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Personal Principle

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DEDICATION

To the woman who gave her all so that I can have it all. To my mother, Mrs Felicia Olajide.

Thank you for staying when others left. Thank you for believing in me and thank you for loving me and my brother.

CONTENTS

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p<>{color:#000;}. Dedication

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p<>{color:#000;}. Contents

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p<>{color:#000;}. Acknowledgment

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p<>{color:#000;}. Foreword

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p<>{color:#000;}. What successful people are saying about principle

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p<>{color:#000;}. PART 1: DISCOVERY

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p<>{color:#000;}. Chapter 1 – A Principle?

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p<>{color:#000;}. Chapter 2 – Person(al)

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p<>{color:#000;}. Chapter 3 – Why you should develop a Personal Principe

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p<>{color:#000;}. Chapter 4 – What Shapes You

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p<>{color:#000;}. PART 2: APPLICATION

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p<>{color:#000;}. Chapter 5 – Personal Principle on Time

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p<>{color:#000;}. Chapter 6 – Personal Principle on Friendship

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p<>{color:#000;}. Chapter 7 – Personal Principle on Diet

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p<>{color:#000;}. Chapter 8 – Personal Principle on Relationship

Chapter 9 – Personal Principle on Occupation

Chapter 10 – Personal Principle on Religion

Chapter 11 – Personal Principle on Communication

Conclusion

Contact and Feedbacks

Reference Sources

About the Author

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

All glory to God!

With the deepest gratitude, I wish to thank every person who has come into my life and inspire, and illuminated m through their presence.

I would also like to acknowledge and express my gratitude to the following people for their magnificent support and contributions to my journey and to the reality of this book:

For being my long-time hero, I appreciate my brother, Olajide Olanrewaju, your support cannot be quantified, thank you brother.

To Leke Ademola-Kay, a friend of a year old who has turned a brother. I enjoy everything we have done together. Thank you being part of my history and taking time to write the foreword of this book and to your wife as well, Adeoye Tobi Esther who introduced you to me.

For taking time to edit this book, I sincerely appreciate Titi Falade, Thank you so much. May God, reward you graciously.

Lanre Adigun happens to be the reason why this book was completed on time. Thank you for being my strength.

To Olaniran Bola, Osilaja Esther, Oguntoyinbo Tobiloba, Ayoola Bukola, Samuel Kehinde and Ogundipe Idowu, thank you.

To all members of Lofty Readers’ Network. Wow! You all have been a source of inspiration to me. It can only get better with you guys.

Lastly, I want to appreciate Osayi Emokpe Lasisi, the Queen of Virtual Summit, I don’t know you personally, but I do get your emails almost every day. You keep telling me I can do it. And now I have my first piece. Thank you for existing in my generation.

FOREWORD

This book is a great exposition on a lifestyle given to principle. A man will fall for anything if he doesn’t stand for something.

Life is not just a playing ground. Life is a field for serious business and certain rules apply. It is why the good book says in Proverbs25:28 that “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.

That this kind of book is coming from this author is no surprise. The author as I know is a man whose life is guided and given to principles. As such, this is not an empty blabbing from someone who just want to write. This is a great manual for living.

The author noted that “principles are like life manual in which a life revolves within the context of the manual and any action outside the manual can be hazardous and can lead to a drop in values” and I completely agree.

That the chapters cover such important issues as communication, religion, work, relationship, even friendship and time is a great delight. I cannot but join the author in asking you, “what shapes you?”

Reading this great book has had tremendous impact on me. I have the utmost assurance that anyone who allow this book to go through his or her mind cannot but record huge shift in mindset and it is a change in mindset that prepares life for transformation.

Leke Ademola-Kay

Head, Transformation Intelligence Unit

Lofty Transformation Centre

WHAT SUCESSFUL PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT PRINCIPLE

Change your opinions, keep your principles; change your leaves, keep intact your roots.

Victor Hugo

 

Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and souls rise in mutiny against their rigour… if at my convenience I might break them, what would be their worth?

Charlotte Boronte

 

People can’t live with change if there is not a changeless core inside them.

Steven Covey

 

We must adjust to changing times and still hold unchanging principles.

Jimmy Carter

 

Important principles may, and must be inflexible.

Abraham Lincoln

 

My principles are more important than the money or my title.

Muhammed Ali

 

Our differences are policies, our agreement, principles.

William McKinley

 

Great ambition is the passion of a great character. Those with it may perform very good or very bad acts. All depends on the principles which direct them.

Napoleon Bonaparte

 

My guiding principles in life are to be honest, genuine, thoughtful and caring.

Prince Williams

 

There has to be a line beyond which you will not go. You have to know where that line is drawn.

Richard Templar

PART 1:

DISCOVERY

Chapter 1: A Principle?

There has to be a line beyond which you will not go. You have to know where that line is draw

Richard Templar

A principle is an accepted or professed rule of action or conduct. A fundamental proposition that serves as the foundation for system belief or behavior. A moral rule or belief that helps you know what is right and wrong and that influences your action.

Giving all these definitions, in a simple sentence, we can say principles are the do’s and don’t of a system or an individual.

In other word, principles are like life manuals in which a life revolves within the context of the manual and any action outisde the manual can be harzardous and leads to drop in values.

Principles keep a life or a system in tune with a purpose (Mission and Vision).

Also, a principle can be likened to an ocean with a ship on it. The ship can float through the lenght and breadth of the ocean and still enjoy itself, but once it gets offshore, the party is over. It is a major princple for ships that they only enjoy their party on water. Anything outside the water for a ship can lead to an injury. The ship cannot afford to party on the land as it will do on the water.

Principles mould and brand a system or an individual. It portrays a uniquenesss.

