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The Autobiography of a Mathematician and a Religious Fanatic

The Autobiography of a Mathematician and a Religious Fanatic

Victor Porton

1Childhood

I was born 21 Jul 1980 in city Perm, Russia.

Probably, my first remembrance is: I sit on the floor near a cabinet with toys, I see the sofa in the other side of the room (which looked rather big for me). It seems I was about one year old.

Being 11 month old I felt from a sofa and hit my head. The below described psychiatric sickness may be caused by this. I often “traveled” from the sofa to the nearby armchair, but this time the armchair was shifted and the space between the sofa and the armchair increased, what caused me to fall into this space. (I also remember this.) This caused a serious damage to my health.

I was raised as an atheist, with caricatures of an old guy sitting on a cloud, as they were published in soviet newspapers.

When I was 9 years old, I decided that nothing exists. This is because there were no place of God and thus no reason to exist for anything in my philosophy. It was self-contradictory, because I thought that non-existence itself does not exist.

Because of this my “philosophy” I sometimes hit walls going strict to a wall, because I thought that walls do not exist and thus didn’t worry not to hit a wall.

Also I was suicidal. For example, when a tractor passed by, I tried to put my head on the way of the caterpillar.

I was in vacation with my parents at a grandmother’s home in Kazakhstan, city Pavlodar. At night I raised from the bed going to kill myself by swimming into the middle of the river Irtysh. But I was asked where I am going and found nothing better than to return to the bed.

I guessed that effective computers should exist with the following thought for humans to become intelligent yet 100 millions years of evolutions is required, based on the fact that people have so many atoms from which an effective thinking subject could be constructed but people have so few mind.

2Searching for true religion

When I was 9 years old, my cousin Svetlana Borisova (Sveta) told me a “theory” read in some newspaper:

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p<>{color:#000;}. In empty place there is a fire ball. It is the Higher Intelligence what created everything. When a man or woman dies he meets with it. He delivers the soul to the paradise except if it committed some deadly sin, and then he is delivered to the hell that is to a gray empty place where he hangs in one place with the only thoughts he has being about his sin. Here is the list of the deadly sins (I don’t remember the full list of these sins): killing, conscious disturbing developing the civilization, etc.

First I laughed: “There is no God, it is stupid”, but later I thought: What Sveta says is definitely wrong, but God may nevertheless exist. After some thinking and internal struggle I believed into existence of God and canceled to kill myself.

My main argument was: “We perceive colors so that every color has its unique feeling, and this cannot be expressed with words. So soul (and thus God) should exist.” I can’t formulate this argument exactly, but you should exercise the same feelings as me.

(The same Sveta also taught me to read the cards, what I now link as a possible influence factor of demonic activity, as I tell below.)

I decided: Among all religions there should be one true one, and I will find the true religion.

Once I saw Bible for 1000 rubles. 1000 at that time before hyper-inflation was really a big price, but I would buy it if I had the money.

Two or three years later I received “Gospel of John” as a gift from some religious organization. After reading Gospel of John (even in severely damaged “Synodal translation” of Russian Orthodox church) I thought: It is so well written that a man cannot invent it, it must be true. But I thought also: I haven’t yet read books by great authors such as Lev Tolstoy, so I can’t be sure. (Later studying Lev Tolstoy in a school, I concluded that Lev Tolstoy is nothing compared to the Gospel.) I also thought after reading Gospel of John: Russian Orthodox Church is not a real church, but if the Gospel is true then somewhere the true church should exist (so I guessed that Protestant churches exist without even knowing the word Protestant). I also thought that one needs to be heroic to follow Gospel in this hostile world.

I also read “Science and Religion” journal, which considered eastern religions. I felt into this trap for a time.

Later I received complete New Testament. I was probably 12-13 years old. I read it and after a mind struggle with eastern religions I believed that Bible is true but eastern religions are false as contradicting it.

3Schizophrenia

Since 5 years old I didn’t tolerate fairy tales and was ready to kill anyone telling anything somehow related to fairy tales, because them made me think that I am a character of a fairy tale and thus lose sane mind.

At about the same time a neurosis appeared: When being not glad with something (and later even without a reason) I started to run in circles around walls and furniture, beating furniture and walls and crying various sounds and sometimes human language like nonsense. (The parents didn’t took it seriously and haven’t delivered me to psychiatrists as they should have, thinking that I am just pretending.)

Later as my sickness progressed, I for example saw dragons.

Dragons bate (or rather chewed me). The pain when a dragon got me into his jaws and chewed me was real. I don’t remember what happened after this, apparently because of pain shock.

How dragons appeared? They entered through the walls of the building.

Sometimes I saw myself in jungles (being at home in reality).

Once I found myself in another corner of the city after a moment. I realized that a part of my memory felt out, just like if one cuts a fragment of film lent and joins the remained pieces.

My rave ranged over a broad set of topic, but probably the main characters were: the frog, the crocodile, the elephant, and the tank. I thought that I and/or other people are frogs, crocodiles, elephants, tanks. I expected that a frog or a crocodile will eat me, a tank will rape me, etc.

On any thing X I answered “two Xes”. “Two” meant not what a sane man would mean, but “not one” that is none or nothing.

I pronounced different letterswappers often, thinking that it is a reality. I swapped the words or first letters of the words like: “It is not two crocodiles but real cro twocodiles.” Or like: “I do not go to a school, it is that the school goes to me” (with great megalomania that I am so important that even a school goes to me and thus nobody can learn without me).

Once I visited a psychiatric clinic, but instead of asking to help me, I told: I will kill all psychiatrists! I was driven off. Once I also tried to make a bomb to burst a psychiatric clinic. I called the police to say them that I am building a bomb. They confiscated the bomb but haven’t accomplished my request to deliver me to psychiatrists.

I forgot my name, unlearned to read and to count. It was dreadful to see a text and realize that I cannot read anymore.

Sometimes I realized that I am mad. But this didn’t help. I thought: My thoughts are wrong and often considered wrong true sane thoughts and right their negation which is a rave. For example: “It is a madness to think that I am a man because I am a frog.” or even “Crocodiles do not exist, this is a fairy tale.” Sometimes I realized that my thoughts are self-contradictory, then I felt onto the floor because not knowing what to do.

Reading math books was helpful for my brain. Reading Gospel, too. But as my illness advanced, reading anything, even math books and later even Gospel, was driving me mad.

I tried to do whatever I heard: If I heard the word “jump” I started to jump, if I heard the word “rape” I tried to rape somebody. The same happened even with the words pronounced by myself.

Sometimes I roared at people.

I bate people, dogs, and wheel of cars. (Dogs didn’t bite back, as I remember.)

