Parenting:Parenting Book: 12 Parenting Rules For Raising Strong & Emotionally He

p={color:#000;}. Parenting Book:

Rules to Free Your Child of the Emotional Attachment to a Beloved Comfort Object

Iovana Yao

Table of Contents


Why Do Children Get Overly Attached to Comfort Objects?

RULE #1: Be Understanding

RULE #2: Time It Right

RULE #3: Give the Object a Home

RULE #4: Allow the Child to Still Be with the Object from Time to Time

RULE #5: Talk to His Teachers/Guardians

RULE #6: Look for a Travel-Sized Substitute

RULE #7: Set Rules as to When the Child Can Use the Object

RULE #8: Make Use of Empathy and Creativity

RULE #9: Distract Him with Bilateral Coordination

RULE #10: Do not Share the Object with Others

RULE #11: Spend Time with Your Child

RULE #12: Help Him Let Go of His Anxiety



Legal Notes


[] Introduction

I want to thank you and congratulate you for your interest in the book, “12 Parenting Rules for Raising Strong & Emotionally Healthy Children.”

For a lot of parents, it’s normal to see kids holding teddy bears, plushies, or other stuffed toys, and sleep with the said toys.

But what if you see that your kid seems to not be able to function without his teddy? What if he literally does not want to eat, or throws tantrums when he doesn’t have his teddy in his hands?

This means that the child is already too attached to his comfort object – and it’s something that’s no longer healthy!

This book contains proven steps and strategies on how to say goodbye to his comfort object – and be a happier, and more independent individual!

With the help of this book, you would no longer have problems rearing your child to be the happy, independent, amazing person that he could be – and it all starts today!

Thanks again for take interest in this book, I hope you enjoy it!

[] Why Do Children Get Overly Attached to Comfort Objects?

First things first: why exactly do children get attached to comfort objects? What’s so good about hugging a teddy bear?

Well, perhaps, you’ve had teddy bears all your young life, too. But, there are some kids who just can’t seem to let go of their comfort objects, and could not seem to function without them – and there lies the problem.

Transitional Objects

Comfort objects such as teddy bears, plushies, security blankets, and the like, are considered transitional objects.

According to Donald Woods Wincott, a renowned psychoanalyst and pediatrician, comfort objects are symbols of how kids deal with external and psychic realities. It all starts with the feeling of being separated with their mothers.

Mothers breastfeed their kids, and are basically “attached” to them for a certain period – until such time that mothers feel like they have to start letting go of the child little by little. While some kids are okay with this, others feel like they are literally losing their other half because they think that they and their mothers are a whole. This is known as subjective omnipotence.

Subjective omnipotence then blends with objective reality, in which the child seeks out objects of desire to get some sense of security.

The Need to Feel Secure

When kids feel like they’re losing their mothers, anxiety and frustrations begin to ebb from within. And because their mothers could no longer be there for them all the time, they would look for things that could help them feel secure; that could make them feel like someone is actually there for them.

When they have transition objects, they feel like:

p<>{color:#000;}. They have control rights over the said object;

p<>{color:#000;}. The object cannot be changed – unless they want to;

p<>{color:#000;}. Since the object feels warm and comforting, it is actually alive and could really help them feel better;

p<>{color:#000;}. That they could love the object – and also could hurt it when it’s not able to give them what they want, and;

p<>{color:#000;}. That it is something that exists out of them – and that’s why it would never leave them.

While the kids now tend to know that their mothers are not totally part of their persona, they get to see the comfort objects as also something else that’s separate from them. The problem, though, is sometimes, they depend on the comfort objects to much because they make it a replacement for their parents.

This is evident, especially in cases when the mother has to work, or when the parents never did anything to make them feel secure. Sometimes, parents are so keen on letting their children go that they forget they actually have to spend time with their children. It’s natural for kids to want their parents’ attention, so when they’re not getting any, they tend to look for it somewhere else.

There are also some parents who tend to be extremely critical of their children that sometimes, they forget they are just kids who need reassurance – who need to feel good about themselves. So, what happens then is that the children become overly critical of themselves, too, and they end up feeling like no one loves them – which isn’t something good for anyone to feel.

