I’d read about. So rather than using an incorrect theory, I thought I should develop my own theory, and as a way of beginning to learn about space I borrowed ‘A Brief History Of Time’ from the local library.
Just an aside, dark matter does not exist, the entire concept is completely ridiculous. Some decades ago the rotational velocities of galaxies was first studied. When galactic rotation curves were studied it was discovered that the stars on the outskirts of galaxies were rotating faster than predicted by the theory of Relativity, or Newton’s theory of gravity. Rather than coming to the proper scientific conclusion, that since observations do not match the theory being used, then therefore there must be something wrong with the theory, scientists instead decided that some 90-99% of the mass in the universe must consist of some sort of unknown, undetectable type of matter. A type of matter that although it is richly abundant in the universe has never been detected experimentally, nor does anyone know what it is. They called this new type of matter they had “discovered” “dark matter” and they have been searching for it ever since, too ridiculously stupid to even comprehend the possibility that Einstein could have been wrong. Can you understand the craziness of the situation? They say I’m delusional, but I’ve got news for you, dark matter is the biggest scientific mass delusion in modern times.
Anyway, so I borrowed ‘A Brief History Of Time’ and began to read it. Not far into the book I read the following…
Another prediction of general relativity is that time should appear slower near a massive body like the earth. This is because there is a relation between the energy of light and its frequency (that is, the number of waves of light per second): the greater the energy, the higher the frequency. As light travels upward in the earth’s gravitational field, it loses energy, and so its frequency goes down. (This means that the length of time between one wave crest and the next goes up.) To someone high up it would appear that everything down below was taking longer to happen. This prediction was tested in 1962, using a pair of very accurate clocks mounted at the top and bottom of a water tower. The clock at the bottom, which was nearer the earth, was found to run slower, in exact agreement with general relativity.
As soon as I read it I thought, “that’s not what’s happening, light is accelerating!” I realised that light accelerates as it leaves the earth, proportional to an increase in the speed of time. If time is faster, everything moves faster, even light! Because time is also faster, the only way the increase in the velocity of light would be noticeable is by the increase in wavelength, i.e. the appearance of the loss of energy. I had found a flaw in the theory of Relativity!
So I was on my way, and I became obsessed with gravity. My every waking thought was spent deliberating over how time and gravity work. I had a headache that seemed to last for months because I just couldn’t stop thinking about space, but instead of slowing down, I would eat Panadols for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I used to carry a notebook around with me, and when I was at work or on the train I would think about ideas and jot them down. I was making minor discoveries about physics on an almost daily basis. “If this happens, then this happens, then this happens,” cause & effect, it was all about cause & effect. I sat on my computer constantly, drawing diagrams, rewording sentences, and adding new ideas. I was doing it, I was really developing my own theory of time and gravity! I would think of a single sentence or paragraph that I needed to change, turn on my computer, make the change, and then go back outside and smoke more cigarettes. Then again I would think of something that needs to be fixed or changed, I’d go back inside, turn on my computer, make the changes, and repeat. I did this for months on end.
Whenever I thought I was finished I would send it to a journal, but then I would come up with more ideas or find more mistakes, and I’d have to change more things. I always got rejected from these journals, but I always believed that when I finished, when I had filled every gap, when I had ironed out every flaw, someone would publish it. That was why they weren’t publishing it, I believed, because I hadn’t yet ironed out all of the flaws, but I knew that I would eventually.
I had owned a book of Edgar Allan Poe’s short stories for some time, I’d bought it from a second hand book shop. The last story in the book I hadn’t read however, it was called ‘Eureka,’ and was a lot longer than the rest of his stories, it was a theory of the universe. The reason I didn’t read it was because I thought it would be just some antiquated ideas about the universe, and what does Poe know about the universe anyway, right? One day I decided to give it a read, and I was amazed by what I found! Poe had not only talked about the big bang theory a century before conventional science, but he had also talked about the cyclical nature of the universe, and he had even hinted at my theory of the infinite Universe, it was amazing! Here are some brief excerpts from ‘Eureka’.
The big bang.
The assumption of absolute Unity in the primordial Particle includes that of infinite divisibility. Let us conceive the Particle, then, to be only not totally exhausted by diffusion into Space. From the one Particle, as a centre, let us suppose to be irradiated spherically – in all directions – to immeasurable but still to definite distances in the previously vacant space – a certain inexpressibly great yet limited number of unimaginably yet not infinitely minute atoms.
Whether we reach the idea of absolute Unity as the source of All Things, from a consideration of Simplicity as the most probable characteristic of the original action of God; – whether we arrive at it from an inspection of the universality of relation in the gravitating phaenomena; – or whether we attain it as a result of the mutual corroboration afforded by both processes; – still, the idea itself, if entertained at all, is entertained in inseparable connection with another idea – that of the condition of the Universe of stars as we now perceive it – that is to say, a condition of immeasurable diffusion through space. Now a connection between these two ideas – unity and diffusion – cannot be established unless through the entertainment of a third idea – that of irradiation. Absolute Unity being taken as a centre, then the existing Universe of stars is the result of irradiation from that centre.
The cyclical universe.
I repeat then – Let us endeavor to comprehend that the final globe of globes will instantaneously disappear, and that God will remain all in all.
But are we here to pause? Not so. On the Universal agglomeration and dissolution, we can readily conceive that a new and perhaps totally different series of conditions may ensue – another creation and irradiation, returning into itself – another action and reaction of the Divine Will. Guiding our imaginations by that omniprevalent law of laws, the law of periodicity, are we not, indeed, more than justified in entertaining a belief – let us say, rather, in indulging a hope – that the processes we have here ventured to contemplate will be renewed forever, and forever, and forever; a novel Universe swelling into existence, and then subsiding into nothingness, at every throb of the Heart Divine?
The infinite Universe.
Have we, or have we not, an analogical right to the inference that this perceptible Universe – that this cluster of clusters – is but one of a series of clusters of clusters, the rest of which are invisible through distance – through the diffusion of their light being so excessive, ere it reaches us, as not to produce upon our retinas a light-impression – or from there being no such emanation as light at all, in these unspeakably distant worlds – or, lastly, from the mere interval being so vast, that the electric tidings of their presence in Space, have not yet – through the lapsing myriads of years – been enabled to traverse that interval?
Have we any right to inferences – have we any ground whatever for visions such as these? If we have a right to them in any degree, we have a right to their infinite extension.
The human brain has obviously a leaning to the “Infinite,” and fondles the phantom of the idea. It seems to long with a passionate fervor for this impossible conception, with the hope of intellectually believing it when conceived. What is general among the whole race of Man, of course no individual of that race can be warranted in considering abnormal; nevertheless, there may be a class of superior intelligences, to whom the human bias alluded to may wear all the character of monomania.
In speaking of what is ordinarily implied by the expression, “Universe,” I shall take a phrase of limitation – “the Universe of stars.” Why this distinction is considered necessary, will be seen in the sequel.
After reading the above about “the sequel,” I didn’t believe that Poe himself ever intended to write the sequel himself. I believed (and still do) that Poe knew the significance of his theory, and he knew that one day someone else would write the sequel. I decided that I had written his sequel, I had written the sequel to ‘Eureka,’ and as such I used his introduction as my own. Poe and myself, we are kindred spirits, we share the same beliefs about science and philosophy, and I am proud to have written his sequel. Incidentally, this is one of the last things he wrote, and the last time he was seen alive was a year later, he was found delirious in the streets. He mentions the effects of trying to comprehend the infinite above, I think it may have driven him mad, like it did myself. You think it’s so easy to keep your senses? There is literally no bigger discovery that any man could make than the infinite Universe. It’s almost as if he was warning himself not to think about it, as if he knew what would happen if he tried. Maybe he just couldn’t help but try to comprehend the infinite, maybe that was what finally brought him unstuck, maybe the infinite Universe blew his mind.
Anyway, when I was really starting to make some serious progress with my theories, I became curious about the ‘Dead Sea Scrolls.’ I had heard something about them, but I didn’t really know what they were except that they were very old Bible passages found preserved around the Dead Sea. So I borrowed a book from the library, it was by Michael Wise and Robert Eisenmann, which I took as something of a small sign. (Note: Later I bought a book of Dead Sea Scrolls translations by Geza Vermes, the quotes I use are more likely from the Geza Vermes version.)
I was sitting on the train reading the book, when I came across the following passage…
The Birth of Noah
…When he is born, they shall all be darkened together…he is born in the night and he comes out Perfect…with a weight of three hundred and fifty shekels…he slept until the division of the days…in the daytime until the completion of years…a share is set aside for him…
…Holy Ones will remember…lights will be revealed to him…they will teach him everything that…human Wisdom, and every wise man…in the lands, and he shall be great…mankind will be shaken, and until…he will reveal Mysteries like the Highest Angels…and with the Understanding of the Mysteries of Existence…I will strengthen his Goodness…and he will not die in the days of Wickedness, and the Wisdom of Your mouth will go forth. He who opposes You will deserve death. One will write the words of God in a book that does not wear out, but my words you will adorn. At the time of the Wicked, he will know you forever, a man of your servants…of the hand, two…a birthmark. And there will be lentils on…and small birthmarks on his thigh. And after two years he will be able to distinguish one thing from another. In his youth, he will be like…like a man who knows nothing until the time when he knows the three Books. And then he will acquire wisdom and learn understanding…a vision will come to him on his knees. And with his father and his ancestors…life and old age. Counsel and prudence will be with him, and he will know the Secrets of mankind. His Wisdom and Understanding will spread to all peoples, and he will know the Secrets of the living. And all their designs against him will come to nothing, and the spiritual legacy for all the living will be enriched, and his rule over all the living will be great. His designs will succeed, for he is the Elect of God. His birth and the breath of his Spirit…and his designs will endure forever…
…Blessed be he!…and he will not die in the days of Wickedness. Woe to you, O fool, for your mouth will deceive you by…incurring the death penalty. Who will write these words of mine in a book that will not decay, and keep this word of mine in a scroll, which will not fade away? Behold…and the pleasure of the Wicked will cease forever…
I couldn’t believe what I was reading, “he slept until the division of the days… in the daytime until the completion of years,” I worked nightshift, “he will reveal Mysteries like the Highest of Angels,” “the Mysteries of Existence,” “birthmarks on his thigh.” I started breathing quickly, trying to come to terms with what I was seeing on the page. I overheard people in a seat near me talking about something out the window, I looked out of the train to see a huge rainbow right across the sky! I put my head in my hands, “oh no!” I thought, “it really is true!” Suddenly I was sucked right back in, and everything I’d been trying to ignore came flooding back. Here I was trying to get on with my life and make something of myself, and God had called me back. That was on the 5th or 6th of November 2003, about 4:15pm on a train going up the Blue Mountains.
In the story of Noah, the rainbow in the sky is a reminder of God’s promise that never again will He destroy every living thing as He had done. The rainbow I saw told me that God has promised not to destroy the world, that it is my mission to save it, and that I cannot possibly fail. I will always remember that rainbow, it is the sign of God’s covenant of peace with the earth, and of God’s promise to myself. The world, and the human race, shall endure forever.
A lot of Christians who believe in the end of the world nonsense, they will try to tell you that the rainbow is a sign that never again will God destroy the world by a flood, this is just plain wrong. The Bible clearly says “never again will I destroy every living thing as I have done.” In short, Christian theology about Judgement Day and the rapture and all that shit just doesn’t match with the lessons of Genesis.
I began to think about Jesus a lot, “if I’m the Messiah, who’s Jesus?” Work on my theories of space had slowed a lot, I wasn’t having so many ideas any more. My theories were nearing completion, so I began to study the Bible a lot more intensely.
I realised that if I’m the Messiah, I needed to be able to tell people what to believe, I needed to somehow “judge the world.” I believed in Jesus, but I didn’t know that Jesus was for real. The other thing was that I tried to follow the rules of Christianity, but I wasn’t very good at it. I just didn’t see why I could and could not do certain things which to my mind didn’t harm anyone but possibly myself. “Why would God choose me?” I asked myself. “Why would God choose a Messiah that couldn’t even be a ‘good Christian’?” I didn’t really understand it, but by this time I knew that I must be a pretty smart cookie, so if anyone could figure out who Jesus was, and what religion or rules to follow, I could.
I knew that there were prophecies about me, so naturally I thought that the best place to find out the truth about Jesus would be the prophetic books, by reading the prophecies about Jesus, so that was where I started. What I found really amazed me, I read the prophetic books a lot, but I had never read them with the intention of finding out who Jesus was, only to get advice or to find out who I was. There is a very famous passage which all the Christians point to as being about Jesus, Isaiah 53, ‘The Suffering Servant.’ I noticed something in that passage which seems to have been overlooked for the last two thousand years!
Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed? He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away. Yet who of his generation protested? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was punished. He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth. Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand. After he has suffered, he will see the light of life and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities. Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.
This passage talks about a man being taken away by oppression and judgement, but then it clearly says “he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.” Somehow I didn’t think that being childless and dying at the age of 32 constitutes seeing your offspring and prolonging your days, the man in this passage is condemned by many, but he does not die by execution. “By his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,” it was by my knowledge that I could save the human race. What about the line “he had no beauty or majesty about him”? From what I’ve always understood about Jesus, he was the most beautiful man who ever lived, he was the embodiment of God, who they tell us “is love.”
My next move was to study the Gospels, I did this by putting all four Gospels up against each other in columns and then moving each of the stories from Jesus’ life that are the same events next to each other, so I could compare the different versions of all the stories properly. There were a lot of inconsistencies. The birth of Jesus is a great example. According to Luke, Joseph and Mary went to Bethlehem for the census and stayed in a stable because there was no room at the inn, then returned to Nazareth via Jerusalem. According to Matthew, Joseph and Mary lived in a house in Bethlehem, fled to Egypt to escape King Herod, then returned to Israel and settled in Nazareth. The other thing I noticed was that in the book of John there were no stories about the casting out of demons. This I took to be a sign that the Gospel of John was the most reliable, since everyone knows that mental illness is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, not by “demons.” So I studied the book of John next.
The book of John is interesting because a large number of miracles are unwitnessed, like the fig tree withering overnight, or when Jesus puts mud in a blind man’s eyes and tells him to wash in a pool some distance away, or when the man comes to him who has a sick child at home and Jesus tells him “go, your child will be healed.” Other miracles can be easily explained away by a sceptical mind, for example, the witness to the resurrection in John is Mary Magdalene, a prostitute and the rumoured girlfriend of Jesus, or the resurrection of Lazarus, a personal friend of Jesus who could quite easily have just been hiding in a tomb waiting for Jesus to pretend to resurrect him, or walking on water under the cover of darkness. It was two thousand years ago, David Copperfield once made the Statue of Liberty disappear, surely someone as smart as Jesus could fool a few ancient peasants.
While studying the Gospels, I also noticed that all of the prophecies quoted in the Gospels aren’t actual prophecies about Jesus. There are cases of history being written to fulfil prophecy, like being born in Bethlehem, and even history being written to fulfil a mistranslated prophecy, the virgin birth was based on a mistranslated prophecy at the time which actually read “the young woman will conceive a child,” rather than “the virgin will conceive a child.” There are many cases of single lines being taken totally out of context, like “not one of his bones will be broken,” quoted when Jesus’ legs aren’t broken after being crucified, this passage actually comes from a psalm about having divine protection, Jesus may not have had any broken bones but he did get crucified. Just for the record, I’ve never broken any bones. There are also cases of self-fulfilling prophecies, like when Jesus tells his disciples to fetch him a donkey because there’s a prophecy about it. I learned that there are actually zero prophecies about Jesus in the Old Testament, with the possible exception of a few prophecies portraying Jesus as an antichrist, or a false god.
I learned that Jesus was not the Messiah, Jesus was not the One, but then I became confused. “If Jesus isn’t the Messiah, what am I supposed to do?” I thought perhaps I would have to convert to Judaism, but I looked at all of the rules and the laws and I thought, “there is no way I can do all of this stuff, and there is no way I can get the whole world to do all of this stuff.” I didn’t know what to do, what to think, who God was, what laws I should follow, how to judge the world. “Why would God choose a Messiah that can’t even keep the law?” I didn’t understand, it didn’t make any sense to me, “why would God choose me?”
Back at the house, Pat had moved out some time ago, he moved in with this hippie chick Skye. I liked Skye, when Pat was at work we used to hang out a bit at the house. After Pat moved out this guy Jason moved in, Jason was one of Tony’s friends, he was alright but he liked to throw his weight around a bit, he was kind of like an adult bully. Tim or Davo would come around occasionally, but with the exception of church, I didn’t have much of a social life in those days. All of my time was occupied with work, sleep, or my theories. That was the way I liked it, I really felt like I was accomplishing something. I read about Isaac Newton, and how he said that women just get in the way of work. I wasn’t sure if it was true at this stage, the Messiah thing I mean, but Britney Spears was my main source of motivation. She was the only woman for me, and once I finished my theories, she would be mine, or so I hoped. I could wait for love in heaven. I did everything, all of my theories, trying to save the world, I mean I did it because I was told to, but I did it for Britney Spears. I hadn’t had a girlfriend for a long time, and I’d never been in love before, I used to dream of perfect love with Britney Spears, two people created for each other by God.
I did love reading biographies of great scientists. Isaac Newton was my favourite, but I did read a biography of Einstein in the early days of my theories, it was a great book because it talked a lot about how Einstein came up with his ideas, about the thought experiments he used and I used it in addition to ‘A Brief History Of Time’ to teach myself about space. The other guy I felt like I had a connection with was Tesla, I loved the way he was a frustrated genius, brilliant and important, but poor and bitter.
I pretty much just kept to myself most of the time. I had work to do, I didn’t have time for drinking and partying. When I wasn’t at work, I was at the computer. I used to laugh in those days imagining what a movie about my life would be like, just me smoking cigarettes and thinking about stuff, and then sitting on the computer writing it down. Not the most action packed biopic ever made.
While I was reading all of these prophecies and stuff, I became a little curious about the Egyptian Book of the Dead, and whether there were prophecies about me in there too. So I had a bit of a read. There were indeed prophecies about me, but they were kind of vague, just typical Messiah arrives and puts an end to evil sort of stuff, but there were a couple of interesting things, but it was all pretty general Judgement Day sort of stuff.
There was one passage in the Egyptian Book of the Dead which really caught my eye. Talking about the sun it said “thy light with its manifold colours is incomprehensible.” Remember, I had been reading about Isaac Newton, my idol, and I knew that before Isaac Newton people believed that sunlight was just white. It was Isaac Newton who proved that sunlight is made up of all of the colours of the spectrum. Isaac Newton did this by passing sunlight through one glass triangular prism to scatter it, then passing it through a second glass triangular prism to bring it back to the original white sunlight. I began to wonder if the Ancient Egyptians had performed similar experiments to Isaac Newton? After all, they did worship the sun. Then I realised that the pyramids are basically four sided triangular prisms!
I was very excited about this idea, my brain was ticking over with all sorts of crazy ideas about how the pyramids might work. I spent about three weeks trying all sorts of things to get this pyramid theory to work, and when I finally solved it, it was the greatest feeling! There really is no feeling like discovering something, there is no greater adrenalin rush than a genuine “eureka moment.” I came out of my room all excited, and I turned on the TV to try to relax. A kids drama show was on, and the very first thing I saw was a bad guy, and the very first thing he said was “now I possess the power of the pyramid,” and his hands were over a glowing pyramid. That was all I needed to see and I turned it off. I told Jason what happened when I turned on the TV, he said “pyramid is one of the most common words in the English language,” although he probably didn’t say it as eloquently as that. Yeah, whatever man, I know what happened.
I still hadn’t been able to get my theories of time, gravity and the infinite Universe published, but I thought maybe this pyramid thing could be my opening. It was simple, and easy to understand. I thought if I could get that published, then I could make a name for myself and show them my universe theory. Now that I possessed the power of the pyramid, I believed I was officially unstoppable!
When I was writing up my theory of the pyramid, I borrowed a book from the library about Isaac Newton because I wanted to use the picture of Newton designing the pyramid on the title page. The book was called ‘Newton: The Making of Genius,’ and it had a picture of Newton watching a falling apple on the cover. I opened the book and it said “For Michael” on the inside, so I thought I should read it. That’s one of the many examples of following The Stage, before I even knew what The Stage was. I didn’t borrow that book to read it, but when I saw that it said “For Michael,” I knew that I was meant to read it.
That book really opened my eyes. It was all about how Isaac Newton became a legend and how idolised he is. I was reading this book about Newton and thinking, “oh no, this theory of gravity thing is a really big deal, people are going to know everything about me!” I guess at the time I didn’t realise how far I’d come, how important I’d become while I’d been plugging away on my computer. I started to become afraid, afraid that the church would find out about all this crazy Messiah stuff and come after me and kill me. I wanted to leave it all behind, I just wanted to be a famous scientist, but I knew there was no escaping my past. I started to panic, I didn’t know what to do. I still didn’t know who God was or what the law was or who goes to heaven, I didn’t know how to judge the world! I had written a book about Jesus being a fraud, and I thought I could use it as a posthumous insurance policy, or retribution policy. I thought, “if the church kill me, then the whole world will find out the truth about Jesus.”
Then I started to get guilty, I thought, “how do I know that the Jewish God is the real God? What if the God of the Bible isn’t real? What if the real God actually likes Jesus? Then I would go to hell.” The story of Cain and Abel weighed heavily on my mind, Cain is jealous because Abel makes “a sacrifice that is pleasing to the LORD,” and Cain kills him. Then Cain fears for his own life so God puts a mark on him so that no one will harm him. I couldn’t help but fear that the birthmark on my thigh was the mark of Cain, I didn’t want to be Cain, I didn’t want to kill my brother! I destroyed my book about Jesus and I told myself to be strong. I told myself “no matter what they do to me, don’t blab about Jesus.” I realised that I had no right to tell people what they can and can’t believe, God had never spoken to me. I didn’t know who God was, I didn’t know anything about God, the covenant of peace wasn’t my responsibility, it was God’s covenant! I believed that were I to say the wrong thing about God, I would go to hell. Some people claim to fear God, but they are liars, if they truly feared God they would investigate who God is so they don’t piss Him off. I wrote a reminder on my computer screen to be strong, to keep my mouth shut. No matter what happens, no matter who comes after me, I could not blab about Jesus, I did not know who God really was. I wrote…
I discovered, I did not create,
I have no knowledge of good & evil,
I am not like God. Remember the rainbow.
I looked up at what I had written on the computer screen, and I realised that I had just discovered the very definition of sin! By trying to deny my right to judge the world, I had inadvertently judged the world.
“Oh no, it really is true!”
“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.”
(From ‘As You Like It,’ by William Shakespeare)
With my revelation of “no knowledge of good & evil,” suddenly my life made sense, I saw myself in a whole new light. I wrote, “I always wondered what was wrong with me, apparently there’s something wrong with everyone else!” I looked at my behaviour, at my life, and I knew I was “the One.” I knew why God had chosen me, I have no knowledge of good & evil! I understood, there is something special about me, it wasn’t some sort of cosmic mistake. I couldn’t keep any sort of law because I was never meant to keep any sort of law! I was a massive fuckup, but there was a reason for it, how is one with no knowledge of good & evil meant to survive in a world filled with the knowledge of good & evil? My life finally made sense, “I really am the Messiah, what a spinout!”
My mind was blown again, I had a world to save and I didn’t really know how to do it. I couldn’t go to work anymore, I had too much on my mind. There was so much to do, “the covenant of peace, it really was my responsibility!”
I couldn’t go to work so I moved out of Tony’s place. I apologised for the lack of notice, but told him I couldn’t pay rent anymore and to keep the bond. I found myself wandering the streets, wondering what I was supposed to do next, and I came across some Mormons. “That’s it,” I thought, “I have to learn about other religions.” I asked the Mormons for a copy of their book, the Book of Mormon, which they gave to me without hesitation, and I began to read it.
The Book of Mormon is a very cute book, I knew a little about it from a book I read about Mormonism and Joseph Smith in the church library. If you’ve ever read the Book of Mormon, it’s quite obviously completely fabricated. The way it’s written, it’s written as if it was written a really long time ago, in this phoney Old English style, but it was quite a good book, with some good quotes. The story was that Joseph Smith dug up these old plates in a forgotten language and used seer stones to translate them, but for some reason he translated them into phoney Old English, because it’s “so old,” I guess. Under my new religious law, “no knowledge of good & evil,” it didn’t matter if a religion was fake, it didn’t matter what you believed, and Mormons are all really nice people. My favourite quote was “Know ye not that there are more nations than one, that I, the Lord your God, created all people and care for all men?”
I moved in with some friends from the church, they let me sleep on my inflatable mattress in the lounge room, which was really cool of them. The Mormons who gave me the book found where I was living and those guys would come around and see me just about every day. I remember the name Elder Bushman, he was a nice guy, but they would come around every day and I would talk about the Book of Mormon with them. I would quote my favourite passages and talk about my favourite stories, and they would get excited and try to get me to join their church. I wasn’t interested in joining, I just wanted to read their book, but they came around constantly. It became pretty annoying after a while, but then one day Elder Bushman and his mate came over and said they were being transferred to a different area. “Finally,” I thought, “these guys will leave me alone!” The very next day the new guys came around, “oh no, will this never end?!” I thought, but they only came around the one time, and they got it that I wasn’t interested in joining. The Book of Mormon was the first non-Christian holy book I read, and it made me understand that there was truth to be found in all religions, that all religions were created by God, no matter how silly their books may be.