Sometimes I thought that I am Hitler. I also said “That was a common Hitler, but I am a great Hitler.”

Sometimes my right side fought with the left side, till blood.

Once I being possessed with a daemon tried to destroy a Baptist church by throwing a car into it. In the attempt I tore off the bumper of the car. After this all my muscles were in pain, because the devil abused my muscles.

Maniacal killer

I also was a maniacal killer, that is repeatedly attacked people with a knife, with the purpose to kill.

Sometimes I proclaimed “I don’t want to kill, but the devil forces me to.” Also I sometimes said: “I don’t want to kill, but I am a maniac and thus cannot not to.” In my inner nature I didn’t want to kill, but later as devil took control of me in a greater degree, I was already unsure whether I want to serve the devil even in my inner nature.

Once I met a mother with a baby in a baby carriage. I told her: “Call a psychiatrist. If you don’t call a psychiatrist, I will kill your child.” But she ignored my inquiry. Then I got a stone and tried to kill the baby. She made a superfast movement and took away the stone protecting her child. As I remember, a psychiatrist was not called.

Once I said to a policemen “I am a maniacal killer. Give me a gun.”; weirdly the policemen gave it to me; I tried to kill that policemen with a gun, but another policemen prevented me to do it.

I once meet a company of people hearing a tape recorder. I proclaimed that I will kill them. I said: “I will kill the tape recorder!” I destroyed it smashing it with the ground. After this I switched to attempt to kill the people.

Once I met a company of black men from Africa. I roared and said them: I will kill you! One of them replied: You are a shaman, thus you can do everything you want to. So the same daemons possessed me and African pagans.

Once I met a group of people and said: I want to kill as many people as possible and to kill myself. They were Muslim terrorists. They rejoiced and took a suicide belt and wore it onto me. After this I immediately tried to blow it up to kill myself and the terrorists. They prevented me and apparently took away the belt.

Another time I met a group of people and said “I am a maniacal killer, I want to kill somebody.” They spoke that they want to use me as a killer and gave me a gun and the location of the person to kill. I was going “on a mission” but tried to kill the first person I met. They took away the gun and one of them said: “It was a bad idea to use a maniac as a killer, he will kill a wrong person.”

Other sicknesses

I also had damaged coordination of movements, thus sometimes hitting a wall instead of a door. Christ healed my coordination later, not directly after my conversion, but a few years later.

I was a sick child.

In the Baptist church, once a father wanted me to keep his baby, I protested but my protest was ignored and my hands were put to keep the child; because of being sick I was unable to keep it and the baby felt to the floor.

Once a Baptist preacher said me that I should straighten by spirit, be healed. I took his advice seriously and a few month later I was much more healthy.

4Conversion

At the age of late fifteen, the demon almost completely destroyed my mind, and my state was quickly becoming worse. It came so bad that in the short-time intervals of proper understanding, I realized that in one to two weeks, I will most probably forever become as stupid as a reptilian.

I felt horror when I realized first that I cannot count anymore and then I cannot read. (I saw a text but was not able to understand it.)

The demon prevent me to convert to Christ, making me forget that I want to convert, destroying my desire to convert, etc., and also with heresies. (I was not believing in the divinity of Christ.) But once I converted to Christ, a week later would be too late, I think I would have completely lost my mind.

I tried to convert many times but without success. I remained a maniacal killer, going to the hell and dangerous for other people.

At Sundays I sat in a Baptist church and weep knowing that I am unsaved. I heard preachings and slowly realized that I am to be saved by Christ through faith only.

For some reason, I didn’t believe in Holy Trinity. Now I suspect that I probably was influenced by Jehovah’s Witnesses (however not sure if they really were Jehovah’s Witnesses) who don’t believe in Trinity.

The following happened when I’ve already unlearned to read and forgot my name:

I confessed that I believe in Holy Trinity.

The same day (8 Aug 1995, 15 years old) I crawled under a blanket and called the Lord in my mind.

Then I get out of the blanked and then I thought that somebody turned on a lamp (or Sun came out of the clouds). No, no light was turned on, my eyes changed.

I felt a change in my mind. Since that moment I am a sane man. I can read and count, I don’t bite, I don’t see dragons, etc. It is a wonder which happened in one moment when I was under the blanket.

It took me several hours to realize that I am no more a mad maniac, noticing that I have no more hallucinations, rave, and anger.

I was at home that time. Three days after the conversion, I came out to the street and was very much wondered. I was seeing not one tree and not only the whole wood, but I was seeing every tree simultaneously! My attention was focused at every tree I was seeing at the same time, not one or two trees. It is like when somebody updates his computer to a more powerful hardware and then is able to play games in high graphics with higher resolution.

After yet three months of my new life, I got a math problem from a study book and instead of solving it during some time as it was before, I momentarily understood the answer, the entire solution was thought by me in one moment!

Well, afterward I was tempted, mistaught in a church, etc., and for a rather long time, lost the excellence of the mind and much of other spiritual gifts. However, once I understood that my church teachers mistake in many things and are just wrong and returned to the way of study directly from God with his word in the Bible and his Spirit, and of spiritual development.

This was a great return, but in many things I yet mistook, but I set the purpose studying the Bible to find the truth as it is. I began to come near to clean understanding and pure spirit.

For my faith, I was tortured and tempted by bad people, but God has given me the courage to overcome it (however, it was very hard).

That time, I decided to dedicate to God every second. I even counted seconds when I was lying to rest.

Right after my conversion when I become a normal man not a mad maniac anymore, the parents, their relatives, and friends started to severely blame me for becoming a “cultist” and “abnormal”. I suppose that the daemon which exited from me entered them.

5Power of Holy Spirit

I Was Superman

And my possibilities developed exceedingly, much more than I was able to imagine before.

I found myself remembering anything, all events in the years of my life, everything.

A very hard gift was telepathy. It was torturous to hear many awkward curses and stupid thoughts in the minds of people. It also was a very hard temptation when I met a girl with clever thoughts.

First computer mind occurrence

Once, I was sitting in a school in front of a computer and programming. Unexpectedly, I found that I have calculated in mind what my program for the computer should compute. I calculated myself without the computer!

I was wondering if I have reached such degree of holiness that I can calculate as a computer. It was unexpected for me that I commit a few errors.

Superforce like Samson

I got the habit at all times to quickly move my hands back and forth. I was doing this to promote my zeal and dedication to God, because while I was moving so my attention was focused so that I was more zealous.

And lo! I found that I was moving my hands with the speed above the speed of sound.

I had arthritis before, but the heat of friction had healed my joints.