Because parents are busy individuals, they think they only need to provide for their children in a financial manner – whereas the more important one is the emotional and mental stability of the child. And if a child already feels ridiculed, and feels alone this early in life, problems – especially those concerning security – would really ensue.

For Them, the Objects Are Alive

Another reason why kids are overly attached to comfort objects is that they think these things are alive. Remember, they’re making use of these items as “replacements” for the mother they think they have lost, and that’s why they also do not want these items to get hurt or to be taken away from them.

In fact, a study led by Paul Bloom of Yale University and Bruce Hood of the University of Bristol showed that kids didn’t want to substitute their comfort objects with other toys or items that are similar to them, the same way they wouldn’t want to substitute their mothers for somebody else.

One Step at a Time

Because of extreme attachment to these objects, it could feel like it’s impossible to get your kid off his own comfort object. But of course, there is always a solution.

In the succeeding chapters, you’ll learn about how you would be able to stop your child from being too attached to his comfort object – in just 12 easy steps! Read on and find out how!

[] RULE #1:[
**]Be Understanding

The first step to helping your child let go of his comfort object is by trying to put yourself in his shoes. You were a kid once. You had your own security objects, too – so don’t make your child feel like what he’s doing is extremely wrong and that he will be reprimanded for it.

On the contrary, you should begin to assess why he’s attached to this object, and what he gets from the said object that you apparently are not able to give him in one way or the other.

Try to talk to your child, and ask questions such as:

p<>{color:#000;}. What is his comfort object’s name?

p<>{color:#000;}. Why does he love it so much?

p<>{color:#000;}. How much does he love it?

p<>{color:#000;}. What does he do with his comfort object?

p<>{color:#000;}. Does it make him feel better?

p<>{color:#000;}. Since when did he start loving his comfort object?

p<>{color:#000;}. How special is it to him?

Never should you make your child feel like he’s doing something bad. Just try to be on his good side first, because if you make him feel like you want him to let go of the object right away, he probably would feel disappointed in you, and he would find ways not to be around you anymore – and just be with his comfort object. That’s not really what you want to happen, right?

Maybe, you could share your experiences with your comfort object, too. Talk about this teddy that you loved when you were just a little child. And then, talk about how you started to let go of this object – but don’t push it too much on him. At this stage, it’s just important that he knows that one day, he’s supposed to let go of his comfort object, too! Somehow, this will make him understand that it’s just a normal part of life.

RULE #2:[
**]Time It Right

The next rule has a lot to do with timing – and you know that just like with everything else, timing is important in letting go of comfort objects, too.

One thing that you should keep in mind is that comfort objects are there to ease anxiety, especially separation anxiety. According to Assumption College of Worcester’s Assistant Psychology Professor Maria Kalpidou, PhD, losing comfort objects at times when the child already naturally feels scared (like the start of a new school year, or when you have moved into a new home , etc.) would just reverse the effects. In short, instead of being able to let go of the object, your child would probably be more inclined towards it.

So, try to start letting go during summer, or when you see that your child is actually busy with other things. Take note, though, that the results that you have in mind probably won’t be achieved with just one try – and that’s okay.

The more you put a schedule to this, the more it would not feel natural – and you want this to be as natural as possible. According to most parents of kids who have been attached to comfort objects, they just allowed their kids to love their objects – as long as they do not bring it out with them.

What if your child says that he wants to bring teddy out with him?

Well, you can tell him that teddy cannot go out because he has school at home, too, or that he wants to rest – but he’ll be around to greet him later. The key here is to help your child feel that teddy is somehow “alive” and that you know how important it is to him. Again, be a friend rather than an enemy!

[] RULE #3:[
**]Give the Object a Home

The next thing you have to do is give the comfort object a home.

This is important because again, you want to make your child feel that you care about this object, too. It does not mean you have to give it its own house, but make it a point to give it a place at home that’s meant to be only his.

The object’s home could either be a space on the shelf, a basket, a small bed, some pillows – anything – just as long as your child would still be able to see it, and that he would feel like the object is happy where it is.

