Political Theatre of the Absurd 2016
(from Welcome to the Idiot Box, Essays)
Xavier Cockroachal Damon
Hey-yo, hey-yo, can’t wait to watch the show.
Actually can’t want for the idiot parade to end. I got it, why don’t we just put an end to all the stupidity and suspense and declare a rotating presidency alternating between Ann Coulter and Michael Moore and be done with the inane and nauseating process of the present day electoral process right now and everyone can then pat themselves on the back for their role in the freak show, sideshow that is the current process of electing the next leader of the free world and then we can all watch everything degenerate to complete irrevocable shit so that a lab experiment infusion of Richard Nixon, George W. Bush, Ralph Nader, and admiral Stockdale, that poor dude who was the Vice President running mate of Ross Perot would seem a far preferable choice to the parade of fools gallivanting on the idiotic stage that is the presidential race so engaged.
Welcome to political theatre of the absurd 2016.
Oh so help me from all the abject stupidity how I need to vomit.
I pull no punches.
We are all being dragged down into a quicksand pit of stupidity bullshit from every side. But by all means, enjoy the ride, I mean we’re only talking about the state of humanity and the world. So guffaw, guffaw, go fuckin watch Hee Haw to return to some level of cultural meaningfulness and yuck and yuck it up, and eat it up, each and every one of you a dumb motherfuck, on my nausea I will suck, greatly praying I will choke to death on my own vomit so I am not forced to endure another moment of the imbecilic frivolity. Every one of you, one and all, for whatever part you play in the idiot parade, dumbfuck charade, go to motherfuckin hell, guffawing moronically along the way. I mean it’s all just entertainment after all isn’t it? Rather, just an entertainment spectacle about as meaningful as a WWE undercard featuring some dumbfuck paraded out under a different name, with the thinking that the populous will be too stupid to realize that it is in fact the same dumbfuck moron wrestling under a different identity than he presented himself as the week before, squaring off versus Kamala The Ugandan Giant even though it’s not actually him and the person supposedly him is a 5 ft 3 Irish dude who weighs 80lbs, with Vince Mc.Mahon himself refereeing while wearing a tutu because he lost the televised literal pissing contest against Rowdy Roddy Piper, and Liberace, brought back from the dead, performing above the stage in a perpetually spinning drum cage reminiscent of the Dr. Feelgood Motley Crue tour or the Metallica video for “The Memory Remains” while Howard Stern announces and I don’t know, farts, or whatever bottom of the barrel genius he concocts on that particular dumbfuck day while railing against potholes as the greatest grievous sin against his egotistical, frighteningly not unbridled ego while Terry Funk appears on a giant screen with the song “Desperado” recycling on speakers throughout the arena, the screen facing a dueling screen constantly playing episodes of Marriage Boot Camp reality stars while “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” and “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter” team up on a screen at another end of the arena to face and take on the duo of “Alien Vs. Predator” and “Alien Vs. Cowboys” who join forces on a screen across from it in a tag team matchup smackdown of dumbass, dumbfuck vampire and alien movies, the American populous being the zombies, though if you really want to sleep the sleep of a zombie read the original Austen “classic”, with the songs “We Will Rock You” and “The Final Countdown” blaring along with “Desperado” and Terry Funk’s image occasionally glancing over at “Cowboys vs. Aliens” with a nod of a fuckin tipped cowboy hat, fuck off aliens, “Yain’t from this country and we speak American here, not Alienish”, followed by the echoed siren call of Ric Flair going “Woo!” while Gold Dust intermittently appears on a random screen saying “I am the predator”, with all the damn Hiltons and fuckin Kardashians and every dumbfuck member from all the seasons of “The Real World” and “Big Brother” and every other dumbfuck motherfuckin motherfucker from every other dumb fuckin motherfuckin dumbfuck reality T.V. show ever done, really going to need a big arena to hold this in, parading through the crowd throughout the entire gaudy, stupidity monstrosity display of tackiness and the fuckin lowest common denominator demonstrator of the carried out death sentence of significance, relevance, sense, taste, meaning and reason.
Um, did I mention I pull no punches?