Also unexpectedly I received superforce. It also sometimes appeared, and sometimes I became weak again. Not every time the force was in full. But when it was in full, when I was not specifically limiting my movement, I was rumbling like a hard excavator when I was going because I moved my hands with speed above the speed of sound and they rumbled so much that I destroyed some glasses in some about eighth ground of a house while myself being at the bottom!

Also weariness disappeared completely. Of a much hard work, I was becoming hungry but never weary. I was able to work many days with awesome speed, without any pauses. I was sleeping no more than four hours twice per week. And when I was sleeping, I continued to think.

When superspeed was in beginning, it were painful for the joints (as I was a very ill child before all this happened). But I decided to continue to move with high speed as counted development of force of will more important than health of joints. After some time of superfast movements, my joints, being warmed by the warm of friction, became healthy, and I was able to move as fast as I wanted.

My body became harder than steel. When I was squeezing an iron thing in my hand, my fingerprint was left on it. The commandment of Jesus Christ to “whoever strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matt. 5:39) gained a new sense for me, as anybody who beaten me was only damaging his hand, so if I wanted to save him, I would need to evade from him (or else specially make my body more soft, as its hardness was under my control).

The case of the most impressive action of the mechanical force of the Holy Spirit with me was probably this: I decided to show somebody the force and for this flapped the air with my hand to the thick door of a steel safe to close it with movement of the air, but I did it too powerfully and instead the air flapped by my hand has torn the door of the steel safe into pieces.

At the beginning, my actions sometimes were dangerous. For example, I caused a crash because the driver of the car was shocked to see as I jumped over the street (not desiring to wait when it would be free from cars). But afterward, I studied to be careful.

Yet once I was keeping a pole with one hand and a quickly moving car touched my other hand. I continued to stay immovable and the car crashed.

Yet once in a church (well, it was a heretical church), I was showing them “Samson power” and for this made a steel staff rotate with exceeding speed. To increase the effect, I accelerated the rotation for several minutes. But one of them came to look and (oh, a stupid man!) to touch the rotating staff. I cried him, stop, idiot, don’t touch, don’t come on, it is holy power you must not touch! (Because I also needed several minutes to stop it without breaking the building.) But he ignored the warning and touched the rotating staff. Only the blood sprinkled onto the walls.

I easy broke stones with my hand.

Once, I attempted to check how strong I am. I got a steel thing (maybe that was a nut or a bolt) and squeezed it between two hands. Will I able to squeeze the steel? The outcome exceeded what I would expect. The energy of pressure of my hands caused steel to melt, and the melted iron flowed down by my hands, not causing me any harm. So I didn’t know the limit of my force.

Other Superabilities

Once, I happened to be left in a wood in winter. I realized that even having superforce, I can’t go out not freezing. Then I threw away the winter clothes, raised my hands, prayed that no wild animal or man would harm me while I cannot move and ceased to move, planning to stay immovable until the spring. My body was already frozen and hard when it happened and then a car came; as my brain and ears were not yet frozen, I noticed this and unfrozen myself, so that they took me into the car and driven out from the woods. I’m sure that if not for that car, I would have stayed stationary until the spring and then could go out from the wood. While being a super, I have spent several nights at the street, being frozen in winter. It was equally natural and convenient for me as to lie in a bed.

Also, I liked to lie on the bottom of a little river, not breathing during hours and to see how the water over me glances in the light. (Compare St. Paul which spent about twenty-four hours at the ocean bottom. “Three times I suffered a shipwreck. I have been a night and a day in the deep.”)

I have been putting my body into many special physiological states. For example, sometimes I would temporarily enter into a dead body-like condition; my skin was covered with a fluid—even a little dissolved in this fluid—and it was flowing on my skin, and I would look no different than a dead body except that I continued to move. Some kinds of work were more convenient to do in this state. (St. Paul did the same. In 1 Corinthians 15:31, it says, “I affirm, by the boasting in you which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily.”)

When I was wounded, it took minutes or even seconds to cure.

One man fired at me. I caught the bullet and said “Caught. What do you think will happen if I throw it at you?” The bandit feared and fled away. (It seems he hadn’t thought that I can throw it quicker than he fled.)

I was able to lie on the ceiling using magnetic force with the iron constructions of the building.

I scanned the space around me with microwave radiation. I saw if in a body of a human there was a sickness. I cured people met by the way with powerful radio-waves generated by my body, which heated their sick organs and killed bacteria.

Once a dog attacked me. I stretched my forefinger and attacked it with an electric discharge. The dog felt unconscious.

Supercomputer brain

But what I am going to tell now more than exceedingly surpasses all what I’ve said above.

This superability was received the last, when I already had ideal memory, superforce, and many other superabilities. (However, some of this last super-ability was indeed sometimes glancing even before, as I said above on the case when I was sitting before a computer in school.)

Being very zealous all the time, I was either thinking or praying. While I did something, I was also thinking about something. I took the decision always when I think about something, to generalize my thoughts (that is, if I, for example, thought about a two-dimensional geometrical figure, also think about the three-dimensional, and even arbitrary n-dimensional objects). I followed this rule to generalize my thoughts as hard as possible, trying to reach the most general principles. I followed the math method called axiomatic method while thinking about anything, I tried to formulate a system of axioms and find the general principles. (Axiomatic method is an important math method invented in the beginning of the twentieth century and so also called the twentieth century math method, which splits math into parts (called axiomatic theories), every part having a fixed system of axioms.)

Sometimes, my thoughts were becoming very fast. There were moments of clean mind. But during these times, these moments were becoming more often and more intensive. So I found myself sometimes being able to calculate faster than a computer. As this superability developed, I found that I can, for example, read a computer program and execute it in my mind faster than the computer itself.

Then I studied not only executing a computer program in mind, but even just to think like a human with computer speed. And as this superability developed further, I thought with the above supercomputer speed that is not like a human but as a superhuman with clean, logical, super mind, surpassing the human mind not only in speed but also in other aspects.

I guess that the contacts in my brain have become metalized and passed the signals with (almost) lightspeed. Or maybe the neurons of my brain were linked with each other through radio waves rather than through contacts. It should be the next stage of the development of human brain as a child grows, but this typically does not happen with a sinner after Adam’s fall.

This superability was very unstable, but, like the superforce, in some day has come to stability, I found that I think faster than a computer all the time, and the speed, stability, and perfection of mind continued to grow. I ceased to commit a mistake! I have come rather near to sinlessness and perfection as Adam was before his fall to sin. Having a superpowerful mind and thinking all the time, I gained probably much more scientific and other knowledge than the rest of mankind. (Afterward, I forgot it.)

I was in a telepathic link with heaven. I lived like an angel in heaven, only being on the earth. The Bible teaches that the atmosphere of the Earth is living (so-called spirit), and it is exceedingly a more powerful computer than any human brain. I lived in the spirit; brain is secondary.