Explain Why

One critical part of this stage is that you should explain to your child why the object needs to go home. For example, tell your child that the object can no longer live in his room, or that he can’t bring it with him all the time anymore because it already feels tired, and it has to attend some “events”, too

Since he believes that his comfort object has a life of its own, you can make use of that way of thinking to help your child easily be able to agree to giving his object a home. Tell him that last night, you talked to his object and it said that it wants to live in this new home of his, but that he can still use him whenever he wants, as long as it’s okay for the object.

Somehow, knowing that the object gave you “permission” will put your child at ease, and while you’re transferring him to his home, tell your child about that time when you also re-homed your comfort object. This way, he would understand that it is normal and that the object will still be there. This is better than just taking the object from him altogether – because he really considers this object as his friend, so it’s just right that he knows what happens to it. Taking the object from him might make him feel that you have kidnapped the object – and that’s not how you want to make him feel.

A Goodbye Ceremony

It’s also good if you could make use of a goodbye ceremony before re-homing the object. Allow your child to say goodbye to the object, or at least, tell it that he’s still going to come visit and that he would never forget it.

Again, it is essential that you treat this object as if it’s alive. Make your child feel that you love this object, too, and perhaps, even ask your child to bring the object to his new home. Again, this is his property so it’s right that you let him do it – and just be there for him while he’s saying goodbye.

[] RULE #4:[
**]Allow the Child to Still Be with the Object from Time to Time

Next thing that you have to keep in mind is that it’s okay to allow your child to still use the object from time to time, but that he should put it back in place once he’s done.

Isn’t this the reverse of what you want to happen?

Not necessarily. You see, when things are taken away by sheer force, it makes the person whom you took away the object from clamor for it more. It’s the same thing about forbidden love: the more it is forbidden, the more you like it.

So, it’s better if things just happen naturally instead of trying to control or manipulate them. When the child wants to have the object, give it to him, but also try to distract him in a subtle manner so he would be able to think of other things, too, even when the object is with him.

Baby steps matter in letting go. You know this! When you tried to let go of someone you loved too much, it was hard, wasn’t it? So don’t expect your child to just let go of his teddy altogether. Take baby steps.

After all, when baby steps are taken, it proves to be more efficient instead of just taking one big leap and knowing you might land back on square one. It’s best to go slow but steady.

[] RULE #5:[
**]Talk to His Teachers/Guardians

Of course, helping the child let go of his comfort object doesn’t just have to start and end with you. You also have to talk to his teachers and guardians and lay ground rules, because realistically speaking, you are not going to be there all the time with him and you couldn’t be in control of his actions all the time.

For example, talking to his teachers would then be able to help them create strategies about letting go of comfort objects that wouldn’t just benefit your child, but others, as well. His teachers could then tell the class that their teddies are not allowed in school anymore, because they’ll be playing together, too. Or perhaps, the teacher could also tell the kids about her own comfort object and how she was able to say goodbye to it before. Maybe, they could also put up some guidelines and say that the school does not allow the comfort objects anymore – but that they already have talked to the objects earlier. Ask them to say this in a clear and calm manner so that the child would not feel like he’s being punished.

The key here is to make sure that the child learns to let go of the comfort object little by little with the help of everyone around him, and not just you alone. Furthermore, you could ask the teachers and guardians not to act like they are going to punish the child just because of his comfort object. Remind them that you’re only trying to create a loving and secure environment for the child and that the last thing you want to happen is for him to stop trusting you.

It’s also essential that teachers and guardians take it easy on the child, and that they do not make him all the more anxious. Remember, anxiety is one of the reasons why children hold on to comfort objects – and anxiety is exactly what you want to cure here. The child has to feel that he is understood by authority figures so he would learn how to open up to them – and not run away from them. He has to feel that he has friends – so that he wouldn’t consider the comfort object to be his only friend.

[] RULE #6:[
**]Look for a Travel-Sized Substitute

Once rules have been made in school, you can then look for a travel-sized substitute that the child can bring with him to school at times when he feels like he wants to bring teddy with him.