It might seem easy, but it’s not. In fact, it takes a lot of reflection, time alone and deep thinking to come to peace with what you truly believe, what you are willing to stand up for and more importantly, what decisions or sacrifices you are willing to make to live by your principles. It is often so easy to just “go with the flow” and let life happen. Maybe that is the more peaceful way to wander through life. I’m not sure. But what I am sure about is how much clearer life becomes when you know what you believe in, define your principles and make the commitment to live and make decisions based on those beliefs.

While a “clearer” life might allow you to make better choices as it relates to your own life, it does make life a little bit more engaging and requires you to often times make the “tough choices.” You see, living a life based on principles isn’t always easy or convenient. Sometimes it is very hard and can be plain scary. But, if you can strive to make some principles for yourself, you will find yourself not being prone to continuous errors. You will live better and be more focused. It is either life happens to your or you happen to life. With your principle in place, the latter shall be yours, you will be in control and not be controlled.

Chapter 2: Person(al)

At this point, I will be referring to an individual or a system as a person because systems also consist of humans.

A person is a being, such as a human, that has certain capacities or attributes. A person is you!

You as a person, you are responsible for your life, either you make good use of it or not. There is no one you can blame for your failure.

It can be annoying today to hear youths attributing most of their failures in life to their parents for either not giving them the righful formal education. Some fault their rich uncles who have refused to help them for the failures in their life. But, it is my delight to let tell you again that you are responsible for any outcome in your life. There are numbers of people from different races; countries and contients who have made it big in life who have a more worsen beginning than some who are making excuses today.

Charles Darwin was no-hell bent on becoming a scientist his whole life, thanks to his dad, who called him lazy and too dreamy. Darwin once wrote “I was considered by all my masters and my father, a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard of intellect”

Also, Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four and didn’t read until he was seven. He was subsequently expelled from school and was not admitted to the Zurich Polytechnic School. Long story short, he came around.

Everyone has the potential and capacity to solve at least a problem in his or her generation. It profits not you, the universe and the creator for you to pass through this world without having an impact.

Chapter 3: Why you should develop Personal Princple

It is true that every human possesses some qualities and attributes which makes every individual to be unique. To guide this unique attributes and qualities, you need a principle to channel it to the right direction.

By developing a personal principle, you are building a path to follow and also forming a unique brand of yourself.

Personal principles will add values to your life. It creates a sense of who you are and what you are not in the heart of men.

As it is often said, any way seems right to anyone who has no destination. So, as any food will go for anyone who has no choice of diet.

You need personal principle to avoid distractions, to avoid being swayed away from path of purpose.

Developing a personal principle helps you guide your loin. There are no great men you will see who have not been pivoted by a principle.

Considering the automobile companies, like Mercedes-Benz, Toyota, Volkswagen, BMW etc. over the years, they have created a brand that their customers know them with. Toyota is known for making affordable luxury cars, while every Mercedes-Benz released to the market brings a new element which has never been used by the manufacturers.

What do you know that people can say about you? do you think if at least 5 people who are close to you, when asked if you do lie, do you think they will all say No, He doesn’t lie” or if a meeting is scheduled, do you think you can get at least 60% of the members to say “oh He won’t come late”, apparently because they have known you to always keep to time?

Personal principle gives you a caution when you are about to go overboard. It serves as a check to your life. It keeps you in line and in tune.

It is sad to know that some people don’t have limits for whatever they are doing, that is why you see youth engage in playing with gadgets from morning till night without achieving anything for that day. The question is, if Aliko Dangote, the richest man in Africa had been busy with his phone like those people, don’t you think he will also be poor like them?

Some can watch movies from 3:00a.m till 8:00p.m., they waste their time fulfilling others peoples vision why their own life lies waste.

Excessive talk is another thing; it is disheartening to see young ones gossiping from house to house but find it so difficult to read for 30 minutes.

I am not saying you should stop watching movies or stop talking to your friends. But get to know this, your time is your life, if you waste your time, you are wasting your life. And we all know that a wasted time can never be recovered.

It is folly when you see some people watching movie and they say they are killing time. I laugh, kill time? That is not possible, you are killing life instead!

Everything must be done moderately and modestly. There are people that 90% of what they do with their days has nothing to do with their destiny. Be disciplined! We will address the issue of time in one of the parts of this book.

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If you can’t discipline yourself towards the conduct of your life, then you will be prone to continual error.

Olajide Ola’Emmanuel

ust as moral standards begin with our thinking; discipline begins with our mind. Being disciplined involves setting priorities for yourself that determines your choices and directs your behaviour.
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Priorities are the keys to effective decision making. You must identify priorities in relation to achieving your vision and establishing the principles by which you will conduct your entire life, including how you will spend your time and money.

The key to being disciplined is to set self-imposed parameters for your life on every activity – what you will and will not accept for yourself, and what you will and will not participate in.

Discipline governs our conduct for better living.

It takes discipline to develop a principle. If the likes of Bill Gate, Mark Zuckenberg, Aliko Dangote, Brian Tracy etc. spend most of their days toying around, it’s possible they won’t be who they are today. But the young ones today spend much time sleeping, watching movies, playing games, interacting on Social Medias throughout the day and still want to be like these men. How ironic!

Personal princple is all about discipline. You need to get out of your comfort zone if you want to be a player in your generation. I used to know a lady in a congregration that I belong to. This lady could gossip while standing for several hours, when she she’d now get to church, she would always sit down claiming to be tired. For over 5 years of knowing her, she has always been tired in church but full of energy while gossiping.

Only those who can make the hard decision of forming a life principle can last long as top players in their generation.

Imagine the numbers of footballers in the world. Those that are now professionals and are playing at the international level, how long do you think they have been playing to have achieve the standard they are today? Football is a real competitive sport. If a player can’t discipline himself to stay fit, he won’t last long. It takes discipline of diet, hours of training, good character and under study before you can achieve such a top position.

It is all about getting out of your comfort zone, be disciplined, develop a personal principle for your self. I can see you making a change.