Quite naturally, in one day of superlife, I studied as during the one thousand years of a common human life: “But don’t forget this one thing, beloved, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years” (2 Pt. 3:8). (This is the only thing what I remember of my knowledge which I gained while being a super.)

After my fall from a super back to a common sinful man like you, I forgot anything of my super thoughts while being a super, I remember only that it was great, but no particular details. I have forgotten the superknowledge, the memory of a nonsuper cannot keep it. (However, I know that the knowledge is indeed in my memory, only I can’t remember.)

Superman’s dialogue

Having a conversation with several people at once, I managed to calculate and control over what they would say in such a way that the questions, which every one of them was asking, had the same answer. This way, by one phrase, I have the same answer on different questions by several people at once. Realizing that my answers “magically” answer each of their questions at once, the people jumped back (also simultaneously) from me in awe, being amazed by this thing.

My fall

In the way of becoming a super, as I have already told, I have fallen and risen again many times.

But then I nevertheless became a working “supercomputer hard robot” and my state was stable rather long time. In human terms, I was doing all with very much zeal, especially that I was calculating and solving mathematical problems zealously.

Nevertheless once I felt completely as a hanged computer.

My mother once has said me that I would destroy my health by “flaming” so much.

After a few hours, I remembered this her saying and feared for a tiny moment. But this little fear was enough to destroy all.

I felt fear for a moment and the fear caused my zeal to vanish.

As in that moment I lost the supercoordination of movements, I literally felt onto the ground. I attempted to make in my mind a system of equations, describing the mechanics of rising from the ground (I was solving a system of mathematical equations before every movement of my body), but realized the tremendous thing that I cannot count like a computer anymore. Little (compared with before) left mind was enough only to understand the “nightmare” of what had happened, I became almost a common man again. I raised from the ground with a difficulty because I forgot how common people (nonsupers) move. I spent months in despair. I’m stupid, I’m weak, I’m ill. Again, silly counting on fingers, and worse of all, I made mistakes and I can’t completely control my actions doing what I don’t want to do, I sin, and finally I’m in depression. More than a month without sins, and in one moment, I became a sinner again, as hopeless as other people to reach a sinless state. I think that Adam, after eating the fruit in which God deprecated him to eat, felt the same, as he ceased to be a super. God has not lied, saying to Adam, “You will die in the day when you will eat it.” It is a death compared with what is life of a sinless man. (Do you know that dead bodies in coffins indeed move, only very slowly? The dead is the one who has become very much slower and sillier in his movements.). I’m dead.

After months of despair, I slowly began to try to continue the life of a common man (rather than a superhero as before). Well, some of my abilities (such as telepathy) was left, but degraded during the time. Sometimes, I even had little episodes of computer speed calculations in mind. I have not lost it completely, and I have not become as stupid as other people at all. I indeed studied some of math and have become a mathematician.

Can you imagine what would happen if I remained a computer for a long time? Wouldn’t I, for example, prevent the economical crisis by calculating the state of economics? Wouldn’t I build a thermonuclear reactor to eliminate dependency on the oil? I think I would do much. But I’ve failed.

When developing the superabilities, I passed through difficult states of mind, including strong emotions and hardship to control myself. After my fall I passed through some of these states in an approximately reverse order.

Misc

I was also able to fly.

Once one preacher asked me: “Were you baptized by Spirit?” As the response I jumped and hanged in the air. The preacher replied: “I have not asked you whether you can fly, but whether you are baptized by Spirit.” (I was from a Baptist church and the preacher apparently was a Pentecostal.)

It is funny to watch how people behaved when saw me flying: When I landed the people fled radially from me.

When I was yet in a Baptist church, I once prayed and have not noticed that I pray in tongues. This was a very deep prayer. Maybe I was baptized by Spirit at that hour.

Note however that I doubt Pentecostal doctrine that every human baptized by Spirit necessarily speaks in tongues, because of the following Bible verse: (1Cor. 12:30) “… Do all speak with various languages?…”

I once was in a synagogue (to learn about Hebrew Bible). We talked about Bible. With help of Holy Spirit I told a smart interpretation of the Bible fragment we talked about. Impressed by my interpretation they said “You are the Messiah!” I’ve replied: “No, Jesus is the Messiah”. After this they tried to kill me. I raised my hands and they felt on the floor in the synagogue under the power of the Spirit.

Once I was in a charismatic church and the preacher distributed Holy Spirit and people felt. I decided “I will not fall”. But when he prayed for me, I felt. I said him: “I’m a seraph, who are you?” (see below about being or not being a seraph). And he answered “I am a man.” This revealed that Holy Spirit is above making people into seraphs.

I tried to enter into telepathic contact with people, but found they do not tolerate touching with good and die when a good touches them.

Don’t you believe? Or maybe do you think that this power is too much for Holy Spirit?

In a charismatic church

Once being a Baptist I happened to be in a Charismatic church. The people were falling under the power of Holy Spirit on the preachers.

I tried to do the same, that is to cause people to fall. But under my hand the people didn’t fall. One of them said that for me there is a problem: missing anointment.

6Prayer

Some cases when I prayed and received an answer (there were much more but I don’t remember the details).

Once I stayed near a ditch and prayed to get to the other side. After I prayed it was disclosed that I stayed on a big spring. The spring straightened and I flied to the other side.

Once I broke a bone in my hand (with some mechanism, if I remember correctly). It was clearly seen by an “impossible” position of my hand, that a bone is really broken. I overcoming the pain put my hand into a correct position (using the other hand) and prayed to get it whole. After a second my hand was whole.

Once I stood near a girl. God says me: catch her by a hand and pull. I did. If I didn’t a big piece of garbage would fall right onto her head. Well, the girl thought I want to rape her. I was unable to explain her that I wanted to save her life.

Once I visited a dentist who noted a hole in my tooth. I get a strong faith that my tooth will be healed. At the next visit the dentist said: “Here was a hole! Where has it gone?”

7Persecution

When I did my most important math discoveries, I did it as a “entertainment before dying”, without hope to publish. I expected that either the mother will kill me hitting my head with a frying pan or I did of hunger.

I was claimed by the mother “to be interested in nothing” because I was no more interested in magic, horoscopes, and like this. She punished me for this (as I describe later).

She gave me very little money (or even sometimes no money).

Once in the Baptist church after a meeting I said: “I have no money, I have nothing to eat, help me!” They ignored me. I even thought that maybe I am already dead because they ignore me. I got a bag and was requested to put it back to the place. So I knew I am not dead.

Whenever I asked help of people or of the church, I was ignored. (Except that once a sister gave me 50 rubles, which were latter “confiscated” by my mother.)