Again, remind him that teddy could only stay at home – but offer something he could bring with him in exchange. For example, a keychain that looks the same way as teddy, or teddy’s t-shirt. Maybe, he could bring a small cloth that he could keep in his bag as a security blanket, too.

It may or may not work, but the good thing about this is that since some kids feel like their comfort objects cannot be substituted, they’ll then begin to let go of any other objects because these objects are not the same as the one they love, no matter how much they look like them. This way, they’d begin to live in the real world and realize that their comfort objects really cannot be with them every day – and there is nothing wrong with that.

[] RULE #7:[
**]Set Rules as to When the Child Can Use the Object

As the child learns to let go of his comfort object little by little, you should then begin to set rules – gradually – as to when he can use the said object, too.

For example, for today, he can bring teddy while in the bus, but have to keep it inside his bag during class. Remind him that teacher would not like it if teddy appears during class because teddy has to do something else, too.

Then, say he can only use teddy for nap time and bed time because teddy’s also going to school with other teddies during the day. This way, he’ll feel like teddy is growing older, too – and eventually, he will begin to let go of him.

The thing with comfort objects is that they really can be tricky. While imaginary friends can be let go of in a much natural manner that’s innate to the child, there will still be times when they’ll feel like they’re losing a friend while you’re trying to help them let go of the comfort object.

So, you always have to make sure that you help him understand that in life, friends can really leave – and that’s okay. Again, bring back a story about your own comfort object and remind him that you did love the object, but you both had to grow on your own, too.

Maybe, you can even bring out your old comfort object (if it’s still there), and then tell your child that he’s doing well now, and that you still love him. But because you both have so much to do, you really cannot be together all the time – and that’s okay. What matters is that you know you still both have each other – and that you are actually there for your child.

Rules are much better followed when love and empathy are involved – which is also part of rule number 8!

[] RULE #8:[
**]Make Use of Empathy and Creativity

The next thing that you have to do is to help the child use his creativity to depict what he used to do with teddy. Ask him to talk about it, or write or draw about it. This way, he’d be close to teddy even without holding him in his hands.

Then, draw or write something about your own teddy, too. Talk about what you used to do. Maybe, you could even create clay images of those teddies or comfort objects and play with them, rather than play with the real objects themselves.

Again, talks about how much you loved your teddy – but that there are so many people out there who also have been your friend, and who made you feel loved. Then, ask him about people in school or in your neighborhood whom you know are also trying to be friends with him. Help him open up to you and ask him whom he wants to be friends with, or whether he has been hanging out with other people. Make it friendly, and don’t push him.

Tell him about the time that you made a friend even after believing that teddy is the only friend you had. Tell him about that time when you invited friends to a party at home, and you all had fun. Try to ask him whether he wants to bring friends at home, too, and then serve them food and help them play games.

What matters here is that you open up his eyes to the fact that there are other good people in the world and that he’s not alone. Once he realizes that he is actually not alone, that’s when he’ll understand that the world does not just revolve around his room.

[] RULE #9:[
**]Distract Him with Bilateral Coordination

Another rule that’s important in helping a child let go of his comfort object is to distract him. Remember, comfort objects are usually hugged and cuddled, and in order to help the child let go of that mechanism, you have to make use of bilateral coordination – which basically means that you have to distract him with the help of his hands!

What you have to keep in mind here is to engage the child in activities that will help him make use of both of his hands so that he would have no choice but to let go of his comfort object, without being pushed to do so. Since kids love to play, you’d probably have no problems with these. Plus, there are also so many options to choose from.

Here are some suggestions:

Symmetrical Activities

p<>{color:#000;}. Rolling putty, clay, or play doh with rolling pins.

p<>{color:#000;}. Making a collage by tearing pieces of paper and pasting them on a board or scrapbook.

p<>{color:#000;}. Throwing or bouncing a ball with two hands – you can play with him for this!

p<>{color:#000;}. Catching a ball with two hands.

p<>{color:#000;}. Playing Zoom Ball.

p<>{color:#000;}. Pulling and pushing crinkle tubes together.

p<>{color:#000;}. Playing drums and cymbals – and other percussion instruments – with both hands.

p<>{color:#000;}. Pulling apart construction toys – such as legos or duplos – with both hands and building new models again.

p<>{color:#000;}. Pulling cotton balls apart and pasting them on paper to make a picture.

p<>{color:#000;}. Blowing bubbles and popping them with both hands.

p<>{color:#000;}. Penny Flipping, or flipping pennies while lined up in an oval until hands meet at the bottom. He can also do the same with pennies, but only until they meet in the middle.