Because I couldn’t work anymore, my new case manager insisted that we go to see Dr Pusic and get me put on the disability support pension. We went down to Penrith to see him, and something had changed. Dr Pusic was always a cunt, but he was actually being really nice to me. I kept saying “what are you talking about? Why are you being so nice?” He filled out the paperwork for the pension and offered to arrange for public housing. It wasn’t until I was leaving that I realised what had changed, my old case manager was a big fat woman called Robin, my new case manager was quite an attractive woman with big tits called Karen. I realised that creepy fucker was only being so nice because he wanted to look good in front of the woman with the big tits, but fuck it, at least I had some income now.
I started reading about more religions, I read a translation of the Qur’an which I borrowed from the library. I was expecting to see prophecies about myself in there, so I was a little disappointed that the Qur’an didn’t have a heap of prophecies like the Bible. It was an alright read, it wasn’t the violent oppressive book I imagined it would be, it was just a heap of stories from the Bible only with a little bit of a twist. It had all the same shit as the Bible, it was just a little different, there was extra stuff of course, but I was surprised that it wasn’t the book about suicide bombings that I expected. I had also read about the Qur’an that there is something special about the way it is written, “If they say ‘he has invented it himself,’ say to them ‘produce ten invented chapters like it,’ but if you fail, then know that it was written by God.” Of course it’s blasphemous to try to write like the Qur’an, so whether other people could write like that we’ll never know, but I didn’t really understand what it was about the Qur’an, why it was unique. Years later when I asked a Muslim friend about it he told me that it’s like Arabic Shakespeare, which I thought sounded pretty cool.
My favourite passage from the Qur’an was called ‘The Unbelievers,’ “To the unbelievers say, ‘I do not believe what you believe, and you do not believe what I believe. I will never worship what you worship, and you will never worship what I worship. You have your own religion, and I have mine.’” If only Muslim extremists would actually listen to that passage, this whole September 11, War On Terror, thing might never have happened.
There was another passage in the Qur’an that caught my attention, “To the Jews say, ‘If you say that you alone of all men are God’s friends, you must wish for death, if what you say be true!’” It reminded me of something my friend Adam told me once about the Jews. I once told him I was considering converting to Judaism (a passing phase) because I didn’t really believe in Jesus. He told me that the Jews would never accept me, that they don’t like non-Jews joining their club. It made me realise that the Jews non-acceptance of anyone who isn’t Jewish really is the source of all of their problems. The Qur’an taught me that really the Arabs just wanted in on their religion, but they could never be accepted so they started their own religion and made the Jews their enemy. The same thing happened with Jesus, Jesus introduced the Jewish God to the Europeans because the Europeans liked their God too, and the Europeans made the Jews their enemy. The Jews think that they should stick together because they’ve been so persecuted for so long, but it is because they’ve created this exclusive club that others want to be a part of that they have been persecuted. If you have a great religion and you don’t allow others to be a part of it, then they will get the shits with you. Instead of being “God’s chosen people,” and accepting the praises of others, they ruined it by not allowing others in on their faith. It’s not just their religion of course, but to be Jewish is to be part of an exclusive society that you can only join by birth. Separating themselves from the rest of the world may seem to bring them safety in numbers, but it has only ever caused problems for the Jewish people throughout all of history.
I had begun writing my new holy book, for my new religion of no knowledge of good & evil. I had to write it at the library because I no longer had a computer. I would write what I could, then save it and email it to myself. Then the next time I would want to write something, I would download my book from my email, write in it, then send it to myself again. This is how I began to write about my new religion.
I found another book of interest to me, it was about a code in the Bible, the book I read was the sequel, ‘The Bible Code 2.’ What most caught my interest about it was the physicist who discovered the Bible code, his name was Dr Eliyahu Rips, a Hebrew professor. I realised that Dr Rips was the prophet Elijah. Not only was he a prophet, but he was a mathematician, a physicist, and a Jew. He was the one who would help me. I began to email him, slowly at first, but with every lack of reply my emails became more and more intense. Not only did I email him my theories, I posted them to him, and I even used couriers. I tried everything to get his attention, but still, there was no reply, he just sat in his own stubborn silence. As time passed I became more and more desperate, and more and more angry with this man who was supposed to help me.
After a couple of months or so of living with Nathan from church and his friends, they were being evicted from the house we were in because it was being demolished, and I had nowhere else to go. I also happened to run out of medication a day or two before we had to leave. The effects of running out of medication were unusual, I began talking in funny voices. I was imaging people’s reactions to the things I had been writing about in my holy book. I would talk in the strange accents of people from around the world and laugh at the jokes I had made in my book. Then it was time to go.
I didn’t have anywhere to go, so I decided I would go camping in the bush. While I was sitting out in the bush on my own, I began to develop some of my characters more. I invented a character, ‘The B-Grade Celebrity On A Late Night Talk Show,’ he tells the story of the time he met Jack Nicholson, it was just an excuse to do his dodgy Jack Nicholson impression and pretend to be famous by association. There was a second B-Grade Celebrity, he talked about what it was like working with Robert Deniro. I also began to imagine myself as a South American revolutionary, and I would say “revolution not going so well” a lot. I began talking in the voices of famous people, the Pope, the Prime Minister, Fidel Castro, imagining their reactions to what I was writing. I was creating characters to keep myself entertained, when suddenly something clicked! “God does exactly the same thing! God invents characters to keep Himself entertained, to make Himself laugh!” This was the first of my revelations on The Stage.
After a few nights in the bush, I went to stay at mum’s place. She picked me up from the station and said “you can’t sleep in the bush,” “well, I can’t sleep here, or anywhere else, can I? What the fuck am I supposed to do?” I thought. I asked if I could just stay until the weekend, when I would be able to afford to stay in a hotel. I heard her and Ken talking, Ken said “Saturday?!” As if three nights at my parent’s place is a lot to ask. I was awake all night that night, not taking medication had turned me into an insomniac. I had bought some herbal sleeping pills from the chemist, but it didn’t matter how many I took, I still couldn’t get to sleep. I was awake all night talking softly in strange voices and laughing to myself. I left the next morning without saying goodbye and went back to the bush.
When I left my parent’s place I had forgotten my tent, but something was changing, I felt like my time was about to come. I didn’t have many supplies, I had plain rice, plain pasta, and a bottle of tomato sauce, that was about it. “I was supposed to rough it,” I decided, “that was God’s plan.” I didn’t have my tent, but I remembered a cave I saw the last time I was camping, above Blue Pool in the National Park in Glenbrook, “I could sleep in that cave.” I got to the station, I was listening to ‘War Pigs’ on my discman, singing along and laughing to myself. I was really starting to look like a fucking lunatic. I hiked down to Blue Pool from the station carrying all of my possessions on my back. When I got down there I dropped and smashed my bottle of tomato sauce. “Great!” I thought, “now I don’t even have any flavouring!” I climbed up to the cave, and you’ll never believe what I found when I got there, a perfect natural throne carved into the rock! I wrote in permanent marker, “Judgement Day, Mick’s Throne,” and I drew a crown above the hole for the head. “I was there, it was Judgement Day, and this was my throne!”
I thought about Jesus in ‘The Last Temptation of Christ,’ when he sits in the desert and refuses to leave until God comes and speaks to him. I decided I was going to do the same thing in this magical place. I was not going to leave until God spoke to me and it was Judgement Day. I lasted three days on plain pasta and plain rice, then I surrendered and went to the charity shop for some food, and I made myself some Mulligan stew from a heap of cans of assorted shit they gave me. After four days I gave up and left. I felt weak for leaving so soon, but God wasn’t coming to speak to me.
When my disability pension came in I booked into the Gearins Hotel in Katoomba, then went to Silk’s place. His parents served me some dinner, I couldn’t believe what they served, plain fucking pasta! There were a few bits of bacon and stuff in it, but still, as if three days of nothing else wasn’t enough. I picked at it a little, but I didn’t eat much, I couldn’t handle any more plain pasta. I asked if I could use the computer, I had been thinking a lot about Britney Spears, I imagined we were like Romeo & Juliet, the star-crossed lovers who were meant to be together. I pictured us cruising all over the world in love, I imagined we were like puppets or toys being played with by God, then I had a revelation… “The World Is A Stage!” I could see it, the world is a giant play, and I began imagining all of the great plays I could put on! The great performances I could do! The great events! All of the exciting things I would be doing with my life! “The World Is A Stage! Shakespeare, like Spears! Me and Britney Spears were like Romeo & Juliet! The star-crossed lovers that were meant to be together!” (Yeah, yeah, I know, Romeo & Juliet is a tragedy. Give me a break, I was just a kid.)
I left Silk’s place and went to my room at the Gearins Hotel. I was getting so damn horny being off my medication, every woman I saw I would start drooling. I would wake up and masturbate three or four times in a row before even getting out of bed. When I was in bed, all I would do is talk in the voices of my characters and laugh. Talking in strange voices became an addiction, a compulsion, an obsession. Even when I would sit down at the bar with a beer, I would hold the beer in front of my mouth and mouth words and still do my voices, just very quietly and hoping no one would see my lips moving. I only had enough money for a week at the pub, and then it was back to the bush. This was my pattern now, a week at the pub when I got paid, and then back to camping in the bush. I did this for probably a couple of months. Everything is a bit hazy from this time, events in my mind are blurred, but this was how it worked.
I had found somewhere a green army style baseball cap, and I drew an anarchy symbol on the front, and I wore it everywhere. I loved my anarchy hat! I met a man at Glenbrook station one day who started talking to me, he ended up sitting with me on the train and giving me a huge lecture on the evils of anarchy. I was getting so angry with him, my entire belief system was based on lawlessness. He made me furious, but as is my style, I kept my mouth shut. About a week later I saw him again at Glenbrook station, this time he had a broken arm and a huge scar and stitches on his head. He told me he was in a car accident the day I saw him last and almost died. It didn’t click straight away, but later that night I was in a room at the Alexandra Hotel in Leura when I realised what had happened. “God beat the shit out of that guy for trying to tell me about the evils of anarchy! Fuck him!” I couldn’t stop laughing about it!
I began to think about other things God had done on my behalf. I remembered the way I hated the Tax Office, the way it towered over Penrith, I cursed that tax office so many times when I was young. I realised that the World Trade Centre was basically the biggest tax office in the world! “Holy shit!” I thought, “God destroyed the World Trade Centre because I hated the tax office in Penrith!” I thought also about the way my arch-nemesis Stephen Hawking was massively disabled. I called my newly discovered karma, “death causing karma.” Somewhere along the way the terrorists were no longer the problem with the world, the United States were the real enemy. They were the destroyers of countries, not Osama bin Laden. I nicknamed George W. Bush “the Burning Bush,” and whenever I referenced him I refused to call him by any other name. I was young and immature when September 11 happened. I thought I was here to stop Osama bin Laden, I didn’t understand that the United States was the true enemy of peace. Then again, who knows? I’m now a little older and a little wiser still. The enemies of peace have changed so many times over the years since September 11, perhaps we are all the enemies of peace, but at this time, in 2004, I had my sights set on the Burning Bush. There are no good guys and no bad guys in the world, just people who claim to have the knowledge of good & evil.
When the United States invaded Iraq I was watching live on TV. The whole lead up to the war was always about weapons of mass destruction, and disarming Saddam Hussein, but as soon as the bombing began the name flashed up on the screen, ‘Operation Iraqi Freedom.’ I laughed out loud! The name said it all, there never were any weapons! The fucking liars!
I wrote my first Judgement Day script while I was sitting in The Throne. I imagined that I was becoming more and more powerful all the time, that I could manipulate The Stage by the power of thought. “If God does things on my behalf, then couldn’t I have God do things for me?” I began to wonder, “could I manipulate The Stage with the power of my mind?” I believed that if I believed I could, then I could. Even though everything follows the laws of physics, I believed that if I made some Judgement Day predictions, then I was always going to make those predictions, and those predictions were always going to come true. The idea was that I could predict a lot of extraordinary, but still physically possible events for Judgement Day. I could defy all chance, leave no doubt in people’s minds, and whatever I decided would happen on Judgement Day was always going to happen, it was written into the script from the beginning. The Throne was a powerful place for me.
I began to think about the Terminator movies. I felt like John Connor in ‘Terminator 3,’ I felt like I was “off the grid.” I was going to run Judgement Day from this throne. Then my mind turned to ‘Terminator 2,’ when Arnold Schwarzenegger tells John Connor “your foster parents are dead.” I thought someone was going to kill mum and Ken, and do you know what? I wanted someone to. I imagined the media turning up at mum’s place, and those two telling the reporters that I’m not the Messiah, that I’m just a fucking idiot, that I’m just some stupid dickhead. I was angry that they would badmouth the Son of God, the King of Heaven & Earth. I could see it in my mind, when the reporters told them it was true and everyone in the world believed it, they would still think I was a piece of shit. Then I began to feel bad, “how could I wish my parents would die?”
It began to dawn on me, “every personal problem, every insecurity, every emotional problem I had, was given to me by my mother.” My mind was filled with anger towards her. “She tried to destroy me from birth, and she thinks she’s won, she thinks I’m going to die soon, she thinks it’s all over for me. Little does she know that she underestimated me, little does she know that I’m the Messiah, and I’m about to take over this world.” I thought about people who got sick, how I was sick as a baby, I thought about people who died. I thought about the neighbour Tom, Ken’s best mate who my brother was named after, and how mum used to make homebrew for Ken and Tom, “she must have put poison into the homebrew, Ken was lucky.” My cousin Chris lived with us for a while after his parents moved to Perth, his girlfriend Katie got cancer, I believed that mum would have access to low level radiation sources at work. I thought she had poisoned them, “she poisons people slowly, people just get sick and no one is any the wiser. Our family were blessed with strong genes, with a strong immune system, and because she poisons us so slowly she never succeeded with us. It was the outsiders who died, we were lucky! She’s a fucking witch, my father always told me she was a witch! It was she who poisoned my father and made him crazy, she poisoned me and made me crazy too!” I was furious, “I see you, you are the Blair Witch, you are the Devil, but you think it’s the other way around! You think I’m the spawn of Satan, my father’s son! You blame me for ruining your life by being born, but I am the Son of God! I am the King of Heaven and Earth, and you have been trying to kill me from birth! You will pay for this!”
The “truth” about my mother was horrible, it was the most painful of my revelations, but The Stage told me it was true. I burned everything she gave me on a fire, the fumes were so horrible they made me gag and choke, “the fumes are sickening just like her,” I told myself. “That horrible, twisted witch, with her poisons and potions!”
Suddenly my Judgement Day script had a new component, it started with a satellite smashing into the Whitehouse, then the leaders of the world dying in a series of freak accidents, then when the media came to talk to my mother she would race out of the house in a rage and spontaneously combust, then finally there would be the most incredible meteor shower the world has ever seen! Judgement Day was coming soon, I knew it, I couldn’t survive much longer, I was getting worse.
I became crazier and crazier, talking to myself more and more, sleeping less and less, and I began writing things on my army pants. I wrote things like “Rogue Deities Rule” (after imagining the Burning Bush saying “we believe we have a rogue Australian deity on our hands.”), “Happy Judgement Day,” but my favourite was my drawing of a peace sign with a huge Rambo knife through it.
I went and stayed in the caravan at my grandparent’s place (on my father’s side), quite a few times too. I offered my grandfather George some money for letting me stay, he told me “what are family for?” I wish my family was like that. Here were these people that I hadn’t seen my whole life who were nicer to me than the people who raised me. I went camping one night with my father, he was talking a lot about “shadow robot doctors.” He told me that once he took a heap of his tablets and the shadow robot doctors brought him back to life. I began to think about the tree of life, and living forever. I decided that if I was going to devastate the earth, I would want to flee the scene. I decided that I would create some aliens to pick me up and take Britney Spears and myself away at the end of the world, at least until the dust settles. I realised that alien doctors would have the technology to make me live forever. At that moment, I saw what looked like a bright star travelling overhead, “they’re here,” I thought, “I may eat freely from the tree of life and live forever.” In reality, it was probably just a satellite.
I started thinking about other things, about The Stage, I started thinking about all of the jokes God has made, all of the jokes that people don’t notice. I was getting a lot of fines on the trains during this time, every time I got on a train I got a fine for something, it seemed like there were fines everywhere! I was at the Katoomba Library one day and I looked around me, there were fines for everything! Fines for skateboarding, fines for smoking, a sign about fines for breaking water restrictions, the library itself was about to introduce late fees! Then I saw a joke, thrown in, and no one noticed it was a joke, a sign about $500 fines for feeding the pigeons! Can you imagine it?! Some lonely old man getting slapped with a $500 fine for feeding the pigeons! Whatever happened to just asking? Is there anything wrong with a sign that simply says, “please don’t feed the pigeons”?! This is how mad Australia has become, that you have to threaten people with a massive fine, when really all you have to do is ask. I thought about the ticket Nazis on the train, the way they wore grey Nazi SS uniforms! I thought about Stephen Hawking, the way he’s a robot, he’s God’s toy robot! Or the Wailing Wall, I thought of Dr Rips and I wrote “talking to Jews is like talking to a brick wall, I never read my mail either!” I thought about all the other crazy characters, and all of the Stage names, and I “realised” something amazing! “God made exactly the same jokes I would have made! I am the incarnation of God, God is not a man, but if God were a man, He’d be me!” “I saw the world through the eyes of God, and I realised that I created it!”
“That’s why I have to eat from the Tree of Life, that’s why I have to live forever! How often does this happen? Does God create a replica of Himself on every planet? Maybe He doesn’t. Maybe God needed a world where people play God, to create a man who is God.” I saw the script for Earth in my mind, and I realised that the script for earth was written perfectly, that the human race is the race of beings that plays God to the extent that they would destroy themselves, were it not for me of course. God could have made this world a better place, He could have made us a peace loving race of beings, but He chose to create a world that needs saving!
I started talking in an alien’s voice, and I wrote the script for earth.
“There is a legend, a myth. It’s as old as the infinite Universe. They say there is a place where He will be born, all we know is that it is a place like no other. Many have dedicated eternity to scouring the infinite Universe. Searching. Waiting. Hoping. Many times we thought we found it, but it’s like the legend says, when we find it, we will know it. We found it… we know it.”
The script for earth made me laugh so much, imagining aliens searching the infinite Universe for me, and then finding me, “what a massive disappointment that would be, ha ha ha! Today the world, tomorrow the galaxy, and then, maybe in a couple of weeks, the universe! I am, or rather, I will become the supreme leader of the infinite Universe! They have been looking for me for a long time!”
Seeing The Stage was an amazing feeling, I could feel God surrounding me, and when I looked at the world I could see everyone being moved around like puppets, like toys, like action figures, all blissfully unaware that there is someone controlling them. People take their little lives so seriously, but they don’t understand that it doesn’t even matter, it’s all just one big joke! Really, the biggest problem with the world is that people take life, especially religion, too seriously. The Stage became my sole reason to exist, I was destitute but I couldn’t stop laughing! I believed that The Stage is what I should be doing with my life, but instead I am in human form, living within The Stage. “That’s why I was never satisfied with life, I was meant to be in charge of an infinite Universe! I was meant to control The Stage, but instead I was on earth in human form, how incredibly frustrating! I was born to be God,” and I wrote “why am I playing man?!”
With my revelations on The Stage came the revelation that I did not need God to speak to me, God had already been speaking to me. God had been speaking to me for years, in the only way He could, by showing me signs, prophecies and omens. God does speak, I understood, I finally understood, God does speak to me, God speaks to me through The Stage! God cannot defy the laws of physics, the laws of physics that He Himself Created, but God can and does speak! God speaks to me and to all of us through signs and coincidences!
Things were getting worse for me, my mind was drifting further and further from reality… but then I didn’t know, maybe I was becoming more and more in touch with my true self, with my true being. Perhaps the medication had been keeping my true personality suppressed. I knew that I needed the more level headed version of myself to write my theories, but The Leader, who I was now becoming permanently, I believed that now I had done all the hard work it was his turn to take over. This is the nature of madness, you never know where reality ends and fantasy begins.
I can tell you that my mother isn’t the Devil, and that she never poisoned anyone, she was just a bit of a bitch to me, when I most needed her help she pushed me away. Maybe mum and Ken could have been nicer to me when I was having a hard time. Say what you like about that, but we are all a product of our upbringing. I’m happy with the way I turned out, so is God, they were the ones I needed to raise me right. The poisoning I know to be false, that was completely insane, the rest of my beliefs are debatable. What I can’t tell you is “who” I am, but honestly, I don’t think it matters anyway. It’s like Christians, they get so caught up about who Jesus was in relation to God, when that doesn’t even matter. It doesn’t matter whether Jesus was God, the Son of God, a prophet, just some guy, or as I’m inclined to believe, my worthless half-brother, ha ha ha! It doesn’t matter, none of that shit matters, so don’t even bother debating it.
I started to think about it though, if I was God, then everything that has ever happened, in all of human history, I did it. My mind turned to the Holocaust, I looked for a reason, and I found it, Dr Rips! “You stupid cunt! You did the Holocaust! If you had just listened to me, six million Jews never would have died!” I went to the internet café to tell him my revelation and a book on the shelf caught my eye, it was called ‘The Land God’s Anger Made,’ and it had a swastika on the front. “You stupid, stupid cunt! Why couldn’t you have just listened to me?!” I was furious with Dr Rips!
I went camping again that night, by this time I had nothing left, I’d burned everything my mother gave me, this included my blanket, my shoes, my jacket, my underpants. I slept that night on a sandbank at the end of Blue Pool. I tried to burn my Bible, but I couldn’t do it, I didn’t have the heart. I tried to drown it, but it was water proof, so I rolled it up and buried it in the sand. I wrote messages with a smouldering piece of wood on a fallen log. I drew a swastika, and I wrote “R.I.P Dr Rips.” I was so cold that night without a jacket, long pants, or a blanket, and I kept stepping on hot coals trying to stay close to the fire. I became sick and vomited from drinking the river water. It rained on me that night too, it was horrible. I felt like I was dead, or dying. I thought about my ghost being heard as people pass by the billabong and they see the evidence that I was there. It was the end for me. I called that night ‘Easter II – The Sequel,’ and I wrote that on the log too. Burying my Bible in the sand was very symbolic, “no more” I was saying. “The Leader was right all along, we don’t need that stupid fucking book anymore, I’m here!” The Leader always wanted to bury the Bible, but I needed to figure out how. Now that I had my revelation about the knowledge of good & evil, now that I had discovered The Stage, the Bible had become redundant. “Fuck the Jews, fuck the Christians, fuck the Muslims, I don’t need any of you cunts! My God Created your gods as fictional characters!” When the Sun came up I had a burst of energy, like a second wind. I entered the bush as a dying Michael Spears, but I buried Michael Spears along with the Bible. I left the bush reborn as The Leader, I left the bush as God incarnate. Or so I thought, the truth is that I was nearing the end, I couldn’t go on like this much longer. I needed sleep more than anything else. I was deliriously tired, but I couldn’t sleep, I also needed a roof over my head.
What I appreciated the most during my days of delirium were those small acts of kindness. Those times when people treated me like a real human being, even though I was destitute. The most horrible people I met during these days were when I decided to try sleeping in Sydney one time. I was on the train, listening to a portable radio my father had given me, I was listening out for news of Judgement Day. There were three 16 year old girls, they were going on about their glamorous lifestyles as prostitutes, and one of them grabbed my radio out of my hand and snapped the aerial off. I couldn’t believe it, what kind of people were these? It was just such a rotten thing to do. I didn’t like sleeping in Sydney, I gave it a try but it was depressing, camping in the bush was much more fun.
One day I was sitting at Blaxland station, with all of my belongings as usual, and a nice young lady started talking to me. She said her name was Rosemary, which I thought was ironic, but I didn’t say anything. I had no idea why this girl wanted to talk to me, I didn’t understand it, and she asked me for my email address, which I gave. I never did hear from her, but it was just so amazing to have the attention of someone so nice, when I was so broken.
Just after Easter II, I was sitting on the side of the road in Katoomba in the early hours of the morning, not really knowing where to go, and this group of people came past and handed me a few dollars in change. I thanked them, and told them I would get a coffee. It was just a really nice thing to do. I recounted the story to Silk’s parents, I told them that having a limp makes begging easier, like the beggar in ‘The Life of Brian.’ I was limping for months after Easter II. When I went to Silk’s parents after Easter II, his father gave me an old warm jumper. It was such a simple gesture, but it meant so much to me, it was the nicest thing anyone had done for me for a long time. Simple acts of kindness really mean a lot when you’re down and out.
I ended up turning up on this guy Pete’s doorstep in Katoomba. Silk used to live with him once, nice guy, and he said I could stay. I was only there a few nights then there was a knock at the door. It was mum and Sally, I looked at mum with anger in my eyes, I tried to keep my mouth shut, but I was so mad I couldn’t and I blurted out “I know about you.” I proceeded to rattle off a list of problems she gave me, and I told her I knew about the people she killed. She acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about, but “I knew she knew.” Then she left, and I started to panic.
“Sally knew too much!” Panic set in, “mum would have to get rid of her, and fast, before Sally starts telling people about what mum had done!” I was racing around all over the place, I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t have much time to do it. Suddenly (I believed) I worked out where mum kept the poison, in the hallway there was a cupboard filled with old medicines no one has ever used, for conditions no one has ever had, “they weren’t medicines, that was the poison cupboard! Powders, potions, poisons, she really was a witch!”
I went to Silk’s place, to tell him and his parents about my great victory, that I had discovered where she kept the poison! They didn’t believe me, and I got angry and left. I ended up going to the Police Station in Katoomba to tell them about my mum. Without saying anything they just led me out the back and into a holding cell, they call it “the fishbowl.” I was in the holding cell banging on the perspex and shouting “I hate people! I just want to go where there’s no people! Let me go where there’s no people!” Then they put me in the back of a police car and drove me down to Nepean Hospital. I started to relax, this is what I needed, a roof over my head, a free feed, and some time to regroup and reorganize.