Once I was send out of the home, as a punishment for my faith.

I was sent from the home illegally, as I owned the apartment equally with my parents. I tried to visit police, but they throw me out of the building.

Then I even a little ate grass because having nothing to eat.

When I was sent out of the house with no food, I called people “Evil people, bastard! Help me!” because I was unable to call them like Russians usually do in this situation: “Good people! Help me!” because I believe that people are bad and need salvation from Christ to heal them from the evil.

A man by my request not to allow to die me of hunger gave me a piece of chocolate. But I had no enough power to eat it. I felt and the piece of chocolate felt near me. I was then unable to stretch my hand and eat. I thought that I will die then.

Another time I was searching for an (illegal because children in Russia are not allowed to work) job. But my clothes were polluted. I thought: It is death, I will not be able to find a work having polluted clothes and will die of hunger.

I lied on the streets expecting to die soon. I lied and was unable to stay. I cursed the city because as I thought I was dying by their blame. I prophesied that the city will be flooded as the punishment. I didn’t understood how the city may be flooded even not being near to the Sea. But a believing man visited me. This man prayed for my health and for deliverance of the city. I was able to get up after this. Three days later I read in a newspaper that a river dam gateway was broken by a ship. If it broke the other two gateways, the city would be flooded and half-destroyed as I said.

I tried to make a crime to be put into a prison (in order to have food). I broke a glass door before the eyes of a policemen imitating a robbery of a shop. He has beaten me but has not imprisoned.

My mother confiscated even my stipend in the university. She gave me money only to eat and this was not even half enough to satiate.

She forced me to wear underpants for girls. There was no space for my penis and this was hurting.

Other instances my mother tortured me:

I had a hurting tooth. She said: I will not allow you to go to a dentist, because I feel others’ hurt (her fantasy) and I would feel hurt from the dentist.

Another time he forced me to eat chocolate when my tooth was hurt.

She disallowed me to wear felt boots in the Russian winter because she treated it “unbeautiful”. As a result my feet were hurt. Once returning to the home from the school, I noticed that there is an ice inside my foot. After warmed being at home it healed however.

Also I had skin on the hands not tolerating cold. She disallowed me to wear gloves and my skin was covered with hurting sores.

The mother does not remember how she tortured me, the devil erased her memory on this.

I poorly remember some periods of my life because I was beaten till memory loss.

Catastrophic bus #50 situation

I had a great trouble to get into the school, because there were too little buses #50. People stormed the bus to enter it and despite of waking up very early, I was unable to enter the bus and was late in the school almost every day.

Again parents ignored my problem and didn’t allow me to change the school.

Once there was a radio translation of a city official. I called him by phone and I told about the problem and asked to increase the number of #50 buses. This solved the problem.

It was when I haven’t yet converted.

8Churches I visited

As I told above, I visited a Baptist church.

They lied me about Charismatics that they pray to the devil, are possessed with daemons, etc.

But later after some visits of a Charismatic church, I become a Charismatic.

I visited a few different Charismatic churches.

Once charismatic bishop Eduard Grabovenko said “Oh Spirit of Fire, come! Oh, come, Spirit of Fire!” he thought that Spirit of Fire is Holy Spirit of God. But in reality this is the spirit of seraphs, not of God himself. I judged Eduard in my mind as being a pagan for calling spirit of fire. After this I was not understanding what to do: I need to respect church but I cannot respect a pagan bisphop.

9Math study and research

In childhood (5 years old) my father showed me some physical experiments and read me “Entertaining physics” book.

Since that I became interested in science.

But my mother thought (wrongly) that it harms to psychics. So I sometimes tried to read “Entertaining physics” book under a blanket for she not to see.

I decided that I will become a theoretical physicist (in reality, I have become a mathematician).

I studied physics and mathematics in the school moving faster than the schedule. I took high places in some school Olympiads.

I joined a university and learned well.

When studying in the university I started my math research. I wrote a real research article (which lied the base of my ongoing research) instead of a course work.

As I tell below, I rejected to continue my math research during religious reasons. I even deleted some files with my research. (Now all it is rewritten and loss of these files is not imminent.)

But later I returned to mathematical work (as a volunteer without a scientific degree) and wrote the book “Algebraic General Topology. Volume 1” and related materials, encompassing my research results. I think it is worth a Nobel-level prize, but have not yet received scientific credentials for my work.

10My conflict

I’ve made certain mathematical discoveries. I felt that my research is more important than Russia, the country where I lived (so ignoring the commandment to count myself lower than others).

Because at that time I lived in extreme poverty (one reason was religious discrimination) and afraid of death from hunger, I decided to make war with Russia using spiritual powers.

I decided to destabilize the world situation using spiritual powers and to make thermonuclear war.

I sought for a way to earn enough money for an air ticket to Moscow (from the city Perm where I lived).

My plan was approximately such: When I will be flying to Moscow, the thermonuclear war should start, and Moscow and several other cities would be destroyed. The pilots would change the course and need to land outside of Russia. So I would escape from the slavery.

As such, the situation was becoming worse because of the questions on how I treat people. I needed to answer that I’m in a war with them. So I was unable, for example, to be hired for a job. All people around were my enemies.

Later on, I studied a little of ancient Hebrew and read in Hebrew Bible what I counted a missionary call to Africa. After this, my relations with people became even worse because my purpose of evangelical mission was contrary to the Russian people.

In the case of failing my plan with thermonuclear war, I planned even worse. Think of an asteroid falling to Earth and essentially moving Africa to the place where I live, so that I would not need to travel, killing 90 percent of the people.

Reading the Bible, I realized that I need to be humble not to make war and then God will help me. So I laid war aside. But this was only a temporary peace, the complete peace came only after I realized the end of gospel (and consequently end of my preaching mission).

Note that I frivolously thought that Earth will be able to protect itself, and the thermonuclear war will not cause nuclear winter.

1111 September

One particular evil deed which I have really accomplished was 11 September. Once two American missionaries beat me. I decided that I should punish America and said to angels: “Destroy two skyscrapers with airplanes.” My words were accomplished a few years after I have said this.

I also said “Let every man who did at least one good deed in his life will be out of the skyscrapers.”

12Falling in love with an unbelieving girl

It happened that I felt in love with an unbelieving (and probably not enough smart for me) girl. I experienced strong desire to marry her, what is contrary to my religion to marry with an unbeliever.

I pierced myself with a dozen of knitting needles to feel hurt to humiliate my flesh. When I traveled in a bus the people shouted being pricked with my needles.

It ended when I meet another girl in a church and felt love to her. But I wasn’t severely entangled by this new love and simply decided to leave her. The previous girl was then already irrelevant.

With God’s help all wounds from knitting needles are completely healed.