At this point, let me say if you have been living your life all this while and you don’t have a guiding principle of “I’m careful, I don’t do this” “I don’t engage in stuffs like that” “this is who I am” it is possible that you have been living amiss. But, it is not too late. Probably, you already have some guiding principles set for yourself, but you have not been abiding by them, decide to make a change today. Create a brand for yourself. We all have our lives in our hand, what to do with it primarily depends on individual’s choice.

Chapter 4: What Shapes You

For every human being, three things shapen our conducts in all areas of our life. What you want to achieve, what you hold in high esteem, what you believe in, things you renounce etc. are products of what shapes you. We are all shapened by these three things and they are;

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p<>{color:#000;}. Our Purpose

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p<>{color:#000;}. Our Vision, and

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p<>{color:#000;}. Our Values

Purpose

A purpose is a target, an aim, a goal, a desired result or an intention. Everyone on earth has a purpose. You are born in a particular year to a particular family for a purpose. And we are all occupied with different purposes. A purpose is also a written declaration of an organization’s or individual core mission and focus that normally remains unchanged over time. It serves as filters to separate what is important from what is not, clearly stating what to be done and how, and to communicate a sense of intended direction.

Purpose statement is a short sentence or paragraph used to explain, in simple and concise terms, purposes for being. These statements serve a dual purpose by helping individual or an organization to remain focused on the tasks at hand, as well as encouraging them to find innovative ways of moving towards an increasingly productive achievement of set goals.

A well-developed purpose statement is a great tool for understanding, developing, and communicating fundamental life objectives, and should be expressed in just a paragraph or two. If you read it out loud, it should take about 30 seconds. And it should answer questions people have about who you are.

It is not everyone who knows their purpose yet, but they need to keep searching within themselves a purpose of living.

It is not only an organization that makes use of a purpose statement; it is essential that an individual have one too. You must have a purpose statement that is developed for yourself, which is able to simply explain the difference you want to make in your generation.

Lots of books have been written on this important topic. At some level, we all hunger for meanings in our lives. We need to tell at our core that we matter, and that we are making a difference. Adopting a lifestyle that is on purpose provides an opportunity to enrich others, by leaving your imprint in a positive way.

Let’s consider this story of Terry Fox, as it was written in the book “The Power of Focus”

When he was only eighteen years old, Terry discovered he had cancer. The diagnosis was osteosarcoma, a fast-metastaizing cancer that often strikes the legs and arms and may spread to the lungs, brain or liver. After the agony of his new reality set in, Terry basically had two choices: give up hope and wait for death, or discover something meaningful to live for. He chose the latter. The cancer meant he would lose his leg. As he lay in his hospital bed, Terry dreamed of running across Canada. That day he made a commitment to make his dream a reality. His vision was starting to take shape.

By committing his life to making a difference in the fight against cancer, he created a true purpose. The goal of his one-legged run, named the Marathon of Hope, was to raise one million dollars for cancer research. The final total was $24.6 million! Young Terry discovered a purpose so great it uplifted him physically and mentally every day. This power of purpose drove him to remarkable heights of performance. Even though he had only one healthy leg, a prosthesis attached to the stump of his other leg enabled him to run. The action was more like a hopping movement. It created the sensation of stubbing his toe with every step. Terry wore short shorts while running. This is of course exposed his false leg and made some people feel uncomfortable. Terry’s response was, “This is me, why hide it?” starting out on April 12, 1980, he ran the equivalent of a marathon (twenty-six miles) almost every day, covering a total of 3,339 miles in only 143 days – an amazing feat! By doing so, he provided hope for thousands of people all over the world.

This may prompt you to ask, “What am I doing with my life? What is my life’s work all about? What legacy will I leave behind when my time is over?”

Important questions, don’t you think?

As discussed earlier, most people do not have a well-defined purpose. To help you figure out yours, here are some more probing questions. I will advise you go to a quiet place, a place where you can be all alone where you can think of what you really want to do with your life. This issue of discovering purpose cannot be overemphasized.

A leader is born, when a purpose is discovered”

Your quest for discovering purpose begins with recognizing your skills and talents. What you do best and what you enjoy doing.

When you are living on purpose, you feel you are making a difference. And you don’t need to be famous or well recognized. It just has to be your thing. It is all about making impact.

Another thing is, where is your enthusiasm directed towards? What motivates you? Life is too short to find yourself attached to what doesn’t motivate you, but only gets you depressed.

Whatever you choose to do by yourself, which is your purpose – motivates you. If it doesn’t motivate you, it is not for you.

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I am not here just to make a living; I am here to make a difference.

Helice Bridges

will recommend you read more books on this if you need broader understanding. I will suggest The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.
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Before a principled life can be achieved by an individual, life purpose must be known. You must have a direction of where you are heading to, and then your principles will now serve as border for your purpose.

Note that, the most important part of your purpose is not about you. Your purpose majorly in life should not centre on you but what you want to offer your generation.

Vision

A vision defines the optimal desired future state – the mental picture – of what an organization/individual wants to achieve over time. A vision provides guidance and inspiration as to what you focus on achieving in five, ten, or more years. It should be written succinctly in an inspirational manner that makes it easy to be repeated at any given time.

A vision is essential to having a more positive outcome and it is vital to success. A vision will allow one to gain new insights and abilities to create not only a new way of life but also a new world around them. A vision is a picture or an idea one may have in the mind for self, business or any other future endeavour. Clarity of that vision helps one to pursue dreams, achieve goals and produce a more successful and prosperous outcome. A vision that is clear will open the mind to endless possibilities and unlimited points of the future. Having a vision is one of the most important factors in the path of one’s success in life. You feel much more valuable as a person when you set and achieve visions and goals. When visions and goals are set and defined, the value of the person is increased exponentially.