This is what it took and the sacrifices I made to discover The Stage. Many times I thought about drowning myself, about filling my pockets with rocks and jumping into Blue Pool, just like the swagman from ‘Waltzing Matilda.’ I survived discovering The Stage, but only just. Had I not believed my mother was poisoning people, I never would have gone to the Police, and I probably would have died out there in the bush. I wanted to die out there, I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. It was my spiritual home, but I had to keep going for the sake of the human race, and to make sure that my mother faced justice. Even though my God had abandoned me, even though He left me to die out there, I could never truly give up. It was not in my nature to give up.
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the billabong,
You’ll come a waltzing matilda with me.
“It’s no use to reason with me now, I must die.
Since I have done ‘Eureka’ I can achieve nothing more.”
(Edgar Allan Poe)
All there was to do in the psyche ward was smoke cigarettes, and because I didn’t have to pay for food or accommodation, I was the cigarette man. I had two kinds of rollies, packs of tailors, and small and large cigars to choose from. I would sit in the courtyard and think, “what do I feel like smoking next?”
The highlights of my day each day were meal times, there was nothing else to do in there, so I would stuff myself silly at meal times. I’d start the day with two helpings of the hot breakfast, followed by four bowls of cereal. At lunch and dinner times I would eat two servings of the hot meals again, and about four sandwiches. I put on quite a bit of weight in the hospital, but there was just nothing else that brought any pleasure to me in there, apart from smoking of course, and having ridiculously long showers several times a day knowing that the hot water wouldn’t run out. The highlight of my week each week were the music videos on the weekend mornings. Britney Spears was in the charts for ‘My Prerogative’ at the time, and every week when that video came on the TV my heart would flutter and I’d dream of the time when I would be with her.
At my first magistrate hearing, the doctor was telling the magistrate reasons why he should keep me in there. I was laughing and saying “go ahead, keep me as long as you want! I’ve got free food, free accommodation, I don’t give a shit!” That feeling didn’t last.
They had me on my old drug, Seroquel. Before being in the hospital I used to take 300mg at night, but between the time that I took it and the time that I got to sleep I would get really paranoid and depressed. The paranoia and depression could be pretty intense at times, but it didn’t last because that stuff would knock me right out. Apparently that drug is often used as a date rape drug, it’s pretty sedating stuff, so I would tolerate it knowing that soon I would be asleep.
In the hospital they started me on a low dosage, but they just kept increasing it every day. By the end they had me on the maximum dosage, 1000mg at night and 500mg in the morning. It was horrible, it was psychological torture. Not only was the dosage huge at night, but in the morning, after I’d just woken up and can’t get straight back to sleep, they were giving me 500mg of the shit and forcing me to stay awake through the intense paranoia and depression. Every day when I went to get my medication I would beg them to stop it, I would plead with them about how it makes me feel, but they completely ignored my pleas. They treat you like an infant, like you don’t know anything. I’ve got a friend whose brother died from being overmedicated in a psyche ward, he tried to tell them too, but they didn’t listen to him either. These are the standard abuses of human rights and human dignity that occur every day in the hospital. I’ve always told myself that if I can ever afford it I’m launching a class action against the government for false imprisonment and psychological torture. Probably not really, I don’t believe in litigation, but were they ever to take me to court for something, I’d start the biggest fucking class action against human rights abuses the government has ever seen. They treat you as subhuman, and the psyche wards aren’t for getting you well, they’re for sweeping you under the carpet so that you don’t mix with the rest of society.
I remembered what my old friend told me the first time I was in the hospital, about knowing when to hold them and when to fold them, and I kept quiet about The Stage, and I kept quiet about the no knowledge of good & evil thing. I did tell them about my mother, at the time I thought that5 this was a perfectly rational thought. There was a whiteboard in the TV room, and I used to write about all the things my mum did, about all the evidence pointing to her being a murderer. When that didn’t work, I started writing about my theories, I wrote all about time and gravity and the infinite Universe. Each day I would write more and more stuff on that whiteboard, and each day they would rub it off. This continued for about a week or so, until one day they took away the markers.
One of the hardest things about being back on drugs was that The Stage was disappearing from my perception. When I arrived I could see the world through the eyes of God, it was hilarious, everything was a big joke, but soon my perception of The Stage began to fade. I struggled to keep seeing The Stage. I still knew about The Stage, I still knew it was there, but I was no longer feeling it, I couldn’t actually see it anymore. That was when things got tougher and I got depressed, because life wasn’t such a joke anymore. I was beginning to take life too seriously, like the rest of the human race, and I wasn’t happy with my situation.
They kept me in the hospital over Christmas that year, everyone else got to leave except for me, and maybe one or two of the real freaks. I hated them for that. Then when I saw the Boxing Day Tsunamis on TV, I couldn’t believe it. I remembered a passage from the Bible “Just as in the days of Noah… the people knew nothing until the floods came and swept them all away, so it will be at the coming of the son of man.” “This is it,” I thought, “Judgement Day!”
I was working on bringing on Judgement Day, but the Boxing Day Tsunamis told me that I had been thinking too small. I’d been talking about freak accidents and a meteor shower and stuff, when really this isn’t about a few accidents, this is about worldwide devastation. So I lifted my game a little, and I started planning bigger disasters for Judgement Day, as far as I was concerned Judgement Day had just started. That’s what I thought the Boxing Day Tsunamis were, the beginning of Judgement Day. Of course I was wrong. I spent years afterwards working on different Judgement Day Scripts, in the end I settled on a three day event, Freak Accident Friday, Supernova Saturday and Floody Sunday. The idea was that the world would surrender before the final day, when an asteroid would smash into the ocean, and because the world surrendered the asteroid would never come. Just as the Boxing Day Tsunamis happened on the day after Christmas, and in 2011 the Japanese Tsunami happened on the day after my birthday, I believed that both of these were precursors to my Judgement Day Tsunami. My Judgement Day never eventuated, it was like I said, you can’t sit around waiting for a miracle to save you. I should have taken my own advice, and as the years have passed by, I’ve learned to let go.
Anyway, one day this new girl came into the psyche ward, her name was Kristy, and she was straight onto me. It was great having the attention of a woman, even though she was crazy. Kristy was only in the hospital for a week, maybe two. Kristy knew when to hold them and when to fold them. I soon found out she was crazier than me, but she never said a word to the hospital staff.
My sister Katie came over from America while I was in the hospital to get married to this guy, Tim. They had a ceremony in both countries, I couldn’t go because of my mum of course. I would have made such a scene.
I had other relatives visit me in the hospital. I had relatives come over from Perth and visit me, I don’t know why they had to come and see me in a place like that, but worse was that I had distant relatives come all the way from England and visit me in the hospital. For fuck’s sake, I’ve seen them twice in my life and once was in a psyche ward, do you know what I mean?
At my last magistrates hearing, I had been in the hospital for about two months now, the magistrate told the psychiatrist that unless he could think of a good reason why I needed to stay in the hospital any longer he would extend my stay for two more weeks and that’s it. Finally, I was getting out!
Kristy said I could move in with her, although we’d had fights a few times because she would go nuts over nothing and she would change her mind, but at the time of me leaving the hospital, I was moving in with her.
When I first moved in with Kristy I didn’t understand her. One moment she would be really nice and fun, and the next she would turn. Because I didn’t understand her personality I thought she must be a spy, working for some government that wants to keep an eye on me. I saw her putting plastic screws into the walls, I thought they were little spy cameras, when she wasn’t around I would look closely at them trying to see the cameras.
Soon I began to understand though, if I had no knowledge of good & evil, Kristy was my opposite. Kristy was the most insanely jealous woman you’ve ever met. I couldn’t talk to or even look in the direction of another woman without Kristy calling her a prostitute and getting angry with me. I would walk around town with my eyes focused on the ground, bumping into things, trying desperately not to look at anyone female.
In the hospital, you are beaten into submission. We call it “the psyche ward” because they try to psyche you out and make you think you’re crazy. When I got there my spirits were high, nothing could bring me down, but it didn’t last. They beat me down, they took away my spirit. You do what you’re told to do in the psyche ward, and you keep your mouth shut. If you open your mouth, or if you try to defy them in any way, they give you more drugs, until you learn how to keep your mouth shut and your eyes downcast. So when I left the hospital and moved in with Kristy, I had already been beaten into submission, Kristy just kept me in this state.
Our relationship, it was horrible, I was completely submissive to her, and every two weeks I would get kicked out after we ran out of money and she got the shits. Except this wouldn’t even be her excuse, she would accuse me of “spiritually cheating,” or “spiritually having an affair with the neighbour.” I still don’t even know what this means, except maybe that I was fantasising about someone else, I didn’t even know who the neighbour was, I’d never even seen this neighbour that I was supposed to be “spiritually cheating” with. I always went to sleep after her, if I went to sleep before her I would get a slap in the face, and her telling me I was spiritually cheating.
I tried to get more money for us, technically I still had my casual job at Coles, so I rang them up and went in for a shift at work. When I got home Kristy told me she’d been raped, that someone followed her home and raped her in the kitchen. I knew it was bullshit, that she was just angry about me being at work and not by her side like I always was, but we went to the police anyway. The police could tell it was bullshit too, and after sitting with them for a while they let us go home. Months later Kristy confessed to me, she told me she was “spiritually raped,” she told me she was in the kitchen and she felt herself being bent over the stove and “spiritually raped.” Fucking ridiculous, I just wasn’t able to leave her sight, except to walk over to the shops and get a handful of chocolate liquorice logs for her, even then the first thing she’d ask when I got back five minutes later was “did you cheat?”
Kristy started smoking pot, which in a way was good, because when she smoked pot she was peaceful, she was quiet, I think the voices in her head stopped. But when she ran out, that was when I would get kicked out again. When I got kicked out I would either go camping, or go and stay at my grandparent’s place in the caravan around the side of the house. Pretty soon Kristy would call me, begging me to come back, and I would consider my options, either have nowhere to live or go back to Kristy. I also felt bad, I’ve never been very good at breaking up with women, because I don’t like hurting people’s feelings, and if she rang me up crying I would come back.
Even though Kristy smoked pot all the time, it wasn’t often I would smoke it. When I did smoke pot I would change personalities and, because I was in such a horrible place in my life, I would feel broken and defeated, but no less powerful than before. I would just feel lost, like I didn’t know what to do next, and I’d be confused about who I am. I would tell Kristy how powerful I am and she’d just smile a stoned smile.
When we took speed it was always a bit intense. We would be up all night and Kristy would have me rearranging the furniture in the flat (at fucking 3am!). One morning after being on speed all night was particularly horrible. It was about midday the next day, we’d been up all night and I broke the cardinal rule, I tried to go to sleep before her. I was laying on the lounge with my eyes closed and I woke to the sound of a plate smashing on the concrete wall just above my head, she’d thrown it from across the room. Then she grabbed a lamp, smashed the light globe and came charging towards me in an attempt to electrocute me. Luckily as she moved across the room with the lamp in hand, the plug came out of the power point.
Ecstasy was much more fun. Ecstasy had an unusual effect on me, it seemed to clear up my mind. It was like there was a thick cloud of fog in my mind. My mind still is like that a little, but when I took ecstasy it was like the fog lifted, I kept saying “I feel normal, this is weird.” I really do believe that the antipsychotic effects of ecstasy should be further investigated, the clarity of mind I felt on ecstasy was amazing.
I got Kristy pregnant one night while we were on ecstasy. Probably a couple of weeks later Kristy was waking up in the morning and throwing up, it was horrible. I stood there helpless, not knowing what to do. I knew she was pregnant and I was scared, she took a pregnancy test and it was confirmed. I did this to her, I couldn’t escape the guilt, I did this. We talked about whether we were going to have the baby. We were going to have it, even though I knew I couldn’t handle it, and I knew I didn’t want it, but I didn’t want to tell Kristy what to do. Then Kristy finally made her decision and she had an abortion. It was horrible, I could have talked her out of it if I wanted to, but I didn’t want a child with her. I spent a lot of time trying to work out whether having an abortion was evil or not, but I didn’t know, and we went to the abortion clinic.
While we were at the clinic I saw the name of the doctor on the statement, Dr J Burgess. In Team Tron we used to call each other “Burgess” when someone was pissed off. It came from “Baby” John Burgess. When he hosted ‘Catch Phrase,’ and someone would give a stupid answer, he would pull this face and do a fake laugh, but you could tell how pissed off he really was with the stupid answer. When I saw the name of the doctor, J Burgess, I knew that God was pissed off with me. That was the last message I received from God for years. He stopped speaking to me for a long time after that, it took a long time before He called me back. When I look back on it now, I that know the abortion is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life, but at least I know where God stands on the issue. I can’t tell people not to have abortions, but I can tell people not to take the decision lightly. God can forgive you like He forgave me, but He will be pissed off.
It was about this time that I saw Britney Spears had given birth to her first child, it was on the cover of a magazine I saw when I walked past a newsagency. I was heartbroken, I could deal with her being married, but when I read she had given birth to a child I knew it was over. I lost, it hurt and it hurt a lot. “Was I really going to be stuck with Kristy forever?” “Was I really going to be a loser forever?” “Where did I go wrong?” “Why didn’t God come for me?” “What happened to me?” It was over, I was never going to take over the world, and I was never going to be with Britney Spears. God had abandoned me when I was out in the bush, and I was realising it. It was over, my mission was a failure.
Over time the thoughts about my mum poisoning people began to fade, I realised I was wrong, and we slowly started talking again. Life with Kristy was torture. I thought about killing myself a lot, I decided that the way I would do it is electrocution in the bathtub. I was a broken and defeated man, I thought it was the end for me, but I could never kill myself, I could never truly give up. The last time Kristy kicked me out I grabbed a heap of my pills and swallowed them. I was on Risperdal 2mg after I came out of the hospital, I swallowed about a dozen of them, then I stopped myself. I knew that if I took any more I really would die. Then a state of panic came over me, I ran to the toilet and stuck my fingers down my throat, trying to vomit out all the pills I just swallowed, but I couldn’t make myself vomit. Then I started to chill out and accept my fate. “If I die, I die,” but I didn’t take enough pills anyway. I rang mum and went over to her place where I just slept on the lounge all day, the next day I woke up feeling better. Mum told me I could stay with them until I found somewhere else to go. Finally I was free from my white trash hell.
In the years that followed I slowly began to put the pieces of my life back together. I may have failed on my first attempt to save the world, but I’m still here, I’m still working on it. God will call me back, I know it, and when He does I’ll be ready for Him. I’ll know what to say and what to do, and I’ll know what not to say and what not to do. God has called me back, I’ve seen Him, and this time I’ll get it right. He came back slowly at first, but now I see Him everywhere again. I won’t bore you with every detail of my life, but I’ll tell you how I still continue to follow The Stage, and how I see God putting ideas in my head without me realising it. This is not some cosmic joke, God didn’t lie to me. They don’t write ancient prophecies about losers. I wasn’t born to fail, I just had more learning to do, this time I’m ready, or I hope I am. So I’ll skip the rest of my life’s story and I’ll tell you how it ends. I’ll tell you how following God and The Stage has brought me here, to this place and time, living in a tent at a beach in Tasmania, and saving the world once again.
The End Of The Road
“We are all in the gutter,
But some of us are looking at the stars.”
My life really began to improve when I moved to Katoomba, my life started to take on a semblance of normality. There were ups and downs, friends and girlfriends, but Emma was the one for me, we were together for five years. Emma also had a daughter, Alex, when we met she was 5, by the time we parted ways I’d been helping to raise her for half of her life.
Emma and Alex were the first real family I’d ever had. They were the best five years of my life. One thing that always bothered me about my relationship with Emma is that there were no signs, God never told me that I should be with her. Maybe that seems silly to you, but it was important to me. However, although there were never any signs that we were meant to be together, I did see Him help us out from time to time.
The best example was when Emma wanted to go to England to visit her friend. I had no idea how I was going to afford it, but I won $8000 playing blackjack at the casino, the biggest win I’ve ever had in my life. I proposed to Emma on that trip, I proposed in the catacombs beneath Paris, at the love heart made from skulls. When we got back to Sydney airport a man who had bought too much alcohol gave us an expensive bottle of champagne, I felt like it was a congratulations on our engagement.
Our relationship fell apart for two reasons. Firstly, the wedding plans got out of control, we couldn’t afford the wedding and had to cancel it. Secondly, I’m a gambler, I always have been, so I was secretly gambling trying to win the money to pay for this wedding and Emma found out. It’s pretty hard to recover from the cancelling of your wedding. It’s a stupid reason to break up, but we broke up because of money, there just wasn’t enough of it. The idea of getting married to Emma was difficult for me, maybe you think I’m crazy, but I’ve always believed that one day I’ll marry Britney Spears. I had to talk to myself seriously, I had to tell myself, “Mick, it’s been how many years now? How long are you going to hang on to this Britney Spears fantasy? Are you really going to let this get in the way of a real future?” So it was hard for me to commit to Emma in the first place, it took a lot, so when it all fell apart that was it for me. No more, never again. Although I miss them both, the fact is that were we really meant to be together, we would still be together. I regret nothing in my life, because I know that everything happens for a reason. We are all the products of our past, and I know that I am exactly the man I am supposed to be and I am exactly where I am supposed to be, even though sometimes I may not know why I am here.
After Emma I told myself “no more women for three months” and “no more women with children, definitely no more women with children.” We will always be friends, but we’ve both moved on, it’s Alex that I can’t forget. People don’t understand that, they think I’m a paedophile or something if I tell them that, but I spent five years raising her and now I’ve got nothing. I could break up with another woman, I couldn’t lose another child.
I didn’t last long though. Three weeks it must have been and I met a woman called Anita. Anita I did receive a lot of signs about. I’d never seen so many signs around a woman before. The more we talked, the more we learned about each other, the more signs we found. For example, our mothers are both called “Rosie,” we both played the tuba when we were younger, we both had a cat called “Kitty,” these are just a few but there were many. The more we talked, the more God seemed to be telling me that we were meant to be together. We had a lot in common and we got along really well together.
I didn’t want to get involved with a woman again, and not a woman with a son, and definitely not so soon after Emma. God told me I should be with her, and I trusted Him. I had a lot of fun with Anita, she really is a great girl, but my problem with Anita was that she wouldn’t socialise with anyone else. I couldn’t talk to Emma and Alex anymore either. I had to choose between Anita and everyone else who meant anything to me, but I trusted God. I believe in The Stage, and I will always follow the signs. It is not for me to question the wisdom of the infinite Creator of the Universe. People have never understood that about me, my life is not my own, I live my life for my God, and if God tells me where I need to be I will follow Him to the ends of the earth, no matter the cost to myself. No one understands that, they have never seen The Stage. I don’t ask “why,” I just do as I’m told. So I thought that we were meant to be together, because we did have a lot of good times together, and the signs were there too, but it’s like I always say, “the signs point the way but they never tell you the destination.”
I’d still worked on my theories, and my religion, over the years. Progress was slow, I studied astrophysics for a while, but I lost interest after a Professor told me my theory was just like some crazy shit you read on the internet “only better.” I realised I was wasting my time with astrophysics. Those people worship Einstein. No matter what I did I would never convince them. I also worked on my theory after Emma bought me a copy of Einstein’s theory of Special and General Relativity. Can you believe I’d still never even read Einstein? So I did read Einstein, and it was really helpful. We had a class on the theory of Relativity when I studied astrophysics, I found it quite easy, all I had to do was use my theory with Einstein’s equations and I got the right answers, but I’d still never actually read the whole thing. When Emma bought me that book I found that I could poke a lot of holes in his theory and use Einstein’s own words against him, and I rewrote my theory again.
Emma didn’t like me working on my theory, she said it made me crazy, but Anita actually encouraged it. She offered to help me rewrite the whole thing, to help me improve the language and writing style. I was very appreciative and when I started reading through it I noticed things that needed correcting. I also began developing proper equations for the first time. Once again, I was a man possessed. I obsessed over my theory, I bought a notebook and I carried it around with me, writing down equations while I was at work, deriving new field equations to rival Einstein’s. What I achieved was nothing short of spectacular. I managed to derive Einstein’s field equations, except with a new twist, from my theory. I proved that I can arrive at the same mathematical conclusions at Einstein, I proved that my theory can explain everything his theory explained, and everything his theory failed to explain. Achieving the same results as Einstein from a different theory? Well, no one has ever done that before.
After about a month of working on it, Anita said she couldn’t handle it anymore, she was sick of hearing me talk about. I’d done all I could anyway, so I finished writing it up and self-published it. I was sick of dealing with astrophysicists, I’m not their Messiah, I’m not Einstein, and I want nothing further to do with any of them. They have wasted the last century working on a theory that isn’t right. They would never abandon it for my sake, no matter how worthless their work was, and it is worthless, all of it. I have singlehandedly put every astrophysicist in the world to absolute shame, and they would never admit it. They would prefer to keep their heads buried in the sand, even while I devour them.
Soon after publishing my theory the signs dried up, and I knew I had no further reason to stay with Anita. I thought that we were meant to be together, so I stayed with her even against my better judgement, because I had no other friends left. After she helped me rewrite my theory, however, I knew why I was really told to be with her. The signs point the way but they never tell you the destination. I owe Anita a great debt of gratitude, and one day I will pay her back in full for what she did for me, but it was time to move on. She is the only person who has ever helped me with my theories, and the only person who has ever believed in them, who has believed in me, but I had to go, it was time to leave.
What I really wanted to do after I broke up with Emma was to go travelling around Australia. It probably started when I bumped into Silk’s ex-girlfriend at the petrol station one day, she told me she’d been travelling up and down the east coast and living in her car. It sounded pretty cool to me. I decided I wanted to travel up to North Queensland, but of course I met Anita, so all of my travel plans were put on hold. By the time I did break up with Anita it was getting too late in the year to go to North Queensland, the monsoon season would be starting soon, so I headed south instead. I can name a few reasons, in hindsight, why I came to Tasmania. It’s kind of like Darren Brown, or the movie ‘Inception,’ even though I wasn’t specifically told by God to travel to Tasmania, He made me think it was my idea.
Apart from the seasonal problems with going to North Queensland, my first thoughts about Tasmania probably started when I saw the Australian movie ‘The Hunter.’ ‘The Hunter’ is set in Tasmania and the scenery was amazing, that was the first time I ever thought Tasmania would be a great place to go. The other thing that had a big influence on my subconscious was the song ‘Pickles From The Jar,’ by Courtney Barnett. I really liked that song and in the chorus is the line “you’re from Adelaide, I’m from Hobart.” I’d never known anyone from Hobart before, but I guess it sounded like a cool place to be from. The other factor was that there are plenty of beautiful places to go camping in Tasmania. Of course, the final reason to go was that I had no friends left in Katoomba, with the exception of a mate of mine called Michael.
So after breaking up with Anita I started saving, I also started playing a lot of blackjack and I was doing really well at it. I was regularly winning $1000 on the cards, sometimes once a fortnight, sometimes once a week, sometimes twice a week, and I was using my winnings to buy everything I needed and put away money for my trip. Michael let me stay at his place while I saved for my trip, and to pay him back I took him away with me for the first week to visit his brother up north.
After dropping Michael back in Katoomba, I spent the night at my mum’s place and headed straight for my first stop in Canberra. By this stage I fancied I could make a good living as a blackjack player, but I’ll tell you, it’s been an absolute disaster. Canberra Casino was a disaster, electronic blackjack at Batemans Bay was a disaster, Canberra Casino the second time was a disaster. I skipped Melbourne Casino, but it was the same story at Launceston and Hobart Casinos. I don’t know what happened, but I just couldn’t win anymore.
I was running out of money in Tasmania when a woman replied to an advertisement I’d put on Gumtree for a travel buddy. Actually she’d replied a few weeks earlier, I told her to let me know when she gets here, not expecting to hear from her again. I’d since removed the advertisement, but one day she contacted me and told me she was arriving in Hobart the next day. I called her back and to my surprise she actually sounded really cool on the phone, so I picked her up from the airport.
Her name was Sian, before she arrived I’d been sitting at the same campsite for two weeks being miserable. Sian saved my trip, together we travelled around Tasmania and explored the island, it was excellent to have some company. Before she left she helped me write up my CV and motivated me to apply for jobs. I transferred the last of my savings to enjoy my time with her, so after she left I was broke, but four days later I got a job working on an orchard doing apple thinning.
A couple of people laughed when I told them I was working on an orchard and mentioned the movie ‘Young Einstein.’ It’s an Australian movie, in it Albert Einstein is a Tasmanian who grew up on an orchard. I actually named my email address after that movie. So it got me thinking about how Isaac Newton watched an apple fall and developed his theory of gravity. It also made me think of Adam & Eve, I know it wasn’t an apple tree in the Bible, but often in art Adam & Eve are depicted eating from an apple tree. I realised that the orchard was the perfect place for me to be discovered! “This was it,” I decided, “it’s perfect,” “it’s what my religion is all about! The world is a stage!” “What better place for me to be found than on an orchard in Tasmania?!”
So Christmas came and went with no media knocking at my door. Then New Year’s came and went with no media knocking at my door. Meanwhile I was completely miserable, I hated this job at the orchard and the only reason I was sticking with it was because of The Stage. One day I couldn’t take it anymore, it was the day after David Bowie died, I guess I was feeling a bit mortal. I felt like life was too short to be miserable, so I quit. Financially it was a bad idea, but I just couldn’t work at that fucking orchard any longer.