13On desire of sex

Another problem was that when I was a teenager I was very inclined to sex. I considered if I need to marry with a girl with the only purpose of sex. I would like to marry with a smart, purposeful girl, but I was inclined because of sex only to marry with a girl which is not really suitable with me.

I tried to get necessary information like whether my sexual desire is expected to decrease or increase as I mature. But no one helped me. Instead they sometimes started to tell me details about how sex happens. I stopped my ears, not to be tempted even more.

So again the problem with missing information.

14False prophecy

I dreamed to study biblical Hebrew and Greek and to read Bible in the original.

While I yet lived in poverty and was unable to buy a Hebrew studybook, a sister in the Baptist church gave me a studybook of ancient Hebrew for a time. I outlines rules not concerning vowels in a Word file. This was not a very accurate summary but I got basic knowledge of ancient Hebrew.

I was not interested in vowels because I believed (and believe now) that Hebrew Bible should be read as it was originally written without vowels (so uncovering more different meaning as other vowels could be inserted).

I tried to start to study the Hebrew Bible.

I once decided to check if there is any prophecy about my city Perm. I found a few places with Hebrew letters for PRM in Hebrew Bible.

Then I followed the following interpretation method: I assumed: Anything I conclude from interpreting Bible is correct unless I have some explicit error (like confusing male and female grammatical gender). I concluded this from the idea that it is a God’s word to me, so me being able to understand it well.

I started interpreting the passages with letters PRM. Splitting proper names into parts with various grammatical modifications, I got words about Africa (ostrich, hyena, palm, etc.) I concluded that I must become a missionary into Tanzania (the place having these living creatures). I decided that I am the “great priest” described in these Bible passages, because it seemed for me that nobody else in Perm can be this character and thus it’s a word of God to me. I interpreted this: I knew that I am a talented mathematician but didn’t knew that I am also a very talented (“great”) priest, now I know from the Bible that I am a very talented priest.

I also read “You won’t will be in Perm and you won’t die.” (I thought that the verb with letters PRM means “to be in Perm”.)

I once told this in an Internet forum and one man answered me that it means that I won’t die not only when leaving Perm but that I won’t die at all. I concluded that I am “deathless” as God warrants that I will live here until the second come of Christ and so never die.

It also told about multiple people (by using plural grammatical gender) and I wondered who should go to Africa with me and how I will find them.

Later I’ve read (Mat. 22) “1 Jesus answered and spoke again in parables to them, saying, 2 “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a certain king, who made a marriage feast for his son, 3 and sent out his servants to call those who were invited to the marriage feast, but they would not come. 4 Again he sent out other servants, saying, ‘Tell those who are invited, “Behold, I have prepared my dinner. My cattle and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready. Come to the marriage feast!”’ 5 But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his own farm, another to his merchandise, 6 and the rest grabbed his servants, and treated them shamefully, and killed them. 7 When the king heard that, he was angry, and sent his armies, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city.”

I decided: Because I am in marriage relations with saint Mary (see below) and nobody is to congratulate our wedding, the city Perm where I live should be destroyed with nuclear weapon. This is the punishment for ignoring me. Who ignore me are murderers because ignoring me they are pushing me to death of hunger. I am for them, as if I would not exist.

I also concluded from nearby Bible verses that the nuclear war will be before the end of the autumn. I was going through the city and proclaiming my “prophecy” that the city Perl will be destroyed by an army. You know this hasn’t happened.

I am unsure what exactly was wrong with the prophecy. Maybe it is that I was not officially married with saint Mary, maybe it is that angels didn’t welcome the people to our “marriage” explicitly, or that some people desired to know my supernatural fiancee and thus were not counted as refusing to come to the marriage.

Analyzing these Bible verses (with PRM letters) I also concluded that the quantity of money people on the Earth have in average will be the same as my quantity of money.

15Claiming to be a seraph

I also concluded from that Bible fragment I am a seraph.

For being a seraph but not having knowledge very much transcending the knowledge of people, which a real seraph should have, I invented the following “theory: “I am a ciphered angel”. I thought that I have super-human knowledge but it is ciphered and so not accessible (in order to be more similar to a human).

Once to prove that I am a real seraph, I said: I will transform a stone into a cat. I did the wonder, and the stone monumentally transformed into a cat. The cat went a few steps, meowing, met a wall and died.

But later when I tried to show my power by painting on the clouds, I failed not being able to do this. This means that I not always had seraph power, but only at some times. I had the power through reading Bible in Hebrew, but I didn’t read it enough to have seraph power all time.

I think that for a human to be a seraph is like Peter walking on water: It happens only when we believe strongly.

16Promise to become a saint Mary’s priest

Once some young men from the Eduard Grabovenko’s church persecuted me. I felt they are very angry.

I was afraid that they may break my head. I had the force of Holy Spirit to overcome them, but I was afraid that this way I would start fighting with the entire city.

So I promised to the devil to become a Saint Mary’s priest. I thought: I would be an evil priest if my head gets broken, it’s better not to become a priest of God at all. So I surrendered to the devil. I was afraid that I would need to fight with million people if I start the fight. I was sure that I in any case will become a priest, because of the prophecy, but if I turn bad, this promise also turns bad. I decided: let I don’t be a priest of God at all. Sex with Mary (see below) is linked to this promise.

I am not obliged to be a Mary’s priest anymore because all my promises were given under a covenant with God (see below), but now this covenant is canceled. So my promise to the devil is void.

17Sex with Maria

Once I read Gospel in ancient Greek (with help of a dictionary).

I translated it this way (numbers denote entries in Strong’s dictionary):

{color:#000;}
p<>{color:#000;}. (Jn. 19:23-25) … soldiers (of celestial army) spread on couches {4757←4756←4766} who make it staying stable and insert staying near and continue safe and healthy and do not ashame staying ready in presence of others {4717←04716←2476}, they made their companions and reserved for themselves, took into their possession (somebody’s person) giving her access to themselves, took with hands (a person to use her), not rejecting but taking what is offered, His, Jesus’ garments for putting on… Also tunic (sacred clothes). But the tunic was whole from the above, North ¼ of the sky {509←507}, woven through all… And they were staying before others ready near the Jesus’ cross: mother of Jesus and a sister of the mother Maria and Klop’s wife and Maria Magdalene (raised bed) {3094←3093←heb. 4026}.

(It is something about sex, right? These women a spiritually called “Jesus’ garments”.)

Next I read:

{color:#000;}
p<>{color:#000;}. 25 But there were standing by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 Therefore when Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing there, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold your son!” 27 Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour, the disciple took her to his own home.

“Woman” can also mean “fiancee” in Greek.

