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Seriously Stupid Criminals

 

Seriously Stupid Criminals

BY:

Synova Cantrell

 

 

 

 

 

 

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without prior written consent of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations for reviewing purposes.

 

Unfortunately, these stories are true. Specific names have been eliminated to avoid further embarrassment on their behalf.

 

For more information check out www.synovaink.com

 

Printed in the United States of America

 

Copyright © 2017 by Synova Cantrell

 

 

 

Note from Author:

I have spent many years teaching my children that the word ‘stupid’ is not a nice thing to say about someone. Unfortunately, there is no other way of describing the embarrassing criminal escapades in this narrative. After spending hours searching the internet for the craziest stories, I decided to share the top twenty with you. I hope it brightens your day and makes you chuckle.

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#1: Meth heads rent their meth lab on AirBnB…as a meth lab!

Yes, you read that right. In the town of Manistee, Michigan two men decided to rent out their apartment for the weekend on the popular AirBnB site. The ad was placed online with the heading, “cozy little apartment with a working meth lab.”

If that wasn’t bad enough they also included that they needed to rent their place out for the weekend so they could make out of town deliveries.

Of course, the police were alerted and the pair were arrested. The police found drug paraphernalia, and a delivery truck loaded with 2.5 tons of crystal meth.

Life lesson:

Never advertise your illegal activities online! Better yet…don’t cook dope people.

#2 Criminals arrested after leaving a trail of macaroni salad for the police.

Three men in Mt. Morris, New York decided to break into a Build-A-Burger restaurant after hours. They stole the cash register, the store’s surveillance system, and a large bowl of macaroni salad. Ok. So, I guess they were hungry, because instead of waiting until they got away they took turns eating as they ran off. Unfortunately, they left a trail of noodles behind.

They were quickly apprehended and charged with burglary, larceny, and criminal mischief. I guess you can’t be charged for stupidity. It’s a good thing. Good grief.

#3 Man shoots himself in the crotch

I honestly didn’t believe this one when I first read it. How can someone be so stupid? Really? A man shoots himself in the junk? Amazingly there is more than one report of men doing this while they are strung out on dope.

A man in Washington State decides it is a good idea to binge smoke Meth. Troopers later report that he had smoked over $100 of the hallucinogenic in less than 48 hours.

The 51-year-old man starts freaking out because there are “Mexicans in the trees” outside his apartment complex, and they are out to kill him. When the Mexican assassins hold his downstairs neighbor hostage in her apartment the man goes all heroic, and decides to save her. He shoves his .45 in the front of his pants, races downstairs and kicks in the door. During this process the gun fires and shoot the man in the crotch.

As if this wasn’t humiliating enough the doctors discover during surgery that another bullet had been lodged not far from the man’s family jewels, and it looked like it had been there for awhile. Ouch!

#4 Man steels 300K pennies

A Pennsylvania businessman always threw his pennies in a steel drum, and after many years he had filled it with over 300,000 coins.

The freight line owner hired a local mechanic to do some repairs and while he wasn’t looking the 31-year-old man stole the steel drum of pennies.

The crook struggled to load the 1,600lb steel drum into his Jeep and then took off leaving a trail of pennies behind for the police to follow.

The man was arrested and slapped with $50,000 bail. I guess he’ll need to steal a few more drums of pennies to cover that.

#5 Criminals attempt to syphon gas from tour bus, and pick the wrong hose.

An out-of-gas Australian decides to syphon gas from a tour bus one evening, but grabs the wrong hose and ends up with a mouthful of sewage. I bet he never tried to steal anything ever again! Ugh.

#6 Woman drives stolen truck to police station to see if it’s stolen

Yes. Yes. Someone was that stupid. A woman in Fort Smith, Arkansas stole a truck and then drove it to the local Police Station to see if it had been reported stolen.

Of course, she was arrested and could face up to 10 years in prison.

Seriously? This one is so stupid I can’t believe it. Why in Heaven’s name would anyone drive the stolen vehicle to the police station? Insane. It doesn’t even say that she was smoking dope. What? This is just the way she is without any drugs or alcohol in her system? Lord help us.

#7 Woman tries to use Xerox copies of $20 bills

A Florida Woman tries to purchase goods at Walmart with photocopied bills, and then runs off when the cashier questions her.

A few days later she pulls the same stunt at Applebee’s restaurant, but she forgot her cell phone on the table. The police track her down through her phone and arrest her for counterfeiting and drug possession.

#8 A Man robs a gas station while standing in front of policeman

A man decides to rob a local gas station, but what he doesn’t notice is that a police officer is waiting in line right behind him.