Different Skill Sets for Each Hand

p<>{color:#000;}. Making use of stencils and tracing around them. One of his hands would hold the stencil down while the other is tracing.

p<>{color:#000;}. Holding down a piece of paper while other hand is writing, drawing, or coloring.

p<>{color:#000;}. String some beads to create pieces of jewelry.

p<>{color:#000;}. Hold a cracker down while using the other hand to spread peanut butter, mayonnaise, or cheese on bread or cookies.

p<>{color:#000;}. Cutting various objects and pasting them on boards or journals.

Alternating Movements

p<>{color:#000;}. Juggle balls.

p<>{color:#000;}. Juggle scarves.

p<>{color:#000;}. Play Follow the Leader. Basically, he’ll get to hop on one foot before hopping on the other, for at least 2 to 3 times on each foot. Increase challenge by adding arm motions, as well.

p<>{color:#000;}. Walk, run, skip, or swim.

p<>{color:#000;}. Raise feet up while on his back towards the ceiling and pedal like he’s on a bike – this is called air-cycling.

p<>{color:#000;}. Ride a bicycle or tricycle.

p<>{color:#000;}. Imitate a rhythm on bongos or drums.

Body Awareness Activities

p<>{color:#000;}. Crawling through an obstacle course.

p<>{color:#000;}. Crawling on all fours, whether forwards, sideways, or backward – on command. It’s best if you could do this with him, too!

p<>{color:#000;}. Wheelbarrow Walking.

p<>{color:#000;}. Playing Hokey-Pokey.

p<>{color:#000;}. Playing Simon Says.

p<>{color:#000;}. Walking like an animal, such as snake, gorilla, bird, crab, or bear.

See? There are so many things you could do with your child to help him forget about his comfort object even for a while. Be creative, and have fun!

[] RULE #10:[
**]Do not Share the Object with Others

It is also essential that you do not share teddy with others.

Yes, you’re trying to help your child let go of his comfort object, but you do not have the right to give it away to others. This decision lies on your child alone, and even if he does not want to give the object away even in years to come, that’s his prerogative – and there is nothing wrong with that.

This also goes for allowing others to borrow the comfort object. Even if your child has a lot of other activities to do now, it doesn’t mean you could just allow others to play with his teddy. Remember that there is still a lot of emotional investment that comes with this – and you wouldn’t want your child to feel like you no longer want him to spend so much time with teddy just so someone else could play with it.

Think of it this way: You have this favorite shirt that has been with you for years. It’s something so comfortable that you ended up wearing it over and over again, until one day, due to extreme use, you basically could not use it anymore. Still, you keep it in your closet because seeing it somehow makes you feel better, even without actually wearing it.

It’s the same with your child’s comfort object. Even if he no longer brings it anywhere and everywhere with him, it does not mean that he no longer cares for it. It’s still his, to begin with. The only difference now is that he’s not that attached to it as much as before. But still, it would be wrong to share it with others.

On the other hand, if your child is still in the first few stages of letting go, then by all means, you shouldn’t share his teddy with someone else. This would be extremely traumatic for him so instead of helping him, you’ll just actually make things worse.

The bottom line here is to have respect for your child, because while you are really trying to help him, you also have to keep in mind that he’s still a child and that his connection to this comfort object is innate to him – so try to lay ground rules, but be as gentle as possible. Respect his ownership of the object, and he’ll surely respect and understand what you’re trying to do for him.

[] RULE #11:[
**]Spend Time with Your Child

Now, we’ve come to a really important part of this book. You have to be your child’s friend. In short, you have to spend time with him.

If you’re one of those parents who actually try to make time for their child, you’re on the right track. However, if you know you’re lacking in the quality time department, it’s now time to make a change.