Why is it so important to have a vision? The answer is simple. Without a clear and precise vision of exactly what it is you want; you’ll never reach it or have it. The more clearly focused we are on exactly what we want, the easier and faster we’ll manifest everything we need to make it a physical reality. Since all material things move from the non-physical to the physical reality, our vision and goals are paramount in the process of achievement. Our vision and focus acts like a magnet that attracts and connects the pieces together. When we focus our brain on what we want, we actually increase the amplitude of the cellular vibration of our mind, body and soul.

A vision is the capability to see beyond your current reality, creating and inventing what does not now exist and becoming what you are not right now. A vision is important in all aspects of life; physically, emotionally, corporately. When you have a vision, you can overcome obstacles in the way and hold on when times are tough. A vision that is well defined helps you to focus and create a purpose that becomes your measurement for your success. If you do not have a vision of who you want to be, how you want to succeed or what you want out of life, you begin to lack drive and your life becomes just an order of events. A strong and current vision connects with your passions and greatest potentials. Regardless of what is going on in the world, or challenges that present themselves, a vision helps you know what and why you are doing the things you are doing.

A vision can be used in two different ways: inspiration and prediction. It is first used to inspire you in reaching something that you are wanting. It is also used in prediction for changes in the future and interests you have. A vision might be the most powerful way to keep you focused on what you want in life while keeping you motivated in achieving it. A vision will open up your mind to many possibilities and a brighter and bigger future. When you can envision a future that is better, happier and more productive, you are more likely to make the changes that are necessary for you to reach that type of life. The destination of your vision should be emotional, physical, spiritual and intellectual. Having a vision established is a really important key to success during your path through life. This establishes your win or defeat on how, when, where and what you receive and possess. By achieving visions and goals, humans feel valuable, showing the potential person living in each other’s interior. Having a vision is very spiritual. The process of connecting with your vision is intricate. You will see with your mind and soul and not with your physical eyes.

Let me say this that “a future that you cannot picture, you are not permitted to feature”, your vision determines where you are going. If you can’t picture it, you can’t live it.

To live a principled life requires having a clear vision of the life you are hoping for. Your vision guides your action.

So, if you are yet to have a definite vison for life, it is not too late to do that. Write down where you see yourself in years to come;

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p<>{color:#000;}. Where do you see yourself?

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p<>{color:#000;}. Where do you want to be?

Write it down not minding how many they are. Just make sure it is visible and achievable. Place it in a strategic place where you can see almost every time.

Values

Values are not just morals, but character that one cultivates over time. Values are essential to effective moral life. They are uncompromisable, undebatable truth that drive and direct behaviour. They are motivational, giving us the reason why we do things; and they are restrictive, placing boundaries around behaviour. Values are those things we deem important and that provide direction and guidance in spite of our emotions, i.e. the reason why you do what you do. Why you respond the way you do boils down to your values, the character that you have developed over time.

Your value determines your behaviour”

Your values are those elements of your life which you find personally important. They are core beliefs which guide you on how to conduct your life in a way that is meaningful and satisfying for you.

Values are the things against which you measure your choices, whether consciously or not. You use them to rationalize your behaviour to yourself and others and they determine your level of satisfaction with your choices, even if decisions are not freely made but constrained by other factors.

Values are different for each person. While one person might value honesty, another might value wealth. One person might value kindness and respect for all people instead of power, humility instead of status; honesty and generosity instead of wealth; self-control instead of self-indulgence; forgiveness instead of revenge.

What your values are goes a long way in determining the principles you will uphold. Integrity is one of the major values that is lacking in the world today. It takes a man of well-grounded principle to live a life of integrity.

There are some people who for years can live in a dirty apartment without even noticing that it is dirty, while there are people who cannot stand seeing any dirt around them. The difference between these two people is that one values cleanliness while the other does not.

Your action towards everything that comes your way will be determined by your values.

The reason why we have today leaders who are facing corruption accusations and all sorts of scandals are because at one point in their life, they compromised their values. Some have sold their integrity in the presence of dollars, while some sold off their families in the presence of adultery.

Dr Myles Munroe wrote that “Every leader who finds themselves facing legal consequence for unlawful practices, theft, extortion, cheating and the likes are lacking or deficient in the vital elements called moral and character”.

When values are not in place, principle doesn’t exist because your values are drivers to your principle.

I want to believe along with Dr Myles that any anyone, not only leaders who lacks morals and character will surely approach doom. Time and history has shown that the most important quality a true leader should and must possess is the moral force of a noble and stable character. The consequences are always there.

At least, we know few people in government who are actually suffering from being deficient to values today. Values are not negotiable.

Action:

Write down your Purpose, vision and those values you see driving your own behavior and the ones who wish to add to them and place them in a strategic place in your room, where you or one other person can see it clearly. Your mission, vision, and values are personal, but they are not private. Make sure to go through them every day till it becomes part of you.

Now that you have developed for yourself a Purpose, Vision and Values for life, let’s now proceed to some principles, not the most important, but they are the ones that I will be talking about in this book. Develop for yourself as much as possible principles that will make you become better day by day to become who you want to be and be determined to abide by them.

PART 2:

APPLICATION

Chapter 5: Personal Principle on Time

Time – what many scholars and authors call an illusion. With no argument, it is. But the life that everyone is living has a span and time is what is used in measuring life duration. That is, a life is summed up by the number of time spent by the person.

What has happened to time that people no longer keep to time? Some come to meetings late, while some have the habit of exceeding the time given to them during programmes.

There is a long mythology in Africa, a culture of time, which postulated that a scheduled time is not always the real time. By this, African cultivates the idea of getting to meetings behind scheduled time. Most people are poor with time; African time is a barbaric culture which no global citizen will imbibe.

Getting to the length of killing time is another illusion. No one can kill time! By killing time, you are killing a life.

Every second counts in every individual’s life. A wasted time is directly a wasted life.

Surely, if you can get it right with your time, definitely you will get it right with your life.

If you can’t manage your time, you can’t manage your life. If you can’t maintain your time, you can’t maintain your life. If you can’t control your time, you can’t control your life.