The 21-year-old walks up to the counter and demands cash. The cashier laughs, puts the cash in a plastic bag, and hands it to the kid.

To make it even worse the entire ordeal was caught on surveillance cameras.

#9 Man drives stolen Hummer to pick up his Welfare check

Somehow a Tennessee man thought it would be a good idea to drive the Hummer he had just stolen to the welfare office to apply for benefits.

Of course, a worker noticed the man’s vehicle with out of state tags and called the police. The man was arrested as he exited the local Walmart after spending the Welfare checks.

#10 Man robs a store after filling out a job application

This must be the highest level of stupidity. A man decides to rob the Golden Pantry store, but there are too many customers around. So, to waste time he fills out a complete job application and leaves it with the cashier before coming back a few moments later and robbing the guy.

Of course, the idiot put his real name and address on the application. He was arrested at his apartment a short time later.

#11 Robbers use a sharpie to make masks for robbery

What do you get when you mix an abundance of alcohol with two not so intelligent men? The worst disguises ever, that’s what.

In Iowa, a 20-year-old and a 23-year-old decide to break into a neighboring house after a drinking binge. The two men disguised their faces with permanent markers and were so drunk they couldn’t even break into the house.

They were later arrested while driving drunk. Seriously? I’m sure their mothers are so proud.

#12 Pot Head gets mad when delivery is late, so she calls the police on her dealer.

Hamilton woman gets mad when her dealer is late delivering her marijuana, so she calls the police to report him. Of course, they are both arrested for possession.

#13 Man steals 58-inch TV from Walmart during a Shop-With-A-Cop Charity event.

A Florida man decides to swipe a 58-inch TV from the local Walmart, but somehow didn’t notice the big Shop-With-A-Cop charity event going on.

It was a local event where police officers descend upon the store with donated funds and shop for children in need. Of course, as soon as the alarm was sounded they stopped shopping and tackled the thief.

#14 Cape wearing crusaders ride dirt bike through Walmart wearing nothing but tidy whiteys.

Two Kentucky brothers ride their dirt bike through a local Walmart wearing nothing but their underwear, capes…oh and a helmet for safety.

What I found even more disturbing was that no one from the store called the police. I guess if you work at Walmart then you’ve seen it all and nothing phases you anymore.

It would seem these idiots would have gotten away with this insanity if they hadn’t been stupid enough to put a video of it on YouTube.

The video is still there. You can watch it. Seriously.

#15 Thief steals UPS boxes off man’s porch, so he fills them with dog poop and lays a trap.

I’m not sure if this is stupid or genius. I’ll let you decide. A man was constantly getting his packages stolen off his front porch and he was fed up with it. So, he devised a plan to catch the crook.

He collects all the dog poop from eight dogs and wraps it up in a UPS box and places it on his own front porch. Then he sets up a video camera.

To make the plan complete, he posts on Facebook that he will be receiving a package and hopes that it’s not stolen again.

The thief takes the bait…and the poop. The man shows the police the video, identifies the crook and the man is actually arrested for stealing dog crap. Ha!

#16 Man commits robbery with a cucumber

Glasgow man holds up a bookstore with a cucumber wrapped in a black sock. When the cashier refused to give him the money, he ran off only to be tackled to the ground by an off-duty police officer.

#17 Man Arrested after posting comments on his own wanted poster on Facebook.

A Florida man robbed a Family Dollar store and escaped with $260. A few days later he sees his wanted poster on the local police department’s Facebook page.

Somehow, he thought the smart thing to do would be to post comments to the page. Of course, he didn’t realize that all computers have an IP address and can easily be traced. He was arrested shortly thereafter.

#18 Arsonist tries to burn a gas station, but forgets to bring a match.

A Florida man had threatened to burn down the local Chevron station many times, and finally decided to follow through with his plan.

He pulls his car up to the pump, covers the car with gasoline, and then realizes he forgot a match. What does he do? He starts asking all the customers for a light so he can burn the place down. Needless to say, he didn’t get a light and the police arrested him before one flame was lit.

#19 Woman flashes cop and drops crack pipe

A woman was pulled over in Ohio and decides it’s a good idea to flash her breasts to the officer. She lifts her shirt and bra. Unfortunately, her crap pipe dropped from his hiding place and tinkled to the ground. She was immediately arrested and charged.

#20 High-speed, 5mph police chase

A British man was drunk and decided to lead the police on a high-speed chase to avoid arrest. Unfortunately, he was on a scooter, and the highest speed was a whopping 5mph. Um. Yeah…he was caught.