Certainly it would be easy to begin by assailing the field of candidates vying for the Republican nomination, for it would certainly be a commentary requiring no nuance, one that really will only ever be preaching to the choir with those on the right viewing the words of the candidates as mantra from heaven and those on the left shaking their heads at the antics on display. but instead I will start my commentary by talking about the commentary about it, namely that vast all powerful conspiracy that is the liberal left wing media who, of course, secretly control Wall Street, and all corporate entities, aside, of course, for those patriotic revolutionaries willing to die for the cause of true liberty at Fox news, subversion against the powers that be thou art alive and well, and were singlehandedly responsible for the 9/11 attacks and utilize mind control hypnosis tactics to dictate the thoughts, actions and views of the American public to so strip it of any actual intelligent thought. Harrison, dude! Just take off the helmet thingy dude! Then go watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” and also the movie supposedly about you that is like fifty times longer than and bears absolutely zero resemblance whatsoever to the short story where you were originally introduced. As for that story though, really, um, Kurt? Kurt? What are you, busy smoking a cigarette? Don’t smoke anymore? Oh wait I forgot, you did trip over your dog and die. Quitter. Now as for the mainstream media, you sit there, churning out your 24 hour news cycle, picking apart the words and actions of the Republican candidates with your air of genuine caring and concern for the country and people who live within it, railing against the calamity and catastrophe you see occurring if any of the most extreme members of the Republican field were to assume the highest office, dismaying at the resilience and popularity of someone like Trump. But, here’s my problem. You do it all, and all the while, always with a fuckin smile. Slight confusion here. What the hell is so funny? This isn’t some fictional, satirical parody, these are caricatures of themselves who could be leader of the free world in a year yet you chuckle as if it’s just some grand old game whose sole purpose is in its entertainment value. You say the stakes are high but the stakes are high. If you want to revel in seedy, superficial, underhanded, defying reason, inconceivable political antics then fuckin make some Jiffy Pop and watch Kevin Spacey in House Of Cards. This shit is real and the outcome could very well be what is in your opinion apocalyptic so how exactly is it you are so enjoying watching it all play out? If you had any integrity whatsoever you’d quit your damn jobs and send out fuckin tweets from some secluded log cabin, crying yourselves to sleep every night from the reality of your stated despair. Not to mention, you don’t think the amount of attention you devote to each and every outlandish statement or act by Trump is giving him the media exposure which is exactly what he seeks, to be center stage in the limelight, a presence forever front and center that drowns out all other actual news with his goofy, boorish, inane presence? You don’t think you’re fueling his candidacy by devoting so much time and attention rather than just categorically and sternly and succinctly dismissing it? But sure, give him screen time because if you don’t, what, afraid you’ll lose viewership to Fox News. Sorry, but it’s bullshit, you’re as much a tool of the Republican war machine as any sycophant at Fox. Maybe you didn’t create the monster, maybe it was Dr. Foxenstein, but my how you play your part in making the monster grow, possibly, if prevailing in the election, into a monstrosity leaving wreckage of the country in its wake and then what? Guess you’ll just laugh your ha, ha’s on air, saying “Wow, this is inconceivable, the monster just crushed Pennsylvania and Montana at the same time while also urinating on Jersey and shitting on Detroit. That’s why I love politics, you never know what’s going to happen.” Well you know this isn’t some game show where top prize is whatever makes for the most intriguing story line, it is actual reality, and within that there are repercussions and consequences, yet when commenting on what you clearly state you see as disastrous consequences you seem equally enthralled with a smile by the political theatre even though it is the absolute antithesis of all that which you claim to hold so dear. I really feel that being confounded by say, how Trump’s popularity never slips regardless of the words that spill from his mouth should be accompanied by, if in actuality you did truly care at all, an air of say, solemnity at the state of society, rather than as if you were at a sporting event and though it’s the other team that just scored, you can still admire the play because at heart you are, above all else, a lover of the game.