Olajide Ola’Emmanuel

Time mismanagement is deadlier than a deadly virus. Time, if not the most valuable asset in the world, should not be used anyhow. What you will and can do with your life depends on time.

Don’t trust your money with anyone who can’t keep to time. He will not manage it well because he is already mismanaging his life.

The best use of time is to invest it in doing things that will add to you and not things that have nothing to do with your purpose in life.

You can’t be effective and purposeful with time for at least 8 hours a day and still remain the same.

The fact is, you are investing your time through anything you engage with each second. You can’t plant a yam and harvest cassava, never! Though they are both tuber.

How to make proper use of use of your time

You can effectively manage your time (life) by doing things you need to do before engaging in things you wish to do. Do the most important things first before you do any other thing.

Avoid procrastination. Always ask yourself if what you are doing justifies a proper use of time.

Even God is interested in your time. You can’t give 10% of your attention to God and expect Him to give you 100% attention.

Invest your time in doing things worthwhile. Focus on your work or study. Spend time with your family and find time to serve God.

Chapter 6: Personal Principle on Friendship

“[True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing[* .”- Baltasar Gracian *
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Absolutely, friendship is great and it is one of the beautiful things we enjoy in this world.

But friendship makes more sense when you have the right person as your friend.

Friendship becomes so great when you achieve a purpose together. Friendship becomes more appreciating when you have the same mind.

I believe the number one prerequisite for choosing a friend is “one mind”.

Good friends relieve stress, provide comfort and joy, prevent loneliness and isolation, and even strengthen your health. Research shows that friends are even more important to psychological well-being. Friends bring more happiness into our lives than virtually anything else.

At this point, let me say “not everyone can be your friend”.

Make friends with people who desire success like you. People who share the same passion and vision with you.

The friends you make determine how far you can go in life, because friends directly or indirectly influence our lives.

On making friend, make strategic friends, friends that can influence your life positively. Friends that you can do great things together.

On number of friends, how many friends you are keeping has nothing to do with how successful you can be, but how valuable and impactful they are going a long way to determine how fulfilled will you will be.

You have the right to control those you allow in your life. You have to sieve your friends. Working out the difference between a good friendship and a bad one isn’t as easy as it may seem. However, there are ways you can recognise when a friendship is no good. Sometimes it can be difficult to know what to do about toxic friendships, and ending a friendship is sometimes the only option. Getting help when you need it is a really important part of making sure you’re surrounded by supportive people.

www.reachout.com has this to say about a toxic friendship:

Toxic friendships stress you out, use you, are unreliable, demand too much, and don’t give anything back. After spending time in these sorts of friendships you are likely to feel bad about yourself instead of good. Your toxic friend might be someone who tends to be critical of you – sometimes in a subtle way (and sometimes not so subtle!). Or they might be a friend who drains you emotionally, financially, or mentally, and they’re not very good for you.

Toxic friendships are bad for our mental health and wellbeing, and if you can’t improve the relationship, you should think about letting it go.

To get out of this, start taking better care of yourself and make your own wellbeing more important than the toxic friendship. You don’t want to become a negative influence on yourself or others because you haven’t been looking after yourself! Say no when they ask you for something that you don’t want to give, and point out to them when they are mean or critical to you. You don’t have to feel put down or unhappy because of someone else, and good friends don’t make you feel that way. If they really care about you, they won’t want to hurt you and will be willing to change their behaviour.

Talk to other people outside your toxic friendship who can give you their opinion on whether or not the friendship can be saved or whether you need to end the relationship.

Don’t make the mistake of keeping the wrong friends. Those who keep wrong friends will surely pay for it.

Exercise:

Write down the names of your friends. At the front of each name, write the impacts they have in your life. Whatever it is, then ask yourself if those impacts can help you fulfil your life purpose or not. Make a classification of the positive impacts and the negative impacts. Then decide who will continue to be your friend.

On making a new friend, watch out for people who are already treading the path you want to follow, people who you know are focused, disciplined and committed to the course of their goals. There you go!

Never live today to regret tomorrow – Make the right friend.

Chapter 7 – Personal Principles on Diet

The recommendation for a healthy heart may one day be, eat right and laugh a few times a day” – Michael Miller

Mind me saying “You can’t eat everywhere”. Developing a principle for what you and where you eat is very essential. Some people today are battling sickness due to poor eating habit.

Why should anyone eat anytime and anywhere? Health-wisely, it is very important that we all form a principle for what we eat and where we eat i.e you should have what you eat and what you don’t eat (if there is), you should have a stated time when you eat and there should be a space for eating (not anywhere).

By saying people shouldn’t eat anywhere, some people might disagree with this. Today, we have people who eat while walking along a major road. Someone might want to say, “what if I am damn hungry and also in hurry?” I understand you, but that stuff you bought and want to eat by the road side can still be eaten by the road side if you can pause for like 3-5 minutes, stay on a spot, eat to gain some strength and then continue you journey. Eating while walking will even distract you and slow you down, you wont be able to move at the right pace.

I still think it is not so polite to be eating by the road side. You can keep your snacks till the time you get to where you are going and then have a nice time. Enjoy! It is all about building a principle for yourself.

Constituting an Ideal Eating Manner in an Office

I have seen in an organisation where people placed food on laptops not minding the damage it will cause to the device, since they are satisfying themselves

An office, especially during business hour is not a place for eating. An organisation must have a space or room where staffs go to whenever they have a break to eat.

Though some organisation don’t have a particular dining room for members of staff and visitors, but as an individual, either you own your organisation or you are a staff in an organisation, you should be able to discipline yourself as to when and where you eat in an office. If the organisation doesn’t provide you with a dining space, provide yourself a space where you can eat by excusing yourself from the business area.

Eating during working hour, especially on an office desk sends a message of indiscipline and no in-orderliness to the visitors and clients.

