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Poems for David Avocado Wolfe

Poems for David Avocado Wolfe

By Ina Disguise

 

Copyright 2015 Ina Disguise

 

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Ode to David Avocado Wolfe

My sugar is as sweet as honey
I hear he has a lot of money
It’s not convenient for me
Cos women, at least 33
Stay hanging on his ever mutter
His whispers set their hearts a-flutter
So sweetheart doesn’t notice me
I wish I’d found him in a tree

Alas I am but short and fat
I don’t think he would go for that
And yet my stubborn heart it waits
Oblivious of its broken state
I do not even look at him
Fingers recall, o’er work they skim
I wonder if I’ll ere recover
From my sweet non-existent lover

There is my dear he is so handsome
Seducing him would cost a ransom
Without him life is dark and grey
But there is nothing I can say
He is busy, fighting long
‘Gainst bad nutrition, often wrong
You are not right, he is no nancy
The foolish twit that I do fancy

My baby thinks that I’m quite stupid
He knows not that I’m struck by cupid
My lovely gorgeous nice love rocket
I think he needs a camphor locket
I mean nothing to this man
Love is quite cheap, comes in a can
And so it’s pointless as you see
Good fortune will not come to me

My story’s sad and very lonely
And yet i think of one thing only
I’ll make some artwork, stuff my face
Perhaps I’ll take up making lace
Because I’m worthless, brain no use
And now my heart’s become obtuse
So what’s the point, I’m getting older
No reason to become much bolder
He doesn’t care, he doesn’t speak
So destiny it looks quite bleak

Nonnet for David Avocado Wolfe

My lovely dove, my sweet peace pigeon

Your blender, neat in the kitchen

Dreams of you go through our heads

Good or bad, in soft beds

Tasty smoothie yeah

No stevia

Beetroot pink

Nice Sink

Ah

Not a poem for David Avocado Wolfe

I have tried so hard to think well of you

Tirelessly worked to make silk purses

When the silk was old and tattered

But there is something wrong with the way you see things

All you see is dark

And yet you talk of light

No-one can tell you how you really look

If you have never seen yourself

No-one can make you feel better

If you are determined not to feel at all.

Asefru for David Avocado Wolfe

My dear, when young a bad boy

Was perhaps unfair

Entered fast, went in too hard

Now he spreads his love and joy

Entreats us to share

And understand him as bard

His wealth and fame make him coy

Not able to care

Concealed behind his own guard

Anacreontic for David Avocado Wolfe

I see, delightful creature,

That I will never feature,

No matter how I’m trying

I always end up crying

So now I sit here sewing

Although my time is owing

Blason for David Avocado Wolfe

Darling’s hair is the colour of cold farm sludge

His eyes compare somewhat to treacle fudge

In summer, his skin takes an orange hue

His hair becomes red, as if fire has ensued

His feet are so shapely, as if made of marble

His words are contrived as to not be a garble

Who could fail to adore my sweet as he stands

Ladies fall to worship in small giggling bands

T’would be rude to ignore any eloquent speeches

I am quite sure he smells of sweet ripened peaches

Misc. poetry for David Avocado Wolfe

I simply do not care

If people stop and stare

I long since gave up trying

In favour of more crying

It was not your fault

The wound and the salt

They badmouthed me, near

They lied, went too far

Was unable to cope

My only hope

Dashed.  Heart rended

Life and love ended

You did make me laugh

Being slightly daft

Ever the cynic

No need for a clinic

It now seems so sad

No need to be glad

My friends they were right

No need for the light

Used to burn in my eyes

No big surprise

That life is quite boring

Might as well spend it snoring

Who wants to hear

A whimsical seer?

Not you

Then who?

So now I will eat

Grow too big for my seat.

Balliol Rhyme for David Avocado Wolfe

My name is David Avocado Wolfe

There is nothing ‘bout you that I do not engulf

I’m the king of all things raw and healthy

And people do say that I’m very wealthy

How do I know?

I suppose she is beautiful

In a non-visual kinda way

But they are all beautiful

So how can I tell?

I have to measure it somehow

So I ask my friends

Is she beautiful?

And when they sneer, I sneer

When they leer, I leer

Their envy tells me

Success or fail?

I was born to sell

Not to tell

If something is good or bad

It all makes me glad

So how do I know?

Some want money

Some want fame

All she wants

Is more than I want

For me

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Poems for David Avocado Wolfe

A selection of amusing poems in celebration of the tireless work of David Avocado Wolfe, my arch enemy. Always in my thoughts, and if I forget for a minute, he makes sure I remember. Dear David, this is all for you, dear heart.

  • Author: Ina Disguise
  • Published: 2015-11-04 23:20:07
  • Words: 911
Poems for David Avocado Wolfe Poems for David Avocado Wolfe