And I’m sorry, but how inanely ridiculous is it that the whole show begins with Iowa and New Hampshire? I mean could we possibly come up with electoral populations and relevance slightly more than an inbred family’s cabin in the Appalachians? How much importance is dedicated to these metropolis’ and how many candidate’s campaigns are shut down due to poor showings in two places with a grand total of 10 electoral votes? And what is the idiotically hokey charade the candidates play, ironically designed in an attempt to seem genuine, with the populous of these areas. You eat at fish fries, pay a visit to the local tavern, and, oh gee I ate at Mickey Joe’s diner so vote for me. Well who the hell gives a fuck? What the hell is the prevailing sentiment among so many in the population that what they want in their president is someone most like them and they take offence at the idea of having a president smarter than them? Um, this is the fuckin president of the United States, I tend to think the kind of guy you want to have a beer with or he’s not afraid to make a total ass of himself by blurting out whatever happens to be passing through his head at the moment or he wants what I want, regardless of the impossibility of achieving said goals should really not be the deciding criteria when casting a vote. I mean we’re not talking about an election for class president or hall monitor. It really shouldn’t be a popularity contest. Personally I would very much prefer to look at the president and think ‘Wow, that motherfucker is a hell of a lot smarter than me’ rather than, ‘You know, it might be cool to hang out with that dude or dudette and play checkers.’ And really Iowans, get the fuck over yourselves. You do so love and savor all the attention don’t you. Magnifying all of it and milking it for all it’s worth, actually feeling that for the month or two leading up to the voting Iowa is the center of the universe. Um, no, sorry, you’re still in fuckin Iowa. It’s a ridiculous scripted song and dance that by its political importance only proves its absolute irrelevance in any meaningful way, merely epitomizing the inane nature of the dealings as presidential candidates descend from their presidential aspirations perch to show they can relate to the common man in a social sense. But really now, in the great grand scheme of things, what possible fuckin difference could that possibly fuckin make other than to serve as a dumbass photo op? Though I suppose railing against the process as nothing more than an entertainment spectacle, maybe, considering the lowest common denominator crap that so abounds in American society really isn’t fair because, really now, what other choices are there to experience something of actual cultural significance, actual meaning or originality? Actually wait, I know, you could always attend the 100 millionth reproduction of “Hamlet”. I highly advise buying a ticket because it really does put a new take never before seen on this in no way overdone theatrical work. And, every five hundredth ticket buyer receives a free goat.
Now on to the critique of the race for the nomination itself in terms of potential voters. Battle lines are drawn between the two parties and there really aren’t going to be very many defectors from either side leaving those undecideds as the crown jewel in the championship race. And some may have picked up on those interviews with some of them where they still haven’t made up their mind but are leaning towards either Bernie Sanders or Donald Trump. Now the response from the political wonks is always bafflement how a person is so torn between two contradictory, policy wise, candidates but I really think they have no grasp of the psychology of the proceedings. You see, they are offering the same thing, and by that I in no way refer to policy goals or programs, I am referring to the way in which the message is delivered, bombastic flights of fancy with wild hand gestures and proclamations of I will do this, this will happen, without bothering to in any way point out how that will be. The media seems to view the election as though everyone is actually weighing the argument with critical thinking and making a reasoned decision about what would be best for the country. That’s really in no way what is happening. They are checking their brains at the door and following a persona and entering the tent of the person who tells them what they want to hear and serves to them the empty promises of giving to them the world and life they want to have. For so many, actual policy and actual realistic ability to govern is so far down the list of what their decision is ultimately based on it isn’t even making it on the front page of the criteria used to make the choice. It’s not what’s being said but how it’s being said that’s winning hearts, would say minds as well but the mind is apparently bypassed by all involved in terms of the proceedings. And to pull no punches, let me say this, that’s a big fuckin problem you dumbass douche motherfuckers. On the surface it is utterly inconceivable anyone could possibly be deciding between two candidates, for whom the substance of their views couldn’t be more different. And it’s not just those two, often you’re hearing other candidates a person is torn between who are also polar opposites. People’s passions are being played by who strikes them as the best orator without any attention being devoted to the actual substance of the words being spoken. The candidates are merely stating I will do this or that without detailing in any way how that will actually be done and then people are basing their choice on the message of what they are being told will be done for them that is being shoveled at them, rather than critically looking at who would actually be best for the job in reality. You know, the best snake oil salesman sure could talk a good game, and viewing this election cycle would probably garner an immense amount of votes, but would do so with no attention being paid to little details like, if you actually look at the words and feasibility of the plans themselves and not just be mesmerized by the picture they paint he may very well make the worst damn president in the history of the country. Chester A. Arthur notwithstanding. O.k., I’m sorry I really know absolutely nothing about Chester A. Arthur’s presidency, but you know what, no one does, except maybe that Chester A. Arthur historian buff out in Tuscaloosa, you know him, the dude who collected trading cards of different forms of potted plants as a kid and likes to watch infomercial seminars on the world’s best pillow in his free time. But is not that sort of the point attempted to be made in this admittedly non-direct form. In the tumultuous and pressure cooker times we currently find the world in wouldn’t it actually be better to elect a candidate of such boring, mundane, stage presence it makes Melba toast look like a pizza with all the works and pineapple wrapped in bacon rather than some firebrand, change everything about the world grandiose political cleric taking the lead of the world stage in a world already reeling and on the brink of calamity, the exact form of which no one can possibly predict, who might, possibly score the touchdown you seek with a hail mary, or may very well entirely drop the ball and lose the entire game? Um, sorry Chester Chestery Chesterson the III, did not mean to denigrate your hero, I hope doing so doesn’t lead to you crying yourself to sleep on your pillow. Even though, it is, unquestionably, the greatest pillow ever made. Because, unlike other pillows, when you put your head on it and go to sleep, you…actually…sleep…and wake up having slept. Um, it’s a fuckin pillow you douche!
