The Crazy Me
Copyright © 2016-17 Mikey Saint
All rights reserved.
I’d like to dedicate this story to my friends, fans and family
I’d like to take the time to acknowledge my Mother and Father, my Sister, Heidi, Joe, Diane and Justin. Jackie and David, and to all my friends and fans who have read this story. Thank you! It was quite personal at some points. I hope you see the humor as well as the struggle within this story!
1 My Intro
Well I’m not sure how to start this conversation. Hi I’m Jimmy, a musician, poet, alcoholic at the moment, and bipolar patient. Now I’m just your run of the mill stocky bald miserable jaded dude. All the above still apply. But I wasn’t always bald, and not always stocky now that I think of it? But be what it may, this is how it turned out in the end.
Let me start my story. Life started out like any other human being on the face of this rock we call earth. I have a Mom a Dad a Sister, I played little league. All that happy horse shit that you do to try to fit in with the townspeople. You know, put your happy face on, and make sure you say please and thank you like a good little boy. It wasn’t too bad I guess when I look back on it now.
Move forward to middle school now there was a change. I started getting into fights, I remember one day in the school yard, a kid threw sand in my eyes, so I waited until almost the end of recess, grabbed him by the shirt and punched him square in the nose. You see where I grew up you didn’t take shit from anyone or you’d be seen as weak. The school called my Mother to tell her about that incident. I had to apologize, notice how I said I had to apologize. That little bastard got off Scott free if you ask me. Yeah I just called bullshit, but enough about him. Let’s go ahead and talk about me some more.
Time went by pretty quick, it was five years later can you believe that shit. I was in High School now, big man I had my license, was able to drive around, I was untouchable. I had a few buddies I hung around with on a pretty regular basis. Let’s see there was Franky, he was like the class clown pretty funny guy when he wanted to be. There was Mikey, he was a brut never smiled, and always was super serious about everything, one night he punched some goon in the nose for forgetting to put salami on his Italian grinder. Last was Lawrence, we all called him lefty, because who the fuck names their kid Lawrence. And me Jim, Jimmy, whatever the fuck you want to call me. Just don’t call me late for dinner then we have a problem kapeesh.
We were all a couple of hooligans, small time thugs stealing dirty magazines from our local grocery store. The only reason we got away with it, was because the guy was so old he could barely make it to the counter. We always bought a lot of Swedish fish as a cover. I took a few packs of smokes from behind the counter to impress the ladies. Which I should mention it didn’t at all impress anyone, seeing as I smelt like a chimney.
We were all bored, we had too much time on our hands. So we crossed the street grabbed our porn magazines cracked them open and smoked our cigarettes. I think that’s the longest time I have ever had a boner, thirteen issues to look through good grief, how my junk still works is beyond me! Okay a little off topic, and yes I did say boner.
In light of our porn fest High School was almost ending The weather was getting warmer and the daylight was sticking around a bit later as well. Me and the guys started talking about what we were going to do after High School. We only had like three months left to go here in this shithole we call Ridgefield High, then we were done! That meant getting real jobs, going to College or both!
I wasn’t into any of that, I’m not sure Mikey or Lefty thought that was a great plan either. Franky, he wanted to go to Harvard but we all knew he didn’t have the fucking grades to get into a tight ass school like that! So the rest of senior year we all pretty much coasted our way through, trying to fly under the radar for once. We tried not to cause trouble but we ended up causing a little, not enough to get us expelled though. I think they just let us pass because they didn’t want to see our sorry looking faces anymore.
So graduation was upon us and we all donned our gowns, and walked to get our little piece of papers that tell the world, hey we are not dumb shits anymore bitches! Turned out to be pretty scary come to think of it. It’s over, it’s time for real life shit now.
No one really knew where we were headed besides Mikey, he ended up getting into Yale on a scholarship to study law. Lefty decided to move in with his girlfriend, he had a pretty cushy job going for him working for his father in some sales office upstate. Franky wanted to be a free spirit, he called himself a gypsy, I called him an asshole! Hey if the shoe fits.
2 Jimmy’s Story
Me on the other hand, is where I take a journey down a fucked up path I like to call shitsville, you know that place right between your sack and asshole? Yup right there baby!
So right after graduation I enlisted in the Marines against my own better judgement. I wanted to become a bad ass and for the most part I did. While I was enlisted I was able to hone in on my guitar playing and singing. I was also able to hone in on my alcohol drinking skills as well. Which eventually got me discharged from the service on an other than honorable by reason of misconduct. I guess that’s taking bad ass to a whole new level lol, people are using that these days right lol? I figure I’ll sum up my three-year experience in the service for you.
Those three years were not only a blur, but I got into a lot of shit over there. It started off good, so I thought. I went to boot camp, became salty put my war face on aaargh. Got my job and shipped off to Hawaii. Side note, I banged a lot of prostitutes there. For those who have been to the islands you know what I mean, they are drop dead gorgeous. I probably was still so damn horny from all those dirty magazines we lifted as kids.
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Jimmy is just an under achiever binge drinking no good scoundrel trying to take the high road as his care free and reckless attitude keeps him in trouble. Desperately trying to meet up with his old friends from childhood Franky, Lawrence and Mikey, through their turmoil he re affirms his lackluster achievements and partying debauchery. Will he clean up his act or continue his deviant ways?