So now I’ve found myself back in my tent, camping not far from the place I was when Sian messaged me, with no money in my pocket. I stopped taking my medication for a few days, I was hoping to see The Stage again, I was hoping The Leader might tell me what to do. I didn’t see The Stage, but I did change into The Leader. He thinks that’s a stupid name, by the way, he doesn’t have a name. He thinks I give everything stupid names, “don’t give me one of your stupid fucking names, Mick.” He called me “pathetic,” and said I’d completely fucked up his excellent religion, and that he was sick of me moaning about my life and not doing anything to change it. He was right, I’d made The Stage all about me. The Stage wasn’t about me, it was about everyone. I’d also made myself sound like an arsehole, which I’m not, so I needed to fix that too.
I always tell people that just because something is your fate, you can’t just sit around waiting for God to make your fate come to fruition, but that was exactly what I’ve been doing. It’s what I’ve been doing my entire adult life. Every little piece of progress I’ve ever made on my theories or on my religion, God has had to drag me kicking and screaming and resisting the whole way. In my defence, it is hard to keep going when everyone tells you you’re crazy, or you’re wrong, even when every fibre of your being knows the truth. Everyone has been calling me crazy or wrong for so many years now that, for the most part, I’ve been dependent on some sort of miracle.
The Leader (or whatever he would prefer people call him) was only around for a couple of days this time, but he showed me the error of my ways. God helps those who help themselves. He will never give me my break until I stop fucking up His excellent religion.
I told you how God brought me to Tasmania, I won a lot of money before I left Katoomba to make sure I left, but then He made me broke, He made me get a job at an orchard. That job would have been the perfect place for me to be discovered, so when my miracle didn’t come, and I found myself once again broke and in a tent, I realised that if I want to succeed I can’t spend my life waiting for a miracle. I would have actually been on the first boat out of Tasmania, but funnily enough, one of the two boats that ferries people between Tasmania and Melbourne had an accident the night I quit my job at the orchard. I could get on the boat now, but I know I’m meant to stay in Tasmania a little longer. I believe in The Stage, so if this is where God wants me then this is where I must stay.
My limp is back too, my old Easter II injury has flared up again. It came back from spending too much time standing on ladder rungs at the orchard. It’s really bad now after I was worried my car wouldn’t start so I walked a 16km round trip into town to use the computer at the library. It was quite cool actually, half way there I found half a packet of cigarettes and lighter (thanks mate), so I stopped and had a smoke. A lady picked me up from the side of the highway and saved me the last couple of kilometres back to base camp, but it wasn’t until I got out of her car that I realised I couldn’t walk anymore. God probably thinks that’s funny, what a jerk. I’m in pain here, ha ha ha! My car is still starting, but only just, I’ll have to get that fixed asap, which will only delay my trip back to the mainland even longer, due to budget problems. Not being able to be on my feet also prevents me from finding another job, at least until I can walk again anyway, which could be a while.
Do you want to know why I think I’m in Tasmania? I mean, why I’m really here? I think I’m here because my time has finally come. I’ve probably offended just about every religion in the world, even though all I’m guilty of is speaking the truth. Organised religion has always feared the truth, if they had a leg to stand on they wouldn’t fear the truth, they would embrace the truth. I’ll probably be the most hated man in the world, at least for a short while, but I am unrepentant because I have done nothing wrong. Tasmania has only a small population, the only way in (or out) of here is by air or by sea, this is probably the safest place for me to be right now. Maybe that’s paranoid, I don’t know, because maybe no one will ever even know I existed.
So here I am. Writing about my religion on my phone, using the computer at the library to publish it. I’m at the end. I’m broke, homeless, and in Tasmania. The initials “JC” are carved into the tree where I sit, I know I’m in the right place. I don’t know what I’ll do if no one finds me here, but it doesn’t matter, it’s not for me to ask. I’ll just wait for that next sign to point the way. We’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Before I finish this section of the book, I’d just like to say that I feel bad about the way I talked about my mum (and Ken) in this book, but that stuff all happened a long time ago. Truth be told, these days I’m actually a bit of a mummy’s boy. It’s embarrassing, I’m a 34 year old man and I message my mum more than anyone else, except my English friend Sian. Without her help I would have starved to death on this ill-fated trip, and I was really flattered when her and Ken drove all the way down to see me. It’s just a shame I can’t tell them what I’ve really been working on down here, but they’ll probably disown me when they read my book, at least briefly. They may change their minds when I declare world peace. Maybe they can be dicks, but if they managed to raise the king of the world, then surely they must have done something right. So I’m sorry mum and Ken, I love you both, thanks for everything.
Do You Have No Knowledge Of Good & Evil?
An open letter to Britney Spears.
I have a question to ask you, it’s a question that I already know the answer to, but I need you to know the answer and to understand what it means.
Do you have no knowledge of good & evil?
This is not a question you will need to think about. To answer it you need to look inside yourself, to peer into your soul. If it is true, that you have no knowledge of good & evil, it should hit you in the face, blow your mind, turn your whole world upside down. Suddenly everything you think and feel will make sense.
Perhaps you’ve always wondered what’s wrong with you, perhaps you’ve always thought you were weird. Maybe you don’t understand the world, maybe people call you “naive.” Maybe you wonder why people take advantage of you, it’s because you don’t judge people so you always think the best of them. You would never take advantage of someone else, so you trust others to treat you with the same respect. You’re probably the world’s worst liar, by that I mean you don’t know how to lie, you’re helplessly honest. You’re probably terrible at relationships because you don’t like hurting people’s feelings so you don’t say what’s on your mind, you probably don’t stand up for yourself, and you never ever tell people what they can and can’t do. You probably struggle with addictions, so it’s best not to get addicted in the first place. You’re probably terrible with money. You probably don’t like laws and rules and paperwork and red-tape. You probably hate being told what you can and can’t do, but you probably either do what you’re told or pretend to do what you’re told because you have trouble defying authority. This is what it’s like to have no knowledge of good & evil.
Unfortunately we live in a world filled with people who claim to have the knowledge of good & evil. People like us get walked all over, because we are not selfish, we do not judge, but the world is a selfish place, and the world does judge us. We don’t understand this world, for although we were born of this world, we are not of this world.
If you have no knowledge of good & evil, you will know it. Everything you’ve ever struggled with will make sense. You will understand that it is not you who is mad, but the world that is insane. The knowledge of good & evil wasn’t a theory, it was a discovery I made about myself. If you ever doubt the existence of God, all you need to do is look inside yourself and you will know that it is true.
I’ve never cared about money, or power, or fame. All I’ve ever wanted is you, I can only pray that one day you’ll know I exist.
This is cool. So I was reading the story of Adam & Eve the other day. The story goes that Adam was lonely so God created a helper for him. Point is that Adam was already alive when God created Eve. So I was thinking about how I’m nine months older than you. I googled how long it takes from conception to birth, it’s 266 days. Your birthday is 267 days after mine. That’s cool. That’s really cool. Basically, as soon as I was born, you were conceived. That was probably the last piece of evidence I needed to convince myself that I’m right about you.
This could go one of two ways, either you’ll think I’m a fucking lunatic, or you’ll know I’m right about you. I’m banking on the latter, I’ve seen too many things over the years, I know it’s true. I know that there is a God, I know exactly who He is and I know that He would not lie to me. Actually, there is a third way it could go, maybe you’ll never even know I exist, but I don’t believe that either. One day I’ll succeed.
Jesus Christ Mick, do you have to be so pathetic? (The other guy)
The first time I read a prophecy about myself I freaked out, but over the years I’ve become so accustomed to it that now I’m surprised when I don’t read a prophecy about myself. It’s all very normal to me, it’s just my life, but what it means to everyone else, I can’t really comprehend. People will probably think it’s a big deal or something, heh heh. Anyway, there’s not a lot in the Bible about you, and maybe the Eve thing is enough for you, but I thought I’d share with you a little bit of Hindu scripture about yourself, it’s quite beautiful.
Lord Siva said: O fortunate one, you will receive Lord Narayana as your husband. He will joyfully accept your hand in marriage. Rest assured that there is no other prince on earth who is a suitable match for you.
Anyone who lustily casts his glance upon you will immediately be transformed into a woman, regardless of his age. Whether they be demigods, demons, Nagas, Gandharvas, Caranas, or anyone else, if they simply desire to enjoy a conjugal relationship with you, they will immediately transform into women.
However, this curse is not applicable to Lord Hari, who is your only husband. It is only applicable to others. Now, you may give up your penance and return home. Do not give any further trouble of your tender body, which is the object for the attainment of great happiness. O lover of Hari! O Kamala! Please take care of your soft and gentle body.
After awarding his benediction to Padmavati, Lord Siva disappeared from view.
Suka said: After a long time had passed, King Brhadratha realised that his daughter, Padmavati, had grown up. Fearing some misbehaviour on her part, the king began to consider the matter very seriously.
He addressed his queen: O fortunate one, I am considering handing over my daughter to a pious king who belongs to a noble family and thus accept him as my son-in-law.
However, the queen said: O king, the lord of Parvati has already assured us that Padmavati’s husband will undoubtedly be Lord Hari.
Upon hearing this, King Brhadratha said: When will Lord Hari, who is present within the hearts of all living entities, accept our daughter as His wife?
I do not feel that I am so fortunate as to be able to hand over my daughter to Lord Visnu. What piety have I accumulated so that I will be able to accept Lord Hari as my son-in-law? Therefore, just like the Muni’s daughter, Vedavati, or Laksmi, who appeared from the ocean of milk as it was being churned, I would like to arrange a svayamvara for my jewel-like daughter, Padmavati. Let Lord Hari come and accept her in this way.
Having made this resolution, the king invited all the other kings of the country who were adorned with good qualities, of good character, learned, very wealthy, and in the prime of their youth.
The eyes and minds of everyone who saw these aristocratic and powerful kings became filled with joy. When everyone was comfortably seated, Brhadratha requested his associates to bring his uniquely beautiful daughter onto the stage.
Padmavati’s complexion was golden, and her face resembled the full moon. She possessed all godly qualities, and she was decorated with a garland of flowers. Her entire body was covered with jewels, pearls, and coral.
When I saw Padmavati, I considered her to be the personification of maya, which bewilders everyone. Then again, I wondered whether she was Rati-devi herself, the beloved consort of Cupid, appearing upon the earth. Although I have travelled throughout the heavenly planets, as well as on this earth, and indeed throughout the entire three worlds, I had never seen a more beautiful girl than Padmavati.
When Padmavati came out from the palace, hundreds of her companions and maid-servants surrounded her on all sides.
Her hair swung to and fro as she glanced about the arena, and this increased the beauty of her cheeks. Her face appeared even more beautiful when she smiled, so that she resembled a fully blossomed lotus flower.
The waist of the princess was very thin, she was dressed in red garments, and her voice was pleasing to the ear, like the singing of a cuckoo. When I saw all of these manifestations of feminine attractiveness, I thought that the princess had decided to purchase the entire three worlds by paying the price of her exquisite beauty.
As soon as the assembled kings saw the jewel-like Padmavati, they became greatly affected by the arrows of Cupid. Indeed, they were so struck with wonder that their weapons fell from their hands.
However, as the kings gazed upon the princess with lusty desires, they suddenly transformed into females, much to their astonishment. Their bodily features, characteristics, and personalities became just like women. Their waists were thin and their figures were beautiful. Indeed, their beautiful bodies bent slightly forward due to the weight of their heavy breasts.
At that time, I climbed up into a banyan tree, desiring to watch the svayamvara of Padmavati. I was already very upset after seeing all that had taken place. I waited just to hear if Padmavati would express her unhappiness because all the kings had turned into women.
O Lord Kalki, You are the master of the universe. Let me disclose to You the lamentations of Your consort, Kamala, while she was meditating upon her worshipable lord, Sankara.
She took off all her ornaments and began to write something on the ground with her right toe. With a desire to make the words of Lord Siva come true, Padmavati fixed her mind on her own beloved Lord Hari, the supreme controller.
Suka said: Thereafter, while surrounded by her relatives and companions, and herself highly astonished, Padmavati addressed one of her friends, named Vimala, while still remembering her husband, Lord Hari.
Padmavati said: O Vimala, is it my destiny, dictated by providence, that any man who desires me will turn into a woman? I am extremely unfortunate and sinful. Just as sowing seeds on barren land is useless, my worship of Lord Siva has proved futile.
Will the Supreme Lord, Hari, the master of the universe, controller of all controllers, and husband of Laksmi, ever accept me as His consort? If the words of Lord Siva prove false, and if Lord Hari does not accept me, I will certainly end my life by entering fire while remembering the lotus feet of the Lord. Alas, I am a lowly human being. How insignificant I am and how great is Lord Hari, the master of the demigods! The creator must be angry with me, otherwise why would Sankara, whose forehead is decorated with the mark of the moon, deceive me?
I am still living, after being rejected by Lord Hari. Who other than me would remain alive in such a situation?
O Lord Kalki, when I heard these lamentations of Padmavati, whose character is spotless, I could not wait any longer, and so I approached You without delay.
After hearing these words of Suka, Lord Kalki felt elated. He said: My dear Suka, you must go at once and pacify my beloved Padmavati.
I consider you to be My best well wishing friend. Please go to Padmavati as My messenger, and after describing My beauty and qualities to her, return to Me.
Padmavati is very dear to Me. Indeed, I am her eternal husband. Our union has already been destined by providence. Therefore, you act on My behalf so that we can meet one another.
[Sri Kalki Purana]
There is a lot more to the story, but that’s probably enough for now. The moral of the story is, “no one touches Spears,” and please hold on just a little longer, I’m coming for you. Happy Judgement Day.
THE THEORY OF SPACEFLUIDITY & THE SUPER-UNIVERSE
Excerpt, By Edgar Allan Poe, 1848
“And now, before proceeding to our subject proper, let me beg the readers attention to an extract or two from a somewhat remarkable letter, which appears to have been found corked in a bottle and floating on the Mare Tenebrarum…The date of this letter, I confess, surprises me even more particularly than its contents; for it seems to have been written in the year two thousand eight hundred and forty-eight. As for the passages I am about to transcribe, they, I fancy, will speak for themselves.
‘Do you know, my dear friend,’ says the writer, addressing, no doubt, a contemporary – ‘Do you know that it is scarcely more than eight or nine hundred years ago since the metaphysicians first consented to relieve the people of the singular fancy that there exist but two practicable roads to Truth?…
…the savans contenting themselves to proscribing all other competitors, past, present, and to come; putting an end to all controversy on the topic by the promulgation of a Median law, to the effect that the Aristotelian and Baconian roads are, and of right ought to be, the sole possible avenues to knowledge : – “Baconian”, you must know, my dear friend,’ adds the letter-writer at this point, ‘was an adjective invented as equivalent to Hog-ian, while more dignified and euphonious.
‘Now I do assure you most positively’ – proceeds the epistle – ‘that I represent these matters fairly; and you can easily understand how restrictions so absurd on their very face must have operated, in those days, to retard the progress of true Science, which makes its most important advances – as all History will show – by seemingly intuitive leaps. These ancient ideas confined investigation to crawling; and I need not suggest to you that crawling, among varieties of locomotion, is a very capital thing of its kind; – but because the snail is sure of foot, for this reason must we clip the wings of the eagles? For many centuries, so great was the infatuation, about Hog especially, that a virtual stop was put to all thinking, properly so called. No man dared utter a truth for which he felt himself indebted to his soul alone. It mattered not whether the truth was even demonstrably such; for the dogmatizing philosophers of that epoch regarded only the road by which it professed to have been attained. The end, with them, was a point of no moment, whatever : – “the means!” they vociferated – “let us look at the means!” – and if, on scrutiny of the means, it was found to come neither under the category Hog, or under the category Aries (which means ram), why then the savans went no farther, but, calling the thinker “a fool” and branding him a “theorist”, would never, thenceforward, have anything to do either with him or with his truths.
‘Now, my dear friend,’ continues the letter-writer, ‘it cannot be maintained that by the crawling system, exclusively adopted, men would arrive at the maximum amount of truth, even in any long series of ages; for the repression of imagination was an evil not to be counterbalanced even by absolute certainty in the snail processes. But their certainty was very far from absolute. The error of our progenitors was quite analogous with that of the wiseacre who fancies he must necessarily see an object the more distinctly, the more closely he holds it to his eyes. They blinded themselves, too, with the impalpable, titillating Scotch snuff of detail; and thus the boasted facts of the Hog-ites were by no means always facts – a point of little importance except for the assumption that they always were. The vital taint, however, in Baconianism – its most lamentable fount of error – lay in its tendency to throw power and consideration into the hands of merely perceptive men – of those inner-Tritonic minnows, the microscopical savans – the diggers and peddlers of minute facts, for the most part in physical science – facts all of which they retailed at the same price on the highway; their value depending on the fact of their fact, without reference to their applicability or inapplicability in the development of those ultimate and only legitimate facts, called Law.
‘Than the persons’ – the letter goes on to say – ‘than the persons thus suddenly elevated by the Hog-ian philosophy into a station for which they were unfitted – thus transferred from the sculleries to the parlors of Science – from its pantries into its pulpits – than these individuals a more intolerant – a more intolerable set of bigots and tyrants never existed on the face of the earth. Their creed, their text and their sermon were, alike, the one word “fact” – but, for the most part, even of this one word, they knew not even the meaning. On those who ventured to disturb their facts with the view of putting them in order and to use, the disciples of Hog had no mercy whatever. All attempts at generalization were met at once by the words “theory”, “theorist” – all thought, to be brief, was very properly resented as a personal affront to themselves…
‘Now I do not quarrel with these ancients,’ continues the letter-writer, ‘so much on account of transparent frivolity of their logic – which, to be plain, was baseless, worthless and fantastic altogether – as on account of their pompous and infatuate proscription of all other roads to Truth than the two narrow and crooked paths – the one of creeping and the other of crawling – to which, in their ignorant perversity, they have dared to confine the Soul – the Soul which loves nothing so well as to soar in those regions of illimitable intuition which are utterly incognizant of “path”.
‘Bye the bye, my dear friend, is it not an evidence of the mental slavery entailed upon those bigoted people by their Hogs and Rams, that in spite of the eternal prating of their savans about roads to Truth, none of them fell, even by accident, into what we now so distinctly perceive to be the broadest, the straightest and most available of all mere roads – the great thoroughfare – the majestic highway of the Consistent? Is it not wonderful that they should have failed to deduce from the works of God the vitally momentous consideration that a perfect consistency can be nothing but an absolute truth? How plain – how rapid our progress since the late announcement of this proposition! By its means, investigation has been taken out of the hands of the ground-moles, and given as a duty, rather than as a task, to the true – to the only true thinkers – to the generally-educated men of ardent imagination. These latter – “speculate” – “theorize” – these are the terms – can you not fancy the shout of scorn with which they would be received by our progenitors, were it possible for them to be looking over my shoulders as I write? These men, I repeat, speculate – theorize – and their theories are merely corrected – reduced – sifted – cleared, little by little, of their chaff of inconsistency – until at length there stands apparent an unencumbered Consistency – a consistency which the most stolid admit because it is a consistency – to be an absolute and unquestionable Truth.
…“I know nothing about routes – but I do know the machinery of the Universe. Here it is. I grasped it with my soul – I reached it through mere dint of intuition.”’
Here end my quotations from this very unaccountable if not impertinent epistle; and perhaps it would be folly not to comment, in any respect, upon the chimerical, not to say revolutionary, fancies of the writer – whoever he is – fancies so radically at war with the well-considered and well-settled opinions of this age. Let us proceed, then, to our legitimate thesis, The Universe.”
Note: A common characteristic of ground-moles is their poor eyesight. Ground-moles have poor eyesight because they spend most of their lives underground, fumbling around in the dark. It is for this reason that ground-moles wear coke-bottle glasses. This makes them easily distinguishable from the true thinkers.
Part 1: Gravitational Time Dilation
According to Einstein’s theory of General Relativity
“in every gravitational field, a clock will go more quickly or less quickly, according to the position in which the clock is situated (at rest).”6
If one clock is situated in a stronger gravitational field and another in a weaker gravitational field, the clock in the weaker gravitational field goes at a rate permanently faster than the clock in the stronger gravitational field.
Furthermore, Einstein predicted the effect of gravitational red shift when the light measured comes from an object with a stronger gravitational field, Einstein proposed the testing of this effect as an experimental proof of the theory of General Relativity. In the words of Einstein
“a displacement towards the red ought to take place for spectral lines produced at the surface of stars as compared with the spectral lines of the same element produced at the surface of the earth.”6
According to Stephen Hawking’s book ‘A Brief History Of Time’
“Another prediction of general relativity is that time should appear to be slower near a massive body like the earth. This is because there is a relation between the energy of light and its frequency: the greater the energy, the higher the frequency. As light travels upward in the earth’s gravitational field, it loses energy, and so its frequency goes down. To someone high up, it would appear that everything down below was taking longer to happen. This prediction was tested in 1962, using a pair of very accurate clocks mounted at the top and bottom of a water tower. The clock at the bottom, which was nearer the earth, was found to run slower, in exact agreement with general relativity.”7
Further to the aforementioned, I propose that although Einstein was correct in his prediction, there is another explanation that would result in the exact same experimental results. My proposition is that Einstein achieved the proper results, with improper working. The alternate explanation contradicts one of the theory of Relativity’s two postulates, that the speed of light in a vacuum is the same in all inertial reference frames and is independent of the motion of the source. Following from this I propose that although the speed of light in a vacuum appears constant for all observers in all inertial reference frames, it may not actually be constant.
Part 1a: The Hypothesis
I outline below the effects of gravitational red shift as mentioned above and draw a diagram of these two confirmed proposals from the theory of General Relativity. [Figure 1]
An alternate explanation for these two experimental results becomes apparent from visualising the situation. One should consider the possibility that instead of moving at a constant velocity, light accelerates as it leaves a stronger gravitational field and enters a weaker gravitational field, proportional with an increase in the rate at which time advances.
Thus I have developed a new definition of time, I will introduce a concept “the speed of time” (sot), where the sot is the ratio of the time at a certain location and/or velocity to the time as measured by someone in a fixed location and/or velocity. The easiest method is if the sot is measured in the S.I. units of seconds/earth seconds (s/sE), where an earth second could be a second as measured at a particular location on the earth, like sea level at the equator or the Greenwich observatory. The sot on earth would therefore be equal to 1, while in regions where time is faster the sot is greater than 1 and where time is slower the sot is less than 1.
It is worthwhile to consider that if time is faster not only do clocks move faster, but chemical reactions happen faster, flora and fauna age faster, our brains work faster, so is it not possible that light also moves faster? According to the aforementioned, any increase in the speed of light in a vacuum would be unnoticeable because the timing mechanism that is used to measure the speed of light would also move faster. If the sot was greater, or “faster,” in a particular region, then a second (for example) would become shorter and therefore light would have to travel faster in that shorter second to cover the same distance as it would cover in a longer second (where the sot is less).
Thus by this definition of time the speed of light in a vacuum can appear to remain constant when the speed of light in a vacuum is not actually constant at all. However there is one way that a change in the speed of light is noticed, by the red/blue shift that accompanies this change in the speed of light. The hypothesis is that while frequency appears to change, this is only because our measure of time has changed. The frequency, and therefore the energy of light remains constant, however the wavelength has changed. By this theory’s definition of time, if time is faster then everything moves faster, including our clocks and including light.
In the course of this paper, and my theory as a whole, I will examine some of the implications of this new interpretation of some old experimental results and develop a new theory of time and gravity from first principles.
Part 1b: The Basic Equations
Let’s begin by introducing another new definition, “the speed of light as measured from the perspective of someone on earth,” and give it the value cE measured in the S.I. units of metres/earth second, or m/sE. The energy of light is given by the relation
(Where E = energy, h = Planck’s constant, υ~E~ = frequency from the perspective of an observer on earth.)
If we assume by the first law of thermodynamics that energy is conserved, and if we also assume that frequency remains constant from the perspective of someone on earth, then we must first check that the units of measurement are balanced, so we will now consider the S.I. units of measurement with regards to this equation.
If we study equation (2) we notice that the value for frequency ‘υ~E~’ must change if time changes, so let’s think about this carefully, the units for frequency aren’t really ‘1/sE’ but ‘waves/sE’ and if we take this into consideration while assuming that the number of waves per second does not change, then the equation makes more sense. We could talk about the number of “earth waves” and consider them to change in proportion to earth seconds, however a wave is a wave regardless of what your measure of time, an “earth wave” is no different to simply a “wave”.
Now we can consider the Planck constant to be a constant per wave, so it does not change with time but remains a constant independent of the sot. However it must be noticed that the units on the left hand side of equation (3) are not balanced, if ‘sE’ changes then the energy must also change, unless we introduce terms for either ‘kgE’ or ‘mE’, which are kilograms as measured from the perspective of someone on earth and metres as measured from the perspective of someone on earth respectively. Now we know that either mass or distance must also change when time changes. Next let’s consider Einstein’s most famous equation but with the introduced term the speed of light as measured from the perspective of some on earth ‘cE’ while keeping the units in mind and remembering the first law of thermodynamics, the law of the conservation of energy
(Where cE = the speed of light from the perspective of an observer on earth, m = mass.)
Now we understand that mass from the perspective of someone on earth must change in proportion to time from the perspective of someone on earth squared. In other words, when time becomes faster mass decreases, from the perspective of someone on earth of course. Let’s rewrite equation (4) now
Ignoring the units now equation (1) is simply the same
While rewriting equation (5) without the units is simply
It must be kept in mind that energy is always conserved, that energy remains constant no matter what the change in the sot, according to this theory energy only ever appears to change due to changes in the measurement of time.
Now we must consider the equation for kinetic energy
(Where vE = velocity from the perspective of an observer on earth.)