And what really is the logic behind the conservatives all trying to outconservative everyone else in the field or the notion that extremism in any form is actually the correct path to follow to in any way get accomplished what you want done when there is such an obvious, undeniable equal push back from extremism on the other side that is diametrically opposed to each and every of the goals that you want? You don’t think it’s a candidate who more walks the line between the two with moderation but shares your core beliefs who would have a better chance of actually getting you at least some of the things you want, because wake up, on either side you’re not going to get them all in today’s polarized political climate. And the Trump phenomenon has actually fueled the Sanders phenomenon on the left as his antics lead to a desire to match it with an equal ideologically opposed fervor and what should be an intellectual deliberation within the mind devolves into a passion play that really has no place in terms of the electoral process. Well I will build a fence. Well I will build a fence with barbed wire on it. Well I will build a fence that will explode when touched. Well I will build a fence that will explode with a nuclear warhead when anyone comes within a 20 mile radius. Hmm, yes he will get my vote, that dude can build one hell of a fence. And so Trump was widely denounced when stating ban all Muslims from entering the country but were any of the other candidates in contention’s views really any different? Don’t say you’ll ban all Muslims, just everybody from certain countries but, duh, what they’re really saying is ban Muslims from certain countries and now that the ISIS ideology has spread to so many minds around the globe why, with an insistence on certain countries, do you think it will make any difference and the idea of banning all would certainly cause the U.S to be viewed as a pariah around the world so what in any of all the chatter is actually in any way helpful? And really now, let’s be honest here, aside from 9/11 there have been an extremely low number of fatalities from terrorist attacks on U.S. soil by Muslims and extremist perverted Islam ideology, a hell of a lot more from perverted right wing Christian fundamentalist ideology. The whole premise behind these approaches is what could happen, but you know what, it could happen regardless of what you do, and if you did enact an absolute and total ban on any potentially would be terrorist from entering the country by keeping everyone out there is certainly the very real possibility that there are those already in the country, already supportive or sympathetic to the ideology, or those who, because they had a bad day at work, or stubbed their toe, or are just a mentally disturbed douchebag will adopt it as is the flavor of the day so all you can really do is do your best and hope that the intelligence agencies will shut down any imminent threat before it is carried out. Don’t believe the hype from any of the candidates because there is not a single one who can guarantee a goddamned thing and if you do start some mass blockade of people entering the country it is not so much the sentiments toward the action from those around the world you would have to worry about, it is the probability that those already within the country’s borders might well act because of it when they might not have done so before. But just like all the other promises being tossed around, people hear he will protect me and accept it as law even though absolutely no one can guarantee that will be true and they do this even though you have a better chance of dying because a hot air balloon was struck by space junk entering the earth’s atmosphere and fell on your head. Um, o.k., that admittedly was a wee bit of an exaggeration to make the point, but, it is not an overreach to say that you do have a better chance of dying because you were misguided by the hot air spewing from the candidate’s mouths without really examining the words being spoken than dying in a terrorist attack.
The answer, as I would say is usually the case, lies somewhere in between, and though no possibility of ever being perfect to anyone, it is the path that will get the most things actually accomplished for all involved.