Constituting an Ideal Eating Manner in at Home

Yes, it is at home that some people believe you can eat anywhere and anyhow. But, mind you, it is still a culture of indiscipline. Anything that allows anyhow and anywhere gives room to disorderliness.

Our homes should have a guiding principle as to where, when and how we eat i.e. time to eat, what to eat. Some homes even developed food time table. This is a nice practise.

Timing is another challenge to diet. In Nigeria, some families have their breakfast when it’s time to have lunch, while lunch will go during dinner. Mind you, not that they don’t have what to eat, but they are so undisciplined that they will spend 2 hours thinking of what to eat. If you ask me, I will tell you it happened in my family during my secondary school days almost every day.

The simple way out is to get a food table that will be strictly abide with. This will put an end to the house diet mismanagement.

Also, table manners should be adopted in homes as well. Children shouldn’t be too playful while eating, communication should be calm.

Some people today are suffering from obesity due to poor diet. They try to eat almost everything. You know you have to stop eating that particular thing, but you find it difficult to stop it. The problem is you have an issue setting a principle for your diet. You probably buy that thing with your money or someone buys it for you, but I am sure it is with your consent.

Remi Owadokun, a Certified Health Professional had this to say on one of her post on SmartBCamp Facebook Group page:

My father was a good man, he was a kind man, he did not deserve to die.

But even though my father was a good man, he did lot of things wrong.

He did not pay adequate attention to his health, his eating and drinking was not a stellar for a man of his knowledge.

My father had a pill for everything and our kitchen cabinet was a dispensary.

So even though he had access to everything he needed for treatment, he still died”

Need I say, you need to take care of yourself? Set up a table for yourself, of what you will be eating. Never include those foods that keep making you to add excessive weight.

When you get to the grocery store, overlook those stuffs, and if someone buys it for you, politely tell the person why you need to stop eating and asked the person not to buy it for you again.

Place the new diet table almost everywhere in your house, where you can constantly see it and remind yourself of your new diet system.

Chapter 8: Personal Principle in relationship

Every relationship must be defined. An undefined relationship is an unhealthy relationship”- Unknown

The need for developing principles around relationship with your parents, spouse, siblings, friends and colleagues cannot be over emphasized. To avoid your relationship from running into extinction and errors, you need to put some principles in place.

Let’s start from the angle of defining every relationship. That is, everyone in your life who has a relationship with you must be with a clear purpose. In the previous chapter, we discussed maximizing friendship, but here we are saying there must be a clear reason why a particular individual is your friend. There must be a boundary, length at which you can expose yourself to an individual. You just don’t pick anyone and start talking about your life or business with.

If there are two friends, there must a clear priority definition of their relationship, either it is for business, academic or whatever purpose it may be. It is dangerous to engage in a relationship without a clear purpose. If you do, you will find yourself anywhere and you might not like it.

There is no point in being a relationship without a purpose.

On family, I believe families are gift from God to us. They are our world; an individual is an ambassador of his family. We all should have a principle of not talking about our family anyhow, anywhere and to just anyone. Most of the things going on in a family should remain in the family.

You must have a particular time you spend with your family. If you don’t have principle of spending quality time with your family, the day that your work or business leaves you, remember that they are the ones you are going back to meet.

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A man who spends time with his children build their confidence. A man who spends time with his wife proves to her that she is the most adorable

Reno Omokri lso, develop the principle of defending your family. Be disciplined enough to always stand for your family. They are all you got.
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Appreciate your family. Make it a principle to always eat together, sleep together, play together and pray together, then you will last longer.

Chapter 9: Personal Principle on Occupation

Work like you haven’t got a boss and don’t need the money” -Richard Templar

This chapter is directed towards employers and employees. The place of work should be the second most enjoyable place after the home, because some people spend most of their time at work than at home. Our place of work is our second family apartment.

Employer

An employer must not see himself as someone who is doing the employees a favour by giving them a job. It is a mutual benefit. Here are 10 principles that I think can make you a better employer:

10 things that can make you a better employer

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p<>{color:#000;}. Don’t show favoritism of any to your employee – an employer who shows favoritism only makes the others less active and sometimes uncooperative by killing the team spirit within the organization.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Be committed to the Organization Core Values – Promote and demonstrate strong values, which can be translated into operational and relational standard. Being a model of the organization values as a employer empowers the organization to be more focused and aligned. Be a reflection of what you want your organization and employee to be. Don’t break the rules!

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p<>{color:#000;}. Make your employee believe and feel that they are working with you and not for you – Employee’s productivity will always be on the increase when the work structure provides them the opportunity to develop themselves. A win-win system between the employer and the employee produces more effective workmanship. Also, as an employer, be open to suggestions and the firm in decision. Build a diverse but unified team, where each person can contribute his unique strengths, where each person’s weaknesses are either strengthened or made irrelevant by the complementary strengths of others.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Be interested in their private life and show concern – Develop a personal relationship with your employee and provide them with the support they might need.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Settle dispute between two parties together and not individually – Only an employer who wants to be bias listens to one side of a story regarding to dispute in an organization. Misunderstandings should be settled with all the concerned beings together and not separately as this provides a clear picture of what might have actually transpired.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Prepare your employees for mistake and tell them how it can help them get better – An employer who provides no room for their employee to make mistake only puts them in a corner whereby when they make mistake, they try to cover it up and that can even be more damaging to the organization. Welcome mistakes, guide them on possible ways out of it.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Appreciate them – An employer should find it worthy of showing gratitude to their employees irrespective of them being paid for their services. The fact is, words like “thank you” “well done” “You did well” “You can do better” goes a long way to make employees feel they are really wanted and appreciated in an organization as those words aim at the heart. Also, pay them on time. If the job agreement is that you will pay them by the last day of the month, it must not be changed. In case of any challenge to that, communicate to them directly with an apology.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Delegate duties accordingly – Put people in charge. Make someone to be responsible for any task to be carried out. Don’t think they will mess it up.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Find time to discuss with them – Discuss where they are doing well and where they need to improve. Create an environment that will help individuals to discover, develop, refine and exercise their abilities.