Sure, life is busy and you have so many things to do. Sometimes, you lose track of the time you get to spend with your child, and then one day, you’d feel like you actually don’t know your child anymore. Is that what you want to happen?

Again, this goes back to the fact that one of the reasons why children need comfort objects is because they feel alone. They do not feel secure – and now’s your chance to reverse that, you see?

Listed below are some of the activities that you could do with your child to help you bond.

h3<>{color:#000;}. Have dinner together.

It’s so simple and yet, many families fail to do it. They end up eating on their own times, and then little by little, they just grow apart. Don’t let this happen to you and your child.

The simple act of having dinner together is enough to help you bond the way you should. Over dinner, you could talk about how your day went, and whether he needs help with his assignments, or if you could go out together over the weekend. Maybe, you could plan special dinner nights, too! For example, Mexican Night, French Fries Night, etc. Ask your child what he wants and involve him in the process so it would be fun and exciting for you both.

h3<>{color:#000;}. Do chores together.

But make it fun! Don’t push him or criticize him when you feel like he’s not doing too much or he’s not doing something right. Sometimes, kids don’t want to do chores because they feel like they just won’t be able to please you. It’s a sign that they have been ridiculed before – so try to at least make them feel better now.

h3<>{color:#000;}. Take him out on a date!

You’re not just supposed to date your significant other – it’s essential that you date your child, too. Bring him somewhere nice and then go and talk to him. Maybe, ask him where he wants to go and bring him there. What’s important is that the relationship between the two of you does not get stagnant and that he knows he has something to look forward to – with you!

h3<>{color:#000;}. Go on a road trip!

See the world – or just go around your own city. Go somewhere you know you can reach by car and bring your child with you. You probably have gone on road trips with your friends already, why not do it with your child? Ask him where he wants to go and if you can drive there, do it! Sing songs in the car with your child and talk about whatever he wants to talk about – you’ll realize just how fun it is and you’ll surely want to do it again.

h3<>{color:#000;}. Make crafts.

Another simple way of bonding with your child is making crafts with him. You can go and make scrapbooks, build clay accessories, make jewelries out of beads, try calligraphy, have fun with washi tape – the list is endless! What matters is that you do something with your hands and that you help your child appreciate what is around him. It’s a good way of honing his artistic skills, too!

h3<>{color:#000;}. Exercise together.

Hey, it does not only boost your health, research shows that exercise also boosts the adrenaline, and gives you more happy hormones. Now, imagine doing it with your child. Again, make sure you don’t get overly critical of his moves, especially if he is a bit lanky or he’s never really exercised before. The key here is to make sure that you’re giving him a chance to enjoy activities that he’d want to do with you over again – so don’t try to push him away!

h3<>{color:#000;}. Play games with them.

There are so many board games to choose from – and there are always good old sports. What’s important here is you help him realize that there are actually other things he could do, aside from playing games on his tablet or phone. You’ll also be surprised at how much you have missed those old school games! Maybe, you could also teach him games you used to play with your friends, too!

h3<>{color:#000;}. Take hobby classes.

Have you imagined how fun it would be to be in a class with your child? Ask him what he wants to learn about more and maybe, you could take a hobby class about it together. For example, baking or cooking classes, or perhaps, even music classes. It would be fun to be equals with your child, and he surely will find it entertaining, too!

h3<>{color:#000;}. Watch their favorite TV shows with them!

Another way to get into the head – and the good grace – of your child is to watch their favorite TV shows with them. It’s a good way of bonding with your child, and you can even recreate the scenes later. Pretend that you’re ponies, or that you’re having adventures – it’s all up to you! What matters is that you invite yourself in his world, too!

h3<>{color:#000;}. Do some gardening.

Gardening can be a lot of fun these days. You can try making use of succulents, or pruning bonsai, or just planting fruit trees in your yard. Teach your child the importance of caring for the environment and try to plant while talking about the various plants you’re putting in the garden – it would be so much fun!

h3<>{color:#000;}. Read books together.