I decided that “the disciple whom he loved” is now me and (thinking that I should follow Gospel as a law) proclaimed to saint Mary (mother of Jesus): “I call you mother fiancee!”

After this they happened some wonders about saint Mary. I see no necessity to describe details of the wonders. One particular wonder was that TV and radio whenever I heard them were speaking with “double meaning” (with second meaning saint Mary speaking to me).

I dreamed about saint Mary to become my fiancee. She pointed me that I not just to dream but also to masturbate.

In that time I was in hostile relations with the world, especially with Russia where I lived that time. I was going to make spirits to war against Russia possibly using nuclear weapons. So I concluded that I am a hostile man and should be stopped. But I need to make war to accomplish my mission which God has called me to, thought I. Therefore I need both to make war and not to make war. This led me to dedicate much of my time to masturbating, because it is also a commandment of God to love the woman He has given to a man; following hippie-like philosophy “it’s better to engage in love rather than in a war”. Sexually aroused Mary did many more wonders, what as I thought might be as important as my mission.

I thought that saint Mary is incarnate in Mary, a daughter of Russian president Putin. I expected that God will make us meet soon.

18Poverty

In the past I lived in enmity with all people and in extreme poverty because (among with the usual religious discrimination and ill treatment by parents, businesses, officials, and other people):

I needed to understand how not to “betray” God. But to betray God is a thing as little as to once say “I am not of Christ” (or “I do not believe” or something). But this “little” thing looks like below other sins. On the other hand, we know that betraying God is a very big sin. So my reasoning fell into a vicious circle: When I compared different sins A and B I concluded both that A is greater than B and B is greater than A. This is a contradiction and messed my reasoning completely. Betraying God seemed “innocent” in this false “logic”. But then I had no proper reasoning of Christian economical responsibilities, as any work for profit looked as something worse than to betray God (because to betray God is a little thing), due a contradiction. (I didn’t know the exact criterion of a sin, so being “for profit” was the criterion which I “used” to determine if something is a sin, because I had no better criterion.) So I wasn’t able to get money or to reconcile with my enemies.

The only exit from this circle is to cancel the concept that I must follow every particular commandment of the covenant with God, but consider the covenant self-canceled and live only by its spirit not by letter anymore (see below).

This way I was choosing such ways where I met the crime of my religious discrimination, oppression, and keeping me in poverty.

I tried to follow the words of Christ: (Mrk. 8:38) “For whoever will be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man also will be ashamed of him, when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.””

I decided to openly proclaim that I am with Christ, even if this harmed me (as when speaking with a potential employee and so being unable to get a job or with an evil man who may beat a saint, etc.)

I “shortened”: “I am a sectarian”, “I am a religious fanatic” (I considered the word “sectarian” as one of “his” words because in (2Cor. 6:17) “Therefore “‘Come out from among them, and be separate,’ says the Lord. ‘Touch no unclean thing. I will receive you.”) there is the word “separate” which has the root with the same meaning as the word “sectarian”, I considered the word “fanatic” as “his” word because in (Rev. 3:19) “Be zealous therefore, and repent.” and other verses the word “zealous” is almost the same as the word “fanatical”.)

Because I was convinced that I have a prophecy to become a missionary in Africa, I ran this way and felt myself like a driver who was commanded to direct his car at a concrete wall (of discrimination by Russian people who are contrary to my purpose).

I was afraid to betray Christ above anything other, because it concerns our infinite relations with Him rather that our finite life. I was going to suffer in regard to be sure that I do not act betraying Him, because this lead me to proclaim my faith in all inappropriate situations. But this way I was not a good Samaritan who can break some commandments (not to touch a person which may die) in benefit of other people. Essentially I attempted to make my soul “more saved”, but (Mrk. 8:35) “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it; and whoever will lose his life for my sake and the sake of the Good News will save it.”

I tried to start a business of writing Windows shareware programs. But this business failed, partly due my unresponsive behavior (partly due the “prophecy” that I control the word average richness, see below), partly because I started from zero and had no money to begin.

As I hardworked, I forgot much of what I studied in the university.

Another difficult problem was that I was unable to obtain the necessary information, such as how much different professions are paid for. There was no Internet accessible to me yet, and whoever I tried to ask refused to talk. I decided that I will follow (Prov. 16:16) “How much better it is to get wisdom than gold! Yes, to get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.” and applied for math faculty of the university as the most wise faculty.

I tried to control politics in order to make it not to kill me by hunger. I a little “experimented” with possibilities to influence the politics.

19Decision to leave the university

After I received the above described (false) prophecy, I thought: Like Elisha I need to leave my old life because I must be a preacher and thus not a mathematician.

I was quite conscious that my main weakness is how I am considered by other people, not by my working skills, but accordingly my desires, which I cannot change whatever I want to please people and make peace or a contract with them. I other words I needed humility.

I thought that leaving the university I may become more humble.

I also thought that being a student I need to tell people that I am a student-anarchist (I was an anarchist due (Rom. 10:4, KJV) “For Christ is the end of the law…” and feel obliged to tell it to people because being afraid to be ashamed of Christ.) and this could be even worse than to lose a diploma.

To overcome an adversary one need the adversary to be weaker. But my adversary was myself (my pride, non-humility, and desires), so I need to make myself weaker to overcome myself. I need to get rid of religious discrimination by others. I left the university to make myself economically weaker to become richer. It is not a nonsense: Christ himself became weaker in order to win.

Well, finally I was right about this in a sense: It led me to a new religion (see below), so yes, I needed to be weak to continue the progress.

20Aliens

I met with aliens two times.

The aliens were dark brown, with rather big heads without hair and quite thin hands and legs, big palms of hands. As it became apparent, they had external skeletons (like our insects). They had eyes greater than human’s ones without expressed pupils.

The first time I asked one of the aliens: “Promise me to do what I ask.” he promised. Then I told him to convert to Christ. He converted and after this a circular halo appeared above his head. The other aliens killed him, because they were against Christ.

Next time I met three aliens. I started to fight with them.

One of the aliens tried to fry me by fire outgoing from his hand. I resisted with electromagnetic field declining the fire. I had almost no power to keep holding back the fire, but the fire of the alien also exhausted. After this I was aware that they can produce fire and no more allowed them to try to fry me.

The three aliens got a lent from their flying sauce and bound me with it. I was able to do nothing to prevent binding. But then I strained very much and thorn the lent.

At first I tried to beat the aliens into the eyes, but it appeared that their eyes were as solid as the rest of their body.

I threw a truck into an alien. He stretched his hand and so parried my attack.

I took a car and beaten an alien with it from above so that the alien’s body pierced the car and he got in the middle of the pierced car. The alien straightened his shoulders and the car shattered into small pieces.

While fighting I teared up a lamp post and used it as a stick to fight.