By adopting a mentality of only trying to appeal to your hard core base and entering into negotiations with an all or nothing approach. most of the time you’re going to come out of those negotiations with nothing and only create two groups of people, one feeling entirely disconnected and disenfranchised with the country, and a system perpetually in gridlock and a populous perpetually at war with each other. But stick to your guns and move as far to the other side as possible because if things weren’t going exactly as you wanted with a more tolerant approach to others views, well gee, certain they will now.
Trump’s popularity, which continued to roll on undaunted regardless of what words poured from his mouth, at least that is until he took on the specter that is George W. Bush possibly, and suggested that, casting aspersions on an actual Republican president rather than vitriolic venom aimed at those vying for the job you are running against, but then, wait, if one of them wins, and you had said what you said when they, which was fine, but now they are so you can’t, so, oh, I’ll figure it out later, but now, bit of confusion, if safety from a terrorist threat is so paramount to you, might the discussion of 3,000 dead from one be a conversation that should maybe be had, regardless of your personal views? This isn’t a bow down to his majesty or lose your head at the chopping block, it is a democracy, and criticisms of one from your own party, whether you find them unfounded or otherwise shouldn’t be the thing that eradicates poll numbers of those towing the party line and deifying their own regardless of word or deed above all else because a lot of the other things he has said have been far more outlandish and deserving of outright undeliberated condemnation rather than this particular unexpected deviation from the scripted show. But that unbreakable momentum and the way so many would fawn over his antics with even those on the left expressing admiration for it on some level, that so many would eat it up rather than turn away and dismiss it with disgust even within his own party is one of the most disheartening examples from a society and culture that perpetually disgusts me. How exactly does it work and how a single person on the planet could view it and actually like it and see it as charming or admirable says things about society I really wish I didn’t have to see or hear and really in no way instills any sort of confidence that the electorate will make a wise choice whomever is ultimately selected. You know, acting different than everyone else could only be seen as deserving of even a modicum of admiration and respect if you’re not acting like a crude, inane, brainless bully. Respect one because you see them as a rebel just because you think they’re a rebel. Eh, I don’t know, ISIS could sort of be seen as rebels now couldn’t they? But I really don’t see too many ISIS for president signs at any of the rallies.
It isn’t just Trump though, how far to the right can you possibly go without the contest reaching the win or break all final act of who wins the gooses stepping with the stars finale? It seems all they are trying to do is make the voters believe their stance that “I will bring everyone together who thinks and feels exactly like me” and any sort of compromise or reasoned rational discussions or deliberations of any kind have gone completely out the window and all pundits on either side should wake up to the possibility that that is who you might inadvertently be putting into office with your actions in your never ending chase for ratings of the 24 hour news cycle. You know it’s actually kind of scary but, though I do differ entirely policy wise on all issues, and his views I disagree with, Bill O’Reily is actually seeming one of the more reasoned and dare I say balanced in the way he presents those views. Um, o.k., wait, that’s actually really fuckin scary! Let’s move on shall we…
You know so much was made of the Iowa caucus and voter turnout with everyone saying it was the candidates with the most enthusiastic supporters who would grab the lion’s share of votes and delegates because they were the ones most likely to have their supporters turn out to caucus with pretty much everyone across the board predicting that Donald Trump would see great results though he ended up losing to Ted Cruz. But I really don’t think it took any sort of expert political prognosticator to predict what would happen based on the actual dynamic of the proceedings. Everyone saw the massive like 15,000 person attendance for his rallies and automatically assumed that would then translate into a matching turnout for the caucus but I really think they were missing the point of what was really going on and it is something emblematic of what I see as so disgusting and meaningless about this election cycle. There were turnouts for the rallies because the rallies were sideshow entertainment spectacle where the people could go and watch him spout whatever incoherent buffoonery was rattling in his head at that moment and whoop it up with their dimwitted chants of U.S.A, U.S.A, U.S.A! rallying around the notion that any comment that seems to in any way disparage their view of the United States as a never could do wrong entity, pristine in its gleaming perfection as that light on the hill if only run by one who shared in lock step their views because Obama is just an America hating in terms of meat and potatoes actual red blooded American values overtly trying to take down the once great land from the inside, seeing the notion as blasphemy undeniable because the concept of actually utilizing the grey matter in their heads to in any way utilize critical thinking in an attempt to deal with the