Reading is also a good way of bonding and of helping your child hone his intellect. You can read his favorite books to him, especially before going to bed, to help him feel better. You can also teach him how to read, so he’d be preoccupied and would not think of his teddy so much. Plus, this way, you’d get to relax, too!

h3<>{color:#000;}. And, be available.

The best thing you can do for your child is actually to be there for him – to help him know you’re not just one of those parents who are only there to give him material things, but that you’re around; that you know what’s going on with him, and that you actually could be his friend – and sometimes, that is the most important thing.

[] RULE #12:[
**]Help Him Let Go of His Anxiety

Finally, in this chapter, you’ll learn how to help a child let go not only of his comfort object, but also of his anxiety. Once he lets go of this, there would no longer be a need for comfort objects.

h3<>{color:#000;}. Have some empathy.

You know what most people fail to realize about anxiety? It’s actually not about telling the child that everything is okay, but helping him realize that while everything is not okay now, it’s okay, too. You see, you actually have to embrace sadness sometimes, because if you don’t, it will be a long hard way to happiness – and that’s not what you want your child to experience.

Children develop anxiety because they feel like no one could understand them. And since you’re trying to help him gain security and independence, it’s up to you to help him realize that he can confide in you, and that you would not judge him for his sadness. For this, you can use the FEEL method, which stands for:

F-Freeze. Just take some deep breaths with your child. Hold his hand while doing so. This will help him release tension from his body and be able to breathe better.

E-Empathize. Empathize with him. Tell and show him that you understand him, and that he can tell you anythingand when he does, don’t judge him for it.

E-Evaluate. Evaluate the situation, and see what could have led him to this place of insecuritybut again, don’t judge him. This is his brain working and you cannot judge him for that.

L-Let go. Just let go of your fear. Let go of feeling like having a child who has a comfort object wouldn’t be able to grow up well. He willyou just have to gently assist him now.

h3<>{color:#000;}. Create a Character of Worry.

For example, you can get one of those ugly pillows you have at home and pretend that this is a character of worry. Tell your child a story about this character and say that he lives inside him, and sometimes, he gets sad – but sadness could always be defeated. Get his comfort object and allow it to embrace your character of worry as a symbol of your child embracing the pain that he feels.

You have to do this because research shows that once worry or fear is personified, the child becomes more familiar with it and gets to know that these things are real, as opposed to him feeling like certain monsters are eating him up. Tell him that while teddy isn’t with him, he’s fighting the character of worry. Once you do that, your child would feel like there is a reason why teddy couldn’t always be with him – and it’s because he’s trying to protect him. Now, isn’t that way better than just taking teddy away from your child without any reason at all?

h3<>{color:#000;}. Give him time to “worry”.

No, this isn’t so he could wallow in his sadness or his insecurities. This is all about embracing worry to be able to combat it. During this time, you could give him his comfort object and ask him to talk to it – or talk to you while he’s holding his comfort object and ask him what’s bothering him. Do this gently and please do not push him. Try to do it for a matter of 5 to 15 minutes and once the said time is over, go ahead and ask him to let go of the comfort object so that it could go and fight worry for him. It sounds silly, but then again, you’re dealing with a child here – so you have to give him the most comforting way of help possible.

h3<>{color:#000;}. Help him collect his thoughts.

Have you seen the movie Inside Out? In the said movie, there are thought bubbles that determine what one is thinking, and there are also core memories that show the most important memories in one’s life.

What you’re going to do here is almost the same. Maybe, you could help your child collect his thoughts by means of writing or drawing them down as comic bubbles. In those bubbles, ask him to write what’s bothering him – and even if it includes you, or the fact that you’re sometimes too busy, allow him to exorcise it. Don’t judge him because these are his real feelings.

Then, once he’s able to put those thoughts out, try to give them solutions. For example, if he wrote that he misses his teddy, write that he can bring a miniature teddy with him because teddy’s busy fighting the bad guys. If he writes that you are too busy, say you’re going to take him to his favorite restaurant – and please follow through.

You can also encourage your child to talk to himself. This isn’t about being crazy; it’s actually about accepting who he really is. Once he’s able to do this, he can minimize his worries and realize that life actually is good!

p<>{color:#000;}. Help him through a checklist.