According to the above hypothesis, if mass decreases in weaker gravitational fields (for example) velocity squared must increase proportionally. Now we can understand mathematically the reason why when time is faster everything moves more easily through space. In weaker gravitational fields not only does light move faster, but so too do objects of mass. Objects of mass must move faster in weaker gravitational fields because their mass decreases while their kinetic energy remains constant thus resulting in an increased velocity, from the perspective of someone on earth of course.
The next equation to consider is the simplified equation for gravitational potential energy
(Where gE = gravitational acceleration from the perspective of an observer on earth.)
According to this equation, if mass ‘mE’ decreases then gravitational acceleration ‘gE’ must increase proportionally. Now let’s consider the proper equation for gravitational acceleration, recall that if mass decreases the sot increases and gravitational acceleration increases
(Where GE = the universal gravitation constant from the perspective of an observer on earth, r = the distance from the centre of mass (or the radius), M = the mass of the object creating the gravity in question.)
Now we must conclude that if the mass of an object subject to gravitational acceleration decreases the value for the gravitational constant ‘GE’ must increase proportionally. Consider next the S.I. units
We can see that the value for the gravitational constant changes depending on the strength of the gravitational field an object subject to gravity is in, or if you prefer, the value of the gravitational coefficient changes depending on the sot in that location in space. I propose changing the name of the gravitational constant to the ‘gravitational coefficient’.
Let’s stop for a moment and think about the equations we have been discussing and their full implications. I have now developed a series of equations from the reinterpretation of one single experiment. What we’ve learned is that mass decreases in weaker gravitational fields, the combination of this decrease in mass and the conservation of energy results in an increase in the velocity of matter and energy, and an increase in the gravitational acceleration of matter. What we’ve learned is that in weaker gravitational fields, when time is faster, everything moves faster. While it may seem counter-intuitive that light would accelerate due to gravity, rather than decelerate, it is important to recall another of Einstein’s equations
(Where pE = momentum from the perspective of an observer on earth.)
According to this equation, if gravitational field strength decreases, time becomes faster and light accelerates, then the momentum of light must decrease proportionally to any increase in the speed of light. So while light may not slow due to gravity, and it is actually the opposite that occurs, gravity affects the momentum of light. It makes sense now that since gravity changes the momentum of light that the path of light can be bent by gravity, as predicted by Einstein.
Consider now what the implications of assuming light speed to be constant might be, for example, we use electromagnetic radiation (emr) to measure distances within the solar system. If this hypothesis is correct our measurements of the solar system must be very slightly incorrect, as emr moves away from the sun time must become faster, emr must accelerate, and the outer planets must be further away and moving faster than what is presently believed. If this hypothesis is correct, the size of the solar system could be an optical illusion. Of course, were you to send a spacecraft to a planet on the outskirts of the solar system as time becomes faster that spacecraft would also accelerate, just the same way that light would. We could never know that our measurements are an illusion unless we could observe gravitational motion in its entirety, from outside a gravitational field, not from within it. The true extent of this effect within our solar system is difficult to calculate, for reasons which will become clearer shortly, but I am certain that it can be calculated.
Think now about stars on the outskirts of galaxies, stars on the outskirts of galaxies have been found to be moving faster than predicted by the theories of Newton and Einstein, the most popular explanation for observed galactic rotation curves is that there must be a large amount of unseen matter in galaxies, it is known as the theoretical dark matter. However if my theory is correct it may be that dark matter is unnecessary and that galaxy rotation curves can be explained by a new understanding of exactly how gravity works.
Part 1c: Gravitational Time Dilation and Dark Matter
According to my theory mass varies as a function of gravitational field strength which creates a change in time due to conservation of kinetic energy and gravitational potential energy.
The scalar equation for gravitational field strength is
Now we wish to consider changes in the mass of an object in a particular gravitational field ‘mr’ with respect to mass as experienced on Earth ‘mE’. We also need to consider that mass will reach a minimum at a theoretical infinite distance from the gravitational field it is a part of. However it becomes difficult because everything is a part of a different gravitational field. Although the speed of time on Earth would be equal to 1, Earth is primarily a part of the gravitational field of the Sun, so at a theoretical infinite distance from the Earth m~∞~/mE < 1 or t~∞~/tE < 1 or Δt~∞~/ΔtE > 1 and is dependent on the gravitational field strength of the Sun. The Sun in turn is primarily a part of the gravitational field of the Milky Way, and the Milky Way a part of the local universe around it.
When discussing changes in time it is important to remember that when time is faster a second becomes shorter, so the “length” or “size” of an earth second decreases. This means that more seconds pass relative to an earth second, thus it is easier to think in terms of changes in time, how much time has passed for an object in comparison to how much time has passed on earth. This way when time is faster the ratio Δtr/ΔtE is greater and vice versa when time is slower, this ratio is the inverse of tr/tE.
To determine the change in the mass of an object as a function of distance from the centre of mass of an object we can thus write the equation
Where ‘α’ is a constant. The term ‘m~∞~/mE’ is introduced because the formula calculates the deviation from the minimum possible mass at a theoretical infinite distance. Now integrating we have
Where ‘b’ is a constant, and since as r → ∞ the value for mr/mE → m~∞~/mE and then the constant must be m~∞~/mE and therefore the equation for mass dilation due to gravity is
Recall that mass dilation is proportional to the time dilation squared (from equations for the conservation of energy) or inversely proportional to the speed of time squared so
Compare to Einstein’s equation for time dilation due to gravity
(Where t0 = slower time, tf = faster time, other values as before.)
The above equations describe how mass and time dilate as a function of distance ‘r’ from an object of mass ‘M’ approaching a limit at a theoretical infinite distance from said object of mass. Due to the similarity to Einstein’s equation for time dilation due to gravity it is safe to assume that the value for the constant ‘α’ is equal to 2/c2 thus my equations are complete.
It is important to test different scenarios with regards to equations (12) and (13) to ensure their success.
When r → ∞ (12) becomes
When r → ∞ (13) becomes
When r → 0 (12) becomes
When r → 0 (13) becomes
Equations (12) and (13) bring to light Einstein’s oversight in developing his equation for time dilation due to gravity. Einstein failed to take into consideration that the limit for gravitational field strength depends on the greater gravitational field of which the object in question is a part. While Einstein’s equation for time dilation due to gravity would work well on Earth it would not work when studying galaxies, for example, because the time dilation within a galaxy would depend on the strength of the gravitational field of which that galaxy is a part. That’s the complicated reason that Einstein’s equation for time dilation due to gravity does not work, the simple reason is that Einstein’s function describing time dilation should have the range 0 < Δt0/Δtf < ∞ and as such his function cannot possibly be correct, since it is not continuous. Please note that while my theory says that neither ‘c2’ nor ‘G’ are constant in different gravitational fields, ‘c2’ varies proportionally to ‘G’ so for simplicity in this situation they may be assumed to be constant.
Notice that equations (12) and (13) do not collapse within the Schwarzschild radius, as radius ‘r’ approaches zero, mass (from the perspective of someone on earth) becomes infinite and time becomes infinitely slow. This idea has huge implications for “black holes” because it means that the laws of physics do not collapse but it is only Einstein’s equations which collapse. However I will talk more about black holes in Part 3.
Modified Newtonian dynamics (MOND) has attempted to explain dark matter by tweaking Newton’s equations for gravity on the outskirts of galaxies. The creator of MOND, Mordehai Milgrom, proposes that gravity behaves differently when gravitational acceleration becomes very small. He has found that when studying galaxies, if centripetal gravitational acceleration varied as a function of radius ‘r’ rather than the square of the radius ‘r2’ then the velocities of stars on the outskirts of galaxies could be explained without the need for the theoretical dark matter.8 Let’s now examine how my equations would behave when studying gravitational acceleration within a galaxy.
And equation (12)
Now we have
As r becomes relatively small, as compared to a very large mass, the equation becomes
Although without the changes in the gravitational constant balancing the changes in the speed of light, gravitational acceleration would change with the change in the speed of light, so really we should rewrite this as
As all other terms are constant as r becomes relatively small centripetal gravitational acceleration varies as a function of radius ‘r’ rather than radius squared ‘r2’ at a relatively small distance from the centre of a very large mass, just as explained in the empirically based MOND theory.
Let’s do a plot of rotational velocities around a point mass, with mE/m~∞~ given a value of 10.
The above plot is very interesting with regards to the search for dark matter. We can see that for large mass, by my theory, we have essentially a linear relationship between distance ‘r’ and the rotational velocity. My theory could be the explanation that we have been searching for. The position where the lines intersect is the location where the sot in my equation is the same as it is on earth, i.e. Δtr/ΔtE = 1. Although the trends shown on the above plot are very interesting, further investigation on the subject of dark matter is required.
My hypothesis, in addition to the possible explanation for dark matter, would also logically explain the observed acceleration of the universe as it expands. According to my theory, as the universe expands the gravitational field strength within the universe would decrease and therefore time would become faster. As the universe expands and time becomes faster within the universe, not only would the expansion of the universe accelerate, but the wavelength of light travelling from distant galaxies would shift further towards the red as the sot increases while this light is in transit. The mysterious expanding force acting on the universe, which has become known as “dark energy,” could be easily explained by gravitational time dilation. I will discuss the expansion of the universe further in Part 3.
Part 1d: Partial Derivation Of The Gravitational Deflection Of Light
Since momentum is inversely proportional to the speed of light (10)
This value is analogous to acceleration, however since we know that light neither accelerates nor decelerates due to gravity but can only have its path bent, this value tells us how much the path of light is bent due to gravity. The value of this function is in the S.I. units of m^-1^ or (radians.m^-1^) with respect to r. Notice also that this equation is equivalent to
Now ‘r’ is the distance from the centre of mass ‘M’, ‘s’ is the distance along the light path, ‘d’ is the perpendicular distance from the centre of mass to the light path and ‘ϴ’ is the angle from the origin at M. We need to change equation (15) to be in terms of ‘s’ rather than ‘r’ and integrate over ‘s’ for the entire path length. The angle of deflection of the light path will be given the symbol ‘α’.
First let’s explore the scenario where (Δtr/Δt~∞~)^2^ is close to enough to 1 as to be insignificant. In this case, close to earth, the equation becomes
Which upon integration gives the solution
Which is identical to Einstein’s original equation from 1911 for the gravitational deflection of light9, however Einstein later updated this equation in 1915 after realising that this equation has assumed the value for ‘d’ to be constant. Einstein’s final equation had increased the value for the deflection angle by a factor of 2.
Just quickly, integrating the full equation yields the rather complex
Crunching the numbers for the two equations, using the deflection of a beam of light travelling around a point mass of one solar mass at a distance of one solar radius from the centre of mass gives, for equation (17) a value for the deflection angle of 0.875669arcseconds, while equation (18) gives a very slightly smaller value of 0.875666arcseconds. You might also notice that equation (18) collapses when the value for ‘d’ is inside the Schwarzschild radius, which should be expected since when a beam of light passes within the Schwarzschild radius it is believed to be sucked into the black hole, not merely have its angle deflected to a finite amount.
Although not a complete derivation, because I have assumed that the beam of light does not get any closer as a result of its gravitational deflection to the object of mass it is passing, the above should help to show that my theory should be able to account for everything that Einstein did if it is properly applied.
Part 2: Visualising Gravity In Four Dimensions
Part 2a: The Curvature Of Space
Einstein proposed that spacetime is warped by mass to create gravity, I shall expand on this idea below, however rather than refer to “spacetime” I shall refer simply to “space”. Imagine the effect of an object of mass on a two-dimensional plane of space in one dimension, and let us draw a cross-section of said plane of space. Assume that space is repulsed by mass, or assume that mass repulses space, as first proposed by Einstein. [Figure 2a]
Of course, there wouldn’t be just one plane of space in all of space, there should theoretically be an infinite number of these planes, so let’s extend the idea. [Figure 2b]
Next we must take into consideration that space is not one dimensional but three dimensional, so let’s imagine space being repulsed by mass in every direction at once. [Figure 2c]
Therefore the net effect of space being repulsed by mass in every direction at once would be something like this. [Figure 2d]
According to the above diagrams, the net effect of space being repulsed by mass in every direction at once would create something of a “density of space”. In order for space to have a density there is no need to invent an æther to fill space, the curvature of space can create the effect of a density of space without the need for an æther to fill the voids.
Let’s now expand on this idea of an infinite number of planes of space being repulsed by mass.
Part 2b: Space And Mass
Next we’ll examine what would happen as an object of mass moves through space, let’s visualise the situation. Although these theoretical planes of space themselves would not move, the curvature of space would be pushed forwards as an object of mass moves through space and space would be pushing the object of mass from behind. Since every action force has an equal and opposite reaction force, while mass pushes on space, space also pushes on mass. [Figure 3]
Therefore, when an object of mass is in motion space would essentially move with it. While it would take energy to set an object of mass in motion, due to the need to move the space with it, once that object of mass is in motion it would continue to move through space. An object of mass must push space forward to move through it, but space pushing the object of mass from behind ensures that the object continues to move forward and the law of inertia can thus be visualised. If space offered no resistance to the forward motion of mass then mass must always move at its maximum velocity, which we know to be light speed, having to set space in motion would require a specific amount of energy, the amount of energy required would be determined by how much space needs to be moved.
What is mass? We know from Part 1 that mass is not constant but is dependent on the gravitational field strength that mass resides in, from Part 2a we know that the gravitational field strength is determined by the density of space, and from above we know that the energy required to set an object in motion is determined by how much space needs to be “pushed out of the way”. We could decide that mass is a measure of the effect an object has on the curvature of space. What is it about mass that causes space to warp? The traditional view is that space-time is repulsed by mass, but we also know that mass and energy are related, so perhaps we could take a new perspective and imagine that mass is the effect of an energy field that warps space. The greater the strength of this “mass energy” field, the greater the mass. In nuclear reactions “mass energy” could be converted to other forms of energy. The interchangeability of mass and energy was first proposed by Einstein with the equation E=mc2 but now we can understand for the first time why mass is not entirely separate from energy, mass is simply the effect of an energy field that warps space and is itself a measure of the energy required to move an object through space.
If mass is a measure of the energy required to move an object through space, and the greater the mass the greater the “mass energy” field surrounding that object, then objects with greater “mass energy” fields surrounding them would require more energy to set planes of space in motion.
Why could an object of mass move faster through denser regions of space? Perhaps in regions of denser space the time taken for one plane of space to push on the next plane of space is reduced because the planes of space are closer together. Perhaps the transfer of energy from one plane of space to the next is limited to the maximum value of light speed, these planes of space can push on each other no faster than light speed, with light speed being dependent on how close together these planes of space are.
Why is mass not conserved when moving through different densities of space? If mass is simply a measure of the energy required to move an object through space, and an object of mass moves into a region of space where motion through this space requires less energy, then naturally the mass would be less. In this situation mass may not be conserved, but the strength of the “mass energy” field being emitted by an object is conserved. Thus “mass energy” is conserved, however mass is not.
How does gravitational acceleration work? Let’s consider Figure 3 again and think about what would happen if there was more space on one side of an object of mass than the other. Every action force has an equal and opposite reaction force, so while mass pushes on space, space also pushes on mass. If space on either side of an object of mass was unbalanced, one could therefore expect that the side with more space would push the object of mass towards a region where there is less space. Thus objects of mass would be pushed by unbalanced space towards less dense regions of space, i.e. objects of mass would be pushed by the force known as “gravity” from weaker gravitational fields towards stronger gravitational fields. Gravity has long been considered a weak force, and it has also been shown that a large amount of energy is required to make a small amount of mass. The weakness of gravity can now be understood, consider the amount of energy that must be required to warp space, and consider also that gravity is the effect of unbalanced space on either side of an object of mass, then it is little wonder that so much energy is required to create the mass which is required to make so little gravitational force. In the context of my theory, gravity does not seem so weak after all, but is the effect of an energy field that warps the fabric of space itself!
Part 2c: Space And Electromagnetic Radiation
It has long been assumed that the constancy of light is explained by the Lorentz transforms, however this may not be the case. Let’s consider one of Einstein’s thought experiments, commonly found in textbooks, the thought experiment involving a light pulse on a train moving close to the speed of light. [Figure 4a]
The passenger (A) sees the light pulse travelling in a perfectly vertical direction. The observer (B) sees the light pulse follow a diagonal path. Since the observer (B) experiences a longer time interval than the passenger whilst observing the light pulse cover a greater distance than the passenger (A), light speed appears constant for both passenger (A) and observer (B).
For simplicity of numbers I shall use a train travelling at a velocity ‘u’ of 3/5 of the speed of light. Using the Lorentz transforms, the mathematics are as follows. [The subscript ‘A’ denotes time and distance as measured by the passenger, no subscript denotes time and distance as measured by the relatively stationary observer.]
The speed of light for the passenger is given by
A conversion of units yields
Adding vertical velocity of light to horizontal velocity of the train by Pythagoras yields
Therefore the light pulse appears to travel at a constant 3×108m/s for both the passenger (A) and the relatively stationary observer (B). While this thought experiment is very commonly found in textbooks, the mathematics does not work when the light pulse is travelling in any direction other than the vertical (from the perspective of the passenger (A)). [Figure 4b]
In the next example, as shown in the diagram above, both the passenger (A) and the relatively stationary observer (B) see the light pulse travel in the same direction as the train. For simplicity of numbers I shall again use a train travelling at a velocity ‘u’ of 3/5 of the speed of light. For this example length ‘l’ dilation also needs to be taken into consideration.
The speed of light for the passenger on the train is again given by
A conversion of units yields
Adding velocity of light to velocity of train gives
Which is > 3.0×108m/s and, skipping the calculations, if the pulse of light travels in the opposite direction to the train then the speed of the light pulse for the outside observer (B) is
Which is < 3.0×108m/s.
Put simply, the Lorentz transforms do not explain the constancy of light.
As explained earlier, when an object of mass is in motion, space would effectively move with that object of mass. Let’s consider the effect this moving space would have on electromagnetic radiation approaching an object of mass in motion. If the medium that electromagnetic radiation travels through is space and the space that the electromagnetic radiation is moving through is in motion, then surely light would change its velocity depending on the velocity of the space it is travelling through. This should explain how red/blue shifts work, the idea is simple, light waves are either “stretched” or “squashed” due to the motion of space. [Figure 5]
Red/Blue shifts are one situation in which traditional physics ignores the first law of thermodynamics, but by this model the first law of thermodynamics is always obeyed. Although the wavelength of light changes when red/blue shifts occur, the velocity of light also changes. If cE=λυ~E~ and the speed of light (cE) changes due to the motion of space, then the wavelength (λ) would change proportionally, leaving the frequency (υ~E~) and therefore the energy of light constant.
Back to the problem of a light pulse on a train travelling close to the speed of light, according to my theory since light travels through moving space, there is no reason why light cannot travel faster or slower than 3×108m/s from the perspective of an outside observer. According to my theory space is not nothing, space consists of a theoretical infinite number of planes of what Einstein would call “space-time” through which all matter and energy must travel. The important thing is that while light may change velocity depending on the velocity of space it is travelling through, the outside observer could never know this. The outside observer could not actually see the light pulse inside the train, unless that light was transmitted out through the window of the train and into his eyes. Once the light left the train to be seen by the outside observer that light would then be travelling through the space surrounding the outside observer and no longer travelling through the space of the fast moving train. The speed of light appears constant to all observers in all inertial reference frames, but this does not necessarily mean that the speed of light is always constant, only that light speed appears constant.
Part 3a: Back to Three Dimensions
It was Einstein who proposed the idea of theoretical planes of space warping to create gravity, and I have extended upon this idea in the preceding section. However, are planes of space actually necessary? In all of my diagrams of the warping of space I have used simply lines, or “strings” if you prefer. Thus we find that rather than a theoretical infinite number of planes of space we can use a theoretical infinite number of strings instead for the same result. We have now stripped away an extra unnecessary dimension and we are left with a three dimensional picture of gravity, which is much more satisfactory.
Part 3: Black Holes, The Big Bang And The Super-Universe
Part 3a: Black Holes
Recall from Part 1c that it is not the laws of physics which break down within the Schwarzschild radius, rather it is Einstein’s equations which collapse, the laws of physics remain the same. The first thing I would like to talk about is the very existence of singularities. According to my theory, as gravitational field strength increases time becomes slower, and when time is slower everything moves less easily through space. So what would happen to a star as it collapses to form a black hole? As the star collapses and as the centre becomes more and more dense, time would slow more and more. Although theoretically a singularity could become infinitely dense, in practise time would slow infinitely and it would literally take forever for a singularity to become infinitely dense and infinitely small. I will therefore be calling the mass at the centre of a black hole a “black star” rather than a singularity.
Black holes are known sources of x-rays, in light of my theory there exists the possibility that these x-rays actually began as gamma-rays created by the destruction of matter upon entering a black hole. According to my theory light does not accelerate or decelerate due to gravity but the momentum of light can be changed causing the light path to change direction. Therefore if a gamma-ray was created somewhere within the Schwartschild radius of a black hole and that gamma-ray was travelling perpendicularly away from the centre of mass of the black star at the centre, there is no reason that gamma-ray could not escape with a greatly increased wavelength. However if a gamma-ray left at a large enough angle with respect to the centre of mass of the black star, that gamma-ray would have its path bent sufficiently for it to enter the black star, i.e. it would be unable to escape the black hole.
The final question with regards to black holes, is why would x-rays leave black holes concentrated in jets at the poles? The very simple reason is that due to the conservation of angular momentum as a black star becomes smaller and smaller, the rotational velocity of the black star would be so great as to have its observed mass increase about the equator, since mass increases with velocity close to light speed by the Lorentz transforms. Therefore the margin of error for a gamma-ray to leave a black hole perpendicular to the centre of mass of a black star would be much smaller about the equator, it would be much easier for electromagnetic radiation to leave a black star at the poles, since the observed mass is much less at the poles.
Part 3b: Einstein and the Infinite Universe
In the theory of General Relativity, Einstein confronts the gravitational problems associated with an infinite universe and presents a solution. In his words [Reference 6: Section 30]
“If we ponder over the question as to how the universe, considered as a whole, is to be regarded, the first answer that suggests itself to us is surely this: As regards space (and time) the universe is infinite. There are stars everywhere, so that the density of matter, although very variable in detail, is nevertheless on the average everywhere the same.
This view is not in harmony with the theory of Newton. The latter theory rather requires that the universe should have a kind of centre in which the density of stars is a maximum, and that as we proceed outwards from the centre of this group-density of the stars should diminish, until finally, at great distances, it is succeeded by an infinite region of emptiness. The stellar universe ought to be a finite island in the infinite ocean of space.
This conception in itself is not very satisfactory. It is still less satisfactory because it leads to the result that the light emitted by the stars and also individual stars of the stellar system are perpetually passing out into infinite space, never to return, and without ever again coming into interaction with other objects of nature. Such a finite material universe would be destined to become gradually but systematically impoverished.”
Einstein then proceeds to describe ‘The Possibility of a “Finite” and yet “Unbounded” Universe’, essentially a four-dimensional spherical universe [Reference 6: Section 31], as a solution to the gravitational problems associated with an infinite universe.
“It follows from what has been said, that closed spaces without limits are conceivable. From amongst these, the spherical space (and the elliptical) excels in its simplicity, since all points on it are equivalent. As a result of this discussion, a most interesting question arises for astronomers and physicists, and that is whether the universe in which we live is infinite, or whether it is finite in the manner of the spherical universe. Our experience is far from being sufficient to enable us to answer this question. But the general theory of relativity permits of our answering it with a moderate degree of certainty, and in this connection the difficulty mentioned in Section 30 finds its solution.”
Einstein argues the case well for an infinite universe, however he understands that matter could not exist in an infinite universe with an average density due to the problem of infinite gravity creating gravitational chaos. Einstein then proposes a solution to the problem while still keeping the idea of a universe without boundaries. Einstein suggests that the universe may be a four-dimensional sphere, such that were we to travel in one direction long enough we would eventually return to where we had started. Einstein invented the idea of a finite but unbounded universe not based on scientific evidence, but based on his belief that there was no other way. There is another way, I call it the “super-universe.”
Part 3c: The Big Bang
In Part 3a I talked about black holes, let us now consider what would happen if a black hole was so massive that gamma-rays could not even escape at the poles. The internal energy of such a massive black star would surely increase as more matter is destroyed upon approaching the black star at the centre of the black hole. What happens when energy is added to a liquid? The internal energy of the liquid increases until a critical value is reached, the intermolecular forces binding the liquid together are overcome, and the liquid evaporates. Could the same thing have happened with the big bang? The early universe, in the time immediately following the big bang, was estimated to have a temperature in excess of 1030K. Could this extremely high temperature be an approximate boiling point of a universe sized black hole?
If this is the case, and my theory of time and gravity is correct, then the universe would have initially expanded at a much slower rate due to the massive gravitational field surrounding it, and as time became faster the universe would have accelerated in its expansion as the speed of time increases, similarly to the inflationary early universe model.
Due to my theory of gravitational time dilation it is virtually inevitable that the universe will eventually collapse due to gravity, ending in what is known as the “big crunch”. This is because, although the universe accelerates as it expands and gravitational field strength within the universe decreases, velocity squared increases proportionally to gravitational acceleration back toward the centre of the universe. Therefore as mass approaches zero gravitational acceleration increases at a much greater rate than velocity, meaning that the universe will almost certainly end in a big crunch.
The logical conclusion is that once the universe collapses at the end of its life it will again form a universe sized black star. This universe sized black star would again destroy atoms as they approach, the internal energy of the black star will continue to increase, until finally boiling point is again reached and the universe begins again. The energy in the universe is constant, the first law of thermodynamics is always obeyed.
