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Social Drinker?

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SOCIAL DRINKER?

NICK J.

Copyright 2016 Nick J.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever including Internet usage, without written permission of the author.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

[CHAPTER ONE
Warning Signs]

[CHAPTER TWO
Getting Help]

ALSO BY NICK J.

AUTHOR BIO

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

INTRODUCTION

SOCIAL DRINKER

A social drinker is a person who drinks occasionally and only in moderation, usually at an event. A social drinker only drinks in the company of others who are also drinking.

NOT A SOCIAL DRINKER

A person who is not a social drinker sometimes drinks alone. They might be called a drunk, lush, bum, a binge drinker or worst of all, an alcoholic.

Alcoholic: A person who drinks excessively despite increasingly negative effects on health, work, social and family life. Often they lose everything.

[CHAPTER ONE
Warning Signs]

1. If you are reading this book because the title ‘spoke to you’, you might not be a social drinker.

2. If you are drunk right now, you might not be a social drinker.

3. If you know what it means to worship at the porcelain altar in the morning, you might not be a social drinker.

4. If you are asked to define ‘social drinker’ and all that you do is talk about yourself and never think of including another person in the definition, you might not be a social drinker.

5. If you have peed into a beer can while doing seventy in a forty-five zone as you passed a patrol car, you might not be a social drinker.

6. If you are a woman and have peed into a beer can while doing seventy in a forty-five zone as you passed a patrol car, you definitely are not a social drinker.

7. If the top of your socks have lost their elasticity from hiding miniatures, you might not be a social drinker.

8. If you invested in a tiny funnel to refill your miniatures, you are frugal, but you might not be a social drinker.

9. If the wind chimes on your porch are empty vodka bottles strung together, you might not be a social drinker.

10. If you jump start ‘going on the wagon’ by purposely running out of liquor on a Saturday night because you live in a dry county, but find yourself at the county-line store Sunday at noon, you might not be a social drinker.

11. If you’ve fished a cigarette butt out of a glass after a party and drank the amber liquid because good scotch should not go to waste, you might not be a social drinker.

12. If you have a breathalyzer attached to the steering column of your car, you might not be a social drinker.

13. If you think throwing up and having the dry heaves are a good thing because it is nature’s way of cleansing and revitalizing your body, you might not be a social drinker.

14. If your idea of drinking socially is passing out all alone on the terrace while sending out ‘friend requests’ to the beautiful people on Facebook, you might not be a social drinker.

15. If you are carrying two cases of beer when your moped runs out of fuel on the way home from the convenience store gas station because you only had beer money, you might not be a social drinker.

16. If you go on the wagon for six months and two convenience stores and the liquor store closest to your house go out of business, you might not be a social drinker.

17. If you started reading this book only because of the picture of the pretty girl on the cover, but you are now on your third drink, have completely forgotten about the pretty girl and you are really, ‘getting into’ the reading material, you may not be a social drinker.

18. If you think Charlie Sheen is a stand-up guy and got a raw deal, you might not be a social drinker.

19. If your caddy needs a cart to carry your golf bag because it is too heavy at the start of the round, but you drink a beer on every hole and he can carry it easily by the back nine, you might not be a social drinker.

20. If you go to Vegas and sit at the bar playing the slot machines one nickel at a time just to get the free drinks, you might not be a social drinker.

21. If you develop a gambling problem while playing the slot machines one nickel at a time in order to get the free drinks, you might not be a social drinker.

22. If you tell the waitress with the free drinks ‘hit me’ and the dealer thinks you are talking to him and you bust out with a twenty-four, but don’t really care as long as the waitress ‘keeps them coming’, you might not be a social drinker.

[CHAPTER TWO
Getting Help]

1. If your family throws you a party and as you get home you park by a van from The Shady Oaks rehab facility, you take a long swig of your beer before getting out of the car, then go inside and see a ‘bon voyage’ banner and you don’t have plans to go anywhere, you might not be a social drinker.

2. If the people sitting in the circle under the ‘bon voyage’ banner are mainly family and co-workers, but you also notice the family minister, your doctor, the driver of the Shady Oaks van and the guy you punched-out at the grocery store last week, you might not be a social drinker.