problems a society will undoubtedly incur for at least a portion of the population is just crazy. They just want someone who tells it like it is and isn’t afraid to speak his mind even if what it is is in no way how it actually is and even if what is on his mind is absolutely nothing other than his own self-promoting egotistical hubris. “Do not entangle my mind with an actual thought, for then I would have to spend how many hours trying to disentangle it just to be able to tell myself what I want to hear.” There’s no entertainment value in going and caucusing, with not even the caucus goers having any clue what the hell the practice of it actually is. What, something to do with your vote going to whether you chose the white or brown egg from a hat or where your dart landed when you threw it at pictures of the candidates while blindfolded or some shit. Now sure, the suspense of the egg choosing could be seen as having entertainment value but problem is, you have to first boil then deshell the eggs and that really is a bit much for a society that apparently has the attention span of a gnat with ADHD. Throwing darts, good time had by all, but you see, the Trump supporters like to know who they are throwing their darts at, and that is what the rallies are, Trump holding mass upon the stage casting crude verbal dart moronicisms at targets clearly marked, an act the supporters can rally behind, not having to trouble their minds with little things like common sense or actual sensible policy. He’s a demigod and as is always the case they rile up the masses with wild hand gestures and fiery rhetoric. I guarantee you his turnout would have been a hell of a lot higher if the candidates actually appeared at the caucus sites to appear to the populous with their respective stage shows because Trump’s would have had like Louis C.K as the opening act and there would have been pyrotechnics and shit with the other candidates more akin to a Jethro Tull concert or Ben Stein clear eyes commercial. There is no meaningless shock value in attending a caucus. I’m sure many of his supporters, with that being the case, had better things to do, such as watch American Dad or Family Guy re-runs or something.
And maybe someone out there could explain to me why it is a candidate automatically is triumphant by wide margins in their home state. Are people really so entirely blinded by some dumbfuck state loyalty they are rendered unable to even consider the potential possibility that in actuality they would prefer it if the other candidate was actually the one from their state and would therefore actually be the better president, better for the country and ultimately better for the state from which you hail because it’s not like if in office and tasked with running the entire country the president can actually get away with playing sentimental favorites, declaring “Fuck you Mississippi, I’m a cheese head at heart.” It’s a petty, and ultimately entirely meaningless blind devotion based on absolutely nothing of any relevance or substance whatsoever.
According to Alex Jones, a prominent conservative talk radio personality, Barack Obama is responsible for, by having him assassinated, supreme court justice Antonin Scalia’s death and that Donald Trump and Ron, not even Rand, Paul are the next targets on his hit list. Um…Oh so motherfuckin help me.
Feel the Bern!...But I have a funny feeling if enough people do they will learn the hard way that wild quixotic ideals about slaying societal economic monsters really don’t mean a damn thing when there is zero probability of their occurring because the system, opposing party and even the party he’s a member of will never let them pass. Now there are many who would need no convincing whatsoever that someone like Donald J. Trump is dangerous in that he might get the nomination but allow me to assert that Bernie Sanders is dangerous as well. And why? Millennials. Polls continuously show he has like an 80% share of the Millennials vote or something but sorry to break this to you, Millennials are just adolescent brain dreamers without a single fuckin clue about the reality of how the world works. They are developmentally stupid. The problem is that he throws out these delusional ambitions like free public college education for everyone and universal health care and that he alone will topple the nefarious elite ruled Wall Street megabanks and the teeny bopper and youth brigades of the country eat it up and say to themselves Bernie is going to give those things to me, I’m going to vote for him, not that old lady who just doesn’t get it. Um, even though the dude is 74 years old. The problem is that there is absolutely no way these things are ever possibly going to come to be because plain and simple there is no way to pay for it and even if there somehow magically was and a quixotic old man could wave the magic wand of his words while riding on the donkey he would then have to contend with his Republican counterparts who would really rather not pay to give a hemophiliac hobo with a cut on his finger a band aid to prevent him from dying. Look at the ferocious battles over Obama trying to reform health care and do you really think universal health care has the slightest chance in hell of passing? Free public college for every single person, all of you Millennial minded supporters, do you honestly, actually believe there is any possibility he can make that a reality? I mean what the fuck do you think he’s going to do, rappel down to the senate and house floors wearing a cape and tights and declare with a Howard Deanesque growl “Feel the Bern!” and all the Republicans and moderate Democrats will just roll over, uttering fearfully, flailing their limbs in an apoplectic