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p<>{color:#000;}. Prepare them for a better tomorrow – You can’t have your employees with you forever. Talk to them about what they want to be remembered for when they leave the organization. If people live daily with the end in mind, it will make them to always be at their best.

Employee

Work like you haven’t got a boss and don’t need the money

Richard Templar

Why take up a job you know you can’t give your 100%? I believe every employee is a prospective employer. If your guiding principles for your current job won’t be allowed when you become an employer, then you need to drop it.

Most successful people are disciplined people; they are people with principles that enhance integrity. Doing the right thing at the right time should be the number one priority of an employee.

If you are paid to work from 9 A.M. to 4 P.M, with break of 1 hour, then so should it be.

Some employee today rob of the organisation that employs them by doing their own business during the time they are paid to work. Some play video games, unnecessarily surf the internet, while some gossip.

The above are not the practices of successful people. If you know where you are going to, you will be diligent with the current assignment you have at hand.

I once worked in an organisation in Ibadan, Oyo state, Nigeria. When I got there, I was employed as a Data Scientist. My first assignment was to collect all the organisation laptops and create a backup system for the data on each. It was a shocking experience for me when I found out that over 80% of those laptops disk space was used to save movies. The most unfortunate part of was that, these my senior colleagues made use of nothing less than 3 hours a day of the organisation time to watch movies. I am definitely sure they can’t take if they happen to be the Director.

When I noticed the trend of things – how people made use of the organisation’s time to attend to personal matters and to watch movies, I decided not to join the train. I have my principles in place, I sometimes worked over time, when the need arose. Some 5 months after my employment, the appointment of the people involved in those dubious activities were terminated when the Director got to know of little about their organisation unfriendly practices.

I received a promotion, due to the fact that I have been diligent with my time during my first 5 months. The Director had no doubt that I could handle the job, though I had no previous experience of the job. And I later surpassed the Director’s expectation. What they used to do in two months, I did in one week!

It is my principle that a job I can’t be faithful with I won’t accept. It is not about the money alone for me, it is about my legacy and it came with a reward at last.

Don’t join others to cheat on your company. Don’t take what the office has not given you. If you signed to work for six hours, be faithful and diligent to do so. It might not pay now, but I can assure you that it will surely add value to you one day.

It is written in the Bible that “If there is a man who is diligent with his work, he shall stand before Kings and not before mere men.” John Obidi, the Founder of Smart BCamp, in one of his videos after he returned from Founders Conference in 2016 said a friend by the name Cyrus said, the version 2.0 of that scriptural verse is that “the man himself will now become the King that people stands before.” The key is making integrity your principle. Don’t break it.

Chapter 10: Personal Principle on Religion

Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” – Matt. 22: 36-37

How is your relationship with God? It should be understood that God is a Supreme Being who honours those who honours Him. Having a principle towards your service to God is primordial. You can’t be faithful to his ordinances and He won’t honour you.

It is essential that you develop a principle that will enhance faithfulness to the will of God in our lives. Principles that will keep and foster your relationship with God.

Nothing should stop from serving God in truth and in spirit. Time of service to God should not be hindered for anything.

You cannot serve God with 10% of your life and expect Him to give your 100% attention.

I decided to make this short as much as possible.

Chapter 11: Personal Principle on Communication

words are singularly the most powerwful forces available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble” Yehuda Berg

Communication entails giving and receiving information. In this chapter, I will be talking about developing principles on listening and talking.

I have found myself giving out a wrong information at times when talking to people and what I do immediately I discover that the information I gave isn’t right is to immediately contact the person to say “I was wrong.” There was a day I was taking a boy in my neighbourhood elementary science, in the process of the lesson I gave him wrong answer to one of his opinions, the boy was not correcting me, but the boy’s grandmother instantly told the boy to shut up and listen to me instead, since I am older – that’s not so good.

Some minutes after finishing the lesson with the boy, then it crossed my mind to do a search on what the boy was talking to me about, then I found out I was wrong! How do I do this? I have made the boy feel bad, even in the presence of his grandma.

I went out to look for him, before I could say anything to him, he said “do you know you are wrong the other time?” I quickly replied “Yes, I was and you are right, I’m sorry.” It didn’t go well with him; l knew he wished I could say that in front of his grandma. The next day, I ensured his grandma knows that I was wrong and he was right, then he was happy and I was happy too.

It was from that day I started developing a principle of communication. I was able to conclude that whatever I am not sure of, I won’t give out the information as unsure as I am perceiving it. I will rather keep quiet than to provide a wrong information.

Some of us can adopt this, there is no crime in keeping quiet, once you know you are not sure of being right.

Sometimes during meetings, I have seen people who because they can’t just keep quiet, they just have to say something, not minding the needful of what they want say, they keep providing irrelevant information during meetings. This isn’t a good practise.

Being quiet at times gives you more respect than opening your mouth to voice out irrelevantly. Responding verbally over every matter or issues raised during a meeting doesn’t depict brilliancy neither does it keeps one outdate.

I am not encouraging people to keep silence often time, but silent is well appreciated at times, especially when you don’t know what to say or if you are not sure of the originality of what you want to say.

The Values of Listening

 Edgar Watson once said “No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next”. This accurately describes the way too many people approach communication – they are too busy waiting for their turn to really listen to others. But someone who has been branded with purpose and vision understand the incredible value of becoming a good listener. For example, Lyndon Johnson, a Junior Senator from Texas, kept a sign on his office wall that read, “You aren’t learning nothing when you are doing all the talking.” Cultivate the habit of listening, make it a principle to listen – if not, listen first before giving your verdict.

 

 BENEFITS OF LISTENING

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Listening Shows Respect

Whenever you don’t pay attention to what others have to say, you send them the message that you don’t value them. But when you listen to others, you communicate that you respect them. Even more, you show them that you care. German-born Philosopher-Theologian Paul Tillich commented, “The first duty of love is to listen.”