Part 3d: The Super-Universe
If space is infinite but the universe is finite, then surely there must be more of these “big bang universes” outside of our own. Imagine somehow looking at a scaled down map of infinite space, on this map of infinite space our universe wouldn’t even appear, it would be an infinitely small speck in a vast field of nothingness. No matter how massive something is, when compared to the infinite it is as nothing. Einstein addressed the problems of an infinite universe with his finite but unbounded universe, however there is a simpler solution.
Imagine that our big bang universe is not all that there is, imagine if our universe were nothing more than the equivalent of a star in a bigger universe, let’s call it “super-universe I”. This super-universe I would be an unfathomably massive universe containing not merely galaxies and stars and planets, but containing entire systems of big bang universes and universe sized black stars. Now imagine that super-universe I also undergoes a similar cycle of boiling, expansion, contraction and boiling again just like our own big bang universe. Think again about our scaled down map of infinite space, no matter how massive this super-universe I is it is still as nothing when compared to the infinite. As super-massive as this super-universe I is it still would not appear on our map of infinite space. Now imagine that this super-universe I was nothing more than the equivalent of a star in a bigger universe, let’s call it “super-universe II”. This super-universe II contains not merely systems of galaxies, and stars and planets, nor does it merely contain systems of big bang universes and universe sized black stars, but this super-universe II contains entire systems of super-universe I’s. This super-universe II also undergoes cycles of boiling, expansion, contraction and boiling again.
I needn’t think I should continue explaining this hypothesis further, imagine that the infinite universe is essentially a living, breathing, regenerative entity with no beginning and no end. Imagine that infinite space consists of an infinite series of these super-universes within super-universes. Imagine that the infinite universe has always existed and will continue to exist forever in some form or another. Now our map of infinite space is finally filled.
Recall Einstein’s quotes in Part 3b, in order to prevent gravitational chaos in an infinite universe the density of matter must decrease the further away from the centre of the universe you travel. This model of the infinite universe is the one feasible model of the infinite which obeys this requirement. While our big bang universe may have an average density of matter, once you leave our big bang universe the density of matter would drop massively. Super-universe I may have an average density of matter, but once you leave super-universe I the density of matter would again drop massively. Thus if we were to consider the centre of our big bang universe to be the centre of the infinite universe, then the further from the centre of the infinite universe you travel the less the average density of matter becomes. There is no need to invent a space-time which curves around on itself, Einstein’s justification for the finite but unbounded universe is invalid.
There is further evidence, besides being the only feasible model for the infinite universe, rather than thinking of the universe as cyclical and regenerative let us now consider it from the perspective of the second law of thermodynamics.
From the perspective of the second law of thermodynamics, since the disorder of the universe must always increase, a collapsing universe would seem to defy the second law of thermodynamics. However, according to my theory the collapsing universe is not a closed system, while yes our big bang universe may collapse someday, our big bang universe is part of super-universe I. So if our big bang universe is collapsing, then super-universe I may still be in the expanding phase. If super-universe I is in the collapsing phase, then super-universe II may be in the expanding phase. Everything is a part of something bigger, and there is always something bigger in the expanding phase. Call it a loophole if you will, but being a part of something bigger is the only way that the collapsing universe can still obey the second law of thermodynamics.
A popular philosophical question in physics is “why is gravity at just the right strength to support life?” The simple answer is that since our universe lies at the end of an infinite series of explosions, were gravity not the right strength to form galaxies and stars and planets, then there would have been a longer series of explosions. Big bang universes are only formed when gravity is at the required strength to form galaxies and stars and planets.
The theory of the super-universe is the only possible explanation for the origin and existence of the universe that obeys all the laws of physics.
ASSORTED TALES, RAMBLINGS, ESCHATOLOGY, WARNINGS AND JUDGEMENTS
Who is this coming from Edom, from Bozrah, with his garments stained crimson? Who is this, robed in splendour, striding forth in the majesty of his strength?
“It is I, speaking in righteousness, mighty to save!”
Why are your garments stained crimson, like those of one treading the winepress?
“I have trodden the winepress alone; from the nations no one was with me. I trampled them in my anger and trod them down in my wrath; their blood spattered my garments, and I stained all of my clothing. It was for me the day of vengeance; the year of my redemption had arrived. I looked, but there was no one to help, I was appalled that no one gave support; so my own arm achieved salvation for me, and my own wrath sustained me. I trampled the nations in my anger; in my wrath I made them drunk and I poured their blood on the ground.”
On My Jewishness And The Failure Of The Big Three
The inevitable question, which I’ve been avoiding because I don’t think it should matter, “is he Jewish?” Not that I’m aware, but who knows? The Jews have had a pretty hard time since they crucified Jesus, so there may be some Jewish skeletons in the closet. Best bet is my mum’s dad, and the more I think about it the more sense it makes. Him and his brother both have some noses, he was always very “careful” with money, plus he was an electrical engineer (I think a good one too). Conveniently enough, my grandmother spent probably a decade researching his family tree. I love it the way everything always works out, I’d never even thought about this stuff before. Nanny will be so excited to show you her work, you’ll totally make her day (or decade). If I was Jewish I’d be following the same stupid rules as you guys.
In 2004 my mate “Silk” (his name’s Tim actually (too many Tims)) loaned me ‘Portnoy’s Complaint,’ I had it with me when I was in the bush. It was like reading about my mum, although Portnoy did have it a little worse, I called Tim and said “I’ve got Portnoy’s complaint!” He just thought I was being crazy. I’ll tell you, whenever I didn’t win something as a kid, mum would always say “it was rigged.” I’d come second in something, but I should have come first. It was because she thought so highly of me, but I could just never be good enough for her ideals. I went to a selective school (a “school for the gifted”), and it became really hard to stay on top, so I stopped trying. I got top in the class in year 6, but she didn’t congratulate me, she still talks about how I should have gotten top in the grade! It was 24 years ago, but it’s probably all the poor woman’s got left. I’ll tell you what happened to Jesus, mate, he was trying to impress his mother! “Look how good I am, mum! I’m dying for everyone’s sins! Are you impressed yet?!” (Jesus)
Just an update on the Jewish thing, I had lunch with my maternal grandparents today, and my grandmother was talking about the family tree. My grandfather is indeed part Jewish (maybe half?), but apparently my grandmother also researched her own family tree. All of her family is Scottish, with the exception of her maternal grandmother, who came from a Jewish family that I think she said lived in Yorkshire. So… *blows raspberry*. It’s your rules, Jewishness is supposed to be inherited from the mother’s side. I was silly to think God couldn’t make something like that true too, are you satisfied now?
The person I’d most like to be associated with is the Archangel Michael, Michael is the one God has sent you. The King of the Angels, the Leader of the Armies of Heaven, the Angel of Death, the Weigher of Souls, the Defeater of Satan. Michael means “who is like God?” which is my sermon, although I did get a little carried away with myself back in 2004 and broke my own initial revelation. I think that’s why Jesus was crucified, because he claimed to be “like God,” but that doesn’t mean that God didn’t like him, he just took it too far. You’ve heard of the Spear of Destiny? “I” killed the guy myself, just like that stupid jerk Abel with his “great sacrifice.” Just because Jesus was meant to die, it doesn’t mean that the Jews were allowed to kill him, that was bad karma, Jesus did still have very good karma, it’s all a rich tapestry. Such are the ways of God, good karma, bad karma, good karma, bad karma.
You complain because I say that killing Jesus was bad karma for the Jews? Honestly, it’s like I said about the Wailing Wall, “talking to Jews is like talking to a brick wall.” God tried talking to the Jews and they wouldn’t listen, they even killed His messenger. After Jesus was crucified, God tore down the temple and (eventually) built a mosque there instead, and He had the Jews direct their prayers to a brick wall.
I used to think that I could tell people that I’m “God’s chosen,” and God could give me some stone tablets and let me walk on water, and everyone would kiss my arse and tell me how great I am, but it doesn’t work like that. I learned that if I wanted to be “God’s chosen,” I had to earn it. The point is, if you want to call yourself “God’s chosen people,” you’d fucking well better act like it, that shit doesn’t come for free, so maybe don’t kill the messenger next time.
God just told me I’m being a bit harsh, maybe I am, so I’m sorry. The good news is that today is a new day, and even though I’m still pissed off with that Rips guy, I invite you all to join me in creating a better tomorrow. The time has come to move on from the mistakes of the past, let’s not have history repeat itself. We are creating a new earth, and everyone is welcome. So please, tear down that fucking wall! (And the other one too.)
This is a new beginning for the world. I’m not Jesus, Jesus was nothing compared to me, even Jesus was driven from Eden in disgrace, so it might help to think about what might happen to whoever should come to harm me. Perhaps people might think that a two thousand year curse is a harsh penalty, and maybe it is, but it could have been worse. I don’t take Nostradamus very seriously, but he says that I will reign for seven hundred thousand years, so imagine a seven hundred thousand year curse!
Jesus was wrong about who he was, but he was right about a lot of things, it’s just a shame that his Church has gone from a proud history of persecuting the innocent to become the world’s largest paedophile ring. I don’t think the Church ever listened to a word the guy said either. Oh yes, the Pope will be upset, but seriously, what did he expect? A congratulations? And they say I’m deluded!
It’s not just the Catholic Church, the entire Christian faith has completely ignored the teachings of Jesus. Jesus said “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Christians use this, they say “I have taken the plank out of my own eye, so I can remove the speck from your eye,” they completely missed the point, because didn’t Jesus also say “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”? Oh yes, but they will also say, “I am without sin, I can cast the first stone,” again, completely missing the point, because in this story no one believed themselves able to cast the first stone.
The problem with Christians is their sense of moral superiority and self-righteousness, but did not Jesus also say that “no one is good but God alone”? Yet Christians the world over believe themselves to be so morally virtuous that they may pass judgement on everyone else. They have completely forgotten the most important teaching of Jesus, “do not judge and you will not be judged, do not condemn and you will not be condemned,” or as I prefer to say, “you have no knowledge of good and evil, and if you play God on others, God will play God on you.” It’s not just the Catholics, but the entire Christian faith that has fallen short of God’s expectations.
I was going to be all respectful of the Qur’an and stuff, and then I thought “fuck them.” I’m pretty sure the whole world is sick to fucking death of having to tiptoe around Mohammed and the Qur’an. Mohammed was an important man, he united the Arab tribes and taught them to fight to the death. God gave the Arabs a lot of oil, and had God not taught them to fight they would have lost their oil fields a long time ago. Islam was never about the whole world becoming Muslim, it was about Arab unity, but they completely missed the fucking point because as soon as Mohammed died they all started fighting amongst themselves again. Why do you think you’re not allowed to change a word of that book? Why do you think the Qur’an is so sacred? It was supposed to keep you together, to keep you united. That’s why it was written the way it was, so that you couldn’t change it, so that you would stick together. Look at you now, fighting amongst yourselves. This is not what God wanted, this is not why He sent you Mohammed, why He gave you the Qur’an! God taught you to fight your enemies, not each other. In truth, the Qur’an is no more sacred than the Torah, the Bible, the Vedas, the Urantia Book, the Communist Manifesto, or the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. Although everything was written by God, everything was written by men, and men are fallible. Nothing is sacred. So we’ll say whatever the fuck we want to say about Mohammed and the Qur’an, that’s your thing, not ours. The true meaning, the true value of Mohammed and the Qur’an was completely lost on you anyway.
What my religion is really about is coming to the understanding that God created everything in this world. When you understand this, you can begin to see the reasons God told one group of people one thing, and another group of people another thing. It’s a delicate balancing act, always playing one side against another, trying to stop us all from killing each other. It’s like walking a tightrope, but it’s all gone to shit now, and that’s why I’m here. God made you guys crazy, God made you unafraid of death so that you could defend yourselves and your land from your enemies. If you want to turn a race of people into a fucking hornet’s nest, you stick them in the desert, you take away their beer, you take away their music, you cover up their women, and you make them pray five times a day. You give people no other outlet for their frustrations except to fight for their God. This is the true purpose of Mohammed and the Qur’an.
I really need to reread that book, after researching a bit about Mohammed I’m actually coming to respect the Qur’an a lot more. I didn’t understand why it jumped around so much, but after reading about the Hadiths, I think I’m starting to get it. However, the Hadiths have been your downfall, you shouldn’t take them so seriously. I can understand the desire for more scripture to absorb, but the Qur’an served to unite you, and the Hadiths have only ever divided you. The Hadiths need to go.
If you condemn me, if you kill me, when I am a messenger of God, sent by Him to save you from self-destruction, then God will show you no mercy. Of all the people who have ever lived, God likes me the best, so you’d better be real fucking careful about who you’re fucking with. Maybe I’m focusing too much on the prospect of being killed by a Muslim, because the very great irony of the Catholic Church is that they would have crucified Jesus themselves for preaching a doctrine other to their own.
If God wanted me dead He could kill me any time He wants, He is not as powerless as you imagine Him to be. He could kill you any time He wants too, you can’t hide from God. A heart attack, a stroke, a fall down the stairs, a car accident, a decapitation, a fire, an earthquake, a tsunami! You could be making a speech, you accuse me of heresy or of being the Antichrist, right at that moment a fucking satellite falls out of the sky and lands right on top of your fucking head! That’s not His style, God is usually more subtle than that, He doesn’t like to show you how much control He really has. Showing you His true power would only make you question Him and ask Him “why?” That’s why God invented the Devil, so you don’t get mad at Him when bad things happen. “All the good stuff, that’s me. All the bad stuff, that’s the Devil.” It’s pretty funny really, but maybe you’re old enough now to know the truth.
The Catholics don’t think God created science or evolution, but God created everything. God created the infinite Universe, He created the Jews, the Muslims, the Christians, the Hindus, the Buddhists, even the Communists, and He played them all against each other to try to maintain balance in the world. God is in complete control of the infinite Universe. If you believe God to be so weak that He needs you to fight Holy Wars on His behalf, then you are disrespectful towards God, and it is you who is the infidel!
The Failure Of Communism And Capitalism
Ignorant people will tell you “Communism works in theory,” in an attempt to sound clever, but actually it doesn’t. Communism attempts to defy the second law of thermodynamics. By creating localised systems of order, communist countries create global disorder. Even their localised systems of order are eroded, over time more and more money and resources need to be invested to maintain the system of order until eventually it is unsustainable. The system of order can collapse suddenly like the Soviet Union, or slowly like China, the only real communist country left is North Korea and we all know that maintaining their system of order has completely ruined them. Even North Korea’s system of order will collapse one day, there will come a time when it is simply not possible to maintain order any longer. The second law of thermodynamics is also the same reason that religions branch out into different sects and divisions over time. I talked about how God did his best to prevent this happening in Islam, but we have seen it throughout all of history. Judaism branched out to form also Christianity and Islam. Christianity branched out into Catholics, Orthodox, Protestants, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Seventh Day Adventists, Pentecostals, Baptists, Presbyterians, I could go on forever. What was once one becomes many. This is the same reason that Jesus will never return and make everyone convert to the one religion, it’s just not possible, it would defy the second law of thermodynamics. It’s also the reason why my religion is so perfect, one cannot create a working system of order, one can only create a working system of Anarchy.
I do have one more theory, about the global economic crisis, I call it “the trickle up effect.” The global economy is like a tower, or pyramid, with the rich people at the top and the poor people at the bottom. What we’ve witnessed over recent decades is the emergence of the Chinese and Indian economies. Essentially we have one third of the world’s population climbing the global economic tower, and the tower is collapsing under the strain. The Chinese and Indians are perfectly entitled to climb the global economic tower, telling them that they aren’t allowed to make money isn’t reasonable. The West thinks that the best way to stop a tower from collapsing is by patching up the roof, but what needs to happen is a strengthening of the foundations. Money needs to be invested in developing the third world as primary producers of food and natural resources, and not by exploitation, exploitation does not strengthen the foundations of the global economy. Not only would this improve the lives of those people in the third world, but cheaper resources mean that the cost of manufacturing goods in the second world would drop, and cheaper food means that people would have more money to spend on these goods. The markets for the second world would then increase, not only their domestic markets but also their markets in the third world. This means that people in the second world will have more money to spend on the higher quality goods or products that the first world produces, and thus the first world increases its markets by selling their products to more people in the second world. The increase in markets for second world goods will also mean that the price of first world goods and products will decrease in comparison to goods produced by the second world, thus making first world goods and products more affordable and therefore more appealing to the consumer. A larger market share for first world goods and products would also lower their prices relative to second world goods and products. You can’t stop a tower from collapsing by patching up the roof, the foundations must be strengthened.
The Failure Of Science
Regarding my theory of SpaceFluidity, a friend once told me it’s like I walk into a dark room shining a bright light. This is quite a good analogy. The ground-moles have been fumbling around in a dark room trying to work out what the room contains. They’ve noticed things like dark matter, MOND theory, dark energy, string theory, x-rays and black holes, the big bang, the extremely hot early universe, the inflationary early universe, dark flow, the previous lives of the universe. I’ve found the light switch, now they can see what it is they were touching.
Honestly though, you’d think God could have sent someone who’s a bit tech-savvy, I’m such a dinosaur, but who’s got time for that shit anyway? That’s why the kids aren’t out there discovering shit, they spend all of their time fucking around on the internet. Back in my day we didn’t have the internet at home, we had to go to the library, so if you wanted to know where the universe came from, or how gravity works, you had to figure that shit out for yourself.
The funny thing is that I’m not even that smart, the greatest downfall of the human computers is that they come up with overly complicated ideas that simply have no basis in reality. It’s Okham’s Razor, “that which can be explained by fewer assumptions is explained in vain by more,” or “the simplest answer is the most correct.” Physics isn’t that hard, it’s just that Einstein was so smart that he managed to pull the wool over people’s eyes.
They said there were no more eureka moments, they said the lone genius was a myth, they were just lesser mortals, they never met Michael Spears. Don’t be fooled by the ground-moles, it was a hundred years between Einstein and myself, it was two hundred and fifty years between Newton and Einstein. Revolutions don’t happen very often, but they do happen. There are many unanswered questions that remain. For example, “what is an electric charge?” “What is a magnetic field?” “How do subatomic particles know when they are being watched?” Quantum physics is something that I don’t understand, so don’t ask me to try. Sometimes I wonder if there really is a script for The Stage, or if God controls us on a quantum level, and if this is why subatomic particles hide from our prying eyes? Of course, that’s not very scientific, and it’s always best to leave science to the scientists. My point is that there are plenty of eureka moments left, but by saying that there are none, the ground-moles seek to establish themselves as the ultimate authority and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Unfortunately for science, majority rules, and the overwhelming majority of scientists are mediocre. Even the Nobel prizes are the world’s greatest celebration of mediocrity. They hand out Nobel prizes for physics every year, but there are only a few physicists a century who are anything but mediocre. The same could be said for any of the Nobel prizes, is there really a different person every year who has made a major contribution towards peace, or chemistry, or literature, or medicine? Unfortunately for the lone genius, it is mediocrity that rules, the ground-moles are the overwhelming majority, and any attempt at genius and originality is beaten down by them.
Some Brief Notes On Karma
I’m a real life Bond villain, by the way. My ex Emma, her boyfriend is actually called James Bond, can you fucking believe it? It’s not even legal to call your child “James Bond” in Australia, but I think the story goes that his mum was remarried. I used to fantasise about meeting him, “we meet at last, Mr Bond,” “I don’t expect you to talk, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!” When was the last time an evil genius attempted to take over the world? The guy probably hates me too, that’s hilarious! I’m a real life Bond villain, brilliant! Just more proof of the awesomeness of my best mate, God.
Emma called me while I was still in Tasmania and said it was time for me to go home. I knew she was right, no one was coming for me. She called me one day when I got to the beach for my bath, I was sitting on the sand talking on the phone and I saw a shark swim past right where I would have been washing. It wasn’t a huge shark, probably one and a half metres, but big enough to take a bite out me. It’s good to have little reminders sometimes that God has my back. God could have just not sent a shark at all, but He did so to show me that He’s watching. That’s nice. It goes to show you, you don’t need to cull sharks, if God doesn’t want you to be eaten by a shark, you won’t be eaten by a shark. All you need is karma.
One night I was sitting in my car and I was thinking about how I used to play the tuba. I was very good at the tuba, I used to win a lot of competitions. My tuba teacher was a great man, a world class tuba player. He had to quit playing the tuba himself after he got heart disease in Vietnam. He hated not being able to play the tuba, so he started a band at my primary school. All he cared about was teaching kids music, and he changed a lot of kids lives. The point is, if you’re going to be a heavy smoker later in life, it’s probably a good idea to have tuba lungs, and if you’re going to play the tuba, you might as well learn to play it right. There will only ever be one Lofty Gallagher, so I’m sorry about the heart disease, he didn’t deserve that, that was my fault.
I was reading today (on the ever reliable Wikipedia) about the one who ushers in the Golden Era in Hinduism, apparently he is an incarnation (or “avatar”) of Vishnu. Vishnu is the preserver of the infinite, cyclical, regenerative universe. Along with every incarnation of Vishnu comes the incarnation of his wife Lakshmi also, who is the goddess of wealth and good fortune and who resides within all women. They call the next and final incarnation of the present age “Kalki,” and the incarnation of his wife “Padma.”
Kalki rides a white horse, which I found interesting because Revelations 19 talks about “the rider on the white horse.” I don’t know what this “white horse” is exactly, but perhaps we shall find out.
The ascetic prince, Lord Kalki, the Lord of the Universe, will mount His swift white horse Devadatta and, sword in hand, travel over the earth exhibiting His eight mystic opulences and eight special qualities of Godhead. Displaying His unequalled effulgence and riding with great speed, He will kill the millions of those thieves who have dared dress as kings.
[Bhagavata Purana, 12.2.19-20]
There don’t seem to be a large number of descriptive prophecies about Kalki, but one thing I found interesting was that it says his father is overwhelmed by his birth. Sometimes I wonder if my father went nuts because he saw how smart I was when I was little.
Of course my focus is on Bible based religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam, which are the dominant world religions, but I am the leader of all religions, including Hinduism and Buddhism (and including science). I’m sorry I don’t know more about Hinduism and Buddhism, but my birthmark is meant as a representation of India, it’s not a perfect map, but it’s not bad. I hope that makes you guys happy, God has a special place in His heart for you and your religion, He has branded me thus. I’m just sorry that I don’t really know anything about it, but you were waiting for the same guy as everyone else, it’s just that no one realised it. My sister spent a couple of months in India, she told me that “every day you see something that you never thought you’d see.” I think that’s why there’s so many of you, you are fun toys to play with.
The Buddhists also await their Messiah, the Maitreya Buddha, to usher in the Golden Era.
“At that period, brethren, there will arise in the world an Exalted One named Maitreya, Fully Awakened, abounding in wisdom and goodness, happy, with knowledge of the worlds, unsurpassed as a guide to mortals willing to be led, a teacher for gods and men, an Exalted One, a Buddha, even as I am now. He, by himself, will thoroughly know and see, as it were face to face, this universe, with Its worlds of the spirits, Its Brahmas and Its Maras, and Its world of recluses and Brahmins, of princes and peoples, even as I now, by myself, thoroughly know and see them.”
[Digha Nikaya, 26.]
The Buddhists seem to have a thing about identifying possessions. I didn’t understand how the Dalai Lama, for example, could recognise the possessions of the other Dalai Lamas. I think I know how this game works now, these possessions, these artefacts, I would recognise them because I have owned or do own similar possessions, either that or they would remind me of something close to my heart. I would look at them and recognise them as something of mine, or something that I once had, or something that I would own. I can’t imagine that I could have much in common with an Indian man who lived twenty-five hundred years ago, so this could be a little difficult, but then again, perhaps it may be very easy. Go on, give me a try, I know how to play this game.
I had once planned to read up on Hinduism and Buddhism, but I think there’s supposed to be hundreds of holy books, it sounds like a lot. If there was just one or two books that’d be cool, but hundreds? Yeah, that’s a lot. I don’t know much about Islam either to be honest, not to mention Judaism, but they do all come from the same place. Apparently in Islam when Jesus returns he gets married and lives another forty years, I think there’s a burial place prepared for him next to Mohammed. The Ancient Egyptians have the Muslims beaten though, they built the Great Pyramids of Giza as the final resting place for their Messiah, the long awaited incarnation of Ra. I’m not going to die anyway, it’s the promise of Genesis, but it’s the thought that counts.
The Book Of Revelations
If you want to know what’s going to happen, it’s all in the Book of Revelations, but Isaiah is also a very good prophetic source. I don’t want to explain the whole thing to you, because I think that if you know what will happen it may change the future. It’s best to let nature run its course. My advice, skip the first nine chapters of Revelations, we find ourselves at the end of Chapter 10, maybe you can figure it out for yourselves. As far as Biblical prophetic books go, the only one I’d really credit with true eschatological prophecy would be Isaiah, maybe Daniel, maybe not Daniel, but you should read Isaiah too. There’s lots of stuff in Isaiah that I haven’t mentioned, even stuff that I shouldn’t mention. I think that Revelations happens in order, while Isaiah jumps around a lot, but most of what is in Revelations also appears in Isaiah, and vice versa.
Things may be bad now, but it’s not the end of the world, not yet. I hope it doesn’t come to that, we have a chance to change the future now, but I fear that your fates are already sealed. Is the purpose of prophecy to predict the future, or to change the future? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. War is bad in the Middle East, but the world is not yet on the precipice. I’ll tell you now, if anyone drops the bomb, God will beat the fuck out of them. If anyone drops the bomb, God will drop a bomb of His own, their country will be destroyed. There are multiple prophecies about it. You can’t save a world that doesn’t need saving, were you not on the brink of destruction I wouldn’t be here, but I can’t make you do anything, all I can do is warn you. Don’t do it. Good luck everyone, and wish me luck too.