seizure, stammering “Oh no, it’s Bernieman, if we don’t do what he wants, soon he’ll bring in Batman and Spiderman and even the Wonder Twins and one of the Wonder Twins will turn into a bucket of water and the other a one tusked walrus who will hook the bucket of water with his one tooth and throw it at us and then we’re done for.” Um, you know it really doesn’t work that way. And I mean that both in terms of the political process and also as a commentary of the Wonder Twins themselves. Wonder Twins, kindly do deactivate because nothing you ever fuckin do ever makes any fuckin sense whatsomotherfuckinever! The system is the system and the only way to change it is to operate within it, and those changes will only ever be incremental over time. You honestly think he’s going to walk in and turn everything on its ear? And when questioned on how he actually is going to do it, all he offers to the children is “We will do it!” types of comments that are moronically and without question eaten up by youth who believe in revolution of the status quo, refusing to realize those pie in the sky high ideals must contend with the little things such as political and economic reality. Voting based solely on your ideals is ultimately stupid and ultimately counterproductive to your stated political passions. Forget the back and forth argument of whether the election was or was not stolen, the simple fact is that if Ralph Nader had kept his sorry, never had the slightest iota of a flicker of a chance of winning, ass out of the race and all the collegiate age millennials, or wait, weren’t called that back then were they, what Gen X-ers? Even that? Whatever the fuck you were called hadn’t supported him that argument would have never come up because Al Gore would have won regardless of the hanging chad nonsense and the world would not have then had to endure eight years of George W. Bush. Voting in politics is pragmatism, not an act of the heart. And that is the only way anything will ever get accomplished on a scale grander than some backyard commune. And please. Reality check, he’s a self-declared socialist. Now that may well be sweet music to your ears but you should really wake up to the fact that you’re not actually the only person voting and that when a very large portion of the country, when listing favorability ratings put socialism several rungs below child rapists, serial killers, devil worshippers and ISIS members, how long do you think it will take his rival candidate to turn that into an idea in people’s minds that he is a communist seeking to kill God, resurrect Lenin, and crush the American way, allowing Russia to take over the continental U.S? But not Alaska of course, because Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house and they are fearful they would then have to contend with her truly dizzying intellect if they attempted to. We live in a country where misplaced patriotism and a love affair with capitalism ensures the red scare is still alive and well in people’s hearts and minds, and this is not confined solely to the Republican wing of the political spectrum. Should there be anything seen as wrong for the wealthiest country in the world to adopt more socialist stances and better care for all its members, including the less fortunate? Of course not. But dimwits, would say sorry for the dimwits comment but I’m really fuckin not, try and follow this, just because something is right or should be doesn’t mean it is going to happen and if he did rappel down in his cape and tights he would probably be the one to feel the burn when all the other members of congress set him ablaze at the stake for being a communist witch, not for the more reasonable rationale of him looking like a bloody fool wearing that get up at his age.
All he is doing is offering visions of an idealistic utopia without anything to back up how that utopia could come to be. Seeking utopia in a society of any volume is an inherent peril because it just isn’t realistic and voters on both sides really should grasp the reality of the fact that no single candidate is going to march in as a savior and deliverer unto the masses what would make everyone entirely happy, peaceful and content and of course, how could that possibly be possible when the views as to what would make them happy are so disparate across the spectrum. I would say it sounds good on paper but in actuality it really never even makes it that far because on paper it would then have to be fleshed out as a reality, for if just the words “we can do it” “I will do it for you” were repeated over and over 500 times the illusion would really start to wear thin. Where it is effective exists only as passionate rhetoric that can then appease the day dreams in one’s head without having to encounter any of the questions in one’s head with any sort of discourse for that is the only place utopia can exist within the realities of the world. The only place this can work is on some backroom tiny stage with a sparsely crowded audience, all of like minds at the grass roots level and tiny venues, say, you know, Sweden. It will be reduced to ashes if attempted to be performed on the world stage by anyone more than a one-line bit part on that stage. The world works the way it does and merely saying it shouldn’t work that way does absolutely nothing to change that. If carried out with common sense in smaller arenas then maybe over time the system will change and the way things work will be different than is currently the case but the notion you can just shoot ahead just like that with however many decades of political evolution just because you want it to and you feel the Bern is ridiculously unrealistic and ultimately self-defeating for the goals you so espouse.