3. If you pull a flask out of your back pocket and take a big gulp of the real stuff, exhaling loudly as you say, ‘goes down smooth’, then you ask if anyone would like a cocktail before starting your intervention, you may be a thoughtful host, but you might not be a social drinker.

4. If as your intervention is ending, you nod quietly in agreement, sheepishly stand up to say a few words, then take a wild swing at the Shady Oaks van driver, trip over the stool and crash head first into the wrought iron coffee table and the next thing you remember is waking up face down on the front lawn wearing a fancy new jacket, you might not be a social drinker.

5. If you have been on a cash basis at the rehab facility because your insurance company limits the number of 28 day treatment programs and the director of Shady Oaks treatment center has opened a new wing in your family name, you might not be a social drinker.

6. If the head nurse at your previous rehab facility sends you a Christmas card and is worried because she has not seen you recently, you might not be a social drinker.

7. If they save your room and you don’t even need to call ahead at Shady Oaks, you might not be a social drinker.

8. If you are reading this book while looking down your nose and thinking being alcoholic isn’t funny, you might not be a social drinker who is in recovery.

9. If you think Alcoholics Anonymous is for quitters, you might not be a social drinker.

10. If you hear ‘don’t drink and go to meetings’ and you think it means that you can drink the other 23 hours of the day when you are not at a meeting, you might not be a social drinker.

11. If you have been around long enough to understand number 10, you might not be a social drinker.

12. If you take your AA white surrender chips to Vegas and they comp you the presidential suite, you might not be a social drinker.

13. If your idea of sponsorship is putting your favorite beer’s logo on your boy’s little league jersey, you might not be a social drinker.

14. If you hear someone mention the twelve steps and think of the distance between your bar stool and the urinal, you might not be a social drinker.

15. If someone suggests you are powerless over alcohol and drinking is a problem for you and you reply, “I’ll drink to that while taking a swig out of the flask you carry in your back pocket,” you might not be a social drinker.

16. If the only power greater than yourself that you can think of is the judge presiding at your DUI trial, you might not be a social drinker.

17. If your sponsor tells you that you must turn your life and will over to a higher power, but you can call your higher power whatever you want and you choose to call him Jack Daniels, you might not be a social drinker.

18. If you made a searching and fearless moral inventory but we’re in a blackout and can’t remember where you put it, you might not be a social drinker.

19. If when you admitted the exact nature of your wrongs to yourself, your higher power and another human being, you thought you had found a loophole by talking to the mirror with Jack Daniels nearby, you might not be a social drinker.

20. If you get to step eight and make a list of the people you have harmed and you decide it would be quicker to just call every name in the phonebook, you might not be a social drinker.

21. If you are pretty intoxicated by now and getting angry because you were lured in by the pretty girl on the cover of this book and you are starting to realize that the pretty girl was just bait and switch and you want to kick my ass, you might not be a social drinker.

(Chill out dude! Relax. Violence has never solved anything. The following pictures are just for you.)

THE END

ALSO BY NICK J.

Author’s Website

AUTHOR BIO

Nick Jimbanis has been an alcoholic, mostly sober, for nearly forty years. Graduating from Florida Southern College in 1975, a BS in Journalism, Nick has lived in Florida, New York and has retired to North Carolina with his wife Debbie and their two current dogs, Marley and Happy.

Published by: NickJPub.

Contact: [email protected].

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Over indulgence in alcohol is a serious matter. But a sense of humor certainly helps.

Rule 62

Don’t take yourself so damn seriously.

The Story of Rule 62

The story is described in Alcoholics Anonymous book The Twelve Step and the Twelve Traditions (known in AA as the 12 and 12).

If you or someone you know needs help with a drinking problem contact your local branch of Alcoholics Anonymous in the phone book or on line.


Social Drinker?

Have you ever wondered if you may be more than a social drinker? Finally, there is a book, a Free book, that will answer that nagging question once and for all. If you see yourself in even one of the examples, please by all means read, 'In The Rooms and On The Couch,' another book by Nick J. Most of all do not be too hard on yourself. Have fun. The book has pictures!

  • Author: Nick Jimbanis
  • Published: 2016-03-19 14:20:09
  • Words: 1803
Social Drinker? Social Drinker?