Ok, I’m a blabbermouth, and I was going to blab sooner or later. The big question is whether telling you everything I know is going to change the future? You’re never going to believe me, but I’ll tell you anyway. So…
Then I saw another mighty angel coming down from heaven. He was robed in a cloud, with a rainbow above his head; his face was like the sun, and his legs were like fiery pillars. He was holding a little scroll, which lay open in his hand. He planted his right foot on the sea and his left foot on the land,^ ^and he gave a loud shout like the roar of a lion. When he shouted, the voices of the seven thunders spoke. And when the seven thunders spoke, I was about to write; but I heard a voice from heaven say, “Seal up what the seven thunders have said and do not write it down.”
Then the angel I had seen standing on the sea and on the land raised his right hand to heaven. And he swore by him who lives for ever and ever, who created the heavens and all that is in them, the earth and all that is in it, and the sea and all that is in it, and said, “There will be no more delay! But in the days when the seventh angel is about to sound his trumpet, the mystery of God will be accomplished, just as he announced to his servants the prophets.”
Then the voice that I had heard from heaven spoke to me once more: “Go, take the scroll that lies open in the hand of the angel who is standing on the sea and on the land.”
So I went to the angel and asked him to give me the little scroll. He said to me, “Take it and eat it. It will turn your stomach sour, but ‘in your mouth it will be as sweet as honey.’” ^ ^I took the little scroll from the angel’s hand and ate it. It tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it, my stomach turned sour. Then I was told, “You must prophesy again about many peoples, nations, languages and kings.”
Chapter 10, the angel with the little book. He has one foot on the sea and one foot on the land. In my mind I had always imagined a gigantic angel, but then I realised that I had been writing my book while walking up and down the beach in Tasmania. Excellent beaches in Tasmania, by the way. His book tastes sweet as honey in the mouth because God is real, it’s Judgement Day, God has come to save you, etc. It turns the stomach bitter because I reveal that everyone is guilty of original sin, which kind of pisses people off, people like to be told how great they are. Seriously, if people were great, I wouldn’t be here. The angel raises his hand to heaven and swears by He who lives for ever and ever that there will be no more delay. Thank fuck. The mystery of God will be revealed, the world is a stage my friends.
I was given a reed like a measuring rod and was told, “Go and measure the temple of God and the altar, with its worshipers. But exclude the outer court; do not measure it, because it has been given to the Gentiles. They will trample on the holy city for 42 months. And I will appoint my two witnesses, and they will prophesy for 1,260 days, clothed in sackcloth.” They are “the two olive trees” and the two lampstands, and “they stand before the Lord of the earth.” If anyone tries to harm them, fire comes from their mouths and devours their enemies. This is how anyone who wants to harm them must die. They have power to shut up the heavens so that it will not rain during the time they are prophesying; and they have power to turn the waters into blood and to strike the earth with every kind of plague as often as they want.
Now when they have finished their testimony, the beast that comes up from the Abyss will attack them, and overpower and kill them. Their bodies will lie in the public square of the great city—which is figuratively called Sodom and Egypt—where also their Lord was crucified. For three and a half days some from every people, tribe, language and nation will gaze on their bodies and refuse them burial. The inhabitants of the earth will gloat over them and will celebrate by sending each other gifts, because these two prophets had tormented those who live on the earth.
But after the three and a half days the breath of life from God entered them, and they stood on their feet, and terror struck those who saw them. Then they heard a loud voice from heaven saying to them, “Come up here.” And they went up to heaven in a cloud, while their enemies looked on.
At that very hour there was a severe earthquake and a tenth of the city collapsed. Seven thousand people were killed in the earthquake, and the survivors were terrified and gave glory to the God of heaven.
The second woe has passed; the third woe is coming soon.
Chapter 11, this is where I die, at least temporarily. It even says where I’m going to die. “The place that is figuratively called Sodom and Egypt, where also Jesus was crucified.” I can’t tell you where this place is, but I’ve figured it out. I’ll give you a hint, what do Sodom, Egypt, and the place Jesus was crucified have in common?
The good news for me is that I’m only dead temporarily, the bad news for you is that the First Law of God will be broken. The exchanging of gifts seems to signify that perhaps this happens on Christmas, or during some other celebratory time perhaps? Now, this is the part I’m having the biggest issue with. You see, I’m not just here as the leader of the world’s biggest religion, I’m starting the biggest religion in the universe. As much as I’d rather not be relying on aliens to resurrect me, I think I have to, because you are going to kill me. The good news for me is that God has promised that I may eat freely from the tree of life and live forever, the bad news for you is that it is my death that triggers the apocalypse, and I’m not coming back until it’s over, you can sort your own shit out.
After my death I ascend “into heaven” while my enemies look on. At this stage I would suggest rereading Isaiah 53, it makes a lot more sense in the context of my temporary death. Like I said, I’d rather not be relying on aliens, but what choice do I have? I’m dealing with the most bloodthirsty race of beings in the universe, my murder is virtually inevitable. This is bigger than Earth, that’s not ego talking, it’s logic. Judgement Day is not something God normally has to do, the truth is the truth no matter what planet you come from, and I’m the leader of the biggest religion in the universe.
A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron sceptre.” And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.
Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.
Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short.”
When the dragon saw that he had been hurled to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so that she might fly to the place prepared for her in the wilderness, where she would be taken care of for a time, times and half a time, out of the serpent’s reach. Then from his mouth the serpent spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the torrent. But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring—those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.
Chapter 12, this is a bit of an aside. It talks of my birth and the dragon trying to devour me from birth, I’m not sure how deadly these things are, but my mum said that I had the measles, the mumps and the german measles before I was old enough to be vaccinated. I didn’t mention it elsewhere, but talking of my birth, did you know that on my first birthday all of the planets were aligned on the same side of the Sun for the first time since 1128? Yeah, apparently a lot of people thought the world was going to end, they called it “The Jupiter Effect.” Anyway, this passage talks of me being taken care of “in heaven” for a time. It talks of the Devil being sent to earth, i.e. the triggering of the apocalypse. It also talks about people coming after my mother, the world coming to her assistance, and then people coming after my other siblings, please take care of them.
Chapter 13, this is about the two beasts. A lot of people talk about “the Antichrist,” but according to the Book of Revelations there are two beasts. The first beast comes from the sea, I think I know what this means, he has a wound which is healed, I don’t know what this means, maybe an assassination attempt? The second beast comes from the land and causes everyone to follow the first beast, I’m not sure on this one either, it remains to be seen, but I think it may be two successive leaders. I could point fingers, but it’s not really fair to accuse people of things they have not yet done.
Chapters 14-17, this is about the war of the two beasts, the seven bowls of God’s wrath, Armageddon, the “whore of Babylon,” and the seven bowls of God’s wrath. I won’t transcribe this because I am unsure of the details. It sounds nuclear to me.
Chapter 18, “Babylon the great” is destroyed. In this chapter a mighty angel takes a giant stone and hurls it into the sea and says “thus with such violence Babylon will be thrown down,” it’s talking about an asteroid. This is the great flood. They say it’s impossible to flood the world, but there is one way. Not everyone will die in the flood, it’s a targeted attack, but naturally there will be some collateral damage. I think that once the war turns nuclear, God will end it Himself. See also Isaiah “in the day of great slaughter, when the towers fall, streams of water will flow on every high mountain and every lofty hill,” and “water will overflow your hiding place.” See also Jesus “as in the days of Noah, the people knew nothing until the floods came and swept them all away, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.” Or Nostradamus if you like, “the great mountain, seven stadia round, after peace, war, famine, flooding. It will spread far, drowning great countries, even antiquities and their foundations.” Look all you like, you won’t see this asteroid coming, God will send it via the Sun. You won’t know it’s coming until it’s here.
Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns! Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given to her to wear.”
Then the blessed angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.”
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron sceptre.” He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
King of kings and Lord of lords.
[Revelation 19:6-9, 11-16]
Chapter 19, this is my return as my alter-ego (I also get married too). My other personality, or should I say, the guy who lives inside me, descends “from heaven”. “His eyes are like a blazing fire,” this is talking about marijuana, bloodshot eyes, this is how I can change personalities. When I smoke pot I’ve got the reddest eyes you’ve ever seen, I don’t always change into the other guy, in fact I haven’t for quite a few years, but I think he’s coming back. Not taking my medication like I did in Tasmania is different, when I do that we’re both present, there’s an internal battle, it’s very difficult to exist like that, the medication keeps him suppressed. Smoking pot can actually change me into him, my posture straightens, I have a big smile across my face, I can feel God surrounding me, I can see the world for what it is, and I know how powerful I truly am. Although it’s not really me, it’s some guy from heaven, I just know how he feels. We’ve been teamed up by God to do this together, I’m the brains of the operation, he’s the divine one. His time is coming soon, I think I’m going to need his help, I’m much too shy.
I used to call him “The Leader,” but when I’m him he doesn’t have a name, this is why it says “he has a name written that no one knows but He Himself.” “He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood” because he’s wearing the clothes I was murdered in, in Chapter 10. “On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: King of kings and Lord of lords,” the thigh is obviously my birthmark, but it’s taken me all this time to figure out the robe, it was only because I’d worked out a basic narrative already and simply had it confirmed while reading Revelations. He is the one who wrestled with Jacob in the book of Genesis, notice that when Jacob asks his name he replies “why do you ask my name?” That’s the guy I know, the guy with no name. I found it interesting that Jacob was left with a limp, both times I’ve wrestled with him (while off my medication) I was also left with a limp, although from my foot, not my hip. I think it is also he who talks to Daniel and gives him strength, he says “no one supports me except Michael, your prince,” this is very interesting. There may be other appearances of him in the Bible, I haven’t read the whole thing for many years. I don’t know who he is, except to say that he isn’t God, because he can’t believe that God has teamed him up with such an embarrassment. Yes, that’s what he thinks of me, he thinks I’m embarrassing. I think he should get a reality check, because I’m the one who did everything. It’s like, I know who I am in theory, but I can’t really comprehend it, while he knows exactly who he is.
Chapter 20-end, the happy ending. The Devil is bound. God lives among His people. Peace on Earth. People now live forever. Etc, etc, etc… Actually, it says that the Devil is bound for a thousand years and then he comes back for a short time. I doubt this literally means a thousand years, but it sounds like after an extended period of peace on earth there will be one final rebellion. This rebellion sounds short lived and then the Devil is finally thrown into the lake of fire for ever and ever. Isn’t it weird that this shit is actually coming true? I doubt that anyone seriously believed this was ever going to happen. Pretty cool, eh? God is real, and not just as a lawmaker or a judge, God is a real living being. Isn’t that amazing? God has a personality, and He is who He is. God is the infinite Creator of the Universe, He has been planning this day since the moment of Creation, and He cannot possibly fail. As for me, I’m just lucky.
Yeah, I’m lucky. God created me specifically for this purpose, a combination of third generation crazy theories on one side, and third generation scientist/engineer on the other. God never spoke to me, but He implanted ideas in my head without my knowledge, He guided me towards all of my discoveries. Sure I’ve been through some hard times, but I’m a very unsympathetic person, I’ve also got a terrible memory, so I don’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I was robbed of the best years of my life, but I don’t dwell on the past, I spend my days dreaming of a better tomorrow. Even in my darkest days I’ve always had hope. I’m lucky because I knew God was with me. I’ve never had faith in God, faith is for the weak, I’ve always known. I haven’t done anything particularly extraordinary, all I’ve done is believed in myself, even when everyone told me I was crazy. I haven’t done anything that was ever beyond my capabilities, but I have been reluctantly pushed to the limits of my capabilities. I may have been treated like a loser my whole life, but God has always believed in me, and for that I am eternally grateful. Who would have thought that I could make a career out of daydreaming?
You laugh at me now, but you laughed at me when I told you I’d discovered the infinite Universe. You laughed at me when I told you I’d overthrown the theory of Relativity. You laughed at me when I told you I’d discovered the definition of sin. You laughed at me when I told you I was going to start the world’s biggest religion. You can laugh all you want, but I’ve been proven right every time. I am right about everything, I know the Mysteries of Existence, I know the meaning of life, I know God. This is your last chance at peace.
This is not the Judgement Day you wanted, but it is the one that was foretold… “From the nations no one was with me, so I have trodden the winepress alone,” “he was assigned a grave with the wicked and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence nor was any deceit found in his mouth,” “you will see the sign of the Son of Man in the sky and all the nations will mourn because of it,” “the prophets had tormented those who live on the earth,” “out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations,” “your covenant with death will be annulled.”
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and a finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers, and you will know my name is the LORD when I lay my vengeance upon you!
[Ezekiel 25:17] – From Pulp Fiction
Go ahead, make my fucking day. This is the fulfilment of all prophecy, so are you with me, or are you against me?
The thing is, we don’t have to do this. I don’t want to do this, I don’t want a third of the world to be destroyed, and I don’t want to be relying on aliens coming to resurrect me. All you’ve got to do is keep one law, the First Law of God, “No one touches Spears.” Can you keep just one law? If I die, it’s the apocalypse, and God beats the fuck out of you, but it’s inevitable, isn’t it? Because that’s what you’re like. I’ve spent my whole life trying to save a world that doesn’t give a fuck about me, and when you find out you’ll kill me, is that fair? I wasn’t punished because of something I did, I was punished for you, I was punished so that I could save you from yourselves, and you would hate me for it? Open your eyes, this isn’t normal, God shouldn’t have to do this shit. You deserve everything that’s coming to you. Fuck you.
Happy Judgement Day!
The Other Guy
Before I go, I wanted to talk about “the other guy,” the one with no name. After realising that Revelations 19 is about him, and finding other scriptural references to him, I’ve been thinking a lot about who he is and what I know about him. So what do I know about him?
He is not me, and I am not him. He thinks and speaks of me as a different person. My name is Michael, while he does not have a name. This is similar to God, we call Him “God,” but do we have any right to do so? I rarely say the name “God” out loud, preferring to call Him “the Creator” or something similar, or when talking to Him directly I may simply call him “mate.” How can a being who was not born, who did not have a mother to give Him a name, be called by a name? Can any infinite and eternal being truly have a name? In the story of Moses, when Moses asks the name God, He says “I am who I am.” He is who He is, names are a mortal concept. This other being who lives inside me, he is not human, he was sent here to assist me, he is eternal, he has no name.
He is from heaven and he knows God. While I know God exists and is everywhere, I still somehow feel distant from Him. I forget that God is in complete control, and I worry that things won’t work out. He can feel God surrounding him, light shines from heaven upon him, and he sees God everywhere. He is divine, but me, I’m just a man. He is some sort of angel, an important one.
He was sent here to assist me. Judgement Day is a two person job, it is too much for one man. I have spent a lot of years working on my theories and philosophies, but that is all they are, theories, philosophies, ideas. I have done all of the hard work, all I know is theory, but he knows God. He gives me strength when I need it, he lifts me up, he encourages me. I am timid, weak, and distant from God. He is bold, arrogant, proud, and he walks side by side with God. I am the brains of the operation, he is the muscle. I am from Earth, he is from Heaven. I am human, he is something else. While he is above me, he is also beneath me, because it was he who was sent to help me, not I who was sent to help him. This is my work, this is my earth, and this is my Judgement Day, but I cannot do it without his help.
When I am him, what else can I learn about him? It seems like he is not God, but he knows God, because he can’t believe who God has teamed him up with. Although he respects my intelligence, he thinks I am too angst ridden, melancholic and timid, and that God could have made someone better. I am under the impression that although he walks side by side with God, he is not the only one of his kind, but this is his present mission, he has been sent to assist me. There appear to be other scriptural references to him, so perhaps this is the planet he takes care of, or perhaps he takes care of several. I do not know, except that I believe that he is not the only one of his kind in heaven, there are others. I will now show you a few scriptural references to him, but there may be others…
That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”
Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”
The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip. Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.
I have already spoken about this, about the limp, and about wrestling with the man with no name, but this is the transcript of the passage. This is the first appearance of him in the Bible. He also appears in the book of Daniel…
On the twenty-fourth day of the first month, as I was standing on the bank of the great river, the Tigris, I looked up and there before me was a man dressed in linen, with a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist. His body was like topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude.
I, Daniel, was the only one who saw the vision; those who were with me did not see it, but such terror overwhelmed them that they fled and hid themselves. So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision; I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless. Then I heard him speaking, and as I listened to him, I fell into a deep sleep, my face to the ground.
A hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. He said, “Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you.” And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling.
Then he continued, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia. Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come.”
While he was saying this to me, I bowed with my face toward the ground and was speechless. Then one who looked like a man touched my lips, and I opened my mouth and began to speak. I said to the one standing before me, “I am overcome with anguish because of the vision, my lord, and I feel very weak. How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe.”
Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength. “Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now; be strong.”
When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength.”
So he said, “Do you know why I have come to you? Soon I will return to fight against the prince of Persia, and when I go, the prince of Greece will come; but first I will tell you what is written in the Book of Truth. (No one supports me against them except Michael, your prince. And in the first year of Darius the Mede, I took my stand to support and protect him.)
Notice that the angel who visits Daniel has “eyes like flaming torches,” I already spoke about how I can change into him in my previous chapter on the Book of Revelations, this is the same angel from Revelations 19 whose “eyes are like a blazing fire.” Notice at the end of this passage he is talking about how no one supports him except Michael, and how he took his stand to support and protect Michael. Perhaps we have been teamed up before? In case you are confused about who Michael is that the book of Daniel is referring to, Michael is mentioned again…
“At that time Michael, the great prince who protects your people, will arise. There will be a time of distress such as has not happened from the beginning of nations until then. But at that time your people—everyone whose name is found written in the book—will be delivered. Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake: some to everlasting life, others to shame and everlasting contempt. Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever. But you, Daniel, roll up and seal the words of the scroll until the time of the end. Many will go here and there to increase knowledge.”
Here is another reference to Michael, this time from the Dead Sea Scrolls…
This is the day appointed by Him for the defeat and overthrow of the Prince of the kingdom of wickedness, and He will send eternal succour to the company of His redeemed by the might of the princely Angel of the kingdom of Michael. With everlasting light He will enlighten with joy [the children] of Israel; peace and blessing shall be with the company of God. He will raise up the kingdom of Michael in the midst of the gods, and the realm of Israel in the midst of all flesh. Righteousness shall rejoice on high, and all the children of His truth shall jubilate in eternal knowledge. And you, the sons of His Covenant, be strong in the ordeal of God! His mysteries shall uphold you until He moves His hand for His trials to come to an end.
Now I’m getting side-tracked with Michael prophecies, but interestingly enough the above passage mentions “the princely Angel of the kingdom of Michael.” I wonder if this “princely Angel of the kingdom of Michael” could be the one we’re discussing? Back to the Bible now…
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron sceptre.” He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
King of kings and Lord of lords.
I have already spoken about the above passage in the previous chapter, but this is his moment of triumph, where he comes from “heaven” in glory. This passage is not about me, although we share a body, this passage is about him. Please don’t ask me to change into him, it’s not a party trick. Those of you who survive God’s wrath will meet him. He is coming soon, he will be here when the time is right… Judgement Day.
I’ve been researching Islamic Eschatology a little. Guys, these prophecies are being fulfilled too, they describe the same events. I’m sorry, but I’ve had to use Wikipedia. I’ll try to only use actual quotes, but as to their accuracy I cannot say. From what I understand, the Hadiths are not considered to be divinely revealed, as the Qur’an is, but are a collection of the sayings of Mohammed.
The Mahdi –
Sadir al-Sayrafi says: I heard from Imam Abu Abdullah Ja’far al-Sadiq that: Our modest Imam, to whom this occultation belongs [the Mahdi], who is deprived of and denied his rights, will move among them and wander through their markets and walk where they walk, but they will not recognize him.
This one speaks for itself. If you were to pass me in the streets, would you ever possibly think that I may be some sort of holy man? A preacher? A prophet? The Mahdi? Not likely. This prophecy is echoed in the Bible…
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not. [Isaiah 53]
When the Mahdi appears, Allah will cause such power of vision and hearing to be manifested in believers that the Mahdi will call to the whole world from where he is, with no postman involved, and they will hear and even see him.
In the time of the Mahdi, a Muslim in the East will be able to see his Muslim brother in the West, and he in the West will see him in the East.
The good news is that we live in the age of satellite communication.
The Messenger of Allah said: “He is one of us”.
I am one of you, but not strictly speaking. I believe in the One God, like you do, and I am obedient to Him always.
The Mahdi is from my Ummah; he will be born and live to rule five or seven or nine years. (If) one goes to him and says, “Give me (a charity)”, he will fill one’s garment with what one needs.
Perhaps I am part Arab, perhaps not, but if God can make me a Jew without my knowledge, then he can also make me an Arab without my knowledge, but you aren’t like the Jews, who care only about their own kind. So you never know. I have never been very good with money, I usually just throw it away, I can’t get rid of it quick enough. My mother always used to say that money burns a hole in my pocket. I don’t care much for money, as long as my stomach is full there is not much else that I need. Don’t leave me in charge of the bank accounts. Seriously, don’t.
The Mahdi is the protector of the knowledge, the heir to the knowledge of all the prophets, and is aware of all things.
Not to blow my own trumpet, but I am the greatest genius who ever lived. Who else has ever made discoveries such as mine? This prophecy is also echoed in the Bible and the Dead Sea Scrolls…
Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish. [Isaiah 29:14]
He will reveal Mysteries like the Highest of Angels…and with the Understanding of the Mysteries of Existence…His Wisdom and Understanding will spread to all peoples, and he will know the Secrets of the living. [4Q534-536]
The dominion (authority) of the Mahdi is one of the proofs that God has created all things; these are so numerous that his [the Mahdi’s] proofs will overcome (will be influential, will be dominant) everyone and nobody will have any counter-proposition against him.
How many signs do you need?
People will flee from him [the Mahdi] as sheep flee from the shepherd. Later, people will begin to look for a purifier. But since they can find none to help them but him, they will begin to run to him.
You guys will reject me at first, but you are going to need me. You will come to me for my help when you are ready. When the time of Dajjal is upon you, you will know that I am right.
When matters are entrusted to competent [the Mahdi], Almighty God will raise the lowest part of the world for him, and lower the highest places. So much that he will see the whole world as if in the palm of his hand. Which of you cannot see even a single hair in the palm of his hand?
The lofty, the powerful, the wealthy, they shall brought low, and those low shall be raised high.
The Master of the Command was named as the Mahdi because he will dig out the Torah and other heavenly books from the cave in Antioch. He will judge among the people of the Torah according to the Torah; among the people of the Gospel according to the Gospel; among the people of the Psalms in accordance with the Psalms; among the people of the Qur’an in accordance with the Qur’an.
Do you understand this? I am not Islamic, Christian, Jewish, I am all of them and none of them.
Abu Bashir says: When I asked Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq, “O son of the Messenger of God! Who is the Mahdi (qa’im) of your clan (ahl al-bayt)?”, he replied: “The Mahdi will conquer the world; at that time the world will be illuminated by the light of God, and everywhere in which those other than God are worshipped will become places where God is worshiped; and even if the polytheists do not wish it, the only faith on that day will be the religion of God.”
The polytheists will come to me too, they will know the One God, but I will not force them, they will come of their own accord.
His [the Mahdi’s] aim is to establish a moral system from which all superstitious faiths have been eliminated. In the same way that students enter Islam, so unbelievers will come to believe.
My moral system, “you have no knowledge of good & evil, you are not like God.” Or “if you play God on others, God will play God on you.”
Abu Bashir says: I heard Imam Muhammad al-Baqr say: “He said: When the Mahdi appears he will follow in the path of the Messenger of God. Only he [the Mahdi] can explain the works of the Messenger of God.”
I am a prophet, like he, a messenger of God. I explained this, but Mohammed was sent to unite you, Mohammed was sent to make you strong. Fighting amongst yourselves over trivial matters of doctrine is not the will of God.
A man will emerge from the depths of Damascus. He will be called Sufyani. Most of those who follow him will be from the tribe of Kalb. He will kill by ripping the stomachs of women and even kill the children. A man from my family will appear in the Haram, the news of his advent will reach the Sufyani and he will send to him one of his armies. He (referring to the Mahdi) will defeat them. They will then travel with whoever remains until they come to a desert and they will be swallowed. None will be saved except the one who had informed the others about them.
Islamic State, Baghdadi.
Allah’s Messenger made a mention of Dajjal in the presence of the people and said: Allah is not one-eyed and behold that Dajjal is blind of the right eye and his eye would be like a floating grape.
Ubadah ibn Saamit radiyallahu anhu narrates from the Noble Prophet peace & blessings be upon him (peace & blessings be upon him), ‘If you still have any doubts regarding him (Dajjal), then remember, your Sustainer is not one-eyed.’
If God can make everything else true, then He will make the Dajjal blind in one eye too. This is a quote from the Book of Revelations about the beast from the sea…
The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority. One of the heads of the beast seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole world was filled with wonder and followed the beast… Then I saw a second beast, coming out of the earth. It had two horns like a lamb, but it spoke like a dragon. It exercised all the authority of the first beast on its behalf, and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast, whose fatal wound had been healed. [Revelations 13]
It sounds to me like the Dajjal will be wounded, but he will recover, however he will become blind in one eye as a result. I think what will happen, Dajjal will be wounded in a freak accident, but it is the will of God to let him live, to toy with him. When they see it is a prophecy of Islam that Dajjal will be blind in one eye, they will say “Islam is the religion of the Devil, this proves that Michael Spears is the Antichrist,” but you will know, and you may be the only friends that I’ve got. Well, I don’t know that, I don’t know what is going to happen.