At its heart it really isn’t the land of the red, white and blue that stokes so much patriotic fervor. It’s the land of the green. And duh, are the big banks morally bankrupt behemoths that cater only to the super wealthy? Started the comments on this by saying duh, so duh, but the reason they wield so much disproportionate power and influence is because money sort of does run the show. Now you may be able to chip away at that reality over time but if you try to turn that reality on its ear just like that and all at once it’s going to knock you on your ass. These realities are so entrenched and enmeshed and all find themselves so utterly embroiled within their machinations as they dictate the rules of the system that is the political process and society they cannot possibly be changed and eradicated over night or in a four year term, it can only be done over gradual time. O.k., I admit that last line really adds nothing new and is just a rephrasing of that already said but I just really wanted to use the words entrenched, enmeshed, and embroiled in the same sentence. Now that I have done so I will cross it off my bucket list.
He can be a benefit to the political process and the ideals he champions but only if by pushing hard and inspiring young minds he falls short of reaching the general election but inspires the passions in young minds to alter the system over time, not in one fell swoop, because change can come, but it will always, in such a deeply engrained establishment come slowly, and bit by bit, and maybe those young minds will grow up and channel those passionate ideals in a more constructive, useful way. Of course Bernie Sanders himself is 74. And. He does have a fairly large following outside of the millennial age group. Even though he has no chance at all of being victorious in the general election. And if by some miracle he was, well, he would have to change his slogan to “Crash And Bern!” because that’s exactly what all his high minded ideals would do, thus leading to like a 300 year Republican majority in both houses and a stranglehold on the presidency…Um. O.k., feel the Bern?
And Millennials. O.k., just a commentary on the term. What the fuck! Is it really absolutely necessary to label every goddamned thing on this planet? Exactly what is that accomplishing? You were born in a fuckin time period, um, end of story, who gives a damn? Gen-X, Millennials, The Greatest Generation, must every damn generation be given a name? Isn’t that, when you get down to it, just a little fuckin nonsensical and stupid? What is the point or purpose of herding every member of an age group into some block group terminology wise by which they are, as a whole, then defined? You don’t think this might get in the way of critical or individualistic thinking by venturing through life defined by a label with personal identity of any kind only able to be presented within the framework of that label and therefore said individualism stifled and subjugated by a sheep mentality and identity pigeonholed into a group mentality rather than simply being yourself and then see who you are and where you belong? But what do I know, I’m a member of the Doucheinator generation, so defined by an inability to recognize the benefits of generational labeling, and a fondness for peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Eww, I hate peanut butter and banana sandwiches. No what I meant was I love peanut butter and banana sandwiches. And I in no way see any benefits of generational labeling. I am a Doucheinator. Doucheinators unite! We are a generation.
You know, Republicans, for all their far too numerous to list faults, are good at what they’re good at. They are much better at being attack dogs and playing the smear campaign and duping the American populous, who they at least realize are essentially stupid and can be molded to believe what they want them to believe and then lead sheep to their pasture to then graze on their bullshit, with the Democrats appealing to American’s sense of reason. News flash. They don’t have any. And an insistence on leading with your heart within the political arena will only lead lambs to the slaughter. But you know what, maybe somewhere down the road the Bernietron generation and those that follow, sharing like-minded views of idealism and a more compassionate, inclusive of all, and beneficial to all society, and an actually more peaceful and prosperous on every level, not just monetarily for the already wealthy, world, will, with a rational and realistic approach, actually make the world a better place within which to live. Do I have hope this will happen? Oh my yes, I do have hope. Without hope what else is there? You’ve got to have hope.
So, for the American voting populace my suggestion to you all on both sides is to wake up and grow up, and actually listen to and examine the words being spoken, and as for the candidates themselves, my advice to you is this, wake up, grow up, listen to and examine your own words relating to how they might actually make the country and world a better place within which to live, and if you’re not actually going to say something meaningful, relevant, intelligent, or useful, then most importantly, just shut the fuck up.
Me. I don’t vote.
Because I really don’t give a fuck.
It is an essay concerning the idiot parade and charade that is the 2016 race for the white house. It is part of the book "Dog Years Within the Curse of 7. Four Plays and Welcome to the Idiot Box (Essays)".