Sometimes, anxiety stems from the fact that there are people who do not like not knowing what’s going to happen next. They want to be sure of everything because it gives them better control, and for children, it’s also important that they get into a stage where they’d feel like they know what’s going to happen next, especially if the child has security issues to begin with. So, make use of a checklist and teach him how it works. Put something about being able to hold teddy again, and then tell him to tick off the things that’s already done for the day. This would help him feel more organized. You can talk to his teacher about this, too!

p<>{color:#000;}. And, remind him that his teddy is a superherothat’s why he couldn’t be with him all the time!

Since you told him earlier that teddy will fight his worries away, you can tell him now that it’s also the reason why teddy couldn’t be with him all the time anymore, but that it doesn’t mean that teddy no longer loves him. By telling him this, he would eventually be able to let go of teddy – and it would no longer be that hard. Since he knows teddy is protecting him, he will be able to realize that he’ll always be there for him – even if they’re not together all the time. And in time, he will finally be able to let go.

[] Conclusion

Thank you again for downloading this book!

I hope this book was able to help you to understand what to do to help a child let go of his comfort object.

Also, don’t forget to get YOUR FREE BONUS BOOK at the end of this book!

The next step is to make sure that you did not just read this book, but that you’d be able to guide your child through the process of letting go of his teddy. This way, he’d know that you’ll be there for him every step of the way – and that he would no longer be alone.

Thank you and good luck!


Would you be kind enough to take a minute to write a short review of this book? I check all my reviews as they’re the most important reward for my work!

How to Raise Great Kids]]


If you encounter any difficulties in getting your free bonus, please send me an e-mail at [email protected] and I’ll send it to you personally.

Do you have children, or are you considering having children? If so you are probably overwhelmed with questions. We all go through that at some point and there is no doubt that it can be very stressful.

There are some excellent resources out there for parents with children of all ages. We consulted a few to put together this list of questions that you might have about being a parent.

Here are just a few of the 75 Q and A samples…

p<>{color:#000;}. How should I deal with my child being a bully?

p<>{color:#000;}. How can I talk openly with my child about death

p<>{color:#000;}. How am I best to handle the death of my child’s pet?

p<>{color:#000;}. What should I do to stop my child’s lying?

p<>{color:#000;}. How do I know when it is ok to leave my child alone?

p<>{color:#000;}. How can I help my child make new friends?

p<>{color:#000;}. How can I help my child develop self-esteem?

p<>{color:#000;}. How should I deal with a picky eater?

p<>{color:#000;}. How can I decide which vaccines my child should receive?

p<>{color:#000;}. What should I do to teach my young child about money?

p<>{color:#000;}. What should I do to encourage my child to read?

p<>{color:#000;}. How can I teach my child what to do in case of fire?

p<>{color:#000;}. How can I celebrate the successes of parenthood?

p<>{color:#000;}. …and MANY, MANY more!

Copyright 2015 by Iovana Yao – All rights reserved.

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- From a Declaration of Principles which was accepted and approved equally by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations.

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Parenting:Parenting Book: 12 Parenting Rules For Raising Strong & Emotionally He

+2nd FREE BONUS BOOK INCLUDED! - at the end of this book. In these pages, author Iovana Yao shares valuable insight and proven methods to help you not only understand how negative behaviors can develop in children, but how to lead your child through the process of letting go and moving on to a healthier, happier life – and the next stage of their childhood. With the help of this book, you'd no longer have problems rearing your child to be the happy, independent, amazing person that he could be – and it all starts today! ...also, don't forget to check your awesome FREE bonus book, "PARENTING: HOW TO RAISE GREAT KIDS - Your Toughest Parenting Questions Answered!", at the end of this book! Get this book today! You'll be so glad you did!

  • ISBN: 9781311697202
  • Author: Constantin Bogdan Cheloiu
  • Published: 2016-01-22 17:40:13
  • Words: 7537
Parenting:Parenting Book: 12 Parenting Rules For Raising Strong & Emotionally He Parenting:Parenting Book: 12 Parenting Rules For Raising Strong & Emotionally He