A mistake that people often make in communicating is trying very hard to impress the other person. They try to make themselves appear smart, witty, or entertaining. But if you want to relate well to others, you have to be willing to focus on what they have to offer. Be impressed and interested, not impressive and interesting. Ralph Waldo Emerson acknowledged, “Every man I meet is in some way my superior, and I can learn of him.” Remember that and listen, and the lines of communication will really open up.

Don’t listen to reply, but listen to understand”

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Listening builds relationships

The author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” _]Dale Carnegie advised [_“You can make more friends in two weeks by becoming a good listener than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.”

By becoming a good listener, you are able to connect with others on more levels and develop stronger, deeper relationships because you are meeting a need. C. Neil pointed out that “everyone needs someone who he feels really listens to him.” When you become that important listener, you help that person. And you make a significant step toward becoming a person of influence in his or her life.

 

 

3. Listening increases Knowledge

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something. It is amazing how much you can learn about your friends and family, your job, the organizations you work in, and yourself when you decide to really listen to others. But not everyone clues in to this benefit.

“It is absolutely a waste of time to sell real answers to anyone who just wants to buy echoes.” And you’ll never know how close you are to a million-dollar idea unless you are willing to listen.

Beware of putting yourself into a position where you think you know all the answers. Anytime you do, you will be putting yourself in danger. It is almost impossible to think of yourself as “the expert” and continue growing and learning at the same time. All great leaders are great learners and great listeners.

One common problem as people gain more authoring is that they often listen to others less and less. It is required that the higher you go, the greater your need for good listening skills.

Only if you develop good listening skills early, and then continue to use it, will you be able to gather the information you need to succeed.

As you proceed through life and become more successful, don’t lose sight of your need to keep growing and improving. And remember, “a deaf ear is evidence of a close mind.”

 

4. Listening generates ideas

Fresh, innovative ideas help us to find new ways to solve old problems, to generate new products and processes to keep our organizations growing, and to continue growing and improving personally. Plutarch of the ancient Greece once said “Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly”.

When we consider innovative companies that never run out of ideas, the companies who listen to consumers are the ones who fall under this category. Good companies have a reputation of listening.

What is good for effective companies is also good for individuals. *When you consistently listen to others, you never suffer for ideas.] People love to contribute, especially when their leader shares the credit with them. [[*If you give people the opportunity to share their thoughts, and you listen with an open mind, there will always be a flow of new ideas. *]And even if you hear ideas that won’t work, just listening to them can often spark other creative thoughts in you and others. [*You’ll never know how close you are to a million-dollar idea unless you are willing to listen.]

5. Listening builds loyalty

A funny thing happens when you don’t make a practice of listening to people. They find others who will. Anytime employees, spouse, colleagues, children, or friends no longer believe they are being listened to, they seek out people who will give them what they want. Sometimes the consequences can be disastrous: the end of a friendship, lack of authority at work, lessened parental influence, or the breakdown of marriage.

On the other hand, practicing good listening skills draws people to you. Karl Menninger said “The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward, and we want to sit in their radius.” Everyone loves a good listener and is attracted to him or her. And if you consistently listen to others, valuing them and what they have to offer, they likely develop a strong loyalty to you, even when your authority with them is unofficial or informal.

6. Listening is a Great Way to Help Others and Yourself

I will start by urging you to [*“let others confide in you. It may not help you, but it surely will help them.” *]At first glance, listening to others may appear to benefit only them, but when you become a good listener, you put yourself in a position to help yourself too. You have the ability to develop strong relationships, gather valuable information, and increase your understanding of yourself and others.

I hope with these; you are already set to develop a nice communication principle? Now watch as your life will begin to improve.

Conclusion

Humans are the only creatures that have not been formed completely. Therefore, we all have same mission: to improve ourselves and help others improve; that is, to finish our own creation.

If you can brand your life with principles that will stipulate fulfilment of your purpose, you won’t just be a better version of yourself, you will also impact your generation positively.

Thank you for taking time to read this, it shows you are really concerned about your self-development. I am looking forward to hear from you.

CHALLENGE

Let others lead small lives,

but not you.

Let others argue over small things,

but not you.

Let others cry over small hurts,

but not you.

Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands,

but not you.

FEEDBACK AND CONTACT

For feedbacks, please contact:

Telephone: +23470666330356 or +2347032566723

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: @olajideolaemman

Facebook: Olajide Ola’Emmanuel

References consulted:

Becoming a better You – Joel Osteen

The Power of Focus – Jack Canield, Mark V. Hansen and Les Hewitt

Facebook post by Remi Owadokun

www.reachout.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Olajide Ola’Emmanuel, from Oyo State, Nigeria. He is the Principal Consultant at Values Consult and the Principal Officer at Leadership with Values Centre. He has been a catalyst for personal development and transformation for the world around him.

Ola’Emmanuel is a Data Scientist, Social and Corporate Branding Strategist, Dynamic Speaker, Development Coach, Information Technology Trainer, Author and Entrepreneur.


Personal Principle

It is true that every human possesses some qualities and attributes which makes every individual to be unique. To guide this unique attributes and qualities, you need a principle to channel it to the right direction. By developing a personal principle, you are building a path to follow and also forming a unique brand of yourself. Personal principles will add values to your life. It creates a sense of who you are and what you are not in the heart of men. The chapters cover such important issues as communication, religion, work, relationship, even friendship and time. Personal principle gives you a caution when you are about to go overboard. It serves as a check to your life. It keeps you in line and in tune. Anyone who allow this book to go through his or her mind cannot but record huge shift in mindset and it is a change in mindset that prepares life for transformation.

  • Author: Olajide Ola'Emmanuel
  • Published: 2017-03-06 22:35:22
  • Words: 10877
Personal Principle Personal Principle