Because there were several aliens fighting me, I adopted the following strategy: I threw aliens up to a big altitude, so at the ground there remained only one to fight with.

After some fighting I killed one of them.

One man nearby said that he is a satanist and thus pro these aliens. He came near to the alien and the alien torn the satanist into two pieces.

To kill the second one, I repeatedly put him into fire: I broke car’s fuel tanks threw him into the gasoline and ignite the gasoline with electric discharges from my hand. After some fighting he ignited and burned down.

When there remained just one alien, I proposed him peace and said that I am for Christ. The alien didn’t want to make peace and we fought until I broke his head.

After I killed an alien, his ghost appeared. Weirdly, the ghosts beat hurting like real creatures. I successfully used my energy to fight against the ghosts. Also from dead aliens there were creeping their entrails which I also needed to deal with.

I don’t remember exactly what happened next. As I remember after I broke the last alien’s head, I was beating the broken skull not allowing it to recover but also not killing him. I commanded him to enter to the flying sauce together with me. We flied with an open door. Then I jumped out.

After the fight I climbed onto a car and started to speak: “People of the Earth!…” As soon I said this, quite comically, the people who stood still watching the fight now fled in different directions in fear.

21New religion

I was really in despair by my self-contradictory religion, I was pushed into poverty and quite stupidly decided not to work.

I realized that I am a very big Pharisee (a Pharisee with spiritual power to launch nuclear weapons or flood with dam breaking) rather than a hero of faith how I considered myself previously. Well, I was first, but first in what? I was the very first sinner. I didn’t follow Gospel by spirit, but followed it as a law trying to fulfill every small commandment, this way violating other more important commandments.

Once I realized that Gospel cancels itself (see my book End of Gospel). It first made me into complete despair.

I took matches and was in internal struggle to make my apartment on fire. (I haven’t ignited it however.)

After I realized that my old religion was wrong, I attempted to kill myself.

Later I understood that the end of the age of New Testament is a start of a new better age (see my book End of Gospel). There is no reason for despair.

The main principles of the new religion:

*
p<>{color:#000;}. We are no more slaves of Christ but his friends.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. The Gospel terminates itself. In other words we are not obliged to follow the commandments.

*
p<>{color:#000;}. Apocalypse can be canceled because it is addressed to slaves of Christ.

Read more in my book End of Gospel.

22Psychiatric clinic

After entering despair because of understanding that my religion is wrong, I decided to kill myself.

I considered that I losing self-control will start to break people’s religion and destroy the western civilization. It’s better to be killed or to break my head, I thought.

I cut a computer monitor cable, bound the monitor to myself so that as I expected it would break my head and tried to jump out of a window of the 6th floor. But the monitor felt and I remained.

Then I called police wanting to accuse my mother that she caused my suicide.

The police delivered me to psychiatrists and I spent a few months in a psychiatric clinic.

23My books

Later I realized that God gives us new life which is even better than the life under Gospel. I have written the book End of Gospel about my new interpretation of Gospel.

I also long time wanted to write a book with my notes about New Testament on various topics. This produced the book New Testament Commentary by a Mathematician.

I also wrote a math research book.

24Returning to the church

It happened not much time ago that I write this.

I saw a Christian YouTube translation. I was touched by the words that we are children of Abraham: realized that my spiritual journey is like to the journey of Abraham: I leave all old and go to an unknown territory and there will get a blessing and that many will be blessed through me and that God is with me. At the end of the translation, at a prayer, I stood and clearly felt that anointment is descending onto me. Then I even a few times jumped with joy that God is with me and I am blessed like Abraham.

Here are the main reason why I was unable to continue going to a charismatic church:

#
p<>{color:#000;}. I concluded that the apostles will be the last in the Kingdom, and generally the last will be first. Common parishioners will take first places and apostles and with them prophets, pastors, teacher will take the last places. How can I obey the last man and be his subordinate in the church?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. I realized that however as I believe the word of faith does work, one who brings a sacrifice not from pure desire of good but to get his own prosperity fall under 1Tim. 6:9 that is falls into a temptation. How may I hear preachings about prosperity?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. (1Cor. 13:8) “… Where there are various languages, they will cease. …” At that time I didn’t pray in tongues for a long time. How can I be in a charismatic church without tongues?

#
p<>{color:#000;}. I concluded that New Testament is terminating, that is we are no more obliged to follow the commandments. How can I be in a New Testament church?

I even considered to return back to Baptists. But how can I be a Baptist when I believe in five-fold ministry, word of faith, and prosperity? And also their meetings are boring.

So there were four main reasons why I stopped to visit a church.

Overthrowing of these reasons

About ministers (especially apostles) being the last:

I continue to think that the first will be the last and the last the first. So, for example, apostles will be the last.

But now I understand that (Luk. 12:48) “… To whomever much is given, of him will much be required; and to whom much was entrusted, of him more will be asked.” All people are about to be equal, one may be a little better or a little worse that another. But for example to an apostle very much is entrusted, and maybe he is a little better than a common parishioner but from him much more will be asked. This is the reason that they may be at last places in the Kingdom.

So a preacher at the pulpit may be not worse than others (despite for him one of the last places in the Kingdom is prepared) and to obey him is not too great humiliation.

About prosperity

Doubtless Bible says that one who uses principles of prosperity falls into a temptation. But later I realized: (Jam. 1:2-4) “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you fall into various temptations…” So the temptation of the riches and thus the richness itself should be accepted with joy.

Tongues

That tongues will cease I got from (1Cor. 13:8-10) “Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will be done away with. Where there are various languages, they will cease. Where there is knowledge, it will be done away with. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; but when that which is complete has come, then that which is partial will be done away with.”

Has really the complete has come? I just started to understand the principles of the new theology. Knowledge is not yet done away with (however our pride of knowing Gospel is effectively done away by my theology). If the knowledge is not completely done away, then why the tongues should be done away?

Canceling of the commandments

And about that we should follow faith and love not commandments of the New Testament, this is what is preached by many preachers. I just brought it to its logical end, stating the New Testament abolishes itself, for us to be ministers of the spirit rather than letter.

25Further readings

How to repent and go to the heaven:

http://books.portonvictor.org/repent/

End of Gospel (book):

http://books.portonvictor.org/end-of-gospel/

New Testament Commentary by a Mathematician (book):

http://books.portonvictor.org/nt-commentary-online/


The Autobiography of a Mathematician and a Religious Fanatic

  • ISBN: 9781370752805
  • Author: Victor Porton
  • Published: 2017-03-24 19:50:14
  • Words: 12254
The Autobiography of a Mathematician and a Religious Fanatic The Autobiography of a Mathematician and a Religious Fanatic