Conclusion:

I hope you’ve enjoyed this short book of insanity. I sure have. If you’d like more information about any of these stories check out the following links to the articles online.

Online Links:

#1: Dumb criminals arrested after renting their meth lab on AIRBnB

[+ http://www.gossiptrend.com/culture/dumb-criminals-arrested-after-renting-their-meth-lab-on-airbnb/+]

#2: Cops Follow Trail Of Macaroni Salad Straight To Robbery Suspects

[+ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/11/macaroni-salad-trail-robber-_n_7259934.html?utm_hp_ref=stupid-criminals+]

  1. WA man shoots self in scrotum while fighting off meth hallucinations of ‘Mexicans in trees’

[+ http://www.rawstory.com/2015/09/wa-man-shoots-self-in-scrotum-while-fighting-off-meth-hallucinations-of-mexicans-in-trees/+]

  1. Cops: Man Stole 300K Pennies From Work

[+ http://www.newser.com/story/230888/cops-man-stole-300k-pennies-from-work.html+]

  1. Brilliant Thieves Suck Bus Fuel— Er, No, Sewage

[+ http://www.newser.com/story/219304/brilliant-thieves-suck-bus-fuel-er-no-sewage.html+]

  1. Woman Allegedly Steals Truck, Shows Up At Sebastian County Sheriff’s Office To Ask If It Was Reported Stolen

[+ http://5newsonline.com/2017/01/25/woman-allegedly-steals-truck-shows-up-at-sebastian-county-sheriffs-office-to-ask-if-it-was-reported-stolen/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark+]

  1. Florida woman used photocopied $20 bills at Walmart, Applebee’s

[+ http://www.actionnewsjax.com/news/trending-now/florida-woman-used-photocopied-20-bills-at-walmart-applebees/486074079?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark+]

  1. MAN robs a gas station right in front of cop

[+ http://www.break.com/video/ugc/worlds-dumbest-criminal-2182833+]

  1. Man drives stolen Hummer to apply for welfare benefits

[+ http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1968963/posts+]

  1. Job applicant charged in heist

[+ http://onlineathens.com/stories/040608/news_2008040600331.shtml#.WItkh4WcFPY+]

  1. ‘Dumb’ American criminals attempt robbery with ‘permanent marker pen disguises’

[+ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6431303/Dumb-American-criminals-attempt-robbery-with-permanent-marker-pen-disguises.html+]

  1. Disgruntled Hamilton pot smoker calls cops when drugs don’t arrive

[+ http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/88492640/disgruntled-hamilton-pot-smoker-calls-cops-when-drugs-dont-arrive?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark+]

  1. Man tries to sneak 58-inch TV out of Walmart during shop-with-a-cop event

[+ http://cbs6albany.com/news/offbeat/man-tries-to-sneak-a-55-inch-tv-out-of-walmart?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark+]

  1. Brothers arrested for driving dirt bike through Walmart in cape and underwear

[+ http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/brothers-arrested-driving-dirt-bike-walmart-underwear-article-1.2887142?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark+]

  1. Suspected Thief Unwittingly Swipes Dog Poo, Gets Caught Brown-Handed

[+ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/package-thief-gets-nasty-surpriseliterally_us_584b2f11e4b0bd9c3dfcf75b?utm_hp_ref=dumb-criminals+]

  1. ‘Don’t move, I have a cucumber’

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-35785834

  1. Fugitive Busted After Posting Comments on His Own Wanted Notice

[+ http://blogs.lawyers.com/2013/07/fugitive-busted-after-posting-comments-on-his-own-wanted-notice/+]

  1. Man Asks for Light to Set Gas Station Ablaze

[+ http://blogs.lawyers.com/2012/10/man-asks-for-light-to-set-gas-station-ablaze/+]

  1. Woman ‘flashes boobs at cop during traffic stop but gets busted when CRACK PIPE falls out’

[+ http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/woman-flashes-boobs-cop-during-7598790+]

  1. Drunk man stole mobility scooter then led police on 5mph ‘Little Britain-style’ chase

[+ http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/drunk-man-stole-mobility-scooter-7271114+]

Special thanks:

www.canva.com perfect place for designing e-book covers

www.openclipart.org free clipart

 


Seriously Stupid Criminals

  • ISBN: 9781370037551
  • Author: Synova Cantrell
  • Published: 2017-02-15 15:05:12
  • Words: 2185
Seriously Stupid Criminals Seriously Stupid Criminals