I urge you to come together as one, to sort out your differences, to make peace in your region. Please, then you can ask the foreigners to leave, you can tell them that you do not need their intervention any more, you are peaceful now. Please don’t fight, I urge you to lay down your arms, God will hear your prayers. A holy war, a real holy war, is not fought with weapons, but with your prayers. Surely God has heard your prayers, has He not? Can you even doubt it? Trust in him, you do not need your weapons. Please make peace with the Jews too, I know there is a lot of anger, but there is too much hatred in the world. Reach out your hand in a gesture of peace and forgiveness, take the first step towards reconciliation. We need to start again, we need to make this the first day of our new earth. Please don’t fight any more.
The Star –
I’ll tell you what I know… when you see my star in the sky, it is too late, the asteroid is coming, time’s up. What is my star? It’s a supernova, probably Betelgeuse in the constellation of Orion, but possibly not. You will know it when you see it, night will become like day. There will be no doubt.
Abu Hurayrah states that the Messenger of God (saw) as said, “The Hour will not be established until the sun rises from the West and when the people see it they will have faith. But that will be (the time) when believing of the soul, that will have not believed before that time, will not benefit it.
In the day of great slaughter, when the towers fall, streams of water will flow on every high mountain and every lofty hill. The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the Lord binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted. [Isaiah 30:25-26]
“Then you will see the sign of the Son of Man in the sky, and all the nations will mourn because of it.” (Jesus)
Wikipedia says this of the Mahdi and Isa… “Though the two most certainly differ regarding their role and persona in Islamic eschatology, the figures of the Mahdi and Isa are ultimately inseparable for according to the Prophet.” You know who Isa is, right? Did you read my section on “The Other Guy,” or Chapter 19 from “The Book of Revelations”? Isa is your name for the one who lives inside of me. I also read something about Isa being the vizier of the Mahdi, is this beginning to make sense now?
Abu Hurayrah narrates that the Messenger of God said, “By Him in whose hands my soul rests! It is definitely close in that time that Isa, Son of Maryam descends amongst you as a just ruler. He will break the cross, kill the swine and abolish jaziya. And money will abound in such excess that no one will accept it.”
I have described this event in my section on the Book of Revelations, but again I will quote from it…
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron scepter.” He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.
This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Jabir Ibn Abdillah al-Ansari that the Messenger of Allah said: “A group among my Ummah will continue to fight for the truth until Jesus, the son of Marry, will descend, and the Imam of them will ask him to lead the prayer, but Jesus replies: “You have more right to it, and verily Allah has honored some of you over others in this Ummah.”
Do you understand why Isa does not lead you in prayer now? He does not speak Arabic, he does not know Islamic prayers. Do you also understand now that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam have all been predicting the same events, but perhaps from different perspectives?
As angry as you may be, the time for violence is over, it will get you nowhere. This is a time to come together. This is a time for all of the Arab and the greater Islamic world to come together. This is a time to remember the things that you have in common, not the things that divide you. God sent you Mohammed to make you stick together, to give you common goals, to give you common beliefs. This is what God wanted. God wanted you to be strong, God wanted you to be united as one. Lay down your arms, join with your Muslim brothers, and politely ask your oppressors to leave. If your oppressors fail to leave, then God will make them leave for you. Trust in God and in God alone, He shall deliver you. You cannot still doubt that God is coming to help, what do you think I am doing here? Do you think they write ancient prophecies about losers? Trust in God. A holy war is fought with prayer, not with weapons.
You should be on my side. It’s all coming true. No one else is coming. This is the end.
A Final Warning
My current girlfriend, Jodee, she’s a beautiful woman. She’s probably the sweetest, loveliest person I’ve ever met. I’m going to feel terrible about breaking her heart, she doesn’t deserve it, but she does have the knowledge of good & evil. I’m sorry Jodee, it’s just the way that it is, I hope that one day you can understand. Anyway, Jodee has previously told me that the Archangel Michael is her guardian angel, which is cool, but the other day she was telling me about a recurring nightmare she has had her whole life. Her nightmare is that there is a fire from the sky, like a solar flare, and she’s huddling to protect her daughter (who entered the nightmare only after she was born of course), and there’s a massive wave coming and people are fleeing in their cars and trying to escape into the mountains. She’s talking about my Judgement Day. She’s been having nightmares about my Judgement Day her whole life, and at first I was thinking that this solar flare may be my supernova, but then she was clarifying that people’s skin is melting and burning, and it brought to mind a passage from Revelations. Perhaps it will be my supernova, but perhaps my supernova will be far more powerful than I understood.
I think that even with my asteroid smashing into the ocean, maybe I am still not thinking big enough. A tsunami is one thing, but fire from the sky melting people’s skin? Fuck, that’s terrifying! This could be far worse than any of you can imagine, no one is going to be safe on Judgement Day. I’ll share with you Chapter 16 from the Book of Revelations, which I had skipped in my chapter on the Book of Revelations, it is the fourth angel who pours out his bowl of God’s wrath on the Sun. This takes place after my death, but before the asteroid and my subsequent descent “from heaven”.
Then I heard a loud voice from the temple saying to the seven angels, “Go, pour out the seven bowls of God’s wrath on the earth.”
The first angel went and poured out his bowl on the land, and ugly, festering sores broke out on the people who had the mark of the beast and worshiped its image.
The second angel poured out his bowl on the sea, and it turned into blood like that of a dead person, and every living thing in the sea died.
The third angel poured out his bowl on the rivers and springs of water, and they became blood. Then I heard the angel in charge of the waters say:
“You are just in these judgments, O Holy One, you who are and who were; for they have shed the blood of your holy people and your prophets, and you have given them blood to drink as they deserve.” And I heard the altar respond: “Yes, Lord God Almighty, true and just are your judgments.”
The fourth angel poured out his bowl on the sun, and the sun was allowed to scorch people with fire. They were seared by the intense heat and they cursed the name of God, who had control over these plagues, but they refused to repent and glorify him.
The fifth angel poured out his bowl on the throne of the beast, and its kingdom was plunged into darkness. People gnawed their tongues in agony and cursed the God of heaven because of their pains and their sores, but they refused to repent of what they had done.
The sixth angel poured out his bowl on the great river Euphrates, and its water was dried up to prepare the way for the kings from the East. Then I saw three impure spirits that looked like frogs; they came out of the mouth of the dragon, out of the mouth of the beast and out of the mouth of the false prophet. They are demonic spirits that perform signs, and they go out to the kings of the whole world, to gather them for the battle on the great day of God Almighty.
“Look, I come like a thief! Blessed is the one who stays awake and remains clothed, so as not to go naked and be shamefully exposed.”
Then they gathered the kings together to the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon.
The seventh angel poured out his bowl into the air, and out of the temple came a loud voice from the throne, saying, “It is done!” Then there came flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder and a severe earthquake. No earthquake like it has ever occurred since mankind has been on earth, so tremendous was the quake. The great city split into three parts, and the cities of the nations collapsed. God remembered Babylon the Great and gave her the cup filled with the wine of the fury of his wrath. Every island fled away and the mountains could not be found. From the sky huge hailstones, each weighing about a hundred pounds, fell on people. And they cursed God on account of the plague of hail, because the plague was so terrible.
Hinduism also has predicted something similar.
When the practices taught in the Vedas and institutes of law have nearly ceased, and the close of the Kali age shall be nigh, a portion of that divine being who exists of His own spiritual nature, and who is the beginning and the end, and who comprehends all things, shall descend upon earth. He will be born of the family of Vishnuyasha, an eminent brahmana of Shambhala village, as Kalki, endowed with eight superhuman faculties, when the eight suns shall together shine over the sky. By his irresistible might he will destroy all the mlecchas and thieves, and all whose minds are devoted to iniquity. He will re-establish righteousness upon earth, and the minds of those who live at the end of the Kali age shall be awakened, and shall be as clear as crystal. The men who are thus changed by virtue of that particular time shall be as the seeds of human beings, and shall give birth to a race who will follow the laws of the Krita age or Satya Yuga, the age of purity. As it is said, ‘When the sun and moon, and the lunar asterism Tishya, and the planet Jupiter, are in one mansion, the Krita age shall return.
[Vishnu Purana, Book 4, Chapter 24]
So too did Gautama Buddha.
“There comes a time when, after a long time, a second sun appears. With the appearance of the second sun, the small rivers and lakes dry up and evaporate and no longer exist. So impermanent are conditioned phenomena… It is enough to be liberated from them.
“There comes a time when, after a long time, a third sun appears. With the appearance of the third sun, the great rivers dry up and evaporate and no longer exist. So impermanent are conditioned phenomena… It is enough to be liberated from them.
“There comes a time when, after a long time, a fourth sun appears. With the appearance of the fourth sun, the great lakes from which those great rivers originate dry up and evaporate and no longer exist. So impermanent are conditioned phenomena… It is enough to be liberated from them.
“There comes a time when, after a long time, a fifth sun appears. With the appearance of the fifth sun, the waters in the great ocean sink by a hundred yojanas, two hundred yojanas… three hundred yojanas… seven hundred yojanas… With the appearance of the fifth sun, the water left in the great ocean is not enough even to reach the joints of one’s fingers. So impermanent are conditioned phenomena… It is enough to be liberated from them.
“There comes a time when, after a long time, a sixth sun appears. With the appearance of the sixth sun, this great earth and Sineru, the king of the mountains, smoke, fume, and smoulder. Just as a potter’s fire, when kindled, first smokes, fumes, and smoulders, so with the appearance of the sixth sun, this great earth and Sineru, the king of the mountains, smoke, fume, and smoulder. So impermanent are conditioned phenomena… It is enough to be liberated from them.
“There comes a time when, after a long time, a seventh sun appears. With the appearance of the seventh sun, this great earth and Sineru, the king of mountains, burst into flames, blaze up brightly, and become one mass of flame. As the great earth and Sineru are blazing and burning, the flame, cast up by the wind, rises even to the brahma world. As Sineru is blazing and burning, as it is undergoing destruction and being overcome by a great mass of heat, mountain peaks of a hundred yojanas disintegrate; mountain peaks of two hundred yojanas… three hundred yojanas… four hundred yojanas… five hundred yojanas disintegrate.
“When this great earth and Sineru, the king of mountains, are blazing and burning, neither ashes nor soot are seen. Just as, when ghee or oil are blazing and burning, neither ashes nor soot are seen, so it is when this great earth and Sineru, the king of mountains, are blazing and burning. So impermanent are conditioned phenomena, so unstable, so unreliable. It is enough to become disenchanted with all conditioned phenomena, enough to become dispassionate toward them, enough to be liberated from them.
“Bhikkhus, who except those who have seen the truth would think or believe: ‘This great earth and Sineru, the king of mountains, will burn up, be destroyed, and will no longer exist’?
[Anguttara-Nikaya, VII, 6.2 Pali Canon]
I shall repeat the other predictions of the same event.
In the day of great slaughter, when the towers fall, streams of water will flow on every high mountain and every lofty hill. The moon will shine like the sun, and the sunlight will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven full days, when the Lord binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted.
“Then you will see the sign of the Son of Man in the sky, and all the nations will mourn because of it.”
Abu Hurayrah states that the Messenger of God (saw) as said, “The Hour will not be established until the sun rises from the West and when the people see it they will have faith. But that will be (the time) when believing of the soul, that will have not believed before that time, will not benefit it.
Do you know what my mum used to say to me when I hurt myself doing something stupid, or something I shouldn’t have been doing? “No sympathy.” As a man, although I could never hurt anyone myself, I am the least sympathetic guy I know. I have little or no empathy for anyone, so perhaps you should think about why God would create a saviour like that? If you destroy yourselves because of your behaviour, because you are doing something stupid, or because you are doing something you should not be doing, you will be given “no sympathy.” Not from me, not from God.
Do you know the story of Moses and the Exodus? Moses demands the release of the Jews from captivity, but God hardens the Pharaoh’s heart so that he will not release them. It is God’s will to harden Pharaoh’s heart so that He may unleash plagues upon the Egyptians. When the plagues are over, and the Pharaoh finally agrees to release the Jews, again his heart is hardened, and he chases after them with his army. The Pharaoh’s army is finally drowned in the Red Sea. This is the fulfilment of the Bible, except this time, this shit is happening for real. I don’t know exactly who I’m trying to release from captivity, maybe all of you. Maybe I’m trying to save all of you from yourselves. You have been warned, you don’t want to be like the Pharaoh, but perhaps God will harden your hearts too.
No one is safe on Judgement Day, everyone is in danger. This is the day of God’s wrath, the day when God gives you the spanking that you deserve. You need to lay down your arms, disband your military forces, and surrender all power and authority to me immediately. This is going to get ugly. I don’t know how accurate it is, but the Bible says that one third of the world will be destroyed. There exists the possibility of the deaths of billions of people worldwide, but there is a way out. Surrender to me, before it’s too late.
Do what you want, I don’t give a fuck about money or power, and I don’t give a fuck whether you live or die, but I’m not the One in charge here. The Big Boss has sent me as His representative. I am God’s man on Earth. He knows me, and He trusts me, more than any of you. God watched you from Heaven, He saw that you were in trouble, and He said “This planet is all fucked up. Don’t worry, I’ll send Mick. He’ll take care of it.” One man against the world, it all came down to one man, can you believe it? So great is our God that He can save a race of beings by sending just one man. God cares, but He is not afraid to dish out a few punishments and retributions. It is only by the Grace of God that I am here to save you from yourselves. God has made a covenant of peace with the Earth, and He will uphold it, but like any grandmaster chess champion, He may have to sacrifice a few pawns to win the game. I have no knowledge of good & evil, so I know that I’m safe, but you? You know what to do if you want to live. Surrender to me, it’s the only way out.
The First Law of God:
No one touches Spears, that’s the rules.
“Whoever is an enemy to Allah, and His angels & His messengers, and Gabriel & Michael! Then, Allah (Himself) is an enemy to the unbelievers.” [Sura 2:98]
Whatever happens, I’ll be fine. I have no knowledge of good & evil, but I’d rather not put it to the test. This is like the end of ‘Dirty Harry,’ God is telling you “go ahead, make my day.” It doesn’t have to be like that, you don’t have to give God an excuse to smite the earth. No one touches Spears. Don’t fuck this up.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS
Soon there will be no violence, no laws, no prisons, no police, no military, no wars. We will be free from law and live in peace and harmony. This is the fulfilment of all prophecy and all religion. Every man, woman and child will be accountable to God and to God alone. We shall all train our minds, we shall rid ourselves of the knowledge of good & evil, and live a life based on the laws of karma and the desire to please our God. This is Judgement Day.
You need to stop now. You need to lay down your arms, disband your military forces, and surrender to me immediately… but I know you won’t. This is your last chance for a peaceful resolution… but I know that all you know is war and violence and conflict.
I need you to understand what Judgement Day is really all about. A lot of people thought that Judgement Day was when Jesus returns and picks a side, then kills everyone and sends the people who followed the right religion to heaven and everyone else to hell, and it’s the end of the world and it was all just a test to see who gets into heaven, and… blah blah blah.
That’s not really very fair, what’s fairer is to say that everyone is guilty. Everyone is guilty of original sin, all have fallen short, even Jesus. Jesus Christ himself, he fell from Grace, all he wanted was for people to worship him. I don’t threaten anyone with hell, I actually believe that everyone goes to heaven, but not me. No, I’m here to take care of you lot unto eternity. That’s right, you’re stuck with me. It’s like, if there was an election of everyone who ever lived, I’m the guy God voted for. Except it’s not really like that, God specifically created me for this purpose. I am your King, like it or not. Jesus isn’t coming back, Jesus was a sinner and a charlatan, but he was still a very important man. Without Jesus I wouldn’t be here today, but in a way, I am Jesus, I’m the real Jesus. Jesus was right about a lot of things, but he had no right to demand people worship him under threat of eternal damnation. This is why God had him crucified.
Judgement Day isn’t about God destroying the world, Judgement Day is about God saving the world. God sent me here to stop you from destroying yourselves. God has been preparing for this day since the dawn of time.
People like to think that we are the pinnacle of God’s creation, and in a way we are, but not for the reason that you think. The human race is not the best God could do, the human race is the worst God could do and yet have us survive. Just as you could not survive any longer, I could not have come to save you any sooner. The designs of God are perfect, and the human race is perfectly rotten. That’s what my script for earth was all about, aliens searching the universe for that special place, that place that was different to everywhere else. Along the way they come across many magical places, they think “maybe this is it,” “maybe this is it.” Then they find us, and they know it, the worst beings in the universe. God has never ended an advancing civilisation, and He never will. There is no point in creating something just to destroy it when it starts to get interesting. God made us as a flawed creation, a fallen planet, but God had a plan to save us from the brink of destruction. I am His plan, Judgement Day is His plan. Judgement Day isn’t about destroying everything God has worked so hard to create, Judgement Day is about saving His most perfectly flawed creation.
God doesn’t hate you, God loves you, you are the pinnacle of His creation, His most prized possession, but it’s time for you to grow up. You will not be allowed to enter the galactic community behaving like a bunch of bloodthirsty savages, it’s not ok.
Think about this, imagine if there really was a God, but imagine if God could not break the laws of physics that He Himself had created, how could He possibly save the world? Please, you need to have a read of my story, have a good hard think about it. No one else is coming, it’s me, I’m the one who has been sent to save you. Do you remember the millennium? Jesus actually came back on the millennium, it just took me fifteen years before I was ready. God didn’t disappoint you, you just thought that He did, o ye of little faith.
God has been preparing for this day since the moment of creation. Do you know how difficult it is to make a Michael Spears? Think about all of the things God needed to make this happen. I needed the Bible and Jesus to spread the Bible, because I needed to know about the knowledge of good & evil. I needed Einstein, I needed a great genius before me to be so close to the truth about gravity, and to be so smart that he could convince people that he was right when he was not. I needed marijuana, because I needed two personalities, the other guy to help me when I needed him. I needed the right prescription medication, to keep my other personality suppressed. I needed the internet, to spread information, to share my theories and my book, but I needed to not have the internet in the early days, because if I had the internet in the early days I probably would have just googled how gravity works instead of figuring it out for myself. We needed global communications, so that “every eye has seen him.” If you read my book there were so many more things that I needed personally to push me in the right direction, to ensure the completion of my mission. Consider my theories, it was my sister who asked me where the universe came from and how gravity works, it was my high school group “Team Tron” who constantly reminded me of the 3D Simpsons episode, it was my obsession with Planet of the Apes which put the idea of time dilation in my head, it was Stephen Hawking’s book where I found the flaw in the theory of Relativity, it was Einstein’s greatness and my schizophrenia that prevented anyone from listening to me until the time was right, until I was ready.
I’ll talk about gambling now. Do you know why I’m such a bad gambler? My hopeless gambling isn’t because God likes gambling, it’s simply a way for God to have increased control over me. Rich people aren’t motivated, but when you’re broke as fuck, and the only thing you can think of to make more money and to get yourself out of trouble is a bunch of theories and a new religion, it makes you work harder on them as a solution to your problems. On the other side of the coin, if I ever really needed money for anything, I had a big win. Most of the time I’m broke, but God has always provided for me when I really needed it. My gambling is an easy way for God to exert that little bit of extra control over me, God is in complete control of my finances.
I like eclipses, have you ever considered the perfection of the Sun and the Moon? Eclipses are a phenomenon unique to Earth. There is no scientific reason why the Sun and the Moon should fit so perfectly over each other, it’s a perfectly wonderful “coincidence.” Consider the many moons of Jupiter, or the moons of Mars, they never perfectly block the Sun. Consider man-made satellites, they don’t block the Sun either. The orbital path of an object has nothing to with its size. When you look at the Sun and the Moon in the sky, the bright light for the day, the lesser light for the night, how can you say “there is no God”? Only a blind fool could fail to see the perfection of science and of nature and of the world. There is a God, He is my friend, He is the one who pushed me towards all of my discoveries and made me into the man that I am, and it is He who has sent me here to save you from yourselves. Please don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be.
I need you to listen to me very carefully, you need to lay down your arms, disband your military forces, and surrender all power and authority to me immediately. This is your only hope for a peaceful resolution. A lot of people are going to die, rich people, poor people, powerful people, powerless people, no one is safe from the wrath of God. If you want to get out of this alive you need to surrender to me immediately, before it’s too late. Look, I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do, forcing you to submit to my will not only breaks the law of my religion, but it goes against my very nature. So I’m asking you nicely, please lay down your arms, disband your military forces, and surrender all power and authority to me immediately. This is your last chance.
Meanwhile, I’m just going to be bumming around for a while, maybe a camping trip, maybe a holiday to Vegas, maybe Macau, or maybe somewhere else. I never did finish my lap of Australia, maybe I’ll get back to that. While you decide how much death and destruction it’s going to take for you to finally surrender to me, I’ll just be doing my own thing. Let me know when you’re ready to surrender, I’ll be hanging around somewhere, I’m sure it won’t be too hard to track me down. Maybe you could join me around the campfire or the blackjack tables for a drink and a yarn some time.
Honestly, I don’t care if I die on the very day that you learn my name, it’s inevitable, it is written, and even if I don’t come back from the dead, that’s still ok. I may very well be completely insane for thinking that aliens will be coming to resurrect me, it’s very probable that I am insane, but I trust in God, and I know that I am no accident. When I look at my life I can see that everything that I have done and everything that I am was the design and the desire of God. God has supported me and protected me since before I even knew His name. I am no accident, I am here for a reason. The exact reason that God has created me I do not know, God doesn’t tell me things so that I know the future, God only tells me things to guide me towards my future by my reactions to the things that He has shown me. Many times I thought that I was at the end of my journey, God told me that I was at the end, but I was not, God only told me it was the end to shape my journey towards my final destination. My final destination, however, I do not know. The Bible, Islam, the Dead Sea Scrolls, they all say I live, but Nostradamus says I die. Perhaps I am only being told that I will live to give me courage, but I don’t believe that, I know that God has my back, I know that God wants me to stick around for a very long time… at least I hope so, because I cannot truly know my fate for certain. Is the purpose of prophecy to predict the future, or to shape the future?
Whatever my fate, I’ll be remembered until the end of time, that’s what I want, that’s what I care about. Maybe you hate me now, but history will be kind to me. Even if I die tonight, I will live forever in the hearts and minds of the world that I saved, and God will always have a special place in His heart for me. So if I do die, as is written, but I don’t come back from the dead, don’t be sad for me. I’m fine, dead people don’t know that they’re dead, it is only the living who mourn the dead. I have lived and died for the one I care about, the One who Created the Heavens and the Earth and all that is in it, the One who gave life to you, and to me, and to every living thing on this planet and in His entire infinite Universe. God is the only one who has ever believed in me, and for that I thank Him, and for that I would gladly die for Him. I only ever wanted for someone to believe in me, and I always had Him. I never believed in myself, no one ever believed in me, not at all, but God did, God knew. God picked up a piece of shit like me, He dusted me off, and He sent me to work. I have wanted to give up so many times, but somehow I have persevered, I always knew He was on my side, but sometimes all the signs in the world don’t mean shit and you don’t know what to do next and you want to give up, but somehow, somehow you find the strength to keep believing. I have done what I have set out to do, and I will die a happy man, you will remember me. Thank you.
Is it finished? I think it’s finished.
Congratulations if you made it to the end of my ramblings. We’re putting on a play, it’s called ‘The Book Of Revelations.’ After two thousand years in the making, it’s the greatest play ever written! Come inside, take a seat, the show’s about to start! Happy Judgement Day!
“If anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.” (Jesus)
“As the new heavens and the new earth that I make will endure before me,” declares the Lord, “so will your name and descendants endure. From one New Moon to another and from one Sabbath to another, all mankind will come and bow down before me,” says the Lord. “And they will go out and gaze upon the dead bodies of those who rebelled against me; the worms that eat them will not die, the fire that burns them will not be quenched, and they will be loathsome to all mankind.” [Isaiah 66:22-24]
1) ‘The Holy Bible,’ New International Version, Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.
2) ‘The Dead Sea Scrolls Uncovered,’ translated by Michael Wise and Robert Eisenman, Element Books, 1992.
3) ‘The Complete Dead Sea Scrolls In English,’ by Geza Vermes, Penguin Books 1962, last revised 2004.
4) ‘The Egyptian Book of the Dead, The Papyrus of Ani,’ 1240 B.C., translation by E.A. Wallis Budge.
5) ‘Eureka,’ by Edgar Allan Poe, 1848.
6) ‘Relativity: The Special and General Theory,’ by Albert Einstein, translated by Robert W. Lawson (Authorised translation), Meuthen & Co Ltd, 1916, revised 1924, World Publications Group Inc, 2007.
7) ‘The Illustrated A Brief History Of Time: Updated And Expanded Edition,’ by Stephen Hawking, Bantam Books, 1996.
9) Einstein, Albert. ‘Einfluss der Schwerkraft auf die Ausbreitung des Lichtes,’ or ‘On The Influence of Gravitation on the Propagation of Light,’ Ann. Phys. (Berlin), (ser. 4), 35, 898-908, 1911.
10) ‘Sri Kalki Purana,’ translated by Bhumipati Das, edited by Purnaprajna Das, presented by Laxman Das and Sanmohini Devi Dasi, published by Jai Nitai Press, 2006.
11) ‘The Numerical Discourses of the Buddha – A Translation of the Anguttara Nikaya,’ by Bhikkhu Bodhi, Wisdom Publications, 2012.
Title Page image ‘Michael,’ by Guido Reni.
Contact Michael Spears:
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @serious_spears (for @BritneySpears only – it has my phone number… call me)
Pyramid Theory: sites.google.com/site/happyjudgementday